June 10, 2024 • 13 mins
In this episode of the Empowered Serenity Podcast, host Brent Peak, Licensed Professional Counselor and Therapeutic Coach, dives into a controversial yet important trauma topic. This episode explores the lasting impact of fear-based parenting and its connection to core wounds that many of us carry into adulthood. Brent shares personal reflections and insights from his professional experience, highlighting how seemingly humorous or tough love approaches can leave deep emotional scars.
Resources Mentioned:
- Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART): Learn more about this therapy and find a therapist who uses ART in your area: https://is-art.org/directory/
Join host Brent Peak, LPC, on the Empowered Serenity Podcast for practical strategies and heartfelt insights to help you cultivate inner peace, reduce stress, and build stronger relationships. Subscribe now and start your journey towards a more empowered, balanced life.
Learn more about Brent and his services at www.brentpeak.com.
Disclaimer: The Empowered Serenity Podcast is for informational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or medical advice. Always consult with a licensed therapist, counselor, or healthcare provider for personalized support and guidance.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the empowered serenity podcast. I'm Brent peak, a licensed professional counselor
(00:15):
and therapeutic coach. Are you ready to reclaim yourself or reduce stress and build stronger,
healthier relationships, then you've come to the right place. Each week, we'll dive
into practical strategies and heartfelt insights designed to help you cultivate inner peace
and live a more empowered, balanced life. That's the journey we're on together. From
(00:41):
emotional healing to transformative connections, we'll explore a variety of topics to support
you on your path to true empowerment and serenity. Join me on this journey to deep emotional
healing and discover the peace and strength within you.
(01:06):
Welcome to a quick take episode of the empowered serenity podcast. I'm Brent peak, licensed
professional counselor and therapeutic coach. I wanted to get on just for a few minutes
today and talk about a meme that I saw on Facebook. So, and this is going to be a little
(01:27):
bit controversial, I think, because some of you are going to hear me hear what I'm about
to say. And you're going to say, Oh, my gosh, that makes so much sense. That's why I feel
the way I do. And then others of you are going to hear me say this. And you're just going
to think that I am way too sensitive and too soft. And you know what? I'm okay with that.
(01:49):
I'm not talking to you. I'm not going to try and convince you that what I'm about to say
is important. I am mostly talking to those who are going to hear this, it's going to
resonate with you. And, and you're going to get it. If you don't get it, that's okay.
I am mostly talking to those of you who, who get this. So, so here's the meme. It's a picture
(02:16):
set probably in the late seventies, early eighties. And I, and I saw this on a Gen X
Facebook group, which I'm a part of because I'm Gen X. And it's a picture of a dad standing
on the edge of a pool and he's tossing his kid in the pool. And there's a little word
bubble above the kids saying, but dad, I can't swim. And dad's responding with not with that
(02:41):
attitude. So let it sink in. You might find it humorous. That's okay. Frankly, I did too
at the beginning, but then it hit me really quick. And I remembered a few things that
I've experienced with some of my clients. Frankly, that type of experience is a rather
common, traumatic piece of my clients' history. Clients that I work with, that exact experience
(03:11):
of being not taught how to swim, but forced to swim by being thrown in a body of water.
And frankly, it's even worse if they were thrown into a lake where they couldn't see
the bottom. And some of you can relate to that. So again, some of you right now are
hearing me say this and you're thinking, oh my gosh, I know where he's going with this.
(03:34):
You're too sensitive. And I am totally fine. If you just tune me out and wait for the next
episode and maybe we'll agree on that one. I am talking to those of you who went through
either that exact experience, because I know a lot of my clients have, or something similar
where you were just expected to toughen up and get through it, figure it out. When a
(03:59):
child is terrified, what they need most from a parent in that moment is to be cared for,
to know that their feelings of fear and terror matter to their parents. There are no ifs,
(04:21):
ifs, or buts around that. There are better ways to teach your kid things, especially
to swim. There are better ways to teach your kid to swim without needing to terrorize them.
And if your goal is to induce the terror in the first place, then the real lesson wasn't
(04:44):
to teach them to swim. The real lesson was, and I get the sentiment here, sometimes you're
on your own and you got to figure things out. And there are other types of situations where
that lesson can be taught to a child, but not one like this where a child is in literal
(05:11):
fear of their safety, and in many cases, their life. It is simply not appropriate, and frankly,
it's cruel. So a lot of you had an experience like that. You look back on it now, and you're
(05:32):
thinking, well, I survived it, my kids will survive that too. I'm sorry, but that's just
not a great attitude to raise your kids with. Kids need to know that at the moments of the
worst terror they've experienced, no matter what your perception is of that moment, they
need to know that there is someone there that they can count on, especially in that situation,
(05:57):
a parent. But if you're thinking that, well, I survived it, my kids will survive that too.
There are effects of that kind of parenting that you're probably unaware of. And frankly,
you've probably wounded your kids more than you realize. And you're probably also thinking,
(06:18):
well, kids these days are too soft. And I would disagree with that. I think you're setting
up a straw man argument. And it's not an all or nothing thing here. It's not black or white.
It's not either okay, kids are too soft. So we just need to be overly tough. No, there
is, there is always a healthier middle road. And if you are teaching your kids training
(06:44):
your kids and to be in the extremes like that, that everything's all or nothing, well, then
there are other issues there. Most of you, I think that are listening can probably relate
to the terror. And that is a core wound that needs to be healed. Now, quick plug here for
(07:07):
the form of therapy that I use with my with my therapy clients, accelerated resolution
therapy. Love it, love it, love it. It is great for you know what, I haven't found anything
it isn't great for yet. But especially for traumatic experiences, less than nurturing
or affirming experiences that you may have gone through as a child. Accelerated resolution
(07:28):
therapy and my experience nine times out of 10 will get rid of all the symptoms of PTSD
in less than 45 minutes. Done it many times for my clients. It's great. Find a therapist
in your area that uses a RT accelerated resolution therapy. You deserve to be healed from something
like that. But my guess is that if you went through a situation like that, that you are
(07:52):
probably the kind of person that tends to minimize your needs, minimize your vulnerable
emotions and yet feel them rather deeply. Around other people, you act like things are
not a big deal. But deep inside, you know that you're struggling, you feel a vulnerability
(08:16):
that you don't show. And frankly, that's kind of the lesson you learn from a parent that
wants to teach you things by well teach you things through terror. You'll learn to try
to stifle those fearful, vulnerable emotions and act like they're not there. And that creates
a distance that creates a disconnect between us and the people we care about. And number
(08:39):
one, we feel like we have to hide those in order to keep the approval of other people.
But we also fear the shame that may come. So it is important. Number one, if you went
through experiences like that, it is it is important and it is let me just say it this
way. It is okay for you to go get therapy for that. Don't listen to people who are going
(09:03):
to tell you, well, I went through something like that. I know a bunch of people, everyone
my age went through something like that. You know what, if it's bothering you, go see a
therapist. If you find a therapist that does accelerated resolution therapy, it's probably
only going to take one session to address an experience like that. It is okay to get
(09:24):
therapy for something like that, because the issue isn't what the people are telling you
the issue is the issue isn't your sensitivity. The issue is you were literally thrown into
a position of terror by a parent who should have done better. I realized that for many
(09:49):
of us, our parents just they did what they knew. They didn't know any better. And here's
what I say to that. Don't let the era excuse the error. Don't let the era the time period
don't let the era excuse the error. It was still not a healthy parenting experience.
(10:09):
So that's my little rant about the meme I saw on Facebook. I get it is funny. And when
you're done laughing about it, which for me was pretty quickly realized that the issue
isn't your insensitive. That's not it at all. The issue is that your parents used terror
(10:31):
to parent you and that is not appropriate. I have a feeling I'm going to get some flack
for this podcast and I'm good with it. If you want to give me flack for it, I'm probably
going to ignore it because because I don't think we're going to have a productive conversation
about it. And frankly, I don't I don't expect you to agree with me and I don't need you
(10:55):
to agree with me. Who I'm talking to are the people who were hurt by an experience like
that. And I'm more than happy to hear from you all because that kind of a wound matters.
I see that as a core wound that can not just create one terrorizing experience but can
(11:19):
create a lifetime of wounded behaviors and disconnection in our life because frankly,
that probably wasn't the only time that it felt like your safety wasn't important. Now,
I'm not saying that that our parents doing that were actually putting us in unsafe situations,
but when it happened, we were terrorized. That matters. And I simply don't think that
(11:44):
a parent should manufacture situations that terrorize a child. So I have a pretty strong
opinion on that. I hope you agree with me. If you don't, that's fine. And if you do,
I'd love to hear from you. You can go to Brent peak.com and shoot me a message. There are
some resources that I've designed to help some folks out some different issues. But
(12:08):
take a look there. And if you want to have a conversation or want to work with me, feel
free to reach out. So my first controversial episode, I think we'll see. I don't know.
Anyways, thanks for listening. And stay tuned for more episodes of the empowered serenity
podcast. Thank you for tuning into this episode of the empowered serenity podcast. I hope
(12:34):
our conversation today has inspired you to embrace your journey toward deeper emotional
healing, empowerment, and inner peace. Be sure to check the show notes for any resources
that may have been mentioned in this episode. And don't forget to visit Brent peak.com
for additional resources and information about working with me. If you found value in our
discussion, please share this podcast with others who might benefit and consider subscribing
(12:57):
and leaving a review. Your feedback helps us reach more people seeking transformative
change. And remember, the path to empowered serenity is a journey and you're not alone.
Until next time, take care and keep moving forward with hope and resilience.
The information provided in the empowered serenity podcast is for educational and informational
(13:21):
purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis or treatment.
Always seek the advice of your physician, therapist or other qualified health provider
with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or mental health concerns.
Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something
you have heard on this podcast. If you're experiencing a crisis, please contact your
(13:44):
local emergency services or seek immediate help from a mental health professional. The
views expressed by guests on the podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the
views of Brent Peak or North Valley Therapy Services.
Welcome to the empowered serenity podcast. I'm Brent peak, a licensed professional counselor
(00:15):
and therapeutic coach. Are you ready to reclaim yourself or reduce stress and build stronger,
healthier relationships, then you've come to the right place. Each week, we'll dive
into practical strategies and heartfelt insights designed to help you cultivate inner peace
and live a more empowered, balanced life. That's the journey we're on together. From
(00:41):
emotional healing to transformative connections, we'll explore a variety of topics to support
you on your path to true empowerment and serenity. Join me on this journey to deep emotional
healing and discover the peace and strength within you.
(01:06):
Welcome to a quick take episode of the empowered serenity podcast. I'm Brent peak, licensed
professional counselor and therapeutic coach. I wanted to get on just for a few minutes
today and talk about a meme that I saw on Facebook. So, and this is going to be a little
(01:27):
bit controversial, I think, because some of you are going to hear me hear what I'm about
to say. And you're going to say, Oh, my gosh, that makes so much sense. That's why I feel
the way I do. And then others of you are going to hear me say this. And you're just going
to think that I am way too sensitive and too soft. And you know what? I'm okay with that.
(01:49):
I'm not talking to you. I'm not going to try and convince you that what I'm about to say
is important. I am mostly talking to those who are going to hear this, it's going to
resonate with you. And, and you're going to get it. If you don't get it, that's okay.
I am mostly talking to those of you who, who get this. So, so here's the meme. It's a picture
(02:16):
set probably in the late seventies, early eighties. And I, and I saw this on a Gen X
Facebook group, which I'm a part of because I'm Gen X. And it's a picture of a dad standing
on the edge of a pool and he's tossing his kid in the pool. And there's a little word
bubble above the kids saying, but dad, I can't swim. And dad's responding with not with that
(02:41):
attitude. So let it sink in. You might find it humorous. That's okay. Frankly, I did too
at the beginning, but then it hit me really quick. And I remembered a few things that
I've experienced with some of my clients. Frankly, that type of experience is a rather
common, traumatic piece of my clients' history. Clients that I work with, that exact experience
(03:11):
of being not taught how to swim, but forced to swim by being thrown in a body of water.
And frankly, it's even worse if they were thrown into a lake where they couldn't see
the bottom. And some of you can relate to that. So again, some of you right now are
hearing me say this and you're thinking, oh my gosh, I know where he's going with this.
(03:34):
You're too sensitive. And I am totally fine. If you just tune me out and wait for the next
episode and maybe we'll agree on that one. I am talking to those of you who went through
either that exact experience, because I know a lot of my clients have, or something similar
where you were just expected to toughen up and get through it, figure it out. When a
(03:59):
child is terrified, what they need most from a parent in that moment is to be cared for,
to know that their feelings of fear and terror matter to their parents. There are no ifs,
(04:21):
ifs, or buts around that. There are better ways to teach your kid things, especially
to swim. There are better ways to teach your kid to swim without needing to terrorize them.
And if your goal is to induce the terror in the first place, then the real lesson wasn't
(04:44):
to teach them to swim. The real lesson was, and I get the sentiment here, sometimes you're
on your own and you got to figure things out. And there are other types of situations where
that lesson can be taught to a child, but not one like this where a child is in literal
(05:11):
fear of their safety, and in many cases, their life. It is simply not appropriate, and frankly,
it's cruel. So a lot of you had an experience like that. You look back on it now, and you're
(05:32):
thinking, well, I survived it, my kids will survive that too. I'm sorry, but that's just
not a great attitude to raise your kids with. Kids need to know that at the moments of the
worst terror they've experienced, no matter what your perception is of that moment, they
need to know that there is someone there that they can count on, especially in that situation,
(05:57):
a parent. But if you're thinking that, well, I survived it, my kids will survive that too.
There are effects of that kind of parenting that you're probably unaware of. And frankly,
you've probably wounded your kids more than you realize. And you're probably also thinking,
(06:18):
well, kids these days are too soft. And I would disagree with that. I think you're setting
up a straw man argument. And it's not an all or nothing thing here. It's not black or white.
It's not either okay, kids are too soft. So we just need to be overly tough. No, there
is, there is always a healthier middle road. And if you are teaching your kids training
(06:44):
your kids and to be in the extremes like that, that everything's all or nothing, well, then
there are other issues there. Most of you, I think that are listening can probably relate
to the terror. And that is a core wound that needs to be healed. Now, quick plug here for
(07:07):
the form of therapy that I use with my with my therapy clients, accelerated resolution
therapy. Love it, love it, love it. It is great for you know what, I haven't found anything
it isn't great for yet. But especially for traumatic experiences, less than nurturing
or affirming experiences that you may have gone through as a child. Accelerated resolution
(07:28):
therapy and my experience nine times out of 10 will get rid of all the symptoms of PTSD
in less than 45 minutes. Done it many times for my clients. It's great. Find a therapist
in your area that uses a RT accelerated resolution therapy. You deserve to be healed from something
like that. But my guess is that if you went through a situation like that, that you are
(07:52):
probably the kind of person that tends to minimize your needs, minimize your vulnerable
emotions and yet feel them rather deeply. Around other people, you act like things are
not a big deal. But deep inside, you know that you're struggling, you feel a vulnerability
(08:16):
that you don't show. And frankly, that's kind of the lesson you learn from a parent that
wants to teach you things by well teach you things through terror. You'll learn to try
to stifle those fearful, vulnerable emotions and act like they're not there. And that creates
a distance that creates a disconnect between us and the people we care about. And number
(08:39):
one, we feel like we have to hide those in order to keep the approval of other people.
But we also fear the shame that may come. So it is important. Number one, if you went
through experiences like that, it is it is important and it is let me just say it this
way. It is okay for you to go get therapy for that. Don't listen to people who are going
(09:03):
to tell you, well, I went through something like that. I know a bunch of people, everyone
my age went through something like that. You know what, if it's bothering you, go see a
therapist. If you find a therapist that does accelerated resolution therapy, it's probably
only going to take one session to address an experience like that. It is okay to get
(09:24):
therapy for something like that, because the issue isn't what the people are telling you
the issue is the issue isn't your sensitivity. The issue is you were literally thrown into
a position of terror by a parent who should have done better. I realized that for many
(09:49):
of us, our parents just they did what they knew. They didn't know any better. And here's
what I say to that. Don't let the era excuse the error. Don't let the era the time period
don't let the era excuse the error. It was still not a healthy parenting experience.
(10:09):
So that's my little rant about the meme I saw on Facebook. I get it is funny. And when
you're done laughing about it, which for me was pretty quickly realized that the issue
isn't your insensitive. That's not it at all. The issue is that your parents used terror
(10:31):
to parent you and that is not appropriate. I have a feeling I'm going to get some flack
for this podcast and I'm good with it. If you want to give me flack for it, I'm probably
going to ignore it because because I don't think we're going to have a productive conversation
about it. And frankly, I don't I don't expect you to agree with me and I don't need you
(10:55):
to agree with me. Who I'm talking to are the people who were hurt by an experience like
that. And I'm more than happy to hear from you all because that kind of a wound matters.
I see that as a core wound that can not just create one terrorizing experience but can
(11:19):
create a lifetime of wounded behaviors and disconnection in our life because frankly,
that probably wasn't the only time that it felt like your safety wasn't important. Now,
I'm not saying that that our parents doing that were actually putting us in unsafe situations,
but when it happened, we were terrorized. That matters. And I simply don't think that
(11:44):
a parent should manufacture situations that terrorize a child. So I have a pretty strong
opinion on that. I hope you agree with me. If you don't, that's fine. And if you do,
I'd love to hear from you. You can go to Brent peak.com and shoot me a message. There are
some resources that I've designed to help some folks out some different issues. But
(12:08):
take a look there. And if you want to have a conversation or want to work with me, feel
free to reach out. So my first controversial episode, I think we'll see. I don't know.
Anyways, thanks for listening. And stay tuned for more episodes of the empowered serenity
podcast. Thank you for tuning into this episode of the empowered serenity podcast. I hope
(12:34):
our conversation today has inspired you to embrace your journey toward deeper emotional
healing, empowerment, and inner peace. Be sure to check the show notes for any resources
that may have been mentioned in this episode. And don't forget to visit Brent peak.com
for additional resources and information about working with me. If you found value in our
discussion, please share this podcast with others who might benefit and consider subscribing
(12:57):
and leaving a review. Your feedback helps us reach more people seeking transformative
change. And remember, the path to empowered serenity is a journey and you're not alone.
Until next time, take care and keep moving forward with hope and resilience.
The information provided in the empowered serenity podcast is for educational and informational
(13:21):
purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis or treatment.
Always seek the advice of your physician, therapist or other qualified health provider
with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or mental health concerns.
Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something
you have heard on this podcast. If you're experiencing a crisis, please contact your
(13:44):
local emergency services or seek immediate help from a mental health professional. The
views expressed by guests on the podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the
views of Brent Peak or North Valley Therapy Services.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.