May 22, 2025 • 49 mins
The medicine your nervous system has been waiting for might just be a simple two-letter word: "No."
When was the last time you felt that familiar tightness in your chest after agreeing to something your body was screaming against? Your body remembers every "yes" that should have been a "no" – and those misaligned agreements manifest as anxiety, fatigue, resentment, and even physical ailments.
In this revelation-packed episode, we reframe boundaries from confrontation to compassionate calibration. Boundaries aren't walls keeping others out – they're medicine that regulates your nervous system, creates energetic clarity, and cultivates radical self-love. The science backs this up: a 2021 review linked chronic people-pleasing with anxiety, somatic symptoms, and emotional burnout. This means saying "no" isn't rejection – it's recalibration.
Through practical examples and our "Building Better Boundaries" game, we provide concrete scripts and strategies for implementing boundaries that feel authentic and sustainable. Learn our five boundary medicine prescriptions: saying no without over-explaining, tuning into somatic cues, creating preset boundary scripts, establishing energetic protection, and conducting weekly boundary check-ins. These practices don't just prevent burnout – they actively restore your health, focus, and freedom.
The truth is that boundaries don't push people away – they keep you from abandoning yourself. They're "the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously." What sacred "no" are you ready to speak this week? Your nervous system is waiting for this medicine, and we're here to help you administer it.
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Manifest everything you want in your life, using our HoldTheVibe.com course! 5 modules led with audio and video by Mikey and Zuri to help you unlock the magic of manifesting using a simple step-by-step process.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So I'm doing this cleanse right.
As you know, my stomachgrumbles and I have to run to
the bathroom.
We're not going to talk anymoreabout that.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
No, Good thing, the toilet doesn't have boundaries.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
God no more ma'am, no more.
I'm doing a spring cleanse.
I'm on an AIP spring cleanseand it's rough.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
It's more than rough, it's ragged.
Luckily I'm not doing it.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Yeah, I'm doing it.
And, hi, my name is Zuri.
I'm doing a cleanse.
Hi, zuri, is that?
What I'm noticing is that mybody is resetting itself and
it's making me more aware ofsome of the things that are.
(00:54):
I haven't said no to yeah, andlike your organs have boundaries
yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
And your organs have been telling you no, no, no,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
So it's like no caffeine, no sugar, alcohol,
which I don't I'm not a drinker,but still um it's.
You know.
No stimulants like, nothinglike you can't take coffee,
ginseng or anything nothingright, um no, no green tea, like
I'm talking, no caffeine andyou're going monk, full monk I'm
going full monk and I'm on dayfour and and they always say, oh
(01:29):
, the first two days are theworst, right?
Yeah, yeah, like first threefor me so far.
Um, we'll see.
Tb, tbi, no, tbc, to becontinued oh, I don't know what
tbi means.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I I just said it.
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
To be introduced.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Sometimes my tongue doesn't have boundaries.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
No shit.
That's so true.
As the editor of this podcast,I concur.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
The boundaries are bound.
You're talking about goingagainst your own boundaries.
I have gone against my ownboundaries so much that now my
biggest boundary is like I can'tgo backwards, Right.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Well, okay, so I was getting to a point though.
Yeah, I hear you and I agree,and this adds to that.
So what I've been feeling isthat, like my body you know,
like the caffeine part of it,for example, like I had
headaches and stuff you know thetypical things when you cleanse
and I've realized like my bodyisn't really tired, there's
(02:37):
emotional things that areboundaries, that like like if I
wasn't feeding myself well, likeyeah, it's boundary baggage,
but also boundary starve, like Ihaven't been feeding myself the
right boundaries.
Therefore, I'm noticing in mycleanse like oh shit, like I
need some nutrients here.
(02:58):
So like that's why I'm sayinglike boundaries are medicine,
they're like the sweetest, mostdelicious medicine.
If it's a no, the universe isgoing to provide a way forward
for you.
Welcome to the EmpowermentCouple podcast, where your path
to self-mastery expands.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
My co-host is empowerment coach Zuri Starr.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
And he's expansion coach Mikey Starr.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Together we are the Empowerment Couple.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Our mission is simple to serve you, love, so you can
make informed decisions toregain and maintain your
personal power.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
We'll take you on a journey to a life filled with
purpose, passion and limitlesspossibilities, while sharing
stories of transformation,wellness hacks and healthy
habits backed by science andancient wisdom.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Plus, we'll keep you entertained with engaging games,
banter and funny innuendosalong the way.
Each episode is an excitingblend of education,
entertainment and empowermentdesigned to help you create a
mindset to be a magnet for morelove, happiness and abundance.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Together with our special guests.
We are dedicated to sharinginformation that empowers you to
create your most beautiful life.
A one Z in the two Z in thethree Z your most beautiful life
.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I got nothing.
I got nothing.
You're supposed to saysomething.
I forgot.
I forgot, I think, one of mylong lifelong lessons that I am
really embodying, not justlearning, but, like now,
embodying are boundaries.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
That is one of the best things that I've ever heard
you say.
I have seen you battleboundaries for decades.
Seriously, it's one of thehardest things to do out there,
but it's a life giver.
It really is.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yes, and so today we have done a different show on
boundaries, called BoundariesOver Burnout, which was like the
precursor to this show.
So this is kind of a part twoin a sense, because we're going
to talk about the healing powerof boundaries, which is going to
take it a little deeper.
So if you needed another excuseto just fucking say no, we got
(05:17):
you.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yes, and you know what?
Keep in mind boundaries are notbad things, right?
Boundaries are beautiful,beautiful things that you can
establish within whateverrelationship that you have to
have a better relationship.
You're going to say something,honey.
I was trampling on yourboundaries.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
So think of boundaries.
In this episode we're going totalk about the healing power of
boundaries, not as walls, like alot of people think of them,
but as nervous system regulation, energetic clarity and radical
self-love.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I love that radical self-love.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
It really is going to reframe boundaries from
confrontation to compassionatecalibration, and we want to
explore how setting alignedlimits can literally restore
your health, focus and freedom.
So should we get into it?
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
So what if saying no wasn't rejection but repair?
What if boundaries were themedicine your nervous system has
been waiting for?
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Then I will take that medicine over and over and over
again.
Yeah, because one of the thingsthat happens.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
A pattern that I see in my life is saying yes a bunch
and then being stressed aboutthe yes yeah system.
Response is like you knowthere's a no when somebody asks
you for something and you knowit's a no, but you betray
yourself and you abandon your noand you say yes.
(06:55):
And then you say yes out ofsome type of Obligation.
Yeah obligatory reasons or-.
Bad pattern, or it could justalso be that an instinctual
response that's part of yoursubconscious from childhood, for
example.
(07:15):
If you do this with somebodyfrom your childhood, you can
look at that and realize like,oh, that's just like what I had
to do to survive, or that's justwhat I had.
That's who I had to do tosurvive, or that's just what I
had, that's who I had to be tofit into the family dynamic, or
something like that.
So really, the point ofconfronting this is because we
want to give this a new take onall of it.
(07:39):
Right, yeah, and so today wewill be expanding on boundaries
over burnout and diving deeperinto how boundaries aren't just
protection.
They're healing frequencies andspoiler alert.
Boundaries are how you teachyour nervous system and others
what love really looks like andhow to handle you with care.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
And it's a shame that boundaries aren't taught
regularly in schools, because itwould literally open up
everyone to have a moreharmonious relationship with
other people.
Right, but we get instilled allthese bad boundaries at the
beginning of our lives and thenwe spend a good chunk of our
lives trying to reset thoseboundaries.
(08:21):
But boundaries is mostcertainly medicine.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yes, so why?
Let's talk about why boundariescan be medicine.
The nervous system andboundaries go hand in hand, and
that's something that I'velearned in this phase and
started embodying is thathealthy boundaries can reduce
cortisol and they can bring thebody out of chronic stress
(08:46):
cycles and I have a chronicstress cycle that I have
repaired recently, and so I canspeak with authority on this and
I want to tell you that withoutboundaries, your nervous system
stays in hypervigilance, whichis your fight flight fawn, and
(09:06):
so we need to make sure alwaysthat we are understanding what
boundaries are and how to setthem and how to use them as
medicine.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
So, like medicinally speaking, you're talking about
reducing your cortisol, and thatis huge, right?
So how often have you foundyourself in a stressful
situation that you said yes tothat?
You should have said no to yeah, right?
So you stack those things upand all of a sudden, you have a
habit of trampling over your ownboundaries, which will most
(09:39):
certainly have a negative impacton your body system.
So, yes, I think that a properboundary will also instill that
you keep your body in a betterregulation.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Okay, yeah, so boundaries can be messages of
safety to yourself and to others.
So that is how you want toreframe the conversation, the
internal conversation, back toself-love.
There's this study, a 2021review in Frontiers in
(10:15):
Psychology linked chronicpeople-pleasing, which is like a
fawning trauma response, withanxiety, somatic symptoms and
emotional burnout.
And so, just thinking aboutthat for a minute, how many
times are you saying yes whenit's a no, or how many times are
you trying to please someoneelse to fit their approval?
(10:37):
And the takeaway from this isthat no isn't a rejection, it's
a recalibration.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
I like what you said in regards to that 2021 study
about the things that are linkedwith it.
Anxiety, somatic symptoms,emotional burnout All three of
those could be catastrophic onyour nervous system.
Burning out is such a perverseway of doing business and a lot
(11:08):
of people will see burnout aspart of the process of doing
business when, in fact, withproper boundaries, you may not
even have to experience burnoutright.
So, yes, may not even have toexperience burnout, right?
So, yes, there's all kinds ofmedicinal effects by just
instilling some properboundaries.
(11:29):
And when those boundaries arenot established, those unclear
boundaries will have a way ofmanifesting in the body.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I mean.
So let's talk about segment two, how unclear boundaries
actually manifest in the bodyright.
So when our boundaries arebeing trampled or we don't have
boundaries in place, fatigue,resentment, anxiety, you can
develop gut issues.
You have chronic headaches.
(12:00):
There's a term called emotionaldysregulation.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Yes, let's talk about that.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
So emotional dysregulation.
You'll see when someone isbrought a scenario and their
response to that scenario isgoing to be way beyond what the
normal response is going to be.
Either they're going tooverreact or underreact, because
they don't have the opportunityto regulate their response
(12:29):
right.
It's going to be whateverthey're feeling at the time and
if they're already burnt outthey're not going to have the
opportunity to expressthemselves at a level that they
can find it's going to beunregulated.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Yeah, so what it looks like is impulsive
behaviors like yelling orsubstance abuse.
It looks like chronicirritability, like just angry
all the time or actingfrustrated or really sensitive
or defensive, difficulty calmingdown Mood swings.
(13:03):
It's very much like extremeemotional swings, so the
reaction doesn't really fit thesituation.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Exactly, and typically, when I see something
like that happen, I'm like, ohman, this person's having a bad
day or they're having a blowout,and it could be that they just
don't have proper boundaries tokeep their body regulated.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Yeah, and the main thing that you'll see come out
of this emotional dysregulationis avoidance or suppression, and
that's what leads to all kindsof problems, but a lot of times
addiction, and the causes arechildhood trauma or neglect,
attachment disruptions, chronicstress, neurological differences
, like ADHD, for example, mentalhealth conditions, so people
(13:56):
who have like depression oranxiety or bipolar, and it
matters, because if you leave itunaddressed then it can affect
your relationships, it affectsyour self-esteem, your physical
health and it can lead tounhealthy coping mechanisms,
like we said, addiction andburnout.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Yeah, and you know, burnout often stems not from too
much work but from too littleprotection.
And the protection are thoseboundaries, right?
So without that protection, youare opening yourself up to all
kinds of problems that are goingto roll out in the future.
(14:37):
So boundaries are a cue toothers about how to treat you
and to yourself about what youvalue, right?
So if you value yourself, youwill have boundaries.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Right.
So now keep in mind that yourbody remembers every.
Yes, that should have been a no, ooh Right, it remembers every-
.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Say that again.
Your body remembers every yes.
That should have been a no.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
And let me tell you on one hand- that is so true On
one hand.
I have all five of those yeses.
That should have been a no Like.
Oh, I should have said no tothis.
I should have said no to this,no to this.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yeah, they kind of flood through.
When you said that, I was like,oh, say it again, let me say it
with you.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
It's kind of scary.
It's kind of scary, but it'salso so simple.
Right, setting a boundary isnot difficult.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
You just have to do it.
I think we should play a game,because I think let's put this
into action.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
I agree and with that being said, what are we playing
?
We are playing Building BetterBoundaries.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
It's just like it sounds, yeah, yeah.
Well, the purpose of this gameis to learn, is to build better
boundaries.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Yes, yes, how did you know?
Look, look, don't ruin it forothers, right, we know that you
are a boundary-building badassRight, we know this about you
yes.
But we want to help those whoare new to building boundaries.
Okay, okay, Okay so, again, thepurpose of this game is to learn
(16:19):
how to implement a boundary inreal time, right, when it's
actually happening.
Okay, so, to ease the strain ofsetting a boundary, here are
some basic rules, right?
So begin with a firm no, no.
It could end there.
No, ho, no is a full sentence,as you said, right?
(16:41):
What do you want to?
Speaker 1 (16:43):
say about no's.
Yeah, no is a complete sentence.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
No is a complete sentence, right.
So in building boundaries, lessis more, right, so the boundary
can end with a no.
But if you feel like you needto say more, here are some
examples Right, you can say no,I'm unable right now.
Or no, I'm currently booked.
No, Thank you for thinking ofme.
Or no, Next week will be abetter fit.
(17:07):
Something where you're notapologizing Right, be a better
fit.
Something where you're notapologizing right, it's not you
trying to apologize for youractions, because you don't have
to apologize for a boundaryright.
You also have to know yourlimits, so you had to check your
energy before answering aquestion for a boundary right.
So sometimes a no, maybe a yes,based on your energy right, and
(17:29):
also be confident and assertive.
You are doing a good thing bysetting a boundary.
So if you say no like oh no, itwon't feel and have the same
effect as no.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
I think, when I first started out saying no's, that I
would always apologize oh sorry, I can't.
That I would always apologize,oh sorry, I can't.
And like because I wanted tomaintain a likability because I
was afraid of the reaction.
That's the reason why peopledon't say no is they're afraid
(18:03):
of a negative reaction or, incertain instances, I was afraid
of being pressured into sayingyes after saying no multiple
times as a woman, if you knowwhat I mean.
So the boundary setting forwomen is much different than it
is for men.
So if you're in your feminineand you're saying no, you have
(18:26):
to say no a little bit morebalanced, so that you have
masculine and feminine comingout, because otherwise you're
going to be like no, I, I justno, it's okay, you know well,
when I, when I, when I think, ofsaying no with a smile on your
face.
You know, no, no, I'm fine,thank you.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yeah, when I when I think of of either the divine
feminine or divine masculine, Isee them both as confident and
assertive.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
So, if you are confident and assertive, you
will be playing to the divineside of your energy, be it
masculine or feminine.
So I'm going to ask you fiverequests, right, and I want you
to give me a non-boundaryresponse, okay, and then a
response where you are holdingyour response, okay, and then a
response where you are holdingyour boundaries.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
And you are affirm.
No less is more.
Know your limits and beconfident.
Okay, so first one.
I know that it's Fridayafternoon, but can you generate
these performance reports forMonday's AM meeting?
Thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Okay, so my former Zuri that didn't know how to set
boundaries would be like yeah,no problem.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
And then your weekend would have been spent not
gardening or having fun, butsitting in front of your
computer.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Even though it was like fuck no, you know what I?
Mean the response is like fuckno.
But the email back is like fuckno.
You know what I mean.
The response is like fuck no.
But the email back is like yeah, sure, no problem, no worries,
got it, I'll do it.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
What's a better response?
Speaker 1 (20:01):
A better response is no, I'm at capacity, and that
doesn't align with my plans formy weekend time off.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
That's perfect.
So next one the family isgetting together tonight for
dinner.
Can you make your signaturemushroom burgers?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Hail to the no-no, to the no-no-no.
You know that sound yes.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
You're going to tell your family?
Hell, no, they're allsalivating.
Like your burgers do take time,which is why they're super good
.
And you have to be in the rightmindset.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Listen, linda if I don't have them already frozen
in the freezer.
It's a hell.
No, that's not a last minute.
Can you come over and make youknow a meal that takes three
hours?
No, I would say nicely.
I would say no, I can't becauseI don't have any frozen and I
don't have the time to createthe recipe from scratch.
(20:57):
But I would love to make themfor you next weekend.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Nice, I like that.
That's a nice response, becauseit's not a no, it's a not right
now.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Not right now.
A no, it's not, a, it's a notright now, not right now, and I
think that then, especially asyou are looking to keep your
relationship solid, a not rightnow response is sometimes the
best response, because sometimes, like, if they're asking you
for something that you alsoenjoy, like I also enjoy that,
so yeah, but I do think it wouldbe funny to have a hail to the
(21:30):
no-no.
Just like you know voicemailfor like the spam calls I get,
or like for the endless amountsof DMs that I get, and it's just
a person or just me coming upwith like my finger there.
Hail to the no-no.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Or that soundbite from Succession Fuck off, yeah,
fuck off, okay.
So the next one, number threeyou get a call from anyone
asking you can you pick me upfrom the airport.
My flight arrives at 5.30.
It doesn't matter if it's 5.30in the morning or 5.30 in the
(22:07):
afternoon.
Those both times totally suck.
So what would you do?
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Who is this?
Who's asking me this?
Just anybody.
You said anybody, Because thecontext changes, but here's what
I would say to somebody whowould be like yeah, I'll order
you a car or something, but Idon't know what if you can't.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
What If you can't?
Well, I would say no, I orsomething, but I don't know what
if you can't, what If you can'tWell.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
I would say no.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
I'm not saying like you get a call from your dad and
hey, can you pick me up at theairport.
Yeah, sure, I'm talking aboutwhen you physically can't, but
you feel obligated to do so, andthen you jump through a bunch
of hoops and you do so.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
No, there's like car services everywhere is
everywhere.
I would just say I'll call youa car service because I can't,
if I couldn't, if I could and Iwanted to, I could say sure,
what happened to, like I mightask some clarifying questions.
Like you didn't plan this homie, there wasn't a like, a thought
about your return.
I probably would, you, you know, mess with them a little bit.
But um, no, I think like if, ifsomebody needs me like a family
(23:17):
member you already know this, Ishow up.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
So yes, but it's a boundary.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
I also, I also show up with a full car picnic and
like that is true water and likedo you need to stop?
Do you want?
Do you want to take a shower?
There's this gym, you know,like I'm just over there I like
your response.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Right your response.
Do you need to stop?
Do you want to take a shower?
There's this gym.
I'm just over the top.
I like your response.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Right, your response is yes, you want to serve, but
what if you physically couldn't?
If I couldn't, then I'd justsay no, I can't.
But here's my suggestion,because I've flown into that
airport and here's how you canget to my house, or here's how
you can get to this hotel.
I would offer a solution.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Say no, I can't, but here's a solution.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Nice, okay, and I wouldn't feel bad that I
couldn't, because obviously,whoever's asking me for a flight
pickup on the same day I don'teven know, like, do you know my
schedule?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
At five 30 in the morning or five 30 in the
evening?
Do I wake up early or do I sitin traffic?
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Probably what I'd say .
I'd be like hey, mike, go pickup my dad, yeah exactly, or no?
Speaker 2 (24:14):
oh, that's today.
I thought it was yesterday.
You have to find someone else,Alright, so the next one.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
I would delegate it.
With all things on your listAutomate, delegate, eliminate.
I would delegate that one.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
So you and I, we have a deep love affair, right, we
do anything for each other.
It's Friday night, you're tiredIs?
Speaker 1 (24:37):
this part of the game .
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yeah, Friday night you're tired.
I look at you and I say, honey,my feet are killing me.
Will you grind my bunions again?
Bunions you don't have bunions?
Yes, but if I did have them,would you grind them for me?
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Grind.
You don't have bunions.
Yes, but if I did have them,would you grind them for me?
Grind your bunions.
I don't even know what's inLike.
I need a YouTube video to seewhat I'm agreeing.
Yes to.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Grind bunions.
What would be yourinappropriate boundary response
For?
Grinding my bunions honey, Iwant you to say yes, yes, yes,
master what?
Speaker 1 (25:11):
else do you want, like?
I want you to say yes, yes, yes, master, what else do you want,
like, what are you going to sayyes, I'll do anything for you.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yes, as someone who wants their feet grounded,
grinded down, that would be aresponse.
But what if you didn't want todo it?
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Well, I don't know what it is so like.
If you're talking about likecalluses or something, then I
would say I would say yes, if Ihad the energy to do it.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Or I would say I can do this at this time okay but I
don't know what grinding bunionsare, so I'm still like okay,
well, what if it was poppingpimples on my butt, cheeks,
would that be a hell?
No, or that be a a hell.
No, no, no or that be a surething I would delegate that.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
I'd be like, hey, who out there who likes popping
pimples?
Some people have a pimple,popping, kink would you?
I don't have that kink.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
I would say no.
Would you accept it or wouldyou manage your boundary?
Speaker 1 (26:15):
First of all, if you said I have pimples on my butt,
I'd be like, hey, here's thisstuff, you should use this stuff
on your butt, and I wouldprobably be like I would look
for a solution for you that didnot require me to touch your
butt pimples, let me just tellyou right now it's a no, honey,
nope.
There you go Nice and easy anda improper response would be
(26:40):
like sure and the entire timelike gagging next to your butt.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Okay, that is correct .
Sometimes also we'll say no,but we'll give all these
elaborate answers that will makethe other person feel bad.
And we're not trying to makethe other person feel bad or
good, we're trying to protectour energies.
So when someone else is in pain, as you know, or they're having
a hard time, a solid no is nice.
(27:11):
It's cut and dry.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
But if you ask me for help with anything on your body
, I would say yes, but I wouldlook for the solution of how you
can take care of your butt sothat they don't get pimples, or
you can take care of your feetso they don't get bunions, like
that's how I would approach it.
That's good for my energy andalso good for your body.
(27:35):
So that's all I'm saying isthat I would say yes because I'm
married to you and you asked mea hard question about bunion
grinding.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Okay, I'm like what the hell is this?
Actually, I have a visual of melaying on my belly and you
putting pimple patches on mybutt.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah, have a visual of me laying on my belly and you
putting pimple patches on mybutt?
Yeah, I think I would do that.
Is that?
Yep, I could do that, noproblem.
How about right after never?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Right after, never Right after dinner, we can
handle your butt pimples.
Okay so, and some of theboundaries will happen when you
want to have a conversation butyou just physically can't have a
conversation.
So if I came up to you and youwere at wit's end and I was like
, hey, we need to talk aboutwhat happened this morning, like
right now, and you couldn'ttalk about it, right now Because
(28:23):
of schedule or whatever, justemotional set point.
Whatever yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Say I don't think that's a good idea.
No, thank you.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
That's perfect.
What would be yourinappropriate response?
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Fuck you.
You better call Tyrone yeahcall him, but you can't use my
phone.
You can't use my phone.
Okay, no, carry on, he's goingto start singing.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
And this concludes Building Better Boundaries.
I hope that it will help you inthe future as you utilize your
boundaries to maintain yourhealth and stability.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Yes, so you can say no to pimple popping on butts.
No, I mean hey, listen.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
I will pop the pimples on your butt because you
got a pretty butt.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Yeah, but I don't have pimples on my butt.
Well, speaking of hygiene,let's talk about success hygiene
, because boundary setting issuccess hygiene.
And here's how it protects yourcreative bandwidth If you say
no to things that are a no.
Um.
(29:34):
It prevents emotionalcodependency, because then
you're not like totally maxedout and burned out and looking
for somebody to be your crutchum.
It filters alignedopportunities I.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
I think all three of those are really, really
powerful.
But I want to focus in on thewhole protect your creative
bandwidth, because I feel likethat's huge for a lot of our
clients.
Right, we have a lot of highoutput clients and when they are
true to themselves and theyprotect their energy and they
utilize their boundaries, theyhave full access to their
(30:11):
creative powers.
But a lot of our clients aren'tdoing that.
Right, a lot of their clientsare saying yes to things they
shouldn't say yes to andtherefore, when they're looking
at their productivity, they'rescratching their heads like why
can't I reach that level?
Why can't I connect with thatcreative idea?
It's probably because yourbandwidth is so constricted by
(30:32):
all the negativity that you'reholding in your body because
you're saying yes to things youshould say no to.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Yeah, I have a client that doesn't turn off her phone
you know, and so she'sconstantly on call.
And I explained that to her andI was like are you a nurse?
Because if you're not a nurse,you're not on call.
And so if you are a coach,you're not on call as a coach.
So you have to set your officehours, you have to set your time
, you have to set your focusblocks and make certain times
(31:00):
your time.
Nothing else comes in betweenyou and that specific focus, and
that makes a huge difference.
So I like to say to my clientsif you want to scale your life
or your business, scale yourboundaries first.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
And they have to be first right, Because it's like
training a dog right.
The longer you have the dog, anold dog doesn't learn new
tricks, right?
So if you're meeting some newclient from the very first time,
and your boundaries are setfrom the very beginning, you
probably won't have any problemsbecause that boundary is going
(31:38):
to show you and that otherperson how you guys want to do
business.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
And I'll spare all the details, but it happened to
me last week where I had tointeract with somebody as part
of a thing that I agreed to doand I didn't have to interact
with that person, but for somereason I kept interacting with
(32:02):
that person and I just simplyasked the people in charge, like
can I just interact with you?
And an earlier version of mewouldn't have even asked for
that.
But if it's not an energeticalignment or if it's draining
your energy, when you arelooking to get an outcome from
the situation, it's okay to sayI'm not really aligned with that
(32:23):
person and know like yourenergetic response is your
boundaries, kind of screamingyeah and saying like, hey, my
body clinches up when I'm aroundthis person, my body doesn't
rest, my body feels like it'sgoing to be under attack of some
sort, and sometimes it's likepeople have nervous energy and
(32:46):
they act really weird around you.
That's not a good match for meif I am looking to regenerate or
looking to heal.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
What you said makes me feel like the whole filtering
aligned opportunities.
That's exactly what you did.
So there are alwaysopportunities coming at you and
it's up to you to say yes tosome and no to others.
And and when you say yes to theones that mean that resonate
with your body and no to theones that do not, it allows you
(33:18):
again to have more healing, morebandwidth, more connectivity,
more of what you're actuallyseeking.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
This is also why you and I have applications to work
with us, because there's anenergetic sequence and signature
that everyone produces, even ina form.
You can see things like howthey narrate, you can feel what
they're feeling same with likeapplying to be on the show.
You know it's like if there'san energetic frequency, that's a
(33:46):
match.
It's okay to say yes, this isand no, this is not a match,
correct, and there are plenty ofyeses and nos that you're going
to experience as any type ofbusiness leader.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
And let me tell you, you will be doing, whoever you
apply the boundary to, a massivefavor by that boundary.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Right.
So because, yeah, nobody wantsto be around you if your energy
is crappy.
Exactly so.
It's like it's a win-win.
Everyone wins if you know howto align yourself energetically.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
And we all know those individuals who are literally
like doormats right, they haveno boundaries, they get trampled
all over and they spend theirtime complaining about how much
people trample over them whenthey themselves don't have
boundaries.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Right, and they're creating it.
And then you create more of itand you create more people like
that when you are complainingabout it.
It's a whole thing that cycleabsolutely has to be broken,
correct.
So let's talk about boundarymedicine prescriptions.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Ooh, prescribe me a boundary.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
So we're going to give you five prescriptions from
Dr Zuri and Dr Michael,everybody on board with us,
metaphorically speaking, ofcourse, because I am no doctor.
Number one is say no withoutover-explaining.
On board with us,metaphorically speaking, of
course, because I am no doctor.
Number one is say no withoutover-explaining.
This is just bringing it backto what I always say let no be a
(35:11):
full sentence.
This reduces all of yournervous system stress.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
And it also makes it nice and easy because, again, a
no could literally you can sayno and then rest in the
enjoyment of saying no, that'sit, you're done.
You can also use somatic cues.
Basically, your body is lettingyou know whether or not
something is right for you.
You have your body's yes or noswitch in your gut.
That gut feeling will let youknow if something is right for
you.
You can also do muscle testing.
That is a quick way of testingwhether or not your energy is in
(35:51):
alignment with whatever it isthat you're being asked to do.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Yeah.
So that was number two, becauseyour gut knows before your
mouth does.
So trust your gut.
That's what people mean.
You get that little feelinglike, oh, I don't want to do
that.
Trust it.
Number three is presetboundaries and safe times.
So I like to do this.
This has been really helpfulfor me.
(36:16):
There's a couple people who liketo boundary creep.
I call them the boundarycreepers.
It's that I have some presetboundary scripts.
They're just like littleone-liners so that I can A stay
consistent and also I don't haveto think about it.
When it's a no, I can just copyand paste it, whether it's like
(36:36):
a text or a Slack or an email.
Back is that I have that ready.
For example, I don't take callsafter this, or these are my
office hours no, I can't.
These are my office hours, orI'm at capacity Can't do that
today or something like that,and that really helps me.
(36:56):
And also, like I have my teamsay that for me sometimes,
because it's like that's a no,there's no way I'm doing that.
Because it's like that's a no,there's no way I'm doing that.
And it's nice.
You know, people ask and it'sokay that they're asking
sometimes, but oftentimes it'sthose boundary creepers you need
to have a set script for sothat, A you don't get triggered
(37:18):
and get into the emotionalspiral with them of like, no,
I'm going to defend myself anddon't you see how much I'm doing
for you, and you get into thislike hurt body victim
conversation where you can justbe like, oh no, here's my script
for that person.
That person always wants totrample my boundaries, so here's
what I have for them.
It's like signage.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Exactly.
We have a neighbor who we love,we totally love, but he is a
talker, right.
So when I go over to his houseI always say, hey, I got about
20 minutes.
I have a quick question for you, right?
Or I'm going to drop somethingoff at the mailbox in just a few
(38:01):
minutes, but I want to chatwith you, right?
So I'm letting this person knowin advance that I have a time
limit to this conversation andif that doesn't happen, 40
minutes will pass and we'llstill be talking about whatever
he decides to talk about yeah,and in business terms, like you
know, you can say, like I have ahard stop, Like if you know
somebody is going to takeadvantage of their time.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
You know, like you can set the hard stop if that
works for you.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Yeah, if you're dealing with a family member
that you're not really wantingto have a call set a time, hey,
let's have a conversationbetween 9 and 10 tonight.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Right, right.
Okay, so next prescription.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Next prescription is energetic boundaries, which is
exactly what we're talking about.
Right?
So visualize a protective fieldaround your body, right?
So when you're havingconversations, you want to
generate a feeling of calmness.
Right, and that will also helpyou recognize when those
boundaries, when you need toactually utilize one of those
(38:59):
boundaries, and you can do so ina calm and collective manner.
Also, journal, right?
So journal what's yours andwhat's not yours.
So, as you are going into theseconversations, when you journal
the emotions that are yours andthe emotions that are someone
(39:20):
else's, then you know ifsomething comes up, you know
what it is right.
You're not going to besurprised if you suddenly feel
an extreme pressure to say yes,when in fact, that extreme
pressure isn't yours, it'ssomeone else's, right?
So kind of-.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Yeah, because, like maybe you're people pleasing.
So, like knowing what's yours,like what you're bringing to the
table and what they're bringingto the table, maybe what issues
that they might have, and viceversa, you can create a
protective field.
Yeah, correct Number five wouldbe boundary check-ins weekly.
So this is where you sit withyourself and you say, you ask,
(40:00):
you ask yourself self, whatdrained me this week and what do
I need to reinforce?
And so, going back to thescripts, there was a situation a
couple weeks ago.
See, guys, I am your testproduct.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Oh, yeah, boundaries are a never-ending.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Boundaries are never-ending, especially if you
are very busy.
It just comes with theterritory and if you're in high
demand, it's a never-ending,especially if you are very busy.
It just comes with theterritory and if you're in high
demand, it's a never-endingboundary.
I recommend not answeringmessages when your boundaries
(40:40):
get trampled in a major way on aholiday.
I recommend don't do thatbecause a version of you is
going to come out that is goingto be defensive, angry,
frustrated, a version of youthat you wouldn't have said if
you were balanced and if youwere relaxed and if you would
(41:05):
likely laugh.
Right, it's interesting howcertain times that your
boundaries get trampled, you,you know, have a different
reaction.
You know sometimes you likelaugh and then you respond with
your script.
Other times you're like thismotherfucker, you know what I
mean and I want you just torespect that you're not always
(41:25):
going to be in that place.
So it's good to you know, notreact and to find a proactive
way to handle any situation.
If somebody is just being, youknow, like just outright
obnoxious with their requests,you can set a firm boundary
without losing your energy,because you will lose energy if
(41:47):
you negatively react, becausethere's fallout and there's
repercussions, so to speak, forevery type of negative time that
you dip your energy low and youexpress that to someone, there
is going to be a negativereaction.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yeah, you brought a very.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
Negative equals negative.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Yeah, negative plus a negative is a negative.
You brought a good point.
And boundaries don'tnecessarily always have to be a
verbal response, right,sometimes boundaries is not
checking your work email duringthe weekend, right?
Not picking up the dinging onyour phone that you know the
(42:30):
minute you start checking thosemessages you're going to have a
negative reaction, right?
So again, going back, you wantto check your energy, right and
say okay, so I'm getting theseemails.
Sometimes not picking up thatphone or not responding is your
best boundary.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
Yeah, yep, non-reaction can be a boundary,
exactly.
But really ask yourself, onthat final prescription note is
like what really drained you?
And oftentimes you'll find thatit was your response that
drained you, because sometimesyou'll self-betray, sometimes
you won't show up as balanced asyou would like, or sometimes
you'll self-betray sometimes youwon't show up as balanced as
you would like, or sometimes youcan even burn bridges.
(43:08):
So really just check out whatdrained you.
Sometimes it's not the personasking you to do the thing, it's
how you responded to theirrequests.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
I want to see how you answer this question.
Do you need to set boundarieswith yourself?
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Everybody does.
Yes, of course, becauseboundaries what we talked about
in our first episode boundariesover burnout is that you need to
set your own internal boundaryfor your habits, how you conduct
your day, how you set times tostop, how you manage your time,
those types of things.
And going back to like theemotional dysregulation that
(43:47):
happens when you don't setboundaries for yourself.
So if it's okay to you know,flip out, then you will.
If it's okay to you know, drinka fifth of vodka, then you will
.
You know what I mean.
It's like the pattern can be Idon't even know.
Is that right?
Fifth vodka?
I don't even know, I don't knowI'm not a drinker.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
I don't drink fifths or vodka, so I'm good.
No fifths, no sixths, nosevenths.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
I'm like, I'm like I gotta phone a friend on that one
, anyway, but the point is isthat you have to have your
boundaries for yourself, and howyou treat yourself is a
reflection of how others willtreat you Correct.
So you set the standard.
If you set the standard foryourself, then everyone will
follow, and sometimes how thisgets wonky is that you have
(44:40):
these relationships that carrywith you throughout the years
whether it's a client thatyou've had, a longstanding
client, or it's a partner,longstanding marriage, or it's a
childhood friend or a parent isthat your boundaries change
because you change Correct, andso then you have to reset
(45:00):
boundaries, and that's why thesescripts and these prescriptions
that we gave you, these fiveprescriptions, are going to help
you.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Just stay as healthy as fucking possible when it
comes to boundaries, and that'swhy these scripts and these
prescriptions that we gave you,these five prescriptions are
going to help you just stay ashealthy as fucking possible when
it comes to boundaries, and nowis always the best time to set
or create a boundary Now.
You do it now, and if it's youcreating scripts, that's perfect
.
If it's you setting boundarieswith yourself and being okay, no
more, I'm not going to pick upthe phone, I'm not going to
(45:30):
scroll on social media, I'mgoing to go outside, start it
now.
And what that's going to do isit's going to create a pattern
of setting boundaries.
You are going to get used to it,and the people who you're
setting boundaries are alsogoing to get used to it.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Right and your relationship with yourself is so
valuable, so important, andoftentimes your saying no to
someone you think is going tocreate what Like, what's the
biggest fear.
Speaker 2 (46:05):
You know that would be something that we could ask
yeah, like when it comes alldown to it like you saying no.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
What does that mean?
The person is going to not loveyou.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
It means your self-worth is on the line.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
But the truth is is that people that respect you and
love you and know you, know,know you will really respect
that you're setting a healthyboundary for yourself and
they'll be proud of you.
You know, because it ischallenging, especially like in
society, we aren't taught this,but I want to reiterate that
(46:40):
boundaries don't push peopleaway.
They keep you from abandoningyourself.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
That is so true.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
And so the boundaries , I would argue, create the
quality of your relationship andyour life is based on the
quality of your relationship,and the most important
relationship is the relationshipyou have with yourself.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
That is correct and I will say this is that from a
person.
If I were trying to getsomething or someone to do
something that I want them to do, and they have said yes over
and over and over again, they'retelling me that I can push this
(47:19):
person beyond their limits, noproblem.
And if I need something done,and this person always gets it
done, even though it breaks themin half, I'm going to ask them
anyways, because I'm going toget what I want.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
Right.
Speaker 2 (47:32):
So we're all trying to get what we want, and the
only way that you're going toget what you want I'm going to
get what I want is if we haveproper boundaries.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
Yep.
So here's a good quoteBoundaries are the distance at
which I can love you and mesimultaneously.
Perfect, that's perfectly saidyeah, okay, so let's end with a
journal prompt.
What's one sacred?
No, you're ready to speak thisweek.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
One more time.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
What's one sacred?
No, you're ready to speak thisweek.
One more time what one sacred?
No, you're ready to speak thisweek.
I love that, and is it a sacredno to yourself?
Is it a sacred no to someoneelse?
Is it something that you reallyfeel like?
Ah, if I just.
Is it a societal no?
Where are you drawing the linefor yourself?
Speaker 2 (48:28):
That's insightful.
I'm actually going to writethat one down myself.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Okay, well, this is your journal.
Prompt Michael.
All right, All right.
Empowered Posse, we are sendingyou the highest vibrations.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
You are held.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
You are loved so.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
And you know what?
What's interesting is there'sno prescription medication for
boundaries.
Speaker 1 (48:56):
There could be there should be, there should be.
Speaker 2 (48:58):
I mean, how nice would it be to get a
prescription and open it up.
And it's boundaries.
Someone says, hold on, I needyou to do this, hold on, you
open up your little pill.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
No, that's it, boundary gummies.
Speaker 2 (49:14):
Excuse me, I just took my no medicine.
It's a no bro.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
It's a no bro.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
It's a no gummies, exactly A no gummies.
Hey, we've got to be quiet.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
That's a good idea.
Speaker 2 (49:27):
That's a good idea.
Someone's taking notes.
No gummies Done.
I love it.
So I'm doing this cleanse right.
As you know, my stomachgrumbles and I have to run to
the bathroom.
We're not going to talk anymoreabout that.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
No, Good thing, the toilet doesn't have boundaries.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
God no more ma'am, no more.
I'm doing a spring cleanse.
I'm on an AIP spring cleanseand it's rough.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
It's more than rough, it's ragged.
Luckily I'm not doing it.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Yeah, I'm doing it.
And, hi, my name is Zuri.
I'm doing a cleanse.
Hi, zuri, is that?
What I'm noticing is that mybody is resetting itself and
it's making me more aware ofsome of the things that are.
(00:54):
I haven't said no to yeah, andlike your organs have boundaries
yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
And your organs have been telling you no, no, no,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
So it's like no caffeine, no sugar, alcohol,
which I don't I'm not a drinker,but still um it's.
You know.
No stimulants like, nothinglike you can't take coffee,
ginseng or anything nothingright, um no, no green tea, like
I'm talking, no caffeine andyou're going monk, full monk I'm
going full monk and I'm on dayfour and and they always say, oh
(01:29):
, the first two days are theworst, right?
Yeah, yeah, like first threefor me so far.
Um, we'll see.
Tb, tbi, no, tbc, to becontinued oh, I don't know what
tbi means.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I I just said it.
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
To be introduced.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Sometimes my tongue doesn't have boundaries.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
No shit.
That's so true.
As the editor of this podcast,I concur.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
The boundaries are bound.
You're talking about goingagainst your own boundaries.
I have gone against my ownboundaries so much that now my
biggest boundary is like I can'tgo backwards, Right.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Well, okay, so I was getting to a point though.
Yeah, I hear you and I agree,and this adds to that.
So what I've been feeling isthat, like my body you know,
like the caffeine part of it,for example, like I had
headaches and stuff you know thetypical things when you cleanse
and I've realized like my bodyisn't really tired, there's
(02:37):
emotional things that areboundaries, that like like if I
wasn't feeding myself well, likeyeah, it's boundary baggage,
but also boundary starve, like Ihaven't been feeding myself the
right boundaries.
Therefore, I'm noticing in mycleanse like oh shit, like I
need some nutrients here.
(02:58):
So like that's why I'm sayinglike boundaries are medicine,
they're like the sweetest, mostdelicious medicine.
If it's a no, the universe isgoing to provide a way forward
for you.
Welcome to the EmpowermentCouple podcast, where your path
to self-mastery expands.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
My co-host is empowerment coach Zuri Starr.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
And he's expansion coach Mikey Starr.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Together we are the Empowerment Couple.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Our mission is simple to serve you, love, so you can
make informed decisions toregain and maintain your
personal power.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
We'll take you on a journey to a life filled with
purpose, passion and limitlesspossibilities, while sharing
stories of transformation,wellness hacks and healthy
habits backed by science andancient wisdom.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Plus, we'll keep you entertained with engaging games,
banter and funny innuendosalong the way.
Each episode is an excitingblend of education,
entertainment and empowermentdesigned to help you create a
mindset to be a magnet for morelove, happiness and abundance.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Together with our special guests.
We are dedicated to sharinginformation that empowers you to
create your most beautiful life.
A one Z in the two Z in thethree Z your most beautiful life
.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I got nothing.
I got nothing.
You're supposed to saysomething.
I forgot.
I forgot, I think, one of mylong lifelong lessons that I am
really embodying, not justlearning, but, like now,
embodying are boundaries.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
That is one of the best things that I've ever heard
you say.
I have seen you battleboundaries for decades.
Seriously, it's one of thehardest things to do out there,
but it's a life giver.
It really is.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yes, and so today we have done a different show on
boundaries, called BoundariesOver Burnout, which was like the
precursor to this show.
So this is kind of a part twoin a sense, because we're going
to talk about the healing powerof boundaries, which is going to
take it a little deeper.
So if you needed another excuseto just fucking say no, we got
(05:17):
you.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yes, and you know what?
Keep in mind boundaries are notbad things, right?
Boundaries are beautiful,beautiful things that you can
establish within whateverrelationship that you have to
have a better relationship.
You're going to say something,honey.
I was trampling on yourboundaries.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
So think of boundaries.
In this episode we're going totalk about the healing power of
boundaries, not as walls, like alot of people think of them,
but as nervous system regulation, energetic clarity and radical
self-love.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I love that radical self-love.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
It really is going to reframe boundaries from
confrontation to compassionatecalibration, and we want to
explore how setting alignedlimits can literally restore
your health, focus and freedom.
So should we get into it?
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
So what if saying no wasn't rejection but repair?
What if boundaries were themedicine your nervous system has
been waiting for?
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Then I will take that medicine over and over and over
again.
Yeah, because one of the thingsthat happens.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
A pattern that I see in my life is saying yes a bunch
and then being stressed aboutthe yes yeah system.
Response is like you knowthere's a no when somebody asks
you for something and you knowit's a no, but you betray
yourself and you abandon your noand you say yes.
(06:55):
And then you say yes out ofsome type of Obligation.
Yeah obligatory reasons or-.
Bad pattern, or it could justalso be that an instinctual
response that's part of yoursubconscious from childhood, for
example.
(07:15):
If you do this with somebodyfrom your childhood, you can
look at that and realize like,oh, that's just like what I had
to do to survive, or that's justwhat I had.
That's who I had to do tosurvive, or that's just what I
had, that's who I had to be tofit into the family dynamic, or
something like that.
So really, the point ofconfronting this is because we
want to give this a new take onall of it.
(07:39):
Right, yeah, and so today wewill be expanding on boundaries
over burnout and diving deeperinto how boundaries aren't just
protection.
They're healing frequencies andspoiler alert.
Boundaries are how you teachyour nervous system and others
what love really looks like andhow to handle you with care.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
And it's a shame that boundaries aren't taught
regularly in schools, because itwould literally open up
everyone to have a moreharmonious relationship with
other people.
Right, but we get instilled allthese bad boundaries at the
beginning of our lives and thenwe spend a good chunk of our
lives trying to reset thoseboundaries.
(08:21):
But boundaries is mostcertainly medicine.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yes, so why?
Let's talk about why boundariescan be medicine.
The nervous system andboundaries go hand in hand, and
that's something that I'velearned in this phase and
started embodying is thathealthy boundaries can reduce
cortisol and they can bring thebody out of chronic stress
(08:46):
cycles and I have a chronicstress cycle that I have
repaired recently, and so I canspeak with authority on this and
I want to tell you that withoutboundaries, your nervous system
stays in hypervigilance, whichis your fight flight fawn, and
(09:06):
so we need to make sure alwaysthat we are understanding what
boundaries are and how to setthem and how to use them as
medicine.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
So, like medicinally speaking, you're talking about
reducing your cortisol, and thatis huge, right?
So how often have you foundyourself in a stressful
situation that you said yes tothat?
You should have said no to yeah, right?
So you stack those things upand all of a sudden, you have a
habit of trampling over your ownboundaries, which will most
(09:39):
certainly have a negative impacton your body system.
So, yes, I think that a properboundary will also instill that
you keep your body in a betterregulation.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Okay, yeah, so boundaries can be messages of
safety to yourself and to others.
So that is how you want toreframe the conversation, the
internal conversation, back toself-love.
There's this study, a 2021review in Frontiers in
(10:15):
Psychology linked chronicpeople-pleasing, which is like a
fawning trauma response, withanxiety, somatic symptoms and
emotional burnout.
And so, just thinking aboutthat for a minute, how many
times are you saying yes whenit's a no, or how many times are
you trying to please someoneelse to fit their approval?
(10:37):
And the takeaway from this isthat no isn't a rejection, it's
a recalibration.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
I like what you said in regards to that 2021 study
about the things that are linkedwith it.
Anxiety, somatic symptoms,emotional burnout All three of
those could be catastrophic onyour nervous system.
Burning out is such a perverseway of doing business and a lot
(11:08):
of people will see burnout aspart of the process of doing
business when, in fact, withproper boundaries, you may not
even have to experience burnoutright.
So, yes, may not even have toexperience burnout, right?
So, yes, there's all kinds ofmedicinal effects by just
instilling some properboundaries.
(11:29):
And when those boundaries arenot established, those unclear
boundaries will have a way ofmanifesting in the body.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I mean.
So let's talk about segment two, how unclear boundaries
actually manifest in the bodyright.
So when our boundaries arebeing trampled or we don't have
boundaries in place, fatigue,resentment, anxiety, you can
develop gut issues.
You have chronic headaches.
(12:00):
There's a term called emotionaldysregulation.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Yes, let's talk about that.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
So emotional dysregulation.
You'll see when someone isbrought a scenario and their
response to that scenario isgoing to be way beyond what the
normal response is going to be.
Either they're going tooverreact or underreact, because
they don't have the opportunityto regulate their response
(12:29):
right.
It's going to be whateverthey're feeling at the time and
if they're already burnt outthey're not going to have the
opportunity to expressthemselves at a level that they
can find it's going to beunregulated.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Yeah, so what it looks like is impulsive
behaviors like yelling orsubstance abuse.
It looks like chronicirritability, like just angry
all the time or actingfrustrated or really sensitive
or defensive, difficulty calmingdown Mood swings.
(13:03):
It's very much like extremeemotional swings, so the
reaction doesn't really fit thesituation.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Exactly, and typically, when I see something
like that happen, I'm like, ohman, this person's having a bad
day or they're having a blowout,and it could be that they just
don't have proper boundaries tokeep their body regulated.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Yeah, and the main thing that you'll see come out
of this emotional dysregulationis avoidance or suppression, and
that's what leads to all kindsof problems, but a lot of times
addiction, and the causes arechildhood trauma or neglect,
attachment disruptions, chronicstress, neurological differences
, like ADHD, for example, mentalhealth conditions, so people
(13:56):
who have like depression oranxiety or bipolar, and it
matters, because if you leave itunaddressed then it can affect
your relationships, it affectsyour self-esteem, your physical
health and it can lead tounhealthy coping mechanisms,
like we said, addiction andburnout.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Yeah, and you know, burnout often stems not from too
much work but from too littleprotection.
And the protection are thoseboundaries, right?
So without that protection, youare opening yourself up to all
kinds of problems that are goingto roll out in the future.
(14:37):
So boundaries are a cue toothers about how to treat you
and to yourself about what youvalue, right?
So if you value yourself, youwill have boundaries.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Right.
So now keep in mind that yourbody remembers every.
Yes, that should have been a no, ooh Right, it remembers every-
.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Say that again.
Your body remembers every yes.
That should have been a no.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
And let me tell you on one hand- that is so true On
one hand.
I have all five of those yeses.
That should have been a no Like.
Oh, I should have said no tothis.
I should have said no to this,no to this.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yeah, they kind of flood through.
When you said that, I was like,oh, say it again, let me say it
with you.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
It's kind of scary.
It's kind of scary, but it'salso so simple.
Right, setting a boundary isnot difficult.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
You just have to do it.
I think we should play a game,because I think let's put this
into action.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
I agree and with that being said, what are we playing
?
We are playing Building BetterBoundaries.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
It's just like it sounds, yeah, yeah.
Well, the purpose of this gameis to learn, is to build better
boundaries.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Yes, yes, how did you know?
Look, look, don't ruin it forothers, right, we know that you
are a boundary-building badassRight, we know this about you
yes.
But we want to help those whoare new to building boundaries.
Okay, okay, Okay so, again, thepurpose of this game is to learn
(16:19):
how to implement a boundary inreal time, right, when it's
actually happening.
Okay, so, to ease the strain ofsetting a boundary, here are
some basic rules, right?
So begin with a firm no, no.
It could end there.
No, ho, no is a full sentence,as you said, right?
(16:41):
What do you want to?
Speaker 1 (16:43):
say about no's.
Yeah, no is a complete sentence.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
No is a complete sentence, right.
So in building boundaries, lessis more, right, so the boundary
can end with a no.
But if you feel like you needto say more, here are some
examples Right, you can say no,I'm unable right now.
Or no, I'm currently booked.
No, Thank you for thinking ofme.
Or no, Next week will be abetter fit.
(17:07):
Something where you're notapologizing Right, be a better
fit.
Something where you're notapologizing right, it's not you
trying to apologize for youractions, because you don't have
to apologize for a boundaryright.
You also have to know yourlimits, so you had to check your
energy before answering aquestion for a boundary right.
So sometimes a no, maybe a yes,based on your energy right, and
(17:29):
also be confident and assertive.
You are doing a good thing bysetting a boundary.
So if you say no like oh no, itwon't feel and have the same
effect as no.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
I think, when I first started out saying no's, that I
would always apologize oh sorry, I can't.
That I would always apologize,oh sorry, I can't.
And like because I wanted tomaintain a likability because I
was afraid of the reaction.
That's the reason why peopledon't say no is they're afraid
(18:03):
of a negative reaction or, incertain instances, I was afraid
of being pressured into sayingyes after saying no multiple
times as a woman, if you knowwhat I mean.
So the boundary setting forwomen is much different than it
is for men.
So if you're in your feminineand you're saying no, you have
(18:26):
to say no a little bit morebalanced, so that you have
masculine and feminine comingout, because otherwise you're
going to be like no, I, I justno, it's okay, you know well,
when I, when I, when I think, ofsaying no with a smile on your
face.
You know, no, no, I'm fine,thank you.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yeah, when I when I think of of either the divine
feminine or divine masculine, Isee them both as confident and
assertive.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
So, if you are confident and assertive, you
will be playing to the divineside of your energy, be it
masculine or feminine.
So I'm going to ask you fiverequests, right, and I want you
to give me a non-boundaryresponse, okay, and then a
response where you are holdingyour response, okay, and then a
response where you are holdingyour boundaries.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
And you are affirm.
No less is more.
Know your limits and beconfident.
Okay, so first one.
I know that it's Fridayafternoon, but can you generate
these performance reports forMonday's AM meeting?
Thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Okay, so my former Zuri that didn't know how to set
boundaries would be like yeah,no problem.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
And then your weekend would have been spent not
gardening or having fun, butsitting in front of your
computer.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Even though it was like fuck no, you know what I?
Mean the response is like fuckno.
But the email back is like fuckno.
You know what I mean.
The response is like fuck no.
But the email back is like yeah, sure, no problem, no worries,
got it, I'll do it.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
What's a better response?
Speaker 1 (20:01):
A better response is no, I'm at capacity, and that
doesn't align with my plans formy weekend time off.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
That's perfect.
So next one the family isgetting together tonight for
dinner.
Can you make your signaturemushroom burgers?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Hail to the no-no, to the no-no-no.
You know that sound yes.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
You're going to tell your family?
Hell, no, they're allsalivating.
Like your burgers do take time,which is why they're super good
.
And you have to be in the rightmindset.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Listen, linda if I don't have them already frozen
in the freezer.
It's a hell.
No, that's not a last minute.
Can you come over and make youknow a meal that takes three
hours?
No, I would say nicely.
I would say no, I can't becauseI don't have any frozen and I
don't have the time to createthe recipe from scratch.
(20:57):
But I would love to make themfor you next weekend.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Nice, I like that.
That's a nice response, becauseit's not a no, it's a not right
now.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Not right now.
A no, it's not, a, it's a notright now, not right now, and I
think that then, especially asyou are looking to keep your
relationship solid, a not rightnow response is sometimes the
best response, because sometimes, like, if they're asking you
for something that you alsoenjoy, like I also enjoy that,
so yeah, but I do think it wouldbe funny to have a hail to the
(21:30):
no-no.
Just like you know voicemailfor like the spam calls I get,
or like for the endless amountsof DMs that I get, and it's just
a person or just me coming upwith like my finger there.
Hail to the no-no.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Or that soundbite from Succession Fuck off, yeah,
fuck off, okay.
So the next one, number threeyou get a call from anyone
asking you can you pick me upfrom the airport.
My flight arrives at 5.30.
It doesn't matter if it's 5.30in the morning or 5.30 in the
(22:07):
afternoon.
Those both times totally suck.
So what would you do?
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Who is this?
Who's asking me this?
Just anybody.
You said anybody, Because thecontext changes, but here's what
I would say to somebody whowould be like yeah, I'll order
you a car or something, but Idon't know what if you can't.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
What If you can't?
Well, I would say no, I orsomething, but I don't know what
if you can't, what If you can'tWell.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
I would say no.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
I'm not saying like you get a call from your dad and
hey, can you pick me up at theairport.
Yeah, sure, I'm talking aboutwhen you physically can't, but
you feel obligated to do so, andthen you jump through a bunch
of hoops and you do so.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
No, there's like car services everywhere is
everywhere.
I would just say I'll call youa car service because I can't,
if I couldn't, if I could and Iwanted to, I could say sure,
what happened to, like I mightask some clarifying questions.
Like you didn't plan this homie, there wasn't a like, a thought
about your return.
I probably would, you, you know, mess with them a little bit.
But um, no, I think like if, ifsomebody needs me like a family
(23:17):
member you already know this, Ishow up.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
So yes, but it's a boundary.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
I also, I also show up with a full car picnic and
like that is true water and likedo you need to stop?
Do you want?
Do you want to take a shower?
There's this gym, you know,like I'm just over there I like
your response.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Right your response.
Do you need to stop?
Do you want to take a shower?
There's this gym.
I'm just over the top.
I like your response.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Right, your response is yes, you want to serve, but
what if you physically couldn't?
If I couldn't, then I'd justsay no, I can't.
But here's my suggestion,because I've flown into that
airport and here's how you canget to my house, or here's how
you can get to this hotel.
I would offer a solution.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Say no, I can't, but here's a solution.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Nice, okay, and I wouldn't feel bad that I
couldn't, because obviously,whoever's asking me for a flight
pickup on the same day I don'teven know, like, do you know my
schedule?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
At five 30 in the morning or five 30 in the
evening?
Do I wake up early or do I sitin traffic?
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Probably what I'd say .
I'd be like hey, mike, go pickup my dad, yeah exactly, or no?
Speaker 2 (24:14):
oh, that's today.
I thought it was yesterday.
You have to find someone else,Alright, so the next one.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
I would delegate it.
With all things on your listAutomate, delegate, eliminate.
I would delegate that one.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
So you and I, we have a deep love affair, right, we
do anything for each other.
It's Friday night, you're tiredIs?
Speaker 1 (24:37):
this part of the game .
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yeah, Friday night you're tired.
I look at you and I say, honey,my feet are killing me.
Will you grind my bunions again?
Bunions you don't have bunions?
Yes, but if I did have them,would you grind them for me?
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Grind.
You don't have bunions.
Yes, but if I did have them,would you grind them for me?
Grind your bunions.
I don't even know what's inLike.
I need a YouTube video to seewhat I'm agreeing.
Yes to.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Grind bunions.
What would be yourinappropriate boundary response
For?
Grinding my bunions honey, Iwant you to say yes, yes, yes,
master what?
Speaker 1 (25:11):
else do you want, like?
I want you to say yes, yes, yes, master, what else do you want,
like, what are you going to sayyes, I'll do anything for you.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yes, as someone who wants their feet grounded,
grinded down, that would be aresponse.
But what if you didn't want todo it?
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Well, I don't know what it is so like.
If you're talking about likecalluses or something, then I
would say I would say yes, if Ihad the energy to do it.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Or I would say I can do this at this time okay but I
don't know what grinding bunionsare, so I'm still like okay,
well, what if it was poppingpimples on my butt, cheeks,
would that be a hell?
No, or that be a a hell.
No, no, no or that be a surething I would delegate that.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
I'd be like, hey, who out there who likes popping
pimples?
Some people have a pimple,popping, kink would you?
I don't have that kink.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
I would say no.
Would you accept it or wouldyou manage your boundary?
Speaker 1 (26:15):
First of all, if you said I have pimples on my butt,
I'd be like, hey, here's thisstuff, you should use this stuff
on your butt, and I wouldprobably be like I would look
for a solution for you that didnot require me to touch your
butt pimples, let me just tellyou right now it's a no, honey,
nope.
There you go Nice and easy anda improper response would be
(26:40):
like sure and the entire timelike gagging next to your butt.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Okay, that is correct .
Sometimes also we'll say no,but we'll give all these
elaborate answers that will makethe other person feel bad.
And we're not trying to makethe other person feel bad or
good, we're trying to protectour energies.
So when someone else is in pain, as you know, or they're having
a hard time, a solid no is nice.
(27:11):
It's cut and dry.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
But if you ask me for help with anything on your body
, I would say yes, but I wouldlook for the solution of how you
can take care of your butt sothat they don't get pimples, or
you can take care of your feetso they don't get bunions, like
that's how I would approach it.
That's good for my energy andalso good for your body.
(27:35):
So that's all I'm saying isthat I would say yes because I'm
married to you and you asked mea hard question about bunion
grinding.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Okay, I'm like what the hell is this?
Actually, I have a visual of melaying on my belly and you
putting pimple patches on mybutt.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah, have a visual of me laying on my belly and you
putting pimple patches on mybutt?
Yeah, I think I would do that.
Is that?
Yep, I could do that, noproblem.
How about right after never?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Right after, never Right after dinner, we can
handle your butt pimples.
Okay so, and some of theboundaries will happen when you
want to have a conversation butyou just physically can't have a
conversation.
So if I came up to you and youwere at wit's end and I was like
, hey, we need to talk aboutwhat happened this morning, like
right now, and you couldn'ttalk about it, right now Because
(28:23):
of schedule or whatever, justemotional set point.
Whatever yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Say I don't think that's a good idea.
No, thank you.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
That's perfect.
What would be yourinappropriate response?
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Fuck you.
You better call Tyrone yeahcall him, but you can't use my
phone.
You can't use my phone.
Okay, no, carry on, he's goingto start singing.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
And this concludes Building Better Boundaries.
I hope that it will help you inthe future as you utilize your
boundaries to maintain yourhealth and stability.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Yes, so you can say no to pimple popping on butts.
No, I mean hey, listen.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
I will pop the pimples on your butt because you
got a pretty butt.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Yeah, but I don't have pimples on my butt.
Well, speaking of hygiene,let's talk about success hygiene
, because boundary setting issuccess hygiene.
And here's how it protects yourcreative bandwidth If you say
no to things that are a no.
Um.
(29:34):
It prevents emotionalcodependency, because then
you're not like totally maxedout and burned out and looking
for somebody to be your crutchum.
It filters alignedopportunities I.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
I think all three of those are really, really
powerful.
But I want to focus in on thewhole protect your creative
bandwidth, because I feel likethat's huge for a lot of our
clients.
Right, we have a lot of highoutput clients and when they are
true to themselves and theyprotect their energy and they
utilize their boundaries, theyhave full access to their
(30:11):
creative powers.
But a lot of our clients aren'tdoing that.
Right, a lot of their clientsare saying yes to things they
shouldn't say yes to andtherefore, when they're looking
at their productivity, they'rescratching their heads like why
can't I reach that level?
Why can't I connect with thatcreative idea?
It's probably because yourbandwidth is so constricted by
(30:32):
all the negativity that you'reholding in your body because
you're saying yes to things youshould say no to.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Yeah, I have a client that doesn't turn off her phone
you know, and so she'sconstantly on call.
And I explained that to her andI was like are you a nurse?
Because if you're not a nurse,you're not on call.
And so if you are a coach,you're not on call as a coach.
So you have to set your officehours, you have to set your time
, you have to set your focusblocks and make certain times
(31:00):
your time.
Nothing else comes in betweenyou and that specific focus, and
that makes a huge difference.
So I like to say to my clientsif you want to scale your life
or your business, scale yourboundaries first.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
And they have to be first right, Because it's like
training a dog right.
The longer you have the dog, anold dog doesn't learn new
tricks, right?
So if you're meeting some newclient from the very first time,
and your boundaries are setfrom the very beginning, you
probably won't have any problemsbecause that boundary is going
(31:38):
to show you and that otherperson how you guys want to do
business.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
And I'll spare all the details, but it happened to
me last week where I had tointeract with somebody as part
of a thing that I agreed to doand I didn't have to interact
with that person, but for somereason I kept interacting with
(32:02):
that person and I just simplyasked the people in charge, like
can I just interact with you?
And an earlier version of mewouldn't have even asked for
that.
But if it's not an energeticalignment or if it's draining
your energy, when you arelooking to get an outcome from
the situation, it's okay to sayI'm not really aligned with that
(32:23):
person and know like yourenergetic response is your
boundaries, kind of screamingyeah and saying like, hey, my
body clinches up when I'm aroundthis person, my body doesn't
rest, my body feels like it'sgoing to be under attack of some
sort, and sometimes it's likepeople have nervous energy and
(32:46):
they act really weird around you.
That's not a good match for meif I am looking to regenerate or
looking to heal.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
What you said makes me feel like the whole filtering
aligned opportunities.
That's exactly what you did.
So there are alwaysopportunities coming at you and
it's up to you to say yes tosome and no to others.
And and when you say yes to theones that mean that resonate
with your body and no to theones that do not, it allows you
(33:18):
again to have more healing, morebandwidth, more connectivity,
more of what you're actuallyseeking.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
This is also why you and I have applications to work
with us, because there's anenergetic sequence and signature
that everyone produces, even ina form.
You can see things like howthey narrate, you can feel what
they're feeling same with likeapplying to be on the show.
You know it's like if there'san energetic frequency, that's a
(33:46):
match.
It's okay to say yes, this isand no, this is not a match,
correct, and there are plenty ofyeses and nos that you're going
to experience as any type ofbusiness leader.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
And let me tell you, you will be doing, whoever you
apply the boundary to, a massivefavor by that boundary.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Right.
So because, yeah, nobody wantsto be around you if your energy
is crappy.
Exactly so.
It's like it's a win-win.
Everyone wins if you know howto align yourself energetically.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
And we all know those individuals who are literally
like doormats right, they haveno boundaries, they get trampled
all over and they spend theirtime complaining about how much
people trample over them whenthey themselves don't have
boundaries.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Right, and they're creating it.
And then you create more of itand you create more people like
that when you are complainingabout it.
It's a whole thing that cycleabsolutely has to be broken,
correct.
So let's talk about boundarymedicine prescriptions.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Ooh, prescribe me a boundary.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
So we're going to give you five prescriptions from
Dr Zuri and Dr Michael,everybody on board with us,
metaphorically speaking, ofcourse, because I am no doctor.
Number one is say no withoutover-explaining.
On board with us,metaphorically speaking, of
course, because I am no doctor.
Number one is say no withoutover-explaining.
This is just bringing it backto what I always say let no be a
(35:11):
full sentence.
This reduces all of yournervous system stress.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
And it also makes it nice and easy because, again, a
no could literally you can sayno and then rest in the
enjoyment of saying no, that'sit, you're done.
You can also use somatic cues.
Basically, your body is lettingyou know whether or not
something is right for you.
You have your body's yes or noswitch in your gut.
That gut feeling will let youknow if something is right for
you.
You can also do muscle testing.
That is a quick way of testingwhether or not your energy is in
(35:51):
alignment with whatever it isthat you're being asked to do.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Yeah.
So that was number two, becauseyour gut knows before your
mouth does.
So trust your gut.
That's what people mean.
You get that little feelinglike, oh, I don't want to do
that.
Trust it.
Number three is presetboundaries and safe times.
So I like to do this.
This has been really helpfulfor me.
(36:16):
There's a couple people who liketo boundary creep.
I call them the boundarycreepers.
It's that I have some presetboundary scripts.
They're just like littleone-liners so that I can A stay
consistent and also I don't haveto think about it.
When it's a no, I can just copyand paste it, whether it's like
(36:36):
a text or a Slack or an email.
Back is that I have that ready.
For example, I don't take callsafter this, or these are my
office hours no, I can't.
These are my office hours, orI'm at capacity Can't do that
today or something like that,and that really helps me.
(36:56):
And also, like I have my teamsay that for me sometimes,
because it's like that's a no,there's no way I'm doing that.
Because it's like that's a no,there's no way I'm doing that.
And it's nice.
You know, people ask and it'sokay that they're asking
sometimes, but oftentimes it'sthose boundary creepers you need
to have a set script for sothat, A you don't get triggered
(37:18):
and get into the emotionalspiral with them of like, no,
I'm going to defend myself anddon't you see how much I'm doing
for you, and you get into thislike hurt body victim
conversation where you can justbe like, oh no, here's my script
for that person.
That person always wants totrample my boundaries, so here's
what I have for them.
It's like signage.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Exactly.
We have a neighbor who we love,we totally love, but he is a
talker, right.
So when I go over to his houseI always say, hey, I got about
20 minutes.
I have a quick question for you, right?
Or I'm going to drop somethingoff at the mailbox in just a few
(38:01):
minutes, but I want to chatwith you, right?
So I'm letting this person knowin advance that I have a time
limit to this conversation andif that doesn't happen, 40
minutes will pass and we'llstill be talking about whatever
he decides to talk about yeah,and in business terms, like you
know, you can say, like I have ahard stop, Like if you know
somebody is going to takeadvantage of their time.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
You know, like you can set the hard stop if that
works for you.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Yeah, if you're dealing with a family member
that you're not really wantingto have a call set a time, hey,
let's have a conversationbetween 9 and 10 tonight.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Right, right.
Okay, so next prescription.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Next prescription is energetic boundaries, which is
exactly what we're talking about.
Right?
So visualize a protective fieldaround your body, right?
So when you're havingconversations, you want to
generate a feeling of calmness.
Right, and that will also helpyou recognize when those
boundaries, when you need toactually utilize one of those
(38:59):
boundaries, and you can do so ina calm and collective manner.
Also, journal, right?
So journal what's yours andwhat's not yours.
So, as you are going into theseconversations, when you journal
the emotions that are yours andthe emotions that are someone
(39:20):
else's, then you know ifsomething comes up, you know
what it is right.
You're not going to besurprised if you suddenly feel
an extreme pressure to say yes,when in fact, that extreme
pressure isn't yours, it'ssomeone else's, right?
So kind of-.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Yeah, because, like maybe you're people pleasing.
So, like knowing what's yours,like what you're bringing to the
table and what they're bringingto the table, maybe what issues
that they might have, and viceversa, you can create a
protective field.
Yeah, correct Number five wouldbe boundary check-ins weekly.
So this is where you sit withyourself and you say, you ask,
(40:00):
you ask yourself self, whatdrained me this week and what do
I need to reinforce?
And so, going back to thescripts, there was a situation a
couple weeks ago.
See, guys, I am your testproduct.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Oh, yeah, boundaries are a never-ending.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Boundaries are never-ending, especially if you
are very busy.
It just comes with theterritory and if you're in high
demand, it's a never-ending,especially if you are very busy.
It just comes with theterritory and if you're in high
demand, it's a never-endingboundary.
I recommend not answeringmessages when your boundaries
(40:40):
get trampled in a major way on aholiday.
I recommend don't do thatbecause a version of you is
going to come out that is goingto be defensive, angry,
frustrated, a version of youthat you wouldn't have said if
you were balanced and if youwere relaxed and if you would
(41:05):
likely laugh.
Right, it's interesting howcertain times that your
boundaries get trampled, you,you know, have a different
reaction.
You know sometimes you likelaugh and then you respond with
your script.
Other times you're like thismotherfucker, you know what I
mean and I want you just torespect that you're not always
(41:25):
going to be in that place.
So it's good to you know, notreact and to find a proactive
way to handle any situation.
If somebody is just being, youknow, like just outright
obnoxious with their requests,you can set a firm boundary
without losing your energy,because you will lose energy if
(41:47):
you negatively react, becausethere's fallout and there's
repercussions, so to speak, forevery type of negative time that
you dip your energy low and youexpress that to someone, there
is going to be a negativereaction.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yeah, you brought a very.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
Negative equals negative.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Yeah, negative plus a negative is a negative.
You brought a good point.
And boundaries don'tnecessarily always have to be a
verbal response, right,sometimes boundaries is not
checking your work email duringthe weekend, right?
Not picking up the dinging onyour phone that you know the
(42:30):
minute you start checking thosemessages you're going to have a
negative reaction, right?
So again, going back, you wantto check your energy, right and
say okay, so I'm getting theseemails.
Sometimes not picking up thatphone or not responding is your
best boundary.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
Yeah, yep, non-reaction can be a boundary,
exactly.
But really ask yourself, onthat final prescription note is
like what really drained you?
And oftentimes you'll find thatit was your response that
drained you, because sometimesyou'll self-betray, sometimes
you won't show up as balanced asyou would like, or sometimes
you'll self-betray sometimes youwon't show up as balanced as
you would like, or sometimes youcan even burn bridges.
(43:08):
So really just check out whatdrained you.
Sometimes it's not the personasking you to do the thing, it's
how you responded to theirrequests.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
I want to see how you answer this question.
Do you need to set boundarieswith yourself?
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Everybody does.
Yes, of course, becauseboundaries what we talked about
in our first episode boundariesover burnout is that you need to
set your own internal boundaryfor your habits, how you conduct
your day, how you set times tostop, how you manage your time,
those types of things.
And going back to like theemotional dysregulation that
(43:47):
happens when you don't setboundaries for yourself.
So if it's okay to you know,flip out, then you will.
If it's okay to you know, drinka fifth of vodka, then you will
.
You know what I mean.
It's like the pattern can be Idon't even know.
Is that right?
Fifth vodka?
I don't even know, I don't knowI'm not a drinker.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
I don't drink fifths or vodka, so I'm good.
No fifths, no sixths, nosevenths.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
I'm like, I'm like I gotta phone a friend on that one
, anyway, but the point is isthat you have to have your
boundaries for yourself, and howyou treat yourself is a
reflection of how others willtreat you Correct.
So you set the standard.
If you set the standard foryourself, then everyone will
follow, and sometimes how thisgets wonky is that you have
(44:40):
these relationships that carrywith you throughout the years
whether it's a client thatyou've had, a longstanding
client, or it's a partner,longstanding marriage, or it's a
childhood friend or a parent isthat your boundaries change
because you change Correct, andso then you have to reset
(45:00):
boundaries, and that's why thesescripts and these prescriptions
that we gave you, these fiveprescriptions, are going to help
you.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Just stay as healthy as fucking possible when it
comes to boundaries, and that'swhy these scripts and these
prescriptions that we gave you,these five prescriptions are
going to help you just stay ashealthy as fucking possible when
it comes to boundaries, and nowis always the best time to set
or create a boundary Now.
You do it now, and if it's youcreating scripts, that's perfect
.
If it's you setting boundarieswith yourself and being okay, no
more, I'm not going to pick upthe phone, I'm not going to
(45:30):
scroll on social media, I'mgoing to go outside, start it
now.
And what that's going to do isit's going to create a pattern
of setting boundaries.
You are going to get used to it,and the people who you're
setting boundaries are alsogoing to get used to it.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Right and your relationship with yourself is so
valuable, so important, andoftentimes your saying no to
someone you think is going tocreate what Like, what's the
biggest fear.
Speaker 2 (46:05):
You know that would be something that we could ask
yeah, like when it comes alldown to it like you saying no.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
What does that mean?
The person is going to not loveyou.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
It means your self-worth is on the line.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
But the truth is is that people that respect you and
love you and know you, know,know you will really respect
that you're setting a healthyboundary for yourself and
they'll be proud of you.
You know, because it ischallenging, especially like in
society, we aren't taught this,but I want to reiterate that
(46:40):
boundaries don't push peopleaway.
They keep you from abandoningyourself.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
That is so true.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
And so the boundaries , I would argue, create the
quality of your relationship andyour life is based on the
quality of your relationship,and the most important
relationship is the relationshipyou have with yourself.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
That is correct and I will say this is that from a
person.
If I were trying to getsomething or someone to do
something that I want them to do, and they have said yes over
and over and over again, they'retelling me that I can push this
(47:19):
person beyond their limits, noproblem.
And if I need something done,and this person always gets it
done, even though it breaks themin half, I'm going to ask them
anyways, because I'm going toget what I want.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
Right.
Speaker 2 (47:32):
So we're all trying to get what we want, and the
only way that you're going toget what you want I'm going to
get what I want is if we haveproper boundaries.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
Yep.
So here's a good quoteBoundaries are the distance at
which I can love you and mesimultaneously.
Perfect, that's perfectly saidyeah, okay, so let's end with a
journal prompt.
What's one sacred?
No, you're ready to speak thisweek.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
One more time.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
What's one sacred?
No, you're ready to speak thisweek.
One more time what one sacred?
No, you're ready to speak thisweek.
I love that, and is it a sacredno to yourself?
Is it a sacred no to someoneelse?
Is it something that you reallyfeel like?
Ah, if I just.
Is it a societal no?
Where are you drawing the linefor yourself?
Speaker 2 (48:28):
That's insightful.
I'm actually going to writethat one down myself.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Okay, well, this is your journal.
Prompt Michael.
All right, All right.
Empowered Posse, we are sendingyou the highest vibrations.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
You are held.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
You are loved so.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
And you know what?
What's interesting is there'sno prescription medication for
boundaries.
Speaker 1 (48:56):
There could be there should be, there should be.
Speaker 2 (48:58):
I mean, how nice would it be to get a
prescription and open it up.
And it's boundaries.
Someone says, hold on, I needyou to do this, hold on, you
open up your little pill.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
No, that's it, boundary gummies.
Speaker 2 (49:14):
Excuse me, I just took my no medicine.
It's a no bro.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
It's a no bro.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
It's a no gummies, exactly A no gummies.
Hey, we've got to be quiet.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
That's a good idea.
Speaker 2 (49:27):
That's a good idea.
Someone's taking notes.
No gummies Done.
I love it.
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