October 16, 2025 • 28 mins
If your “gut feeling” keeps talking you out of the life you want, it might not be intuition at all—it might be old pain in a clever disguise. We sat down to unravel decision distortion, the quiet way unprocessed experiences hijack your choices and stall your momentum. From playful banter to straight talk, we map the gap between what your head knows and what your nervous system will allow, and we show how to close it without burning out or blowing up your relationships.
We start by separating fear from intuition, then dig into the brain science that makes sticky patterns feel inevitable. The amygdala flags danger in a split second, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex leans on emotional memories, and suddenly you’re ghosting instead of setting a boundary or delaying a launch that’s already ready. You’ll learn the telltale signs pain is steering—overthinking simple choices, crowdsourcing your truth, waiting for perfect conditions—and a simple question to recalibrate fast: am I choosing from power or from pain?
To make this practical, we share a regulate first, decide second framework you can use before any big move. We play a rapid-fire game—Pain Choice or Power Choice—to model what aligned action sounds like in real life, from ending obligatory friendships to pivoting a misaligned business. Along the way, we offer metaphors you won’t forget: record grooves, deep wood grains, and how renaming a pattern can rewrite its script. If you’re ready to trade indecision paralysis for embodied leadership, you’ll walk away with tools to pause, calm your system, and act from your present truth.
Want support building that muscle? Grab this kit:
Decision Detox: The Clarity Rewiring Kit
A transformational clarity kit for soul-led leaders and creatives who are tired of overthinking, second-guessing, and making choices from past pain. This is your energetic reset + decision recalibration ritual.
🎧 Decision Detox Activation (Audio)
🧠 Empowered Decision Matrix (PDF)
🌬️ Energetic Calibration Chart (PDF)
🎧 Return to Power: Guided Meditation (Audio)
🗺️ Empowered Decision Workbook (PDF)
🔊 Affirmation Activation: Clarity Edition (PDF)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_03 (00:00):
What?
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Can I record that one?
SPEAKER_03 (00:02):
Stop wanting to record me.
SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
That face was nice.
Okay, do it again.
SPEAKER_04 (00:11):
Nope.
The second time I was mimickingthat you coughed like crazy and
then didn't cover your mouth.
SPEAKER_01 (00:18):
You know what?
SPEAKER_04 (00:19):
You know what?
SPEAKER_01 (00:20):
I just realized what's happening.
SPEAKER_04 (00:21):
What's happening?
SPEAKER_01 (00:23):
You're happy.
You're like happy happy.
I haven't seen you like happyhappy in I don't know, a week or
two.
About a week or two.
Right?
But like happy, happy, likeglowing happy.
So something is going on becauseyou're super animated.
(00:44):
And it's like everything comingout coming out of your mouth is
is funny and sassy.
SPEAKER_04 (00:49):
Right?
And everything coming out ofyour mouth is little tiny and a
little bit off.
No, just kidding.
SPEAKER_00 (00:57):
I'm over here shuffling over compliments.
You're giving me kicks in theballs.
SPEAKER_04 (01:05):
Welcome to the Empowerment Couple Podcast for
the lovers, leaders, and legacybuilders ready to rise.
We're Zuri and Michael Starr,your favorite empowerment
coaches, partners in life, love,and leveling up.
SPEAKER_01 (01:18):
This show is your sanctuary for soul aligned
success in a world drowning inburnout, broke mindsets, and
relationship drama.
SPEAKER_04 (01:25):
Each week, we'll bring you real talk, radical
tools, and sacred strategiesacross our four transformational
pillars wellness mastery, wealthexpansion, sacred relationships,
and embodied leadership.
SPEAKER_01 (01:38):
We'll guide you to lead from your soul desire and
create meaningful impact withoutsacrificing your wellness.
Plus, this season we're bringingon powerful guests, playing
laugh out loud games, andsharing unfiltered stories that
will challenge your beliefs andamplify your energy.
SPEAKER_04 (01:56):
So if you're ready to regulate your nervous system,
elevate your relationships, andrewire your life for magnetic
love, wealth, and purpose, hitfollow and join our empowered
posse.
It's time to rise into your mostbeautiful life.
SPEAKER_01 (02:09):
Your most beautiful let's do it together.
One, two, three.
Your most beautiful life.
(02:34):
I know.
It's because I'm happy.
You're happy.
And we have a higher, aheightened level of energy that
is hard to contain.
Especially when we are talkingabout something as you know, as
uh prominent, uh prominent aspain and patterns, and how pain
and patterns have their way withus.
SPEAKER_00 (02:56):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (02:57):
One thing if we're if we're having a conversation
about like, you know, lovelanguages or something.
SPEAKER_03 (03:06):
But so happy I'm married.
SPEAKER_01 (03:09):
You can't even like have a conversation right now
because you're so twitter-pated.
SPEAKER_04 (03:12):
Twitter pated?
SPEAKER_01 (03:13):
It's like it's spring, but it's not spring.
SPEAKER_04 (03:16):
You know, listen.
SPEAKER_01 (03:17):
You're going through a spring.
SPEAKER_04 (03:18):
I am going through my own spring.
You're right.
SPEAKER_01 (03:23):
So from the springy the springs of Zuri, and we're
talking about, you know, not thephysical springs, but the um you
know, the metaphysical springs.
From those metaph metaphysicalsprings.
What is Zuri going to producefor the world right now?
SPEAKER_04 (03:40):
Listen, it's year of the wood snake, and it's been a
doozy for me in a lot of ways,and it's also been
transformational.
And it's been yeah, I'm justreally going through it.
So on a personal level, reallygoing through it, and I'm
excited about this episodebecause I know that the quality
(04:01):
of your decisions creates thequality of your life.
SPEAKER_01 (04:08):
Indeed.
SPEAKER_04 (04:09):
Well, I have a lot of clients right now that are
feeling snake wood snakerepercussions, and um, they are
very stuck in indecision, andthey are haunted by the fear of
making a wrong move.
So it's like they're just inindecision paralysis.
(04:31):
If this sounds like you, it istime for a reset.
SPEAKER_01 (04:35):
It is time for a reset indeed.
SPEAKER_04 (04:37):
Yeah, because like I said, the quality of your life
is based on the quality of yourdecisions.
If you're making desperatedecisions, they cannot create a
delicious outcome.
Never not once have I seen it.
Sometimes we confuse our fear asa sign or a red flag, or worse,
(04:58):
we confuse it as intuition.
And I'm here to tell you thatintuition is not the same as
fear.
SPEAKER_01 (05:07):
No.
SPEAKER_04 (05:08):
What if your intuition, quote unquote, that
you think is intuition, isn'tyour truth, but your trauma in
disguise?
SPEAKER_01 (05:17):
Trauma in disguise.
Trauma needs to be dealt with.
Sometimes it has to put on adisguise in order to be dealt
with, right?
SPEAKER_04 (05:23):
So it usually shows up like making bad dysregulated
decisions.
SPEAKER_01 (05:28):
Correct.
You're not indecisive, you'rejust protecting yourself from
reliving a pain your nervoussystem hasn't processed yet,
right?
You have to be willing to healthe past patterns so that you
can rewire a new one.
SPEAKER_04 (05:43):
Yes.
Because the moment you startmaking decisions from pain
instead of power, youunknowingly recreate the very
patterns you're trying to breakfree from.
SPEAKER_01 (05:53):
That's right.
Whether it's choosing a partner,launching a business, uh setting
a boundary, or walking away fromwhat no longer fits, your past
pain will steer your presentdecisions if it remains
unhealed.
SPEAKER_04 (06:08):
So today we're talking about decision
distortion.
How the unprocessed emotionalresidue from your past is
quietly sabotaging the futureyou say you want.
SPEAKER_01 (06:20):
So let's break this down, right?
Most people don't realize thatthey're stuck in a trauma loop
decision matrix, right?
They think there's they'remaking empowered choices when
really they're just trying toavoid a past wound being
reactivated.
Here's a little neurosciencemoment for you.
When you experience emotionalpain, your amygdala stores that
(06:44):
memory as a survival imprint.
So when a similar situationarises, even if it's not
dangerous, your body floods withstress chemicals and says, Nope,
don't go there.
Right?
This happens in 0.25 secondsbefore you can logically assess
the situation.
So it's kind of automatic.
Yeah.
Right.
So pain teaches you to shrink,whereas healing teaches you to
(07:09):
choose.
SPEAKER_04 (07:10):
Say that again.
SPEAKER_01 (07:11):
Pain teaches you to shrink.
Healing teaches you to choose.
And let me tell you, pain orshrinking is not comfortable at
all.
SPEAKER_04 (07:20):
No, no, no, no.
And usually equals a lot ofregret.
SPEAKER_01 (07:26):
It's as if you shrink yourself, but your pain
grows.
SPEAKER_04 (07:32):
Yeah, years ago, I stayed in a business partnership
for far too long because I wasafraid to recreate the rupture
of a past betrayal.
My decisions weren't from truth.
They were from fear.
And because of that, I keptignoring red flags and bypassing
my own inner knowing.
SPEAKER_01 (07:51):
Yeah.
Well, the same thing happenedwith me with visibility, right?
I used to delay posting contentor stepping up to lead because
of past moments where I felthumiliated or misunderstood.
And it wasn't me hesitating, itwas an old wound leading my
path, right?
Making me do what it wanted meto do.
(08:12):
So if you're always trying toavoid a past pain, you'll keep
building futures that you don'twant.
SPEAKER_04 (08:19):
Right.
Because the things that you dowant are going to require you to
heal your past pain.
SPEAKER_01 (08:26):
Correct.
SPEAKER_04 (08:27):
And you'll you'll find yourself in a healing
spiral.
SPEAKER_01 (08:31):
It's like the dissonance trap.
SPEAKER_04 (08:32):
Or a maze.
Sometimes it feels like a maze.
Um, so yeah, it's like thedissonance trap dissonance trap
why your head says one thing andyour body says another.
SPEAKER_05 (08:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (08:44):
So have you ever said to yourself, I know what I
should do, but I can't seem todo it.
SPEAKER_01 (08:50):
I on a regular yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (08:53):
I think a lot of people experience this, um,
especially in the early healingphases.
But do you still experiencethat?
SPEAKER_01 (09:00):
Um, only when I'm doing stuff that I don't want to
do, like cleaning up of my dogs.
I'm like, uh, I should do this,but I I really don't want to.
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04 (09:08):
So yeah, you're still you're still
procrastinating.
That's that's moreprocrastination.
That's less like there arecertain things that you have to
do.
SPEAKER_01 (09:16):
Yeah.
Yeah.
But you know, just usinglaundry.
On a on a micro moment, that'sthat's one of those, like, oh, I
don't really want to do it.
SPEAKER_04 (09:23):
Okay.
Well, that feeling of I knowwhat I should do.
Let's take it for like, youknow, something large, but I
can't seem to do it, you know,whether it's launching a
business or you know, ending arelationship or starting a
relationship or saying yes,finishing the last act of my
story.
(09:44):
Yeah, your screenplay or um, youknow, following through with
your childhood dream.
Um, that's decision dissonance.
So when your logic is at warwith your nervous system, a lot
of times people call itresistance, and it's part of
that, but it's really like yourbrain knows what to do, but your
(10:06):
your nervous system is just sodysregulated that it can't allow
you to act, right?
It's that's it it is resisting.
Um, there's an important umfactoid that I want to share.
SPEAKER_05 (10:22):
Okay.
SPEAKER_04 (10:22):
So the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, which governs
decision making, is directlyconnected to emotional memory
centers in the brain.
So this is why this makes sense.
So when your past hurt hasn'tbeen integrated, your decisions
will feel unclear, even if thedata makes sense.
SPEAKER_01 (10:41):
Totally.
SPEAKER_04 (10:42):
So your body is keeping the score and it also
holds the veto power over yournext decision.
SPEAKER_01 (10:48):
And that veto, that veto is powerful.
Like when your body says no, itmeans no.
SPEAKER_04 (10:55):
Yeah, when it's a full body no, you have to check
to see is it fear or is it um,you know, like power, you know,
where you're like, oh no, thisis this is just not the right,
right way to go.
And sometimes it's veryconfusing.
That's why you have to getstill, you have to get quiet,
you gotta you gotta assess.
SPEAKER_01 (11:14):
Yeah.
So let's assess how to tell ifpain is leading your choices,
right?
Yeah, choices.
The choices.
SPEAKER_04 (11:22):
There's a little Larry Mo be curly for you.
SPEAKER_01 (11:26):
I like I like to get through hard things with with
humor.
SPEAKER_03 (11:30):
We we'd be doing it on the regular.
SPEAKER_01 (11:32):
On the regular.
So again, let's let's assess howto tell if your pain is leading
your choices, right?
Okay.
So let's map the signs, right?
So if you are overthinkingsimple decisions, there's a
problem, right?
You're if you're always waitingfor the perfect moment, or if
you replay old failures beforetaking action, uh, if you've not
(11:53):
before, uh if you ask fivepeople for their opinion before
trusting your own gut, that's aproblem.
Uh, if you say yes when you meanno, um, or if you avoid change
even if you are miserable,right?
Staying in that relationship orthat job, right?
So if you are doing any of thosethings, there is a solid chance
(12:16):
that you are still allowing yourpain to govern your future.
SPEAKER_04 (12:20):
Right.
And you're giving your internalvoice, you're not giving your
internal voice a space to beheard.
And also you're giving away yourthe authority of like other
people making the choice, otherpeople, you know, are smarter
than you, like you're reallyself-abandoning.
SPEAKER_01 (12:40):
Correct.
And then it leaves you, youknow, desperate or confused, or
you know, and I and I want tosay you're not confused, you're
simply dysregulated.
SPEAKER_04 (12:52):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:52):
Right?
So it's it's not a confusion,it's just your nervous system
needs to be checked andregulated.
SPEAKER_04 (12:59):
Yes.
Yep.
And so let's talk about how tomake the shift from pattern
repetition to patternrecalibration.
The truth is, if you want newoutcomes, you need to have a new
operating system.
One that isn't coded in fear,self-doubt, or people pleasing.
SPEAKER_01 (13:19):
Which means we have to pause, regulate, and then
re-choose, right?
We heal first and decide second.
SPEAKER_04 (13:28):
Yes, say it again.
SPEAKER_01 (13:29):
So we heal first and then decide second.
Right.
So here's a question to askyourself before each major
decision, right?
Am I choosing this from power orfrom pain?
And listen to what your bodysays.
SPEAKER_04 (13:45):
And then you want to trust the truth, not the
trigger.
So whatever your body says, youwant to trust the truth, not the
trigger.
SPEAKER_01 (13:55):
And empowered decisions don't just change your
life, they they end yourpatterns, and that's what we
want to do.
We want you to be in cr in fullcontrol of your patterns,
especially those pain patterns.
SPEAKER_04 (14:07):
They end your pain patterns.
SPEAKER_01 (14:09):
Correct.
SPEAKER_04 (14:09):
Yes.
All right, let's play a game,lock it in with some fun.
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
Oh, I'm I'm I'm down to giggle.
Let's do this.
SPEAKER_04 (14:15):
All right, so here's our game for today.
Drum, please.
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (14:24):
Is that it?
SPEAKER_04 (14:24):
Yeah, that's that's good.
I can't I have the ability toadd in sounds.
SPEAKER_01 (14:29):
Oh.
SPEAKER_04 (14:29):
I'm the I'm the producer.
SPEAKER_01 (14:31):
You know what you should do is you should do a
little mini clip of my drum rolland like draw it out for like at
least a minute or two to buildsome tension.
SPEAKER_04 (14:38):
Yeah, I'm sure people would love to listen to
that for a minute.
SPEAKER_01 (14:41):
Oh, dude.
I you know what?
Let's swap.
I can produce.
What's that?
SPEAKER_02 (14:48):
That is probably the most evil laugh that came out of
your mouth in like months.
SPEAKER_03 (14:57):
Having fun already in this game.
SPEAKER_02 (14:59):
Jesus.
SPEAKER_03 (15:00):
Yeah, let's let Mike produce.
SPEAKER_01 (15:03):
Hey, wait a minute.
SPEAKER_04 (15:04):
I think you could do a great job.
SPEAKER_01 (15:06):
I would do a fantastic job.
SPEAKER_04 (15:07):
If you did it.
Ooh.
Ooh.
SPEAKER_01 (15:13):
You're lucky you don't have a bra beneath there.
I know what you're gonna do.
You get me all upset, and thenyou're gonna flash me, and I'll
be like, oh, okay, whatever.
SPEAKER_00 (15:22):
I'm gonna veto his his unhappiness.
Okay, let's play this game.
SPEAKER_04 (15:28):
Oh, I would never do that.
Exactly.
Oh, just stretching light.
SPEAKER_02 (15:38):
You just gave it the nipple wink.
SPEAKER_04 (15:41):
Okay, we're gonna play a game called Pain Choice
or Power Choice.
SPEAKER_01 (15:48):
Okay.
And what's the what how doesthis game work?
SPEAKER_04 (15:51):
This game works by uh some fict fictional scenarios
with some fictitious characters.
SPEAKER_01 (15:57):
Oh.
SPEAKER_04 (15:57):
And you're gonna tell me if they are making a
pain choice or a power choice.
SPEAKER_01 (16:03):
Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_04 (16:04):
Okay, and if you want, you can weigh in on on why
you think that is so.
SPEAKER_01 (16:09):
Check.
Okay.
SPEAKER_04 (16:10):
So pain or power and why.
Okay.
Yeah?
Ready?
SPEAKER_01 (16:13):
What do we got?
SPEAKER_04 (16:14):
Ready to hit this?
SPEAKER_01 (16:14):
Alright, here we go.
SPEAKER_04 (16:15):
Okay, here's your fictitious scenario.
Barney ghosted instead ofexpressing a boundary.
SPEAKER_01 (16:23):
Barney.
SPEAKER_04 (16:24):
Barney.
SPEAKER_01 (16:25):
I would say Barney is using more of his pain and
less of his power.
SPEAKER_03 (16:30):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (16:31):
And if I were Barney, I would try not to avoid
conflict from past hurt byleaning in, you know, being
non-Barney.
SPEAKER_02 (16:42):
Like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03 (16:43):
Being non-Barney.
SPEAKER_02 (16:44):
Being on Bar being being less.
I don't know.
SPEAKER_03 (16:52):
Losing your idea.
I don't know.
Being mom Barney.
I love you.
I love you so much.
Listen, if I were like what?
SPEAKER_02 (17:02):
If I were Barney, if I were Barney.
SPEAKER_03 (17:04):
I were Barney.
SPEAKER_02 (17:05):
If I were Barney.
SPEAKER_03 (17:06):
I'd be less Barney.
SPEAKER_02 (17:07):
I'd be less Barney.
I'd be less Barney.
Listen, listen.
SPEAKER_03 (17:13):
Listen to me, Linda.
SPEAKER_01 (17:14):
You can't avoid conflict from the past, right?
You can't, you, you, you can'tavoid it.
You have to deal with it.
SPEAKER_03 (17:20):
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01 (17:20):
So if Barney dealt with it, it would probably be a
more powerful move because hewouldn't have to ghost.
He could just use hisboundaries.
SPEAKER_04 (17:29):
He'd probably still be with Betty.
SPEAKER_01 (17:31):
He might be with Betty.
SPEAKER_04 (17:32):
He might be with Betty if he had just decided to,
you know, express a boundary andtalk about it and be like, hey,
this is how I need things toroll, Betty.
SPEAKER_01 (17:45):
I think Betty would have been like, yes, I'm down,
but Betty, now Betty getsghosted.
SPEAKER_04 (17:49):
Betty got ghosted.
Okay, so here's anotherfictitious scenario.
Fred pivoted his business whenit no longer aligned.
Is that a power move or a painmove?
SPEAKER_01 (18:06):
You know what?
Fred, he he went from Frederickto that one.
That was a powerful mood.
Powerful move.
SPEAKER_03 (18:13):
He fucking leveled up.
SPEAKER_01 (18:14):
Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_03 (18:15):
Frederick.
SPEAKER_01 (18:16):
Yes, Frederick is now, he's he's choosing uh his
his own present truth.
SPEAKER_04 (18:21):
Yep, he's choosing choosing from the present truth.
I love that.
Okay, cool.
Good job, Frederick.
SPEAKER_01 (18:26):
You want to be a Frederick.
SPEAKER_04 (18:27):
You wanna be a Frederick.
Okay.
Um, here's another scenario.
Celine stayed in a friendshipout of guilt.
SPEAKER_01 (18:40):
Celine's pain or power.
Celine, Celine, that is pain,honey.
Celine.
SPEAKER_04 (18:46):
Don't do that.
SPEAKER_01 (18:47):
Oh, what should Celine do?
SPEAKER_04 (18:49):
Well, Celine is likely avoiding an abandonment
wound.
So she is staying in obligatoryrelationships because she feels
like, oh, I better not likeruffle the feathers of this
relationship because if I do,then I will be alone.
(19:10):
And if you have an abandonmentabandonment wound, you will stay
in the most toxic situations andyou will create chaos and
dysregulation.
And Celine, honey, you don'thave to do that anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (19:24):
Celine and Betty are having tea somewhere.
SPEAKER_04 (19:26):
Yes, you need to you need to heal that over some tea
with like a good coach insteadof just talking about it over
and over and over.
SPEAKER_01 (19:35):
Celine, leave him.
Leave him, Celine.
SPEAKER_04 (19:38):
Let him go, Celine.
All right.
Paula invested in a mentorshipdespite fear.
SPEAKER_01 (19:49):
Paula is in a place of power.
SPEAKER_04 (19:51):
Okay, Paula.
Go Paula.
Go, Paula.
Go, Paula.
SPEAKER_01 (19:55):
Paula is, she's she's choosing from expansion,
not scarcity.
SPEAKER_04 (20:01):
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (20:02):
But Paula is loving up.
You know, you know who Paula'sgonna end up with?
Frederick.
SPEAKER_04 (20:11):
And let me tell you, we can come up with scenarios
all day and fictitious peoplebecause we coach so many
different types of people, butthe patterns are always the
same.
SPEAKER_01 (20:25):
But what's interesting is why this game was
so funny is when you name thepattern.
SPEAKER_04 (20:29):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:30):
Right?
If you can name the pattern, youcan change the outcome.
Yes.
Right?
If you know that you're inFrederick pattern, great.
If you know that you're in in uhwhat's this what's the first
Betty.
No, not Betty.
SPEAKER_04 (20:42):
But Barney?
SPEAKER_01 (20:43):
Barney, yes.
If if you're if if you're youknow, if you're uh laying down
some Barney patterns, now wouldbe the time to stop, right?
Recalibrate, do what you neededto reset, and get into your your
upper, you know, Frederick.
SPEAKER_04 (20:58):
So Barney's making choices of like ghosting, of
ghosting, withdrawal, um, youknow, avoiding and um probably
blocking you on social, youknow, because Barney doesn't
want to deal with anything.
(21:19):
And all of those decisions camefrom a place of pain because
they don't want to, you know,entangle in any type of past
hurt that probably happened waybefore anybody else came into
the picture.
Betty.
Betty probably was not thereason this pattern started.
SPEAKER_01 (21:38):
Yeah, there's some inconsistencies in Barney.
SPEAKER_04 (21:40):
Yes, and so that's not Betty's fault.
No, it's not, and so this is whyrelationships don't work out is
if you stay dysregulated, you'regonna have disharmony.
And when you have disharmony,you're not gonna have any of the
juicy fun parts of arelationship.
SPEAKER_01 (21:56):
And the scariest part is when you get used to
negative patterns.
That's the scary part.
That's when you nor when younormalize bad patterns and you
stay in those bad patterns, thatis the scary part.
SPEAKER_04 (22:11):
It's scary because it means that the pattern is
very, very deep.
It's like a um, I'm always liketrying to think of the right
language, but how I see it whenI get like downloads is that I
see it as like a groove in likewood.
It's like it's so deep that youknow, like you're gonna have to
do a lot of buffing to get thatout, you know, a lot of pattern
(22:34):
disruption and then like a lotof work to make sure that you're
constantly, you know.
Um there the other visual islike, have you seen like the
sand healing visual where likeit takes a long time for that
pattern that you created, youknow, or that was created or
that you were subjected to orvictim, whatever, whatever
(22:55):
actually happened, that healingpattern takes takes a while to
uh you know to create, yeah.
To create.
SPEAKER_01 (23:02):
I I always I always associate it with a record
player, right?
So every time you put put arecord player, I'm a record on
the player, it is gonna play thesame song over and over and over
again because it is a pattern,it's all work and grooves.
So if you know that you'replaying the uh uh the was it
Barnard?
What is his name?
SPEAKER_04 (23:20):
Barney.
SPEAKER_01 (23:21):
Barney.
SPEAKER_04 (23:21):
If you know you're playing the the It's not Barnard
yet.
SPEAKER_01 (23:24):
He's not he's not Barnard, exactly.
He's Barney still.
SPEAKER_04 (23:26):
He's definitely Barney.
SPEAKER_01 (23:27):
He's Simpson's Barney, right?
Burp and all the good stuff.
So if if you wake up in themorning and you're playing
Barney music, you're not goingto receive Frederick uh results.
SPEAKER_04 (23:39):
No, right?
SPEAKER_01 (23:39):
So you have to tap in, and that's why you know when
you when you name them, then youcan see, oh, wait a minute, I'm
in this pattern.
Let me reset a pattern.
SPEAKER_04 (23:48):
So if any of these sounded familiar, if you know
this is you and you're stuck indecision dissonance, you're
repeating loops, you'restruggling to trust yourself,
it's time to upgrade your innerdecision maker.
SPEAKER_01 (24:02):
Yes.
Introducing the decision detoxand recalibration ritual, your
go-to clarity tool to releasethe past and choose from power,
not patterns.
SPEAKER_04 (24:14):
Yes, let's talk about what's inside.
It's a guided decision detoxaudio to release energetic
residue from the past, pain, andregrets.
SPEAKER_01 (24:24):
That's tight.
SPEAKER_04 (24:25):
And a principal clarity mapping worksheet that
helps you identify where you'remaking decisions from fear
versus alignment and rewriteyour internal scripts.
SPEAKER_01 (24:38):
Whether you're choosing a new relationship,
career path, or next level move,this mini offering will help you
regulate, rewire, and rise.
SPEAKER_04 (24:47):
Oh, yes.
So you can grab it now in theshow notes because aligned
decisions build extraordinarylives.
SPEAKER_01 (24:54):
Yes, they do.
SPEAKER_04 (24:55):
And I want to just close out with an important
reminder.
Your past deserves compassion,your future deserves clarity,
and you deserve to choose frompower, not pain.
SPEAKER_01 (25:10):
Indeed.
SPEAKER_04 (25:11):
So that is why we wanted to bring you all of this
content today.
It's why we are showing up withsome bonus materials.
Um, and we hope it meets youexactly where you need to make
your next big badass decision.
And we are so proud of you forstepping up and rewiring
yourself and showing up for you.
(25:33):
Like your inner child is isstanding ovation every time you
stand up for yourself and youchoose to rewrite your story.
SPEAKER_01 (25:43):
Correct.
You know, it doesn't matter whathappened to you in the past,
regardless of what happened toyou, you are responsible for
your own healing.
So the fact that you'relistening and you are applying,
that means you are healing.
This is this is the process.
SPEAKER_04 (25:58):
Yes, and you can make it fun, or you can make it
treacherous.
You get to decide.
I would suggest fun, and we hopethat these uh fun podcasts help
you to just explore a funnerside of healing process, sending
you the highest vibrations, youare held, you are loved.
(26:29):
So when I do a microphone check,if I don't look at it close
enough, which we were laughingduring the microphone check
because my boob popped out whenwe were dancing.
SPEAKER_01 (26:37):
No, no, no, no, no.
You pop your boobs.
Let's not be like, hey.
SPEAKER_04 (26:41):
No, I lifted my arm and then I'm not wearing a bra.
And I have a half shirt on.
So you're welcome.
SPEAKER_01 (26:48):
You know what?
I'm gonna start wearing a robewith nothing on and just do one
little Karen Stones.
SPEAKER_04 (26:55):
Sharon Stone, you mean?
SPEAKER_01 (26:57):
Sharon Stone, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (27:00):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_03 (27:01):
She's probably on OnlyFans.
So basically, you want to beHugh Hefner.
You just want to wear a robe,and you want me to be on
OnlyFans.
We're learning a lot today.
We are learning so much.
This is what stage of ourrelationship we're in.
(27:24):
He's old timey.
He can't remember names.
Karen Stone.
He's trying to make money off ofme on the internet.
SPEAKER_00 (27:32):
Hey.
SPEAKER_04 (27:34):
What's next?
Am I selling my feet?
SPEAKER_01 (27:36):
No.
Your feet are cute.
SPEAKER_04 (27:39):
Well, so you say they can't be sold?
SPEAKER_01 (27:42):
No, they're mine.
SPEAKER_04 (27:43):
They're yours, okay.
What but boobs?
SPEAKER_01 (27:46):
Well, all that's mine.
SPEAKER_04 (27:47):
All of it.
SPEAKER_01 (27:48):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (27:48):
So it's ownership.
unknown (27:50):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (27:51):
As is mine.
Would you like me to go on earlyonly fans?
SPEAKER_03 (27:57):
Early fans.
SPEAKER_00 (27:58):
Early, early fans, only fans?
SPEAKER_03 (28:01):
Yes.
Get on early fans right away.
Early fans?
What is it?
You said it.
I gotta roll back the days.
SPEAKER_00 (28:20):
That's where Karen Stone does her shit.
SPEAKER_03 (28:24):
In a robe, apparently.
SPEAKER_00 (28:26):
Yes.
Okay.
Okay, we're we're off the railshere.
We're off the rails.
Your face is red.
Like no more.
What?
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Can I record that one?
SPEAKER_03 (00:02):
Stop wanting to record me.
SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
That face was nice.
Okay, do it again.
SPEAKER_04 (00:11):
Nope.
The second time I was mimickingthat you coughed like crazy and
then didn't cover your mouth.
SPEAKER_01 (00:18):
You know what?
SPEAKER_04 (00:19):
You know what?
SPEAKER_01 (00:20):
I just realized what's happening.
SPEAKER_04 (00:21):
What's happening?
SPEAKER_01 (00:23):
You're happy.
You're like happy happy.
I haven't seen you like happyhappy in I don't know, a week or
two.
About a week or two.
Right?
But like happy, happy, likeglowing happy.
So something is going on becauseyou're super animated.
(00:44):
And it's like everything comingout coming out of your mouth is
is funny and sassy.
SPEAKER_04 (00:49):
Right?
And everything coming out ofyour mouth is little tiny and a
little bit off.
No, just kidding.
SPEAKER_00 (00:57):
I'm over here shuffling over compliments.
You're giving me kicks in theballs.
SPEAKER_04 (01:05):
Welcome to the Empowerment Couple Podcast for
the lovers, leaders, and legacybuilders ready to rise.
We're Zuri and Michael Starr,your favorite empowerment
coaches, partners in life, love,and leveling up.
SPEAKER_01 (01:18):
This show is your sanctuary for soul aligned
success in a world drowning inburnout, broke mindsets, and
relationship drama.
SPEAKER_04 (01:25):
Each week, we'll bring you real talk, radical
tools, and sacred strategiesacross our four transformational
pillars wellness mastery, wealthexpansion, sacred relationships,
and embodied leadership.
SPEAKER_01 (01:38):
We'll guide you to lead from your soul desire and
create meaningful impact withoutsacrificing your wellness.
Plus, this season we're bringingon powerful guests, playing
laugh out loud games, andsharing unfiltered stories that
will challenge your beliefs andamplify your energy.
SPEAKER_04 (01:56):
So if you're ready to regulate your nervous system,
elevate your relationships, andrewire your life for magnetic
love, wealth, and purpose, hitfollow and join our empowered
posse.
It's time to rise into your mostbeautiful life.
SPEAKER_01 (02:09):
Your most beautiful let's do it together.
One, two, three.
Your most beautiful life.
(02:34):
I know.
It's because I'm happy.
You're happy.
And we have a higher, aheightened level of energy that
is hard to contain.
Especially when we are talkingabout something as you know, as
uh prominent, uh prominent aspain and patterns, and how pain
and patterns have their way withus.
SPEAKER_00 (02:56):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (02:57):
One thing if we're if we're having a conversation
about like, you know, lovelanguages or something.
SPEAKER_03 (03:06):
But so happy I'm married.
SPEAKER_01 (03:09):
You can't even like have a conversation right now
because you're so twitter-pated.
SPEAKER_04 (03:12):
Twitter pated?
SPEAKER_01 (03:13):
It's like it's spring, but it's not spring.
SPEAKER_04 (03:16):
You know, listen.
SPEAKER_01 (03:17):
You're going through a spring.
SPEAKER_04 (03:18):
I am going through my own spring.
You're right.
SPEAKER_01 (03:23):
So from the springy the springs of Zuri, and we're
talking about, you know, not thephysical springs, but the um you
know, the metaphysical springs.
From those metaph metaphysicalsprings.
What is Zuri going to producefor the world right now?
SPEAKER_04 (03:40):
Listen, it's year of the wood snake, and it's been a
doozy for me in a lot of ways,and it's also been
transformational.
And it's been yeah, I'm justreally going through it.
So on a personal level, reallygoing through it, and I'm
excited about this episodebecause I know that the quality
(04:01):
of your decisions creates thequality of your life.
SPEAKER_01 (04:08):
Indeed.
SPEAKER_04 (04:09):
Well, I have a lot of clients right now that are
feeling snake wood snakerepercussions, and um, they are
very stuck in indecision, andthey are haunted by the fear of
making a wrong move.
So it's like they're just inindecision paralysis.
(04:31):
If this sounds like you, it istime for a reset.
SPEAKER_01 (04:35):
It is time for a reset indeed.
SPEAKER_04 (04:37):
Yeah, because like I said, the quality of your life
is based on the quality of yourdecisions.
If you're making desperatedecisions, they cannot create a
delicious outcome.
Never not once have I seen it.
Sometimes we confuse our fear asa sign or a red flag, or worse,
(04:58):
we confuse it as intuition.
And I'm here to tell you thatintuition is not the same as
fear.
SPEAKER_01 (05:07):
No.
SPEAKER_04 (05:08):
What if your intuition, quote unquote, that
you think is intuition, isn'tyour truth, but your trauma in
disguise?
SPEAKER_01 (05:17):
Trauma in disguise.
Trauma needs to be dealt with.
Sometimes it has to put on adisguise in order to be dealt
with, right?
SPEAKER_04 (05:23):
So it usually shows up like making bad dysregulated
decisions.
SPEAKER_01 (05:28):
Correct.
You're not indecisive, you'rejust protecting yourself from
reliving a pain your nervoussystem hasn't processed yet,
right?
You have to be willing to healthe past patterns so that you
can rewire a new one.
SPEAKER_04 (05:43):
Yes.
Because the moment you startmaking decisions from pain
instead of power, youunknowingly recreate the very
patterns you're trying to breakfree from.
SPEAKER_01 (05:53):
That's right.
Whether it's choosing a partner,launching a business, uh setting
a boundary, or walking away fromwhat no longer fits, your past
pain will steer your presentdecisions if it remains
unhealed.
SPEAKER_04 (06:08):
So today we're talking about decision
distortion.
How the unprocessed emotionalresidue from your past is
quietly sabotaging the futureyou say you want.
SPEAKER_01 (06:20):
So let's break this down, right?
Most people don't realize thatthey're stuck in a trauma loop
decision matrix, right?
They think there's they'remaking empowered choices when
really they're just trying toavoid a past wound being
reactivated.
Here's a little neurosciencemoment for you.
When you experience emotionalpain, your amygdala stores that
(06:44):
memory as a survival imprint.
So when a similar situationarises, even if it's not
dangerous, your body floods withstress chemicals and says, Nope,
don't go there.
Right?
This happens in 0.25 secondsbefore you can logically assess
the situation.
So it's kind of automatic.
Yeah.
Right.
So pain teaches you to shrink,whereas healing teaches you to
(07:09):
choose.
SPEAKER_04 (07:10):
Say that again.
SPEAKER_01 (07:11):
Pain teaches you to shrink.
Healing teaches you to choose.
And let me tell you, pain orshrinking is not comfortable at
all.
SPEAKER_04 (07:20):
No, no, no, no.
And usually equals a lot ofregret.
SPEAKER_01 (07:26):
It's as if you shrink yourself, but your pain
grows.
SPEAKER_04 (07:32):
Yeah, years ago, I stayed in a business partnership
for far too long because I wasafraid to recreate the rupture
of a past betrayal.
My decisions weren't from truth.
They were from fear.
And because of that, I keptignoring red flags and bypassing
my own inner knowing.
SPEAKER_01 (07:51):
Yeah.
Well, the same thing happenedwith me with visibility, right?
I used to delay posting contentor stepping up to lead because
of past moments where I felthumiliated or misunderstood.
And it wasn't me hesitating, itwas an old wound leading my
path, right?
Making me do what it wanted meto do.
(08:12):
So if you're always trying toavoid a past pain, you'll keep
building futures that you don'twant.
SPEAKER_04 (08:19):
Right.
Because the things that you dowant are going to require you to
heal your past pain.
SPEAKER_01 (08:26):
Correct.
SPEAKER_04 (08:27):
And you'll you'll find yourself in a healing
spiral.
SPEAKER_01 (08:31):
It's like the dissonance trap.
SPEAKER_04 (08:32):
Or a maze.
Sometimes it feels like a maze.
Um, so yeah, it's like thedissonance trap dissonance trap
why your head says one thing andyour body says another.
SPEAKER_05 (08:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (08:44):
So have you ever said to yourself, I know what I
should do, but I can't seem todo it.
SPEAKER_01 (08:50):
I on a regular yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (08:53):
I think a lot of people experience this, um,
especially in the early healingphases.
But do you still experiencethat?
SPEAKER_01 (09:00):
Um, only when I'm doing stuff that I don't want to
do, like cleaning up of my dogs.
I'm like, uh, I should do this,but I I really don't want to.
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04 (09:08):
So yeah, you're still you're still
procrastinating.
That's that's moreprocrastination.
That's less like there arecertain things that you have to
do.
SPEAKER_01 (09:16):
Yeah.
Yeah.
But you know, just usinglaundry.
On a on a micro moment, that'sthat's one of those, like, oh, I
don't really want to do it.
SPEAKER_04 (09:23):
Okay.
Well, that feeling of I knowwhat I should do.
Let's take it for like, youknow, something large, but I
can't seem to do it, you know,whether it's launching a
business or you know, ending arelationship or starting a
relationship or saying yes,finishing the last act of my
story.
(09:44):
Yeah, your screenplay or um, youknow, following through with
your childhood dream.
Um, that's decision dissonance.
So when your logic is at warwith your nervous system, a lot
of times people call itresistance, and it's part of
that, but it's really like yourbrain knows what to do, but your
(10:06):
your nervous system is just sodysregulated that it can't allow
you to act, right?
It's that's it it is resisting.
Um, there's an important umfactoid that I want to share.
SPEAKER_05 (10:22):
Okay.
SPEAKER_04 (10:22):
So the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, which governs
decision making, is directlyconnected to emotional memory
centers in the brain.
So this is why this makes sense.
So when your past hurt hasn'tbeen integrated, your decisions
will feel unclear, even if thedata makes sense.
SPEAKER_01 (10:41):
Totally.
SPEAKER_04 (10:42):
So your body is keeping the score and it also
holds the veto power over yournext decision.
SPEAKER_01 (10:48):
And that veto, that veto is powerful.
Like when your body says no, itmeans no.
SPEAKER_04 (10:55):
Yeah, when it's a full body no, you have to check
to see is it fear or is it um,you know, like power, you know,
where you're like, oh no, thisis this is just not the right,
right way to go.
And sometimes it's veryconfusing.
That's why you have to getstill, you have to get quiet,
you gotta you gotta assess.
SPEAKER_01 (11:14):
Yeah.
So let's assess how to tell ifpain is leading your choices,
right?
Yeah, choices.
The choices.
SPEAKER_04 (11:22):
There's a little Larry Mo be curly for you.
SPEAKER_01 (11:26):
I like I like to get through hard things with with
humor.
SPEAKER_03 (11:30):
We we'd be doing it on the regular.
SPEAKER_01 (11:32):
On the regular.
So again, let's let's assess howto tell if your pain is leading
your choices, right?
Okay.
So let's map the signs, right?
So if you are overthinkingsimple decisions, there's a
problem, right?
You're if you're always waitingfor the perfect moment, or if
you replay old failures beforetaking action, uh, if you've not
(11:53):
before, uh if you ask fivepeople for their opinion before
trusting your own gut, that's aproblem.
Uh, if you say yes when you meanno, um, or if you avoid change
even if you are miserable,right?
Staying in that relationship orthat job, right?
So if you are doing any of thosethings, there is a solid chance
(12:16):
that you are still allowing yourpain to govern your future.
SPEAKER_04 (12:20):
Right.
And you're giving your internalvoice, you're not giving your
internal voice a space to beheard.
And also you're giving away yourthe authority of like other
people making the choice, otherpeople, you know, are smarter
than you, like you're reallyself-abandoning.
SPEAKER_01 (12:40):
Correct.
And then it leaves you, youknow, desperate or confused, or
you know, and I and I want tosay you're not confused, you're
simply dysregulated.
SPEAKER_04 (12:52):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:52):
Right?
So it's it's not a confusion,it's just your nervous system
needs to be checked andregulated.
SPEAKER_04 (12:59):
Yes.
Yep.
And so let's talk about how tomake the shift from pattern
repetition to patternrecalibration.
The truth is, if you want newoutcomes, you need to have a new
operating system.
One that isn't coded in fear,self-doubt, or people pleasing.
SPEAKER_01 (13:19):
Which means we have to pause, regulate, and then
re-choose, right?
We heal first and decide second.
SPEAKER_04 (13:28):
Yes, say it again.
SPEAKER_01 (13:29):
So we heal first and then decide second.
Right.
So here's a question to askyourself before each major
decision, right?
Am I choosing this from power orfrom pain?
And listen to what your bodysays.
SPEAKER_04 (13:45):
And then you want to trust the truth, not the
trigger.
So whatever your body says, youwant to trust the truth, not the
trigger.
SPEAKER_01 (13:55):
And empowered decisions don't just change your
life, they they end yourpatterns, and that's what we
want to do.
We want you to be in cr in fullcontrol of your patterns,
especially those pain patterns.
SPEAKER_04 (14:07):
They end your pain patterns.
SPEAKER_01 (14:09):
Correct.
SPEAKER_04 (14:09):
Yes.
All right, let's play a game,lock it in with some fun.
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
Oh, I'm I'm I'm down to giggle.
Let's do this.
SPEAKER_04 (14:15):
All right, so here's our game for today.
Drum, please.
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (14:24):
Is that it?
SPEAKER_04 (14:24):
Yeah, that's that's good.
I can't I have the ability toadd in sounds.
SPEAKER_01 (14:29):
Oh.
SPEAKER_04 (14:29):
I'm the I'm the producer.
SPEAKER_01 (14:31):
You know what you should do is you should do a
little mini clip of my drum rolland like draw it out for like at
least a minute or two to buildsome tension.
SPEAKER_04 (14:38):
Yeah, I'm sure people would love to listen to
that for a minute.
SPEAKER_01 (14:41):
Oh, dude.
I you know what?
Let's swap.
I can produce.
What's that?
SPEAKER_02 (14:48):
That is probably the most evil laugh that came out of
your mouth in like months.
SPEAKER_03 (14:57):
Having fun already in this game.
SPEAKER_02 (14:59):
Jesus.
SPEAKER_03 (15:00):
Yeah, let's let Mike produce.
SPEAKER_01 (15:03):
Hey, wait a minute.
SPEAKER_04 (15:04):
I think you could do a great job.
SPEAKER_01 (15:06):
I would do a fantastic job.
SPEAKER_04 (15:07):
If you did it.
Ooh.
Ooh.
SPEAKER_01 (15:13):
You're lucky you don't have a bra beneath there.
I know what you're gonna do.
You get me all upset, and thenyou're gonna flash me, and I'll
be like, oh, okay, whatever.
SPEAKER_00 (15:22):
I'm gonna veto his his unhappiness.
Okay, let's play this game.
SPEAKER_04 (15:28):
Oh, I would never do that.
Exactly.
Oh, just stretching light.
SPEAKER_02 (15:38):
You just gave it the nipple wink.
SPEAKER_04 (15:41):
Okay, we're gonna play a game called Pain Choice
or Power Choice.
SPEAKER_01 (15:48):
Okay.
And what's the what how doesthis game work?
SPEAKER_04 (15:51):
This game works by uh some fict fictional scenarios
with some fictitious characters.
SPEAKER_01 (15:57):
Oh.
SPEAKER_04 (15:57):
And you're gonna tell me if they are making a
pain choice or a power choice.
SPEAKER_01 (16:03):
Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_04 (16:04):
Okay, and if you want, you can weigh in on on why
you think that is so.
SPEAKER_01 (16:09):
Check.
Okay.
SPEAKER_04 (16:10):
So pain or power and why.
Okay.
Yeah?
Ready?
SPEAKER_01 (16:13):
What do we got?
SPEAKER_04 (16:14):
Ready to hit this?
SPEAKER_01 (16:14):
Alright, here we go.
SPEAKER_04 (16:15):
Okay, here's your fictitious scenario.
Barney ghosted instead ofexpressing a boundary.
SPEAKER_01 (16:23):
Barney.
SPEAKER_04 (16:24):
Barney.
SPEAKER_01 (16:25):
I would say Barney is using more of his pain and
less of his power.
SPEAKER_03 (16:30):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (16:31):
And if I were Barney, I would try not to avoid
conflict from past hurt byleaning in, you know, being
non-Barney.
SPEAKER_02 (16:42):
Like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03 (16:43):
Being non-Barney.
SPEAKER_02 (16:44):
Being on Bar being being less.
I don't know.
SPEAKER_03 (16:52):
Losing your idea.
I don't know.
Being mom Barney.
I love you.
I love you so much.
Listen, if I were like what?
SPEAKER_02 (17:02):
If I were Barney, if I were Barney.
SPEAKER_03 (17:04):
I were Barney.
SPEAKER_02 (17:05):
If I were Barney.
SPEAKER_03 (17:06):
I'd be less Barney.
SPEAKER_02 (17:07):
I'd be less Barney.
I'd be less Barney.
Listen, listen.
SPEAKER_03 (17:13):
Listen to me, Linda.
SPEAKER_01 (17:14):
You can't avoid conflict from the past, right?
You can't, you, you, you can'tavoid it.
You have to deal with it.
SPEAKER_03 (17:20):
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01 (17:20):
So if Barney dealt with it, it would probably be a
more powerful move because hewouldn't have to ghost.
He could just use hisboundaries.
SPEAKER_04 (17:29):
He'd probably still be with Betty.
SPEAKER_01 (17:31):
He might be with Betty.
SPEAKER_04 (17:32):
He might be with Betty if he had just decided to,
you know, express a boundary andtalk about it and be like, hey,
this is how I need things toroll, Betty.
SPEAKER_01 (17:45):
I think Betty would have been like, yes, I'm down,
but Betty, now Betty getsghosted.
SPEAKER_04 (17:49):
Betty got ghosted.
Okay, so here's anotherfictitious scenario.
Fred pivoted his business whenit no longer aligned.
Is that a power move or a painmove?
SPEAKER_01 (18:06):
You know what?
Fred, he he went from Frederickto that one.
That was a powerful mood.
Powerful move.
SPEAKER_03 (18:13):
He fucking leveled up.
SPEAKER_01 (18:14):
Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_03 (18:15):
Frederick.
SPEAKER_01 (18:16):
Yes, Frederick is now, he's he's choosing uh his
his own present truth.
SPEAKER_04 (18:21):
Yep, he's choosing choosing from the present truth.
I love that.
Okay, cool.
Good job, Frederick.
SPEAKER_01 (18:26):
You want to be a Frederick.
SPEAKER_04 (18:27):
You wanna be a Frederick.
Okay.
Um, here's another scenario.
Celine stayed in a friendshipout of guilt.
SPEAKER_01 (18:40):
Celine's pain or power.
Celine, Celine, that is pain,honey.
Celine.
SPEAKER_04 (18:46):
Don't do that.
SPEAKER_01 (18:47):
Oh, what should Celine do?
SPEAKER_04 (18:49):
Well, Celine is likely avoiding an abandonment
wound.
So she is staying in obligatoryrelationships because she feels
like, oh, I better not likeruffle the feathers of this
relationship because if I do,then I will be alone.
(19:10):
And if you have an abandonmentabandonment wound, you will stay
in the most toxic situations andyou will create chaos and
dysregulation.
And Celine, honey, you don'thave to do that anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (19:24):
Celine and Betty are having tea somewhere.
SPEAKER_04 (19:26):
Yes, you need to you need to heal that over some tea
with like a good coach insteadof just talking about it over
and over and over.
SPEAKER_01 (19:35):
Celine, leave him.
Leave him, Celine.
SPEAKER_04 (19:38):
Let him go, Celine.
All right.
Paula invested in a mentorshipdespite fear.
SPEAKER_01 (19:49):
Paula is in a place of power.
SPEAKER_04 (19:51):
Okay, Paula.
Go Paula.
Go, Paula.
Go, Paula.
SPEAKER_01 (19:55):
Paula is, she's she's choosing from expansion,
not scarcity.
SPEAKER_04 (20:01):
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (20:02):
But Paula is loving up.
You know, you know who Paula'sgonna end up with?
Frederick.
SPEAKER_04 (20:11):
And let me tell you, we can come up with scenarios
all day and fictitious peoplebecause we coach so many
different types of people, butthe patterns are always the
same.
SPEAKER_01 (20:25):
But what's interesting is why this game was
so funny is when you name thepattern.
SPEAKER_04 (20:29):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:30):
Right?
If you can name the pattern, youcan change the outcome.
Yes.
Right?
If you know that you're inFrederick pattern, great.
If you know that you're in in uhwhat's this what's the first
Betty.
No, not Betty.
SPEAKER_04 (20:42):
But Barney?
SPEAKER_01 (20:43):
Barney, yes.
If if you're if if you're youknow, if you're uh laying down
some Barney patterns, now wouldbe the time to stop, right?
Recalibrate, do what you neededto reset, and get into your your
upper, you know, Frederick.
SPEAKER_04 (20:58):
So Barney's making choices of like ghosting, of
ghosting, withdrawal, um, youknow, avoiding and um probably
blocking you on social, youknow, because Barney doesn't
want to deal with anything.
(21:19):
And all of those decisions camefrom a place of pain because
they don't want to, you know,entangle in any type of past
hurt that probably happened waybefore anybody else came into
the picture.
Betty.
Betty probably was not thereason this pattern started.
SPEAKER_01 (21:38):
Yeah, there's some inconsistencies in Barney.
SPEAKER_04 (21:40):
Yes, and so that's not Betty's fault.
No, it's not, and so this is whyrelationships don't work out is
if you stay dysregulated, you'regonna have disharmony.
And when you have disharmony,you're not gonna have any of the
juicy fun parts of arelationship.
SPEAKER_01 (21:56):
And the scariest part is when you get used to
negative patterns.
That's the scary part.
That's when you nor when younormalize bad patterns and you
stay in those bad patterns, thatis the scary part.
SPEAKER_04 (22:11):
It's scary because it means that the pattern is
very, very deep.
It's like a um, I'm always liketrying to think of the right
language, but how I see it whenI get like downloads is that I
see it as like a groove in likewood.
It's like it's so deep that youknow, like you're gonna have to
do a lot of buffing to get thatout, you know, a lot of pattern
(22:34):
disruption and then like a lotof work to make sure that you're
constantly, you know.
Um there the other visual islike, have you seen like the
sand healing visual where likeit takes a long time for that
pattern that you created, youknow, or that was created or
that you were subjected to orvictim, whatever, whatever
(22:55):
actually happened, that healingpattern takes takes a while to
uh you know to create, yeah.
To create.
SPEAKER_01 (23:02):
I I always I always associate it with a record
player, right?
So every time you put put arecord player, I'm a record on
the player, it is gonna play thesame song over and over and over
again because it is a pattern,it's all work and grooves.
So if you know that you'replaying the uh uh the was it
Barnard?
What is his name?
SPEAKER_04 (23:20):
Barney.
SPEAKER_01 (23:21):
Barney.
SPEAKER_04 (23:21):
If you know you're playing the the It's not Barnard
yet.
SPEAKER_01 (23:24):
He's not he's not Barnard, exactly.
He's Barney still.
SPEAKER_04 (23:26):
He's definitely Barney.
SPEAKER_01 (23:27):
He's Simpson's Barney, right?
Burp and all the good stuff.
So if if you wake up in themorning and you're playing
Barney music, you're not goingto receive Frederick uh results.
SPEAKER_04 (23:39):
No, right?
SPEAKER_01 (23:39):
So you have to tap in, and that's why you know when
you when you name them, then youcan see, oh, wait a minute, I'm
in this pattern.
Let me reset a pattern.
SPEAKER_04 (23:48):
So if any of these sounded familiar, if you know
this is you and you're stuck indecision dissonance, you're
repeating loops, you'restruggling to trust yourself,
it's time to upgrade your innerdecision maker.
SPEAKER_01 (24:02):
Yes.
Introducing the decision detoxand recalibration ritual, your
go-to clarity tool to releasethe past and choose from power,
not patterns.
SPEAKER_04 (24:14):
Yes, let's talk about what's inside.
It's a guided decision detoxaudio to release energetic
residue from the past, pain, andregrets.
SPEAKER_01 (24:24):
That's tight.
SPEAKER_04 (24:25):
And a principal clarity mapping worksheet that
helps you identify where you'remaking decisions from fear
versus alignment and rewriteyour internal scripts.
SPEAKER_01 (24:38):
Whether you're choosing a new relationship,
career path, or next level move,this mini offering will help you
regulate, rewire, and rise.
SPEAKER_04 (24:47):
Oh, yes.
So you can grab it now in theshow notes because aligned
decisions build extraordinarylives.
SPEAKER_01 (24:54):
Yes, they do.
SPEAKER_04 (24:55):
And I want to just close out with an important
reminder.
Your past deserves compassion,your future deserves clarity,
and you deserve to choose frompower, not pain.
SPEAKER_01 (25:10):
Indeed.
SPEAKER_04 (25:11):
So that is why we wanted to bring you all of this
content today.
It's why we are showing up withsome bonus materials.
Um, and we hope it meets youexactly where you need to make
your next big badass decision.
And we are so proud of you forstepping up and rewiring
yourself and showing up for you.
(25:33):
Like your inner child is isstanding ovation every time you
stand up for yourself and youchoose to rewrite your story.
SPEAKER_01 (25:43):
Correct.
You know, it doesn't matter whathappened to you in the past,
regardless of what happened toyou, you are responsible for
your own healing.
So the fact that you'relistening and you are applying,
that means you are healing.
This is this is the process.
SPEAKER_04 (25:58):
Yes, and you can make it fun, or you can make it
treacherous.
You get to decide.
I would suggest fun, and we hopethat these uh fun podcasts help
you to just explore a funnerside of healing process, sending
you the highest vibrations, youare held, you are loved.
(26:29):
So when I do a microphone check,if I don't look at it close
enough, which we were laughingduring the microphone check
because my boob popped out whenwe were dancing.
SPEAKER_01 (26:37):
No, no, no, no, no.
You pop your boobs.
Let's not be like, hey.
SPEAKER_04 (26:41):
No, I lifted my arm and then I'm not wearing a bra.
And I have a half shirt on.
So you're welcome.
SPEAKER_01 (26:48):
You know what?
I'm gonna start wearing a robewith nothing on and just do one
little Karen Stones.
SPEAKER_04 (26:55):
Sharon Stone, you mean?
SPEAKER_01 (26:57):
Sharon Stone, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (27:00):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_03 (27:01):
She's probably on OnlyFans.
So basically, you want to beHugh Hefner.
You just want to wear a robe,and you want me to be on
OnlyFans.
We're learning a lot today.
We are learning so much.
This is what stage of ourrelationship we're in.
(27:24):
He's old timey.
He can't remember names.
Karen Stone.
He's trying to make money off ofme on the internet.
SPEAKER_00 (27:32):
Hey.
SPEAKER_04 (27:34):
What's next?
Am I selling my feet?
SPEAKER_01 (27:36):
No.
Your feet are cute.
SPEAKER_04 (27:39):
Well, so you say they can't be sold?
SPEAKER_01 (27:42):
No, they're mine.
SPEAKER_04 (27:43):
They're yours, okay.
What but boobs?
SPEAKER_01 (27:46):
Well, all that's mine.
SPEAKER_04 (27:47):
All of it.
SPEAKER_01 (27:48):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (27:48):
So it's ownership.
unknown (27:50):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (27:51):
As is mine.
Would you like me to go on earlyonly fans?
SPEAKER_03 (27:57):
Early fans.
SPEAKER_00 (27:58):
Early, early fans, only fans?
SPEAKER_03 (28:01):
Yes.
Get on early fans right away.
Early fans?
What is it?
You said it.
I gotta roll back the days.
SPEAKER_00 (28:20):
That's where Karen Stone does her shit.
SPEAKER_03 (28:24):
In a robe, apparently.
SPEAKER_00 (28:26):
Yes.
Okay.
Okay, we're we're off the railshere.
We're off the rails.
Your face is red.
Like no more.
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