May 29, 2025 • 39 mins
What if one simple energetic agreement could transform your relationship? After decades together and trying everything from therapy to communication tools, we discovered something unexpected that changed everything: consciously agreeing to lead from our divine energies.
Most couples try to meet in the middle, blending roles in the name of equality. But we found that when roles become too blended, relationships lose their spark. Modern partnerships default to sameness rather than synergy, creating safety but extinguishing what we call "soul fire." The breakthrough came when we agreed that I would lead from divine feminine energy (fluidity, creativity, receptivity, emotional strength) and Mikey would lead from divine masculine energy (direction, presence, containment, action).
This wasn't about traditional gender roles—we've switched provider and nurturer positions many times. Instead, this agreement centered on energy, safety, and presence. The polarity between these complementary energies creates the tension that keeps relationships exciting and passionate. Research confirms that couples who consciously discuss energetic leadership report higher emotional intimacy and lower conflict.
The challenge comes from our wounds—typically stemming from childhood—that create automatic responses when we feel threatened. These patterns show up when we're trying to control our partner or feeling victimized. We've developed practices to stay in our divine energies: weekly check-ins, nature walks, breathwork, sound healing, and yoga help us reset when we fall out of alignment. When our energy is misaligned, everything feels hard. When we're in agreement, love flows effortlessly.
Want to experience this transformation in your relationship? We specialize in helping conscious couples harmonize their energy, heal patterns, and activate their divine masculine and feminine power for deeper intimacy, aligned communication, and true partnership—which translates to better sex and less arguing. Apply through the link in our show notes to begin your journey to sacred partnership.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You can get into drag real easy right and we're not
talking about, like you know,drag in regards to like your
clothes.
We're talking about being ableto switch roles at the drop of a
dime and not feel bad about it.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Yeah, welcome to the Empowerment Couple Podcast,
where your path to self-masteryexpands.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
My co-host is empowerment coach Zuri Starr.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
And he's expansion coach Mikey Starr.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Together we are the Empowerment Couple.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Our mission is simple to serve you, love, so you can
make informed decisions toregain and maintain your
personal power.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
We'll take you on a journey to a life filled with
purpose, passion and limitlesspossibilities, while sharing
stories of transformation,wellness hacks and healthy
habits backed by science andancient wisdom.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Plus, we'll keep you entertained with engaging games,
banter and funny innuendosalong the way.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Each episode is an exciting blend of education,
entertainment and empowerment.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Designed to help you create a mindset to be a magnet
for more love, happiness andabundance.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Together with our special guests, we are dedicated
to sharing information thatempowers you to create your most
beautiful life A onesie, atwosie, a twosie your most
beautiful life.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I got nothing.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I got nothing, you were supposed to say something I
forgot.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
This one agreement saved our relationship and it's
not what you think it's not whatyou think not even close it's
not what you think.
What's crazy is, this episodeis going to reveal a very
unexpected one agreement, andthat brought us together.
(01:52):
That saved us many, many, manytimes.
That's, currently we are stillin the process of testing it and
embodying it, because it's onething to know it and totally
another thing to embody it right.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Correct, that is correct.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
So this is all about stepping into your divine.
So Mikey and I have beentogether for a long time.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
It's a healthy amount of years.
Decades we're going on decades,yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
And because of that, as one can imagine, you change a
lot during that time.
And we have tried all thethings right.
We've been to immersionconferences and therapy.
We tried therapy, we've triedcommunication tools and it's
funny as podcasters, I would say.
(02:43):
Still, one of our weakest linksis communication, so let's
start a podcast.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Yeah, Best way to learn is to teach right.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
But the one thing that changed everything, the one
thing is this agreement therewas an energetic agreement that
I would lead from divinefeminine and that Mike would
lead from divine masculine.
It wasn't about roles, itwasn't about, like you know, all
(03:16):
the like stereotypical things,because actually Mike and I have
switched roles, societal roles,many times, like sometimes he's
the provider, sometimes I'm theprovider, sometimes he's the
nurturer, sometimes I'm thenurturer Like societal we're not
talking about that.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, we are a mixed bag.
We are so past that we are amixed bag.
That's so like 1990.
But it was interesting becauseit definitely led us to this
current understanding is whenyou blend your roles this much,
you develop tension.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
So there you go.
But the main thing about rolesis that it wasn't really about
roles, societal roles.
It was about energy safety andpresence.
It was about energy safety andpresence, and we would love for
(04:11):
you to stick around now that youknow what that one thing was,
because we are going to talkabout this neuroscience, the
polarity dynamics and thepractices that help us embody
this sacred agreement daily.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Let's get into why traditional advice doesn't
always work.
So most couples they try tomeet in the middle right so that
they can.
But that can also lead, like wewere just talking about, to
energetic blending right, wherethe roles are so blended that
it's hard to know what.
You know who's doing who.
Who's doing what.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Who's doing who?
Who's doing who right?
That's going to cause some realproblems.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
And what that does is it causes a lack of polarity.
Now, modern relationships oftendefault to sameness, right?
Not synergy.
So sameness is, oh, we're bothdoing the same thing at the same
time, whereas synergy, we havethe opportunity to benefit off
of each other's strengths, right?
Knowing that someone brings youknow what you bring to the
(05:06):
table is different from what Ibring to the table.
Sameness breeds safety, but itdoesn't always breed soul fire,
right?
And that's what we're lookingfor.
We're looking for that polaritybreeds passion.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
So let's talk about polarity and divine dynamics.
So, understanding polarity,let's just do a little polarity
101, shall we so?
Feminine equals fluidity,creativity, creativity,
receptivity, emotional strength.
Feminine is very intuitive andreceptive, like lots of resting
(06:06):
and receiving and creating thatenergy of rest is just as
important as the to-do list,especially when you're
collaborating and blending, asyou were calling it.
Masculine is direction, sobeing a leader and being
decisive in direction Presenceso maintaining a healthy
presence.
Containment meaning that theycan hold space and action.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Masculine energy is very action-based.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
And so if we look at what polarity those two because
they're essentially opposites,the yin and the yang when we
look at that, we can see howthey would match really well
together.
If one is leading and the otherone is receiving, and one is
very fluid, the other one isvery directive, you know,
(06:50):
focused.
One is very creative and theother one is like holding a
container where it's safe to becreative.
One is very emotional and theother one is very like okay, I'm
here for your emotions, thepresence, part of it.
That's how they can stimulateeach other and create necessary
(07:11):
polarity.
So there's this really goodquote from David Data the
feminine tests the masculine'spresence by surrendering to the
unknown.
The masculine proves itself byholding that chaos with love.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
So here's the embodied agreement.
Is that Me?
Suri hi, I lead with intuitionand emotional intelligence which
is feminine, and Mike hi.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Hello, hello.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Leads with groundedness, protection and
forward momentum, and that'smasculine.
But we both can switch rolesconsciously when needed.
We both have the ability to bevery masculine in my case, where
I am a go-getter and I'm verydriven, without being like
(08:09):
hustle culture vibes likeburning out, and then you can be
very emotional and creative andI can create space for that.
But it's when we both areacting from a wounded place that
we will struggle.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I mean, if you look at the yin-yang sign, the
yin-yang sign is so many thingsat once, is so many things at
once, and if you look at it, itis a celebration of the divine
masculine and the divinefeminine in a constant
interaction with one another.
And if you look even closer,you'll know that it has a part
(08:51):
of divine masculine and thedivine masculine also has a part
of divine feminine.
Yes, masculine also has a partof divine feminine.
Yes, that same yin-yang sign isalso a representation of the
divine masculine or the divinefeminine.
Right, it is a balance.
That is how you reach divinity.
You reach divinity bycelebrating as men, celebrating
(09:11):
your feminine but using yourmasculine, staying in your
masculine but also having thatability to connect with the
feminine when necessary, andvice versa.
So when both parties come tothe table as balanced
individuals, then you have thatempowered relationship.
So that's what I'm excitedabout.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Well, according to the Journal of Couple and
Relationship Therapy, coupleswho consciously discuss
energetic leadership rolesreport higher emotional intimacy
and lower communicationconflict.
And I think that what happensfrom my testing with you.
(09:54):
Testing, you know where we justlike test all these concepts on
each other.
Yeah, does this work?
I wonder what this works.
I have found that thecommunication conflict mostly
comes from not listening, and insituations where I have to play
maybe a masculine role, where Iam the podcast producer, then I
(10:21):
have to create a way for you tothen be safe, to be more
feminine and follow my lead,because in that case I am
playing a leadership role.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
And in order for me to do that, I have to suspend
all of my wounds in order tofollow, because, as men, it's
hard for men to follow.
But we also have to follow asmen, because that is our role.
Sometimes, following is a formof protection.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Yeah, and the agreement again is not about
power, it's just about polarityand peace, polarity and peace,
peace through polarity.
Peace through polarity honey.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
You would think that it would go the exact opposite,
but really, opposites attract.
That's how we keep our flamegoing by celebrating our
differences and also celebratingour similarities.
So let's talk a little bitabout safety, sex and sacred
love.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Okay.
So for the feminine, safetyreally equals relaxation, right.
It means a deeper emotional andsexual connection.
Females, they want to feel likethey're being led and held, and
that's the key to beingcreative and connecting with
that sensual flow.
This reminds me of a quote fromShan Boodram, who states a
(11:45):
woman cannot access her softnessunless she feels safe in the
container.
So let's talk about thecontainer, right.
So for the masculine, whatwe're looking for is direction
and presence, and direction andpresence equals the embodiment
of leadership, right.
So responsibility is the key,not domination.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Yes, say it louder.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Responsibility is key , not dominating, right?
Men are not supposed todominate, they're supposed to
protect.
Okay, jay Shetty talks aboutservant leadership in conscious
partnerships, basically showingup as a protector of the
emotional container, not anauthority of it, right?
So basically, what it means isyou are the protector of your
(12:30):
house.
You are not the king of it,right, you're not the dominant
person.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
You can be the king with the queen.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
That is correct the decisions are together.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
It's like cockpit.
You know you're both in thecockpit.
Sometimes one of you is thecaptain, Sometimes one of you is
the co-pilot.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
And going back to the whole yin-yang, one is leading,
the other one's following, andthen you could swap that anytime
.
Yep, it's not that themasculine leads the relationship
, it leads the energy with love,right?
So what we're talking abouthere is the container.
That we're talking about is therelationship, right?
(13:15):
So I am protecting therelationship, and within that
relationship resides my woman,who is protected.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Well, I think it's time for a game.
Let's play divine or default.
I love games.
I know you do.
Are you going to default or areyou going to be divine?
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Oh, you know what?
My default is now divine.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Okay, so we're going to do a playful, playful,
polarity showdown.
Okay, a showdown.
Okay, are you ready to showdownShowdown?
Okay, here's how it works.
So you and I will take turns.
We're going to read out loudsome real life relationship
scenarios like disagreements,chores, communication, fails,
(14:00):
the normal stuff, date nightmoments that maybe went awry.
Each one gets two options forhow to respond.
Okay, you ready for this?
Yes, so divine feminine anddivine masculine responses.
So here it goes.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
And then the default would be a wounded response Ooh.
So this wound conversation isgoing to continue into next
week's show because it's sopowerful and we wanted to give
this away to our audiencebecause we know that if you
understand wounded and youunderstand divine honey.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
It's time to do some wound care.
Yes, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Okay.
So here's the funny part isthat I want you yes, you know
what I'm saying Okay, so here'sthe funny part is that I want
you to kind of act them out.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Okay, so get real wounded up in there and get real
divine and you know I will domy best with the wounded.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
It's been such a long time since I felt wounded.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Oh fool.
Okay.
So scenario one your partnerforgot to do the one thing they
promised to do today.
Okay, so the default femininewould do something like go ahead
.
What would a default femininedo?
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Oh, you never listen, I'm just going to do it myself
again.
That's standard.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
That's standard, so it's like drama queen tone.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah , yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Would she like throw something?
Speaker 1 (15:32):
There's going to be some foot stomping, there's
going to be some eye rolling,there's going to be, you know,
improper tonage.
I like that stuff.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Tonage.
Okay, so like divine femininecould handle that situation like
hey love, Hi.
I felt disappointed today andthen, you know, you kind of
leave some space Like I feltdisappointed when that one thing
didn't happen.
Okay, Can we try again withmore clarity.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
I like that.
That's a nice soft power.
That's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
And embodied Like hey , it happens, grace.
Also, grace, I don't see youreyes rolling or any foot
stomping when that happens.
I don't know, with this eyerolling thing, I don't know how
to roll my eyes, so I don't knowwhat.
You roll my eyes, so I don'tknow what you're talking about.
Yeah, okay, there, it is Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Scenario two Scenario two go for it.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Okay, so you do this time divine masculine.
I'll do the default.
Okay, so your partner isvisibly emotional but not
talking.
Who does that?
So you're going to do thedivine.
So first let me respond whodoes that?
(16:51):
Okay, so default masculine whenyou're in default.
Okay, when you're not beingmasculine in divine.
What's wrong now?
Can we just fix it?
And then shuts down or rushesthe emotion or slams the door or
leaves stone walls et cetera.
Fill in the blank.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
That's not the way it's done.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
That's default.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Let me tell you that.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Wounded default.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Divine masculine would say something like I'm
here, no rush, take your time,baby.
When you're ready to talk, I'mready to listen.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
See how much sexier that was.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
I provided my presence.
I'm protecting the container.
We're good to go.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
Yeah, okay.
So scenario three, last oneit's Friday night, date night,
and neither of you planneddinner.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
You didn't plan dinner.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Okay, so I'm going to act out default feminine and
divine feminine, and then youact out divine feminine or
masculine and divine or defaultmasculine.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Did I say that right?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Divine and default masculine and I will do divine
and default feminine.
Say that 20 times fast, okay,if you're playing along.
Saturday is it's Friday nightand neither of you planned
dinner and it's your date night.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
That's a mistake.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah.
So default feminine would saysomething like you never take
initiative, why is it always meBad move?
And then, if she did that,obviously default masculine
would be nasty right.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Oh yeah, our wounds would have a good time.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Okay, but so here's a healthier approach to rise into
your divine feminine.
I'd love if you could take thelead tonight.
I'm craving something cozy.
Can you surprise me?
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Ooh, I can surprise you Mm-hmm.
Now, if I were in my divine ormy wounded, masculine, the
default, the default, I'm goingto call it my wounded.
Anyway, it's a defaultmasculine.
I'm going to say something likewhatever you want, just pick
something.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Mm-hmm and I kind of like annoyed, like just whatever
.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Oh, I'm doing dinner.
You're not doing dinner.
We're playing with wounds here.
My divine masculine will belike I got this, Go relax.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
See, I just love that .
I just love that.
That just gets me all up in myfeminine body.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
So how do you know if you're in your divine or in
your wounded?
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Let's talk about it a little bit, because I think
that that's a big part ofassessing so hopefully that game
was fun for you just tounderstand, like what the
options are and what maybe youmight be playing out at home, or
maybe what you are seeing othercouples play out is that
oftentimes they're justdefaulting into this nasty place
(19:42):
of, like you know, powerstruggling or withdrawing or
withholding and, you know,really getting into a place
that's not in harmony.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
And a lot of times we fall into those patterns too,
because we have a long standingpattern of dealing with our
wounds in a negative way.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Right.
So your wound care.
If you haven't done it andagain we're going to go into
this deep on the next episode soif you haven't done this inner
work, this is the work thatpeople talk about.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
This is the work that people hire us for.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Exactly Can you fix my wounds?
Speaker 1 (20:20):
I can help you, but you're going to fix your wounds.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Yeah, we're going to remind you how it feels not to
be wounded Correct.
Okay, so what I would say justabout wounds is that we all have
different wounds, typicallymother and father wounds,
because those make up ourchildhood, and again, we won't
(20:45):
get too deep into it.
But when a person is acting outof their wound, their pain body
some people call it it's whenthey are feeling under attack or
when they are feeling like theyare disconnected from
themselves, and so then they'rejust operating kind of like on
autopilot.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Lots of victim mode.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Yes, yes, and so you kind of know when you start
feeling like you're in yourwounded because you're wanting
something from somebody who youknow that you can't get a person
, you can't control a person,you only can control yourself.
And so if you're like pushing,pushing, pushing, oftentimes
that's your sign that you arecreating a trigger, for you're
(21:32):
triggering them for their woundto come out.
Because if you're pushing,pushing, pushing, whether you're
a male or female, like if maledominate, women will be critical
.
When those two things happen,that's when the polarity goes
away and then you're bothfighting.
And when you're both fighting,that's masculine, because you're
(21:52):
trying to force the otherperson to see your point of view
, to hear you, to listen to you,to feel all your feelings.
And so, yes, it's wounded,masculine and it's oftentimes
whatever wound is speaking theloudest at the time.
Is it your mother wound?
Is it your father wound?
And so tune in next week tolisten to more about that and we
(22:13):
are going to help you unravelthat and uncover it, bring it to
light, integrate that shadow.
You know Kung Fu style.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Yeah, I would say.
I'd go so far as to say thatthe minute you start blaming,
you're in your wounded.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Right the minute you start thinking that someone is
doing something to you or you'regetting the shitty end of the
stick, you are in your wounded.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Right, where, if you can raise back up into or ascend
back up into your divinity,that's where all of the answers
are.
So, if you finally are able tostep back into that divine role,
that's where peace is, that'swhere all the answers are.
That is when you are at yourstrongest and that is also when
(23:01):
you take full responsibility ofall of your actions.
So let's get into how wepractice this agreement on a
regular basis daily so we start,of course, with our weekly
check-ins, right.
So we ask these questions suchas how safe do you feel this
(23:21):
week?
I mean, it's an exposingquestion, but it opens up the
space for there to be somecommunication that needs to
happen.
There's masculine practices,such as planning, decision
making.
There's some physical presence,there's touch.
There's grounding, again, asthe masculine, as the divine
masculine.
What you want to do is findthat grounding, that peace,
(23:45):
because you are the protector,you are there to stand your
ground, you are the rock, sowomen can feel safe and get into
their feminine practices ofdancing, journaling,
surrendering.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
And when Mike creates that grounded energy, he's like
medicine man to me.
I'm like, oh, let me just leanon you, and you know like I get
real cuddly and feminine.
And when he's not being thatway and he's in his head or not,
you know like in his notexperiencing coherence, um, it's
, it's hard to be around becauseI'm just like, oh, man, that's
(24:23):
just like everything else in mylife.
Is this imbalanced thing right?
When you're coaching people oryou're just experiencing the
world?
There's a lot of imbalanceright now.
And so having the time to besafe and to feel like, oh, this
is nice for me, because womenoften don't have a time where
(24:46):
they feel safe, and so that'stheir largest need from their
masculine partner.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Well, I think that in this practice, which we haven't
written down, but what you andI do on a regular basis is have
those divine conversations- whatyou and I do on a regular basis
is have those divineconversations.
Yeah Right, how often are youhaving divine masculine, divine
feminine conversations withinyour marriage?
And if it's not happeningregularly, there's a good chance
that your polarity is in needof repolarizing.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Yeah, you might both be acting wounded masculine to
one another, or you might bothbe acting wounded feminine to
each other and either way, bothof those are just a mismatch,
meaning that they are toosimilar and too much in the pain
body to offer any sort ofhealing from one another.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, they're needy.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah, and so we want medicine from each another.
Yeah, they're needy, yeah, andso we want medicine from each
other.
We use that term quite a bitloosely, but there's no point in
being in a relationship if youaren't getting something in
return.
It's got to be reciprocal nottransactional.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
And once again, it's that whole yin-yang process.
I mean, every time you look atit it's going to give you the
same answers Balance, flow,balance flow, balance, flow,
balance flow.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
I'm going to dance on you.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Balance, flow Balance flow.
I balance your flow.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I like it Libra and Aries.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Boom, balance and flow and fire.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Lots of fire and scorching, so here are some
tools we use, we like to do,breath work, and sometimes
breath work is obviously usgoing and working out, but
actual breath work, walking andtime in nature to reset our
roles.
I always find that when we'rein nature, it's very easy to
(26:41):
remember that I am divine,feminine.
And because there's so manyexamples and you retune yourself
, we use sound bowls and soundhealing.
There's so many things that weuse together to retune ourselves
.
Intimacy rituals, which, ofcourse, help us restore polarity
.
I would say that we've neverhad a problem in that department
(27:03):
.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
No, no, no there's.
In regards to intimacy, no, ourpolarity is on point.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Our polarity in the bedroom is on point.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
It's when our wounds come out, that is when we have
issues.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
It's interesting our wounds don't come out in the
bedroom, though.
I'm just saying.
They don't the communicationpart is that wounds need to be
put in regular check.
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
There needs to be proper wound care on a regular
basis.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yeah, another thing that we like to do is yoga and
meditation, and that helps usreturn to energetic alignment.
And the other day we rolled outall three yoga mats and the
three of us did yoga and I waslike this is amazing.
And then we had some.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
We rolled out all three yoga mats and the three of
us did yoga and I was like thisis amazing.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
We had some garden time, yeah, and then I noticed
that you were really feeling inthe zone of being in the garden
together.
So when our energy ismisaligned, everything feels
hard.
When we're in agreement, loveflows effortlessly.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
And let me tell you Effortlessly flowing love is
what you're looking for.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Yes, always.
So, as the empowerment couple,we have been coaching couples
quite a bit and we want toinvite you if this speaks to you
, if this work is the work thatyou need to do to have the most
harmonious relationship, thejuiciest, yummiest relationship,
(28:29):
you can apply to work with usas a couple and we will work
with you separately and togetherso that we can help you
harmonize.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Now be advised it doesn't matter how long you are
married, right?
You can be one year into arelationship.
You can be 30 years into arelationship.
If you have wounds, you'regoing to have to take care of
them right away.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Yeah, the sooner the better.
Wouldn't it be amazing if wetook care of our wounds when we
met in college?
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
What would have been even better if we didn't have
any wounds.
However, you do need wounds togrow.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Yes, there's some opposition, yes, for sure.
So wounds aren't a bad thing.
It's how you deal with them.
That's what makes it, whetheror not it's positive or negative
.
You need to practice youralchemy.
So you get handed quite a bitof stuff, but as a real-life
couple, like for reals this isnot for fakes and we're
(29:27):
certified coaches.
We specialize in helpingconscious couples harmonize
their energy and heal patternsand activate their divine
masculine and feminine power fordeeper intimacy, aligned
communication and truepartnership.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
like both of you in the cockpit, that also means, in
layman terms, better sex andless arguing.
Yes, does that sound nice.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Yeah, no kidding.
So whether you're navigating atransition or you're just ready
to elevate your union, we'rehere to guide you back to
connection, to clarity and toco-creation.
So you can apply now there's alink in our show notes and we
will help you with your sacredrelationship blueprint and we
(30:20):
are super excited about doingthis work.
I feel like this is one of ourcallings is to show up in this
way, and we are very aligned inthis journey of empowerment
together and harmonization.
So this is just one agreement.
This is kind of a test, a tastetest, rather, of what we do in
(30:43):
our harmonization packages islike how we get you know results
, results with agreements andfind a way that they aren't
about control, they're aboutdevotion to each other's essence
, and it's very powerful stuff.
So let's do a couple ofreflection questions that you
(31:06):
can journal on.
How about I'll do one?
You do one, sure.
You can journal on how aboutI'll do one, you do one, sure,
all right.
So one question is do I feelsafe being in my natural energy,
in my relationship?
One more time Do I feel safebeing in my natural?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
energy in my relationship.
That's a good question.
I have one.
It's what part of me have Ibeen dimming to keep the peace
Once again?
What part of me have I beendimming to keep the peace Once
again?
What part of me have I beendimming to keep the peace?
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Do we have a third one?
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Yeah, Okay.
So how about can I bring aconscious agreement into our
love to deepen polarity andconnection?
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Yeah, so is there an agreement that you know needs to
be made?
This one is what worked for usand what's working currently for
our couples, but what's youragreement?
What agreement needs to besigned off on?
Speaker 1 (32:04):
For you and your partner to rise into your divine
that's where you're supposedthat is.
The whole journey of lifereally is to rise past all of
your wounds and ascend into thehigher version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Yeah, this is about sacred union and having as much
fucking fun as possible, becauseit is so fun when you have a
partner who is your best friend,who you trust, who makes you
feel safe so you can drop intofeminine.
It's rare these days to get tobe that.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
And I'm so grateful for that.
Yeah, we're lucky that we havehad such a deep understanding of
each other's wounds because ofhow much you and I have
conversated.
We've made that a point of ourrelationship early in the
relationship.
That's why we are here?
Speaker 2 (32:57):
Yeah, because we started out as friends.
Exactly, we just listened toeach other.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Exactly Lots of talking, certainly to find you,
because part of the process ofmarriage is finding someone who
can help you extract all of yourgifts and powers, and vice
versa.
So I felt like a lot of thethings that you have done for me
(33:22):
has allowed me to really touchupon you, know my true self, and
I feel like, um, I'm, I'mliterally watching you jump into
your highest version.
It's, and it's, a beautifulthing to see.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Yeah, thanks.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
You're welcome.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
The funniest thing about our relationship is that
when we met, we definitely metas very feminine and masculine
and you were masculine and I wasvery feminine and like that
initial attraction of like whatyou were willing to do and what
I was willing to do was likevery much on point just from a
(34:02):
societal standpoint.
But also we had some divinemoments, because you know
moments, because you know likewhen we were dating, for example
, we would sit when we wouldleave the bar.
Like the first night I met himthat I've shared on the show
before with our origin story islike he grabbed my hand, like to
(34:22):
protect me, like okay, let mehelp you get out of this bar,
because you're a woman, and likethis is going to be hard to get
out of this bar together.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Yeah, it's like we fell into our divine roles from
the get.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
And the only time that we've had issues is when
one of us decides our wounds aresexier than our polarity.
And let me tell you, wounds arenever sexy.
You know what I?
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
So, basically, because we have been together
for so long and that startedthat way, we can return to that
way very easily.
But I will tell you the funniestpart of our relationship is
that there have been times whenMike has been like full societal
(35:13):
perspective, has been the mostmasculine, and then there have
been times where societal rolewould call him the most feminine
, and same here, like I, havebeen the most masculine, the
most feminine, and we alwaysfigure out how to like Mrs
Doubtfire this shit, oh, mygoodness.
You know it's like oh, you'regonna take care of the kids.
(35:36):
You know, kid, we only have onebut like you're gonna take care
of the kid and I'm gonna growthis business, okay.
And then like sometimes mike'slike entering his project or his
era or his like business.
He's like, okay, you're goingto be the point person and then
I'm going to do this and thedance that we have danced has
(35:58):
been crazy.
And I feel like in those times,especially in transition, is
when we expand the most, becausewe have to play a role that
society maybe doesn't support,role that society maybe doesn't,
you know, support.
And also that both of us camein as a certain gender with
(36:20):
certain needs and abilities.
You know, like our divine magiccame from what we decided we
wanted to be in this life and Idefinitely decided to be
feminine.
I did not decide to be masculine.
However, I can very much stepinto a masculine role when
needed.
And also for you to be like ohokay, yeah, I got like we trust
(36:43):
each other too.
So there's times where I dropinto divine masculine and he
trusts that I will execute and Iwill lead and I will create the
container, and like.
There are times where Mikecould drop into divine feminine
and it's like you know, he cando all of the nurturing and all
of the, the emotions, and, likehe, he can drop in and out of
(37:06):
that, and so it is really askill set that we have mastered.
However, in order to be in arelationship together, there are
times where we need to be whowe came in as, so that we can
relax, we can settle, ournervous system, can feel like oh
(37:29):
yeah, okay, I can just feelsafe and breathe.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
What does Prince say?
Let a woman be a woman and aman be a man.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
So that's what we're expressing, right, that's the
joy.
Yeah, I get to be a man, youget to be a woman, and we get to
celebrate that.
But at any time we can switchYep, and we would love to help
you find your divine.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
So again, apply.
And also, we can't takeeveryone, so it's very, very
selective.
And next week, tune in for freewe're going to be talking all
about wounds and healing themand we're gonna.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
We're gonna get all sexy on these wounds yeah, we
are telling you the wounds.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
The wounds is the juice yeah, and you think that's
where you transmute.
That's where you get to thatnext level as you address those
wounds yeah, and the funny thingis like people are running from
it and I'm just like no, no, no, like, this is where it's all
at.
Like, if you do this, like, thewhole world opens up.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Let me suck your wounds.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Well, we are sending you the highest vibrations.
You are held.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
You are loved.
No, is's too much, too much.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
I'll just lick them.
No, no sucking, no licking.
Thanks.
You can get into drag real easy right and we're not
talking about, like you know,drag in regards to like your
clothes.
We're talking about being ableto switch roles at the drop of a
dime and not feel bad about it.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Yeah, welcome to the Empowerment Couple Podcast,
where your path to self-masteryexpands.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
My co-host is empowerment coach Zuri Starr.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
And he's expansion coach Mikey Starr.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Together we are the Empowerment Couple.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Our mission is simple to serve you, love, so you can
make informed decisions toregain and maintain your
personal power.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
We'll take you on a journey to a life filled with
purpose, passion and limitlesspossibilities, while sharing
stories of transformation,wellness hacks and healthy
habits backed by science andancient wisdom.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Plus, we'll keep you entertained with engaging games,
banter and funny innuendosalong the way.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Each episode is an exciting blend of education,
entertainment and empowerment.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Designed to help you create a mindset to be a magnet
for more love, happiness andabundance.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Together with our special guests, we are dedicated
to sharing information thatempowers you to create your most
beautiful life A onesie, atwosie, a twosie your most
beautiful life.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I got nothing.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I got nothing, you were supposed to say something I
forgot.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
This one agreement saved our relationship and it's
not what you think it's not whatyou think not even close it's
not what you think.
What's crazy is, this episodeis going to reveal a very
unexpected one agreement, andthat brought us together.
(01:52):
That saved us many, many, manytimes.
That's, currently we are stillin the process of testing it and
embodying it, because it's onething to know it and totally
another thing to embody it right.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Correct, that is correct.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
So this is all about stepping into your divine.
So Mikey and I have beentogether for a long time.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
It's a healthy amount of years.
Decades we're going on decades,yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
And because of that, as one can imagine, you change a
lot during that time.
And we have tried all thethings right.
We've been to immersionconferences and therapy.
We tried therapy, we've triedcommunication tools and it's
funny as podcasters, I would say.
(02:43):
Still, one of our weakest linksis communication, so let's
start a podcast.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Yeah, Best way to learn is to teach right.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
But the one thing that changed everything, the one
thing is this agreement therewas an energetic agreement that
I would lead from divinefeminine and that Mike would
lead from divine masculine.
It wasn't about roles, itwasn't about, like you know, all
(03:16):
the like stereotypical things,because actually Mike and I have
switched roles, societal roles,many times, like sometimes he's
the provider, sometimes I'm theprovider, sometimes he's the
nurturer, sometimes I'm thenurturer Like societal we're not
talking about that.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, we are a mixed bag.
We are so past that we are amixed bag.
That's so like 1990.
But it was interesting becauseit definitely led us to this
current understanding is whenyou blend your roles this much,
you develop tension.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
So there you go.
But the main thing about rolesis that it wasn't really about
roles, societal roles.
It was about energy safety andpresence.
It was about energy safety andpresence, and we would love for
(04:11):
you to stick around now that youknow what that one thing was,
because we are going to talkabout this neuroscience, the
polarity dynamics and thepractices that help us embody
this sacred agreement daily.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Let's get into why traditional advice doesn't
always work.
So most couples they try tomeet in the middle right so that
they can.
But that can also lead, like wewere just talking about, to
energetic blending right, wherethe roles are so blended that
it's hard to know what.
You know who's doing who.
Who's doing what.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Who's doing who?
Who's doing who right?
That's going to cause some realproblems.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
And what that does is it causes a lack of polarity.
Now, modern relationships oftendefault to sameness, right?
Not synergy.
So sameness is, oh, we're bothdoing the same thing at the same
time, whereas synergy, we havethe opportunity to benefit off
of each other's strengths, right?
Knowing that someone brings youknow what you bring to the
(05:06):
table is different from what Ibring to the table.
Sameness breeds safety, but itdoesn't always breed soul fire,
right?
And that's what we're lookingfor.
We're looking for that polaritybreeds passion.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
So let's talk about polarity and divine dynamics.
So, understanding polarity,let's just do a little polarity
101, shall we so?
Feminine equals fluidity,creativity, creativity,
receptivity, emotional strength.
Feminine is very intuitive andreceptive, like lots of resting
(06:06):
and receiving and creating thatenergy of rest is just as
important as the to-do list,especially when you're
collaborating and blending, asyou were calling it.
Masculine is direction, sobeing a leader and being
decisive in direction Presenceso maintaining a healthy
presence.
Containment meaning that theycan hold space and action.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Masculine energy is very action-based.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
And so if we look at what polarity those two because
they're essentially opposites,the yin and the yang when we
look at that, we can see howthey would match really well
together.
If one is leading and the otherone is receiving, and one is
very fluid, the other one isvery directive, you know,
(06:50):
focused.
One is very creative and theother one is like holding a
container where it's safe to becreative.
One is very emotional and theother one is very like okay, I'm
here for your emotions, thepresence, part of it.
That's how they can stimulateeach other and create necessary
(07:11):
polarity.
So there's this really goodquote from David Data the
feminine tests the masculine'spresence by surrendering to the
unknown.
The masculine proves itself byholding that chaos with love.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
So here's the embodied agreement.
Is that Me?
Suri hi, I lead with intuitionand emotional intelligence which
is feminine, and Mike hi.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Hello, hello.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Leads with groundedness, protection and
forward momentum, and that'smasculine.
But we both can switch rolesconsciously when needed.
We both have the ability to bevery masculine in my case, where
I am a go-getter and I'm verydriven, without being like
(08:09):
hustle culture vibes likeburning out, and then you can be
very emotional and creative andI can create space for that.
But it's when we both areacting from a wounded place that
we will struggle.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I mean, if you look at the yin-yang sign, the
yin-yang sign is so many thingsat once, is so many things at
once, and if you look at it, itis a celebration of the divine
masculine and the divinefeminine in a constant
interaction with one another.
And if you look even closer,you'll know that it has a part
(08:51):
of divine masculine and thedivine masculine also has a part
of divine feminine.
Yes, masculine also has a partof divine feminine.
Yes, that same yin-yang sign isalso a representation of the
divine masculine or the divinefeminine.
Right, it is a balance.
That is how you reach divinity.
You reach divinity bycelebrating as men, celebrating
(09:11):
your feminine but using yourmasculine, staying in your
masculine but also having thatability to connect with the
feminine when necessary, andvice versa.
So when both parties come tothe table as balanced
individuals, then you have thatempowered relationship.
So that's what I'm excitedabout.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Well, according to the Journal of Couple and
Relationship Therapy, coupleswho consciously discuss
energetic leadership rolesreport higher emotional intimacy
and lower communicationconflict.
And I think that what happensfrom my testing with you.
(09:54):
Testing, you know where we justlike test all these concepts on
each other.
Yeah, does this work?
I wonder what this works.
I have found that thecommunication conflict mostly
comes from not listening, and insituations where I have to play
maybe a masculine role, where Iam the podcast producer, then I
(10:21):
have to create a way for you tothen be safe, to be more
feminine and follow my lead,because in that case I am
playing a leadership role.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
And in order for me to do that, I have to suspend
all of my wounds in order tofollow, because, as men, it's
hard for men to follow.
But we also have to follow asmen, because that is our role.
Sometimes, following is a formof protection.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Yeah, and the agreement again is not about
power, it's just about polarityand peace, polarity and peace,
peace through polarity.
Peace through polarity honey.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
You would think that it would go the exact opposite,
but really, opposites attract.
That's how we keep our flamegoing by celebrating our
differences and also celebratingour similarities.
So let's talk a little bitabout safety, sex and sacred
love.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Okay.
So for the feminine, safetyreally equals relaxation, right.
It means a deeper emotional andsexual connection.
Females, they want to feel likethey're being led and held, and
that's the key to beingcreative and connecting with
that sensual flow.
This reminds me of a quote fromShan Boodram, who states a
(11:45):
woman cannot access her softnessunless she feels safe in the
container.
So let's talk about thecontainer, right.
So for the masculine, whatwe're looking for is direction
and presence, and direction andpresence equals the embodiment
of leadership, right.
So responsibility is the key,not domination.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Yes, say it louder.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Responsibility is key , not dominating, right?
Men are not supposed todominate, they're supposed to
protect.
Okay, jay Shetty talks aboutservant leadership in conscious
partnerships, basically showingup as a protector of the
emotional container, not anauthority of it, right?
So basically, what it means isyou are the protector of your
(12:30):
house.
You are not the king of it,right, you're not the dominant
person.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
You can be the king with the queen.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
That is correct the decisions are together.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
It's like cockpit.
You know you're both in thecockpit.
Sometimes one of you is thecaptain, Sometimes one of you is
the co-pilot.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
And going back to the whole yin-yang, one is leading,
the other one's following, andthen you could swap that anytime
.
Yep, it's not that themasculine leads the relationship
, it leads the energy with love,right?
So what we're talking abouthere is the container.
That we're talking about is therelationship, right?
(13:15):
So I am protecting therelationship, and within that
relationship resides my woman,who is protected.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Well, I think it's time for a game.
Let's play divine or default.
I love games.
I know you do.
Are you going to default or areyou going to be divine?
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Oh, you know what?
My default is now divine.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Okay, so we're going to do a playful, playful,
polarity showdown.
Okay, a showdown.
Okay, are you ready to showdownShowdown?
Okay, here's how it works.
So you and I will take turns.
We're going to read out loudsome real life relationship
scenarios like disagreements,chores, communication, fails,
(14:00):
the normal stuff, date nightmoments that maybe went awry.
Each one gets two options forhow to respond.
Okay, you ready for this?
Yes, so divine feminine anddivine masculine responses.
So here it goes.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
And then the default would be a wounded response Ooh.
So this wound conversation isgoing to continue into next
week's show because it's sopowerful and we wanted to give
this away to our audiencebecause we know that if you
understand wounded and youunderstand divine honey.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
It's time to do some wound care.
Yes, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Okay.
So here's the funny part isthat I want you yes, you know
what I'm saying Okay, so here'sthe funny part is that I want
you to kind of act them out.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Okay, so get real wounded up in there and get real
divine and you know I will domy best with the wounded.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
It's been such a long time since I felt wounded.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Oh fool.
Okay.
So scenario one your partnerforgot to do the one thing they
promised to do today.
Okay, so the default femininewould do something like go ahead
.
What would a default femininedo?
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Oh, you never listen, I'm just going to do it myself
again.
That's standard.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
That's standard, so it's like drama queen tone.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah , yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Would she like throw something?
Speaker 1 (15:32):
There's going to be some foot stomping, there's
going to be some eye rolling,there's going to be, you know,
improper tonage.
I like that stuff.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Tonage.
Okay, so like divine femininecould handle that situation like
hey love, Hi.
I felt disappointed today andthen, you know, you kind of
leave some space Like I feltdisappointed when that one thing
didn't happen.
Okay, Can we try again withmore clarity.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
I like that.
That's a nice soft power.
That's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
And embodied Like hey , it happens, grace.
Also, grace, I don't see youreyes rolling or any foot
stomping when that happens.
I don't know, with this eyerolling thing, I don't know how
to roll my eyes, so I don't knowwhat.
You roll my eyes, so I don'tknow what you're talking about.
Yeah, okay, there, it is Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Scenario two Scenario two go for it.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Okay, so you do this time divine masculine.
I'll do the default.
Okay, so your partner isvisibly emotional but not
talking.
Who does that?
So you're going to do thedivine.
So first let me respond whodoes that?
(16:51):
Okay, so default masculine whenyou're in default.
Okay, when you're not beingmasculine in divine.
What's wrong now?
Can we just fix it?
And then shuts down or rushesthe emotion or slams the door or
leaves stone walls et cetera.
Fill in the blank.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
That's not the way it's done.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
That's default.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Let me tell you that.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Wounded default.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Divine masculine would say something like I'm
here, no rush, take your time,baby.
When you're ready to talk, I'mready to listen.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
See how much sexier that was.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
I provided my presence.
I'm protecting the container.
We're good to go.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
Yeah, okay.
So scenario three, last oneit's Friday night, date night,
and neither of you planneddinner.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
You didn't plan dinner.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Okay, so I'm going to act out default feminine and
divine feminine, and then youact out divine feminine or
masculine and divine or defaultmasculine.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Did I say that right?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Divine and default masculine and I will do divine
and default feminine.
Say that 20 times fast, okay,if you're playing along.
Saturday is it's Friday nightand neither of you planned
dinner and it's your date night.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
That's a mistake.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah.
So default feminine would saysomething like you never take
initiative, why is it always meBad move?
And then, if she did that,obviously default masculine
would be nasty right.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Oh yeah, our wounds would have a good time.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Okay, but so here's a healthier approach to rise into
your divine feminine.
I'd love if you could take thelead tonight.
I'm craving something cozy.
Can you surprise me?
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Ooh, I can surprise you Mm-hmm.
Now, if I were in my divine ormy wounded, masculine, the
default, the default, I'm goingto call it my wounded.
Anyway, it's a defaultmasculine.
I'm going to say something likewhatever you want, just pick
something.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Mm-hmm and I kind of like annoyed, like just whatever
.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Oh, I'm doing dinner.
You're not doing dinner.
We're playing with wounds here.
My divine masculine will belike I got this, Go relax.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
See, I just love that .
I just love that.
That just gets me all up in myfeminine body.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
So how do you know if you're in your divine or in
your wounded?
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Let's talk about it a little bit, because I think
that that's a big part ofassessing so hopefully that game
was fun for you just tounderstand, like what the
options are and what maybe youmight be playing out at home, or
maybe what you are seeing othercouples play out is that
oftentimes they're justdefaulting into this nasty place
(19:42):
of, like you know, powerstruggling or withdrawing or
withholding and, you know,really getting into a place
that's not in harmony.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
And a lot of times we fall into those patterns too,
because we have a long standingpattern of dealing with our
wounds in a negative way.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Right.
So your wound care.
If you haven't done it andagain we're going to go into
this deep on the next episode soif you haven't done this inner
work, this is the work thatpeople talk about.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
This is the work that people hire us for.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Exactly Can you fix my wounds?
Speaker 1 (20:20):
I can help you, but you're going to fix your wounds.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Yeah, we're going to remind you how it feels not to
be wounded Correct.
Okay, so what I would say justabout wounds is that we all have
different wounds, typicallymother and father wounds,
because those make up ourchildhood, and again, we won't
(20:45):
get too deep into it.
But when a person is acting outof their wound, their pain body
some people call it it's whenthey are feeling under attack or
when they are feeling like theyare disconnected from
themselves, and so then they'rejust operating kind of like on
autopilot.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Lots of victim mode.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Yes, yes, and so you kind of know when you start
feeling like you're in yourwounded because you're wanting
something from somebody who youknow that you can't get a person
, you can't control a person,you only can control yourself.
And so if you're like pushing,pushing, pushing, oftentimes
that's your sign that you arecreating a trigger, for you're
(21:32):
triggering them for their woundto come out.
Because if you're pushing,pushing, pushing, whether you're
a male or female, like if maledominate, women will be critical
.
When those two things happen,that's when the polarity goes
away and then you're bothfighting.
And when you're both fighting,that's masculine, because you're
(21:52):
trying to force the otherperson to see your point of view
, to hear you, to listen to you,to feel all your feelings.
And so, yes, it's wounded,masculine and it's oftentimes
whatever wound is speaking theloudest at the time.
Is it your mother wound?
Is it your father wound?
And so tune in next week tolisten to more about that and we
(22:13):
are going to help you unravelthat and uncover it, bring it to
light, integrate that shadow.
You know Kung Fu style.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Yeah, I would say.
I'd go so far as to say thatthe minute you start blaming,
you're in your wounded.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Right the minute you start thinking that someone is
doing something to you or you'regetting the shitty end of the
stick, you are in your wounded.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Right, where, if you can raise back up into or ascend
back up into your divinity,that's where all of the answers
are.
So, if you finally are able tostep back into that divine role,
that's where peace is, that'swhere all the answers are.
That is when you are at yourstrongest and that is also when
(23:01):
you take full responsibility ofall of your actions.
So let's get into how wepractice this agreement on a
regular basis daily so we start,of course, with our weekly
check-ins, right.
So we ask these questions suchas how safe do you feel this
(23:21):
week?
I mean, it's an exposingquestion, but it opens up the
space for there to be somecommunication that needs to
happen.
There's masculine practices,such as planning, decision
making.
There's some physical presence,there's touch.
There's grounding, again, asthe masculine, as the divine
masculine.
What you want to do is findthat grounding, that peace,
(23:45):
because you are the protector,you are there to stand your
ground, you are the rock, sowomen can feel safe and get into
their feminine practices ofdancing, journaling,
surrendering.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
And when Mike creates that grounded energy, he's like
medicine man to me.
I'm like, oh, let me just leanon you, and you know like I get
real cuddly and feminine.
And when he's not being thatway and he's in his head or not,
you know like in his notexperiencing coherence, um, it's
, it's hard to be around becauseI'm just like, oh, man, that's
(24:23):
just like everything else in mylife.
Is this imbalanced thing right?
When you're coaching people oryou're just experiencing the
world?
There's a lot of imbalanceright now.
And so having the time to besafe and to feel like, oh, this
is nice for me, because womenoften don't have a time where
(24:46):
they feel safe, and so that'stheir largest need from their
masculine partner.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Well, I think that in this practice, which we haven't
written down, but what you andI do on a regular basis is have
those divine conversations- whatyou and I do on a regular basis
is have those divineconversations.
Yeah Right, how often are youhaving divine masculine, divine
feminine conversations withinyour marriage?
And if it's not happeningregularly, there's a good chance
that your polarity is in needof repolarizing.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Yeah, you might both be acting wounded masculine to
one another, or you might bothbe acting wounded feminine to
each other and either way, bothof those are just a mismatch,
meaning that they are toosimilar and too much in the pain
body to offer any sort ofhealing from one another.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, they're needy.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah, and so we want medicine from each another.
Yeah, they're needy, yeah, andso we want medicine from each
other.
We use that term quite a bitloosely, but there's no point in
being in a relationship if youaren't getting something in
return.
It's got to be reciprocal nottransactional.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
And once again, it's that whole yin-yang process.
I mean, every time you look atit it's going to give you the
same answers Balance, flow,balance flow, balance, flow,
balance flow.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
I'm going to dance on you.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Balance, flow Balance flow.
I balance your flow.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I like it Libra and Aries.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Boom, balance and flow and fire.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Lots of fire and scorching, so here are some
tools we use, we like to do,breath work, and sometimes
breath work is obviously usgoing and working out, but
actual breath work, walking andtime in nature to reset our
roles.
I always find that when we'rein nature, it's very easy to
(26:41):
remember that I am divine,feminine.
And because there's so manyexamples and you retune yourself
, we use sound bowls and soundhealing.
There's so many things that weuse together to retune ourselves
.
Intimacy rituals, which, ofcourse, help us restore polarity
.
I would say that we've neverhad a problem in that department
(27:03):
.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
No, no, no there's.
In regards to intimacy, no, ourpolarity is on point.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Our polarity in the bedroom is on point.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
It's when our wounds come out, that is when we have
issues.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
It's interesting our wounds don't come out in the
bedroom, though.
I'm just saying.
They don't the communicationpart is that wounds need to be
put in regular check.
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
There needs to be proper wound care on a regular
basis.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yeah, another thing that we like to do is yoga and
meditation, and that helps usreturn to energetic alignment.
And the other day we rolled outall three yoga mats and the
three of us did yoga and I waslike this is amazing.
And then we had some.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
We rolled out all three yoga mats and the three of
us did yoga and I was like thisis amazing.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
We had some garden time, yeah, and then I noticed
that you were really feeling inthe zone of being in the garden
together.
So when our energy ismisaligned, everything feels
hard.
When we're in agreement, loveflows effortlessly.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
And let me tell you Effortlessly flowing love is
what you're looking for.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Yes, always.
So, as the empowerment couple,we have been coaching couples
quite a bit and we want toinvite you if this speaks to you
, if this work is the work thatyou need to do to have the most
harmonious relationship, thejuiciest, yummiest relationship,
(28:29):
you can apply to work with usas a couple and we will work
with you separately and togetherso that we can help you
harmonize.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Now be advised it doesn't matter how long you are
married, right?
You can be one year into arelationship.
You can be 30 years into arelationship.
If you have wounds, you'regoing to have to take care of
them right away.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Yeah, the sooner the better.
Wouldn't it be amazing if wetook care of our wounds when we
met in college?
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
What would have been even better if we didn't have
any wounds.
However, you do need wounds togrow.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Yes, there's some opposition, yes, for sure.
So wounds aren't a bad thing.
It's how you deal with them.
That's what makes it, whetheror not it's positive or negative
.
You need to practice youralchemy.
So you get handed quite a bitof stuff, but as a real-life
couple, like for reals this isnot for fakes and we're
(29:27):
certified coaches.
We specialize in helpingconscious couples harmonize
their energy and heal patternsand activate their divine
masculine and feminine power fordeeper intimacy, aligned
communication and truepartnership.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
like both of you in the cockpit, that also means, in
layman terms, better sex andless arguing.
Yes, does that sound nice.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Yeah, no kidding.
So whether you're navigating atransition or you're just ready
to elevate your union, we'rehere to guide you back to
connection, to clarity and toco-creation.
So you can apply now there's alink in our show notes and we
will help you with your sacredrelationship blueprint and we
(30:20):
are super excited about doingthis work.
I feel like this is one of ourcallings is to show up in this
way, and we are very aligned inthis journey of empowerment
together and harmonization.
So this is just one agreement.
This is kind of a test, a tastetest, rather, of what we do in
(30:43):
our harmonization packages islike how we get you know results
, results with agreements andfind a way that they aren't
about control, they're aboutdevotion to each other's essence
, and it's very powerful stuff.
So let's do a couple ofreflection questions that you
(31:06):
can journal on.
How about I'll do one?
You do one, sure.
You can journal on how aboutI'll do one, you do one, sure,
all right.
So one question is do I feelsafe being in my natural energy,
in my relationship?
One more time Do I feel safebeing in my natural?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
energy in my relationship.
That's a good question.
I have one.
It's what part of me have Ibeen dimming to keep the peace
Once again?
What part of me have I beendimming to keep the peace Once
again?
What part of me have I beendimming to keep the peace?
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Do we have a third one?
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Yeah, Okay.
So how about can I bring aconscious agreement into our
love to deepen polarity andconnection?
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Yeah, so is there an agreement that you know needs to
be made?
This one is what worked for usand what's working currently for
our couples, but what's youragreement?
What agreement needs to besigned off on?
Speaker 1 (32:04):
For you and your partner to rise into your divine
that's where you're supposedthat is.
The whole journey of lifereally is to rise past all of
your wounds and ascend into thehigher version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Yeah, this is about sacred union and having as much
fucking fun as possible, becauseit is so fun when you have a
partner who is your best friend,who you trust, who makes you
feel safe so you can drop intofeminine.
It's rare these days to get tobe that.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
And I'm so grateful for that.
Yeah, we're lucky that we havehad such a deep understanding of
each other's wounds because ofhow much you and I have
conversated.
We've made that a point of ourrelationship early in the
relationship.
That's why we are here?
Speaker 2 (32:57):
Yeah, because we started out as friends.
Exactly, we just listened toeach other.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Exactly Lots of talking, certainly to find you,
because part of the process ofmarriage is finding someone who
can help you extract all of yourgifts and powers, and vice
versa.
So I felt like a lot of thethings that you have done for me
(33:22):
has allowed me to really touchupon you, know my true self, and
I feel like, um, I'm, I'mliterally watching you jump into
your highest version.
It's, and it's, a beautifulthing to see.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Yeah, thanks.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
You're welcome.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
The funniest thing about our relationship is that
when we met, we definitely metas very feminine and masculine
and you were masculine and I wasvery feminine and like that
initial attraction of like whatyou were willing to do and what
I was willing to do was likevery much on point just from a
(34:02):
societal standpoint.
But also we had some divinemoments, because you know
moments, because you know likewhen we were dating, for example
, we would sit when we wouldleave the bar.
Like the first night I met himthat I've shared on the show
before with our origin story islike he grabbed my hand, like to
(34:22):
protect me, like okay, let mehelp you get out of this bar,
because you're a woman, and likethis is going to be hard to get
out of this bar together.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Yeah, it's like we fell into our divine roles from
the get.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
And the only time that we've had issues is when
one of us decides our wounds aresexier than our polarity.
And let me tell you, wounds arenever sexy.
You know what I?
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
So, basically, because we have been together
for so long and that startedthat way, we can return to that
way very easily.
But I will tell you the funniestpart of our relationship is
that there have been times whenMike has been like full societal
(35:13):
perspective, has been the mostmasculine, and then there have
been times where societal rolewould call him the most feminine
, and same here, like I, havebeen the most masculine, the
most feminine, and we alwaysfigure out how to like Mrs
Doubtfire this shit, oh, mygoodness.
You know it's like oh, you'regonna take care of the kids.
(35:36):
You know, kid, we only have onebut like you're gonna take care
of the kid and I'm gonna growthis business, okay.
And then like sometimes mike'slike entering his project or his
era or his like business.
He's like, okay, you're goingto be the point person and then
I'm going to do this and thedance that we have danced has
(35:58):
been crazy.
And I feel like in those times,especially in transition, is
when we expand the most, becausewe have to play a role that
society maybe doesn't support,role that society maybe doesn't,
you know, support.
And also that both of us camein as a certain gender with
(36:20):
certain needs and abilities.
You know, like our divine magiccame from what we decided we
wanted to be in this life and Idefinitely decided to be
feminine.
I did not decide to be masculine.
However, I can very much stepinto a masculine role when
needed.
And also for you to be like ohokay, yeah, I got like we trust
(36:43):
each other too.
So there's times where I dropinto divine masculine and he
trusts that I will execute and Iwill lead and I will create the
container, and like.
There are times where Mikecould drop into divine feminine
and it's like you know, he cando all of the nurturing and all
of the, the emotions, and, likehe, he can drop in and out of
(37:06):
that, and so it is really askill set that we have mastered.
However, in order to be in arelationship together, there are
times where we need to be whowe came in as, so that we can
relax, we can settle, ournervous system, can feel like oh
(37:29):
yeah, okay, I can just feelsafe and breathe.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
What does Prince say?
Let a woman be a woman and aman be a man.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
So that's what we're expressing, right, that's the
joy.
Yeah, I get to be a man, youget to be a woman, and we get to
celebrate that.
But at any time we can switchYep, and we would love to help
you find your divine.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
So again, apply.
And also, we can't takeeveryone, so it's very, very
selective.
And next week, tune in for freewe're going to be talking all
about wounds and healing themand we're gonna.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
We're gonna get all sexy on these wounds yeah, we
are telling you the wounds.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
The wounds is the juice yeah, and you think that's
where you transmute.
That's where you get to thatnext level as you address those
wounds yeah, and the funny thingis like people are running from
it and I'm just like no, no, no, like, this is where it's all
at.
Like, if you do this, like, thewhole world opens up.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Let me suck your wounds.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Well, we are sending you the highest vibrations.
You are held.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
You are loved.
No, is's too much, too much.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
I'll just lick them.
No, no sucking, no licking.
Thanks.
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