January 14, 2025 • 43 mins
On this week’s episode of The Even If Podcast, we talk about FAILURE! That’s right, we share areas we have each failed in and the ways in which we have learned from it. We question the difference between failure and success, discuss what failure has taught us over the years, and answer the question if we would go through it all again. Enjoy this week’s episode and remember, even if, He is still good.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to the Even If podcast. I'm Sarah and I'm Kenzie and today's episode is Even
(00:10):
If It Fails, He Is Still Good.
Yes, we're going to talk about failure.
Yay! I have a lot of experience in this.
Oh my gosh.
Same.
Okay.
First, I think you should share about what you have been doing since this new year started.
And it's really inspired me and encouraged.
(00:31):
So sweet.
I mean, I'm not doing it, but I think you should share for our listeners.
You know, I'm not doing it.
But I'm inspired by you.
Oh, I love you.
Oh, yeah. I'm doing 75 Hard.
And I guess technically it's 75.
People say that's not 75 Hard.
It's 75 Soft.
And I'm saying it's my version of 75 Hard.
(00:52):
Call it what you want.
Call it whatever.
But yeah, I started this on January 6th and I am loving it so far.
It has been something that honestly, the whole reason why I wanted to do it was because January
and February for me are very tough months because it's so dang cold here.
And it is so cold.
It's so cold.
(01:13):
I feel like I can't help but talk about the weather every day.
No, same.
It's been like snowing.
No, it's been awful.
Nashville, Tennessee, and it is, and then when it snows, everything closes down, which is hilarious.
Like schools are closed.
It's scary.
I've been hydroplane in.
Oh, I'm not.
It's not funny.
I'm fine.
But I just like, I'm in a Jeep and it just, just like, I know.
(01:36):
Well, it's funny too.
Cause everyone's like, aren't you Canadian?
And I'm like, yes, I've also lived in America since I was 19.
Yeah, your blood.
And my blood has really thinned.
And just cause I'm Canadian doesn't mean I ever liked it.
I just happened to be born there or ever was used to it.
True.
But I definitely have been sensitized to it.
It has been rough, but it's very cool.
(01:57):
Yeah.
75 has been just something that I like wanted to get through the cold months.
It's been, it's always really dreary here.
And I'm a son.
I love the sun.
We need the sun.
We all need the sun.
And so I was like, man, you know what?
I need something to kind of work towards and work through and through this out with some friends.
And then actually there's been, it's been a top of mind for a lot of people.
(02:18):
So I have friends in Austin doing it and I'm doing it here.
I've got some friends here doing it.
My version is different.
I'm Sabbath-ing on Sundays.
So tell why it's called 75 soft.
So mine is 75 soft because I'm, I'm choosing to basically 75 part.
If you've never heard of it before, you essentially do two 45 minute workouts every day.
One is indoor, one is outdoor.
(02:39):
You drink a gallon of water, which is insane.
You read 10 pages of a nonfiction book every day.
And then you take a product, progress picture every day.
And then you, what's it going to, oh, you follow some sort of diet.
And then you do that for 75 days.
There's no cheat days.
There's no stopping.
Oh, and there's no alcohol, but I don't really drink.
(03:00):
So that one's really easy for me.
So my version is essentially everything, the things that I've modified are instead of doing it every single day.
I'm Sabbath-ing on Sundays.
For me, it's just been something that I wanted to implement into my life.
And so I'm hoping that these will carry out past the 75 days.
Yeah.
I also use my body for part of my job.
(03:21):
So for me, I just can't afford to get hurt.
So I'm like resting, but then the rest is not just rest.
It's like I'm not on social media, which means I have to do all my work for social media prior to no working out and then no working, which is also something that I'm is new.
Because I use it a couple of days.
Yeah.
So it causes me to be really intentional throughout my week.
(03:44):
I'm very much time blocking my calendar right now, which I've always done, but it's on a whole new level now.
And then the other thing that I'm doing that's different is, you know this, I don't drink water.
Like I just don't, I know that sounds crazy.
I don't drink water.
So going from maybe drinking half a glass of water a day to a full gallon.
I think you would drown.
I think I'd drown.
(04:05):
No, genuinely.
I have been, so right now I'm doing two liters a day.
Okay.
So you see it's a great call.
You got to do what you gotta do.
I gotta do what I do.
Yeah.
So, and I have a lot of friends doing 75 and doing the full thing, like all the way committing to it.
And then I have friends that have modified based on what their goals are.
And I think that's the beautiful thing about 75 is like one, there's a lot of people doing it.
So we have tech, I have multiple text threads and group chats that have been fun.
(04:27):
And then talking to my clients about it at the studio has been really fun and they've joined in.
And then also two, just being able to say these are the things that I want to work on, get better at, be more disciplined with and then carry those out throughout the week.
Yeah.
And that's all there is out throughout the year.
Well, it's like we talked about that on last week's podcast, just New Year's resolutions, goals, things.
And it's like having a hundred different things we're going to do differently.
(04:49):
I'm going to be this, I'm going to act this way.
I'm going to work out.
I'm going to read this much, have this diet, all of that.
If we're doing so much can be overwhelming.
Yeah.
And so it's like, yeah, you got to figure out what works for you.
Yeah.
And when I tell you I'm inspired, I truly am so inspired by you, but I realized for me, the things that I'm trying to do right now, it felt like so much to add to my play.
And so it's like, yeah, that's okay.
And other people shouldn't feel shame if you can't do it or don't feel shame if you're not doing 75 hard.
(05:12):
Totally.
You're doing what works for you.
And that's amazing.
Yeah.
No, and it's, and it's exactly that.
And show yourself.
There's another way to like learn grace to understand a deeper level of grace because I had a day throughout my 75 where I am watching my brother's puppy and she just was sick all night long and got me up every other hour to go to the bathroom outside.
(05:34):
And I didn't get any sleep and then I had to be up at five.
So I basically didn't sleep and then I ran into class and like taught my class and then just went through and I was like, dang it, this day is I'm, I'm really negative in my head and I am beating myself up.
And now, oh my gosh, now this thought is running to this thought.
And all that to say, I decided I was spiraling and I just had to go, we're not going to believe the things that we say today and we're going to deepen our grace for ourself today.
(06:03):
I think that's also cool.
Like there is a lot of pressure and around the new year and you know, a lot of people are doing diets and jumping into new workout programs and doing all these things.
There's no need to ever compare yourself and also look at the opportunity to understand grace even more as you, if you are committing to 75 or fasting or whatever it is that you're doing, just allow yourself to also understand what grace looks like.
(06:25):
Because that's also something that you're going to learn throughout the process.
Yeah.
So I love that.
That's so good.
I'm not sure I probably like 75 heart sounds like something I would love.
You would.
I love a good right now.
I love reading like all these things I love, but I think there's this part of me that's like, well, I'm not going to do it unless I do it to perfection.
Like I would have to do it right.
And I don't know if I will and what if I can't.
And it's like, that's literally also funny because it's kind of what we're about to talk about.
(06:48):
What if I fail?
What if I fail?
Even if I fail.
And so it's cool to hear that just because it's like, first of all, you don't have to be all in or all out as I think I can be at times.
Yeah.
It's like, it's okay to modify.
It's okay to do it's best.
Totally.
It's okay to change it.
Use the same name of something that has inspired you and make it work for you.
Totally.
(07:09):
I love that.
I'm proud of you.
That's such a great, thank you.
Proud of you.
Perfect segue because we are talking about failure.
So I want to ask you, failure is something that we're obviously familiar with.
Let's go back to like middle school, high school.
What are some of your first memories of failure?
That's funny.
Do you have some?
Oh, do I?
Do I?
I think I call my mom and dad.
I think a big failure in college was I was actually in nursing school for two years and I went into college undecided.
(07:39):
I didn't know what I was going to do.
I think I did social work for a little bit.
I did psychology.
I kind of switched around.
I was playing soccer.
I was in a sorority.
I was doing so much.
And then sophomore year, I was like, what am I doing at college?
I don't even know what I'm studying.
I want to do something to help people did nursing school.
I did it all sophomore year into that summer, junior year and did clinicals, did rotations with the whole thing.
(08:01):
Oh.
And it was the end of junior year.
And I get my final test back.
I had a 74.3 in a class and you need a 74.5 to pass.
You're joking.
Two tenths of a point.
You're joking.
And so I failed nursing school.
And I didn't know you, it was by that.
(08:23):
I didn't know it was that.
I didn't know that's the story.
I know.
It's not crazy.
What?
And it was one of those things that it's really crazy to see you got in the details of all of that because I was devastated.
I mean, first of all, I worked for years in this and just felt like I had a direction.
I knew what I was doing.
And then I'm like, okay, to not pass.
(08:44):
What am I supposed to do?
I remember finding out I was at the beach and I got the email that said he didn't pass.
And I'm like, no way.
And it was hard.
School was hard for me.
Science.
Like nursing school was just so hard.
And I remember going out on the beach and just crying, walking up and down the shore of just like, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do next.
(09:07):
And do I go back to school and try to take this class again?
Or do I transfer?
But then I miss all my friends.
Or do I switch my major?
And I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.
And I just...
How old are you at this time?
I'm...
Let's see, what are you in, junior?
Like 19, 20?
Wow.
Maybe 21?
2021, yeah.
And I'm supposed to be graduating soon.
(09:30):
And then do what?
For what?
Like I have no idea where to go from here.
And I remember just praying about it and really feeling like the Lord was saying, this is a redirection.
And I'm like, for what?
For what?
But where?
And how?
And I fail this.
And this is a funny side story too of just how much God can be in control even when everything else is going to be.
And everything else, like we have our way of wanting so badly to make something happen and how He is still more powerful.
(09:56):
So I look over my scores, my tests.
I end up going to my nursing professor and being like, hey, can I review my test with you?
I just want to see where I went wrong.
We go through my tests, look over the Scantron.
There was one on the Scantron that was counted as a miss, but I actually answered correctly.
You're joking.
(10:17):
And so I was like, I got that one right.
And she was like, oh, well, you should have caught that.
And I was like, I should have caught that.
It's a Scantron.
And she was like, well, as a nurse, you have to be able to pick up on these because we review tests when we get them back.
And you should have noticed that.
What?
And I was like, yeah, I guess I should have.
I trusted the Scantron robot thing.
Okay.
And she was like, well, I don't think it would have made a difference.
And I was like, okay, so this thing said it was wrong.
(10:40):
What if I got this question right?
One question on my final exam.
She added as if I got that question right, redid my score and I passed.
You're joking.
What?
So I was like, uh, so clearly I, I didn't fail.
I'm fine.
And she was like, it's protocol.
I mean, I took it up to the head, head, head guard.
You're joking.
Just being like, I clearly passed.
I know the information and they just kind of came back with, you should have caught it when we reviewed the exams.
(11:05):
That's in the curriculum.
Like you got to catch those mistakes.
I have so much I could say.
It was like crazy.
Me too.
Me too.
I remember I was living a couple hours away from my school.
I drove there to have the meeting with my professor and I remember as soon as she said that I was so angry.
And then there's part of me that was like, this ain't it.
(11:26):
This is not, this is, this is not what I'm supposed to be doing.
Dang Sarah.
I got in my car and drove back home to Nashville and was like, I think the Lord has something different for me.
And I failed.
Yes.
A truly failed nursing school.
Right.
And that was his redirection for something else.
And looking at it now, I would not survive a day in healthcare.
(11:47):
Wow.
Yeah.
You ain't, you ain't, that's why I am.
I probably have not been to the doctor in 15 years.
Like I don't own medication.
Like I,
He's made you a lot of money too.
I know.
From having to like just continue.
And he knew that that wasn't the path for me.
And obviously I am where I am now and there are a series of events was able to change my major to psychology, take 21 hours, both semesters and graduate on time.
(12:11):
And now I'm doing what I love as a life coach with a psychology background and just like, okay.
God knew when it felt like my biggest failure.
Wow.
Isn't that wild?
Crazy.
Dang girl.
That's so inspirational to me.
Even now just hearing you on like, yeah, no kidding.
Ken's, but anyway, okay.
What are some of your memories of failure?
Words where I remember vividly my failure and specifically ski racing.
(12:37):
Yes.
I, if you don't know, I used to competitively downhill ski race.
My dad, big racer, I could ski before I could walk.
I was on my dad's back and then I was between his legs and, and then I was just flying down the mountain, my brother and I.
And that's just what we did.
And it was our joy, our passion until it became just the thing that I felt like I needed to do to achieve my dad's love.
(12:59):
And that's a whole nother story.
I'll say for another day, maybe, but I remember I was never really, I was always good.
I was a really technically good skier.
I was just always a very small human ski racers.
Females are just their big girls and like strong women.
Like they are thick and they can get, and you want to, you know, gravity, you want to be on the snow.
(13:20):
And I just was smaller.
I was a little petite thing.
And so I couldn't, I was, I was a great technical racer.
I never really skied super, super fast until I got a little bit older and I started skiing really fast.
And then that's when, you know, I was getting sponsorships and I got accepted into a school that was going to help me get to the Olympics.
And now all of a sudden my dreams are getting bigger and bigger.
(13:42):
And I'm like, I'm going to be an Olympic athlete.
Oh my gosh, like this is awesome.
And I'll never forget, I blew out my knee in a race.
I was finishing super fast.
It was my second run in ski racing.
You have a morning run and you have an afternoon run.
And your morning run is, you know, you'll go down the mountain and the fastest will, they'll reverse the top 30.
(14:03):
So you'll basically go in your second run.
I think I had finished third in the morning.
So I was running 27th in the afternoon.
And so the course was choppier, the snow, it was getting warmer.
And I just got caught in the back seat and I just blew my knee out and I didn't know I had done it.
I kept skiing on it.
I mean, there was a lot of pain.
I didn't know.
I was obviously D and F.
(14:25):
Yeah, adrenaline.
I didn't finish.
My coach came running over and, you know, they were just like, are you okay?
Do you need a sled?
No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Like it's totally fine.
Skiing on it, supported with the rest of my teammates with their runs.
I was bombed.
I was like, dang, I think I was skiing really fast.
And so long story short, I was out for the rest of the season, obviously, six months turnaround.
(14:46):
I had surgery probably, I was six months around.
I was back on snow three months in, I was back in, I was in Europe training and like we were getting ready.
And I was like, skiing faster than I've ever skied.
I'm like, I'm going to, I'm going to get to the Olympics.
2010 was my dream.
So I get back to Canada and at this time I'm going to, it's called the national sports school.
So it's where they facilitate like mostly winter Olympic athletes.
(15:09):
But essentially I didn't really go to school.
I just traveled and raced, which was awesome when you're 16.
You're like, this is the coolest thing ever.
I just get to ski and never go to school.
And so it was a Monday morning and I was, it was last run.
It was a training morning.
We had a race that weekend skiing fast.
And I got caught in the back seat and I blew my other knee.
And this was six months after the first one.
And I was just like, are you, and I knew exactly what had happened because I had just done it.
(15:34):
Except on the other side six months later.
And I just was a wreck, went into a severe depression and just was like, oh, but then of course me, I just don't know when to quit.
So went back at it and had the surgery and went back on snow and, and it was rough.
And I never skied the same.
I lost my sponsorships.
I left the school because I couldn't go to the school unless I was racing.
(15:56):
And I was just tired of like, basically when I got back on snow after my second knee surgery, the way that racing works is your bib number is really critical to your success as a race.
And your bib number is the number that you go down the mountain.
So if your top 30 in, in this case, when I was racing, it was top 30 in the country year at random.
(16:17):
So one through 30, you're kind of running.
Well, it's top 15, sorry.
And then 15 to 30, it's ranked.
And then 30 and up, it's, it's kind of more just like, Hey, you're kind of going to be placed wherever you're placed.
So I was always top 15 for that one season.
And I wasn't used to being like top all the time, but I was getting there.
So it was like, I was the small little tiny racer.
(16:40):
And then, oh, now I'm racing really fast.
So now I get the luxury of being in the top 15 and the course is perfectly groomed and people are watching the top 15.
And you're feeling good about yourself.
And then I got a glimpse of that.
I got a taste of that.
And then after that, you're kind of just thrown into the ringer 30 and up.
And so with my knee surgeries and my, I had two braces on as a one brace on each knee.
(17:03):
Psychologically, I just wasn't the same mindset.
I was scared to hurt another knee.
How old are you at this point?
At this point, I'm 17.
Oh, yeah.
You're you peak really young.
Like you go to the Olympics between 15 and I mean, you could go up to 30, but like you're, you're a little bit older.
You're you're a racer at that point.
So I would have been really young to go to the Olympics, but it was very common.
(17:24):
Yeah.
And so, yeah, at that point, after getting back on snow, I lost my sponsorships.
I realized like, I can't do this anymore.
And so I remember I was on a run in the summer and I was at my, at the time my parents were married and they had this lake house.
And my dad has it now, but I just remember running.
And this point, my, my faith was always left the Lord, but this point I didn't really understand what was happening.
(17:49):
You know, God was obviously completely redirecting me, which we can get into, we will get into later.
But on this run and I just was like, I'm done.
I quit.
I turned around and walked home and I told my parents that I wanted to go to boarding school and two weeks later, I was at boarding school.
And that was it.
And I quit.
And that was so difficult at 17.
I was like, what am I like, who am I, my whole identity is wrapped around being an athlete.
(18:14):
And then all of a sudden now I'm like, I'm done.
It's not a failure in the sense of, oh my gosh, like you failed miserably, but at the time at 16, 17 years old, it's like I failed.
I didn't do the thing that I wanted to do, you know, so that's my, that's my most vivid memory as a kid was having this Olympic dream, being a junior Olympic athlete and, and just having injury be the reason that at the time you were like, how could I do that?
(18:38):
Like, how could it be my knees that are going to prevent me from being able to do the thing I've dreamt about?
So that was, that was mine.
Okay. What are some more recent failures for you?
Recent failures.
And again, we're like putting failures in quotes because obviously we don't believe that these are all like failures, but let's say, yeah, to define it.
How do you define it?
What is it?
(18:59):
What are some more recent failures?
Okay.
I think, I mean, there's probably lots of different things that I've failed in or feel like I had felt that I failed in it.
But I think the first thing that comes to my mind when you say that is relationships.
And I don't know if that's just an insecurity of I'm in a relationship and people are excited about it and then it doesn't work out and it feels like I failed or I tell somebody I'm super excited about what could be and I think this could be a guy and you know, friends, family, following up.
(19:29):
How is it?
Okay.
It wasn't it.
And whether it's, you know, that I mean, obviously they truly weren't it the relationships I've been in weren't it, but it had felt like a failure of how much I believed it could be or thought it would be or told people I could see myself marrying him.
I think this is it.
And I invest so much.
I pray about it.
I, I'm like, so confident.
(19:51):
I think this could be somebody.
This could be the man I marry.
And then it's not.
And so to me, that has felt like a failure.
I think at times it's felt like a failure as in I failed.
I'm not good enough for him.
I've failed.
I didn't do enough for him.
I've failed.
I picked the wrong one.
I failed.
(20:12):
I told people he was it.
It wasn't.
I failed, you know, of all the things that man, I can relate.
Yeah.
Have felt like a failure of the hopeful relationships in the past several years, but it is funny to look at it now.
Cause I'm like, gosh, those are not failures.
Protecting me and the Lord again, like nursing school for me and was skiing for you.
(20:33):
He was redirecting and showing me something different and learning through it all.
Yeah.
But I think that's what comes to my mind when I think about recent failures.
Wow.
Yeah, I can relate.
Yeah.
But it's, it's exactly what you said.
I mean, it's, it's protection at the time we can't see it.
You know, we can maybe in our hearts, especially with just our walks with the Lord, it's like,
(20:57):
okay, Lord, I know you're up to something, but right now this hurts right now.
This feels like failure, especially when you're saying, Hey, I can so relate to the part where you're like telling people about him.
And you're like, I think this could be it.
And then it's not.
And you're like, dang it.
And, and I've been there.
And then I'm like, well, how am I going to get my family to believe me this time?
Like, you know, where my friends to be on, you know, cause I've done that same thing.
(21:18):
I'm like, I think this could be, it could be it.
And it's not, but failure is just feedback.
And somebody told me that.
And especially in relationships, though, it can feel like failure when something's going good and you're feeling it, or even in a relationship, it's like, oh, my relationship status is I'm in a relationship.
And then all of a sudden you're not.
Well, why does culture in the world just look at that as like, oh, that relationship failed.
(21:39):
It's like, no, that relationship ended because it needed to.
Yeah.
It's like, when something ends, because I think about other things that have ended, I was living in Charleston for three years.
That ended and I moved to Tennessee.
There was a part of me that was like, is this a failure?
Like I moved somewhere thinking it wasn't, but it wasn't.
Did I fail?
Oh, dang.
No, I dated and I ended.
Did it just end or did it fail?
Maybe it just ended.
Maybe just maybe they're not failures.
(22:00):
I'm like, literally talking this out.
No, truly.
But I'm like, my mind.
Yeah.
Even thinking about jobs I've done, did I fail at that?
Or did it end?
Yeah.
Why are we so quick to just beat ourselves up and say it failed when it was just like, no, the time in Charleston ended my time in Charleston.
You have the same story.
Yeah.
Like relationships and just end it.
Did Austin feel like a failure to you?
(22:22):
Or no, I'm not trying to put that in your mouth.
No, it did.
No, it really did.
It felt like a failure at the time of packing up my stuff and moving back was just like, I mean, it was brutal in a lot of ways because I went expectant and thinking and believing that I wasn't coming back to Nashville.
And so when that wasn't, when it felt like it wasn't my choice, even though it was my choice, I just took my power.
(22:48):
I let my power go of like, oh, I'm forced to move back because I have to go back for the studio and the studio in Austin's no longer.
You know, I was like, I failed in every area of my life and it was so dark.
And it's kind of what we talked about last episode where the Lord gave me when I was journey one day of like one of the greatest gifts I'll ever give you.
Kenzie is releasing and taking away everything that I don't want for you, you know, and kind of rephrasing that in saying like one of our greatest gifts is losing everything we were never meant to keep.
(23:17):
And of course I have a full year of like, innocent healing from the end of a relationship, I thought would potentially last a dream.
I've been back in national now almost a year to the exact date.
And so there's been a lot of healing, but to answer your question, it felt like failure for sure.
Okay, share more about that because I think there was little things that happened being there that led up to like what specifically felt like the failure.
(23:44):
Yeah.
So for those of you that don't know, I moved to Austin in the fall of 2022 and to open up a studio second location for a to thrive in a national and a single at the time and I'm single now,
but I moved there with the intention of opening up a new studio, expanding my business and just like, okay, it's time.
(24:05):
Like this is the next thing and I don't have kids yet and I can do it.
And that's not what ended up happening.
The studio we got so close down to the least being signed architectural drawings done.
I have spent a ton of money at this point.
Yeah.
And it became a square playground hole.
You know, obviously the economy has changed dramatically over since COVID and things have shifted and what I once thought was exactly what I wanted.
(24:34):
I couldn't make it happen.
I tried every which way and made concessions with the build out so that we could fit it into the budget and we still couldn't get it done because our costs tripled from the time I signed the lease to the time that we went to go build it out.
And that's just like basically unheard of.
So you're like, how did that even happen and I was beating myself up being like, I'm an idiot.
How did I let this happen?
(24:55):
And then my CFO is like, you're not an idiot.
The numbers made sense.
This is now like this.
It's crazy.
And it's kind of similar to your story of filling nursing school.
It's like, you actually got that question right.
Yeah.
But God was like, I'm going to intentionally make it so that you don't continue here.
And I just like back and I am, I'm grateful even though it's still, it's still.
(25:19):
It's still not raw in the sense that like it hurts to talk about.
I love talking about it because of the fruit that it's produced in my life and other people's of like, I as a business owner, as a female business owner went to expand.
And it was not all that it was cracked up to be.
And then I got home and I was actually on a panel at Soho house kind of fall of 2024.
And I was on a panel with women.
(25:41):
I really respect Amelie flowers and then lemon lane.
The founders of those two businesses here in Nashville and before we got on stage, we huddled up and we talked.
I told them about my failure in my business and she's like, oh, sis, I was there five years ago.
And the other one of Amelia flowers, she was like, yeah, no, it's not what it's cracked up to be.
(26:04):
And they've been in business a lot longer.
And I was like, wait, you failed to like you tried to expand and you failed.
And they were like, oh yeah, people just don't talk about it.
And I was like, I'm going to talk about it.
What a gift.
So yeah, it was rough, but that is my most recent biggest like achy failure.
And in that same year, you know, the relationship failed and the business failed and the expansion failed and the dream of Austin as a whole failed.
(26:29):
It all, it all had one big storm.
Yeah.
But of course, as I've talked about a lot and just will continue, the Lord has been incredibly kind in sending me home and changing my heart and
giving me all the things I have now, the restoration, the redemption, you know, I think, I think when you lose a lot or you fail, your perspective completely changes.
(26:53):
And there's just this like intimacy that I have in conversation with people that know what it's like to fail.
I think there's a deeper sense of wisdom.
There's a deeper empathy.
Empathy for sure.
You know, I think you just, yeah, they just get it.
So Austin and expanding the business to this day, and I've failed a lot, I would say is my biggest, the biggest failure, but it sent me home, you know, and the relationship ending sent me home.
(27:22):
Yeah.
So it's like the Lord was literally all over that all over the situation.
Yep.
Because you tried it, it was right.
So why didn't it go through?
Yep.
Why did it triple, you know, all these things, but it's like, he has a way of redirecting us.
Yep.
Sometimes it looks like failure, sometimes it looks like totally why, but maybe fluoride Nashville needed more attention and he did more of you.
It needed who knows, but he just had this.
(27:45):
He knew he had a plan didn't he?
He knew and he knew it was he also to knows it's going to break us and he's okay with doing that.
I mean, you know, shoot you had to jub not know like literally from him.
Job in the Bible, like took away everything, his family, his I mean, everything.
Yep.
And it drew him closer.
Yep.
Okay. So we mentioned on a previous episode, what if failure of something is maybe actually success?
(28:13):
I think we were talking about something and you had said like, yeah, it was a failed relationship.
Oh yeah.
And I was like, but was it?
I was like, I think it's a success.
You're not with him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Seriously.
But it's hard to, I think again, it's just language, but it is interesting because what do you think about the idea of maybe that was our plan a?
And so when it doesn't happen and it fails and then it's like, okay, well then plan B, that's not it.
(28:36):
And it's like, it feels like that was our C or D plan or XYZ plan.
Yeah.
But what if all along that was always God's plan A for us?
I do think.
Yeah.
I totally do.
You know, like how can it not be?
How can it not be?
He's sovereign.
He knows everything.
I don't know.
I don't know about wrap your mind around.
It is.
(28:57):
And that's where it's hard to also be like someone that's like, I'm a go getter.
You and I are both people that we work hard and we go after things that we want.
And I think that's one of the things that the Lord in my life has had to break down of like, okay, I know that you want to go do this.
And I'll pray about it for sure.
I'll have people pray about it.
I'll fast for it.
I'll do all these things.
And I think a lot of times he sends us in directions, not for the thing itself, but for the person that we become in the process.
(29:24):
Oh, yeah.
So it's like, it's like, okay, I know you're going to go to Austin.
You know, part of one of my girlfriends gave me such great advice.
She was like, this isn't about getting it right or wrong.
It's about knowing God's partnering with you and saying like, Hey, if you want to go to Austin, I'll go with you.
And so I know that he went there with me, but I 100% believe that God, if we let him is in full control of our lives and that our plan A is not normally his plan A because what it's better.
(29:54):
But it might mean we get broken down and stripped of a lot of things, but our heart posture changes in the process.
And I think that's part of why with while we're in a new year and it's January, why at 34 years old now, I can say going into this year, here's my, my theme.
Here's what my prayer is here.
Here's my biggest desire and hope.
(30:17):
But here's the saying that I'm coming back to and it's all based on the Lord and living incredibly surrendered.
And I think like, I am curious.
Can we dive into just really quickly?
Like what does surrender look like?
Cause I think people always are like, I'm surrendered and like, I'm sorry to God's plan, but it's like, no, what is full surrender actually mean?
Yeah, you know, so good.
(30:38):
And we could just like, I mean, this is not something that we've even really talked about for a while, but you and I do.
I remember, I feel like over December, you and I got together one time talking about like in our year and meantime, yeah.
I mean, this was not on podcast, we were just hanging out.
But my favorite times.
It was like, what does it mean to be fully surrendered in something saying, I surrender this Lord, it's all yours.
(31:01):
It's all you, whatever happens, I trust you.
I'm fully surrendered this relationship that I really, really want, but I trust you.
I've surrendered this dream of an expansion, but it's your, you know, I've surrendered that.
And also being able to say, I really want this and I am asking for this, but it's like not with that closed white knuckling and being like, God, I want this.
(31:26):
I want this. You have to give it to me.
But being able to really sit fully surrender and say, God, I really want this and I'm yours.
I really am praying for this and desire this and I choose you even if it doesn't happen.
Yeah.
So surrendered is, I feel like it's to us like a posture of heart because I think for us, it's like, in life, I know that I used to think I'm surrendered and I wasn't like, I was like, but I am going to go after this no matter what.
(31:51):
And I think the posture of being surrendered is hands wide open eyes closed in communication and close proximity to the father and saying, here are my desires Lord, here are my prayers, here are my hopes, but you know best.
So I'm going to live this way because I think surrendered can feel confusing for people that are like, it's just a term that we throw out so often it has so much meaning, but I think if you can visualize the posture and literally think about that.
(32:18):
Yeah.
Somebody in war, like I'm literally literally and I captured you.
Yeah.
And I'm like, surrender.
Yeah.
What is your posture?
Hands up, hands up.
Yep.
You are, you have nothing.
Yeah.
Right.
It's like, I'm looking at you.
Absolutely nothing.
Yes.
And you are hands up.
I'm done.
I'm done with that.
That's it.
Damn.
That's good.
(32:39):
You have nothing else to do.
Yeah.
But put your hands up.
Put your hands up.
And guess how we got there.
And it's locked in too.
Yeah.
Think about that.
Like when I said put your hands up.
Yeah.
You're like, and your eyes are locked in.
Yes.
You're looking at me.
You're like, okay, whatever you tell me.
Yeah.
And guess how we got there though?
How?
Feeling.
Yeah.
Like think about what you've been through this last year.
We both, you guys know our story.
(33:00):
If you've been listening.
My goodness, I got to this surrendered posture where like it's not, I don't get my hopes up.
I sure do.
But when I have a thought and I'm like, oh, I hope this happens.
And then it doesn't.
I'm like, okay, Lord, you know, that's great.
Awesome.
And carry on with my day.
Yes.
It, nothing hits me as hard as it does anymore because I'm like, I've been taken out.
And so I know so have you.
And so I'm so glad we just talked about that because it's like in real time, I've just that
(33:22):
hands up fully surrendered.
It doesn't mean we don't hope.
It doesn't mean we don't have desires.
It doesn't mean we have goals and we don't pray.
It's just like, it's a posture of heart in which you're saying, Lord, I am fully
yours.
Yeah.
And that means surrendering things that you don't want to surrender.
Sex, alcohol, pornography, like whatever it is that has a absolute hold on you.
(33:44):
Like it's going to require you to surrender things you don't want to.
But if you want to be fully surrendered, those are the things you have to release.
Yeah.
You know, so good.
You just can't be happy.
So good.
Anyways, I'm glad we went on that tangent.
So good.
So what has failure taught you?
Hmm.
I feel like I could write a book on this.
Oh my gosh.
It's on your vision board.
It is.
But you're my insta.
(34:05):
I want to write a book with you.
Um, I know maybe, maybe one day, I think it's like the end of me being like, you don't,
what are you thinking about writing about failure?
But um, failure has taught me, I guess the thing that failure has taught me the most
because I could speak a lot on this is that the process is always going to be far greater
(34:26):
than the outcome.
In fact, in my opinion now where I'm out of my life, the outcome is just irrelevant.
Uh, the outcome is none of my business.
That's all the Lords, but the process is the most important piece, the process of becoming.
And, um, and so I think for me, I can look back on my Austin journey and I could decide
(34:47):
to look at it like a failure or I could look at it to and say that was one of the most
fruitful years of my life.
It built me to be the woman that I am.
And, and I believe that to be true and I'm choosing to see it that way.
Cause I think that's another thing.
Like we can choose to look at things in our lives and pity ourselves and fall victim
to circumstances, but no, I think that's what failure has taught me is the process is always
(35:11):
going to be way more important, far more important, almost making the outcome irrelevant.
And then within the, then the original thing that you set out to do because at the end
of the day, we don't know what's best.
So I would say process over outcome.
Oh yeah.
It's so shaping of who you are.
And even thinking about the surrender, the cool thing we have as believers is that we're
(35:35):
not just surrendered to tell, okay, whatever the universe does, whatever the world does,
whatever hits me next, but we're surrendered to God almighty creator of the whole entire
universe.
Literally that is freedom.
10 out of 10.
And the fact that I get to surrender to a King who is all knowing and powerful and that
(35:58):
just builds my intimacy and trust in him.
Like I think through our failures, what I've heard from you too is that like, because we
failed so much and when we do it again, that's the character shaping it's done.
I mean, it literally says that in Romans, it says that in James talking about with trials
comes person, you know, trials, which produces character, which produces hope and thinking
(36:18):
about those are things that shape us to who we are and also grow that deeper intimacy
with the Lord.
Yeah.
Totally.
How do you see failure prior to falling out of nursing school in your twenties and how
do you see failure now as young women in our early thirties?
That's so good.
I think being in my early twenties in nursing school failing, I felt like it defined me.
(36:46):
I felt like it was who I was.
I was going back next semester, not with my nursing school class, just feeling like I'm
the girl that failed out and am I a failure?
And I think I felt that in relationships too.
I see my girlfriends right after college got married and I didn't and I failed because
I didn't date the right guy that I got married to, you know, and just, yeah, I think it was
(37:10):
this is part of who I am where I think it had a bigger toll on me than as opposed to
now, it's God, what are you showing me?
And God, what do you have next?
Okay, Lord, I trust you and not that it's not hard still, but I think I do have to mentally
be aware of it's not me.
I think we talked about this in the episode about the chapter I wanted to skip.
(37:32):
It's like it defined me.
It covered me.
It was who I was, but now it's something I carry with me in my jar.
So good.
And I'm able to say my story is something I hold and I'll share it with you about how
I failed in nursing school is one example.
I mean, my first failure happened the day I was born, right?
Like there's just always, we're constantly failing and constantly learning, but to realize
(37:53):
if we can use it and change our mindset about it and be able to say, Lord, what are you
showing me in this?
And what are you saying to me and what am I going to do about it?
What are you teaching me through this failure?
That's so good.
And so I don't have it perfect and I'm learning still, but I think the headspace and mindset
of how we approach failure, who I am now as a 32 year old is so different than who I was
(38:17):
as a 22 year old.
Yeah.
It's so real.
It's so real.
So good.
Okay.
So what about like for you looking back on all the failures in your life, the nose, the
closed doors, whether it was in Austin and your, you know, late teens with skiing, all
of the closed doors, the nose, if you could, would you change anything?
(38:37):
Not a thing.
Oh, so quick.
Not a thing.
Did I ever tell you about the study that I read about?
Google did the study.
Did I ever tell you this like full story analogy thing?
So years ago, I read about how this group had a Northern California Google run this
survey and I think they surveyed about a hundred people and people that had gone through
some really tragic things in their life.
(38:58):
And so they basically said, Hey, you have this magic eraser, this magic eraser.
Let's pretend that it will take away your deepest grievance.
Like the thing that has broken your heart, like the hardest, worst thing that's ever
happened to you, you can take it all away.
But in return, so we erase that tragic thing, you lose every good thing that came from that
(39:19):
thing.
Would you do it?
Oh, yeah.
And a hundred percent of the people said, No, I would not erase it.
These are like people that lost parents or children or, you know, like they really had
to be honest.
Like, would I take it away?
And there's things that I regret that I've done in my life.
There's things that I know way better now, but I still wouldn't take any of it away because
(39:43):
I would lose the woman I am.
I would lose the story that the Lord was writing.
And does that mean that like I didn't listen to him and God was like, what the heck are
you doing?
Come on, like, let's, I need you to go here.
Obviously not thinking that, but he's like directing me and I'm still ignoring him.
It's like, he knew I was going to ignore him and he had so much grace, you know, and every
time that I failed, he's like, where does it hurt?
(40:05):
Let me, I'm here.
You know, that's what I, that's who our Lord is.
And so, yeah, no, I, I wouldn't change a thing.
Well, it's even what you just talked about earlier about, it's more about the process
than the outcome.
So like, could you erase the outcome?
Yeah.
But then the whole process is gone.
It's gone.
And the person that you are because of it is gone.
You know, my favorite people, and it's not because I want to just dwell in sadness with
(40:26):
other friends, but it's like my favorite people are the ones who have a story.
They're the ones who I can have the most meaningful conversation with.
They're the ones that aren't afraid as much of vulnerability because they're more secure
in who they are because they, they had to fight to become that person.
You know, I just, I do not do service level talk very well.
(40:48):
I don't want to just, even though I talk about the weather a lot, I don't just want to sit
around and talk about the weather.
I do love talking about the weather.
I do love talking about the weather.
I told you that before this podcast.
I was like, I love talking about the weather.
My classes are probably so sick of like, guys, it's cold.
I don't know.
I love talking about the weather.
I do love talking about the weather.
Honestly, that was a terrible example because we talked about how cold we are, but no, you're
never, you are not that though.
Never.
(41:09):
I'm just kidding.
No, I get it.
Anyways, like, yeah, I just think that that's been something that failure has given me.
So yeah, my answer, looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.
Okay.
I do want to hear though, what is a piece of advice you'd give our listeners today on
failure and life not going how you thought it would get used to it?
Ooh.
(41:29):
Big sis in the house.
No, but honestly, no, I'm kidding.
I actually looked up this verse when I was thinking about failure and I think a lot of
times failure can create this fear.
There's a lot of emotions that go around failures.
Sometimes we're angry.
Like I'm so mad.
Why did this happen?
Or we're sad of like just grieving what has failed.
There's also the fear of, well, what's next and what do I do now?
(41:54):
And I didn't see this coming because failure can be a shock, can be surprising.
And so I love this verse when I think about failure and Isaiah 41 10, it says, fear not
for I am with you.
Be not dismayed for I am your God.
I will strengthen you.
I will help you.
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
And again, that is the God of the entire universe that created every living, breathing
(42:18):
thing is saying, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand that we do not need a
fear.
We do not need a fear failure.
Yeah.
He's with us.
And God also teaches us that failure is a tool that God uses to transform us and open
up new opportunities to serve him.
And I think he taught his disciples how to move on from failure.
(42:38):
What does that look like to move forward?
And so I don't know.
I think a piece of advice to give our listeners is just trusting that God allows failure as
part of his plan for us to grow closer to him and to become more of the people that he's
created us to be and the woman that I'm supposed to be, the woman that you are.
(42:59):
And he allows that as part of our stories.
I love that.
So good.
I have nothing to add.
That was so good.
Anything else?
No.
No, no, just one thing.
What is it?
Just remember.
Even if it fails, he is still good.
Welcome back to the Even If podcast. I'm Sarah and I'm Kenzie and today's episode is Even
(00:10):
If It Fails, He Is Still Good.
Yes, we're going to talk about failure.
Yay! I have a lot of experience in this.
Oh my gosh.
Same.
Okay.
First, I think you should share about what you have been doing since this new year started.
And it's really inspired me and encouraged.
(00:31):
So sweet.
I mean, I'm not doing it, but I think you should share for our listeners.
You know, I'm not doing it.
But I'm inspired by you.
Oh, I love you.
Oh, yeah. I'm doing 75 Hard.
And I guess technically it's 75.
People say that's not 75 Hard.
It's 75 Soft.
And I'm saying it's my version of 75 Hard.
(00:52):
Call it what you want.
Call it whatever.
But yeah, I started this on January 6th and I am loving it so far.
It has been something that honestly, the whole reason why I wanted to do it was because January
and February for me are very tough months because it's so dang cold here.
And it is so cold.
It's so cold.
(01:13):
I feel like I can't help but talk about the weather every day.
No, same.
It's been like snowing.
No, it's been awful.
Nashville, Tennessee, and it is, and then when it snows, everything closes down, which is hilarious.
Like schools are closed.
It's scary.
I've been hydroplane in.
Oh, I'm not.
It's not funny.
I'm fine.
But I just like, I'm in a Jeep and it just, just like, I know.
(01:36):
Well, it's funny too.
Cause everyone's like, aren't you Canadian?
And I'm like, yes, I've also lived in America since I was 19.
Yeah, your blood.
And my blood has really thinned.
And just cause I'm Canadian doesn't mean I ever liked it.
I just happened to be born there or ever was used to it.
True.
But I definitely have been sensitized to it.
It has been rough, but it's very cool.
(01:57):
Yeah.
75 has been just something that I like wanted to get through the cold months.
It's been, it's always really dreary here.
And I'm a son.
I love the sun.
We need the sun.
We all need the sun.
And so I was like, man, you know what?
I need something to kind of work towards and work through and through this out with some friends.
And then actually there's been, it's been a top of mind for a lot of people.
(02:18):
So I have friends in Austin doing it and I'm doing it here.
I've got some friends here doing it.
My version is different.
I'm Sabbath-ing on Sundays.
So tell why it's called 75 soft.
So mine is 75 soft because I'm, I'm choosing to basically 75 part.
If you've never heard of it before, you essentially do two 45 minute workouts every day.
One is indoor, one is outdoor.
(02:39):
You drink a gallon of water, which is insane.
You read 10 pages of a nonfiction book every day.
And then you take a product, progress picture every day.
And then you, what's it going to, oh, you follow some sort of diet.
And then you do that for 75 days.
There's no cheat days.
There's no stopping.
Oh, and there's no alcohol, but I don't really drink.
(03:00):
So that one's really easy for me.
So my version is essentially everything, the things that I've modified are instead of doing it every single day.
I'm Sabbath-ing on Sundays.
For me, it's just been something that I wanted to implement into my life.
And so I'm hoping that these will carry out past the 75 days.
Yeah.
I also use my body for part of my job.
(03:21):
So for me, I just can't afford to get hurt.
So I'm like resting, but then the rest is not just rest.
It's like I'm not on social media, which means I have to do all my work for social media prior to no working out and then no working, which is also something that I'm is new.
Because I use it a couple of days.
Yeah.
So it causes me to be really intentional throughout my week.
(03:44):
I'm very much time blocking my calendar right now, which I've always done, but it's on a whole new level now.
And then the other thing that I'm doing that's different is, you know this, I don't drink water.
Like I just don't, I know that sounds crazy.
I don't drink water.
So going from maybe drinking half a glass of water a day to a full gallon.
I think you would drown.
I think I'd drown.
(04:05):
No, genuinely.
I have been, so right now I'm doing two liters a day.
Okay.
So you see it's a great call.
You got to do what you gotta do.
I gotta do what I do.
Yeah.
So, and I have a lot of friends doing 75 and doing the full thing, like all the way committing to it.
And then I have friends that have modified based on what their goals are.
And I think that's the beautiful thing about 75 is like one, there's a lot of people doing it.
So we have tech, I have multiple text threads and group chats that have been fun.
(04:27):
And then talking to my clients about it at the studio has been really fun and they've joined in.
And then also two, just being able to say these are the things that I want to work on, get better at, be more disciplined with and then carry those out throughout the week.
Yeah.
And that's all there is out throughout the year.
Well, it's like we talked about that on last week's podcast, just New Year's resolutions, goals, things.
And it's like having a hundred different things we're going to do differently.
(04:49):
I'm going to be this, I'm going to act this way.
I'm going to work out.
I'm going to read this much, have this diet, all of that.
If we're doing so much can be overwhelming.
Yeah.
And so it's like, yeah, you got to figure out what works for you.
Yeah.
And when I tell you I'm inspired, I truly am so inspired by you, but I realized for me, the things that I'm trying to do right now, it felt like so much to add to my play.
And so it's like, yeah, that's okay.
And other people shouldn't feel shame if you can't do it or don't feel shame if you're not doing 75 hard.
(05:12):
Totally.
You're doing what works for you.
And that's amazing.
Yeah.
No, and it's, and it's exactly that.
And show yourself.
There's another way to like learn grace to understand a deeper level of grace because I had a day throughout my 75 where I am watching my brother's puppy and she just was sick all night long and got me up every other hour to go to the bathroom outside.
(05:34):
And I didn't get any sleep and then I had to be up at five.
So I basically didn't sleep and then I ran into class and like taught my class and then just went through and I was like, dang it, this day is I'm, I'm really negative in my head and I am beating myself up.
And now, oh my gosh, now this thought is running to this thought.
And all that to say, I decided I was spiraling and I just had to go, we're not going to believe the things that we say today and we're going to deepen our grace for ourself today.
(06:03):
I think that's also cool.
Like there is a lot of pressure and around the new year and you know, a lot of people are doing diets and jumping into new workout programs and doing all these things.
There's no need to ever compare yourself and also look at the opportunity to understand grace even more as you, if you are committing to 75 or fasting or whatever it is that you're doing, just allow yourself to also understand what grace looks like.
(06:25):
Because that's also something that you're going to learn throughout the process.
Yeah.
So I love that.
That's so good.
I'm not sure I probably like 75 heart sounds like something I would love.
You would.
I love a good right now.
I love reading like all these things I love, but I think there's this part of me that's like, well, I'm not going to do it unless I do it to perfection.
Like I would have to do it right.
And I don't know if I will and what if I can't.
And it's like, that's literally also funny because it's kind of what we're about to talk about.
(06:48):
What if I fail?
What if I fail?
Even if I fail.
And so it's cool to hear that just because it's like, first of all, you don't have to be all in or all out as I think I can be at times.
Yeah.
It's like, it's okay to modify.
It's okay to do it's best.
Totally.
It's okay to change it.
Use the same name of something that has inspired you and make it work for you.
Totally.
(07:09):
I love that.
I'm proud of you.
That's such a great, thank you.
Proud of you.
Perfect segue because we are talking about failure.
So I want to ask you, failure is something that we're obviously familiar with.
Let's go back to like middle school, high school.
What are some of your first memories of failure?
That's funny.
Do you have some?
Oh, do I?
Do I?
I think I call my mom and dad.
I think a big failure in college was I was actually in nursing school for two years and I went into college undecided.
(07:39):
I didn't know what I was going to do.
I think I did social work for a little bit.
I did psychology.
I kind of switched around.
I was playing soccer.
I was in a sorority.
I was doing so much.
And then sophomore year, I was like, what am I doing at college?
I don't even know what I'm studying.
I want to do something to help people did nursing school.
I did it all sophomore year into that summer, junior year and did clinicals, did rotations with the whole thing.
(08:01):
Oh.
And it was the end of junior year.
And I get my final test back.
I had a 74.3 in a class and you need a 74.5 to pass.
You're joking.
Two tenths of a point.
You're joking.
And so I failed nursing school.
And I didn't know you, it was by that.
(08:23):
I didn't know it was that.
I didn't know that's the story.
I know.
It's not crazy.
What?
And it was one of those things that it's really crazy to see you got in the details of all of that because I was devastated.
I mean, first of all, I worked for years in this and just felt like I had a direction.
I knew what I was doing.
And then I'm like, okay, to not pass.
(08:44):
What am I supposed to do?
I remember finding out I was at the beach and I got the email that said he didn't pass.
And I'm like, no way.
And it was hard.
School was hard for me.
Science.
Like nursing school was just so hard.
And I remember going out on the beach and just crying, walking up and down the shore of just like, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do next.
(09:07):
And do I go back to school and try to take this class again?
Or do I transfer?
But then I miss all my friends.
Or do I switch my major?
And I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.
And I just...
How old are you at this time?
I'm...
Let's see, what are you in, junior?
Like 19, 20?
Wow.
Maybe 21?
2021, yeah.
And I'm supposed to be graduating soon.
(09:30):
And then do what?
For what?
Like I have no idea where to go from here.
And I remember just praying about it and really feeling like the Lord was saying, this is a redirection.
And I'm like, for what?
For what?
But where?
And how?
And I fail this.
And this is a funny side story too of just how much God can be in control even when everything else is going to be.
And everything else, like we have our way of wanting so badly to make something happen and how He is still more powerful.
(09:56):
So I look over my scores, my tests.
I end up going to my nursing professor and being like, hey, can I review my test with you?
I just want to see where I went wrong.
We go through my tests, look over the Scantron.
There was one on the Scantron that was counted as a miss, but I actually answered correctly.
You're joking.
(10:17):
And so I was like, I got that one right.
And she was like, oh, well, you should have caught that.
And I was like, I should have caught that.
It's a Scantron.
And she was like, well, as a nurse, you have to be able to pick up on these because we review tests when we get them back.
And you should have noticed that.
What?
And I was like, yeah, I guess I should have.
I trusted the Scantron robot thing.
Okay.
And she was like, well, I don't think it would have made a difference.
And I was like, okay, so this thing said it was wrong.
(10:40):
What if I got this question right?
One question on my final exam.
She added as if I got that question right, redid my score and I passed.
You're joking.
What?
So I was like, uh, so clearly I, I didn't fail.
I'm fine.
And she was like, it's protocol.
I mean, I took it up to the head, head, head guard.
You're joking.
Just being like, I clearly passed.
I know the information and they just kind of came back with, you should have caught it when we reviewed the exams.
(11:05):
That's in the curriculum.
Like you got to catch those mistakes.
I have so much I could say.
It was like crazy.
Me too.
Me too.
I remember I was living a couple hours away from my school.
I drove there to have the meeting with my professor and I remember as soon as she said that I was so angry.
And then there's part of me that was like, this ain't it.
(11:26):
This is not, this is, this is not what I'm supposed to be doing.
Dang Sarah.
I got in my car and drove back home to Nashville and was like, I think the Lord has something different for me.
And I failed.
Yes.
A truly failed nursing school.
Right.
And that was his redirection for something else.
And looking at it now, I would not survive a day in healthcare.
(11:47):
Wow.
Yeah.
You ain't, you ain't, that's why I am.
I probably have not been to the doctor in 15 years.
Like I don't own medication.
Like I,
He's made you a lot of money too.
I know.
From having to like just continue.
And he knew that that wasn't the path for me.
And obviously I am where I am now and there are a series of events was able to change my major to psychology, take 21 hours, both semesters and graduate on time.
(12:11):
And now I'm doing what I love as a life coach with a psychology background and just like, okay.
God knew when it felt like my biggest failure.
Wow.
Isn't that wild?
Crazy.
Dang girl.
That's so inspirational to me.
Even now just hearing you on like, yeah, no kidding.
Ken's, but anyway, okay.
What are some of your memories of failure?
Words where I remember vividly my failure and specifically ski racing.
(12:37):
Yes.
I, if you don't know, I used to competitively downhill ski race.
My dad, big racer, I could ski before I could walk.
I was on my dad's back and then I was between his legs and, and then I was just flying down the mountain, my brother and I.
And that's just what we did.
And it was our joy, our passion until it became just the thing that I felt like I needed to do to achieve my dad's love.
(12:59):
And that's a whole nother story.
I'll say for another day, maybe, but I remember I was never really, I was always good.
I was a really technically good skier.
I was just always a very small human ski racers.
Females are just their big girls and like strong women.
Like they are thick and they can get, and you want to, you know, gravity, you want to be on the snow.
(13:20):
And I just was smaller.
I was a little petite thing.
And so I couldn't, I was, I was a great technical racer.
I never really skied super, super fast until I got a little bit older and I started skiing really fast.
And then that's when, you know, I was getting sponsorships and I got accepted into a school that was going to help me get to the Olympics.
And now all of a sudden my dreams are getting bigger and bigger.
(13:42):
And I'm like, I'm going to be an Olympic athlete.
Oh my gosh, like this is awesome.
And I'll never forget, I blew out my knee in a race.
I was finishing super fast.
It was my second run in ski racing.
You have a morning run and you have an afternoon run.
And your morning run is, you know, you'll go down the mountain and the fastest will, they'll reverse the top 30.
(14:03):
So you'll basically go in your second run.
I think I had finished third in the morning.
So I was running 27th in the afternoon.
And so the course was choppier, the snow, it was getting warmer.
And I just got caught in the back seat and I just blew my knee out and I didn't know I had done it.
I kept skiing on it.
I mean, there was a lot of pain.
I didn't know.
I was obviously D and F.
(14:25):
Yeah, adrenaline.
I didn't finish.
My coach came running over and, you know, they were just like, are you okay?
Do you need a sled?
No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Like it's totally fine.
Skiing on it, supported with the rest of my teammates with their runs.
I was bombed.
I was like, dang, I think I was skiing really fast.
And so long story short, I was out for the rest of the season, obviously, six months turnaround.
(14:46):
I had surgery probably, I was six months around.
I was back on snow three months in, I was back in, I was in Europe training and like we were getting ready.
And I was like, skiing faster than I've ever skied.
I'm like, I'm going to, I'm going to get to the Olympics.
2010 was my dream.
So I get back to Canada and at this time I'm going to, it's called the national sports school.
So it's where they facilitate like mostly winter Olympic athletes.
(15:09):
But essentially I didn't really go to school.
I just traveled and raced, which was awesome when you're 16.
You're like, this is the coolest thing ever.
I just get to ski and never go to school.
And so it was a Monday morning and I was, it was last run.
It was a training morning.
We had a race that weekend skiing fast.
And I got caught in the back seat and I blew my other knee.
And this was six months after the first one.
And I was just like, are you, and I knew exactly what had happened because I had just done it.
(15:34):
Except on the other side six months later.
And I just was a wreck, went into a severe depression and just was like, oh, but then of course me, I just don't know when to quit.
So went back at it and had the surgery and went back on snow and, and it was rough.
And I never skied the same.
I lost my sponsorships.
I left the school because I couldn't go to the school unless I was racing.
(15:56):
And I was just tired of like, basically when I got back on snow after my second knee surgery, the way that racing works is your bib number is really critical to your success as a race.
And your bib number is the number that you go down the mountain.
So if your top 30 in, in this case, when I was racing, it was top 30 in the country year at random.
(16:17):
So one through 30, you're kind of running.
Well, it's top 15, sorry.
And then 15 to 30, it's ranked.
And then 30 and up, it's, it's kind of more just like, Hey, you're kind of going to be placed wherever you're placed.
So I was always top 15 for that one season.
And I wasn't used to being like top all the time, but I was getting there.
So it was like, I was the small little tiny racer.
(16:40):
And then, oh, now I'm racing really fast.
So now I get the luxury of being in the top 15 and the course is perfectly groomed and people are watching the top 15.
And you're feeling good about yourself.
And then I got a glimpse of that.
I got a taste of that.
And then after that, you're kind of just thrown into the ringer 30 and up.
And so with my knee surgeries and my, I had two braces on as a one brace on each knee.
(17:03):
Psychologically, I just wasn't the same mindset.
I was scared to hurt another knee.
How old are you at this point?
At this point, I'm 17.
Oh, yeah.
You're you peak really young.
Like you go to the Olympics between 15 and I mean, you could go up to 30, but like you're, you're a little bit older.
You're you're a racer at that point.
So I would have been really young to go to the Olympics, but it was very common.
(17:24):
Yeah.
And so, yeah, at that point, after getting back on snow, I lost my sponsorships.
I realized like, I can't do this anymore.
And so I remember I was on a run in the summer and I was at my, at the time my parents were married and they had this lake house.
And my dad has it now, but I just remember running.
And this point, my, my faith was always left the Lord, but this point I didn't really understand what was happening.
(17:49):
You know, God was obviously completely redirecting me, which we can get into, we will get into later.
But on this run and I just was like, I'm done.
I quit.
I turned around and walked home and I told my parents that I wanted to go to boarding school and two weeks later, I was at boarding school.
And that was it.
And I quit.
And that was so difficult at 17.
I was like, what am I like, who am I, my whole identity is wrapped around being an athlete.
(18:14):
And then all of a sudden now I'm like, I'm done.
It's not a failure in the sense of, oh my gosh, like you failed miserably, but at the time at 16, 17 years old, it's like I failed.
I didn't do the thing that I wanted to do, you know, so that's my, that's my most vivid memory as a kid was having this Olympic dream, being a junior Olympic athlete and, and just having injury be the reason that at the time you were like, how could I do that?
(18:38):
Like, how could it be my knees that are going to prevent me from being able to do the thing I've dreamt about?
So that was, that was mine.
Okay. What are some more recent failures for you?
Recent failures.
And again, we're like putting failures in quotes because obviously we don't believe that these are all like failures, but let's say, yeah, to define it.
How do you define it?
What is it?
(18:59):
What are some more recent failures?
Okay.
I think, I mean, there's probably lots of different things that I've failed in or feel like I had felt that I failed in it.
But I think the first thing that comes to my mind when you say that is relationships.
And I don't know if that's just an insecurity of I'm in a relationship and people are excited about it and then it doesn't work out and it feels like I failed or I tell somebody I'm super excited about what could be and I think this could be a guy and you know, friends, family, following up.
(19:29):
How is it?
Okay.
It wasn't it.
And whether it's, you know, that I mean, obviously they truly weren't it the relationships I've been in weren't it, but it had felt like a failure of how much I believed it could be or thought it would be or told people I could see myself marrying him.
I think this is it.
And I invest so much.
I pray about it.
I, I'm like, so confident.
(19:51):
I think this could be somebody.
This could be the man I marry.
And then it's not.
And so to me, that has felt like a failure.
I think at times it's felt like a failure as in I failed.
I'm not good enough for him.
I've failed.
I didn't do enough for him.
I've failed.
I picked the wrong one.
I failed.
(20:12):
I told people he was it.
It wasn't.
I failed, you know, of all the things that man, I can relate.
Yeah.
Have felt like a failure of the hopeful relationships in the past several years, but it is funny to look at it now.
Cause I'm like, gosh, those are not failures.
Protecting me and the Lord again, like nursing school for me and was skiing for you.
(20:33):
He was redirecting and showing me something different and learning through it all.
Yeah.
But I think that's what comes to my mind when I think about recent failures.
Wow.
Yeah, I can relate.
Yeah.
But it's, it's exactly what you said.
I mean, it's, it's protection at the time we can't see it.
You know, we can maybe in our hearts, especially with just our walks with the Lord, it's like,
(20:57):
okay, Lord, I know you're up to something, but right now this hurts right now.
This feels like failure, especially when you're saying, Hey, I can so relate to the part where you're like telling people about him.
And you're like, I think this could be it.
And then it's not.
And you're like, dang it.
And, and I've been there.
And then I'm like, well, how am I going to get my family to believe me this time?
Like, you know, where my friends to be on, you know, cause I've done that same thing.
(21:18):
I'm like, I think this could be, it could be it.
And it's not, but failure is just feedback.
And somebody told me that.
And especially in relationships, though, it can feel like failure when something's going good and you're feeling it, or even in a relationship, it's like, oh, my relationship status is I'm in a relationship.
And then all of a sudden you're not.
Well, why does culture in the world just look at that as like, oh, that relationship failed.
(21:39):
It's like, no, that relationship ended because it needed to.
Yeah.
It's like, when something ends, because I think about other things that have ended, I was living in Charleston for three years.
That ended and I moved to Tennessee.
There was a part of me that was like, is this a failure?
Like I moved somewhere thinking it wasn't, but it wasn't.
Did I fail?
Oh, dang.
No, I dated and I ended.
Did it just end or did it fail?
Maybe it just ended.
Maybe just maybe they're not failures.
(22:00):
I'm like, literally talking this out.
No, truly.
But I'm like, my mind.
Yeah.
Even thinking about jobs I've done, did I fail at that?
Or did it end?
Yeah.
Why are we so quick to just beat ourselves up and say it failed when it was just like, no, the time in Charleston ended my time in Charleston.
You have the same story.
Yeah.
Like relationships and just end it.
Did Austin feel like a failure to you?
(22:22):
Or no, I'm not trying to put that in your mouth.
No, it did.
No, it really did.
It felt like a failure at the time of packing up my stuff and moving back was just like, I mean, it was brutal in a lot of ways because I went expectant and thinking and believing that I wasn't coming back to Nashville.
And so when that wasn't, when it felt like it wasn't my choice, even though it was my choice, I just took my power.
(22:48):
I let my power go of like, oh, I'm forced to move back because I have to go back for the studio and the studio in Austin's no longer.
You know, I was like, I failed in every area of my life and it was so dark.
And it's kind of what we talked about last episode where the Lord gave me when I was journey one day of like one of the greatest gifts I'll ever give you.
Kenzie is releasing and taking away everything that I don't want for you, you know, and kind of rephrasing that in saying like one of our greatest gifts is losing everything we were never meant to keep.
(23:17):
And of course I have a full year of like, innocent healing from the end of a relationship, I thought would potentially last a dream.
I've been back in national now almost a year to the exact date.
And so there's been a lot of healing, but to answer your question, it felt like failure for sure.
Okay, share more about that because I think there was little things that happened being there that led up to like what specifically felt like the failure.
(23:44):
Yeah.
So for those of you that don't know, I moved to Austin in the fall of 2022 and to open up a studio second location for a to thrive in a national and a single at the time and I'm single now,
but I moved there with the intention of opening up a new studio, expanding my business and just like, okay, it's time.
(24:05):
Like this is the next thing and I don't have kids yet and I can do it.
And that's not what ended up happening.
The studio we got so close down to the least being signed architectural drawings done.
I have spent a ton of money at this point.
Yeah.
And it became a square playground hole.
You know, obviously the economy has changed dramatically over since COVID and things have shifted and what I once thought was exactly what I wanted.
(24:34):
I couldn't make it happen.
I tried every which way and made concessions with the build out so that we could fit it into the budget and we still couldn't get it done because our costs tripled from the time I signed the lease to the time that we went to go build it out.
And that's just like basically unheard of.
So you're like, how did that even happen and I was beating myself up being like, I'm an idiot.
How did I let this happen?
(24:55):
And then my CFO is like, you're not an idiot.
The numbers made sense.
This is now like this.
It's crazy.
And it's kind of similar to your story of filling nursing school.
It's like, you actually got that question right.
Yeah.
But God was like, I'm going to intentionally make it so that you don't continue here.
And I just like back and I am, I'm grateful even though it's still, it's still.
(25:19):
It's still not raw in the sense that like it hurts to talk about.
I love talking about it because of the fruit that it's produced in my life and other people's of like, I as a business owner, as a female business owner went to expand.
And it was not all that it was cracked up to be.
And then I got home and I was actually on a panel at Soho house kind of fall of 2024.
And I was on a panel with women.
(25:41):
I really respect Amelie flowers and then lemon lane.
The founders of those two businesses here in Nashville and before we got on stage, we huddled up and we talked.
I told them about my failure in my business and she's like, oh, sis, I was there five years ago.
And the other one of Amelia flowers, she was like, yeah, no, it's not what it's cracked up to be.
(26:04):
And they've been in business a lot longer.
And I was like, wait, you failed to like you tried to expand and you failed.
And they were like, oh yeah, people just don't talk about it.
And I was like, I'm going to talk about it.
What a gift.
So yeah, it was rough, but that is my most recent biggest like achy failure.
And in that same year, you know, the relationship failed and the business failed and the expansion failed and the dream of Austin as a whole failed.
(26:29):
It all, it all had one big storm.
Yeah.
But of course, as I've talked about a lot and just will continue, the Lord has been incredibly kind in sending me home and changing my heart and
giving me all the things I have now, the restoration, the redemption, you know, I think, I think when you lose a lot or you fail, your perspective completely changes.
(26:53):
And there's just this like intimacy that I have in conversation with people that know what it's like to fail.
I think there's a deeper sense of wisdom.
There's a deeper empathy.
Empathy for sure.
You know, I think you just, yeah, they just get it.
So Austin and expanding the business to this day, and I've failed a lot, I would say is my biggest, the biggest failure, but it sent me home, you know, and the relationship ending sent me home.
(27:22):
Yeah.
So it's like the Lord was literally all over that all over the situation.
Yep.
Because you tried it, it was right.
So why didn't it go through?
Yep.
Why did it triple, you know, all these things, but it's like, he has a way of redirecting us.
Yep.
Sometimes it looks like failure, sometimes it looks like totally why, but maybe fluoride Nashville needed more attention and he did more of you.
It needed who knows, but he just had this.
(27:45):
He knew he had a plan didn't he?
He knew and he knew it was he also to knows it's going to break us and he's okay with doing that.
I mean, you know, shoot you had to jub not know like literally from him.
Job in the Bible, like took away everything, his family, his I mean, everything.
Yep.
And it drew him closer.
Yep.
Okay. So we mentioned on a previous episode, what if failure of something is maybe actually success?
(28:13):
I think we were talking about something and you had said like, yeah, it was a failed relationship.
Oh yeah.
And I was like, but was it?
I was like, I think it's a success.
You're not with him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Seriously.
But it's hard to, I think again, it's just language, but it is interesting because what do you think about the idea of maybe that was our plan a?
And so when it doesn't happen and it fails and then it's like, okay, well then plan B, that's not it.
(28:36):
And it's like, it feels like that was our C or D plan or XYZ plan.
Yeah.
But what if all along that was always God's plan A for us?
I do think.
Yeah.
I totally do.
You know, like how can it not be?
How can it not be?
He's sovereign.
He knows everything.
I don't know.
I don't know about wrap your mind around.
It is.
(28:57):
And that's where it's hard to also be like someone that's like, I'm a go getter.
You and I are both people that we work hard and we go after things that we want.
And I think that's one of the things that the Lord in my life has had to break down of like, okay, I know that you want to go do this.
And I'll pray about it for sure.
I'll have people pray about it.
I'll fast for it.
I'll do all these things.
And I think a lot of times he sends us in directions, not for the thing itself, but for the person that we become in the process.
(29:24):
Oh, yeah.
So it's like, it's like, okay, I know you're going to go to Austin.
You know, part of one of my girlfriends gave me such great advice.
She was like, this isn't about getting it right or wrong.
It's about knowing God's partnering with you and saying like, Hey, if you want to go to Austin, I'll go with you.
And so I know that he went there with me, but I 100% believe that God, if we let him is in full control of our lives and that our plan A is not normally his plan A because what it's better.
(29:54):
But it might mean we get broken down and stripped of a lot of things, but our heart posture changes in the process.
And I think that's part of why with while we're in a new year and it's January, why at 34 years old now, I can say going into this year, here's my, my theme.
Here's what my prayer is here.
Here's my biggest desire and hope.
(30:17):
But here's the saying that I'm coming back to and it's all based on the Lord and living incredibly surrendered.
And I think like, I am curious.
Can we dive into just really quickly?
Like what does surrender look like?
Cause I think people always are like, I'm surrendered and like, I'm sorry to God's plan, but it's like, no, what is full surrender actually mean?
Yeah, you know, so good.
(30:38):
And we could just like, I mean, this is not something that we've even really talked about for a while, but you and I do.
I remember, I feel like over December, you and I got together one time talking about like in our year and meantime, yeah.
I mean, this was not on podcast, we were just hanging out.
But my favorite times.
It was like, what does it mean to be fully surrendered in something saying, I surrender this Lord, it's all yours.
(31:01):
It's all you, whatever happens, I trust you.
I'm fully surrendered this relationship that I really, really want, but I trust you.
I've surrendered this dream of an expansion, but it's your, you know, I've surrendered that.
And also being able to say, I really want this and I am asking for this, but it's like not with that closed white knuckling and being like, God, I want this.
(31:26):
I want this. You have to give it to me.
But being able to really sit fully surrender and say, God, I really want this and I'm yours.
I really am praying for this and desire this and I choose you even if it doesn't happen.
Yeah.
So surrendered is, I feel like it's to us like a posture of heart because I think for us, it's like, in life, I know that I used to think I'm surrendered and I wasn't like, I was like, but I am going to go after this no matter what.
(31:51):
And I think the posture of being surrendered is hands wide open eyes closed in communication and close proximity to the father and saying, here are my desires Lord, here are my prayers, here are my hopes, but you know best.
So I'm going to live this way because I think surrendered can feel confusing for people that are like, it's just a term that we throw out so often it has so much meaning, but I think if you can visualize the posture and literally think about that.
(32:18):
Yeah.
Somebody in war, like I'm literally literally and I captured you.
Yeah.
And I'm like, surrender.
Yeah.
What is your posture?
Hands up, hands up.
Yep.
You are, you have nothing.
Yeah.
Right.
It's like, I'm looking at you.
Absolutely nothing.
Yes.
And you are hands up.
I'm done.
I'm done with that.
That's it.
Damn.
That's good.
(32:39):
You have nothing else to do.
Yeah.
But put your hands up.
Put your hands up.
And guess how we got there.
And it's locked in too.
Yeah.
Think about that.
Like when I said put your hands up.
Yeah.
You're like, and your eyes are locked in.
Yes.
You're looking at me.
You're like, okay, whatever you tell me.
Yeah.
And guess how we got there though?
How?
Feeling.
Yeah.
Like think about what you've been through this last year.
We both, you guys know our story.
(33:00):
If you've been listening.
My goodness, I got to this surrendered posture where like it's not, I don't get my hopes up.
I sure do.
But when I have a thought and I'm like, oh, I hope this happens.
And then it doesn't.
I'm like, okay, Lord, you know, that's great.
Awesome.
And carry on with my day.
Yes.
It, nothing hits me as hard as it does anymore because I'm like, I've been taken out.
And so I know so have you.
And so I'm so glad we just talked about that because it's like in real time, I've just that
(33:22):
hands up fully surrendered.
It doesn't mean we don't hope.
It doesn't mean we don't have desires.
It doesn't mean we have goals and we don't pray.
It's just like, it's a posture of heart in which you're saying, Lord, I am fully
yours.
Yeah.
And that means surrendering things that you don't want to surrender.
Sex, alcohol, pornography, like whatever it is that has a absolute hold on you.
(33:44):
Like it's going to require you to surrender things you don't want to.
But if you want to be fully surrendered, those are the things you have to release.
Yeah.
You know, so good.
You just can't be happy.
So good.
Anyways, I'm glad we went on that tangent.
So good.
So what has failure taught you?
Hmm.
I feel like I could write a book on this.
Oh my gosh.
It's on your vision board.
It is.
But you're my insta.
(34:05):
I want to write a book with you.
Um, I know maybe, maybe one day, I think it's like the end of me being like, you don't,
what are you thinking about writing about failure?
But um, failure has taught me, I guess the thing that failure has taught me the most
because I could speak a lot on this is that the process is always going to be far greater
(34:26):
than the outcome.
In fact, in my opinion now where I'm out of my life, the outcome is just irrelevant.
Uh, the outcome is none of my business.
That's all the Lords, but the process is the most important piece, the process of becoming.
And, um, and so I think for me, I can look back on my Austin journey and I could decide
(34:47):
to look at it like a failure or I could look at it to and say that was one of the most
fruitful years of my life.
It built me to be the woman that I am.
And, and I believe that to be true and I'm choosing to see it that way.
Cause I think that's another thing.
Like we can choose to look at things in our lives and pity ourselves and fall victim
to circumstances, but no, I think that's what failure has taught me is the process is always
(35:11):
going to be way more important, far more important, almost making the outcome irrelevant.
And then within the, then the original thing that you set out to do because at the end
of the day, we don't know what's best.
So I would say process over outcome.
Oh yeah.
It's so shaping of who you are.
And even thinking about the surrender, the cool thing we have as believers is that we're
(35:35):
not just surrendered to tell, okay, whatever the universe does, whatever the world does,
whatever hits me next, but we're surrendered to God almighty creator of the whole entire
universe.
Literally that is freedom.
10 out of 10.
And the fact that I get to surrender to a King who is all knowing and powerful and that
(35:58):
just builds my intimacy and trust in him.
Like I think through our failures, what I've heard from you too is that like, because we
failed so much and when we do it again, that's the character shaping it's done.
I mean, it literally says that in Romans, it says that in James talking about with trials
comes person, you know, trials, which produces character, which produces hope and thinking
(36:18):
about those are things that shape us to who we are and also grow that deeper intimacy
with the Lord.
Yeah.
Totally.
How do you see failure prior to falling out of nursing school in your twenties and how
do you see failure now as young women in our early thirties?
That's so good.
I think being in my early twenties in nursing school failing, I felt like it defined me.
(36:46):
I felt like it was who I was.
I was going back next semester, not with my nursing school class, just feeling like I'm
the girl that failed out and am I a failure?
And I think I felt that in relationships too.
I see my girlfriends right after college got married and I didn't and I failed because
I didn't date the right guy that I got married to, you know, and just, yeah, I think it was
(37:10):
this is part of who I am where I think it had a bigger toll on me than as opposed to
now, it's God, what are you showing me?
And God, what do you have next?
Okay, Lord, I trust you and not that it's not hard still, but I think I do have to mentally
be aware of it's not me.
I think we talked about this in the episode about the chapter I wanted to skip.
(37:32):
It's like it defined me.
It covered me.
It was who I was, but now it's something I carry with me in my jar.
So good.
And I'm able to say my story is something I hold and I'll share it with you about how
I failed in nursing school is one example.
I mean, my first failure happened the day I was born, right?
Like there's just always, we're constantly failing and constantly learning, but to realize
(37:53):
if we can use it and change our mindset about it and be able to say, Lord, what are you
showing me in this?
And what are you saying to me and what am I going to do about it?
What are you teaching me through this failure?
That's so good.
And so I don't have it perfect and I'm learning still, but I think the headspace and mindset
of how we approach failure, who I am now as a 32 year old is so different than who I was
(38:17):
as a 22 year old.
Yeah.
It's so real.
It's so real.
So good.
Okay.
So what about like for you looking back on all the failures in your life, the nose, the
closed doors, whether it was in Austin and your, you know, late teens with skiing, all
of the closed doors, the nose, if you could, would you change anything?
(38:37):
Not a thing.
Oh, so quick.
Not a thing.
Did I ever tell you about the study that I read about?
Google did the study.
Did I ever tell you this like full story analogy thing?
So years ago, I read about how this group had a Northern California Google run this
survey and I think they surveyed about a hundred people and people that had gone through
some really tragic things in their life.
(38:58):
And so they basically said, Hey, you have this magic eraser, this magic eraser.
Let's pretend that it will take away your deepest grievance.
Like the thing that has broken your heart, like the hardest, worst thing that's ever
happened to you, you can take it all away.
But in return, so we erase that tragic thing, you lose every good thing that came from that
(39:19):
thing.
Would you do it?
Oh, yeah.
And a hundred percent of the people said, No, I would not erase it.
These are like people that lost parents or children or, you know, like they really had
to be honest.
Like, would I take it away?
And there's things that I regret that I've done in my life.
There's things that I know way better now, but I still wouldn't take any of it away because
(39:43):
I would lose the woman I am.
I would lose the story that the Lord was writing.
And does that mean that like I didn't listen to him and God was like, what the heck are
you doing?
Come on, like, let's, I need you to go here.
Obviously not thinking that, but he's like directing me and I'm still ignoring him.
It's like, he knew I was going to ignore him and he had so much grace, you know, and every
time that I failed, he's like, where does it hurt?
(40:05):
Let me, I'm here.
You know, that's what I, that's who our Lord is.
And so, yeah, no, I, I wouldn't change a thing.
Well, it's even what you just talked about earlier about, it's more about the process
than the outcome.
So like, could you erase the outcome?
Yeah.
But then the whole process is gone.
It's gone.
And the person that you are because of it is gone.
You know, my favorite people, and it's not because I want to just dwell in sadness with
(40:26):
other friends, but it's like my favorite people are the ones who have a story.
They're the ones who I can have the most meaningful conversation with.
They're the ones that aren't afraid as much of vulnerability because they're more secure
in who they are because they, they had to fight to become that person.
You know, I just, I do not do service level talk very well.
(40:48):
I don't want to just, even though I talk about the weather a lot, I don't just want to sit
around and talk about the weather.
I do love talking about the weather.
I do love talking about the weather.
I told you that before this podcast.
I was like, I love talking about the weather.
My classes are probably so sick of like, guys, it's cold.
I don't know.
I love talking about the weather.
I do love talking about the weather.
Honestly, that was a terrible example because we talked about how cold we are, but no, you're
never, you are not that though.
Never.
(41:09):
I'm just kidding.
No, I get it.
Anyways, like, yeah, I just think that that's been something that failure has given me.
So yeah, my answer, looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.
Okay.
I do want to hear though, what is a piece of advice you'd give our listeners today on
failure and life not going how you thought it would get used to it?
Ooh.
(41:29):
Big sis in the house.
No, but honestly, no, I'm kidding.
I actually looked up this verse when I was thinking about failure and I think a lot of
times failure can create this fear.
There's a lot of emotions that go around failures.
Sometimes we're angry.
Like I'm so mad.
Why did this happen?
Or we're sad of like just grieving what has failed.
There's also the fear of, well, what's next and what do I do now?
(41:54):
And I didn't see this coming because failure can be a shock, can be surprising.
And so I love this verse when I think about failure and Isaiah 41 10, it says, fear not
for I am with you.
Be not dismayed for I am your God.
I will strengthen you.
I will help you.
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
And again, that is the God of the entire universe that created every living, breathing
(42:18):
thing is saying, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand that we do not need a
fear.
We do not need a fear failure.
Yeah.
He's with us.
And God also teaches us that failure is a tool that God uses to transform us and open
up new opportunities to serve him.
And I think he taught his disciples how to move on from failure.
(42:38):
What does that look like to move forward?
And so I don't know.
I think a piece of advice to give our listeners is just trusting that God allows failure as
part of his plan for us to grow closer to him and to become more of the people that he's
created us to be and the woman that I'm supposed to be, the woman that you are.
(42:59):
And he allows that as part of our stories.
I love that.
So good.
I have nothing to add.
That was so good.
Anything else?
No.
No, no, just one thing.
What is it?
Just remember.
Even if it fails, he is still good.
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