February 4, 2025 • 44 mins
On this week’s episode of The Even If Podcast, it was a full on yip-yap, chit-chat, hang-with-us, convo-over-content kind of recording. Kenzie and Sarah laugh a lot (what’s new?), try to use Gen Z words in a sentence, discuss how 2025 has been going so far and maybe should have had another cup of coffee before hitting that record button… but here it is. Real, raw and a little catch up on life. We say it in the episode, but message us or DM us with how YOU are doing! We want to hear from you! How has your year has been going? Do you have a Word of The Month? What are you wanting to hear from us? Ask us anything! Enjoy this week’s episode and remember, even if, He is still good.
Connect: theevenifpod@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Still hit him with that welcome back.
(00:03):
What do we say?
Do we say welcome back?
Yeah, welcome back to the Even If podcast.
And today we don't have a clue what we're talking about.
Is that weird?
Welcome back to the Even If podcast.
I am Kenzie.
And I'm Sarah and we are a mess today.
We're a mess today, y'all.
We are a mess today.
We cannot get it together.
(00:24):
Oh my gosh.
We just keep trying to record this and for some reason it's so funny today.
It's so funny.
I think because we're just exhausted.
I am actually really exhausted.
I'm really tired.
Where are you tired?
I don't know.
It's February.
It's February.
Literally, January is rough.
I know you're born in January and I love January because you're born, but I hate January.
(00:45):
It's so funny.
The amount of people that tell me that, they're like, you know, it's fun.
It's like Thanksgiving in November and Christmas in December and then it's January.
Nothing happens in January.
It's so boring.
Oh, oh, sorry.
But like your birthday and I'm like, you wonder why I have a birthday month.
It's the only thing going on in January.
Seriously.
Honestly, thank the Lord.
You were born in January because I had nothing else to really celebrate.
No, it's all negative, but no.
(01:06):
January is hard.
I think it was so cold.
The week of my birthday was actually so cold.
That was when it got in single digits.
Here I am talking about the weather again.
I love talking about the weather.
I do.
I do.
It was so cold on my birthday and then I think it was the week before it snowed and
then I went to Charleston.
It snowed in Charleston.
First snow in like eight years.
(01:27):
Oh, I didn't even realize it snowed in Charleston.
Not while I was there, but I left on like a Monday and that Tuesday or Wednesday, whatever
it was, it snowed.
It's happening.
But what is happening?
I know.
I know.
I just don't.
I haven't really tried this month to be.
I came in just on fire.
Yeah.
We came in in January excited about the year.
(01:47):
It's been a month.
What has made this month so hard for you?
Oh gosh.
Okay.
I'll be honest.
I think I might have.
I don't know yet, but I hurt my knee.
I slipped on ice.
And I've torn my ACL three times.
This could potentially be the fourth.
I just slipped on ice walking my dogs, but I think that set the tone for like, then I
(02:08):
couldn't work out and working out for me is like my mental.
My mental health is really important, obviously to me, but working out helps that.
And so I think that's been really challenging.
And then the cold weather and it's dark really early and it's dark when we wake up and I
don't know, you come into the new year and I don't put a lot of expectation on it, but
you and I were both like, you know, I also went on a missions trip and so it's almost
(02:30):
like you go to youth camp, you know, and you come back and you're just like on fire and
you're just like on this.
And I just came into the air being like, I've gotten my saying for the year and I am ready
and I am hopeful and all these things.
And then, you know, being human and reality hits and then it's hard to keep doing the
thing that you said you were going to do.
And I've been talking to my clients about it because I'm like, Oh, I understand how
(02:51):
hard it is to get your butts in the gym and to be working out.
And so I know that's very universal right now.
It's not just a me thing or you thing where we're like, man, January's felt long, but
I think the knee injury is really top of mind for me.
And it brought up like stuff back when I was in, you know, I think it was 16 the first
time I tore it and then tour two in the same year back to back six months apart.
(03:15):
And then I tore my third one in college playing in the sorority basketball tournament.
And then, um, and so now it's like all these really negative thoughts have kind of crept
in my mind of like things that are not of the Lord.
So I'm just like really finding those.
But and you feel like you noticed it after the knee injury.
Yeah.
Do you feel like it's, um, the negative thoughts are a result of what happened and how your
(03:38):
mindset has shifted this year or the negative thoughts are taking you back to a place you
used to be.
That's a good question.
I think a little bit of both.
Um, I think I was started doing 75 hard and I have a lot of friends like in Austin doing
that I have friends here doing it, I felt a part of it.
And then I was like really enjoying waking up in the morning and I still really enjoy
(03:59):
my time with the Lord in the morning, but I had to pivot and I can't work out right
now.
So that's been, I mean, I guess I can work out.
I just have to change the way that I work out, but I had a week of feeling sorry for
myself and I was just like in a bad, honestly, I was in a bad mood and I couldn't, I could
not bounce back and, um, I don't know.
I just felt like things were not like really exciting for me.
(04:20):
And I know that happens and I think it's important to say on a podcast too that we're not these
girls that are just like, Jesus is the best and we have it all together because we don't
like the realness is like, no, I've had a really, I've just had a more challenging
month than I expected.
So what about you?
How has this month been for you outside of your birthday?
(04:43):
It's been great.
What do you mean?
Um, no, I think I love new year, like a new year as we talk about.
A couple of episodes ago, but I also feel like I'm very much a new month person and even
like a new week and a new day.
And you kind of just, I think you have to break it down like that because having an expectation
for a year is really, really hard.
(05:04):
Really hard.
But when we can say, okay, well, what am I doing today?
Yeah.
Or what is my goal for this week?
I think that breaks it down and makes it easier.
I like that.
Um, so I don't feel like I necessarily had a ton of goals going into this year.
I probably just more had like mindset and I know I've talked about it that, or did I
share it?
I don't know if I shared it on here.
(05:25):
No, you didn't.
My phrase.
You need to share it.
Okay.
I'm so glad you brought this up.
Yeah.
So you had shared, what was it?
Several episodes ago or was it on our, I think it was several, I think it was the first
one back, the first one of this year.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You shared your phrase of the year because you and I have both done word of the month,
but you did a phrase this year.
And so when you said that, I think I left recording and kind of was just like, Lord, do I have
(05:48):
a phrase?
And I kept feeling like the word delight just kept coming to my mind and a church, the pastor
was talking about how there is oftentimes we feel like there's a duty as Christians,
which there's not, but we feel like it's a duty or we feel like it's something we like
obligations or we feel like we're just doing it because it's out of, you know, what X,
(06:10):
Y is he, we make all these excuses for why we feel like we have to read our Bible, we
have to go to church or these things, but instead it should be a delight for us.
I love that.
And we should delight in the Lord and we should delight in the things he gives us and delight
in our friendships, delight in our family.
And so I feel like that word delight just really stuck.
And I was like, yes, I love that.
And then I had listened to a podcast and she was talking about just having eyes to see
(06:33):
and ears to hear things of the Lord is showing us.
And I kept thinking about that.
And I was like, when we have eyes to see ears to hear, it's the specific, we are looking
a specific way.
And I am intentional about looking for something and hearing, looking for evidence, looking
for, I'm hunting for something.
And I kept thinking about that.
And I think it was right after I was going squirrel hunting.
(06:54):
So soon I'm going to my squirrel hunt.
I was going to squirrel hunt.
And I thought about every guy's dream I'm telling you, how you're so single below is
my mother loving mind, ever loving mind.
Ever loving mind.
Okay.
Mother loving.
I don't know.
How you're mother loving mind.
Mother loving mind.
I think I was trying to like not cut.
(07:14):
I wasn't going to cuss on here obviously.
Cause I don't cuss.
Obviously.
Obviously.
But I was trying to replace, you know, any ever loving.
Okay.
Ever loving.
The fact that you're single blows my ever loving mind.
You said back.
I got you.
Seriously.
So anyways, when I was squirrel hunting, I was thinking about how when you hunt, you're
like looking for something, right?
I'm looking for the squirrel and you're looking for traces.
(07:37):
You're thinking, where could they be?
I'm listening.
Like, do you hear the scurries in the woods?
And they think about even deer hunting and like when you go hunt for deer, you look for
traces of where this deer has been.
You look for evidence of where it could have been.
And I think about what, where is it going to be?
Like I want to put myself in the right position.
That's like you're hunting for something.
So anyways, I think I put those two together and I thought that is the phrase that the
(08:00):
Lord kind of put on my heart was on a hunt for delight hunting for delight.
So having hunting for delight being my mindset for this year has been cool.
Because I think even in these moments of the slowness or the cold or the mundane, just
January, I'm reminded of, I'm on a hunt for delight.
(08:23):
So where, what does that look like?
And where does that, where does that come?
So it's so good.
It's so good.
And it's hard to do in the weather is tough, but it is so true.
I feel like you, you always will find what you, what you look for.
Totally.
I think that's it too.
And it's like, yeah, there was a few days that were cold and I am so mad.
Like I think I have winter Tourette's first of all, I think I'm allergic to the cold
(08:47):
because I have renaught disease, which literally means like my fingers.
What, what is it called?
Do you know this?
No, I complain about it all the time.
It's literally something I need to work on.
I complain about it all the time.
You are not, you are the furthest from a complainer.
I'm never here to complain about it.
I complain about the cold.
Well, yeah, I do too.
It's part of my winter Tourette's too.
Love my rain.
Wait, what's rainage?
It's rain.
(09:09):
What is it?
Reynod's.
Reynod.
Reynod's disease.
It's self-diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure the doctor would agree because my fingers
just turn white and my toes turn white.
I don't have circulation in my extremities.
Okay, you are definitely not meant to be in the North.
Right?
(09:29):
Thank you.
So that's rain.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm going to say that you're going to be in the South for a little while.
And then I get these winter Tourette's where I just start saying things I don't mean when
it's cold.
I'm just like, I hate the cold.
That was seriously the hard to say.
(09:51):
But then literally, this sun will come out and I'm like, everything's fine.
That's all I needed.
It's true though.
It really is true.
And so I think we're just saying that because if you are listening and you're feeling the
same way, you know, it's been tough for both of us this month.
I'm really struggling.
It's just so hard.
(10:11):
But I'm ready for February and more ready for March.
Yeah.
I know.
Springtime.
I know.
I know.
Okay.
So what's your phrase?
What was your phrase for the show?
My phrase is expect a miracle with uncommon hope.
How has that felt for you this month, even in the midst of tragedy with your knee and just
cold and blah?
Yeah.
It's felt, it's been good.
And honestly, so one of the things too that I feel just like a deep desire for is studying
(10:38):
scripture.
I think you and I talked about that.
I don't know if I was on the podcast or just you and I, but I really want to be doing that.
And I have, I set up like a prayer closet in my closet.
And you know, just really, there's some personal things I'm not saying just like out of pride,
but just like I feel like the Lord's asking me to get on my knees before I call it a bed.
(11:00):
So I have been doing that every, every night.
There's been a couple of nights I haven't because I'm cold.
I want to get into my heat of blanket.
Because you're cold.
And I'm seriously.
Oh man.
And then I feel the conviction of like, and so I've gotten up out of bed to get down on
my knees.
And so I think having that phrase of hope has pushed me to then kind of lean into like,
(11:23):
okay, if you want to have hope, you have to fight for it.
Like it, you can't, it's not just this like naive perspective.
It's like something that I think that comes when I love your word delight in the Lord,
when you study the word, when you commit to the things that you say you're going to do.
So it's been helpful.
I also was thinking this morning, actually, I got up, I've been getting about 515 every
(11:45):
morning and I kind of was thinking, I wonder, because I've been wanting to dive into, I'm
reading this book called prayer by Tim Keller.
It's very theologically dense, but it's really good.
And I can't help but also wondering, and I thought this might, maybe it's some of it,
spiritual warfare, because for the first time in my life, I am like asking people how I
(12:06):
can pray for them and writing it down and praying, you know, very intentionally for
the first time.
So I think my phrase has helped me hone in on and fight for the things, a few things that
I'm really trying to do, but ultimately hope it's felt like, I don't know, this week particularly
has felt really scattered and I run from thing to thing and then I feel like I'm exhausted
(12:30):
and then I get up at five and then, you know, it's like this constant.
So then it's like, we stop, how are we doing on these things, you know, it's, and that's
just like the human, the humanness in me that I'm trying to also have grace for.
And I talked about this in class one day where I was like, and I really think the Lord speaks
to me in class.
Some, some classes are a lot stronger than others, but I had said, I had never said this
(12:52):
before, so that's why I know it's from him, but it's like this delicate dance between
showing yourself grace, but then also being convicted enough to step up.
And, and so I think for me, that's been the line this last month of like, okay, show yourself
grace, you hurt your knee, but like convicted enough to be like, yeah, but you're not just
going to like become a slug on the couch and, you know, so be convicted to like, you're
(13:16):
still a leader, you still got to show up, you want to lead in other ways too.
So I think that's something that my phrase has also helped me just kind of fight, but
I feel like this month has been a fight.
And I sometimes I'm like, you know, my family's healthy, I'm healthy, like, you know, perspective
kids, like it's really not that bad, but it's just been a tough, it's been like a tough
(13:39):
month.
Yeah, I think it's okay to admit that when it's hard or when it's not, you know, all
going great and saying this is harder than I thought.
And this isn't what I saw coming.
And those things are tough and that's okay.
Yeah.
Just the realness of like, yeah, I say this a lot too, but I just am so far from having
it figured out, you know, my sweet friend, Madeline, who I train with, she was going
(14:02):
through some stuff with her apartment flooding and just trying to like figure out what to
do next and where to go.
And it was all these things that happened totally unexpected.
And she was so cute.
She posted something the other day and it was like, you know, this happened.
Oh, good.
I wanted to clean my closet.
This happened, but oh, good.
I wanted to organize this and kind of just the oh, good mindset.
(14:25):
And I took that and we ended up talking about it later in person because I saw it on her
Instagram and I was like, I love that.
We talked about it.
And it was just like when things happen to us that are unexpected or maybe, you know,
not what we saw coming, what if we change those things to say, like, or not even changing
them because I think we don't need to shove our feelings.
(14:47):
Right.
And then we push it down.
Like not to say this is bad.
Like I don't want you to talk about your knee that it hurts.
Like, you know, it hurts and that's real, but like, oh, good.
Maybe I need it to rest.
Yeah.
Oh, good.
Oh, maybe I need to take care of myself.
I know.
I know.
You know, she's so great.
And I think about that and so many things of when we go through hard things, yes, admit
(15:08):
when it's hard, yes, talk about those struggles.
And also where can we see the oh, good or the oh, God?
The verse where it says rejoice in the Lord always.
And that always is like, even when your apartment floods, even when you tear your tear your
ACL, even when you fill in the blank.
And that's where it's like, what you're saying.
(15:29):
And I love that because it's like, oh, when you're feeling it's okay to feel that, but
we are called to rejoice.
And that's where it's really hard to do so at certain times, I think, you know, but I
love what she says about like, oh, good, because it really is dry.
You literally said that today, I've actually been, I've been teaching off bike and I'm
(15:49):
like, I've actually really been loving it.
Classes are better.
They're harder because I'm not out of breath.
So the clients have to like go faster and my body is resting in a new way.
And I said that today to one of my girlfriends.
I was like, I'm actually really loving teaching off bike right now.
And I would never have known what this feels like if I hadn't gotten hurt.
Because you wouldn't have chosen.
Because I wouldn't have chosen that.
(16:10):
Yeah.
So perspective is everything, not always easy, but that's again why it's so important to
the community.
Yeah.
You know, and I was listening to the episode that we did with David on my way down here
that we launched last week.
We had, you had asked him that wonderful question that I think is really true about, do men
look at women and see like, are they in community?
(16:31):
And and I think that's why it's so important, you know, for us to be in community for so
many reasons for accountability when you're looking for a life partner.
But then also like when you are having a hard week or something like a, I didn't see this
coming happens.
You have somebody that doesn't sit in the misery with you, let's you feel hurt, but
(16:52):
then pulls you up and out and reminds you of things like, Hey, yeah, I wanted to purge
or now you get to teach off bike or you're going to rest in new ways, you know?
So I'm just, we're big proponents of strong community and that's really important to
have that.
Yeah.
I think so.
Um, wait, I want to ask you, you joined a new Bible study.
(17:15):
We have not yapped by the way you guys yet.
Like usually yeah, before, but yeah, I know my, my cool Gen Z girlfriends teach me all
the like cool and go like slay.
Yeah.
Um, what's the other word that they teach me?
I don't know a bunch of words that make me feel real cool.
I feel like we say, like, we slay, we slay, we slay, we say slay.
(17:39):
You say slay.
I say slay all it's slay.
You do?
No, you don't.
Well, with my Gen Z friends, maybe no, I've never heard you say that to me.
That brings it on to me.
I don't think I bring that side out of you.
I bring out the old lady side or something.
I am, we, we are a match made in heaven because we are, I would never use, I would never use
a millennial millennial millennial millennial.
I've never used slay.
Unless I'm talking about Santos play.
(18:01):
Have you ever heard that?
Absolutely not.
Oh, it's so camp.
I work with high school girls.
How do I not know these things?
Well, that's because they probably have a whole another lingo like cap it like so cap.
Have you heard that one?
I've heard that.
No cap.
No caps.
No cap.
No cap.
It's no cap.
My girls taught me Riz and aura.
Riz, what's aura?
Aura, like that's aura.
I don't know.
I don't really know how to use it.
It's so confusing.
(18:22):
They asked me one time when they saw like a guy and me walking the same vicinity, they're
like, Oh, is that aura?
Who's aura?
Oh, no.
It was like an aura ring.
Like aura.
I don't know.
What are we going to do when we have kids of our own?
This is really, I don't know.
I don't know.
Like literally, I don't know.
Anyway, it's slay.
What did I ask you to slay?
(18:45):
You were about to ask me about Bible study, but I was going to start talking about it.
I was going to ask you about Bible study.
You said the word yeah, you said the word yeah, and it got me.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, it's funny.
It's the best word because we just literally, I think it's the slayish.
I say yeah with you because you say yeah, but I think I say chit chat.
I was just chit chatting.
I love it.
I love it.
Chit chat and I'm selling girl.
I think it's because my girlfriend Lauren, she literally says all this cool, lame girl.
(19:08):
But she's cool.
She's just cool.
She knows it when I say it.
I'm like, I'm not offended.
No, I really, there's certain words I should not say.
You can say it.
Camp is not, it just, it just come out of my head.
Are we going camping?
I know.
No.
How do you use it in a sentence?
So camp.
Okay.
That doesn't help me.
(19:28):
What have I done that makes it so, how can I be so camp?
I'm still learning this, but so camp, like awesome, epic.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So I did something.
You're like, that's so camp.
I'm like, this movie is so camp.
No, I hate that.
I know.
I hate it too.
I think that's right.
I could be wrong.
I forget, but I will say Yap is, is one of my favorites.
Yap is funny.
It's one of my favorites.
(19:48):
We're just the app.
And usually we app for like an hour while we set up and we haven't yet.
So last week we did a photo shoot with your brother.
Yeah.
And we got to drive out to Dixon, which was so fun.
And we yapped the whole way there.
We yapped the whole way home.
And on the way home, you were going to Bible study.
I was going to Bible study, but you were going to a new one with your church.
Yeah.
It was so good memory.
I can't remember something.
(20:08):
I couldn't even say go right out of my mouth the second I say it.
That's so camp.
That was absolutely perfect.
Don't edit that out.
What did you ask me?
How your Bible study was.
It's good.
So I went to one week so far and.
(20:33):
I'm gonna die.
One week so far.
Wait, what?
Like, I feel like I just like, blocked out.
I know.
What are we good?
Coffee?
Yes.
So I went to my first week at Bowie's.
(20:56):
And it was good.
I think I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to join or not because I have this one group
of incredible girls.
There's seven of us when we're all together and we've been in the same Bible study for
like eight years.
And I moved away to Charleston and they literally left me in the group message.
And so I needed her to request everything going on.
Another girl, Savannah, she's moved to Florida and she's still in our group message because
(21:17):
it's just like we've all done so much life together and every time she comes in town
we just get together.
So anyways, every single Monday night, most Monday nights we meet and it is just so great.
We go through a study and if we finished up a study we'll still meet on Monday nights
for like dinner or something.
I love that.
So when I finally found a new church, which was honestly a huge prayer request I've had
(21:38):
for so since moving back here this summer was just like I'm so ready to get involved
in a church.
Yeah.
And I found one here in Franklin and it's been so great.
And they offer groups so many different nights of the weeks, different groups, whether it's
couples or girls, just boys, co-ed, older, younger, whatever.
So I found one that worked with my schedule and it's co-ed, mixed ages, mixed generation,
(22:04):
and this was my first week to go.
And I really liked it.
Did you?
I mean it was, it's so cool to have different ages.
There was a couple like, there were several couples, like married couples.
There was one engaged, there's single guys, single girls, divorced, grandparents.
Wow.
I mean, truly everything.
(22:25):
And I think what's so cool is they had prided themselves on just, this is a place of vulnerability,
like we are just vulnerable.
And it is true.
They were.
And I was like, for being a first time group, and they said, there was like 20 people and
it's a 10 week thing.
And so I think it ends up getting smaller and smaller as it goes just with life, circumstances.
But I think for a group that size to be that vulnerable already was super cool to be a
(22:49):
part of and see and just learn from different people and to see the community that they
have there and we were praying over somebody who was about to have surgery and they were
like, okay, let's, you know, when you need a meal train, we'll start that.
And you just see this is the power of community.
And so anyways, I'm really excited about it.
I'm going to do it.
I think it does feel hard to have two nights of the week committed to Bible study, just
(23:10):
knowing I work long days.
Yeah.
Sometimes I'm working 12 hour days and then to go from that straight to a Bible study
is a lot, but also I'm in a season where I can do that.
And I think you and I have talked about this a lot.
Like when you're single, you don't have other responsibilities.
I could literally go to a coffee shop and read my Bible for six hours if I wanted.
And why wouldn't I?
Yeah, like I agree with that.
I was talking to somebody when I was just, or no, I wasn't talking.
(23:33):
I was listening to a podcast, but sometimes I listen to podcasts and I think they're my
friends.
I mean, I do listen to somebody's podcast and be like, my friend.
Oh, no, but I don't know that.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
(23:55):
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
So my friend that I was listening to the other day was talking about just, you know, when
you get married and you have kids, those are your responsibilities.
And those are, those are your priorities.
And so anyways, it's been good.
It was good.
It was good.
I'm really glad.
I'm really glad too.
Because I know we've talked about that.
You and I both have had that same prayer with churches
(24:18):
because we lived here and then we moved and we came back.
And so I've had the same thing happen
where I just feel like for the last year,
I started going to a church just because I knew some people
that went there and I liked it.
I didn't feel like it wasn't like I was,
and I don't know, I think I can be a little bit overly
(24:40):
particular about what I'm looking for in a church.
But I also think different seasons
call for different things.
So like sometimes there was a season
where I just wanted to go into church.
I wanted to not see anyone and walk out
just because I was so spread so thin and poured out
so much of my life and didn't have the relationship
(25:01):
that I have with Jesus now.
And then now I think what I'm really craving
is just like community within a church
and I want to serve within that church.
And so there's a lot of things.
So anyways, I for the last year have just been really praying
through like what church?
And there's a lot of great churches in Nashville.
We are in the Bible though.
So that makes it hard too.
And I know people at all different, all these churches.
(25:23):
So it's like anyone could be great.
So I think that's part of the issue with me
is like just I need to pick one.
And I think there's been some hesitancy
because I don't know if I'm scared that it feels like
is this someone that God wants me to go to?
And I'm not necessarily hearing his call.
So-
What do you think you're putting the pressure on?
I don't know.
I think the pressure of like, okay,
(25:44):
like we're called to be in a body.
And where do I want to go?
And what, how can I share my spiritual gifts
with this church?
And I think it's, I think instead of constantly thinking
about like what I could get out of it,
then I was overly obsessing what I could give to it.
And so I don't know necessarily the hesitancy.
(26:04):
I also just think I'm really craving
to be known outside of just my job.
As in like-
As in like the full right girl, you know?
Yeah, and like fitness and like I pour a lot out every day.
So I think I really need to go.
I've really kind of honed in on the fact
that I needed to be fed spiritually.
And I'm in, so I lead a Bible study Tuesday mornings
(26:26):
and then I'm in a Bible study Thursday nights.
And those are very life-giving for me,
especially both are so life-giving for different reasons.
So it's not that I'm not being fed by my friendship
with like you or those, those Bible studies
or my girlfriends, but I think with the church,
I've never been fully committed to a church ever in my life
because I've moved around a lot.
(26:47):
So I think there's just like a little bit of fear too
of like, am I good enough?
Like, you know, it's just like so,
because I want to serve, but like, can I serve?
It's the same way that I felt I actually texted David
and Kenna the night before our first Bible study
where I was leading and I was like,
I don't know if I'm equipped to do this.
Like I think like, and again,
enemy just knows exactly what to say.
(27:09):
So I think a lot of that is what I've been feeling
with the church situation and putting a lot of pressure
on a choice, which is just kind of me,
but I need to just kind of surrender that.
So all that to say, I went to a church this past weekend
and I loved it and I ran into,
and that's why I'm reading the Jaws Circle
(27:31):
and there's this chapter called Prayer of Fleece
and he talks about like, you know, it's not,
it's not putting this like expectation on the Lord
to be like, Lord, show me this,
but because usually it's like you're, you act in faith
and then the signs of that decision come to be
instead of like, show me the sign
and then I'll jump out in faith.
But I was just like, I prayed on my way to church
(27:52):
and I was like, okay, if I see someone I know
and or if I get invited into a group like to brunch
or to house church or whatever,
then that's gonna be my church.
And so I was meeting one of my good guy friends at church
and I got to sit with his house church
and I was like, I kind of felt a little bit like,
okay, am I out of place?
But in a good way, like in an uncomfortable like, okay,
(28:14):
this is, I'm outside my comfort zone.
I don't know everybody here,
even though I feel like I know a lot of people in Nashville.
And then one of the girls in his house church
invited me to brunch after and I was like, okay, Lord,
I hear you cause I kind of did that prayer fleece of like,
do you want me here or do you want me here
or do you want me here?
So I feel excited.
(28:36):
It's also the first church that I went to
when I first moved to Nashville.
So it feels like kind of a cool full circle there.
But I feel like do I, I wanted to ask you this
like in our app time and I'll ask you now, like,
so I teach two nights a week
and then I'm in about a Sunday, Thursday night
and about a study Tuesday morning.
(28:56):
So my only free night of the week is Tuesday.
I'm an introvert.
So do I join a house church?
And then have it only be on the Tuesday.
So then Monday through, which honestly, I know my limits,
but then, so it's kind of thinking like, okay,
instead of joining a house church,
maybe I could just like hang out with people
that are in a house church.
Cause I know some of the people that go to this church
(29:16):
that are in house churches when they do social gatherings
and then just serve at that church.
I'd love to get in like college ministry or something
and like work on the women's side,
but I don't know if I can fully commit to like house churches
cause I work a lot of evenings.
No, I hear you.
First of all, I think it's so cool
that you're even sharing your uncomfortability,
being uncomfortable, uncomfortability.
(29:36):
Yeah.
Being uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable.
I think like showing how you felt uncomfortable
going into a church and you are a believer.
And so I just think that that is a fear
for a lot of people is going to church
or like, what am I going to do?
Or how do I act or who do I sit with?
And so to hear you so openly be like,
I was kind of like nervous and do I belong here?
(29:59):
You know, I think that was probably something
that a lot of people can relate to.
And just really honest for you to share that.
And yeah, I mean, I hear you on your struggle.
It's literally what I had felt of, wow, I work full days
and then I'm going to take up two of my five weekdays
to be in Bible studies,
which means I only have three weekdays free.
And that's if I don't have clients book in the evenings
(30:20):
or if I don't have something come up with friends
or for recording or you know, you just, it does it.
It stacks up.
And I don't know, I think those are great things
to think through and ask yourself and say like,
what matters?
I think yes, hanging with the like,
what do they call it?
House church.
Hanging with a house church is going to be fun
to get to know them.
But as you know, like the vulnerability,
(30:42):
the connection happens within those groups.
And so you not being in that group
is probably going to be missing out a little bit.
But maybe it's not the season for you to do that.
Maybe you're in a season of leading.
You said you were leading a smoker.
And maybe that's what you should be doing
or what the Lord has you doing right now.
And maybe however long that is,
if it's six weeks, 10 weeks, whatever, do that.
And then you join one.
I don't know.
(31:03):
And obviously I don't know,
but it's something to pray through and just...
Yeah, I like that.
That is good.
Cause it's like, I long for that.
I long to be known.
And I think it's hard when there are,
there's a plethora of options, you know?
I feel really excited to just take the next step
with this church and I'm craving to plug in.
(31:23):
And so I'm glad to finally just say,
Ken, it's like, this is it.
This is the church.
Just do it.
And just do it.
I feel excited.
We're both kind of in that.
We've both have found our church
kind of around the same time, which is really cool.
Funny.
Funny how that works.
Funny how that works.
Yeah, it is.
I wrote, when I turned 33 a couple weeks ago,
I wrote 33 thoughts and just things that,
it was so random.
(31:44):
It wasn't even like advice or beliefs.
It was just truly thoughts.
I mean, one of them said,
don't drink crappy coffee anymore.
I drink Maxwell house.
I was like, ew.
I mean, no.
But it's okay.
Now that I'm 33, I'm not going to do it.
Yeah.
Like I finished off the Maxwell house,
but now I'm moving on.
Yeah.
My friends used to make fun of me.
I drank Folgers and I upgraded to Maxwell house.
This is hilarious.
(32:04):
Some people call it downgrade.
I drink out of a cure egg.
I just put some yummy creamer in.
I know, but I love it.
Anyways, it's my 33 thoughts.
One is don't drink the crappy coffee.
Don't drink the crappy coffee.
But if you have to, you can.
And then another one was join a church.
Because I just truly feel like the times
that I have been hesitant or one foot in, one foot out
(32:26):
has been so hard.
And when I have just jumped two feet in, you know,
there's things going to be wrong with it.
There's things, I think everybody has their church hurt
or church fears or whatever.
I'm a pastor's daughter.
So I grew up in a church where everybody knew who I was.
That was so fun.
So I go into churches thinking like,
I want that same feeling or I want to go to a church
where I know the whole staff.
Cause that's what it was like for me growing up.
(32:46):
But it's not like that anymore.
And so realizing, okay, well, what are the things
that do matter and that I do want?
And I think I would be like, oh, I like this worship.
So I'll go there.
And then I like this one and I'd go here.
And it's just like, I'm not committing.
And I think the church that I have found what I love
is they're like, when you go to a church,
this is your family, you serve.
(33:07):
Because that's what we're called to do.
We tithe, cause that is part of being a Christian.
Like it's just like these things that feel like, okay, yes.
I am all in here every month.
I look at my budget and I give 10% to the church
because that is, because I have a church
and it just feels so good.
It feels, yeah.
I messaged them and was like,
I will serve in whatever area is needed.
(33:27):
I love kids, I love high school, I love middle school.
Greeting.
And it's just like, now I know that's my people
and that's where I'm going to invest.
So, honestly it does.
It feels really good.
Even I was thinking that I'm like,
I'm excited for like to say my church.
And so to being like, I go here,
it's just like committing to something and being involved.
And that's something that somebody told me a long time ago.
(33:49):
Instead of thinking about what the church can give you,
what can you bring and what can you give the church.
You know, so it's exciting.
Okay, what about, what if we wrap with our word
of the month for February?
I love that.
I don't know what my name is, but let's talk about it.
Okay, so did you have a January word?
I didn't, but I want to have a February word.
Honestly, I'm gonna have both.
(34:09):
No, I want to because I need it.
I need it.
I need something.
I need your phrase.
And my phrase for the whole year.
Yeah, and it's for the whole year.
I always like to think about what's coming up
in the month of February.
And then that's kind of how I assess
or like where I'm at in January.
That's why I love word of the month
because it's like progressive.
So you can kind of see how January went
(34:29):
and then kind of adjust your word.
Yeah.
Let me think, I think, do you know what yours is?
Well, I was actually just talking to some
of my girlfriends the other night
in one of my Bible studies.
In one of your many Bible studies, I love it.
In my girl's group.
And we were talking about this word of the month
and mine for January was delight as part of my phrase
(34:50):
on a hunt for delight and just delighting in things.
And so I was thinking about February and, oh my goodness,
I'm reading this book that my friend Jacqueline got me
for my birthday, it is so good.
It's cold.
From like 1950s or something.
My dad originally had told me about this book
and his mom read it.
What?
(35:11):
When he was growing up.
And so I guess it was like a little small brown book
and now they've redone it and illustrated it
to these like beautiful watercolor illustrations.
So it's like a pretty read as well.
It's called Hinds, Feet and High Places.
And I'll link it in our show notes,
but it is such a beautiful book
and I have been weeping through it.
(35:32):
I cannot tell you the last time I've cried in a book,
but it has been so beautiful.
Really?
And it's a really sweet story
and I want everybody to read it
because I'm probably on chapter three,
but I've just cried almost every morning reading it.
And my biggest takeaway was just how sometimes
we forget to invite Jesus into things.
(35:55):
And it says ask, seek, knock, like ask for these things.
And I realized there's sometimes I have these desires
and I don't invite him into these things
or the invitation is there
and we're not taking it.
Or he's sitting there at our window looking like,
hey, I'm here, I'm here for you.
And we're just like, what am I gonna do?
Oh no, how am I gonna do this?
I don't know what to do next.
(36:16):
And if we were to just look up,
back to even the eyes to see and ears to hear.
If we were to just look up and see him,
the invitation is there.
Like he wants to be a part of everything with us.
And so anyways, I was explaining this to my Bible study
the other night about how powerful that was for me.
My friend Chandler, she said, maybe your word is invite.
And I thought about that
(36:36):
and I was like, yeah, that's good.
I mean, how often do we think about things?
And it's just like, I talk about it
or I wish this could happen or I want this,
I'm longing for this, but I want to invite the Lord
into all of these things and invite him into my desires,
invite him into my hardships, invite him.
And not just being like, I need to figure this out, God.
(36:58):
Like, what do I do in this?
But be like, Lord, will you come with me in this?
God, I want you to hold my hand and show me.
Is this a guy I should continue dating
when I'm inviting him into that?
I love that, Sarah, that's really good.
I thought the word invite
is something I've been sitting on.
I love that.
It could be a good word for this month.
I also feel like that word can really apply
to literally every area of your life.
(37:19):
Just inviting the Lord in.
So one thing I love about word of the month is
it's the word that you bring up
and it comes top of mind in a moment
that's more difficult or more challenging
or before you go to bed and you're just like, no, my word.
I said my word was gonna be this.
And so I feel like as you practice inviting him
in more and more and more,
it's just gonna become a natural thing for you,
which you already do, but it would be cool
(37:40):
to just also have that top of mind inviting him in.
That's really good.
Yeah, my word.
I have one trip in February,
going to see some of my friends run a marathon.
Oh, fun one.
I'm going to Austin.
I know, I know.
Going back.
Going back.
Okay, you excited?
(38:01):
Yeah, this time I'm really excited.
I feel so, I feel so held in that city now
because there are people that I love in that city
and that know me in that city
and that know this version of me,
not the version of me when I was in that relationship.
So it feels safe again.
(38:23):
So I am excited and I get to spend time
with Ken and David and all those people.
So I think thinking about that, I'm like, okay, I've got that.
And then I think with my knee,
I'm kind of just wanting to know what's going on
so I can, the planter and me is like, what can I do?
So maybe for top of mind, I was like, patience,
like being patient with myself
(38:45):
because my body can't do the things I'm used to it,
being able to do,
but I don't necessarily know if that's something
that is what the Lord's like,
yeah, I want you to focus on that this month.
I find myself needing to continue to focus on hope,
which is interesting because that's part of my phrase
because everyone's like, how's your knee, how's your knee?
(39:06):
And I'm like, oh, I think it's torn, it's probably torn.
I'm just telling myself that.
So that I'm just prepared for worst case scenario,
which is like, once again, it's something in the world,
it's literally a tourney, see all like it's all,
I have friends that are discovering,
you know, their parents have cancer or things like that.
Like it's perspective,
but I think that's something too,
(39:28):
that hope is really just resonating with me,
even still, just like, I mean, hope,
it's not torn, could be hope again.
It could be hope again.
I also heard you say held.
Held, which you talked about,
you feel really held in Austin
and even thinking about you have this church
and like wanting to be fed.
Yeah, ooh, I like that.
(39:49):
Just being held in that,
and like your knee, you might be slowing down,
but you know, he's still holding you.
Like, yeah, maybe it's like,
maybe it's a phrase of like, I am held,
like he's holding me or he's got me, something like that.
Cause I do love that.
I've been praying for a few things
that he's been answering some prayers in.
So slightly like it's not an obvious,
(40:12):
like here's the answer, but I'm like, ooh, this is awesome.
Yeah, I'm looking for it.
So, yeah, yeah, I'll need to be thinking about it.
I don't necessarily know what my word will be,
but we love Word of the Month, we do it.
We wanna encourage you guys.
You can't even dare in our lives.
We love it.
(40:32):
We love it.
We love the Word of the Month.
We encourage y'all to do it too.
What else we can do?
Yeah, no, I don't.
No, I do think if any of y'all do Word of the Month,
we would love to hear what yours is.
Truly.
As well.
And you know, Kanzina and I are sitting here
literally trying to think about it as we're recording.
And so if you follow us on social media,
(40:54):
sometimes we'll post about it.
And we'd love to hear what y'all's are too.
What's your Word of the Month?
What is the Lord teaching you?
When you wanna hear the background, the story,
all the things.
All the things.
Yeah, I mean, today was just truly like one of those days.
I think it's because it was a yeah, no cap.
No cap, camp, lap.
(41:15):
Yeah, yeah.
Slay. Slay.
Hey, Kanzi for getting everything
and not able to speak English on this podcast.
No, but it was truly just like, I think a catch up.
And the reality of two girls that work hard and are tired.
Yeah, sure.
You know, I think it's, we titled this, we're tired.
We're tired.
(41:36):
We're tired.
This is, we're figuring it out.
What, wasn't it something like January you're figuring out?
I don't know.
I just think it's important.
I think a lot of times people can look,
you get one viewpoint into someone's life
and we wanna make sure that we're as honest
and vulnerable as we can be to let y'all know
that we definitely don't, far from having it figured out,
(41:57):
but also like we have really tired days
and our weeks are crazy.
And so when we are gonna record, we show up
and sometimes we have words from the Lord
and other days we're just like, camp, no camp.
It's all I got.
It's funny.
No, it is funny, but it also is a highlight for me
(42:20):
and we feel so honored to be able to have a microphone.
So, well, while we're here talking about absolutely nothing,
I'm also gonna say to anybody who's made it this far
in this episode, literally, sorry,
to Jibberjabber, Chit Chat, Yip Yab, but if there,
I'm all with you.
(42:43):
If there are things that y'all wanna hear from us,
also leave that in the comments or please message us
because we have a list of things that we're gonna share
and we'll continue in the next few weeks.
This week was Chit Chat, Yip Yab, but.
No camp.
No camp, it's a title.
But they camp them with their genes.
No one will know what that means.
I don't know, maybe they will, maybe I'm so out of it.
(43:04):
But if y'all have things that you feel like,
hey, I would love to hear about this,
I mean, even if it's anonymous.
I don't know, can you submit anonymously?
Not sure how we would do that, but we need to hear.
We won't say anything.
Yeah.
What?
We won't call them out.
So, so and so said.
Yeah, DM us and let us know.
Honestly, it would really help us
(43:24):
because we are doing this for y'all and we wanna be able
to share the things that we've learned
and are going through and have gone through.
I love that, Sarah.
I think that's a great idea.
Have them.
Literally tell us what to talk about.
Because we have a lot of ideas,
but sometimes it's gonna be a yeah, no camps-ish, baby.
Sell them, sis.
(43:44):
Yeah, breach it.
All right, and remember.
And remember, even if he is still good.
No camp, no camp.
Oh, I said you said no camp, I kept saying no camp.
Oh my gosh.
Bye.
Love you.
What is this?
Is it no camp or no camp?
(44:05):
It's no camp.
You're right.
No camp?
I said no camp.
20 times.
Still hit him with that welcome back.
(00:03):
What do we say?
Do we say welcome back?
Yeah, welcome back to the Even If podcast.
And today we don't have a clue what we're talking about.
Is that weird?
Welcome back to the Even If podcast.
I am Kenzie.
And I'm Sarah and we are a mess today.
We're a mess today, y'all.
We are a mess today.
We cannot get it together.
(00:24):
Oh my gosh.
We just keep trying to record this and for some reason it's so funny today.
It's so funny.
I think because we're just exhausted.
I am actually really exhausted.
I'm really tired.
Where are you tired?
I don't know.
It's February.
It's February.
Literally, January is rough.
I know you're born in January and I love January because you're born, but I hate January.
(00:45):
It's so funny.
The amount of people that tell me that, they're like, you know, it's fun.
It's like Thanksgiving in November and Christmas in December and then it's January.
Nothing happens in January.
It's so boring.
Oh, oh, sorry.
But like your birthday and I'm like, you wonder why I have a birthday month.
It's the only thing going on in January.
Seriously.
Honestly, thank the Lord.
You were born in January because I had nothing else to really celebrate.
No, it's all negative, but no.
(01:06):
January is hard.
I think it was so cold.
The week of my birthday was actually so cold.
That was when it got in single digits.
Here I am talking about the weather again.
I love talking about the weather.
I do.
I do.
It was so cold on my birthday and then I think it was the week before it snowed and
then I went to Charleston.
It snowed in Charleston.
First snow in like eight years.
(01:27):
Oh, I didn't even realize it snowed in Charleston.
Not while I was there, but I left on like a Monday and that Tuesday or Wednesday, whatever
it was, it snowed.
It's happening.
But what is happening?
I know.
I know.
I just don't.
I haven't really tried this month to be.
I came in just on fire.
Yeah.
We came in in January excited about the year.
(01:47):
It's been a month.
What has made this month so hard for you?
Oh gosh.
Okay.
I'll be honest.
I think I might have.
I don't know yet, but I hurt my knee.
I slipped on ice.
And I've torn my ACL three times.
This could potentially be the fourth.
I just slipped on ice walking my dogs, but I think that set the tone for like, then I
(02:08):
couldn't work out and working out for me is like my mental.
My mental health is really important, obviously to me, but working out helps that.
And so I think that's been really challenging.
And then the cold weather and it's dark really early and it's dark when we wake up and I
don't know, you come into the new year and I don't put a lot of expectation on it, but
you and I were both like, you know, I also went on a missions trip and so it's almost
(02:30):
like you go to youth camp, you know, and you come back and you're just like on fire and
you're just like on this.
And I just came into the air being like, I've gotten my saying for the year and I am ready
and I am hopeful and all these things.
And then, you know, being human and reality hits and then it's hard to keep doing the
thing that you said you were going to do.
And I've been talking to my clients about it because I'm like, Oh, I understand how
(02:51):
hard it is to get your butts in the gym and to be working out.
And so I know that's very universal right now.
It's not just a me thing or you thing where we're like, man, January's felt long, but
I think the knee injury is really top of mind for me.
And it brought up like stuff back when I was in, you know, I think it was 16 the first
time I tore it and then tour two in the same year back to back six months apart.
(03:15):
And then I tore my third one in college playing in the sorority basketball tournament.
And then, um, and so now it's like all these really negative thoughts have kind of crept
in my mind of like things that are not of the Lord.
So I'm just like really finding those.
But and you feel like you noticed it after the knee injury.
Yeah.
Do you feel like it's, um, the negative thoughts are a result of what happened and how your
(03:38):
mindset has shifted this year or the negative thoughts are taking you back to a place you
used to be.
That's a good question.
I think a little bit of both.
Um, I think I was started doing 75 hard and I have a lot of friends like in Austin doing
that I have friends here doing it, I felt a part of it.
And then I was like really enjoying waking up in the morning and I still really enjoy
(03:59):
my time with the Lord in the morning, but I had to pivot and I can't work out right
now.
So that's been, I mean, I guess I can work out.
I just have to change the way that I work out, but I had a week of feeling sorry for
myself and I was just like in a bad, honestly, I was in a bad mood and I couldn't, I could
not bounce back and, um, I don't know.
I just felt like things were not like really exciting for me.
(04:20):
And I know that happens and I think it's important to say on a podcast too that we're not these
girls that are just like, Jesus is the best and we have it all together because we don't
like the realness is like, no, I've had a really, I've just had a more challenging
month than I expected.
So what about you?
How has this month been for you outside of your birthday?
(04:43):
It's been great.
What do you mean?
Um, no, I think I love new year, like a new year as we talk about.
A couple of episodes ago, but I also feel like I'm very much a new month person and even
like a new week and a new day.
And you kind of just, I think you have to break it down like that because having an expectation
for a year is really, really hard.
(05:04):
Really hard.
But when we can say, okay, well, what am I doing today?
Yeah.
Or what is my goal for this week?
I think that breaks it down and makes it easier.
I like that.
Um, so I don't feel like I necessarily had a ton of goals going into this year.
I probably just more had like mindset and I know I've talked about it that, or did I
share it?
I don't know if I shared it on here.
(05:25):
No, you didn't.
My phrase.
You need to share it.
Okay.
I'm so glad you brought this up.
Yeah.
So you had shared, what was it?
Several episodes ago or was it on our, I think it was several, I think it was the first
one back, the first one of this year.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You shared your phrase of the year because you and I have both done word of the month,
but you did a phrase this year.
And so when you said that, I think I left recording and kind of was just like, Lord, do I have
(05:48):
a phrase?
And I kept feeling like the word delight just kept coming to my mind and a church, the pastor
was talking about how there is oftentimes we feel like there's a duty as Christians,
which there's not, but we feel like it's a duty or we feel like it's something we like
obligations or we feel like we're just doing it because it's out of, you know, what X,
(06:10):
Y is he, we make all these excuses for why we feel like we have to read our Bible, we
have to go to church or these things, but instead it should be a delight for us.
I love that.
And we should delight in the Lord and we should delight in the things he gives us and delight
in our friendships, delight in our family.
And so I feel like that word delight just really stuck.
And I was like, yes, I love that.
And then I had listened to a podcast and she was talking about just having eyes to see
(06:33):
and ears to hear things of the Lord is showing us.
And I kept thinking about that.
And I was like, when we have eyes to see ears to hear, it's the specific, we are looking
a specific way.
And I am intentional about looking for something and hearing, looking for evidence, looking
for, I'm hunting for something.
And I kept thinking about that.
And I think it was right after I was going squirrel hunting.
(06:54):
So soon I'm going to my squirrel hunt.
I was going to squirrel hunt.
And I thought about every guy's dream I'm telling you, how you're so single below is
my mother loving mind, ever loving mind.
Ever loving mind.
Okay.
Mother loving.
I don't know.
How you're mother loving mind.
Mother loving mind.
I think I was trying to like not cut.
(07:14):
I wasn't going to cuss on here obviously.
Cause I don't cuss.
Obviously.
Obviously.
But I was trying to replace, you know, any ever loving.
Okay.
Ever loving.
The fact that you're single blows my ever loving mind.
You said back.
I got you.
Seriously.
So anyways, when I was squirrel hunting, I was thinking about how when you hunt, you're
like looking for something, right?
I'm looking for the squirrel and you're looking for traces.
(07:37):
You're thinking, where could they be?
I'm listening.
Like, do you hear the scurries in the woods?
And they think about even deer hunting and like when you go hunt for deer, you look for
traces of where this deer has been.
You look for evidence of where it could have been.
And I think about what, where is it going to be?
Like I want to put myself in the right position.
That's like you're hunting for something.
So anyways, I think I put those two together and I thought that is the phrase that the
(08:00):
Lord kind of put on my heart was on a hunt for delight hunting for delight.
So having hunting for delight being my mindset for this year has been cool.
Because I think even in these moments of the slowness or the cold or the mundane, just
January, I'm reminded of, I'm on a hunt for delight.
(08:23):
So where, what does that look like?
And where does that, where does that come?
So it's so good.
It's so good.
And it's hard to do in the weather is tough, but it is so true.
I feel like you, you always will find what you, what you look for.
Totally.
I think that's it too.
And it's like, yeah, there was a few days that were cold and I am so mad.
Like I think I have winter Tourette's first of all, I think I'm allergic to the cold
(08:47):
because I have renaught disease, which literally means like my fingers.
What, what is it called?
Do you know this?
No, I complain about it all the time.
It's literally something I need to work on.
I complain about it all the time.
You are not, you are the furthest from a complainer.
I'm never here to complain about it.
I complain about the cold.
Well, yeah, I do too.
It's part of my winter Tourette's too.
Love my rain.
Wait, what's rainage?
It's rain.
(09:09):
What is it?
Reynod's.
Reynod.
Reynod's disease.
It's self-diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure the doctor would agree because my fingers
just turn white and my toes turn white.
I don't have circulation in my extremities.
Okay, you are definitely not meant to be in the North.
Right?
(09:29):
Thank you.
So that's rain.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm going to say that you're going to be in the South for a little while.
And then I get these winter Tourette's where I just start saying things I don't mean when
it's cold.
I'm just like, I hate the cold.
That was seriously the hard to say.
(09:51):
But then literally, this sun will come out and I'm like, everything's fine.
That's all I needed.
It's true though.
It really is true.
And so I think we're just saying that because if you are listening and you're feeling the
same way, you know, it's been tough for both of us this month.
I'm really struggling.
It's just so hard.
(10:11):
But I'm ready for February and more ready for March.
Yeah.
I know.
Springtime.
I know.
I know.
Okay.
So what's your phrase?
What was your phrase for the show?
My phrase is expect a miracle with uncommon hope.
How has that felt for you this month, even in the midst of tragedy with your knee and just
cold and blah?
Yeah.
It's felt, it's been good.
And honestly, so one of the things too that I feel just like a deep desire for is studying
(10:38):
scripture.
I think you and I talked about that.
I don't know if I was on the podcast or just you and I, but I really want to be doing that.
And I have, I set up like a prayer closet in my closet.
And you know, just really, there's some personal things I'm not saying just like out of pride,
but just like I feel like the Lord's asking me to get on my knees before I call it a bed.
(11:00):
So I have been doing that every, every night.
There's been a couple of nights I haven't because I'm cold.
I want to get into my heat of blanket.
Because you're cold.
And I'm seriously.
Oh man.
And then I feel the conviction of like, and so I've gotten up out of bed to get down on
my knees.
And so I think having that phrase of hope has pushed me to then kind of lean into like,
(11:23):
okay, if you want to have hope, you have to fight for it.
Like it, you can't, it's not just this like naive perspective.
It's like something that I think that comes when I love your word delight in the Lord,
when you study the word, when you commit to the things that you say you're going to do.
So it's been helpful.
I also was thinking this morning, actually, I got up, I've been getting about 515 every
(11:45):
morning and I kind of was thinking, I wonder, because I've been wanting to dive into, I'm
reading this book called prayer by Tim Keller.
It's very theologically dense, but it's really good.
And I can't help but also wondering, and I thought this might, maybe it's some of it,
spiritual warfare, because for the first time in my life, I am like asking people how I
(12:06):
can pray for them and writing it down and praying, you know, very intentionally for
the first time.
So I think my phrase has helped me hone in on and fight for the things, a few things that
I'm really trying to do, but ultimately hope it's felt like, I don't know, this week particularly
has felt really scattered and I run from thing to thing and then I feel like I'm exhausted
(12:30):
and then I get up at five and then, you know, it's like this constant.
So then it's like, we stop, how are we doing on these things, you know, it's, and that's
just like the human, the humanness in me that I'm trying to also have grace for.
And I talked about this in class one day where I was like, and I really think the Lord speaks
to me in class.
Some, some classes are a lot stronger than others, but I had said, I had never said this
(12:52):
before, so that's why I know it's from him, but it's like this delicate dance between
showing yourself grace, but then also being convicted enough to step up.
And, and so I think for me, that's been the line this last month of like, okay, show yourself
grace, you hurt your knee, but like convicted enough to be like, yeah, but you're not just
going to like become a slug on the couch and, you know, so be convicted to like, you're
(13:16):
still a leader, you still got to show up, you want to lead in other ways too.
So I think that's something that my phrase has also helped me just kind of fight, but
I feel like this month has been a fight.
And I sometimes I'm like, you know, my family's healthy, I'm healthy, like, you know, perspective
kids, like it's really not that bad, but it's just been a tough, it's been like a tough
(13:39):
month.
Yeah, I think it's okay to admit that when it's hard or when it's not, you know, all
going great and saying this is harder than I thought.
And this isn't what I saw coming.
And those things are tough and that's okay.
Yeah.
Just the realness of like, yeah, I say this a lot too, but I just am so far from having
it figured out, you know, my sweet friend, Madeline, who I train with, she was going
(14:02):
through some stuff with her apartment flooding and just trying to like figure out what to
do next and where to go.
And it was all these things that happened totally unexpected.
And she was so cute.
She posted something the other day and it was like, you know, this happened.
Oh, good.
I wanted to clean my closet.
This happened, but oh, good.
I wanted to organize this and kind of just the oh, good mindset.
(14:25):
And I took that and we ended up talking about it later in person because I saw it on her
Instagram and I was like, I love that.
We talked about it.
And it was just like when things happen to us that are unexpected or maybe, you know,
not what we saw coming, what if we change those things to say, like, or not even changing
them because I think we don't need to shove our feelings.
(14:47):
Right.
And then we push it down.
Like not to say this is bad.
Like I don't want you to talk about your knee that it hurts.
Like, you know, it hurts and that's real, but like, oh, good.
Maybe I need it to rest.
Yeah.
Oh, good.
Oh, maybe I need to take care of myself.
I know.
I know.
You know, she's so great.
And I think about that and so many things of when we go through hard things, yes, admit
(15:08):
when it's hard, yes, talk about those struggles.
And also where can we see the oh, good or the oh, God?
The verse where it says rejoice in the Lord always.
And that always is like, even when your apartment floods, even when you tear your tear your
ACL, even when you fill in the blank.
And that's where it's like, what you're saying.
(15:29):
And I love that because it's like, oh, when you're feeling it's okay to feel that, but
we are called to rejoice.
And that's where it's really hard to do so at certain times, I think, you know, but I
love what she says about like, oh, good, because it really is dry.
You literally said that today, I've actually been, I've been teaching off bike and I'm
(15:49):
like, I've actually really been loving it.
Classes are better.
They're harder because I'm not out of breath.
So the clients have to like go faster and my body is resting in a new way.
And I said that today to one of my girlfriends.
I was like, I'm actually really loving teaching off bike right now.
And I would never have known what this feels like if I hadn't gotten hurt.
Because you wouldn't have chosen.
Because I wouldn't have chosen that.
(16:10):
Yeah.
So perspective is everything, not always easy, but that's again why it's so important to
the community.
Yeah.
You know, and I was listening to the episode that we did with David on my way down here
that we launched last week.
We had, you had asked him that wonderful question that I think is really true about, do men
look at women and see like, are they in community?
(16:31):
And and I think that's why it's so important, you know, for us to be in community for so
many reasons for accountability when you're looking for a life partner.
But then also like when you are having a hard week or something like a, I didn't see this
coming happens.
You have somebody that doesn't sit in the misery with you, let's you feel hurt, but
(16:52):
then pulls you up and out and reminds you of things like, Hey, yeah, I wanted to purge
or now you get to teach off bike or you're going to rest in new ways, you know?
So I'm just, we're big proponents of strong community and that's really important to
have that.
Yeah.
I think so.
Um, wait, I want to ask you, you joined a new Bible study.
(17:15):
We have not yapped by the way you guys yet.
Like usually yeah, before, but yeah, I know my, my cool Gen Z girlfriends teach me all
the like cool and go like slay.
Yeah.
Um, what's the other word that they teach me?
I don't know a bunch of words that make me feel real cool.
I feel like we say, like, we slay, we slay, we slay, we say slay.
(17:39):
You say slay.
I say slay all it's slay.
You do?
No, you don't.
Well, with my Gen Z friends, maybe no, I've never heard you say that to me.
That brings it on to me.
I don't think I bring that side out of you.
I bring out the old lady side or something.
I am, we, we are a match made in heaven because we are, I would never use, I would never use
a millennial millennial millennial millennial.
I've never used slay.
Unless I'm talking about Santos play.
(18:01):
Have you ever heard that?
Absolutely not.
Oh, it's so camp.
I work with high school girls.
How do I not know these things?
Well, that's because they probably have a whole another lingo like cap it like so cap.
Have you heard that one?
I've heard that.
No cap.
No caps.
No cap.
No cap.
It's no cap.
My girls taught me Riz and aura.
Riz, what's aura?
Aura, like that's aura.
I don't know.
I don't really know how to use it.
It's so confusing.
(18:22):
They asked me one time when they saw like a guy and me walking the same vicinity, they're
like, Oh, is that aura?
Who's aura?
Oh, no.
It was like an aura ring.
Like aura.
I don't know.
What are we going to do when we have kids of our own?
This is really, I don't know.
I don't know.
Like literally, I don't know.
Anyway, it's slay.
What did I ask you to slay?
(18:45):
You were about to ask me about Bible study, but I was going to start talking about it.
I was going to ask you about Bible study.
You said the word yeah, you said the word yeah, and it got me.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, it's funny.
It's the best word because we just literally, I think it's the slayish.
I say yeah with you because you say yeah, but I think I say chit chat.
I was just chit chatting.
I love it.
I love it.
Chit chat and I'm selling girl.
I think it's because my girlfriend Lauren, she literally says all this cool, lame girl.
(19:08):
But she's cool.
She's just cool.
She knows it when I say it.
I'm like, I'm not offended.
No, I really, there's certain words I should not say.
You can say it.
Camp is not, it just, it just come out of my head.
Are we going camping?
I know.
No.
How do you use it in a sentence?
So camp.
Okay.
That doesn't help me.
(19:28):
What have I done that makes it so, how can I be so camp?
I'm still learning this, but so camp, like awesome, epic.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So I did something.
You're like, that's so camp.
I'm like, this movie is so camp.
No, I hate that.
I know.
I hate it too.
I think that's right.
I could be wrong.
I forget, but I will say Yap is, is one of my favorites.
Yap is funny.
It's one of my favorites.
(19:48):
We're just the app.
And usually we app for like an hour while we set up and we haven't yet.
So last week we did a photo shoot with your brother.
Yeah.
And we got to drive out to Dixon, which was so fun.
And we yapped the whole way there.
We yapped the whole way home.
And on the way home, you were going to Bible study.
I was going to Bible study, but you were going to a new one with your church.
Yeah.
It was so good memory.
I can't remember something.
(20:08):
I couldn't even say go right out of my mouth the second I say it.
That's so camp.
That was absolutely perfect.
Don't edit that out.
What did you ask me?
How your Bible study was.
It's good.
So I went to one week so far and.
(20:33):
I'm gonna die.
One week so far.
Wait, what?
Like, I feel like I just like, blocked out.
I know.
What are we good?
Coffee?
Yes.
So I went to my first week at Bowie's.
(20:56):
And it was good.
I think I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to join or not because I have this one group
of incredible girls.
There's seven of us when we're all together and we've been in the same Bible study for
like eight years.
And I moved away to Charleston and they literally left me in the group message.
And so I needed her to request everything going on.
Another girl, Savannah, she's moved to Florida and she's still in our group message because
(21:17):
it's just like we've all done so much life together and every time she comes in town
we just get together.
So anyways, every single Monday night, most Monday nights we meet and it is just so great.
We go through a study and if we finished up a study we'll still meet on Monday nights
for like dinner or something.
I love that.
So when I finally found a new church, which was honestly a huge prayer request I've had
(21:38):
for so since moving back here this summer was just like I'm so ready to get involved
in a church.
Yeah.
And I found one here in Franklin and it's been so great.
And they offer groups so many different nights of the weeks, different groups, whether it's
couples or girls, just boys, co-ed, older, younger, whatever.
So I found one that worked with my schedule and it's co-ed, mixed ages, mixed generation,
(22:04):
and this was my first week to go.
And I really liked it.
Did you?
I mean it was, it's so cool to have different ages.
There was a couple like, there were several couples, like married couples.
There was one engaged, there's single guys, single girls, divorced, grandparents.
Wow.
I mean, truly everything.
(22:25):
And I think what's so cool is they had prided themselves on just, this is a place of vulnerability,
like we are just vulnerable.
And it is true.
They were.
And I was like, for being a first time group, and they said, there was like 20 people and
it's a 10 week thing.
And so I think it ends up getting smaller and smaller as it goes just with life, circumstances.
But I think for a group that size to be that vulnerable already was super cool to be a
(22:49):
part of and see and just learn from different people and to see the community that they
have there and we were praying over somebody who was about to have surgery and they were
like, okay, let's, you know, when you need a meal train, we'll start that.
And you just see this is the power of community.
And so anyways, I'm really excited about it.
I'm going to do it.
I think it does feel hard to have two nights of the week committed to Bible study, just
(23:10):
knowing I work long days.
Yeah.
Sometimes I'm working 12 hour days and then to go from that straight to a Bible study
is a lot, but also I'm in a season where I can do that.
And I think you and I have talked about this a lot.
Like when you're single, you don't have other responsibilities.
I could literally go to a coffee shop and read my Bible for six hours if I wanted.
And why wouldn't I?
Yeah, like I agree with that.
I was talking to somebody when I was just, or no, I wasn't talking.
(23:33):
I was listening to a podcast, but sometimes I listen to podcasts and I think they're my
friends.
I mean, I do listen to somebody's podcast and be like, my friend.
Oh, no, but I don't know that.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
(23:55):
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
So my friend that I was listening to the other day was talking about just, you know, when
you get married and you have kids, those are your responsibilities.
And those are, those are your priorities.
And so anyways, it's been good.
It was good.
It was good.
I'm really glad.
I'm really glad too.
Because I know we've talked about that.
You and I both have had that same prayer with churches
(24:18):
because we lived here and then we moved and we came back.
And so I've had the same thing happen
where I just feel like for the last year,
I started going to a church just because I knew some people
that went there and I liked it.
I didn't feel like it wasn't like I was,
and I don't know, I think I can be a little bit overly
(24:40):
particular about what I'm looking for in a church.
But I also think different seasons
call for different things.
So like sometimes there was a season
where I just wanted to go into church.
I wanted to not see anyone and walk out
just because I was so spread so thin and poured out
so much of my life and didn't have the relationship
(25:01):
that I have with Jesus now.
And then now I think what I'm really craving
is just like community within a church
and I want to serve within that church.
And so there's a lot of things.
So anyways, I for the last year have just been really praying
through like what church?
And there's a lot of great churches in Nashville.
We are in the Bible though.
So that makes it hard too.
And I know people at all different, all these churches.
(25:23):
So it's like anyone could be great.
So I think that's part of the issue with me
is like just I need to pick one.
And I think there's been some hesitancy
because I don't know if I'm scared that it feels like
is this someone that God wants me to go to?
And I'm not necessarily hearing his call.
So-
What do you think you're putting the pressure on?
I don't know.
I think the pressure of like, okay,
(25:44):
like we're called to be in a body.
And where do I want to go?
And what, how can I share my spiritual gifts
with this church?
And I think it's, I think instead of constantly thinking
about like what I could get out of it,
then I was overly obsessing what I could give to it.
And so I don't know necessarily the hesitancy.
(26:04):
I also just think I'm really craving
to be known outside of just my job.
As in like-
As in like the full right girl, you know?
Yeah, and like fitness and like I pour a lot out every day.
So I think I really need to go.
I've really kind of honed in on the fact
that I needed to be fed spiritually.
And I'm in, so I lead a Bible study Tuesday mornings
(26:26):
and then I'm in a Bible study Thursday nights.
And those are very life-giving for me,
especially both are so life-giving for different reasons.
So it's not that I'm not being fed by my friendship
with like you or those, those Bible studies
or my girlfriends, but I think with the church,
I've never been fully committed to a church ever in my life
because I've moved around a lot.
(26:47):
So I think there's just like a little bit of fear too
of like, am I good enough?
Like, you know, it's just like so,
because I want to serve, but like, can I serve?
It's the same way that I felt I actually texted David
and Kenna the night before our first Bible study
where I was leading and I was like,
I don't know if I'm equipped to do this.
Like I think like, and again,
enemy just knows exactly what to say.
(27:09):
So I think a lot of that is what I've been feeling
with the church situation and putting a lot of pressure
on a choice, which is just kind of me,
but I need to just kind of surrender that.
So all that to say, I went to a church this past weekend
and I loved it and I ran into,
and that's why I'm reading the Jaws Circle
(27:31):
and there's this chapter called Prayer of Fleece
and he talks about like, you know, it's not,
it's not putting this like expectation on the Lord
to be like, Lord, show me this,
but because usually it's like you're, you act in faith
and then the signs of that decision come to be
instead of like, show me the sign
and then I'll jump out in faith.
But I was just like, I prayed on my way to church
(27:52):
and I was like, okay, if I see someone I know
and or if I get invited into a group like to brunch
or to house church or whatever,
then that's gonna be my church.
And so I was meeting one of my good guy friends at church
and I got to sit with his house church
and I was like, I kind of felt a little bit like,
okay, am I out of place?
But in a good way, like in an uncomfortable like, okay,
(28:14):
this is, I'm outside my comfort zone.
I don't know everybody here,
even though I feel like I know a lot of people in Nashville.
And then one of the girls in his house church
invited me to brunch after and I was like, okay, Lord,
I hear you cause I kind of did that prayer fleece of like,
do you want me here or do you want me here
or do you want me here?
So I feel excited.
(28:36):
It's also the first church that I went to
when I first moved to Nashville.
So it feels like kind of a cool full circle there.
But I feel like do I, I wanted to ask you this
like in our app time and I'll ask you now, like,
so I teach two nights a week
and then I'm in about a Sunday, Thursday night
and about a study Tuesday morning.
(28:56):
So my only free night of the week is Tuesday.
I'm an introvert.
So do I join a house church?
And then have it only be on the Tuesday.
So then Monday through, which honestly, I know my limits,
but then, so it's kind of thinking like, okay,
instead of joining a house church,
maybe I could just like hang out with people
that are in a house church.
Cause I know some of the people that go to this church
(29:16):
that are in house churches when they do social gatherings
and then just serve at that church.
I'd love to get in like college ministry or something
and like work on the women's side,
but I don't know if I can fully commit to like house churches
cause I work a lot of evenings.
No, I hear you.
First of all, I think it's so cool
that you're even sharing your uncomfortability,
being uncomfortable, uncomfortability.
(29:36):
Yeah.
Being uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable.
I think like showing how you felt uncomfortable
going into a church and you are a believer.
And so I just think that that is a fear
for a lot of people is going to church
or like, what am I going to do?
Or how do I act or who do I sit with?
And so to hear you so openly be like,
I was kind of like nervous and do I belong here?
(29:59):
You know, I think that was probably something
that a lot of people can relate to.
And just really honest for you to share that.
And yeah, I mean, I hear you on your struggle.
It's literally what I had felt of, wow, I work full days
and then I'm going to take up two of my five weekdays
to be in Bible studies,
which means I only have three weekdays free.
And that's if I don't have clients book in the evenings
(30:20):
or if I don't have something come up with friends
or for recording or you know, you just, it does it.
It stacks up.
And I don't know, I think those are great things
to think through and ask yourself and say like,
what matters?
I think yes, hanging with the like,
what do they call it?
House church.
Hanging with a house church is going to be fun
to get to know them.
But as you know, like the vulnerability,
(30:42):
the connection happens within those groups.
And so you not being in that group
is probably going to be missing out a little bit.
But maybe it's not the season for you to do that.
Maybe you're in a season of leading.
You said you were leading a smoker.
And maybe that's what you should be doing
or what the Lord has you doing right now.
And maybe however long that is,
if it's six weeks, 10 weeks, whatever, do that.
And then you join one.
I don't know.
(31:03):
And obviously I don't know,
but it's something to pray through and just...
Yeah, I like that.
That is good.
Cause it's like, I long for that.
I long to be known.
And I think it's hard when there are,
there's a plethora of options, you know?
I feel really excited to just take the next step
with this church and I'm craving to plug in.
(31:23):
And so I'm glad to finally just say,
Ken, it's like, this is it.
This is the church.
Just do it.
And just do it.
I feel excited.
We're both kind of in that.
We've both have found our church
kind of around the same time, which is really cool.
Funny.
Funny how that works.
Funny how that works.
Yeah, it is.
I wrote, when I turned 33 a couple weeks ago,
I wrote 33 thoughts and just things that,
it was so random.
(31:44):
It wasn't even like advice or beliefs.
It was just truly thoughts.
I mean, one of them said,
don't drink crappy coffee anymore.
I drink Maxwell house.
I was like, ew.
I mean, no.
But it's okay.
Now that I'm 33, I'm not going to do it.
Yeah.
Like I finished off the Maxwell house,
but now I'm moving on.
Yeah.
My friends used to make fun of me.
I drank Folgers and I upgraded to Maxwell house.
This is hilarious.
(32:04):
Some people call it downgrade.
I drink out of a cure egg.
I just put some yummy creamer in.
I know, but I love it.
Anyways, it's my 33 thoughts.
One is don't drink the crappy coffee.
Don't drink the crappy coffee.
But if you have to, you can.
And then another one was join a church.
Because I just truly feel like the times
that I have been hesitant or one foot in, one foot out
(32:26):
has been so hard.
And when I have just jumped two feet in, you know,
there's things going to be wrong with it.
There's things, I think everybody has their church hurt
or church fears or whatever.
I'm a pastor's daughter.
So I grew up in a church where everybody knew who I was.
That was so fun.
So I go into churches thinking like,
I want that same feeling or I want to go to a church
where I know the whole staff.
Cause that's what it was like for me growing up.
(32:46):
But it's not like that anymore.
And so realizing, okay, well, what are the things
that do matter and that I do want?
And I think I would be like, oh, I like this worship.
So I'll go there.
And then I like this one and I'd go here.
And it's just like, I'm not committing.
And I think the church that I have found what I love
is they're like, when you go to a church,
this is your family, you serve.
(33:07):
Because that's what we're called to do.
We tithe, cause that is part of being a Christian.
Like it's just like these things that feel like, okay, yes.
I am all in here every month.
I look at my budget and I give 10% to the church
because that is, because I have a church
and it just feels so good.
It feels, yeah.
I messaged them and was like,
I will serve in whatever area is needed.
(33:27):
I love kids, I love high school, I love middle school.
Greeting.
And it's just like, now I know that's my people
and that's where I'm going to invest.
So, honestly it does.
It feels really good.
Even I was thinking that I'm like,
I'm excited for like to say my church.
And so to being like, I go here,
it's just like committing to something and being involved.
And that's something that somebody told me a long time ago.
(33:49):
Instead of thinking about what the church can give you,
what can you bring and what can you give the church.
You know, so it's exciting.
Okay, what about, what if we wrap with our word
of the month for February?
I love that.
I don't know what my name is, but let's talk about it.
Okay, so did you have a January word?
I didn't, but I want to have a February word.
Honestly, I'm gonna have both.
(34:09):
No, I want to because I need it.
I need it.
I need something.
I need your phrase.
And my phrase for the whole year.
Yeah, and it's for the whole year.
I always like to think about what's coming up
in the month of February.
And then that's kind of how I assess
or like where I'm at in January.
That's why I love word of the month
because it's like progressive.
So you can kind of see how January went
(34:29):
and then kind of adjust your word.
Yeah.
Let me think, I think, do you know what yours is?
Well, I was actually just talking to some
of my girlfriends the other night
in one of my Bible studies.
In one of your many Bible studies, I love it.
In my girl's group.
And we were talking about this word of the month
and mine for January was delight as part of my phrase
(34:50):
on a hunt for delight and just delighting in things.
And so I was thinking about February and, oh my goodness,
I'm reading this book that my friend Jacqueline got me
for my birthday, it is so good.
It's cold.
From like 1950s or something.
My dad originally had told me about this book
and his mom read it.
What?
(35:11):
When he was growing up.
And so I guess it was like a little small brown book
and now they've redone it and illustrated it
to these like beautiful watercolor illustrations.
So it's like a pretty read as well.
It's called Hinds, Feet and High Places.
And I'll link it in our show notes,
but it is such a beautiful book
and I have been weeping through it.
(35:32):
I cannot tell you the last time I've cried in a book,
but it has been so beautiful.
Really?
And it's a really sweet story
and I want everybody to read it
because I'm probably on chapter three,
but I've just cried almost every morning reading it.
And my biggest takeaway was just how sometimes
we forget to invite Jesus into things.
(35:55):
And it says ask, seek, knock, like ask for these things.
And I realized there's sometimes I have these desires
and I don't invite him into these things
or the invitation is there
and we're not taking it.
Or he's sitting there at our window looking like,
hey, I'm here, I'm here for you.
And we're just like, what am I gonna do?
Oh no, how am I gonna do this?
I don't know what to do next.
(36:16):
And if we were to just look up,
back to even the eyes to see and ears to hear.
If we were to just look up and see him,
the invitation is there.
Like he wants to be a part of everything with us.
And so anyways, I was explaining this to my Bible study
the other night about how powerful that was for me.
My friend Chandler, she said, maybe your word is invite.
And I thought about that
(36:36):
and I was like, yeah, that's good.
I mean, how often do we think about things?
And it's just like, I talk about it
or I wish this could happen or I want this,
I'm longing for this, but I want to invite the Lord
into all of these things and invite him into my desires,
invite him into my hardships, invite him.
And not just being like, I need to figure this out, God.
(36:58):
Like, what do I do in this?
But be like, Lord, will you come with me in this?
God, I want you to hold my hand and show me.
Is this a guy I should continue dating
when I'm inviting him into that?
I love that, Sarah, that's really good.
I thought the word invite
is something I've been sitting on.
I love that.
It could be a good word for this month.
I also feel like that word can really apply
to literally every area of your life.
(37:19):
Just inviting the Lord in.
So one thing I love about word of the month is
it's the word that you bring up
and it comes top of mind in a moment
that's more difficult or more challenging
or before you go to bed and you're just like, no, my word.
I said my word was gonna be this.
And so I feel like as you practice inviting him
in more and more and more,
it's just gonna become a natural thing for you,
which you already do, but it would be cool
(37:40):
to just also have that top of mind inviting him in.
That's really good.
Yeah, my word.
I have one trip in February,
going to see some of my friends run a marathon.
Oh, fun one.
I'm going to Austin.
I know, I know.
Going back.
Going back.
Okay, you excited?
(38:01):
Yeah, this time I'm really excited.
I feel so, I feel so held in that city now
because there are people that I love in that city
and that know me in that city
and that know this version of me,
not the version of me when I was in that relationship.
So it feels safe again.
(38:23):
So I am excited and I get to spend time
with Ken and David and all those people.
So I think thinking about that, I'm like, okay, I've got that.
And then I think with my knee,
I'm kind of just wanting to know what's going on
so I can, the planter and me is like, what can I do?
So maybe for top of mind, I was like, patience,
like being patient with myself
(38:45):
because my body can't do the things I'm used to it,
being able to do,
but I don't necessarily know if that's something
that is what the Lord's like,
yeah, I want you to focus on that this month.
I find myself needing to continue to focus on hope,
which is interesting because that's part of my phrase
because everyone's like, how's your knee, how's your knee?
(39:06):
And I'm like, oh, I think it's torn, it's probably torn.
I'm just telling myself that.
So that I'm just prepared for worst case scenario,
which is like, once again, it's something in the world,
it's literally a tourney, see all like it's all,
I have friends that are discovering,
you know, their parents have cancer or things like that.
Like it's perspective,
but I think that's something too,
(39:28):
that hope is really just resonating with me,
even still, just like, I mean, hope,
it's not torn, could be hope again.
It could be hope again.
I also heard you say held.
Held, which you talked about,
you feel really held in Austin
and even thinking about you have this church
and like wanting to be fed.
Yeah, ooh, I like that.
(39:49):
Just being held in that,
and like your knee, you might be slowing down,
but you know, he's still holding you.
Like, yeah, maybe it's like,
maybe it's a phrase of like, I am held,
like he's holding me or he's got me, something like that.
Cause I do love that.
I've been praying for a few things
that he's been answering some prayers in.
So slightly like it's not an obvious,
(40:12):
like here's the answer, but I'm like, ooh, this is awesome.
Yeah, I'm looking for it.
So, yeah, yeah, I'll need to be thinking about it.
I don't necessarily know what my word will be,
but we love Word of the Month, we do it.
We wanna encourage you guys.
You can't even dare in our lives.
We love it.
(40:32):
We love it.
We love the Word of the Month.
We encourage y'all to do it too.
What else we can do?
Yeah, no, I don't.
No, I do think if any of y'all do Word of the Month,
we would love to hear what yours is.
Truly.
As well.
And you know, Kanzina and I are sitting here
literally trying to think about it as we're recording.
And so if you follow us on social media,
(40:54):
sometimes we'll post about it.
And we'd love to hear what y'all's are too.
What's your Word of the Month?
What is the Lord teaching you?
When you wanna hear the background, the story,
all the things.
All the things.
Yeah, I mean, today was just truly like one of those days.
I think it's because it was a yeah, no cap.
No cap, camp, lap.
(41:15):
Yeah, yeah.
Slay. Slay.
Hey, Kanzi for getting everything
and not able to speak English on this podcast.
No, but it was truly just like, I think a catch up.
And the reality of two girls that work hard and are tired.
Yeah, sure.
You know, I think it's, we titled this, we're tired.
We're tired.
(41:36):
We're tired.
This is, we're figuring it out.
What, wasn't it something like January you're figuring out?
I don't know.
I just think it's important.
I think a lot of times people can look,
you get one viewpoint into someone's life
and we wanna make sure that we're as honest
and vulnerable as we can be to let y'all know
that we definitely don't, far from having it figured out,
(41:57):
but also like we have really tired days
and our weeks are crazy.
And so when we are gonna record, we show up
and sometimes we have words from the Lord
and other days we're just like, camp, no camp.
It's all I got.
It's funny.
No, it is funny, but it also is a highlight for me
(42:20):
and we feel so honored to be able to have a microphone.
So, well, while we're here talking about absolutely nothing,
I'm also gonna say to anybody who's made it this far
in this episode, literally, sorry,
to Jibberjabber, Chit Chat, Yip Yab, but if there,
I'm all with you.
(42:43):
If there are things that y'all wanna hear from us,
also leave that in the comments or please message us
because we have a list of things that we're gonna share
and we'll continue in the next few weeks.
This week was Chit Chat, Yip Yab, but.
No camp.
No camp, it's a title.
But they camp them with their genes.
No one will know what that means.
I don't know, maybe they will, maybe I'm so out of it.
(43:04):
But if y'all have things that you feel like,
hey, I would love to hear about this,
I mean, even if it's anonymous.
I don't know, can you submit anonymously?
Not sure how we would do that, but we need to hear.
We won't say anything.
Yeah.
What?
We won't call them out.
So, so and so said.
Yeah, DM us and let us know.
Honestly, it would really help us
(43:24):
because we are doing this for y'all and we wanna be able
to share the things that we've learned
and are going through and have gone through.
I love that, Sarah.
I think that's a great idea.
Have them.
Literally tell us what to talk about.
Because we have a lot of ideas,
but sometimes it's gonna be a yeah, no camps-ish, baby.
Sell them, sis.
(43:44):
Yeah, breach it.
All right, and remember.
And remember, even if he is still good.
No camp, no camp.
Oh, I said you said no camp, I kept saying no camp.
Oh my gosh.
Bye.
Love you.
What is this?
Is it no camp or no camp?
(44:05):
It's no camp.
You're right.
No camp?
I said no camp.
20 times.
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