February 25, 2025 • 34 mins
On this week’s episode of The Even If Podcast, we were inspired by the recent Instagram trend around “having coffee with my younger self”. We share words we’d give to young Sarah and young Kenzie and also discuss our viewpoints of singleness then, verses now. We talk relationships, dating, and the most important thing of all – following Jesus. Enjoy this week’s episode and remember, even if, He is still good.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to the Even If podcast. I'm Kenzie and I'm Sarah. And today's episode is what I would tell my younger self or is it coffee with my younger self?
(00:15):
Don't we talk about doing the coffee one because that's a trend.
I know. I mean, I think it's what I tell my younger self could be like another part two later.
Okay. Yeah.
And then like, yeah, we're having coffee. We'll do that trend on socials.
I post that, but I like the, yeah, what I tell my younger self because it is true. Like we're going to talk about what we'd tell younger Kinsey and younger Sarah.
(00:37):
Yeah.
Are we just going to roll with this?
Yeah, let's do it.
Yeah, let's do it.
We're everybody's sometimes this happens.
Well, I think, okay, because this episode we're excited about it's been, we were inspired by these reels that are going around.
I have seen on Instagram, Kenzie posted one because she's trendy about what is it that if I could get coffee with coffee with my younger self today, and then it's like, it's so precious.
(01:01):
I think it's so sweet. They get me every time.
I know. I know. It's really cool to like watch what everybody in the season of light that they're in, you get to see where they are or again, they're highlight reel of where they are, but then you get to also go, okay, what were you struggling with back then?
I love that.
And so it's really cool to see. I mean, some people don't go that deep, but some people do. And it's been really fun to watch both.
(01:22):
Yeah, I agree.
Yeah, I agree. Because you're right. It is. It's such a highlight reel. But then for people to take time and write that, what I would tell you, my younger self is really cool.
It is really cool.
It is really cool for those who don't have seen this trend yet. Will you explain what the trend is and then maybe even like share what yours was?
I can read mine out.
Okay.
So the trend on Instagram, it's like this really sweet. It's called the sweet heat lighting. I think it's Gregory Allen, something song. And then it's just, I had coffee with my younger self today and it's this trend going around and women are writing about kind of where they are now and where they were then and
(01:57):
offering this advice, which kind of just obviously is perfect.
And then I got into what Sarah and I are talking about today. And so I did this, I think I posted it this past weekend and I wrote, I had coffee with my younger self this morning. She showed up 20 minutes early with her head down. I showed up right on time and squeezed her tight.
She told me she's anxious. I told her I understood. She asked me about Jesus. I told her he will be your everything. She said she's afraid of the future. I told her she won't always feel this way.
(02:25):
She asked if we had a good job. I replied the best job we get to love on people through fitness. She asked how I said you chased your dreams and did it scared.
She asked if we were married. I said not yet my sweet. She asked why I said because you want something rare and God knows that you'll wait as long as it takes with uncommon hope.
She asked, but are we happy? I replied, Oh yes, honey, we are deeply joyful.
(02:48):
I said, Oh, it will all be okay. I said more than okay, my girl, you will find the beauty in the becoming in the present moment now and forever. She took a deep breath and said, I'm excited to become you. I said, you should be, you're going to love it here.
Oh, I know. I know it was really honestly, it was really sweet to write out because it was just like, you know, I think doing that real just really had me think like, what would I do my younger self?
(03:15):
I think it's a perfect segue into this podcast because it's like, what, what would we tell her? There's so much that we could tell younger selves, you know, and I feel like with that trend going around it is just really something that I think women,
especially when you get to kind of your 30s and 40s and 50s and you're giving advice because you have experience, your life experience.
And I think it's just something that we all crave. And I think I know when I was younger, there's a few women I looked up to. But man, what I would have given to have someone in their 30s when I was in my 20s to have said, Hey, you know, do this.
(03:49):
Yeah, don't do that. Don't worry about this. Don't worry about that.
I love the ones I love just like the little details that she showed up late. I showed up early and just like thinking about who we were at 20 years old of, you know, for me, I would love to take the time to write this out.
Did you do this? Did you look at other people's for inspiration of kind of like, I saw a couple people doing it and I was like, I need to do this because it's just like it feels like almost a journal entry.
(04:14):
And then I wrote it out on my notes on my phone. And I just was like, what would I tell me younger self and so I wrote out a draft and then I read it.
And then I put it on the music and I was like, I found a happy video of me now, you know, like brown hair, natural, like brunette, no longer like a blonde, no longer trying to be this thing and just this happy girl in New York City.
(04:36):
Like I was just, it's just like random reel of me just walking on the sidewalk, like smiling and laughing and use that. And then yeah, I think you need to do it.
I'm going to encourage you to do it this week because I think it I think it not only will speak to other women, but it's just something that you will have.
Kind of why Instagram started was like this beautiful journal. And I think that's why I love having that real on my page of like, I would have shown up 20 minutes early with my head down because that's who I was.
(05:00):
And now I'm like, I'm right on time. I'm sometimes a little bit late. I'm sometimes a little bit early, but I'm meeting more there out with a big old squeeze.
So I think it's just like really cool. Like you said, even those little details.
I like them.
Yeah, you do it.
Okay, so what do you think with along with that? What's like one thing you wish you could go back until your 20 something self about whether it's faith identity. I mean, you think about that really you posted.
(05:26):
It's a lot of I mean the real that you posted was looking back at who she was like if you had coffee with her and just kind of the differences of where y'all were at versus if you had that coffee with her.
What are things that you would tell her about faith specifically faith specifically I would say no matter what you do like chase after him because I was kind of thinking about my college self when I wrote that when I did that real kind of early college just parents divorce was through
(05:55):
my entire college experience so I was very anxious I was very codependent with my mom in the sense of like just feeling like I needed to like and she didn't put this on me by any means but I just felt like I needed to like be the savior and be the one that took care of everybody and there's just a very
healthy dynamic that I created in a sense as I felt like that was my role so I was very anxious I was very lost I felt like I was always going to be this way caught in my own mind and I think when it comes to faith specifically I would tell my younger self that kind of what I said in my real like Jesus will become your absolute everything
(06:31):
and you will lose it all but you will gain him in the process and your ability to surrender everything will be very encouraging to other people so hang on like you're going to experience a lot of loss it's going to be really disappointing but no matter what you do when it comes to faith like eyes on him and run faster and faster and faster
I think that's what I would say that's good yeah no it's hard to probably answer that yeah I'm like there's so much so much and I mean if you're thinking about your college self 10 15 years ago yeah that's crazy it's crazy what would you like what would you say to your younger self specifically about faith
(07:06):
I mean I think about okay am I talking to my high school or college self which one do you feel like needs to hear it most public college I feel like high school I started off like I was in a small group I had awesome mentors and Bible study leaders at the time and just I mean I think about freshman Sarah 14 years old just was innocent and I remember reading my Bible and study
(07:28):
hall at school and then I think late high school college you just for me that's when I think the real world hit me and I just was being tested more in areas where life was just really easy before then yeah I was at a church in college but I didn't totally prioritize a
I had I was in a sorority with amazing Christian girls but we were kind of just living the college life there's so much to say about what I would tell her about faith and I think you're right so much of it is not about like doing the right like I would tell her don't worry about trying to do the all the right things
(08:00):
that's good and I think so much of faith and works is a huge part of this religion verse relationship thing that's really good which I think we could do a whole podcast on just the difference of religion relationship and I didn't grow up feeling like religion was important in the sense of like I have to do all the
works necessarily like I felt like I knew more about the importance of the relationship with Jesus than the works which was good yeah but I also think there was a lot of me wanting to do the right thing and so I just wouldn't tell people things that were going on
(08:34):
or if I made a mistake I wouldn't want to own it or talk about it because I wanted to come across still as a good Christian girl yeah I get that and then when I felt like I wasn't the good Christian girl I remember being like I don't know how to act and that's truly when I got my first tattoo I was 18 and it says believe and I remember talking to one of my mentors and being like I keep messing up and this was like I guess freshman year of college senior high school freshman year of college
(08:58):
I was like I keep messing up I'm trying so hard to be a Christian and be good and do all the right things but I'm not and I don't know how to like call myself like Sarah Hilton the Christian when I'm not like living this perfect lifestyle and she's like do you think you're supposed to be perfect
and I was like yeah I've been pretty good and not that I have even had even but it's just like I didn't know like I didn't feel the weight of sin probably as much yeah that's good and so I think I remember her telling me it's not about being perfect it's about believing
(09:27):
you just believe in him and so I think when I was 18 I got that tattooed on my wrist just thinking it is it's just about believing in him and so I guess I would tell her believe in him believe in his plans believe in his promises believe what he has for you believe that he is good
so good I know it's so hard it's like one thing but I guess that's it I mean it's so helpful like chase after him and believe in him yeah you know yeah
(09:56):
faith is being the most important okay so aside from faith well along with faith I guess I should say what would you tell your younger self about relationships and dating thinking about that and
yeah there's a lot there too I think the main things that come to mind honestly off the cuff are just stop trying to control it stop trying to earn it actually recently this week actually today I found out I've been thought I was a two on the integrand my whole life and I'm definitely a three
(10:26):
that's so funny one of my friends actually called me was like can see such a three is that she I was like no she's a two no I'm a three through and through and I literally have tested as a two and today and you know again the integrand is a source it's a tool I'm not like defined by the
integrand but I do think like there's so much especially with working with my coach the last year and she we were talking today on just a lot of things and I'll like the Lord is really working in my life and he always has been but like really right now that just where I'm at and
(10:56):
and yes I was like do you think I'm a two I just because there's so much about like earning improving and you know threes are very magnetic their leaders are all these things and they're not afraid to like speak up and say the thing and and so anyways I think one of the things that I always saw was a
two was like I just want to help and love people but that's not my core motivation and so I think what I would tell my younger self in relationships is you don't have to earn this or prove this and I think in the relationships I've had in the past I've actually specifically I think
(11:32):
there's a you know it's probably I don't even know if it's I'm sure there's a scientific reason behind this but if you haven't done a lot of healing which I've been in therapy I was in therapy for a long time in my right after college working through my parents divorce and my relationship with my dad and he and I did a few sessions together but you date your dad you know if you
haven't worked through a lot of that stuff and my dad was very performance driven very much like loved my accolades and you know supported me in that and I'm very grateful for that but I would tell my younger self relationships you don't have to earn love and I think that's also goes back to my relationship with the Lord
(12:04):
like it was so hard for me to believe what he says about me is true so therefore how do I receive I couldn't receive love but then I had to go earn love and it was this constant cycle of picking the wrong guy feeling like the guy that can love bomb me that can tell me everything I want to hear but then all of a sudden now I
have to go back to my relationship with my dad and I was like honey what are you doing like so I would say I mean there's so much I would say but the two things I would say that stick out to me the most is number one you don't have to earn it run very fast away from somebody that
(12:42):
you feel like you do and number two there's nothing for you to do I think I always struggled with like should I should I say this and should I do this and should I wear this and like yes yes yes should put myself in this situation and oh what if I miss him if I don't go to this party or I don't do this
thing or I don't act like this and it's like it was almost like contributing to my anxiety because you're becoming a person or not exactly doing exactly like oh I'm single because of this was in my what he likes a guy that's not even true to who you are exactly I'm like what so I think there was anxiety that
(13:11):
that drove me to think like because I'm not doing XYZ that's why I'm still single and that was you know years and years ago I don't believe that clearly anymore or haven't for a long time but those would be the two things looking at my like 20 year old self and you know up until a couple years ago which is the
earning I would say I love what you shared about the in eagram I also think we could do a whole podcast we should because you also are very trained on like you have a yes I love it love it but yeah I feel like I've seen that two three and you so so strong and I'm like
(13:40):
when I had a friend was like that's a little bit of a pick up on that and I was like yeah you do like you are such an achiever you're a go getter and there's like obviously the downsides of every side to know that you do love to help people but that's not your motivation and so I think what the
in egram shows us at times is like was your motivation as a three because three is like to look good and achieve motivation because you wanted to help them to look good yeah or is it because that's your your love language and I think it's just gives us an insight into ourselves to understand and then be able to call each other out when you're like I want to do this
(14:12):
and I'm like okay well I know you're a three are you doing that just because you want to look a certain way mm-hmm and you can like check each other as friends which again I know we talked last week about accountability like that's so important and so fun and for me I'm a seven and so think about for sevens like what we like to do and we like to escape that oftentimes I have had friends call me out be like Sarah sevens like to run away and
it's hard why are you wanting to why are you looking at your why are you and I'm like I don't want to face pain yeah I find yeah no I love that you said that it is so insightful love that you shared that about your friend because yeah I definitely am going to be reading more about
(14:47):
any room three recently yeah which is fun I had it's very it's really cool it is really cool yeah I agree with you though I think I also did that so much in relationships that I would tell my younger self like first of all don't fix him I told
him that I told him to this this is so embarrassing I can't believe I'm sharing this please do but he told me one time I was in high school and I was talking about a guy that I liked and he was like why do you like him and I'm like daddy just don't get it like whatever and I said dad I just like the bad boys
(15:20):
oh no you know why would you tell me that I don't know and he was like in some reason he's held that over my head and he has brought that up multiple times throughout the year just like Sarah you said this in high school and I'm like no I didn't he's like no you did and I kind of trust him because it kind of sounds like something
yeah but it's like I think that was my need to yeah I don't know why I wanted to fix somebody like I wanted to I think it was a pride issue for me of I wanted to date the bad guy because I thought I was a I was good enough that I could fix them
(15:56):
or change them I know I get that I think I even had somebody a mentor coach call me out one time you have to save your mentality like stop that I was like oh yeah that's how I'm going
I think it's beautiful to want to save people to want to help people to want to but not in the context of a dating relationship no and that is what I would tell every girl is not in the context of a dating relationship do we find somebody and try to fix him because it's never going to work
(16:21):
sure we date for potential we all have potential we're all growing we're all changing yes and see where he's headed see where he's going see what he's doing that is important I have more potential that I haven't stepped into and I hope a man can see me and say I'm dating her and I see where she's headed that's great
but not finding a project that needs to be fixed and by fixed I just mean like somebody who hasn't done their work or hasn't processed some yeah childhood trauma know that they've been through and that's the stuff that's like let them be them and let you be you
(16:49):
I think that's something my dad even shared on the podcast we had dating advice with dad several several episodes ago but he was like just be you what did he say like let them be them and let you be you yeah and my mom she's amazing she even says that she said that her mom so my
grandma would say to her all the time when she was dating my dad let God be God and let Jeff be Jeff hmm that's good it's not good so good because I think at times I've dated guys like wanting them to be something for me or and it's like let God be God and let my man be my man and don't try to make him something else yeah
(17:26):
yeah yeah yeah yeah I know I love that and then also you show up as you because I think I've struggled obviously in the unawareness three of me of trying to be what he wanted me to be oh my gosh I think you know and like yeah or like okay let me
will this make me seem cool or will this make me seem like well you know well this make me stand out and I have not done that in a while and it's just like so freeing to just show up as yourself because that's the thing it's like at the end of the day we I want to marry
(17:56):
my best friend like I want the person I married to become my best friend and then I want him to become best friends with my best friends and that's how I want to do life and I want to be able to be this quirky kind of weird very achieving like fun deep girl that I am but I don't think
anyone that I've ever really dated has ever really seen me but I think part of that is one their inability to see me and to my inability to let them see me you know so control your part so that's exactly that second only that second part of like yeah but I didn't I
(18:28):
didn't I didn't feel like I could let him in and why am I so dating him you know so yeah it's powerful it's so powerful and thinking about to like there have been times where I remember you know being with a group of friends and some of the girls are sitting on the
sideline while everybody's up playing sports or jumping in the game or you know watching a football game and some girls are just chilling and I feel like I should go sit with the girls but I'm way more interested in watching this football game
(18:53):
course you are no one checked about that like I want to be this girl like this but that's not who you are it's like I'm a hero my husband's like why are you every Saturday glued to the TV yeah because it's college football season brother you know like if I
pretended while I was dating to be one girl and then my true self came out like what a match yeah it's a disservice to him to meet everyone yeah it's so true it yeah it's so true I love that
(19:20):
okay so how do you feel like the thing about dating and us being single still how has your view of singleness changed being older because I think there was its own struggles when we were younger yeah being single and why we would just date today
or whatever what do you think how do you think it's changed being older I think I used to look at singleness is just fill it with you know it's a great reason to strive in my career because it's the thing that I can control and I can't control the singleness thing
(19:50):
and that surely by 30 I'll be married and you know I kind of had that and I was dating somebody when I was ended up calling it off when I was 30 and it's funny to set those milestones and think of singleness one way and then if you would have told me when I'm 30 that I'd still be single at 34 but I would love it
(20:11):
I was that true though do you love it or what do you mean by that yeah I guess I love that you say that I love it in the sense of I find a lot of here's a better way to say this because I love that you just said that I desire my husband now more than ever but in a way that's really healthy versus in a way that I felt like okay I'm just ready to like not have to do a lot of this stuff on my own that is still true
(20:39):
currently of like it would just you know going through something and like feeling it and like calling my best friend so grateful I have them and it would be great to just be like turn to my husband and be like I need I need you right now and you talk to you through this and like having that earthly relationship that is the most important one on this earth
I create that I will say that the thing that I am so grateful for and the viewpoint in which I have is that I am truly living singleness to my fullest like I am so grateful that I have been able to at 34 when I do meet my husband and get married and have kids and hopefully raise some girls to and boys but like I can tell my girls
(21:18):
I want them to be able to get to a point where they can say you lived you booked the trip you started the business you got to know Jesus the way that you do and and so I think that my viewpoint that has changed is instead of sitting back and thinking singleness is some sort of burden or you know everyone says singleness is a gift but like you kind of wonder
(21:39):
well it doesn't really feel like a gift because you really want like the actual gift that you're actually praying for your husband right but I the viewpoint in which I have now is that singleness is meant to be lived to its fullest I love that and it's meant you're meant to serve in your singleness
yes it's a gift but that gift that should be for you to serve and you to live and you to love and you celebrate your friends wins you just celebrate your friends that are getting engaged because the thing that I'm realizing to is like I am going to get to be in like these incredible weddings coming up in the next you know two to four years
(22:10):
I'm including you and me in that and because I'm putting that out there we're bleeding from your goal yes but I know myself and I know that one of my best friends in the entire world is going to be getting married in the next year or so and I love that I get to like not have kids while we're going to play in our wedding you know and I just see God's goodness in that
(22:31):
versus seeing like oh man you have a choice and so I'm just grateful to have that perspective now versus I don't think I would have had that when I was younger I had this cheesy line one time and it was like I love the cheese I love the cheesy stuff and it was like singleness is not don't use singleness as like a waiting room
(22:53):
but as an opportunity yes and I don't know is that cheesy or is it just true but both I think sometimes we think of it as like a waiting room like we're waiting I can't do the next thing because of this or like I'm waiting right here that's like gosh I know go do the thing
I'm so grateful for the for what I did in my 20s I traveled around the whole world by myself I had multiple jobs I worked in corporate and I worked remote I worked in the public school system I worked in the private school system like seriously done so much and I'm going to tell that I I didn't just wait yeah no we're living baby yeah I mean we literally were just catching up before this and you have spring great coming up and I don't have a trip in March and I really want to go somewhere and I was like let's go to Mexico
(23:37):
I said okay and I tried to book it before this podcast and she said no we need a record we both have a bubble study tonight we can't be late but let's book the trip but like honestly and again it's perspective but if we had cudsman and kids it'd be like us calling which will be so wonderful in that season but now it's like we don't have to ask somebody if it's okay like hey babe can you watch the kids I want to go to Mexico with Sarah it's like the only person I got to check with is my schedule and my calendar and like that's it
(24:04):
which is such a weird thing yeah there's one time I remember I booked somewhere out of the country and I didn't tell anybody and I was like I kind of want somebody to know I'm doing this yeah text my dad I was like just so you know I'm going on a trip he was like okay I was like I just like somebody should know that I just spent $1000 on a trip I'm going out of the country somebody should know like I have nobody else to tell so dad just so you know he's like cool cool congrats when you get home
(24:30):
no he's probably like gosh live it up seriously you know all of our married girlfriends are like live it up yeah yeah I love that yeah I also think like my view of singleness has changed because I don't know do you feel this way I feel like we like know too much yeah I hear yes do you know me yeah like I know you mean by that I think if I was 21 I could have married somebody if I was dating a guy at the time I was literally traveling but I think you can get married and not
(24:59):
when you're younger not know as much and figure it out where it's like I don't know if this is true I'm literally thinking this through as I'm talking but like now that I'm older and I've seen friends go through divorce I've seen friends go through affairs I've seen friends go through hell and high water you know from losing babies to alcoholism to I mean everything under the sun and I'm like I know too much now that if a guy is struggling with porn I know that like what that can lead to and I need a man to help me
(25:29):
and I need a man who like has dealt with that if a guy is drinking too much I've seen people walk through alcoholism I need my man to have worked on that and it's like I feel like I know too much that makes me so picky yeah I don't know do you know what I mean
no I know exactly what you mean because it's like you know too much and then you're like again there's a difference between I said this in class the other day so it definitely didn't come from me but I think it's like there's a difference between expectations and holding the standard like yes we need to have expectations and certain things but that's where I think we have to hold them loosely because
(25:58):
a lot of times we see something not going the way that we think it should go but it's actually going the way that it needs to go that's from my life coach who's literally walked me through some things and I think that because we know too much and we've seen so much the standard continues to raise
rise standard continues to rise raise it raises it raises she raises her goodness gracious the standard continues to rise now that doesn't mean that we're like we're putting our future husbands on this crazy pedestal week
(26:29):
perfect no my goodness like please because we're not we're not we're so imperfect but yeah I think it's exactly what you say about just realizing the gravity of the decision that you're going to make when you get married I think if I had married the person I was dating from 27 to 30
though he's a great guy it just it would not be the marriage I want now four years later that's how fast that happens so it's like you just thank God and because you said you know too much it's like you want certain things there are certain things that have to be dealt with before marriage
(26:58):
certain bondages I think need to be broken there's going to be sin that's going to happen in the marriage obviously we know this were centers were human but the standard is high in terms of what you're willing to kind of start your marriage off with right and and just knowing that like
this is a huge decision now it's not it want to be like afraid of but I was talking to one of my girlfriends about this because we were just talking about like the gravity and like of this marriage choice right like who you choose to marry and we're like yeah it's just it's like the second most important decision you make as to following Jesus and then we were like I don't know why but following Jesus seems like a lot easier of a decision than who you're going to marry and obviously as a Christ follower you're going to walk through some really really hard stuff because you're not promised an easy life and
(27:41):
in fact you promised a harder life I think but for you know whatever reason I think there's just things that I think need to be processed and sought through and worked through in terms of who you're going to marry we'll think about this what if following Jesus yes seems I hear what you're saying because I'm like yeah wait that's such a good point
find Jesus feels so much easier yeah I'm finding a husband but I think it was so hard when we didn't have Jesus we were finding contentment and boys and drinking and all this things and that was so hard but then once we found Jesus and let him take over our life it was the easiest thing in the world
(28:18):
I think we were dating the wrong guys and we have dated the wrong guys so it's been really hard and it felt like this is going to be hard this is a lot of work but once we find the right guy I think it's going to be the easiest yes to say yes I'll marry you right that's exactly it I don't know yeah I think that's so true I think that's so true and I think you know I don't know
I think it's true you know when you know I don't think it's like I think you know I think girls have we've done it we've done kind of ourselves a disservice by romanticizing certain love stories of like oh when my husband sees me he's just going to know I'm his wife and it just says not true what if you're friends for a year or two or what if you just like you don't really see him that way or he doesn't really see that you that way but you build a really great friendship or you've met here and there and then all of a sudden bam you know so I think yeah I love what you said though like
(29:05):
it'll be an easy yes once you know it's the right yes yeah I hope this is my second easiest yes you know yeah yes once I found out I was Jesus talk through that Jesus that's so true yeah because I haven't I think my perspective was like why did following Jesus feel so much easier than like choosing you're going to marry and it's like well because I haven't found the person yet but I found the Lord yeah why was life so hard until we found Jesus yeah so good felt like I needed to share this after saying like people getting married yeah I think that's so true
(29:34):
something like people getting married young a little sidebar because it's Jesus and he can do whatever the heck he wants so that's so freaking cool because we talked about like how these men like should go through these things and do these things it's because we're I think we're in our 30s we're older we know that yeah but I think what's so cool about who Jesus is is that he still works in that and he still redeems those things so even if you were 20 and married somebody and it you think now maybe it's not the right thing God can still redeem oh yeah and he does and we were talking about that last week at Bible study and what was so very much than what I just said.
(30:04):
so cool is the amount of couples,
cause I'm in a battle set with like older couples too,
the amount of couples that talked about how like
they got married so young and dumb and one couple,
like they ended up splitting up for a couple years,
one couple, they did not know the Lord getting married.
And just all these stories and the pattern and all of them
are that there's redemption.
And as long as y'all two like are sticking together
(30:25):
and following the Lord, it doesn't matter
if you're young and dumb and get married or,
I know that everybody's young and dumb.
I feel like that's just a phrase,
but like if you don't know, I mean, we're all young and dumb,
but if you are just like figuring out there,
like the theme of the Bible,
the theme of Jesus is redemption.
And so it's the gospel, baby.
Yeah, so true.
I love that.
I'm glad that you said that cause I do so believe in that.
(30:47):
And obviously we do cause we believe in Jesus.
Okay, looking at the clock,
I have to go to my Gallentine's candle exchange
in my pajamas.
Gallentine's candle exchange.
Yes, we're doing, my Bible study tonight,
we're doing a Gallentine's candle exchange.
So we each bring our favorite candle
and we're meeting an hour earlier than normal
and we're gonna just like have pizza and all that stuff.
(31:09):
And I'm, we have to wear flirty pajamas.
So I wrote in the text cause it's like,
it's such a sweet small group,
which I've just learned the importance of being fed,
you know, like just really making sure you're on people
that are poor into you.
And this is definitely amongst you and some people,
but this group is that and it's been so sweet.
And so we're meeting early and most of the girls are,
(31:31):
well, there's like three married, two of them are mamas,
and then there's three single, four single girls.
One's dating and the other three of us are single,
as far as I know.
And well, I know that I'm single, but anyway.
I, oh my God, why does it take me 10 hours to,
oh, sorry, it's so pathetic.
But you have to go to Bible study,
so you better figure it out.
(31:51):
I have to go, but anyway, the whole line of this was that.
On the invite in our text group,
we're called the Biblical Biblical Baddies Club,
that's our group text.
Love.
It's flirty pajamas, that's the attire.
And I don't have, yeah, I'm wearing a sweatshirt.
I was gonna wear a onesie and I told all my married girls,
I'm like, I don't have flirty pajamas
because I'm a single 34 year old.
So we buy you lingerie, is that what you're saying?
(32:12):
Yeah, I need lingerie.
I love to say that on a podcast.
Yeah, you can.
I need lingerie for in preparation for a future marriage.
We'll just stack it away.
You should.
One of my friends and I used to buy ourselves lingerie
just for fun.
I think I need to do that.
When you live with a bunch of girls, why not?
I should.
Just fun, you're allowed to.
I should, that's probably TMI.
Anyways, I have to cut this short, but we'll do a part two
because I have to go to my gallon times
(32:32):
gallon exchange party in my beach.
Also, I think what's so funny is that we just admitted right now
that we record the week before we release.
So everybody, if there's anybody out there
that knows how to do this better than you,
we need help on marketing, we need help on social media,
we need help with recording, we need help with planning.
Hashtag sponsors.
I would tell my younger self.
(32:53):
Is.
Like figure it out, ask for help.
Yeah, so help, please.
No, honestly, along those lines,
would you say this all the time in your full ride classes?
What I would tell my younger self is just do it.
Sometimes the things that you're scared about,
like this podcast was scary for us.
We just did it.
We don't know what we're doing, but we did it.
We figured it out.
Okay, just do it.
(33:13):
Don't just do anything, everybody,
but just do it of what the Lord has called you to.
And I say above all else.
Because I have to wrap this fast.
If I had to summarize one thing of that,
tell my younger self.
It's just follow after Jesus and chase him hard.
Focus on him and literally everything else just falls away
because he's the most important thing in the world.
(33:35):
Amen.
Mic drop.
I have nothing to add.
That's so good.
I tell my younger self the same thing,
but we'll do part two.
Cause there's so much good stuff
and we still have questions that we didn't get to.
All right.
I love you.
I love you.
Okay.
You want to wrap it?
Goodbye, everybody.
Goodbye.
All right.
Even if you have coffee with your younger self,
(33:57):
that doesn't work.
How do we start this?
On this week's episode of Even If.
Even if, yeah, you go.
You wrap.
I'll wrap.
All right.
And remember, even if he is still good.
Be safe for your younger self.
Welcome back to the Even If podcast. I'm Kenzie and I'm Sarah. And today's episode is what I would tell my younger self or is it coffee with my younger self?
(00:15):
Don't we talk about doing the coffee one because that's a trend.
I know. I mean, I think it's what I tell my younger self could be like another part two later.
Okay. Yeah.
And then like, yeah, we're having coffee. We'll do that trend on socials.
I post that, but I like the, yeah, what I tell my younger self because it is true. Like we're going to talk about what we'd tell younger Kinsey and younger Sarah.
(00:37):
Yeah.
Are we just going to roll with this?
Yeah, let's do it.
Yeah, let's do it.
We're everybody's sometimes this happens.
Well, I think, okay, because this episode we're excited about it's been, we were inspired by these reels that are going around.
I have seen on Instagram, Kenzie posted one because she's trendy about what is it that if I could get coffee with coffee with my younger self today, and then it's like, it's so precious.
(01:01):
I think it's so sweet. They get me every time.
I know. I know. It's really cool to like watch what everybody in the season of light that they're in, you get to see where they are or again, they're highlight reel of where they are, but then you get to also go, okay, what were you struggling with back then?
I love that.
And so it's really cool to see. I mean, some people don't go that deep, but some people do. And it's been really fun to watch both.
(01:22):
Yeah, I agree.
Yeah, I agree. Because you're right. It is. It's such a highlight reel. But then for people to take time and write that, what I would tell you, my younger self is really cool.
It is really cool.
It is really cool for those who don't have seen this trend yet. Will you explain what the trend is and then maybe even like share what yours was?
I can read mine out.
Okay.
So the trend on Instagram, it's like this really sweet. It's called the sweet heat lighting. I think it's Gregory Allen, something song. And then it's just, I had coffee with my younger self today and it's this trend going around and women are writing about kind of where they are now and where they were then and
(01:57):
offering this advice, which kind of just obviously is perfect.
And then I got into what Sarah and I are talking about today. And so I did this, I think I posted it this past weekend and I wrote, I had coffee with my younger self this morning. She showed up 20 minutes early with her head down. I showed up right on time and squeezed her tight.
She told me she's anxious. I told her I understood. She asked me about Jesus. I told her he will be your everything. She said she's afraid of the future. I told her she won't always feel this way.
(02:25):
She asked if we had a good job. I replied the best job we get to love on people through fitness. She asked how I said you chased your dreams and did it scared.
She asked if we were married. I said not yet my sweet. She asked why I said because you want something rare and God knows that you'll wait as long as it takes with uncommon hope.
She asked, but are we happy? I replied, Oh yes, honey, we are deeply joyful.
(02:48):
I said, Oh, it will all be okay. I said more than okay, my girl, you will find the beauty in the becoming in the present moment now and forever. She took a deep breath and said, I'm excited to become you. I said, you should be, you're going to love it here.
Oh, I know. I know it was really honestly, it was really sweet to write out because it was just like, you know, I think doing that real just really had me think like, what would I do my younger self?
(03:15):
I think it's a perfect segue into this podcast because it's like, what, what would we tell her? There's so much that we could tell younger selves, you know, and I feel like with that trend going around it is just really something that I think women,
especially when you get to kind of your 30s and 40s and 50s and you're giving advice because you have experience, your life experience.
And I think it's just something that we all crave. And I think I know when I was younger, there's a few women I looked up to. But man, what I would have given to have someone in their 30s when I was in my 20s to have said, Hey, you know, do this.
(03:49):
Yeah, don't do that. Don't worry about this. Don't worry about that.
I love the ones I love just like the little details that she showed up late. I showed up early and just like thinking about who we were at 20 years old of, you know, for me, I would love to take the time to write this out.
Did you do this? Did you look at other people's for inspiration of kind of like, I saw a couple people doing it and I was like, I need to do this because it's just like it feels like almost a journal entry.
(04:14):
And then I wrote it out on my notes on my phone. And I just was like, what would I tell me younger self and so I wrote out a draft and then I read it.
And then I put it on the music and I was like, I found a happy video of me now, you know, like brown hair, natural, like brunette, no longer like a blonde, no longer trying to be this thing and just this happy girl in New York City.
(04:36):
Like I was just, it's just like random reel of me just walking on the sidewalk, like smiling and laughing and use that. And then yeah, I think you need to do it.
I'm going to encourage you to do it this week because I think it I think it not only will speak to other women, but it's just something that you will have.
Kind of why Instagram started was like this beautiful journal. And I think that's why I love having that real on my page of like, I would have shown up 20 minutes early with my head down because that's who I was.
(05:00):
And now I'm like, I'm right on time. I'm sometimes a little bit late. I'm sometimes a little bit early, but I'm meeting more there out with a big old squeeze.
So I think it's just like really cool. Like you said, even those little details.
I like them.
Yeah, you do it.
Okay, so what do you think with along with that? What's like one thing you wish you could go back until your 20 something self about whether it's faith identity. I mean, you think about that really you posted.
(05:26):
It's a lot of I mean the real that you posted was looking back at who she was like if you had coffee with her and just kind of the differences of where y'all were at versus if you had that coffee with her.
What are things that you would tell her about faith specifically faith specifically I would say no matter what you do like chase after him because I was kind of thinking about my college self when I wrote that when I did that real kind of early college just parents divorce was through
(05:55):
my entire college experience so I was very anxious I was very codependent with my mom in the sense of like just feeling like I needed to like and she didn't put this on me by any means but I just felt like I needed to like be the savior and be the one that took care of everybody and there's just a very
healthy dynamic that I created in a sense as I felt like that was my role so I was very anxious I was very lost I felt like I was always going to be this way caught in my own mind and I think when it comes to faith specifically I would tell my younger self that kind of what I said in my real like Jesus will become your absolute everything
(06:31):
and you will lose it all but you will gain him in the process and your ability to surrender everything will be very encouraging to other people so hang on like you're going to experience a lot of loss it's going to be really disappointing but no matter what you do when it comes to faith like eyes on him and run faster and faster and faster
I think that's what I would say that's good yeah no it's hard to probably answer that yeah I'm like there's so much so much and I mean if you're thinking about your college self 10 15 years ago yeah that's crazy it's crazy what would you like what would you say to your younger self specifically about faith
(07:06):
I mean I think about okay am I talking to my high school or college self which one do you feel like needs to hear it most public college I feel like high school I started off like I was in a small group I had awesome mentors and Bible study leaders at the time and just I mean I think about freshman Sarah 14 years old just was innocent and I remember reading my Bible and study
(07:28):
hall at school and then I think late high school college you just for me that's when I think the real world hit me and I just was being tested more in areas where life was just really easy before then yeah I was at a church in college but I didn't totally prioritize a
I had I was in a sorority with amazing Christian girls but we were kind of just living the college life there's so much to say about what I would tell her about faith and I think you're right so much of it is not about like doing the right like I would tell her don't worry about trying to do the all the right things
(08:00):
that's good and I think so much of faith and works is a huge part of this religion verse relationship thing that's really good which I think we could do a whole podcast on just the difference of religion relationship and I didn't grow up feeling like religion was important in the sense of like I have to do all the
works necessarily like I felt like I knew more about the importance of the relationship with Jesus than the works which was good yeah but I also think there was a lot of me wanting to do the right thing and so I just wouldn't tell people things that were going on
(08:34):
or if I made a mistake I wouldn't want to own it or talk about it because I wanted to come across still as a good Christian girl yeah I get that and then when I felt like I wasn't the good Christian girl I remember being like I don't know how to act and that's truly when I got my first tattoo I was 18 and it says believe and I remember talking to one of my mentors and being like I keep messing up and this was like I guess freshman year of college senior high school freshman year of college
(08:58):
I was like I keep messing up I'm trying so hard to be a Christian and be good and do all the right things but I'm not and I don't know how to like call myself like Sarah Hilton the Christian when I'm not like living this perfect lifestyle and she's like do you think you're supposed to be perfect
and I was like yeah I've been pretty good and not that I have even had even but it's just like I didn't know like I didn't feel the weight of sin probably as much yeah that's good and so I think I remember her telling me it's not about being perfect it's about believing
(09:27):
you just believe in him and so I think when I was 18 I got that tattooed on my wrist just thinking it is it's just about believing in him and so I guess I would tell her believe in him believe in his plans believe in his promises believe what he has for you believe that he is good
so good I know it's so hard it's like one thing but I guess that's it I mean it's so helpful like chase after him and believe in him yeah you know yeah
(09:56):
faith is being the most important okay so aside from faith well along with faith I guess I should say what would you tell your younger self about relationships and dating thinking about that and
yeah there's a lot there too I think the main things that come to mind honestly off the cuff are just stop trying to control it stop trying to earn it actually recently this week actually today I found out I've been thought I was a two on the integrand my whole life and I'm definitely a three
(10:26):
that's so funny one of my friends actually called me was like can see such a three is that she I was like no she's a two no I'm a three through and through and I literally have tested as a two and today and you know again the integrand is a source it's a tool I'm not like defined by the
integrand but I do think like there's so much especially with working with my coach the last year and she we were talking today on just a lot of things and I'll like the Lord is really working in my life and he always has been but like really right now that just where I'm at and
(10:56):
and yes I was like do you think I'm a two I just because there's so much about like earning improving and you know threes are very magnetic their leaders are all these things and they're not afraid to like speak up and say the thing and and so anyways I think one of the things that I always saw was a
two was like I just want to help and love people but that's not my core motivation and so I think what I would tell my younger self in relationships is you don't have to earn this or prove this and I think in the relationships I've had in the past I've actually specifically I think
(11:32):
there's a you know it's probably I don't even know if it's I'm sure there's a scientific reason behind this but if you haven't done a lot of healing which I've been in therapy I was in therapy for a long time in my right after college working through my parents divorce and my relationship with my dad and he and I did a few sessions together but you date your dad you know if you
haven't worked through a lot of that stuff and my dad was very performance driven very much like loved my accolades and you know supported me in that and I'm very grateful for that but I would tell my younger self relationships you don't have to earn love and I think that's also goes back to my relationship with the Lord
(12:04):
like it was so hard for me to believe what he says about me is true so therefore how do I receive I couldn't receive love but then I had to go earn love and it was this constant cycle of picking the wrong guy feeling like the guy that can love bomb me that can tell me everything I want to hear but then all of a sudden now I
have to go back to my relationship with my dad and I was like honey what are you doing like so I would say I mean there's so much I would say but the two things I would say that stick out to me the most is number one you don't have to earn it run very fast away from somebody that
(12:42):
you feel like you do and number two there's nothing for you to do I think I always struggled with like should I should I say this and should I do this and should I wear this and like yes yes yes should put myself in this situation and oh what if I miss him if I don't go to this party or I don't do this
thing or I don't act like this and it's like it was almost like contributing to my anxiety because you're becoming a person or not exactly doing exactly like oh I'm single because of this was in my what he likes a guy that's not even true to who you are exactly I'm like what so I think there was anxiety that
(13:11):
that drove me to think like because I'm not doing XYZ that's why I'm still single and that was you know years and years ago I don't believe that clearly anymore or haven't for a long time but those would be the two things looking at my like 20 year old self and you know up until a couple years ago which is the
earning I would say I love what you shared about the in eagram I also think we could do a whole podcast we should because you also are very trained on like you have a yes I love it love it but yeah I feel like I've seen that two three and you so so strong and I'm like
(13:40):
when I had a friend was like that's a little bit of a pick up on that and I was like yeah you do like you are such an achiever you're a go getter and there's like obviously the downsides of every side to know that you do love to help people but that's not your motivation and so I think what the
in egram shows us at times is like was your motivation as a three because three is like to look good and achieve motivation because you wanted to help them to look good yeah or is it because that's your your love language and I think it's just gives us an insight into ourselves to understand and then be able to call each other out when you're like I want to do this
(14:12):
and I'm like okay well I know you're a three are you doing that just because you want to look a certain way mm-hmm and you can like check each other as friends which again I know we talked last week about accountability like that's so important and so fun and for me I'm a seven and so think about for sevens like what we like to do and we like to escape that oftentimes I have had friends call me out be like Sarah sevens like to run away and
it's hard why are you wanting to why are you looking at your why are you and I'm like I don't want to face pain yeah I find yeah no I love that you said that it is so insightful love that you shared that about your friend because yeah I definitely am going to be reading more about
(14:47):
any room three recently yeah which is fun I had it's very it's really cool it is really cool yeah I agree with you though I think I also did that so much in relationships that I would tell my younger self like first of all don't fix him I told
him that I told him to this this is so embarrassing I can't believe I'm sharing this please do but he told me one time I was in high school and I was talking about a guy that I liked and he was like why do you like him and I'm like daddy just don't get it like whatever and I said dad I just like the bad boys
(15:20):
oh no you know why would you tell me that I don't know and he was like in some reason he's held that over my head and he has brought that up multiple times throughout the year just like Sarah you said this in high school and I'm like no I didn't he's like no you did and I kind of trust him because it kind of sounds like something
yeah but it's like I think that was my need to yeah I don't know why I wanted to fix somebody like I wanted to I think it was a pride issue for me of I wanted to date the bad guy because I thought I was a I was good enough that I could fix them
(15:56):
or change them I know I get that I think I even had somebody a mentor coach call me out one time you have to save your mentality like stop that I was like oh yeah that's how I'm going
I think it's beautiful to want to save people to want to help people to want to but not in the context of a dating relationship no and that is what I would tell every girl is not in the context of a dating relationship do we find somebody and try to fix him because it's never going to work
(16:21):
sure we date for potential we all have potential we're all growing we're all changing yes and see where he's headed see where he's going see what he's doing that is important I have more potential that I haven't stepped into and I hope a man can see me and say I'm dating her and I see where she's headed that's great
but not finding a project that needs to be fixed and by fixed I just mean like somebody who hasn't done their work or hasn't processed some yeah childhood trauma know that they've been through and that's the stuff that's like let them be them and let you be you
(16:49):
I think that's something my dad even shared on the podcast we had dating advice with dad several several episodes ago but he was like just be you what did he say like let them be them and let you be you yeah and my mom she's amazing she even says that she said that her mom so my
grandma would say to her all the time when she was dating my dad let God be God and let Jeff be Jeff hmm that's good it's not good so good because I think at times I've dated guys like wanting them to be something for me or and it's like let God be God and let my man be my man and don't try to make him something else yeah
(17:26):
yeah yeah yeah yeah I know I love that and then also you show up as you because I think I've struggled obviously in the unawareness three of me of trying to be what he wanted me to be oh my gosh I think you know and like yeah or like okay let me
will this make me seem cool or will this make me seem like well you know well this make me stand out and I have not done that in a while and it's just like so freeing to just show up as yourself because that's the thing it's like at the end of the day we I want to marry
(17:56):
my best friend like I want the person I married to become my best friend and then I want him to become best friends with my best friends and that's how I want to do life and I want to be able to be this quirky kind of weird very achieving like fun deep girl that I am but I don't think
anyone that I've ever really dated has ever really seen me but I think part of that is one their inability to see me and to my inability to let them see me you know so control your part so that's exactly that second only that second part of like yeah but I didn't I
(18:28):
didn't I didn't feel like I could let him in and why am I so dating him you know so yeah it's powerful it's so powerful and thinking about to like there have been times where I remember you know being with a group of friends and some of the girls are sitting on the
sideline while everybody's up playing sports or jumping in the game or you know watching a football game and some girls are just chilling and I feel like I should go sit with the girls but I'm way more interested in watching this football game
(18:53):
course you are no one checked about that like I want to be this girl like this but that's not who you are it's like I'm a hero my husband's like why are you every Saturday glued to the TV yeah because it's college football season brother you know like if I
pretended while I was dating to be one girl and then my true self came out like what a match yeah it's a disservice to him to meet everyone yeah it's so true it yeah it's so true I love that
(19:20):
okay so how do you feel like the thing about dating and us being single still how has your view of singleness changed being older because I think there was its own struggles when we were younger yeah being single and why we would just date today
or whatever what do you think how do you think it's changed being older I think I used to look at singleness is just fill it with you know it's a great reason to strive in my career because it's the thing that I can control and I can't control the singleness thing
(19:50):
and that surely by 30 I'll be married and you know I kind of had that and I was dating somebody when I was ended up calling it off when I was 30 and it's funny to set those milestones and think of singleness one way and then if you would have told me when I'm 30 that I'd still be single at 34 but I would love it
(20:11):
I was that true though do you love it or what do you mean by that yeah I guess I love that you say that I love it in the sense of I find a lot of here's a better way to say this because I love that you just said that I desire my husband now more than ever but in a way that's really healthy versus in a way that I felt like okay I'm just ready to like not have to do a lot of this stuff on my own that is still true
(20:39):
currently of like it would just you know going through something and like feeling it and like calling my best friend so grateful I have them and it would be great to just be like turn to my husband and be like I need I need you right now and you talk to you through this and like having that earthly relationship that is the most important one on this earth
I create that I will say that the thing that I am so grateful for and the viewpoint in which I have is that I am truly living singleness to my fullest like I am so grateful that I have been able to at 34 when I do meet my husband and get married and have kids and hopefully raise some girls to and boys but like I can tell my girls
(21:18):
I want them to be able to get to a point where they can say you lived you booked the trip you started the business you got to know Jesus the way that you do and and so I think that my viewpoint that has changed is instead of sitting back and thinking singleness is some sort of burden or you know everyone says singleness is a gift but like you kind of wonder
(21:39):
well it doesn't really feel like a gift because you really want like the actual gift that you're actually praying for your husband right but I the viewpoint in which I have now is that singleness is meant to be lived to its fullest I love that and it's meant you're meant to serve in your singleness
yes it's a gift but that gift that should be for you to serve and you to live and you to love and you celebrate your friends wins you just celebrate your friends that are getting engaged because the thing that I'm realizing to is like I am going to get to be in like these incredible weddings coming up in the next you know two to four years
(22:10):
I'm including you and me in that and because I'm putting that out there we're bleeding from your goal yes but I know myself and I know that one of my best friends in the entire world is going to be getting married in the next year or so and I love that I get to like not have kids while we're going to play in our wedding you know and I just see God's goodness in that
(22:31):
versus seeing like oh man you have a choice and so I'm just grateful to have that perspective now versus I don't think I would have had that when I was younger I had this cheesy line one time and it was like I love the cheese I love the cheesy stuff and it was like singleness is not don't use singleness as like a waiting room
(22:53):
but as an opportunity yes and I don't know is that cheesy or is it just true but both I think sometimes we think of it as like a waiting room like we're waiting I can't do the next thing because of this or like I'm waiting right here that's like gosh I know go do the thing
I'm so grateful for the for what I did in my 20s I traveled around the whole world by myself I had multiple jobs I worked in corporate and I worked remote I worked in the public school system I worked in the private school system like seriously done so much and I'm going to tell that I I didn't just wait yeah no we're living baby yeah I mean we literally were just catching up before this and you have spring great coming up and I don't have a trip in March and I really want to go somewhere and I was like let's go to Mexico
(23:37):
I said okay and I tried to book it before this podcast and she said no we need a record we both have a bubble study tonight we can't be late but let's book the trip but like honestly and again it's perspective but if we had cudsman and kids it'd be like us calling which will be so wonderful in that season but now it's like we don't have to ask somebody if it's okay like hey babe can you watch the kids I want to go to Mexico with Sarah it's like the only person I got to check with is my schedule and my calendar and like that's it
(24:04):
which is such a weird thing yeah there's one time I remember I booked somewhere out of the country and I didn't tell anybody and I was like I kind of want somebody to know I'm doing this yeah text my dad I was like just so you know I'm going on a trip he was like okay I was like I just like somebody should know that I just spent $1000 on a trip I'm going out of the country somebody should know like I have nobody else to tell so dad just so you know he's like cool cool congrats when you get home
(24:30):
no he's probably like gosh live it up seriously you know all of our married girlfriends are like live it up yeah yeah I love that yeah I also think like my view of singleness has changed because I don't know do you feel this way I feel like we like know too much yeah I hear yes do you know me yeah like I know you mean by that I think if I was 21 I could have married somebody if I was dating a guy at the time I was literally traveling but I think you can get married and not
(24:59):
when you're younger not know as much and figure it out where it's like I don't know if this is true I'm literally thinking this through as I'm talking but like now that I'm older and I've seen friends go through divorce I've seen friends go through affairs I've seen friends go through hell and high water you know from losing babies to alcoholism to I mean everything under the sun and I'm like I know too much now that if a guy is struggling with porn I know that like what that can lead to and I need a man to help me
(25:29):
and I need a man who like has dealt with that if a guy is drinking too much I've seen people walk through alcoholism I need my man to have worked on that and it's like I feel like I know too much that makes me so picky yeah I don't know do you know what I mean
no I know exactly what you mean because it's like you know too much and then you're like again there's a difference between I said this in class the other day so it definitely didn't come from me but I think it's like there's a difference between expectations and holding the standard like yes we need to have expectations and certain things but that's where I think we have to hold them loosely because
(25:58):
a lot of times we see something not going the way that we think it should go but it's actually going the way that it needs to go that's from my life coach who's literally walked me through some things and I think that because we know too much and we've seen so much the standard continues to raise
rise standard continues to rise raise it raises it raises she raises her goodness gracious the standard continues to rise now that doesn't mean that we're like we're putting our future husbands on this crazy pedestal week
(26:29):
perfect no my goodness like please because we're not we're not we're so imperfect but yeah I think it's exactly what you say about just realizing the gravity of the decision that you're going to make when you get married I think if I had married the person I was dating from 27 to 30
though he's a great guy it just it would not be the marriage I want now four years later that's how fast that happens so it's like you just thank God and because you said you know too much it's like you want certain things there are certain things that have to be dealt with before marriage
(26:58):
certain bondages I think need to be broken there's going to be sin that's going to happen in the marriage obviously we know this were centers were human but the standard is high in terms of what you're willing to kind of start your marriage off with right and and just knowing that like
this is a huge decision now it's not it want to be like afraid of but I was talking to one of my girlfriends about this because we were just talking about like the gravity and like of this marriage choice right like who you choose to marry and we're like yeah it's just it's like the second most important decision you make as to following Jesus and then we were like I don't know why but following Jesus seems like a lot easier of a decision than who you're going to marry and obviously as a Christ follower you're going to walk through some really really hard stuff because you're not promised an easy life and
(27:41):
in fact you promised a harder life I think but for you know whatever reason I think there's just things that I think need to be processed and sought through and worked through in terms of who you're going to marry we'll think about this what if following Jesus yes seems I hear what you're saying because I'm like yeah wait that's such a good point
find Jesus feels so much easier yeah I'm finding a husband but I think it was so hard when we didn't have Jesus we were finding contentment and boys and drinking and all this things and that was so hard but then once we found Jesus and let him take over our life it was the easiest thing in the world
(28:18):
I think we were dating the wrong guys and we have dated the wrong guys so it's been really hard and it felt like this is going to be hard this is a lot of work but once we find the right guy I think it's going to be the easiest yes to say yes I'll marry you right that's exactly it I don't know yeah I think that's so true I think that's so true and I think you know I don't know
I think it's true you know when you know I don't think it's like I think you know I think girls have we've done it we've done kind of ourselves a disservice by romanticizing certain love stories of like oh when my husband sees me he's just going to know I'm his wife and it just says not true what if you're friends for a year or two or what if you just like you don't really see him that way or he doesn't really see that you that way but you build a really great friendship or you've met here and there and then all of a sudden bam you know so I think yeah I love what you said though like
(29:05):
it'll be an easy yes once you know it's the right yes yeah I hope this is my second easiest yes you know yeah yes once I found out I was Jesus talk through that Jesus that's so true yeah because I haven't I think my perspective was like why did following Jesus feel so much easier than like choosing you're going to marry and it's like well because I haven't found the person yet but I found the Lord yeah why was life so hard until we found Jesus yeah so good felt like I needed to share this after saying like people getting married yeah I think that's so true
(29:34):
something like people getting married young a little sidebar because it's Jesus and he can do whatever the heck he wants so that's so freaking cool because we talked about like how these men like should go through these things and do these things it's because we're I think we're in our 30s we're older we know that yeah but I think what's so cool about who Jesus is is that he still works in that and he still redeems those things so even if you were 20 and married somebody and it you think now maybe it's not the right thing God can still redeem oh yeah and he does and we were talking about that last week at Bible study and what was so very much than what I just said.
(30:04):
so cool is the amount of couples,
cause I'm in a battle set with like older couples too,
the amount of couples that talked about how like
they got married so young and dumb and one couple,
like they ended up splitting up for a couple years,
one couple, they did not know the Lord getting married.
And just all these stories and the pattern and all of them
are that there's redemption.
And as long as y'all two like are sticking together
(30:25):
and following the Lord, it doesn't matter
if you're young and dumb and get married or,
I know that everybody's young and dumb.
I feel like that's just a phrase,
but like if you don't know, I mean, we're all young and dumb,
but if you are just like figuring out there,
like the theme of the Bible,
the theme of Jesus is redemption.
And so it's the gospel, baby.
Yeah, so true.
I love that.
I'm glad that you said that cause I do so believe in that.
(30:47):
And obviously we do cause we believe in Jesus.
Okay, looking at the clock,
I have to go to my Gallentine's candle exchange
in my pajamas.
Gallentine's candle exchange.
Yes, we're doing, my Bible study tonight,
we're doing a Gallentine's candle exchange.
So we each bring our favorite candle
and we're meeting an hour earlier than normal
and we're gonna just like have pizza and all that stuff.
(31:09):
And I'm, we have to wear flirty pajamas.
So I wrote in the text cause it's like,
it's such a sweet small group,
which I've just learned the importance of being fed,
you know, like just really making sure you're on people
that are poor into you.
And this is definitely amongst you and some people,
but this group is that and it's been so sweet.
And so we're meeting early and most of the girls are,
(31:31):
well, there's like three married, two of them are mamas,
and then there's three single, four single girls.
One's dating and the other three of us are single,
as far as I know.
And well, I know that I'm single, but anyway.
I, oh my God, why does it take me 10 hours to,
oh, sorry, it's so pathetic.
But you have to go to Bible study,
so you better figure it out.
(31:51):
I have to go, but anyway, the whole line of this was that.
On the invite in our text group,
we're called the Biblical Biblical Baddies Club,
that's our group text.
Love.
It's flirty pajamas, that's the attire.
And I don't have, yeah, I'm wearing a sweatshirt.
I was gonna wear a onesie and I told all my married girls,
I'm like, I don't have flirty pajamas
because I'm a single 34 year old.
So we buy you lingerie, is that what you're saying?
(32:12):
Yeah, I need lingerie.
I love to say that on a podcast.
Yeah, you can.
I need lingerie for in preparation for a future marriage.
We'll just stack it away.
You should.
One of my friends and I used to buy ourselves lingerie
just for fun.
I think I need to do that.
When you live with a bunch of girls, why not?
I should.
Just fun, you're allowed to.
I should, that's probably TMI.
Anyways, I have to cut this short, but we'll do a part two
because I have to go to my gallon times
(32:32):
gallon exchange party in my beach.
Also, I think what's so funny is that we just admitted right now
that we record the week before we release.
So everybody, if there's anybody out there
that knows how to do this better than you,
we need help on marketing, we need help on social media,
we need help with recording, we need help with planning.
Hashtag sponsors.
I would tell my younger self.
(32:53):
Is.
Like figure it out, ask for help.
Yeah, so help, please.
No, honestly, along those lines,
would you say this all the time in your full ride classes?
What I would tell my younger self is just do it.
Sometimes the things that you're scared about,
like this podcast was scary for us.
We just did it.
We don't know what we're doing, but we did it.
We figured it out.
Okay, just do it.
(33:13):
Don't just do anything, everybody,
but just do it of what the Lord has called you to.
And I say above all else.
Because I have to wrap this fast.
If I had to summarize one thing of that,
tell my younger self.
It's just follow after Jesus and chase him hard.
Focus on him and literally everything else just falls away
because he's the most important thing in the world.
(33:35):
Amen.
Mic drop.
I have nothing to add.
That's so good.
I tell my younger self the same thing,
but we'll do part two.
Cause there's so much good stuff
and we still have questions that we didn't get to.
All right.
I love you.
I love you.
Okay.
You want to wrap it?
Goodbye, everybody.
Goodbye.
All right.
Even if you have coffee with your younger self,
(33:57):
that doesn't work.
How do we start this?
On this week's episode of Even If.
Even if, yeah, you go.
You wrap.
I'll wrap.
All right.
And remember, even if he is still good.
Be safe for your younger self.
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