Green Flags in a Relationship

Tired of focusing on red flags? This episode flips the script to spotlight the green flags that signal a healthy, thriving relationship. From chemistry and honest communication to mutual respect and emotional safety, Heather Tessmer explores what makes a partnership truly worth investing in. Learn how to spot signs like feeling free to be yourself, resolving conflict with care, and bringing out the best in each other. Tune in and subscribe for more insights about creating healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Episode Transcript

Heather Tessmer (00:04):
You are listening to the Ever Argue With
A Woman podcast and I amHeather Tesmer.
Hi everybody, this is HeatherTesmer again, and we are going
to talk about something that Ihope is a little more positive
than the podcast that we did afew years ago, which was about

(00:26):
red flags in a relationship.
Well, I want to talk about somegreen flags in a relationship.
I really like to be morepositive than negative in most
things that I do in my life, sowe thought we would talk about
some of the things that mightshow that you're in a good,

(00:48):
mature, growing, positiverelationship.
So I think for a goodrelationship, you first have to
have a good.
I don't know what to call it,but it's like a chemical
attraction, and once you havethat, then you can build on
other things.

(01:08):
But I really feel like withoutthat first little bit of magic,
it's a little bit harder to havethat long lasting marital type
relationship.
So once you feel that chemicalattraction, then it's time to
start paying attention to someof the other things, and so a

(01:32):
big one is.
Sometimes, with that chemicalattraction, you are unable to
function, like you can't talk tothem or your brain doesn't act
right.
But one of the things thatyou're going to need to do in a
relationship is be able tocommunicate with each other.
It's nice to be able to have aneasy, open and honest

(01:55):
relationship.
They need to be able to look atyou while you're talking to them
, and you need to know thatthey're listening to you.
So often you talk to someoneand they are so busy thinking of
their reaction that they don'teven listen to you.
They don't even know what yousaid because they're just trying

(02:15):
to get their comeback ready foryou.
You need to look in their eyesand make sure that they
understand you.
They also need to not try tofix everything.
You might be just venting.
You might just need to be heardby somebody or just get it out.
You also need to listen to theway that they talk to you.

(02:37):
Are they always talking badabout other people?
Well, that's never a good sign,because they might be talking
bad about you to other people,and also disagreements are going
to happen and you need to beable to fight fair, and so you
certainly don't want someone whouses bad names, or you just

(03:03):
need to be respectful in thedisagreements.
One of the things with that Iparticularly do not like is
having to apologize.
So I really try not to saythings that I'm ever going to
have to apologize for in thefuture.
So the next thing that sometimescan be difficult in a new
relationship, or even in an oldone, is are you able to be

(03:27):
yourself?
You want to be open and honest,and you know sometimes you need
to let your crazy show, and youneed to know that you're safe
in that relationship even if youare letting some of that crazy
out.
You need to make sure that youboth have mutual respect and
trust.
You do need to make sure thatyou both are able to think for

(03:49):
yourselves and you can have yourown opinions.
You can still get along eventhough you don't think exactly
alike.
I mean, your relationship wouldactually be rather boring if
you both thought the same wayall the time.
It is nice, though, if you'reboth empathetic to each other.
You need to be able tounderstand why they might think

(04:11):
a certain way.
You also need to make sure thathe or she is able to accommodate
your needs.
You might have a different lovelanguage than they do, but it
doesn't mean that your needscan't be accommodated.
Both of you need to recognizethat you're each going to have
your separate lives and intoday's society, typically we

(04:36):
both have full-time jobs andthen if we have children, that's
going to be a third full-timejob for both of us.
So we need to be respectful andmake sure that we understand
that those jobs are important toeach of us.
It's also important that wehave shared values.
Again, these don't have to beidentical, but it does sort of

(05:00):
need to be similar, or at thevery least you have to be able
to respect the differences.
You need to make sure that yoursignificant other is able to
make time for you.
I know that it's very importantthat I show the respect for my

(05:21):
husband that if he is calling inwhen I'm in the office, if I'm
not in front of a judge, I makesure that I pick up that phone
if at all possible and if not,then I call him back immediately
, even if I know it's not goingto be anything significant.
It's just a show of respect forme that I make sure he knows

(05:44):
he's the most important thing inmy life and I will always make
time for him.
You need to make sure that he orshe is looking out for you and
is considering you in decisions,so he usually golfs every
Saturday.
Well, when he starts arelationship with you, the

(06:05):
considerate thing is to makesure that you're okay with that.
I call it being respectful andconsiderate, and it goes both
ways.
You need to do the same whenyou're making plans for the both
of you as well, Kind of alongthe same line.
Boundaries need to be respected.
There are some things that youwill not be comfortable with.
There are some things that heor she won't be comfortable with

(06:27):
.
You both need to feel safe inthe relationship and you both
need to do your best to makesure that you both feel safe.
You also need to make time tohave fun.
You need to enjoy beingtogether.
You need to be able to laugh.
You need to make sure you feelgood when you're with this other
person.
Another one that I thought hardabout putting in here is you

(06:51):
would want your significantother to come and meet your
family.
Even if you're not on the bestof terms, you're going to want
them to know him or her, and youshould want to meet his or her
family as well, and it's alwaysgood to know where they came
from and you can see, kind of,what they've either learned from

(07:15):
or had to overcome, and so youwill certainly learn a lot if
you do meet the parents and thesiblings.
It's also nice to know if theyhave lifelong friends, because
you know that those friends havestuck around through thick and
thin, that those friends havestuck around through thick and

(07:36):
thin, and usually if they havefriends that have been around a
while, you know that they havehad to have treated them fairly
well and it also is a sign thatthey are stable.
Another good green flag is thatthey take care of themselves.
Do they eat well, exercisedress well, groom themselves

(07:57):
well?
Are they taking steps toimprove themselves?
Are they in college?
Are they gunning for apromotion?
Are they working on theirbackstroke or whatever?
I mean all of these things.

(08:20):
It's good to have goals,whatever they might be.
It's also important yourpossible significant other not
be a pessimist, not always be adowner, not always assume the
worst, like if you are unable totext during the day and you
don't get a message for eighthours.
They don't assume that you'reat the bottom of a swimming pool
or that you've decided you'recalling off the relationship,

(08:44):
that they just assume that maybeyou're in court all day and
can't get to a phone or,obviously, because your phone is
off, you aren't getting anymessages.
So not assuming the worst isalways good.
And then my last one is that,whoever it is you choose to have

(09:04):
in your relationship, it'sreally helpful if they have
enough confidence in themselvesto empower you and to give you
confidence to make you a betterperson so that you can just feel
good and feel good about beingaround them.
And so I hope you can findsomeone like that to make you

(09:26):
happy and to fulfill you in theperfect relationship.