January 29, 2025 • 75 mins
Ever wondered how balancing spiritual commitments with personal well-being could transform your household? Join us for an enlightening exploration of the biblical order of the home and church as we, Jonathan Rich and Sean Sloggett, delve into the mutual responsibilities of spouses. Discover the role of Christ as the cornerstone of family life and how aligning with scriptural principles can create a harmonious and supportive environment. With references from 1 Corinthians 11:3, we navigate the spiritual hierarchy within the family, all while sprinkling in some laughter with personal stories that shed light on authority dynamics at home.
Husbands and fathers, ever feel the weight of leadership? This episode is for you. We unpack the delicate balance between your spiritual duties and mental health, emphasizing the critical need for self-care and positive influences. We dive into the qualities of effective leaders and the protective roles men play in their families. This conversation is not just about setting goals but also about taking action to achieve dreams, reinforcing that God desires active participation from each of us. By focusing on nurturing leadership, we aim to inspire men to lead with strength and empathy, ensuring a loving and secure environment for their families.
Unravel the secrets to deeper family connections by understanding and embracing love languages. We emphasize the transformative power of recognizing how your loved ones express affection and the importance of mutual respect and partnership in fulfilling biblical roles. Through engaging anecdotes, we highlight how catering to each family member's distinct way of expressing love nurtures a supportive atmosphere. With practical guidance and insights into the roles of husbands and wives, we illuminate the path to a balanced and united family dynamic, where both parents serve as role models and create a nurturing environment for their children.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If we are going to expect our wife to fulfill her
biblical purpose, we have tofulfill our biblical purpose.
We have to give just as much asthey have to give.
It's not a one-way street.
Welcome back to the EverydayChristian Podcast, where we
(00:23):
apply scriptural principles toeveryday Christian lives.
I'm your host, Jonathan Rich.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
And I'm Sean Sloggett , and we'd like to welcome you
back to the Everyday ChristianPodcast.
This is unedited, so you'll getto see the real us.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Yeah, we're going to get in a lot of trouble, for
sure.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
We haven't done one in a little while.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
A of it holidays you know busy schedule.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
You all understand that everything was going on um.
It is january 13th already.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
It's kind of weird to say that yeah, happy new year
yeah, happy new year 2025, 2025.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
It's already getting started here.
Lots of things coming up and inthe works.
Yeah, we are working on severalthings.
We still have the mugs for sale, the tumblers yes, $25 for any
of those New logo design, newbackgrounds a bunch of things
(01:23):
that we're working on oh boy.
Yeah, so stay boy.
Yeah, so stay tuned for that.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Yeah, you're going to see us go in between a couple
different backgrounds until weget it just right, probably Just
testing everything out.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
We're not a professional setup by any means.
So you guys get to see the realus yeah absolutely.
But today we're going, tonightTonight.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Six o'clock.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
It would be like those.
My pastor yesterday morning wastalking and I'll be honest, I
don't know where he was at inhis sermon, but he was talking.
He said I'm telling you whatthis evening.
Yeah, I'm like well, it's 1130.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
It's 11 am.
Yeah, I got so used topreaching at nights that I would
do that sometimes.
When people ask me to preachSunday mornings, I'd be like
tonight.
I'm like oh wait, I meant today, this morning.
I don't know why that's such aweird habit.
I think I've only ever preachedonce or twice in the morning
and I never got any callbacks.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
You never got the opportunity to make the mistake.
Yeah, I didn't have a chance tomake the mistake.
I get it.
But tonight we're going to betalking about the biblical order
of the house.
This is going to be kind of atwo-part deal.
We're going to be talking aboutthe biblical order of the house
and then the biblical order ofthe church.
(02:42):
Some of it may kind of crossback and forth, and it's needed
that it does cross back andforth, because without Christ in
the home, you're going to fail,and without the home structure
in the church, the church canfail.
So it will be going back andforth, some intermingling there.
But we will do our best toexplain it if we feel like it
(03:06):
needs it.
If we go across something thatyou don't understand, feel free
to message us.
If you have our number, you cantext us or whatever.
If you don't have our number,well, there may be a reason.
I can actually see live.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I actually have live comments here too, so if you
guys do leave a comment, I canread them here.
If it's something we can answeron the podcast, great.
If not, obviously we'll findyou an answer later on.
Like you said, we are live, soeverything that you're seeing.
If we make a mistake, we messup our words.
Please bear with us.
(03:39):
We're used to pre-recording andthen fixing all those errors
and mistakes, but I believe thatthis will be a really good
episode.
It's one of those ones where Ifeel like every episode Sean and
I do it could, just it could goforever, like we could talk
about one aspect of the subject,and maybe someday we'll do that
, or we could just dive intoeach portion of this podcast,
(04:02):
especially in particular.
But we're going to do our bestto cover as much ground on this
episode as we can and thenhopefully do a part two and
maybe a part three, brother Sean.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Yes, sir.
So the first order is Christ.
We often talk about it and youknow I'm not rebuking or
criticizing anybody for this.
I'm guilty of doing it, I'vedone it.
This last couple weeks, my8-year-old daughter, whitley,
(04:35):
has been asking a lot ofquestions about it.
My wife is a couple years olderthan I am, so she's asking Dad,
are you the boss or is mom theboss, cause she's older?
Yeah, you know.
So we we've actually beenhaving a lot of discussions
lately.
She had no idea that this wascoming up.
Uh, you know, and and me, beingflesh, being man, will say
(04:59):
something like well, I'm, youknow, according to the Bible,
I'm the head of the house, whichis true, but Christ, above all,
is the head of the house.
Right, the word was made flesh.
We should obey Christ, histeachings and his direction
above all else.
If we want the order of thehouse to be as biblical and as
close as we can, we have to makeChrist first, and without
(05:23):
Christ, none of this foundationthat we have is going to fail.
My other points are going to bea little bit longer.
Not that I'm trying to pullChrist out of it, because I
believe wholeheartedly thatChrist is and should be first,
but I want to dive in a littlebit more onto the husband, the
(05:46):
father, the wife, the mother andthe children as well.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
You know, brother Sean, christ.
The scripture I wrote down andthis sort of encompasses all of
those things, but it's in 1Corinthians 11.3.
It says but I want you to knowthat the head of every man is
Christ and the head of everywoman is man and the head of
Christ is God.
And I think that we read thatand we skim over that part that
(06:12):
says the head of every man isChrist, and we even try to not
pretend, but we say that Christis number one.
We say that Christ is the headof the home.
But is that true?
Is that something we'reactually displaying?
Is that something that we'reactually living?
If Christ is the head of thehome, it goes above just I spoke
(06:37):
to our youth Wednesday aboutdigging deeper in Christ and it
goes above just praying.
It goes above just readingBibles just to say you read your
Bible.
It goes above just worshipingto say you got your worship in.
But it is the example thatChrist gives us and the Bible
really gives us, for not justhow to be a good man, not just
(07:02):
how to be a good husband, but tobe a good person.
And when it comes to my kids,and especially as they get older
, I want them to know and lookat me and see Christ, because
really that's the only you know.
You hear that song when they seeme.
Let them see Christ.
But that truly is what my kidssee right now.
(07:25):
It's like if I tell them aboutJesus and I sing songs to them
about Christ and I readscripture to them about Christ,
that's one thing and they'llhave questions, sure, but how I
display my life, how I amportrayed to them, it either
shows them Christ or it showsthem me, and I think that
they're very merciful.
(07:45):
They have a lot of grace.
You know, when I yell at themacross the room like what are
you doing?
You know that's probably notvery Christ-like and they
probably look at that and theyeven think that's not very
Christ-like.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
I'll rebuke you a little bit later over that.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Good, but they're very forgiving of that and I
think that's the great thingabout kids and I wanted to point
that out.
If you're listening, you are aparent.
Sean's going to rebuke me laterfor this but I want you to know
that there is grace.
I think we all mess up, we allmake mistakes, we all are
struggling.
(08:20):
No one has it figured out.
And you look at those peoplethat are, it seems like
everything's perfect.
I've had people come up to mein public and they're like, oh,
your kids are just darling.
I'm like thinking you don'tknow my kids, like I know my
kids.
But I want you to know that noteverything has to be perfect
and you're not going to makeit's not going to be perfect.
(08:42):
As the father, as the husband,as the man of the house, you're
going to make mistakes, you'regoing to struggle with things,
you're going to do things thatare wrong.
You're going to do things that,even if your wife and your kids
submitted to it, it ends upbeing incorrect.
You are going to fail.
But at the same time, if youkeep Christ at the helm, if you
(09:06):
strive that's the key word Ialways want to do is like how do
I strive to be like.
Christ Is my answer to mychildren.
Christ-like Is my answer to mywife.
Christ-like Is my answer to thehome.
Christ-like, brother Sean.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yeah, I'm going to just go through.
Start reading some of these ofwhat the husband should be.
If you feel like jumping in orhave anything to add, just go
ahead at any time.
So the husband should be theleader of the home yeah, the one
who leads by example, the onewho's the protector of the home.
(09:39):
There's a difference between aleader and a boss or a master.
Yeah, a leader is not boss or amaster.
Yeah, a leader is notdominating, it's not abusive,
he's not a bully, he's notaggressive, he's not angry, he's
not diminishing and he's notselfish.
(10:01):
To be a good leader, you alsohave to be a good follower and a
good learner.
Yeah, if you aren't learningfrom the word or following
Christ, you will struggle as aleader.
You know I'm doing things in mylife to try to further my
success, and one thing thatalways comes up is who are you
(10:24):
putting yourself around?
What kind of people are youhanging around?
What kind of people are youtalking to?
And they always say if you'rethe smartest man in the room,
you're not going to go anywhere.
Yeah, which means you've got tobe learning Right.
Surround yourself by people whoare smarter than you, that know
(10:46):
more than you so you can learn.
And as you learn, others aregoing to come up and then you
can lead them.
So, as the leader of our home,we need to be learning and again
, it's not going to be perfect,we are going to mess up, but
learning is part of the processof being a good leader.
(11:12):
Next is the priest of the homeBringing your family to church
on a regular basis.
Yeah, I understand vacation andthat is needed.
I understand just taking breakssometimes and that is needed,
but regular church attendance isnecessary and as men, we need
to step up and do our part.
You know, again, I understandgoing away and doing these
(11:35):
hunting trips, because I mean Ilike hunting.
We'll go away for a weekend orwhatever it is.
But children learn from theirparents because that's who they
spend the most time or should bespending the most time around.
So when they see dad missingchurch two Sundays out of the
(11:55):
month, you know it's going toleave that impact on them.
So, as the husband and thefather, we need to be the priest
of the home.
This part might get me in alittle bit of trouble, but
that's okay.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
We are live, so we can't edit any of this On the
flip side of that.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
it doesn't mean that you have to go to every revival
service at every church and goto every meeting at every church
and every youth rally in thearea.
I'm sorry, oh boy.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
We had a viewer on here and you said that and they
left.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
I'm teasing.
Support other churches.
I believe in it.
Visit other churches, get unity.
I believe in all those thingsin it.
Visit other churches, get unity.
I believe in all those things.
But I also believe in yourphysical and mental state being
healthy.
I live in Oklahoma.
(12:59):
If I pulled up a map, we livein Oklahoma.
If I pulled up a map, we livein Oklahoma.
If I pulled up a map of everyjust Pentecostal holiness church
within an hour's drive of me,say, I could probably go to a
(13:20):
service every For close to thewhole year.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Right.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
But that's not healthy.
I'm going to start losing sleepbecause we're out at good
services.
I'm not knocking it, but therest of us start struggling from
that.
As the priest, we need to makesure that we are guiding them
(13:50):
through the Christian as aChristian, but understanding
that as we build our Christianfaith, we need to be talking the
talk but also walking the walk,and sometimes that means taking
a step back for your physicaland mental health as well, which
(14:12):
that's another podcast foranother time.
You know, in the Old Testamenttimes, the priests were always
held to a higher standard.
They were regarded as somethingsacred, something looked up to.
If you want to be loved,appreciated, regarded men, we
(14:36):
need to do something to proveour worth.
We need to be a man about it.
Do you have anything you wantme to keep going?
Speaker 1 (14:43):
No, I think that I appreciate everything that
you're saying and I think that Icould add, obviously, a lot
more to some of those things.
I'm not going to for sake oftime.
But you know something that Ijust I want to keep harping on
and I like that you hadmentioned.
It again was just the learneraspect of it.
You know, a leader is really alearner.
(15:04):
It again was just the learneraspect of it.
You know, a leader is really alearner.
I mean, you've got to understandthat if you surround yourself
with a bunch of you knowbumbling doofuses that talk bad
about their spouses all the timeand talk bad about their kids
all the time, you're probablynot going to learn anything from
(15:26):
them or learn how to be a goodleader in your home.
But if you surround yourselfwith individuals that you know
are good leaders are all thethings that Sean's about to
mention a couple more.
I've got some written down andI think he's covered a lot of
them.
But you look at their lives.
I mean, when you surroundyourselves with those
(15:46):
individuals, it's like are theylaborers, are they lovers?
Are they learners, are theyloyal?
Do they do everything they canfor their wives and for their
kids?
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Are you reading my notes?
Speaker 1 (16:01):
I'm not.
I'm not See.
That's how good we are.
Are those individuals worthlooking up to and surrounding
yourself by?
And if they're not, no, thebest thing you can do is not
necessarily cut them off, nevertalk to them again, but glean
from individuals that do displaythose Christ-like things and do
(16:24):
display those things biblically, because we all have a lot to
learn.
You know, take it from me Idon't know everything by any
stretch of the imagination, butI want to.
You know, look up to Christ.
I want to know what the Biblesays, but then I want to get a
basic principle from individualsthat are worth looking up to
(16:49):
when it comes to leading my home, brother Sean.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
The husband and the father is also the protector.
Yeah, god created men to bestronger.
This isn't some sexist viewthat I have.
It's science.
Study it out if you feel likeyou must.
But we were meant to protectour home, our wife and our
(17:14):
family.
If you use this strength toabuse your spouse and hit your
kids, you are a coward, right.
You're not a man.
You're not a man.
Again, I understand.
We're human.
We can mess up, but if that'san act that continues to happen,
(17:36):
you are a coward Right.
You can try and twist what I'msaying.
You guys know exactly what Imean by this.
I discipline my children, butthere is a huge difference
between discipline and abuse,and I fear that sometimes we
(17:58):
make the mistake too often.
Yeah, but all in all, as theprotector, we need to covet
those things we have in our homeand take care of them, project
(18:21):
our love for them by protectingthem, not abusing.
The husband is also a laborer.
I say husband, father, he isalso a laborer.
I say husband, father, he'salso a laborer.
From the very beginning of theBible, in Genesis 2, it says
God's put man into the garden totend it and to keep it.
We were made to create things.
(18:42):
We were made to build things.
We were made to build things.
We were made to care for theearth.
God does not want idle, lazymen.
Again, there's Bible for that.
For being lazy.
There's Bible against beinglazy, not for lazy Bible against
(19:07):
laziness.
God wants those who are willingto go out and do and be active.
I read one article that said Goddoesn't want dreamers and I was
like, yeah, no, wait a minute.
I believe that God does wantdreamers, but all too often we
(19:31):
stop at the dream.
Yeah, and I think that was thepoint they were trying to make.
Yeah, but just reading that Goddoesn't want dreamers, kind of
I was like, wait, you know, Ihad double take.
At least dream about thosethings, because dreams are what
helps you set goals and goalsgives you something to work
(19:54):
towards, to achieve.
So dream about it, but afteryour dream, wake up, shake off
the sleep and put the dream toaction, start working towards it
.
Be that laborer that Godintended.
Husbands and fathers are loyaland they're a lover.
(20:16):
Ephesians commands us to loveour wife just as Christ loved
her.
Commands us to love our wifejust as Christ loved her.
Most of us know our wife'sneeds or what our wife's needs
or wants are, so do them.
When you can Spoiler, buy herflowers and gifts, or if it
(20:40):
takes just giving her some moneyand saying, hey, this is for
you, don't spend it on the kids,don't spend it on me.
Go treat yourself.
Manicure, pedicure.
If you need a new dress or anew shirt, shoot whatever.
Go spend this money on you.
Spend time with her.
(21:02):
Do chores when you're at thehouse.
Yeah, be physical with her.
Compliment her when she wearsthat new dress or does her hair
the way that you like.
Yeah, I know a lot of us haveheard of the book of the five
love languages.
Have you read that book?
Mm-hmm, I read it twice, Ithink.
(21:22):
Yeah, for those of you thathaven't, I encourage you to go
find it and look it up, read it.
It talks about the five lovephysical touch and receiving
(21:50):
gifts.
You will find through readingthis book that a lot of times
you have a different lovelanguage in your spouse, or that
your primary love language maybe her secondary or nothing at
all.
That was something that Ifigured out with my wife.
(22:11):
My wife's primary love languageis quality time together.
I totally missed it.
I was buying her gifts.
I was buying her gifts, I wassending her flowers, I was doing
these things to try to show herthat I appreciated her, and
(22:32):
though she did appreciate it, itdidn't seem like it was getting
me very far, until I read thisbook and I realized she don't
want gifts.
She wants me just to spend alittle bit of time with her.
Yeah, and honestly to her,there's times where it doesn't
(22:54):
matter If we just go sit down,watch a movie together and never
say a word to each other, justlaugh at the movie I said that
word.
Or if we go on a dinner date orjust going on a walk.
She wants to spend time with me.
(23:16):
Her secondary, I feel like kindof bounces back and forth
between physical touch which isobvious, what that is or acts of
service.
You know, physical touch, justwalking up behind her when she's
making dinner and wrapping myarms around her and giving her a
hug.
Or acts of service she's beenwanting this shelf built and I
(23:44):
realize that she keeps lookingup shelves for this little
corner over there and I've gotthe material, so I'm just going
to go build it for her.
Or she's stressed overeverything that's happened
throughout the day and Irealized that, hey, the floor
didn't get vacuumed so I'm goingto go grab the vacuum, run it
(24:05):
through the house for her.
Just vacuum up for her.
You know you do these.
Find out what your spouse'slove language is husbands and
wives and do it for your kids aswell, because you'll learn that
your kids have a love languageRight.
You know, my oldest is physicaltouch.
(24:26):
She wakes up and she comes inthere and she looks for somebody
.
She'll walk straight in thereand just I'll be sitting in a
chair or a table or whatever.
She'll walk in there and justsit on my lap, just lean her
head up against me.
You know, for me sometimesthat's not my thing.
(24:46):
So what do I do?
Push her away?
No, I've got to embrace that,because that's what makes her
feel loved.
Yeah, that's what makes thatconnection that she needs.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Something that's really cool.
I know we're gonna uh talkabout the wives role in all of
this as well.
Maybe we should have our wiveson here.
That'd be really cool.
They could probably speak on itbetter than we could.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
I did steal some notes because it would have been
a good idea.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
We talked about our uh, we talked in our youth group
about a little bit about thisand my wife spoke for a little
bit, so I I might have stolen acouple notes from her.
One other thing that's reallycool with this live is I shared
this on there so that we can seeit as we discuss it, but I'm
going to hide that for now.
So the thing about you knowwhat Sean's talking about with
(25:40):
the love languages, I think asmen we sort of get the cart
before the horse and really thethe cart is a, a figment of our
imagination, and I'll explainwhat I'm talking about.
I think we sort of get veryprideful.
We get very my way or thehighway.
(26:00):
We get very um, this is howit's going to be.
This is it Like laying down thelaw?
No one's going to step in myway.
No one's going to do all thesethings, and I don't want anybody
else to.
I don't want anybody to get mewrong as a man.
You are the leader of the home,you are the head of the
household.
I've said it before.
My wife's agreed with me, soI'm hoping that means something.
(26:24):
But if I were to just tell mywife tomorrow hey, we're moving
to Africa.
This is what I feel like Godwants me to do.
She'd be hesitant, but shewould do it and I love her for
that.
I'm not going to do that, bythe way, morgan, if you're
listening, unless God justreally reveals himself and just
light shines down from heaven.
(26:45):
But I think that we sort of getthis mentality.
I think we sort of get thismentality that it is my way or
the highway.
My wife is to be submissive tome, my children are to be
submissive to me, and we forgeteverything that Sean just spoke
about.
The Bible talks about us beingleaders.
It talks about us beinglaborers, lovers, learners, as
(27:08):
he discussed, protectors, as hesaid.
But if we are going to expectour wife to fulfill her biblical
purpose, we have to fulfill ourbiblical purpose.
We have to give just as much asthey have to give.
It's not a one-way street.
I don't have the statistics infront of me, but I'm almost
(27:31):
certain that the reason amajority of individuals get
divorced in this country andmany other countries is because
it's all about me.
It's all about me.
It's all about me when I dostuff for my family, when I do
stuff for my wife.
It's not about me, it's aboutthem, it's because I love them,
it's all about me.
When I do stuff for my family,when I do stuff for my wife,
it's not about me, it's aboutthem, it's because I love them,
it's because I care for them.
Jude, my youngest son, he's thesame way.
(27:52):
His loan language is physicaltouch and it is so annoying.
Sometimes He'll just come andhe'll just lay and he'll just
like like a cat that like needsto have his belly scratched or
something.
He'll just lay and you're likewhat are you doing, dude?
Like what's going on?
I just I need you to hold me.
Okay, I just wanted to hug dad,I just wanted to kiss dad, and
(28:14):
so he kisses you on your sugar,gives you sugar on the cheek and
he just, you know, lays on youand he goes to sleep.
But I don't do those thingsbecause I love it.
I do those things because Ilove him.
I hold him because I love him.
Sometimes he likes gifts.
That's another love language ofhis.
I give him gifts because I lovehim.
(28:37):
My wife, my oldest son, mydaughter, they all have
different love languages.
That, you know, I'm still sortof figuring out.
I think we all sort of are, butI don't, and they do change
over time and they change overtime.
But I don't do those thingsbecause I want and demand
respect or I demand them tosubmit to me.
I do those things because Ilove them and I care for them,
(29:05):
for them, and as I grow closerto Christ, as we talked about,
and as I continue to build arelationship with them, I can
then in return, have the correctlove and relationship that I
want with my spouse and with mychildren.
So we have to get over thatmindset of it's my way or the
highway.
When was the last time you tookyour wife out on a date?
When was the last time youbought her flowers or bought her
something or gave her money?
Or when was the last time youtook your wife out on a date?
When was the last time youbought her flowers or bought her
something or gave her money?
(29:26):
Or when was the last time youjust sat and talked with her?
You know when was the last timeyou guys have had a really deep
conversation about anything.
It doesn't even have to beabout marriage or anything that
you guys are facing.
Sometimes, morgan and I willjust sit there and we will talk
for hours on the most randomstuff and I don't know what it
is Like.
We'll sit there and be like howdo we get off on this topic?
(29:48):
But it's because we'reconnecting to one another, like
what is?
I'll pull that back up.
What is that, you know?
Is it active service?
Is that quality time together?
Is it those words ofaffirmation?
Is it the physical touch?
Is it receiving gifts?
When you do those things, youare not doing them so that you
will receive your love languagein return.
You're doing them because youlove your spouse and those
(30:11):
individuals in your life,brother Sean.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
As we're going through this and I probably
should have mentioned thisbefore I start on the husband,
but think of Christ and the wayhe treats the church.
On the husband, but think ofChrist and the way he treats the
church when you're goingthrough life and doing these
things.
You know Christ has neverdemanded anything from us.
Salvation is free.
(30:36):
If you want it, whosoever willlet him come, but he's not going
to demand that you do it.
Yeah, there are rules set todemand that you do it.
There are rules set in placethat you must follow as a
Christian and as the husband andthe leader of the home.
There are rules that should beset, but nothing is demanded of
(30:57):
you.
If Christ treated husbands theway that husbands treat their
wife and kids, some of us wouldbe in big trouble.
(31:18):
So keep that in mind as you'regoing through with some of these
things and you're trying tolook well as the leader of my
home.
Should it be this, how wouldGod react or how would Christ
have taken?
You know, and I'm sure there'sa lot of examples throughout the
(31:39):
Bible that you can go readabout, where you can probably
pull some of that.
But on to the wife and themother.
The wife is a helper, not aservant.
She is submissive, but she isnot suppressed.
Saying that a wife and a motheris a helper is not meant to
(32:02):
diminish the woman it's.
I've said some things about thehusbands and I'll say this about
the wives.
This kind of upsets mesometimes, Not kind of upsets me
, it gets me when you see thewoman who cooks.
(32:22):
My wife cooks.
The woman will set the table.
Then the woman will get thekids' plates ready, fix their
plates.
Then she fixes her husband'splate, makes sure he has his Dr
Pepper or his sweet tea orwhatever it is, realizes she
forgot the salt and pepper, goesand gets the salt and pepper,
(32:44):
comes back, realizes that one ofthe kids has spilled his sweet
tea.
So then she goes and gets thepaper towels, gets the mess all
cleaned up and when she'sfinally ready where she can fix
her plate, the food is nowgetting cold and everybody else
(33:04):
is almost done.
I appreciate my wife for doingthose things.
My wife wants to serve my plateand honestly there have been
times where I have gotten introuble from her because she's
trying to do all these thingsbecause the husband demands it
and she's taking on the role ofservanthood not a helper.
(33:29):
If my wife wants to fix my plate, I've learned to let her,
otherwise I get in trouble.
But I have also figured outthat most times she makes the
kids' plates first.
Yeah, and I've got aone-year-old little girl that
(33:52):
sits between me and my wife atthe corner of the table right
now.
So while she's fixing everybodyelse's plates, guess what I'm
going to help my wife?
I'm going to start feedingPresley.
I'm not going to demand thatshe goes and gets me another
unsweet tea, because that's whatI drink, or water, or whatever.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
That's the most un-Oklahoma thing I've ever
heard of, by the way, butcontinue.
I'm not from Oklahoma, I forgot.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
There is a huge difference between a helper and
a servant.
Think of it this way Mechanicis working on a car.
He needs some help, so he'sgoing to ask for a wrench.
Or he's going to ask someonehey, why don't you go to the
other side and start pullingthat tire off the front over
there while I'm working on thisone?
(34:43):
Or hey, will you start drainingthe oil, whatever the case is?
But if you realize thissituation, the mechanic is
getting his hands dirty.
Also, the guy that's out thereis his helper.
He's helping him get the jobdone.
(35:07):
The servant would be sent outto do the work by himself.
Hey, I need you to go take bothtires off the front and then
start ball bearings or U-jointsor whatever you want to call.
Hey, go get all the tools, yourtools, and start the process
(35:30):
for X, y and Z.
You go drain the oil, but whileyou're at it, make sure you put
the plug back in, make sure youput a new filter on it, make
sure you refill it, make suremake sure, make sure.
There's two very starkdifferences between the helper
and the servant.
(35:51):
Yeah, the helper has somebodygetting down there with them and
helping them.
They're getting their handsdirty too.
They're being a part of thefamily.
The husband's not sitting up onthe high horse.
The wife's there to be the help.
(36:11):
Yeah, the wife is to be thecrown of the husband that sits
upon his head, not the neck thatturns and controls the head.
It's another thing that burnsme up Saying the husband's the
head but I'm the head.
It's another thing, that burnsme up Saying the husband's the
(36:32):
head but I'm the neck.
I hope y'all don't say that.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
I hope you do, and we're ridiculing you for that.
If you do, I hope.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
I can convince you to change your outlook.
You're not the neck, ladies,you're the crown.
You're the beauty of the head,you're the one that should be
honored, recognized and yourglory shown.
A woman that is the neck iscritical to the marriage.
(37:07):
She's demeaning, alwayscomparing her husband to others,
belittling your husband, yourkids, whichever, constantly
nagging and causing strife,withholding herself from her
husband and her kids.
But the crown works on themarriage.
(37:32):
The crown helps her kids learn.
The crown builds her husband up, encourages her husband that
this new business venture can go.
This new business venture cango, encourages her kids to try
(37:58):
harder at sports or school orwhatever it is Compliments them
on their work ethic and theirgood grades.
The crown gives of herself, butthe crown is to be shown off and
the beauty of it to be shown,not just some piece that helps
the body move.
She should also be thecaretaker and the builder of the
(38:24):
home.
She should be the loving,caring one, one, the one that
wipes your tears.
That's something that I am not.
If brecken my boy, he's sick.
If he falls and scrapes hisknee, you like flick his knee,
(38:47):
don't you get up?
You're fine.
I don't flick his knee, notthat, but probably just about.
This is something that I dowith all my kids and I started
it from a very young age.
But they'll come in cryingbecause they fell and you know
their fingernails hurt.
I tell them shake it off.
Yeah, for sure, and I would, asit as baby, not babies, but you
(39:14):
know they were talking learning.
If their hand hurt, I'd grabtheir hand and say shake it off,
you're okay, stop crying,you're good, you're good, we got
this and I'd move on.
I just yeah, I get hurt all thetime too.
You'll grow out of it.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
Right, I'm right there too.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
But my wife, she'll go pick him up, him, her,
whichever.
What happened?
Baby, tell mom what's going on.
Let me see it.
Oh yeah, it looks like you arebleeding a little bit.
Let's go get you a Band-Aid.
He don't need a Band-Aid, He'llbe all right.
(39:53):
Yeah, yeah, no, she's nurturing, she's loving, she feels more.
She's in touch with herchildren, more so.
The woman is almost always morein touch with the children
emotionally than men are.
We could say she's in touchwith her feminine side, which is
a good thing.
She's the caretaker of the home.
(40:17):
She also cleans, she cooks, shesupports the husband, she
builds the family circle, notjust her career, and I
understand that we live in aworld where a two-income home
(40:37):
seems necessary.
I'm not belittling the womenthat work I'm not.
My wife did it for severalyears as well but their primary
focus is the wife, and themother should be on the home,
not on advancing the career.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
It is worth it to love to care for and to build
your children up and watch themgrow to love, and to take care
of your husband.
Watch them grow to love and totake care of your husband to
help your children understandlife better, to nurture them,
(41:19):
versus sending them off forsomebody else to raise.
I believe that I know they haveto go to school, I know they
have to learn these things, butas the wife and the mother being
there for your kids will make ahuge difference.
Speaker 1 (41:34):
I think that's the difference too.
I mean, that's why God made usthat way, you know.
I think that, just as yourexample, I'm the same way.
I'm like, you're fine, like you, you bopped your head, you'll
be fine.
There's no bump, you know, know.
You don't have a concussion,you're good, and my wife at
least.
(41:54):
I don't think you have aconcussion my oldest.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
I'll interrupt this because, it's a funny story.
My oldest, when she was likeshe was less than three, I think
she wasn't quite three we wereplaying basketball at a rally
after service and she ran ontothe basketball court and a boy
(42:19):
ran over her and broke her leg.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Yeah, it wasn't just like hanging there.
It's not good that I'm laughing.
Oh, it's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
It's bad.
This tells you the difference.
Yeah, you know it wasn'thanging there, so I mean this.
You know, 180 pound dude justtrampled her, yeah, so like I
pick her up and you know I'mgonna sit out, guys go ahead.
You know, yeah, and I'm sittingwith her and I put her down,
let her walk.
And she, oh she pulled her legup and Jay was like baby,
(42:50):
something's wrong.
I'm like, no, she'll be fine,dude just ran over, she's good,
she'll live.
For like 30 minutes we had thisargument and then I kept trying
to put her down so she couldwalk.
She'd draw her leg back up.
We finally took her to ER.
She had a broken leg.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
So me, I'm like walk it off, you'll be good.
If that was the case, my poordaughter would be walking with a
limp to this day.
She had struggles walking.
Absolutely no, I'm the same.
I'm like I don't.
I just you're like trying totoughen them up a little bit.
And the mom, my wife, she wantsto love them and care for them
and nurture them and all that.
But I think that that's how Goddesigned it.
I think that that's how Goddesigned it.
I think that that's what God'spurpose was.
I mean, I would not wantsomeone to think they have to
(43:38):
tough it out every time they'refaced with adversity.
I also would not want them tothink that they have to be big
babies every time they're facedwith adversity.
I think that you know andthat's just an example of it but
I think that the reason why weare so different and we all help
each other and play a differentrole in our kids' lives
especially so that they will,you know, grow to see different
(44:00):
points of view, especially, youknow, see different angles hurt,
not as much here, but hurt here, hurt when it matters.
Hurt, you know, don't hurt whenit doesn't matter.
Um, if that makes any sense.
And so I think that that's what, especially when it comes to
the wife, I won't a lot of whatyou said.
I think I have um outside of of.
(44:21):
You know, wives, just submit toyour husbands and everything
will be fine.
No, I'm just teasing.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
He's still working on Morgan.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
I'm still working on it so hard.
No it it.
It is a balance, there is help.
It's not like I said, hey, youbetter obey my every command.
It's, it's lead by Christ'sexample and that I think, in
return, your wife will submit toyour leadership and and we'll
(44:49):
submit to where you take them.
I wanted to point something out.
I know we're going to talkabout children for a little bit,
or here in a little bit.
Then I wanted to take asidestep on when it comes to
spouses.
Again, you guys are going tohate me for this, and Brother
Sean's already got us in alittle bit of trouble on this
live episode of the EverydayChristian Podcast.
(45:12):
But I wanted to say really fastthat when a man and a woman get
married, they leave theirparents and cleave to their wife
or cleave to their husband, totheir husband.
(45:35):
I'm going to bring that out herebecause I feel it necessary to
let some of you grandparentsknow that your grandson belongs
to your son or daughter, viceversa, vice versa, when my wife
and I have discussions about ourhome or about our kids, we can
(45:55):
get advice from outsideindividuals, but that decision
is ultimately up to me, it'sultimately up to my wife and I.
I say that because I feel likea lot of times we have this
relationship and it'sa reallystrange relationship or a
(46:15):
duality of relationship, whereit's like we have husband and
wife not me personally, but I'mjust saying individuals their
husband and wife, and thenthey've got grandma and grandpa
over here that are influencinghusband's decision, and grandma
and grandpa over here that areinfluencing husband's decision,
and grandma and grandpa overhere that it's influencing wives
decision, and then they're tornabout what they should do
because of what they said.
(46:36):
Just butt out of it, just leaveit be, just leave it alone.
I told you I'm going to get usin trouble when a man leaves his
wife and listen to me husbands,listen to me wives when you
leave the home and you getmarried and you join together as
one, you are one, not everybodyelse, not your friends, not
(46:57):
other family members, not yourparents, not your grandparents,
not your brother, not yoursister.
You are one, one.
Every decision you make shouldbe made as one, not as three,
not as two, not as 15.
My kids don't make decisionsfor my wife and I.
We make the decisions for them.
I wanted to throw that outthere before we moved on.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
No, that's good.
So when you're looking at thehusband and the wife, or the
father and the mother, it's veryimportant to understand that
the two shall leave and shallbecome one.
Yeah, because kids need to seeboth sides of it.
(47:41):
So for my daughters, they needto see a loving, caring mom and
a loving and caring wife and seethe good things that she does,
see the bad things that she does, as we try to fix them and help
my wife to be better.
(48:02):
So they know what they want tobe like when they grow up.
Yeah, but they also need to seedad, because what they see in
me is what they're going to bedrawn to.
Science proves this, yeah.
So when they see dad that'sloving and that's caring and
(48:26):
that's a laborer and is theprotector of the home, that's
what they are drawn to.
So when they grow up, that'swhat they're going to look for,
right, and same thing for my son.
He needs to see me being theprotector and the laborer and
the hunter and all these things.
So he learns to be a man and tocontrol himself and to be able
(48:49):
to do all these things to do.
He goes and works with me some.
Even now, six years old.
He'll come out every you knowit's pretty pretty few and far
between because he's got schooland things but he'll come out
and spend a day with me workingso he can learn that Right.
He needs to see how I treat mywife and that I treat her with
(49:09):
respect and that I treat herwell and that I bring her
flowers or I take her on a dateor these things.
But he also needs to see momand see the love and the care so
he can say man, that's what.
I want when I grow up that'swhat I desire is somebody who
shows love.
(49:29):
I want to be able to show mylove to some lady, like dad does
.
I want to be able to show mylove.
I want to be able to buysomebody gifts and take them on
a date.
They see these things andthey're going to want to do it
as well.
Speaker 1 (49:45):
One thing before we move on.
I just have to say Brother Rob,if you're listening, praise God
.
The man is straight cooking onthe Facebook comments here.
He says marriage is notbringing in a new family
addition, it's a whole newfamily.
Woo, praise.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
God, do you want to come be on with us?
Speaker 1 (50:03):
Brother Rob is actually going to be on the show
at some point this year, in2025.
We've talked about it manytimes over the years and it's
time to go ahead and pull thetrigger on that, but he's
already adding just extremevalue.
But it's so true, it's veryright and I'll touch on I've
said my piece on what BrotherRob said.
So I appreciate that.
(50:23):
But, touching on what BrotherSean said, so true, so true.
I want to be the man thatEmmeline grows up.
I want to be like the man.
I should say that I wantEmmeline to grow up and marry.
I want to be like that.
I want her to see that value.
When I see her, I tell herevery day Emmeline, you're
(50:44):
beautiful, just the way you are.
You're beautiful.
I love you, I care for youbecause I want her to to grow up
and see um, you know, samething with Morgan.
Obviously she sees that, but Iwant her to see that and find
y'all's the ones that arecooking.
He said, um, but, but findsomeone, um, like that.
(51:07):
You know, not like me, but Iwant to be someone that they can
look up to.
I wanted to mention somethingreally fast, just a really
really quick break here.
Speaker 2 (51:15):
Uh, we've got an exciting let me, let me throw
something yeah, yeah, yeah, goahead.
And I got a little announcementwe always see the positive and
hope that everybody picks up onthe positive and continues the
positive Right, because scienceproves whatever you surround
yourself by or whoever you'rearound, you're going to be like
(51:36):
them.
Yeah, but we fail to see thenegative side of those things.
And it's still true.
You know my wife will makecomments like well, this
happened and I don't want to dothat.
Okay, don't put yourself inthat position, and I'm not
accusing my wife of doinganything wrong, necessarily.
But if my kids see me lovingand taking care of Jay, they're
(52:01):
going to be like that's what Iwant, yeah for sure.
But if my kids ever watch me hitmy wife out of anger abusively,
that's going to stick in theback of their minds too and that
makes it that much easier for20, 30 years down the road when
it happens.
It makes it that much easierfor them to say that's the
(52:25):
normal.
Yeah, dad did it.
So I mean, he only did it acouple of times and I've only
done it once, so I'm still okay.
Right, right.
Again, this goes back toscience.
Study it out.
What they see, they willreenact.
Yeah, actions speak louder thanwords.
We all say it.
We all say it.
Everybody says actions speaklouder than words.
And then we try to always playit off on the good.
(52:47):
Yeah, which is I want the good,I want my kids to see the good,
I want my wife to see the goodin me.
Right, but the bad goes with it.
Yeah, if you're great, they'regoing to see the great and
they're going to want to emulatethe great.
If they see rotten, guess whatthey're going to take it on as
well.
Speaker 1 (53:06):
Yeah, yeah, take it on as well.
Yeah, yeah, no, I love that.
I love that.
I can't tell you how many timespeople I've I've seen studies
that have been made whereindividuals grew up and they're
like this is just how I thoughtit always was.
Yeah, and you know what wives.
I'm going to say something toyou.
I think that that you need toconsider that, like, do you want
your daughter to grow up andbelieve that that is the
(53:28):
acceptable norm?
I'll just say that and we'llmove on.
I wanted to make a mention of anexciting episode that we have
coming up in.
I think it's a month from now,a little less than a month from
now, on January 10th, we aregoing to be hosting a debate
between Nathan Mayo from BereanHoliness and Luke Beetz, who is
(53:49):
a holiness evangelist whograduated from Ozark Bible
Institute.
They are going to be discussingdoctrine standards and the
gospel.
It is going to be a debateabout holiness that is coming up
on February, the 10th, at 7 pm.
We will release that episode.
It's a very exciting time.
Brother Sean and I are going tobe the moderators for that.
(54:09):
It's not going to be quite likea Trump and Biden debate.
We're going to have someintelligent conversation from
both ends.
Not anything that's going to bea fight or anything that's
going to be name-calling, likeour good guy Trump likes to do,
but it is going to be a civilconversation between two
(54:32):
individuals about a verydifficult subject.
We pray that you look forwardto that.
I say that I mentioned that foryou to tune into that episode,
but also to say, if you have anyquestions that you would like
for us, as moderators, to askthe individuals that are
debating, nathan and Luke.
(54:53):
If you have any questions aboutholiness, we'll keep putting
feelers out there between nowand then, but any questions
about holiness, any holinessdoctrines or standards you're
unsure of or something that youwould like to hear them discuss
and debate about, please let usknow.
Again.
That is February the 10th.
We're going to be releasingthat at 7 pm, that is, on a
(55:14):
Monday.
If you have any questions aboutthat, please feel free to
comment below.
Message us on the podcast appof your choice or on the social
media app.
Of course, you can find us atPodcast4Him on every single
social media platform.
All right, as we end this,we're going to talk about the
we're going to be releasing that, so it's not a live video.
(55:34):
It's not a live video yet.
We are going to be justreleasing that.
I think we're recording it onthat Friday and then we'll be
releasing it on that Monday, sojust watch for it to come out.
We'll continue to promote thatagain.
Questions, comments or anythinglike that, please let us know.
We'll be happy to help you onthat.
All right, as we end thisepisode, let's talk about the
(55:55):
children, brother Sean.
Speaker 2 (55:56):
The children are the slaves of the home.
No, I'm kidding Children RightAgain.
Sometimes it seems that way.
They are the students of thehome.
Children have duties as well.
Do you want to go a little biton this one?
Speaker 1 (56:15):
Old Tommy Farrell just commented Good to see you
guys.
Good to see you, brother Tommy.
Haven't seen you in a littlewhile.
Yeah, absolutely, we can talkabout the children.
Of course, if you're a childlistening to this, I don't know
why you would be, because wetalk about a lot of adult things
on here from a Christianperspective.
But you know, obviously there'sthe children being obedient to
(56:39):
the parents.
But it just kind of flows backto the role as a parent.
You know, am I being respectfulto my children?
I'm sort of taking a differentaspect here and I'm going as a
role for the parent, as opposedto the child to the parent.
But you know, what are weteaching them?
(57:00):
Are we discipling them?
Are we being a good role modelto them?
You know, I think that that's animportant thing to consider.
Are we guiding them?
Are we praying?
Are we providing for them?
Are we doing these things?
That is biblical, that isshowing them how to potentially
(57:20):
be someone who does the samething as they get older, as we
talked about.
So you want your children toobey you, but you roll with an
iron fist and you say again myway, or the highway.
That kid better not talk backto me or I'm going to backslap
him.
You know, backhand him,backslap him.
(57:41):
I don't know what that means,backhand him.
I guess backslap it would besmacking them on the rear.
Maybe Sean's looking at me likeI'm nuts.
Speaker 2 (57:48):
Anyway, on the rear, maybe sean's looking at me like
I'm nuts.
Anyway, sorry guys, sorryeverybody.
This is a live episode.
I'm gonna take it over becauseapparently it was a mistake
given to him so, anyway, the no,no, you're not.
Speaker 1 (57:58):
Just let me say what I got to say about this no, um
it goes that abuse in this yeah,yeah, there's that abusive
behavior again you know, it'llcome out eventually if your
children are wanting tocommunicate with you and they're
wanting to talk to you, I thinkit's a very unwise thing to
(58:21):
discipline first and then askquestions later.
You know, I get it.
There's times where the kid hasto be instructed and corrected
right then.
And there I'm not saying not todo that, but I am saying that I
think oftentimes and I see thisa lot and I've made this
mistake a lot too is Jacksonwill do something, jude will do
something, emmeline will dosomething, and it's like
(58:43):
immediate correction and it's soimmediate that it comes out of
my frustration or my anger.
It's so immediate and quick.
And then I find out fiveminutes later that they actually
didn't do wrong.
It was something they werereacting to or something mom
told them to do, like I've hadthem do things and I'm like what
are you doing?
(59:03):
Like what are you in here?
Speaker 2 (59:04):
It's like mom told me to go do this.
Speaker 1 (59:07):
Why are you freaking out on me?
I told you you better get inbed.
Speaker 2 (59:10):
But mom said, do the dishes.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (59:13):
Yeah, for sure, and I think that you know, when it
comes to being a parent, like Isaid, throughout this whole
thing, we do not have it figuredout, but at least I don't have
it figured out.
But to force our children to beobedient, to force our children
(59:35):
to again take my way or thehighway type of mentality, to
force our children into thatmentality, I think it's a grave
mistake.
I want my children to respectme.
I don't want them to fear me.
Children to respect me.
I don't want them to fear me.
You want to know what happenswhen your children become adults
(59:56):
or become teenagers and theyget pregnant before marriage and
they don't want to talk to youabout it.
It's because you raised themwith an iron fist and
disrespected them and wanted tobe a ruler as opposed to a
leader.
You know you want to know whyyour kids, when they make a
mistake, they don't come up toyou and tell you.
A lot of that has to do withhow you're raising them right
(01:00:19):
now, and so I want you toconsider that.
You know we're talking aboutthe children and the parent, um,
the children parentrelationship there, but I really
want you to think about thosethings is the way I'm raising
them right now.
Are they going to want to talkto me about their troubles when
they get older?
Think about that.
Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Yes, duties of the children honoring, respecting
their father and mother, obeyingtheir father and mother,
seeking counsel from theirfather and mother, obeying their
father and mother, seekingcounsel from their father and
mother and these are all thingsthat Jonathan's went over and
again this starts at the top.
We get Christ first.
(01:01:01):
Get him where we need him.
Father husband, we need tostart stepping up and doing what
we need to.
Mother wives start.
You know.
Whatever it is, we all havesomething.
I'm sure if we went back andlooked at all this, every one of
us could find some more we'relacking and start trying to do
better, and that opens the doorfor these things.
(01:01:23):
You can't command your childrenor demand that your children
obey you.
Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
Because, again, that doesn't lead to much Right.
But if we get it in order, it'seasier for them to do these
things.
It's easier for us to teachthem these things.
The one I said I was going torebuke you earlier, this is it
right here.
Here we go.
This is where it makes iteasier to yeah, forgiving your
(01:01:50):
father and mother.
I have had to go and ask mykids for forgiveness.
Yeah, because I did somethingwrong absolutely again, not
perfect, not gonna act like I am, but if I was the, the jerk,
always abusive, always talkingdown to my kids.
(01:02:13):
You're so stupid.
Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
Why could you do something like that?
Speaker 1 (01:02:17):
Right.
Speaker 2 (01:02:18):
But I call my kids knuckleheads.
Sometimes I'll be honest.
Yeah, I picked that up fromTodd Slogan.
Speaker 1 (01:02:25):
Call myself a knucklehead.
Terrible role model, terriblerole model, yeah he was a
horrible role model.
Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
I'm kidding.
Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
Parsley maybe, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
But it's easier when, as the husband and the father
and the wife and the mother, wedo these things.
It's easier to get yourchildren to come seek counsel
from you because they messed up.
Speaker 1 (01:02:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
Or for them to honor and respect you for who you are
and what you've done in theirlife.
And it's easier for them toforgive you, right, if I was
always talking down on my kidsand abusing them and then 10
minutes later, hey, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done it,
they're probably going to saythey forgive me or it's okay,
(01:03:13):
most of the time it's probablygoing to be out of fear that if
I don't forgive dad, he's goingto lash out again.
So let's just say and get itover with.
So, even as children, we haverole models to do or not role
models, but we have roles tofulfill and to do.
But a lot of it still pointsback to mom and dad.
(01:03:35):
Yes, they do live under my roof.
Yes, they are going to obey me.
Yes, they are going to followour rules.
But how am I presenting that?
Yeah, is it a?
You're going to obey me my wayor the highway?
No, or is it?
These are the rules.
I'll bless you when you followthem and you'll be punished if
(01:03:57):
you don't.
That's something that even I'vetried to learn here recently and
tried to pick up on is, asparents, we're so quick to
always condemn our kids whenthey do wrong Because they need
punished, they need corrected.
I understand, but how often dowe tell them good job?
(01:04:22):
Yeah, your kid comes home withall A's, or all A's and B's on
their report card and you'rejust like cool, move on with
your day.
That's awesome.
I'm so glad you're learning inschool.
I'm so glad you're gettingsmarter.
I'm so glad you're furtheringyour career.
(01:04:43):
Whatever.
Yeah, whitley's getting towhere she wants to cook with Jay
Whitley.
You're doing great helping momin the kitchen.
Wait, you're doing greathelping mom in the kitchen.
Brecken will go work with me.
I'll give him, you know, five,ten bucks.
He's so proud to have that andI'll sit there and tell him like
(01:05:07):
man hey, buddy, you work hard,you be respectful, this is what
you get.
Right, he's like man, that's$10, could add.
I have 114 now or whatever hehas.
But I want to not only correctmy kids when they're wrong, but
to encourage them when they'reright.
So this order will stay inplace.
(01:05:29):
Well, I think that that's sortof um, that's that.
Speaker 1 (01:05:34):
It's not sort of.
That is how I grow.
When I think about times in mylife where I've struggled with
something, the best way for meto overcome that or the best way
for me to learn from that, wasnever when people were
(01:05:55):
ridiculing of me or chastisingme.
It was when people took measide and said look, you did
this wrong.
This is how you can correct it.
But on the other side of that,it's like I was thinking about
reviews.
Have you ever given a reviewfor some business that did
(01:06:16):
something to you that was pooror gave poor service to you?
Have you ever?
I'll be honest with you.
I don't know that I ever have,but I've always wanted to.
But I know so many people thatwill just go on pages and just
leave terrible reviews forbusinesses that did them wrong.
(01:06:39):
We waited five extra minutes fora table.
You know what?
Yesterday I waited at LopezGrill for one hour to be seated
but that's a complete side noteand I could have.
I was aggravated man.
I could have easily went on toGoogle and left a terrible
review, but then I thought aboutit.
I'm like you know what.
Every other time I've been herethey've been really quick and
(01:07:02):
every time I've been here, Ifeel like the food's been hot,
it's been good, the portionsizes have been great, they're
always good and quick servers.
I've always, I've alwaysthought of that and I could have
easily left a bad review, um,but I didn't want to because of
all the good things and I thinkthat we're very, we are very,
very quick to give peoplecriticism who make mistakes, and
(01:07:24):
we, we I mean, how many timeshave you left a review for
somebody that did something good?
I know people that will relieve50 reviews on 50 different
sites for 50 differentbusinesses, but they, they won't
leave a single review or goodcomment or good feedback to
(01:07:46):
individuals that are doing goodand for some reason, we're
hardwired to be that way.
Speaker 2 (01:07:52):
I do that, like I go on to Amazon to look at
something.
Yeah, if it's like 60% good and40% bad, then I'm like, okay,
well, obviously, if it's thatyou know there's a whole bunch
of people that probably arehaving such a great time with
this product that they nevereven thought to go leave a good
(01:08:15):
review on it.
Speaker 1 (01:08:16):
You just think that yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:08:16):
So if it's a 60 40, I'm really like it's probably
like 80 20 yeah, but if it'slike 70 bad and 30 good, then
I'm like okay, there there mightbe something wrong yeah, we're
leaving you some some amazonbuying tips and but that that is
true though that's the way mymind works, because I go look
back and I'm like dude, I'veordered this and I order all
(01:08:39):
these things for my wife forChristmas.
She's not going to go back andleave a review on it when she
likes it, so I'm like I mean howmuch have I spent in the last
10 years on my wife and for ourfamily that I never went back?
I mean you're 100% right.
Speaker 1 (01:08:53):
Well, we're hardwired to show the negative and I
think a lot of the times andlook, I may have been hitting
the nail on the head but I maybe missing completely I think a
majority of the time it'sbecause of our own issues and
our own downfalls.
You know, when my kids dosomething wrong and I'm really
really fast to just be harshwith them and judge them and
(01:09:14):
tell them something they did badI reflect and I think about it.
It's usually because ofsomething that I've been facing,
or it's usually because ofsomething I I've done wrong or
I've struggled with, or it's areflection of of myself.
And we do that, that same thing.
We sort of we've said thisbefore.
(01:09:36):
We do this often as individuals.
I don't remember what episodewe talked about this on, but 64.
Episode 64.
We've said this before but wesort of look at ourselves as
perfection and if otherindividuals don't live up to
(01:09:58):
ourselves, then they're notliving up to perfection.
But I've got a newsflash for you.
Here it is You're notperfection.
You do not have all the answers.
You do not have it all right,especially when it comes to your
kids.
If your kids make a mistake,you're not always going to
discipline them correctly.
You're not always going to dothe right thing.
You can try, yes, but I wantyou to remember that every
(01:10:19):
single time before.
Stop, take two seconds, and I'mnot saying I'm perfect, brother
Sean.
I fail in this all.
I am so quick sometimes.
What are you doing?
And they'll be like oh you know, but ever so often I stop and I
think, um, but ever so often Istop and I think where was I
(01:10:40):
when I was their age?
What was my mindset when I wasthem?
What was I going through?
What was I thinking?
What was I facing?
I put myself in their shoesbecause I've been there, I've
been in that position.
I'm so quick to judge them andsay you need to meet up to my
level and meet up to where I'mat.
(01:11:01):
But you know what, when I wastheir age, my level wasn't where
it is today.
I think that it's good todiscipline, it's good to correct
, it's good to give constructivecriticism to your children, but
I also think that we need totake a step back and think about
where they are in life and howdo I develop them to be where I
(01:11:25):
am?
I don't even want my kids to bewhere I am today.
I want my kids to be greaterthan I am, what do I do and what
steps do I take?
Am I going to talk negativelyto them all the time just
because of issues that I'mfacing personally, or am I going
to tell them and show them?
Am I going to give them thegood and then give them the bad?
(01:11:49):
Am I going to say you know what, jackson?
These three things I think youdid great, but you struggled and
you made a mistake here.
We have to learn to do that andtake a step back, breathe.
It's not the end of the world,listen.
It's not the end of the worldwhen your kid does something
(01:12:10):
wrong, so stop making them feellike it is, brother Sean.
Speaker 2 (01:12:16):
Yes, no, I agree.
That's all I have.
Speaker 1 (01:12:21):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:12:22):
Is that everything you have?
Speaker 1 (01:12:23):
Yeah, that's all I have.
I appreciate everybody who'slistening.
We've had a lot of comments onhere.
Caleb Ison yes, you're hittingthe nail on the head, man.
Good, good to hear that.
Here's Rob Merrill.
We're going to have him on thepodcast.
He just doesn't know yet.
He says a tyrant seeks blindobedience, a leader communicates
, guides and instructs.
And he says we want to trainour kids to submit to godly
leaders, not tyrants.
(01:12:45):
I really appreciate that.
Thank you for everybody who'slistened in, who's followed this
live.
I think we've been going just alittle I say just a little over
about an hour and 15 minutesthe longest podcast we've ever
done, praise God.
But thank you all for listening, joining in, liking, sharing,
commenting.
Please continue to do that.
Please subscribe to our podcaston the podcast platform of your
choice by searching theEveryday Christian Podcast.
(01:13:07):
That's the Everyday our twoseparate words Christian podcast
.
You can search us on that.
You can search us on the socialmedia platform of your church
by choice, by searching atpodcast for him, that is, at
podcast, the number for him, andI think that we used to have a
(01:13:28):
banner that showed all that.
But anyway, we want to thankyou all for listening.
No-transcript.
If we are going to expect our wife to fulfill her
biblical purpose, we have tofulfill our biblical purpose.
We have to give just as much asthey have to give.
It's not a one-way street.
Welcome back to the EverydayChristian Podcast, where we
(00:23):
apply scriptural principles toeveryday Christian lives.
I'm your host, Jonathan Rich.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
And I'm Sean Sloggett , and we'd like to welcome you
back to the Everyday ChristianPodcast.
This is unedited, so you'll getto see the real us.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Yeah, we're going to get in a lot of trouble, for
sure.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
We haven't done one in a little while.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
A of it holidays you know busy schedule.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
You all understand that everything was going on um.
It is january 13th already.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
It's kind of weird to say that yeah, happy new year
yeah, happy new year 2025, 2025.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
It's already getting started here.
Lots of things coming up and inthe works.
Yeah, we are working on severalthings.
We still have the mugs for sale, the tumblers yes, $25 for any
of those New logo design, newbackgrounds a bunch of things
(01:23):
that we're working on oh boy.
Yeah, so stay boy.
Yeah, so stay tuned for that.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Yeah, you're going to see us go in between a couple
different backgrounds until weget it just right, probably Just
testing everything out.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
We're not a professional setup by any means.
So you guys get to see the realus yeah absolutely.
But today we're going, tonightTonight.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Six o'clock.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
It would be like those.
My pastor yesterday morning wastalking and I'll be honest, I
don't know where he was at inhis sermon, but he was talking.
He said I'm telling you whatthis evening.
Yeah, I'm like well, it's 1130.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
It's 11 am.
Yeah, I got so used topreaching at nights that I would
do that sometimes.
When people ask me to preachSunday mornings, I'd be like
tonight.
I'm like oh wait, I meant today, this morning.
I don't know why that's such aweird habit.
I think I've only ever preachedonce or twice in the morning
and I never got any callbacks.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
You never got the opportunity to make the mistake.
Yeah, I didn't have a chance tomake the mistake.
I get it.
But tonight we're going to betalking about the biblical order
of the house.
This is going to be kind of atwo-part deal.
We're going to be talking aboutthe biblical order of the house
and then the biblical order ofthe church.
(02:42):
Some of it may kind of crossback and forth, and it's needed
that it does cross back andforth, because without Christ in
the home, you're going to fail,and without the home structure
in the church, the church canfail.
So it will be going back andforth, some intermingling there.
But we will do our best toexplain it if we feel like it
(03:06):
needs it.
If we go across something thatyou don't understand, feel free
to message us.
If you have our number, you cantext us or whatever.
If you don't have our number,well, there may be a reason.
I can actually see live.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I actually have live comments here too, so if you
guys do leave a comment, I canread them here.
If it's something we can answeron the podcast, great.
If not, obviously we'll findyou an answer later on.
Like you said, we are live, soeverything that you're seeing.
If we make a mistake, we messup our words.
Please bear with us.
(03:39):
We're used to pre-recording andthen fixing all those errors
and mistakes, but I believe thatthis will be a really good
episode.
It's one of those ones where Ifeel like every episode Sean and
I do it could, just it could goforever, like we could talk
about one aspect of the subject,and maybe someday we'll do that
, or we could just dive intoeach portion of this podcast,
(04:02):
especially in particular.
But we're going to do our bestto cover as much ground on this
episode as we can and thenhopefully do a part two and
maybe a part three, brother Sean.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Yes, sir.
So the first order is Christ.
We often talk about it and youknow I'm not rebuking or
criticizing anybody for this.
I'm guilty of doing it, I'vedone it.
This last couple weeks, my8-year-old daughter, whitley,
(04:35):
has been asking a lot ofquestions about it.
My wife is a couple years olderthan I am, so she's asking Dad,
are you the boss or is mom theboss, cause she's older?
Yeah, you know.
So we we've actually beenhaving a lot of discussions
lately.
She had no idea that this wascoming up.
Uh, you know, and and me, beingflesh, being man, will say
(04:59):
something like well, I'm, youknow, according to the Bible,
I'm the head of the house, whichis true, but Christ, above all,
is the head of the house.
Right, the word was made flesh.
We should obey Christ, histeachings and his direction
above all else.
If we want the order of thehouse to be as biblical and as
close as we can, we have to makeChrist first, and without
(05:23):
Christ, none of this foundationthat we have is going to fail.
My other points are going to bea little bit longer.
Not that I'm trying to pullChrist out of it, because I
believe wholeheartedly thatChrist is and should be first,
but I want to dive in a littlebit more onto the husband, the
(05:46):
father, the wife, the mother andthe children as well.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
You know, brother Sean, christ.
The scripture I wrote down andthis sort of encompasses all of
those things, but it's in 1Corinthians 11.3.
It says but I want you to knowthat the head of every man is
Christ and the head of everywoman is man and the head of
Christ is God.
And I think that we read thatand we skim over that part that
(06:12):
says the head of every man isChrist, and we even try to not
pretend, but we say that Christis number one.
We say that Christ is the headof the home.
But is that true?
Is that something we'reactually displaying?
Is that something that we'reactually living?
If Christ is the head of thehome, it goes above just I spoke
(06:37):
to our youth Wednesday aboutdigging deeper in Christ and it
goes above just praying.
It goes above just readingBibles just to say you read your
Bible.
It goes above just worshipingto say you got your worship in.
But it is the example thatChrist gives us and the Bible
really gives us, for not justhow to be a good man, not just
(07:02):
how to be a good husband, but tobe a good person.
And when it comes to my kids,and especially as they get older
, I want them to know and lookat me and see Christ, because
really that's the only you know.
You hear that song when they seeme.
Let them see Christ.
But that truly is what my kidssee right now.
(07:25):
It's like if I tell them aboutJesus and I sing songs to them
about Christ and I readscripture to them about Christ,
that's one thing and they'llhave questions, sure, but how I
display my life, how I amportrayed to them, it either
shows them Christ or it showsthem me, and I think that
they're very merciful.
(07:45):
They have a lot of grace.
You know, when I yell at themacross the room like what are
you doing?
You know that's probably notvery Christ-like and they
probably look at that and theyeven think that's not very
Christ-like.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
I'll rebuke you a little bit later over that.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Good, but they're very forgiving of that and I
think that's the great thingabout kids and I wanted to point
that out.
If you're listening, you are aparent.
Sean's going to rebuke me laterfor this but I want you to know
that there is grace.
I think we all mess up, we allmake mistakes, we all are
struggling.
(08:20):
No one has it figured out.
And you look at those peoplethat are, it seems like
everything's perfect.
I've had people come up to mein public and they're like, oh,
your kids are just darling.
I'm like thinking you don'tknow my kids, like I know my
kids.
But I want you to know that noteverything has to be perfect
and you're not going to makeit's not going to be perfect.
(08:42):
As the father, as the husband,as the man of the house, you're
going to make mistakes, you'regoing to struggle with things,
you're going to do things thatare wrong.
You're going to do things that,even if your wife and your kids
submitted to it, it ends upbeing incorrect.
You are going to fail.
But at the same time, if youkeep Christ at the helm, if you
(09:06):
strive that's the key word Ialways want to do is like how do
I strive to be like.
Christ Is my answer to mychildren.
Christ-like Is my answer to mywife.
Christ-like Is my answer to thehome.
Christ-like, brother Sean.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yeah, I'm going to just go through.
Start reading some of these ofwhat the husband should be.
If you feel like jumping in orhave anything to add, just go
ahead at any time.
So the husband should be theleader of the home yeah, the one
who leads by example, the onewho's the protector of the home.
(09:39):
There's a difference between aleader and a boss or a master.
Yeah, a leader is not boss or amaster.
Yeah, a leader is notdominating, it's not abusive,
he's not a bully, he's notaggressive, he's not angry, he's
not diminishing and he's notselfish.
(10:01):
To be a good leader, you alsohave to be a good follower and a
good learner.
Yeah, if you aren't learningfrom the word or following
Christ, you will struggle as aleader.
You know I'm doing things in mylife to try to further my
success, and one thing thatalways comes up is who are you
(10:24):
putting yourself around?
What kind of people are youhanging around?
What kind of people are youtalking to?
And they always say if you'rethe smartest man in the room,
you're not going to go anywhere.
Yeah, which means you've got tobe learning Right.
Surround yourself by people whoare smarter than you, that know
(10:46):
more than you so you can learn.
And as you learn, others aregoing to come up and then you
can lead them.
So, as the leader of our home,we need to be learning and again
, it's not going to be perfect,we are going to mess up, but
learning is part of the processof being a good leader.
(11:12):
Next is the priest of the homeBringing your family to church
on a regular basis.
Yeah, I understand vacation andthat is needed.
I understand just taking breakssometimes and that is needed,
but regular church attendance isnecessary and as men, we need
to step up and do our part.
You know, again, I understandgoing away and doing these
(11:35):
hunting trips, because I mean Ilike hunting.
We'll go away for a weekend orwhatever it is.
But children learn from theirparents because that's who they
spend the most time or should bespending the most time around.
So when they see dad missingchurch two Sundays out of the
(11:55):
month, you know it's going toleave that impact on them.
So, as the husband and thefather, we need to be the priest
of the home.
This part might get me in alittle bit of trouble, but
that's okay.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
We are live, so we can't edit any of this On the
flip side of that.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
it doesn't mean that you have to go to every revival
service at every church and goto every meeting at every church
and every youth rally in thearea.
I'm sorry, oh boy.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
We had a viewer on here and you said that and they
left.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
I'm teasing.
Support other churches.
I believe in it.
Visit other churches, get unity.
I believe in all those thingsin it.
Visit other churches, get unity.
I believe in all those things.
But I also believe in yourphysical and mental state being
healthy.
I live in Oklahoma.
(12:59):
If I pulled up a map, we livein Oklahoma.
If I pulled up a map, we livein Oklahoma.
If I pulled up a map of everyjust Pentecostal holiness church
within an hour's drive of me,say, I could probably go to a
(13:20):
service every For close to thewhole year.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Right.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
But that's not healthy.
I'm going to start losing sleepbecause we're out at good
services.
I'm not knocking it, but therest of us start struggling from
that.
As the priest, we need to makesure that we are guiding them
(13:50):
through the Christian as aChristian, but understanding
that as we build our Christianfaith, we need to be talking the
talk but also walking the walk,and sometimes that means taking
a step back for your physicaland mental health as well, which
(14:12):
that's another podcast foranother time.
You know, in the Old Testamenttimes, the priests were always
held to a higher standard.
They were regarded as somethingsacred, something looked up to.
If you want to be loved,appreciated, regarded men, we
(14:36):
need to do something to proveour worth.
We need to be a man about it.
Do you have anything you wantme to keep going?
Speaker 1 (14:43):
No, I think that I appreciate everything that
you're saying and I think that Icould add, obviously, a lot
more to some of those things.
I'm not going to for sake oftime.
But you know something that Ijust I want to keep harping on
and I like that you hadmentioned.
It again was just the learneraspect of it.
You know, a leader is really alearner.
(15:04):
It again was just the learneraspect of it.
You know, a leader is really alearner.
I mean, you've got to understandthat if you surround yourself
with a bunch of you knowbumbling doofuses that talk bad
about their spouses all the timeand talk bad about their kids
all the time, you're probablynot going to learn anything from
(15:26):
them or learn how to be a goodleader in your home.
But if you surround yourselfwith individuals that you know
are good leaders are all thethings that Sean's about to
mention a couple more.
I've got some written down andI think he's covered a lot of
them.
But you look at their lives.
I mean, when you surroundyourselves with those
(15:46):
individuals, it's like are theylaborers, are they lovers?
Are they learners, are theyloyal?
Do they do everything they canfor their wives and for their
kids?
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Are you reading my notes?
Speaker 1 (16:01):
I'm not.
I'm not See.
That's how good we are.
Are those individuals worthlooking up to and surrounding
yourself by?
And if they're not, no, thebest thing you can do is not
necessarily cut them off, nevertalk to them again, but glean
from individuals that do displaythose Christ-like things and do
(16:24):
display those things biblically, because we all have a lot to
learn.
You know, take it from me Idon't know everything by any
stretch of the imagination, butI want to.
You know, look up to Christ.
I want to know what the Biblesays, but then I want to get a
basic principle from individualsthat are worth looking up to
(16:49):
when it comes to leading my home, brother Sean.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
The husband and the father is also the protector.
Yeah, god created men to bestronger.
This isn't some sexist viewthat I have.
It's science.
Study it out if you feel likeyou must.
But we were meant to protectour home, our wife and our
(17:14):
family.
If you use this strength toabuse your spouse and hit your
kids, you are a coward, right.
You're not a man.
You're not a man.
Again, I understand.
We're human.
We can mess up, but if that'san act that continues to happen,
(17:36):
you are a coward Right.
You can try and twist what I'msaying.
You guys know exactly what Imean by this.
I discipline my children, butthere is a huge difference
between discipline and abuse,and I fear that sometimes we
(17:58):
make the mistake too often.
Yeah, but all in all, as theprotector, we need to covet
those things we have in our homeand take care of them, project
(18:21):
our love for them by protectingthem, not abusing.
The husband is also a laborer.
I say husband, father, he isalso a laborer.
I say husband, father, he'salso a laborer.
From the very beginning of theBible, in Genesis 2, it says
God's put man into the garden totend it and to keep it.
We were made to create things.
(18:42):
We were made to build things.
We were made to build things.
We were made to care for theearth.
God does not want idle, lazymen.
Again, there's Bible for that.
For being lazy.
There's Bible against beinglazy, not for lazy Bible against
(19:07):
laziness.
God wants those who are willingto go out and do and be active.
I read one article that said Goddoesn't want dreamers and I was
like, yeah, no, wait a minute.
I believe that God does wantdreamers, but all too often we
(19:31):
stop at the dream.
Yeah, and I think that was thepoint they were trying to make.
Yeah, but just reading that Goddoesn't want dreamers, kind of
I was like, wait, you know, Ihad double take.
At least dream about thosethings, because dreams are what
helps you set goals and goalsgives you something to work
(19:54):
towards, to achieve.
So dream about it, but afteryour dream, wake up, shake off
the sleep and put the dream toaction, start working towards it
.
Be that laborer that Godintended.
Husbands and fathers are loyaland they're a lover.
(20:16):
Ephesians commands us to loveour wife just as Christ loved
her.
Commands us to love our wifejust as Christ loved her.
Most of us know our wife'sneeds or what our wife's needs
or wants are, so do them.
When you can Spoiler, buy herflowers and gifts, or if it
(20:40):
takes just giving her some moneyand saying, hey, this is for
you, don't spend it on the kids,don't spend it on me.
Go treat yourself.
Manicure, pedicure.
If you need a new dress or anew shirt, shoot whatever.
Go spend this money on you.
Spend time with her.
(21:02):
Do chores when you're at thehouse.
Yeah, be physical with her.
Compliment her when she wearsthat new dress or does her hair
the way that you like.
Yeah, I know a lot of us haveheard of the book of the five
love languages.
Have you read that book?
Mm-hmm, I read it twice, Ithink.
(21:22):
Yeah, for those of you thathaven't, I encourage you to go
find it and look it up, read it.
It talks about the five lovephysical touch and receiving
(21:50):
gifts.
You will find through readingthis book that a lot of times
you have a different lovelanguage in your spouse, or that
your primary love language maybe her secondary or nothing at
all.
That was something that Ifigured out with my wife.
(22:11):
My wife's primary love languageis quality time together.
I totally missed it.
I was buying her gifts.
I was buying her gifts, I wassending her flowers, I was doing
these things to try to show herthat I appreciated her, and
(22:32):
though she did appreciate it, itdidn't seem like it was getting
me very far, until I read thisbook and I realized she don't
want gifts.
She wants me just to spend alittle bit of time with her.
Yeah, and honestly to her,there's times where it doesn't
(22:54):
matter If we just go sit down,watch a movie together and never
say a word to each other, justlaugh at the movie I said that
word.
Or if we go on a dinner date orjust going on a walk.
She wants to spend time with me.
(23:16):
Her secondary, I feel like kindof bounces back and forth
between physical touch which isobvious, what that is or acts of
service.
You know, physical touch, justwalking up behind her when she's
making dinner and wrapping myarms around her and giving her a
hug.
Or acts of service she's beenwanting this shelf built and I
(23:44):
realize that she keeps lookingup shelves for this little
corner over there and I've gotthe material, so I'm just going
to go build it for her.
Or she's stressed overeverything that's happened
throughout the day and Irealized that, hey, the floor
didn't get vacuumed so I'm goingto go grab the vacuum, run it
(24:05):
through the house for her.
Just vacuum up for her.
You know you do these.
Find out what your spouse'slove language is husbands and
wives and do it for your kids aswell, because you'll learn that
your kids have a love languageRight.
You know, my oldest is physicaltouch.
(24:26):
She wakes up and she comes inthere and she looks for somebody
.
She'll walk straight in thereand just I'll be sitting in a
chair or a table or whatever.
She'll walk in there and justsit on my lap, just lean her
head up against me.
You know, for me sometimesthat's not my thing.
(24:46):
So what do I do?
Push her away?
No, I've got to embrace that,because that's what makes her
feel loved.
Yeah, that's what makes thatconnection that she needs.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Something that's really cool.
I know we're gonna uh talkabout the wives role in all of
this as well.
Maybe we should have our wiveson here.
That'd be really cool.
They could probably speak on itbetter than we could.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
I did steal some notes because it would have been
a good idea.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
We talked about our uh, we talked in our youth group
about a little bit about thisand my wife spoke for a little
bit, so I I might have stolen acouple notes from her.
One other thing that's reallycool with this live is I shared
this on there so that we can seeit as we discuss it, but I'm
going to hide that for now.
So the thing about you knowwhat Sean's talking about with
(25:40):
the love languages, I think asmen we sort of get the cart
before the horse and really thethe cart is a, a figment of our
imagination, and I'll explainwhat I'm talking about.
I think we sort of get veryprideful.
We get very my way or thehighway.
(26:00):
We get very um, this is howit's going to be.
This is it Like laying down thelaw?
No one's going to step in myway.
No one's going to do all thesethings, and I don't want anybody
else to.
I don't want anybody to get mewrong as a man.
You are the leader of the home,you are the head of the
household.
I've said it before.
My wife's agreed with me, soI'm hoping that means something.
(26:24):
But if I were to just tell mywife tomorrow hey, we're moving
to Africa.
This is what I feel like Godwants me to do.
She'd be hesitant, but shewould do it and I love her for
that.
I'm not going to do that, bythe way, morgan, if you're
listening, unless God justreally reveals himself and just
light shines down from heaven.
(26:45):
But I think that we sort of getthis mentality.
I think we sort of get thismentality that it is my way or
the highway.
My wife is to be submissive tome, my children are to be
submissive to me, and we forgeteverything that Sean just spoke
about.
The Bible talks about us beingleaders.
It talks about us beinglaborers, lovers, learners, as
(27:08):
he discussed, protectors, as hesaid.
But if we are going to expectour wife to fulfill her biblical
purpose, we have to fulfill ourbiblical purpose.
We have to give just as much asthey have to give.
It's not a one-way street.
I don't have the statistics infront of me, but I'm almost
(27:31):
certain that the reason amajority of individuals get
divorced in this country andmany other countries is because
it's all about me.
It's all about me.
It's all about me when I dostuff for my family, when I do
stuff for my wife.
It's not about me, it's aboutthem, it's because I love them,
it's all about me.
When I do stuff for my family,when I do stuff for my wife,
it's not about me, it's aboutthem, it's because I love them,
it's because I care for them.
Jude, my youngest son, he's thesame way.
(27:52):
His loan language is physicaltouch and it is so annoying.
Sometimes He'll just come andhe'll just lay and he'll just
like like a cat that like needsto have his belly scratched or
something.
He'll just lay and you're likewhat are you doing, dude?
Like what's going on?
I just I need you to hold me.
Okay, I just wanted to hug dad,I just wanted to kiss dad, and
(28:14):
so he kisses you on your sugar,gives you sugar on the cheek and
he just, you know, lays on youand he goes to sleep.
But I don't do those thingsbecause I love it.
I do those things because Ilove him.
I hold him because I love him.
Sometimes he likes gifts.
That's another love language ofhis.
I give him gifts because I lovehim.
(28:37):
My wife, my oldest son, mydaughter, they all have
different love languages.
That, you know, I'm still sortof figuring out.
I think we all sort of are, butI don't, and they do change
over time and they change overtime.
But I don't do those thingsbecause I want and demand
respect or I demand them tosubmit to me.
I do those things because Ilove them and I care for them,
(29:05):
for them, and as I grow closerto Christ, as we talked about,
and as I continue to build arelationship with them, I can
then in return, have the correctlove and relationship that I
want with my spouse and with mychildren.
So we have to get over thatmindset of it's my way or the
highway.
When was the last time you tookyour wife out on a date?
When was the last time youbought her flowers or bought her
something or gave her money?
Or when was the last time youtook your wife out on a date?
When was the last time youbought her flowers or bought her
something or gave her money?
(29:26):
Or when was the last time youjust sat and talked with her?
You know when was the last timeyou guys have had a really deep
conversation about anything.
It doesn't even have to beabout marriage or anything that
you guys are facing.
Sometimes, morgan and I willjust sit there and we will talk
for hours on the most randomstuff and I don't know what it
is Like.
We'll sit there and be like howdo we get off on this topic?
(29:48):
But it's because we'reconnecting to one another, like
what is?
I'll pull that back up.
What is that, you know?
Is it active service?
Is that quality time together?
Is it those words ofaffirmation?
Is it the physical touch?
Is it receiving gifts?
When you do those things, youare not doing them so that you
will receive your love languagein return.
You're doing them because youlove your spouse and those
(30:11):
individuals in your life,brother Sean.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
As we're going through this and I probably
should have mentioned thisbefore I start on the husband,
but think of Christ and the wayhe treats the church.
On the husband, but think ofChrist and the way he treats the
church when you're goingthrough life and doing these
things.
You know Christ has neverdemanded anything from us.
Salvation is free.
(30:36):
If you want it, whosoever willlet him come, but he's not going
to demand that you do it.
Yeah, there are rules set todemand that you do it.
There are rules set in placethat you must follow as a
Christian and as the husband andthe leader of the home.
There are rules that should beset, but nothing is demanded of
(30:57):
you.
If Christ treated husbands theway that husbands treat their
wife and kids, some of us wouldbe in big trouble.
(31:18):
So keep that in mind as you'regoing through with some of these
things and you're trying tolook well as the leader of my
home.
Should it be this, how wouldGod react or how would Christ
have taken?
You know, and I'm sure there'sa lot of examples throughout the
(31:39):
Bible that you can go readabout, where you can probably
pull some of that.
But on to the wife and themother.
The wife is a helper, not aservant.
She is submissive, but she isnot suppressed.
Saying that a wife and a motheris a helper is not meant to
(32:02):
diminish the woman it's.
I've said some things about thehusbands and I'll say this about
the wives.
This kind of upsets mesometimes, Not kind of upsets me
, it gets me when you see thewoman who cooks.
(32:22):
My wife cooks.
The woman will set the table.
Then the woman will get thekids' plates ready, fix their
plates.
Then she fixes her husband'splate, makes sure he has his Dr
Pepper or his sweet tea orwhatever it is, realizes she
forgot the salt and pepper, goesand gets the salt and pepper,
(32:44):
comes back, realizes that one ofthe kids has spilled his sweet
tea.
So then she goes and gets thepaper towels, gets the mess all
cleaned up and when she'sfinally ready where she can fix
her plate, the food is nowgetting cold and everybody else
(33:04):
is almost done.
I appreciate my wife for doingthose things.
My wife wants to serve my plateand honestly there have been
times where I have gotten introuble from her because she's
trying to do all these thingsbecause the husband demands it
and she's taking on the role ofservanthood not a helper.
(33:29):
If my wife wants to fix my plate, I've learned to let her,
otherwise I get in trouble.
But I have also figured outthat most times she makes the
kids' plates first.
Yeah, and I've got aone-year-old little girl that
(33:52):
sits between me and my wife atthe corner of the table right
now.
So while she's fixing everybodyelse's plates, guess what I'm
going to help my wife?
I'm going to start feedingPresley.
I'm not going to demand thatshe goes and gets me another
unsweet tea, because that's whatI drink, or water, or whatever.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
That's the most un-Oklahoma thing I've ever
heard of, by the way, butcontinue.
I'm not from Oklahoma, I forgot.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
There is a huge difference between a helper and
a servant.
Think of it this way Mechanicis working on a car.
He needs some help, so he'sgoing to ask for a wrench.
Or he's going to ask someonehey, why don't you go to the
other side and start pullingthat tire off the front over
there while I'm working on thisone?
(34:43):
Or hey, will you start drainingthe oil, whatever the case is?
But if you realize thissituation, the mechanic is
getting his hands dirty.
Also, the guy that's out thereis his helper.
He's helping him get the jobdone.
(35:07):
The servant would be sent outto do the work by himself.
Hey, I need you to go take bothtires off the front and then
start ball bearings or U-jointsor whatever you want to call.
Hey, go get all the tools, yourtools, and start the process
(35:30):
for X, y and Z.
You go drain the oil, but whileyou're at it, make sure you put
the plug back in, make sure youput a new filter on it, make
sure you refill it, make suremake sure, make sure.
There's two very starkdifferences between the helper
and the servant.
(35:51):
Yeah, the helper has somebodygetting down there with them and
helping them.
They're getting their handsdirty too.
They're being a part of thefamily.
The husband's not sitting up onthe high horse.
The wife's there to be the help.
(36:11):
Yeah, the wife is to be thecrown of the husband that sits
upon his head, not the neck thatturns and controls the head.
It's another thing that burnsme up Saying the husband's the
head but I'm the head.
It's another thing, that burnsme up Saying the husband's the
(36:32):
head but I'm the neck.
I hope y'all don't say that.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
I hope you do, and we're ridiculing you for that.
If you do, I hope.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
I can convince you to change your outlook.
You're not the neck, ladies,you're the crown.
You're the beauty of the head,you're the one that should be
honored, recognized and yourglory shown.
A woman that is the neck iscritical to the marriage.
(37:07):
She's demeaning, alwayscomparing her husband to others,
belittling your husband, yourkids, whichever, constantly
nagging and causing strife,withholding herself from her
husband and her kids.
But the crown works on themarriage.
(37:32):
The crown helps her kids learn.
The crown builds her husband up, encourages her husband that
this new business venture can go.
This new business venture cango, encourages her kids to try
(37:58):
harder at sports or school orwhatever it is Compliments them
on their work ethic and theirgood grades.
The crown gives of herself, butthe crown is to be shown off and
the beauty of it to be shown,not just some piece that helps
the body move.
She should also be thecaretaker and the builder of the
(38:24):
home.
She should be the loving,caring one, one, the one that
wipes your tears.
That's something that I am not.
If brecken my boy, he's sick.
If he falls and scrapes hisknee, you like flick his knee,
(38:47):
don't you get up?
You're fine.
I don't flick his knee, notthat, but probably just about.
This is something that I dowith all my kids and I started
it from a very young age.
But they'll come in cryingbecause they fell and you know
their fingernails hurt.
I tell them shake it off.
Yeah, for sure, and I would, asit as baby, not babies, but you
(39:14):
know they were talking learning.
If their hand hurt, I'd grabtheir hand and say shake it off,
you're okay, stop crying,you're good, you're good, we got
this and I'd move on.
I just yeah, I get hurt all thetime too.
You'll grow out of it.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
Right, I'm right there too.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
But my wife, she'll go pick him up, him, her,
whichever.
What happened?
Baby, tell mom what's going on.
Let me see it.
Oh yeah, it looks like you arebleeding a little bit.
Let's go get you a Band-Aid.
He don't need a Band-Aid, He'llbe all right.
(39:53):
Yeah, yeah, no, she's nurturing, she's loving, she feels more.
She's in touch with herchildren, more so.
The woman is almost always morein touch with the children
emotionally than men are.
We could say she's in touchwith her feminine side, which is
a good thing.
She's the caretaker of the home.
(40:17):
She also cleans, she cooks, shesupports the husband, she
builds the family circle, notjust her career, and I
understand that we live in aworld where a two-income home
(40:37):
seems necessary.
I'm not belittling the womenthat work I'm not.
My wife did it for severalyears as well but their primary
focus is the wife, and themother should be on the home,
not on advancing the career.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
It is worth it to love to care for and to build
your children up and watch themgrow to love, and to take care
of your husband.
Watch them grow to love and totake care of your husband to
help your children understandlife better, to nurture them,
(41:19):
versus sending them off forsomebody else to raise.
I believe that I know they haveto go to school, I know they
have to learn these things, butas the wife and the mother being
there for your kids will make ahuge difference.
Speaker 1 (41:34):
I think that's the difference too.
I mean, that's why God made usthat way, you know.
I think that, just as yourexample, I'm the same way.
I'm like, you're fine, like you, you bopped your head, you'll
be fine.
There's no bump, you know, know.
You don't have a concussion,you're good, and my wife at
least.
(41:54):
I don't think you have aconcussion my oldest.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
I'll interrupt this because, it's a funny story.
My oldest, when she was likeshe was less than three, I think
she wasn't quite three we wereplaying basketball at a rally
after service and she ran ontothe basketball court and a boy
(42:19):
ran over her and broke her leg.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Yeah, it wasn't just like hanging there.
It's not good that I'm laughing.
Oh, it's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
It's bad.
This tells you the difference.
Yeah, you know it wasn'thanging there, so I mean this.
You know, 180 pound dude justtrampled her, yeah, so like I
pick her up and you know I'mgonna sit out, guys go ahead.
You know, yeah, and I'm sittingwith her and I put her down,
let her walk.
And she, oh she pulled her legup and Jay was like baby,
(42:50):
something's wrong.
I'm like, no, she'll be fine,dude just ran over, she's good,
she'll live.
For like 30 minutes we had thisargument and then I kept trying
to put her down so she couldwalk.
She'd draw her leg back up.
We finally took her to ER.
She had a broken leg.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
So me, I'm like walk it off, you'll be good.
If that was the case, my poordaughter would be walking with a
limp to this day.
She had struggles walking.
Absolutely no, I'm the same.
I'm like I don't.
I just you're like trying totoughen them up a little bit.
And the mom, my wife, she wantsto love them and care for them
and nurture them and all that.
But I think that that's how Goddesigned it.
I think that that's how Goddesigned it.
I think that that's what God'spurpose was.
I mean, I would not wantsomeone to think they have to
(43:38):
tough it out every time they'refaced with adversity.
I also would not want them tothink that they have to be big
babies every time they're facedwith adversity.
I think that you know andthat's just an example of it but
I think that the reason why weare so different and we all help
each other and play a differentrole in our kids' lives
especially so that they will,you know, grow to see different
(44:00):
points of view, especially, youknow, see different angles hurt,
not as much here, but hurt here, hurt when it matters.
Hurt, you know, don't hurt whenit doesn't matter.
Um, if that makes any sense.
And so I think that that's what, especially when it comes to
the wife, I won't a lot of whatyou said.
I think I have um outside of of.
(44:21):
You know, wives, just submit toyour husbands and everything
will be fine.
No, I'm just teasing.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
He's still working on Morgan.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
I'm still working on it so hard.
No it it.
It is a balance, there is help.
It's not like I said, hey, youbetter obey my every command.
It's, it's lead by Christ'sexample and that I think, in
return, your wife will submit toyour leadership and and we'll
(44:49):
submit to where you take them.
I wanted to point something out.
I know we're going to talkabout children for a little bit,
or here in a little bit.
Then I wanted to take asidestep on when it comes to
spouses.
Again, you guys are going tohate me for this, and Brother
Sean's already got us in alittle bit of trouble on this
live episode of the EverydayChristian Podcast.
(45:12):
But I wanted to say really fastthat when a man and a woman get
married, they leave theirparents and cleave to their wife
or cleave to their husband, totheir husband.
(45:35):
I'm going to bring that out herebecause I feel it necessary to
let some of you grandparentsknow that your grandson belongs
to your son or daughter, viceversa, vice versa, when my wife
and I have discussions about ourhome or about our kids, we can
(45:55):
get advice from outsideindividuals, but that decision
is ultimately up to me, it'sultimately up to my wife and I.
I say that because I feel likea lot of times we have this
relationship and it'sa reallystrange relationship or a
(46:15):
duality of relationship, whereit's like we have husband and
wife not me personally, but I'mjust saying individuals their
husband and wife, and thenthey've got grandma and grandpa
over here that are influencinghusband's decision, and grandma
and grandpa over here that areinfluencing husband's decision,
and grandma and grandpa overhere that it's influencing wives
decision, and then they're tornabout what they should do
because of what they said.
(46:36):
Just butt out of it, just leaveit be, just leave it alone.
I told you I'm going to get usin trouble when a man leaves his
wife and listen to me husbands,listen to me wives when you
leave the home and you getmarried and you join together as
one, you are one, not everybodyelse, not your friends, not
(46:57):
other family members, not yourparents, not your grandparents,
not your brother, not yoursister.
You are one, one.
Every decision you make shouldbe made as one, not as three,
not as two, not as 15.
My kids don't make decisionsfor my wife and I.
We make the decisions for them.
I wanted to throw that outthere before we moved on.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
No, that's good.
So when you're looking at thehusband and the wife, or the
father and the mother, it's veryimportant to understand that
the two shall leave and shallbecome one.
Yeah, because kids need to seeboth sides of it.
(47:41):
So for my daughters, they needto see a loving, caring mom and
a loving and caring wife and seethe good things that she does,
see the bad things that she does, as we try to fix them and help
my wife to be better.
(48:02):
So they know what they want tobe like when they grow up.
Yeah, but they also need to seedad, because what they see in
me is what they're going to bedrawn to.
Science proves this, yeah.
So when they see dad that'sloving and that's caring and
(48:26):
that's a laborer and is theprotector of the home, that's
what they are drawn to.
So when they grow up, that'swhat they're going to look for,
right, and same thing for my son.
He needs to see me being theprotector and the laborer and
the hunter and all these things.
So he learns to be a man and tocontrol himself and to be able
(48:49):
to do all these things to do.
He goes and works with me some.
Even now, six years old.
He'll come out every you knowit's pretty pretty few and far
between because he's got schooland things but he'll come out
and spend a day with me workingso he can learn that Right.
He needs to see how I treat mywife and that I treat her with
(49:09):
respect and that I treat herwell and that I bring her
flowers or I take her on a dateor these things.
But he also needs to see momand see the love and the care so
he can say man, that's what.
I want when I grow up that'swhat I desire is somebody who
shows love.
(49:29):
I want to be able to show mylove to some lady, like dad does
.
I want to be able to show mylove.
I want to be able to buysomebody gifts and take them on
a date.
They see these things andthey're going to want to do it
as well.
Speaker 1 (49:45):
One thing before we move on.
I just have to say Brother Rob,if you're listening, praise God
.
The man is straight cooking onthe Facebook comments here.
He says marriage is notbringing in a new family
addition, it's a whole newfamily.
Woo, praise.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
God, do you want to come be on with us?
Speaker 1 (50:03):
Brother Rob is actually going to be on the show
at some point this year, in2025.
We've talked about it manytimes over the years and it's
time to go ahead and pull thetrigger on that, but he's
already adding just extremevalue.
But it's so true, it's veryright and I'll touch on I've
said my piece on what BrotherRob said.
So I appreciate that.
(50:23):
But, touching on what BrotherSean said, so true, so true.
I want to be the man thatEmmeline grows up.
I want to be like the man.
I should say that I wantEmmeline to grow up and marry.
I want to be like that.
I want her to see that value.
When I see her, I tell herevery day Emmeline, you're
(50:44):
beautiful, just the way you are.
You're beautiful.
I love you, I care for youbecause I want her to to grow up
and see um, you know, samething with Morgan.
Obviously she sees that, but Iwant her to see that and find
y'all's the ones that arecooking.
He said, um, but, but findsomeone, um, like that.
(51:07):
You know, not like me, but Iwant to be someone that they can
look up to.
I wanted to mention somethingreally fast, just a really
really quick break here.
Speaker 2 (51:15):
Uh, we've got an exciting let me, let me throw
something yeah, yeah, yeah, goahead.
And I got a little announcementwe always see the positive and
hope that everybody picks up onthe positive and continues the
positive Right, because scienceproves whatever you surround
yourself by or whoever you'rearound, you're going to be like
(51:36):
them.
Yeah, but we fail to see thenegative side of those things.
And it's still true.
You know my wife will makecomments like well, this
happened and I don't want to dothat.
Okay, don't put yourself inthat position, and I'm not
accusing my wife of doinganything wrong, necessarily.
But if my kids see me lovingand taking care of Jay, they're
(52:01):
going to be like that's what Iwant, yeah for sure.
But if my kids ever watch me hitmy wife out of anger abusively,
that's going to stick in theback of their minds too and that
makes it that much easier for20, 30 years down the road when
it happens.
It makes it that much easierfor them to say that's the
(52:25):
normal.
Yeah, dad did it.
So I mean, he only did it acouple of times and I've only
done it once, so I'm still okay.
Right, right.
Again, this goes back toscience.
Study it out.
What they see, they willreenact.
Yeah, actions speak louder thanwords.
We all say it.
We all say it.
Everybody says actions speaklouder than words.
And then we try to always playit off on the good.
(52:47):
Yeah, which is I want the good,I want my kids to see the good,
I want my wife to see the goodin me.
Right, but the bad goes with it.
Yeah, if you're great, they'regoing to see the great and
they're going to want to emulatethe great.
If they see rotten, guess whatthey're going to take it on as
well.
Speaker 1 (53:06):
Yeah, yeah, take it on as well.
Yeah, yeah, no, I love that.
I love that.
I can't tell you how many timespeople I've I've seen studies
that have been made whereindividuals grew up and they're
like this is just how I thoughtit always was.
Yeah, and you know what wives.
I'm going to say something toyou.
I think that that you need toconsider that, like, do you want
your daughter to grow up andbelieve that that is the
(53:28):
acceptable norm?
I'll just say that and we'llmove on.
I wanted to make a mention of anexciting episode that we have
coming up in.
I think it's a month from now,a little less than a month from
now, on January 10th, we aregoing to be hosting a debate
between Nathan Mayo from BereanHoliness and Luke Beetz, who is
(53:49):
a holiness evangelist whograduated from Ozark Bible
Institute.
They are going to be discussingdoctrine standards and the
gospel.
It is going to be a debateabout holiness that is coming up
on February, the 10th, at 7 pm.
We will release that episode.
It's a very exciting time.
Brother Sean and I are going tobe the moderators for that.
(54:09):
It's not going to be quite likea Trump and Biden debate.
We're going to have someintelligent conversation from
both ends.
Not anything that's going to bea fight or anything that's
going to be name-calling, likeour good guy Trump likes to do,
but it is going to be a civilconversation between two
(54:32):
individuals about a verydifficult subject.
We pray that you look forwardto that.
I say that I mentioned that foryou to tune into that episode,
but also to say, if you have anyquestions that you would like
for us, as moderators, to askthe individuals that are
debating, nathan and Luke.
(54:53):
If you have any questions aboutholiness, we'll keep putting
feelers out there between nowand then, but any questions
about holiness, any holinessdoctrines or standards you're
unsure of or something that youwould like to hear them discuss
and debate about, please let usknow.
Again.
That is February the 10th.
We're going to be releasingthat at 7 pm, that is, on a
(55:14):
Monday.
If you have any questions aboutthat, please feel free to
comment below.
Message us on the podcast appof your choice or on the social
media app.
Of course, you can find us atPodcast4Him on every single
social media platform.
All right, as we end this,we're going to talk about the
we're going to be releasing that, so it's not a live video.
(55:34):
It's not a live video yet.
We are going to be justreleasing that.
I think we're recording it onthat Friday and then we'll be
releasing it on that Monday, sojust watch for it to come out.
We'll continue to promote thatagain.
Questions, comments or anythinglike that, please let us know.
We'll be happy to help you onthat.
All right, as we end thisepisode, let's talk about the
(55:55):
children, brother Sean.
Speaker 2 (55:56):
The children are the slaves of the home.
No, I'm kidding Children RightAgain.
Sometimes it seems that way.
They are the students of thehome.
Children have duties as well.
Do you want to go a little biton this one?
Speaker 1 (56:15):
Old Tommy Farrell just commented Good to see you
guys.
Good to see you, brother Tommy.
Haven't seen you in a littlewhile.
Yeah, absolutely, we can talkabout the children.
Of course, if you're a childlistening to this, I don't know
why you would be, because wetalk about a lot of adult things
on here from a Christianperspective.
But you know, obviously there'sthe children being obedient to
(56:39):
the parents.
But it just kind of flows backto the role as a parent.
You know, am I being respectfulto my children?
I'm sort of taking a differentaspect here and I'm going as a
role for the parent, as opposedto the child to the parent.
But you know, what are weteaching them?
(57:00):
Are we discipling them?
Are we being a good role modelto them?
You know, I think that that's animportant thing to consider.
Are we guiding them?
Are we praying?
Are we providing for them?
Are we doing these things?
That is biblical, that isshowing them how to potentially
(57:20):
be someone who does the samething as they get older, as we
talked about.
So you want your children toobey you, but you roll with an
iron fist and you say again myway, or the highway.
That kid better not talk backto me or I'm going to backslap
him.
You know, backhand him,backslap him.
(57:41):
I don't know what that means,backhand him.
I guess backslap it would besmacking them on the rear.
Maybe Sean's looking at me likeI'm nuts.
Speaker 2 (57:48):
Anyway, on the rear, maybe sean's looking at me like
I'm nuts.
Anyway, sorry guys, sorryeverybody.
This is a live episode.
I'm gonna take it over becauseapparently it was a mistake
given to him so, anyway, the no,no, you're not.
Speaker 1 (57:58):
Just let me say what I got to say about this no, um
it goes that abuse in this yeah,yeah, there's that abusive
behavior again you know, it'llcome out eventually if your
children are wanting tocommunicate with you and they're
wanting to talk to you, I thinkit's a very unwise thing to
(58:21):
discipline first and then askquestions later.
You know, I get it.
There's times where the kid hasto be instructed and corrected
right then.
And there I'm not saying not todo that, but I am saying that I
think oftentimes and I see thisa lot and I've made this
mistake a lot too is Jacksonwill do something, jude will do
something, emmeline will dosomething, and it's like
(58:43):
immediate correction and it's soimmediate that it comes out of
my frustration or my anger.
It's so immediate and quick.
And then I find out fiveminutes later that they actually
didn't do wrong.
It was something they werereacting to or something mom
told them to do, like I've hadthem do things and I'm like what
are you doing?
(59:03):
Like what are you in here?
Speaker 2 (59:04):
It's like mom told me to go do this.
Speaker 1 (59:07):
Why are you freaking out on me?
I told you you better get inbed.
Speaker 2 (59:10):
But mom said, do the dishes.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (59:13):
Yeah, for sure, and I think that you know, when it
comes to being a parent, like Isaid, throughout this whole
thing, we do not have it figuredout, but at least I don't have
it figured out.
But to force our children to beobedient, to force our children
(59:35):
to again take my way or thehighway type of mentality, to
force our children into thatmentality, I think it's a grave
mistake.
I want my children to respectme.
I don't want them to fear me.
Children to respect me.
I don't want them to fear me.
You want to know what happenswhen your children become adults
(59:56):
or become teenagers and theyget pregnant before marriage and
they don't want to talk to youabout it.
It's because you raised themwith an iron fist and
disrespected them and wanted tobe a ruler as opposed to a
leader.
You know you want to know whyyour kids, when they make a
mistake, they don't come up toyou and tell you.
A lot of that has to do withhow you're raising them right
(01:00:19):
now, and so I want you toconsider that.
You know we're talking aboutthe children and the parent, um,
the children parentrelationship there, but I really
want you to think about thosethings is the way I'm raising
them right now.
Are they going to want to talkto me about their troubles when
they get older?
Think about that.
Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Yes, duties of the children honoring, respecting
their father and mother, obeyingtheir father and mother,
seeking counsel from theirfather and mother, obeying their
father and mother, seekingcounsel from their father and
mother and these are all thingsthat Jonathan's went over and
again this starts at the top.
We get Christ first.
(01:01:01):
Get him where we need him.
Father husband, we need tostart stepping up and doing what
we need to.
Mother wives start.
You know.
Whatever it is, we all havesomething.
I'm sure if we went back andlooked at all this, every one of
us could find some more we'relacking and start trying to do
better, and that opens the doorfor these things.
(01:01:23):
You can't command your childrenor demand that your children
obey you.
Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
Because, again, that doesn't lead to much Right.
But if we get it in order, it'seasier for them to do these
things.
It's easier for us to teachthem these things.
The one I said I was going torebuke you earlier, this is it
right here.
Here we go.
This is where it makes iteasier to yeah, forgiving your
(01:01:50):
father and mother.
I have had to go and ask mykids for forgiveness.
Yeah, because I did somethingwrong absolutely again, not
perfect, not gonna act like I am, but if I was the, the jerk,
always abusive, always talkingdown to my kids.
(01:02:13):
You're so stupid.
Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
Why could you do something like that?
Speaker 1 (01:02:17):
Right.
Speaker 2 (01:02:18):
But I call my kids knuckleheads.
Sometimes I'll be honest.
Yeah, I picked that up fromTodd Slogan.
Speaker 1 (01:02:25):
Call myself a knucklehead.
Terrible role model, terriblerole model, yeah he was a
horrible role model.
Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
I'm kidding.
Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
Parsley maybe, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
But it's easier when, as the husband and the father
and the wife and the mother, wedo these things.
It's easier to get yourchildren to come seek counsel
from you because they messed up.
Speaker 1 (01:02:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
Or for them to honor and respect you for who you are
and what you've done in theirlife.
And it's easier for them toforgive you, right, if I was
always talking down on my kidsand abusing them and then 10
minutes later, hey, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done it,
they're probably going to saythey forgive me or it's okay,
(01:03:13):
most of the time it's probablygoing to be out of fear that if
I don't forgive dad, he's goingto lash out again.
So let's just say and get itover with.
So, even as children, we haverole models to do or not role
models, but we have roles tofulfill and to do.
But a lot of it still pointsback to mom and dad.
(01:03:35):
Yes, they do live under my roof.
Yes, they are going to obey me.
Yes, they are going to followour rules.
But how am I presenting that?
Yeah, is it a?
You're going to obey me my wayor the highway?
No, or is it?
These are the rules.
I'll bless you when you followthem and you'll be punished if
(01:03:57):
you don't.
That's something that even I'vetried to learn here recently and
tried to pick up on is, asparents, we're so quick to
always condemn our kids whenthey do wrong Because they need
punished, they need corrected.
I understand, but how often dowe tell them good job?
(01:04:22):
Yeah, your kid comes home withall A's, or all A's and B's on
their report card and you'rejust like cool, move on with
your day.
That's awesome.
I'm so glad you're learning inschool.
I'm so glad you're gettingsmarter.
I'm so glad you're furtheringyour career.
(01:04:43):
Whatever.
Yeah, whitley's getting towhere she wants to cook with Jay
Whitley.
You're doing great helping momin the kitchen.
Wait, you're doing greathelping mom in the kitchen.
Brecken will go work with me.
I'll give him, you know, five,ten bucks.
He's so proud to have that andI'll sit there and tell him like
(01:05:07):
man hey, buddy, you work hard,you be respectful, this is what
you get.
Right, he's like man, that's$10, could add.
I have 114 now or whatever hehas.
But I want to not only correctmy kids when they're wrong, but
to encourage them when they'reright.
So this order will stay inplace.
(01:05:29):
Well, I think that that's sortof um, that's that.
Speaker 1 (01:05:34):
It's not sort of.
That is how I grow.
When I think about times in mylife where I've struggled with
something, the best way for meto overcome that or the best way
for me to learn from that, wasnever when people were
(01:05:55):
ridiculing of me or chastisingme.
It was when people took measide and said look, you did
this wrong.
This is how you can correct it.
But on the other side of that,it's like I was thinking about
reviews.
Have you ever given a reviewfor some business that did
(01:06:16):
something to you that was pooror gave poor service to you?
Have you ever?
I'll be honest with you.
I don't know that I ever have,but I've always wanted to.
But I know so many people thatwill just go on pages and just
leave terrible reviews forbusinesses that did them wrong.
(01:06:39):
We waited five extra minutes fora table.
You know what?
Yesterday I waited at LopezGrill for one hour to be seated
but that's a complete side noteand I could have.
I was aggravated man.
I could have easily went on toGoogle and left a terrible
review, but then I thought aboutit.
I'm like you know what.
Every other time I've been herethey've been really quick and
(01:07:02):
every time I've been here, Ifeel like the food's been hot,
it's been good, the portionsizes have been great, they're
always good and quick servers.
I've always, I've alwaysthought of that and I could have
easily left a bad review, um,but I didn't want to because of
all the good things and I thinkthat we're very, we are very,
very quick to give peoplecriticism who make mistakes, and
(01:07:24):
we, we I mean, how many timeshave you left a review for
somebody that did something good?
I know people that will relieve50 reviews on 50 different
sites for 50 differentbusinesses, but they, they won't
leave a single review or goodcomment or good feedback to
(01:07:46):
individuals that are doing goodand for some reason, we're
hardwired to be that way.
Speaker 2 (01:07:52):
I do that, like I go on to Amazon to look at
something.
Yeah, if it's like 60% good and40% bad, then I'm like, okay,
well, obviously, if it's thatyou know there's a whole bunch
of people that probably arehaving such a great time with
this product that they nevereven thought to go leave a good
(01:08:15):
review on it.
Speaker 1 (01:08:16):
You just think that yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:08:16):
So if it's a 60 40, I'm really like it's probably
like 80 20 yeah, but if it'slike 70 bad and 30 good, then
I'm like okay, there there mightbe something wrong yeah, we're
leaving you some some amazonbuying tips and but that that is
true though that's the way mymind works, because I go look
back and I'm like dude, I'veordered this and I order all
(01:08:39):
these things for my wife forChristmas.
She's not going to go back andleave a review on it when she
likes it, so I'm like I mean howmuch have I spent in the last
10 years on my wife and for ourfamily that I never went back?
I mean you're 100% right.
Speaker 1 (01:08:53):
Well, we're hardwired to show the negative and I
think a lot of the times andlook, I may have been hitting
the nail on the head but I maybe missing completely I think a
majority of the time it'sbecause of our own issues and
our own downfalls.
You know, when my kids dosomething wrong and I'm really
really fast to just be harshwith them and judge them and
(01:09:14):
tell them something they did badI reflect and I think about it.
It's usually because ofsomething that I've been facing,
or it's usually because ofsomething I I've done wrong or
I've struggled with, or it's areflection of of myself.
And we do that, that same thing.
We sort of we've said thisbefore.
(01:09:36):
We do this often as individuals.
I don't remember what episodewe talked about this on, but 64.
Episode 64.
We've said this before but wesort of look at ourselves as
perfection and if otherindividuals don't live up to
(01:09:58):
ourselves, then they're notliving up to perfection.
But I've got a newsflash for you.
Here it is You're notperfection.
You do not have all the answers.
You do not have it all right,especially when it comes to your
kids.
If your kids make a mistake,you're not always going to
discipline them correctly.
You're not always going to dothe right thing.
You can try, yes, but I wantyou to remember that every
(01:10:19):
single time before.
Stop, take two seconds, and I'mnot saying I'm perfect, brother
Sean.
I fail in this all.
I am so quick sometimes.
What are you doing?
And they'll be like oh you know, but ever so often I stop and I
think, um, but ever so often Istop and I think where was I
(01:10:40):
when I was their age?
What was my mindset when I wasthem?
What was I going through?
What was I thinking?
What was I facing?
I put myself in their shoesbecause I've been there, I've
been in that position.
I'm so quick to judge them andsay you need to meet up to my
level and meet up to where I'mat.
(01:11:01):
But you know what, when I wastheir age, my level wasn't where
it is today.
I think that it's good todiscipline, it's good to correct
, it's good to give constructivecriticism to your children, but
I also think that we need totake a step back and think about
where they are in life and howdo I develop them to be where I
(01:11:25):
am?
I don't even want my kids to bewhere I am today.
I want my kids to be greaterthan I am, what do I do and what
steps do I take?
Am I going to talk negativelyto them all the time just
because of issues that I'mfacing personally, or am I going
to tell them and show them?
Am I going to give them thegood and then give them the bad?
(01:11:49):
Am I going to say you know what, jackson?
These three things I think youdid great, but you struggled and
you made a mistake here.
We have to learn to do that andtake a step back, breathe.
It's not the end of the world,listen.
It's not the end of the worldwhen your kid does something
(01:12:10):
wrong, so stop making them feellike it is, brother Sean.
Speaker 2 (01:12:16):
Yes, no, I agree.
That's all I have.
Speaker 1 (01:12:21):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:12:22):
Is that everything you have?
Speaker 1 (01:12:23):
Yeah, that's all I have.
I appreciate everybody who'slistening.
We've had a lot of comments onhere.
Caleb Ison yes, you're hittingthe nail on the head, man.
Good, good to hear that.
Here's Rob Merrill.
We're going to have him on thepodcast.
He just doesn't know yet.
He says a tyrant seeks blindobedience, a leader communicates
, guides and instructs.
And he says we want to trainour kids to submit to godly
leaders, not tyrants.
(01:12:45):
I really appreciate that.
Thank you for everybody who'slistened in, who's followed this
live.
I think we've been going just alittle I say just a little over
about an hour and 15 minutesthe longest podcast we've ever
done, praise God.
But thank you all for listening, joining in, liking, sharing,
commenting.
Please continue to do that.
Please subscribe to our podcaston the podcast platform of your
choice by searching theEveryday Christian Podcast.
(01:13:07):
That's the Everyday our twoseparate words Christian podcast
.
You can search us on that.
You can search us on the socialmedia platform of your church
by choice, by searching atpodcast for him, that is, at
podcast, the number for him, andI think that we used to have a
(01:13:28):
banner that showed all that.
But anyway, we want to thankyou all for listening.
No-transcript.
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