July 30, 2025 • 39 mins
Success in leadership isn't just about action or mindset, it's about emotional mastery.
In this episode, physicist-turned-coach Randy Lyman offers a refreshing take on how modern leaders can use emotional intelligence to shift from being performance-driven to truly people-powered.
Blending science, spirituality, and practical frameworks, Randy shares his personal transformation and breaks down how to handle emotional wounds with the clarity of quantum mechanics.
Whether you want to build a more connected team or master your own inner world, this conversation is packed with fresh, practical insights.
Timestamps:
00:00 – Intro
01:00 – From Left-Brain Physicist to Emotional Intelligence Coach
02:30 – The Leadership Epiphany: Breaking Down in a Workshop
04:00 – Why Emotions Drive Competence and Results
06:00 – Emotional Mastery vs Emotional Intelligence
07:20 – Simple Framework: Problem → Emotion → Resolution
09:00 – The Problem with Corporate Armour & Masking
11:30 – Why Emotional Clarity Inspires Team Performance
12:30 – Advice for Leaders Facing Doubt and Burnout
14:30 – Releasing Emotional Wounds Using Science and Love
17:30 – Why We Keep Attracting the Same “Toxic” Boss
19:00 – How Service-Based Leadership Transforms Culture
22:30 – The Three Universal Human Needs at Work
23:30 – Making Emotional Intelligence a Daily Practice
25:00 – People Drive Numbers, Not the Other Way Around
27:30 – How to Shift Engineers from Logic to Vulnerability
30:00 – How Judging Yourself Attracts Judgment
32:00 – Quantum Physics Meets Leadership Coaching
35:00 – Final Thoughts: You Are Worthy, You Are Enough
Guest:
Randy Lyman
Host:
Melissa Aarskaug
Connect With Us:
Visit our website: www.executiveconnectpodcast.com
Watch full episodes on YouTube: Executive Connect YouTube Channel
Social:
LinkedIn: Melissa Aarskaug
Instagram: @executiveconnectpodcast
TikTok: @executiveconnectpodcast
Facebook: Executive Connect
In this episode, physicist-turned-coach Randy Lyman offers a refreshing take on how modern leaders can use emotional intelligence to shift from being performance-driven to truly people-powered.
Blending science, spirituality, and practical frameworks, Randy shares his personal transformation and breaks down how to handle emotional wounds with the clarity of quantum mechanics.
Whether you want to build a more connected team or master your own inner world, this conversation is packed with fresh, practical insights.
Timestamps:
00:00 – Intro
01:00 – From Left-Brain Physicist to Emotional Intelligence Coach
02:30 – The Leadership Epiphany: Breaking Down in a Workshop
04:00 – Why Emotions Drive Competence and Results
06:00 – Emotional Mastery vs Emotional Intelligence
07:20 – Simple Framework: Problem → Emotion → Resolution
09:00 – The Problem with Corporate Armour & Masking
11:30 – Why Emotional Clarity Inspires Team Performance
12:30 – Advice for Leaders Facing Doubt and Burnout
14:30 – Releasing Emotional Wounds Using Science and Love
17:30 – Why We Keep Attracting the Same “Toxic” Boss
19:00 – How Service-Based Leadership Transforms Culture
22:30 – The Three Universal Human Needs at Work
23:30 – Making Emotional Intelligence a Daily Practice
25:00 – People Drive Numbers, Not the Other Way Around
27:30 – How to Shift Engineers from Logic to Vulnerability
30:00 – How Judging Yourself Attracts Judgment
32:00 – Quantum Physics Meets Leadership Coaching
35:00 – Final Thoughts: You Are Worthy, You Are Enough
Guest:
Randy Lyman
Host:
Melissa Aarskaug
Connect With Us:
Visit our website: www.executiveconnectpodcast.com
Watch full episodes on YouTube: Executive Connect YouTube Channel
Social:
LinkedIn: Melissa Aarskaug
Instagram: @executiveconnectpodcast
TikTok: @executiveconnectpodcast
Facebook: Executive Connect
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I believe anytime we have emotions, they are absolutely bigger than time and space.
(00:04):
Everything fits into three elements.
There are three categories in life.
I thoughts and information are physical body in the physical world and then our emotions.
It's not just our thoughts, it's not just our actions, the emotional component is hugely important.
So I just started looking at every challenge I had in my life.
We don't have to be perfect.
We are human.
And I've learned what I've learned through being willing to make mistakes over and over again, many, many mistakes.
(00:31):
More effectiveness as a leader comes down to the effectiveness of the people we lead.
Ever met a physicist who can talk quantum mechanics and your emotional baggage in the same breath?
Meet Randy Lyman, entrepreneur and investor, Inc. 500 alum,
(00:52):
and your new favorite leadership coach.
In today's Executive Connect podcast, Randy breaks down why mindset alone isn't enough
and how emotional intelligence can actually multiply your business results.
Get ready to rethink success, dig deeper, and learn why feelings might just be your most valuable asset.
(01:15):
Welcome, Randy.
Well, hello Melissa. Thanks for having me on. It's going to be fun.
Randy, your journey is anything but conventional.
You're a physicist, a multi-time founder, inventor.
What pulled you into this world of emotional intelligence and leadership coaching?
(01:37):
35 years ago, at the age of 28, I met a woman who I spent three years with
and she was all about spirituality and connection with the unseen and love and just completely different take on life.
And me, who was at the time of completely left brain physicist, mechanical engineer, business person, no emotions, no feelings.
(02:04):
And suddenly I met this woman, Maria, and she took me in a whole different direction.
And I love it. And as a fellow engineer in similar to Maria and also a person that studied physics, I get what you're talking about.
Was there a specific moment that you can point your finger to when you realize something was missing
(02:27):
from the action and mindset formula? Or was it just kind of just happened for you?
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Hit the subscribe button now. Don't just watch acts.
(02:48):
Well, she introduced me to the law of attraction and so it was all about mindset and visions and thoughts
and watching my words and watching my thoughts and all that was helpful.
And also of course action. Everything fits into three elements.
There are three categories in life. Our thoughts and information are our physical body in the physical world and then our emotions.
(03:10):
So again, I was thinking the right things. I was doing the right things.
But I wasn't aware of the emotional component. So she kind of introduced me to that, but I had an epiphany.
And that epiphany was at a leadership communication workshop.
The third day I had a breakthrough to an old emotional wound from many years earlier when somebody said to me,
(03:35):
"I wish you were more like your friend John." Well, that took me to a deep emotional release
and in a room of 15 people, I was I was ball and I was in tears and feeling all this
rush of emotion come through that had been bottled up inside of me.
And the exercise, at least the approach I took to this exercise was I had a lot of people in my life
(03:56):
who were incompetent. And through Maria's guidance, I looked at my thoughts, making sure I was competent.
My actions make sure I was competent, but the competence issues got bigger and bigger.
Well, once I had this emotional release around wanting to try and be competent to get my family's
approval when I went back to work four days later, all the people in my life who were acting
(04:19):
incompetent suddenly either became competent or they left my life. And being a scientist, cause
an effect, cause an effect. So the cause was, I had the huge emotional release and the effect was
the issues that were being mirrored to me around my attempting to be competent to get approval.
(04:40):
Those issues of competence went away. Just bam, like that. And I made the connection and that helped
me start to look at the world and say, wait a minute, it's not just our thoughts, it's not just our actions,
the emotional component is hugely important. And so I just started looking at every challenge I
had in my life through the lens of, okay, whereas my emotional growth was my opportunity for
(05:02):
emotional healing and change. And since then, I've since then I've had thousands of
situations that I have not been able to fix with my thoughts and actions alone. When I finally said,
okay, I'm going to look at my emotional challenges and my emotional healing opportunities. And suddenly
just like that, the problems are solved. And I've helped many other people through hundreds of
(05:25):
similar situations. That's fascinating. Now you say that success isn't just about taking action,
but it's actually about emotional mastery. How do you define emotional intelligence in a way that
resonates with high achievers? Well, I use your words, emotional mastery. So emotional intelligence can
mean just being aware of our emotions or suppressing our emotions or pushing our emotions aside. But
(05:50):
for me, it goes deeper than that. I believe anytime we have emotions, they are absolutely bigger than
time and space that energy stores within us within our body or our energy field until we experience
that emotion completely. So emotions are valid in the moment. So in the moment, if something I
(06:11):
experience something, my mind makes up a story, my emotional response to the story is moved towards
something good or away from something bad. And that emotional guidance is valid in the moment. But once
the moment passes, if I only experienced a percentage that emotional energy because I didn't want to be
too happy when I'm in the middle of a board meeting or my parents said, no, you can't be too happy.
(06:35):
That's dangerous in whatever form they told us or somebody said, don't feel that pain because
we don't have the time and space for that. So I hang onto that emotional energy. It stores like
gasoline in a metal can and it's bigger than time and space. So it has to, in order to be released,
I have to experience that completely through a bodily experience. I can't do it through my mind.
(06:59):
And I know I'm adding a lot of complicated things here, but the point is the emotions that we don't
feel completely will stay with us until we feel them. So what happens in a business leadership situation?
If I'm walking into a room where I'm leading people and I have worries or doubts or any feelings or
(07:19):
emotions from past emotional wounds that I haven't released, that energy is still residing within me.
And if it's near the surface and I walk into a room, the people in that room, whether they're people in
the shipping department or in a board room, they feel my worry. They feel my tension. They feel those
things and my ego is trying to avoid those. So my ego's my mind is confused and trying to push that
(07:44):
down. The emotions are still spilling out into the room and I can't be the most effective leader
that I can be if I'm emotionally clear. I love that. So now are there specific steps? Can you
walk us through those steps? Actually, let me reframe that. Let me just ask the question. Give me the
steps on how you help people build those skills to deal with their emotions. Everybody has a different
(08:11):
way of getting in touch with their emotional wounds and releasing them and that's fine. In my book,
I can hope I can make a plug from my book here, the third element. In my book, the third element,
in chapter seven, I go over 14 different exercises and modalities that work for releasing. But usually
with leaders, I start with, let's write down a list of the problems, the physical, real life problems
(08:35):
in our life, whether it's at work as a leader or whether it's at home. And then for each problem,
after you write them all out, and there's between five and maybe 20. And then my mind says,
oh, there's only 20. I can do 20, but my imagination wants to make the problem bigger than it is.
So I write out all the problems. Then next to that, next column over, how do you want to do it?
(08:55):
Freeform. What is the solution that I think I can apply from my mind, from a mental perspective and
a physical perspective? And that's helpful sometimes. I just solve it that way. Usually, there's a
deeper issue, which is how do I feel about this problem? How am I being irritated? What emotions
are coming up? What feelings are coming up? What blame is coming up? Now, for me, that's where the
(09:20):
real power is, because now that I've identified the emotion or at least acknowledged there's an
emotion behind the logical problem, now I can find a modality to works for me to deal with the
emotional issue. And it can be as simple as a breathing exercise. It can be more journaling.
It can be EFT tapping. It can be walking in nature. It can be gratitude for the other things in
(09:44):
life that work. But the whole plan is to have my mind involved in a process that gets me in touch with
my physical, my feelings through my physical body, then I can work through it. Now, I do this work
aside from being at work. I do it in a personal space. If I can do a breathing exercise at work and
work through that, I do. But again, journaling, what is the problem? Are there solutions? What are
(10:07):
the underlying feelings? And then a simple exercise, if possible, simple, sometimes more complicated,
to get through the emotional baggage underneath that exterior problem?
Yeah, and I love what you said. I think it's bringing those things to the surface and really
putting them down on paper and thinking through it so we can attack them because I find in the
(10:32):
corporate world that a lot of times people put on, I'm just going to call it their armor and they
come to work and they push down their emotions and they just move on with an extend before a long,
we carry all of this kind of wick, thus like you were saying. And so I love the idea of writing it down
and figuring out how many things am I really working with? I think the simple act to that is
(10:59):
really a big step. And so the armor that we put on, the mask that we wear,
if you're taking a snapshot in time or in video, yeah, that kind of works. But if we're dealing with people,
they feel what's behind the armor. They feel what's underneath the mask and that creeps into our mind
(11:22):
and now we're focused on defending ourselves and trying to keep up the mask and we're not focused
on how we connect with the people that we're working with. And a lot of leaders are going to say,
connect, why do I want to connect with the people I'm working with? That's scary. So for me, I was worried
when I first started doing this in the in the work environment, I was afraid people wouldn't respect me.
(11:45):
Turns out the opposite is true when I can show up calm and confident because I've worked in my own
emotional issues or at least I've identified them with my mind and I said, I'm going to consciously
deliberately put those aside for the moment. Now they're not creeping into my interaction
and I show up and I'm able to be authentic. I can admit my mistakes. I can ask for help
and people say, wow, this guy is being authentic and he's still calm. He must really be strong.
(12:10):
They feel safe and they show up authentic and now we've got a team of people who are authentic
and who want to work together and then the results just just multiplies and we accomplish
so much more when we can show up that way. Yeah, I spot on. I think people can sense like when people
(12:32):
are putting on a show or pretending to be somebody they're not or and I love that you said that.
I want to jump a little bit into your background. Now you've led and scaled companies through high
stakes, high pressure environments. What advice would you give leaders who hit internal walls of doubt,
fear, they're overwhelmed, especially in high-stakes situations? Are you a high-income professional
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fund.executiveconnectpodcast.com. We don't have to be perfect. We are human. And I've learned
what I've learned through being willing to make mistakes over and over again, many, many mistakes.
I've asked for help. I've learned what I've learned from the wonderful people I've worked with
and from mentors and most of the people I work with, they say, "Hey, you know this better than me,
(13:42):
and whether it be accounting or statistical approach for quality control and all those things."
I've learned that from other people and I've also learned from the people who are better at me at
the time than interacting with other people. How can I show up and be a better leader? Now,
they work for me, but I don't care. What do I care? My power in a position of leadership doesn't come
(14:05):
from my authority. It doesn't come from my title. It comes from my ability to help other people feel safe
and know that I'm there to help them succeed and when they know I'm there to help them succeed and
they feel that, then they're going to help me and the group succeed. So I learn these things through being
willing to fail, being willing to admit to my mistakes and being willing to learn from others. Curiosity.
(14:28):
It's not about being right. People don't want me to be right. They want to be right. They want me to
help them find ways to be right and then they're on board. So it comes to putting my ego aside and
not needing to be perfect and being, and that's what we are as humans. We're never perfect. Yeah,
we get to a level of perfection in a certain area, but the business is about successful businesses
(14:57):
are about do the teams and the people I work with believe and truly feel I support them, then
they're on board and do the customers I serve feel. Feel is a keyword. Do they feel that I'm going to
stand behind my services and stand behind my products and truly deliver value and when they feel that
(15:17):
based on my actions that back up my words, then I have a successful business. The customers decide
if we're successful or not as a business is not up to us. We can think we're doing a great job,
but if the customers don't feel it, if our team members don't feel it, we're not going to succeed ideas
or not what that creates success, delivering products and delivering and creating an environment
(15:41):
for success. That's what matters. Yeah, I love it. I totally agree. I know me personally, Randy,
I've stood in my own way in high stakes environments through resistance doubt, uncertainty.
Is there a way that you teach leaders how to get out of their own way so they can accomplish all
(16:04):
that they need to in their personal lives or professional lives? The best way for us to show up
more clear is to be willing to address the internal pains. Open Pandora's box of emotions,
deal with the positive, deal with that we've denied, deal with the negatives we've denied,
and people think, well, God, if I open that box, I'm going to be stuck in anger or frustration,
(16:28):
or disappointment forever. And the opposite is true. If we avoid it, it's bigger than time and space,
and it will always influence our reality. But if we take the time to address our emotional wounds,
we only have to feel them once. And some things are like an ending, you got to peel a layer and
feel it two or three or five times. But the more that we feel our old wounds, that energy is released
(16:50):
and gets out of our way. So it's like throwing dynamics in science. The first law of throwing
dynamics is energy is neither created nor destroyed. So we have an emotional response,
our mind creates a story, our emotions create the energy, and if we don't act on that energy,
that energy's stored. But if we if we find a way to go back in time so to speak, in the present moment,
(17:12):
that's a dichotomy, I know, but if we can be present in the moment and find a way to turn up those
old emotional wounds, then as we feel them through a physical body experience, whether it's just
I feel them in my body and my gut in my heart, or whether I cry the tears, which as a man, I do,
then that energy is turned into heat. And it's gone. It's out of our feel that energy of that
(17:36):
information of the emotional wounds turned into heat and released. So we have to find ways to
release the negative. Now, the beautiful part is when we release, when we release the negative energy,
love replaces that immediately. And that's what helped me in experiencing the bigger wounds I needed
to experience is as I did that a few times, then I felt that love energy replace the anger,
(18:01):
the disappointment, the feeling alone or the sadness. And when that those negative energies were
released, the love replaced it. Now we're more clear and we can show up with our baggage.
I love it. I had a mentee that phoned me earlier this week and she said, Melissa, I don't know what I'm
doing wrong in my career. Every single manager I've had is a difficult manager to deal with. And she's
(18:29):
changed like seven jobs over the last 10 years. And she keeps telling me she's like, how am I ending up
with the same personality, the same difficult manager? He works me harder than everybody else.
He has separate expectations and I can never keep them happy. So she ends up staying for a year and leaving
(18:54):
for another position. What would you tell somebody that's jumping from job to job? Because every
single person that she's reporting to is difficult and not a supportive collaborative boss.
It is the law of attraction giving her the gift. And yes, I use the word gift.
The gift of an indication where there's an opportunity for healing. Now without some guidance,
(19:19):
it's really difficult to understand all that. And again, I'm a complaint from my book, The Third
Element. I explain how the law of attraction creates co-create our reality for us every moment of
every day. Nothing's random. It's based on our thoughts, based on our actions, and based on the
emotions that emotional energy stored with in us that God who loves us wants us to release those
(19:43):
old emotional pains. And so your friend, your mentee, God says, I want you to really feel this at
the deepest level so you can release it. But our mind, our human ego, which we need, we don't want
to kill the ego. We want to partner with our higher self and partner with our child self. But our
ego's job is to protect us from pain, including emotional wounds. So when she can find a modality
(20:04):
and exercise that helps her get in touch with those old emotional wounds and feel it. And again,
I'm going to say, cry the tears and release those wounds from when she was six years old or 16
or whatever it was, then the law of attraction is no longer obligated to bring her reminders.
Well said. Now, culture has been the buzzword a lot lately in the corporate America. And I know a lot
(20:29):
of companies are trying to build these cultures that don't just thrive. They survive. And I know you
talk a lot about service, base leadership. What does that actually look like in a company culture?
It starts at the top whether it's the the board that runs a huge corporation or
(20:49):
and then it filters to the CEO or the owner of whoever that is. If the leader cannot show up
authentically and they have an armor around them and everybody else believes and feels and believes
they have to have an armor and they operate that way. So when leadership can work through their
own emotional issues, their own emotional baggage and show up more clear and more confident and calm
(21:12):
without the need for control. Now they're going to work with again, calm confidence collaboration.
And when they can create that environment where people are free to make mistakes,
people are free to disagree and disagreement is encouraged. If you study Alan Mulally who ran
Boeing for a while and then turned around for many years ago, Alan Mulally was all about, hey,
(21:32):
let's disagree openly and figure out a way through this. That's not hide the truth. Let's embrace
the truth. Now, if the leader is not centered within themselves that they have emotional baggage,
they're not going to be able to do this. They're not going to be comfortable doing this. But if the
leader says, I'm going to work on myself, I'm going to acknowledge, here's a big one, I'm going to acknowledge
the problems within my business, the relationship problems, the people problems, are all a reflection of
(21:59):
me. That was just a really tough pill to swallow. And even when I was quite a waste down that road,
in about 1998, I had an intervention, three people I worked with, intervenants in Ranty, you're too
stressed and we know you know what works and we know your beliefs are right, but your actions are not
right right now. You need to work through your own issues at a deeper level in order to be effective.
(22:23):
And I was like, oh man, this hurts. I went, oh my, I talked to my wife and she said, yeah, they're right.
You have to look at yourself. You have to work through your own issues. Then when you work through
your own issues, you can create the culture that you want to create. Now, I learned some things through
that inter perspective. First, I had more issues to work through personally. And I always put my
hand in my heart because it's got to come through. It's all feelings. So I did that. I worked on my own
(22:48):
issues and I made it made through some big healing issues. And then I started to build a culture based
on three things. And the culture is based on what everybody needs more than they need the money.
They need to be acknowledged for who they are as an individual. So when I interact with people and
I get to know them on a more personal basis, doesn't have to be deep. I acknowledge them for the unique
(23:08):
contribution. I found out a little bit about them or their family or whatever they're willing to
share without probing. And then when I talk to them again, whether it's three days later or three weeks
later, I ask, hey, how's that? How's your kid doing in soccer or your daughter is going to graduate
or you have that project you're working on with your father? Now suddenly, I recognize them as an
individual. So they feel acknowledged. That's big. The second one is people need to feel like they're
(23:32):
contributing to the cause. And the reason they need that is because if their life doesn't
really have that much purpose outside of work, if they feel like they're really contributing at work,
it gives their life meaning and people need that. And then the third thing is they need to feel like
they belong to the group. They do they belong to the group in a way that feels like family.
(23:53):
And that gives them a sense of safety because it makes them important. And so I've learned,
I identified these three things. I learned how to change my behavior, to acknowledge,
feel like make them feel like they're contributing, help them feel like they're contributing and
help them feel like they belong. Then I built a culture on that and then the business took off.
That's great. Now, how can leaders, people are leading people create environments where
(24:20):
emotional intelligence and purpose aren't actually just buzzwords. They're actually regular daily
practices. As a leader, I have to learn to listen and not just ping pong back and forth, not just
mere the last three words back, but give a huge pause as you would say, a pregnant pause and let people
speak more if they want to. And if I have a feeling or their facial expression show me,
(24:45):
their body language shows me, they have more to say, then I don't respond. I ask them, well,
what else do you think? What are you feeling? What else is there? If they don't empty their cup,
if they don't express everything they want to express, they're hanging onto that so then when
they get an opportunity to speak again, they can speak more. And they don't listen to me because
they're hanging onto those ideas. And so when I give them the space to express and I hear them,
(25:10):
then they're ready to hear me. And listening at that deeper level, it takes time and most people,
I don't have the time to wait. Well, we don't have the time to tell people twice. We don't have
the time to try to get people on board by manipulating them. It's so much easier to get them on board
by them truly feeling that we care about them. So it's investment in time and listening,
(25:35):
group problem solving is something that I was afraid of at first. What if the group comes up with
a dumb decision? Well, first of all, if they do, I can guide them to a better decision by asking
questions, not by offering advice, but by asking questions. And if their decision is only 60% as good
as mine, they own it 100% and they want to make that idea their plan succeed. So I have to be willing
(26:02):
and vulnerable and let them come up with their own ideas. And I can always guide them and I can
override them if I have to, but let them come up with their own ideas through group problem solving.
And then they can ask me questions or I can ask them questions, how is this going? Have you tried
this or that? Now they take ownership in the solution 100% ownership. If it's my idea and it's perfect
(26:23):
and they fail, it's still my fault. If it's their idea and it's not perfect and they fail, they're
going to ask for help. You're going to be open to getting help for a better solution. Now this is
a huge investment in time, but once they learn they can solve problems themselves. They start doing that.
Now most leaders don't put emotional intelligence and emotional healing on their business strategy,
(26:48):
but maybe they should from what I'm hearing you say. So can you explain maybe unpack it a little
bit more on how doing the inner work can actually lead to outer explosive results for companies and
organizations? So as a leader that means we're leading other people and we're not doing all the work.
That's obvious, but I'm going to go through the logic of it. So the our effectiveness as a leader comes
(27:14):
down to the effectiveness of the people we lead. So that's partially based on our plan and the plan
we come up with together, but it's also extremely based on how well people buy into our plan and how
much they want the organization to succeed. Now the numbers are most important, but the people drive
the numbers. They can't drive numbers without people and when people are acknowledged who they are,
(27:39):
they feel like they're contributing and they feel like they belong and they're getting
acknowledgment through through public praise. I'm taking responsibility for any mistake publicly. I
take as a leader, I take responsibility for all the mistakes, even if it's not my fault. That gives
them a sense of safety and they're willing to to risk and try more things that they might not have
(28:03):
tried in a safe space. So I as a leader, I motivate my people through an authentic connection. My people
then drive the agenda and the plans and that creates the numbers and that creates the success. So if I
just look at the numbers, people aren't going to do what they need to do unless they want to do it.
(28:27):
So is there a certain process you guide organizations through to, because you and I are both
engineer-minded people, science people and we're not that those kind of people. I'm just going to
say it like it is. So a lot of times the touchy feeling, the softer side being vulnerable,
(28:49):
talking about things were more doers and a little coal-minded. So when you, like, putting on the
hat of working with fellow engineers and you know, physics people, how do you guide them through
that process of switching hats, if you will, from, you know, that left brain to right brain to right
(29:11):
brain to left brain? Start at home with your domestic partner. Tell them this is what I'm going to
try and it may make mistakes, but please allow me the space to make mistakes. Well, our domestic
partner already judges us. They already know who we are. They already see our faults. Now, we're going
to have a better connection with our domestic partner when we are vulnerable. So when I'm open
(29:36):
with my wife about my challenges, then she accepts me better and that's a great place to practice.
And I can say, "God, I don't know if I want to say this because it might not go over well,
well, try that in a place where you're truly safe, hopefully you're truly safe in your personal
relationship." You're not finding another in personal relationships. But that's where I started was
(29:57):
there at home and then, "Okay, I found somebody who I worked with, who I trusted and they trusted me
and I said, "I'd like to take a different approach to this. I'm going to be honest with you about my
doubts of myself. You don't want to be honest with the other person about your doubts about them
unless you have to. That this is where my doubts are. These are where my worries are. These are where
my concerns are and can you help me?" So now I've found a safe person at work who I can test this with.
(30:22):
Then when I get some good results, I'm going to make some mistakes along the way. Now I can take
what I've learned with this partner I've chosen and then I can expand it to a larger group, whether it's
a larger group of leaders, whether it's the team that this leader within my group, I've shared my
approach with, "Hey, can we try this with your group?" So if I'm working with quality control or
(30:46):
shipping or sales and I work with that manager and it's work, I said, "I'd like to try this now with your
group." So we experiment with one person and then a little bit bigger group. We make some mistakes,
but we're going to find successes and in doing that, it gives us the safety to try it more often.
Oh, that's such good advice. Practicing in a safe environment where if you make a mistake,
(31:13):
you have some money that's going to help you as I call it, get back on that yellow brick road. And I
think that's such fantastic advice because the more that we do it, the more that it's just natural.
And the more it's just natural, the more people show up in reciprocation of us being authentic,
we bring in more authentic relationships. And like you said at the beginning, all the, I'm going to
(31:36):
just going to call it a riffraff, all the riffraff stays away and you bring forward abundance.
And another thing that I realized is people only judge me when I judge myself. Now that can be
the subconscious level I'm judging myself, but when I was aware of people judging me, then I said,
"Okay, how am I judging myself?" So outside awareness of the outside first, then I turn to
(32:01):
houses reflection of me, then I work through my emotional issues around being judged or judging
myself or other people judging me. I work through their emotional wounds. Now when I show up and I have
no judgment, I can talk to anybody about anything and they don't judge me because I'm,
law of attraction is not asking them to judge me. Law of attraction is not obligated to bring up
(32:24):
an outside judgment to remind me of an internal judgment if that makes sense.
Yeah, so essentially you're working through why you're so judgmental of yourself,
therefore people that interact with you aren't judging you is what I'm hearing.
And energetically, law of attraction, they're not attracted to judges. We don't need that lesson.
(32:49):
So part of it is yes in our minds also we don't want to be judgmental, but more importantly,
any emotional wounds around it. Now I talk again about emotional wounds and be like, "Worthy,
you're a scientist, what are you talking about? Emotions." So in my book I clearly explain how our life is
not random. There's only two rules in life that God has for us. There's only two. The first one is
(33:14):
when we respond from a place of love and with the intent of a positive outcome, we can find a long
lasting solution. If we respond from fear or anger or doubt, we're not going to find a long lasting
solution. So love is the answer. That's the first rule. The second rule and what goes with this is
God doesn't judge us. God doesn't have expectations. What we're given is a tool, a servant,
(33:39):
a law of attraction and the law of attraction responds to our thoughts, response to our actions
and response to our emotions, both present motions and emotional energy that's stored. And that's
it. And so every moment of every day, and this goes and explained in the book, it goes all the way
down to the subatomic level related to Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. And the two-slit
(34:02):
two-slit experiment, reality and energy, okay, reality doesn't exist until we interact with the
energy. So when we have thoughts, we have actions, we have emotions, our physical reality is created
for us in the moment. And there are infinite possibilities, but the possibility, the possible future
(34:24):
we walk into is based on what the law of attraction creates in response to what we need. And
so this is, for me, a science and it goes down to something that in 1957, I think Hugh Advert
talked about this in one of his papers. And so yeah, it seems like it's all abstract,
(34:47):
but when we look at the uncertainty principle and how energy is turned into matter as it's
observed and as we call on it to play a part for us, and we look at it from that scientific
perspective that the law of attraction makes perfect sense.
Yeah, and I love that. I think too, the same things keep showing up in your life,
(35:10):
unless we're dealing with, like you mentioned at the beginning, the emotions, the,
what are we thinking about? What are we feeling about? What do we need to address? So we're not getting
you know, the same bad relationship or the same bad job or the same whatever. We need to, as you
mentioned at the beginning, go through and write all those things down, figure out the emotion that's
(35:31):
attached to it, work through those emotions, and put forward love into the world and expect love
and others and other experiences. And therefore you will receive those things back.
So you explained it perfectly and in explanation it's simple in practice, it's not easy, but that's
life. What in life is really easy and what worth going after is ever easy, but I can tell you for sure
(35:55):
the rewards are huge. My life has improved in my relationships, in my physical health, and absolutely
in my financial success has been based on my willingness to deal with my own emotions and to approach
the people in my life and see the divine beauty within everybody including the people who lie,
(36:17):
cheat, steal and attack me. And when I see it all as a gift and a lesson, then I can find the lesson
and I can find the gift and I live my life completely differently. And I love that you share that
because I do also agree. I think you can have an abundant life and all the things that you hope and
dream and wish for. We just have to do work on ourselves and point ourselves in the right direction
(36:41):
and therefore bringing bringing forward all that we do want. I want to get any final thoughts or any
nuggets of wisdom, Randy, you want to listen with our listeners that we didn't touch on today.
Absolutely. Every one of us is a spiritual being, a beautiful spiritual being on a human path.
(37:03):
I'm a big believer in multiple lifetimes and some people just more advanced than others. There's
people here much more advanced than me because of more lifetimes. But we're all beautiful internally
inside. We're all deserving and we all have the opportunity to find success at a deeper level
than we are now. And we're all, again, deserving. We're not deserving and that's not true. That's
(37:25):
B.S. So put aside your judgment, suspend your doubts and just say, wow, maybe I am a spiritual being,
maybe I am deserving of more and I'm willing to ask for help from something bigger than me.
And when we do that, the answers are shown to us and we do that. It's a challenge to go through
(37:46):
emotionally for people who believe they're not deserving. But you will be shown more beautiful parts
of yourself that are truly a part of who you are at the deepest level. And that's what we're here
to experience and that's what we're here to experience in our relationships with everybody else.
I love that. So well said. Now, Randy, tell our listeners a little bit about how they connect
(38:13):
with you and what's the best way to find your book. So the best way to find my book is on a
major bookseller. I won't say who because some platforms don't allow that, but through my website,
RandyLiamon.com, they will find links to the book, they will find links to workbooks and tapping
(38:35):
exercises. A lot of things I share for free. They can click on the how-to and see some of the
practitioners I work with personally today. They can click on the books section and see the books
that have been effective for me and they can follow me on social media through RandyLiamon.com.
Randy, this has been such an incredible conversation. Emotional intelligence often gets treated
(39:00):
like a soft skill, but today you have absolutely showed us that it's a power skill. Thank you so
much for being here. I know this is going to be a game changer for our listeners. That's the Executive
Connect podcast. Well you're welcome, Lissa. Thanks for having me on your questions. You're wonderful.
And I absolutely love the work that you're doing and people should continue to listen to your work
(39:25):
ongoing. Thank you so much, Randy.
I believe anytime we have emotions, they are absolutely bigger than time and space.
(00:04):
Everything fits into three elements.
There are three categories in life.
I thoughts and information are physical body in the physical world and then our emotions.
It's not just our thoughts, it's not just our actions, the emotional component is hugely important.
So I just started looking at every challenge I had in my life.
We don't have to be perfect.
We are human.
And I've learned what I've learned through being willing to make mistakes over and over again, many, many mistakes.
(00:31):
More effectiveness as a leader comes down to the effectiveness of the people we lead.
Ever met a physicist who can talk quantum mechanics and your emotional baggage in the same breath?
Meet Randy Lyman, entrepreneur and investor, Inc. 500 alum,
(00:52):
and your new favorite leadership coach.
In today's Executive Connect podcast, Randy breaks down why mindset alone isn't enough
and how emotional intelligence can actually multiply your business results.
Get ready to rethink success, dig deeper, and learn why feelings might just be your most valuable asset.
(01:15):
Welcome, Randy.
Well, hello Melissa. Thanks for having me on. It's going to be fun.
Randy, your journey is anything but conventional.
You're a physicist, a multi-time founder, inventor.
What pulled you into this world of emotional intelligence and leadership coaching?
(01:37):
35 years ago, at the age of 28, I met a woman who I spent three years with
and she was all about spirituality and connection with the unseen and love and just completely different take on life.
And me, who was at the time of completely left brain physicist, mechanical engineer, business person, no emotions, no feelings.
(02:04):
And suddenly I met this woman, Maria, and she took me in a whole different direction.
And I love it. And as a fellow engineer in similar to Maria and also a person that studied physics, I get what you're talking about.
Was there a specific moment that you can point your finger to when you realize something was missing
(02:27):
from the action and mindset formula? Or was it just kind of just happened for you?
Ready to lead smarter and invest wiser?
On the Executive Connect podcast, we unpack executive strategies for wealth and influence.
Hit the subscribe button now. Don't just watch acts.
(02:48):
Well, she introduced me to the law of attraction and so it was all about mindset and visions and thoughts
and watching my words and watching my thoughts and all that was helpful.
And also of course action. Everything fits into three elements.
There are three categories in life. Our thoughts and information are our physical body in the physical world and then our emotions.
(03:10):
So again, I was thinking the right things. I was doing the right things.
But I wasn't aware of the emotional component. So she kind of introduced me to that, but I had an epiphany.
And that epiphany was at a leadership communication workshop.
The third day I had a breakthrough to an old emotional wound from many years earlier when somebody said to me,
(03:35):
"I wish you were more like your friend John." Well, that took me to a deep emotional release
and in a room of 15 people, I was I was ball and I was in tears and feeling all this
rush of emotion come through that had been bottled up inside of me.
And the exercise, at least the approach I took to this exercise was I had a lot of people in my life
(03:56):
who were incompetent. And through Maria's guidance, I looked at my thoughts, making sure I was competent.
My actions make sure I was competent, but the competence issues got bigger and bigger.
Well, once I had this emotional release around wanting to try and be competent to get my family's
approval when I went back to work four days later, all the people in my life who were acting
(04:19):
incompetent suddenly either became competent or they left my life. And being a scientist, cause
an effect, cause an effect. So the cause was, I had the huge emotional release and the effect was
the issues that were being mirrored to me around my attempting to be competent to get approval.
(04:40):
Those issues of competence went away. Just bam, like that. And I made the connection and that helped
me start to look at the world and say, wait a minute, it's not just our thoughts, it's not just our actions,
the emotional component is hugely important. And so I just started looking at every challenge I
had in my life through the lens of, okay, whereas my emotional growth was my opportunity for
(05:02):
emotional healing and change. And since then, I've since then I've had thousands of
situations that I have not been able to fix with my thoughts and actions alone. When I finally said,
okay, I'm going to look at my emotional challenges and my emotional healing opportunities. And suddenly
just like that, the problems are solved. And I've helped many other people through hundreds of
(05:25):
similar situations. That's fascinating. Now you say that success isn't just about taking action,
but it's actually about emotional mastery. How do you define emotional intelligence in a way that
resonates with high achievers? Well, I use your words, emotional mastery. So emotional intelligence can
mean just being aware of our emotions or suppressing our emotions or pushing our emotions aside. But
(05:50):
for me, it goes deeper than that. I believe anytime we have emotions, they are absolutely bigger than
time and space that energy stores within us within our body or our energy field until we experience
that emotion completely. So emotions are valid in the moment. So in the moment, if something I
(06:11):
experience something, my mind makes up a story, my emotional response to the story is moved towards
something good or away from something bad. And that emotional guidance is valid in the moment. But once
the moment passes, if I only experienced a percentage that emotional energy because I didn't want to be
too happy when I'm in the middle of a board meeting or my parents said, no, you can't be too happy.
(06:35):
That's dangerous in whatever form they told us or somebody said, don't feel that pain because
we don't have the time and space for that. So I hang onto that emotional energy. It stores like
gasoline in a metal can and it's bigger than time and space. So it has to, in order to be released,
I have to experience that completely through a bodily experience. I can't do it through my mind.
(06:59):
And I know I'm adding a lot of complicated things here, but the point is the emotions that we don't
feel completely will stay with us until we feel them. So what happens in a business leadership situation?
If I'm walking into a room where I'm leading people and I have worries or doubts or any feelings or
(07:19):
emotions from past emotional wounds that I haven't released, that energy is still residing within me.
And if it's near the surface and I walk into a room, the people in that room, whether they're people in
the shipping department or in a board room, they feel my worry. They feel my tension. They feel those
things and my ego is trying to avoid those. So my ego's my mind is confused and trying to push that
(07:44):
down. The emotions are still spilling out into the room and I can't be the most effective leader
that I can be if I'm emotionally clear. I love that. So now are there specific steps? Can you
walk us through those steps? Actually, let me reframe that. Let me just ask the question. Give me the
steps on how you help people build those skills to deal with their emotions. Everybody has a different
(08:11):
way of getting in touch with their emotional wounds and releasing them and that's fine. In my book,
I can hope I can make a plug from my book here, the third element. In my book, the third element,
in chapter seven, I go over 14 different exercises and modalities that work for releasing. But usually
with leaders, I start with, let's write down a list of the problems, the physical, real life problems
(08:35):
in our life, whether it's at work as a leader or whether it's at home. And then for each problem,
after you write them all out, and there's between five and maybe 20. And then my mind says,
oh, there's only 20. I can do 20, but my imagination wants to make the problem bigger than it is.
So I write out all the problems. Then next to that, next column over, how do you want to do it?
(08:55):
Freeform. What is the solution that I think I can apply from my mind, from a mental perspective and
a physical perspective? And that's helpful sometimes. I just solve it that way. Usually, there's a
deeper issue, which is how do I feel about this problem? How am I being irritated? What emotions
are coming up? What feelings are coming up? What blame is coming up? Now, for me, that's where the
(09:20):
real power is, because now that I've identified the emotion or at least acknowledged there's an
emotion behind the logical problem, now I can find a modality to works for me to deal with the
emotional issue. And it can be as simple as a breathing exercise. It can be more journaling.
It can be EFT tapping. It can be walking in nature. It can be gratitude for the other things in
(09:44):
life that work. But the whole plan is to have my mind involved in a process that gets me in touch with
my physical, my feelings through my physical body, then I can work through it. Now, I do this work
aside from being at work. I do it in a personal space. If I can do a breathing exercise at work and
work through that, I do. But again, journaling, what is the problem? Are there solutions? What are
(10:07):
the underlying feelings? And then a simple exercise, if possible, simple, sometimes more complicated,
to get through the emotional baggage underneath that exterior problem?
Yeah, and I love what you said. I think it's bringing those things to the surface and really
putting them down on paper and thinking through it so we can attack them because I find in the
(10:32):
corporate world that a lot of times people put on, I'm just going to call it their armor and they
come to work and they push down their emotions and they just move on with an extend before a long,
we carry all of this kind of wick, thus like you were saying. And so I love the idea of writing it down
and figuring out how many things am I really working with? I think the simple act to that is
(10:59):
really a big step. And so the armor that we put on, the mask that we wear,
if you're taking a snapshot in time or in video, yeah, that kind of works. But if we're dealing with people,
they feel what's behind the armor. They feel what's underneath the mask and that creeps into our mind
(11:22):
and now we're focused on defending ourselves and trying to keep up the mask and we're not focused
on how we connect with the people that we're working with. And a lot of leaders are going to say,
connect, why do I want to connect with the people I'm working with? That's scary. So for me, I was worried
when I first started doing this in the in the work environment, I was afraid people wouldn't respect me.
(11:45):
Turns out the opposite is true when I can show up calm and confident because I've worked in my own
emotional issues or at least I've identified them with my mind and I said, I'm going to consciously
deliberately put those aside for the moment. Now they're not creeping into my interaction
and I show up and I'm able to be authentic. I can admit my mistakes. I can ask for help
and people say, wow, this guy is being authentic and he's still calm. He must really be strong.
(12:10):
They feel safe and they show up authentic and now we've got a team of people who are authentic
and who want to work together and then the results just just multiplies and we accomplish
so much more when we can show up that way. Yeah, I spot on. I think people can sense like when people
(12:32):
are putting on a show or pretending to be somebody they're not or and I love that you said that.
I want to jump a little bit into your background. Now you've led and scaled companies through high
stakes, high pressure environments. What advice would you give leaders who hit internal walls of doubt,
fear, they're overwhelmed, especially in high-stakes situations? Are you a high-income professional
(12:58):
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fund.executiveconnectpodcast.com. We don't have to be perfect. We are human. And I've learned
what I've learned through being willing to make mistakes over and over again, many, many mistakes.
I've asked for help. I've learned what I've learned from the wonderful people I've worked with
and from mentors and most of the people I work with, they say, "Hey, you know this better than me,
(13:42):
and whether it be accounting or statistical approach for quality control and all those things."
I've learned that from other people and I've also learned from the people who are better at me at
the time than interacting with other people. How can I show up and be a better leader? Now,
they work for me, but I don't care. What do I care? My power in a position of leadership doesn't come
(14:05):
from my authority. It doesn't come from my title. It comes from my ability to help other people feel safe
and know that I'm there to help them succeed and when they know I'm there to help them succeed and
they feel that, then they're going to help me and the group succeed. So I learn these things through being
willing to fail, being willing to admit to my mistakes and being willing to learn from others. Curiosity.
(14:28):
It's not about being right. People don't want me to be right. They want to be right. They want me to
help them find ways to be right and then they're on board. So it comes to putting my ego aside and
not needing to be perfect and being, and that's what we are as humans. We're never perfect. Yeah,
we get to a level of perfection in a certain area, but the business is about successful businesses
(14:57):
are about do the teams and the people I work with believe and truly feel I support them, then
they're on board and do the customers I serve feel. Feel is a keyword. Do they feel that I'm going to
stand behind my services and stand behind my products and truly deliver value and when they feel that
(15:17):
based on my actions that back up my words, then I have a successful business. The customers decide
if we're successful or not as a business is not up to us. We can think we're doing a great job,
but if the customers don't feel it, if our team members don't feel it, we're not going to succeed ideas
or not what that creates success, delivering products and delivering and creating an environment
(15:41):
for success. That's what matters. Yeah, I love it. I totally agree. I know me personally, Randy,
I've stood in my own way in high stakes environments through resistance doubt, uncertainty.
Is there a way that you teach leaders how to get out of their own way so they can accomplish all
(16:04):
that they need to in their personal lives or professional lives? The best way for us to show up
more clear is to be willing to address the internal pains. Open Pandora's box of emotions,
deal with the positive, deal with that we've denied, deal with the negatives we've denied,
and people think, well, God, if I open that box, I'm going to be stuck in anger or frustration,
(16:28):
or disappointment forever. And the opposite is true. If we avoid it, it's bigger than time and space,
and it will always influence our reality. But if we take the time to address our emotional wounds,
we only have to feel them once. And some things are like an ending, you got to peel a layer and
feel it two or three or five times. But the more that we feel our old wounds, that energy is released
(16:50):
and gets out of our way. So it's like throwing dynamics in science. The first law of throwing
dynamics is energy is neither created nor destroyed. So we have an emotional response,
our mind creates a story, our emotions create the energy, and if we don't act on that energy,
that energy's stored. But if we if we find a way to go back in time so to speak, in the present moment,
(17:12):
that's a dichotomy, I know, but if we can be present in the moment and find a way to turn up those
old emotional wounds, then as we feel them through a physical body experience, whether it's just
I feel them in my body and my gut in my heart, or whether I cry the tears, which as a man, I do,
then that energy is turned into heat. And it's gone. It's out of our feel that energy of that
(17:36):
information of the emotional wounds turned into heat and released. So we have to find ways to
release the negative. Now, the beautiful part is when we release, when we release the negative energy,
love replaces that immediately. And that's what helped me in experiencing the bigger wounds I needed
to experience is as I did that a few times, then I felt that love energy replace the anger,
(18:01):
the disappointment, the feeling alone or the sadness. And when that those negative energies were
released, the love replaced it. Now we're more clear and we can show up with our baggage.
I love it. I had a mentee that phoned me earlier this week and she said, Melissa, I don't know what I'm
doing wrong in my career. Every single manager I've had is a difficult manager to deal with. And she's
(18:29):
changed like seven jobs over the last 10 years. And she keeps telling me she's like, how am I ending up
with the same personality, the same difficult manager? He works me harder than everybody else.
He has separate expectations and I can never keep them happy. So she ends up staying for a year and leaving
(18:54):
for another position. What would you tell somebody that's jumping from job to job? Because every
single person that she's reporting to is difficult and not a supportive collaborative boss.
It is the law of attraction giving her the gift. And yes, I use the word gift.
The gift of an indication where there's an opportunity for healing. Now without some guidance,
(19:19):
it's really difficult to understand all that. And again, I'm a complaint from my book, The Third
Element. I explain how the law of attraction creates co-create our reality for us every moment of
every day. Nothing's random. It's based on our thoughts, based on our actions, and based on the
emotions that emotional energy stored with in us that God who loves us wants us to release those
(19:43):
old emotional pains. And so your friend, your mentee, God says, I want you to really feel this at
the deepest level so you can release it. But our mind, our human ego, which we need, we don't want
to kill the ego. We want to partner with our higher self and partner with our child self. But our
ego's job is to protect us from pain, including emotional wounds. So when she can find a modality
(20:04):
and exercise that helps her get in touch with those old emotional wounds and feel it. And again,
I'm going to say, cry the tears and release those wounds from when she was six years old or 16
or whatever it was, then the law of attraction is no longer obligated to bring her reminders.
Well said. Now, culture has been the buzzword a lot lately in the corporate America. And I know a lot
(20:29):
of companies are trying to build these cultures that don't just thrive. They survive. And I know you
talk a lot about service, base leadership. What does that actually look like in a company culture?
It starts at the top whether it's the the board that runs a huge corporation or
(20:49):
and then it filters to the CEO or the owner of whoever that is. If the leader cannot show up
authentically and they have an armor around them and everybody else believes and feels and believes
they have to have an armor and they operate that way. So when leadership can work through their
own emotional issues, their own emotional baggage and show up more clear and more confident and calm
(21:12):
without the need for control. Now they're going to work with again, calm confidence collaboration.
And when they can create that environment where people are free to make mistakes,
people are free to disagree and disagreement is encouraged. If you study Alan Mulally who ran
Boeing for a while and then turned around for many years ago, Alan Mulally was all about, hey,
(21:32):
let's disagree openly and figure out a way through this. That's not hide the truth. Let's embrace
the truth. Now, if the leader is not centered within themselves that they have emotional baggage,
they're not going to be able to do this. They're not going to be comfortable doing this. But if the
leader says, I'm going to work on myself, I'm going to acknowledge, here's a big one, I'm going to acknowledge
the problems within my business, the relationship problems, the people problems, are all a reflection of
(21:59):
me. That was just a really tough pill to swallow. And even when I was quite a waste down that road,
in about 1998, I had an intervention, three people I worked with, intervenants in Ranty, you're too
stressed and we know you know what works and we know your beliefs are right, but your actions are not
right right now. You need to work through your own issues at a deeper level in order to be effective.
(22:23):
And I was like, oh man, this hurts. I went, oh my, I talked to my wife and she said, yeah, they're right.
You have to look at yourself. You have to work through your own issues. Then when you work through
your own issues, you can create the culture that you want to create. Now, I learned some things through
that inter perspective. First, I had more issues to work through personally. And I always put my
hand in my heart because it's got to come through. It's all feelings. So I did that. I worked on my own
(22:48):
issues and I made it made through some big healing issues. And then I started to build a culture based
on three things. And the culture is based on what everybody needs more than they need the money.
They need to be acknowledged for who they are as an individual. So when I interact with people and
I get to know them on a more personal basis, doesn't have to be deep. I acknowledge them for the unique
(23:08):
contribution. I found out a little bit about them or their family or whatever they're willing to
share without probing. And then when I talk to them again, whether it's three days later or three weeks
later, I ask, hey, how's that? How's your kid doing in soccer or your daughter is going to graduate
or you have that project you're working on with your father? Now suddenly, I recognize them as an
individual. So they feel acknowledged. That's big. The second one is people need to feel like they're
(23:32):
contributing to the cause. And the reason they need that is because if their life doesn't
really have that much purpose outside of work, if they feel like they're really contributing at work,
it gives their life meaning and people need that. And then the third thing is they need to feel like
they belong to the group. They do they belong to the group in a way that feels like family.
(23:53):
And that gives them a sense of safety because it makes them important. And so I've learned,
I identified these three things. I learned how to change my behavior, to acknowledge,
feel like make them feel like they're contributing, help them feel like they're contributing and
help them feel like they belong. Then I built a culture on that and then the business took off.
That's great. Now, how can leaders, people are leading people create environments where
(24:20):
emotional intelligence and purpose aren't actually just buzzwords. They're actually regular daily
practices. As a leader, I have to learn to listen and not just ping pong back and forth, not just
mere the last three words back, but give a huge pause as you would say, a pregnant pause and let people
speak more if they want to. And if I have a feeling or their facial expression show me,
(24:45):
their body language shows me, they have more to say, then I don't respond. I ask them, well,
what else do you think? What are you feeling? What else is there? If they don't empty their cup,
if they don't express everything they want to express, they're hanging onto that so then when
they get an opportunity to speak again, they can speak more. And they don't listen to me because
they're hanging onto those ideas. And so when I give them the space to express and I hear them,
(25:10):
then they're ready to hear me. And listening at that deeper level, it takes time and most people,
I don't have the time to wait. Well, we don't have the time to tell people twice. We don't have
the time to try to get people on board by manipulating them. It's so much easier to get them on board
by them truly feeling that we care about them. So it's investment in time and listening,
(25:35):
group problem solving is something that I was afraid of at first. What if the group comes up with
a dumb decision? Well, first of all, if they do, I can guide them to a better decision by asking
questions, not by offering advice, but by asking questions. And if their decision is only 60% as good
as mine, they own it 100% and they want to make that idea their plan succeed. So I have to be willing
(26:02):
and vulnerable and let them come up with their own ideas. And I can always guide them and I can
override them if I have to, but let them come up with their own ideas through group problem solving.
And then they can ask me questions or I can ask them questions, how is this going? Have you tried
this or that? Now they take ownership in the solution 100% ownership. If it's my idea and it's perfect
(26:23):
and they fail, it's still my fault. If it's their idea and it's not perfect and they fail, they're
going to ask for help. You're going to be open to getting help for a better solution. Now this is
a huge investment in time, but once they learn they can solve problems themselves. They start doing that.
Now most leaders don't put emotional intelligence and emotional healing on their business strategy,
(26:48):
but maybe they should from what I'm hearing you say. So can you explain maybe unpack it a little
bit more on how doing the inner work can actually lead to outer explosive results for companies and
organizations? So as a leader that means we're leading other people and we're not doing all the work.
That's obvious, but I'm going to go through the logic of it. So the our effectiveness as a leader comes
(27:14):
down to the effectiveness of the people we lead. So that's partially based on our plan and the plan
we come up with together, but it's also extremely based on how well people buy into our plan and how
much they want the organization to succeed. Now the numbers are most important, but the people drive
the numbers. They can't drive numbers without people and when people are acknowledged who they are,
(27:39):
they feel like they're contributing and they feel like they belong and they're getting
acknowledgment through through public praise. I'm taking responsibility for any mistake publicly. I
take as a leader, I take responsibility for all the mistakes, even if it's not my fault. That gives
them a sense of safety and they're willing to to risk and try more things that they might not have
(28:03):
tried in a safe space. So I as a leader, I motivate my people through an authentic connection. My people
then drive the agenda and the plans and that creates the numbers and that creates the success. So if I
just look at the numbers, people aren't going to do what they need to do unless they want to do it.
(28:27):
So is there a certain process you guide organizations through to, because you and I are both
engineer-minded people, science people and we're not that those kind of people. I'm just going to
say it like it is. So a lot of times the touchy feeling, the softer side being vulnerable,
(28:49):
talking about things were more doers and a little coal-minded. So when you, like, putting on the
hat of working with fellow engineers and you know, physics people, how do you guide them through
that process of switching hats, if you will, from, you know, that left brain to right brain to right
(29:11):
brain to left brain? Start at home with your domestic partner. Tell them this is what I'm going to
try and it may make mistakes, but please allow me the space to make mistakes. Well, our domestic
partner already judges us. They already know who we are. They already see our faults. Now, we're going
to have a better connection with our domestic partner when we are vulnerable. So when I'm open
(29:36):
with my wife about my challenges, then she accepts me better and that's a great place to practice.
And I can say, "God, I don't know if I want to say this because it might not go over well,
well, try that in a place where you're truly safe, hopefully you're truly safe in your personal
relationship." You're not finding another in personal relationships. But that's where I started was
(29:57):
there at home and then, "Okay, I found somebody who I worked with, who I trusted and they trusted me
and I said, "I'd like to take a different approach to this. I'm going to be honest with you about my
doubts of myself. You don't want to be honest with the other person about your doubts about them
unless you have to. That this is where my doubts are. These are where my worries are. These are where
my concerns are and can you help me?" So now I've found a safe person at work who I can test this with.
(30:22):
Then when I get some good results, I'm going to make some mistakes along the way. Now I can take
what I've learned with this partner I've chosen and then I can expand it to a larger group, whether it's
a larger group of leaders, whether it's the team that this leader within my group, I've shared my
approach with, "Hey, can we try this with your group?" So if I'm working with quality control or
(30:46):
shipping or sales and I work with that manager and it's work, I said, "I'd like to try this now with your
group." So we experiment with one person and then a little bit bigger group. We make some mistakes,
but we're going to find successes and in doing that, it gives us the safety to try it more often.
Oh, that's such good advice. Practicing in a safe environment where if you make a mistake,
(31:13):
you have some money that's going to help you as I call it, get back on that yellow brick road. And I
think that's such fantastic advice because the more that we do it, the more that it's just natural.
And the more it's just natural, the more people show up in reciprocation of us being authentic,
we bring in more authentic relationships. And like you said at the beginning, all the, I'm going to
(31:36):
just going to call it a riffraff, all the riffraff stays away and you bring forward abundance.
And another thing that I realized is people only judge me when I judge myself. Now that can be
the subconscious level I'm judging myself, but when I was aware of people judging me, then I said,
"Okay, how am I judging myself?" So outside awareness of the outside first, then I turn to
(32:01):
houses reflection of me, then I work through my emotional issues around being judged or judging
myself or other people judging me. I work through their emotional wounds. Now when I show up and I have
no judgment, I can talk to anybody about anything and they don't judge me because I'm,
law of attraction is not asking them to judge me. Law of attraction is not obligated to bring up
(32:24):
an outside judgment to remind me of an internal judgment if that makes sense.
Yeah, so essentially you're working through why you're so judgmental of yourself,
therefore people that interact with you aren't judging you is what I'm hearing.
And energetically, law of attraction, they're not attracted to judges. We don't need that lesson.
(32:49):
So part of it is yes in our minds also we don't want to be judgmental, but more importantly,
any emotional wounds around it. Now I talk again about emotional wounds and be like, "Worthy,
you're a scientist, what are you talking about? Emotions." So in my book I clearly explain how our life is
not random. There's only two rules in life that God has for us. There's only two. The first one is
(33:14):
when we respond from a place of love and with the intent of a positive outcome, we can find a long
lasting solution. If we respond from fear or anger or doubt, we're not going to find a long lasting
solution. So love is the answer. That's the first rule. The second rule and what goes with this is
God doesn't judge us. God doesn't have expectations. What we're given is a tool, a servant,
(33:39):
a law of attraction and the law of attraction responds to our thoughts, response to our actions
and response to our emotions, both present motions and emotional energy that's stored. And that's
it. And so every moment of every day, and this goes and explained in the book, it goes all the way
down to the subatomic level related to Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. And the two-slit
(34:02):
two-slit experiment, reality and energy, okay, reality doesn't exist until we interact with the
energy. So when we have thoughts, we have actions, we have emotions, our physical reality is created
for us in the moment. And there are infinite possibilities, but the possibility, the possible future
(34:24):
we walk into is based on what the law of attraction creates in response to what we need. And
so this is, for me, a science and it goes down to something that in 1957, I think Hugh Advert
talked about this in one of his papers. And so yeah, it seems like it's all abstract,
(34:47):
but when we look at the uncertainty principle and how energy is turned into matter as it's
observed and as we call on it to play a part for us, and we look at it from that scientific
perspective that the law of attraction makes perfect sense.
Yeah, and I love that. I think too, the same things keep showing up in your life,
(35:10):
unless we're dealing with, like you mentioned at the beginning, the emotions, the,
what are we thinking about? What are we feeling about? What do we need to address? So we're not getting
you know, the same bad relationship or the same bad job or the same whatever. We need to, as you
mentioned at the beginning, go through and write all those things down, figure out the emotion that's
(35:31):
attached to it, work through those emotions, and put forward love into the world and expect love
and others and other experiences. And therefore you will receive those things back.
So you explained it perfectly and in explanation it's simple in practice, it's not easy, but that's
life. What in life is really easy and what worth going after is ever easy, but I can tell you for sure
(35:55):
the rewards are huge. My life has improved in my relationships, in my physical health, and absolutely
in my financial success has been based on my willingness to deal with my own emotions and to approach
the people in my life and see the divine beauty within everybody including the people who lie,
(36:17):
cheat, steal and attack me. And when I see it all as a gift and a lesson, then I can find the lesson
and I can find the gift and I live my life completely differently. And I love that you share that
because I do also agree. I think you can have an abundant life and all the things that you hope and
dream and wish for. We just have to do work on ourselves and point ourselves in the right direction
(36:41):
and therefore bringing bringing forward all that we do want. I want to get any final thoughts or any
nuggets of wisdom, Randy, you want to listen with our listeners that we didn't touch on today.
Absolutely. Every one of us is a spiritual being, a beautiful spiritual being on a human path.
(37:03):
I'm a big believer in multiple lifetimes and some people just more advanced than others. There's
people here much more advanced than me because of more lifetimes. But we're all beautiful internally
inside. We're all deserving and we all have the opportunity to find success at a deeper level
than we are now. And we're all, again, deserving. We're not deserving and that's not true. That's
(37:25):
B.S. So put aside your judgment, suspend your doubts and just say, wow, maybe I am a spiritual being,
maybe I am deserving of more and I'm willing to ask for help from something bigger than me.
And when we do that, the answers are shown to us and we do that. It's a challenge to go through
(37:46):
emotionally for people who believe they're not deserving. But you will be shown more beautiful parts
of yourself that are truly a part of who you are at the deepest level. And that's what we're here
to experience and that's what we're here to experience in our relationships with everybody else.
I love that. So well said. Now, Randy, tell our listeners a little bit about how they connect
(38:13):
with you and what's the best way to find your book. So the best way to find my book is on a
major bookseller. I won't say who because some platforms don't allow that, but through my website,
RandyLiamon.com, they will find links to the book, they will find links to workbooks and tapping
(38:35):
exercises. A lot of things I share for free. They can click on the how-to and see some of the
practitioners I work with personally today. They can click on the books section and see the books
that have been effective for me and they can follow me on social media through RandyLiamon.com.
Randy, this has been such an incredible conversation. Emotional intelligence often gets treated
(39:00):
like a soft skill, but today you have absolutely showed us that it's a power skill. Thank you so
much for being here. I know this is going to be a game changer for our listeners. That's the Executive
Connect podcast. Well you're welcome, Lissa. Thanks for having me on your questions. You're wonderful.
And I absolutely love the work that you're doing and people should continue to listen to your work
(39:25):
ongoing. Thank you so much, Randy.
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