November 19, 2024 • 47 mins
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Welcome to an inspiring exploration of integrating faith into family life with our special guests, Soren and Ever Johnson, the visionary founders of Trinity House Community. Soren and Ever share their transformative journey from coordinating Catholic experiences for young adults to establishing a nurturing ministry that supports families across 29 churches in 10 states. As parents of five, their personal story of navigating the challenges of parenting while fostering faith offers practical insights and a refreshing perspective for families seeking to cultivate spirituality at home.
Our conversation uncovers the profound impact of intentional family practices inspired by the Trinity House Way. Soren and Ever discuss how principles of welcoming, listening, and serving can elevate family life into a communion of persons that reflects divine love. They reveal a practical roadmap through the five levels of family life, providing families with a structured approach to spiritual growth that permeates daily living and transcends traditional Sunday services or religious education.
Listeners will gain valuable wisdom on the importance of surrender and allowing divine guidance to lead family life. Through heartfelt discussions on hospitality and community service, informed by insights from the Barna Group study, Soren and Ever illustrate how these practices can enhance children's faith retention into adulthood. With their Trinity House Café and community gatherings as a backdrop, they showcase a model for churches to foster "Heaven in Your Home" events, strengthening family bonds and spiritual growth through meaningful fellowship and hospitality.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back parents.
Hey, I want to give a shout outto all our listeners.
In Virginia we have this newpocket of the nation that's
getting more and more involvedin families of character, and
they come from the great stateof Virginia.
We've had people write in abouthearing our podcast.
(00:23):
We've had a few couples fromVirginia who have gone through
our Thriving Family Acceleratorcourse that course for couples.
So go Virginia.
This is so exciting.
If you are from Virginia andyou are listening, can you just
do me a favor?
If you are listening on Spotifyor Apple, can you just take a
(00:44):
minute and give us a rating andreview?
We would really appreciate that.
Anytime someone rates orreviews our podcast, it puts us
up in the charts so that peoplecan find us easier, and we
definitely want to spread thismessage far and wide of really
bolstering the marriages in ourfamilies and then developing
(01:07):
kids of character.
So, speaking of Virginia, ourguests on today's show are also
living in Virginia, LeesburgVirginia to be specific.
So welcome to our show, Sorenand Ever Johnson.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Thank you so much, Jordan.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Thank you, we're excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Guys, soren and Ever, are just like us.
They're parents.
They've been married since 2001.
They have five children andthey are the founders of a
nonprofit ministry calledTrinity House Community, whose
mission is to inspire familiesto make home a taste of heaven
(01:51):
for the renewal of faith andculture.
Now you might be thinkingheaven in the home.
Do not stop listening.
Just because you think heavenin our home, it's more like a
bit of hell most days.
I have read their book Heavenin your Home and you're actually
closer than you think.
(02:12):
So, soren and Ever, I can'twait for you to tell us what was
going on in your own marriageand family life that prompted
you to start a nonprofit to helpfamilies get a little bit more
heaven in their homes.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Well, thanks, jordan.
We were married in 2001 andvery early into our dating
relationship it was love atfirst sight and we knew that we
wanted to do full-time ministrytogether from a very early point
in our marriage.
So, two kids into our marriage.
(02:49):
We started a nonprofit and westarted doing activities in the
DC area for young adults, if youwill immersive Catholic
experiences where they couldgrow in the faith and also
fellowship through dinners andworship in the mass.
And you know, life went on.
(03:11):
We had five children and wereally felt we can talk about
the cafe that we started as partof this ministry.
But closer to 2019, we reallyfelt the Lord calling us to take
this ministry in the directionof serving families.
You know, we kind of lookedaround and said you know, what
(03:34):
do we wish had been there whenwe started our family and
brought our first newborn home.
Too often in at least someCatholic parishes, there isn't
that sense of community andfellowship that can really
support parents, equip them witha vision and a blueprint and
strategies and then encouragethem along the way.
(03:56):
As you know, there's just somuch hitting families and
challenging them today.
So we went out with a visionand we're able to go full-time
together with Trinity HouseCommunity and we're just really
blessed to be, five years later,serving families at 29 churches
and parishes across the countryin 10 states.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Wow, congratulations.
Five years, 29 churches, abunch of different states.
You are ministering to couplesand families, that is for sure.
Thank you for what you're doingfor families.
What exactly did you feel likewas missing?
You said you know two kids inand five kids in.
(04:41):
It's like man.
We wish we would have had ablueprint for, you know, maybe
integrating faith into our home.
What was it?
What were a few of the thingsthat you noticed were kind of
missing?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
I think, jordan, there are a couple of important
things missing for Catholicfamilies who are trying to
figure out how to raise theirkids in the faith.
One was just a vision and amodel.
So, instead of getting marriedand having kids and thinking,
(05:21):
you know, we're going to raiseour family in the faith,
wouldn't it be great if peoplehad a very specific framework
for how to do that?
Because what we found when westarted having kids is, it's,
way more challenging than youthought it was going to be.
Obviously, there's nothing thatyou're doing.
That's rocket science.
I mean, there's just a wholelot of caring for little bodies
(05:43):
and cooking and cleaning andgrocery shopping and, you know,
hard days at work and all thethings that are, you know, so
basic in a way, but there arejust so many of them.
So we thought, you know, asparents of several young
children, our backs are to thewall.
We have no time to really thinkabout our ideals anymore.
(06:05):
Wouldn't it be nice if someonecould just tell us a
step-by-step process of how toraise our children in the faith?
And that is why we looked atthe catechism and found the
teaching on the family as acommunion of persons, a sign and
image of the communion betweenthe Father and the Son and the
(06:25):
Holy Spirit, and we said, okay,this is the basics about the
family.
The core teaching of the TrinityHouse way is the family is a
communion of persons in theimage of God, and deepening our
communion, becoming an ever moreradiant image of God, having
our home overflow as a taste ofheaven into our neighborhood,
(06:46):
that's our ultimate goal.
But how would we actuallyaccomplish that in our
day-to-day life?
So the model that we createdfrom that core teaching we call
it the Trinity House Way and youcan see it on our Heaven in
your Home flowchart on ourwebsite.
But that was definitely one bigpiece that was missing is OK,
(07:10):
well, we have barely two braincells left to figure out what
we're doing with all these kidsrunning around and the noise
levels and the chaos.
Someone please tell us just astep by step model to get where
we want to go, which obviouslyis heaven.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Oh, I love that and I'm giggling with you because
I'm thinking, yes, two braincells.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
Exactly.
I mean, you're just so maxedout.
Yes, you can go for yearswithout really referring back to
your ideals.
I mean, you still have them inyour heart, but you're just so
exhausted and every shred ofwhat you have is being taken
from you.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
So yes, there's so many responsibilities as parents
just in the home setting.
I joke about this a little bitbut when I started my career as
a clinical social worker, Iworked at the women's prison in
Fort Worth, at the federalprison, and I have this analogy
that actually we were kind ofrunning a little prison in our
(08:11):
home when our kids were inschool, because we would take
them to school and drop them offand they went to these great
Catholic schools and we wouldpick them up at the end of the
day and it was three hots and acot.
Three hot meals is what theygot at home and a cot to sleep
in and a shower.
(08:32):
We would give them a shower too.
You get that in prison too butthen we would start over and do
the next day the same way, andmy husband and I were just
feeling like you know whatsomething huge is missing at
home.
This can't be it for parentingand family life, and we very
much wanted our faith to be partof our home life as well, and
(08:54):
we started getting this feelingthat, like wait, we're living
our faith on Sundays and maybeon Wednesdays when we take them
to religious ed class, and maybeon Wednesdays when we take them
to religious ed class, but whenwe're in our home, how is our
home reflection of our belief inour faith?
And that's when we reallystarted.
First of all, we decided tostart homeschooling at that
(09:16):
point and so it was like, well,it's all up to us now, right,
because we can't outsource tothe school anymore if we're
doing that ourselves, and so,but we kind of went about it
just kind of bumbling around,right, like you mentioned, the
catechism of the Catholic churchand referencing that and
learning from that, and there'sa lot of great Christian and
(09:39):
Catholic resources for parentsin the home.
But we never did have ablueprint.
So the idea that you guys wentyou know what there is something
so beautiful to marriage andfamily life that most families
are actually missing out on andwe could put together a kind of
a roadmap or, you know, a flowchart of how to practically do
(10:04):
that in your home is justawesome.
So talk to us a little bitabout this flow chart that you
put together.
That comes from these kind ofthree basic ideas that we can
use to get our family started inintegrating faith at home.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Sure, well, I'll take the first stab at it.
Essentially, we call it alifelong project.
For any of your listeners whodownload it from our Trinity
House website, we don't wantthem to be overwhelmed.
There's a lot on that page, butit really takes that core
(10:41):
insight that your family is animage of God, the Father, son
and Holy Spirit, a communion ofpersons, and it tries to say,
okay, well, what does that looklike?
And we begin with what we call aposture of welcome, listen,
serve.
And we take that back to thisbeautiful icon that many of your
(11:03):
listeners have probably seen byAndrei Rublev, the Trinity icon
, and on the left side of thatyou see God, the Father, and
he's welcoming us at his tableat the altar.
There's a space for us, him.
On the right side of the iconis the Holy Spirit leaning in,
(11:26):
listening to us, our advocate,the paraclete, our intercessor,
and so we see the welcoming ofthe Father, the listening of the
Spirit, and then, in the middleof the icon, we see Jesus
beneath the tree of life ofcourse, his cross as well, and
Jesus is serving us with hislife, death and resurrection.
(11:49):
And this welcome, listen, serveposture, which we can take from
the Holy Trinity is just abeautiful way to think of how
you are leading your family tothe father's house, which you
can see in the upper left-handpart of the icon heaven, and
(12:10):
this is really just a beautifulimage that has inspired so many
families in the Trinity Housenetwork.
And then we really unpack thatinto what we call five levels of
family life, and maybe Everettcould just do a quick tour
through that.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I'll just say, before we go on to talk about the five
levels you mentioned the first,the three principles on the
left side of the flow chart, thefirst one being, you know, to
be other-centered, as thepersons of God are within their
communion of persons.
So that's what draws us together, is being other-centered.
And then two, as Soren said,practically speaking you can do
(12:50):
that by welcoming, listening andserving.
And then three, the third stepon the flow chart, is to really
be wary of distractions andaddictions, because of course
the evil one is always going totry to keep us from being other
centered and deepening ourcommunion with our family
members.
So he'll do that in all sortsof little ways, just as simple
(13:12):
as distracting us, you know,with too much scrolling, too
much work, overspending,whatever sorts of habits we have
that kind of take us away fromfocusing on one another.
And of course the evil one'sgoal is to turn those
distractions into addictions andreally break that communion of
(13:33):
persons.
So of course he really despisesan image of God and he will do
whatever it takes to try tobreak that communion.
So those three steps are justvery foundational and they allow
you to get your family into aplace where you can build out
the five levels.
Level one, of course, is faithlife.
(13:55):
That's where we receive ourcommunion.
Of course we don't have tocreate our communion of persons.
We receive God's own communionfrom the heart of the Holy
Trinity, through Mary's yes,through Jesus' life, death and
resurrection, and then in thelife of the church, the lives of
the saints.
That communion is passed to uson the altar in the Eucharist at
(14:17):
Sunday Mass.
So we receive our communion infaith life.
The key practice of faith lifeis the Holy Sabbath.
And then in level two, personalrelationships, we deepen that
communion.
The key practice is date nightfor level two.
And then level three, householdeconomy.
(14:38):
We care for our communion, andthe key practice there is chore
day.
And level four we celebrate ourcommunion.
The key practice there is choreday and level four we celebrate
our communion, the key practicebeing the daily family meal.
And then, level five,hospitality and service.
We share that taste of heaventhat we've been growing with
others, and the key practicethere we call it one outreach.
(14:59):
And it's as simple as havingjust one little thing on your
calendar at any given time.
And it's as simple as havingjust one little thing on your
calendar at any given time whereyou're sharing your family's
communion with others.
So sometimes, when your kidsare little, it's as simple as
you know sending the juice boxesfor the class party.
It can be very simple.
Or maybe it's your turn to hostyour extended family at
Thanksgiving or Christmas,something like that.
(15:22):
Just making sure to be outwardfocused and trust that your
beloved family members will seeyour needs and fill them.
And the neat thing about thisway of life together is, I think
we've all experienced, you knowat one time or another, what
(15:43):
it's like to be individualspursuing our self-interest under
the same roof, and you canstill call it a family, but it
doesn't have the family feeling.
And the family feeling reallycomes from people looking at
other people's needs and seeingwhat they can do to fulfill them
.
Because in the life of God,it's that other centeredness and
(16:06):
self-giving that causes thecreativity and blessings to
arise from the life of God.
So, of course, to simplifyTrinitarian theology, God, the
Father, you know, is totallyfocused on the Son.
He gives everything that he hasto the Son.
Totally focused on the son.
He gives everything that he hasto the son.
(16:28):
The son receives that, but he'stotally focused on the father
and he gives everything back tothe father for the father's
glory.
So neither of them are sittingwith the resources that they
have.
They're both giving all thatthey have and are to the other
and, by virtue of it being amutual self-giving, what happens
is the explosion of creativitythat is the life of the Holy
(16:51):
Spirit.
So there's a multiplier effectto focusing on one another
instead of your self-interest.
So, of course, if everyone underthat roof is focusing on their
self-interest, all that theyhave is their own resources to
get where they want to go right.
And that's why families oftenfeel like we have nothing left
(17:12):
to give, Because they're notcreating the overflow of the
life of the Holy Spirit withinthe family.
That can only come about byother-centered mutual
self-giving.
So when that multiplier effectcomes into action, the life of
God really starts to overflow inthe family and the family's
(17:34):
needs are fully met and there'smuch more that overflows for the
provision of extended familyand friends and neighbors.
So that's what we're all goingfor.
We all desire abundance andblessing.
But we just have to reallyunderstand we can't get that
through self-interested action.
We have to look around ourfamily and say how are we going
(17:56):
to meet each other's needs and,in that way, pool our gifts so
that the multiplier effect comesinto play and the grace of God
can start to flow far beyondwhat any of our own
contributions would actuallybring about on their own, and
every family can have thatexplosion of abundance blessing
(18:21):
creativity.
Each person has their gifts,but their gifts can't truly be
ignited without the contributionof the other, because our gifts
are not meant to be operated ontheir own.
They're meant to be used in aGod-given way, according to his
(18:41):
own way of living, which iswired very differently from our
fallen, selfish way of life.
So for our gifts to be ignitedin our hopes and dreams to be
realized, even as individuals,we have to live in this way that
God has wired us to live in,which is other-centered.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
You know, fundamentally we're welcoming
God's life of communion into ourfamily and we just feel like
this is such a relief for busyfamilies out there that you
don't have to make this up, youknow.
You just need to open yourheart to what God is giving your
family, beginning with the HolySabbath.
So we really feel like ifsomebody could just take one
(19:26):
small step today in turningtheir family more in a
Christ-centered Trinity houseway in terms of placing God,
father, son and Holy Spirit atthe heart of their family life.
Begin with your intentionalitysurrounding Sunday.
Are you getting ready for it?
(19:48):
Are you really resting?
Are you really worshipingtogether?
Are you really unplugging fromthe media?
That is just relentless.
So I think when we talk aboutwelcoming, we could really kind
of see that we begin with thisreceptivity of receiving what
God has for our family.
(20:10):
And you know listening, if youlook at person in relationships,
imagine healthy, imaginerelationships in your either
your marriage or with yourchildren without a true sense of
listening, a trueintentionality surrounding, I'm
going to really put my agenda tothe Holy Spirit for inspiration
(20:36):
, who is interceding for us evenas we speak, and create
healthier relationships throughmore and more listening to one
another in this, you know,beautifully grounded way and you
know, I think for service itmight be pretty obvious.
But when you get to that levelthree, where we all spend
(20:57):
household economy, where we allspend probably 80, 90 percent of
our time as families, this iswhere we really have a chance to
develop our servant's heart andwe could join Jesus also in
those quiet years of Nazarethwhere he and Joseph and Mary
(21:19):
were really in that quiet lifeof service in the family and we
can really unite our struggles,challenges.
There's some suffering in there, but we really feel like that.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
Shared work as a family, not each person doing
their own little jobs reallyshared work is just a path
forward to just a beautifulsense of communion in the family
.
There are a couple neat thingsin the book about communication.
I'm more of a talker.
The Irish, the Irish gift ofgab Soren is much more of the
silent Swede, and it's probablygoing to sound defensive for me
to say this, but you know, thetalker wants the listener to
(22:11):
speak up and go back and forth,but they just kind of have
trouble waiting for the listenerto put their thoughts together
and make their contribution.
So it's not that they don't wantto hear.
It's oftentimes and Soren will100% admit this and he was the
one to first say this there's alaziness where the listener just
lets those sound waves washover them and just doesn't want
(22:35):
to make the effort to play theirpart, them, and just doesn't
want to make the effort, youknow, to play their part.
So we did eventually developthis understanding in our
relationship where, hey,everyone needs to make an effort
to not do the thing.
That's really easy for them.
So for the listener that meansspeaking up and playing your
part and for the talker thatmeans just waiting.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
And for the talker that means just waiting.
Yes, and really that is a kindof you know, each couple is
going to find their own dynamicand relationship there.
But the we called it empathiclistening in the book at one
point where you're reallychallenging yourself to, if I'm
(23:28):
just being too passive here andin a listening mode, how can I
step up and really acknowledgewhat I'm hearing?
And, as you know, so we're eachstruggling with this in
different ways.
You know, from whatever webring in from our childhood.
Maybe it's attachment related,maybe it's something we're
struggling with, but this isjust a beautiful way that we can
(23:48):
allow God's life to overflow inour marriages and in our
relationships with our kids.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Yes, I love that.
Just, you don't need to do moreof what you're already good at
right.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
You need to work on the opposite of that and I can
appreciate what you said everabout how you know the talker
really does want the listener toengage and talk back, but we
sometimes have trouble waitingfor it.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
right, we're impatient, yes.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Josh will say well, you got to take a breath for me
to be able to get in there.
But I'm going to challenge himand say you got to be a little
bit more hungry to jump in, Iguess.
Right, instead of that, hereally is a great listener and I
(24:42):
appreciate that.
And yet I think both of uscould, you know, dial it dial it
over the other way.
Yes, exactly, you also talkabout a family meal together,
(25:03):
getting everyone together toenjoy a meal and not just the
average.
What is it?
Eleven minute family dinner.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
That's the average.
Well, the thing that I love tosay about the family meal is
your daily family meal is a miniSabbath Sabbath.
So we mark out the Sabbath.
Of course, sunday or whicheverday you're able to take off
during the week to just rest inbeing a beloved child of God and
(25:26):
receive his love and benurtured and rest in that and
enjoy sharing the good things oflife with your loved ones.
But the neat thing about God'splan is that he has a little bit
of this built into every dayfor us.
So once you start really leaninginto the Holy Sabbath and you
(25:47):
have Sunday and you start toregain a taste for being a child
of God and letting him justcare for you, then you kind of
want to find a way to get alittle taste of that every day.
And so of course, you get thatin your prayer life from day to
(26:07):
day.
You take that sense ofcommunion that you have with our
Lord and that sense of beingcared for by him, of him
listening to you and taking careof your needs, and you extend
that into your you know yourprayer chair where you sit down
every day and you rest in thatcommunion.
But as far as the family lifegoes, you can have that sense of
(26:31):
communion, of cultivating it,of rest, of enjoying the good
things of life every day.
When you come to that end ofthe work day and you've got the
meal onto the table and you sitdown together and the family
meal becomes a mini Sabbathwhere you are nourished and you
enjoy the good things of lifetogether, you look into your
(26:51):
loved one's eyes and youremember the reason why you
worked so hard today was so thatyou could have this meal
together and this time to reallyenjoy one another's company.
So I think sometimes peoplethink of the family meal as it
can be difficult to get it onthe table, but something to get
(27:13):
through so that they can get todo the other things that they
want to do in the evening, whichare often individual pursuits.
But there's a way, you know, inwhich, as a Christian family,
we really need to cultivate ourtaste for communion with one
another and for sharing thattime, that downtime in the
evening with each other.
(27:34):
Not that you can't eventuallyturn in and read your book or
watch your show or do yoursketching or whatever, but there
is something so restorativeabout human communion and just
enjoying those relationships inthe family.
And we can have that miniSabbath every day.
(27:55):
That's why we should never skipthe daily family meal.
We cannot let the evil one takethat communion away from us.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Oh, this is so.
Yes, amen to that.
We love our family dinnerstogether.
We love it.
We sit down every night, nomatter what time it is.
The basketball game gets overat nine o'clock.
Well, we're going to sit downeither before we go or
afterwards, and it's not even asecond thought.
I mean, it's just like this iswhat we do.
This is where we come to be fedand you know in your book I
(28:26):
appreciate that you said youknow your kitchen table like pay
attention to your kitchen table.
Make it a place that's invitingand that you know people want to
come to.
Sometimes you walk in and theremay be mail all over the table
or homework or whatever, andthat's okay.
Sometimes that's where thingsland.
But making it an inviting placeto just pull up a chair and sit
(28:48):
down and to linger a littlelonger.
Yes, exactly, I think thinkingof it as a mini Sabbath, that
it's not just resting on Sunday.
But I love how you justbeautifully said Ever that,
looking in the eyes of our lovedones at the dinner table and
being like, oh praise, be to Godthat we have this rest together
(29:12):
after a hard day work, this iswhat we worked like that for so
that we could have this timetogether.
Understanding the why behind whyyou do something really makes
all the difference.
On following through andprioritizing that.
So thanks for sharing that withus.
On following through andprioritizing that.
So thanks for sharing that withus.
(29:33):
It's beautiful.
What other things you talkabout?
You know kind of surrenderingand speak to that a little bit,
just this idea of surrendering.
You know the struggles and gofor it.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
On the surrender yeah , everett is the oldest daughter
in her family.
I'm the oldest son.
Surrender is something that'sbeen really hard for us and I
think our culture it's veryoriented on self-reliance, your
self-justification project, theculture of the big me, and I
think it's very easy for theanswer to be well, I've just got
(30:11):
to work harder in order tosolve this issue in my family
and so, forever in me, I have tosay.
Praying the surrender novena ona daily basis, where we're
literally saying, jesus, Isurrender this to you, you take
care of it, yes, is just kind ofa key principle that we think
(30:34):
every family could reallybenefit from.
Because if you approach yourhome, your family, your domestic
church as a big project thatyou're going to build, and you
know, and you don't have thatspirit of surrender, I'm sorry
but God is going to, you know,have to correct that, because
(30:55):
it's not how we're built.
We're made by communion forcommunion.
We're made by God in hisTrinitarian relationship for
relationship, and so it'ssomething we're very passionate
about that.
We need to take that keyprinciple seriously.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Just to tie it a little bit more to the model
Jordan, each level has a keyprinciple that goes along with
it in order to keep us fromaccidentally creating kind of
more of a knockoff version of atrinity house.
So for the faith life level one, the print, the key principle
is surrender, because we havesuch a tendency to turn
(31:38):
everything into aself-justification project.
You know, when we get excitedabout the faith and we think we
understand all of thesepractices and devotions that we
need to do and we make ourlittle checklist and we start
practicing the faith as if goingthrough those motions and it
all depends on us to get itright.
(32:00):
And this is a real difficultywhen you're first starting off
with an idealistic vision forraising up your Christian family
, that you're going to do itright, you know, yes.
So there I think there's an andthe evil one uses this, you
know good impulse to do good andkind of twist it a little bit
(32:23):
to make you think in a way thatyou are creating your Trinity
house, you are building yourTrinity house.
Well, stop right there anddon't even put the effort into
something that is going to endup being a knockoff.
We have to surrender our willand our way to God's will and
God's way and really understandthat he's the one who's doing
(32:44):
the work in us and don't treatour faith life as a checklist.
So the key principle ofsurrender.
And then for each other levelthere's a key principle that
helps you remember what anauthentic Trinity house is going
to be.
So for level two, personrelationships, the key principle
(33:04):
is presence.
To be present in thoserelationships is the most
important thing.
And then the key principle inhousehold economy is teamwork,
and in family culture it'sinitiative.
And we made it initiativebecause, of course, in our day
and age it's very easy for youto just let your family culture
(33:26):
be kind of what you receive fromthe culture at large, and
people are so passive, receivinga sort of consumerist type of
culture, a materialistic andconsumerist way of life, and so
in order to have a Christianculture that's creative and it's
overflowing with grace, we haveto really take some initiative
(33:47):
there.
And then for hospitality andservice, the key principle is
abundance.
Yes, and mainly that's becauseyou know, of course we're
tempted to think we have nothingleft to give and we can't make
it to level five, which is wecall that the crown of the
trinity house and so for us allto remember no, their abundance
is present there because we areliving this other center model
(34:10):
of mutual self gift that createsmore than we need in our family
.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
So yes, amen to that.
That is so true.
We think that we don't have thetime to put into our faith, but
if we prioritize and start ourday with our with a good prayer
life or a good way of connectingwith our kids around the
breakfast table and bringing Godinto that, then he opens all
(34:36):
these doors of time for usthroughout the day in ways that
we could never orchestrate onour own.
I just love the surprise of thatevery day, eyes of that every
day.
Another thing that I found inyour book that was great is that
study the Barna Group studythat talks about how children
(34:59):
that are brought up in Christianhomes that host people
frequently and serve thecommunity together are more
likely to hold on to their faithin adulthood.
We did an episode with FatherNathan Cromley several episodes
back and the entire episode wasabout what parents can do in
order to foster that sense offaith in their kids so that when
they leave their home they taketheir faith with them, and so
(35:23):
this is a beautiful reminder ofthat that hosting things in our
home even if we feel like wedon't have a beautiful dining
room table or, you know, ourhouse feels like it's under
construction all the timebecause of all the kids' toys
and the things laying aroundthat actually, you know, hosting
(35:45):
people in simple and small waysreally does benefit the family
and it really kind of conditionskids to be used to this so that
they, when they leave home,want that community and want to
host people and feel natural indoing that as well.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Yes, absolutely.
It just really demonstrates thehospitality lived out.
Maybe it's once a month.
Those families that are hostingtheir kids see the relevance of
the faith as these guests toyour home experience it through
(36:24):
prayer at your family table,maybe seeing your beautiful
prayer corner, a piece ofartwork on your wall.
So it's just a great example tous of how, no, hospitality is
not just an, it's not an extraof the Christian life, it's not
a luxurious add-on.
(36:44):
If I get everything else right,it is essential to give our
kids the gift of hospitality andthe social science backs it up
that your kids will have ahigher chance of really making
the faith their own in adulthood.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
Yes, and I think it's because all of us parents have
had this experience of seeinghow important relevance is to
kids.
They have a really hard timewith things that don't seem to
have a point.
Yes, so I think when they seethat your family's faith is
driving you to fulfill realneeds of people for being served
(37:28):
in some way or being hosted orwelcomed, being listened to, and
they see the relevance of thefaith in action, then they are
more likely to understand why amI going to continue to do these
practices of the faith.
It's because I want to helppeople and help God restore
(37:51):
communion within the world,amongst people and between
humankind and God himself.
So that relevance is such a keyfactor in the kids sticking
with the faith later on.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Yes, which is what we want.
I mean, ultimately, we have,you know, a window of influence
on our children while they'reliving in the home, and I argue
that even when they leave thehome, we can be a great
influence to them.
But those are the things thatmake our hearts really ache when
our kids leave home and we knowthat they're not living a life
(38:28):
of faith or leave home and weknow that they're not living a
life of faith or engaging theirchurch or a part of a community.
And so I think that's why Ireally want to underscore this,
you know, heaven in your homeand this flow chart and just
taking this little by little andintegrating small steps into
your home life right now, sothat you don't have those
(38:49):
regrets later on.
You know, we kind of get onechance at parenting and it's
just a little bit of hell tolook back and go well, we really
crushed it at the office, butdarn it.
Our kids don't, you know, havea relationship with God and
they're wandering out there,lost.
You know, and we believe thatif, if people are wandering lost
(39:11):
and they're out there andthey're not engaging their faith
, that there is absolutely achance for them to come back and
we pray for that all the time.
But if we have the tools andresources at our fingertips,
which Ever and Soren have puttogether so beautifully for us,
then why wouldn't we take theroadmap, buy the book, engage
their website, get on theiremail list to get these letters
(39:35):
that they beautifully puttogether and think about for us
on a weekly basis?
Just dive in.
This is a very low cost way tostart, you know, bringing heaven
into our homes and to reallystart living out the Trinity
House way right in our own homes.
(39:56):
Soren and Ever, you guys are onall the social media platforms,
right?
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
Awesome Trinity House community and then tell us a
little bit about this gym inLeesburg, Virginia.
Like I'm about ready to book aplane ticket out there and an
Airbnb and just come like hangout at this coffee shop that you
guys have going on out there.
Tell us how that came about andhow it's going.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Sure, we really sensed, after doing several
years of ministry, that you knowwe were setting up these
beautiful events in the parishfellowship hall with your you
know fluorescent lights and youraluminum chairs and putting the
chairs back into the storageroom.
You know, and we kind of tothis group of young adults we
(40:45):
were working with.
We said, hey, what would itlook like to bring this, the
beauty of our faith, into thepublic square?
And they really came around theidea of let's have a cafe in
public.
And we went in 2014, we openedthe doors of Trinity House Cafe
and Market.
It is a little taste of heavenat the corner of Church and
(41:06):
Market Streets in Leesburg,virginia.
It's built, it's in a homebuilt in 1795.
And we really view it as you'restepping into the public
representation of a home, of adomestic church, if you will, a
Trinity house, and your eyes arekind of lifted to like the
(41:27):
beauty of what's possible in theChristian home and you're met
with a welcome list and serveyeah, uh, posture from the staff
who worked there um, soup,salad, sandwiches, drinks, um,
just excellent food and, uh,it's just been a joy to see this
ministry of hospitality for thepast 10 years.
(41:50):
We're up to three couples whohave met at the cafe and gone on
to marriage, three Trinityhouse marriages and you know
people have told us how they'vecome back to the faith or been
strengthened, and it's justsomething that we hope could be
a model for other communities toconsider in the years ahead.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
I believe there will be more Trinity House cafes and
markets popping up all over theplace, because just by looking
on your website, at the picturesand watching the little video
clips of customers who have comein and enjoyed time there, it's
like, yes, I want that, I wantthat.
(42:34):
I don't want to have to travelall the way across the United
States for that, but I'd likethat in my own little
neighborhood.
So I love that you, instead ofthe metal chairs and the
fluorescent lights, you havesome just a beautiful ambiance
for people to enjoy there, withbeautiful artwork and eclectic
furniture, and this old homethat is.
(42:56):
How did you even find this atthe corner of market and church?
I mean, the street names arejust like, it's just a.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
God thing you can tell it was a Holy Spirit moment
.
And it actually was even morethan that, because we had been
looking for a place and alandlord who would get behind
our idea for two years.
And it was on the very day ofthe canonization of pub St John
Paul II, where we were drivingback from the canonization mass
(43:27):
at his shrine in DC when we sawthe four, four rent sign
underneath the church and marketstreet signs.
And of course he was so big onurging the lady bring the beauty
and riches of the faith intothe public square.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
So on his canonization day.
Speaker 3 (43:44):
to see that sign beneath the church and market
street signs, it was definitelya God thing.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
Yes, yeah, and one more detail.
We then found out that twogenerations of Methodist
ministers lived in the home inthe 1800s, so it's been
something of a parsonagepreviously for the Methodist
church.
So I mean it's just a specialplace.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
So special Okay, I'm making a special trip out there.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
I hope you can come Jordan.
That would be so fun.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
I'll make it happen.
Our family loves to travel.
We've been to 49 out of the 50states.
Traveling is one of the waysthat we bond together as a
family and serve each other, togrow in love and unity, by
sharing hotel rooms and, youknow, having to concede on
different restaurants andenjoying beautiful museums and
(44:37):
things like that.
So we were in Virginia thissummer and I'm not kidding, I
had this moment.
I was riding in the back of therental car and I glanced over
to the left.
We were going through Virginiaand I've got to look back at our
route but I saw this old homeand I remember looking at the
sign, thinking, oh, that isbeautiful, it's a little coffee
(44:58):
shop and I don't know.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
I feel like I've been right past the front door of it
.
Oh, that's amazing.
Who?
Speaker 1 (45:05):
knows who knows, but we'll make an extra special trip
back there.
Let's just be sure guys thatyou know we have in our show
notes the link to their website.
So be sure to just scroll downin the show notes of today's
episode and click on the websitelink trinityhousecommunitiesorg
(45:25):
and check them out on socialmedia.
Ever and Soren, do you makeyour rounds to churches and moms
groups and things like this togive talks and to kind of
kickstart small groups with thisheaven in your home book and
small group curriculum?
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Yes, we're happy to do that, and this plug and play
model that we've launched, whichis now in these 29 different
churches, is really available toanyone, even without a talk
from us.
They can subscribe online andthen have access to all of the
materials needed to host what wecall five heaven in your home
(46:08):
gatherings at your parish orchurch throughout the year, and
it's for the entire family andit strengthens community,
strengthens the Christian visionof the home and, of course,
we're happy to do talks orworkshops anywhere.
But that's not a prerequisitefor the program.
You can just go right into it.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
Awesome and very low cost for a church to purchase
the program and put on five ofthese workshops.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
Yes, and it's very oriented toward fellowship and
community.
So what we've noticed is if youteach people the model or they
read the book, they really loveit and it's exciting.
But it is something that getsput back on the shelf because
family life is so intense it'shard to remember all the details
(47:00):
.
So we founded these TrinityHouse community groups at
churches so that people couldhave dates on their calendar to
revisit their ideals within thecontext of a very supportive
community.
So everything is kind ofdriving toward that getting into
that small group discussionwith the parents while the
volunteers are watching the kids, and just having that
(47:24):
fellowship and time together toshare your experiences as
parents and as a family onvarious, you know, difficult
topics that people struggle with.
So we created this context andthis model really in order to
have a place to bring couplestogether so that they could get
(47:44):
the friendship and the supportin the community that is the
real driver in the end ofwhether we can be successful or
not.
Back to the communion piece.
You know God's life is a lifeof communion where each supports
the other with a mutualself-gift.
So when you come together withthose other parents in the small
group, you in a way, also imageGod by giving of yourselves to
(48:09):
help one another, pass on thefaith to your kids.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
So good.
I fully support and promote theidea of learning together,
being accountability partners inparenting and family life.
We are not meant to do thisalone, and so this idea that
you've kind of done the heavylifting for us and put together
this roadmap and this beautifulbook that you got to buy the
(48:33):
link to that is in our shownotes as well.
It's on Amazon called Heaven inyour Home.
Just search that up and you'llbe able to find it right away
and that we could just step intothe content and, you know, read
it and ingest it and reallyapply that to our own family.
But then also have the followup with a group or a group of
(48:55):
friends of ours that we gettogether in our own home is just
wraps everything up with a nicelittle bow.
So thank you ever and SorenJohnson, with Trinity house
community, we are just soblessed by this conversation and
we'll do whatever we can tosupport your organization and
(49:16):
spread the news.
So thank you for being with ustoday.
On the Families of Charactershow.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
Thank you, Jordan.
We'll see you at the cafeSounds great.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
Thank you so much, Jordan.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
We look forward to meeting you.
Yes, that would be wonderful.
Guys, make sure that you checkout if you are looking to
improve your marriage andrekindle the spark in your
relationship, because raisingkids can kind of dampen that
little light that we had foreach other that brought us
together in the first place.
(49:46):
Be sure to check outfamiliesofcharactercom and hit
our shop tab.
We have new dates comingavailable for our Thriving
Family Accelerator.
That is a small group couplescoaching that is done online
from the comfort of your ownhome, connecting with other
couples and getting your familyinto some new habits in the home
(50:08):
that help foster a place tointegrate your faith, really
calm the calendar chaos andconnect with your family in a
meaningful way.
So check us out atfamiliesofcharactercom slash
shop.
We'll catch you on anotherepisode of the Families of
Character show real soon, Takecare.
Welcome back parents.
Hey, I want to give a shout outto all our listeners.
In Virginia we have this newpocket of the nation that's
getting more and more involvedin families of character, and
they come from the great stateof Virginia.
We've had people write in abouthearing our podcast.
(00:23):
We've had a few couples fromVirginia who have gone through
our Thriving Family Acceleratorcourse that course for couples.
So go Virginia.
This is so exciting.
If you are from Virginia andyou are listening, can you just
do me a favor?
If you are listening on Spotifyor Apple, can you just take a
(00:44):
minute and give us a rating andreview?
We would really appreciate that.
Anytime someone rates orreviews our podcast, it puts us
up in the charts so that peoplecan find us easier, and we
definitely want to spread thismessage far and wide of really
bolstering the marriages in ourfamilies and then developing
(01:07):
kids of character.
So, speaking of Virginia, ourguests on today's show are also
living in Virginia, LeesburgVirginia to be specific.
So welcome to our show, Sorenand Ever Johnson.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Thank you so much, Jordan.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Thank you, we're excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Guys, soren and Ever, are just like us.
They're parents.
They've been married since 2001.
They have five children andthey are the founders of a
nonprofit ministry calledTrinity House Community, whose
mission is to inspire familiesto make home a taste of heaven
(01:51):
for the renewal of faith andculture.
Now you might be thinkingheaven in the home.
Do not stop listening.
Just because you think heavenin our home, it's more like a
bit of hell most days.
I have read their book Heavenin your Home and you're actually
closer than you think.
(02:12):
So, soren and Ever, I can'twait for you to tell us what was
going on in your own marriageand family life that prompted
you to start a nonprofit to helpfamilies get a little bit more
heaven in their homes.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Well, thanks, jordan.
We were married in 2001 andvery early into our dating
relationship it was love atfirst sight and we knew that we
wanted to do full-time ministrytogether from a very early point
in our marriage.
So, two kids into our marriage.
(02:49):
We started a nonprofit and westarted doing activities in the
DC area for young adults, if youwill immersive Catholic
experiences where they couldgrow in the faith and also
fellowship through dinners andworship in the mass.
And you know, life went on.
(03:11):
We had five children and wereally felt we can talk about
the cafe that we started as partof this ministry.
But closer to 2019, we reallyfelt the Lord calling us to take
this ministry in the directionof serving families.
You know, we kind of lookedaround and said you know, what
(03:34):
do we wish had been there whenwe started our family and
brought our first newborn home.
Too often in at least someCatholic parishes, there isn't
that sense of community andfellowship that can really
support parents, equip them witha vision and a blueprint and
strategies and then encouragethem along the way.
(03:56):
As you know, there's just somuch hitting families and
challenging them today.
So we went out with a visionand we're able to go full-time
together with Trinity HouseCommunity and we're just really
blessed to be, five years later,serving families at 29 churches
and parishes across the countryin 10 states.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Wow, congratulations.
Five years, 29 churches, abunch of different states.
You are ministering to couplesand families, that is for sure.
Thank you for what you're doingfor families.
What exactly did you feel likewas missing?
You said you know two kids inand five kids in.
(04:41):
It's like man.
We wish we would have had ablueprint for, you know, maybe
integrating faith into our home.
What was it?
What were a few of the thingsthat you noticed were kind of
missing?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
I think, jordan, there are a couple of important
things missing for Catholicfamilies who are trying to
figure out how to raise theirkids in the faith.
One was just a vision and amodel.
So, instead of getting marriedand having kids and thinking,
(05:21):
you know, we're going to raiseour family in the faith,
wouldn't it be great if peoplehad a very specific framework
for how to do that?
Because what we found when westarted having kids is, it's,
way more challenging than youthought it was going to be.
Obviously, there's nothing thatyou're doing.
That's rocket science.
I mean, there's just a wholelot of caring for little bodies
(05:43):
and cooking and cleaning andgrocery shopping and, you know,
hard days at work and all thethings that are, you know, so
basic in a way, but there arejust so many of them.
So we thought, you know, asparents of several young
children, our backs are to thewall.
We have no time to really thinkabout our ideals anymore.
(06:05):
Wouldn't it be nice if someonecould just tell us a
step-by-step process of how toraise our children in the faith?
And that is why we looked atthe catechism and found the
teaching on the family as acommunion of persons, a sign and
image of the communion betweenthe Father and the Son and the
(06:25):
Holy Spirit, and we said, okay,this is the basics about the
family.
The core teaching of the TrinityHouse way is the family is a
communion of persons in theimage of God, and deepening our
communion, becoming an ever moreradiant image of God, having
our home overflow as a taste ofheaven into our neighborhood,
(06:46):
that's our ultimate goal.
But how would we actuallyaccomplish that in our
day-to-day life?
So the model that we createdfrom that core teaching we call
it the Trinity House Way and youcan see it on our Heaven in
your Home flowchart on ourwebsite.
But that was definitely one bigpiece that was missing is OK,
(07:10):
well, we have barely two braincells left to figure out what
we're doing with all these kidsrunning around and the noise
levels and the chaos.
Someone please tell us just astep by step model to get where
we want to go, which obviouslyis heaven.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Oh, I love that and I'm giggling with you because
I'm thinking, yes, two braincells.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
Exactly.
I mean, you're just so maxedout.
Yes, you can go for yearswithout really referring back to
your ideals.
I mean, you still have them inyour heart, but you're just so
exhausted and every shred ofwhat you have is being taken
from you.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
So yes, there's so many responsibilities as parents
just in the home setting.
I joke about this a little bitbut when I started my career as
a clinical social worker, Iworked at the women's prison in
Fort Worth, at the federalprison, and I have this analogy
that actually we were kind ofrunning a little prison in our
(08:11):
home when our kids were inschool, because we would take
them to school and drop them offand they went to these great
Catholic schools and we wouldpick them up at the end of the
day and it was three hots and acot.
Three hot meals is what theygot at home and a cot to sleep
in and a shower.
(08:32):
We would give them a shower too.
You get that in prison too butthen we would start over and do
the next day the same way, andmy husband and I were just
feeling like you know whatsomething huge is missing at
home.
This can't be it for parentingand family life, and we very
much wanted our faith to be partof our home life as well, and
(08:54):
we started getting this feelingthat, like wait, we're living
our faith on Sundays and maybeon Wednesdays when we take them
to religious ed class, and maybeon Wednesdays when we take them
to religious ed class, but whenwe're in our home, how is our
home reflection of our belief inour faith?
And that's when we reallystarted.
First of all, we decided tostart homeschooling at that
(09:16):
point and so it was like, well,it's all up to us now, right,
because we can't outsource tothe school anymore if we're
doing that ourselves, and so,but we kind of went about it
just kind of bumbling around,right, like you mentioned, the
catechism of the Catholic churchand referencing that and
learning from that, and there'sa lot of great Christian and
(09:39):
Catholic resources for parentsin the home.
But we never did have ablueprint.
So the idea that you guys wentyou know what there is something
so beautiful to marriage andfamily life that most families
are actually missing out on andwe could put together a kind of
a roadmap or, you know, a flowchart of how to practically do
(10:04):
that in your home is justawesome.
So talk to us a little bitabout this flow chart that you
put together.
That comes from these kind ofthree basic ideas that we can
use to get our family started inintegrating faith at home.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Sure, well, I'll take the first stab at it.
Essentially, we call it alifelong project.
For any of your listeners whodownload it from our Trinity
House website, we don't wantthem to be overwhelmed.
There's a lot on that page, butit really takes that core
(10:41):
insight that your family is animage of God, the Father, son
and Holy Spirit, a communion ofpersons, and it tries to say,
okay, well, what does that looklike?
And we begin with what we call aposture of welcome, listen,
serve.
And we take that back to thisbeautiful icon that many of your
(11:03):
listeners have probably seen byAndrei Rublev, the Trinity icon
, and on the left side of thatyou see God, the Father, and
he's welcoming us at his tableat the altar.
There's a space for us, him.
On the right side of the iconis the Holy Spirit leaning in,
(11:26):
listening to us, our advocate,the paraclete, our intercessor,
and so we see the welcoming ofthe Father, the listening of the
Spirit, and then, in the middleof the icon, we see Jesus
beneath the tree of life ofcourse, his cross as well, and
Jesus is serving us with hislife, death and resurrection.
(11:49):
And this welcome, listen, serveposture, which we can take from
the Holy Trinity is just abeautiful way to think of how
you are leading your family tothe father's house, which you
can see in the upper left-handpart of the icon heaven, and
(12:10):
this is really just a beautifulimage that has inspired so many
families in the Trinity Housenetwork.
And then we really unpack thatinto what we call five levels of
family life, and maybe Everettcould just do a quick tour
through that.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I'll just say, before we go on to talk about the five
levels you mentioned the first,the three principles on the
left side of the flow chart, thefirst one being, you know, to
be other-centered, as thepersons of God are within their
communion of persons.
So that's what draws us together, is being other-centered.
And then two, as Soren said,practically speaking you can do
(12:50):
that by welcoming, listening andserving.
And then three, the third stepon the flow chart, is to really
be wary of distractions andaddictions, because of course
the evil one is always going totry to keep us from being other
centered and deepening ourcommunion with our family
members.
So he'll do that in all sortsof little ways, just as simple
(13:12):
as distracting us, you know,with too much scrolling, too
much work, overspending,whatever sorts of habits we have
that kind of take us away fromfocusing on one another.
And of course the evil one'sgoal is to turn those
distractions into addictions andreally break that communion of
(13:33):
persons.
So of course he really despisesan image of God and he will do
whatever it takes to try tobreak that communion.
So those three steps are justvery foundational and they allow
you to get your family into aplace where you can build out
the five levels.
Level one, of course, is faithlife.
(13:55):
That's where we receive ourcommunion.
Of course we don't have tocreate our communion of persons.
We receive God's own communionfrom the heart of the Holy
Trinity, through Mary's yes,through Jesus' life, death and
resurrection, and then in thelife of the church, the lives of
the saints.
That communion is passed to uson the altar in the Eucharist at
(14:17):
Sunday Mass.
So we receive our communion infaith life.
The key practice of faith lifeis the Holy Sabbath.
And then in level two, personalrelationships, we deepen that
communion.
The key practice is date nightfor level two.
And then level three, householdeconomy.
(14:38):
We care for our communion, andthe key practice there is chore
day.
And level four we celebrate ourcommunion.
The key practice there is choreday and level four we celebrate
our communion, the key practicebeing the daily family meal.
And then, level five,hospitality and service.
We share that taste of heaventhat we've been growing with
others, and the key practicethere we call it one outreach.
(14:59):
And it's as simple as havingjust one little thing on your
calendar at any given time.
And it's as simple as havingjust one little thing on your
calendar at any given time whereyou're sharing your family's
communion with others.
So sometimes, when your kidsare little, it's as simple as
you know sending the juice boxesfor the class party.
It can be very simple.
Or maybe it's your turn to hostyour extended family at
Thanksgiving or Christmas,something like that.
(15:22):
Just making sure to be outwardfocused and trust that your
beloved family members will seeyour needs and fill them.
And the neat thing about thisway of life together is, I think
we've all experienced, you knowat one time or another, what
(15:43):
it's like to be individualspursuing our self-interest under
the same roof, and you canstill call it a family, but it
doesn't have the family feeling.
And the family feeling reallycomes from people looking at
other people's needs and seeingwhat they can do to fulfill them
.
Because in the life of God,it's that other centeredness and
(16:06):
self-giving that causes thecreativity and blessings to
arise from the life of God.
So, of course, to simplifyTrinitarian theology, God, the
Father, you know, is totallyfocused on the Son.
He gives everything that he hasto the Son.
Totally focused on the son.
He gives everything that he hasto the son.
(16:28):
The son receives that, but he'stotally focused on the father
and he gives everything back tothe father for the father's
glory.
So neither of them are sittingwith the resources that they
have.
They're both giving all thatthey have and are to the other
and, by virtue of it being amutual self-giving, what happens
is the explosion of creativitythat is the life of the Holy
(16:51):
Spirit.
So there's a multiplier effectto focusing on one another
instead of your self-interest.
So, of course, if everyone underthat roof is focusing on their
self-interest, all that theyhave is their own resources to
get where they want to go right.
And that's why families oftenfeel like we have nothing left
(17:12):
to give, Because they're notcreating the overflow of the
life of the Holy Spirit withinthe family.
That can only come about byother-centered mutual
self-giving.
So when that multiplier effectcomes into action, the life of
God really starts to overflow inthe family and the family's
(17:34):
needs are fully met and there'smuch more that overflows for the
provision of extended familyand friends and neighbors.
So that's what we're all goingfor.
We all desire abundance andblessing.
But we just have to reallyunderstand we can't get that
through self-interested action.
We have to look around ourfamily and say how are we going
(17:56):
to meet each other's needs and,in that way, pool our gifts so
that the multiplier effect comesinto play and the grace of God
can start to flow far beyondwhat any of our own
contributions would actuallybring about on their own, and
every family can have thatexplosion of abundance blessing
(18:21):
creativity.
Each person has their gifts,but their gifts can't truly be
ignited without the contributionof the other, because our gifts
are not meant to be operated ontheir own.
They're meant to be used in aGod-given way, according to his
(18:41):
own way of living, which iswired very differently from our
fallen, selfish way of life.
So for our gifts to be ignitedin our hopes and dreams to be
realized, even as individuals,we have to live in this way that
God has wired us to live in,which is other-centered.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
You know, fundamentally we're welcoming
God's life of communion into ourfamily and we just feel like
this is such a relief for busyfamilies out there that you
don't have to make this up, youknow.
You just need to open yourheart to what God is giving your
family, beginning with the HolySabbath.
So we really feel like ifsomebody could just take one
(19:26):
small step today in turningtheir family more in a
Christ-centered Trinity houseway in terms of placing God,
father, son and Holy Spirit atthe heart of their family life.
Begin with your intentionalitysurrounding Sunday.
Are you getting ready for it?
(19:48):
Are you really resting?
Are you really worshipingtogether?
Are you really unplugging fromthe media?
That is just relentless.
So I think when we talk aboutwelcoming, we could really kind
of see that we begin with thisreceptivity of receiving what
God has for our family.
(20:10):
And you know listening, if youlook at person in relationships,
imagine healthy, imaginerelationships in your either
your marriage or with yourchildren without a true sense of
listening, a trueintentionality surrounding, I'm
going to really put my agenda tothe Holy Spirit for inspiration
(20:36):
, who is interceding for us evenas we speak, and create
healthier relationships throughmore and more listening to one
another in this, you know,beautifully grounded way and you
know, I think for service itmight be pretty obvious.
But when you get to that levelthree, where we all spend
(20:57):
household economy, where we allspend probably 80, 90 percent of
our time as families, this iswhere we really have a chance to
develop our servant's heart andwe could join Jesus also in
those quiet years of Nazarethwhere he and Joseph and Mary
(21:19):
were really in that quiet lifeof service in the family and we
can really unite our struggles,challenges.
There's some suffering in there, but we really feel like that.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
Shared work as a family, not each person doing
their own little jobs reallyshared work is just a path
forward to just a beautifulsense of communion in the family
.
There are a couple neat thingsin the book about communication.
I'm more of a talker.
The Irish, the Irish gift ofgab Soren is much more of the
silent Swede, and it's probablygoing to sound defensive for me
to say this, but you know, thetalker wants the listener to
(22:11):
speak up and go back and forth,but they just kind of have
trouble waiting for the listenerto put their thoughts together
and make their contribution.
So it's not that they don't wantto hear.
It's oftentimes and Soren will100% admit this and he was the
one to first say this there's alaziness where the listener just
lets those sound waves washover them and just doesn't want
(22:35):
to make the effort to play theirpart, them, and just doesn't
want to make the effort, youknow, to play their part.
So we did eventually developthis understanding in our
relationship where, hey,everyone needs to make an effort
to not do the thing.
That's really easy for them.
So for the listener that meansspeaking up and playing your
part and for the talker thatmeans just waiting.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
And for the talker that means just waiting.
Yes, and really that is a kindof you know, each couple is
going to find their own dynamicand relationship there.
But the we called it empathiclistening in the book at one
point where you're reallychallenging yourself to, if I'm
(23:28):
just being too passive here andin a listening mode, how can I
step up and really acknowledgewhat I'm hearing?
And, as you know, so we're eachstruggling with this in
different ways.
You know, from whatever webring in from our childhood.
Maybe it's attachment related,maybe it's something we're
struggling with, but this isjust a beautiful way that we can
(23:48):
allow God's life to overflow inour marriages and in our
relationships with our kids.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Yes, I love that.
Just, you don't need to do moreof what you're already good at
right.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
You need to work on the opposite of that and I can
appreciate what you said everabout how you know the talker
really does want the listener toengage and talk back, but we
sometimes have trouble waitingfor it.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
right, we're impatient, yes.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Josh will say well, you got to take a breath for me
to be able to get in there.
But I'm going to challenge himand say you got to be a little
bit more hungry to jump in, Iguess.
Right, instead of that, hereally is a great listener and I
(24:42):
appreciate that.
And yet I think both of uscould, you know, dial it dial it
over the other way.
Yes, exactly, you also talkabout a family meal together,
(25:03):
getting everyone together toenjoy a meal and not just the
average.
What is it?
Eleven minute family dinner.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
That's the average.
Well, the thing that I love tosay about the family meal is
your daily family meal is a miniSabbath Sabbath.
So we mark out the Sabbath.
Of course, sunday or whicheverday you're able to take off
during the week to just rest inbeing a beloved child of God and
(25:26):
receive his love and benurtured and rest in that and
enjoy sharing the good things oflife with your loved ones.
But the neat thing about God'splan is that he has a little bit
of this built into every dayfor us.
So once you start really leaninginto the Holy Sabbath and you
(25:47):
have Sunday and you start toregain a taste for being a child
of God and letting him justcare for you, then you kind of
want to find a way to get alittle taste of that every day.
And so of course, you get thatin your prayer life from day to
(26:07):
day.
You take that sense ofcommunion that you have with our
Lord and that sense of beingcared for by him, of him
listening to you and taking careof your needs, and you extend
that into your you know yourprayer chair where you sit down
every day and you rest in thatcommunion.
But as far as the family lifegoes, you can have that sense of
(26:31):
communion, of cultivating it,of rest, of enjoying the good
things of life every day.
When you come to that end ofthe work day and you've got the
meal onto the table and you sitdown together and the family
meal becomes a mini Sabbathwhere you are nourished and you
enjoy the good things of lifetogether, you look into your
(26:51):
loved one's eyes and youremember the reason why you
worked so hard today was so thatyou could have this meal
together and this time to reallyenjoy one another's company.
So I think sometimes peoplethink of the family meal as it
can be difficult to get it onthe table, but something to get
(27:13):
through so that they can get todo the other things that they
want to do in the evening, whichare often individual pursuits.
But there's a way, you know, inwhich, as a Christian family,
we really need to cultivate ourtaste for communion with one
another and for sharing thattime, that downtime in the
evening with each other.
(27:34):
Not that you can't eventuallyturn in and read your book or
watch your show or do yoursketching or whatever, but there
is something so restorativeabout human communion and just
enjoying those relationships inthe family.
And we can have that miniSabbath every day.
(27:55):
That's why we should never skipthe daily family meal.
We cannot let the evil one takethat communion away from us.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Oh, this is so.
Yes, amen to that.
We love our family dinnerstogether.
We love it.
We sit down every night, nomatter what time it is.
The basketball game gets overat nine o'clock.
Well, we're going to sit downeither before we go or
afterwards, and it's not even asecond thought.
I mean, it's just like this iswhat we do.
This is where we come to be fedand you know in your book I
(28:26):
appreciate that you said youknow your kitchen table like pay
attention to your kitchen table.
Make it a place that's invitingand that you know people want to
come to.
Sometimes you walk in and theremay be mail all over the table
or homework or whatever, andthat's okay.
Sometimes that's where thingsland.
But making it an inviting placeto just pull up a chair and sit
(28:48):
down and to linger a littlelonger.
Yes, exactly, I think thinkingof it as a mini Sabbath, that
it's not just resting on Sunday.
But I love how you justbeautifully said Ever that,
looking in the eyes of our lovedones at the dinner table and
being like, oh praise, be to Godthat we have this rest together
(29:12):
after a hard day work, this iswhat we worked like that for so
that we could have this timetogether.
Understanding the why behind whyyou do something really makes
all the difference.
On following through andprioritizing that.
So thanks for sharing that withus.
On following through andprioritizing that.
So thanks for sharing that withus.
(29:33):
It's beautiful.
What other things you talkabout?
You know kind of surrenderingand speak to that a little bit,
just this idea of surrendering.
You know the struggles and gofor it.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
On the surrender yeah , everett is the oldest daughter
in her family.
I'm the oldest son.
Surrender is something that'sbeen really hard for us and I
think our culture it's veryoriented on self-reliance, your
self-justification project, theculture of the big me, and I
think it's very easy for theanswer to be well, I've just got
(30:11):
to work harder in order tosolve this issue in my family
and so, forever in me, I have tosay.
Praying the surrender novena ona daily basis, where we're
literally saying, jesus, Isurrender this to you, you take
care of it, yes, is just kind ofa key principle that we think
(30:34):
every family could reallybenefit from.
Because if you approach yourhome, your family, your domestic
church as a big project thatyou're going to build, and you
know, and you don't have thatspirit of surrender, I'm sorry
but God is going to, you know,have to correct that, because
(30:55):
it's not how we're built.
We're made by communion forcommunion.
We're made by God in hisTrinitarian relationship for
relationship, and so it'ssomething we're very passionate
about that.
We need to take that keyprinciple seriously.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Just to tie it a little bit more to the model
Jordan, each level has a keyprinciple that goes along with
it in order to keep us fromaccidentally creating kind of
more of a knockoff version of atrinity house.
So for the faith life level one, the print, the key principle
is surrender, because we havesuch a tendency to turn
(31:38):
everything into aself-justification project.
You know, when we get excitedabout the faith and we think we
understand all of thesepractices and devotions that we
need to do and we make ourlittle checklist and we start
practicing the faith as if goingthrough those motions and it
all depends on us to get itright.
(32:00):
And this is a real difficultywhen you're first starting off
with an idealistic vision forraising up your Christian family
, that you're going to do itright, you know, yes.
So there I think there's an andthe evil one uses this, you
know good impulse to do good andkind of twist it a little bit
(32:23):
to make you think in a way thatyou are creating your Trinity
house, you are building yourTrinity house.
Well, stop right there anddon't even put the effort into
something that is going to endup being a knockoff.
We have to surrender our willand our way to God's will and
God's way and really understandthat he's the one who's doing
(32:44):
the work in us and don't treatour faith life as a checklist.
So the key principle ofsurrender.
And then for each other levelthere's a key principle that
helps you remember what anauthentic Trinity house is going
to be.
So for level two, personrelationships, the key principle
(33:04):
is presence.
To be present in thoserelationships is the most
important thing.
And then the key principle inhousehold economy is teamwork,
and in family culture it'sinitiative.
And we made it initiativebecause, of course, in our day
and age it's very easy for youto just let your family culture
(33:26):
be kind of what you receive fromthe culture at large, and
people are so passive, receivinga sort of consumerist type of
culture, a materialistic andconsumerist way of life, and so
in order to have a Christianculture that's creative and it's
overflowing with grace, we haveto really take some initiative
(33:47):
there.
And then for hospitality andservice, the key principle is
abundance.
Yes, and mainly that's becauseyou know, of course we're
tempted to think we have nothingleft to give and we can't make
it to level five, which is wecall that the crown of the
trinity house and so for us allto remember no, their abundance
is present there because we areliving this other center model
(34:10):
of mutual self gift that createsmore than we need in our family
.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
So yes, amen to that.
That is so true.
We think that we don't have thetime to put into our faith, but
if we prioritize and start ourday with our with a good prayer
life or a good way of connectingwith our kids around the
breakfast table and bringing Godinto that, then he opens all
(34:36):
these doors of time for usthroughout the day in ways that
we could never orchestrate onour own.
I just love the surprise of thatevery day, eyes of that every
day.
Another thing that I found inyour book that was great is that
study the Barna Group studythat talks about how children
(34:59):
that are brought up in Christianhomes that host people
frequently and serve thecommunity together are more
likely to hold on to their faithin adulthood.
We did an episode with FatherNathan Cromley several episodes
back and the entire episode wasabout what parents can do in
order to foster that sense offaith in their kids so that when
they leave their home they taketheir faith with them, and so
(35:23):
this is a beautiful reminder ofthat that hosting things in our
home even if we feel like wedon't have a beautiful dining
room table or, you know, ourhouse feels like it's under
construction all the timebecause of all the kids' toys
and the things laying aroundthat actually, you know, hosting
(35:45):
people in simple and small waysreally does benefit the family
and it really kind of conditionskids to be used to this so that
they, when they leave home,want that community and want to
host people and feel natural indoing that as well.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Yes, absolutely.
It just really demonstrates thehospitality lived out.
Maybe it's once a month.
Those families that are hostingtheir kids see the relevance of
the faith as these guests toyour home experience it through
(36:24):
prayer at your family table,maybe seeing your beautiful
prayer corner, a piece ofartwork on your wall.
So it's just a great example tous of how, no, hospitality is
not just an, it's not an extraof the Christian life, it's not
a luxurious add-on.
(36:44):
If I get everything else right,it is essential to give our
kids the gift of hospitality andthe social science backs it up
that your kids will have ahigher chance of really making
the faith their own in adulthood.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
Yes, and I think it's because all of us parents have
had this experience of seeinghow important relevance is to
kids.
They have a really hard timewith things that don't seem to
have a point.
Yes, so I think when they seethat your family's faith is
driving you to fulfill realneeds of people for being served
(37:28):
in some way or being hosted orwelcomed, being listened to, and
they see the relevance of thefaith in action, then they are
more likely to understand why amI going to continue to do these
practices of the faith.
It's because I want to helppeople and help God restore
(37:51):
communion within the world,amongst people and between
humankind and God himself.
So that relevance is such a keyfactor in the kids sticking
with the faith later on.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Yes, which is what we want.
I mean, ultimately, we have,you know, a window of influence
on our children while they'reliving in the home, and I argue
that even when they leave thehome, we can be a great
influence to them.
But those are the things thatmake our hearts really ache when
our kids leave home and we knowthat they're not living a life
(38:28):
of faith or leave home and weknow that they're not living a
life of faith or engaging theirchurch or a part of a community.
And so I think that's why Ireally want to underscore this,
you know, heaven in your homeand this flow chart and just
taking this little by little andintegrating small steps into
your home life right now, sothat you don't have those
(38:49):
regrets later on.
You know, we kind of get onechance at parenting and it's
just a little bit of hell tolook back and go well, we really
crushed it at the office, butdarn it.
Our kids don't, you know, havea relationship with God and
they're wandering out there,lost.
You know, and we believe thatif, if people are wandering lost
(39:11):
and they're out there andthey're not engaging their faith
, that there is absolutely achance for them to come back and
we pray for that all the time.
But if we have the tools andresources at our fingertips,
which Ever and Soren have puttogether so beautifully for us,
then why wouldn't we take theroadmap, buy the book, engage
their website, get on theiremail list to get these letters
(39:35):
that they beautifully puttogether and think about for us
on a weekly basis?
Just dive in.
This is a very low cost way tostart, you know, bringing heaven
into our homes and to reallystart living out the Trinity
House way right in our own homes.
(39:56):
Soren and Ever, you guys are onall the social media platforms,
right?
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
Awesome Trinity House community and then tell us a
little bit about this gym inLeesburg, Virginia.
Like I'm about ready to book aplane ticket out there and an
Airbnb and just come like hangout at this coffee shop that you
guys have going on out there.
Tell us how that came about andhow it's going.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Sure, we really sensed, after doing several
years of ministry, that you knowwe were setting up these
beautiful events in the parishfellowship hall with your you
know fluorescent lights and youraluminum chairs and putting the
chairs back into the storageroom.
You know, and we kind of tothis group of young adults we
(40:45):
were working with.
We said, hey, what would itlook like to bring this, the
beauty of our faith, into thepublic square?
And they really came around theidea of let's have a cafe in
public.
And we went in 2014, we openedthe doors of Trinity House Cafe
and Market.
It is a little taste of heavenat the corner of Church and
(41:06):
Market Streets in Leesburg,virginia.
It's built, it's in a homebuilt in 1795.
And we really view it as you'restepping into the public
representation of a home, of adomestic church, if you will, a
Trinity house, and your eyes arekind of lifted to like the
(41:27):
beauty of what's possible in theChristian home and you're met
with a welcome list and serveyeah, uh, posture from the staff
who worked there um, soup,salad, sandwiches, drinks, um,
just excellent food and, uh,it's just been a joy to see this
ministry of hospitality for thepast 10 years.
(41:50):
We're up to three couples whohave met at the cafe and gone on
to marriage, three Trinityhouse marriages and you know
people have told us how they'vecome back to the faith or been
strengthened, and it's justsomething that we hope could be
a model for other communities toconsider in the years ahead.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
I believe there will be more Trinity House cafes and
markets popping up all over theplace, because just by looking
on your website, at the picturesand watching the little video
clips of customers who have comein and enjoyed time there, it's
like, yes, I want that, I wantthat.
(42:34):
I don't want to have to travelall the way across the United
States for that, but I'd likethat in my own little
neighborhood.
So I love that you, instead ofthe metal chairs and the
fluorescent lights, you havesome just a beautiful ambiance
for people to enjoy there, withbeautiful artwork and eclectic
furniture, and this old homethat is.
(42:56):
How did you even find this atthe corner of market and church?
I mean, the street names arejust like, it's just a.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
God thing you can tell it was a Holy Spirit moment
.
And it actually was even morethan that, because we had been
looking for a place and alandlord who would get behind
our idea for two years.
And it was on the very day ofthe canonization of pub St John
Paul II, where we were drivingback from the canonization mass
(43:27):
at his shrine in DC when we sawthe four, four rent sign
underneath the church and marketstreet signs.
And of course he was so big onurging the lady bring the beauty
and riches of the faith intothe public square.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
So on his canonization day.
Speaker 3 (43:44):
to see that sign beneath the church and market
street signs, it was definitelya God thing.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
Yes, yeah, and one more detail.
We then found out that twogenerations of Methodist
ministers lived in the home inthe 1800s, so it's been
something of a parsonagepreviously for the Methodist
church.
So I mean it's just a specialplace.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
So special Okay, I'm making a special trip out there.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
I hope you can come Jordan.
That would be so fun.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
I'll make it happen.
Our family loves to travel.
We've been to 49 out of the 50states.
Traveling is one of the waysthat we bond together as a
family and serve each other, togrow in love and unity, by
sharing hotel rooms and, youknow, having to concede on
different restaurants andenjoying beautiful museums and
(44:37):
things like that.
So we were in Virginia thissummer and I'm not kidding, I
had this moment.
I was riding in the back of therental car and I glanced over
to the left.
We were going through Virginiaand I've got to look back at our
route but I saw this old homeand I remember looking at the
sign, thinking, oh, that isbeautiful, it's a little coffee
(44:58):
shop and I don't know.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
I feel like I've been right past the front door of it
.
Oh, that's amazing.
Who?
Speaker 1 (45:05):
knows who knows, but we'll make an extra special trip
back there.
Let's just be sure guys thatyou know we have in our show
notes the link to their website.
So be sure to just scroll downin the show notes of today's
episode and click on the websitelink trinityhousecommunitiesorg
(45:25):
and check them out on socialmedia.
Ever and Soren, do you makeyour rounds to churches and moms
groups and things like this togive talks and to kind of
kickstart small groups with thisheaven in your home book and
small group curriculum?
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Yes, we're happy to do that, and this plug and play
model that we've launched, whichis now in these 29 different
churches, is really available toanyone, even without a talk
from us.
They can subscribe online andthen have access to all of the
materials needed to host what wecall five heaven in your home
(46:08):
gatherings at your parish orchurch throughout the year, and
it's for the entire family andit strengthens community,
strengthens the Christian visionof the home and, of course,
we're happy to do talks orworkshops anywhere.
But that's not a prerequisitefor the program.
You can just go right into it.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
Awesome and very low cost for a church to purchase
the program and put on five ofthese workshops.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
Yes, and it's very oriented toward fellowship and
community.
So what we've noticed is if youteach people the model or they
read the book, they really loveit and it's exciting.
But it is something that getsput back on the shelf because
family life is so intense it'shard to remember all the details
(47:00):
.
So we founded these TrinityHouse community groups at
churches so that people couldhave dates on their calendar to
revisit their ideals within thecontext of a very supportive
community.
So everything is kind ofdriving toward that getting into
that small group discussionwith the parents while the
volunteers are watching the kids, and just having that
(47:24):
fellowship and time together toshare your experiences as
parents and as a family onvarious, you know, difficult
topics that people struggle with.
So we created this context andthis model really in order to
have a place to bring couplestogether so that they could get
(47:44):
the friendship and the supportin the community that is the
real driver in the end ofwhether we can be successful or
not.
Back to the communion piece.
You know God's life is a lifeof communion where each supports
the other with a mutualself-gift.
So when you come together withthose other parents in the small
group, you in a way, also imageGod by giving of yourselves to
(48:09):
help one another, pass on thefaith to your kids.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
So good.
I fully support and promote theidea of learning together,
being accountability partners inparenting and family life.
We are not meant to do thisalone, and so this idea that
you've kind of done the heavylifting for us and put together
this roadmap and this beautifulbook that you got to buy the
(48:33):
link to that is in our shownotes as well.
It's on Amazon called Heaven inyour Home.
Just search that up and you'llbe able to find it right away
and that we could just step intothe content and, you know, read
it and ingest it and reallyapply that to our own family.
But then also have the followup with a group or a group of
(48:55):
friends of ours that we gettogether in our own home is just
wraps everything up with a nicelittle bow.
So thank you ever and SorenJohnson, with Trinity house
community, we are just soblessed by this conversation and
we'll do whatever we can tosupport your organization and
(49:16):
spread the news.
So thank you for being with ustoday.
On the Families of Charactershow.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
Thank you, Jordan.
We'll see you at the cafeSounds great.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
Thank you so much, Jordan.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
We look forward to meeting you.
Yes, that would be wonderful.
Guys, make sure that you checkout if you are looking to
improve your marriage andrekindle the spark in your
relationship, because raisingkids can kind of dampen that
little light that we had foreach other that brought us
together in the first place.
(49:46):
Be sure to check outfamiliesofcharactercom and hit
our shop tab.
We have new dates comingavailable for our Thriving
Family Accelerator.
That is a small group couplescoaching that is done online
from the comfort of your ownhome, connecting with other
couples and getting your familyinto some new habits in the home
(50:08):
that help foster a place tointegrate your faith, really
calm the calendar chaos andconnect with your family in a
meaningful way.
So check us out atfamiliesofcharactercom slash
shop.
We'll catch you on anotherepisode of the Families of
Character show real soon, Takecare.
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