December 17, 2024 • 47 mins
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What happens when you treat your family like the most important team you'll ever be part of? On this rebroadcast of the Art of Raising Humans podcast, Kyle and Sarah Wester speak with Jordan about her inspiring transition from a clinical social worker to a leader fostering character in families. Jordan shares her personal insights on how intentional parenting not only shapes children’s lives but also fortifies marriages and fuels personal growth. Learn how embracing familial conflicts can create an environment that mirrors the values and character you aspire to cultivate.
Feelings of burnout and resentment are all too common for many parents today. Jordan shares how the "three C's" — consistently showing up, clarifying the calendar, and fostering a culture of unity — have helped families move from isolation to a place of unity and mutual support.
Empowering communication and setting family goals are key to strengthening family bonds, and Jordan offers invaluable insights into conducting over 250 family huddles since 2019. Discover how these gatherings can enhance organization, build trust, and develop essential skills in children. By involving everyone in the planning process, families can create a collaborative environment where all members feel valued and integral to the family's success. Dive into the rewarding journey of continuous improvement and learn how consistency can make family life more fulfilling for everyone involved.
The Thriving Family Accelerator provides an easy, 3-step process to lower stress, parent as a united team, and enjoy a true friendship with your spouse & relationship with your kids. Sign up now for this live parent coaching with proven methods for positively engaging your family and redistributing the mental load.
Give $20 to keep the mic on. We're a 501 c(3) non-profit and produce this show for parents around the globe.
Discover the secrets to building a connected + thriving family. All you'll need is a few minutes of your week—it's easy!
Looking for things to combat boredom and bolster growth in your kids? Check out our Tame the Tech Bundle and the Best Me I Can Be Journal!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello and welcome to the Art of Raising Humans.
I'm Kyle.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Hi, and I'm Sarah.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
And today, Sarah, we want to talk about character in
your family.
Isn't that something we'repassionate about?
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Yes, we are.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
You know, and we thought, man, we had this
discussion, we got to get onthis podcast.
Last week, we got to talk toJordan on her podcast and we've
had several other discussionswith Jordan and it's just been
so fun to discuss all of ourloves for all things family
right, whether it'shomeschooling, whether it's like
living in Colorado, becausethat's awesome and we don't and
(00:35):
you do, and so that sucks for us, that's right.
So, without further ado, wewant to introduce Jordan Langdon
and just want to say thank youfor coming on the podcast.
Yeah, welcome.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Thank you for having me.
It's an honor to be on yourshow.
I love what you're doing at Artof Raising Humans.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And you are a mom, you are a wife, you have three
kids, two teenagers right Onesoon to be teenager.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Yes, I have an 18-year-old who is actually at
EMT training in Arizona for thenext two weeks just graduated.
And then I have another sonwho's 12 and a daughter 10.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Wow, okay, and so how long have you been doing this?
You are now the CEO of anonprofit called Families of
Character.
How long have you been doingthat?
Why did you take that job?
What's your passion in regardsto helping families?
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yes, so I kind of stumbled into Families of
Character.
Honestly, I was studying at theAugustan Institute to get an
additional master's degree intheology, not an additional
master's of theology but anadditional master's degree.
And I was crazy, I was marriedand had three kids at two
different schools.
At the time I was running afull-time private practice as a
(01:54):
licensed clinical social worker,so working in mental health,
and you know why not take onanother thing.
Of course, oh my goodness, andin the craziness of going back
to school, they assigned us aninternship and I thought how am
I going to have time for that?
So my idea was just to find anorganization that was housed in
(02:18):
the same building as where I wasgoing to get my master's degree
, make it as convenient aspossible.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
That's smart.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Totally, totally so.
I knocked on the door atFamilies of Character and Steve
Markle answered the door and Isaid, excuse me, do you offer
internships?
And he said, well, we neverhave.
Are you looking for one?
And I said yes, and he said Ithink we could probably make
something work.
And so he just invited me inand I sat with him for a couple
hours a week over the course ofa few months and just really
(02:48):
listened to how he was mentoringcouples who he would call on
the phone, who were interestedin, you know, developing
character in their kids.
And I thought there is somethinghere.
This is awesome.
There's really a framework forfamily living that I had never
heard of before, and so what Istarted to do is I started to
(03:09):
implement some of these thingsthat Steve was telling others
about in my own marriage andfamily life, and I began to have
this amazing transformation.
And that's where I said, okay,lord, like am I supposed to
continue on this path of, youknow, seeing one person an hour
in my clinical practice, youknow, day after day, week after
(03:31):
week, or is it time to close thedoors and just go all in on
coaching parents in this newframework for family living?
And the answer was really clear.
I actually, you know, I don'thear anything audible from God
like the words, but I really gotthis message it is dead, what
(03:51):
it is dead?
Yeah, your practice is dead,it's over.
Like, close it down.
And so it was actually verycomforting to receive that
message and kind of thatpermission to just let go of
something I'd been at for 20years and to pivot and use my
skills in a different way.
So I joined Families ofCharacter, I got out of the
theology program and it's beenon ever since, for like four
(04:14):
years.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
That's awesome.
Well, and I think what wereally resonated with too with
you, jordan, is, I think in alot of type of ways people hear
about parenting with kids.
I think in a lot of type ofways people hear about parenting
with kids, it's a lot of focuson behavior the kid's doing and
ways in which to stop thatbehavior, extinguish that
behavior, whatever.
Really, what we connected sodeeply with you and it sounds
(04:35):
like what you're doing atFamilies of Character is that
raising kids is a way that cantransform us into being better
couples in regards to ourmarriage.
It can strengthen our marriage,also make us just better humans
in general, and I love that.
That's kind of how, ineverything I've seen you do and
talk about, sarah and I arereally aligned with that that we
(04:57):
really believe change startswith us first as the adults, and
then the way we see the, thekids difficulties, the conflicts
with the kids really transformshow we approach it.
And so when you think about allthese things in regards to
character, like I want to, Iwant to work together as a team
with my wife, um, and, and worktogether with our kids to
(05:18):
co-create a family we want, andthat forming characters, that
whole process and that's why allthis conflict is there.
That's why all these issuesarise, because we're trying to
become humans of character.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Yes, you are exactly right, kyle.
We really believe that yourfamily is the most important
team you'll ever be part of, andso why wouldn't you put
intention behind building thecharacter of your team?
Character is being developed inyour family every day, whether
you're intentional about it ornot.
It just, you know, depending onhow intentional you are, really
(05:55):
kind of speaks to the type ofcharacter in your kids and
yourselves.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
And so we really believe in intentional parenting
right.
And so we really believe inintentional parenting right,
like make creating a true plan,getting order back in your life
and functioning as a team.
When you think about, you knowa team, a sports team, right?
They huddle up all the time.
They huddle up many timesduring the game.
They have practices that arecoached by usually two leaders
(06:22):
that have their best interest atheart.
They'll challenge them and pushthem to their limits, but also
want to make sure that they'reunited together and that there's
a sense of that unity and thatcamaraderie in the team.
And so I think you know, ingenerations past there's been a
lot of division between parentsand kids.
Yes, and that's been kind of asource of pride, and so we're
(06:45):
like let's break that down andlike come around side of our
kids, you know, in a huddle kindof fashion.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yeah, I love the vision of that too, of where he,
when Kyle, was talking aboutstopping things and and and what
you just mentioned aboutseparating you know, here's the
parents here's the kids.
But I love the idea of of thecoming together and the forward
looking, instead of let's stopthis, let's keep that away, you
(07:12):
know, but it's what are we goingto build?
Where are we going and goingtogether?
And I love that about yourvision and and what, what you're
doing, because it's a comingtogether and it's a creating
something and it's movingforward towards something,
versus avoiding and stopping.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
And you know it's like in general, as this stuff
has evolved, I think in familiesis, you've seen, like no, we're
(07:47):
for you, like we're there todevelop you, to help you become
something more.
You know, and I think a lot ofathletes are really like
interested in that.
They're like I don't want tojust win a game, but I want to
become a better person.
So I love that metaphor for thefamily picture as well.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Yes, that made me think of you know.
Instead of just being told whatto do all the time, there's
this sense of you know.
I'll do it first.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
And then we do it together, and then you do it
Right.
Yeah, and so it's that kind ofalmost Montessori philosophy or
that positive parentingphilosophy where it's you know,
yes, I'm the leader and it's myjob to model for you.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
But the idea is to pass it along to you so you have
as much information as I do, sothat you are prepared when you
leave the nest, so that you canthrive as an adult and you can
be part of a family and part ofa team, because you're going to
need to be for the rest of yourlife.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Well, if I can jump on that, jordan, I'm even
thinking, as you're helping meform out this metaphor is I'm
thinking like you wouldn't wantto win at all costs.
You know, like an athletedoesn't just want to win, Like
how you win is important andreally the ends don't justify
the means.
So really, whether a team winsor loses although we love to win
(09:04):
, watch our teams win how we win, I think, is even more
important.
So, even if my team lost, butthey played a certain way, they
played with intention, theyplayed with character, right I
wouldn't want my team just towin, just being crazy, just
cheating, right, doing whateverthey could be like, oh, we won,
but who cares if we cheated?
You know like it's in the sameway.
I think, as parents, that'swhat we feel too.
(09:26):
We have an end goal.
We have a an ending to thisroad trip called life that we
want to eventually get to.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
But how that road trip happens is more important
to us than even whether we getto that destination you're so
right, you're so right andthat's why you know if you, if
you can implement this likeweekly family huddle that gets
you down the field.
You know it may not havemassive benefits in the moment
(09:52):
or for the next week, but if youstack up these huddles that
consist of these three behaviors, then over time you are.
You're so inches from the endzone, you know.
So we're also about the longgame.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Right, not just these parenting hacks where you're
trying to, like you said, stopbehavior timeouts.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
this this and that yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
But it's like let's, let's show up for each other as
an intentional team each weekand eventually we're moving the
ball down the field togethertowards the end zone.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
You had this great picture that you were telling me
in our conversation where yourealized this that the family
maybe needed to be gettingtogether to intentionally talk
about being on the same team,because you thought they were
but they weren't and some ofthat stuff was you almost
accidentally making that lesslikely to be the case.
So could you share that with me, kind of that realization you
(10:47):
had?
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Yes, completely.
I remember it like it wasyesterday.
My daughter said, like wedidn't even really know, like
our marriage was in trouble,until our four-year-old daughter
said Mom, I don't think Dadwants to live here.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Hmm, hmm.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
I was like what?
I'm a clinical counselor.
Just hours before she said thatI had just gotten home from
work and I was at my officeseeing clients all day.
And I remember pulling down thestreet towards my house and I
spotted my house and this senseof dread just kind of came over
(11:27):
me and I thought oh, how am Igoing to do this?
You know, the sun was setting,it was about six 30 in the
evening.
I thought I got round two aheadof me.
Now I got to go in here and andmake dinner and clean up dishes
and get people you know intheir homework and into bed and
bath time and all this stuff.
And I just remember feelinglike I just had nothing left.
(11:49):
But I did like we always do youjust pack it up and go inside.
Well as I'm pushing the dooropen to my laundry room from the
garage, I'm like pushing pastbackpacks and shoes and coats
and homework on the ground, andthis anxiety is just rising up
in me and I'm like, oh my gosh,these people, I round the corner
(12:14):
and I just start barking outorders immediately Pick up your
clothes.
Has nobody started theirhomework?
Why are there still dishes inthe sink from breakfast, you
know?
And my kids just startscattering like cockroaches.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Get out of her way.
She's here Watch out.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Monster mom has arrived.
And so then I went whoa, okay,this is a little out of control.
I got to reconstitute myselfbecause we got to eat.
So my husband's finishing somestuff up in the office and he
kind of comes tiptoeing out likewhoa, okay, it's one of those
nights you know, and we startmaking dinner and getting stuff
(12:53):
on the table and cleaning it upand I'm just kind of like
passive, aggressive you know,I'm kind of slamming the
cupboard doors a little harderthan normal and just just so
resentful that this is how it'sgoing.
And it was crazy, Kyle and Sarah, because I remember feeling
this sense of disgust towards mykids as I'm looking at, the
(13:13):
mess.
But, then instantly it was asense of disgust for myself
because I thought who are they?
But like this reflection of ourleadership.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
This is coming from us.
We're failing them.
Yeah, yes.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
So we get things going for the evening and I take
my daughter up to give her abath and I'm washing her hair
and she's got her eyes closedand she, just out of the blue,
says Mom, I don't think dadwants to live here anymore.
I don't think he wants to move,but I don't think he wants to
live here anymore.
I don't think he wants to move,but I don't think he wants to
live here.
And then her eyes just poppedopen and it was like okay, I'm
(13:53):
ready to get out of the bath now.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
And I'm going.
Did anyone else hear that?
What was that?
Speaker 3 (14:02):
And so I just dried her off, went and said prayers,
tucked her into bed.
But then I was thinking, likewhat four-year-old says?
Something like that.
That's a very sophisticatedkind of thought process or idea
If she didn't actuallyexperience some division or
separation between my husbandand.
(14:22):
I so I go into the bedroom andI'm like Josh um, are you
thinking about leaving?
And he's like what he says.
Why do you ask that?
You guys are therapists?
You know when you?
ask a question and someoneresponds with a question.
It's not good I was like yeah,yeah.
Well, this is what our daughtersaid, and he said that's
(14:46):
interesting.
He said I'm not thinking aboutleaving, but you're just not
very fun to live with.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Dagger number two for the night.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Right, I'm like oh, but at the same time it's like I
wouldn't agree with him.
Immediately I said oh, you'reso right.
I don't even like who I amright now.
I know I'm not fun to live with.
No one on this team is havingfun.
And that's when I got that imageof our family as a team and it
(15:18):
was like we all lived under oneroof, we all were wearing the
same color jersey with the sameLangdon name on the back, but we
were all doing our own thing.
And so I had this visual of usbeing like out on this football
field and the the whistle isblown and the ball snapped and I
like grabbed the ball and Ihead down the field towards the
(15:41):
end zone and I'm just going ashard as I can and I'm like
bobbing and weaving around allthis stuff that's coming at me,
all these stressors and these,you know, these big people just
like coming for me and in mydesperation I kind of like fall
out on the field and I'm lookingto pass pitch the ball to my
husband or to my kids and I lookback and nobody's there.
(16:04):
The whole field is empty, and sothen then I kind of glance over
to the sidelines.
I'm like where are my people?
I need help and they're all onthe sidelines.
And and the sense that I haveput them there.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Yeah, you've kind of told them go sit down.
I've got this, yes.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
I've got this, and and.
So it just became clear to methat I had all these valuable
players on my team that wereready to come in, that I had,
over time, just continued to tobench to say, you know, I've got
this, I've got this.
No, I'll take care of that.
Or, as moms, as we often do,right, it's just easier if I
(16:44):
clean that mess up because we'rein a hurry or I don't have time
to teach you how to do that so.
I'm just going to take it onmyself.
It's a disaster, because thenyou're burnt out, right.
So then you have what we callresponsibility burnout and
you're resentful towards yourhusband.
I remember kind of catchingthis glimpse of, like my husband
, like over there, waving at melike hello, is there ever going
(17:07):
to be intimacy again?
Do you see me?
You know, and I'm like who areyou looking at me?
I know you're not looking at mebecause I'm burnt out.
I've just run down the field100,000 times.
I was being a ball hog.
But he feels really badly whenwe talk about this because he's
like I kind of saw you burningout and I would step in and try
(17:28):
to help.
And I would step in and try tohelp, but immediately when you
said you got it, it was hard forme to, you know, come back at
you and say like no, you reallydon't.
You know, I wanted to trustthat this was something that you
were taking on seriously as awife and a mom and it seemed
(17:48):
like you wanted to really, youknow, do all these things.
But but then I was getting thisfeedback that you were burning
out and like, all of a sudden,it was becoming you know where,
where our kids were scatteringlike cockroaches, and me too,
when you came in the door, youknow.
So we agreed that there werethings that both of us could
have done differently.
I could have raised my hand forhelp and just gone.
You know, like man, I want usto do this together.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
And instead of just kind of being reactive to the
situation and taking it all onmyself and so that evening
actually my husband jokes aboutthis too he's like yeah, after
you know, after I said that toyou, I think I pretty much like
fell asleep and was snoring youknow, like yeah yeah, you did,
(18:40):
my daughter did and you did andI was up all night like yeah,
they drop these bombshells andthey're like I'm glad I got that
off my chest.
Yeah, see you later.
Totally yes, but I see it aslike one of those blessings in
disguise, you know where.
I had no animosity towards them, they were simply the messenger
, and if they wouldn't have saidthat or had the courage to be
the vessel for that message, wewould still be in that spot
(19:02):
today.
And so that night I'm thinking,ok, I could just like escape
away to this hotel in Santa Feand just have like a quick, like
reset, right, like a mom reset,get some good food, lots of
sleep.
And then I hear this stillsmall voice you are right where
you need to be home.
Oh, how do you argue with that?
(19:23):
Okay, fine, I'll stay, I'll dothe work, you know.
But I mean, we tried all kindsof stuff, you guys.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
We got the latest and greatest chore charts right and
we're going to get our kidsstarting to pitch in and help
out.
That's right.
That will fix it.
Yes.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
We tried every parenting hack you can imagine
and those things work for like aweek or two.
That's the thing.
So there's this like falsesense of yeah.
But then we would just go backto me kind of taking things on
and my husband stepping back,and so it wasn't until we kind
of stumbled upon this, this ideathat well, and so my husband
(19:59):
and I kind of started looking atthe calendar together, and it
was just something that wehadn't done before.
I was the keeper of thecalendar, I added and subtracted
(20:23):
things from the calendar basedon emails from the school or you
know, whatever have you, andand he would glance at it or go,
hey, what are we doing tonight?
Or do we have something goingthis weekend?
It's like, yes, we do, and sothen I'd be telling him, and
then I'd be telling our threekids everything that was
happening for the week.
And again we noticed this bigspotlight on me, right, like
(20:46):
everybody's coming to me for allthe information, and so we
decided, let's, let's just likeexpose this calendar, right,
this is not something that Ihave to hoard to myself.
I don't have some special skillthat keeps me the, the, the
social, you know, calendarmanager or anything.
And that started reallyinstantly kind of transforming
(21:07):
things because, all of a sudden,that mental load that I was
carrying in my mind, because wedo keep the activities of our
family on our mind, but alsojust the load of what visually
is on our calendar that I wasseeing but they weren't, was now
distributed among everyone inthe family, and so they began to
(21:30):
have some kind of empathy andcompassion too, around.
Like whoa, this is what shelooks at every day.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
This is what she's carrying around trying to figure
out who's going to get wherewhen you know.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
And then my husband started really pitching in ideas
.
He's like, oh well, I can takethe man I could drop off three
days a week.
How about I do that and I'mgoing?
Do you mean that he's like,well, yeah, now that he's able
to see you know, visually, hecan pitch in in ways that I
would have just taken on myself.
And then our kids startedpitching in on ideas.
(22:04):
I remember one time I said well, lincoln, you're supposed to be
at wrestling, and Annie, you'resupposed to be at gymnastics,
and dad's got a meeting andParker's not driving yet, so I
can only be at one place onetime.
One of you is going to have togive up your practice, and
that's just how it goes, andsometimes we just have to
sacrifice.
And he said well, mom, I havean idea.
(22:24):
What about Bo's mom Erin?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Yeah, this is.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Honberger, she could pick me up.
You know this seems like asmall thing.
Oh good, so Lincoln pitched anidea, but he all of a sudden
became a valued part of the team.
He solved a problem for us andthen he had a stake in the game.
So he really felt like, oh, myidea was heard, it was helpful
to us, yeah that's so beautifulit was so cool.
(22:49):
So that's really what startedtransforming our family.
It's just on Sundays looking atthe calendar together and
problem solving and figuring outhow we could help each other as
a united team to get everythingthat we needed to get done done
in a peaceful way, or, you know, partially peaceful way, and
(23:11):
really all be contributing towhat was going on.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Well, and I just love .
I think probably tons offamilies can relate to what
you're saying.
Right now, right, so manyfeeling overwhelmed, feeling how
do we do this?
And I love where you'repointing out that actually, you
know, I think as a mom, you'relike okay, I just need to take
care of this, and it's almost,it's almost a problem.
It's like I'm not good enough ifI can't do it and instead of,
(23:41):
what you're highlighting is thebeauty of everyone coming
together as a team and to seewhat that gives your kids to be
seen, to be heard, to be acontributor to this whole thing.
What are they?
Just think about the beautifulthings they're learning and the
way they feel inside when theyhave stepped up and like, oh, I
(24:01):
can own this too.
Look at what I'm capable ofdoing.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
I can have good ideas .
Speaker 2 (24:05):
I can do this, and then they're going to be able to
take that to the next phase oflife, and that's just really
amazing to see and to know thatit's not just a, it's not a oh,
I can't do this.
It's like wow.
If I try to keep all of this,we're all missing out.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Yeah, you're missing out on opportunities, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
And there's so much there that that we could enjoy
together and contribute together.
So I love how you're bringinglight to that and and I'm really
curious about the three C'sLike how did this look for you?
What happened next?
Speaker 1 (24:38):
I want to hear that.
Jordan, I do want to make surethe listeners hear something.
There's a couple of things yousaid that I wanted to highlight
in your story.
One was when you came in thedoor, there was this kind of
underlying belief that they'reagainst me, all of these people
are against me.
Nobody here is for me.
I've got to do it all on my own.
But what started to happen?
When you intentionally dosomething like on a weekly basis
(25:01):
, come together, do a familyhuddle why would I do that
unless I believe we're all foreach other, we're all actually
on the same team, we're not onopposing the teams.
And then the second part I hopelisteners heard was you really
started moving from justindependent people in a
household just doing whateverthey want, to interdependence.
You started to create thisinterdependency within the
(25:21):
family that we're all here for areason, like all of us are
there to help the other, and Ijust think so many families miss
out on that.
That, that understanding thatkids want to be interdependent,
interdependent with you.
They want to be a helpful toolin the running of the family.
It feels great.
It feels really good.
It boosts their self-esteem,their confidence, all that stuff
(25:41):
.
And so I just wanted itlisteners, I hope you heard that
was.
That was the big shift andSarah and I've talked about in
the past as a couple.
You got to believe that we arefor each other, we're not
against each other.
But then also the end game isfor all of us to bring our
strengths to the table to helpeverybody in the family succeed.
And that's kind of what youwere highlighting at the end,
where everybody started tobecome more interdependent.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Yes, you hit the nail on the head.
We went from those kind ofdivided players and me being the
ball hog and everyone else justkind of going off to the corner
of the gym, you know, or thefield to this like oh, we are
for each other, we are united.
We even name ourselves TeamLangdon, and that has an impact
on the family right.
We are one team.
(26:25):
And our last name matters.
It's what unifies us, right?
Yeah, let's get into the threeC's because I say that the three
C's are what saved my marriageokay, when I didn't even realize
it needed saving and I want tounderscore that because a lot of
you who are listening may notrealize that your marriage needs
(26:46):
saving too.
And it's not your fault.
It's just that we get going andwe're blocking and tackling as
things come up and all of asudden we're looking cross-eyed
at our spouse like how manyyears has it been?
And we're at it like this andwe're really divided.
So take this as an opportunityto kind of do an assessment of
your own marriage and familydynamics and how unified are we?
(27:09):
or how divided?
And how can we use these threeC's to get us unified and back
on track?
So number one C is consistentlyshowing up for each other.
So consistent connection, yeahRight, when you meet up together
at a scheduled time once a weekand you keep that consistent,
(27:30):
you don't do this like, well,maybe this week we'll do it on a
Tuesday, Maybe that?
Oh, we can't do it.
No, you say, hey, Sundays are agreat day that we're all home,
we're preparing for the weekanyway in our own sort of ways.
How about we rally together asa team and consistently show up
at 630 in the living room everySunday or whatever time you
(27:50):
choose?
But that consistent connectionis what builds the culture of
your family.
Your kids are like man.
My parents continue to show upin this living room every.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Sunday, they continue to communicate.
So many families we know kidsare out of the loop.
Kids, I'm helping at thepractice.
I'll be like hey, what are youguys doing this weekend?
I don't know.
They have no idea what's goingon and a lot of stuff is just
thrown on them and they're likewhat are we doing?
Why are we doing that?
But instead you're buildingtrust by consistently showing up
(28:20):
.
We start to trust that I'llhave a voice.
I'm going to be in the know.
I'm part of the VIP group, yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Yes, you got it Exactly right.
And then the second C is justclarifying the calendar, right?
So once you've connectedconsistently, you show up in
that space and that time thenyou actually expose the calendar
so everyone can see it.
And the best is for dad to leadthe family through the family
huddle because that really getshim engaged and when you teach
(28:50):
something you know it better,right?
So if that's not something thatyou're used to as a father is
being really in tune with thefamily calendar.
It's easy if it's written outfor you and mom.
We're good support folks, right, we can kind of leverage you up
and help you understand what'sgoing on the first couple of
weeks and then you've got itLike you can take it and fly
(29:11):
with it.
Then the people that arelistening, the children in the
room, your spouse really looksto you as the leader of the
family, so that makes adifference too.
But it's clarifying thecalendar.
Like you said, kyle, like a lotof people don't know what's
going on calendar.
Like you said, kyle, like a lotof people don't know what's
going on for us.
Before we were sharing ourcalendar with other people, we
(29:33):
got so bogged down in the day today that I remember my
mother-in-law calling about,like you know, thanksgiving
plans and it was like Octoberone and I'm like what
Thanksgiving?
How dare you ask about that?
We haven't even gotten to.
You know October 10th.
I can't see beyond this week.
You know, now that we're in therhythm of having these weekly
(29:54):
huddles, we plan out an entireyear in advance, like my husband
and I are looking forward toplanning all of 2025, like next
month, because it clears up thefog out in front of you and then
you can cast this vision andmake long-term goals for your
family.
We've been to 49 of the 50States and I'm convinced the
only way we're able to do thatis because we take care of the
(30:17):
weekly business of the familytogether.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Yeah Well, what's the last one?
What's the one you have?
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Last one is common goal, like you said, we're
coming together.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
What's the last state ?
Speaker 3 (30:36):
Oh, the last state, alaska.
Yes, I want to hear it.
Yeah, I was curious, you got meto 49.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
We have not been to Alaska yet.
That's on the radar, okay, okay, there you go, there you go.
I figured it was.
I was going to say Alaska.
That makes sense.
And what I want to add too is Ithink lots of times when you're
doing that talk right where thecouple is meeting together with
the kids presenting the plan,you were pointing out that in a
lot of cases, it's prettytypical for the mom to have that
calendar, unfortunately,because the dad's kind of
(30:59):
checked out when it comes towhat's going on with school,
what's going on with play dates,what's going on, and the mom is
taking charge of that, and Ithink it's easy for the dad to
just be incompetent and just belike that's not my deal, that's
your deal, right.
And so I think in doing that,what it does, like you said,
what you felt, it led to some atleast some empathy, to just
(31:19):
empathy of like wow, you aredoing a lot of stuff, you've got
a lot of things that you'recoordinating on top of all the
work you're doing on top of andtoo often, our culture.
It is just like well, that'sjust your job, your mom like,
just like, and hopefully we wantto be a part of that
conversation of changing that,that we are sharing the weight
as a couple, of this calendarand sometimes even to, as a
(31:41):
couple, say we're doing too much, maybe we need to cut some
things out, you know so.
So I want to encourage, youknow, all the listeners who are
listening that's kind of, Ithink, a big end game there, too
, is both people not only aremore competent to talk about the
calendar, but also takeresponsibility for it, for the
for the good, the bad, whetherwe're too busy or there's more
we want to add, and we can allwork together to decide.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
Yes, and you are both licensed professional
counselors.
You know how this goes withcouples.
One of the things that I hearcouples say when I ask them like
hey, how do you manage yourfamily calendar?
Like, how do you communicatewhat's going on in the calendar?
Nine times out of ten the dadsays oh, she just tells me
what's going on, and then I dowhat she tells me, yeah, yeah.
(32:24):
Think about how that plays outover time.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Oh, your wife, your woman, woman, is telling you
what to do.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
I know, yeah, and you just have to do it.
You have to get in your truckand go to pick up when she says
and then you have to change yourplans and go oops.
You know, that really wrecksthe marriage.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
It puts that person, whether it's the husband or wife
, into another space of being achild, Right, and so you know,
it really is like when it comesto our kids, soccer stuff and
when it comes, you know, we'llhave conversations like hey, did
you put that on the calendaryet you want me to?
I'll take care of that.
So then, like we're talking,like we've got a tournament this
weekend and like we're stilldeciding, are we going to go as
a family, Are we going to goseparate?
(33:04):
And having those kinds ofdiscussions over what is best
going to bring our familytogether, you know, or just make
us more busy, you know.
So we've got to make thosedecisions as a couple.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
Yes, and that is such a good point.
You know, 10 eyes on thecalendar are better than two.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
And our kids said whoa, our son, our oldest son,
is gone for a couple of weeksand so none of his work schedule
was on our calendar.
And so when we did our familyhuddle yesterday, our middle son
says wow, look at all thatwhite space on our calendar.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Things have been really freed up.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
And so it does really help.
It helps to have more eyes onthe calendar, because you want
to identify white space.
Friday we don't have any plans.
Oh my goodness, let's have amovie night, right.
So then you schedule in thethings that matter to help you.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Jordan.
I think what's great too, whenour daughter does babysitting
jobs and stuff like for her,we'll have to say put the
address on there, please, soit's not just the babysitter,
it's us driving you to thebabysitting job, so we can also
know and have mental space tounderstand how long is that
going to be there and back, andall those kinds of things.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
Yes, okay, kyle, so you just brought up another
point.
This helps kids developexecutive functioning skills
right.
Thinking planning ahead.
Yes, Sarah, you're like pickingthat up right, so good Love
that.
Yes, okay, yeah, so the last C.
Okay, so we have connectingconsistently Not Alaska.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Yeah, it's not Alaska , gotcha yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Connecting, consistently clarifying the
calendar and then a common goalyeah, identifying one goal.
Once you've looked at thecalendar, it's really easy to to
identify one thing y'all can beworking on for the week, right?
Yep, if, if you're running lateto things, the common goal may
be we're all setting our alarms15 minutes earlier so we can get
(35:00):
out the door on time, lessnagging and yelling right love
that man yes, yes so, but I tellpeople, don't start with that,
don't start with that.
If that feels like too big of athing, like this whole family
huddle, just start with thecalendar and then layer things
on as time goes on, but the mostimportant thing is to put the
(35:23):
huddle on your family calendaryeah, yeah, like actually
schedule time on your calendarfor the huddle.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
Because if that doesn't happen, if it doesn't
get on the calendar, it ain'thappening.
Nothing happens.
It's not on the calendar.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Yeah, yeah, it's so.
Like you had pointed out earlier, it's really easy to let those
things slide you know, becauseyou're already so busy and that
feels like, oh, I mean, becauseI know we actually have a
meeting on our calendar that wekeep missing and it's our
meeting, you know.
Because you do, you feel like,okay, I mean we're so busy, we
can just, we'll just put thatoff, it'll be fine, We'll, we'll
(35:59):
catch it next week.
And then next week comes aroundand it gets put off and and all
the things you're talking aboutare dependent on that huddle.
Yeah, you know, none of that'sgoing to happen if you guys
aren't coming together andaren't setting that goal.
And then I imagine following uplike how did last week go?
What do we want to change forthis coming?
week and none of that.
All of that pretty soon slidesthrough your fingers and you're
(36:22):
right back where you startedwithout it.
And what I love about it.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Using the sports metaphor, again, no-transcript
(36:55):
conversations were not happening.
So there was not a weeklyhuddle where we had a voice to
talk about what we're working on, because there was a risk that
the kids might say mom, dad, Iwant you to work on this, or
could we work on being kinderwhen we ask for things, instead
of bossing everybody around Likethat was a risk most parents
never thought of taking, youknow.
So I think in the huddles thereis this really cool, like we're
(37:18):
co-creating the family we want.
So, weekly, bring this stuff up, let's talk about how we could
change this or work on this orgrow in this area, and then
weekly, the next Sunday, youtalk again.
How did we do, you know, did weachieve that goal?
And I just love that idea, yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Yes, yes, you've got this man Team Western in the
house, baby.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Okay, can I ask you start doing this?
What was your family's response?
What have you seen now thatyou've been doing this for a
while?
Because you know, if I'm afamily thinking okay, I'm not
sure my kids would be on board,or how's that look, or are they
going to like that?
You know, what have you seenhappen over time?
Speaker 3 (37:58):
Yes, Okay.
So so many things.
First of all, we've done over250 family huddles.
We've been at this since 2019.
Nice and yes, a littleexperience, and our kids will
not let us go a single weekwithout one.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Nice yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
That's huge because they experience the benefit of
knowing what's coming next andthen really, you know, leaning
into developing kind of a planfor themselves so that they're
prepared.
And they've seen so much growthin their own independence and
this courage and confidence thatthey, you know they are in the
(38:35):
know.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
And that they are a valued member of our team.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
They're invited to the table.
You know, I think it's going tobe yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Yes, and just this idea that you know they're
contributing, they're solvingproblems.
They are kind of like drawingup a play for us and suggesting
that play for the game.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
It's like really Like in those Make-A-Wish videos,
that's like a cool thing, like akid gets to draw a play up for
Patrick Mahomes or something andthat's so cool for a kid to
know I drew that play up andthey just got a touchdown, and
so then that they get to feellike I can do that, I can create
plays, I can.
Yeah, I think that's reallypowerful.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
Yes, we have seen less sibling rivalry by far in
this, this sense ofconnectedness and like
playfulness between our kids.
So before everybody was kind ofat each other and it was always
a lot of tattling on each otherand this person's doing that
and you could just feel thedivision.
But since calling ourselvesTeam Langdon, coming together,
(39:40):
being consistent and showing upfor each other and then really
weighing in on this calendar andthen coming together with a
common goal, has happened.
There's just this softness,there's this lightness, and
around dinner it's like let'sall see how quick we can get the
kitchen cleaned up.
Who would have ever thoughtthat that was possible before.
It was nuts before.
(40:00):
But it's kind of like we knowwe're all going down the end
zone together, so we're going tomake this happen anytime we can
.
And, Kyle, you and Sarah wentto Disneyland, I think, recently
and you were talking about, youknow, just like being
vulnerable and being like man.
I screwed up here.
You know this is, and your teamcame rallying around you right.
(40:24):
So it takes that division where,where, like, we have the power
and what we say goes and youdon't have any say in here, you
know down to like OK, I'mstruggling, you know, and it
gives our kids permission tocall us out on things that we
said were important to us thebig part of it is kids.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
when they're, when it's just an independent culture
in a family is everybody's justfighting for themselves.
And everybody has seen a sportsteam that does that, where the
wide receiver is just trying toget his, or you know the running
backs just trying to get, andthey're just all fighting for a
benefits them, and that does notwork to create a healthy team.
And so when, when you're in aculture where we realize my
power isn't just to benefit me,it's to benefit us, then that's
(41:11):
where there's no.
How does sibling rivalry reachthat goal?
It doesn't right.
And so we can speak to that aswell.
It wasn't easy.
It was definitely hard to beintentional to get there, but we
see that now with our kids aswell, where it's immediately
like, hey, if we want to do this, we need to get this done.
And then they're like cool,what could we do?
And then like, even now it usedto be frustrating years ago
(41:32):
when I get groceries and I pullup to the driveway, can you ask
the kids to get out of here andhelp, but now they're just
running out.
You know they're running outthere.
They're grabbing it.
All three of them,no-transcript.
(42:09):
Where can they find more aboutyou?
How can they hear more aboutwhat?
Speaker 3 (42:14):
you're doing and the work you're doing at Families of
Character, absolutely so.
Our main place where we hangout is our website,
familiesofcharactercom, so thereyou can go and get your free
huddle guide on our main page,yes.
And then, if you're looking formore resources on how to get
your family huddle started, thisweek we've got a digital huddle
up guide.
So we've got our best podcastsand downloadables.
(42:37):
If you're like me and want apretty PDF that can guide you
through your family huddle thatyou can just have in reference,
we've got that available for youin the free guide and then in
our Huddle Up digital guide aswell.
And then we're on the socials,right, we're on Instagram and
Facebook and then, of course,host our own podcast called the
(42:58):
Families of Character Show.
We're so glad to have been ableto interview you guys and have
Art of Raising Humans on theFamilies of Character Show.
This is a beautifulcollaboration.
You guys are all about marriageand family and being for each
other.
Yeah, and that's what we'reabout too.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
Yeah, and we'll include all of that stuff in the
show notes too, so people cancheck that out.
Get that PDF be a really greattool to help you intentionally
do this.
Well, we want to thank you somuch, Jordan.
We're jealous you're inColorado.
Wish we could be there with youin the mountains.
But thank you so much forjoining us and sharing all this
insight with us and we'reexcited about collabing with you
(43:37):
in the future.
And so I hope you're tonight,hope your busy day goes well,
because I know you've got a busyday ahead of you.
But I hope it goes well andeverything works out really
fluid today.
But we love the insight.
Hope more families, if you'relistening, go check this out,
get that PDF, start doing thatthis Sunday.
This will drop on a Monday.
(43:58):
Start planning for what thatSunday is going to look like, or
that Saturday, and just get itgoing.
It's just imperfect progress.
The kids at first are going tobe like what, what are we doing?
But just invite them into it.
They don't even know howexciting and good it's going to
be for them.
You know exactly.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
Stay the course, be consistent, show up and then
layer on from there.
It'll be awesome.
Go teams.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Yeah, yeah, thank you very much, jordan, thank you
Thanks so much for having meguys.
The Art of Raising Humanspodcast should not be considered
or used as counseling, but foreducational purposes only.
Hello and welcome to the Art of Raising Humans.
I'm Kyle.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Hi, and I'm Sarah.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
And today, Sarah, we want to talk about character in
your family.
Isn't that something we'repassionate about?
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Yes, we are.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
You know, and we thought, man, we had this
discussion, we got to get onthis podcast.
Last week, we got to talk toJordan on her podcast and we've
had several other discussionswith Jordan and it's just been
so fun to discuss all of ourloves for all things family
right, whether it'shomeschooling, whether it's like
living in Colorado, becausethat's awesome and we don't and
(00:35):
you do, and so that sucks for us, that's right.
So, without further ado, wewant to introduce Jordan Langdon
and just want to say thank youfor coming on the podcast.
Yeah, welcome.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Thank you for having me.
It's an honor to be on yourshow.
I love what you're doing at Artof Raising Humans.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And you are a mom, you are a wife, you have three
kids, two teenagers right Onesoon to be teenager.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Yes, I have an 18-year-old who is actually at
EMT training in Arizona for thenext two weeks just graduated.
And then I have another sonwho's 12 and a daughter 10.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Wow, okay, and so how long have you been doing this?
You are now the CEO of anonprofit called Families of
Character.
How long have you been doingthat?
Why did you take that job?
What's your passion in regardsto helping families?
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yes, so I kind of stumbled into Families of
Character.
Honestly, I was studying at theAugustan Institute to get an
additional master's degree intheology, not an additional
master's of theology but anadditional master's degree.
And I was crazy, I was marriedand had three kids at two
different schools.
At the time I was running afull-time private practice as a
(01:54):
licensed clinical social worker,so working in mental health,
and you know why not take onanother thing.
Of course, oh my goodness, andin the craziness of going back
to school, they assigned us aninternship and I thought how am
I going to have time for that?
So my idea was just to find anorganization that was housed in
(02:18):
the same building as where I wasgoing to get my master's degree
, make it as convenient aspossible.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
That's smart.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Totally, totally so.
I knocked on the door atFamilies of Character and Steve
Markle answered the door and Isaid, excuse me, do you offer
internships?
And he said, well, we neverhave.
Are you looking for one?
And I said yes, and he said Ithink we could probably make
something work.
And so he just invited me inand I sat with him for a couple
hours a week over the course ofa few months and just really
(02:48):
listened to how he was mentoringcouples who he would call on
the phone, who were interestedin, you know, developing
character in their kids.
And I thought there is somethinghere.
This is awesome.
There's really a framework forfamily living that I had never
heard of before, and so what Istarted to do is I started to
(03:09):
implement some of these thingsthat Steve was telling others
about in my own marriage andfamily life, and I began to have
this amazing transformation.
And that's where I said, okay,lord, like am I supposed to
continue on this path of, youknow, seeing one person an hour
in my clinical practice, youknow, day after day, week after
(03:31):
week, or is it time to close thedoors and just go all in on
coaching parents in this newframework for family living?
And the answer was really clear.
I actually, you know, I don'thear anything audible from God
like the words, but I really gotthis message it is dead, what
(03:51):
it is dead?
Yeah, your practice is dead,it's over.
Like, close it down.
And so it was actually verycomforting to receive that
message and kind of thatpermission to just let go of
something I'd been at for 20years and to pivot and use my
skills in a different way.
So I joined Families ofCharacter, I got out of the
theology program and it's beenon ever since, for like four
(04:14):
years.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
That's awesome.
Well, and I think what wereally resonated with too with
you, jordan, is, I think in alot of type of ways people hear
about parenting with kids.
I think in a lot of type ofways people hear about parenting
with kids, it's a lot of focuson behavior the kid's doing and
ways in which to stop thatbehavior, extinguish that
behavior, whatever.
Really, what we connected sodeeply with you and it sounds
(04:35):
like what you're doing atFamilies of Character is that
raising kids is a way that cantransform us into being better
couples in regards to ourmarriage.
It can strengthen our marriage,also make us just better humans
in general, and I love that.
That's kind of how, ineverything I've seen you do and
talk about, sarah and I arereally aligned with that that we
(04:57):
really believe change startswith us first as the adults, and
then the way we see the, thekids difficulties, the conflicts
with the kids really transformshow we approach it.
And so when you think about allthese things in regards to
character, like I want to, Iwant to work together as a team
with my wife, um, and, and worktogether with our kids to
(05:18):
co-create a family we want, andthat forming characters, that
whole process and that's why allthis conflict is there.
That's why all these issuesarise, because we're trying to
become humans of character.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Yes, you are exactly right, kyle.
We really believe that yourfamily is the most important
team you'll ever be part of, andso why wouldn't you put
intention behind building thecharacter of your team?
Character is being developed inyour family every day, whether
you're intentional about it ornot.
It just, you know, depending onhow intentional you are, really
(05:55):
kind of speaks to the type ofcharacter in your kids and
yourselves.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
And so we really believe in intentional parenting
right.
And so we really believe inintentional parenting right,
like make creating a true plan,getting order back in your life
and functioning as a team.
When you think about, you knowa team, a sports team, right?
They huddle up all the time.
They huddle up many timesduring the game.
They have practices that arecoached by usually two leaders
(06:22):
that have their best interest atheart.
They'll challenge them and pushthem to their limits, but also
want to make sure that they'reunited together and that there's
a sense of that unity and thatcamaraderie in the team.
And so I think you know, ingenerations past there's been a
lot of division between parentsand kids.
Yes, and that's been kind of asource of pride, and so we're
(06:45):
like let's break that down andlike come around side of our
kids, you know, in a huddle kindof fashion.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yeah, I love the vision of that too, of where he,
when Kyle, was talking aboutstopping things and and and what
you just mentioned aboutseparating you know, here's the
parents here's the kids.
But I love the idea of of thecoming together and the forward
looking, instead of let's stopthis, let's keep that away, you
(07:12):
know, but it's what are we goingto build?
Where are we going and goingtogether?
And I love that about yourvision and and what, what you're
doing, because it's a comingtogether and it's a creating
something and it's movingforward towards something,
versus avoiding and stopping.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
And you know it's like in general, as this stuff
has evolved, I think in familiesis, you've seen, like no, we're
(07:47):
for you, like we're there todevelop you, to help you become
something more.
You know, and I think a lot ofathletes are really like
interested in that.
They're like I don't want tojust win a game, but I want to
become a better person.
So I love that metaphor for thefamily picture as well.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Yes, that made me think of you know.
Instead of just being told whatto do all the time, there's
this sense of you know.
I'll do it first.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
And then we do it together, and then you do it
Right.
Yeah, and so it's that kind ofalmost Montessori philosophy or
that positive parentingphilosophy where it's you know,
yes, I'm the leader and it's myjob to model for you.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
But the idea is to pass it along to you so you have
as much information as I do, sothat you are prepared when you
leave the nest, so that you canthrive as an adult and you can
be part of a family and part ofa team, because you're going to
need to be for the rest of yourlife.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Well, if I can jump on that, jordan, I'm even
thinking, as you're helping meform out this metaphor is I'm
thinking like you wouldn't wantto win at all costs.
You know, like an athletedoesn't just want to win, Like
how you win is important andreally the ends don't justify
the means.
So really, whether a team winsor loses although we love to win
(09:04):
, watch our teams win how we win, I think, is even more
important.
So, even if my team lost, butthey played a certain way, they
played with intention, theyplayed with character, right I
wouldn't want my team just towin, just being crazy, just
cheating, right, doing whateverthey could be like, oh, we won,
but who cares if we cheated?
You know like it's in the sameway.
I think, as parents, that'swhat we feel too.
(09:26):
We have an end goal.
We have a an ending to thisroad trip called life that we
want to eventually get to.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
But how that road trip happens is more important
to us than even whether we getto that destination you're so
right, you're so right andthat's why you know if you, if
you can implement this likeweekly family huddle that gets
you down the field.
You know it may not havemassive benefits in the moment
(09:52):
or for the next week, but if youstack up these huddles that
consist of these three behaviors, then over time you are.
You're so inches from the endzone, you know.
So we're also about the longgame.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Right, not just these parenting hacks where you're
trying to, like you said, stopbehavior timeouts.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
this this and that yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
But it's like let's, let's show up for each other as
an intentional team each weekand eventually we're moving the
ball down the field togethertowards the end zone.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
You had this great picture that you were telling me
in our conversation where yourealized this that the family
maybe needed to be gettingtogether to intentionally talk
about being on the same team,because you thought they were
but they weren't and some ofthat stuff was you almost
accidentally making that lesslikely to be the case.
So could you share that with me, kind of that realization you
(10:47):
had?
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Yes, completely.
I remember it like it wasyesterday.
My daughter said, like wedidn't even really know, like
our marriage was in trouble,until our four-year-old daughter
said Mom, I don't think Dadwants to live here.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Hmm, hmm.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
I was like what?
I'm a clinical counselor.
Just hours before she said thatI had just gotten home from
work and I was at my officeseeing clients all day.
And I remember pulling down thestreet towards my house and I
spotted my house and this senseof dread just kind of came over
(11:27):
me and I thought oh, how am Igoing to do this?
You know, the sun was setting,it was about six 30 in the
evening.
I thought I got round two aheadof me.
Now I got to go in here and andmake dinner and clean up dishes
and get people you know intheir homework and into bed and
bath time and all this stuff.
And I just remember feelinglike I just had nothing left.
(11:49):
But I did like we always do youjust pack it up and go inside.
Well as I'm pushing the dooropen to my laundry room from the
garage, I'm like pushing pastbackpacks and shoes and coats
and homework on the ground, andthis anxiety is just rising up
in me and I'm like, oh my gosh,these people, I round the corner
(12:14):
and I just start barking outorders immediately Pick up your
clothes.
Has nobody started theirhomework?
Why are there still dishes inthe sink from breakfast, you
know?
And my kids just startscattering like cockroaches.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Get out of her way.
She's here Watch out.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Monster mom has arrived.
And so then I went whoa, okay,this is a little out of control.
I got to reconstitute myselfbecause we got to eat.
So my husband's finishing somestuff up in the office and he
kind of comes tiptoeing out likewhoa, okay, it's one of those
nights you know, and we startmaking dinner and getting stuff
(12:53):
on the table and cleaning it upand I'm just kind of like
passive, aggressive you know,I'm kind of slamming the
cupboard doors a little harderthan normal and just just so
resentful that this is how it'sgoing.
And it was crazy, Kyle and Sarah, because I remember feeling
this sense of disgust towards mykids as I'm looking at, the
(13:13):
mess.
But, then instantly it was asense of disgust for myself
because I thought who are they?
But like this reflection of ourleadership.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
This is coming from us.
We're failing them.
Yeah, yes.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
So we get things going for the evening and I take
my daughter up to give her abath and I'm washing her hair
and she's got her eyes closedand she, just out of the blue,
says Mom, I don't think dadwants to live here anymore.
I don't think he wants to move,but I don't think he wants to
live here anymore.
I don't think he wants to move,but I don't think he wants to
live here.
And then her eyes just poppedopen and it was like okay, I'm
(13:53):
ready to get out of the bath now.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
And I'm going.
Did anyone else hear that?
What was that?
Speaker 3 (14:02):
And so I just dried her off, went and said prayers,
tucked her into bed.
But then I was thinking, likewhat four-year-old says?
Something like that.
That's a very sophisticatedkind of thought process or idea
If she didn't actuallyexperience some division or
separation between my husbandand.
(14:22):
I so I go into the bedroom andI'm like Josh um, are you
thinking about leaving?
And he's like what he says.
Why do you ask that?
You guys are therapists?
You know when you?
ask a question and someoneresponds with a question.
It's not good I was like yeah,yeah.
Well, this is what our daughtersaid, and he said that's
(14:46):
interesting.
He said I'm not thinking aboutleaving, but you're just not
very fun to live with.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Dagger number two for the night.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Right, I'm like oh, but at the same time it's like I
wouldn't agree with him.
Immediately I said oh, you'reso right.
I don't even like who I amright now.
I know I'm not fun to live with.
No one on this team is havingfun.
And that's when I got that imageof our family as a team and it
(15:18):
was like we all lived under oneroof, we all were wearing the
same color jersey with the sameLangdon name on the back, but we
were all doing our own thing.
And so I had this visual of usbeing like out on this football
field and the the whistle isblown and the ball snapped and I
like grabbed the ball and Ihead down the field towards the
(15:41):
end zone and I'm just going ashard as I can and I'm like
bobbing and weaving around allthis stuff that's coming at me,
all these stressors and these,you know, these big people just
like coming for me and in mydesperation I kind of like fall
out on the field and I'm lookingto pass pitch the ball to my
husband or to my kids and I lookback and nobody's there.
(16:04):
The whole field is empty, and sothen then I kind of glance over
to the sidelines.
I'm like where are my people?
I need help and they're all onthe sidelines.
And and the sense that I haveput them there.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Yeah, you've kind of told them go sit down.
I've got this, yes.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
I've got this, and and.
So it just became clear to methat I had all these valuable
players on my team that wereready to come in, that I had,
over time, just continued to tobench to say, you know, I've got
this, I've got this.
No, I'll take care of that.
Or, as moms, as we often do,right, it's just easier if I
(16:44):
clean that mess up because we'rein a hurry or I don't have time
to teach you how to do that so.
I'm just going to take it onmyself.
It's a disaster, because thenyou're burnt out, right.
So then you have what we callresponsibility burnout and
you're resentful towards yourhusband.
I remember kind of catchingthis glimpse of, like my husband
, like over there, waving at melike hello, is there ever going
(17:07):
to be intimacy again?
Do you see me?
You know, and I'm like who areyou looking at me?
I know you're not looking at mebecause I'm burnt out.
I've just run down the field100,000 times.
I was being a ball hog.
But he feels really badly whenwe talk about this because he's
like I kind of saw you burningout and I would step in and try
(17:28):
to help.
And I would step in and try tohelp, but immediately when you
said you got it, it was hard forme to, you know, come back at
you and say like no, you reallydon't.
You know, I wanted to trustthat this was something that you
were taking on seriously as awife and a mom and it seemed
(17:48):
like you wanted to really, youknow, do all these things.
But but then I was getting thisfeedback that you were burning
out and like, all of a sudden,it was becoming you know where,
where our kids were scatteringlike cockroaches, and me too,
when you came in the door, youknow.
So we agreed that there werethings that both of us could
have done differently.
I could have raised my hand forhelp and just gone.
You know, like man, I want usto do this together.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
And instead of just kind of being reactive to the
situation and taking it all onmyself and so that evening
actually my husband jokes aboutthis too he's like yeah, after
you know, after I said that toyou, I think I pretty much like
fell asleep and was snoring youknow, like yeah yeah, you did,
(18:40):
my daughter did and you did andI was up all night like yeah,
they drop these bombshells andthey're like I'm glad I got that
off my chest.
Yeah, see you later.
Totally yes, but I see it aslike one of those blessings in
disguise, you know where.
I had no animosity towards them, they were simply the messenger
, and if they wouldn't have saidthat or had the courage to be
the vessel for that message, wewould still be in that spot
(19:02):
today.
And so that night I'm thinking,ok, I could just like escape
away to this hotel in Santa Feand just have like a quick, like
reset, right, like a mom reset,get some good food, lots of
sleep.
And then I hear this stillsmall voice you are right where
you need to be home.
Oh, how do you argue with that?
(19:23):
Okay, fine, I'll stay, I'll dothe work, you know.
But I mean, we tried all kindsof stuff, you guys.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
We got the latest and greatest chore charts right and
we're going to get our kidsstarting to pitch in and help
out.
That's right.
That will fix it.
Yes.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
We tried every parenting hack you can imagine
and those things work for like aweek or two.
That's the thing.
So there's this like falsesense of yeah.
But then we would just go backto me kind of taking things on
and my husband stepping back,and so it wasn't until we kind
of stumbled upon this, this ideathat well, and so my husband
(19:59):
and I kind of started looking atthe calendar together, and it
was just something that wehadn't done before.
I was the keeper of thecalendar, I added and subtracted
(20:23):
things from the calendar basedon emails from the school or you
know, whatever have you, andand he would glance at it or go,
hey, what are we doing tonight?
Or do we have something goingthis weekend?
It's like, yes, we do, and sothen I'd be telling him, and
then I'd be telling our threekids everything that was
happening for the week.
And again we noticed this bigspotlight on me, right, like
(20:46):
everybody's coming to me for allthe information, and so we
decided, let's, let's just likeexpose this calendar, right,
this is not something that Ihave to hoard to myself.
I don't have some special skillthat keeps me the, the, the
social, you know, calendarmanager or anything.
And that started reallyinstantly kind of transforming
(21:07):
things because, all of a sudden,that mental load that I was
carrying in my mind, because wedo keep the activities of our
family on our mind, but alsojust the load of what visually
is on our calendar that I wasseeing but they weren't, was now
distributed among everyone inthe family, and so they began to
(21:30):
have some kind of empathy andcompassion too, around.
Like whoa, this is what shelooks at every day.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
This is what she's carrying around trying to figure
out who's going to get wherewhen you know.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
And then my husband started really pitching in ideas
.
He's like, oh well, I can takethe man I could drop off three
days a week.
How about I do that and I'mgoing?
Do you mean that he's like,well, yeah, now that he's able
to see you know, visually, hecan pitch in in ways that I
would have just taken on myself.
And then our kids startedpitching in on ideas.
(22:04):
I remember one time I said well, lincoln, you're supposed to be
at wrestling, and Annie, you'resupposed to be at gymnastics,
and dad's got a meeting andParker's not driving yet, so I
can only be at one place onetime.
One of you is going to have togive up your practice, and
that's just how it goes, andsometimes we just have to
sacrifice.
And he said well, mom, I havean idea.
(22:24):
What about Bo's mom Erin?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Yeah, this is.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Honberger, she could pick me up.
You know this seems like asmall thing.
Oh good, so Lincoln pitched anidea, but he all of a sudden
became a valued part of the team.
He solved a problem for us andthen he had a stake in the game.
So he really felt like, oh, myidea was heard, it was helpful
to us, yeah that's so beautifulit was so cool.
(22:49):
So that's really what startedtransforming our family.
It's just on Sundays looking atthe calendar together and
problem solving and figuring outhow we could help each other as
a united team to get everythingthat we needed to get done done
in a peaceful way, or, you know, partially peaceful way, and
(23:11):
really all be contributing towhat was going on.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Well, and I just love .
I think probably tons offamilies can relate to what
you're saying.
Right now, right, so manyfeeling overwhelmed, feeling how
do we do this?
And I love where you'repointing out that actually, you
know, I think as a mom, you'relike okay, I just need to take
care of this, and it's almost,it's almost a problem.
It's like I'm not good enough ifI can't do it and instead of,
(23:41):
what you're highlighting is thebeauty of everyone coming
together as a team and to seewhat that gives your kids to be
seen, to be heard, to be acontributor to this whole thing.
What are they?
Just think about the beautifulthings they're learning and the
way they feel inside when theyhave stepped up and like, oh, I
(24:01):
can own this too.
Look at what I'm capable ofdoing.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
I can have good ideas .
Speaker 2 (24:05):
I can do this, and then they're going to be able to
take that to the next phase oflife, and that's just really
amazing to see and to know thatit's not just a, it's not a oh,
I can't do this.
It's like wow.
If I try to keep all of this,we're all missing out.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Yeah, you're missing out on opportunities, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
And there's so much there that that we could enjoy
together and contribute together.
So I love how you're bringinglight to that and and I'm really
curious about the three C'sLike how did this look for you?
What happened next?
Speaker 1 (24:38):
I want to hear that.
Jordan, I do want to make surethe listeners hear something.
There's a couple of things yousaid that I wanted to highlight
in your story.
One was when you came in thedoor, there was this kind of
underlying belief that they'reagainst me, all of these people
are against me.
Nobody here is for me.
I've got to do it all on my own.
But what started to happen?
When you intentionally dosomething like on a weekly basis
(25:01):
, come together, do a familyhuddle why would I do that
unless I believe we're all foreach other, we're all actually
on the same team, we're not onopposing the teams.
And then the second part I hopelisteners heard was you really
started moving from justindependent people in a
household just doing whateverthey want, to interdependence.
You started to create thisinterdependency within the
(25:21):
family that we're all here for areason, like all of us are
there to help the other, and Ijust think so many families miss
out on that.
That, that understanding thatkids want to be interdependent,
interdependent with you.
They want to be a helpful toolin the running of the family.
It feels great.
It feels really good.
It boosts their self-esteem,their confidence, all that stuff
(25:41):
.
And so I just wanted itlisteners, I hope you heard that
was.
That was the big shift andSarah and I've talked about in
the past as a couple.
You got to believe that we arefor each other, we're not
against each other.
But then also the end game isfor all of us to bring our
strengths to the table to helpeverybody in the family succeed.
And that's kind of what youwere highlighting at the end,
where everybody started tobecome more interdependent.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Yes, you hit the nail on the head.
We went from those kind ofdivided players and me being the
ball hog and everyone else justkind of going off to the corner
of the gym, you know, or thefield to this like oh, we are
for each other, we are united.
We even name ourselves TeamLangdon, and that has an impact
on the family right.
We are one team.
(26:25):
And our last name matters.
It's what unifies us, right?
Yeah, let's get into the threeC's because I say that the three
C's are what saved my marriageokay, when I didn't even realize
it needed saving and I want tounderscore that because a lot of
you who are listening may notrealize that your marriage needs
(26:46):
saving too.
And it's not your fault.
It's just that we get going andwe're blocking and tackling as
things come up and all of asudden we're looking cross-eyed
at our spouse like how manyyears has it been?
And we're at it like this andwe're really divided.
So take this as an opportunityto kind of do an assessment of
your own marriage and familydynamics and how unified are we?
(27:09):
or how divided?
And how can we use these threeC's to get us unified and back
on track?
So number one C is consistentlyshowing up for each other.
So consistent connection, yeahRight, when you meet up together
at a scheduled time once a weekand you keep that consistent,
(27:30):
you don't do this like, well,maybe this week we'll do it on a
Tuesday, Maybe that?
Oh, we can't do it.
No, you say, hey, Sundays are agreat day that we're all home,
we're preparing for the weekanyway in our own sort of ways.
How about we rally together asa team and consistently show up
at 630 in the living room everySunday or whatever time you
(27:50):
choose?
But that consistent connectionis what builds the culture of
your family.
Your kids are like man.
My parents continue to show upin this living room every.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Sunday, they continue to communicate.
So many families we know kidsare out of the loop.
Kids, I'm helping at thepractice.
I'll be like hey, what are youguys doing this weekend?
I don't know.
They have no idea what's goingon and a lot of stuff is just
thrown on them and they're likewhat are we doing?
Why are we doing that?
But instead you're buildingtrust by consistently showing up
(28:20):
.
We start to trust that I'llhave a voice.
I'm going to be in the know.
I'm part of the VIP group, yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Yes, you got it Exactly right.
And then the second C is justclarifying the calendar, right?
So once you've connectedconsistently, you show up in
that space and that time thenyou actually expose the calendar
so everyone can see it.
And the best is for dad to leadthe family through the family
huddle because that really getshim engaged and when you teach
(28:50):
something you know it better,right?
So if that's not something thatyou're used to as a father is
being really in tune with thefamily calendar.
It's easy if it's written outfor you and mom.
We're good support folks, right, we can kind of leverage you up
and help you understand what'sgoing on the first couple of
weeks and then you've got itLike you can take it and fly
(29:11):
with it.
Then the people that arelistening, the children in the
room, your spouse really looksto you as the leader of the
family, so that makes adifference too.
But it's clarifying thecalendar.
Like you said, kyle, like a lotof people don't know what's
going on calendar.
Like you said, kyle, like a lotof people don't know what's
going on for us.
Before we were sharing ourcalendar with other people, we
(29:33):
got so bogged down in the day today that I remember my
mother-in-law calling about,like you know, thanksgiving
plans and it was like Octoberone and I'm like what
Thanksgiving?
How dare you ask about that?
We haven't even gotten to.
You know October 10th.
I can't see beyond this week.
You know, now that we're in therhythm of having these weekly
(29:54):
huddles, we plan out an entireyear in advance, like my husband
and I are looking forward toplanning all of 2025, like next
month, because it clears up thefog out in front of you and then
you can cast this vision andmake long-term goals for your
family.
We've been to 49 of the 50States and I'm convinced the
only way we're able to do thatis because we take care of the
(30:17):
weekly business of the familytogether.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Yeah Well, what's the last one?
What's the one you have?
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Last one is common goal, like you said, we're
coming together.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
What's the last state ?
Speaker 3 (30:36):
Oh, the last state, alaska.
Yes, I want to hear it.
Yeah, I was curious, you got meto 49.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
We have not been to Alaska yet.
That's on the radar, okay, okay, there you go, there you go.
I figured it was.
I was going to say Alaska.
That makes sense.
And what I want to add too is Ithink lots of times when you're
doing that talk right where thecouple is meeting together with
the kids presenting the plan,you were pointing out that in a
lot of cases, it's prettytypical for the mom to have that
calendar, unfortunately,because the dad's kind of
(30:59):
checked out when it comes towhat's going on with school,
what's going on with play dates,what's going on, and the mom is
taking charge of that, and Ithink it's easy for the dad to
just be incompetent and just belike that's not my deal, that's
your deal, right.
And so I think in doing that,what it does, like you said,
what you felt, it led to some atleast some empathy, to just
(31:19):
empathy of like wow, you aredoing a lot of stuff, you've got
a lot of things that you'recoordinating on top of all the
work you're doing on top of andtoo often, our culture.
It is just like well, that'sjust your job, your mom like,
just like, and hopefully we wantto be a part of that
conversation of changing that,that we are sharing the weight
as a couple, of this calendarand sometimes even to, as a
(31:41):
couple, say we're doing too much, maybe we need to cut some
things out, you know so.
So I want to encourage, youknow, all the listeners who are
listening that's kind of, Ithink, a big end game there, too
, is both people not only aremore competent to talk about the
calendar, but also takeresponsibility for it, for the
for the good, the bad, whetherwe're too busy or there's more
we want to add, and we can allwork together to decide.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
Yes, and you are both licensed professional
counselors.
You know how this goes withcouples.
One of the things that I hearcouples say when I ask them like
hey, how do you manage yourfamily calendar?
Like, how do you communicatewhat's going on in the calendar?
Nine times out of ten the dadsays oh, she just tells me
what's going on, and then I dowhat she tells me, yeah, yeah.
(32:24):
Think about how that plays outover time.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Oh, your wife, your woman, woman, is telling you
what to do.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
I know, yeah, and you just have to do it.
You have to get in your truckand go to pick up when she says
and then you have to change yourplans and go oops.
You know, that really wrecksthe marriage.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
It puts that person, whether it's the husband or wife
, into another space of being achild, Right, and so you know,
it really is like when it comesto our kids, soccer stuff and
when it comes, you know, we'llhave conversations like hey, did
you put that on the calendaryet you want me to?
I'll take care of that.
So then, like we're talking,like we've got a tournament this
weekend and like we're stilldeciding, are we going to go as
a family, Are we going to goseparate?
(33:04):
And having those kinds ofdiscussions over what is best
going to bring our familytogether, you know, or just make
us more busy, you know.
So we've got to make thosedecisions as a couple.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
Yes, and that is such a good point.
You know, 10 eyes on thecalendar are better than two.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
And our kids said whoa, our son, our oldest son,
is gone for a couple of weeksand so none of his work schedule
was on our calendar.
And so when we did our familyhuddle yesterday, our middle son
says wow, look at all thatwhite space on our calendar.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Things have been really freed up.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
And so it does really help.
It helps to have more eyes onthe calendar, because you want
to identify white space.
Friday we don't have any plans.
Oh my goodness, let's have amovie night, right.
So then you schedule in thethings that matter to help you.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Jordan.
I think what's great too, whenour daughter does babysitting
jobs and stuff like for her,we'll have to say put the
address on there, please, soit's not just the babysitter,
it's us driving you to thebabysitting job, so we can also
know and have mental space tounderstand how long is that
going to be there and back, andall those kinds of things.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
Yes, okay, kyle, so you just brought up another
point.
This helps kids developexecutive functioning skills
right.
Thinking planning ahead.
Yes, Sarah, you're like pickingthat up right, so good Love
that.
Yes, okay, yeah, so the last C.
Okay, so we have connectingconsistently Not Alaska.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Yeah, it's not Alaska , gotcha yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Connecting, consistently clarifying the
calendar and then a common goalyeah, identifying one goal.
Once you've looked at thecalendar, it's really easy to to
identify one thing y'all can beworking on for the week, right?
Yep, if, if you're running lateto things, the common goal may
be we're all setting our alarms15 minutes earlier so we can get
(35:00):
out the door on time, lessnagging and yelling right love
that man yes, yes so, but I tellpeople, don't start with that,
don't start with that.
If that feels like too big of athing, like this whole family
huddle, just start with thecalendar and then layer things
on as time goes on, but the mostimportant thing is to put the
(35:23):
huddle on your family calendaryeah, yeah, like actually
schedule time on your calendarfor the huddle.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
Because if that doesn't happen, if it doesn't
get on the calendar, it ain'thappening.
Nothing happens.
It's not on the calendar.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Yeah, yeah, it's so.
Like you had pointed out earlier, it's really easy to let those
things slide you know, becauseyou're already so busy and that
feels like, oh, I mean, becauseI know we actually have a
meeting on our calendar that wekeep missing and it's our
meeting, you know.
Because you do, you feel like,okay, I mean we're so busy, we
can just, we'll just put thatoff, it'll be fine, We'll, we'll
(35:59):
catch it next week.
And then next week comes aroundand it gets put off and and all
the things you're talking aboutare dependent on that huddle.
Yeah, you know, none of that'sgoing to happen if you guys
aren't coming together andaren't setting that goal.
And then I imagine following uplike how did last week go?
What do we want to change forthis coming?
week and none of that.
All of that pretty soon slidesthrough your fingers and you're
(36:22):
right back where you startedwithout it.
And what I love about it.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Using the sports metaphor, again, no-transcript
(36:55):
conversations were not happening.
So there was not a weeklyhuddle where we had a voice to
talk about what we're working on, because there was a risk that
the kids might say mom, dad, Iwant you to work on this, or
could we work on being kinderwhen we ask for things, instead
of bossing everybody around Likethat was a risk most parents
never thought of taking, youknow.
So I think in the huddles thereis this really cool, like we're
(37:18):
co-creating the family we want.
So, weekly, bring this stuff up, let's talk about how we could
change this or work on this orgrow in this area, and then
weekly, the next Sunday, youtalk again.
How did we do, you know, did weachieve that goal?
And I just love that idea, yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Yes, yes, you've got this man Team Western in the
house, baby.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Okay, can I ask you start doing this?
What was your family's response?
What have you seen now thatyou've been doing this for a
while?
Because you know, if I'm afamily thinking okay, I'm not
sure my kids would be on board,or how's that look, or are they
going to like that?
You know, what have you seenhappen over time?
Speaker 3 (37:58):
Yes, Okay.
So so many things.
First of all, we've done over250 family huddles.
We've been at this since 2019.
Nice and yes, a littleexperience, and our kids will
not let us go a single weekwithout one.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Nice yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
That's huge because they experience the benefit of
knowing what's coming next andthen really, you know, leaning
into developing kind of a planfor themselves so that they're
prepared.
And they've seen so much growthin their own independence and
this courage and confidence thatthey, you know they are in the
(38:35):
know.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
And that they are a valued member of our team.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
They're invited to the table.
You know, I think it's going tobe yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Yes, and just this idea that you know they're
contributing, they're solvingproblems.
They are kind of like drawingup a play for us and suggesting
that play for the game.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
It's like really Like in those Make-A-Wish videos,
that's like a cool thing, like akid gets to draw a play up for
Patrick Mahomes or something andthat's so cool for a kid to
know I drew that play up andthey just got a touchdown, and
so then that they get to feellike I can do that, I can create
plays, I can.
Yeah, I think that's reallypowerful.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
Yes, we have seen less sibling rivalry by far in
this, this sense ofconnectedness and like
playfulness between our kids.
So before everybody was kind ofat each other and it was always
a lot of tattling on each otherand this person's doing that
and you could just feel thedivision.
But since calling ourselvesTeam Langdon, coming together,
(39:40):
being consistent and showing upfor each other and then really
weighing in on this calendar andthen coming together with a
common goal, has happened.
There's just this softness,there's this lightness, and
around dinner it's like let'sall see how quick we can get the
kitchen cleaned up.
Who would have ever thoughtthat that was possible before.
It was nuts before.
(40:00):
But it's kind of like we knowwe're all going down the end
zone together, so we're going tomake this happen anytime we can
.
And, Kyle, you and Sarah wentto Disneyland, I think, recently
and you were talking about, youknow, just like being
vulnerable and being like man.
I screwed up here.
You know this is, and your teamcame rallying around you right.
(40:24):
So it takes that division where,where, like, we have the power
and what we say goes and youdon't have any say in here, you
know down to like OK, I'mstruggling, you know, and it
gives our kids permission tocall us out on things that we
said were important to us thebig part of it is kids.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
when they're, when it's just an independent culture
in a family is everybody's justfighting for themselves.
And everybody has seen a sportsteam that does that, where the
wide receiver is just trying toget his, or you know the running
backs just trying to get, andthey're just all fighting for a
benefits them, and that does notwork to create a healthy team.
And so when, when you're in aculture where we realize my
power isn't just to benefit me,it's to benefit us, then that's
(41:11):
where there's no.
How does sibling rivalry reachthat goal?
It doesn't right.
And so we can speak to that aswell.
It wasn't easy.
It was definitely hard to beintentional to get there, but we
see that now with our kids aswell, where it's immediately
like, hey, if we want to do this, we need to get this done.
And then they're like cool,what could we do?
And then like, even now it usedto be frustrating years ago
(41:32):
when I get groceries and I pullup to the driveway, can you ask
the kids to get out of here andhelp, but now they're just
running out.
You know they're running outthere.
They're grabbing it.
All three of them,no-transcript.
(42:09):
Where can they find more aboutyou?
How can they hear more aboutwhat?
Speaker 3 (42:14):
you're doing and the work you're doing at Families of
Character, absolutely so.
Our main place where we hangout is our website,
familiesofcharactercom, so thereyou can go and get your free
huddle guide on our main page,yes.
And then, if you're looking formore resources on how to get
your family huddle started, thisweek we've got a digital huddle
up guide.
So we've got our best podcastsand downloadables.
(42:37):
If you're like me and want apretty PDF that can guide you
through your family huddle thatyou can just have in reference,
we've got that available for youin the free guide and then in
our Huddle Up digital guide aswell.
And then we're on the socials,right, we're on Instagram and
Facebook and then, of course,host our own podcast called the
(42:58):
Families of Character Show.
We're so glad to have been ableto interview you guys and have
Art of Raising Humans on theFamilies of Character Show.
This is a beautifulcollaboration.
You guys are all about marriageand family and being for each
other.
Yeah, and that's what we'reabout too.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
Yeah, and we'll include all of that stuff in the
show notes too, so people cancheck that out.
Get that PDF be a really greattool to help you intentionally
do this.
Well, we want to thank you somuch, Jordan.
We're jealous you're inColorado.
Wish we could be there with youin the mountains.
But thank you so much forjoining us and sharing all this
insight with us and we'reexcited about collabing with you
(43:37):
in the future.
And so I hope you're tonight,hope your busy day goes well,
because I know you've got a busyday ahead of you.
But I hope it goes well andeverything works out really
fluid today.
But we love the insight.
Hope more families, if you'relistening, go check this out,
get that PDF, start doing thatthis Sunday.
This will drop on a Monday.
(43:58):
Start planning for what thatSunday is going to look like, or
that Saturday, and just get itgoing.
It's just imperfect progress.
The kids at first are going tobe like what, what are we doing?
But just invite them into it.
They don't even know howexciting and good it's going to
be for them.
You know exactly.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
Stay the course, be consistent, show up and then
layer on from there.
It'll be awesome.
Go teams.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Yeah, yeah, thank you very much, jordan, thank you
Thanks so much for having meguys.
The Art of Raising Humanspodcast should not be considered
or used as counseling, but foreducational purposes only.
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