December 31, 2024 • 48 mins
Send us a Text Message and suggest a topic or guest!
Ever wondered how teaching situational awareness to kids can empower an entire family? On this rebroadcast of the Protector Culture podcast, Jordan shares her transformative journey with Jimmy Graham and the Able Shepherd community, highlighting the value of practical safety skills for children. We reminisce about her son's impressive response during a staged scenario, and discuss how families can cultivate readiness in everyday environments, such as restaurants. The insights from the Family Emergency Readiness Program provide a blueprint for proactive family protection and confidence.
Our conversation takes a heartfelt turn as we explore personal challenges within marriage. A candid moment with Jordan's four-year-old daughter unraveled the unspoken tensions between her and her husband, forcing them to confront the complexities of balancing family life with their commitments. By sharing their story, they reveal how external success can often mask internal struggles, emphasizing the importance of honest communication and understanding in nurturing a strong relationship. The episode serves as a reminder that children can perceive issues adults may overlook, prompting necessary conversations about our true priorities.
The power of family unity is further emphasized through weekly huddles inspired by business teamwork strategies. Jordan discusses how these gatherings help align schedules, set common goals, and foster a supportive environment for children to express themselves. We share the positive impact of this consistent connection on our family dynamics, particularly in strengthening marital bonds and encouraging leadership skills in our children. By prioritizing family well-being, we celebrate the sense of community within the Able Shepherd family and invite listeners to join us in creating a connected and thriving family life.
The Thriving Family Accelerator provides an easy, 3-step process to lower stress, parent as a united team, and enjoy a true friendship with your spouse & relationship with your kids. Sign up now for this live parent coaching with proven methods for positively engaging your family and redistributing the mental load.
Give $20 to keep the mic on. We're a 501 c(3) non-profit and produce this show for parents around the globe.
Discover the secrets to building a connected + thriving family. All you'll need is a few minutes of your week—it's easy!
Looking for things to combat boredom and bolster growth in your kids? Check out our Tame the Tech Bundle and the Best Me I Can Be Journal!
our website
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Protector Culture Podcast with
Jimmy Graham.
Jimmy is a veteran US Navy SEAL, a former protective officer
for the CIA Global ResponseStaff, founder and CEO of the
Able Shepherd Program, a husbandand father of four and a
personal friend of mine.
Now here's Jimmy.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Hey everybody, welcome back to the Protector
Culture Podcast with JimmyGraham.
I'm your host, jimmy Graham,and I am here with a special
guest One.
I got BK, as usual.
What's up, bk?
What do you know you?
Good, I'm great, awesome.
And I got a good friend of mine, jordan Langdon.
How are you?
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Great Jamie.
Thanks for having me on theshow.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
I'm so glad you're here Real quick.
I'll how you first learnedabout Abel Shepard, but I was on
your podcast Families ofCharacter, and we had such a
great time because it was just alittle bit of a shift.
Obviously, we're a family-basedorganization, but you really
appreciated what you learned.
(00:55):
You want to talk more aboutfamilies and what we could do.
I highly recommend that peoplego and check it out, but that
was like meeting you and Joshand then I feel like I was kind
of adopted by the family.
So do you want to kick off andtalk about like how you heard
about us and what thatexperience has been like from
then on forward?
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Absolutely so.
That was, I think, like fouryears ago that we got into the
Family Emergency ReadinessProgram.
That was kind of our entry pointwith Abel Shepard, and I guess
it was around 2020 then when wetook that course, and at the
(01:33):
time we were thinking like weneed to be ready and make sure
our kids are ready for anythingthat happens in this crazy
country right now.
And so we went through thatprogram and instantly we knew,
just by the leadership of theinstructor and just the care
(01:54):
that we were given as we wentthrough the program and just the
step-by-step kind of process ofbringing us through, so that we
felt safe.
But we were also willing to dohard things in order to get our
family ready for an emergency.
So I was talking to my kids onthe way before I came over here
(02:16):
and I said you guys remember thefamily emergency readiness
program?
And Lincoln's like he's 12 nowand he's like, oh my gosh, we
failed that so hard.
And I said what do you mean youfailed?
He's like remember like we'reout in the parking lot and the
stranger comes up and he showsus his phone and he's trying to,
like you know, get us to lookat the picture of his dog so
(02:36):
that he can steal us.
He's like we looked at thepicture, but you know what I
said.
I said, but, lincoln, it'sinteresting because we were
watching you from afar.
And, yes, you looked at thephone, but your body language
changed.
They were both sitting on thecurb and the stranger comes up.
I remember it clear as day andwe're going no, no, don't do the
thing.
(02:56):
And Lincoln is older than hissister and he got up and he
stood in between the strangerand his sister.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yeah, because they don't know that's my guy.
Yeah, they're just.
I'm like hey, who's runningthat?
Speaker 3 (03:11):
one.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Was that Eric?
Eric, was that okay?
Yeah, so Eric's going toappreciate hearing that and I'm
always glad to hear that.
But kudos to Eric.
We stage them, they show up andthey never come on, so you never
see them.
And then where there's a textthing going on and all that, and
then typically the instructorgoes out and is like, hey, we're
going to do that thing that wetalked about.
Man, I forgot my phone, let mego back in so you go back in.
They don't know their parentsare watching through the blinds
(03:34):
and they just know this dudejust bailed on them and then
just talked about it.
And even when I did it with mykids, I was like surely we've
talked about this enough, surelythey're going to.
And the girls, impressive, myson man needs help, let's go
help him.
Like he's out, like let's gofan this man's dog right now.
And my daughter's like whoa,whoa, like back on.
(03:56):
You, christian, get over here.
We don't know this guy, youknow all that stuff and it has
happened and it wasn't a threat,it wasn't an emergency, it
wasn't a bad guy.
We're at the park.
This guy comes up with a puppy,real puppy.
We're watching the kids, we'retalking to the adults and I look
over and I see this and I seemy daughter's kind of waving
over here like dad, come here.
(04:17):
And I'm like what's going on?
What's this dude doing?
So I walk over there and theguy's like, hey, do you want to?
He's got some brothers andsisters.
I mean like we do, do you wantto go see them?
And it's like, let me checkwith my dad, because my dad
likes puppies.
Let me check with my dad.
And I go, sure enough, thisguy's got puppies and we go over
in there and we play with thepuppies.
But you know, they knew likethis is a line that we don't
cross.
I'm not saying talked, I'msaying teach.
(04:38):
So if they repeat it andthey're successful, then you are
a successful teacher.
And off goes my boy like let'sgo help them.
And I'm like, oh no.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
So then we have the conversation and we've done it
since, and all that stuff, yesso that was a wonderful kind of
intro for our family into AbleShepherd and I remember actually
going through the likerestaurant scenario.
Somebody comes in, you guys arekind of waiting for a table or
whatever.
What do you do?
How do you get out?
You know, bad guys come in onme, go through the whole course
(05:20):
and this happens to me in likean emergency situation.
This happens to me in anemergency situation but I come
out of the drill and I think itwas yeah, it had to have been.
What's his name?
Eric?
Yeah, eric, he goes Jordan.
That was awesome.
And I'm like what was awesome?
I hit my head on the wall andI'm like I don't even remember
(05:44):
anything.
And he's like, oh, you hit yourhead on the wall and then you
went nuts on that side.
You beat him to the ground.
We were watching from up thereand I'm like, oh, I have an
instinct where I can help myself.
But then it kind of startled mebecause I thought I didn't
remember doing what you said.
I just did, and I don't likethe idea that I'm waiting on my
(06:08):
own instincts to protect me.
So I need to do something more.
So Josh and I after that classwere like, what other kind of
classes do they have over atthis Abel Shepherd place?
Yeah, so then he and I took theprotect our people course and
loved it.
I was like, oh wait, this isawesome, there are other women
in the class too.
And it was a real bondingexperience for us, because Josh
(06:30):
has been familiar with guns, youknow, his whole life, and
hunted and that sort of thing.
But it had been a while sincewe had done like handgun stuff,
and so to do it together as acouple was just like, hey, this
is cool, we're taking a littlerisk, we're doing it together,
you know.
And loved it.
So then I was like, what elsecan we do?
And so then we signed up forthe April Shepherd program.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
So you know what else is cool is I get texts on my
phone of date night when youguys are out shooting and doing
the thing and then you go on adate and I'm like this is so, so
cool and then you go on a dateand I'm like this is so, so cool
.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
I'm so glad you brought that up, because that's
what we did.
We ordered these date nighttargets after that, and then
we'd go to the gun club and likethat was our date night.
And then we'd go out afterwardsand like take a selfie and text
it to Jimmy Graham Be like man,we're practicing.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
That's so awesome and enjoying each other.
I love it, I love it.
I love it.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Yeah, then we started going through the Able Shepherd
program.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
I think we're to 2B, so we're like getting into
entries, yep, and that'sexciting, that's it's, it gets
harder and harder and you knowthe risks are a little higher
and so capabilities ticking upand you're starting to feel it.
They're more confident.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Confidence and the courage.
And and then that's when I waslike, hey, I think we need to,
like, get some of the peoplefrom the families of character
community in here to see whatyou have going on.
And so I loved it so much Ihosted a donor appreciation
event.
Remember that.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
It was fantastic.
It was fantastic.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
So good they still talk about it to this day.
Good, good, good.
They're like are you thinkingabout doing another one of those
?
I'm like, if you're asking I'mgonna deliver, then we're doing
it.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Yeah, yes, yeah and that is it's people coming in
that some have shot, somehaven't shot, some are almost
like a professional level, andother people, their spouses, and
I don't train rachel.
There's a, there's a kind of arule here I don't train my wife,
because now, as I'm trying toget her to front site focus,
it's really about oh, mr,doesn't take out the trash, is
trying to tell me how to shoot,and I'm like we've just.
(08:31):
Elvis has left the building,parker, you're up Right, and if
his wife comes in, I'm in there,cause let's just make it about
shooting Right.
So it just it's a lot moreeffective to tackle it that way,
and that's great, and you saidthat that has been one of the
things, and so while you're heretonight, I want to talk about
what you've been called to do,and it has helped because you
(08:54):
and Josh had a situation thatnight.
You shared some things that Ididn't know about you and I
really appreciate we said thisas we were getting ready and
talking.
Man, we don't have time to messwith this silliness that the
world will kind of throw outthere of like, hey, it's a text,
it's a Hollywood marriage, it'ssupposed to look like this.
I'm like, well, I'd have neverknown that Right, like I'd never
seen that.
Am I broken?
(09:14):
Like who's doing this?
And the more men's groups andwomen's groups that I look into,
I'm like this isn't a realthing.
And if it is, it's for a momentand then the real stuff hits
and I wasn't ready.
I feel gypped that I didn'thave the Hollywood affection,
the thing that looks like thisand all that.
Do you mind sharing some ofthat?
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Oh, absolutely, this is just like my story out there
for the world.
I mean, that was a superbonding experience and still,
you know, is for us to dosomething where we're growing in
skills together.
But six years ago we first ofall, we have three kids, so
right now they're 18, 12, and 10.
And six years ago Josh and Iwere both working jobs and our
(09:55):
kids were in school.
And you know, by all measuresof other people, you know people
we went to church with we weredoing good right, like
successful jobs, nice kidsshowing up at church on Sundays,
we're doing the thing, right.
Well, I come home from work onenight and I remember this just
(10:15):
as clear as day.
It's about like 630 in theevening, the sun's setting, and
I pull down the street to ourhome in our neighborhood and I
remember glancing and seeing theaddress on my house and I hit
the garage door button and I waslike like the scent of dread
(10:36):
came over me and I was like, ohman, I got to do round two, like
I just.
I've been a mental healththerapist for 20 years, so I've
was at my office seeing clientsyou know, probably seven clients
that day and I was justexhausted and I was spent.
And then it's like, you know,you get that little extra wind
and you're like you know what.
But this is my job, I'm a mom.
(10:57):
I got to get in there and makedinner and clean up and do the
thing.
And so I just, okay, grab mystuff and kind of take a deep
breath and I opened the door tomy garage and I'm like pushing
past backpacks and shoes andcoats, and then the anxiety
level was rising.
You know, I'm like and I comearound the corner and I glance
(11:17):
in the kitchen and my kid's justlike I mean I'm going, hello.
Has anyone like?
The dishes from breakfast arestill there?
Have you guys even started yourhomework?
You know whatever?
Boom, they just scatter likecockroaches.
Because I'm nagging and yellingthe first thing I do when I
come in the door.
It's like you need to do thisand you need to do this and
(11:39):
what's going on?
And Josh was in our home officeat that time and I remember him
kind of coming out and lookingback you know, hindsight's
20-20,.
I was like that's what that lookwas always about, but it was
kind of like she's home you know, like oh no, and so I go.
(11:59):
okay, you know, again I have toget myself together, get dinner
on the table, eat dinner, cleanup, and I take my daughter
upstairs to give her a bath andput her in the bathtub and I'm
washing her hair and, likefour-year-olds you know, her
hair is like floating aroundlike a mermaid in the bathtub
and she's just having a good oldtime.
She's got her eyes closed andthen all of a sudden I hear her
(12:21):
go, mom, I don't think Dad wantsto live here anymore.
And I was like what?
She's four.
And then she goes.
Very clearly she said, well, Idon't think he wants to move,
but he doesn't want to live here.
(12:42):
And then she opened her eyesand it was like, oh, by the way,
what's for breakfast tomorrow,you know?
And I was like, oh, I'm sorrywhat it just happened yeah.
Right, and being a therapist,I'm like instantly something,
this means something, because asa four-year-old, you don't just
say these things unless youhave recognized a true division
(13:03):
in our relationship, thingsunless you have recognized a
true division in ourrelationship.
And so I dry her off, you know,get her in her pjs, we say
prayers as a family, put her tobed, and then I like tiptoe into
the bedroom and I'm like, hey,josh, are you thinking about
leaving?
And he just looks at me.
He was like why do you askAgain?
(13:25):
This is a bad sign.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Not no, I was like I was there, don't answer a
question with a question.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
This is a bad thing, it's a stalling technique, you
know.
And I was like, well, becausethis is what Annie just said.
And he just kind of nodded hishead and he put his hand on his
chin and he goes.
He's like staring at theceiling and I could tell he was
choosing his words reallycarefully and he said, no, I
mean no, I'm not, I haven'tthought about leaving, but he's
(13:53):
like you're really not fun tolive with.
And I was like, oh man, and myinstant response was you're so
right, I don't even like me.
And I just felt it.
I was like at least there'svalidation here, like you're
feeling what I am living, youknow.
(14:15):
I'm like, oh.
So that night again, that waskind of like.
You know, he said the truth, Iaccepted it, and then we kind of
like moved on with the nightand I joke with him all the time
and you can joke with him aboutthis too.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
I'm a true liar.
They were joking about this.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
That night he was like and I'm just laying in the
bed looking at the ceiling likewhat has happened to me, and I
swear I got this down mode oflike it was like a Polaroid
picture, you know flash of justlike tearful drop-offs at school
in the morning with my kids.
You know me prioritizing themand the dog over Josh.
(14:56):
You know him pursuing me forintimacy and me being like me.
Like are you looking at mebecause I'm tired?
I'm doing everything foreveryone in the family.
I know you're not looking at meLike this is not happening, you
know.
And he's just like okay, great,you know more rejection.
And so I was just getting allthese you know kind of replays
(15:19):
of how it had been.
And then I got this reallyclear vision of our family as a
team.
And so we're like out on afootball field and we all have
the same color jersey on andlike it says Langdon on the back
.
I'm like, okay, this is lookinggood, okay, right, we're a team
, we are a team.
And then, all of a sudden, thewhistle blows and the ball
(15:40):
snapped and I grabbed the balland I'm like running towards the
end zone and I'm just bobbingand weaving and trying to get
around people and I get tiredand I'm like falling down close
to the end zone and I look backto like pitch the ball to Josh
or my kids, and there'sliterally no one on the field.
(16:01):
And so I look over to the sideand on the sideline they're just
standing there.
They're like all suited up andready to go.
And it hits me I've sidelined myentire family.
These kids are old enough to dothings on their own.
I'm doing it all for them.
Why?
Because it's faster, it's youknow I can do it better, more
(16:23):
efficient.
I don't have time to teach youhow to do your laundry.
I don't have time to teach youhow to clean up the kitchen, but
I'm gonna bang around becauseI'm upset that I'm doing this
right.
And then same thing with myhusband.
So we got to talking about thisand Josh goes.
I said you know, why do younever help, like we, we have
company over and stuff, like I'mdoing everything for everyone?
(16:45):
And one time he just saidJordan, I just want you to think
about something.
He said I offer to help you allthe time.
I said oh yeah, give me someexamples, I'm ready, I'm
listening.
And he listed off four veryspecific things and I said well,
how did I respond to you?
Again, kind of that blackoutmoment like I had in the
(17:08):
emergency I'm going.
I don't remember how did yourespond to me?
And he said or how did Irespond to you?
And he said every time you sayI've got it, no, I've got it.
No, I can get it, I've got it.
And I was like like that'sright, that's right, that's what
I've done.
I just continue to just try todo everything myself, which is
(17:28):
totally the vice of pride, right?
You think that, oh, I'm doingeverything for everyone.
Yay me, you know, it's kind ofthat martyrdom kind of syndrome,
but it just came clear to me.
I thought, wow, like the orderof priorities and leadership in
our family has gotten completelyflipped on its head.
Yeah, and I took a lot ofresponsibility for it because I
(17:55):
just continued to take on thingsand not ask for help.
And Josh is like Jordan.
I feel bad because I feel like Iabdicated my authority and my
leadership and I kind of saw thetrain going down the tracks
like you weren't doing well, butat the same time, I didn't want
to like disrespect you andargue with you because you kept
(18:15):
telling me you've got it, youknow, and I'm like, yeah, what
man's going to argue with theirwife when they say they've got
it.
I mean for multiple differentreasons.
You don't want to put yourselfin that position where you're
stirring that pot.
So I tried all kinds of thingsright, like chore charts let's
get the kids to do their chores.
(18:36):
Well, that would work for liketwo weeks and then we'd be like
who needs a reward?
We can't even keep up with this, you know, and so that would
kind of fall by the wayside.
But we tried all the the hacksthat were just like let's just
quickly try to kind of put aband-aid on this.
And then we just like stumbledacross families of character and
this friend, the founder offamilies of character, steve
(18:59):
markle, and he just kind of liketook us under his wing.
He was like hey, hey.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
I have an idea.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
He's like why don't you just get together with your
family, you know, once a week,and just start looking at how
you spend your time?
And so I'm like, well, how isthis going to help, you know?
Okay, we'll do it.
And so we did.
We started having a familyhuddle, because we do believe
that our family is the mostimportant team you'll ever be
part of.
So we started having this familyhuddle and we would look at the
calendar and all of a suddenJosh is going.
(19:25):
Oh man, the kids are going hereand here.
You got a doctor's appointmentsfor them.
And so he was able to quicklysee kind of what I was managing
and all the project managementkind of tasks I was dealing with
every day.
And instantly he's like well, Ican do this.
Hey, I can leave work early ona Thursday and take Annie to
(19:48):
gymnastics.
And then the kids startedsaying like, oh, how about we
get Mrs Honberger to?
You know, take me to wrestling,because I know you have to take
Annie here and dad has to takeParker here.
And so all of a sudden, thisunity started developing in our
family where it was like oh, youbrought us on the field.
(20:10):
You think we're capable.
Players Like this is awesome,and so we have done over, I
don't know, since 2019 everyweek.
So for what?
Four or five years?
We have done a weekly huddlewhere we look at the calendar,
sort it all out, kind of calmthe calendar chaos, as I say,
(20:31):
for just the week ahead, andthen we decide on a common goal.
How is Team Langdon going towin the week?
What are we going to do tofocus on, to grow in character
and just win the week?
I know you like those things.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
It's so awesome.
So I've started doing this nowand it's still a work in
progress, because it's kind oflike oh, it's a Sunday, it's
after church, I'm hungry, or nowwe're doing it after, but it is
you learn a little bitno-transcript, like it just
makes sense and everything.
(21:07):
And Christian jumps up andtakes over the thing and I'm
like at first I'm like I'm thedad, I'm the leader.
But I was like and first we dogratitude the way we do ours.
We do gratitude, we go around,what are you thankful for?
And everybody goes around thehorn and nobody skips out.
And then we pick a Bible verseand he's just like we just left
church.
He's like today I learned this.
(21:27):
And he just grabs the Bible andstarts reading it.
I'm like this is thinking cool.
And then we go around and thenhe's like why haven't we been
doing this?
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Well, it's crazy because you'd never go weeks,
months, quarters, years in yourbusiness without huddling up
with your team.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Right.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
But at home, there's something about our family where
we don't see it as a team ofpeople who are trying to move
the ball down the field togetherand we need a cohesive plan to
do that.
Yeah, and so the huddle isperfect for that, because you're
getting together consistently.
I say it's a three C's.
You're connecting consistently,which is huge, because you have
(22:15):
family dinners here and theretogether, right like all of us,
because we're coming and goingand we have so many activities.
But when else do you have aconsistent time that is just
focused on the entire family?
yeah you know, intentional timetogether that this matters down
the road.
Why?
Because your kids are going tobe teenagers, okay, and so their
(22:37):
, their problems get much bigger.
And as a therapist, I know ifyou don't have a foundation of
safety built where you havealready been spending
intentional time together withthem and having an open, you
know, forum to talk aboutwhatever comes up there.
I mean, we've had our son, youknow, was kind of looking a
(22:58):
little different one day in ourmeeting and we just said, hey,
buddy, what's going on?
And he's like nothing, I'm fine.
Nothing, I'm fine, okay.
So then we just waited for him.
We all just kind of silentlywaited for him, and the silence
is awkward and so, as atherapist, you know you can wait
through that and then someonewill finally speak.
This was a technique we used allthe time Just wait for it.
(23:19):
And all of a sudden he said Ijust don't want to wrestle
anymore.
And we're like no problem.
Josh just immediately was liketell me more, tell me more,
three great words to use withyour kids.
Tell me more.
I just feel like I've beendoing this because you were a
wrestler and you wrestled incollege and now you're the coach
.
Josh goes.
(23:40):
I live my life.
Buddy, you don't have to doanything for me.
You done wrestling, we're doneLike it's all good, and he was
just like all this weight cameoff.
But it was because we had builtthis foundation of safety where
he felt like, yeah, it mighthave taken him some time, but he
was able to share somethingthat was that personal to him,
(24:00):
you know, and we could supporthim in that.
So at the beginning of thesethings it's a little clunky and
you're like trying to get thefeel for, like Team Graham, like
what are we going to, what'sthis going to be like for us,
but it's so worth it to keepgoing so, and then we end with a
prayer and then we put ourhands in the middle and it go
one, two, three, team Langdon,and it's our kids' favorite part
(24:23):
.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Oh, that's good shit.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
Because think about like how crazy culture is and
how kids feel like a littleshaky about their identity.
Yeah, and your name, your lastname, like means something,
right.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Yeah, absolutely, I mean the.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
Graham family.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
I've heard you talk about like the things Graham
family signs.
That's right, yes yes.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
And so just to claim that at the end and just kind of
wrap it with the bow, you sayyour prayer and just do this big
, you know team rally cry.
It's just like so unifying andbonding.
And so since then, I mean we'vehad a complete transformation
in our marriage.
So, date night once a weekSometimes those are dates at
(25:02):
home, right, because that's justwhat we have to do but also
having a quarterly like hoteldate night, right Locally, so we
can like hang out, have earlydinner, talk about the upcoming
quarter, like what do we, whatkind of goals do we want to set
as a family?
What experiences do we want tohave?
And then this one was a totalgame changer.
(25:26):
It's a 90 second activity thatJosh does for me every day.
Okay, it's not what peoplemight think.
Okay, 90 seconds, okay, but heprays with me every day before
he leaves for work.
Okay, and people will say I'llask in our coaching couples
(25:49):
coaching.
I'll say so.
Are you guys praying together?
Guys, are you praying with yourwife?
Yeah, yeah, we pray as a family.
I said no, no, do you pray withyour wife?
Yeah, yeah, we pray.
How do you pray?
Well, like we'll say a prayertogether.
Okay, well, that's good, that'sa good start, that's awesome.
What would happen if you, asthe man and the husband, pursued
(26:14):
your wife by seeking her out,finding her wherever she is?
You know she might be sleeping,she might be getting ready for
work, whatever.
But before you leave the houseevery morning, find her, stand
up with her, hold hands, closeyour eyes and then say a
90-second prayer.
And then just give each other ahug, kiss, say goodbye and
(26:34):
leave.
And the guys are like, oh, thatsounds weird, awkward, like my
relationship with God is likebetween you know.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
And it's awkward.
So you're going to have youreyes closed and you're going to
clunk through it, but the onething Josh does is he listens to
something that I've said youknow the day before and he'll
pull that into the prayer.
You know.
Lord, please help Jordan todayas she navigates this
conversation with this donor,you know, or whatever it is, but
(27:05):
it's very specific to somethingthat he heard me talk about.
This is like such a gamechanger.
It's like the biggest depositin the love bank.
I'm not kidding.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
So I don't know if you know this or not, so I love.
So Josh is awesome, right, andhe came out to the men's mission
that we hosted on stuff and hetold us this did he right.
And so now is, if I don't feelbad enough that I don't do that.
He said it and I forgot ituntil you're saying it, so thank
you for reminding me.
But it was a specifically aboutthat.
It's.
It's not a.
You know, I call them any givensunday prayer, any given sunday.
(27:40):
It's specific and it hassomething to do with her and
we've tried that and it fadesand all that because it feels
like.
It's like I pray, then you pray, you pray that.
But now I really love the ideaof I'm going to pray, like you
said, as the leader of thefamily, I'm going to pray, have
a good day, and then just gone.
(28:05):
And it was specific.
I mean I am listening to you,you know what I mean and I think
a lot of people I'd love you tospeak into.
This is is because I think it'sreally common.
You've seen more of this.
I feel like some people on bothsides, male and female, they're
so consumed with their stuffthere's no room for your stuff.
Oh right, and now there's noconsideration and I think, as a
society, what it comes across isthat you don't really like me
(28:26):
that much or this or that, and Ithink the lie from the enemy is
that it's intentional.
But really I'm so consumed withmy stuff I really have never
considered you.
You're just here for the man.
Either way, you pay the billsand you do the thing Well, you
wash the dishes and do the thingwhatever.
But it's like man, that's likewhat Like and as as coming from
(28:47):
a bunch of alphas, and in thiscase males in the SEAL teams.
I see this where guys and I'vebeen on this side of it you
deploy and you feel horriblethat you're not with your family
.
Then you come home and you takethe reins and there's no way
you're going to give your kidsthe reins, because you got to
prove to them that you're stillthe leader, oh right.
And then you do it nonstopbecause see, dad's got it, see,
(29:08):
dad's got it.
Then you deploy again, or youdo work up and it's gone, gone,
gone, gone, gone and you comeback and take the reins.
The problem is that they turn 18and they've never felt the
reins.
They've never known how tohandle reins and the world eats
them alive.
Right, because they grew upnaive, because they've never
been allowed to lead.
Yes, right, and that's I.
Really, I've seen that to wherenow?
(29:28):
Maybe even these, these youngmen?
Wait, your dad's a seal, you'rerah, rah, rah.
So now you're trying to live upto a thing You've never been
allowed to lead, sometimes eveneffeminate Cause, to be honest,
you were raised by mom andgrandma.
Right, there wasn't.
The dude was over there talkingabout breaking into my house.
No break in your house, that'sthe one to break into.
There's no man there, right,and?
And now they're, they're thiswhole thing that when they see
(29:50):
you not getting along with oranything that's wrong, they're
of you and they know they're ofyou.
But I guess that's how you leadand I'm of that, so I guess'm,
and it just seems to be thisspiral of bleeding my eyes.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
It is this generational cycle?
Speaker 2 (30:03):
yes, and it's eaten our society alive.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
It is, it is, it absolutely is.
And, yeah, you can know how toprotect kids and what you're
doing is so amazing.
And we have to protect ourrelationships, yes, our people,
because we are for each other.
That's what I talk about in ourcouples coaching.
All the time I say, okay, guys.
(30:26):
So would your, you know?
Think about your spouse.
Would your spouse choose to beyour friend if they weren't your
spouse?
And I would have saidabsolutely not six years ago.
Yeah, you know, and I don't knowif I would have chosen him
because there was so muchdivision and resentment, it's
(30:47):
like, but you chose each otheras friends years ago, 20 years
ago for me.
How long have you guys beenmarried?
Speaker 2 (30:53):
17.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
17.
You chose each other.
That was a choice.
No one forced you to get married, right, like in most cases, it
was a free choice, and so wehave to keep reminding ourselves
that we are for each other, andif we're for each other, we
have to parent as a united team.
We have to elevate our marriageto a priority above our kids,
which is another thing that getstotally disordered.
(31:16):
Right, it's like, yeah, you getdeployed, she's doing stuff at
home, right.
Then you come back and maybethere's a switch of that or
however that works.
But then, as women, we're like,always thinking about the kids
and what they need.
Yeah, and then, all of a sudden, everything's been flipped on
its head and it's the strugglebus man, it's real.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Did Josh share that song, that husband and wife
again, because that was reallylike.
That was just on my heart.
God gave me that, you know,when I sent it to Rachel, and it
really was.
We became parents, which soundslike good, no, no, no.
We stopped being husband andwife, yes, and we became fully,
100% parents.
And then there was just thisother co-parent, other renter
(32:01):
doing this stuff to be parents,and it's not good.
No, it's just totally not good.
We had a very, very honestconversation and we were pretty
honest with each other.
We had a very honestconversation last weekend which
led to a beautiful Sunday, butit really was.
It was like oh man, justsometimes.
And the most powerful thingthat she can say to me and
(32:23):
hopefully it's taken the otherway is listen, we're going to be
together forever.
Let's just figure this part out, because I'm not going anywhere
, I don't have a foot out, I'mnot looking, we're not saying
the D, whatever, I'm here, butwe got to figure this out right.
So that's just so comforting ona world where everybody's doing
this is that we're here, evenif it's tough.
And she said something to theeffect of oh man, you know, just
(32:44):
at times I'm like, you know,like the, and we talk about very
honestly, you know, like thedevil's like saying like you
know, maybe if you separated fora minute that would, and then
and then, and then I sayhonestly, I'm like part of me
that that, and we say this,satan telling me that part of me
wants to throw a party.
(33:04):
Like if you said that I'm likeman, that sounds like a pretty
good deal actually, because thisis rough and you're not a lot
of fun, that kind of thing, andshe's like what.
I'm like me too.
But because of that commitmentwe made, it's like integrity, a
steadfast adherence to a strictmoral or ethical code.
Not all in of Steadfast meanssteadfast, and the code we
choose is the Bible, and thatintegrity says that's not an
(33:25):
option.
That's why we need to figurethis out.
And then it was just a bigbreath, you know, and then a
sleep on it.
And then you know her sayingcan I talk to you for a minute?
And then we go and have aconversation that leads to an
amazing Sunday, and then thisstuff happens again and now
we're like, hey, we did a goodthing there.
I know, let's hit that more.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Yes, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Yes, because we're not just meant to survive in our
marriage.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
We're meant to thrive and Satan wants to divide us.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
If he can divide the family, he has won 100%, which
is motivating for me Because I'mlike oh, no, no, not today.
Satan, like you're not gettingbetween my marriage, you know.
But sometimes you really haveto like renounce that out loud
between you as a couple whenyou're like whoa, this is not
sounding like us, you know, andjust take prayerful action
(34:14):
against that because it's a realthing and you know everyone
goes through this.
I have not met a couple that'slike huh, we've never
experienced that.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
You guys fight?
Were the kids more importantthan us?
Speaker 3 (34:26):
No, we haven't been through that at all.
It's like yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
If they're honest, right, because now there's this
whole Facebook image of like no,no, we're doing it Like man.
I know you.
Yeah, that's not the right deal.
And there there's so much powerin those men's groups where you
don't allow negative talk aboutthe spell Like yeah we're
crossing the line here I lovethat boundary and and then you
see a bunch of guys and going oh, it's not just, there's guys
(34:51):
that I relate exactly.
I'm like whoa brother, thatthat hit me, yeah.
And and now you air going to goget after it.
Yes, and that's.
That's a big deal.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
The community is so important.
So that's what we do atfamilies of character is we
coach couples in small groups.
So for 20 years I coached orcounseled people, you know, on
an individual basis, and theprogress was just horribly slow,
if not just stagnant.
(35:30):
Yeah, Because two people comein for marriage counseling.
They sit in your office for anhour and then they come back in
a week and then they come backin another week.
Well, then somebody's sick andthen you have all this space and
time and stuff, and so thegroup is where it's at and it's
just like your community whenyou do men's mission groups or
you hang around after you have agun class and everybody's
collaborating and talking abouttheir experience.
We were not meant to do thisalone.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Yeah, yeah and it is.
I say, hey, if I'm going to doit, it's going to be fun, if I'm
going to be a part of it and Ithink, breaking that mold of
I'll just pick on ministry for asecond.
I've had many guys telling melike, hey, ministry failed.
Man, I'm like, what do you mean?
What were you doing?
I was doing this Wednesday andSunday thing.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
I was like oh, you mean somebody else's version of
ministry failed you.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Is that what God told you to do?
Here's what God told me to dothat my ministry involves ARs
and motorcycles and four-wheeldrives in the Rocky Mountains.
And they're like, oh, I'm backin.
I'm like, hold on, that's anoption.
I'm like, yeah, I asked, it'sokay.
And all of a sudden, men mightnot, if I call it counseling,
might not want to sit around andtalk, but they'll burn wood and
(36:41):
they'll jump in a four-wheeldrive and and tear apart our
group.
And I'm like, hey, brother, ifyou're here to critique us, if
you're here to work on you,you're welcome.
If you're here to critique uswhile we're the ones doing it,
why don't you stay home?
And then he's like and then allof a sudden he showed up, and
then that night we went downtownand supported a thing in Denver
that got a little.
It was a little, got our heartsbeating a little bit right, we
(37:01):
knew there was going to beopposition.
And he's like who are you people?
It's exactly what I've beenlooking for.
And I'm like we've been herethe whole time, you know.
So it's just that thing aboutmarriage.
I think that I believe that ifguys got, were more honest and
sat around and, didn't you know,blow the smoke screens and all
that, and now it's like, okay,not happy you're going through
(37:21):
that, but thanks for sharing it,because I got work to do in my
house, you know.
And now all of a sudden, grassfire starts.
Yes, that accountability too.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
I mean iron sharpens iron, it's like yeah oh, you're
doing this.
I'm going to try this, you know.
I mean you've you have.
One of your instructors hasbeen through our coaching
program yes he gave mepermission to share that and so
and he's like, this is good,like this is helping me
prioritize my wife at home andget back into a place of
leadership with my kids.
(37:50):
And, like man, you'rewell-rounded If you know how to
protect people out on the streetand protect your home and
protect your kids, protect yourfamily, and you're elevating,
you know, your, your spouse,your marriage over your kids.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
but like unifying everyone together, boom, you are
solid for, especially with menand I'm not saying I can't speak
to him, I'm not a woman, so yousent the love and respect video
.
Thank you, by the way,fantastic.
I.
I've read the book.
It was years ago.
I'm different now.
I I absorbed it differently.
But then also him speaking.
He's a very good speaker.
The part one, part two.
(38:24):
Watching that over and over,it's so good.
And then I feel like God put onmy heart, not only to pursue my
wife, but I felt like he'sbuilding my resume for a job
that doesn't exist yet.
And one of the very importantthings was can you love while
being disrespected?
And it doesn't mean it's real,it doesn't mean it's intentional
, it just means that some thingsare very disrespectful.
(38:44):
Can you actively love whileactively being disrespected?
I'm like, ooh God, can I pickanother one?
He's like no, you can't,because I love you so much.
If you can do that, that is asuperpower amongst men.
If you can love while beingdisrespected, that you're going
to learn that she never meant itwasn't even a real thing.
You were perceiving it likethat, and if you can figure that
(39:07):
out, you talk about beingwell-rounded.
It's so good, it's so, so good.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
So that's fantastic.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
He's awesome.
He's so awesome and you talkedabout is bringing him here a
thing.
Is that an option?
Speaker 3 (39:20):
We've got to get that figured out.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
It was fantastic and the right amount of humor.
He's funny, he's intelligent.
It hits you right in the soul,but you don't feel wounded, you
feel challenged and I'm like manI'm in, I'm in.
Let's go.
So it's very, very good.
Are your three things the C's?
Yes, because you mentioned yourthree.
Okay, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
Connecting consistently, getting together
on a calendar and then having ashared common goal.
So what are we going to do towin the week?
That's it.
And if you go to our website,familycharactercom, we have a
free guide so that you candownload it and start your
huddle, like, just do it on yourown right.
And then we have, if you prefer, to watch some podcasts or
(39:58):
videos and download some helpfullike a little family huddle
agenda or whatever.
We've got that on our shop.
And then the full blown programis our thriving family
accelerator where you just divein, immerse yourself.
It's like 90 minutes a week forfour to six weeks with a small
cohort of other couples.
It's on zoom, so it's from thecomfort of your own home.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
So it's very you know it's not in person, it's on
zoom, and so it's from thecomfort of your own home, so
it's very, you know, reasonable.
Oh, so it's not in person, it'son Zoom.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and youguys get.
I think I knew that because,yeah, so where's the hub to go
for all of this website?
Familysofcharactercom?
What was?
Speaker 3 (40:36):
it, episode 72.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
72.
You've got to watch episode 72.
That's right.
It was so much fun.
We hit it off and we've beenfast friends ever since with
Josh.
I love your family, I love Josh.
We've done things together.
We're going to do much moretogether.
And your podcast Families ofCharacter and
familiesofcharactercom, andyou've got a new lineup.
I mean the same stuff, butyou've got several that are
(40:59):
coming in the new year.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
If you just go tofamiliesofcharactercom, go to
our shop, you'll see all thesign-ups for the upcoming year.
And then also we do a monthlyParents' Night Out date night
event at a coffee shop just inGreenwood Village here locally
in Denver, and that's open tolike 12 couples.
We're having our November onetomorrow, so it's a beautiful
(41:22):
evening, beautiful food, flowers, the whole nine.
So it's a very beautiful datenight.
And then there's a littleworkshop where you learn a
little bit more about yourspouse and then you move
together on like we're doingholiday planning.
And how would you make yourholiday more meaningful if you
actually put some thought behindit before it just showed up?
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Yes, what a grand idea.
Right, have a plan going intoit yes, yes, yes.
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much fordefending the family and we
talked about this a little bit.
It is absolutely under attack.
The family unit Men need a lotof help, and you know that.
And Josh is amazing and we'vehad some side discussions and
(42:02):
some talks about this and youknow that I'm pursuing Rachel
and we're getting through thatand all that.
But I'm personally interestedand I think a lot of people are
going to be sofamiliesofcharactercom to get
more information on how toactively do that and there's
just nothing.
I tell people you want to dosomething, everybody's like yeah
, get after it.
We prefer the warfare that weknow.
Like you know, like my SEALbuddies are like let's stack
(42:24):
them in the street and I'm likebrother, you don't want a war
here.
You know what I mean Becauseyour kids will see it.
It's right up and close andpersonal.
But I think there's a new formof tactics that's very apparent.
I say I want to start with thisheart inside my chest and work
out more right, so working on me.
But then, and then any guy thatI know, if you ask them what is
your priority, they would saytheir wife, they would say God,
(42:58):
and then they would say theirwife and, they would say, their
family.
And then we say words that cutto the bone.
Show me you want to finish with.
I'm going to give you the lastword, but I just want to say
thank you so much.
And guys, check it out.
Go check outfamiliesofcharactercom, please
listen, especially episode 72,but listen to Families of
Character podcast and that'sanywhere they can get their
podcast.
That's right, okay, is it?
Speaker 3 (43:16):
audio and video.
Audio and video on YouTube,Instagram, Facebook, all the
places Awesome.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Check us out.
Final words anything.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
You know, I just want to say thank you to your
community for welcoming Josh andI into the family and for
having wraparound services forthe entire family.
We are going to be sharing AbleShepherd far and wide.
We already have, but we reshareit and just ask people, please
consider protecting your familyand getting your kids into this
(43:47):
family emergency readinessprogram and just because we know
once they get into that they'regoing to get into all kinds of
stuff Once they're in there?
Yes, but this is a loving family.
We're so glad to be part of theAble Shepherd community.
Thanks for doing what you'redoing.
Keep it up.
Awesome part of the Able.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
Shepherd community.
Thanks for doing what you'redoing.
Keep it up.
Awesome, appreciate you.
Yes, all right guys.
Awesome episode.
I learn a lot every time.
Thank you to Jordan Langdon andher beautiful family.
Love you, guys, josh, hello mybrother, and until we see you
again, god bless each and everyone of you.
We truly love you.
Take care of one another, amen.
Hey everybody, thanks forjoining us again for another
episode.
Please be sure to follow us andsupport us on all of the social
(44:23):
media, that's Facebook, youtube, linkedin, instagram.
All of that starts by visitingableshepherdcom.
Welcome to the Protector Culture Podcast with
Jimmy Graham.
Jimmy is a veteran US Navy SEAL, a former protective officer
for the CIA Global ResponseStaff, founder and CEO of the
Able Shepherd Program, a husbandand father of four and a
personal friend of mine.
Now here's Jimmy.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Hey everybody, welcome back to the Protector
Culture Podcast with JimmyGraham.
I'm your host, jimmy Graham,and I am here with a special
guest One.
I got BK, as usual.
What's up, bk?
What do you know you?
Good, I'm great, awesome.
And I got a good friend of mine, jordan Langdon.
How are you?
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Great Jamie.
Thanks for having me on theshow.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
I'm so glad you're here Real quick.
I'll how you first learnedabout Abel Shepard, but I was on
your podcast Families ofCharacter, and we had such a
great time because it was just alittle bit of a shift.
Obviously, we're a family-basedorganization, but you really
appreciated what you learned.
(00:55):
You want to talk more aboutfamilies and what we could do.
I highly recommend that peoplego and check it out, but that
was like meeting you and Joshand then I feel like I was kind
of adopted by the family.
So do you want to kick off andtalk about like how you heard
about us and what thatexperience has been like from
then on forward?
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Absolutely so.
That was, I think, like fouryears ago that we got into the
Family Emergency ReadinessProgram.
That was kind of our entry pointwith Abel Shepard, and I guess
it was around 2020 then when wetook that course, and at the
(01:33):
time we were thinking like weneed to be ready and make sure
our kids are ready for anythingthat happens in this crazy
country right now.
And so we went through thatprogram and instantly we knew,
just by the leadership of theinstructor and just the care
(01:54):
that we were given as we wentthrough the program and just the
step-by-step kind of process ofbringing us through, so that we
felt safe.
But we were also willing to dohard things in order to get our
family ready for an emergency.
So I was talking to my kids onthe way before I came over here
(02:16):
and I said you guys remember thefamily emergency readiness
program?
And Lincoln's like he's 12 nowand he's like, oh my gosh, we
failed that so hard.
And I said what do you mean youfailed?
He's like remember like we'reout in the parking lot and the
stranger comes up and he showsus his phone and he's trying to,
like you know, get us to lookat the picture of his dog so
(02:36):
that he can steal us.
He's like we looked at thepicture, but you know what I
said.
I said, but, lincoln, it'sinteresting because we were
watching you from afar.
And, yes, you looked at thephone, but your body language
changed.
They were both sitting on thecurb and the stranger comes up.
I remember it clear as day andwe're going no, no, don't do the
thing.
(02:56):
And Lincoln is older than hissister and he got up and he
stood in between the strangerand his sister.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yeah, because they don't know that's my guy.
Yeah, they're just.
I'm like hey, who's runningthat?
Speaker 3 (03:11):
one.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Was that Eric?
Eric, was that okay?
Yeah, so Eric's going toappreciate hearing that and I'm
always glad to hear that.
But kudos to Eric.
We stage them, they show up andthey never come on, so you never
see them.
And then where there's a textthing going on and all that, and
then typically the instructorgoes out and is like, hey, we're
going to do that thing that wetalked about.
Man, I forgot my phone, let mego back in so you go back in.
They don't know their parentsare watching through the blinds
(03:34):
and they just know this dudejust bailed on them and then
just talked about it.
And even when I did it with mykids, I was like surely we've
talked about this enough, surelythey're going to.
And the girls, impressive, myson man needs help, let's go
help him.
Like he's out, like let's gofan this man's dog right now.
And my daughter's like whoa,whoa, like back on.
(03:56):
You, christian, get over here.
We don't know this guy, youknow all that stuff and it has
happened and it wasn't a threat,it wasn't an emergency, it
wasn't a bad guy.
We're at the park.
This guy comes up with a puppy,real puppy.
We're watching the kids, we'retalking to the adults and I look
over and I see this and I seemy daughter's kind of waving
over here like dad, come here.
(04:17):
And I'm like what's going on?
What's this dude doing?
So I walk over there and theguy's like, hey, do you want to?
He's got some brothers andsisters.
I mean like we do, do you wantto go see them?
And it's like, let me checkwith my dad, because my dad
likes puppies.
Let me check with my dad.
And I go, sure enough, thisguy's got puppies and we go over
in there and we play with thepuppies.
But you know, they knew likethis is a line that we don't
cross.
I'm not saying talked, I'msaying teach.
(04:38):
So if they repeat it andthey're successful, then you are
a successful teacher.
And off goes my boy like let'sgo help them.
And I'm like, oh no.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
So then we have the conversation and we've done it
since, and all that stuff, yesso that was a wonderful kind of
intro for our family into AbleShepherd and I remember actually
going through the likerestaurant scenario.
Somebody comes in, you guys arekind of waiting for a table or
whatever.
What do you do?
How do you get out?
You know, bad guys come in onme, go through the whole course
(05:20):
and this happens to me in likean emergency situation.
This happens to me in anemergency situation but I come
out of the drill and I think itwas yeah, it had to have been.
What's his name?
Eric?
Yeah, eric, he goes Jordan.
That was awesome.
And I'm like what was awesome?
I hit my head on the wall andI'm like I don't even remember
(05:44):
anything.
And he's like, oh, you hit yourhead on the wall and then you
went nuts on that side.
You beat him to the ground.
We were watching from up thereand I'm like, oh, I have an
instinct where I can help myself.
But then it kind of startled mebecause I thought I didn't
remember doing what you said.
I just did, and I don't likethe idea that I'm waiting on my
(06:08):
own instincts to protect me.
So I need to do something more.
So Josh and I after that classwere like, what other kind of
classes do they have over atthis Abel Shepherd place?
Yeah, so then he and I took theprotect our people course and
loved it.
I was like, oh wait, this isawesome, there are other women
in the class too.
And it was a real bondingexperience for us, because Josh
(06:30):
has been familiar with guns, youknow, his whole life, and
hunted and that sort of thing.
But it had been a while sincewe had done like handgun stuff,
and so to do it together as acouple was just like, hey, this
is cool, we're taking a littlerisk, we're doing it together,
you know.
And loved it.
So then I was like, what elsecan we do?
And so then we signed up forthe April Shepherd program.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
So you know what else is cool is I get texts on my
phone of date night when youguys are out shooting and doing
the thing and then you go on adate and I'm like this is so, so
cool and then you go on a dateand I'm like this is so, so cool
.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
I'm so glad you brought that up, because that's
what we did.
We ordered these date nighttargets after that, and then
we'd go to the gun club and likethat was our date night.
And then we'd go out afterwardsand like take a selfie and text
it to Jimmy Graham Be like man,we're practicing.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
That's so awesome and enjoying each other.
I love it, I love it.
I love it.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Yeah, then we started going through the Able Shepherd
program.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
I think we're to 2B, so we're like getting into
entries, yep, and that'sexciting, that's it's, it gets
harder and harder and you knowthe risks are a little higher
and so capabilities ticking upand you're starting to feel it.
They're more confident.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Confidence and the courage.
And and then that's when I waslike, hey, I think we need to,
like, get some of the peoplefrom the families of character
community in here to see whatyou have going on.
And so I loved it so much Ihosted a donor appreciation
event.
Remember that.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
It was fantastic.
It was fantastic.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
So good they still talk about it to this day.
Good, good, good.
They're like are you thinkingabout doing another one of those
?
I'm like, if you're asking I'mgonna deliver, then we're doing
it.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Yeah, yes, yeah and that is it's people coming in
that some have shot, somehaven't shot, some are almost
like a professional level, andother people, their spouses, and
I don't train rachel.
There's a, there's a kind of arule here I don't train my wife,
because now, as I'm trying toget her to front site focus,
it's really about oh, mr,doesn't take out the trash, is
trying to tell me how to shoot,and I'm like we've just.
(08:31):
Elvis has left the building,parker, you're up Right, and if
his wife comes in, I'm in there,cause let's just make it about
shooting Right.
So it just it's a lot moreeffective to tackle it that way,
and that's great, and you saidthat that has been one of the
things, and so while you're heretonight, I want to talk about
what you've been called to do,and it has helped because you
(08:54):
and Josh had a situation thatnight.
You shared some things that Ididn't know about you and I
really appreciate we said thisas we were getting ready and
talking.
Man, we don't have time to messwith this silliness that the
world will kind of throw outthere of like, hey, it's a text,
it's a Hollywood marriage, it'ssupposed to look like this.
I'm like, well, I'd have neverknown that Right, like I'd never
seen that.
Am I broken?
(09:14):
Like who's doing this?
And the more men's groups andwomen's groups that I look into,
I'm like this isn't a realthing.
And if it is, it's for a momentand then the real stuff hits
and I wasn't ready.
I feel gypped that I didn'thave the Hollywood affection,
the thing that looks like thisand all that.
Do you mind sharing some ofthat?
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Oh, absolutely, this is just like my story out there
for the world.
I mean, that was a superbonding experience and still,
you know, is for us to dosomething where we're growing in
skills together.
But six years ago we first ofall, we have three kids, so
right now they're 18, 12, and 10.
And six years ago Josh and Iwere both working jobs and our
(09:55):
kids were in school.
And you know, by all measuresof other people, you know people
we went to church with we weredoing good right, like
successful jobs, nice kidsshowing up at church on Sundays,
we're doing the thing, right.
Well, I come home from work onenight and I remember this just
(10:15):
as clear as day.
It's about like 630 in theevening, the sun's setting, and
I pull down the street to ourhome in our neighborhood and I
remember glancing and seeing theaddress on my house and I hit
the garage door button and I waslike like the scent of dread
(10:36):
came over me and I was like, ohman, I got to do round two, like
I just.
I've been a mental healththerapist for 20 years, so I've
was at my office seeing clientsyou know, probably seven clients
that day and I was justexhausted and I was spent.
And then it's like, you know,you get that little extra wind
and you're like you know what.
But this is my job, I'm a mom.
(10:57):
I got to get in there and makedinner and clean up and do the
thing.
And so I just, okay, grab mystuff and kind of take a deep
breath and I opened the door tomy garage and I'm like pushing
past backpacks and shoes andcoats, and then the anxiety
level was rising.
You know, I'm like and I comearound the corner and I glance
(11:17):
in the kitchen and my kid's justlike I mean I'm going, hello.
Has anyone like?
The dishes from breakfast arestill there?
Have you guys even started yourhomework?
You know whatever?
Boom, they just scatter likecockroaches.
Because I'm nagging and yellingthe first thing I do when I
come in the door.
It's like you need to do thisand you need to do this and
(11:39):
what's going on?
And Josh was in our home officeat that time and I remember him
kind of coming out and lookingback you know, hindsight's
20-20,.
I was like that's what that lookwas always about, but it was
kind of like she's home you know, like oh no, and so I go.
(11:59):
okay, you know, again I have toget myself together, get dinner
on the table, eat dinner, cleanup, and I take my daughter
upstairs to give her a bath andput her in the bathtub and I'm
washing her hair and, likefour-year-olds you know, her
hair is like floating aroundlike a mermaid in the bathtub
and she's just having a good oldtime.
She's got her eyes closed andthen all of a sudden I hear her
(12:21):
go, mom, I don't think Dad wantsto live here anymore.
And I was like what?
She's four.
And then she goes.
Very clearly she said, well, Idon't think he wants to move,
but he doesn't want to live here.
(12:42):
And then she opened her eyesand it was like, oh, by the way,
what's for breakfast tomorrow,you know?
And I was like, oh, I'm sorrywhat it just happened yeah.
Right, and being a therapist,I'm like instantly something,
this means something, because asa four-year-old, you don't just
say these things unless youhave recognized a true division
(13:03):
in our relationship, thingsunless you have recognized a
true division in ourrelationship.
And so I dry her off, you know,get her in her pjs, we say
prayers as a family, put her tobed, and then I like tiptoe into
the bedroom and I'm like, hey,josh, are you thinking about
leaving?
And he just looks at me.
He was like why do you askAgain?
(13:25):
This is a bad sign.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Not no, I was like I was there, don't answer a
question with a question.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
This is a bad thing, it's a stalling technique, you
know.
And I was like, well, becausethis is what Annie just said.
And he just kind of nodded hishead and he put his hand on his
chin and he goes.
He's like staring at theceiling and I could tell he was
choosing his words reallycarefully and he said, no, I
mean no, I'm not, I haven'tthought about leaving, but he's
(13:53):
like you're really not fun tolive with.
And I was like, oh man, and myinstant response was you're so
right, I don't even like me.
And I just felt it.
I was like at least there'svalidation here, like you're
feeling what I am living, youknow.
(14:15):
I'm like, oh.
So that night again, that waskind of like.
You know, he said the truth, Iaccepted it, and then we kind of
like moved on with the nightand I joke with him all the time
and you can joke with him aboutthis too.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
I'm a true liar.
They were joking about this.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
That night he was like and I'm just laying in the
bed looking at the ceiling likewhat has happened to me, and I
swear I got this down mode oflike it was like a Polaroid
picture, you know flash of justlike tearful drop-offs at school
in the morning with my kids.
You know me prioritizing themand the dog over Josh.
(14:56):
You know him pursuing me forintimacy and me being like me.
Like are you looking at mebecause I'm tired?
I'm doing everything foreveryone in the family.
I know you're not looking at meLike this is not happening, you
know.
And he's just like okay, great,you know more rejection.
And so I was just getting allthese you know kind of replays
(15:19):
of how it had been.
And then I got this reallyclear vision of our family as a
team.
And so we're like out on afootball field and we all have
the same color jersey on andlike it says Langdon on the back
.
I'm like, okay, this is lookinggood, okay, right, we're a team
, we are a team.
And then, all of a sudden, thewhistle blows and the ball
(15:40):
snapped and I grabbed the balland I'm like running towards the
end zone and I'm just bobbingand weaving and trying to get
around people and I get tiredand I'm like falling down close
to the end zone and I look backto like pitch the ball to Josh
or my kids, and there'sliterally no one on the field.
(16:01):
And so I look over to the sideand on the sideline they're just
standing there.
They're like all suited up andready to go.
And it hits me I've sidelined myentire family.
These kids are old enough to dothings on their own.
I'm doing it all for them.
Why?
Because it's faster, it's youknow I can do it better, more
(16:23):
efficient.
I don't have time to teach youhow to do your laundry.
I don't have time to teach youhow to clean up the kitchen, but
I'm gonna bang around becauseI'm upset that I'm doing this
right.
And then same thing with myhusband.
So we got to talking about thisand Josh goes.
I said you know, why do younever help, like we, we have
company over and stuff, like I'mdoing everything for everyone?
(16:45):
And one time he just saidJordan, I just want you to think
about something.
He said I offer to help you allthe time.
I said oh yeah, give me someexamples, I'm ready, I'm
listening.
And he listed off four veryspecific things and I said well,
how did I respond to you?
Again, kind of that blackoutmoment like I had in the
(17:08):
emergency I'm going.
I don't remember how did yourespond to me?
And he said or how did Irespond to you?
And he said every time you sayI've got it, no, I've got it.
No, I can get it, I've got it.
And I was like like that'sright, that's right, that's what
I've done.
I just continue to just try todo everything myself, which is
(17:28):
totally the vice of pride, right?
You think that, oh, I'm doingeverything for everyone.
Yay me, you know, it's kind ofthat martyrdom kind of syndrome,
but it just came clear to me.
I thought, wow, like the orderof priorities and leadership in
our family has gotten completelyflipped on its head.
Yeah, and I took a lot ofresponsibility for it because I
(17:55):
just continued to take on thingsand not ask for help.
And Josh is like Jordan.
I feel bad because I feel like Iabdicated my authority and my
leadership and I kind of saw thetrain going down the tracks
like you weren't doing well, butat the same time, I didn't want
to like disrespect you andargue with you because you kept
(18:15):
telling me you've got it, youknow, and I'm like, yeah, what
man's going to argue with theirwife when they say they've got
it.
I mean for multiple differentreasons.
You don't want to put yourselfin that position where you're
stirring that pot.
So I tried all kinds of thingsright, like chore charts let's
get the kids to do their chores.
(18:36):
Well, that would work for liketwo weeks and then we'd be like
who needs a reward?
We can't even keep up with this, you know, and so that would
kind of fall by the wayside.
But we tried all the the hacksthat were just like let's just
quickly try to kind of put aband-aid on this.
And then we just like stumbledacross families of character and
this friend, the founder offamilies of character, steve
(18:59):
markle, and he just kind of liketook us under his wing.
He was like hey, hey.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
I have an idea.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
He's like why don't you just get together with your
family, you know, once a week,and just start looking at how
you spend your time?
And so I'm like, well, how isthis going to help, you know?
Okay, we'll do it.
And so we did.
We started having a familyhuddle, because we do believe
that our family is the mostimportant team you'll ever be
part of.
So we started having this familyhuddle and we would look at the
calendar and all of a suddenJosh is going.
(19:25):
Oh man, the kids are going hereand here.
You got a doctor's appointmentsfor them.
And so he was able to quicklysee kind of what I was managing
and all the project managementkind of tasks I was dealing with
every day.
And instantly he's like well, Ican do this.
Hey, I can leave work early ona Thursday and take Annie to
(19:48):
gymnastics.
And then the kids startedsaying like, oh, how about we
get Mrs Honberger to?
You know, take me to wrestling,because I know you have to take
Annie here and dad has to takeParker here.
And so all of a sudden, thisunity started developing in our
family where it was like oh, youbrought us on the field.
(20:10):
You think we're capable.
Players Like this is awesome,and so we have done over, I
don't know, since 2019 everyweek.
So for what?
Four or five years?
We have done a weekly huddlewhere we look at the calendar,
sort it all out, kind of calmthe calendar chaos, as I say,
(20:31):
for just the week ahead, andthen we decide on a common goal.
How is Team Langdon going towin the week?
What are we going to do tofocus on, to grow in character
and just win the week?
I know you like those things.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
It's so awesome.
So I've started doing this nowand it's still a work in
progress, because it's kind oflike oh, it's a Sunday, it's
after church, I'm hungry, or nowwe're doing it after, but it is
you learn a little bitno-transcript, like it just
makes sense and everything.
(21:07):
And Christian jumps up andtakes over the thing and I'm
like at first I'm like I'm thedad, I'm the leader.
But I was like and first we dogratitude the way we do ours.
We do gratitude, we go around,what are you thankful for?
And everybody goes around thehorn and nobody skips out.
And then we pick a Bible verseand he's just like we just left
church.
He's like today I learned this.
(21:27):
And he just grabs the Bible andstarts reading it.
I'm like this is thinking cool.
And then we go around and thenhe's like why haven't we been
doing this?
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Well, it's crazy because you'd never go weeks,
months, quarters, years in yourbusiness without huddling up
with your team.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Right.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
But at home, there's something about our family where
we don't see it as a team ofpeople who are trying to move
the ball down the field togetherand we need a cohesive plan to
do that.
Yeah, and so the huddle isperfect for that, because you're
getting together consistently.
I say it's a three C's.
You're connecting consistently,which is huge, because you have
(22:15):
family dinners here and theretogether, right like all of us,
because we're coming and goingand we have so many activities.
But when else do you have aconsistent time that is just
focused on the entire family?
yeah you know, intentional timetogether that this matters down
the road.
Why?
Because your kids are going tobe teenagers, okay, and so their
(22:37):
, their problems get much bigger.
And as a therapist, I know ifyou don't have a foundation of
safety built where you havealready been spending
intentional time together withthem and having an open, you
know, forum to talk aboutwhatever comes up there.
I mean, we've had our son, youknow, was kind of looking a
(22:58):
little different one day in ourmeeting and we just said, hey,
buddy, what's going on?
And he's like nothing, I'm fine.
Nothing, I'm fine, okay.
So then we just waited for him.
We all just kind of silentlywaited for him, and the silence
is awkward and so, as atherapist, you know you can wait
through that and then someonewill finally speak.
This was a technique we used allthe time Just wait for it.
(23:19):
And all of a sudden he said Ijust don't want to wrestle
anymore.
And we're like no problem.
Josh just immediately was liketell me more, tell me more,
three great words to use withyour kids.
Tell me more.
I just feel like I've beendoing this because you were a
wrestler and you wrestled incollege and now you're the coach
.
Josh goes.
(23:40):
I live my life.
Buddy, you don't have to doanything for me.
You done wrestling, we're doneLike it's all good, and he was
just like all this weight cameoff.
But it was because we had builtthis foundation of safety where
he felt like, yeah, it mighthave taken him some time, but he
was able to share somethingthat was that personal to him,
(24:00):
you know, and we could supporthim in that.
So at the beginning of thesethings it's a little clunky and
you're like trying to get thefeel for, like Team Graham, like
what are we going to, what'sthis going to be like for us,
but it's so worth it to keepgoing so, and then we end with a
prayer and then we put ourhands in the middle and it go
one, two, three, team Langdon,and it's our kids' favorite part
(24:23):
.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Oh, that's good shit.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
Because think about like how crazy culture is and
how kids feel like a littleshaky about their identity.
Yeah, and your name, your lastname, like means something,
right.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Yeah, absolutely, I mean the.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
Graham family.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
I've heard you talk about like the things Graham
family signs.
That's right, yes yes.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
And so just to claim that at the end and just kind of
wrap it with the bow, you sayyour prayer and just do this big
, you know team rally cry.
It's just like so unifying andbonding.
And so since then, I mean we'vehad a complete transformation
in our marriage.
So, date night once a weekSometimes those are dates at
(25:02):
home, right, because that's justwhat we have to do but also
having a quarterly like hoteldate night, right Locally, so we
can like hang out, have earlydinner, talk about the upcoming
quarter, like what do we, whatkind of goals do we want to set
as a family?
What experiences do we want tohave?
And then this one was a totalgame changer.
(25:26):
It's a 90 second activity thatJosh does for me every day.
Okay, it's not what peoplemight think.
Okay, 90 seconds, okay, but heprays with me every day before
he leaves for work.
Okay, and people will say I'llask in our coaching couples
(25:49):
coaching.
I'll say so.
Are you guys praying together?
Guys, are you praying with yourwife?
Yeah, yeah, we pray as a family.
I said no, no, do you pray withyour wife?
Yeah, yeah, we pray.
How do you pray?
Well, like we'll say a prayertogether.
Okay, well, that's good, that'sa good start, that's awesome.
What would happen if you, asthe man and the husband, pursued
(26:14):
your wife by seeking her out,finding her wherever she is?
You know she might be sleeping,she might be getting ready for
work, whatever.
But before you leave the houseevery morning, find her, stand
up with her, hold hands, closeyour eyes and then say a
90-second prayer.
And then just give each other ahug, kiss, say goodbye and
(26:34):
leave.
And the guys are like, oh, thatsounds weird, awkward, like my
relationship with God is likebetween you know.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
And it's awkward.
So you're going to have youreyes closed and you're going to
clunk through it, but the onething Josh does is he listens to
something that I've said youknow the day before and he'll
pull that into the prayer.
You know.
Lord, please help Jordan todayas she navigates this
conversation with this donor,you know, or whatever it is, but
(27:05):
it's very specific to somethingthat he heard me talk about.
This is like such a gamechanger.
It's like the biggest depositin the love bank.
I'm not kidding.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
So I don't know if you know this or not, so I love.
So Josh is awesome, right, andhe came out to the men's mission
that we hosted on stuff and hetold us this did he right.
And so now is, if I don't feelbad enough that I don't do that.
He said it and I forgot ituntil you're saying it, so thank
you for reminding me.
But it was a specifically aboutthat.
It's.
It's not a.
You know, I call them any givensunday prayer, any given sunday.
(27:40):
It's specific and it hassomething to do with her and
we've tried that and it fadesand all that because it feels
like.
It's like I pray, then you pray, you pray that.
But now I really love the ideaof I'm going to pray, like you
said, as the leader of thefamily, I'm going to pray, have
a good day, and then just gone.
(28:05):
And it was specific.
I mean I am listening to you,you know what I mean and I think
a lot of people I'd love you tospeak into.
This is is because I think it'sreally common.
You've seen more of this.
I feel like some people on bothsides, male and female, they're
so consumed with their stuffthere's no room for your stuff.
Oh right, and now there's noconsideration and I think, as a
society, what it comes across isthat you don't really like me
(28:26):
that much or this or that, and Ithink the lie from the enemy is
that it's intentional.
But really I'm so consumed withmy stuff I really have never
considered you.
You're just here for the man.
Either way, you pay the billsand you do the thing Well, you
wash the dishes and do the thingwhatever.
But it's like man, that's likewhat Like and as as coming from
(28:47):
a bunch of alphas, and in thiscase males in the SEAL teams.
I see this where guys and I'vebeen on this side of it you
deploy and you feel horriblethat you're not with your family
.
Then you come home and you takethe reins and there's no way
you're going to give your kidsthe reins, because you got to
prove to them that you're stillthe leader, oh right.
And then you do it nonstopbecause see, dad's got it, see,
(29:08):
dad's got it.
Then you deploy again, or youdo work up and it's gone, gone,
gone, gone, gone and you comeback and take the reins.
The problem is that they turn 18and they've never felt the
reins.
They've never known how tohandle reins and the world eats
them alive.
Right, because they grew upnaive, because they've never
been allowed to lead.
Yes, right, and that's I.
Really, I've seen that to wherenow?
(29:28):
Maybe even these, these youngmen?
Wait, your dad's a seal, you'rerah, rah, rah.
So now you're trying to live upto a thing You've never been
allowed to lead, sometimes eveneffeminate Cause, to be honest,
you were raised by mom andgrandma.
Right, there wasn't.
The dude was over there talkingabout breaking into my house.
No break in your house, that'sthe one to break into.
There's no man there, right,and?
And now they're, they're thiswhole thing that when they see
(29:50):
you not getting along with oranything that's wrong, they're
of you and they know they're ofyou.
But I guess that's how you leadand I'm of that, so I guess'm,
and it just seems to be thisspiral of bleeding my eyes.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
It is this generational cycle?
Speaker 2 (30:03):
yes, and it's eaten our society alive.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
It is, it is, it absolutely is.
And, yeah, you can know how toprotect kids and what you're
doing is so amazing.
And we have to protect ourrelationships, yes, our people,
because we are for each other.
That's what I talk about in ourcouples coaching.
All the time I say, okay, guys.
(30:26):
So would your, you know?
Think about your spouse.
Would your spouse choose to beyour friend if they weren't your
spouse?
And I would have saidabsolutely not six years ago.
Yeah, you know, and I don't knowif I would have chosen him
because there was so muchdivision and resentment, it's
(30:47):
like, but you chose each otheras friends years ago, 20 years
ago for me.
How long have you guys beenmarried?
Speaker 2 (30:53):
17.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
17.
You chose each other.
That was a choice.
No one forced you to get married, right, like in most cases, it
was a free choice, and so wehave to keep reminding ourselves
that we are for each other, andif we're for each other, we
have to parent as a united team.
We have to elevate our marriageto a priority above our kids,
which is another thing that getstotally disordered.
(31:16):
Right, it's like, yeah, you getdeployed, she's doing stuff at
home, right.
Then you come back and maybethere's a switch of that or
however that works.
But then, as women, we're like,always thinking about the kids
and what they need.
Yeah, and then, all of a sudden, everything's been flipped on
its head and it's the strugglebus man, it's real.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Did Josh share that song, that husband and wife
again, because that was reallylike.
That was just on my heart.
God gave me that, you know,when I sent it to Rachel, and it
really was.
We became parents, which soundslike good, no, no, no.
We stopped being husband andwife, yes, and we became fully,
100% parents.
And then there was just thisother co-parent, other renter
(32:01):
doing this stuff to be parents,and it's not good.
No, it's just totally not good.
We had a very, very honestconversation and we were pretty
honest with each other.
We had a very honestconversation last weekend which
led to a beautiful Sunday, butit really was.
It was like oh man, justsometimes.
And the most powerful thingthat she can say to me and
(32:23):
hopefully it's taken the otherway is listen, we're going to be
together forever.
Let's just figure this part out, because I'm not going anywhere
, I don't have a foot out, I'mnot looking, we're not saying
the D, whatever, I'm here, butwe got to figure this out right.
So that's just so comforting ona world where everybody's doing
this is that we're here, evenif it's tough.
And she said something to theeffect of oh man, you know, just
(32:44):
at times I'm like, you know,like the, and we talk about very
honestly, you know, like thedevil's like saying like you
know, maybe if you separated fora minute that would, and then
and then, and then I sayhonestly, I'm like part of me
that that, and we say this,satan telling me that part of me
wants to throw a party.
(33:04):
Like if you said that I'm likeman, that sounds like a pretty
good deal actually, because thisis rough and you're not a lot
of fun, that kind of thing, andshe's like what.
I'm like me too.
But because of that commitmentwe made, it's like integrity, a
steadfast adherence to a strictmoral or ethical code.
Not all in of Steadfast meanssteadfast, and the code we
choose is the Bible, and thatintegrity says that's not an
(33:25):
option.
That's why we need to figurethis out.
And then it was just a bigbreath, you know, and then a
sleep on it.
And then you know her sayingcan I talk to you for a minute?
And then we go and have aconversation that leads to an
amazing Sunday, and then thisstuff happens again and now
we're like, hey, we did a goodthing there.
I know, let's hit that more.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Yes, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Yes, because we're not just meant to survive in our
marriage.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
We're meant to thrive and Satan wants to divide us.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
If he can divide the family, he has won 100%, which
is motivating for me Because I'mlike oh, no, no, not today.
Satan, like you're not gettingbetween my marriage, you know.
But sometimes you really haveto like renounce that out loud
between you as a couple whenyou're like whoa, this is not
sounding like us, you know, andjust take prayerful action
(34:14):
against that because it's a realthing and you know everyone
goes through this.
I have not met a couple that'slike huh, we've never
experienced that.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
You guys fight?
Were the kids more importantthan us?
Speaker 3 (34:26):
No, we haven't been through that at all.
It's like yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
If they're honest, right, because now there's this
whole Facebook image of like no,no, we're doing it Like man.
I know you.
Yeah, that's not the right deal.
And there there's so much powerin those men's groups where you
don't allow negative talk aboutthe spell Like yeah we're
crossing the line here I lovethat boundary and and then you
see a bunch of guys and going oh, it's not just, there's guys
(34:51):
that I relate exactly.
I'm like whoa brother, thatthat hit me, yeah.
And and now you air going to goget after it.
Yes, and that's.
That's a big deal.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
The community is so important.
So that's what we do atfamilies of character is we
coach couples in small groups.
So for 20 years I coached orcounseled people, you know, on
an individual basis, and theprogress was just horribly slow,
if not just stagnant.
(35:30):
Yeah, Because two people comein for marriage counseling.
They sit in your office for anhour and then they come back in
a week and then they come backin another week.
Well, then somebody's sick andthen you have all this space and
time and stuff, and so thegroup is where it's at and it's
just like your community whenyou do men's mission groups or
you hang around after you have agun class and everybody's
collaborating and talking abouttheir experience.
We were not meant to do thisalone.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Yeah, yeah and it is.
I say, hey, if I'm going to doit, it's going to be fun, if I'm
going to be a part of it and Ithink, breaking that mold of
I'll just pick on ministry for asecond.
I've had many guys telling melike, hey, ministry failed.
Man, I'm like, what do you mean?
What were you doing?
I was doing this Wednesday andSunday thing.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
I was like oh, you mean somebody else's version of
ministry failed you.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Is that what God told you to do?
Here's what God told me to dothat my ministry involves ARs
and motorcycles and four-wheeldrives in the Rocky Mountains.
And they're like, oh, I'm backin.
I'm like, hold on, that's anoption.
I'm like, yeah, I asked, it'sokay.
And all of a sudden, men mightnot, if I call it counseling,
might not want to sit around andtalk, but they'll burn wood and
(36:41):
they'll jump in a four-wheeldrive and and tear apart our
group.
And I'm like, hey, brother, ifyou're here to critique us, if
you're here to work on you,you're welcome.
If you're here to critique uswhile we're the ones doing it,
why don't you stay home?
And then he's like and then allof a sudden he showed up, and
then that night we went downtownand supported a thing in Denver
that got a little.
It was a little, got our heartsbeating a little bit right, we
(37:01):
knew there was going to beopposition.
And he's like who are you people?
It's exactly what I've beenlooking for.
And I'm like we've been herethe whole time, you know.
So it's just that thing aboutmarriage.
I think that I believe that ifguys got, were more honest and
sat around and, didn't you know,blow the smoke screens and all
that, and now it's like, okay,not happy you're going through
(37:21):
that, but thanks for sharing it,because I got work to do in my
house, you know.
And now all of a sudden, grassfire starts.
Yes, that accountability too.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
I mean iron sharpens iron, it's like yeah oh, you're
doing this.
I'm going to try this, you know.
I mean you've you have.
One of your instructors hasbeen through our coaching
program yes he gave mepermission to share that and so
and he's like, this is good,like this is helping me
prioritize my wife at home andget back into a place of
leadership with my kids.
(37:50):
And, like man, you'rewell-rounded If you know how to
protect people out on the streetand protect your home and
protect your kids, protect yourfamily, and you're elevating,
you know, your, your spouse,your marriage over your kids.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
but like unifying everyone together, boom, you are
solid for, especially with menand I'm not saying I can't speak
to him, I'm not a woman, so yousent the love and respect video
.
Thank you, by the way,fantastic.
I.
I've read the book.
It was years ago.
I'm different now.
I I absorbed it differently.
But then also him speaking.
He's a very good speaker.
The part one, part two.
(38:24):
Watching that over and over,it's so good.
And then I feel like God put onmy heart, not only to pursue my
wife, but I felt like he'sbuilding my resume for a job
that doesn't exist yet.
And one of the very importantthings was can you love while
being disrespected?
And it doesn't mean it's real,it doesn't mean it's intentional
, it just means that some thingsare very disrespectful.
(38:44):
Can you actively love whileactively being disrespected?
I'm like, ooh God, can I pickanother one?
He's like no, you can't,because I love you so much.
If you can do that, that is asuperpower amongst men.
If you can love while beingdisrespected, that you're going
to learn that she never meant itwasn't even a real thing.
You were perceiving it likethat, and if you can figure that
(39:07):
out, you talk about beingwell-rounded.
It's so good, it's so, so good.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
So that's fantastic.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
He's awesome.
He's so awesome and you talkedabout is bringing him here a
thing.
Is that an option?
Speaker 3 (39:20):
We've got to get that figured out.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
It was fantastic and the right amount of humor.
He's funny, he's intelligent.
It hits you right in the soul,but you don't feel wounded, you
feel challenged and I'm like manI'm in, I'm in.
Let's go.
So it's very, very good.
Are your three things the C's?
Yes, because you mentioned yourthree.
Okay, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
Connecting consistently, getting together
on a calendar and then having ashared common goal.
So what are we going to do towin the week?
That's it.
And if you go to our website,familycharactercom, we have a
free guide so that you candownload it and start your
huddle, like, just do it on yourown right.
And then we have, if you prefer, to watch some podcasts or
(39:58):
videos and download some helpfullike a little family huddle
agenda or whatever.
We've got that on our shop.
And then the full blown programis our thriving family
accelerator where you just divein, immerse yourself.
It's like 90 minutes a week forfour to six weeks with a small
cohort of other couples.
It's on zoom, so it's from thecomfort of your own home.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
So it's very you know it's not in person, it's on
zoom, and so it's from thecomfort of your own home, so
it's very, you know, reasonable.
Oh, so it's not in person, it'son Zoom.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and youguys get.
I think I knew that because,yeah, so where's the hub to go
for all of this website?
Familysofcharactercom?
What was?
Speaker 3 (40:36):
it, episode 72.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
72.
You've got to watch episode 72.
That's right.
It was so much fun.
We hit it off and we've beenfast friends ever since with
Josh.
I love your family, I love Josh.
We've done things together.
We're going to do much moretogether.
And your podcast Families ofCharacter and
familiesofcharactercom, andyou've got a new lineup.
I mean the same stuff, butyou've got several that are
(40:59):
coming in the new year.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
If you just go tofamiliesofcharactercom, go to
our shop, you'll see all thesign-ups for the upcoming year.
And then also we do a monthlyParents' Night Out date night
event at a coffee shop just inGreenwood Village here locally
in Denver, and that's open tolike 12 couples.
We're having our November onetomorrow, so it's a beautiful
(41:22):
evening, beautiful food, flowers, the whole nine.
So it's a very beautiful datenight.
And then there's a littleworkshop where you learn a
little bit more about yourspouse and then you move
together on like we're doingholiday planning.
And how would you make yourholiday more meaningful if you
actually put some thought behindit before it just showed up?
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Yes, what a grand idea.
Right, have a plan going intoit yes, yes, yes.
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much fordefending the family and we
talked about this a little bit.
It is absolutely under attack.
The family unit Men need a lotof help, and you know that.
And Josh is amazing and we'vehad some side discussions and
(42:02):
some talks about this and youknow that I'm pursuing Rachel
and we're getting through thatand all that.
But I'm personally interestedand I think a lot of people are
going to be sofamiliesofcharactercom to get
more information on how toactively do that and there's
just nothing.
I tell people you want to dosomething, everybody's like yeah
, get after it.
We prefer the warfare that weknow.
Like you know, like my SEALbuddies are like let's stack
(42:24):
them in the street and I'm likebrother, you don't want a war
here.
You know what I mean Becauseyour kids will see it.
It's right up and close andpersonal.
But I think there's a new formof tactics that's very apparent.
I say I want to start with thisheart inside my chest and work
out more right, so working on me.
But then, and then any guy thatI know, if you ask them what is
your priority, they would saytheir wife, they would say God,
(42:58):
and then they would say theirwife and, they would say, their
family.
And then we say words that cutto the bone.
Show me you want to finish with.
I'm going to give you the lastword, but I just want to say
thank you so much.
And guys, check it out.
Go check outfamiliesofcharactercom, please
listen, especially episode 72,but listen to Families of
Character podcast and that'sanywhere they can get their
podcast.
That's right, okay, is it?
Speaker 3 (43:16):
audio and video.
Audio and video on YouTube,Instagram, Facebook, all the
places Awesome.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Check us out.
Final words anything.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
You know, I just want to say thank you to your
community for welcoming Josh andI into the family and for
having wraparound services forthe entire family.
We are going to be sharing AbleShepherd far and wide.
We already have, but we reshareit and just ask people, please
consider protecting your familyand getting your kids into this
(43:47):
family emergency readinessprogram and just because we know
once they get into that they'regoing to get into all kinds of
stuff Once they're in there?
Yes, but this is a loving family.
We're so glad to be part of theAble Shepherd community.
Thanks for doing what you'redoing.
Keep it up.
Awesome part of the Able.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
Shepherd community.
Thanks for doing what you'redoing.
Keep it up.
Awesome, appreciate you.
Yes, all right guys.
Awesome episode.
I learn a lot every time.
Thank you to Jordan Langdon andher beautiful family.
Love you, guys, josh, hello mybrother, and until we see you
again, god bless each and everyone of you.
We truly love you.
Take care of one another, amen.
Hey everybody, thanks forjoining us again for another
episode.
Please be sure to follow us andsupport us on all of the social
(44:23):
media, that's Facebook, youtube, linkedin, instagram.
All of that starts by visitingableshepherdcom.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!