January 7, 2025 • 27 mins
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Ever felt like your family life is on autopilot, drifting through routines without a clear sense of direction? Join me, Jordan Langdon, as we uncover the power of setting family goals to bring cohesion and joy back into your home. Drawing from my journey as both a parent and a clinical social worker, I share how embracing simple, monthly objectives can replace the burden of unattainable resolutions with progressive, positive change. By celebrating collective wins, we can strengthen family bonds and create a supportive environment that keeps burnout at bay. Let's transform directionless dynamics into meaningful, shared experiences that foster unity and love.
In this episode, we focus on practical strategies for goal-setting that align with your family's values. Imagine your family as a sports team, where each member has a role in promoting respect, organization, and self-control through clearly defined goals. With tools from our transformational parent coaching program, you'll find ways to rekindle your relationship with your spouse and enhance your family life without constantly seeking external help. Embrace the new year with confidence, armed with the resources to elevate your family's experience and reinforce the ties that bind across generations.
Shoot us an email at hello@familiesofcharacter.com for your FREE copy of our Family Goal Setting Guide!
The Thriving Family Accelerator provides an easy, 3-step process to lower stress, parent as a united team, and enjoy a true friendship with your spouse & relationship with your kids. Sign up now for this live parent coaching with proven methods for positively engaging your family and redistributing the mental load.
Give $20 to keep the mic on. We're a 501 c(3) non-profit and produce this show for parents around the globe.
Discover the secrets to building a connected + thriving family. All you'll need is a few minutes of your week—it's easy!
Looking for things to combat boredom and bolster growth in your kids? Check out our Tame the Tech Bundle and the Best Me I Can Be Journal!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, hey, parent friends, Jordan Langdon here
with you again for anotherepisode of our show.
It's a beautiful sunny morninghere in Denver.
Some light snow has just fallenand it's just absolutely
gorgeous out here.
Anyway, if you are new to ourpodcast, I wanna remind you that
(00:21):
I am a parent too, so whateverseason of parenting you're in, I
may just be able to relate to.
I've got a 17-year-old, an11-year-old and a 9-year-old, so
I know what it's like to bemanaging a house and kids and a
job and my relationship with myspouse, friendships,
(00:42):
volunteering, all the things,and I know what it's like to do
all that in family life withouta clear, identified direction or
shared goals with my family,and I have to tell you, it's
honestly a recipe for completeburnout.
This is how marriages end.
(01:04):
Kids end up feeling isolatedand disconnected from their
parents and each other, andpeople have nervous breakdowns.
Now remember, I'm also aclinical social worker as well,
so I've been a therapist for along time and I've witnessed
this myself.
So if you want to save yourselfand your family from a crisis,
(01:25):
you will start identifying agoal to work on together and
begin to lead your kids to abetter future.
Does that sound pretty direct.
It is direct, and the reasonI'm being crystal clear on this
is because I truly care aboutyou and your family.
I also know what works becauseof my own mistakes and growth,
(01:49):
and I don't want you strugglingthrough marriage and family life
for as long as I did justbecause no one told you
something that could work Now.
This episode gives a verysimple approach to identifying
one family goal to work towardsevery month, keeping the focus
(02:10):
on positive progress.
Your family will experience atransformation like never
imagined.
But before we get to that, Ijust want to thank you for your
enthusiasm around our podcast.
I know I say this a lot, butwe've hit new download numbers
over the past week, and it's allbecause of you.
Our show has been downloadedover 17,000 times.
(02:35):
That's right, 17,000 downloads.
So thanks for sharing ourepisodes with people in your
circle.
I myself am a natural exhorter.
That's one of my top threegifts.
What that means is that I telleveryone and I mean everyone
when I'm excited about something, and, trust me, not everything
(02:56):
excites me.
I promise it takes a lot for meto share something, so I assume
that of you too, you have toreally love something to share
it.
So, if you are sharing ourpodcast by forwarding on our
Tuesday weekly emails that youget to someone you know, or
hitting the little square withthe arrow up button on your
(03:17):
podcast platform on your phoneso you can text these episodes
to someone, or even if you'resimply shooting a text to your
friends to tell them to searchthe Families of Character show
on their podcast platform, thankyou.
It takes a community to get ourmessage out and you guys are
crushing it.
(03:39):
So let's dive right in today'stopic, which is family goals.
Okay now, before you hit end onthis podcast episode and you're
probably thinking, yeah right,family goals.
I can't even get these peopleto put a dish in the sink or put
their screens down long enoughfor a high five or a hug.
Guys, what I'm about to tellyou is different.
(03:59):
It's simple, and isn't thatwhat we need is different.
It's simple, and isn't thatwhat we need?
Simplicity in family life.
Okay, about five years ago, I'lltell you that I was in a place
where I dreaded the new year.
For some reason, I get reallydown on myself around the end of
(04:20):
the year thinking I hadn't doneenough over the course of the
year, and then I'd kind of beatmyself up about how we didn't
have anything to show for theyear.
Then I would put so muchpressure on myself to buy a new
planner, set some lofty healthgoal for myself and all these
crazy things that createdanxiety, and then, to top it off
, I'd go on to make a list ofthings our family needed to
(04:42):
start doing in order to bebetter.
It's a little embarrassing toshare all this, I admit, because
going through this cycle yearafter year was chronically
disappointing and, frankly,depressing too.
So I realized I needed to dothings differently in order to
bring joy and excitement to ourfamily with baby steps.
(05:06):
Man, I wish I would have knownto do this differently when I
was a young mom.
Probably would have saved melots of guilt and shame over the
past years.
So what we've done differentlyis to hone in on a few things we
really need some growth in andjust keep it simple.
No lofty health goals, no moreridiculous additions to our
(05:28):
everyday routine that add fivesteps in the morning and three
steps to our evening routine.
Now we focus on one to twogoals for a month or two and
settle in with those until theybecome habit, and the difference
is we're doing these things,we're developing habits for the
good of others, the good of oneanother, for our family, not
(05:52):
because we want something forourselves, which is how I used
to think of New Year'sresolutions or goals.
Instead, we've started workingtoward a common, shared
objective together, which hasalso double bonus served as a
springboard for me, withpersonal goals as well.
(06:13):
So I went from beating myselfup for not achieving the lofty
personal resolutions I set formyself at the beginning of each
year and making a list of goalsother people needed to work on
to get better, to a simpleformula for setting goals as a
collective, unified family.
Oh and by the end of the way.
By the way, at the end of theyear, there's no more beating
(06:38):
myself up about what I didn'taccomplish or what we didn't
accomplish.
Instead, our whole familycelebrates our wins as we
reflect upon what we worked on,those things we set our
intentions on throughout theyear.
Guys, this made a hugedifference.
The overwhelming benefit offamily goals is great love and
(07:02):
unity and coming together as aunited team.
So I wanted to share this withall of you.
Remember, I'm a naturalexhorter when I love something,
I share it.
When I've come across somethingthat works, I give it away to
others and it feels good.
So before we get into the nutsand bolts of family goal setting
, I just want to take a minuteto address how most of us think
(07:23):
about goals.
There's a great quote from SaintJosemaria Escriva that goes
like this perseverance in littlethings for love is heroism.
When we think of being a hero,we usually think of superheroes
like Superman or Spider-Man orWonder Woman, who have one big
(07:46):
special power and who make onegreat act of sacrifice for
someone else.
But according to thisdefinition of a hero, you might
be awarded a single opportunityfor being a hero in your entire
lifetime, if you're even offeredone at all.
So instead of one big specialpower or one great rescue or one
(08:11):
lofty new year's resolution,let's challenge ourselves to
change that view by practicingheroism every single day.
Just like this quote,perseverance and little things
for love is heroism.
Because by ordering our dailyactions toward the good of
others, the good of those rightunder our roofs our spouse, our
(08:36):
kids we spread happiness and areexpressing great love for them.
And isn't that the mostimportant?
Learning to love those in yourfamily, practicing those small
acts of service daily so that wehave the ability to serve
others around us.
Now, that being said, thismindset, this giving mindset,
(08:58):
where we work to help each otherand serve another, isn't real
popular right now.
Our culture does not positivelypromote self-sacrifice.
Unfortunately, the Americandream can be very egocentric and
self-promotion, orself-importance, is often a top
(09:19):
priority in our culture.
Wouldn't you agree?
Setting goals you work on as anentire family versus going
after something strictly for youmay feel unnatural at first,
because this may be new to you,but incorporating small
sacrifices into your day bykeeping your family goal top of
(09:42):
mind and working at it just alittle bit each day together
will benefit your life and thelives of those around you Even
more than what you had imaginedyou might get if you crush a
personal resolution or goal.
Trust me, guys, I've been there, so this is coming from
personal experience.
(10:03):
So let's dive in and getpractical about how to do this
as a team, together in familylife all year round.
Then you'll be able to face thenew year with confidence and
courage that your family willgrow in love and great unity,
becoming closer with moreharmony.
Now again, you know, as aclinical social worker, I've got
(10:24):
to bring some research, okay.
So when it comes to family goalsetting, families who have the
most success are those who keepit simple but also focus on
overcoming the one or twobiggest problems they are
currently having, the one or twothings that are pulling at them
(10:44):
the most.
You know the thing you want topull your hair out about.
You're probably shouting outright now yeah, jordan, fighting
kids, fighting with each other,drives me nuts.
Okay, you've probably got thatone thing in mind, then Keep it
there.
Our latest research identifiedthe top five problems trending
(11:05):
with families today, and hereare the top five challenges.
Number one disrespect.
This includes talking back andsibling rivalry, your kids
fighting with each other, teensand tweens being dismissive to
parents and temper tantrums ofall age ranges Disrespect.
(11:26):
The second is consistentmorning and evening routines.
This means getting kids to makebeds clean up, brush their
teeth regularly, completeschoolwork, go to bed at the
same time.
So a lack of consistent morningand evening routines is a
problem.
Third is disorganization.
Just messy rooms, late forthings, kids forgetting sports
(11:49):
equipment or school supplies,people prioritizing screen time
over quality time spent togetheras a family.
Disorganization.
And then patience.
Parents complain they are justlosing it on their kids, just
simply having difficultyregulating their own emotions so
they can discipline from aplace of love, responding to
(12:12):
their kids versus reacting,which I talked about in episode
six, if you haven't listened tothat yet.
And then selfishness Everythingis all about the kid not
wanting to help around the houseor do things for others because
they're consumed with their ownwants and needs, like screen
time, refusing to eat what isserved at mealtime, demanding
(12:34):
their favorite food be cooked inaddition to what you've already
made.
And then parents arecomplaining that their kids
can't even imagine doingsomething for their brother or
sister because they don't thinkit's their job.
These are the top fiveparenting challenges.
So you are not alone.
Top five parenting challenges.
So you are not alone.
Again, in order, they weredisrespect, consistent morning
(13:03):
and evening routines,disorganization, patience,
selfishness or entitlement.
So if that's the reality, theseare the things you are
struggling with.
Where do you begin when it comesto changing these behaviors?
Where do you begin?
Well, where do you even beginwhen you set a family goal to
eliminate or reduce thesenegative behaviors?
Remember I said keep it simple.
(13:25):
Listen.
If disrespect is theoverarching problem behavior,
your family goal will be respect.
Growing in the character,strength of respect will be the
identified goal for the month ormaybe even the first quarter of
the year three months.
You notice I didn't break thatdown, saying our family goal is
(13:45):
going to be to quit talking backwhen someone asks you to do
something.
That is identifying a goal in anegative perspective and kids
will roll their eyes at you ifyou present it in this way
Another act of disrespect thatyou don't want to experience,
right?
Because it sounds more likenagging or complaining about
their behavior.
So the best way to presentfamily goals is to join your
(14:09):
kids in working together on thisgoal and to present it and
frame it positively.
Remember, team is your theme,working together.
So presenting this to yourfamily as something new and
exciting could sound somethinglike this hey guys, we're going
to try this new thing this yearEach month, we're going to focus
(14:32):
on improving, getting better,and we are all going to try this
new thing this year Each month.
We're going to focus onimproving, getting better, and
we are all going to worktogether as a team to do that.
Then you can give them ananalogy of a sports team.
You know how everyone practicesreally hard on the soccer team
to do their best and beat theother team in the next game.
Well, that's what we are goingto do.
(14:52):
I bet you can imagine what it'slike when one person on a team
does all the work and no oneelse practices.
That doesn't feel good, does it?
So we are going to identify atheme or a goal for the month
and work to get better at thingslike respect and being on time
and being prepared for things,being grateful for each other
(15:14):
and for things we enjoy in ourlives, learning to help each
other out around here, soeveryone is happier because
we're working together.
How does that sound?
Now?
You may get some questioning orsome grumbling about another
thing, but that's where, as theparent, the leader of these
little heroes that you'reraising, you have to have that
(15:36):
thick skin and be the adult.
You have to let those commentsjust bounce off you and amp up
the positivity with enthusiasmthat communicates.
You believe in them and that,even if you don't believe this
can be they don't believe thatthis could be helpful you do so.
We have a template to help youwith this simple family goal
(16:00):
setting, and it came in youremail.
The email was sent out onJanuary 9th, so you can download
and print it right from yourcomputer or if you aren't signed
up to get our weekly emailnewsletters on Tuesdays, there's
a direct link in this familygoal guide and the show notes so
that you can start gettingthose emails.
(16:20):
So click on the link anddownload your copy today, so
that you have something tangible.
The visual is not only greatfor you, the parent, the leader
of your team.
It's a great visual for yourkids too, to keep your goals top
of mind for the month.
So why do I think family goalsetting is so important?
(16:41):
Because, again, I know whatit's like to be managing a house
, kids, a job, my relationshipwith my spouse, friendships,
volunteering all the thingswithout a clear, identified
direction and remember I said,it's a complete recipe for
burnout.
This is how marriages end.
Kids end up feeling isolatedand disconnected from their
(17:05):
parents and each other, and thenpeople end up having nervous
breakdowns.
Why?
Because you're not working as ateam.
You're a team of one trying todo everything for everyone, and
it doesn't work.
So if you want to save yourselfand your family from a crisis,
you have to start identifying agoal to work on together and to
(17:27):
begin to lead your kids to abetter future.
And listen, if you are agrandparent listening to this
episode and you're feeling quitehopeless when it comes to
influencing your grandkids andhelping them become better
people people of honesty,integrity, self-control,
gratitude, generosity you, too,can come up with a monthly goal
(17:50):
and rally your adult kids andyour grandkids around this goal
too.
I actually know manygrandparents in our community
that are doing this, and it'sawesome to see three generations
of a family working to dobetter in respect and
responsibility and generosityand giving.
(18:12):
So here are a list of ideas thatare included in our free family
goals.
Downloadable.
Improve upon organization.
Okay, four ideas includeeveryone being five minutes
early to school and work eachday.
Waking up 15 minutes earlierthan usual.
(18:33):
Taking 10 minutes to tidy upthe house each night before you
go to bed we call it the10-minute tidy up.
Donate two to five things perweek to a donation box.
Do you want to improve inrespect?
Here are some ideas for that.
Clean up your own dishes aftermeals.
Ask permission to useelectronics.
(18:55):
Listen without interrupting.
Offer kind words instead ofcriticism.
Now, if you want to work onforgiveness, so you aren't
holding grudges or acting in apassive-aggressive way, you can
offer I forgive you when someonehurts you Refuse to talk badly
(19:16):
about others.
Smile to someone who is grumpy.
Offer a hug for others'mistakes.
Now listen, maybe you need toimprove on self-control, or
impulsivity, in your family.
Here's some ideas for that.
How about chores before screens, desserts on Sundays only?
(19:38):
We've done that for a period oftime.
It was so hard and so good atthe same time.
How about everybody make theirbed every morning?
That's called self-control.
Why?
Because you're doing somethingyou need to do above and over
the thing that you really wantto do, which is usually
something that serves you.
And another way to work onself-control with kids is to
(20:01):
actually stop doing what you'redoing when someone says stop.
If your brother says stop, youknow annoying me or poking me in
the arm in the car, actuallystop doing that, right.
So these are just small thingsyou can talk about to work on
for the month and thenpositively praise them every
(20:21):
time you notice someone in yourfamily really crushed this goal.
What about growing in gratitude?
You may feel like you have kidswho are entitled or ungrateful.
You can you know we've donethis before too for 30 days,
make a statement about somethingthat you're grateful for before
(20:42):
you take a bite of food at eachmeal, right?
So every time you sit down to ameal, you guys go around the
table and make a statement ofgratitude before diving into
your food.
How about writing down onething you're grateful for on a
huge whiteboard or a piece ofpaper in your kitchen and see if
you can get 30 things in twoweeks?
(21:03):
You can also make a goal towrite thank you notes weekly and
send them in the mailbox thatis so awesome and people love
that and then say thank youoften.
What about growing ingenerosity?
Okay, to get out of thatselfish mindset, the one where
we focus on me, me, me.
How about 30 days of randomacts of kindness and everyone
(21:28):
writes down what they did eachday?
Grandparents, you couldinitiate that one and offer a
prize to the family that offersthe most random acts of kindness
.
How cool would that be?
Parents, family goals are vitalto deep connection and belonging
for parents and kids.
Having something you're workingon together is what creates
(21:52):
bonds and traditions of growth,generosity and togetherness.
This is what we need, this iswhat we want and this is what
our kids ultimately need.
And you know what the reallyawesome news is Once you get on
a roll with these family goalsmonth to month, it paves the way
(22:15):
for coming up with even moreexciting goals.
I've shared many times overthese 180, some podcasts that
we've had, that our family hasbeen to 49 of the 50 states and
are planning another 10 comingup in the next year.
You see, once everyone is inthe habit of doing what they
(22:36):
need to be doing taking care ofthemselves and helping one
another around the house, itsets you all free to dream and
accomplish exciting family goalsand make long-lasting memories
together.
So, for whatever time of year itmay be when you're listening to
this, keep it simple.
(22:57):
Rally your family around onegoal, keep it positive, point
out positive progress often andyou will see your family
transform Parents.
This goal setting, this familygoal setting, pairs really,
really well with the weeklyfamily huddle.
(23:18):
And if you haven't heard aboutour simple and transformative
weekly family huddle, be sure tolisten to episode 10, how to
implement a weekly familymeeting, and episode 44, where
my daughter shares how kidsbenefit from a weekly family
huddle.
It's really sweet what she saysabout how these family huddles
(23:45):
every week, where we talk aboutour goal and circle back and
celebrate the wins and just cometogether intentionally every
single week really matters tokids.
So, again, the family goalsetting guide is linked in the
description of this episode tomake this whole conversation
come together simply for you andto be practical to implement at
(24:06):
home.
And please be sure to visit ourwebsite, familiesofcharactercom.
It's got a new look which I'mreally excited about.
Janet Gillis is our creativedesigner and I could not do any
of this without her.
She is just a creative geniusbehind everything at Families of
Character, so be sure to checkout our website,
(24:26):
familiesofcharactercom.
We also have a really awesomenew offer parent coaching, which
I am so excited about because,again, this is my jam as a
clinical social worker andtherapist for 20 years.
I absolutely love to coachparents and give them real
practical tools to implement intheir family so they don't need
(24:49):
a coach or a counselor for therest of time.
They've got the tools they needto really unify their family
and strengthen their marriage.
So check out our parentcoaching that we have in our
shop.
Really, it helps you rekindleyour relationship with your
spouse, revitalize your familydynamic, and when you do that,
(25:13):
it just takes your family toanother level.
So check it out, sign up forour transformational live
personal coaching and you arejust going to be so glad that
you did, guys, if, if, somethings about your marriage or
your family, I'm telling you wehere at families of character,
we've got you covered.
Kick off the new year with anew you.
(25:37):
You've got this.
Please know I am always in yourcorner and thanks again for
sharing our episode with peoplein your circles.
Take care, and I'll catch youon another episode real soon.
Hey, hey, parent friends, Jordan Langdon here
with you again for anotherepisode of our show.
It's a beautiful sunny morninghere in Denver.
Some light snow has just fallenand it's just absolutely
gorgeous out here.
Anyway, if you are new to ourpodcast, I wanna remind you that
(00:21):
I am a parent too, so whateverseason of parenting you're in, I
may just be able to relate to.
I've got a 17-year-old, an11-year-old and a 9-year-old, so
I know what it's like to bemanaging a house and kids and a
job and my relationship with myspouse, friendships,
(00:42):
volunteering, all the things,and I know what it's like to do
all that in family life withouta clear, identified direction or
shared goals with my family,and I have to tell you, it's
honestly a recipe for completeburnout.
This is how marriages end.
(01:04):
Kids end up feeling isolatedand disconnected from their
parents and each other, andpeople have nervous breakdowns.
Now remember, I'm also aclinical social worker as well,
so I've been a therapist for along time and I've witnessed
this myself.
So if you want to save yourselfand your family from a crisis,
(01:25):
you will start identifying agoal to work on together and
begin to lead your kids to abetter future.
Does that sound pretty direct.
It is direct, and the reasonI'm being crystal clear on this
is because I truly care aboutyou and your family.
I also know what works becauseof my own mistakes and growth,
(01:49):
and I don't want you strugglingthrough marriage and family life
for as long as I did justbecause no one told you
something that could work Now.
This episode gives a verysimple approach to identifying
one family goal to work towardsevery month, keeping the focus
(02:10):
on positive progress.
Your family will experience atransformation like never
imagined.
But before we get to that, Ijust want to thank you for your
enthusiasm around our podcast.
I know I say this a lot, butwe've hit new download numbers
over the past week, and it's allbecause of you.
Our show has been downloadedover 17,000 times.
(02:35):
That's right, 17,000 downloads.
So thanks for sharing ourepisodes with people in your
circle.
I myself am a natural exhorter.
That's one of my top threegifts.
What that means is that I telleveryone and I mean everyone
when I'm excited about something, and, trust me, not everything
(02:56):
excites me.
I promise it takes a lot for meto share something, so I assume
that of you too, you have toreally love something to share
it.
So, if you are sharing ourpodcast by forwarding on our
Tuesday weekly emails that youget to someone you know, or
hitting the little square withthe arrow up button on your
(03:17):
podcast platform on your phoneso you can text these episodes
to someone, or even if you'resimply shooting a text to your
friends to tell them to searchthe Families of Character show
on their podcast platform, thankyou.
It takes a community to get ourmessage out and you guys are
crushing it.
(03:39):
So let's dive right in today'stopic, which is family goals.
Okay now, before you hit end onthis podcast episode and you're
probably thinking, yeah right,family goals.
I can't even get these peopleto put a dish in the sink or put
their screens down long enoughfor a high five or a hug.
Guys, what I'm about to tellyou is different.
(03:59):
It's simple, and isn't thatwhat we need is different.
It's simple, and isn't thatwhat we need?
Simplicity in family life.
Okay, about five years ago, I'lltell you that I was in a place
where I dreaded the new year.
For some reason, I get reallydown on myself around the end of
(04:20):
the year thinking I hadn't doneenough over the course of the
year, and then I'd kind of beatmyself up about how we didn't
have anything to show for theyear.
Then I would put so muchpressure on myself to buy a new
planner, set some lofty healthgoal for myself and all these
crazy things that createdanxiety, and then, to top it off
, I'd go on to make a list ofthings our family needed to
(04:42):
start doing in order to bebetter.
It's a little embarrassing toshare all this, I admit, because
going through this cycle yearafter year was chronically
disappointing and, frankly,depressing too.
So I realized I needed to dothings differently in order to
bring joy and excitement to ourfamily with baby steps.
(05:06):
Man, I wish I would have knownto do this differently when I
was a young mom.
Probably would have saved melots of guilt and shame over the
past years.
So what we've done differentlyis to hone in on a few things we
really need some growth in andjust keep it simple.
No lofty health goals, no moreridiculous additions to our
(05:28):
everyday routine that add fivesteps in the morning and three
steps to our evening routine.
Now we focus on one to twogoals for a month or two and
settle in with those until theybecome habit, and the difference
is we're doing these things,we're developing habits for the
good of others, the good of oneanother, for our family, not
(05:52):
because we want something forourselves, which is how I used
to think of New Year'sresolutions or goals.
Instead, we've started workingtoward a common, shared
objective together, which hasalso double bonus served as a
springboard for me, withpersonal goals as well.
(06:13):
So I went from beating myselfup for not achieving the lofty
personal resolutions I set formyself at the beginning of each
year and making a list of goalsother people needed to work on
to get better, to a simpleformula for setting goals as a
collective, unified family.
Oh and by the end of the way.
By the way, at the end of theyear, there's no more beating
(06:38):
myself up about what I didn'taccomplish or what we didn't
accomplish.
Instead, our whole familycelebrates our wins as we
reflect upon what we worked on,those things we set our
intentions on throughout theyear.
Guys, this made a hugedifference.
The overwhelming benefit offamily goals is great love and
(07:02):
unity and coming together as aunited team.
So I wanted to share this withall of you.
Remember, I'm a naturalexhorter when I love something,
I share it.
When I've come across somethingthat works, I give it away to
others and it feels good.
So before we get into the nutsand bolts of family goal setting
, I just want to take a minuteto address how most of us think
(07:23):
about goals.
There's a great quote from SaintJosemaria Escriva that goes
like this perseverance in littlethings for love is heroism.
When we think of being a hero,we usually think of superheroes
like Superman or Spider-Man orWonder Woman, who have one big
(07:46):
special power and who make onegreat act of sacrifice for
someone else.
But according to thisdefinition of a hero, you might
be awarded a single opportunityfor being a hero in your entire
lifetime, if you're even offeredone at all.
So instead of one big specialpower or one great rescue or one
(08:11):
lofty new year's resolution,let's challenge ourselves to
change that view by practicingheroism every single day.
Just like this quote,perseverance and little things
for love is heroism.
Because by ordering our dailyactions toward the good of
others, the good of those rightunder our roofs our spouse, our
(08:36):
kids we spread happiness and areexpressing great love for them.
And isn't that the mostimportant?
Learning to love those in yourfamily, practicing those small
acts of service daily so that wehave the ability to serve
others around us.
Now, that being said, thismindset, this giving mindset,
(08:58):
where we work to help each otherand serve another, isn't real
popular right now.
Our culture does not positivelypromote self-sacrifice.
Unfortunately, the Americandream can be very egocentric and
self-promotion, orself-importance, is often a top
(09:19):
priority in our culture.
Wouldn't you agree?
Setting goals you work on as anentire family versus going
after something strictly for youmay feel unnatural at first,
because this may be new to you,but incorporating small
sacrifices into your day bykeeping your family goal top of
(09:42):
mind and working at it just alittle bit each day together
will benefit your life and thelives of those around you Even
more than what you had imaginedyou might get if you crush a
personal resolution or goal.
Trust me, guys, I've been there, so this is coming from
personal experience.
(10:03):
So let's dive in and getpractical about how to do this
as a team, together in familylife all year round.
Then you'll be able to face thenew year with confidence and
courage that your family willgrow in love and great unity,
becoming closer with moreharmony.
Now again, you know, as aclinical social worker, I've got
(10:24):
to bring some research, okay.
So when it comes to family goalsetting, families who have the
most success are those who keepit simple but also focus on
overcoming the one or twobiggest problems they are
currently having, the one or twothings that are pulling at them
(10:44):
the most.
You know the thing you want topull your hair out about.
You're probably shouting outright now yeah, jordan, fighting
kids, fighting with each other,drives me nuts.
Okay, you've probably got thatone thing in mind, then Keep it
there.
Our latest research identifiedthe top five problems trending
(11:05):
with families today, and hereare the top five challenges.
Number one disrespect.
This includes talking back andsibling rivalry, your kids
fighting with each other, teensand tweens being dismissive to
parents and temper tantrums ofall age ranges Disrespect.
(11:26):
The second is consistentmorning and evening routines.
This means getting kids to makebeds clean up, brush their
teeth regularly, completeschoolwork, go to bed at the
same time.
So a lack of consistent morningand evening routines is a
problem.
Third is disorganization.
Just messy rooms, late forthings, kids forgetting sports
(11:49):
equipment or school supplies,people prioritizing screen time
over quality time spent togetheras a family.
Disorganization.
And then patience.
Parents complain they are justlosing it on their kids, just
simply having difficultyregulating their own emotions so
they can discipline from aplace of love, responding to
(12:12):
their kids versus reacting,which I talked about in episode
six, if you haven't listened tothat yet.
And then selfishness Everythingis all about the kid not
wanting to help around the houseor do things for others because
they're consumed with their ownwants and needs, like screen
time, refusing to eat what isserved at mealtime, demanding
(12:34):
their favorite food be cooked inaddition to what you've already
made.
And then parents arecomplaining that their kids
can't even imagine doingsomething for their brother or
sister because they don't thinkit's their job.
These are the top fiveparenting challenges.
So you are not alone.
Top five parenting challenges.
So you are not alone.
Again, in order, they weredisrespect, consistent morning
(13:03):
and evening routines,disorganization, patience,
selfishness or entitlement.
So if that's the reality, theseare the things you are
struggling with.
Where do you begin when it comesto changing these behaviors?
Where do you begin?
Well, where do you even beginwhen you set a family goal to
eliminate or reduce thesenegative behaviors?
Remember I said keep it simple.
(13:25):
Listen.
If disrespect is theoverarching problem behavior,
your family goal will be respect.
Growing in the character,strength of respect will be the
identified goal for the month ormaybe even the first quarter of
the year three months.
You notice I didn't break thatdown, saying our family goal is
(13:45):
going to be to quit talking backwhen someone asks you to do
something.
That is identifying a goal in anegative perspective and kids
will roll their eyes at you ifyou present it in this way
Another act of disrespect thatyou don't want to experience,
right?
Because it sounds more likenagging or complaining about
their behavior.
So the best way to presentfamily goals is to join your
(14:09):
kids in working together on thisgoal and to present it and
frame it positively.
Remember, team is your theme,working together.
So presenting this to yourfamily as something new and
exciting could sound somethinglike this hey guys, we're going
to try this new thing this yearEach month, we're going to focus
(14:32):
on improving, getting better,and we are all going to try this
new thing this year Each month.
We're going to focus onimproving, getting better, and
we are all going to worktogether as a team to do that.
Then you can give them ananalogy of a sports team.
You know how everyone practicesreally hard on the soccer team
to do their best and beat theother team in the next game.
Well, that's what we are goingto do.
(14:52):
I bet you can imagine what it'slike when one person on a team
does all the work and no oneelse practices.
That doesn't feel good, does it?
So we are going to identify atheme or a goal for the month
and work to get better at thingslike respect and being on time
and being prepared for things,being grateful for each other
(15:14):
and for things we enjoy in ourlives, learning to help each
other out around here, soeveryone is happier because
we're working together.
How does that sound?
Now?
You may get some questioning orsome grumbling about another
thing, but that's where, as theparent, the leader of these
little heroes that you'reraising, you have to have that
(15:36):
thick skin and be the adult.
You have to let those commentsjust bounce off you and amp up
the positivity with enthusiasmthat communicates.
You believe in them and that,even if you don't believe this
can be they don't believe thatthis could be helpful you do so.
We have a template to help youwith this simple family goal
(16:00):
setting, and it came in youremail.
The email was sent out onJanuary 9th, so you can download
and print it right from yourcomputer or if you aren't signed
up to get our weekly emailnewsletters on Tuesdays, there's
a direct link in this familygoal guide and the show notes so
that you can start gettingthose emails.
(16:20):
So click on the link anddownload your copy today, so
that you have something tangible.
The visual is not only greatfor you, the parent, the leader
of your team.
It's a great visual for yourkids too, to keep your goals top
of mind for the month.
So why do I think family goalsetting is so important?
(16:41):
Because, again, I know whatit's like to be managing a house
, kids, a job, my relationshipwith my spouse, friendships,
volunteering all the thingswithout a clear, identified
direction and remember I said,it's a complete recipe for
burnout.
This is how marriages end.
Kids end up feeling isolatedand disconnected from their
(17:05):
parents and each other, and thenpeople end up having nervous
breakdowns.
Why?
Because you're not working as ateam.
You're a team of one trying todo everything for everyone, and
it doesn't work.
So if you want to save yourselfand your family from a crisis,
you have to start identifying agoal to work on together and to
(17:27):
begin to lead your kids to abetter future.
And listen, if you are agrandparent listening to this
episode and you're feeling quitehopeless when it comes to
influencing your grandkids andhelping them become better
people people of honesty,integrity, self-control,
gratitude, generosity you, too,can come up with a monthly goal
(17:50):
and rally your adult kids andyour grandkids around this goal
too.
I actually know manygrandparents in our community
that are doing this, and it'sawesome to see three generations
of a family working to dobetter in respect and
responsibility and generosityand giving.
(18:12):
So here are a list of ideas thatare included in our free family
goals.
Downloadable.
Improve upon organization.
Okay, four ideas includeeveryone being five minutes
early to school and work eachday.
Waking up 15 minutes earlierthan usual.
(18:33):
Taking 10 minutes to tidy upthe house each night before you
go to bed we call it the10-minute tidy up.
Donate two to five things perweek to a donation box.
Do you want to improve inrespect?
Here are some ideas for that.
Clean up your own dishes aftermeals.
Ask permission to useelectronics.
(18:55):
Listen without interrupting.
Offer kind words instead ofcriticism.
Now, if you want to work onforgiveness, so you aren't
holding grudges or acting in apassive-aggressive way, you can
offer I forgive you when someonehurts you Refuse to talk badly
(19:16):
about others.
Smile to someone who is grumpy.
Offer a hug for others'mistakes.
Now listen, maybe you need toimprove on self-control, or
impulsivity, in your family.
Here's some ideas for that.
How about chores before screens, desserts on Sundays only?
(19:38):
We've done that for a period oftime.
It was so hard and so good atthe same time.
How about everybody make theirbed every morning?
That's called self-control.
Why?
Because you're doing somethingyou need to do above and over
the thing that you really wantto do, which is usually
something that serves you.
And another way to work onself-control with kids is to
(20:01):
actually stop doing what you'redoing when someone says stop.
If your brother says stop, youknow annoying me or poking me in
the arm in the car, actuallystop doing that, right.
So these are just small thingsyou can talk about to work on
for the month and thenpositively praise them every
(20:21):
time you notice someone in yourfamily really crushed this goal.
What about growing in gratitude?
You may feel like you have kidswho are entitled or ungrateful.
You can you know we've donethis before too for 30 days,
make a statement about somethingthat you're grateful for before
(20:42):
you take a bite of food at eachmeal, right?
So every time you sit down to ameal, you guys go around the
table and make a statement ofgratitude before diving into
your food.
How about writing down onething you're grateful for on a
huge whiteboard or a piece ofpaper in your kitchen and see if
you can get 30 things in twoweeks?
(21:03):
You can also make a goal towrite thank you notes weekly and
send them in the mailbox thatis so awesome and people love
that and then say thank youoften.
What about growing ingenerosity?
Okay, to get out of thatselfish mindset, the one where
we focus on me, me, me.
How about 30 days of randomacts of kindness and everyone
(21:28):
writes down what they did eachday?
Grandparents, you couldinitiate that one and offer a
prize to the family that offersthe most random acts of kindness
.
How cool would that be?
Parents, family goals are vitalto deep connection and belonging
for parents and kids.
Having something you're workingon together is what creates
(21:52):
bonds and traditions of growth,generosity and togetherness.
This is what we need, this iswhat we want and this is what
our kids ultimately need.
And you know what the reallyawesome news is Once you get on
a roll with these family goalsmonth to month, it paves the way
(22:15):
for coming up with even moreexciting goals.
I've shared many times overthese 180, some podcasts that
we've had, that our family hasbeen to 49 of the 50 states and
are planning another 10 comingup in the next year.
You see, once everyone is inthe habit of doing what they
(22:36):
need to be doing taking care ofthemselves and helping one
another around the house, itsets you all free to dream and
accomplish exciting family goalsand make long-lasting memories
together.
So, for whatever time of year itmay be when you're listening to
this, keep it simple.
(22:57):
Rally your family around onegoal, keep it positive, point
out positive progress often andyou will see your family
transform Parents.
This goal setting, this familygoal setting, pairs really,
really well with the weeklyfamily huddle.
(23:18):
And if you haven't heard aboutour simple and transformative
weekly family huddle, be sure tolisten to episode 10, how to
implement a weekly familymeeting, and episode 44, where
my daughter shares how kidsbenefit from a weekly family
huddle.
It's really sweet what she saysabout how these family huddles
(23:45):
every week, where we talk aboutour goal and circle back and
celebrate the wins and just cometogether intentionally every
single week really matters tokids.
So, again, the family goalsetting guide is linked in the
description of this episode tomake this whole conversation
come together simply for you andto be practical to implement at
(24:06):
home.
And please be sure to visit ourwebsite, familiesofcharactercom.
It's got a new look which I'mreally excited about.
Janet Gillis is our creativedesigner and I could not do any
of this without her.
She is just a creative geniusbehind everything at Families of
Character, so be sure to checkout our website,
(24:26):
familiesofcharactercom.
We also have a really awesomenew offer parent coaching, which
I am so excited about because,again, this is my jam as a
clinical social worker andtherapist for 20 years.
I absolutely love to coachparents and give them real
practical tools to implement intheir family so they don't need
(24:49):
a coach or a counselor for therest of time.
They've got the tools they needto really unify their family
and strengthen their marriage.
So check out our parentcoaching that we have in our
shop.
Really, it helps you rekindleyour relationship with your
spouse, revitalize your familydynamic, and when you do that,
(25:13):
it just takes your family toanother level.
So check it out, sign up forour transformational live
personal coaching and you arejust going to be so glad that
you did, guys, if, if, somethings about your marriage or
your family, I'm telling you wehere at families of character,
we've got you covered.
Kick off the new year with anew you.
(25:37):
You've got this.
Please know I am always in yourcorner and thanks again for
sharing our episode with peoplein your circles.
Take care, and I'll catch youon another episode real soon.
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