January 14, 2025 • 25 mins
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Ever wondered how a simple wall calendar could transform your family's daily routine and improve well-being? Join me, Jordan Langdon, as I reveal the Langdon family's secret weapon for setting and tracking goals, emphasizing simplicity and effectiveness. You'll learn how recording activities like workouts and sleep patterns can lead to informed decisions and lasting positive changes. My children, Lincoln and Annie, have benefited from this approach, making our mornings smoother and routines more consistent. This episode offers valuable insights into the power of documenting small, manageable goals to create significant improvements throughout the year.
TAKEAWAYS
- Tracking behaviors and goals can help identify patterns and make informed decisions for positive change in family life.
- Using a wall calendar provides a visual orientation to time and allows for a different level of engagement.
- Being oriented in time and space is important for both parents and children to feel grounded and in control.
- Tracking frustrations and solutions can help improve routines and solve problems in family life.
- Sharing and building community, as well as participating in group coaching, can provide support and valuable insights for families.
The Thriving Family Accelerator provides an easy, 3-step process to lower stress, parent as a united team, and enjoy a true friendship with your spouse & relationship with your kids. Sign up now for this live parent coaching with proven methods for positively engaging your family and redistributing the mental load.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back, parents , jordan Langdon, here with you
again.
Listen, if you have beenlistening to our podcast in
sequential order, then thisepisode is gonna be right in
line with our last few episodes,about goal setting as a family
and just how to keep goals topof mind and ways to keep your
(00:24):
goals in a position where theywill stick for the entire year.
So I've got a treat for youtoday I am just bringing some
practical Langdon family adviceto you during this episode today
, with how we simply track goalsand also how we simply identify
(00:45):
problem behaviors in ourselvesand in our kids.
So sit back, relax and enjoyjust some practical advice, some
things that you can do rightaway today to get some relief in
your family.
Okay, have you ever gone to thedoctor for a problem that's
(01:06):
been going on for months?
And of course, you can't get inright away.
And so you see the doctor andthe doctor says, well, how long
has this been going on?
And you kind of think toyourself because you aren't
feeling well that day that thishas been going on forever, right
?
And the doctor's trying to nailyou down.
(01:27):
Well, what do you mean byforever?
Oh, months, six months, twelvemonths, twenty-four months.
Give me an idea.
I don't know.
It's probably been two years.
Well, the truth is, our memoryisn't very good when it comes to
recalling dates and timeframesright, how long something has
(01:50):
actually been going on.
What it remembers is how bad wefeel right now.
And how bad we feel right nowwill cloud our answer in that
situation.
Well, listen, that happens inparenting too.
Where you're going, you knowwhat this bedtime routine stinks
.
Nights are a disaster at ourhouse.
(02:11):
You know our kids are going tobed at all different times.
There's no consistency in ourroutine.
The kids wake up cranky in themorning.
We are resentful as parentsbecause we didn't get the rest
or the unplugged time that weneeded at night, because the
kids are running amok.
And there's kids in our bed atnight and I wake up and it's not
(02:31):
my spouse, but it's two kids,and you know I have a corner of
the mattress and that's it and,like you, start getting mired
down in the muck and you thinkthis has been going on forever.
I don't even remember whenthings were better.
So, guys, I'm going to offerjust a super simple suggestion.
(02:54):
One of the things that I've beendoing for two years is, at the
beginning of the year I getmyself a new wall calendar.
Usually it's from my favoritereal estate agent who sends out
a calendar every year and I lovethe imagery on it it's of the
Colorado mountains and Coloradoscenery and I pin that calendar
(03:15):
up on my bathroom wall, rightwhere I get ready in the morning
, where I brush my teeth twice aday, and with that wall
calendar I write down just twoor three things a day to track
my behavior.
Okay, so one of the things Itrack is whether I worked out or
(03:36):
not.
I happen to work out at OrangeTheory Fitness.
I love that place.
The coaches are awesome.
You walk in, they tell you whatto do for an hour, you do it
and you leave and you're donefor the day.
And the community of the gymand the you know coaches and all
the rest of the clients whocome in there to work out is
just so inspiring.
(03:57):
And so what I will write inthat day on that little square
on my calendar is I will writeOTF, orange Theory Fitness.
Or my husband might write WOfor workout, and that's it.
If you worked out, you mark iton your calendar.
If you didn't, you leave itblank.
Another thing that personally, Iam measuring is my sleep,
(04:18):
because it really stinks.
Right now, I'm in this phase oflife, for whatever reason,
where I wake up in the middle ofthe night and I'm awake for
about two to three hours andthen I can go back to sleep, but
then I sleep for two hours andit's time to wake up.
And so I'm, you know, thinkingthis has been going on forever.
I haven't had any good sleepfor a long time.
Well, when I think like thatand my thoughts are not based in
(04:43):
reality or true measurements, Istart becoming depressed or
upset or confused about what'sgoing on and why this seems to
be lasting so long.
And so, by recording things ona calendar, I will put down 12
to 3, which means I was awakefrom midnight until 3 am, and
(05:04):
then I just move on.
I don't sit and think about whatI've recorded on my calendar, I
don't lament about it, I justsimply state the facts and
record that.
Well, listen, this is a greatthing to do for our kids too.
So at the beginning of the year, you know, our podcasts that
(05:26):
came out were talking aboutsetting family goals.
Well, our kids decided thatthey had some individual goals
they wanted to set to make newhabits stick and to really have
some more routine in theirmorning.
And so here's what I did, again, something very simple that
I've used myself that has workedfor you know me.
(05:48):
I purchased them a wall calendar, one that was all skiing snow
skiing themed for our son,lincoln he's 11.
And a horse theme calendar formy daughter, annie, who's nine,
because those are things thatthey just love.
They hung them up in theirrooms and they decided you know
(06:10):
what?
There are three things we'regoing to measure in the morning
Did we exercise?
Did we do our non-negotiables,which is brushing teeth, combing
your hair, getting dressed,making your bed and then
cleaning up after yourself atbreakfast.
And so what do they do Eachmorning?
They just make a little note ontheir wall calendar to show
(06:30):
whether they did those threethings, and they made up their
own initials for their threeitems that they want to track.
Guys, it has really kept themon track, which has made
mornings so much smoother aroundour house for everyone, which
has made mornings so muchsmoother around our house for
everyone.
(06:52):
So I just want to encourage youto, don't you know, not to get
bogged down in the complexity ofyou know to-do apps or a
certain way that you, you know,journal in this complex way
where you're tracking all thesethings.
Or, just you know, maybe you'renot tracking anything at all
and you're living in that placeI was talking about, where you
just think that this stuff hasbeen going on for a really long
(07:14):
time because it's weighing onyou so much that you know you
just have no tracking going onat all.
What I want to encourage you todo is just to keep it really
simple.
The other benefit of having acalendar, a paper calendar,
outside of our digital calendarsthat we all keep in our phone
(07:36):
and such, is that it allows youto engage with it in a different
way.
Having a paper calendar thathangs on your wall is a visual
orientation to number one, theday of the week, number two, the
date on the calendar, and thennumber three, your goals.
You can look at one monthhanging on the wall and see, did
(07:58):
I work out as many times as Iwanted to?
If not, when I flip this pageto the next calendar, to the
next month, I'm going to do morethan I did last time, maybe by
one workout.
So tracking the calendar,tracking your behaviors on the
calendar, has just a plethora ofbenefits.
Now, this is what it does foryour kids as well.
(08:20):
Kids oftentimes don't functionas in day and time kind of
thought process right.
They're just getting up andthey know it's either a school
day or it's the weekend.
Well, getting them oriented tothe day of the week, to the date
on the calendar, to the year,it's super important in helping
(08:40):
them feel grounded in reality,to feel like they have some
control over their day, thatthey know where they are in
space and time, and as atherapist, that's so important.
It's often underscored.
The importance of being oriented, and being oriented we talk
(09:01):
about in therapy is knowingwhere you are.
Could you describe where you'resitting right now, as you're
listening to this episode, tosomebody who was looking for you
?
They don't know where to findyou.
Could you tell them where youare in time and space?
Yes, I'm sitting in my officeat this address in Colorado in
(09:24):
the United States, right Like.
I know where I am, I'm able toarticulate where I am and then I
know that it's this day of theweek and this is the date and
even the time.
Looking at your watch andsaying this is what time of day
it is today, as a therapist, weteach people these orientation
(09:46):
skills so that they can bringtheir anxiety level down, so
that not in panic or feelanxious about all the unknowns.
When you yourself, as a human,know exactly where you are, what
time of day it is and what isgoing on around you, the natural
anxieties melt away because youfeel that you are in control.
(10:11):
Okay, and when I say control, Idon't mean I'm not talking oh,
you can do everything on yourown, and you are this, you know,
omni amazing human that doesn'tneed anyone else and you can
accomplish everything on yourown.
No, but it does mean that youhave some mastery over your
thoughts, over your feelings andover your actions.
(10:31):
So I want you to consider, like, what is the one thing in
family life that's reallyfrustrating me right now In our
family?
What is the one thing thatwakes me in the night, that is
bothering me?
Because we need to do some workon this.
And again, we, you know, we justfinished a couple's coaching
(10:55):
series with a group of coachcouples, excuse me, and one of
the very common, you know,frustrations of families these
days is the nighttime routine,and so what I ask people to do
is to just track on a calendarwhat happened the night that it
(11:15):
was finally good, right, justwrite down kids in bed 8.30, you
know, check like.
We all got baths, no snackingbefore bedtime or whatever it
was that happened that made thatevening good.
Write it down Now.
On the next night you mightthink that was a disaster Like
(11:37):
this was.
This did not work out.
Kids were in our bed, we didn'tget sleep in the middle of the
night.
What happened, okay, and allyou have to do is recall the
previous night.
So in the morning you wake up,you look at your calendar and
you go was it like we wanted itto go or was it pretty rough?
And no matter how it was, youwrite down on your calendar just
just what happened.
(11:57):
The facts, just the facts,ma'am, right.
And this way you're able totrack over time the reality of
what's happening in your homeand then decide what it is that
you need to do to solve theissue and improve the nighttime
routine for everyone.
So I'll give you an example.
(12:17):
Over the break we were up in themountains at a condo for a week
and what we realized is ourdaughter was really struggling
at night.
She was melting down, she wasvery tearful.
She didn't want her brothersanywhere near her.
She was getting annoyed veryeasily and she kept wanting to
(12:39):
kind of stay up a little laterand need one more thing before
going to bed.
And my husband and I were likewhat is?
What is the deal here?
This is, this is just really atorturous situation for everyone
involved, right Including her.
You could tell she was justbeside herself, almost in a
place where she felt like shecouldn't control her tearfulness
(13:03):
and her anxiety, and so we gotto thinking and looking back at
our calendar and tracking whattime are we going to bed at
night?
Well, it turns out ournine-year-old daughter has been
going to bed at the same time asour 11-year-old son and close
to our 17-year-old son, and it'slike still, it's like 8.30 at
(13:23):
night, so it doesn't seem late.
But for her little tiny bodythat is growing, she needed to
go to bed earlier than the restof us.
And it may sound like duhJordan, just give her more sleep
.
But we didn't think about itwhy?
Well, because if we're allgoing to bed around the same
time, we lumped her into thatscenario with us, and then all
(13:43):
of a sudden, you know we'rerealizing that we're upset with
her every night because of herbehavior.
Well, it wasn't her behavior,it wasn't like it came from her
herself, but it was a fact thatshe needed something she wasn't
getting.
She needed an extra hour ofsleep.
So we decided, okay, we're goingto present the idea of her
going to bed at 7.30.
And I thought, oh man, she'sgoing to bite us on this,
(14:06):
because that seems really reallyearly for her.
She gets out of gymnastics twodays a week at seven, so that
would mean, you know, grabbing asmoothie, you know, right when
she gets home, a shower andright into bed.
You guys, she was actuallythrilled Most kids wouldn't be,
I get it, but it was like,internally, she knew she was
really tired at night and theidea of a solution that we
(14:29):
supported and helped her withhas been amazing.
It has turned our eveningsaround completely.
We actually will, you know,she'll get ready for bed and
I'll take her into her room andthen call everybody into the
room and we all, kind of, youknow, hang out around her bed
and say prayers together andthen say goodnight to her, close
(14:51):
the door and she sleeps like ababy until 630 or 730 in the
morning.
Now I I realize that's notgonna be the case for everybody,
but I wanna share my storybecause you have a story too.
You have a story about somethingthat's happening in your family
right now.
That's a frustration.
It may be presenting itself inyour child's behavior which is
(15:13):
super frustrating to you.
You might be going oh my gosh,what is the deal?
This kid really needs to get ittogether or there's something
wrong with this child.
Well, you have the power withinyou and the tools within you to
observe what's going on, tomake note of it on a paper
calendar and to watch the trendsand try new things, and then
(15:35):
make note of whether those newthings are having a positive
impact, if they're making anydifference or even making the
situation worse.
This is so important, especiallywhen you go to a pediatrician
or, let's say, you're at yourwit's end and you take your
family to a family counselor andyou say, I don't know, we can't
(15:56):
get along at night.
Or you know, my spouse isundermining me and the bedtime
routine, and they don't seem tounderstand the importance of us
being on the same page and beinga united front, and so we're
here for you to help us, youknow, sort out how we can work
together as a unified team tomake the evening routine or the
(16:18):
bedtime routine work.
Well, the therapist is going tosay we're starting from scratch
, folks.
Or the pediatrician is going tosay, okay, well, how long has
this been a problem?
You're going to want to haveyour data with you.
Okay, this is going to expeditethe help that you get from the
counselor or the pediatrician oreven your own doctor when it
(16:39):
comes to monitoring your ownhealth.
My goal this year is to getinto a naturopath doctor and
show them what I've beentracking over the past two or
three months and say help, thisis not working.
I need help with my sleep, andit's going to help them.
Help me to have the data for afew months to really show and
(17:00):
give them an idea of what theyare working with here, so that
we can get the best outcome.
So just think about that.
Think about how simple it couldbe to hang a wall calendar in
your bathroom, have your kidshang one on their bathroom
mirror or somewhere that theycan see it front and center
(17:22):
every single day, and then justpick one, two or three things
that you are going to track,just to make a simple note on
the calendar to follow thesebehaviors and give you a view of
how you are doing.
You know, when we don't trackour goals or we don't track
(17:42):
symptoms, things just kind offall apart.
We don't know where we started,so it's very difficult to
understand where we want to go.
I liken it to taking a roadtrip.
If you wanted to go to, youknow, missouri, kansas City
Missouri, what would you have toknow first?
Well, what's your startingpoint?
(18:02):
Are you coming from Denver?
Are you, you know, taken out ofHouston, texas?
Where are you starting from toget to Kansas City Missouri?
Because then you'll know yourroute.
Well, the same thing goes forour goals or any problem
behaviors we have.
We have to establish a baseline.
Where are we currently?
(18:23):
How is that going?
And then, week after week, whatis happening, what is rolling
out in terms of symptoms orbehaviors that we could track
and present as evidence andfacts, versus just our feelings?
So, folks, I wanna encourage youagain grab a calendar, spend
(18:43):
some time picking one out thatyou like, or go to Google and
just put in free printablecalendar and put the month and
the year, and guess what?
You can print it today, rightnow, and just pin it up and
print a new one next month, butthat will truly help you get a
grip on what's really happeningand be able to move forward and
(19:06):
families enjoying unity.
We just absolutely are profamily all the way and want to
do everything we can to makeyour family a tighter knit team,
one that works together, whereyou don't feel like you're a
team of one doing everything foreveryone and everyone else in
the family is running their owndirections.
(19:26):
We know what that's likepersonally, and it doesn't have
to be that way.
So stay tuned for more episodesand be sure to check out our
content atfamiliesofcharactercom.
We have lots of resources thatare available to you and your
family on a free basis, a verylow cost basis, and then on a
(19:48):
deeper level with our coaching.
So I will catch you next timeon another episode of the
Families of Character show.
Take care, you guys.
You know I'm always in yourcorner.
Get some help and resolutionsaround those things.
Guys, I'm just bringing thepractical tips for you.
I'm talking to you about thingsthat my husband, josh, and I
(20:11):
have actually used Simple tools,simple strategies that help our
family on a day-to-day basis.
This isn't fancy science andresearch, and although research
supports this type of thing, I'mjust coming to you with some
real practical advice, because Iknow how hard it is, as a
(20:31):
parent who is busy running therace of the world, to really
have something that isimplementable today, and that is
always.
My goal is that the contentthat we share with you is
something that you can implementand share with others.
So thank you for always beingso gracious and sharing our
(20:53):
podcast episodes with people inyour circle.
I find that when I listen to apodcast episode one of my
favorites, by the way, is EdMilet.
I just love his podcast.
It's always so uplifting andpositive, and if I think of a
particular person after I'velistened to one of his episodes,
(21:14):
I just don't even hesitate.
I just hit that little squarewith the arrow up button on my
phone right after I listen tothe episode and forward it on to
whoever I'm thinking aboutregarding that.
So if someone has come to mindfor you while you are listening
to today's episode, please don'tjust keep this to yourself.
(21:36):
Share it with your community.
It's so important for us tobuild each other up and for us
to have community with otherlike-minded parents who want the
best for their marriages andtheir families.
You know, one of the very commonkind of comments that we get
out of our couples coaching ishow much they love the community
(21:58):
.
So our couples coaching issomething that we do in groups,
online in a Zoom platform, andthe couples commented so often
about how good it felt to knowthat they were in the company of
other parents who wanted thebest for their families but also
struggled with many of the samethings.
(22:18):
And just to hear how othercouples handle situations in
parenting and married life isjust very, very valuable more
valuable than if you just did aone-on-one with a counselor or
one-on-one coaching.
So consider group coaching,consider our couples coaching
(22:39):
series that we have going onright now.
You'll just go tofamiliesofcharactercom and hit
the shop tab to see the datesthat are available, guys,
whether you're watching onYouTube or listening on your
favorite podcast platform.
Again, thank you for beingfaithful followers of the
Families of Character show.
Welcome back, parents , jordan Langdon, here with you
again.
Listen, if you have beenlistening to our podcast in
sequential order, then thisepisode is gonna be right in
line with our last few episodes,about goal setting as a family
and just how to keep goals topof mind and ways to keep your
(00:24):
goals in a position where theywill stick for the entire year.
So I've got a treat for youtoday I am just bringing some
practical Langdon family adviceto you during this episode today
, with how we simply track goalsand also how we simply identify
(00:45):
problem behaviors in ourselvesand in our kids.
So sit back, relax and enjoyjust some practical advice, some
things that you can do rightaway today to get some relief in
your family.
Okay, have you ever gone to thedoctor for a problem that's
(01:06):
been going on for months?
And of course, you can't get inright away.
And so you see the doctor andthe doctor says, well, how long
has this been going on?
And you kind of think toyourself because you aren't
feeling well that day that thishas been going on forever, right
?
And the doctor's trying to nailyou down.
(01:27):
Well, what do you mean byforever?
Oh, months, six months, twelvemonths, twenty-four months.
Give me an idea.
I don't know.
It's probably been two years.
Well, the truth is, our memoryisn't very good when it comes to
recalling dates and timeframesright, how long something has
(01:50):
actually been going on.
What it remembers is how bad wefeel right now.
And how bad we feel right nowwill cloud our answer in that
situation.
Well, listen, that happens inparenting too.
Where you're going, you knowwhat this bedtime routine stinks
.
Nights are a disaster at ourhouse.
(02:11):
You know our kids are going tobed at all different times.
There's no consistency in ourroutine.
The kids wake up cranky in themorning.
We are resentful as parentsbecause we didn't get the rest
or the unplugged time that weneeded at night, because the
kids are running amok.
And there's kids in our bed atnight and I wake up and it's not
(02:31):
my spouse, but it's two kids,and you know I have a corner of
the mattress and that's it and,like you, start getting mired
down in the muck and you thinkthis has been going on forever.
I don't even remember whenthings were better.
So, guys, I'm going to offerjust a super simple suggestion.
(02:54):
One of the things that I've beendoing for two years is, at the
beginning of the year I getmyself a new wall calendar.
Usually it's from my favoritereal estate agent who sends out
a calendar every year and I lovethe imagery on it it's of the
Colorado mountains and Coloradoscenery and I pin that calendar
(03:15):
up on my bathroom wall, rightwhere I get ready in the morning
, where I brush my teeth twice aday, and with that wall
calendar I write down just twoor three things a day to track
my behavior.
Okay, so one of the things Itrack is whether I worked out or
(03:36):
not.
I happen to work out at OrangeTheory Fitness.
I love that place.
The coaches are awesome.
You walk in, they tell you whatto do for an hour, you do it
and you leave and you're donefor the day.
And the community of the gymand the you know coaches and all
the rest of the clients whocome in there to work out is
just so inspiring.
(03:57):
And so what I will write inthat day on that little square
on my calendar is I will writeOTF, orange Theory Fitness.
Or my husband might write WOfor workout, and that's it.
If you worked out, you mark iton your calendar.
If you didn't, you leave itblank.
Another thing that personally, Iam measuring is my sleep,
(04:18):
because it really stinks.
Right now, I'm in this phase oflife, for whatever reason,
where I wake up in the middle ofthe night and I'm awake for
about two to three hours andthen I can go back to sleep, but
then I sleep for two hours andit's time to wake up.
And so I'm, you know, thinkingthis has been going on forever.
I haven't had any good sleepfor a long time.
Well, when I think like thatand my thoughts are not based in
(04:43):
reality or true measurements, Istart becoming depressed or
upset or confused about what'sgoing on and why this seems to
be lasting so long.
And so, by recording things ona calendar, I will put down 12
to 3, which means I was awakefrom midnight until 3 am, and
(05:04):
then I just move on.
I don't sit and think about whatI've recorded on my calendar, I
don't lament about it, I justsimply state the facts and
record that.
Well, listen, this is a greatthing to do for our kids too.
So at the beginning of the year, you know, our podcasts that
(05:26):
came out were talking aboutsetting family goals.
Well, our kids decided thatthey had some individual goals
they wanted to set to make newhabits stick and to really have
some more routine in theirmorning.
And so here's what I did, again, something very simple that
I've used myself that has workedfor you know me.
(05:48):
I purchased them a wall calendar, one that was all skiing snow
skiing themed for our son,lincoln he's 11.
And a horse theme calendar formy daughter, annie, who's nine,
because those are things thatthey just love.
They hung them up in theirrooms and they decided you know
(06:10):
what?
There are three things we'regoing to measure in the morning
Did we exercise?
Did we do our non-negotiables,which is brushing teeth, combing
your hair, getting dressed,making your bed and then
cleaning up after yourself atbreakfast.
And so what do they do Eachmorning?
They just make a little note ontheir wall calendar to show
(06:30):
whether they did those threethings, and they made up their
own initials for their threeitems that they want to track.
Guys, it has really kept themon track, which has made
mornings so much smoother aroundour house for everyone, which
has made mornings so muchsmoother around our house for
everyone.
(06:52):
So I just want to encourage youto, don't you know, not to get
bogged down in the complexity ofyou know to-do apps or a
certain way that you, you know,journal in this complex way
where you're tracking all thesethings.
Or, just you know, maybe you'renot tracking anything at all
and you're living in that placeI was talking about, where you
just think that this stuff hasbeen going on for a really long
(07:14):
time because it's weighing onyou so much that you know you
just have no tracking going onat all.
What I want to encourage you todo is just to keep it really
simple.
The other benefit of having acalendar, a paper calendar,
outside of our digital calendarsthat we all keep in our phone
(07:36):
and such, is that it allows youto engage with it in a different
way.
Having a paper calendar thathangs on your wall is a visual
orientation to number one, theday of the week, number two, the
date on the calendar, and thennumber three, your goals.
You can look at one monthhanging on the wall and see, did
(07:58):
I work out as many times as Iwanted to?
If not, when I flip this pageto the next calendar, to the
next month, I'm going to do morethan I did last time, maybe by
one workout.
So tracking the calendar,tracking your behaviors on the
calendar, has just a plethora ofbenefits.
Now, this is what it does foryour kids as well.
(08:20):
Kids oftentimes don't functionas in day and time kind of
thought process right.
They're just getting up andthey know it's either a school
day or it's the weekend.
Well, getting them oriented tothe day of the week, to the date
on the calendar, to the year,it's super important in helping
(08:40):
them feel grounded in reality,to feel like they have some
control over their day, thatthey know where they are in
space and time, and as atherapist, that's so important.
It's often underscored.
The importance of being oriented, and being oriented we talk
(09:01):
about in therapy is knowingwhere you are.
Could you describe where you'resitting right now, as you're
listening to this episode, tosomebody who was looking for you
?
They don't know where to findyou.
Could you tell them where youare in time and space?
Yes, I'm sitting in my officeat this address in Colorado in
(09:24):
the United States, right Like.
I know where I am, I'm able toarticulate where I am and then I
know that it's this day of theweek and this is the date and
even the time.
Looking at your watch andsaying this is what time of day
it is today, as a therapist, weteach people these orientation
(09:46):
skills so that they can bringtheir anxiety level down, so
that not in panic or feelanxious about all the unknowns.
When you yourself, as a human,know exactly where you are, what
time of day it is and what isgoing on around you, the natural
anxieties melt away because youfeel that you are in control.
(10:11):
Okay, and when I say control, Idon't mean I'm not talking oh,
you can do everything on yourown, and you are this, you know,
omni amazing human that doesn'tneed anyone else and you can
accomplish everything on yourown.
No, but it does mean that youhave some mastery over your
thoughts, over your feelings andover your actions.
(10:31):
So I want you to consider, like, what is the one thing in
family life that's reallyfrustrating me right now In our
family?
What is the one thing thatwakes me in the night, that is
bothering me?
Because we need to do some workon this.
And again, we, you know, we justfinished a couple's coaching
(10:55):
series with a group of coachcouples, excuse me, and one of
the very common, you know,frustrations of families these
days is the nighttime routine,and so what I ask people to do
is to just track on a calendarwhat happened the night that it
(11:15):
was finally good, right, justwrite down kids in bed 8.30, you
know, check like.
We all got baths, no snackingbefore bedtime or whatever it
was that happened that made thatevening good.
Write it down Now.
On the next night you mightthink that was a disaster Like
(11:37):
this was.
This did not work out.
Kids were in our bed, we didn'tget sleep in the middle of the
night.
What happened, okay, and allyou have to do is recall the
previous night.
So in the morning you wake up,you look at your calendar and
you go was it like we wanted itto go or was it pretty rough?
And no matter how it was, youwrite down on your calendar just
just what happened.
(11:57):
The facts, just the facts,ma'am, right.
And this way you're able totrack over time the reality of
what's happening in your homeand then decide what it is that
you need to do to solve theissue and improve the nighttime
routine for everyone.
So I'll give you an example.
(12:17):
Over the break we were up in themountains at a condo for a week
and what we realized is ourdaughter was really struggling
at night.
She was melting down, she wasvery tearful.
She didn't want her brothersanywhere near her.
She was getting annoyed veryeasily and she kept wanting to
(12:39):
kind of stay up a little laterand need one more thing before
going to bed.
And my husband and I were likewhat is?
What is the deal here?
This is, this is just really atorturous situation for everyone
involved, right Including her.
You could tell she was justbeside herself, almost in a
place where she felt like shecouldn't control her tearfulness
(13:03):
and her anxiety, and so we gotto thinking and looking back at
our calendar and tracking whattime are we going to bed at
night?
Well, it turns out ournine-year-old daughter has been
going to bed at the same time asour 11-year-old son and close
to our 17-year-old son, and it'slike still, it's like 8.30 at
(13:23):
night, so it doesn't seem late.
But for her little tiny bodythat is growing, she needed to
go to bed earlier than the restof us.
And it may sound like duhJordan, just give her more sleep
.
But we didn't think about itwhy?
Well, because if we're allgoing to bed around the same
time, we lumped her into thatscenario with us, and then all
(13:43):
of a sudden, you know we'rerealizing that we're upset with
her every night because of herbehavior.
Well, it wasn't her behavior,it wasn't like it came from her
herself, but it was a fact thatshe needed something she wasn't
getting.
She needed an extra hour ofsleep.
So we decided, okay, we're goingto present the idea of her
going to bed at 7.30.
And I thought, oh man, she'sgoing to bite us on this,
(14:06):
because that seems really reallyearly for her.
She gets out of gymnastics twodays a week at seven, so that
would mean, you know, grabbing asmoothie, you know, right when
she gets home, a shower andright into bed.
You guys, she was actuallythrilled Most kids wouldn't be,
I get it, but it was like,internally, she knew she was
really tired at night and theidea of a solution that we
(14:29):
supported and helped her withhas been amazing.
It has turned our eveningsaround completely.
We actually will, you know,she'll get ready for bed and
I'll take her into her room andthen call everybody into the
room and we all, kind of, youknow, hang out around her bed
and say prayers together andthen say goodnight to her, close
(14:51):
the door and she sleeps like ababy until 630 or 730 in the
morning.
Now I I realize that's notgonna be the case for everybody,
but I wanna share my storybecause you have a story too.
You have a story about somethingthat's happening in your family
right now.
That's a frustration.
It may be presenting itself inyour child's behavior which is
(15:13):
super frustrating to you.
You might be going oh my gosh,what is the deal?
This kid really needs to get ittogether or there's something
wrong with this child.
Well, you have the power withinyou and the tools within you to
observe what's going on, tomake note of it on a paper
calendar and to watch the trendsand try new things, and then
(15:35):
make note of whether those newthings are having a positive
impact, if they're making anydifference or even making the
situation worse.
This is so important, especiallywhen you go to a pediatrician
or, let's say, you're at yourwit's end and you take your
family to a family counselor andyou say, I don't know, we can't
(15:56):
get along at night.
Or you know, my spouse isundermining me and the bedtime
routine, and they don't seem tounderstand the importance of us
being on the same page and beinga united front, and so we're
here for you to help us, youknow, sort out how we can work
together as a unified team tomake the evening routine or the
(16:18):
bedtime routine work.
Well, the therapist is going tosay we're starting from scratch
, folks.
Or the pediatrician is going tosay, okay, well, how long has
this been a problem?
You're going to want to haveyour data with you.
Okay, this is going to expeditethe help that you get from the
counselor or the pediatrician oreven your own doctor when it
(16:39):
comes to monitoring your ownhealth.
My goal this year is to getinto a naturopath doctor and
show them what I've beentracking over the past two or
three months and say help, thisis not working.
I need help with my sleep, andit's going to help them.
Help me to have the data for afew months to really show and
(17:00):
give them an idea of what theyare working with here, so that
we can get the best outcome.
So just think about that.
Think about how simple it couldbe to hang a wall calendar in
your bathroom, have your kidshang one on their bathroom
mirror or somewhere that theycan see it front and center
(17:22):
every single day, and then justpick one, two or three things
that you are going to track,just to make a simple note on
the calendar to follow thesebehaviors and give you a view of
how you are doing.
You know, when we don't trackour goals or we don't track
(17:42):
symptoms, things just kind offall apart.
We don't know where we started,so it's very difficult to
understand where we want to go.
I liken it to taking a roadtrip.
If you wanted to go to, youknow, missouri, kansas City
Missouri, what would you have toknow first?
Well, what's your startingpoint?
(18:02):
Are you coming from Denver?
Are you, you know, taken out ofHouston, texas?
Where are you starting from toget to Kansas City Missouri?
Because then you'll know yourroute.
Well, the same thing goes forour goals or any problem
behaviors we have.
We have to establish a baseline.
Where are we currently?
(18:23):
How is that going?
And then, week after week, whatis happening, what is rolling
out in terms of symptoms orbehaviors that we could track
and present as evidence andfacts, versus just our feelings?
So, folks, I wanna encourage youagain grab a calendar, spend
(18:43):
some time picking one out thatyou like, or go to Google and
just put in free printablecalendar and put the month and
the year, and guess what?
You can print it today, rightnow, and just pin it up and
print a new one next month, butthat will truly help you get a
grip on what's really happeningand be able to move forward and
(19:06):
families enjoying unity.
We just absolutely are profamily all the way and want to
do everything we can to makeyour family a tighter knit team,
one that works together, whereyou don't feel like you're a
team of one doing everything foreveryone and everyone else in
the family is running their owndirections.
(19:26):
We know what that's likepersonally, and it doesn't have
to be that way.
So stay tuned for more episodesand be sure to check out our
content atfamiliesofcharactercom.
We have lots of resources thatare available to you and your
family on a free basis, a verylow cost basis, and then on a
(19:48):
deeper level with our coaching.
So I will catch you next timeon another episode of the
Families of Character show.
Take care, you guys.
You know I'm always in yourcorner.
Get some help and resolutionsaround those things.
Guys, I'm just bringing thepractical tips for you.
I'm talking to you about thingsthat my husband, josh, and I
(20:11):
have actually used Simple tools,simple strategies that help our
family on a day-to-day basis.
This isn't fancy science andresearch, and although research
supports this type of thing, I'mjust coming to you with some
real practical advice, because Iknow how hard it is, as a
(20:31):
parent who is busy running therace of the world, to really
have something that isimplementable today, and that is
always.
My goal is that the contentthat we share with you is
something that you can implementand share with others.
So thank you for always beingso gracious and sharing our
(20:53):
podcast episodes with people inyour circle.
I find that when I listen to apodcast episode one of my
favorites, by the way, is EdMilet.
I just love his podcast.
It's always so uplifting andpositive, and if I think of a
particular person after I'velistened to one of his episodes,
(21:14):
I just don't even hesitate.
I just hit that little squarewith the arrow up button on my
phone right after I listen tothe episode and forward it on to
whoever I'm thinking aboutregarding that.
So if someone has come to mindfor you while you are listening
to today's episode, please don'tjust keep this to yourself.
(21:36):
Share it with your community.
It's so important for us tobuild each other up and for us
to have community with otherlike-minded parents who want the
best for their marriages andtheir families.
You know, one of the very commonkind of comments that we get
out of our couples coaching ishow much they love the community
(21:58):
.
So our couples coaching issomething that we do in groups,
online in a Zoom platform, andthe couples commented so often
about how good it felt to knowthat they were in the company of
other parents who wanted thebest for their families but also
struggled with many of the samethings.
(22:18):
And just to hear how othercouples handle situations in
parenting and married life isjust very, very valuable more
valuable than if you just did aone-on-one with a counselor or
one-on-one coaching.
So consider group coaching,consider our couples coaching
(22:39):
series that we have going onright now.
You'll just go tofamiliesofcharactercom and hit
the shop tab to see the datesthat are available, guys,
whether you're watching onYouTube or listening on your
favorite podcast platform.
Again, thank you for beingfaithful followers of the
Families of Character show.
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