January 21, 2025 • 23 mins
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Unlock the secrets to a harmonious and successful family life by mastering the art of goal setting and self-control. Join us as we explore how shared family objectives can transform relationships, fostering unity and teamwork rather than isolation in personal pursuits. Drawing from the insights of renowned expert Dr. Leonard Sax, we dive into why self-control is a key predictor of success, health, and happiness in children.
This podcast episode emphasizes the importance of setting shared family goals, with a significant focus on building self-control among family members. By establishing practices that foster independence, responsibility, and mindfulness, families can work together to cultivate self-discipline and unity in their daily lives.
• Discussing the concept of shared family goals
• Highlighting self-control as a predictor of success in children
• Exploring practical strategies for building self-control
• Connecting the practice of self-control to faith and family values
• Encouraging routines that promote responsibility in children
• Fostering constructive communication during family meals
• Emphasizing the importance of prioritizing responsibilities before leisure
• Celebrating self-control through intentional family traditions
• Inviting listeners to reflect on their family practices
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back parents.
We have been talking about goalsetting as a family and
organizing your family to have aweekly family huddle.
That's what we're all abouthere at Families of Character is
getting order back in the home.
Listen, team Langdon, myself,my husband and our three kids
(00:23):
have been huddling up for fiveyears.
If you've been listening, youhave had no shortage of episodes
about the family huddle.
But listen, today's episode isgoing to be more about goal
setting as a family.
Now why would it be important tohave a shared family goal?
(00:43):
Well, for one, it preventssiloing.
You know what happens in afamily.
We're all wearing the samejerseys, right?
We're on the same team.
We have the same last name onour jerseys, the same color,
we're running out on the fieldtogether, but then everyone kind
of silos off into their ownarea on the field, forgetting
(01:07):
about the rest of the players.
So mom and dad could have theirown career goals.
Kids could have a goal ofgetting A's in school or maybe
beating the next level on theirvideo game, depending on what
their interests are.
But what's really awesome aboutsetting a family goal is that
everyone in the family isworking towards something good
(01:31):
together, and that's how youform a united team.
So I want to talk about one ofthe most important goals you can
develop and work towards inyour family, and that is the
goal of everybody growing inself-control.
Okay, check this out.
(01:53):
We had Dr Leonard Sachs on ourshow.
He's been on our podcast aboutthree times and we're going to
have him come back.
He talks about how the numberone predictor of success in kids
and health and happiness istheir ability to control
themselves, the number one traityou could develop in your child
(02:15):
so that they're happy, healthyand successful Self-control.
So today I want to talk just alittle bit about how you can set
a practical goal as a family towork this muscle, the muscle of
self-control.
So I want to read to you firstthe psychology of self-control
(02:39):
so you know that self-control isso powerful.
It can help you train for amarathon, a 26-mile race right,
or.
Self-control can also stop aNetflix binge right in its
tracks, and not surprisingly,it's a topic that theologians
(03:01):
and philosophers have grappledwith for centuries, and the
field of psychology has justrecently jumped on the bandwagon
about this whole concept of theimportance of self-control.
So I want you to just listen inon this widely accepted
psychological definition ofself-control Effortful
(03:24):
regulation of the self by theself, the ability to suppress
responses in the service of ahigher goal, and that such a
choice is not automatic butrather requires conscious effort
.
So I want you to reflect onthat definition.
(03:47):
I'm going to repeat it just onemore time the definition of
self-control it's effortfulregulation of the self by the
self.
It's the ability to suppressresponses in the service of a
higher goal, and that such achoice is not automatic but it
(04:09):
requires conscious effort.
Wouldn't you agree, guys, thatif you've tried to cut out
sweets or do a dry January whereyou don't have any alcohol the
month of January, or you try totrain for a race, a running race
, a half marathon or a marathon,wouldn't you agree that it
(04:30):
takes conscious effort, that youdon't just claim a goal and say
you know what?
I'm going to just get rid ofsugar out of my diet and then
all of a sudden you look at abrownie and you think that's off
limits, that's not even achoice.
No, your body and your mind,your feeling mind, is saying you
(04:54):
would love that brownie.
Man, that would taste good,right?
So it takes a conscious effortto fight against those
temptations.
I was talking to my daughter theother day.
She was doing a virtue projectfor school and we were talking
about the virtue of temperanceor self-control, and being able
(05:16):
to regulate your passions anddesires.
And she said, mom, what do youmean, passions and desires?
I said well, you know how, onceyou start watching a show on TV
, all of a sudden you just youwant to watch the next one.
And then, oh, just another 15minutes.
She goes yes, yes, that doeshappen.
(05:36):
I said yes, we have to regulateourselves and recognize when
we've had enough and everythinginside ourselves is going to say
give me more, give me more.
She said why is it?
Why does that happen?
I said well, because when youget something exciting or good
(05:58):
going on, your brain dumps abunch of endorphins,
norepinephrine.
Your brain dumps a bunch ofendorphins, norepinephrine,
serotonin, all these feel-goodchemicals that tell you you need
to do that again.
So what we have to do is wehave to know that that is just a
process that our body and braingoes through.
(06:19):
There's nothing wrong with us,but it's just something to be
expected.
Nothing wrong with us, but it'sjust something to be expected.
If we accept that aboutourselves and say, oh man, my
body's going to tell me to do awhole bunch of things that
aren't good for me or are kindof overdosing me on the good,
and I'm going to have to fightagainst that.
(06:39):
Then we can move to the nextstep, which is what do I do when
I recognize that my mind, mybrain and my body are trying to
take over and make me indulge insomething right To do more of
something that I actually need?
So when I was talking to mydaughter about this, I said what
(07:01):
is one thing that you could askyourself when you're wanting a
little bit more of something?
She says oh, let's see, I don'tknow.
I said well, how about you askyourself how much of that have I
already had?
Have I already had a soda today?
(07:22):
Have I already watched an hourof TV?
Have I already been playing mygame for 30 minutes?
How much reading have I done?
Zero minutes in two days, okay.
So that means I've got toregulate myself and control
myself, to get back to the goodand to say no to that which does
(07:47):
not bring us true joy andhappiness.
Right, it's that temporary,fleeting feeling that we really
want to do something or needsomething.
So I love this self-control poemfor kids because it helps them
to just kind of understand theconcept of self-control a little
(08:09):
bit better.
So I want to read it to you.
It says On my finger I tied astring to help me remember an
important thing Every day.
I set a goal.
Today, my goal is self-control.
We are faced with choices everyday, choices that can go either
way.
In the end, what will youchoose?
(08:33):
To do good or make a lameexcuse?
There are some things that seemlike fun that end up wrong when
all is done.
Like times I want to touch wetpaint or stick my fingers in the
cake, but then I look down atmy string and I decide to do the
(08:59):
right thing.
My string helped me reach mygoal.
I'm glad I'm learningself-control, so I wanted to
share that with you, so that youcan share that with your kids
or grandkids.
It's a little poem about howit's our job to make choices, to
say no to those things that arenot healthy for us and to say
(09:24):
yes to those things that aregood and beautiful, right.
One of the things that we havedone in our family that has
really helped us build up thatmuscle of self-control is, as a
family, not eating any dessertsexcept on Sundays.
(09:47):
Okay, we celebrate Sundays as afeast day every Sunday.
Why?
Well, as Christians, we knowthat Jesus died on Friday, and
so oftentimes we will abstainfrom luxuries right on that day.
We won't drink alcohol or wewon't eat meat or we won't have
(10:11):
sweets on that day.
But then on Sunday, the daythat Jesus rose from the dead,
that's a party, that's acelebration, that's a reason to
feast, right?
So every Sunday is like a miniEaster, and so it's a great way,
in your family, to talk abouthow we use the virtue of
temperance.
(10:32):
Monday through Saturday, wereally control our impulses and
our desires for extra sweets andextra time on screens, and then
on Sunday we can rewardourselves with some dessert.
Now, we don't do screens on ourSundays because we like to just
(10:53):
make it a real Sabbath, right,like taking back the Sabbath.
So not doing a lot onelectronics, certainly not
working on Sundays checkingextra emails, but that's part of
self-control as adults too,right Is man?
I could just get a couplethings done on this Sunday and
that would make Monday so mucheasier at work.
(11:14):
Yes, but as Christians, we knowthe third commandment is what
Keep holy the Sabbath.
That means make it a day offaith, family and fun.
Right, we reserve work forMonday through Friday and
sometimes Saturdays, but havingthe control inside of yourself
(11:38):
as a parent to preserve Sundaysas a day of rest, as a day of
community with other families,as a day to go to church and to
talk about your faith and totake naps right To make good
food together, this is abeautiful and wonderful thing.
(11:59):
So I want to encourage you workon this goal of self-control
with your kids.
There are so many examples ofwhat you could do to work on
self-control with your kidswhere you are a unified team,
and I'm gonna list a few ofthose now.
(12:20):
The first habit you can work on,aside from limiting sugar, is
getting up on time and gettingup on your own.
Our kids have been getting upto their alarm clock since they
were five years old.
Why?
Because someone told us earlyon that this is a very important
(12:40):
habit to develop in kids, thatthey aren't dependent on their
parents to wake them up, butthat they get in a healthy habit
of waking up to their own alarmclock.
And so you can buy alarm clocksfor everyone.
Go on Amazon, it'll cometonight or tomorrow.
Buy an alarm clock that doesn'thave any fancy things on it,
(13:03):
just a simple alarm clock withthe time and a beeper or a
buzzer, right, no radio needed.
Why?
Because that's more stuff thatyou have to regulate in their
room.
Just a simple alarm clock andthen have a chat on a Sunday
about everybody setting theiralarms.
(13:24):
Go around and help your kidsset up their alarm clock in
their room and set the time thatthey're going to wake up each
morning.
Put that alarm clock across theroom where they have to get up
out of the bed and go turn itoff.
This is a beautiful habit toestablish and you will get time
back as a parent.
(13:45):
Why?
Because you're no longerrushing around trying to wake
everybody up and then going backand checking the second time to
see if they actually got up,and this gives them a sense of
control, a sense ofresponsibility, a sense of
leveling up.
You see, when we're able tocontrol ourselves first thing in
(14:09):
the morning and we want tosleep in or we want to roll back
over, but that alarm clock goesoff and we get up instead and
we turn around and we make ourbeds Guess what.
We've already said no to ourpassions and desires twice,
right?
No, I'm not going to go back tosleep and no, I'm not going to
(14:30):
leave this bed a mess.
I'm going to do the hard thingright away.
Well, imagine what this does forkids.
Over time, it builds up thisreservoir of self-control when
they get up on their own everyday, make their bed every day.
It builds up this reservoir ofself-control that pours out and
(14:52):
overflows in their teenage years.
I want to tell you, I have ateen, I have two teens, and you
need a huge pool of self-controlto pull from.
When you're a teenage boy or ateenage girl, think of all the
pressures coming at you.
If you haven't practiced, insmall ways, saying no to things,
(15:16):
then when you are a teenagerand you're in relationship with
someone or someone offers youdrugs, or someone wants to show
you pornography on their phone,right, or someone wants to talk
you into stealing something froma store You've gotta have those
muscles built up to be able tosay no to those things, so that
(15:39):
you can say yes to the thingsthat make you truly happy and
healthy.
So the alarm clock in themorning and making the bed is a
great family goal to start with.
So we got no sugar, except forSundays.
A little treat on Sundays.
We've got setting alarm clocksin everybody's bedrooms, even
(16:02):
young kids, kindergarten ageright, and getting up on time
and then making your bed.
What's another way that we canwork on self-control?
How about when you're eatingdinner, watching your impulses
when it comes to your speech?
Does everything need a comment?
(16:24):
No, not everything deserves acomment.
So we can work on listening andnot interrupting, right, when
we interrupt, we apologize andthen we get quiet again so that
the person can finish theirthoughts.
Great way to work onself-control, right?
Another way to work onself-control is through healthy
(16:48):
screen habits.
Right, are we getting on ourvideo games or binging Netflix
before we've done what we needto do?
This is a great saying to getgoing in your family to work on
self-control.
It's we do what we need to dobefore we do what we want to do.
(17:08):
Do what we need to do before wedo what we want to do.
Got to do what we need to dobefore we do what we want to do,
right?
Yes, okay, if we haven't madeour bed, we haven't done our
homework.
We're not ready to do screentime?
Right, we're not ready to goout and ride our skateboard if
we don't have our homework donefor school tomorrow, right, this
(17:30):
is self-control.
And you don't have to get allphilosophical with him and sit
him down and say we're going towork on self-control for this
whole month and every day we'regoing to check in with each
other about it.
Instead, what I'd say is heyguys, we're going to work to
regulate ourselves, to say no tothings that get us in trouble,
(17:53):
that cause us problems.
We've had too much sugar or notenough sleep, or we're getting
up on you know late and out thedoor you know 10 minutes late
every day.
Let's just work on that littleregulator button inside our
brain where, when that littledevil on our shoulder is saying,
do more, do more.
(18:14):
You should just ask for alittle bit more of that.
Or go ahead, take the nextcookie that we like, swipe them
away and say, whoa, wait aminute, we have limits and let's
just start with no dessertsexcept for Sunday.
And then let's have a Sunday,right, let's make it intentional
that we celebrate Sunday with alittle treat, okay, and so, if
(18:38):
you want to, you can engage yourkids to make some signs around
the house that positively impactyour mood and say like our goal
Sundays on Sunday, right, likeice cream Sundays on Sunday, and
that's what you're going for,you're going toward.
That's the finish line you'relooking for, versus what we're
(18:59):
deprived of, right, what we'regoing without.
But instead, hey, let's see ifwe can get six days in a row
without dessert.
Put a sticky note on the wallfor every day someone in the
family goes without havingsweets, right?
Or a sticky note on the wallevery morning for every person
(19:21):
that gets up on their alarmclock.
And then let's count them up atthe end of the week and let's
celebrate.
Parents, I would say, as aclinical counselor for 20 years
and after interviewing DrLeonard Sachs on our podcast,
self-control is something wecould work on all year long and
think of at the end of the year,looking back to be able to say
(19:47):
how you develop those muscles ofbeing able to say no to things
that you used to indulge in andto say yes to a whole bunch of
other healthy habits.
So I just want to encourage youagain focus in on self-control,
on temperance, working on thisone little bit at a time.
(20:10):
Parents, you will see that whenyour children leave the home in
their teenage years, rightafter they graduate from high
school, they go off to collegeor, in our case, our son went on
to flight school that they havethe ability to regulate their
emotions.
They have the ability toregulate what's healthy for
their bodies.
They have the ability toregulate screen time and not be
(20:35):
endlessly scrolling and skippingclasses and not going to work
and losing jobs.
They'll have those skills builtup and you'll be glad you spent
this intentional time setting aunified goal as a family to
grow in self-control.
Stay tuned to our podcast formore tips like this and check us
(20:59):
out on the socials.
We're very active on Instagramand Facebook.
We have a YouTube channel too,so if you want to share these
episodes with your friends andyour family members, send them
to your principal or your kids'teachers, right, so that they
can pass them on to otherparents.
We love to spread the messageof how you can help your family
(21:21):
thrive this year.
Take care, and we'll catch youon another episode of the
Families of Character show realsoon.
Welcome back parents.
We have been talking about goalsetting as a family and
organizing your family to have aweekly family huddle.
That's what we're all abouthere at Families of Character is
getting order back in the home.
Listen, team Langdon, myself,my husband and our three kids
(00:23):
have been huddling up for fiveyears.
If you've been listening, youhave had no shortage of episodes
about the family huddle.
But listen, today's episode isgoing to be more about goal
setting as a family.
Now why would it be important tohave a shared family goal?
(00:43):
Well, for one, it preventssiloing.
You know what happens in afamily.
We're all wearing the samejerseys, right?
We're on the same team.
We have the same last name onour jerseys, the same color,
we're running out on the fieldtogether, but then everyone kind
of silos off into their ownarea on the field, forgetting
(01:07):
about the rest of the players.
So mom and dad could have theirown career goals.
Kids could have a goal ofgetting A's in school or maybe
beating the next level on theirvideo game, depending on what
their interests are.
But what's really awesome aboutsetting a family goal is that
everyone in the family isworking towards something good
(01:31):
together, and that's how youform a united team.
So I want to talk about one ofthe most important goals you can
develop and work towards inyour family, and that is the
goal of everybody growing inself-control.
Okay, check this out.
(01:53):
We had Dr Leonard Sachs on ourshow.
He's been on our podcast aboutthree times and we're going to
have him come back.
He talks about how the numberone predictor of success in kids
and health and happiness istheir ability to control
themselves, the number one traityou could develop in your child
(02:15):
so that they're happy, healthyand successful Self-control.
So today I want to talk just alittle bit about how you can set
a practical goal as a family towork this muscle, the muscle of
self-control.
So I want to read to you firstthe psychology of self-control
(02:39):
so you know that self-control isso powerful.
It can help you train for amarathon, a 26-mile race right,
or.
Self-control can also stop aNetflix binge right in its
tracks, and not surprisingly,it's a topic that theologians
(03:01):
and philosophers have grappledwith for centuries, and the
field of psychology has justrecently jumped on the bandwagon
about this whole concept of theimportance of self-control.
So I want you to just listen inon this widely accepted
psychological definition ofself-control Effortful
(03:24):
regulation of the self by theself, the ability to suppress
responses in the service of ahigher goal, and that such a
choice is not automatic butrather requires conscious effort
.
So I want you to reflect onthat definition.
(03:47):
I'm going to repeat it just onemore time the definition of
self-control it's effortfulregulation of the self by the
self.
It's the ability to suppressresponses in the service of a
higher goal, and that such achoice is not automatic but it
(04:09):
requires conscious effort.
Wouldn't you agree, guys, thatif you've tried to cut out
sweets or do a dry January whereyou don't have any alcohol the
month of January, or you try totrain for a race, a running race
, a half marathon or a marathon,wouldn't you agree that it
(04:30):
takes conscious effort, that youdon't just claim a goal and say
you know what?
I'm going to just get rid ofsugar out of my diet and then
all of a sudden you look at abrownie and you think that's off
limits, that's not even achoice.
No, your body and your mind,your feeling mind, is saying you
(04:54):
would love that brownie.
Man, that would taste good,right?
So it takes a conscious effortto fight against those
temptations.
I was talking to my daughter theother day.
She was doing a virtue projectfor school and we were talking
about the virtue of temperanceor self-control, and being able
(05:16):
to regulate your passions anddesires.
And she said, mom, what do youmean, passions and desires?
I said well, you know how, onceyou start watching a show on TV
, all of a sudden you just youwant to watch the next one.
And then, oh, just another 15minutes.
She goes yes, yes, that doeshappen.
(05:36):
I said yes, we have to regulateourselves and recognize when
we've had enough and everythinginside ourselves is going to say
give me more, give me more.
She said why is it?
Why does that happen?
I said well, because when youget something exciting or good
(05:58):
going on, your brain dumps abunch of endorphins,
norepinephrine.
Your brain dumps a bunch ofendorphins, norepinephrine,
serotonin, all these feel-goodchemicals that tell you you need
to do that again.
So what we have to do is wehave to know that that is just a
process that our body and braingoes through.
(06:19):
There's nothing wrong with us,but it's just something to be
expected.
Nothing wrong with us, but it'sjust something to be expected.
If we accept that aboutourselves and say, oh man, my
body's going to tell me to do awhole bunch of things that
aren't good for me or are kindof overdosing me on the good,
and I'm going to have to fightagainst that.
(06:39):
Then we can move to the nextstep, which is what do I do when
I recognize that my mind, mybrain and my body are trying to
take over and make me indulge insomething right To do more of
something that I actually need?
So when I was talking to mydaughter about this, I said what
(07:01):
is one thing that you could askyourself when you're wanting a
little bit more of something?
She says oh, let's see, I don'tknow.
I said well, how about you askyourself how much of that have I
already had?
Have I already had a soda today?
(07:22):
Have I already watched an hourof TV?
Have I already been playing mygame for 30 minutes?
How much reading have I done?
Zero minutes in two days, okay.
So that means I've got toregulate myself and control
myself, to get back to the goodand to say no to that which does
(07:47):
not bring us true joy andhappiness.
Right, it's that temporary,fleeting feeling that we really
want to do something or needsomething.
So I love this self-control poemfor kids because it helps them
to just kind of understand theconcept of self-control a little
(08:09):
bit better.
So I want to read it to you.
It says On my finger I tied astring to help me remember an
important thing Every day.
I set a goal.
Today, my goal is self-control.
We are faced with choices everyday, choices that can go either
way.
In the end, what will youchoose?
(08:33):
To do good or make a lameexcuse?
There are some things that seemlike fun that end up wrong when
all is done.
Like times I want to touch wetpaint or stick my fingers in the
cake, but then I look down atmy string and I decide to do the
(08:59):
right thing.
My string helped me reach mygoal.
I'm glad I'm learningself-control, so I wanted to
share that with you, so that youcan share that with your kids
or grandkids.
It's a little poem about howit's our job to make choices, to
say no to those things that arenot healthy for us and to say
(09:24):
yes to those things that aregood and beautiful, right.
One of the things that we havedone in our family that has
really helped us build up thatmuscle of self-control is, as a
family, not eating any dessertsexcept on Sundays.
(09:47):
Okay, we celebrate Sundays as afeast day every Sunday.
Why?
Well, as Christians, we knowthat Jesus died on Friday, and
so oftentimes we will abstainfrom luxuries right on that day.
We won't drink alcohol or wewon't eat meat or we won't have
(10:11):
sweets on that day.
But then on Sunday, the daythat Jesus rose from the dead,
that's a party, that's acelebration, that's a reason to
feast, right?
So every Sunday is like a miniEaster, and so it's a great way,
in your family, to talk abouthow we use the virtue of
temperance.
(10:32):
Monday through Saturday, wereally control our impulses and
our desires for extra sweets andextra time on screens, and then
on Sunday we can rewardourselves with some dessert.
Now, we don't do screens on ourSundays because we like to just
(10:53):
make it a real Sabbath, right,like taking back the Sabbath.
So not doing a lot onelectronics, certainly not
working on Sundays checkingextra emails, but that's part of
self-control as adults too,right Is man?
I could just get a couplethings done on this Sunday and
that would make Monday so mucheasier at work.
(11:14):
Yes, but as Christians, we knowthe third commandment is what
Keep holy the Sabbath.
That means make it a day offaith, family and fun.
Right, we reserve work forMonday through Friday and
sometimes Saturdays, but havingthe control inside of yourself
(11:38):
as a parent to preserve Sundaysas a day of rest, as a day of
community with other families,as a day to go to church and to
talk about your faith and totake naps right To make good
food together, this is abeautiful and wonderful thing.
(11:59):
So I want to encourage you workon this goal of self-control
with your kids.
There are so many examples ofwhat you could do to work on
self-control with your kidswhere you are a unified team,
and I'm gonna list a few ofthose now.
(12:20):
The first habit you can work on,aside from limiting sugar, is
getting up on time and gettingup on your own.
Our kids have been getting upto their alarm clock since they
were five years old.
Why?
Because someone told us earlyon that this is a very important
(12:40):
habit to develop in kids, thatthey aren't dependent on their
parents to wake them up, butthat they get in a healthy habit
of waking up to their own alarmclock.
And so you can buy alarm clocksfor everyone.
Go on Amazon, it'll cometonight or tomorrow.
Buy an alarm clock that doesn'thave any fancy things on it,
(13:03):
just a simple alarm clock withthe time and a beeper or a
buzzer, right, no radio needed.
Why?
Because that's more stuff thatyou have to regulate in their
room.
Just a simple alarm clock andthen have a chat on a Sunday
about everybody setting theiralarms.
(13:24):
Go around and help your kidsset up their alarm clock in
their room and set the time thatthey're going to wake up each
morning.
Put that alarm clock across theroom where they have to get up
out of the bed and go turn itoff.
This is a beautiful habit toestablish and you will get time
back as a parent.
(13:45):
Why?
Because you're no longerrushing around trying to wake
everybody up and then going backand checking the second time to
see if they actually got up,and this gives them a sense of
control, a sense ofresponsibility, a sense of
leveling up.
You see, when we're able tocontrol ourselves first thing in
(14:09):
the morning and we want tosleep in or we want to roll back
over, but that alarm clock goesoff and we get up instead and
we turn around and we make ourbeds Guess what.
We've already said no to ourpassions and desires twice,
right?
No, I'm not going to go back tosleep and no, I'm not going to
(14:30):
leave this bed a mess.
I'm going to do the hard thingright away.
Well, imagine what this does forkids.
Over time, it builds up thisreservoir of self-control when
they get up on their own everyday, make their bed every day.
It builds up this reservoir ofself-control that pours out and
(14:52):
overflows in their teenage years.
I want to tell you, I have ateen, I have two teens, and you
need a huge pool of self-controlto pull from.
When you're a teenage boy or ateenage girl, think of all the
pressures coming at you.
If you haven't practiced, insmall ways, saying no to things,
(15:16):
then when you are a teenagerand you're in relationship with
someone or someone offers youdrugs, or someone wants to show
you pornography on their phone,right, or someone wants to talk
you into stealing something froma store You've gotta have those
muscles built up to be able tosay no to those things, so that
(15:39):
you can say yes to the thingsthat make you truly happy and
healthy.
So the alarm clock in themorning and making the bed is a
great family goal to start with.
So we got no sugar, except forSundays.
A little treat on Sundays.
We've got setting alarm clocksin everybody's bedrooms, even
(16:02):
young kids, kindergarten ageright, and getting up on time
and then making your bed.
What's another way that we canwork on self-control?
How about when you're eatingdinner, watching your impulses
when it comes to your speech?
Does everything need a comment?
(16:24):
No, not everything deserves acomment.
So we can work on listening andnot interrupting, right, when
we interrupt, we apologize andthen we get quiet again so that
the person can finish theirthoughts.
Great way to work onself-control, right?
Another way to work onself-control is through healthy
(16:48):
screen habits.
Right, are we getting on ourvideo games or binging Netflix
before we've done what we needto do?
This is a great saying to getgoing in your family to work on
self-control.
It's we do what we need to dobefore we do what we want to do.
(17:08):
Do what we need to do before wedo what we want to do.
Got to do what we need to dobefore we do what we want to do,
right?
Yes, okay, if we haven't madeour bed, we haven't done our
homework.
We're not ready to do screentime?
Right, we're not ready to goout and ride our skateboard if
we don't have our homework donefor school tomorrow, right, this
(17:30):
is self-control.
And you don't have to get allphilosophical with him and sit
him down and say we're going towork on self-control for this
whole month and every day we'regoing to check in with each
other about it.
Instead, what I'd say is heyguys, we're going to work to
regulate ourselves, to say no tothings that get us in trouble,
(17:53):
that cause us problems.
We've had too much sugar or notenough sleep, or we're getting
up on you know late and out thedoor you know 10 minutes late
every day.
Let's just work on that littleregulator button inside our
brain where, when that littledevil on our shoulder is saying,
do more, do more.
(18:14):
You should just ask for alittle bit more of that.
Or go ahead, take the nextcookie that we like, swipe them
away and say, whoa, wait aminute, we have limits and let's
just start with no dessertsexcept for Sunday.
And then let's have a Sunday,right, let's make it intentional
that we celebrate Sunday with alittle treat, okay, and so, if
(18:38):
you want to, you can engage yourkids to make some signs around
the house that positively impactyour mood and say like our goal
Sundays on Sunday, right, likeice cream Sundays on Sunday, and
that's what you're going for,you're going toward.
That's the finish line you'relooking for, versus what we're
(18:59):
deprived of, right, what we'regoing without.
But instead, hey, let's see ifwe can get six days in a row
without dessert.
Put a sticky note on the wallfor every day someone in the
family goes without havingsweets, right?
Or a sticky note on the wallevery morning for every person
(19:21):
that gets up on their alarmclock.
And then let's count them up atthe end of the week and let's
celebrate.
Parents, I would say, as aclinical counselor for 20 years
and after interviewing DrLeonard Sachs on our podcast,
self-control is something wecould work on all year long and
think of at the end of the year,looking back to be able to say
(19:47):
how you develop those muscles ofbeing able to say no to things
that you used to indulge in andto say yes to a whole bunch of
other healthy habits.
So I just want to encourage youagain focus in on self-control,
on temperance, working on thisone little bit at a time.
(20:10):
Parents, you will see that whenyour children leave the home in
their teenage years, rightafter they graduate from high
school, they go off to collegeor, in our case, our son went on
to flight school that they havethe ability to regulate their
emotions.
They have the ability toregulate what's healthy for
their bodies.
They have the ability toregulate screen time and not be
(20:35):
endlessly scrolling and skippingclasses and not going to work
and losing jobs.
They'll have those skills builtup and you'll be glad you spent
this intentional time setting aunified goal as a family to
grow in self-control.
Stay tuned to our podcast formore tips like this and check us
(20:59):
out on the socials.
We're very active on Instagramand Facebook.
We have a YouTube channel too,so if you want to share these
episodes with your friends andyour family members, send them
to your principal or your kids'teachers, right, so that they
can pass them on to otherparents.
We love to spread the messageof how you can help your family
(21:21):
thrive this year.
Take care, and we'll catch youon another episode of the
Families of Character show realsoon.
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