February 11, 2025 • 22 mins
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Feeling overwhelmed as a parent and noticing that it's impacting your marriage? You're not alone.
Parenting can often overshadow the vital need for marital connection, leading to burnout and distorted relationships. The episode emphasizes the importance of prioritizing time with a spouse, encouraging parents to foster independence in their children and maintain a nurturing bond with their partner.
• Recognizing the need for in-person connections
• Parenting creates stress and impacts marital relationships
• Importance of allowing children to learn at their own pace
• Navigating anxieties around caregiving and date nights
• Strengthening marriage through intentional planning
• Leveraging resources for children’s responsibilities
• Concluding encouragement for parents to take decisive action
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back.
Parent friends.
Jordan Langdon here and I havebeen out and about in the
community here around Denver andit has been such a joy to see
you all face-to-face.
I'm a face-to-face person.
I prefer face-to-face contact.
The last two years just starvedme of that social connection
(00:23):
and may have starved you too.
So reach out to me.
If you want to meet up forcoffee, I'll buy you a cup of
coffee.
Let's talk parenting and goabout our business.
Man, there's just no substitutefor in-person conversations and
I've got to tell you I've beenmeeting with some moms in
(00:45):
particular who have young kids,and it really prompted this
episode because I remember whenI was a mom of young kids and it
can be pretty stressful.
I mean, if you think about it,when you first have children,
especially from the mother'sperspective, your kids are
(01:06):
really dependent on you.
They're dependent on you fortheir food, for nurturing, for
everything.
Really.
They're not able to contributeuntil they start crawling and
are able to open cupboard doorsfor you or get something and
hand it to you.
(01:27):
And the interesting thing aboutthat phase is that once our
kids start doing that becauseit's a new skill and they
haven't mastered it it's like weare impatient with them, right,
and we don't have the time tohelp them open the door all the
way or take three minutes to sitdown and like pass a ball back
(01:52):
and forth, and even a lot oftimes we just kind of hurry them
along.
As a matter of fact, I rememberwhen our son was in Montessori
school.
One of the main tips that theygave us was to slow down as
parents.
They said however fast yourchild is walking when you're
(02:14):
holding their hand, walk thesame speed.
Do not make them run to keep upwith your walking pace.
They need to have you by theirside at their pace in order to
master this skill.
And same thing with pouring acup of rice from one measuring
(02:35):
cup to a bowl.
Right, let them do that attheir own pace.
But as parents, and specificallyin my situation, I was working,
my husband was working and wewere going from one thing to the
next, and so I'd find myselfgetting impatient not upset with
a child, but impatient withmyself, I think like I've
(02:57):
overscheduled myself and now Ican't do this the way I want to
with this child.
So maybe next time I'll go hispace.
For now we got to just getgoing, so I'd kind of swoop him
up and carry him out to the carand off we would go.
It was me tying his shoes, meputting his toys back in the bin
and really robbing him from theexperience of learning how to
(03:21):
do that himself at such a youngage.
But then what I was thinking isit's interesting because that
next time I'll do it.
Their pace just really nevercomes If we start taking those
responsibilities away from themat that young age.
At one or two they just stoptrying, and so then they expect
(03:43):
us to pick up the toys everytime they make a mess, they
expect us to pick up theirdishes and put them in the sink
after they've eaten, and you canjust imagine how this plays out
.
Five years, 10 years, all of asudden ready to leave the nest,
and they're still being doted onand cared for and are having
(04:06):
things given to them that theycould have done a long time ago
on their own.
So my point in bringing this upis that what happens to us as
parents doing that is that ourmarital relationship suffers.
And why do I say that?
Well, because in my case I wasthe one kind of doing it all for
(04:31):
everyone.
We have three kids.
I'm picking up after everyone,I'm packing bags for sports
practices, I'm cooking, cleaningup, and it goes on day after
day.
Well, my husband, he's working,he's trying to earn a living.
He's also trying to pitch inaround the house and do things.
(04:51):
But because I'm so stressed,because I am so burnt out and I
am doing a job of four or fivepeople plus my work, I begin to
have this vision that becomesblurred.
And so when I glance at myspouse, my beloved that I chose
(05:13):
to spend the rest of my lifewith, I chose to be the father
of my children.
He chose me he becomes blurry.
I look at him, I glance at himand I can barely see him.
Look at him, I glance at himand I can barely see him.
And it's because of this stress, it's because of the overwhelm,
it's because I am runningmyself ragged, doing everything
(05:34):
for everyone.
He is looking at me in this way, that man.
I miss my wife.
I see her busying about thehouse.
I see her doing things for ourchildren.
I know our children can do themthemselves, but my wife keeps
telling me she's got it right.
(05:56):
When I try to ask her how I canhelp or suggest, I remember so
many times him suggesting orsuggest.
I remember so many times himsuggesting ways of modeling for
our children how they could dothings on their own.
And in this sort of you knowsnort, of you know frustration,
(06:22):
I'd be like and who has time forthat?
I don't have time to teach themto clean their room, like I do
not have a spare moment in myday to do that.
Like that sounds good, but it'sgoing to again, it's going to
have to happen later and then hewould just sort of back down.
Well, why would he back down?
What man is going to reallypress and argue with his wife
about this thing?
You might bring it up again orinsist, and if you do, that's
(06:46):
great.
But most men are not going tochallenge their spouse.
If their spouse says I've gotit, I'm good, okay, then I'm
going to back down and allow youto continue doing what you're
doing.
Well, shoot, I burnt myself outquick and then all of a sudden
it's like I don't even haveaccess visual access to my
(07:08):
husband.
We always talk about joke inparenting when we meet up like,
oh yeah, are you in that phaseof being two ships passing in
the night?
And it's like everyone cantotally relate to that and most
couples if I'm, you know, reallyletting you know what I'm
hearing out there in thecommunity they will say we're
two ships passing in the night,not just for five years of their
(07:31):
parenting, but for like 20.
Your life is short.
We have a very limited time tolive this life and we have a
very limited number of yearswith our kids and with our
spouse.
So if I could go back and tellmyself as a younger parent, give
(07:53):
myself some advice that I thinkwould dramatically change my
relationship with my kids and myspouse, it would be to be more
intentional about helping mychildren become independent with
their responsibilities and atthe same time, prioritize date
(08:17):
night and intentional time withmy spouse.
What I would do is I would focusmost of my efforts when my kids
were really small onstrengthening my marriage, and I
know that might be hard forsome of you to hear like, yeah,
but when your kids are so littleyou need them.
And you know I hear a lot ofmothers say hey, but I just
(08:41):
can't leave them.
I can't leave them with ababysitter, I can't leave them
with my parents.
Yet I have all this anxietyabout leaving them.
And what I would say is that isnatural.
It's natural to feel a tug atyour heart when you're letting
something go or giving the careof your child over to someone
(09:03):
else, especially when it's a newexperience.
And so I would say expectanxiety, expect the first three
dates you go on with yourhusband, when you have a new
baby at home or three underthree at home, to be just going
out and just going through themotions, Like I wouldn't put
(09:24):
much stock into it, being thisintimate, romantic, amazing,
sweep you off your feet type ofdate.
Right To be realistic, the firstfew times you leave your kids
in the care of someone else, youare just going through the
motions with your spouse.
And I would say to husbands orif it's the other way around,
(09:46):
where dad is the one anxiousabout leaving them with someone,
maybe because of his ownchildhood experience or some
trauma he had as a child, Iwould just suggest that the
other spouse really give a lotof grace to those first couple
dates, because you're justtrying to get into a new habit.
You're just, you know, goinginto territory that is just
(10:08):
uncharted, it's brand new to you, so it would make perfect sense
for it to be a difficult thing,but don't let that stop you
from participating inintentional time with your
spouse.
There have been so many timesin my relationship with my
spouse where we have buttedheads about how he is just
(10:34):
wanting to go out with me.
He wants to take me on a dateand I'm always giving him
excuses.
That's the bottom line.
If I'm being honest, I'm sayingI don't have time, I can't
think about that right now.
How could you think about adate when all I'm thinking about
(10:55):
is scheduling this pediatricianfollow-up?
Like there's too much going onhere.
I can't even imagine going outto dinner.
If I was to go back 14 years ago, I would tell myself get
through those first couple dateswhen you take the kid somewhere
(11:17):
else and just sit through thetime with your spouse and
congratulate yourselves fordoing something tough, for
leaving your child with someoneelse, and then put it on your
calendar once a week to dosomething away from your
children.
Week to do something away fromyour children, whether it's
(11:42):
walking at a park, going to getfast food together, going out
for a great glass of wine,having coffee on a Saturday
morning at a coffee shop Okay,if you neglect your marriage
when your children are little,there is an exponentially large
percentage chance that you aregoing to get divorced.
(12:03):
If you pour all of your timeand attention into your children
and that lens, that foggy lens,stays, there where you cannot
see your spouse, you cannot seetheir needs and you are not
filling their needs, yourrelationship could be doomed.
And again, I say that fromexperience.
(12:25):
We've had many, you know,quarrels about this where I
understand what he's saying.
Man, I want to date you.
Man, I want to be with you.
Man, I need time with you, awayfrom our kids.
There's never any uninterruptedtime, but I can't seem to push
through my own dependency withmy children in order to see him
(12:47):
clearly.
Okay, I will say that for Joshand I once we started scheduling
date nights, and I don't meansitting down saying, okay, let's
go on a date this Friday, yes,that's a start.
What I mean is literallysitting down with our calendar
and saying, okay, the thirdFriday of every month is date
(13:10):
night, like no matter what.
We're locking it down on thecalendar.
He would be in charge ofscheduling where we're going to
go and what we're going to do,unless I had some request, and
then he would honor that.
But he took that burden off ofme too.
As his wife right, he knows,I'm already stressed with the
(13:31):
kids.
I've got a lot that I justthink about on a regular basis.
So he says you tell me the dayof the month that you wanna do
this.
Okay, third Friday of the month, I'll lock it down on our
calendar and then, as it getsclose to that date, I'm going to
suggest two things Perfect.
You know why I like two things.
(13:54):
I don't like a lot of choices.
I make a lot of decisions in mylife every day, for myself, for
the kids, for our household.
Give me two choices that haveworked for us in the past and
I'll choose one from those two.
Make the reservations, make iteasy for me to participate in
(14:15):
the day.
I will take care of the daycare, finding somebody that I'm
comfortable with, and if youwant to help with that and we
agree that that works let's doit.
But putting it on the calendarand then making it a
non-negotiable Okay, that meansif your kid gets sick, maybe you
have a backup plan you say okay, if they're sick on that date
(14:37):
night, we're going two dayslater on Sunday night, and
that's just how it works.
So if our Friday doesn't work,sunday, we got to make it up.
But then you get in that habitof making your marriage a
priority, having focused,intentional time together, away
from your children, and yourbond grows closer and closer.
(14:59):
It's so important for us asparents to prioritize our
relationship.
We are the ones who startedthis family together and, again,
we chose each other.
We didn't specifically chooseour child.
We chose to have a child, butwe didn't choose what type of
child they would be, what theylooked like.
(15:20):
But if you think about marriage,you chose your spouse and your
spouse chose you.
It's different than arelationship with a sibling,
right?
You didn't choose your brother,you didn't choose your sister,
that best friend you've chosenfor yourself to live out the
rest of your days.
Isn't that how you keepfriendships going?
(15:45):
It's not just by saying, hey,you're my friend, let's just be
friends.
No, that doesn't work with yourfriend.
If you say let's be friends butyou don't spend any time with
your friend, they find anotherfriend, they move on.
They have to.
They're not getting theirsocial needs met.
Well, what's different about ourmarriage when we commit to our
(16:08):
spouse and say I choose you tobe my life partner, I choose you
to be the father of my children, the mother of my children.
If we do not prioritize thatrelationship, we can expect for
it to dissolve.
No one wants that.
No divorced person raises theirhand and says you know, when I
signed on to marry this person,I actually knew I was going to
(16:30):
divorce them.
I mean, very few people wouldever say that Nobody wants
divorce, but it happens.
So I want to encourage you, asdifficult as it is, at least
have a conversation with yourspouse about the idea of
reprioritizing your relationship, even if it feels like it's
(16:56):
backwards.
Even if, as a mom, you're going.
I can't do that.
I can't imagine thinking of myspouse over my child for one
evening a week.
Even if that's hard, even ifyou think it's not possible, I
want you to commit to each otherthat you're going to try it.
(17:16):
And if you have been listeningand you have older children and
are beating yourself up saying,man, we should have done this,
it's not too late, it's not toolate, it's not too late.
It's never too late toreprioritize your spousal
relationship.
Do it today.
Get your calendar out, sit down, commit to the next six months
(17:38):
one date a month.
If you already do that amp itup once a week.
You think that's like reallyfrivolous.
It's not.
This is so important.
Your children thrive when yourrelationship with your spouse is
one filled with joy and lovethat they can see and experience
.
So it is so much more worth itthan the one little extra thing
(18:03):
that you're going to do for yourkids around the house, like
tidy their toy room for the 14thtime that day, I would tell
myself forget about that.
Our house can be a little bitdirtier, a little bit messier.
For me to have a solidrelationship with my spouse, for
me to break through some of myown barriers so that I can
(18:24):
nurture a lifelong relationshipthat I chose, make the
commitment today.
Life is short.
Our parenting time with ourchildren is short.
We need to make the time countthat we have with them, where we
are setting our kids up to besuccessful in taking care of
(18:44):
themselves.
Now listen on our website atfamiliesofcharactercom, you can
go to our shop.
We have laminated toddlerfive-star days checklist.
So if you have little kids thatyou want to start tidying up
their room, cleaning up afterthemselves when they have
breakfast or even making theirbed, we have a pictorial
(19:06):
laminated five star dayschecklist.
So grab one of those, put it upon the wall, have them do their
task and cross it out with adry erase marker.
It makes a difference andyou'll see the joy grow in them
when they start taking backresponsibility for some of the
things that you have done.
Another great resource we haveis the Five Star Days Family
(19:30):
Pack.
If you want that checklistinstantly, today, go to our
website and download the FiveStar Days Family Pack.
It has morning and eveningroutines and checklists for both
you as the parent and them as achild, to really get everybody
on the same page, pitching in,helping out, taking care of
(19:52):
themselves.
So that again, it will give you, as a couple, time back for
your relationship.
And sign up for our weeklyemail newsletters, if you aren't
getting those already.
The week that this particularepisode launched, we sent out
some conversation starters fordate night to get you refocused
(20:14):
on your relationship when youstart making that date night a
priority.
Sometimes, if you're not usedto it, it's difficult to know
where to even start in aconversation when you go out
with your spouse.
It's been so long since you'vehad uninterrupted time.
So if you're signed up for ouremails, you're going to get this
free resource every week thatgoes along with these podcast
(20:34):
episodes.
You can go tofamiliesofcharactercom and put
in your email address to receivethese newsletters.
Listen, parents, I don't wantyou saying, man, if I could have
gone back and and done thingsdifferent.
You have a chance and anopportunity right now to make a
difference in your marriage andfamily life, prioritizing your
(20:59):
relationships.
So take action today.
Join us in our private Facebookgroup called the Thrive
Community by Families ofCharacter and, like I said at
the beginning, hit me up.
I'll buy you a cup of coffeeand talk parenting with you.
Okay, let's get to know eachother.
Let's we want to know so muchabout what you're going through
(21:20):
in your family life so that wecan produce resources that are
truly helpful for you.
That is our mission here atFamilies of Character.
You guys take care of yourrelationships, prioritize what
matters, and I'm going to circleback with you on the next
episode, jordan Langdon signingoff.
Welcome back.
Parent friends.
Jordan Langdon here and I havebeen out and about in the
community here around Denver andit has been such a joy to see
you all face-to-face.
I'm a face-to-face person.
I prefer face-to-face contact.
The last two years just starvedme of that social connection
(00:23):
and may have starved you too.
So reach out to me.
If you want to meet up forcoffee, I'll buy you a cup of
coffee.
Let's talk parenting and goabout our business.
Man, there's just no substitutefor in-person conversations and
I've got to tell you I've beenmeeting with some moms in
(00:45):
particular who have young kids,and it really prompted this
episode because I remember whenI was a mom of young kids and it
can be pretty stressful.
I mean, if you think about it,when you first have children,
especially from the mother'sperspective, your kids are
(01:06):
really dependent on you.
They're dependent on you fortheir food, for nurturing, for
everything.
Really.
They're not able to contributeuntil they start crawling and
are able to open cupboard doorsfor you or get something and
hand it to you.
(01:27):
And the interesting thing aboutthat phase is that once our
kids start doing that becauseit's a new skill and they
haven't mastered it it's like weare impatient with them, right,
and we don't have the time tohelp them open the door all the
way or take three minutes to sitdown and like pass a ball back
(01:52):
and forth, and even a lot oftimes we just kind of hurry them
along.
As a matter of fact, I rememberwhen our son was in Montessori
school.
One of the main tips that theygave us was to slow down as
parents.
They said however fast yourchild is walking when you're
(02:14):
holding their hand, walk thesame speed.
Do not make them run to keep upwith your walking pace.
They need to have you by theirside at their pace in order to
master this skill.
And same thing with pouring acup of rice from one measuring
(02:35):
cup to a bowl.
Right, let them do that attheir own pace.
But as parents, and specificallyin my situation, I was working,
my husband was working and wewere going from one thing to the
next, and so I'd find myselfgetting impatient not upset with
a child, but impatient withmyself, I think like I've
(02:57):
overscheduled myself and now Ican't do this the way I want to
with this child.
So maybe next time I'll go hispace.
For now we got to just getgoing, so I'd kind of swoop him
up and carry him out to the carand off we would go.
It was me tying his shoes, meputting his toys back in the bin
and really robbing him from theexperience of learning how to
(03:21):
do that himself at such a youngage.
But then what I was thinking isit's interesting because that
next time I'll do it.
Their pace just really nevercomes If we start taking those
responsibilities away from themat that young age.
At one or two they just stoptrying, and so then they expect
(03:43):
us to pick up the toys everytime they make a mess, they
expect us to pick up theirdishes and put them in the sink
after they've eaten, and you canjust imagine how this plays out
.
Five years, 10 years, all of asudden ready to leave the nest,
and they're still being doted onand cared for and are having
(04:06):
things given to them that theycould have done a long time ago
on their own.
So my point in bringing this upis that what happens to us as
parents doing that is that ourmarital relationship suffers.
And why do I say that?
Well, because in my case I wasthe one kind of doing it all for
(04:31):
everyone.
We have three kids.
I'm picking up after everyone,I'm packing bags for sports
practices, I'm cooking, cleaningup, and it goes on day after
day.
Well, my husband, he's working,he's trying to earn a living.
He's also trying to pitch inaround the house and do things.
(04:51):
But because I'm so stressed,because I am so burnt out and I
am doing a job of four or fivepeople plus my work, I begin to
have this vision that becomesblurred.
And so when I glance at myspouse, my beloved that I chose
(05:13):
to spend the rest of my lifewith, I chose to be the father
of my children.
He chose me he becomes blurry.
I look at him, I glance at himand I can barely see him.
Look at him, I glance at himand I can barely see him.
And it's because of this stress, it's because of the overwhelm,
it's because I am runningmyself ragged, doing everything
(05:34):
for everyone.
He is looking at me in this way, that man.
I miss my wife.
I see her busying about thehouse.
I see her doing things for ourchildren.
I know our children can do themthemselves, but my wife keeps
telling me she's got it right.
(05:56):
When I try to ask her how I canhelp or suggest, I remember so
many times him suggesting orsuggest.
I remember so many times himsuggesting ways of modeling for
our children how they could dothings on their own.
And in this sort of you knowsnort, of you know frustration,
(06:22):
I'd be like and who has time forthat?
I don't have time to teach themto clean their room, like I do
not have a spare moment in myday to do that.
Like that sounds good, but it'sgoing to again, it's going to
have to happen later and then hewould just sort of back down.
Well, why would he back down?
What man is going to reallypress and argue with his wife
about this thing?
You might bring it up again orinsist, and if you do, that's
(06:46):
great.
But most men are not going tochallenge their spouse.
If their spouse says I've gotit, I'm good, okay, then I'm
going to back down and allow youto continue doing what you're
doing.
Well, shoot, I burnt myself outquick and then all of a sudden
it's like I don't even haveaccess visual access to my
(07:08):
husband.
We always talk about joke inparenting when we meet up like,
oh yeah, are you in that phaseof being two ships passing in
the night?
And it's like everyone cantotally relate to that and most
couples if I'm, you know, reallyletting you know what I'm
hearing out there in thecommunity they will say we're
two ships passing in the night,not just for five years of their
(07:31):
parenting, but for like 20.
Your life is short.
We have a very limited time tolive this life and we have a
very limited number of yearswith our kids and with our
spouse.
So if I could go back and tellmyself as a younger parent, give
(07:53):
myself some advice that I thinkwould dramatically change my
relationship with my kids and myspouse, it would be to be more
intentional about helping mychildren become independent with
their responsibilities and atthe same time, prioritize date
(08:17):
night and intentional time withmy spouse.
What I would do is I would focusmost of my efforts when my kids
were really small onstrengthening my marriage, and I
know that might be hard forsome of you to hear like, yeah,
but when your kids are so littleyou need them.
And you know I hear a lot ofmothers say hey, but I just
(08:41):
can't leave them.
I can't leave them with ababysitter, I can't leave them
with my parents.
Yet I have all this anxietyabout leaving them.
And what I would say is that isnatural.
It's natural to feel a tug atyour heart when you're letting
something go or giving the careof your child over to someone
(09:03):
else, especially when it's a newexperience.
And so I would say expectanxiety, expect the first three
dates you go on with yourhusband, when you have a new
baby at home or three underthree at home, to be just going
out and just going through themotions, Like I wouldn't put
(09:24):
much stock into it, being thisintimate, romantic, amazing,
sweep you off your feet type ofdate.
Right To be realistic, the firstfew times you leave your kids
in the care of someone else, youare just going through the
motions with your spouse.
And I would say to husbands orif it's the other way around,
(09:46):
where dad is the one anxiousabout leaving them with someone,
maybe because of his ownchildhood experience or some
trauma he had as a child, Iwould just suggest that the
other spouse really give a lotof grace to those first couple
dates, because you're justtrying to get into a new habit.
You're just, you know, goinginto territory that is just
(10:08):
uncharted, it's brand new to you, so it would make perfect sense
for it to be a difficult thing,but don't let that stop you
from participating inintentional time with your
spouse.
There have been so many timesin my relationship with my
spouse where we have buttedheads about how he is just
(10:34):
wanting to go out with me.
He wants to take me on a dateand I'm always giving him
excuses.
That's the bottom line.
If I'm being honest, I'm sayingI don't have time, I can't
think about that right now.
How could you think about adate when all I'm thinking about
(10:55):
is scheduling this pediatricianfollow-up?
Like there's too much going onhere.
I can't even imagine going outto dinner.
If I was to go back 14 years ago, I would tell myself get
through those first couple dateswhen you take the kid somewhere
(11:17):
else and just sit through thetime with your spouse and
congratulate yourselves fordoing something tough, for
leaving your child with someoneelse, and then put it on your
calendar once a week to dosomething away from your
children.
Week to do something away fromyour children, whether it's
(11:42):
walking at a park, going to getfast food together, going out
for a great glass of wine,having coffee on a Saturday
morning at a coffee shop Okay,if you neglect your marriage
when your children are little,there is an exponentially large
percentage chance that you aregoing to get divorced.
(12:03):
If you pour all of your timeand attention into your children
and that lens, that foggy lens,stays, there where you cannot
see your spouse, you cannot seetheir needs and you are not
filling their needs, yourrelationship could be doomed.
And again, I say that fromexperience.
(12:25):
We've had many, you know,quarrels about this where I
understand what he's saying.
Man, I want to date you.
Man, I want to be with you.
Man, I need time with you, awayfrom our kids.
There's never any uninterruptedtime, but I can't seem to push
through my own dependency withmy children in order to see him
(12:47):
clearly.
Okay, I will say that for Joshand I once we started scheduling
date nights, and I don't meansitting down saying, okay, let's
go on a date this Friday, yes,that's a start.
What I mean is literallysitting down with our calendar
and saying, okay, the thirdFriday of every month is date
(13:10):
night, like no matter what.
We're locking it down on thecalendar.
He would be in charge ofscheduling where we're going to
go and what we're going to do,unless I had some request, and
then he would honor that.
But he took that burden off ofme too.
As his wife right, he knows,I'm already stressed with the
(13:31):
kids.
I've got a lot that I justthink about on a regular basis.
So he says you tell me the dayof the month that you wanna do
this.
Okay, third Friday of the month, I'll lock it down on our
calendar and then, as it getsclose to that date, I'm going to
suggest two things Perfect.
You know why I like two things.
(13:54):
I don't like a lot of choices.
I make a lot of decisions in mylife every day, for myself, for
the kids, for our household.
Give me two choices that haveworked for us in the past and
I'll choose one from those two.
Make the reservations, make iteasy for me to participate in
(14:15):
the day.
I will take care of the daycare, finding somebody that I'm
comfortable with, and if youwant to help with that and we
agree that that works let's doit.
But putting it on the calendarand then making it a
non-negotiable Okay, that meansif your kid gets sick, maybe you
have a backup plan you say okay, if they're sick on that date
(14:37):
night, we're going two dayslater on Sunday night, and
that's just how it works.
So if our Friday doesn't work,sunday, we got to make it up.
But then you get in that habitof making your marriage a
priority, having focused,intentional time together, away
from your children, and yourbond grows closer and closer.
(14:59):
It's so important for us asparents to prioritize our
relationship.
We are the ones who startedthis family together and, again,
we chose each other.
We didn't specifically chooseour child.
We chose to have a child, butwe didn't choose what type of
child they would be, what theylooked like.
(15:20):
But if you think about marriage,you chose your spouse and your
spouse chose you.
It's different than arelationship with a sibling,
right?
You didn't choose your brother,you didn't choose your sister,
that best friend you've chosenfor yourself to live out the
rest of your days.
Isn't that how you keepfriendships going?
(15:45):
It's not just by saying, hey,you're my friend, let's just be
friends.
No, that doesn't work with yourfriend.
If you say let's be friends butyou don't spend any time with
your friend, they find anotherfriend, they move on.
They have to.
They're not getting theirsocial needs met.
Well, what's different about ourmarriage when we commit to our
(16:08):
spouse and say I choose you tobe my life partner, I choose you
to be the father of my children, the mother of my children.
If we do not prioritize thatrelationship, we can expect for
it to dissolve.
No one wants that.
No divorced person raises theirhand and says you know, when I
signed on to marry this person,I actually knew I was going to
(16:30):
divorce them.
I mean, very few people wouldever say that Nobody wants
divorce, but it happens.
So I want to encourage you, asdifficult as it is, at least
have a conversation with yourspouse about the idea of
reprioritizing your relationship, even if it feels like it's
(16:56):
backwards.
Even if, as a mom, you're going.
I can't do that.
I can't imagine thinking of myspouse over my child for one
evening a week.
Even if that's hard, even ifyou think it's not possible, I
want you to commit to each otherthat you're going to try it.
(17:16):
And if you have been listeningand you have older children and
are beating yourself up saying,man, we should have done this,
it's not too late, it's not toolate, it's not too late.
It's never too late toreprioritize your spousal
relationship.
Do it today.
Get your calendar out, sit down, commit to the next six months
(17:38):
one date a month.
If you already do that amp itup once a week.
You think that's like reallyfrivolous.
It's not.
This is so important.
Your children thrive when yourrelationship with your spouse is
one filled with joy and lovethat they can see and experience
.
So it is so much more worth itthan the one little extra thing
(18:03):
that you're going to do for yourkids around the house, like
tidy their toy room for the 14thtime that day, I would tell
myself forget about that.
Our house can be a little bitdirtier, a little bit messier.
For me to have a solidrelationship with my spouse, for
me to break through some of myown barriers so that I can
(18:24):
nurture a lifelong relationshipthat I chose, make the
commitment today.
Life is short.
Our parenting time with ourchildren is short.
We need to make the time countthat we have with them, where we
are setting our kids up to besuccessful in taking care of
(18:44):
themselves.
Now listen on our website atfamiliesofcharactercom, you can
go to our shop.
We have laminated toddlerfive-star days checklist.
So if you have little kids thatyou want to start tidying up
their room, cleaning up afterthemselves when they have
breakfast or even making theirbed, we have a pictorial
(19:06):
laminated five star dayschecklist.
So grab one of those, put it upon the wall, have them do their
task and cross it out with adry erase marker.
It makes a difference andyou'll see the joy grow in them
when they start taking backresponsibility for some of the
things that you have done.
Another great resource we haveis the Five Star Days Family
(19:30):
Pack.
If you want that checklistinstantly, today, go to our
website and download the FiveStar Days Family Pack.
It has morning and eveningroutines and checklists for both
you as the parent and them as achild, to really get everybody
on the same page, pitching in,helping out, taking care of
(19:52):
themselves.
So that again, it will give you, as a couple, time back for
your relationship.
And sign up for our weeklyemail newsletters, if you aren't
getting those already.
The week that this particularepisode launched, we sent out
some conversation starters fordate night to get you refocused
(20:14):
on your relationship when youstart making that date night a
priority.
Sometimes, if you're not usedto it, it's difficult to know
where to even start in aconversation when you go out
with your spouse.
It's been so long since you'vehad uninterrupted time.
So if you're signed up for ouremails, you're going to get this
free resource every week thatgoes along with these podcast
(20:34):
episodes.
You can go tofamiliesofcharactercom and put
in your email address to receivethese newsletters.
Listen, parents, I don't wantyou saying, man, if I could have
gone back and and done thingsdifferent.
You have a chance and anopportunity right now to make a
difference in your marriage andfamily life, prioritizing your
(20:59):
relationships.
So take action today.
Join us in our private Facebookgroup called the Thrive
Community by Families ofCharacter and, like I said at
the beginning, hit me up.
I'll buy you a cup of coffeeand talk parenting with you.
Okay, let's get to know eachother.
Let's we want to know so muchabout what you're going through
(21:20):
in your family life so that wecan produce resources that are
truly helpful for you.
That is our mission here atFamilies of Character.
You guys take care of yourrelationships, prioritize what
matters, and I'm going to circleback with you on the next
episode, jordan Langdon signingoff.
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