May 13, 2025 • 44 mins
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Is your summer calendar already starting to resemble a losing game of Tetris? Do you find yourself wondering how you're supposed to feel relaxed when you're constantly shuttling between swimming lessons, camps, and birthday parties? Take a deep breath—there's a better way.
Julia Ubbenga, author of "Declutter Your Heart and Your Home," joins us to reveal how a minimalist approach to summer can transform chaos into connection.
• Create a summer vision by journaling, reflecting, and asking your children what they want to experience
• Make "fulfillment lists" with daily, weekly, and monthly connection activities you treat as non-negotiable appointments
• Embrace boredom as the precursor to creativity and self-directed play
• Limit choices and activities to avoid decision fatigue for both parents and children
• Remember that reducing possessions can decrease housework by approximately 40%
Rate and review our podcast on Apple or Spotify, then email hello@familiesofcharacter.com with your name to enter a drawing for a signed copy of "Declutter Your Heart and Your Home."
The Thriving Family Accelerator provides an easy, 3-step process to lower stress, parent as a united team, and enjoy a true friendship with your spouse & relationship with your kids. Sign up now for this live parent coaching with proven methods for positively engaging your family and redistributing the mental load.
Give $20 to keep the mic on. We're a 501 c(3) non-profit and produce this show for parents around the globe.
Discover the secrets to building a connected + thriving family. All you'll need is a few minutes of your week—it's easy!
Looking for things to combat boredom and bolster growth in your kids? Check out our Tame the Tech Bundle and the Best Me I Can Be Journal!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey there, parents, welcome back.
I'm Jordan Langdon here, andtoday's episode is exactly what
your heart might just be cravingright now.
I want to ask you does yoursummer calendar already look
like a losing game of Tetris?
Are you wondering how you'resupposed to feel like, relaxed
(00:20):
and refreshed this summer whenyou are running from swimming
lessons to soccer camp to thatbirthday party?
You forgot to RSVP to Listen.
If you are nodding your head orsilently screaming inside, you
are in the right place.
Today we are diving into how tosimplify your summer so that you
(00:45):
can experience more peace, morejoy and fewer of those moments
where you're wondering why youthought a 12-hour road trip with
a bunch of toddlers was a goodidea.
So joining me today is JuliaAbengay, a writer, speaker, mom
of five and author of thebeautiful book Declutter your
(01:08):
Heart and your Home.
Guys.
Julia lives and breathesminimalist living, and she's
here to show us that a slower,simpler summer is not only
possible, but it's deeplylife-giving.
So today we're going to talkabout what a minimalist summer
really looks like, how to resistthe pressure to pack your days
(01:32):
full, like I'm guilty of,creative ways to build
connection without blowing yourbudget, and practical tips for
keeping the clutter and thechaos at bay.
So just trust me here.
Whether you are deep into theworld of minimalism or you just
(01:53):
really want one day of peacethis summer, you are going to
love this conversation.
So grab your coffee, find acomfy spot and let's jump in.
Welcome back to our show JuliaJordan.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
thank you so much for having me back on.
It's a joy to be here talkingwith you again today.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yes, I'm so excited that you were just on our show,
episode 146, where we talkedabout decluttering your heart in
your home and your brand newbook.
So I'm curious how are the booksales going?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
They are going really , really well.
Thank you for asking.
Yes, it's been a bestseller onAmazon in its category and it's
just great.
Yeah, sales are going great.
I just think it's such a neededmessage.
So many of us are feelingoverwhelmed with our stuff, with
our schedule.
So I do think the book isspeaking to a lot of people and
the feedback I'm hearing is justso exciting for me.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Congratulations.
This is your first book, youhave five children, you are
living a minimalist life withyour family and you decided to
write a book amidst, you know,having your fifth baby, and it
is really blessing people.
So I have purchased an extracopy and gave it to someone that
(03:13):
I know and she's like oh Jordan, this is so good, I'm going to
be giving it to my girlfriend.
So, um, at the end of our show,we're going to talk about how
you could be put your name inthe hat for a free, signed copy
of this amazing book.
That will really, really helpyou yield maximum joy in your
(03:35):
life.
Ok, so stay tuned to the end,folks.
Julia, let's jump right in andtell us just what does a
minimalist summer look like foryour family, and how do you keep
things simple while stillmaking some great memories?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Yeah.
So for us as minimalists, summerlooks slow.
It looks intentional.
We focus on slowing the paceand just focusing on connecting
as a family, and that means thatwe don't overschedule ourselves
.
And I think we feel thispressure just from society that
(04:15):
you have to sign up for thiscamp and that camp and your kids
have to be in all theseactivities in the summer, and
what I've found is that reallybeing busy like that doesn't
lead to a lot of connection as afamily, and what I want is
connection, and so then I feellike things don't really feel
aligned and I feel more stressed, and then everybody else around
(04:36):
me feels more stressed, and sofor me it's really getting
intentional about what is itthat I want summer to look like,
and thinking about that aheadof time, asking myself that
question and reflecting on it,maybe journaling on it, talking
to a friend about it a littlebit so I can really get those
thoughts out in the open, andthen making sure that my choices
match that vision that I amfeeling called for summer to
(05:01):
look like I love that.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
So casting a vision, you said, kind of before summer
hits, you do some reflectivejournaling, talking to friends
like, what type of summer do wewant to have?
And then claiming that as afamily and then using that as
your vision to make all yourdecisions from right.
If we want a summer filled withpeace or relaxation, then we're
(05:29):
going to think differentlyabout rushing from thing to
thing.
Whereas if you think, man, wewant a summer filled with
adventure, like new adventure,then you might pick different
activities based on that vision.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Yeah, yeah.
I think when values becomeclear, decisions become easy.
And I then also like to ask ourdaughters well, we have five
kids, but our oldest are 11 andseven, and so I like to ask them
too what do you want yoursummer to look like?
And then I actually have themmake a list of all the things
that they want to do that summer, the things that they like, the
people they want to see, and alot of times they are simple
things.
They want to spend time at thepool, they want to have their
(06:13):
friends over at the pool, theywant to do the sprinkler in the
backyard, they want to, you know, roast marshmallows on our fire
pit, like watch the stars.
Those are the type of thingsthat they remember.
They don't have to cost a lotof money, they don't?
And so then I make sure that wecan weave those things into our
summer plans too.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I love integrating your kids into the vision for
your summer because, like yousaid, their ideas may be much
cheaper than yours, much simplerthan you were imagining, right,
and so it can take care of thatoverwhelm by going.
Instead of me trying to planout my kids entire summer, why
don't I start with them Now?
(06:57):
If they come up with the wildideas of, like we're going to go
to Disney, then we're going togo to Yellowstone and we're
going to travel to Europe, youmight have to put the kibosh on
that right.
But they may really have somevery simple neighborhood type
activities that are very doable.
That really would bring themjoy.
(07:17):
So sometimes I think we asparents can overthink it.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
And our girls too.
They like to have littlebusinesses in the summer, like
things I can just do at home andlike stay you know busy with.
And so one daughter wants torun a lemonade and popsicle
stand.
That's going to be her business.
And the other is making jewelryout of like junk.
She calls it junk jewelry, soshe has like pop tabs and safety
pins and she's making thesecool earrings out of them, and
(07:43):
so I think that that's the typeof stuff they want to do.
They want to be at home andthey want to be, you know,
making money in their littlebusinesses, but to just have
that space to create too.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
That's so sweet and I think too.
You know there are parents ofall different situations and you
know lifestyles that arelistening to this right.
Some parents, you know, areworking from home, some parents
are having to find care fortheir kids, you know, some are
(08:18):
stay-at-home moms, and sothere's like every family has a
different dynamic.
But I like the idea, I think itfits for every family that if
your kids are at home, you know,even on the weekends, you could
help them with some creative,fun things that are not
screen-based activities, likeyou know, making some jewelry or
(08:40):
selling art or setting up theirlemonade stand, like three days
a week, you know, or on theweekends that's a fun thing.
Or even like a garage sale,having a little garage sale
right, they can declutter andsell some of their stuff I love
that idea, yeah, and they getexcited about it and that's.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
That's fun energy you know to have in the house.
Your kids are excited aboutthese projects and, um, you know
that kind of can spread toeveryone.
And then I like to think ofwhat I want to do too during the
summer.
Like I have fun things, like Ilove to go strawberry picking
with our family, blueberrypicking.
I like to go to the farmer'smarkets on Saturday.
So I just make sure that, well,actually what I do is I make
(09:19):
something called a fulfillmentlist and I have daily, weekly
and monthly ideas of things thatI like to do.
And so daily it might besomething like sit down and read
a book with our kids for Idon't know, five or 10 minutes
or longer, but I put that on myschedule and then I take that as
(09:40):
seriously as a work commitmentor a doctor's appointment.
Like that is a seriouscommitment.
That is something that I knowis going to make me feel
fulfilled when I do it.
And then a weekly thing wouldbe like the farmer's market, and
then maybe a monthly thingwould be a baseball game with
the family.
We, like the Kansas City Royals, are in Kansas City and so we
(10:01):
love to go, you know, maybe oncea month to a game.
So those things that you canhave on your schedule to look
forward to can really changeyour mood during the summer.
It can bring, it can make surethat you get those memories in
your plans too.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Yes, I love this so much because I think as a parent
, I know I've experienced thisas a working mom is just feeling
guilty, like I don't have anintentional connection that I'm
doing every day.
So you talked about afulfillment list what is going
to fulfill my needs this summerin terms of connection with my
(10:39):
family?
And then breaking it down daily, weekly and monthly and, like
you said, five minutes or 10minutes of a read aloud right
Every day with your kids.
They love that.
They love to know that you'regoing to show up for them, that
they can count on that activityeach day, and then you can kind
of go.
Hey, I feel good that Ifollowed through on my
(11:00):
commitment and it was a smallone that was doable, that I
could keep up all summer.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Right, and that does.
If you are having that guilt ofwanting to connect with your
kids, that does shift you out ofthat because you're like no, I
am being proactive about thisand I am connecting with my kids
the way I want to.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yes, oh, I love that.
And then the weekly like what'smaybe something we want to do
once a week?
You're getting me thinking here, girl, because I'm thinking.
I love our back patio.
We put our summer furniture outand we have our table out there
, and so once a week in thesummer we love to have brunch
after church out on our patio,right?
So we make a big, big brunch,so we fill our bellies.
(11:38):
On Sundays we don't eat againuntil dinner and like we just
spend time outside, and if ourneighbors see us and want to
come over for a little while,then we do that.
So that's a fun weekly thing.
Or maybe fire pit, like yousaid, or marshmallow roasting,
something that you can count onas like a weekly ritual with
your family.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, I love that idea of the brunch and having
those things to look forward to.
We like to spend time on ourback patio too in the morning.
I like to kind of have aroutine, but not like a really
strict routine.
It's not like 8 am you'rebrushing your teeth Nothing like
that for a suburb on days thatI'm not working.
It's more that we can gooutside and eat breakfast slowly
(12:18):
, you know, and just get outsidefirst before it gets too hot.
I really like that to getoutside in the morning first and
then come back in and do somereading and kids can play.
And then I also like havingsome tidying routines in our
home because, let's be honest,when we have more people in our
home during the summer, morethings get shuffled around in
(12:39):
your space, and so I like tohave these routines in place.
Right after lunch, we do areset of the main living areas.
Right after lunch, we do areset of the main living areas.
Right after dinner, we do areset of the main living areas,
because everyone is a team andthey can all help, and then
that's going to help also feelthat calm in your home too,
because your stuff isn'teverywhere.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Ooh, I love that idea because I'm usually thinking
like you do a major overhaul onSaturdays, but that we feel so
heavy and like a waste of threehours you know, not a waste of
three hours, but just like itcould be done differently.
And so you're talking aboutdoing a little reset of the main
area right after lunch andright after dinner.
(13:22):
Like that seems like much morereasonable and something that
conditions them also, on a dailybasis, to pick up after
themselves, instead of just kindof, like you know, letting the
vice take over and just beingmessy and leaving your stuff
everywhere and then doing thembig old cleanup once a week.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Yeah, and I like lunch and dinner because we're
already together eating as afamily.
We're already all there and sowe don't have to like try to
round all the kids up and getthem together to go tidy.
They're just there.
You can do.
It Takes five or 10 minutes maxand then go on to the next
thing.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Yes, and I love that you can give it a name the 10
minute tidy up.
Right, you set the microwavetimer or whatever and just go.
Everybody pitch in, help up,let's tidy this place up.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yep, let the kids choose a song, something fun
like that, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yes, so so good.
Well, in terms of, like summerclutter, right, like the
swimsuits, the towels, all ofthe things that summer brings,
sunscreen and goggles, andsunglasses, and bicycles and all
that stuff, how do you managekind of the inevitable clutter?
(14:31):
I mean, do you set up zones inyour home?
What do you do when it comes tochanging seasons?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Yeah Well, I have some systems that I use that I
think help.
In our entryway, underneath ourbench, that is in our entryway,
I have one basket for shoes andthen one basket for kind of
seasonal things.
So in the winter it's the hats,the gloves, the mittens, all
that stuff, and in the summerit's summer hats, caps,
(14:59):
sunglasses, that type of stuffwill go there in that seasonal
basket.
And then, as far as swimsuits,we have a swim bag that hangs in
our garage on a hook and it'salways ready to go when we want
to go to the pool.
We go to the pool a lot.
We have a neighborhood poolwhich is so great, so we'll go
there.
Gosh, maybe not every day, butalmost We'll get outside and go
swim a little bit.
(15:19):
So I always have that justhanging ready to go.
And then, as far as, likesports equipment, I have been in
our garage and that's where thekids keep all the balls, the
gloves, any of that type ofstuff.
So just as long as everybodyknows where everything goes and
everything has a home, it seemsto flow pretty well for us.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
I love that, having zones for things and then, like
you said, a basket that you canswitch out.
Same basket, same piece offurniture, but you just swap out
whatever supplies you need oraccessories you need for that
season.
We did that a couple of yearsago and I just opened the
cupboard the other day and I waslike, oh, it's time to dump out
(16:02):
all of the you know hats andgloves that are overflowing
these bins.
First of all, declutter, getrid of some of them.
We certainly don't need fourpairs of gloves each.
So before we stash them awayfor the winter, just give away
what we don't need next year andthen replace it with the items
that we need for the summer.
(16:22):
So that has really helped ustoo, because our kids know
exactly where things go and ifyou find something on the floor
you can kind of ask them hey,where does that belong?
And they return it to the binwhere it's supposed to go.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Right, yep, and say, hey, this needs to go to its
home.
Just as simple as that.
And they're like, oh yeah,you're right, it does, and then
they'll put it where it goes.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Usually, yes yes, Orderliness is like the
cornerstone, I feel like, ofmany virtues, Because if you
don't have order in your homewhether that be your calendar or
even prioritizing yourrelationships properly and then
ordering your things it's veryhard to grow in generosity and
(17:04):
gratitude and respect andresponsibility.
So I like focusing our effortsand family life on order in the
home.
I think it's really reallyfoundational for growing in the
rest of those virtues that areso important for our kids to
have when they leave home.
So that's what I just love,what you're doing and the book
(17:27):
that you wrote Declutter yourHeart in your Home, like it's
just, it's practical stuff thatwe can do with our kids and do
it together.
You mentioned being a teamright, that we are a team, we're
all doing these things and youexpect yourself and your husband
to do what you're asking yourkids to do, and so it feels like
(17:49):
a joint effort, a common goal.
That's just part of your family, right?
And your vision, your values.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Yeah, yeah, it just becomes part of your family
culture, it's just what you doand, yeah, it definitely leads
to I think it's the foundationof virtue and just having that
space in your home and then inyour mind.
I think there's a connection toif your outer world's cluttered
, your inner world is clutteredand you're not really going to
be able to focus on growing intothe person that you're called
(18:18):
to become.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Yes, and that is the main thing here people that we
are, you know, growing into theperson that God called us to be,
and that our kids have enoughspace in their minds and in
their environments that they cancontemplate this for themselves
.
Right, like what?
What do I feel like God wantsof me in my life?
(18:39):
What is interesting to me?
What are things that I find,you know, fascinating?
And I found that, you know, theless stuff we have around our
house, the more simply we live,the more I, as an adult, am able
to contemplate those things formyself and for my kids.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
but the more creative my kids have become, yeah,
absolutely, and I think alongthese lines, it's important for
parents to realize too and I hadto learn this that boredom is
not bad.
It's okay for our kids to bebored, and sometimes boredom
lends to some of these deepercreative ideas and the space to
(19:26):
grow that you mentioned.
And so, yeah, boredom isn't bad.
I think boredom has only beenin our vocabulary, the English
vocabulary, for like 100 years,because now we are so used to
being entertained and before weweren't, but now we are and so,
oh, I'm not entertained, I'mbored.
Well, that's okay to be bored.
I tell our kids that boredom iswhat happens right before you
(19:46):
find something great to do.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Oh, I love that Boredom is what happens right
before you find something greatto do.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
That is so good.
Right.
So if they say they're bored,that is just fine.
So, yeah, it does develop morecreative thinking and more
problem solving and just theycan think outside the box to
find things to do.
And we need that space in ourlives to then develop the
foundation for strongerspiritual lives too, like you
were mentioning.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Let me ask you do you guys have any specific rules
around, like play dates in thesummer or activities that your
kids pop up with and like hey,let's go to the such and such
museum.
Like that'd be great, let's dothat this afternoon?
Do you have any rules aboutlike?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
you know, like spontaneous things that kind of
come up.
Yes, I think it really depends.
I like to be, think I'mspontaneous and flexible and all
that, but I think we alwayshave to consider the whole
family.
You know, we've got athree-month-old right now and so
it might not make sense thatmight be nap time, so we're not
going to put one person's wishesahead of the whole team's.
(20:58):
It's got to work for everybody,really.
And I like to tell our kids yestoo.
I like to be able to say yes tothem.
If there's something they wantto do, then we can make that
happen.
But it might not be on yourterms, it might not be right
when you want it, that's okay,that is okay, Delayed
gratification is a beautifulthing, right.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
That's virtue building in and of itself.
To say, oh, I really wantsomething and I can't have it
for three more days, Right, Likethat's a really awesome thing.
We started a couple of years agohaving sort of during our
weekly family huddles that wehave on Sundays, when it would
come close to a new seasonwhether it's back to school or
(21:41):
summertime we just kind of sitdown and talk in one of our
meetings about just some generalkind of rules for you know,
that season.
And one of the things that wetalked about was like the 24
hour rule.
If you want to do something,you want to have a friend over
or you want to go a particularplace, then we have to know
(22:02):
about that 24 hours before wecan do it.
Because of just what you saidbecause we have jobs, we, you
know, we already have things onour calendar and we have to be
thoughtful and discerning aboutwhat we do so that we don't end
up kind of going down this pathwhere all of a sudden, we're
rushed, we're pressed for time,we're barking and nagging at
(22:25):
each other and then our visionfor the summer has just like
disappeared because we tried todo too much and tried to kind of
pack something in that wasn'tplanned.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Yeah, that makes me think of a quote by an author
named Courtney Carver.
She says that doing moredoesn't make you a better person
, it makes you a tired person.
And so I like to think of thatsometimes, that not only will I
be more tired, but the wholefamily will, if we press beyond
what feels right, the rightamount to do.
So it's not about always doingmore.
It's about thinking of.
(22:57):
We want to enjoy this timetogether and we want to not be
overtired and overstimulated.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Girl.
I have to tell you that I'm theone that's like oh, but we
could.
We could run down to CherryCreek State Park right now.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
I'm kind of like that too.
To be honest, jordan, yes, Ilove to go do things.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
I know my husband's the one that's like whoa, whoa
whoa that wasn't on the schedule.
I get it.
It sounds fun and I appreciateit so much I have to thank him
for it, even though in themoment I'm like, oh, I feel a
little deflated.
It's what I need.
So I love this compatibility,you know, as husband and wife,
(23:36):
where it's like you could seethat as a real, like you're just
a buzzkill, you don't want usto do things fun, but it's like
no, somebody has to watch theenergy level of the family, you
know, and kind of keep aparticular mind about yes, it's
good, but maybe not now, right?
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Exactly, yeah, yeah, and you'll enjoy each other so
much more if you do it at theright time instead of just when
it sounds fun.
I've learned that too.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
I really like how you said.
You know I like to havestructure and routine in summer
not so rigid, right, becausesummer is supposed to be a time
of, you know, relaxation and theschedule does look different.
If you have kids that aretypically going to brick and
mortar schools, then they don'thave that sitting in a desk for
(24:22):
eight hours, and so you do wantthem to enjoy and maybe sleep in
a little bit.
What do you guys do in terms ofthe evening routine, like, do
you keep a pretty strict bedtime?
Do you have a certain day ofthe week that you guys stay up
later, or what do you guys doover there?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Hmm, yeah, I think it kind of just changes every year
based on the ages of our kidsreally, but usually we have a
little bit later bedtime in thesummer.
Sunday night always seems likeit's a little earlier though,
just because my husband and Iwere usually going back.
I am typically working, he isalways working, and so we don't
want it to get too late if weknow we have to get up for
(24:59):
something.
So the weekends are later, butin general summer is a later
bedtime for us and we like to beoutside and we have so many
fireflies where we live out inour backyard We'll catch the
fireflies, watch the stars comeout, so it's kind of a magical
time to stay up a little bitlater in the summer.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Yes, that sounds fun.
I remember catching fireflieswhen I would visit my
grandparents.
We'd put them in a jar andpretend that it's like our
lantern you know, and so fun.
Those are great summer memories.
I like the idea too of justbeing like hey, sunday's kind of
our, you know, our Sabbath it'sour day of rest, it's our day
(25:35):
of refreshment.
We're not going out and doing abunch of stuff on Sundays, going
to the Costco running aroundlike crazy.
Instead we're going to go tobed a little earlier and like
get prepped for the week.
That's a good kind of anchorfor your week is to say, hey,
whatever happens during the week, sunday we're getting back to
kind of our regular bedtime,kind of a quiet winding down
(26:00):
process, and then everybody willjump into Monday a little bit,
you know, with our eyes a littlebit wider opened and ready to
take on what's, whatever'scoming our way.
So that's that's really a goodthing to think about is Sundays
being being back to a little bitmore of a routine.
But also, I think one of thecrazy things that, especially if
you have little kids that Ihear moms talking about, it's
(26:24):
just like the light right Atnight.
In the summer it stays light somuch longer.
So your kids are like whenyou're trying to put them to bed
, they're like whining andnagging, they're like no, it's
not bedtime and you're like.
I know the sun is bright andit's 830, but it really is time
for you to go to bed, so Iinvested in blackout curtains
(26:45):
for my kids' rooms.
You know, it's like make itdark in there people.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
Yeah, no, that's great.
A couple of our younger kiddosare actually sleeping in the
basement right now, and so it isreally dark down there, so
that's a bonus for the earlierbedtimes in the summer.
Or blackout curtains yeah,that's great.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yes, there's all kinds of challenges summer can
bring.
I mean, it gets, it gets brightearly, it stays bright light
late, and it's just, yeah, someof the things that we have to
think about.
Are there certain supplies thatyou're sure to like purchase
ahead of time, um, to makesummer a little bit more, um,
like friendly to the family orlike in terms of activities?
(27:29):
What do you kind of prep forwhen it comes to summer in terms
of buying things that you guysneed?
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Well, mainly bug spray and sunscreen.
Really that is all I can thinkof that I'm going to buy.
I know I used to buy like allthe bubbles and the sidewalk
chalk and all that stuff, butyou know, our neighbors have
them.
We just like to go outside andI find sometimes when we're
outside we don't need all thatstuff with us.
We can go play in the mud, wecan play with the sticks.
(27:58):
My son just this week, he'sreally into building these
little forts for I don't knowgrasshoppers with these sticks,
and so he's just creating.
And if I had the bubbles andthe sidewalk chalk out there
then I would be cleaning up andall that.
And there's nothing wrong withthat and that's okay to do,
maybe every once in a while, butI don't need that all the time.
And he can just use what is outthere in our backyard and be
(28:19):
entertained for a long time.
And our daughter can too.
She was making mud piesyesterday with her, making these
little balls of mud and I don'tknow mud shapes mud pies.
So there's a lot of stuff outthere that the kids can already
play with.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
And I just got a visual of being that like Martha
versus Mary.
Right, I can be a Martha whereI am like, okay, here's all the
things, here's all the choicesthat you have.
We've got bubbles, we've gotwater balloons, we have water.
And even when the kids' friendscome over, you could sort of
overwhelm them with so manychoices.
And I think about myself thisis why I go to Chipotle versus
(28:57):
like the Chinese restaurant,because Chipotle has like three
choices.
I'm like, okay, I've got someboundaries here, but I have
options.
I can choose how much I want onthere or whatever.
That's great, but I don't wantall the decisions right, like 17
pages of options at the at therestaurant.
So I think that reminded me howyou said, like mud pies and like
(29:19):
stick forts.
If we, the parent, will agree,agree just not to overwhelm
ourselves or our kids withconsumable stuff that we have to
spend money on and just insteadgo outside with them and
facilitate this natural play outin the environment and then sit
(29:42):
back and just let them kind ofpoke around maybe, you know, be
mad that they don't have, youknow, the things they had last
summer for a while and then getbored and then all of a sudden
pick up the sticks and startpoking around the grasshoppers,
the ants, the fort that they'remaking, the tree that they could
climb.
(30:03):
It's like, oh, that is reallywhat we want, right.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Yeah, and they're not really going to know how to do
that unless we give them thatspace to try that, to experiment
with that, to maybe get mad, toget frustrated because they
don't have the toys or thebubbles and all that.
But they're going to thenrealize that there's a lot that
they can do out there.
But they won't know that unlessthey have that opportunity, if
they're overwhelmed with choices, they're not going to go to
(30:29):
that more creative, problemsolving type of play.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
And for activities too.
For the day, right.
Do you want to go swimming, orshould we go on a short hike
Right?
Just like the two choices thatare acceptable to you, the
parent.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Exactly, yeah, decision fatigue is real for us
as a parent, for our kids.
So, yes, keeping it simple, acouple ideas that you're good
with both of them, and then givethem that freedom to choose.
That gives them the feelingthat they have control too,
which we need to give our kidsthat opportunity.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Yes, oh, when you said decision fatigue, it
reminded me of just the idea ofkind of recapping what you're
going to do the next day withyour kids right before they go
to bed.
Right, hey, tomorrow's Tuesday,because in the summer it seems
like people are like what day isit?
Is it the weekend every day?
Tomorrow's Tuesday, remember?
(31:24):
We're going to go to thebutterfly pavilion and so we've
got to make sure that, once youget up, we do the things that we
need to do before we head offto the butterfly pavilion.
So what is that?
And then they kind of oh, I gotto get dressed, I have to make
my bed, I have to tidy up andeat breakfast and clean up and
brush my teeth.
I'm always like, yes, brush theteeth.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
This is a thing in our house Apparently.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
It's common everywhere.
I feel that, yes, brush theteeth, brush the teeth, brush
the teeth.
Signs everywhere brush yourteeth.
But yeah, just recapping thenight before, because when you
wake up in the morning you don'twant to start your day with
decision fatigue that overwhelmthat you wake up with going oh
what are we doing today?
(32:10):
What are my kids going tobombard me with?
It's like no, if you kind ofplan the night before, do a
little recap, remind them theseare the options and that's it,
then it sets you up for a muchmore peaceful day and more
memories to enjoy.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
I feel like yeah, and for yourself too.
Then you're like okay, we'reall on the same page here, I
know what I need to be doing toget everybody ready.
They know what they need to bedoing and things just flow so
much better.
I love that idea, and your kidsbehave better too when they
know what to expect.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
I think oh completely they do, otherwise they're
nipping at each other andeverybody's just sort of in this
state of confusion, like itseems like we're supposed to be
doing something, but I don't.
Nobody's directing us anywhere.
And so then you, as the parentI feel this anyway I start
getting agitated, because I'mgoing how long have you been on
(33:04):
the TV?
And they're like well, I don'tknow.
And they really don't know, theydon't have a real concept of
time.
If you let them loose onscreens or whatever, they just
keep the episodes keep rolling.
Whatever they're doing, justkeeps on playing.
Maybe you're working orwhatever and then everybody's
(33:25):
really upset with each other andthat, just that's a way to
really throw a wrench into apeaceful summer.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Yeah, and even if you're not going anywhere, even
if you just want your kids toplay outside in the morning, you
can prep that the night before.
Hey, in the morning, when wewake up, we're going to eat
breakfast outside and then playoutside.
So what do you need to do toget ready for that?
Speaker 1 (33:51):
And so everybody can know, okay, in the morning we're
going outside.
Yes, yes, I love this idea ofsimplifying our summer.
Is there anything else that youfeel like our listeners need to
hear about?
Just simplifying your summerand just living with more peace
and joy this summer?
Speaker 2 (34:02):
I wonder if it would help to talk about kids' artwork
at all.
I know that our kids do a tonof art.
We don't have a lot of toys,but they really, really like art
and so I think you need asystem for that to keep it from
overwhelming your house, becauseit really can if you're keeping
everything.
So I just like the idea ofworking with our kids right away
after they've created somethingand asking them, like, is this
(34:24):
ta-da or ta-dump?
Like, is this something youreally love?
Is it something you really wantto keep?
And usually they do want tokeep it.
But just this idea of askingthem and planting the seed that,
okay, I don't need to keepeverything, is helpful.
So if they do want to keep it,then what I do is I have like a
paper basket under a low kitchencabinet.
All the papers go there, theirart goes there.
(34:45):
I'm like, okay, we'll put it ina special paper spot for a
while and then, once thatbasket's full, we revisit it,
and then they have to make thereal decision do you want to
keep this or not?
We can only keep what fits inthe basket.
If they do, then they all haveportfolios, and so I think this
would be a helpful tool forparents.
(35:05):
Have an art portfolio, justlike a binder three ring binder
for your kids and then theirvery favorite pieces go in that
and then put it like in a bookbasket in their room or
something and they can lookthrough that artwork.
But again, there's a boundarythey can only keep what stays in
that portfolio.
So if a new piece that theylove is going to be put in it,
one that they don't love anymorecomes out.
(35:25):
So that's how we manage theartwork and I think it's just
important for parents too tothink about like don't keep all
this artwork for your kids.
Like when they're 35, they'renot going to want their
kindergarten self portraitthey're really not.
We talked about this a littlebit on our last conversation,
but that you're keeping thattype of stuff for yourself, so
(35:47):
not for your kids.
You really love it.
What I like to do is take apicture of the artwork and then
I make a photo book at the endof each year for our family and
I can just include art pages,pictures of artwork, in the back
of the photo book.
So when my son's 35, he mightlike to come and look at the
family photo album and see thatlittle picture that he drew for
(36:08):
a second, like, oh, that wasnice, but he's not going to want
that actual thing.
So I think that it's helpful,if you're doing a lot of art, to
have a plan for what are yougoing to do with all that paper,
so your house is not overrunwith piles of kids' artwork.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Yes, and one of the things you mentioned in episode
146 is just how I think youroldest daughter helps with
regular decluttering maintenance, right.
So once you kind of minimizethings in your home, then having
a regular routine of minimizingthings that end up starting to
(36:44):
collect again right.
And so the idea of having thatbin that you put the artwork in
if kids are like, oh, I reallywant to keep this right now that
you just revisit it and makeanother decision, you know, 30
days down the road.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Because they're not attached to it.
Yeah, they're not attached toit 30 days later, Like they are
right away.
But you can loosen thatattachment with time.
That's why I use that system.
I've really found that, like 30days later they're like oh, I
don't care about that anymore.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
So yeah, yes, and I think, as parents, since I've
started decluttering my own homeand, with my kids, their rooms,
I have really recognized thisinternal like are you sure you
want to get rid of that?
And I'm going Jordan, this isnot like, like just try to avoid
(37:31):
the urge to say that you mightbe, thinking in your mind like I
would love for you to keep that.
But if they want to junk it andtrash it, then allow them to.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Yep, take a picture of it and allow them to.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Yes, because even if they miss it, then that later
that is a lesson for them to bemore discerning about what they
get rid of right, Yep, yepabsolutely.
Woo, this is so good.
I'm telling you.
We have been to the ARC eighttimes in the past, I think six
(38:04):
weeks.
Wow With carloads of stuff.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
That is amazing.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Since our last interview.
Yes, I'm telling you youinspired me and I just had a
weekend where I sat on the patiofor like two hours.
We went out on a hike as afamily where we had to actually
drive quite a ways.
Go on the hike.
Come back, we took a nap and Iremember sitting in my living
room thinking I am not managingstuff anymore, I am enjoying my
(38:35):
time.
This is like amazing.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Exactly that's what happens.
I mean, there's one study thatsays that you reduce the amount
of time spent on housework by40% when you declutter your home
.
So if you're spending 10 hoursdeclutter or spend our 10 hours
maintaining or cleaning yourhome, you get four of those back
simply by having less stuff.
So that's what you're talkingabout.
It's that free time to sit onthe porch outside for two hours,
because you're not just needingto clean all the time or put
(39:02):
stuff away or pick stuff up.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Yes.
So I have to encourage you allplease get a copy of Julia's
book Declutter your Heart andyour Home how a Minimalist Life
Yields Maximum Joy.
We have that linked in our shownotes here it and subscribe for
our weekly newsletter, becausewe always send out links to our
(39:30):
podcast guests' website andtheir books or their products,
so that you can not only hearthis stuff but you can also
refer back to your email on howto find out more about our
guests and what they have tooffer.
But a wonderful book.
A matter of fact, if you guyswill rate and review our podcast
(39:52):
on Apple and Spotify here, in,let's say, like 30 days, we will
gather up all the names ofpeople who have reviewed our
podcast and we will entereverybody into a drawing and
we'll draw somebody's name towin a free copy of our signed
(40:13):
copy of Julia's Declutter yourHeart in your Home book.
So be sure to put your firstname, last name or last initial
and then just send us an emailto let us know that you left a
review.
That way we have your contactinformation.
Just email hello atfamiliesofcharactercom and then
(40:34):
we'll be sure to enter you intothat drawing.
Julia, thanks for being with us.
Again, thanks for the signedcopy of this book.
Thank you for helping us thinkof ways to simplify our summer
so that we can really yield anawesome, joyful, memorable
(40:54):
summer with our kids this year.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Thank you so much for having me on again, Jordan.
It's always fun talking withyou.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Yes, thank you, julia .
Guys, go to her website.
She has a great blog.
It's calledrichinwhatmatterscom.
So we know that when we areintentional and we discern our
values as a family and reallythink about the critical few
things that matter the most inour marriage, family life and
(41:21):
our faith life, that helps us tobe able to say no to all those
distracting things that mighttake us off course and to say
yes to a life that is rich inwhat matters.
So again, thank you, julia.
Thanks so much.
Yes, guys, I'll catch you onanother episode of our show real
soon.
(41:41):
If you found this helpful,please share it with your spouse
first and then have aconversation with them and also
share it with any friends inyour circle.
You help us to spread ourmessage far and wide and help us
increase our downloads.
So be sure to rate and reviewand then share this with friends
in your network.
Take care, guys, and we'llcatch you soon.
Hey there, parents, welcome back.
I'm Jordan Langdon here, andtoday's episode is exactly what
your heart might just be cravingright now.
I want to ask you does yoursummer calendar already look
like a losing game of Tetris?
Are you wondering how you'resupposed to feel like, relaxed
(00:20):
and refreshed this summer whenyou are running from swimming
lessons to soccer camp to thatbirthday party?
You forgot to RSVP to Listen.
If you are nodding your head orsilently screaming inside, you
are in the right place.
Today we are diving into how tosimplify your summer so that you
(00:45):
can experience more peace, morejoy and fewer of those moments
where you're wondering why youthought a 12-hour road trip with
a bunch of toddlers was a goodidea.
So joining me today is JuliaAbengay, a writer, speaker, mom
of five and author of thebeautiful book Declutter your
(01:08):
Heart and your Home.
Guys.
Julia lives and breathesminimalist living, and she's
here to show us that a slower,simpler summer is not only
possible, but it's deeplylife-giving.
So today we're going to talkabout what a minimalist summer
really looks like, how to resistthe pressure to pack your days
(01:32):
full, like I'm guilty of,creative ways to build
connection without blowing yourbudget, and practical tips for
keeping the clutter and thechaos at bay.
So just trust me here.
Whether you are deep into theworld of minimalism or you just
(01:53):
really want one day of peacethis summer, you are going to
love this conversation.
So grab your coffee, find acomfy spot and let's jump in.
Welcome back to our show JuliaJordan.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
thank you so much for having me back on.
It's a joy to be here talkingwith you again today.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yes, I'm so excited that you were just on our show,
episode 146, where we talkedabout decluttering your heart in
your home and your brand newbook.
So I'm curious how are the booksales going?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
They are going really , really well.
Thank you for asking.
Yes, it's been a bestseller onAmazon in its category and it's
just great.
Yeah, sales are going great.
I just think it's such a neededmessage.
So many of us are feelingoverwhelmed with our stuff, with
our schedule.
So I do think the book isspeaking to a lot of people and
the feedback I'm hearing is justso exciting for me.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Congratulations.
This is your first book, youhave five children, you are
living a minimalist life withyour family and you decided to
write a book amidst, you know,having your fifth baby, and it
is really blessing people.
So I have purchased an extracopy and gave it to someone that
(03:13):
I know and she's like oh Jordan, this is so good, I'm going to
be giving it to my girlfriend.
So, um, at the end of our show,we're going to talk about how
you could be put your name inthe hat for a free, signed copy
of this amazing book.
That will really, really helpyou yield maximum joy in your
(03:35):
life.
Ok, so stay tuned to the end,folks.
Julia, let's jump right in andtell us just what does a
minimalist summer look like foryour family, and how do you keep
things simple while stillmaking some great memories?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Yeah.
So for us as minimalists, summerlooks slow.
It looks intentional.
We focus on slowing the paceand just focusing on connecting
as a family, and that means thatwe don't overschedule ourselves
.
And I think we feel thispressure just from society that
(04:15):
you have to sign up for thiscamp and that camp and your kids
have to be in all theseactivities in the summer, and
what I've found is that reallybeing busy like that doesn't
lead to a lot of connection as afamily, and what I want is
connection, and so then I feellike things don't really feel
aligned and I feel more stressed, and then everybody else around
(04:36):
me feels more stressed, and sofor me it's really getting
intentional about what is itthat I want summer to look like,
and thinking about that aheadof time, asking myself that
question and reflecting on it,maybe journaling on it, talking
to a friend about it a littlebit so I can really get those
thoughts out in the open, andthen making sure that my choices
match that vision that I amfeeling called for summer to
(05:01):
look like I love that.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
So casting a vision, you said, kind of before summer
hits, you do some reflectivejournaling, talking to friends
like, what type of summer do wewant to have?
And then claiming that as afamily and then using that as
your vision to make all yourdecisions from right.
If we want a summer filled withpeace or relaxation, then we're
(05:29):
going to think differentlyabout rushing from thing to
thing.
Whereas if you think, man, wewant a summer filled with
adventure, like new adventure,then you might pick different
activities based on that vision.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Yeah, yeah.
I think when values becomeclear, decisions become easy.
And I then also like to ask ourdaughters well, we have five
kids, but our oldest are 11 andseven, and so I like to ask them
too what do you want yoursummer to look like?
And then I actually have themmake a list of all the things
that they want to do that summer, the things that they like, the
people they want to see, and alot of times they are simple
things.
They want to spend time at thepool, they want to have their
(06:13):
friends over at the pool, theywant to do the sprinkler in the
backyard, they want to, you know, roast marshmallows on our fire
pit, like watch the stars.
Those are the type of thingsthat they remember.
They don't have to cost a lotof money, they don't?
And so then I make sure that wecan weave those things into our
summer plans too.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I love integrating your kids into the vision for
your summer because, like yousaid, their ideas may be much
cheaper than yours, much simplerthan you were imagining, right,
and so it can take care of thatoverwhelm by going.
Instead of me trying to planout my kids entire summer, why
don't I start with them Now?
(06:57):
If they come up with the wildideas of, like we're going to go
to Disney, then we're going togo to Yellowstone and we're
going to travel to Europe, youmight have to put the kibosh on
that right.
But they may really have somevery simple neighborhood type
activities that are very doable.
That really would bring themjoy.
(07:17):
So sometimes I think we asparents can overthink it.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
And our girls too.
They like to have littlebusinesses in the summer, like
things I can just do at home andlike stay you know busy with.
And so one daughter wants torun a lemonade and popsicle
stand.
That's going to be her business.
And the other is making jewelryout of like junk.
She calls it junk jewelry, soshe has like pop tabs and safety
pins and she's making thesecool earrings out of them, and
(07:43):
so I think that that's the typeof stuff they want to do.
They want to be at home andthey want to be, you know,
making money in their littlebusinesses, but to just have
that space to create too.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
That's so sweet and I think too.
You know there are parents ofall different situations and you
know lifestyles that arelistening to this right.
Some parents, you know, areworking from home, some parents
are having to find care fortheir kids, you know, some are
(08:18):
stay-at-home moms, and sothere's like every family has a
different dynamic.
But I like the idea, I think itfits for every family that if
your kids are at home, you know,even on the weekends, you could
help them with some creative,fun things that are not
screen-based activities, likeyou know, making some jewelry or
(08:40):
selling art or setting up theirlemonade stand, like three days
a week, you know, or on theweekends that's a fun thing.
Or even like a garage sale,having a little garage sale
right, they can declutter andsell some of their stuff I love
that idea, yeah, and they getexcited about it and that's.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
That's fun energy you know to have in the house.
Your kids are excited aboutthese projects and, um, you know
that kind of can spread toeveryone.
And then I like to think ofwhat I want to do too during the
summer.
Like I have fun things, like Ilove to go strawberry picking
with our family, blueberrypicking.
I like to go to the farmer'smarkets on Saturday.
So I just make sure that, well,actually what I do is I make
(09:19):
something called a fulfillmentlist and I have daily, weekly
and monthly ideas of things thatI like to do.
And so daily it might besomething like sit down and read
a book with our kids for Idon't know, five or 10 minutes
or longer, but I put that on myschedule and then I take that as
(09:40):
seriously as a work commitmentor a doctor's appointment.
Like that is a seriouscommitment.
That is something that I knowis going to make me feel
fulfilled when I do it.
And then a weekly thing wouldbe like the farmer's market, and
then maybe a monthly thingwould be a baseball game with
the family.
We, like the Kansas City Royals, are in Kansas City and so we
(10:01):
love to go, you know, maybe oncea month to a game.
So those things that you canhave on your schedule to look
forward to can really changeyour mood during the summer.
It can bring, it can make surethat you get those memories in
your plans too.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Yes, I love this so much because I think as a parent
, I know I've experienced thisas a working mom is just feeling
guilty, like I don't have anintentional connection that I'm
doing every day.
So you talked about afulfillment list what is going
to fulfill my needs this summerin terms of connection with my
(10:39):
family?
And then breaking it down daily, weekly and monthly and, like
you said, five minutes or 10minutes of a read aloud right
Every day with your kids.
They love that.
They love to know that you'regoing to show up for them, that
they can count on that activityeach day, and then you can kind
of go.
Hey, I feel good that Ifollowed through on my
(11:00):
commitment and it was a smallone that was doable, that I
could keep up all summer.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Right, and that does.
If you are having that guilt ofwanting to connect with your
kids, that does shift you out ofthat because you're like no, I
am being proactive about thisand I am connecting with my kids
the way I want to.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yes, oh, I love that.
And then the weekly like what'smaybe something we want to do
once a week?
You're getting me thinking here, girl, because I'm thinking.
I love our back patio.
We put our summer furniture outand we have our table out there
, and so once a week in thesummer we love to have brunch
after church out on our patio,right?
So we make a big, big brunch,so we fill our bellies.
(11:38):
On Sundays we don't eat againuntil dinner and like we just
spend time outside, and if ourneighbors see us and want to
come over for a little while,then we do that.
So that's a fun weekly thing.
Or maybe fire pit, like yousaid, or marshmallow roasting,
something that you can count onas like a weekly ritual with
your family.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, I love that idea of the brunch and having
those things to look forward to.
We like to spend time on ourback patio too in the morning.
I like to kind of have aroutine, but not like a really
strict routine.
It's not like 8 am you'rebrushing your teeth Nothing like
that for a suburb on days thatI'm not working.
It's more that we can gooutside and eat breakfast slowly
(12:18):
, you know, and just get outsidefirst before it gets too hot.
I really like that to getoutside in the morning first and
then come back in and do somereading and kids can play.
And then I also like havingsome tidying routines in our
home because, let's be honest,when we have more people in our
home during the summer, morethings get shuffled around in
(12:39):
your space, and so I like tohave these routines in place.
Right after lunch, we do areset of the main living areas.
Right after lunch, we do areset of the main living areas.
Right after dinner, we do areset of the main living areas,
because everyone is a team andthey can all help, and then
that's going to help also feelthat calm in your home too,
because your stuff isn'teverywhere.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Ooh, I love that idea because I'm usually thinking
like you do a major overhaul onSaturdays, but that we feel so
heavy and like a waste of threehours you know, not a waste of
three hours, but just like itcould be done differently.
And so you're talking aboutdoing a little reset of the main
area right after lunch andright after dinner.
(13:22):
Like that seems like much morereasonable and something that
conditions them also, on a dailybasis, to pick up after
themselves, instead of just kindof, like you know, letting the
vice take over and just beingmessy and leaving your stuff
everywhere and then doing thembig old cleanup once a week.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Yeah, and I like lunch and dinner because we're
already together eating as afamily.
We're already all there and sowe don't have to like try to
round all the kids up and getthem together to go tidy.
They're just there.
You can do.
It Takes five or 10 minutes maxand then go on to the next
thing.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Yes, and I love that you can give it a name the 10
minute tidy up.
Right, you set the microwavetimer or whatever and just go.
Everybody pitch in, help up,let's tidy this place up.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yep, let the kids choose a song, something fun
like that, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yes, so so good.
Well, in terms of, like summerclutter, right, like the
swimsuits, the towels, all ofthe things that summer brings,
sunscreen and goggles, andsunglasses, and bicycles and all
that stuff, how do you managekind of the inevitable clutter?
(14:31):
I mean, do you set up zones inyour home?
What do you do when it comes tochanging seasons?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Yeah Well, I have some systems that I use that I
think help.
In our entryway, underneath ourbench, that is in our entryway,
I have one basket for shoes andthen one basket for kind of
seasonal things.
So in the winter it's the hats,the gloves, the mittens, all
that stuff, and in the summerit's summer hats, caps,
(14:59):
sunglasses, that type of stuffwill go there in that seasonal
basket.
And then, as far as swimsuits,we have a swim bag that hangs in
our garage on a hook and it'salways ready to go when we want
to go to the pool.
We go to the pool a lot.
We have a neighborhood poolwhich is so great, so we'll go
there.
Gosh, maybe not every day, butalmost We'll get outside and go
swim a little bit.
(15:19):
So I always have that justhanging ready to go.
And then, as far as, likesports equipment, I have been in
our garage and that's where thekids keep all the balls, the
gloves, any of that type ofstuff.
So just as long as everybodyknows where everything goes and
everything has a home, it seemsto flow pretty well for us.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
I love that, having zones for things and then, like
you said, a basket that you canswitch out.
Same basket, same piece offurniture, but you just swap out
whatever supplies you need oraccessories you need for that
season.
We did that a couple of yearsago and I just opened the
cupboard the other day and I waslike, oh, it's time to dump out
(16:02):
all of the you know hats andgloves that are overflowing
these bins.
First of all, declutter, getrid of some of them.
We certainly don't need fourpairs of gloves each.
So before we stash them awayfor the winter, just give away
what we don't need next year andthen replace it with the items
that we need for the summer.
(16:22):
So that has really helped ustoo, because our kids know
exactly where things go and ifyou find something on the floor
you can kind of ask them hey,where does that belong?
And they return it to the binwhere it's supposed to go.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Right, yep, and say, hey, this needs to go to its
home.
Just as simple as that.
And they're like, oh yeah,you're right, it does, and then
they'll put it where it goes.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Usually, yes yes, Orderliness is like the
cornerstone, I feel like, ofmany virtues, Because if you
don't have order in your homewhether that be your calendar or
even prioritizing yourrelationships properly and then
ordering your things it's veryhard to grow in generosity and
(17:04):
gratitude and respect andresponsibility.
So I like focusing our effortsand family life on order in the
home.
I think it's really reallyfoundational for growing in the
rest of those virtues that areso important for our kids to
have when they leave home.
So that's what I just love,what you're doing and the book
(17:27):
that you wrote Declutter yourHeart in your Home, like it's
just, it's practical stuff thatwe can do with our kids and do
it together.
You mentioned being a teamright, that we are a team, we're
all doing these things and youexpect yourself and your husband
to do what you're asking yourkids to do, and so it feels like
(17:49):
a joint effort, a common goal.
That's just part of your family, right?
And your vision, your values.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Yeah, yeah, it just becomes part of your family
culture, it's just what you doand, yeah, it definitely leads
to I think it's the foundationof virtue and just having that
space in your home and then inyour mind.
I think there's a connection toif your outer world's cluttered
, your inner world is clutteredand you're not really going to
be able to focus on growing intothe person that you're called
(18:18):
to become.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Yes, and that is the main thing here people that we
are, you know, growing into theperson that God called us to be,
and that our kids have enoughspace in their minds and in
their environments that they cancontemplate this for themselves
.
Right, like what?
What do I feel like God wantsof me in my life?
(18:39):
What is interesting to me?
What are things that I find,you know, fascinating?
And I found that, you know, theless stuff we have around our
house, the more simply we live,the more I, as an adult, am able
to contemplate those things formyself and for my kids.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
but the more creative my kids have become, yeah,
absolutely, and I think alongthese lines, it's important for
parents to realize too and I hadto learn this that boredom is
not bad.
It's okay for our kids to bebored, and sometimes boredom
lends to some of these deepercreative ideas and the space to
(19:26):
grow that you mentioned.
And so, yeah, boredom isn't bad.
I think boredom has only beenin our vocabulary, the English
vocabulary, for like 100 years,because now we are so used to
being entertained and before weweren't, but now we are and so,
oh, I'm not entertained, I'mbored.
Well, that's okay to be bored.
I tell our kids that boredom iswhat happens right before you
(19:46):
find something great to do.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Oh, I love that Boredom is what happens right
before you find something greatto do.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
That is so good.
Right.
So if they say they're bored,that is just fine.
So, yeah, it does develop morecreative thinking and more
problem solving and just theycan think outside the box to
find things to do.
And we need that space in ourlives to then develop the
foundation for strongerspiritual lives too, like you
were mentioning.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Let me ask you do you guys have any specific rules
around, like play dates in thesummer or activities that your
kids pop up with and like hey,let's go to the such and such
museum.
Like that'd be great, let's dothat this afternoon?
Do you have any rules aboutlike?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
you know, like spontaneous things that kind of
come up.
Yes, I think it really depends.
I like to be, think I'mspontaneous and flexible and all
that, but I think we alwayshave to consider the whole
family.
You know, we've got athree-month-old right now and so
it might not make sense thatmight be nap time, so we're not
going to put one person's wishesahead of the whole team's.
(20:58):
It's got to work for everybody,really.
And I like to tell our kids yestoo.
I like to be able to say yes tothem.
If there's something they wantto do, then we can make that
happen.
But it might not be on yourterms, it might not be right
when you want it, that's okay,that is okay, Delayed
gratification is a beautifulthing, right.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
That's virtue building in and of itself.
To say, oh, I really wantsomething and I can't have it
for three more days, Right, Likethat's a really awesome thing.
We started a couple of years agohaving sort of during our
weekly family huddles that wehave on Sundays, when it would
come close to a new seasonwhether it's back to school or
(21:41):
summertime we just kind of sitdown and talk in one of our
meetings about just some generalkind of rules for you know,
that season.
And one of the things that wetalked about was like the 24
hour rule.
If you want to do something,you want to have a friend over
or you want to go a particularplace, then we have to know
(22:02):
about that 24 hours before wecan do it.
Because of just what you saidbecause we have jobs, we, you
know, we already have things onour calendar and we have to be
thoughtful and discerning aboutwhat we do so that we don't end
up kind of going down this pathwhere all of a sudden, we're
rushed, we're pressed for time,we're barking and nagging at
(22:25):
each other and then our visionfor the summer has just like
disappeared because we tried todo too much and tried to kind of
pack something in that wasn'tplanned.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Yeah, that makes me think of a quote by an author
named Courtney Carver.
She says that doing moredoesn't make you a better person
, it makes you a tired person.
And so I like to think of thatsometimes, that not only will I
be more tired, but the wholefamily will, if we press beyond
what feels right, the rightamount to do.
So it's not about always doingmore.
It's about thinking of.
(22:57):
We want to enjoy this timetogether and we want to not be
overtired and overstimulated.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Girl.
I have to tell you that I'm theone that's like oh, but we
could.
We could run down to CherryCreek State Park right now.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
I'm kind of like that too.
To be honest, jordan, yes, Ilove to go do things.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
I know my husband's the one that's like whoa, whoa
whoa that wasn't on the schedule.
I get it.
It sounds fun and I appreciateit so much I have to thank him
for it, even though in themoment I'm like, oh, I feel a
little deflated.
It's what I need.
So I love this compatibility,you know, as husband and wife,
(23:36):
where it's like you could seethat as a real, like you're just
a buzzkill, you don't want usto do things fun, but it's like
no, somebody has to watch theenergy level of the family, you
know, and kind of keep aparticular mind about yes, it's
good, but maybe not now, right?
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Exactly, yeah, yeah, and you'll enjoy each other so
much more if you do it at theright time instead of just when
it sounds fun.
I've learned that too.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
I really like how you said.
You know I like to havestructure and routine in summer
not so rigid, right, becausesummer is supposed to be a time
of, you know, relaxation and theschedule does look different.
If you have kids that aretypically going to brick and
mortar schools, then they don'thave that sitting in a desk for
(24:22):
eight hours, and so you do wantthem to enjoy and maybe sleep in
a little bit.
What do you guys do in terms ofthe evening routine, like, do
you keep a pretty strict bedtime?
Do you have a certain day ofthe week that you guys stay up
later, or what do you guys doover there?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Hmm, yeah, I think it kind of just changes every year
based on the ages of our kidsreally, but usually we have a
little bit later bedtime in thesummer.
Sunday night always seems likeit's a little earlier though,
just because my husband and Iwere usually going back.
I am typically working, he isalways working, and so we don't
want it to get too late if weknow we have to get up for
(24:59):
something.
So the weekends are later, butin general summer is a later
bedtime for us and we like to beoutside and we have so many
fireflies where we live out inour backyard We'll catch the
fireflies, watch the stars comeout, so it's kind of a magical
time to stay up a little bitlater in the summer.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Yes, that sounds fun.
I remember catching fireflieswhen I would visit my
grandparents.
We'd put them in a jar andpretend that it's like our
lantern you know, and so fun.
Those are great summer memories.
I like the idea too of justbeing like hey, sunday's kind of
our, you know, our Sabbath it'sour day of rest, it's our day
(25:35):
of refreshment.
We're not going out and doing abunch of stuff on Sundays, going
to the Costco running aroundlike crazy.
Instead we're going to go tobed a little earlier and like
get prepped for the week.
That's a good kind of anchorfor your week is to say, hey,
whatever happens during the week, sunday we're getting back to
kind of our regular bedtime,kind of a quiet winding down
(26:00):
process, and then everybody willjump into Monday a little bit,
you know, with our eyes a littlebit wider opened and ready to
take on what's, whatever'scoming our way.
So that's that's really a goodthing to think about is Sundays
being being back to a little bitmore of a routine.
But also, I think one of thecrazy things that, especially if
you have little kids that Ihear moms talking about, it's
(26:24):
just like the light right Atnight.
In the summer it stays light somuch longer.
So your kids are like whenyou're trying to put them to bed
, they're like whining andnagging, they're like no, it's
not bedtime and you're like.
I know the sun is bright andit's 830, but it really is time
for you to go to bed, so Iinvested in blackout curtains
(26:45):
for my kids' rooms.
You know, it's like make itdark in there people.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
Yeah, no, that's great.
A couple of our younger kiddosare actually sleeping in the
basement right now, and so it isreally dark down there, so
that's a bonus for the earlierbedtimes in the summer.
Or blackout curtains yeah,that's great.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yes, there's all kinds of challenges summer can
bring.
I mean, it gets, it gets brightearly, it stays bright light
late, and it's just, yeah, someof the things that we have to
think about.
Are there certain supplies thatyou're sure to like purchase
ahead of time, um, to makesummer a little bit more, um,
like friendly to the family orlike in terms of activities?
(27:29):
What do you kind of prep forwhen it comes to summer in terms
of buying things that you guysneed?
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Well, mainly bug spray and sunscreen.
Really that is all I can thinkof that I'm going to buy.
I know I used to buy like allthe bubbles and the sidewalk
chalk and all that stuff, butyou know, our neighbors have
them.
We just like to go outside andI find sometimes when we're
outside we don't need all thatstuff with us.
We can go play in the mud, wecan play with the sticks.
(27:58):
My son just this week, he'sreally into building these
little forts for I don't knowgrasshoppers with these sticks,
and so he's just creating.
And if I had the bubbles andthe sidewalk chalk out there
then I would be cleaning up andall that.
And there's nothing wrong withthat and that's okay to do,
maybe every once in a while, butI don't need that all the time.
And he can just use what is outthere in our backyard and be
(28:19):
entertained for a long time.
And our daughter can too.
She was making mud piesyesterday with her, making these
little balls of mud and I don'tknow mud shapes mud pies.
So there's a lot of stuff outthere that the kids can already
play with.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
And I just got a visual of being that like Martha
versus Mary.
Right, I can be a Martha whereI am like, okay, here's all the
things, here's all the choicesthat you have.
We've got bubbles, we've gotwater balloons, we have water.
And even when the kids' friendscome over, you could sort of
overwhelm them with so manychoices.
And I think about myself thisis why I go to Chipotle versus
(28:57):
like the Chinese restaurant,because Chipotle has like three
choices.
I'm like, okay, I've got someboundaries here, but I have
options.
I can choose how much I want onthere or whatever.
That's great, but I don't wantall the decisions right, like 17
pages of options at the at therestaurant.
So I think that reminded me howyou said, like mud pies and like
(29:19):
stick forts.
If we, the parent, will agree,agree just not to overwhelm
ourselves or our kids withconsumable stuff that we have to
spend money on and just insteadgo outside with them and
facilitate this natural play outin the environment and then sit
(29:42):
back and just let them kind ofpoke around maybe, you know, be
mad that they don't have, youknow, the things they had last
summer for a while and then getbored and then all of a sudden
pick up the sticks and startpoking around the grasshoppers,
the ants, the fort that they'remaking, the tree that they could
climb.
(30:03):
It's like, oh, that is reallywhat we want, right.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Yeah, and they're not really going to know how to do
that unless we give them thatspace to try that, to experiment
with that, to maybe get mad, toget frustrated because they
don't have the toys or thebubbles and all that.
But they're going to thenrealize that there's a lot that
they can do out there.
But they won't know that unlessthey have that opportunity, if
they're overwhelmed with choices, they're not going to go to
(30:29):
that more creative, problemsolving type of play.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
And for activities too.
For the day, right.
Do you want to go swimming, orshould we go on a short hike
Right?
Just like the two choices thatare acceptable to you, the
parent.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Exactly, yeah, decision fatigue is real for us
as a parent, for our kids.
So, yes, keeping it simple, acouple ideas that you're good
with both of them, and then givethem that freedom to choose.
That gives them the feelingthat they have control too,
which we need to give our kidsthat opportunity.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Yes, oh, when you said decision fatigue, it
reminded me of just the idea ofkind of recapping what you're
going to do the next day withyour kids right before they go
to bed.
Right, hey, tomorrow's Tuesday,because in the summer it seems
like people are like what day isit?
Is it the weekend every day?
Tomorrow's Tuesday, remember?
(31:24):
We're going to go to thebutterfly pavilion and so we've
got to make sure that, once youget up, we do the things that we
need to do before we head offto the butterfly pavilion.
So what is that?
And then they kind of oh, I gotto get dressed, I have to make
my bed, I have to tidy up andeat breakfast and clean up and
brush my teeth.
I'm always like, yes, brush theteeth.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
This is a thing in our house Apparently.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
It's common everywhere.
I feel that, yes, brush theteeth, brush the teeth, brush
the teeth.
Signs everywhere brush yourteeth.
But yeah, just recapping thenight before, because when you
wake up in the morning you don'twant to start your day with
decision fatigue that overwhelmthat you wake up with going oh
what are we doing today?
(32:10):
What are my kids going tobombard me with?
It's like no, if you kind ofplan the night before, do a
little recap, remind them theseare the options and that's it,
then it sets you up for a muchmore peaceful day and more
memories to enjoy.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
I feel like yeah, and for yourself too.
Then you're like okay, we'reall on the same page here, I
know what I need to be doing toget everybody ready.
They know what they need to bedoing and things just flow so
much better.
I love that idea, and your kidsbehave better too when they
know what to expect.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
I think oh completely they do, otherwise they're
nipping at each other andeverybody's just sort of in this
state of confusion, like itseems like we're supposed to be
doing something, but I don't.
Nobody's directing us anywhere.
And so then you, as the parentI feel this anyway I start
getting agitated, because I'mgoing how long have you been on
(33:04):
the TV?
And they're like well, I don'tknow.
And they really don't know, theydon't have a real concept of
time.
If you let them loose onscreens or whatever, they just
keep the episodes keep rolling.
Whatever they're doing, justkeeps on playing.
Maybe you're working orwhatever and then everybody's
(33:25):
really upset with each other andthat, just that's a way to
really throw a wrench into apeaceful summer.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Yeah, and even if you're not going anywhere, even
if you just want your kids toplay outside in the morning, you
can prep that the night before.
Hey, in the morning, when wewake up, we're going to eat
breakfast outside and then playoutside.
So what do you need to do toget ready for that?
Speaker 1 (33:51):
And so everybody can know, okay, in the morning we're
going outside.
Yes, yes, I love this idea ofsimplifying our summer.
Is there anything else that youfeel like our listeners need to
hear about?
Just simplifying your summerand just living with more peace
and joy this summer?
Speaker 2 (34:02):
I wonder if it would help to talk about kids' artwork
at all.
I know that our kids do a tonof art.
We don't have a lot of toys,but they really, really like art
and so I think you need asystem for that to keep it from
overwhelming your house, becauseit really can if you're keeping
everything.
So I just like the idea ofworking with our kids right away
after they've created somethingand asking them, like, is this
(34:24):
ta-da or ta-dump?
Like, is this something youreally love?
Is it something you really wantto keep?
And usually they do want tokeep it.
But just this idea of askingthem and planting the seed that,
okay, I don't need to keepeverything, is helpful.
So if they do want to keep it,then what I do is I have like a
paper basket under a low kitchencabinet.
All the papers go there, theirart goes there.
(34:45):
I'm like, okay, we'll put it ina special paper spot for a
while and then, once thatbasket's full, we revisit it,
and then they have to make thereal decision do you want to
keep this or not?
We can only keep what fits inthe basket.
If they do, then they all haveportfolios, and so I think this
would be a helpful tool forparents.
(35:05):
Have an art portfolio, justlike a binder three ring binder
for your kids and then theirvery favorite pieces go in that
and then put it like in a bookbasket in their room or
something and they can lookthrough that artwork.
But again, there's a boundarythey can only keep what stays in
that portfolio.
So if a new piece that theylove is going to be put in it,
one that they don't love anymorecomes out.
(35:25):
So that's how we manage theartwork and I think it's just
important for parents too tothink about like don't keep all
this artwork for your kids.
Like when they're 35, they'renot going to want their
kindergarten self portraitthey're really not.
We talked about this a littlebit on our last conversation,
but that you're keeping thattype of stuff for yourself, so
(35:47):
not for your kids.
You really love it.
What I like to do is take apicture of the artwork and then
I make a photo book at the endof each year for our family and
I can just include art pages,pictures of artwork, in the back
of the photo book.
So when my son's 35, he mightlike to come and look at the
family photo album and see thatlittle picture that he drew for
(36:08):
a second, like, oh, that wasnice, but he's not going to want
that actual thing.
So I think that it's helpful,if you're doing a lot of art, to
have a plan for what are yougoing to do with all that paper,
so your house is not overrunwith piles of kids' artwork.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Yes, and one of the things you mentioned in episode
146 is just how I think youroldest daughter helps with
regular decluttering maintenance, right.
So once you kind of minimizethings in your home, then having
a regular routine of minimizingthings that end up starting to
(36:44):
collect again right.
And so the idea of having thatbin that you put the artwork in
if kids are like, oh, I reallywant to keep this right now that
you just revisit it and makeanother decision, you know, 30
days down the road.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Because they're not attached to it.
Yeah, they're not attached toit 30 days later, Like they are
right away.
But you can loosen thatattachment with time.
That's why I use that system.
I've really found that, like 30days later they're like oh, I
don't care about that anymore.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
So yeah, yes, and I think, as parents, since I've
started decluttering my own homeand, with my kids, their rooms,
I have really recognized thisinternal like are you sure you
want to get rid of that?
And I'm going Jordan, this isnot like, like just try to avoid
(37:31):
the urge to say that you mightbe, thinking in your mind like I
would love for you to keep that.
But if they want to junk it andtrash it, then allow them to.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Yep, take a picture of it and allow them to.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Yes, because even if they miss it, then that later
that is a lesson for them to bemore discerning about what they
get rid of right, Yep, yepabsolutely.
Woo, this is so good.
I'm telling you.
We have been to the ARC eighttimes in the past, I think six
(38:04):
weeks.
Wow With carloads of stuff.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
That is amazing.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Since our last interview.
Yes, I'm telling you youinspired me and I just had a
weekend where I sat on the patiofor like two hours.
We went out on a hike as afamily where we had to actually
drive quite a ways.
Go on the hike.
Come back, we took a nap and Iremember sitting in my living
room thinking I am not managingstuff anymore, I am enjoying my
(38:35):
time.
This is like amazing.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Exactly that's what happens.
I mean, there's one study thatsays that you reduce the amount
of time spent on housework by40% when you declutter your home
.
So if you're spending 10 hoursdeclutter or spend our 10 hours
maintaining or cleaning yourhome, you get four of those back
simply by having less stuff.
So that's what you're talkingabout.
It's that free time to sit onthe porch outside for two hours,
because you're not just needingto clean all the time or put
(39:02):
stuff away or pick stuff up.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Yes.
So I have to encourage you allplease get a copy of Julia's
book Declutter your Heart andyour Home how a Minimalist Life
Yields Maximum Joy.
We have that linked in our shownotes here it and subscribe for
our weekly newsletter, becausewe always send out links to our
(39:30):
podcast guests' website andtheir books or their products,
so that you can not only hearthis stuff but you can also
refer back to your email on howto find out more about our
guests and what they have tooffer.
But a wonderful book.
A matter of fact, if you guyswill rate and review our podcast
(39:52):
on Apple and Spotify here, in,let's say, like 30 days, we will
gather up all the names ofpeople who have reviewed our
podcast and we will entereverybody into a drawing and
we'll draw somebody's name towin a free copy of our signed
(40:13):
copy of Julia's Declutter yourHeart in your Home book.
So be sure to put your firstname, last name or last initial
and then just send us an emailto let us know that you left a
review.
That way we have your contactinformation.
Just email hello atfamiliesofcharactercom and then
(40:34):
we'll be sure to enter you intothat drawing.
Julia, thanks for being with us.
Again, thanks for the signedcopy of this book.
Thank you for helping us thinkof ways to simplify our summer
so that we can really yield anawesome, joyful, memorable
(40:54):
summer with our kids this year.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Thank you so much for having me on again, Jordan.
It's always fun talking withyou.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Yes, thank you, julia .
Guys, go to her website.
She has a great blog.
It's calledrichinwhatmatterscom.
So we know that when we areintentional and we discern our
values as a family and reallythink about the critical few
things that matter the most inour marriage, family life and
(41:21):
our faith life, that helps us tobe able to say no to all those
distracting things that mighttake us off course and to say
yes to a life that is rich inwhat matters.
So again, thank you, julia.
Thanks so much.
Yes, guys, I'll catch you onanother episode of our show real
soon.
(41:41):
If you found this helpful,please share it with your spouse
first and then have aconversation with them and also
share it with any friends inyour circle.
You help us to spread ourmessage far and wide and help us
increase our downloads.
So be sure to rate and reviewand then share this with friends
in your network.
Take care, guys, and we'llcatch you soon.
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