July 8, 2025 • 27 mins
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Technology and screens have infiltrated every corner of our lives, raising the crucial question of whether we're managing our tech or it's managing us. We explore practical strategies to help families develop healthy tech habits without losing their sanity.
• Dr. Leonard Sax identifies loss of parental authority around technology as a major factor in declining child well-being -- see Episode #100, #118, and #124 for more from Dr. Sax and check out his book, The Collapse of Parenting.
• Joey Odom, co-founder of Aro, advocates creating sacred spaces and times where phones are put away
• Five practical strategies for healthier tech habits
• Weekly family huddles provide natural opportunities to discuss tech habits and make adjustments
Visit our shop for the Tame the Tech digital bundle and printables including a Cell Phone Contract and helpful screen time checklists!
The Thriving Family Accelerator provides an easy, 3-step process to lower stress, parent as a united team, and enjoy a true friendship with your spouse & relationship with your kids. Sign up now for this live parent coaching with proven methods for positively engaging your family and redistributing the mental load.
Give $20 to keep the mic on. We're a 501 c(3) non-profit and produce this show for parents around the globe.
Discover the secrets to building a connected + thriving family. All you'll need is a few minutes of your week—it's easy!
Looking for things to combat boredom and bolster growth in your kids? Check out our Tame the Tech Bundle and the Best Me I Can Be Journal!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey friends, welcome back to the Families of
Character show.
I'm your host, jordan Langdon,and today we're talking about
something that every singleparent I know is struggling with
Screens, tech devices, whateveryou wanna call them.
They've worked their way intojust about every single corner
(00:22):
of our lives.
But here's the big question Arewe managing our tech or is it
managing us?
Listen, if you've ever foundyourself wondering how much
screen time is too much, how toset boundaries without a daily
battle, or how to model betterhabits in your own home, this
(00:46):
episode is for you.
So grab your cup of coffee orput on your walk and shoes and
let's just dig into how you canbuild healthy tech habits at
home without losing your mind.
That's important.
We all need this mind, right?
Why does this matter?
(01:07):
Well, let's start with the bigwhy.
Why is tech such a big deal infamily life right now?
Well, the average teen spendsupwards of seven to nine hours
every day on screens.
And get this every day onscreens.
(01:29):
And get this parents of teens.
Yeah, we're logging close tothe same amount.
A study by Common Sense Mediafound that parents average nine
hours of screen time daily, andonly about one and a half hours
of that is for work.
The rest is social mediatexting, gaming, streaming, you
(01:49):
name it.
So this isn't just about kidsbeing glued to their devices.
It's about all of us.
And here's the kicker Our kidslearn how to use tech by
watching us.
I know, friends, this is badnews, right, for most of us.
There's a 10% of the populationthat's probably doing a really,
(02:13):
really great job at this, butmost of us are struggling.
So let's just talk about thereal dangers of overuse.
So, according to research citedby the Institute for Family
Studies, teens who spend morethan five hours per day on
social media are 60% more likelyto have suicidal thoughts or
(02:37):
engage in self-harm, 2.8 timesmore likely to struggle with
negative body image and 30% morelikely to feel sad or depressed
.
That is not a small impact.
These stats are not meant toscare you.
They're here to wake us up.
(03:00):
Dr Leonard Sachs, the author ofthe Collapse of Parenting and
several other great books, hasspent years studying the decline
in child well-being, and we'vehad him on our show three
different times and they've beenour most popular episodes.
So if you want to listen tothose, those are episodes 100,
(03:31):
118, and 124.
And they're linked below in ourshow notes.
But Dr Leonard Sachs arguesthat one of the biggest culprits
is the loss of parentalauthority around technology.
So he recommends delayingsmartphones, taking tech out of
bedrooms and reestablishingclear, confident leadership in
the home.
(03:56):
Now let's just check out anotherguy that talks about technology
, joey Odom, a co-founder of Aro, which is a company that helps
families take back their timefrom technology.
He has an incredible story.
He realized he was missingprecious moments with his kids
(04:17):
because his phone was always inhis hand or his pocket.
Does this sound familiar?
This thing is like a Velcro tous at all times, right?
Well, that wake up call ledJoey to create Aro, which is a
system that tracks phone freetime and helps families stay
(04:40):
more present.
And one of Joey's coreprinciples is to create sacred
spaces and sacred times wherephones are out of sight.
So think dinner table, bedtimeroutines, family outings.
When the phone disappears,connection reappears.
(05:01):
So let's get super practical.
I'm going to give you fivepractical strategies to help
your family develop some healthytech habits.
Okay, if you're ready to makesome changes at home.
These, these strategies are arefive solid strategies that are
(05:22):
inspired by Dr Leonard Sachs andJoey Odom and research-backed
advice, okay.
So, number one this is a hardone to hear, but it's true.
Model what you want to see,right.
Why does this matter?
Well, kids don't learn healthyscreen habits because we tell
(05:44):
them.
They learn by watching what wedo.
Modeling is the most powerfulform of teaching, especially
when it comes to behavior.
So if we want them to bepresent, respectable and less
attached to their devices, itstarts with us.
(06:07):
What do most parents think?
Most parents think I have tohave my phone though I'm on call
for work or you know what?
I'm just checking one thing.
Well, sure, it might beimportant, but when our kids see
us constantly checking ourphones, even during meals or
family time, it normalizesdisconnection.
(06:30):
So try this instead Make smallswaps right.
Put your phone in a basket whenyou walk in the door.
Tell your kids I'm working onnot being glued to this device.
Help me be accountable.
It shows humility, it buildstrust and it gives them
permission to own their habitstoo.
(06:52):
Do you see how this createsgreat family unity to all be
working on one goal together.
Plus, it gives your kids anempowering role.
They become part of thesolution, to know they are your
accountability buddy.
So model what you want to seeNumber two create tech-free
(07:14):
zones and times.
This is huge in the home setting.
Okay, why does this matter?
Well, the brain needs quiet.
This matter.
Well, the brain needs quiet.
Our relationships need presenceand our kids need clear
boundaries around when and wheretech is okay, it's permitted.
And when you eliminate screensin certain areas or times, what
(07:39):
you're doing is you're creatingspace for real connection and
get this rest.
A disconnection from screenscan create a space for rest
which we are all starving for.
Most parents think listen, thekids need their tablet to fall
(08:00):
asleep or they're just going tosneak it anyway.
It's understandable to thinkthat way, but tech has become a
real default solution for quiettime or bedtime routines.
But the truth is, long-termeffects of late night screen use
produce disrupted sleep,exposure to harmful content,
(08:23):
right and isolation.
Those far outweigh theshort-term convenience.
So let's not go for the hack orthe easy button and just throw
them in front of the screen.
Let's go for what matters andmakes a long-term difference.
So try this instead.
Make it a family standard, afamily rule, that you dock all
(08:47):
devices in your bedroom at nightnot theirs, but you, the
parent's bedroom.
We've been doing this in ourhome for the past four years and
it is a game changer.
Okay, having any portabledevices tablets, laptops, phones
, anything that could easily betaken from room to room docked
(09:11):
in our rooms really helps kidsavoid the temptation to sneak
them to access inappropriatecontent or to just break any of
the general rules right, or tojust break any of the general
rules right.
We're called as parents toavoid leading our kids into
temptation.
So docking all devices in yourbedroom at night will solve so
(09:37):
many issues for you and thenalso make dinnertime and
bedrooms sacred spaces.
When kids know it's not justabout them, but that everyone is
following the rules you toothey're more likely to buy in
and plus, it removes thetemptation to check one more
(09:58):
thing before bed, for both youand them.
So those sacred spaces andplaces are just so important to
just set as a rule in yourfamily.
Number three practical tip writeit down right If you're going
to make new rules in your family.
Verbal agreements are supereasy to forget for you, the
(10:19):
parent, and for your child.
So a written agreement buildsclarity, accountability and a
shared vision and, whenexpectations are visible and
agreed upon, it removes anyconfusion and those pesky little
power struggles we all dealwith right, and I know you might
(10:41):
be thinking like a contract.
That feels like way too intense.
Actually, kids love structure.
They thrive when they know therules, and a tech contract helps
them understand the why behindtheir choices and your choices
and they feel more ownershipover their habits.
(11:02):
So try this instead.
Make it a conversation withyour kids, not a lecture.
Don't start this conversationwhen you're so upset about the
fact that they've just bingedfour YouTube episodes in a row.
Right, sit down, have aconversation, talk about your
family values, why you'rechoosing to limit tech and what
(11:26):
you want more of.
You want more creativity, youwant more rest, you want more
connection.
Kids are capable ofunderstanding why we set a rule
and what we're going for instead.
So be sure you're letting themknow why you're choosing to
limit tech, that you're reallyactually wanting more connection
(11:49):
, creativity and rest as afamily.
And guess what, if you don'thave a contract or are going
like what would I put in there?
Use our Tame, the Tech printable.
It's a done-for-you contractfor cell phones and then it also
in that printable packet wehave screen time checklists that
(12:11):
help kids manage theirresponsibilities before they
earn tech time, and this teachesself-regulation and
responsibility, which are twotraits every parent wants their
kid to have.
So check out our shop andsearch for the Tame the Tech
(12:33):
printable.
It's all done for you rightthere.
Here's tip number fourprioritize work before play.
Well, why does this matter?
Listen, this principle do whatyou need to do before you do
what you want to do teaches lifeskills like delayed
gratification, time managementand self-discipline or
(12:59):
self-mastery.
And if you'll listen to thatepisode 100 with Dr Leonard
Sachs, he talks about the numberone trait that helps kids to be
happy, healthy and successfulin life, and that is the skill
of self-control, self-discipline, self-mastery, being able to
(13:21):
delay gratification, right.
So if you teach kids to do whatthey need to do before they do
what they want to do, it keepstech from becoming this default
activity, because now they'reproperly ordered in doing what
needs to be done before they dowhat they want to do.
(13:45):
And I know when you're busy,you're worn out at night, guys,
I get it.
You're thinking you know whatmy kids are just relaxing after
a long day.
It's fair point.
But if the relaxing comesbefore homework, chores,
personal care it turns intoprocrastination, right?
(14:05):
Let's admit that, let'sacknowledge that, before you
know it, it's like bedtime andnothing else got done but
binging the screens.
So I want you to try this.
Instead, use one simple phraseNeeds before wants.
That can be your little familyphrase.
Hey guys, needs before wants.
(14:26):
Print that baby out, post it,have your kids make signs and
put it around the house asreminders.
Right?
Help your kids start their daywith purpose.
Kids start their day withpurpose, instead of waking up on
a Saturday morning and, youknow, shuffling to your bedroom
(14:52):
to grab their tablet and thenjust going into screen zombie
mode, you know, on multipleepisodes of their favorite show.
How about starting their day bymaking their bed, eating
breakfast, getting dressed forthe day, getting out of those
pajamas right, brushing theirteeth, taking care of the pet
right.
Then comes tech.
It sets again this rhythm thatprioritizes real life
(15:15):
responsibilities and buildsconfidence as they get things
done on their own.
So be sure you are reallyprioritizing that work becomes
first priority over play right.
Needs before wants, and then,number five, you got to provide
(15:38):
offline alternatives.
Why does this matter?
Well, just simply telling kidsto get off screens without
offering something else leads toboredom, frustration and
rebellion.
Right?
Dr Sachs wants to remind usthat if we want kids off tech,
we have to show them what to doinstead.
(16:01):
That means cultivating yourkids' interests and hobbies that
feed their brain, their bodyand their soul.
I know you might be going likeJordan they're not interested in
anything else.
Well, that's usually a signthat screens have really
hijacked their dopamine system.
(16:21):
Give them time, space and toolsand their curiosity will start
to come back.
So I want you to try this.
Instead, invest in real worldinterests, right, interests,
right.
Those offline activitiespuzzles, art kits, Legos,
(16:44):
musical instruments, engineeringboxes we love Mark Rober and
those boxes that show up on yourdoorstep once a month that take
two or three days to build forkids, right?
Really activates thatengineering part of their mind.
What about a camera?
A camera, they can go outsideand take pictures of nature.
(17:04):
Try unplugged challenges likeboard game, night, baking,
building something together.
You might need to initiate ormodel these things first, but
once your child gets a taste ofcreative freedom, their
motivation builds.
So, remember.
(17:26):
And screens, they're easy.
Right, it's the go-to easybutton, but what's easy rarely
leads to growth and properchildhood development.
So I'm not telling you this isgoing to be easy and you got to
(17:46):
expect pushback, right?
Here's the honest truth.
Your kids won't love this atfirst.
They just won't right?
There's going to be whining,there's going to be meltdowns,
but you're not doing this topunish them.
That's a really importantmessage, right?
You're doing it to protect andprepare them for the future.
(18:09):
Remember, you're raising adults.
You're raising adults who needto be able to function, be good
spouses when they get marriedand to be able to be productive
members of society who are ableto give of themselves in service
to others, to really know howto love and give of themselves.
(18:31):
If they are zombied out withscreens and addicted to these
different games and shows, it'svery hard for them to have that
balance that they need as adults.
When your kids push back,that's your chance to explain
(18:54):
the why behind your rules.
Just tell them listen, we loveyou too much to let screens take
over your creativity, yourmotivation and your
relationships.
That's why we're making anadjustment in our home.
We value connection andcreativity and we want to offer
(19:15):
you a better way.
So all of us are going toreally work to develop healthier
tech habits and to giveourselves some freedom and
disconnection from screens.
And here's a final tip likeadapt as you go, right, rules
aren't just set in stone.
(19:37):
As you get new information andyou see how the family is
adjusting, you're going to haveto tweak the rules right, but do
this as a united front.
If you're married, mostdefinitely your partner needs to
be on board with this.
So if you're hearing this andthinking, man, I think we could
really benefit from some ofthese practical tips.
(19:59):
Send this episode to yourspouse right now.
Just pause the episode, hit onthat little send button up in
the right hand corner and textit to your spouse Okay, and then
make a point of circling backto talk about this episode once
they've listened to it.
So be willing to tweak thingsas you need to, but don't be
(20:22):
afraid to say no to screens.
This is really, reallyimportant.
You have full permission to dothings different than the way
parents in the majority of ourculture are doing things, and
it's really going to benefityour family.
I would not jump on the mic andgive you this advice if it
wasn't advice I had alreadytaken myself and implemented in
(20:47):
my home.
Josh and I are huge fans ofregulating screen time and not
allowing our kids to just have acomputer in their pocket or in
their bedrooms.
This is so, so important.
So if you have furtherquestions, please feel free to
reach out to me and ask me yourpersonal questions about screen
(21:09):
time issues.
You can always email at helloat families of charactercom.
Another really cool thing youcan do, guys, is just having a
weekly family huddle where youcheck in.
Right?
We've been huddling up for, youknow, six years had over 300
family huddles.
Each Sunday we huddle up and wetalk about our calendar and
(21:31):
what's coming next.
So our kids are prepared andknow and we're not the only ones
that keep the calendarinformation.
Then we talk about things likethis right, how are we doing
with limiting screen time?
What activities have we engagedin that we love that.
We want to do more of Boardgames puzzles.
Love that.
(21:54):
We want to do more of Boardgames puzzles.
Right, flying the RC airplane,like?
Let's do that more often.
So if you huddle up once a weekand you make a habit of having a
family huddle, that's a greatplace to talk about this issue.
It's a natural meeting pointwhere your kids can look forward
to a conversation aboutsomething.
So just know that in all ofthis tech stuff and healthy
(22:16):
habits, your kids they'reprobably going to try to find
some loopholes, right, and ifthey do listen, it's not a
failure.
It's an opportunity for you tokind of outsmart your kids
together as a team, right.
And hey, they're developingcritical thinking skills right,
so don't get so mad at them ifthey find a loophole.
(22:39):
Your kids are developing skillsto find out how to get what
they want when they want it.
Our job as parents is just toregulate that for the good Guys.
None of us are going to getthis perfect.
I want to say that right nowit's not about getting this tech
thing perfect, but we can andwant to be intentional, right.
(23:03):
We can lead by example and wecan really be build a home
environment where people mattermore than pixels.
So if you want more informationabout tech and healthy tech
habits and the effects on kidsand adults, please visit our
(23:24):
number one most downloadedepisode of all times, episode
number 100 with Dr Leonard Sachs.
All times Episode number 100with Dr Leonard Sachs.
He offers even more researchbehind why these healthy tech
habits make all the difference.
And check out the show notesfor links to our Tame the Tech
digital bundle that's on saleand our Tame the Tech printable,
(23:50):
which includes that cell phonecontract and other helpful
screen time checklists for yourkids.
You can find that in our shopat familiesofcharactercom.
You got this friend.
We are here to help you everystep of the way.
(24:11):
When I say I'm always in yourcorner, check out my email
signature.
I mean that I am always in yourcorner.
I'm here to help you any waythat I can.
So stay strong, commit to somehealthier tech habits in your
home and do it with confidenceand courage, knowing this is the
(24:34):
best gift you can give yourkids.
Until next time, stay strong,stay united and keep raising
those kids of character.
I'll catch you on anotherepisode of our show real soon.
Don't forget to check us out onYouTube and subscribe there as
(24:55):
well.
Take care.
Hey friends, welcome back to the Families of
Character show.
I'm your host, jordan Langdon,and today we're talking about
something that every singleparent I know is struggling with
Screens, tech devices, whateveryou wanna call them.
They've worked their way intojust about every single corner
(00:22):
of our lives.
But here's the big question Arewe managing our tech or is it
managing us?
Listen, if you've ever foundyourself wondering how much
screen time is too much, how toset boundaries without a daily
battle, or how to model betterhabits in your own home, this
(00:46):
episode is for you.
So grab your cup of coffee orput on your walk and shoes and
let's just dig into how you canbuild healthy tech habits at
home without losing your mind.
That's important.
We all need this mind, right?
Why does this matter?
(01:07):
Well, let's start with the bigwhy.
Why is tech such a big deal infamily life right now?
Well, the average teen spendsupwards of seven to nine hours
every day on screens.
And get this every day onscreens.
(01:29):
And get this parents of teens.
Yeah, we're logging close tothe same amount.
A study by Common Sense Mediafound that parents average nine
hours of screen time daily, andonly about one and a half hours
of that is for work.
The rest is social mediatexting, gaming, streaming, you
(01:49):
name it.
So this isn't just about kidsbeing glued to their devices.
It's about all of us.
And here's the kicker Our kidslearn how to use tech by
watching us.
I know, friends, this is badnews, right, for most of us.
There's a 10% of the populationthat's probably doing a really,
(02:13):
really great job at this, butmost of us are struggling.
So let's just talk about thereal dangers of overuse.
So, according to research citedby the Institute for Family
Studies, teens who spend morethan five hours per day on
social media are 60% more likelyto have suicidal thoughts or
(02:37):
engage in self-harm, 2.8 timesmore likely to struggle with
negative body image and 30% morelikely to feel sad or depressed
.
That is not a small impact.
These stats are not meant toscare you.
They're here to wake us up.
(03:00):
Dr Leonard Sachs, the author ofthe Collapse of Parenting and
several other great books, hasspent years studying the decline
in child well-being, and we'vehad him on our show three
different times and they've beenour most popular episodes.
So if you want to listen tothose, those are episodes 100,
(03:31):
118, and 124.
And they're linked below in ourshow notes.
But Dr Leonard Sachs arguesthat one of the biggest culprits
is the loss of parentalauthority around technology.
So he recommends delayingsmartphones, taking tech out of
bedrooms and reestablishingclear, confident leadership in
the home.
(03:56):
Now let's just check out anotherguy that talks about technology
, joey Odom, a co-founder of Aro, which is a company that helps
families take back their timefrom technology.
He has an incredible story.
He realized he was missingprecious moments with his kids
(04:17):
because his phone was always inhis hand or his pocket.
Does this sound familiar?
This thing is like a Velcro tous at all times, right?
Well, that wake up call ledJoey to create Aro, which is a
system that tracks phone freetime and helps families stay
(04:40):
more present.
And one of Joey's coreprinciples is to create sacred
spaces and sacred times wherephones are out of sight.
So think dinner table, bedtimeroutines, family outings.
When the phone disappears,connection reappears.
(05:01):
So let's get super practical.
I'm going to give you fivepractical strategies to help
your family develop some healthytech habits.
Okay, if you're ready to makesome changes at home.
These, these strategies are arefive solid strategies that are
(05:22):
inspired by Dr Leonard Sachs andJoey Odom and research-backed
advice, okay.
So, number one this is a hardone to hear, but it's true.
Model what you want to see,right.
Why does this matter?
Well, kids don't learn healthyscreen habits because we tell
(05:44):
them.
They learn by watching what wedo.
Modeling is the most powerfulform of teaching, especially
when it comes to behavior.
So if we want them to bepresent, respectable and less
attached to their devices, itstarts with us.
(06:07):
What do most parents think?
Most parents think I have tohave my phone though I'm on call
for work or you know what?
I'm just checking one thing.
Well, sure, it might beimportant, but when our kids see
us constantly checking ourphones, even during meals or
family time, it normalizesdisconnection.
(06:30):
So try this instead Make smallswaps right.
Put your phone in a basket whenyou walk in the door.
Tell your kids I'm working onnot being glued to this device.
Help me be accountable.
It shows humility, it buildstrust and it gives them
permission to own their habitstoo.
(06:52):
Do you see how this createsgreat family unity to all be
working on one goal together.
Plus, it gives your kids anempowering role.
They become part of thesolution, to know they are your
accountability buddy.
So model what you want to seeNumber two create tech-free
(07:14):
zones and times.
This is huge in the home setting.
Okay, why does this matter?
Well, the brain needs quiet.
This matter.
Well, the brain needs quiet.
Our relationships need presenceand our kids need clear
boundaries around when and wheretech is okay, it's permitted.
And when you eliminate screensin certain areas or times, what
(07:39):
you're doing is you're creatingspace for real connection and
get this rest.
A disconnection from screenscan create a space for rest
which we are all starving for.
Most parents think listen, thekids need their tablet to fall
(08:00):
asleep or they're just going tosneak it anyway.
It's understandable to thinkthat way, but tech has become a
real default solution for quiettime or bedtime routines.
But the truth is, long-termeffects of late night screen use
produce disrupted sleep,exposure to harmful content,
(08:23):
right and isolation.
Those far outweigh theshort-term convenience.
So let's not go for the hack orthe easy button and just throw
them in front of the screen.
Let's go for what matters andmakes a long-term difference.
So try this instead.
Make it a family standard, afamily rule, that you dock all
(08:47):
devices in your bedroom at nightnot theirs, but you, the
parent's bedroom.
We've been doing this in ourhome for the past four years and
it is a game changer.
Okay, having any portabledevices tablets, laptops, phones
, anything that could easily betaken from room to room docked
(09:11):
in our rooms really helps kidsavoid the temptation to sneak
them to access inappropriatecontent or to just break any of
the general rules right, or tojust break any of the general
rules right.
We're called as parents toavoid leading our kids into
temptation.
So docking all devices in yourbedroom at night will solve so
(09:37):
many issues for you and thenalso make dinnertime and
bedrooms sacred spaces.
When kids know it's not justabout them, but that everyone is
following the rules you toothey're more likely to buy in
and plus, it removes thetemptation to check one more
(09:58):
thing before bed, for both youand them.
So those sacred spaces andplaces are just so important to
just set as a rule in yourfamily.
Number three practical tip writeit down right If you're going
to make new rules in your family.
Verbal agreements are supereasy to forget for you, the
(10:19):
parent, and for your child.
So a written agreement buildsclarity, accountability and a
shared vision and, whenexpectations are visible and
agreed upon, it removes anyconfusion and those pesky little
power struggles we all dealwith right, and I know you might
(10:41):
be thinking like a contract.
That feels like way too intense.
Actually, kids love structure.
They thrive when they know therules, and a tech contract helps
them understand the why behindtheir choices and your choices
and they feel more ownershipover their habits.
(11:02):
So try this instead.
Make it a conversation withyour kids, not a lecture.
Don't start this conversationwhen you're so upset about the
fact that they've just bingedfour YouTube episodes in a row.
Right, sit down, have aconversation, talk about your
family values, why you'rechoosing to limit tech and what
(11:26):
you want more of.
You want more creativity, youwant more rest, you want more
connection.
Kids are capable ofunderstanding why we set a rule
and what we're going for instead.
So be sure you're letting themknow why you're choosing to
limit tech, that you're reallyactually wanting more connection
(11:49):
, creativity and rest as afamily.
And guess what, if you don'thave a contract or are going
like what would I put in there?
Use our Tame, the Tech printable.
It's a done-for-you contractfor cell phones and then it also
in that printable packet wehave screen time checklists that
(12:11):
help kids manage theirresponsibilities before they
earn tech time, and this teachesself-regulation and
responsibility, which are twotraits every parent wants their
kid to have.
So check out our shop andsearch for the Tame the Tech
(12:33):
printable.
It's all done for you rightthere.
Here's tip number fourprioritize work before play.
Well, why does this matter?
Listen, this principle do whatyou need to do before you do
what you want to do teaches lifeskills like delayed
gratification, time managementand self-discipline or
(12:59):
self-mastery.
And if you'll listen to thatepisode 100 with Dr Leonard
Sachs, he talks about the numberone trait that helps kids to be
happy, healthy and successfulin life, and that is the skill
of self-control, self-discipline, self-mastery, being able to
(13:21):
delay gratification, right.
So if you teach kids to do whatthey need to do before they do
what they want to do, it keepstech from becoming this default
activity, because now they'reproperly ordered in doing what
needs to be done before they dowhat they want to do.
(13:45):
And I know when you're busy,you're worn out at night, guys,
I get it.
You're thinking you know whatmy kids are just relaxing after
a long day.
It's fair point.
But if the relaxing comesbefore homework, chores,
personal care it turns intoprocrastination, right?
(14:05):
Let's admit that, let'sacknowledge that, before you
know it, it's like bedtime andnothing else got done but
binging the screens.
So I want you to try this.
Instead, use one simple phraseNeeds before wants.
That can be your little familyphrase.
Hey guys, needs before wants.
(14:26):
Print that baby out, post it,have your kids make signs and
put it around the house asreminders.
Right?
Help your kids start their daywith purpose.
Kids start their day withpurpose, instead of waking up on
a Saturday morning and, youknow, shuffling to your bedroom
(14:52):
to grab their tablet and thenjust going into screen zombie
mode, you know, on multipleepisodes of their favorite show.
How about starting their day bymaking their bed, eating
breakfast, getting dressed forthe day, getting out of those
pajamas right, brushing theirteeth, taking care of the pet
right.
Then comes tech.
It sets again this rhythm thatprioritizes real life
(15:15):
responsibilities and buildsconfidence as they get things
done on their own.
So be sure you are reallyprioritizing that work becomes
first priority over play right.
Needs before wants, and then,number five, you got to provide
(15:38):
offline alternatives.
Why does this matter?
Well, just simply telling kidsto get off screens without
offering something else leads toboredom, frustration and
rebellion.
Right?
Dr Sachs wants to remind usthat if we want kids off tech,
we have to show them what to doinstead.
(16:01):
That means cultivating yourkids' interests and hobbies that
feed their brain, their bodyand their soul.
I know you might be going likeJordan they're not interested in
anything else.
Well, that's usually a signthat screens have really
hijacked their dopamine system.
(16:21):
Give them time, space and toolsand their curiosity will start
to come back.
So I want you to try this.
Instead, invest in real worldinterests, right, interests,
right.
Those offline activitiespuzzles, art kits, Legos,
(16:44):
musical instruments, engineeringboxes we love Mark Rober and
those boxes that show up on yourdoorstep once a month that take
two or three days to build forkids, right?
Really activates thatengineering part of their mind.
What about a camera?
A camera, they can go outsideand take pictures of nature.
(17:04):
Try unplugged challenges likeboard game, night, baking,
building something together.
You might need to initiate ormodel these things first, but
once your child gets a taste ofcreative freedom, their
motivation builds.
So, remember.
(17:26):
And screens, they're easy.
Right, it's the go-to easybutton, but what's easy rarely
leads to growth and properchildhood development.
So I'm not telling you this isgoing to be easy and you got to
(17:46):
expect pushback, right?
Here's the honest truth.
Your kids won't love this atfirst.
They just won't right?
There's going to be whining,there's going to be meltdowns,
but you're not doing this topunish them.
That's a really importantmessage, right?
You're doing it to protect andprepare them for the future.
(18:09):
Remember, you're raising adults.
You're raising adults who needto be able to function, be good
spouses when they get marriedand to be able to be productive
members of society who are ableto give of themselves in service
to others, to really know howto love and give of themselves.
(18:31):
If they are zombied out withscreens and addicted to these
different games and shows, it'svery hard for them to have that
balance that they need as adults.
When your kids push back,that's your chance to explain
(18:54):
the why behind your rules.
Just tell them listen, we loveyou too much to let screens take
over your creativity, yourmotivation and your
relationships.
That's why we're making anadjustment in our home.
We value connection andcreativity and we want to offer
(19:15):
you a better way.
So all of us are going toreally work to develop healthier
tech habits and to giveourselves some freedom and
disconnection from screens.
And here's a final tip likeadapt as you go, right, rules
aren't just set in stone.
(19:37):
As you get new information andyou see how the family is
adjusting, you're going to haveto tweak the rules right, but do
this as a united front.
If you're married, mostdefinitely your partner needs to
be on board with this.
So if you're hearing this andthinking, man, I think we could
really benefit from some ofthese practical tips.
(19:59):
Send this episode to yourspouse right now.
Just pause the episode, hit onthat little send button up in
the right hand corner and textit to your spouse Okay, and then
make a point of circling backto talk about this episode once
they've listened to it.
So be willing to tweak thingsas you need to, but don't be
(20:22):
afraid to say no to screens.
This is really, reallyimportant.
You have full permission to dothings different than the way
parents in the majority of ourculture are doing things, and
it's really going to benefityour family.
I would not jump on the mic andgive you this advice if it
wasn't advice I had alreadytaken myself and implemented in
(20:47):
my home.
Josh and I are huge fans ofregulating screen time and not
allowing our kids to just have acomputer in their pocket or in
their bedrooms.
This is so, so important.
So if you have furtherquestions, please feel free to
reach out to me and ask me yourpersonal questions about screen
(21:09):
time issues.
You can always email at helloat families of charactercom.
Another really cool thing youcan do, guys, is just having a
weekly family huddle where youcheck in.
Right?
We've been huddling up for, youknow, six years had over 300
family huddles.
Each Sunday we huddle up and wetalk about our calendar and
(21:31):
what's coming next.
So our kids are prepared andknow and we're not the only ones
that keep the calendarinformation.
Then we talk about things likethis right, how are we doing
with limiting screen time?
What activities have we engagedin that we love that.
We want to do more of Boardgames puzzles.
Love that.
(21:54):
We want to do more of Boardgames puzzles.
Right, flying the RC airplane,like?
Let's do that more often.
So if you huddle up once a weekand you make a habit of having a
family huddle, that's a greatplace to talk about this issue.
It's a natural meeting pointwhere your kids can look forward
to a conversation aboutsomething.
So just know that in all ofthis tech stuff and healthy
(22:16):
habits, your kids they'reprobably going to try to find
some loopholes, right, and ifthey do listen, it's not a
failure.
It's an opportunity for you tokind of outsmart your kids
together as a team, right.
And hey, they're developingcritical thinking skills right,
so don't get so mad at them ifthey find a loophole.
(22:39):
Your kids are developing skillsto find out how to get what
they want when they want it.
Our job as parents is just toregulate that for the good Guys.
None of us are going to getthis perfect.
I want to say that right nowit's not about getting this tech
thing perfect, but we can andwant to be intentional, right.
(23:03):
We can lead by example and wecan really be build a home
environment where people mattermore than pixels.
So if you want more informationabout tech and healthy tech
habits and the effects on kidsand adults, please visit our
(23:24):
number one most downloadedepisode of all times, episode
number 100 with Dr Leonard Sachs.
All times Episode number 100with Dr Leonard Sachs.
He offers even more researchbehind why these healthy tech
habits make all the difference.
And check out the show notesfor links to our Tame the Tech
digital bundle that's on saleand our Tame the Tech printable,
(23:50):
which includes that cell phonecontract and other helpful
screen time checklists for yourkids.
You can find that in our shopat familiesofcharactercom.
You got this friend.
We are here to help you everystep of the way.
(24:11):
When I say I'm always in yourcorner, check out my email
signature.
I mean that I am always in yourcorner.
I'm here to help you any waythat I can.
So stay strong, commit to somehealthier tech habits in your
home and do it with confidenceand courage, knowing this is the
(24:34):
best gift you can give yourkids.
Until next time, stay strong,stay united and keep raising
those kids of character.
I'll catch you on anotherepisode of our show real soon.
Don't forget to check us out onYouTube and subscribe there as
(24:55):
well.
Take care.
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