October 7, 2025 • 16 mins
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Money isn’t out to get us—but the way we relate to it can either pull us apart or pull us closer. We open a four-part journey on money and marriage with a simple reframing: cash is a tool, not a tyrant. From there, we dig into what actually drives most “money fights”: clashing values, childhood scripts, and unspoken fears that steer daily choices without us realizing it.
This episode goes over:
• money as a neutral tool, not an enemy
• research linking money talks to stronger marriages
• unity and long-term goals over income level
• stewardship, shared ownership, and generosity
• a practical 20-minute spouse conversation challenge
Share this with your spouse and another couple who needs peace around money!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey there, families of character.
(00:02):
Welcome back to the show, aplace where we get real about
marriage, parenting, andbuilding up strong families in a
world that is constantly tryingto tear us down.
I'm your host, Jordan Langdon,and today we're going straight
to the heart of something thataffects every marriage.
(00:25):
Money.
Yep, that one word can cause somuch tension and stress and
misunderstanding.
This is the first episode in ourfour-part series, all about
money and marriage.
And I promise you, by the end ofthese four episodes, you'll not
(00:46):
only see money differently,you'll start to fight less and
work more as a united team.
And isn't this what we all want?
So let's dive in.
First of all, I want to ask thequestion: is money really the
problem?
Many times you hear people say,money is the root of all evil.
(01:10):
Right?
That phrase gets tossed aroundso much that we just accept it
as truth, right?
But here's the thing (01:17):
that's actually not what Scripture
tells us.
In 1 Timothy chapter 6, verse10, St.
Paul writes, for the love ofmoney is the root of all evil.
Not money itself, the love ofmoney, the obsession, the fear,
(01:39):
the anxiety about money, and thecontrol.
But money is just a tool.
It's neutral.
It's like fire.
You can use it to cook yourdinner or you can use it to burn
your house down.
It all depends on how you use itand who you are using it with.
(02:01):
So today we're gonna bust themyth that money is the root of
all problems and get to the realissue behind why so many couples
struggle with it.
So let me hit you with someresearch that might challenge
your assumptions.
A 2023 study by Ramsey Solutionsfound that couples who regularly
(02:23):
talk about money aresignificantly more likely to
describe their marriage as astrong marriage.
And in fact, 87% of couples whosay they have a great marriage
also say they set long-termfinancial goals together.
Long-term, that means thinkingmore about the future than just
(02:48):
simply the day to day or livingmonth to month.
And here's the crazy thing (02:52):
it's not just about how much money
you have or you make as acouple, because couples making
$40,000 a year who communicateand plan actually report more
satisfaction than couplesearning over six figures, who
(03:15):
constantly argue or keepsecrets, financial secrets from
one another.
And get this (03:22):
according to the Harvard Grant study, which
tracked couples over 75 years,one of the strongest predictors
of long-term maritalsatisfaction wasn't income.
It was shared financial valuesand goals.
Now let that sink in.
(03:43):
It's not about your bankaccount, it's about your unity.
Why do we fight about money?
Money arguments aren't reallyeven about money.
They're about values, actuallyabout priorities, about how you
view the world.
(04:05):
One spouse might spend to feelsecure, right?
Kind of thinking, let's enjoythe present.
We deserve this.
And the other might saveobsessively.
What if we don't have enoughtomorrow?
We got to keep, you know,thousands of dollars under the
mattress.
These are rooted in stories thatwe've lived, beliefs that we've
(04:28):
inherited from our parents,maybe even our grandparents.
And sometimes they even comefrom wounds that we just haven't
healed or addressed.
Money is emotional.
It represents freedom, safety,power, status, even love.
(04:50):
At least that's what culturewill have us think.
So when you argue about it, it'snot just about dollars, it's
about deeper things.
And the solution to arguing,right, isn't to win the
argument, it's to understandeach other, to get curious about
(05:11):
what your spouse believes aboutmoney.
And we'll talk more about kindof money mindset in the coming
episodes.
But for now, just remember thatdifferences aren't the problem
is.
Now let's look at what our faithsays about money.
(05:33):
Let's revisit that.
Well, the Catechism of theCatholic Church says in
paragraph 2404, in his use ofthings, man should regard the
external goods he legitimatelyowns, not merely as exclusive to
himself, but common to others.
(05:53):
So yes, we own things, but notto hoard them.
We are called to steward themoney that we are given,
especially within marriage,where to become one, right?
In other words, it's not hismoney or her money, it's our
(06:15):
money.
And it's meant to serve ourfamily, our community, and
ultimately God.
We are not called to fear moneyor to idolize it, but instead to
put it in its proper place,right?
That's the Christian way.
(06:37):
Now I want to share somethingwith you that older couples wish
they had done differently.
Um, I just want to step back fora moment and just share with
you.
When I uh sat down and readthrough a series of interviews
and studies, along with plentyof conversations that I've
personally had with couples whohave been married for 30 or 40,
(07:01):
50 years, some consistentregrets came up between these
couples when it comes to money.
And here are a few of thoseregrets.
One theme or regret is I wish wehad talked about money sooner
and more often.
So many couples admitted thatthey avoided financial
(07:24):
conversations early on becausethey were in the honeymoon
phase.
They were getting along well,they were going out with their
friends before they hadchildren.
They didn't want to rock theboat, they didn't want to make
the other person feeluncomfortable or cause a fight.
But guess what?
That silence led to biggerproblems down the road.
Debt they got into, mistrustwith money, and resentment.
(07:50):
Another regret that marriedcouples say that they have when
it comes to money is I wish wehad worked as a team right from
the beginning when it comes toour finances.
A lot of older couples admittedthat, you know, one person
managed all the money in therelationship and the other one
(08:10):
felt left out or frustrated.
They now see the importance ofboth spouses being involved in
the budgeting and the planningprocess, even if that means that
one of them is morenumbers-oriented.
It wasn't about balance, likeyou do half of the work and I do
half of the work.
(08:30):
It's a 50-50, but it's aboutboth contributing to the
conversations, the goals, andthe plans of the family budget.
Another thing that came acrosswas that we should have created
a budget together and actuallystuck with it.
Right.
And not just any budget, butthese couples say a budget that
(08:52):
reflected their shared values,something that honored both
their needs and their dreams andallowed them to give, save, and
spend with purpose.
And another thing, I wish we'dbeen more generous.
This one surprised me, but somany older couples said they
(09:13):
regret not giving more when theywere young, even when they
didn't have much to give.
Because as they grow older, theyrealize that generosity formed
their hearts more than anysavings account ever did.
So they would have given morewhen they were young versus
(09:35):
having that deficit mindset,thinking we aren't in a position
where we could give.
They realize that giving tocharitable causes is what helps
their hearts be full versus, youknow, saving that extra dime or
or you know, saving up orspending on something that the
(09:56):
family has been sort of piningover for a period of time.
And another one is that we focustoo much on things and not
enough on meaning.
Guys, this one is huge, right?
It's easy to chase the biggerhouse, the better car, the
(10:17):
vacations that everybody postsabout on social media.
But then we miss the opportunityto use money as a tool for
mission.
And that's what we have beendesigned for, is to be on
mission with our spouse and ourfamily, that we have a purpose,
that we are doing something outin the community to bring them
(10:40):
closer to God, right?
And so if we're chasing what theworld says is, you know,
success, the car, the house, theshopping spree, whatever, we're
really missing the opportunityto use money as a tool for
mission.
And guys, these couples weren'tbeating themselves up.
(11:01):
They were simply sharing wisdomwith our community.
And we'd be smart to listen,right?
In your early years of marriage,or even if you've been married a
while, know this.
It is never too late to have theconversations these couples wish
they would have had.
(11:21):
So here's a call to teamwork.
Your challenge this week.
I want you to set aside 20minutes with your spouse.
Now you're gonna have to putthis on the calendar because you
and I both know as busy parents,if it's not on the calendar, it
doesn't happen.
So pick a spot on your calendarwhere you're gonna have no
(11:43):
distractions, no phones, butit's just the two of you.
If you have young kids, this islikely gonna be after they've
gone to bed for the night orbefore they open their eyes
early in the morning, whicheverworks best for you as a couple.
But set aside 20 minutes withyour spouse and ask each other
(12:04):
these questions.
What does financial peace looklike to you?
What did money feel like growingup?
And what are your biggest hopesand some of your biggest fears
around money?
Now I know some of you arethinking, these are generic,
these are general questions.
(12:26):
Guys, when you're in theday-to-day blocking and tackling
all the things that are comingup on your family calendar, it's
so important to zoom out andtake a look at these more
general questions that get youdreaming and get you visualizing
what it is you want big picturefor your family.
(12:47):
So take these seriously.
What does financial peace looklike to you?
No judgment.
Don't judge your partner, justallow them to answer however
they heard the question.
What does money feel likegrowing up?
And what are your biggest hopesand some of your biggest fears
around money?
And if you're stuck, I want youto just start with a simple
(13:10):
prayer, right?
Lord, help us to become goodstewards of what you have given
us.
Help us to use our money, notfor control or comfort, but for
love, purpose, and unity.
Amen.
Remember, you're not enemies,you're allies.
(13:30):
You are on the same team, tryingto get your family down the
field towards the end zone,which is heaven, right?
Marriage is not a tug of war,folks.
It's a shared mission.
And when you choose to be a teamwith money, I'm telling you, you
don't just solve financialproblems.
(13:52):
You grow closer in trust, love,and even holiness.
So if today's episode stirredsomething up in your heart, just
know this.
This is just the beginning.
We have some great guests comingup on our show that are gonna
talk about their experience withfinances in the context of their
(14:13):
marriage and family life.
So let me give you a littlepreview of what's coming up.
We're gonna talk about the fivetop things married couples argue
about when it comes to money.
We're also going to talk aboutsome things that couples fail to
plan for, which is retirementand life when their kids leave
(14:35):
the nest.
Okay.
And we're gonna talk about howto do finances without fighting.
Okay.
So I want you to stay tuned andI want to just close us with a
little prayer.
Hey, I haven't done this on thepodcast yet, but I care about
y'all.
I care about you.
You're on my mind, in my heart.
(14:55):
And uh I just want to close thisepisode with a prayer.
Lord, you are the giver of allgood gifts.
Help us to use money not as asource of division between us,
but as a tool for love,generosity, and peace in our
marriage.
(15:16):
Teach us to trust you with ourneeds, to be faithful stewards,
and to walk in unity as husbandand wife.
Amen.
Friends, that's it for today.
Again, if this episodeencouraged you, would you please
share it with another couple whocould use some peace around the
(15:37):
topic of money?
And by all means, share it withyour spouse.
This is a great episode to getyou over that uncomfortable hump
of starting the conversationabout your finances if you
haven't already.
So hit the little box with thearrow up on your uh podcast
player and share it in a textmessage to your spouse or
(15:58):
forward our email on to someonein your network who could really
hear this message and stay tunedfor the episodes following.
And by the way, don't forget tosubscribe so that you will get
the next episodes of our podcastautomatically.
I'll catch you next time onanother episode of our show.
(16:19):
In the meantime, know that weare always in your corner.
Hey there, families of character.
(00:02):
Welcome back to the show, aplace where we get real about
marriage, parenting, andbuilding up strong families in a
world that is constantly tryingto tear us down.
I'm your host, Jordan Langdon,and today we're going straight
to the heart of something thataffects every marriage.
(00:25):
Money.
Yep, that one word can cause somuch tension and stress and
misunderstanding.
This is the first episode in ourfour-part series, all about
money and marriage.
And I promise you, by the end ofthese four episodes, you'll not
(00:46):
only see money differently,you'll start to fight less and
work more as a united team.
And isn't this what we all want?
So let's dive in.
First of all, I want to ask thequestion: is money really the
problem?
Many times you hear people say,money is the root of all evil.
(01:10):
Right?
That phrase gets tossed aroundso much that we just accept it
as truth, right?
But here's the thing (01:17):
that's actually not what Scripture
tells us.
In 1 Timothy chapter 6, verse10, St.
Paul writes, for the love ofmoney is the root of all evil.
Not money itself, the love ofmoney, the obsession, the fear,
(01:39):
the anxiety about money, and thecontrol.
But money is just a tool.
It's neutral.
It's like fire.
You can use it to cook yourdinner or you can use it to burn
your house down.
It all depends on how you use itand who you are using it with.
(02:01):
So today we're gonna bust themyth that money is the root of
all problems and get to the realissue behind why so many couples
struggle with it.
So let me hit you with someresearch that might challenge
your assumptions.
A 2023 study by Ramsey Solutionsfound that couples who regularly
(02:23):
talk about money aresignificantly more likely to
describe their marriage as astrong marriage.
And in fact, 87% of couples whosay they have a great marriage
also say they set long-termfinancial goals together.
Long-term, that means thinkingmore about the future than just
(02:48):
simply the day to day or livingmonth to month.
And here's the crazy thing (02:52):
it's not just about how much money
you have or you make as acouple, because couples making
$40,000 a year who communicateand plan actually report more
satisfaction than couplesearning over six figures, who
(03:15):
constantly argue or keepsecrets, financial secrets from
one another.
And get this (03:22):
according to the Harvard Grant study, which
tracked couples over 75 years,one of the strongest predictors
of long-term maritalsatisfaction wasn't income.
It was shared financial valuesand goals.
Now let that sink in.
(03:43):
It's not about your bankaccount, it's about your unity.
Why do we fight about money?
Money arguments aren't reallyeven about money.
They're about values, actuallyabout priorities, about how you
view the world.
(04:05):
One spouse might spend to feelsecure, right?
Kind of thinking, let's enjoythe present.
We deserve this.
And the other might saveobsessively.
What if we don't have enoughtomorrow?
We got to keep, you know,thousands of dollars under the
mattress.
These are rooted in stories thatwe've lived, beliefs that we've
(04:28):
inherited from our parents,maybe even our grandparents.
And sometimes they even comefrom wounds that we just haven't
healed or addressed.
Money is emotional.
It represents freedom, safety,power, status, even love.
(04:50):
At least that's what culturewill have us think.
So when you argue about it, it'snot just about dollars, it's
about deeper things.
And the solution to arguing,right, isn't to win the
argument, it's to understandeach other, to get curious about
(05:11):
what your spouse believes aboutmoney.
And we'll talk more about kindof money mindset in the coming
episodes.
But for now, just remember thatdifferences aren't the problem
is.
Now let's look at what our faithsays about money.
(05:33):
Let's revisit that.
Well, the Catechism of theCatholic Church says in
paragraph 2404, in his use ofthings, man should regard the
external goods he legitimatelyowns, not merely as exclusive to
himself, but common to others.
(05:53):
So yes, we own things, but notto hoard them.
We are called to steward themoney that we are given,
especially within marriage,where to become one, right?
In other words, it's not hismoney or her money, it's our
(06:15):
money.
And it's meant to serve ourfamily, our community, and
ultimately God.
We are not called to fear moneyor to idolize it, but instead to
put it in its proper place,right?
That's the Christian way.
(06:37):
Now I want to share somethingwith you that older couples wish
they had done differently.
Um, I just want to step back fora moment and just share with
you.
When I uh sat down and readthrough a series of interviews
and studies, along with plentyof conversations that I've
personally had with couples whohave been married for 30 or 40,
(07:01):
50 years, some consistentregrets came up between these
couples when it comes to money.
And here are a few of thoseregrets.
One theme or regret is I wish wehad talked about money sooner
and more often.
So many couples admitted thatthey avoided financial
(07:24):
conversations early on becausethey were in the honeymoon
phase.
They were getting along well,they were going out with their
friends before they hadchildren.
They didn't want to rock theboat, they didn't want to make
the other person feeluncomfortable or cause a fight.
But guess what?
That silence led to biggerproblems down the road.
Debt they got into, mistrustwith money, and resentment.
(07:50):
Another regret that marriedcouples say that they have when
it comes to money is I wish wehad worked as a team right from
the beginning when it comes toour finances.
A lot of older couples admittedthat, you know, one person
managed all the money in therelationship and the other one
(08:10):
felt left out or frustrated.
They now see the importance ofboth spouses being involved in
the budgeting and the planningprocess, even if that means that
one of them is morenumbers-oriented.
It wasn't about balance, likeyou do half of the work and I do
half of the work.
(08:30):
It's a 50-50, but it's aboutboth contributing to the
conversations, the goals, andthe plans of the family budget.
Another thing that came acrosswas that we should have created
a budget together and actuallystuck with it.
Right.
And not just any budget, butthese couples say a budget that
(08:52):
reflected their shared values,something that honored both
their needs and their dreams andallowed them to give, save, and
spend with purpose.
And another thing, I wish we'dbeen more generous.
This one surprised me, but somany older couples said they
(09:13):
regret not giving more when theywere young, even when they
didn't have much to give.
Because as they grow older, theyrealize that generosity formed
their hearts more than anysavings account ever did.
So they would have given morewhen they were young versus
(09:35):
having that deficit mindset,thinking we aren't in a position
where we could give.
They realize that giving tocharitable causes is what helps
their hearts be full versus, youknow, saving that extra dime or
or you know, saving up orspending on something that the
(09:56):
family has been sort of piningover for a period of time.
And another one is that we focustoo much on things and not
enough on meaning.
Guys, this one is huge, right?
It's easy to chase the biggerhouse, the better car, the
(10:17):
vacations that everybody postsabout on social media.
But then we miss the opportunityto use money as a tool for
mission.
And that's what we have beendesigned for, is to be on
mission with our spouse and ourfamily, that we have a purpose,
that we are doing something outin the community to bring them
(10:40):
closer to God, right?
And so if we're chasing what theworld says is, you know,
success, the car, the house, theshopping spree, whatever, we're
really missing the opportunityto use money as a tool for
mission.
And guys, these couples weren'tbeating themselves up.
(11:01):
They were simply sharing wisdomwith our community.
And we'd be smart to listen,right?
In your early years of marriage,or even if you've been married a
while, know this.
It is never too late to have theconversations these couples wish
they would have had.
(11:21):
So here's a call to teamwork.
Your challenge this week.
I want you to set aside 20minutes with your spouse.
Now you're gonna have to putthis on the calendar because you
and I both know as busy parents,if it's not on the calendar, it
doesn't happen.
So pick a spot on your calendarwhere you're gonna have no
(11:43):
distractions, no phones, butit's just the two of you.
If you have young kids, this islikely gonna be after they've
gone to bed for the night orbefore they open their eyes
early in the morning, whicheverworks best for you as a couple.
But set aside 20 minutes withyour spouse and ask each other
(12:04):
these questions.
What does financial peace looklike to you?
What did money feel like growingup?
And what are your biggest hopesand some of your biggest fears
around money?
Now I know some of you arethinking, these are generic,
these are general questions.
(12:26):
Guys, when you're in theday-to-day blocking and tackling
all the things that are comingup on your family calendar, it's
so important to zoom out andtake a look at these more
general questions that get youdreaming and get you visualizing
what it is you want big picturefor your family.
(12:47):
So take these seriously.
What does financial peace looklike to you?
No judgment.
Don't judge your partner, justallow them to answer however
they heard the question.
What does money feel likegrowing up?
And what are your biggest hopesand some of your biggest fears
around money?
And if you're stuck, I want youto just start with a simple
(13:10):
prayer, right?
Lord, help us to become goodstewards of what you have given
us.
Help us to use our money, notfor control or comfort, but for
love, purpose, and unity.
Amen.
Remember, you're not enemies,you're allies.
(13:30):
You are on the same team, tryingto get your family down the
field towards the end zone,which is heaven, right?
Marriage is not a tug of war,folks.
It's a shared mission.
And when you choose to be a teamwith money, I'm telling you, you
don't just solve financialproblems.
(13:52):
You grow closer in trust, love,and even holiness.
So if today's episode stirredsomething up in your heart, just
know this.
This is just the beginning.
We have some great guests comingup on our show that are gonna
talk about their experience withfinances in the context of their
(14:13):
marriage and family life.
So let me give you a littlepreview of what's coming up.
We're gonna talk about the fivetop things married couples argue
about when it comes to money.
We're also going to talk aboutsome things that couples fail to
plan for, which is retirementand life when their kids leave
(14:35):
the nest.
Okay.
And we're gonna talk about howto do finances without fighting.
Okay.
So I want you to stay tuned andI want to just close us with a
little prayer.
Hey, I haven't done this on thepodcast yet, but I care about
y'all.
I care about you.
You're on my mind, in my heart.
(14:55):
And uh I just want to close thisepisode with a prayer.
Lord, you are the giver of allgood gifts.
Help us to use money not as asource of division between us,
but as a tool for love,generosity, and peace in our
marriage.
(15:16):
Teach us to trust you with ourneeds, to be faithful stewards,
and to walk in unity as husbandand wife.
Amen.
Friends, that's it for today.
Again, if this episodeencouraged you, would you please
share it with another couple whocould use some peace around the
(15:37):
topic of money?
And by all means, share it withyour spouse.
This is a great episode to getyou over that uncomfortable hump
of starting the conversationabout your finances if you
haven't already.
So hit the little box with thearrow up on your uh podcast
player and share it in a textmessage to your spouse or
(15:58):
forward our email on to someonein your network who could really
hear this message and stay tunedfor the episodes following.
And by the way, don't forget tosubscribe so that you will get
the next episodes of our podcastautomatically.
I'll catch you next time onanother episode of our show.
(16:19):
In the meantime, know that weare always in your corner.
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