October 21, 2025 • 37 mins
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Money stress usually feels like a numbers problem, but what we’re really missing is a shared picture of the future. We dig into the tug-of-war between kid expenses now and retirement later, and we show how a simple, faith‑grounded vision transforms everyday choices.
With Josh, a Certified Financial Planner (with many other certifications!), and our own marriage as the test lab, we get practical about defining your ideal day when you retire, naming the deeper why behind “big” desires like a vacation home or a classic car, and reframing them as tools for family unity, service, and dignity rather than just indulgence.
Josh and I discuss:
• casting a shared retirement vision rooted in values
• replacing guilt with a deeper why for desires
• small, consistent steps over perfect plans
• monthly or quarterly money check‑ins together
• common mistakes when trying to implement
• teamwork, repair, and forgiveness as financial skills
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey families of character, welcome back to the
(00:03):
show.
We're so glad that you're herefor our third episode in our
Money and Marriage series.
If you haven't already, checkout the two episodes before this
for some real gold nuggets aboutwhat couples who have been
married for decades say theywish they had known and the top
five money struggles couplesface.
(00:25):
Now, listen, if you've ever felttorn between the needs of your
kids right now, like schoolsupplies, sports fruit fees,
braces, family trips, and thefuture needs of you and your
spouse in retirement, you arenot alone.
It's a real tension that so manyfamilies feel.
(00:45):
On the one hand, you want to begenerous and give your kids
opportunities while they'regrowing up.
And on the other hand, you knowthe years are going to fly by.
And then someday you and yourspouse will need that solid nest
egg to support yourselves in thegolden years.
Balancing today's familyexpenses with tomorrow's
(01:09):
retirement savings can feelsuper overwhelming, especially
in a world where the cost ofliving just keeps going up.
But as people of faith, we knowthat everything we have is a
gift from God and that He callsus to be good stewards, not just
(01:29):
of what we've been given today,but also of what we will need
for tomorrow.
So preparing wisely for thefuture, it's it's not about
storing up treasures forourselves.
It's about being intentional sothat we can live with dignity,
we can serve others, andfrankly, not become a burden to
(01:50):
our children in the years ahead.
So the good news is that withjust a little faith and some
practical strategies, you cansave for retirement, even in the
thick of raising kids.
To help us unpack this importanttopic, I am excited to welcome
(02:11):
back my favorite guest, myhusband Josh Langdon.
Welcome back to the show, babe.
SPEAKER_01 (02:18):
Well, thank you.
It's good to be back for a thirdtime, I think.
SPEAKER_00 (02:22):
Third time.
Third time's a charm, guys.
Stay tuned.
Josh is a seasoned financialadvisor with over 12 years of
experience helping families planfor their future, including our
own family.
He holds the designations ofCFP, Certified Financial
Planner, AAMS, Accredited AssetManagement Specialist, and the
(02:45):
CRPC, Chartered RetirementPlanning Counselor.
Whew, that's a mouthful.
So he knows his stuff when itcomes to retirement planning.
So, Josh, I know that you haveworked with countless couples
who feel really stretchedbetween kind of meeting the
needs of their families todayand then saving for tomorrow.
(03:10):
So, from your experience, why isthis balancing act so
challenging for families rightnow?
SPEAKER_01 (03:18):
Well, I think one of the first things we have to
recognize is that there alwaysseems to be a uh a larger demand
on the number of dollars thatyou have than there has dollars
coming in.
And this happens uh all the wayup the income spectrum.
Um and it's just because there'sso many opportunities out there
uh to entertain yourselves or ortry to you know use money in
(03:42):
different ways.
And so I think that's there thatfeeling of, oh, we don't have
enough can be ever present, itseems.
And then also I think uhbalancing, that's uh you have to
have something to balanceagainst.
So the right now we have billsdue, or um, you know, we're
paying off student loans oranything, you know, we have a
(04:04):
lot of car auto debt, stuff likethat.
It just becomes the theinstantaneous has to be
addressed before we can reallystart looking into um what does
retirement look like in 35years, 20 years, yeah, even 10
years.
So I think that's that demand onyour money is a big one.
And then also just it can behard to juxtapose the two of now
(04:28):
and and in the future.
SPEAKER_00 (04:30):
So true.
That really struck me when yousaid there's so many
opportunities these days tospend our money, right?
There's traveling sports, whichcosts a fortune, right?
Thousands of dollars going outof the bank account to travel to
different states and put yourkids in these fancy sports
leagues.
And there's concerts if you livein the big city, and there's all
(04:51):
kinds of um takeout, you know,you can get um DoorDash, you
know, double DoorDash.
You can pay for Ubers, right?
Like there's a lot of thingsthat can uh we can spend our
money on right now, and then begoing like, well, we don't even
have time or or money to leftover to think about um 30 years
(05:14):
from now.
SPEAKER_01 (05:15):
Yeah.
I and just the idea of, hey,what are we going to do in
retirement?
That sometimes I'll just askpeople, you know, so you're 65,
67, whenever they tell me theywant to retire.
And I say, just kind of describeyour day.
And uh people can have just ablank stare and be like, well, I
don't, I don't know.
I don't know what my day lookslike.
(05:37):
And that's so far in the future,you know, well, what about
health issues and all thoseother things?
But a lot of times it's justbecause we're not putting
ourselves in in a thoughtprocess of the future that far
uh ahead of us.
And, you know, it I don't thinkwe need to get down to, you
know, like, well, at 7.05, I'mgonna have a cup of coffee and
and stuff like that.
(05:57):
But I do think it's one of thosethings where as a couple, um,
specific specifically talking tofamilies here, it's as a couple,
the husband and the wife, um, Ithink that it does take a little
bit of time to step away fromthe now and have a conversation
about what that looks like goinginto 20 years from now.
(06:20):
What do you actually want?
SPEAKER_00 (06:23):
It's such an important thing for us to pods
life, the crazy day-to-day, andcast a vision together and to
afford ourselves the gift ofjust really sitting down,
carving out an hour or two oftime.
I know that sounds crazy, butit's so worth it to just dream,
(06:45):
to say, what do we want ourlives to look like when we are
um finished working in ourgolden years, when our kids are
out of the house and off thepayroll?
Like, how would we like to liveas a couple?
And what might it take to get tothat lifestyle?
(07:06):
And so you make a great pointthat, like, if you don't take
the time to dream and cast thevision, then there's very little
movement that you're probablygoing to make to start saving
towards that thing that you'venever even uh clarified for
yourselves.
SPEAKER_01 (07:25):
Oh, yeah, there's no emotion behind I'm not sure.
Right.
So if someone were to say, hey,well, you know, what does
retirement look like for you?
And you say, I'm not sure, itdoesn't make you want to peel
some money off and save it.
Um, if you have kind of a moredefined idea of what your future
looks like, uh, then it's like,oh, well, I really want that X,
(07:45):
Y, and Z.
Whatever it is for thelisteners, whatever, you know,
that thing that they kind of,yeah, I mean, if if I were in
retirement and I thought about alittle further, maybe I would,
and then dot, dot, dot.
You start putting those thingsuh, you know, on a piece of
paper, or you start reallycontemplating them and making
them into a part of yourplanning, then it's like, well,
(08:06):
I mean, yeah, I I can foregothat, you know, double door
dash.
I can forego that that Starbuckscoffee always gets a bad rap,
but it is expensive coffee.
So um, yeah, you can forego thatbecause now it's like I do see
what's out there in the future.
SPEAKER_00 (08:22):
And I think when you're talking about this, uh I
know this has happened to me inthe in the past when we've done
some sort of financial uh visionwork, is there's a sense um of
like guilt.
Like, well, what if I do want tobe able to take our adult
children on a vacation everyfive years?
(08:42):
Um, does that sound or does thatseem you know indulgent or are
we worthy of doing that?
And how dare I even put it onpaper?
Um and so I think there are alot of sort of uh limiting
factors that can come into playwhen people are trying to cast a
vision for their future,frankly, based on how they were
(09:06):
raised and um the idea or themindset they had coming out of
the the family they were raisedin.
What are your thoughts on that?
SPEAKER_01 (09:15):
Yeah, uh there the family background has a lot to
do with how uh the moneyexperience within a couple.
It really does.
And what I mean by that is umsomeone's raised in a way where
money is not saved at all.
They usually have that feel thatI don't need to save or I don't
want to save.
And then there's their supersavers where they're, I mean,
(09:37):
they're all in on the saving.
Um, but to spend some of itmight be a little bit of a
challenge for them.
So it's and it's all across theboard, usually in a family or
usually in a couple.
There's one that's a little bitmore towards the saver and one
more towards the the spender andstuff like that.
My head was not nodding in anyone direction.
Uh um, but and though I I likethe way you said limiting
(10:01):
beliefs because I've askedpeople before, okay, what
happens if you could do thisnow?
Because sometimes I think whenwe cast in the future, we're
also saying what we want alittle bit about ourselves right
now.
And so uh retirement spendingisn't that it doesn't
necessarily or retirementplanning doesn't necessarily
have to be, I can only do thisin retirement.
(10:23):
You can start building the lifethat you want to live today.
And by by just making smallchanges, you can start executing
on that life to that you want tolive.
And maybe you start doing someof those things in retirement
well before you hit the quoteunquote retirement day.
And if you're living the lifethat you want to live in or
(10:44):
before retirement, and money isjust a tool to get you there,
then you have that opportunityto really enjoy more, uh enjoy
your life more.
I think it goes back to thatintentionality you said at the
beginning.
SPEAKER_00 (10:56):
Yeah, just setting the time to cast the vision and
then being open-minded and umreally even praying about, you
know, your vision for the futureand asking God to enter into
this vision for your retirementyears, I think is so important
(11:18):
because we do want to be goodstewards of the gifts that God
gives us.
But even when you just said, youknow, a lot of times when
couples set retirement goals andthey verbalize those, maybe even
put them on a plan for theirretirement plan up on the
screen, like you do when we haveour um quarterly financial
(11:40):
meetings in your office, um,that they end up reaching those
retirement goals even beforethey planned to, because they
have a a mission and a visionthat is shared between the two
of them.
They are making contact withthat retirement plan on either a
(12:01):
six-month or yearly basis, ormaybe even quarterly or monthly.
They're uh looking at the plans,uh, making adjustments or
getting excited or going, wow,we're a little behind.
We need to get some, you know,get some momentum in the way of
getting back on track with ourretirement plan.
But um, setting that vision andthen making contact with the
vision sounds like it it helpspeople move forward.
SPEAKER_01 (12:25):
Yeah, and it's rare, is it, that it's uh one huge,
massive decision that's like,okay, we're gonna do everything
different starting today.
It's usually just it starts withum a small idea.
I want to live in the country ona on an acreage and me and my
dogs and and my wife, you know,do something out there.
(12:48):
Or, you know, I really do wantto have a cool sports car and
drive it around.
And that's one of those thingswhere it, okay, great.
Now that we have something thatwe can work with, it really
starts to become, all right, nowlet's where are we in
relationship to that goal?
And what's the the cool thingabout money is every now and
then uh people want to sport,they'll want something, right?
(13:10):
And then uh as they get closerto the goal, it's not the
something that they want, it'sthe feeling they get for that
something, that sense offreedom, that sense of
connectedness, that sense of umjust I've accomplished something
and it's really cool.
So yeah, it never the big thing,always the small thing.
(13:30):
And you just have to, you haveto kind of keep keep tabs on
where you're going because theplan might change.
The plan could completely changefor a lot of good reasons and uh
maybe a couple bad reasons.
SPEAKER_00 (13:44):
So I hear you saying, like, don't wait for the
perfect plan, or don't wait forthe perfect time.
Like, oh, we have to wait untilwe get this certain debt paid
off to even have a conversationabout this, or uh, we have to
wait until uh our kids are outof the house and we can think
straight for 30 minutes.
You're saying, like, if you'relistening right now, now is a
(14:07):
good time to start casting avision and and at least writing
down some of your dreams inretirement.
SPEAKER_01 (14:14):
Yeah, I mean, if you're listening right now, hit
pause and write down the mostimportant thing that you think
that you want when you retire orover the next five years, two
years, whatever it is.
Um, and just write one thingdown and then join back up with
us, and you'll probably findsome uh some advice or some
guidance that'll probably helpyou or go back to previous
(14:35):
episodes because it's yeah, ityou have to start.
That's the hard part.
I think so many people, it'sjust I can't think about that.
And that just take it, just takea minute and what do I really
want?
What do I really, really want?
SPEAKER_00 (14:49):
And I also want to just um echo this is something
that I've just you know come torealize over the last few
months, quite frankly, is thatthe desires that we have for our
lives are beautiful desires thatGod wants to meet us in.
And so it's not about us beingselfish, it's not us about us
(15:13):
being um self-indulgent.
But if you really get down tothe brass tacks of what you want
for your life in the future, Godis waiting for you in your
passions because he has giftedyou to do things with those
passions that perhaps you didn'teven imagine doing with them.
(15:37):
For example, we have a friendwho loves expensive sports cars
and he's able to afford them.
Well, it's one of his mostawesome evangelization ministry
tools, is to um use thesebeautiful cars to um have
conversations with people whootherwise would not encounter
(16:00):
him outside of that materialthing.
And so um, again, going back tosetting a vision for your
future, if you're thinking, oh,we can't think about cars or we
can't think about having asecond home or the the beach
vacation every year or whatever.
I want you to to reconsider thewhy behind your desire for that.
(16:22):
What do you plan to do withthose things?
Should you save for them and beable to get those in the future?
SPEAKER_01 (16:30):
Yeah, there's a stewardship aspect of this,
obviously.
Um, we're all given talents,we're all given gifts, and God
has graced us with those.
And so what do we do with those?
Um money's just a tool.
I think I said that oncealready.
Money is just a tool, it is uhnot the end all be all.
It's not a measuring stick, it'sa tool that we each get to use.
(16:51):
And I'm a true believer ofstoring your your treasure in
heaven, and you do that by uh,you know, by following God's
will for you.
And so they can be separated toan extent, but if there's
something that's on your heart,like uh, you know, the cars or I
mean, how for for me, one of thedrivers for me in our retirement
(17:13):
is how do we have something thatkind of brings the kids and any
potential grandkids um backtogether?
Is there uh like a magnet tobring us closer together as a
family?
Now, um, that might look like ayou know a vacation home or
something.
It might look like a aconvertible that we, or two
convertibles, depending on thesize of the family, three, um,
(17:36):
that we have to have to godriving, you know, in the
mountains and and really enjoyeach other.
But those material things domanifest themselves into how do
I grow in my relationship withyou and how do I grow in my
relationship with my kids, andhow do I really become that
part, um, that light, that lightthat people see and say, Oh,
that's kind of cool that they'redoing that.
(17:58):
Maybe I can do that too.
SPEAKER_00 (18:01):
Guys, I have to make a confession.
Josh has been in this financialworld for years, and he is
always 10 steps ahead of mebecause this is his lane, right?
Um, and so for a long time Ifelt very guilty about the type
of dreams that Josh had that hewould share with me.
(18:22):
He talked about having a housein the mountains or on the beach
someday.
And I kept telling myself, like,I am married to some prideful,
materialistic jerk of a guy thatall he can think about is saving
for this thing on the beach orin the mountains that's an
exorbitant amount of money.
What is going on here?
(18:42):
This isn't the man I married.
I think the reason I thoughtthat was because I didn't take
the time to ask the deeper whyquestions.
When you have that house in themountains, or when we can afford
that, you know, car or threeconvertibles or whatever, so
(19:03):
everybody can drive around andmake a little train going
through the mountains or RockyMountains or whatever.
What is it that you reallydesire in that?
And then to understand yearslater, that Josh's biggest
desire is for the unity of ourfamily because we've worked so
hard to get this team culturebuilt in our family.
(19:25):
And we just love thetogetherness of our kids and
each other, that you really wantto see that continue in a
healthy way when our kids areout on their own.
They're married to their ownspouses, if that's what they're
called to, and they have theirown children, that we have a
place to offer them some respiteaway from the craziness of their
(19:45):
lives at that time and also justsome togetherness, like
something to gather around.
So once I realize that I couldget on board with the vision.
And it even, you know, helps ona on a regular weekly basis when
we review our finances and kindof go through our spending for
the week.
That to have those, the end inmind helps me to say no to some
(20:08):
of those things today that priorto having this vision, I might
have just gone, you know what?
We deserve this.
We really need to go out to eat.
Or, you know, some of therationalizations that I would
make before really.
That's right.
That's right.
It is okay to do that, folks.
You're listening, order thepizza every now and then.
(20:29):
You get everything.
SPEAKER_01 (20:29):
Every now and then not every day.
SPEAKER_00 (20:31):
Yes.
Well, um, what are some of thethe biggest, I guess, mistakes
you would say that couples makeum in terms of preparing for
their financial future when theydo have kids at home?
SPEAKER_01 (20:48):
Uh the biggest one is not starting.
You don't have to have a, likeyou said earlier, you don't have
to have a perfect plan.
Uh, you don't have to have uhall the details worked out.
You can start.
There's a lot of differentvehicles to start for saving and
for retirement, or saving foranything, for that matter.
If it's a if it's if it's abigger expense, then um you can
(21:10):
start saving for it.
Uh so starting is number one.
I think communication is numbertwo.
Uh it's just one of those thingswhere having those conversations
on a more consistent basis canallow for an understanding of
small shifts in thought processor ideas.
Maybe instead of that travel toEurope, uh, maybe that travel
(21:32):
becomes something like, yeah,let's start traveling to see the
grandkids because the kids moveto different parts of the
country.
And so I think communication.
So not starting, communication.
And there is an overwhelm thathappens when you start.
And if you have big goals, uh,that first initial step in the
(21:53):
right direction can feel alittle bit insignificant.
And that's where I think um,well, we can always do it later.
This first step is such a smallstep that we can definitely do
it next month or the next monthor the next month.
But without taking that firststep, whatever it looks like,
just saving a little bit ormaking a commitment to get the
(22:16):
debt paid down sooner orwhatever it is that is your your
first step, then um, then allthe rest of the steps after that
get easier.
SPEAKER_00 (22:26):
As you're talking about that, I just think of all
the things that we sort of puton the back burner as parents.
I think getting in the in theday-to-day grind of raising
kids, we can deprioritize ourhealth, right?
Going to the dentist, um, havingregular health checkups and uh
finances seems to be way down onthe list.
(22:50):
I mean, I know you've talkedabout in the past just, you
know, people chronicallycanceling appointments.
And so um, that is a sort of asign that, well, something else
is more important than this.
Um, but when I think about it,I'm like, wow, yes, money is a
tool.
And we need it to survive in thefuture.
(23:13):
We do want to be responsible andand not leave that burden to our
children when we are no longerin condition to work and earn
money.
SPEAKER_01 (23:22):
Right.
100%.
Um, it is funny because the onlyprofession that is more feared
than financial advisors is thedentist.
Oh, so that I think I'm not surethat was a that was a few years
ago that that study was done.
So it might be that we're stillnumber two.
Um, we're not trying to benumber one in the most feared,
but I think what that what thatshows though is um that
(23:47):
communication component.
And money's hard.
Money is hard to talk about.
I mean, we haven't always Jordanand I haven't always been on the
same page with money perfectly,and it can be tough.
And so I think when we look atthe those conversations that we
need to have to do whatever itis we we want to do in
(24:08):
retirement or any other time,that's kind of the that's the
part that's probably thetoughest is just having the
conversation, coming in, youknow, working with someone or
coming in together on a plan andsaying this is this is what
we're gonna try to accomplishand this is what we're gonna do.
And then what's going back tothat balance?
(24:31):
What do we have to give up?
Because there's a cost toeverything.
There's a cost to everything.
SPEAKER_00 (24:36):
Guys, these conversations, while they are
tough, are so worth it.
And Josh and I wouldn't be onhere talking about it if it
wasn't because we have a uhabout as much time as you do for
this kind of stuff, you know, torecord podcast episodes.
But we feel passionate aboutthis, that this is something if
you are willing and courageousto have the conversation with
(24:58):
your spouse about, it is goingto pay off big time in the
future.
And that's pun intended there,folks.
Yes, your investment today willpay off big time tomorrow if you
just start the conversation.
Um, I think, you know, one ofthe myths that is out there that
(25:19):
I have encountered plenty oftimes because you're a financial
advisor, and I will bring thatup in conversation with people.
And um they'll say, to behonest, I don't even think we
can afford an appointment, likean initial appointment, because
we have dentist bills anddoctor's bills and like
whatever.
SPEAKER_01 (25:40):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (25:41):
So tell people a little bit about the process of
what it's like to find afinancial advisor, what the
process is in kind of onboardingwith a financial advisor or just
getting a simple consultation.
SPEAKER_01 (25:54):
Yeah.
Well, I don't it's having afinancial advisor is not
required for everybody.
Right.
And so what I would say isthat's the first part of that
process would be to have a verycandid conversation.
I know I keep coming back tothis, but it's the most
important part.
Have a candid conversation witheach other.
What is it that we need to do?
(26:14):
And then um, and and what I meanby what is it that we need to
do?
What where are we weak?
Not everybody is really good indifferent things.
Like, I have no idea how to runa nuclear facility or you know,
shoot a rocket into space oranything like that.
So I would have to outsourcethat.
So if you are happen to besomeone that's really good with
(26:35):
money and you have a goodplanning background for this
type of stuff, then just havethose conversations, start
working towards it.
If you find out that you'reprobably not in a strong
position to do that, um, I thinkthe the first thing that you
have to do do as a couple isjust say, we probably need to
find someone to help us.
Admit your need for help.
(26:57):
Admit your need for help.
And that can be, once again,that can be a very tough spot
because especially as I know alot of guys that'll say, Oh, I
got this, I got this, you know.
And so um to say, yeah, the theone one of the few things that
we all do, which is interactwith money and to say, I'm not
good with it, that can be tough.
(27:17):
So just a little self-reflectionto really, yeah, this is what we
need to do, and then just reachout to some people, reach out to
some friends and say, Hey, whodo you interact with uh when it
comes to money?
And you know, it's funny becauseum that conversation with
friends, that's always a hardone too, because you're bringing
(27:38):
up money, you know, and so butjust say, Yeah, we're looking
for some for someone to workwith, and we need to find
someone to truly trust and andthat can help us along the
journey and have conversationswith whoever that you know you
feel um has your best interestin mind, and then listen to what
they say.
Maybe they have a good personthat they're working with, and
(27:59):
then really just engage, startengaging a couple people to to
have a conversation about yourfuture.
SPEAKER_00 (28:07):
I love it.
It's just one step at a time.
You don't have to have it allfigured out.
You have to first acknowledgewhere you're weak.
Second, admit you need help,right?
And then tell someone, right?
It may be your spouse first, itmay be a friend.
And then I love the advice ofasking the most trusted people
(28:27):
in your in your family or friendnetwork who they use.
Um, that's what we do withdentists, realtors, you know,
all of those important people inour lives, not just pick someone
off the the uh old internet, butto ask for referrals.
I think that's great advice.
And don't be afraid to call anoffice and and make an
appointment and um ask them doyou charge a fee for a
(28:50):
consultation for a first visit?
Or could we have a phone visitor a Zoom and uh see if we, you
know, like this person and hitit off.
So I think um your advice isreally good to just take the
next step.
Do something in action isdefinitely not going to get you
the outcome you want.
SPEAKER_01 (29:10):
No, and the one thing that's nice if you get to
the point where you, okay, weneed help, and then you've
you've engaged some people isjust start writing down
questions.
And I I think I speak for mostfinancial advisors out there.
Um, some people are like, oh,this is the dumbest question
ever.
And there's a lot of questionswhere no, it's not a dumb
(29:30):
question.
It may seem like a dumb questionjust because you don't know the
answer, but that's why you'reasking the question.
So have just stack yourquestions up and maybe, you
know, uh maybe that one questionthat you have and you ask uh a
you know, a professional will bethe the question that tips here
his or her mind um to say, oh,this is the next question I need
(29:53):
to ask.
And that really helps to refinewhat you're going for.
It might be the way to get tothe end in mind.
SPEAKER_00 (30:01):
I love that.
And one of the things that yousaid recently was just, you
know, as a guy feeling like, youknow, hey, I'm the provider of
the family, or I'm I may feelresponsible for managing the
finances.
That some guys would just say,and I'm sure some women would
say, if they were responsiblefor the finances, uh, I've got
this.
(30:21):
I've got this.
And if you don't have it, that'sa real problem because what
happens, just psychologicallyspeaking, is you're saying
something that's not true.
So you're out of personalintegrity with yourself and with
your spouse.
And that's sort of like theequivalent of a double life.
(30:42):
I'm just being frank with youfolks.
I've been a therapist for 21years, and I feel like the time
is now that we get real aboutthis stuff.
So no need to be prideful withyour spouse and say you've got
it if you don't.
That wrecks marriages.
It just really does.
Um, there's a term, a coin, uh,a phrase that I coined years
(31:03):
ago.
I should have written a bookabout it, called financial
infidelity.
And it's a real thing.
And so to avoid financialinfidelity, keeping secrets,
having a secret account on theside, or um, you know,
convincing your spouse thateverything is taken care of.
And yes, you're saving forretirement.
(31:23):
No, you're not.
Yes, you are paying themortgage.
Oops, I missed a couple.
And that's not being done.
This is what breaks downmarriages.
So better to just come with yourtail between your legs, humble
yourself before your spouse andsay, listen, I know you've
entrusted me with our finances.
And the truth is, I'm lost.
(31:45):
I haven't done a real good job.
I've gotten us into trouble, butI'm ready to clear the slate and
talk about this.
And I need your help.
I can't do this alone.
SPEAKER_01 (31:55):
Yeah.
When it comes to um uhmisunderstanding, let's call it
a misunderstanding amongst twopeople in a relationship and
finance.
My experience is if both come tothe table ready to make change,
it's it's quite amazing howquickly things can get resolved.
(32:15):
It truly is.
Um, and so that I know this islike the fourth time I've said
it, but having thatcommunication of, yeah, I didn't
do things the way I wanted to,does allow you to then clear the
air and move forward.
And uh the you know, compoundinterest is uh it's amazing what
(32:36):
can what can happen if you ifyou just take advantage of it.
SPEAKER_00 (32:40):
Teamwork makes the dream work, is what what Mr.
Langdon is saying here.
When you both get on board, itis amazing how you can conquer
debt together, how you can makeprogress in your savings for
retirement, how you can get tothose retirement dreams because
you're doing it as a unitedteam.
(33:01):
So we know we're going toemphasize a million times like
intentional conversations,having a safe place for your
spouse to land during theseconversations, taking time outs
if you need to, repairing thingsas they come up, saying, I'm
really sorry, you know, andforgiving, lots of forgiveness,
(33:22):
if that's in a place where youare in these conversations about
money and marriage, is justbeing willing to forgive and to
start from scratch and and makethis dream a reality for you.
SPEAKER_01 (33:37):
As a licensed person, I got to be very careful
about giving advice to thebroader audience.
But I will say there is a uh aninvestment that I truly believe
is a guarantee to help you inlife, and that's investing in
each other and investing inyourself.
So if you take the time toreally look at yourself and say,
hey, what is it that I need tolevel up?
(33:59):
Uh, and what is it that I needto be a better husband or a
better wife or a better fatheror better mother?
Um, that's an investment wherethat uh return on investment,
that ROI, uh it's incalcul.
Yeah, I think it's almost aguarantee.
Invest in yourself, invest inyour marriage, invest in being a
good uh a good father or a goodmother, and that will help you
(34:24):
practice to invest in themarkets and stuff like that.
Because you're you're takingthat and you're understanding,
yeah, my time, investing mytime, investing my talent,
investing my treasure, they'reall really the same thing.
Where am I investing to becomebetter?
And sometimes it's forretirement, and sometimes it's
just to uh make sure that we'rewe're forgiving each other for
(34:46):
our our past wrongs and we'realso moving forward in the right
direction.
SPEAKER_00 (34:51):
Boom, folks.
That wraps up this episode.
I couldn't have said it bettermyself.
Thanks for being here, honey.
You bet.
Guys, I want you to share thisepisode with your spouse.
This is a way for you to get theconversation started.
It's just to say, hey, ranacross this episode, would love
for you to listen.
(35:11):
Let's have a conversation aboutthis uh tomorrow and really make
a commitment to be intentionalabout talking about the future
of your financial relationshipand the future of your marriage
beyond when those kids haveflown from the nest.
(35:32):
Folks, we're gonna have moreamazing episodes for you in the
future.
So be sure to stay tuned.
If you aren't subscribedalready, hit the little plus
button up in the corner of yourpodcast player and follow our
show so you get notified when anew episode comes up.
We will catch you on anotherepisode of the Families of
(35:54):
Character show real soon.
Take care.
Hey families of character, welcome back to the
(00:03):
show.
We're so glad that you're herefor our third episode in our
Money and Marriage series.
If you haven't already, checkout the two episodes before this
for some real gold nuggets aboutwhat couples who have been
married for decades say theywish they had known and the top
five money struggles couplesface.
(00:25):
Now, listen, if you've ever felttorn between the needs of your
kids right now, like schoolsupplies, sports fruit fees,
braces, family trips, and thefuture needs of you and your
spouse in retirement, you arenot alone.
It's a real tension that so manyfamilies feel.
(00:45):
On the one hand, you want to begenerous and give your kids
opportunities while they'regrowing up.
And on the other hand, you knowthe years are going to fly by.
And then someday you and yourspouse will need that solid nest
egg to support yourselves in thegolden years.
Balancing today's familyexpenses with tomorrow's
(01:09):
retirement savings can feelsuper overwhelming, especially
in a world where the cost ofliving just keeps going up.
But as people of faith, we knowthat everything we have is a
gift from God and that He callsus to be good stewards, not just
(01:29):
of what we've been given today,but also of what we will need
for tomorrow.
So preparing wisely for thefuture, it's it's not about
storing up treasures forourselves.
It's about being intentional sothat we can live with dignity,
we can serve others, andfrankly, not become a burden to
(01:50):
our children in the years ahead.
So the good news is that withjust a little faith and some
practical strategies, you cansave for retirement, even in the
thick of raising kids.
To help us unpack this importanttopic, I am excited to welcome
(02:11):
back my favorite guest, myhusband Josh Langdon.
Welcome back to the show, babe.
SPEAKER_01 (02:18):
Well, thank you.
It's good to be back for a thirdtime, I think.
SPEAKER_00 (02:22):
Third time.
Third time's a charm, guys.
Stay tuned.
Josh is a seasoned financialadvisor with over 12 years of
experience helping families planfor their future, including our
own family.
He holds the designations ofCFP, Certified Financial
Planner, AAMS, Accredited AssetManagement Specialist, and the
(02:45):
CRPC, Chartered RetirementPlanning Counselor.
Whew, that's a mouthful.
So he knows his stuff when itcomes to retirement planning.
So, Josh, I know that you haveworked with countless couples
who feel really stretchedbetween kind of meeting the
needs of their families todayand then saving for tomorrow.
(03:10):
So, from your experience, why isthis balancing act so
challenging for families rightnow?
SPEAKER_01 (03:18):
Well, I think one of the first things we have to
recognize is that there alwaysseems to be a uh a larger demand
on the number of dollars thatyou have than there has dollars
coming in.
And this happens uh all the wayup the income spectrum.
Um and it's just because there'sso many opportunities out there
uh to entertain yourselves or ortry to you know use money in
(03:42):
different ways.
And so I think that's there thatfeeling of, oh, we don't have
enough can be ever present, itseems.
And then also I think uhbalancing, that's uh you have to
have something to balanceagainst.
So the right now we have billsdue, or um, you know, we're
paying off student loans oranything, you know, we have a
(04:04):
lot of car auto debt, stuff likethat.
It just becomes the theinstantaneous has to be
addressed before we can reallystart looking into um what does
retirement look like in 35years, 20 years, yeah, even 10
years.
So I think that's that demand onyour money is a big one.
And then also just it can behard to juxtapose the two of now
(04:28):
and and in the future.
SPEAKER_00 (04:30):
So true.
That really struck me when yousaid there's so many
opportunities these days tospend our money, right?
There's traveling sports, whichcosts a fortune, right?
Thousands of dollars going outof the bank account to travel to
different states and put yourkids in these fancy sports
leagues.
And there's concerts if you livein the big city, and there's all
(04:51):
kinds of um takeout, you know,you can get um DoorDash, you
know, double DoorDash.
You can pay for Ubers, right?
Like there's a lot of thingsthat can uh we can spend our
money on right now, and then begoing like, well, we don't even
have time or or money to leftover to think about um 30 years
(05:14):
from now.
SPEAKER_01 (05:15):
Yeah.
I and just the idea of, hey,what are we going to do in
retirement?
That sometimes I'll just askpeople, you know, so you're 65,
67, whenever they tell me theywant to retire.
And I say, just kind of describeyour day.
And uh people can have just ablank stare and be like, well, I
don't, I don't know.
I don't know what my day lookslike.
(05:37):
And that's so far in the future,you know, well, what about
health issues and all thoseother things?
But a lot of times it's justbecause we're not putting
ourselves in in a thoughtprocess of the future that far
uh ahead of us.
And, you know, it I don't thinkwe need to get down to, you
know, like, well, at 7.05, I'mgonna have a cup of coffee and
and stuff like that.
(05:57):
But I do think it's one of thosethings where as a couple, um,
specific specifically talking tofamilies here, it's as a couple,
the husband and the wife, um, Ithink that it does take a little
bit of time to step away fromthe now and have a conversation
about what that looks like goinginto 20 years from now.
(06:20):
What do you actually want?
SPEAKER_00 (06:23):
It's such an important thing for us to pods
life, the crazy day-to-day, andcast a vision together and to
afford ourselves the gift ofjust really sitting down,
carving out an hour or two oftime.
I know that sounds crazy, butit's so worth it to just dream,
(06:45):
to say, what do we want ourlives to look like when we are
um finished working in ourgolden years, when our kids are
out of the house and off thepayroll?
Like, how would we like to liveas a couple?
And what might it take to get tothat lifestyle?
(07:06):
And so you make a great pointthat, like, if you don't take
the time to dream and cast thevision, then there's very little
movement that you're probablygoing to make to start saving
towards that thing that you'venever even uh clarified for
yourselves.
SPEAKER_01 (07:25):
Oh, yeah, there's no emotion behind I'm not sure.
Right.
So if someone were to say, hey,well, you know, what does
retirement look like for you?
And you say, I'm not sure, itdoesn't make you want to peel
some money off and save it.
Um, if you have kind of a moredefined idea of what your future
looks like, uh, then it's like,oh, well, I really want that X,
(07:45):
Y, and Z.
Whatever it is for thelisteners, whatever, you know,
that thing that they kind of,yeah, I mean, if if I were in
retirement and I thought about alittle further, maybe I would,
and then dot, dot, dot.
You start putting those thingsuh, you know, on a piece of
paper, or you start reallycontemplating them and making
them into a part of yourplanning, then it's like, well,
(08:06):
I mean, yeah, I I can foregothat, you know, double door
dash.
I can forego that that Starbuckscoffee always gets a bad rap,
but it is expensive coffee.
So um, yeah, you can forego thatbecause now it's like I do see
what's out there in the future.
SPEAKER_00 (08:22):
And I think when you're talking about this, uh I
know this has happened to me inthe in the past when we've done
some sort of financial uh visionwork, is there's a sense um of
like guilt.
Like, well, what if I do want tobe able to take our adult
children on a vacation everyfive years?
(08:42):
Um, does that sound or does thatseem you know indulgent or are
we worthy of doing that?
And how dare I even put it onpaper?
Um and so I think there are alot of sort of uh limiting
factors that can come into playwhen people are trying to cast a
vision for their future,frankly, based on how they were
(09:06):
raised and um the idea or themindset they had coming out of
the the family they were raisedin.
What are your thoughts on that?
SPEAKER_01 (09:15):
Yeah, uh there the family background has a lot to
do with how uh the moneyexperience within a couple.
It really does.
And what I mean by that is umsomeone's raised in a way where
money is not saved at all.
They usually have that feel thatI don't need to save or I don't
want to save.
And then there's their supersavers where they're, I mean,
(09:37):
they're all in on the saving.
Um, but to spend some of itmight be a little bit of a
challenge for them.
So it's and it's all across theboard, usually in a family or
usually in a couple.
There's one that's a little bitmore towards the saver and one
more towards the the spender andstuff like that.
My head was not nodding in anyone direction.
Uh um, but and though I I likethe way you said limiting
(10:01):
beliefs because I've askedpeople before, okay, what
happens if you could do thisnow?
Because sometimes I think whenwe cast in the future, we're
also saying what we want alittle bit about ourselves right
now.
And so uh retirement spendingisn't that it doesn't
necessarily or retirementplanning doesn't necessarily
have to be, I can only do thisin retirement.
(10:23):
You can start building the lifethat you want to live today.
And by by just making smallchanges, you can start executing
on that life to that you want tolive.
And maybe you start doing someof those things in retirement
well before you hit the quoteunquote retirement day.
And if you're living the lifethat you want to live in or
(10:44):
before retirement, and money isjust a tool to get you there,
then you have that opportunityto really enjoy more, uh enjoy
your life more.
I think it goes back to thatintentionality you said at the
beginning.
SPEAKER_00 (10:56):
Yeah, just setting the time to cast the vision and
then being open-minded and umreally even praying about, you
know, your vision for the futureand asking God to enter into
this vision for your retirementyears, I think is so important
(11:18):
because we do want to be goodstewards of the gifts that God
gives us.
But even when you just said, youknow, a lot of times when
couples set retirement goals andthey verbalize those, maybe even
put them on a plan for theirretirement plan up on the
screen, like you do when we haveour um quarterly financial
(11:40):
meetings in your office, um,that they end up reaching those
retirement goals even beforethey planned to, because they
have a a mission and a visionthat is shared between the two
of them.
They are making contact withthat retirement plan on either a
(12:01):
six-month or yearly basis, ormaybe even quarterly or monthly.
They're uh looking at the plans,uh, making adjustments or
getting excited or going, wow,we're a little behind.
We need to get some, you know,get some momentum in the way of
getting back on track with ourretirement plan.
But um, setting that vision andthen making contact with the
vision sounds like it it helpspeople move forward.
SPEAKER_01 (12:25):
Yeah, and it's rare, is it, that it's uh one huge,
massive decision that's like,okay, we're gonna do everything
different starting today.
It's usually just it starts withum a small idea.
I want to live in the country ona on an acreage and me and my
dogs and and my wife, you know,do something out there.
(12:48):
Or, you know, I really do wantto have a cool sports car and
drive it around.
And that's one of those thingswhere it, okay, great.
Now that we have something thatwe can work with, it really
starts to become, all right, nowlet's where are we in
relationship to that goal?
And what's the the cool thingabout money is every now and
then uh people want to sport,they'll want something, right?
(13:10):
And then uh as they get closerto the goal, it's not the
something that they want, it'sthe feeling they get for that
something, that sense offreedom, that sense of
connectedness, that sense of umjust I've accomplished something
and it's really cool.
So yeah, it never the big thing,always the small thing.
(13:30):
And you just have to, you haveto kind of keep keep tabs on
where you're going because theplan might change.
The plan could completely changefor a lot of good reasons and uh
maybe a couple bad reasons.
SPEAKER_00 (13:44):
So I hear you saying, like, don't wait for the
perfect plan, or don't wait forthe perfect time.
Like, oh, we have to wait untilwe get this certain debt paid
off to even have a conversationabout this, or uh, we have to
wait until uh our kids are outof the house and we can think
straight for 30 minutes.
You're saying, like, if you'relistening right now, now is a
(14:07):
good time to start casting avision and and at least writing
down some of your dreams inretirement.
SPEAKER_01 (14:14):
Yeah, I mean, if you're listening right now, hit
pause and write down the mostimportant thing that you think
that you want when you retire orover the next five years, two
years, whatever it is.
Um, and just write one thingdown and then join back up with
us, and you'll probably findsome uh some advice or some
guidance that'll probably helpyou or go back to previous
(14:35):
episodes because it's yeah, ityou have to start.
That's the hard part.
I think so many people, it'sjust I can't think about that.
And that just take it, just takea minute and what do I really
want?
What do I really, really want?
SPEAKER_00 (14:49):
And I also want to just um echo this is something
that I've just you know come torealize over the last few
months, quite frankly, is thatthe desires that we have for our
lives are beautiful desires thatGod wants to meet us in.
And so it's not about us beingselfish, it's not us about us
(15:13):
being um self-indulgent.
But if you really get down tothe brass tacks of what you want
for your life in the future, Godis waiting for you in your
passions because he has giftedyou to do things with those
passions that perhaps you didn'teven imagine doing with them.
(15:37):
For example, we have a friendwho loves expensive sports cars
and he's able to afford them.
Well, it's one of his mostawesome evangelization ministry
tools, is to um use thesebeautiful cars to um have
conversations with people whootherwise would not encounter
(16:00):
him outside of that materialthing.
And so um, again, going back tosetting a vision for your
future, if you're thinking, oh,we can't think about cars or we
can't think about having asecond home or the the beach
vacation every year or whatever.
I want you to to reconsider thewhy behind your desire for that.
(16:22):
What do you plan to do withthose things?
Should you save for them and beable to get those in the future?
SPEAKER_01 (16:30):
Yeah, there's a stewardship aspect of this,
obviously.
Um, we're all given talents,we're all given gifts, and God
has graced us with those.
And so what do we do with those?
Um money's just a tool.
I think I said that oncealready.
Money is just a tool, it is uhnot the end all be all.
It's not a measuring stick, it'sa tool that we each get to use.
(16:51):
And I'm a true believer ofstoring your your treasure in
heaven, and you do that by uh,you know, by following God's
will for you.
And so they can be separated toan extent, but if there's
something that's on your heart,like uh, you know, the cars or I
mean, how for for me, one of thedrivers for me in our retirement
(17:13):
is how do we have something thatkind of brings the kids and any
potential grandkids um backtogether?
Is there uh like a magnet tobring us closer together as a
family?
Now, um, that might look like ayou know a vacation home or
something.
It might look like a aconvertible that we, or two
convertibles, depending on thesize of the family, three, um,
(17:36):
that we have to have to godriving, you know, in the
mountains and and really enjoyeach other.
But those material things domanifest themselves into how do
I grow in my relationship withyou and how do I grow in my
relationship with my kids, andhow do I really become that
part, um, that light, that lightthat people see and say, Oh,
that's kind of cool that they'redoing that.
(17:58):
Maybe I can do that too.
SPEAKER_00 (18:01):
Guys, I have to make a confession.
Josh has been in this financialworld for years, and he is
always 10 steps ahead of mebecause this is his lane, right?
Um, and so for a long time Ifelt very guilty about the type
of dreams that Josh had that hewould share with me.
(18:22):
He talked about having a housein the mountains or on the beach
someday.
And I kept telling myself, like,I am married to some prideful,
materialistic jerk of a guy thatall he can think about is saving
for this thing on the beach orin the mountains that's an
exorbitant amount of money.
What is going on here?
(18:42):
This isn't the man I married.
I think the reason I thoughtthat was because I didn't take
the time to ask the deeper whyquestions.
When you have that house in themountains, or when we can afford
that, you know, car or threeconvertibles or whatever, so
(19:03):
everybody can drive around andmake a little train going
through the mountains or RockyMountains or whatever.
What is it that you reallydesire in that?
And then to understand yearslater, that Josh's biggest
desire is for the unity of ourfamily because we've worked so
hard to get this team culturebuilt in our family.
(19:25):
And we just love thetogetherness of our kids and
each other, that you really wantto see that continue in a
healthy way when our kids areout on their own.
They're married to their ownspouses, if that's what they're
called to, and they have theirown children, that we have a
place to offer them some respiteaway from the craziness of their
(19:45):
lives at that time and also justsome togetherness, like
something to gather around.
So once I realize that I couldget on board with the vision.
And it even, you know, helps ona on a regular weekly basis when
we review our finances and kindof go through our spending for
the week.
That to have those, the end inmind helps me to say no to some
(20:08):
of those things today that priorto having this vision, I might
have just gone, you know what?
We deserve this.
We really need to go out to eat.
Or, you know, some of therationalizations that I would
make before really.
That's right.
That's right.
It is okay to do that, folks.
You're listening, order thepizza every now and then.
(20:29):
You get everything.
SPEAKER_01 (20:29):
Every now and then not every day.
SPEAKER_00 (20:31):
Yes.
Well, um, what are some of thethe biggest, I guess, mistakes
you would say that couples makeum in terms of preparing for
their financial future when theydo have kids at home?
SPEAKER_01 (20:48):
Uh the biggest one is not starting.
You don't have to have a, likeyou said earlier, you don't have
to have a perfect plan.
Uh, you don't have to have uhall the details worked out.
You can start.
There's a lot of differentvehicles to start for saving and
for retirement, or saving foranything, for that matter.
If it's a if it's if it's abigger expense, then um you can
(21:10):
start saving for it.
Uh so starting is number one.
I think communication is numbertwo.
Uh it's just one of those thingswhere having those conversations
on a more consistent basis canallow for an understanding of
small shifts in thought processor ideas.
Maybe instead of that travel toEurope, uh, maybe that travel
(21:32):
becomes something like, yeah,let's start traveling to see the
grandkids because the kids moveto different parts of the
country.
And so I think communication.
So not starting, communication.
And there is an overwhelm thathappens when you start.
And if you have big goals, uh,that first initial step in the
(21:53):
right direction can feel alittle bit insignificant.
And that's where I think um,well, we can always do it later.
This first step is such a smallstep that we can definitely do
it next month or the next monthor the next month.
But without taking that firststep, whatever it looks like,
just saving a little bit ormaking a commitment to get the
(22:16):
debt paid down sooner orwhatever it is that is your your
first step, then um, then allthe rest of the steps after that
get easier.
SPEAKER_00 (22:26):
As you're talking about that, I just think of all
the things that we sort of puton the back burner as parents.
I think getting in the in theday-to-day grind of raising
kids, we can deprioritize ourhealth, right?
Going to the dentist, um, havingregular health checkups and uh
finances seems to be way down onthe list.
(22:50):
I mean, I know you've talkedabout in the past just, you
know, people chronicallycanceling appointments.
And so um, that is a sort of asign that, well, something else
is more important than this.
Um, but when I think about it,I'm like, wow, yes, money is a
tool.
And we need it to survive in thefuture.
(23:13):
We do want to be responsible andand not leave that burden to our
children when we are no longerin condition to work and earn
money.
SPEAKER_01 (23:22):
Right.
100%.
Um, it is funny because the onlyprofession that is more feared
than financial advisors is thedentist.
Oh, so that I think I'm not surethat was a that was a few years
ago that that study was done.
So it might be that we're stillnumber two.
Um, we're not trying to benumber one in the most feared,
but I think what that what thatshows though is um that
(23:47):
communication component.
And money's hard.
Money is hard to talk about.
I mean, we haven't always Jordanand I haven't always been on the
same page with money perfectly,and it can be tough.
And so I think when we look atthe those conversations that we
need to have to do whatever itis we we want to do in
(24:08):
retirement or any other time,that's kind of the that's the
part that's probably thetoughest is just having the
conversation, coming in, youknow, working with someone or
coming in together on a plan andsaying this is this is what
we're gonna try to accomplishand this is what we're gonna do.
And then what's going back tothat balance?
(24:31):
What do we have to give up?
Because there's a cost toeverything.
There's a cost to everything.
SPEAKER_00 (24:36):
Guys, these conversations, while they are
tough, are so worth it.
And Josh and I wouldn't be onhere talking about it if it
wasn't because we have a uhabout as much time as you do for
this kind of stuff, you know, torecord podcast episodes.
But we feel passionate aboutthis, that this is something if
you are willing and courageousto have the conversation with
(24:58):
your spouse about, it is goingto pay off big time in the
future.
And that's pun intended there,folks.
Yes, your investment today willpay off big time tomorrow if you
just start the conversation.
Um, I think, you know, one ofthe myths that is out there that
(25:19):
I have encountered plenty oftimes because you're a financial
advisor, and I will bring thatup in conversation with people.
And um they'll say, to behonest, I don't even think we
can afford an appointment, likean initial appointment, because
we have dentist bills anddoctor's bills and like
whatever.
SPEAKER_01 (25:40):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (25:41):
So tell people a little bit about the process of
what it's like to find afinancial advisor, what the
process is in kind of onboardingwith a financial advisor or just
getting a simple consultation.
SPEAKER_01 (25:54):
Yeah.
Well, I don't it's having afinancial advisor is not
required for everybody.
Right.
And so what I would say isthat's the first part of that
process would be to have a verycandid conversation.
I know I keep coming back tothis, but it's the most
important part.
Have a candid conversation witheach other.
What is it that we need to do?
(26:14):
And then um, and and what I meanby what is it that we need to
do?
What where are we weak?
Not everybody is really good indifferent things.
Like, I have no idea how to runa nuclear facility or you know,
shoot a rocket into space oranything like that.
So I would have to outsourcethat.
So if you are happen to besomeone that's really good with
(26:35):
money and you have a goodplanning background for this
type of stuff, then just havethose conversations, start
working towards it.
If you find out that you'reprobably not in a strong
position to do that, um, I thinkthe the first thing that you
have to do do as a couple isjust say, we probably need to
find someone to help us.
Admit your need for help.
(26:57):
Admit your need for help.
And that can be, once again,that can be a very tough spot
because especially as I know alot of guys that'll say, Oh, I
got this, I got this, you know.
And so um to say, yeah, the theone one of the few things that
we all do, which is interactwith money and to say, I'm not
good with it, that can be tough.
(27:17):
So just a little self-reflectionto really, yeah, this is what we
need to do, and then just reachout to some people, reach out to
some friends and say, Hey, whodo you interact with uh when it
comes to money?
And you know, it's funny becauseum that conversation with
friends, that's always a hardone too, because you're bringing
(27:38):
up money, you know, and so butjust say, Yeah, we're looking
for some for someone to workwith, and we need to find
someone to truly trust and andthat can help us along the
journey and have conversationswith whoever that you know you
feel um has your best interestin mind, and then listen to what
they say.
Maybe they have a good personthat they're working with, and
(27:59):
then really just engage, startengaging a couple people to to
have a conversation about yourfuture.
SPEAKER_00 (28:07):
I love it.
It's just one step at a time.
You don't have to have it allfigured out.
You have to first acknowledgewhere you're weak.
Second, admit you need help,right?
And then tell someone, right?
It may be your spouse first, itmay be a friend.
And then I love the advice ofasking the most trusted people
(28:27):
in your in your family or friendnetwork who they use.
Um, that's what we do withdentists, realtors, you know,
all of those important people inour lives, not just pick someone
off the the uh old internet, butto ask for referrals.
I think that's great advice.
And don't be afraid to call anoffice and and make an
appointment and um ask them doyou charge a fee for a
(28:50):
consultation for a first visit?
Or could we have a phone visitor a Zoom and uh see if we, you
know, like this person and hitit off.
So I think um your advice isreally good to just take the
next step.
Do something in action isdefinitely not going to get you
the outcome you want.
SPEAKER_01 (29:10):
No, and the one thing that's nice if you get to
the point where you, okay, weneed help, and then you've
you've engaged some people isjust start writing down
questions.
And I I think I speak for mostfinancial advisors out there.
Um, some people are like, oh,this is the dumbest question
ever.
And there's a lot of questionswhere no, it's not a dumb
(29:30):
question.
It may seem like a dumb questionjust because you don't know the
answer, but that's why you'reasking the question.
So have just stack yourquestions up and maybe, you
know, uh maybe that one questionthat you have and you ask uh a
you know, a professional will bethe the question that tips here
his or her mind um to say, oh,this is the next question I need
(29:53):
to ask.
And that really helps to refinewhat you're going for.
It might be the way to get tothe end in mind.
SPEAKER_00 (30:01):
I love that.
And one of the things that yousaid recently was just, you
know, as a guy feeling like, youknow, hey, I'm the provider of
the family, or I'm I may feelresponsible for managing the
finances.
That some guys would just say,and I'm sure some women would
say, if they were responsiblefor the finances, uh, I've got
this.
(30:21):
I've got this.
And if you don't have it, that'sa real problem because what
happens, just psychologicallyspeaking, is you're saying
something that's not true.
So you're out of personalintegrity with yourself and with
your spouse.
And that's sort of like theequivalent of a double life.
(30:42):
I'm just being frank with youfolks.
I've been a therapist for 21years, and I feel like the time
is now that we get real aboutthis stuff.
So no need to be prideful withyour spouse and say you've got
it if you don't.
That wrecks marriages.
It just really does.
Um, there's a term, a coin, uh,a phrase that I coined years
(31:03):
ago.
I should have written a bookabout it, called financial
infidelity.
And it's a real thing.
And so to avoid financialinfidelity, keeping secrets,
having a secret account on theside, or um, you know,
convincing your spouse thateverything is taken care of.
And yes, you're saving forretirement.
(31:23):
No, you're not.
Yes, you are paying themortgage.
Oops, I missed a couple.
And that's not being done.
This is what breaks downmarriages.
So better to just come with yourtail between your legs, humble
yourself before your spouse andsay, listen, I know you've
entrusted me with our finances.
And the truth is, I'm lost.
(31:45):
I haven't done a real good job.
I've gotten us into trouble, butI'm ready to clear the slate and
talk about this.
And I need your help.
I can't do this alone.
SPEAKER_01 (31:55):
Yeah.
When it comes to um uhmisunderstanding, let's call it
a misunderstanding amongst twopeople in a relationship and
finance.
My experience is if both come tothe table ready to make change,
it's it's quite amazing howquickly things can get resolved.
(32:15):
It truly is.
Um, and so that I know this islike the fourth time I've said
it, but having thatcommunication of, yeah, I didn't
do things the way I wanted to,does allow you to then clear the
air and move forward.
And uh the you know, compoundinterest is uh it's amazing what
(32:36):
can what can happen if you ifyou just take advantage of it.
SPEAKER_00 (32:40):
Teamwork makes the dream work, is what what Mr.
Langdon is saying here.
When you both get on board, itis amazing how you can conquer
debt together, how you can makeprogress in your savings for
retirement, how you can get tothose retirement dreams because
you're doing it as a unitedteam.
(33:01):
So we know we're going toemphasize a million times like
intentional conversations,having a safe place for your
spouse to land during theseconversations, taking time outs
if you need to, repairing thingsas they come up, saying, I'm
really sorry, you know, andforgiving, lots of forgiveness,
(33:22):
if that's in a place where youare in these conversations about
money and marriage, is justbeing willing to forgive and to
start from scratch and and makethis dream a reality for you.
SPEAKER_01 (33:37):
As a licensed person, I got to be very careful
about giving advice to thebroader audience.
But I will say there is a uh aninvestment that I truly believe
is a guarantee to help you inlife, and that's investing in
each other and investing inyourself.
So if you take the time toreally look at yourself and say,
hey, what is it that I need tolevel up?
(33:59):
Uh, and what is it that I needto be a better husband or a
better wife or a better fatheror better mother?
Um, that's an investment wherethat uh return on investment,
that ROI, uh it's incalcul.
Yeah, I think it's almost aguarantee.
Invest in yourself, invest inyour marriage, invest in being a
good uh a good father or a goodmother, and that will help you
(34:24):
practice to invest in themarkets and stuff like that.
Because you're you're takingthat and you're understanding,
yeah, my time, investing mytime, investing my talent,
investing my treasure, they'reall really the same thing.
Where am I investing to becomebetter?
And sometimes it's forretirement, and sometimes it's
just to uh make sure that we'rewe're forgiving each other for
(34:46):
our our past wrongs and we'realso moving forward in the right
direction.
SPEAKER_00 (34:51):
Boom, folks.
That wraps up this episode.
I couldn't have said it bettermyself.
Thanks for being here, honey.
You bet.
Guys, I want you to share thisepisode with your spouse.
This is a way for you to get theconversation started.
It's just to say, hey, ranacross this episode, would love
for you to listen.
(35:11):
Let's have a conversation aboutthis uh tomorrow and really make
a commitment to be intentionalabout talking about the future
of your financial relationshipand the future of your marriage
beyond when those kids haveflown from the nest.
(35:32):
Folks, we're gonna have moreamazing episodes for you in the
future.
So be sure to stay tuned.
If you aren't subscribedalready, hit the little plus
button up in the corner of yourpodcast player and follow our
show so you get notified when anew episode comes up.
We will catch you on anotherepisode of the Families of
(35:54):
Character show real soon.
Take care.
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