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October 28, 2025 18 mins

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Ever feel like money talks with your spouse turn into a maze of receipts, blame, and “we’ll do this when life slows down”? Let’s change the script.

We close our money and marriage series with a simple, powerful exercise that helps you move from logistics and conflict to compassion and clarity—no perfect plan required. With a pen, two sheets of paper, and 30 minutes, you’ll uncover the stories you each carry about money, the beliefs you absorbed growing up, and the hopes you want to build together.

You'll hear:
• why waiting for the perfect time keeps you stuck
• how stories shape money beliefs and reactions
• questions that uncover childhood scripts and adult triggers
• practices to build empathy before budgets
• inviting God into marriage and money through prayer

Did you love this episode? Send me an email (jordan@familiesofcharacter.com) and tell me what surprised you! What did you learn about your spouse through the exercise? Or what new dream did you discover together? And if this episode was a favorite, share it with a friend!

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey there, friend.

(00:00):
Welcome back to the Families ofCharacter Show, where we get
real about marriage, parenting,and growing as good stewards of
what God has entrusted to us.
I'm your host, Jordan Langdon,and today we're wrapping up our
money and marriage series withwhat I believe is the most

(00:21):
important episode of them all.
We've already talked about thewhy behind managing money
together.
We've covered some practicalnuts and bolts about saving,
giving, and planning for thefuture.

But here is the thing (00:34):
none of that really matters if you don't
do this next step.
You've got to sit down togetherand have your very first real
conversation about money as acouple.
And guess what?
You can totally do this.

(00:55):
So if you're listening rightnow, grab a pen and some paper,
maybe even hit pause and callyour spouse over.
This conversation is what setsthe tone for how you approach
your finances as a team.
Guys, it's time to move fromtalking about talking to

(01:16):
actually talking to one anotherabout money.
Here's what I've seen over andover again when I'm coaching
couples.
The truth is, most of us avoidconversations because we think
we have to have it all figuredout first.
Like we have to have the plan,we have to come with solutions.
And if we don't do that, thenit's not worthy of sort of

(01:39):
booking time on the calendarwith your spouse to sit down and
have the conversation.
We'll even say things like, youknow, when we have more income,
then we'll sit down and talk.
Or after we get done paying downall this debt, then we'll plan
for the future.
Or even like, hey guys, whenlife slows down, we'll finally
make a budget.

(02:00):
Well, guess what?
Life is not gonna slow down.
If anything, it might speed up.
So waiting for the perfect timejust keeps you stuck.
And all of that overwhelmcreates this drag on your
psyche.
It keeps you from experiencingtrue joy and peace in your

(02:22):
marriage and family life.
The thing is, we don't evenrealize how much drag we have
going on because we know we needto have these conversations, but
we keep postponing them.
So my encouragement to you rightnow is just to say yes to this
episode, to say yes to thisfree, what would normally be

(02:43):
offered in an expensive coachingcourse or a$125 uh counseling
session with your spouse and atherapist.
Just say yes to doing this freereflection exercise that can get
you talking and get you on thesame page.

(03:05):
A shared vision about yourfuture with your spouse doesn't
come from having all theanswers.
It comes from intentionallysitting together, asking honest
questions and listening to eachother's hearts.
Guys, if we look at scripture,Psalm 24, one reminds us the

(03:28):
earth is the Lord's andeverything in it.
Friends, that includes ourincome, our savings, and our
goals for the future.
We are stewards, and stewardshipstarts with conversations.
So I want to pause here becauseI know some of you are already
thinking, like, we've triedtalking about money before and

(03:51):
it didn't go well, or we're bothtoo tired at the end of the day,
right?
To have that deep conversation.
But I want you to hear this.
Carving out 30 minutes to talkabout your stories and your
hopes around money is not reallyabout the numbers.
It's about understanding whatshaped each of you, the beliefs

(04:13):
you absorbed in childhood,learning to see each other's
hearts rather than assumingmotives, which is so often the
problem in our conversations.
Assuming our spouse has illmotives or intent.
It helps you to lay down some ofthe defenses and frustrations

(04:35):
that get you stuck in thesemoney conversations.
So when couples skip this stepand just go straight to the
planning or to quicken or theYNAB app or whatever, what often
happens is that moneyconversations become nothing but
logistics and conflict.

(04:55):
Okay.
You know, this question how dohow much did we spend on
groceries?
How much was that Costco bill?
Why did you buy that?
We need to save more for thekids' college.
You see, when you begin witheach other's stories, where your
attitudes and your mindset camefrom, what you hope for, you
build this bridge of compassion.

(05:18):
Okay, you start to see why yourspouse reacts the way they do
when a big bill comes in, orwhen the topic of charitable
giving comes up.
You start to understand the whybehind the behaviors.
So that 30-minute investment oftime has the power to really
soften both of your hearts, toreduce blame, and to create a

(05:43):
sense that you're on the sameteam.
That's what we're all about hereat Families of Character is
being a united team as husbandand wife.
I've watched couples who feltcompletely gridlocked around
money finally breathe againbecause they took this first
step.
Not by solving the budget, butby seeing each other's hearts.

(06:08):
This just happened in ourcoaching session a few weeks ago
with couples who are in thefamilies of character community
and went through this reflectionexercise themselves.
So if you've been feeling stuck,anxious, or even resentful about
money, I want you to know thisis not about getting math

(06:32):
perfect.
Okay.
It's about starting a newchapter together.

So here's what I want you to do: grab, hit pause if you need to (06:38):
undefined
here and go grab a couple sheetsof paper, can be blank or lined,
one for each of you, and a pen.
I want you to put your phones onsilent so you can be fully in
the moment.
Maybe pour some coffee or tea ora glass of wine.

(07:00):
The point is to slow down andgive this conversation your full
attention.
If you're listening while youdrive or fold laundry right now,
no problem.
Just listen through right nowand then go to your calendar and
set a time later today or thisweek to sit down together with

(07:20):
your spouse.
I promise this will be worthyour time.
We're gonna use just a simpletwo-part reflection.
The first step is looking back.
It's a glance in the rear viewmirror.
Okay, so each of you will take afew minutes, maybe set a timer
for 10 to 15 minutes to reflecton your own upbringing and your

(07:44):
hopes for the future.
And I'm gonna give you thequestions to reflect on and to
write about.
But just take a few minutes tojot down your thoughts without
discussing them with yourspouse, spouse just yet, without
discussing them with your spousejust yet.
Question number one, how didyour parents manning question

(08:06):
one, how did your parents managemoney in your household?
Did one person take the lead?
Did they talk about moneyopenly?
Was it secretive, stressful,peaceful?
I want you to write your answersto these questions in full
sentences, kind of like in storyform.

(08:27):
Question number two, whatfeelings or attitudes about
money did you pick up from yourparents?
Fear, security, scarcity,abundance, generosity, what
feelings or attitudes aboutmoney did you pick up from your
parents?
Question number three, how didyou see your parents use money?

(08:50):
If you think back on yourchildhood, did you see your
parents use money primarily forthe family's needs, for
experiences, for givingcharitably, or on material
items?
Write down what you rememberabout how you saw your parents

(09:10):
use money.
Now, step two of this exerciseis looking forward.
It's glancing forward into yourfuture, thinking about your own
view of money going forward.
Question number one to answerhere.
What's one thing your parentsdid with money that you'd like
to continue in your marriagetoday or in the future?

(09:34):
What is one thing your parentsdid with money that you would
like to continue in yourmarriage?
Here's a second question.
What's one thing you'd like todo differently than your parents
did?
And question number three,what's something completely new

(09:54):
you'd like you and your spouseto try in how you approach
money?
For example, maybe you'd like tohave a monthly giving plan and
you just haven't talked aboutthat yet.
Or an annual financial retreatwhere you get away to an Airbnb
for a night and just talk aboutthe finances in a nice quaint

(10:18):
setting.
Or maybe it's a dream planningsession.
Okay.
What is something completely newthat you'd like to try in your
approach to money with yourspouse?
Once you finished answeringthese questions individually in
written form, take a few minutesto come back together and share

(10:38):
your answers with one another.
This is a beautiful thing totake what you thought about in
your mind, wrote about on yourpaper, and then to make it
audible, to hear your own voiceread these answers aloud to
yourself and to your spouse.
And you guys, when you'retalking about this and listening

(10:59):
to one another, I really wantyou to focus on keeping your
heart open that you might learnsomething new about your spouse
during this episode, that youmight learn something new about
your spouse during thisreflection exercise.
And then ask yourselves like,where did our answers overlap?

(11:20):
And then where are theydifferent?
And finally, how can we build avision for our financial future
that is rooted in faith,teamwork, and stewardship?
And then finally, what's onething that we commit to doing to
take just one step forward inmanaging our money in a way that

(11:43):
honors our vision for our futureand God's plan for us to really
be good stewards of the money,the gifts that He has entrusted
to us.
So, do you want to know why thisworks?
I'm gonna tell you.
You might be tempted to justthink like, listen, we'll do
this when we're not tired orstressed.

(12:05):
Like, oh, I just thought I wasgonna learn something on this
podcast episode, real quick,hack, and could, you know, take
the information, move on.
But she's asking me to sit down.
Here's the truth.
The act of talking is whatbegins to reduce stress, right?
If you've ever had a sessionwith a friend where you've just
kind of unloaded aboutsomething, you've vented about

(12:28):
something, you know that thatrelieves a little bit of stress.
Well, guess what?
When you put something inwriting, you pause to reflect on
something and write it down inwritten form, and then you
audibly say it so that you canhear your vision and your
responses and your spouse canhear it, a whole nother level of

(12:53):
stress comes off.
When you share your history withsomeone you trust, like your
spouse, what shaped you when youthink about money and how you
experienced money growing up?
And then what you long for,right?
You have made a commitment and acovenant to your spouse for
life.

(13:13):
So to be able to share what youlong for in the future, the
vision that you have for yourfamily in terms of money and
goals, what happens when you dothat is it stops feeling like
you're on opposite teams.
Okay.
You realize things like, oh,that's why you get anxious when
we spend too much on vacations,or that's why you value giving

(13:37):
or tithing so much.
You saw it modeled as a kid, andI didn't.
Guys, doing this type ofreflection exercise makes money
move from being a point oftension to being a shared
journey of stewardship.
And if you're a person of faith,remember you're not just making
a plan for dollars and cents,right?
By doing this, you are invitingGod into your marriage and your

(14:02):
money.
That's an important thing.
And what a beautiful place tostart before you start getting
into the nuts and bolts aboutmaybe the next actions that you
plan to take.
So before we wrap up, I justwant to say this.
You know, this conversationalone is not going to solve
everything in one sitting whenit comes to marriage and money.

(14:24):
And we know that.
But the goal isn't to create aperfect budget or to just decide
on like every detail in onesitting.
The goal is just to begin, toopen the door to honest dialogue
and to listen to each other'sstories.
Proverbs 16, 3 tells us, committo the Lord whatever you do, and

(14:48):
he will establish your plans.
Again, that verse says, Committo the Lord whatever you do, and
he will establish your plans.
Friends, as you start thisconversation, invite him in.
Pray together before you beginthis exercise.

(15:08):
Ask for wisdom, unity, and trustin his provision for your lives.
If you do this exercise, sitdown, write, and talk.
You will have taken the singlemost powerful step toward
building a financial future thatboth you and your spouse feel

(15:31):
hopeful about.
So listen, friends, if you'repart of our families of
character community, you'relistening to these podcasts,
you're part of our coachingcommunity, you've been to our
Parents' Night Out Date Nightevents on the first Friday of
the month, I would love to hearabout your experience.
I want you to email me, email mepersonally at Jordan J-O-R-D-A-N

(15:55):
at familiesofcharacter.com.
I want you to tell me whatsurprised you?
What did you learn about yourspouse through this exercise?
Or what new dream did youdiscover together?
And if this episode blessed you,would you please share it with a
friend, maybe another couple inyour church or a sibling or

(16:18):
someone you know who's beenstruggling with money
conversations or maybe avoidingmoney altogether in their
marriage?
We know that avoidance is notthe answer, but coming together
with charity and a tender placefor our spouse to land and to
just talk about some things thatare can be difficult or

(16:41):
triggering, like money, that'swhat we're going for, is a nice,
gentle place to land the planeand have these types of
conversations.
So share this with othersbecause you just have no idea
how the Holy Spirit may just benudging you.
Um, and how your simple act ofsharing might just be

(17:04):
encouragement that the uhanother couple may really need
to start their own conversation.
You're not just managing money,guys.
You're writing the story of yourmarriage and your family's
future.
Thanks for joining me today.
I just love being able to get onthis mic and share with you

(17:26):
things that have been incrediblyhelpful for my husband Josh and
I in our 21 years of marriage.
It's a true gift to be able toshare with you on this podcast.
So thanks for joining me and forbeing courageous enough to do
the hard work.
It's holy work, but it's growingtogether and it's totally worth

(17:47):
it.
So until next time, stayintentional about forming and
fortifying the foundation ofyour marriage and stay united,
commit to each other.
If this is hard, this is howit's supposed to be for seasons,
and we're going to get throughit and do it together.
And also, keep building yourfamily of character.

(18:11):
I'll catch you on anotherepisode of our show real soon.
Take care, you guys.
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