November 18, 2025 • 25 mins
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Big feelings don’t check the calendar. Between crowded rooms, shifting schedules, and constant stimulation, kids can tip from excitement to overload in seconds. Parents are left juggling judgment, guilt, and a wailing child at the dinner table. In this episode, we share a practical way to turn holiday meltdowns into moments of connection by reframing tantrums as communication, validating feelings, and co-regulating with calm breath and touch.
We also discuss:
• applying consequences after calm and repair
• using HALT to spot hungry, angry, lonely or tired
• matching support to a child’s temperament
• choosing routine and sleep to prevent overload
If this episode resonates with you, please share with a friend who may also need peace during the holidays!
Need more resources? Visit our website to find our Huddle Up guide to help prepare for the oncoming holidays!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:29):
Welcome back, parents.
If you're listening to thisepisode and the holiday season
has already passed, just staytuned because you know the next
holiday is just around thecorner.
They always are.
So this is timeless informationto help you manage meltdowns any
time of the year, really.
(00:50):
Listen, as a counselor and afellow parent, I understand the
challenges we face in ensuringour children's emotional
well-being, especially duringthe hustle and bustle of the
holiday season.
And it's common for us adults toarticulate our stress, but
children often struggle toexpress their feelings.
(01:13):
And then they resort to thesefrustration-induced tantrums at
like the most inopportune times,right?
Like dinner with all therelatives.
So I'm going to encourage you inthis episode to empower your
kids with the skills that theyneed to manage and communicate
(01:33):
their emotions effectively.
This will foster a harmoniousholiday experience.
Okay.
So hang with me.
First, I'm going to suggest thatyou look at tantrums or
meltdowns as more than just flatout defiance.
Okay.
If you can reframe theseemotional meltdowns or emotional
(01:57):
explosions, however you callthem, and truly remind yourself
that when your child is actingin this way, they need something
in these moments.
If you can do that and reframethat for yourself, you will be
better prepared to respond tothem in a way that helps
diminish the outburst ormeltdown more quickly.
(02:20):
And your child will be able tolearn ways to self-soothe down
the road.
Okay, so let's reframe tantrumsas expressions of emotion rather
than acts of defiance.
This is a game changer.
So, example, your child isyelling and screaming and
(02:44):
balling up their fist.
What do you do?
You respond by verbalizing tothem what you observe about
their behavior.
For example, you say, hey buddy,I can see you're really angry.
You've got your fists balled upand your face is red.
Then you're gonna give them ahug.
You're going to connect withyour child after you've let them
(03:07):
know you've seen them.
You connect with theirfrustration, right?
By doing this.
This diffuses the tantrumbecause they feel heard, just
like you and I might experience.
If we're really overwhelmed andfrustrated and someone says,
Man, I can tell you're reallyupset, and I can understand this
is upsetting to you, and thengives you a hug, you immediately
(03:31):
calm down, right?
What also happens when you dothis with your child is that you
model the behavior they'veassociated with anger or
jealousy or disappointment byputting the words to it.
So you're saying, man, your yourface is red and your fists are
bald up, and and then they startthinking, oh, my fists are
(03:52):
balled up and my face is red,and I'm feeling angry in this
moment.
This helps them to understandhow they're expressing these
different feelings and then howto manage it.
So after you give them a hug,then you help them calm down by
simply modeling what you wantthem to do for themselves.
(04:17):
You, while you're hugging them,take a huge inhale as you're
holding them and you say, Let'stake a deep breath together.
And you keep breathing deeply asyou hold on to your child.
Now, this might go on for threeto five or even 10 minutes if
this is a new intervention.
(04:38):
But trust me, it is worth it.
Plus, think about this.
If you want your kids to come toyou with the big things later in
life, you have to lay thefoundation early and often that
you can help them with thesesmall things like the tantrum
because they had to put the iPadaway or their brother hid their
(04:59):
favorite toy.
You have to set that foundationof safety where they are not
afraid to come to you whenthey're upset or something's
going wrong in their world.
And you know what?
If you're around relatives orfriends over the holiday, I
don't want you to worry aboutwhat they might think of you if
(05:21):
you comfort your child during atantrum because there's a lot of
judgment, right?
We can be so judgy in thisparent world where we're going,
oh my, they just hug them everytime something goes wrong.
And they, that person, that kidneeds discipline.
They need to, right?
Well, we never know someone'sfull situation or the
(05:42):
temperament of the child or whatthey've tried before.
And so we just suspend judgmentand also don't worry about what
other people think of us.
We need to just focus on what isworking for our family, for our
kids.
Doing comforting your child inthis way and validating their
feelings and their frustrationsisn't really common practice.
(06:07):
So I wouldn't expect people tothink that it's a great idea,
okay?
But it is because again, byproviding the words and the
physical comfort, you're helpingthem to be able to do this for
themselves later on.
So don't worry about what otherpeople think when you start
trying this method.
(06:27):
And after the meltdown, youknow, the child still might have
to pay some consequences ifthey've done something to hurt
another child or they'vedisrespected someone else.
But the frequency and intensityof their meltdowns will diminish
over time if this is your newway of responding to them.
(06:50):
So be patient and stick to itwhen it comes to how you respond
to your child when they aremelting down.
Here's some additionalstrategies to consider when
you're on holiday or you'resomewhere with your family where
the schedule's a littledifferent or the environment is
different too.
Number one, you gotta just getback to the basics, right?
(07:15):
Maintaining a little bit ofbalance is key to reducing
everybody's stress.
Okay, so what I want you to dois just reflect on your family's
individual needs during busydays.
I love the acronym HALT, and Iwant you to remember it and
teach it to your kids.
HALT, H A L T is your checkpointwhen you notice your kids or
(07:40):
yourself getting a littleoverwhelmed or owly.
Okay, so HALT.
H hungry.
Have I eaten in a while?
Has my child had a healthy snackthat will get his blood sugar
back up to a normal range?
Maybe we need to get some food.
Hungry.
A angry.
(08:02):
If someone's angry, maybe theyneed to make an apology.
Maybe they need to make anapology or or forgive someone,
right?
When we have uh situations orrelationships that are
unresolved and that are naggingat us, we become frustrated.
We tend to be more emotionallyexpressive.
(08:24):
So check yourself, ask yourkids, hey, are you upset with
someone or did someone hurt yourfeelings?
And if they say yes, thenfacilitate a repair of that
little rupture that happened,right?
Let's go say we're sorry.
You know, let's let's tell themthat they hurt your feelings and
see if we can repair this sothat you can feel better.
(08:47):
So that's angry.
L, lonely.
All of us act differently whenwe're feeling lonely, when we
lack that connection, that humanconnection that we really truly
need.
So if you're feeling lonelyyourself, you may just call a
friend or you know, get yourselfaround someone that you are
(09:09):
comfortable with and you enjoyand take the step to make the
connection.
If your child feels like, man,it's been three days, I don't
have any cousins to hang outwith, or you know, it seems like
the adults are spending so muchtime together, take some extra
time to spend with your childone-on-one so that they can get
that connection and not feelthat loneliness that's
(09:30):
contributing to their emotionaldistress.
And the T is tired.
How often does a lack of sleepjust throw us all into a
tailspin?
Often, guys, I remember havinglittle kids and I would be
overwhelmed and stressed andthink, you know what, while I'm
(09:52):
on vacation, I'm just gonna havea couple glasses of wine, kick
back.
The kids can do what they want.
Like we'll repair all thislater, but I need some time off.
I'm gonna encourage you to avoidthe temptation to just kick
back, drink a few glasses ofwine, and pay no attention to
whether your kids have had a napin three days or gone to bed
(10:12):
before 11 p.m.
It's worth it to just have oneglass of wine, keep them on
their schedule, and be able toenjoy the rest of your holiday
because their needs are beingmet.
And I get it.
Some of you will do like I did,and you'll just decide to unplug
completely over the holidays andlet your routine go completely
(10:34):
out the window because you'reexhausted and you just want a
break yourself.
Okay.
You just have to recognize thatdoing so is gonna cause you a
lot more grief on the back endafter the holidays are over.
But if you understand that, youcan decide whether that's worth
it for you.
I just recommend consideringotherwise.
(10:56):
So remember, halt.
Halt is your checkpoint when youstart seeing the emotions
popping out or boiling over.
Hungry, are you hungry?
Angry, do you need to repair arelationship?
Lonely, you need some company,you need some connection, and
tired.
Do we need to stop and just takea nap or take a rest?
(11:18):
And anytime you're checking inwith your kids about these
particular areas that may needattention, you don't want to be
rude about bringing it up.
Are you hungry?
Are you angry?
Let's go through halt.
You must be tired.
No, we don't want to becondescending.
We want to go on a hunt for theanswer.
(11:39):
We're kind of like uh aninvestigator.
It's like, hmm, what's going onhere?
Let's figure this out becausethis isn't you.
This is not your normal self.
And so I want to help you, but Iwant to give you four words to
check so that you can have thosetools in your toolbox as well.
So help them investigate andfigure out where they can meet a
(12:01):
need that might uh stave off abigger meltdown or upset.
And remember, meeting thesebasic needs is just super
fundamental to preventing stressand frustration in both kids and
us adults.
Okay, so use the same thing foryourself.
And then another piece of adviceis just to consider your child's
(12:24):
unique temperament.
Every child has unique needs andtemperaments, just like we
adults do.
You know, I'll sit around andtalk with my friends and be
like, I thought I was anextrovert, but I think I'm more
of an introvert because when I'mout and about, I really find
myself craving alone time tojust kind of refresh and
(12:44):
recharge.
Well, kids have those samedifferent temperaments and
(14:17):
personality types as well.
So pay attention to how yourchild copes with overwhelming
situations.
The holidays can be super overstimulating, right?
For adults and kids alike.
And we are not all the same.
So if your child seeks likeindependent play, they would
rather just be over in thecorner playing with a toy and
(14:38):
they've been around a bunch ofcousins or uh, you know, family
and and friends or neighbors.
Make sure that you take a minuteto just take them aside for 15
minutes or something and givethem a little quiet space with a
few toys to recharge becausethat's important for them.
If they struggle to slow down,you know those kids are wired
(15:01):
and they're going, going, going,going, and you're like, I'm I
see the burnout coming, it'shappening.
Incorporate some intentionalbreaks for quiet moments, like
looking at pictures together,right?
That kind of calms their bodiesdown, but it gives them
something to focus on.
So maybe you go through yourphone and you look at family
pictures together to just kindof calm them down and calm their
(15:23):
bodies down, or gaze out thewindow and tell them to tell you
what they observe, right?
What do they see out there?
Tell them to name five thingsthat they can see and four
things that they can hear andthree things that they can smell
right now in the moment, right?
You can do these mindfulactivities that still engage
them, but they slow the bodydown in order for them to kind
(15:46):
of catch their breath and relax.
Understanding and catering toyour child's temperament can
significantly contribute totheir emotional well-being.
Again, this requires us to kindof step away from the crowd that
we're socializing with, uh, frommaybe some of the things we want
(16:07):
to do, but again, it is worthit.
Okay.
Another piece of advice teachsome frustration management, so
to speak.
Early introduction to thesefrustration management skills
really equips kids to be able tobounce back from all life's ups
and downs.
So, one of the things that wehave for you as a free resource
(16:32):
is what we call feelings facescharts.
So you can print these off.
You can get them anywhereonline, but we also have them at
familiesofcharacter.com.
These feeling charts just havelittle emoji faces that show
expressions that correspond withdifferent feelings:
(16:52):
disappointed, jealous, angry,um, ecstatic, excited.
When a child can identify theirfeeling through another person,
through a character in a storyor an emoji face, it helps them
to detach from what's going oninside of their mind and their
(17:12):
body, get it in front of themwhere they can see it, and then
be able to manage that.
So using those feelings, faces,charts are very, very helpful.
Another thing you can do is youcan give them a blank sheet of
paper and give them some colorsand tell them to express their
feelings using different colors.
(17:34):
And, you know, maybe red is formad, and you know, black is for
furious, and yellow is for, youknow, calm or um excited, and do
allow them to express themselvesthrough some coloring or um
writing or drawing.
(17:54):
Kids really, really benefit fromthat, and child therapists use
this a lot in play therapy withkids.
Calming sensory activities, kidslove these things.
I I love kinetic sand.
So if you buy some kinetic sand,you can pack it up in a little
Tupperware container, put it inyour purse, and if they need
(18:15):
just some time to kind of playwith this sand, it kinetic sand
is awesome because it's moistand so it does not get all over
the place and and kind of becomea big mess.
It's more like a clay, but ithas that sand texture that's
really satisfying for kids toplay with.
So you could bring it out at arestaurant, you could um bring
(18:38):
it to you know a familygathering, and they could use
that sand to just uh manipulateit in their fingers and their
hands so that their body willcalm down.
Another activity we like to doif we have a little space for it
and don't mind some cleanup iswe'll put out a plastic um
(18:59):
tablecloth.
And then we get like two orthree bottles of shaving cream
from the Dollar Tree, spray iton the uh tablecloth, and let
kids, you know, use theirfingers to draw different
pictures in it or make little uhsnow, you know, a snowman or a
tree or an animal.
(19:21):
And they really, really lovethat.
You gotta watch the little onesso they don't put it in their
mouths or their eyes, but um,something simple like that just
helps them to calm their bodiesdown and do something
constructive with their hands.
So those are some ways that youcan help your child and just
spend a few minutes calming downand managing emotions.
(19:45):
Another thing is just pack alonglike all their favorite things,
right?
Not all of them, the whole room,and you gotta have limits,
right?
But long days and nights can bereally challenging when you're
away from home or you have a lotof company at your house.
So it's important to be preparedwith a you know little bag, you
(20:05):
could call it like a coping kitin case frustration strikes.
So it could be their favoritetoy, their blanket, their
pacifier, the um, you know,kinetic sand or play-doh, music,
headphones so that they can, youknow, listen to some calming
music, maybe coloring books,right?
(20:27):
A stress ball, bubbles so thatthey can practice their deep
breathing, right?
And just blowing bubbles helpsthem to calm their system down.
So make sure you pack just alittle little coping kit
wherever you go for the holidaysor whenever you're you're
traveling, or have people overjust to have that easily
(20:47):
accessible.
So I can't highlight thisenough.
Just consider when you're facedwith a tantrum or meltdown with
your kiddo.
Remember this is not an act ofdefiance, it is them saying, in
the only way they know how rightnow, that they need something.
(21:10):
And your job as a parent is notto match their emotion and join
them at the level of theirfrustration and react back.
Your job is to be the adult inthe room, to take a breath and
then make sure that you validatewhat you see, right?
(21:31):
You're so angry right now,buddy.
Your your fists are bald, yourface is red.
I get it, you're really, reallyupset, you're really angry right
now.
Give them a hug, hold them, takedeep breaths while you're
holding them, and they willstart mimicking what your body
is doing because they feelthemselves start to come down a
(21:53):
little because you've comfortedthem, and then they will model
your deep breathing, which helpstheir nervous system to settle
down so that their brain canactually get back online from
that disconnect it made and thatemotional explosion, and they
can start using skills to calmdown and re-engage with their
(22:16):
friend or their family in theway that they really truly want
to behave.
Okay, so reframe those tantrumsas emotional expression trying
to tell you something, okay?
That is going to guide yourchild through moments of stress
and frustration instead ofinflame them to have another
(22:38):
episode.
And listen, if you want to hearmore about diffusing tantrums
and this same type of topic,please go back and listen to
episode 57.
It's titled Diffuse Tantrums andRecord Time.
And our featured guest there wasBrooke Vincent.
She's an awesome counselor inthe Denver area, and she gives
(22:59):
lots of examples of how tophysically comfort and verbally
validate during one of thesetantrums or meltdowns with your
kids.
So be sure to check out episode57 for more on this.
Friends, we have got to thinkoutside of the box when it comes
to parenting.
There's so many little hacks outthere that we can try and so
(23:19):
much junk on social media thatpeople say is works and is good,
and we'll put the fear of Godinto your child.
And we've been so used toreacting when our kids throw a
fit.
Then we tend to go right into aconsequence that doesn't even
fit the behavior that it's it'sjust not working.
(23:41):
Putting fear into our kids isnot the way to condition the
behavior that we want in them.
Instead, helping them cope withbig feelings by being able to
put words to what's going on,and then behaviorally doing
things like modeling deepbreathing and soothing through
calming movement is exactly whatthey need so that they can cope
(24:05):
with whatever comes up for themin the future.
Listen, parents, we have somereally awesome news for you.
We have kicked off our parentcoaching courses, and they are
packed with practical examplesof this type of research-based
(24:26):
parenting.
It's been such a pleasure to bethe coach of awesome parents
like you who want better fortheir families, but just need a
little bit of a guide over thecourse of a couple weeks to just
get on track and practice someof these things and get in a
routine with it.
And then have the ability to asksome questions and get that
(24:48):
professional guidance that is sooften needed.
I appreciate you tuning in and Ireally encourage you to share
these episodes with a few peoplein your circle.
That's how we get the word outand continue to build a movement
of parents who want more fortheir families and are willing
to consider tried and trueprocesses and skills that will
(25:10):
truly transform their family andpropel the family forward.
So just remember we're bettertogether, right?
As a parent, as a wife, as acoach, I am in your corner.
Jordan Langdon signing off.
(25:31):
Take care, you got this.
Welcome back, parents.
If you're listening to thisepisode and the holiday season
has already passed, just staytuned because you know the next
holiday is just around thecorner.
They always are.
So this is timeless informationto help you manage meltdowns any
time of the year, really.
(00:50):
Listen, as a counselor and afellow parent, I understand the
challenges we face in ensuringour children's emotional
well-being, especially duringthe hustle and bustle of the
holiday season.
And it's common for us adults toarticulate our stress, but
children often struggle toexpress their feelings.
(01:13):
And then they resort to thesefrustration-induced tantrums at
like the most inopportune times,right?
Like dinner with all therelatives.
So I'm going to encourage you inthis episode to empower your
kids with the skills that theyneed to manage and communicate
(01:33):
their emotions effectively.
This will foster a harmoniousholiday experience.
Okay.
So hang with me.
First, I'm going to suggest thatyou look at tantrums or
meltdowns as more than just flatout defiance.
Okay.
If you can reframe theseemotional meltdowns or emotional
(01:57):
explosions, however you callthem, and truly remind yourself
that when your child is actingin this way, they need something
in these moments.
If you can do that and reframethat for yourself, you will be
better prepared to respond tothem in a way that helps
diminish the outburst ormeltdown more quickly.
(02:20):
And your child will be able tolearn ways to self-soothe down
the road.
Okay, so let's reframe tantrumsas expressions of emotion rather
than acts of defiance.
This is a game changer.
So, example, your child isyelling and screaming and
(02:44):
balling up their fist.
What do you do?
You respond by verbalizing tothem what you observe about
their behavior.
For example, you say, hey buddy,I can see you're really angry.
You've got your fists balled upand your face is red.
Then you're gonna give them ahug.
You're going to connect withyour child after you've let them
(03:07):
know you've seen them.
You connect with theirfrustration, right?
By doing this.
This diffuses the tantrumbecause they feel heard, just
like you and I might experience.
If we're really overwhelmed andfrustrated and someone says,
Man, I can tell you're reallyupset, and I can understand this
is upsetting to you, and thengives you a hug, you immediately
(03:31):
calm down, right?
What also happens when you dothis with your child is that you
model the behavior they'veassociated with anger or
jealousy or disappointment byputting the words to it.
So you're saying, man, your yourface is red and your fists are
bald up, and and then they startthinking, oh, my fists are
(03:52):
balled up and my face is red,and I'm feeling angry in this
moment.
This helps them to understandhow they're expressing these
different feelings and then howto manage it.
So after you give them a hug,then you help them calm down by
simply modeling what you wantthem to do for themselves.
(04:17):
You, while you're hugging them,take a huge inhale as you're
holding them and you say, Let'stake a deep breath together.
And you keep breathing deeply asyou hold on to your child.
Now, this might go on for threeto five or even 10 minutes if
this is a new intervention.
(04:38):
But trust me, it is worth it.
Plus, think about this.
If you want your kids to come toyou with the big things later in
life, you have to lay thefoundation early and often that
you can help them with thesesmall things like the tantrum
because they had to put the iPadaway or their brother hid their
(04:59):
favorite toy.
You have to set that foundationof safety where they are not
afraid to come to you whenthey're upset or something's
going wrong in their world.
And you know what?
If you're around relatives orfriends over the holiday, I
don't want you to worry aboutwhat they might think of you if
(05:21):
you comfort your child during atantrum because there's a lot of
judgment, right?
We can be so judgy in thisparent world where we're going,
oh my, they just hug them everytime something goes wrong.
And they, that person, that kidneeds discipline.
They need to, right?
Well, we never know someone'sfull situation or the
(05:42):
temperament of the child or whatthey've tried before.
And so we just suspend judgmentand also don't worry about what
other people think of us.
We need to just focus on what isworking for our family, for our
kids.
Doing comforting your child inthis way and validating their
feelings and their frustrationsisn't really common practice.
(06:07):
So I wouldn't expect people tothink that it's a great idea,
okay?
But it is because again, byproviding the words and the
physical comfort, you're helpingthem to be able to do this for
themselves later on.
So don't worry about what otherpeople think when you start
trying this method.
(06:27):
And after the meltdown, youknow, the child still might have
to pay some consequences ifthey've done something to hurt
another child or they'vedisrespected someone else.
But the frequency and intensityof their meltdowns will diminish
over time if this is your newway of responding to them.
(06:50):
So be patient and stick to itwhen it comes to how you respond
to your child when they aremelting down.
Here's some additionalstrategies to consider when
you're on holiday or you'resomewhere with your family where
the schedule's a littledifferent or the environment is
different too.
Number one, you gotta just getback to the basics, right?
(07:15):
Maintaining a little bit ofbalance is key to reducing
everybody's stress.
Okay, so what I want you to dois just reflect on your family's
individual needs during busydays.
I love the acronym HALT, and Iwant you to remember it and
teach it to your kids.
HALT, H A L T is your checkpointwhen you notice your kids or
(07:40):
yourself getting a littleoverwhelmed or owly.
Okay, so HALT.
H hungry.
Have I eaten in a while?
Has my child had a healthy snackthat will get his blood sugar
back up to a normal range?
Maybe we need to get some food.
Hungry.
A angry.
(08:02):
If someone's angry, maybe theyneed to make an apology.
Maybe they need to make anapology or or forgive someone,
right?
When we have uh situations orrelationships that are
unresolved and that are naggingat us, we become frustrated.
We tend to be more emotionallyexpressive.
(08:24):
So check yourself, ask yourkids, hey, are you upset with
someone or did someone hurt yourfeelings?
And if they say yes, thenfacilitate a repair of that
little rupture that happened,right?
Let's go say we're sorry.
You know, let's let's tell themthat they hurt your feelings and
see if we can repair this sothat you can feel better.
(08:47):
So that's angry.
L, lonely.
All of us act differently whenwe're feeling lonely, when we
lack that connection, that humanconnection that we really truly
need.
So if you're feeling lonelyyourself, you may just call a
friend or you know, get yourselfaround someone that you are
(09:09):
comfortable with and you enjoyand take the step to make the
connection.
If your child feels like, man,it's been three days, I don't
have any cousins to hang outwith, or you know, it seems like
the adults are spending so muchtime together, take some extra
time to spend with your childone-on-one so that they can get
that connection and not feelthat loneliness that's
(09:30):
contributing to their emotionaldistress.
And the T is tired.
How often does a lack of sleepjust throw us all into a
tailspin?
Often, guys, I remember havinglittle kids and I would be
overwhelmed and stressed andthink, you know what, while I'm
(09:52):
on vacation, I'm just gonna havea couple glasses of wine, kick
back.
The kids can do what they want.
Like we'll repair all thislater, but I need some time off.
I'm gonna encourage you to avoidthe temptation to just kick
back, drink a few glasses ofwine, and pay no attention to
whether your kids have had a napin three days or gone to bed
(10:12):
before 11 p.m.
It's worth it to just have oneglass of wine, keep them on
their schedule, and be able toenjoy the rest of your holiday
because their needs are beingmet.
And I get it.
Some of you will do like I did,and you'll just decide to unplug
completely over the holidays andlet your routine go completely
(10:34):
out the window because you'reexhausted and you just want a
break yourself.
Okay.
You just have to recognize thatdoing so is gonna cause you a
lot more grief on the back endafter the holidays are over.
But if you understand that, youcan decide whether that's worth
it for you.
I just recommend consideringotherwise.
(10:56):
So remember, halt.
Halt is your checkpoint when youstart seeing the emotions
popping out or boiling over.
Hungry, are you hungry?
Angry, do you need to repair arelationship?
Lonely, you need some company,you need some connection, and
tired.
Do we need to stop and just takea nap or take a rest?
(11:18):
And anytime you're checking inwith your kids about these
particular areas that may needattention, you don't want to be
rude about bringing it up.
Are you hungry?
Are you angry?
Let's go through halt.
You must be tired.
No, we don't want to becondescending.
We want to go on a hunt for theanswer.
(11:39):
We're kind of like uh aninvestigator.
It's like, hmm, what's going onhere?
Let's figure this out becausethis isn't you.
This is not your normal self.
And so I want to help you, but Iwant to give you four words to
check so that you can have thosetools in your toolbox as well.
So help them investigate andfigure out where they can meet a
(12:01):
need that might uh stave off abigger meltdown or upset.
And remember, meeting thesebasic needs is just super
fundamental to preventing stressand frustration in both kids and
us adults.
Okay, so use the same thing foryourself.
And then another piece of adviceis just to consider your child's
(12:24):
unique temperament.
Every child has unique needs andtemperaments, just like we
adults do.
You know, I'll sit around andtalk with my friends and be
like, I thought I was anextrovert, but I think I'm more
of an introvert because when I'mout and about, I really find
myself craving alone time tojust kind of refresh and
(12:44):
recharge.
Well, kids have those samedifferent temperaments and
(14:17):
personality types as well.
So pay attention to how yourchild copes with overwhelming
situations.
The holidays can be super overstimulating, right?
For adults and kids alike.
And we are not all the same.
So if your child seeks likeindependent play, they would
rather just be over in thecorner playing with a toy and
(14:38):
they've been around a bunch ofcousins or uh, you know, family
and and friends or neighbors.
Make sure that you take a minuteto just take them aside for 15
minutes or something and givethem a little quiet space with a
few toys to recharge becausethat's important for them.
If they struggle to slow down,you know those kids are wired
(15:01):
and they're going, going, going,going, and you're like, I'm I
see the burnout coming, it'shappening.
Incorporate some intentionalbreaks for quiet moments, like
looking at pictures together,right?
That kind of calms their bodiesdown, but it gives them
something to focus on.
So maybe you go through yourphone and you look at family
pictures together to just kindof calm them down and calm their
(15:23):
bodies down, or gaze out thewindow and tell them to tell you
what they observe, right?
What do they see out there?
Tell them to name five thingsthat they can see and four
things that they can hear andthree things that they can smell
right now in the moment, right?
You can do these mindfulactivities that still engage
them, but they slow the bodydown in order for them to kind
(15:46):
of catch their breath and relax.
Understanding and catering toyour child's temperament can
significantly contribute totheir emotional well-being.
Again, this requires us to kindof step away from the crowd that
we're socializing with, uh, frommaybe some of the things we want
(16:07):
to do, but again, it is worthit.
Okay.
Another piece of advice teachsome frustration management, so
to speak.
Early introduction to thesefrustration management skills
really equips kids to be able tobounce back from all life's ups
and downs.
So, one of the things that wehave for you as a free resource
(16:32):
is what we call feelings facescharts.
So you can print these off.
You can get them anywhereonline, but we also have them at
familiesofcharacter.com.
These feeling charts just havelittle emoji faces that show
expressions that correspond withdifferent feelings:
(16:52):
disappointed, jealous, angry,um, ecstatic, excited.
When a child can identify theirfeeling through another person,
through a character in a storyor an emoji face, it helps them
to detach from what's going oninside of their mind and their
(17:12):
body, get it in front of themwhere they can see it, and then
be able to manage that.
So using those feelings, faces,charts are very, very helpful.
Another thing you can do is youcan give them a blank sheet of
paper and give them some colorsand tell them to express their
feelings using different colors.
(17:34):
And, you know, maybe red is formad, and you know, black is for
furious, and yellow is for, youknow, calm or um excited, and do
allow them to express themselvesthrough some coloring or um
writing or drawing.
(17:54):
Kids really, really benefit fromthat, and child therapists use
this a lot in play therapy withkids.
Calming sensory activities, kidslove these things.
I I love kinetic sand.
So if you buy some kinetic sand,you can pack it up in a little
Tupperware container, put it inyour purse, and if they need
(18:15):
just some time to kind of playwith this sand, it kinetic sand
is awesome because it's moistand so it does not get all over
the place and and kind of becomea big mess.
It's more like a clay, but ithas that sand texture that's
really satisfying for kids toplay with.
So you could bring it out at arestaurant, you could um bring
(18:38):
it to you know a familygathering, and they could use
that sand to just uh manipulateit in their fingers and their
hands so that their body willcalm down.
Another activity we like to doif we have a little space for it
and don't mind some cleanup iswe'll put out a plastic um
(18:59):
tablecloth.
And then we get like two orthree bottles of shaving cream
from the Dollar Tree, spray iton the uh tablecloth, and let
kids, you know, use theirfingers to draw different
pictures in it or make little uhsnow, you know, a snowman or a
tree or an animal.
(19:21):
And they really, really lovethat.
You gotta watch the little onesso they don't put it in their
mouths or their eyes, but um,something simple like that just
helps them to calm their bodiesdown and do something
constructive with their hands.
So those are some ways that youcan help your child and just
spend a few minutes calming downand managing emotions.
(19:45):
Another thing is just pack alonglike all their favorite things,
right?
Not all of them, the whole room,and you gotta have limits,
right?
But long days and nights can bereally challenging when you're
away from home or you have a lotof company at your house.
So it's important to be preparedwith a you know little bag, you
(20:05):
could call it like a coping kitin case frustration strikes.
So it could be their favoritetoy, their blanket, their
pacifier, the um, you know,kinetic sand or play-doh, music,
headphones so that they can, youknow, listen to some calming
music, maybe coloring books,right?
(20:27):
A stress ball, bubbles so thatthey can practice their deep
breathing, right?
And just blowing bubbles helpsthem to calm their system down.
So make sure you pack just alittle little coping kit
wherever you go for the holidaysor whenever you're you're
traveling, or have people overjust to have that easily
(20:47):
accessible.
So I can't highlight thisenough.
Just consider when you're facedwith a tantrum or meltdown with
your kiddo.
Remember this is not an act ofdefiance, it is them saying, in
the only way they know how rightnow, that they need something.
(21:10):
And your job as a parent is notto match their emotion and join
them at the level of theirfrustration and react back.
Your job is to be the adult inthe room, to take a breath and
then make sure that you validatewhat you see, right?
(21:31):
You're so angry right now,buddy.
Your your fists are bald, yourface is red.
I get it, you're really, reallyupset, you're really angry right
now.
Give them a hug, hold them, takedeep breaths while you're
holding them, and they willstart mimicking what your body
is doing because they feelthemselves start to come down a
(21:53):
little because you've comfortedthem, and then they will model
your deep breathing, which helpstheir nervous system to settle
down so that their brain canactually get back online from
that disconnect it made and thatemotional explosion, and they
can start using skills to calmdown and re-engage with their
(22:16):
friend or their family in theway that they really truly want
to behave.
Okay, so reframe those tantrumsas emotional expression trying
to tell you something, okay?
That is going to guide yourchild through moments of stress
and frustration instead ofinflame them to have another
(22:38):
episode.
And listen, if you want to hearmore about diffusing tantrums
and this same type of topic,please go back and listen to
episode 57.
It's titled Diffuse Tantrums andRecord Time.
And our featured guest there wasBrooke Vincent.
She's an awesome counselor inthe Denver area, and she gives
(22:59):
lots of examples of how tophysically comfort and verbally
validate during one of thesetantrums or meltdowns with your
kids.
So be sure to check out episode57 for more on this.
Friends, we have got to thinkoutside of the box when it comes
to parenting.
There's so many little hacks outthere that we can try and so
(23:19):
much junk on social media thatpeople say is works and is good,
and we'll put the fear of Godinto your child.
And we've been so used toreacting when our kids throw a
fit.
Then we tend to go right into aconsequence that doesn't even
fit the behavior that it's it'sjust not working.
(23:41):
Putting fear into our kids isnot the way to condition the
behavior that we want in them.
Instead, helping them cope withbig feelings by being able to
put words to what's going on,and then behaviorally doing
things like modeling deepbreathing and soothing through
calming movement is exactly whatthey need so that they can cope
(24:05):
with whatever comes up for themin the future.
Listen, parents, we have somereally awesome news for you.
We have kicked off our parentcoaching courses, and they are
packed with practical examplesof this type of research-based
(24:26):
parenting.
It's been such a pleasure to bethe coach of awesome parents
like you who want better fortheir families, but just need a
little bit of a guide over thecourse of a couple weeks to just
get on track and practice someof these things and get in a
routine with it.
And then have the ability to asksome questions and get that
(24:48):
professional guidance that is sooften needed.
I appreciate you tuning in and Ireally encourage you to share
these episodes with a few peoplein your circle.
That's how we get the word outand continue to build a movement
of parents who want more fortheir families and are willing
to consider tried and trueprocesses and skills that will
(25:10):
truly transform their family andpropel the family forward.
So just remember we're bettertogether, right?
As a parent, as a wife, as acoach, I am in your corner.
Jordan Langdon signing off.
(25:31):
Take care, you got this.
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