December 2, 2025 • 45 mins
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What if the most powerful way to raise courageous kids is hidden in small, repeatable moments at home? Former Navy SEAL and father of four Jimmy Graham joins us to share the lived wisdom behind his new children’s book, How Do You Love a Fish?, a field-tested guide to forming character through short stories, scripture, and simple nightly rituals. We explore how parents can lead with clarity in a chaotic world by pairing modeled behavior with true words that bless and build.
Jimmy walks us through practical tools you can use tonight: the “High Five” confidence cue (posture, eye contact, handshake, strong voice, smile), a family liturgy of affirmation that becomes oxygen for the soul, and the powerful reframe that love means meeting needs, not projecting preferences. We talk about teaching kids to say “May I please” and “Thank you,” why manners are a form of respect and self-mastery, and how choosing silence over venting can be strength, not weakness. From “don’t be distracted,” accountability, to “say true words” & have integrity, this conversation turns faith into action without fluff.
We also take on the so‑called war on decency with a calm, constructive plan: turn devices off, read a short 3 pg chapter of this book with your child, ask three questions, set a small challenge, and close with a promise and a prayer. Jimmy also shares about the tender practice of telling your children, “You are my treasure,” so they carry that truth wherever they may be in life.
"How Do You Love a Fish" is a rich, honest, and highly practical blueprint for parents who want their kids to grow up safe enough to play and strong enough to stand.
If this conversation encourages you, share it with a parent who needs a boost, subscribe for more character‑first parenting, and leave a quick review to help others find the show. Then grab a copy of How Do You Love a Fish? and start one small practice tonight.
To access other episodes with Jimmy Graham, go to #72, #131 & #167.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (00:30):
What happens when a former Navy SEAL and father of
four turns his training, hisfaith, and his family stories
into a roadmap for raising kidsof real character?
Well, in a world that feelsincreasingly chaotic, Jimmy
Graham believes parents arestill the most powerful force
(00:54):
for good in a child's life.
And praise be to God, because Itotally agree.
And his new book, How Do YouLove a Fish?
It's it's not a book abouttheory or or parenting theory.
It's really the lived wisdom ofa dad who's watched God form his
(01:15):
family through discipline,humility, gratitude, and really
grit.
So today, Jimmy shares thepractical heart-shaping lessons
every child needs and why now isthe moment for parents to truly
lead, stand up, and lead withcourage and purpose.
(01:37):
So welcome back to our show.
I'm your host, Jordan Langdon,and today we have a wonderful
return guest on our show, Mr.
Jimmy Graham.
So welcome back, Jimmy.
How are you doing, friend?
SPEAKER_00 (01:50):
Thanks for having me back.
SPEAKER_02 (01:52):
So good to be with you again.
I was just looking back throughthe the old episodes.
And then we have you on the thiswill be the fourth time on the
families of character show.
You have episode number 72,guys, is called Lessons from a
Navy SEAL.
Uh episode number 131 was whereJimmy interviewed me on the
(02:13):
Protector Culture podcast, hispodcast.
And then episode 167 is calledDeveloping a Family Emergency
Readiness Plan.
So it's so good to be back andtalking about uh the faith and
the family and um protection andjust building up kids of great
character.
So I wanted to ask you, Jimmy,you know, you've lived a life
(02:37):
marked by service, uh danger,discipline, and also deep faith.
But in this new children's bookthat you wrote, you say your
greatest mission has beenraising your own children.
So good.
What was the moment or maybeseries of moments that convinced
(02:57):
you that these particularlessons needed to be shared with
other families in the in theform of this book?
SPEAKER_00 (03:05):
You know, I think the more people you meet and the
more families you meet, and it'snot necessarily a comparison,
but you start noticing, hey,what is what is normal these
days?
So I guess you just kind of knowthe family that's in your home,
and then you maybe thinkeverybody's similar, and then
you start looking.
You know, so once you startlooking, you're like, wait, it's
it's not normal.
So I was just telling you beforewe came on air, as I just left
(03:26):
my kids' school, my daughter's asenior, and they had a little uh
senior tailgate where they justthey're they're hanging out.
The parents brought in somefood, I brought in some fire
pits, it's a little bit of acooler day today.
They're hanging out, they cranksome music, and they just start
dancing, you know.
Um, and it's it's it's beautifuland it's pure and it's it's just
fantastic.
If they're at a volleyball game,that song Fishing in the Dark
(03:47):
will come on, they'll have 50kids line up and they all have
this fishing thing and they laydown and they're clapping.
And it's it's beautiful, butit's not normal.
It's not normal.
It should be normal.
It just means, you know, asPeterson's Jordan Peterson would
say, they're safe enough toplay, they're safe enough to
dance.
Even though they're 17 and 18,they're just, you know, that
that's the way that they shouldbe able to grow up slow but grow
(04:08):
up strong, knowing that theworld's gonna need them.
So that's just an amazing thing.
So the more families you seethat don't, you know, do some of
the things that we do, thisisn't by any means is not
saying, hey, Jimmy Graham'sfamily's perfect and wish you'd
be like us.
I'm just saying that we do somethings that have just bared that
they've shown they've shown somefruit.
And it would be great if otherpeople had fruit as well.
You know, so if you're doingsomething better, keep doing it.
(04:29):
But a lot of people, when I'mtalking about, hey, you know,
with my men's groups or with,you know, the the places where I
draw strength, those those menthat love me enough to tell me
the truth, uh, we start talkingabout this.
I'm seeing that it's not normal.
So if we're if we're blessed, atleast even in a season to get a
couple lessons, why wouldn't youshare it with people?
Why wouldn't you ask if they'reaffirming their kids?
Why wouldn't you teach them tohave their children stand
(04:51):
straight up?
When you do this full time, youlearn a lot.
This isn't just self-confidence,it's self-defense.
You know, we have a class wherewe talk about don't look like a
bunny in the jungle.
Sometimes you need to changeyour posture and you need to
look a little more confident oryou might be victimized.
So that's a uh, you know,lessons that kids need to learn.
And we're blessed.
We worked hard to raise our kidsin Douglas County, Colorado.
(05:11):
That's that's a very blessedcounty.
It's not as dangerous as some,but I don't want naive kids
either, right?
They're gonna go step out intothe world and I don't want the
world gobbling them up becausedad didn't do his job.
So this is this is all very,very important stuff.
And what better way for youknow, tough guy Navy SEAL than
to do a cartoon book, you know,and talk to kids and say, guys,
I just think you need to knowthis.
(05:32):
And it's uh you'll know this,and you've got yours too.
It's more for the parents thanit is for the kids, or equally,
right?
So the parents are going to bereading this to their children,
hopefully, chapter per night,like we like we suggest.
And they're gonna be like, huh.
You know what?
I I don't talk like that.
Maybe perhaps I shouldre-examine, you know, so not
tell anybody how to live theirlife, just saying, I'm going,
you're invited.
SPEAKER_02 (05:54):
Yes, I love that mantra that you always say, I'm
going and you're invited.
And this is the discipleshipway, is that if we learn
something, it's working well,it's our duty as Christians to
pass this along to others and togive them a very practical way.
Jesus spoke in parables.
It's like, give people thepractical steps they need to
(06:15):
replicate what you're doing withyour own spouse and kids that
works because this is to beshared.
We want everyone to have theselessons, to know how to affirm
and bless their children, topray for their children, aloud
for their children, uh, withtheir children.
And so that's what I love aboutthis book is that there's a a
(06:36):
lesson, you know, uh, with abeautiful little story, short
little snippet story that's thereal deal from the Graham
family, right?
Something that one of your kidssaid, or an incident that they
had that um made you or Rachelrespond in a certain way.
And then um a Bible verse toback up the principle in that
(06:57):
story, which parents are cravingthese days.
It's like, where does that comefrom?
Okay, you say that this thing isgood, or to do this certain
thing, uh, you know, in it inyour parenting, but why?
Where does it come from?
And it's like when you attach aBible verse, the truth to what
you're telling someone to say ordo, man, that just seals it in.
(07:21):
It's like, okay, we know wherethis comes from.
It's good, it's true, it'sbeautiful.
We want to do more of it.
And then you have thesediscussion prompts.
So with each chapter, a shortstory, then a Bible verse and a
discussion prompt, or what Icall it's like conversation
starters, right?
Three short little questionsthat just get you and your kid
talking about that particularlesson.
(07:43):
And this is this is bite-sizedbits, your book.
It's not, you know, 40 minutesof reading every night or
anything.
It's just a perfect amount of umreading and discussion time.
And then I just love how you endit with a little challenge and
then a promise and a prayertogether, because it's just like
(08:05):
the most beautiful way to bondwith your kids over something
that is left out so much thesedays, which is reading aloud to
one another, your kids readingto you or you reading to them.
(09:46):
So, man, you put it all togetherin this book.
This is just so good.
But I want to back up and say,you know, on the back of your
book, it says we believe thatthere is a war on decency in
this nation.
And this book is a counter tothat attack.
So say more about that, this waron decency in this nation and
(10:09):
what your book does to sort ofovercome that or train up kids
in a different way.
SPEAKER_00 (10:14):
Yeah, so I just I just spoke at a TPUSA event on
Saturday, and we broached thisbecause these are young adults.
So I'm I'm telling this.
It needs to be blunt, it needsto be very, very crystal clear
that you're being hunted.
Like my daughters are beinghunted.
So that's not, that's, you know,I can't be expected to be calm
about that and be like, oh yeah,you know, like it's not a big
deal.
They're actively being hunted,and and it's not, it's no longer
(10:37):
in the shadows.
This is in the daylight.
This is not hiding.
It's like we want your children.
That's the deal.
Meaning, these spiritual battlesand the dark forces and realms
and all these things, they'recoming for our children.
And and and are you gonna allowthat?
So, how do you counter that isthat with the truth?
It's always the same thing.
It's with the truth.
Know the truth that will trulyset them and keep them free.
(10:57):
But if not, if they're nothearing it.
So it even talks about that.
How are our the last part of theback of the book is how will our
kids know these things if wedon't tell them?
And more importantly, if wedon't show them.
So don't just tell them, modelit.
So you got to model this foryour kids.
And again, this isn't look atme, look at me, but I do believe
you should look people in the inthe eye.
Like the high five is one of thechapters where I'm walking down
the street and I and I mydaughter meets somebody and we
(11:18):
get back to the garage and Isay, We're just taking a walk.
And I say, Hey, I should havetaught you this a long time ago.
And they know this, I just hadto be for the book.
I say, it's called high five.
She goes, Oh, I know how to do ahigh five.
No, high five means this.
There's five points when you sayhi to somebody for the first
time.
You know, first would beposture.
And I go, push your headstraight up.
And we just did this, or do youknow this?
Towering, and then and then godown a couple inches and say
cowering.
(11:38):
So there's a two-inch differencebetween towering and cowering.
That's not only confidence, it'sself-defense, right?
So that posture is a big deal.
Then look them in the eye, thenfirm handshake, then strong
voice.
Hi, my name's Jimmy.
They say, hi, my name'sso-and-so, and smile.
That's it.
Five things.
And um, you probably wouldn't besurprised actually how many
adults don't know that.
(11:58):
How many when I shake your handand you give me that dead fish,
or I like to call it theprincess handshake, and you're a
man, you said something, and itain't good.
You know, it ain't that's right.
You just communicated somethingand it's not strength.
So, why wouldn't you just youknow love somebody enough to
tell them, hey, that that thingwe do in the society, when you
look people in the eye, you youfirmly say your name like you
(12:19):
believe in your in your familylineage and you shake that hand
and look at them and you smileto try to calm them down a
little bit or at least ease themand make it look like you're not
trying to skin them or whatever.
It it matters, it just matters.
That first impression is athing.
So then, and then we kind oflaugh about it, we walk in the
house.
But those are kind of thingsthat if my my kids, if they you
know, if they met you right now,you know them.
But if they met you, um, I Idon't know how many people have
(12:41):
done that, like, wow, that wasthat was interesting because you
don't see it much anymore.
And I'm like, why not?
Why not?
It's my job to make sure thatyou see it with my kids.
So that's that's a big deal, youknow.
If I could talk about just thethe first chapter, how do you
love a fish?
Because people are like, What?
And I just this book was so I Iwrote a book called Return of
Man.
It took years to just even getmy scattered thoughts on paper.
(13:04):
This one was very, very fast,but then it had to be formed up,
right?
So it just came very quick as aconversation with me and my
daughter.
And there's a picture.
We're camping, and my cot's alittle bit lower.
We're on a daddy-daughtercampout, and and I was awake.
I wake up pretty early, but Ididn't want to wake them up.
So I'm just there, just talkingto God, just doing my thing,
just you know, not verbally.
I'm just praying, you know,within my head.
(13:25):
And she wakes up and she goes,What are you doing?
And I said, I'm I'm talking toGod.
She goes, Well, what do you say?
What's he saying?
It's like he he says I shouldwrite a book.
She goes, What's it called?
And it was just a fun littleconversation.
I go, it's called How Do YouLove a Fish?
He's like, What?
And she goes, What's it about?
I go, Well, it's about a littlegirl that walks into a uh a pet
store.
She says, Mom, can I have afish?
She goes, Well, what would youdo with the fish?
She goes, Well, I'd I take it toschool with me and feed it some
(13:46):
of my peanut butter sandwich andit could sleep on my pillow.
And she's like, Honey, a fishneeds, you know, to stay in the
water, it needs fish food,special chemicals for the water
and all that stuff.
So it needs special things or itcan't survive, you know.
And she's like, Oh, okay.
And then you see her and her mombuying the fish and you see her
kissing the bowl, you know, onthe cover where she ended up
getting the fish.
And then the challenge would be,how do you love a fish?
(14:06):
And the answer that my familywould repeat back to you, how do
you love a fish?
They would say, according to itsneeds.
SPEAKER_02 (14:10):
You know, so it's like according to its needs.
SPEAKER_00 (14:13):
According to its needs.
You know, I can't love my wife.
And she and my why and mydaughter asked me that.
She goes, What does that mean?
And I go, I think God's tryingto teach me how to love your mom
according to her needs, notmine.
Not the way that I think shewants to be loved, but what is
she really, what are her needs?
You know, so at the end of thechapter, you mentioned this.
There's a Bible verse, you know,do nothing from selfish or empty
conceit, but with humility,consider one another as
(14:35):
important, uh, as more importantthan yourselves.
Do not merely look out for yourown personal interest, but also
for the interest of others.
Philippians 2, 3 and 4.
Right?
The discussion props.
I could look at my daughter atseven years old and say, what do
you think it means to lovepeople according to their needs?
And just let her talk and sitthere and listen and wait for
the gold to come out, because itwill, right?
(14:56):
Um, and then the second one, whocould um who could each of us
love according to their needs?
And then maybe she sayssomething, you know, maybe
Christian, maybe my brother,maybe he needs this, and maybe I
could do this better, right?
And then just look at her andgo, what are your needs?
You know, and just that's wherethe magic happens.
Because what comes out of we'redriving, so this is just a funny
story, it's a little bitoffline.
(15:16):
Um, my son got in trouble forbeing a boy because he just
couldn't be still.
And but a couple times duringthe week, so he got like a
little thing that I had to sign.
And it's a big deal.
So I took away some privileges,said next time it's your
allowance, and this is a bigdeal, and you will be part.
I'm raising part of thesolution, not part of the
problem.
That's what I told him, yes,sir.
Okay, next time it's yourallowance, and whatever.
Off we go.
(15:37):
Yesterday, I'm driving my kidsto school because I uh two days
ago.
Um, I drive my kids to school onWednesday that I don't got to.
I get to, that's in the booktoo.
I get to drive my kids toschool, and I said, Okay, right
when we pull in the parking lot,what are you guys gonna do
today?
He says, ACES, which means I'mgonna try to get A's, right?
They might say something like,make Jesus famous, right?
And she looks up at me and shegoes, I'm gonna be part of the
solution, not part of theproblem.
At seven, she says this thatshe's gonna be part of the
(16:00):
solution, not part of theproblem.
Like, oh my goodness, you know.
So those are things, and thenthe challenge reply, like I
said, how do you love a fish?
Answer according to its needs.
That's something very sweet,very short that kids can grab.
They can grab hold of that laterwhen you know I can't remember
the whole chapter or that bookhe wrote, but I know this, you
know, and regularly I'll ask himthose kind of things.
(16:20):
And then you've heard thisbefore.
I've said this last time, Ibelieve.
My daughter at five years oldcould run this.
Like usually the parent saysthis, the child, I would say, I
love you.
She says, I love you.
I say, I'm proud of you, I'mproud of you.
You're a good girl, you're agood dad.
I love I love being your daddy,I love being your daughter.
I thank God for you, I thank Godfor you.
And then I say, I'm always herefor you.
She says, I'm always here foryou.
I love you always and forever.
(16:42):
And she says, no matter what.
And I need her to know that nomatter what means no matter
what.
There's nothing you could doever to get me to stop loving
you, right?
I can be disappointed, I can beupset, I can be all those
things, but I can't.
I'm not capable of stoppingloving you, right?
So she knows all my kids couldsay this verbatim because
they've heard it since they werelittle bitty.
(17:03):
And I just told my my my senior,my 17-year-old, hey, I don't
want this to be wroterepetition.
You know I mean that.
She goes, I know you do.
I know.
You know, I was like, okay, gotit.
And that's the deal.
Then you pray, Father God, thankyou for the gift, thank you for
the gift of this child.
Thank you for this day.
Please bless her sleep, his orher sleep, his or her dreams,
and his or her life.
Help her to love othersaccording to their needs, not
(17:24):
their own.
Please help me to be the bestdaddy in the world because she
deserves it.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
And that's that would be onenight.
Just that story.
And then, and then on then, youknow, eating right.
You know, I tell my kids, eatright and exercise, because
everybody's like, oh, you got todo this and the energy drinks.
I'm like, here's the recipe ifyou want to be more fit.
Eat right and exercise.
It's always been that.
It's never been anything else,right?
(17:46):
It's like if I'm your weight, Iknow it's because I got lazy and
I didn't eat right.
You can't out, what is it, outexercise a bad diet, you know?
And I get like everybody else,and then there's consequences to
it, you know, and he needs toknow that.
So that's that's without uh theBible verse on that, you know,
the prayer, all that.
Say true words.
This is an epidemic in ourcountry.
(18:07):
We need to stop repeating lies.
I I was just in a conversationwhere everybody was getting
upset about something theyheard.
I say, people don't speak whatthey know, they they yell what
they've heard.
And this is this is a horriblething.
People are yelling, and then yousay some true words, like, you
know what?
I don't believe that to be true,and watch the whole conversation
(18:28):
screech to a halt, and everybodyrealizes, you know what?
Neither do I.
What was I just doing?
What was I saying?
And I was telling one of my guysabout that the Indiana Jones
Temple of Doom movie where thelittle kid short round burns him
with the torch and he comes outof it, like, what am I doing?
You know, it's like that.
We need that these days becauseyou're like, I'm just repeating
(18:48):
stuff that I have no idea whatI'm talking about.
Start true words and pulleverybody else out of this
trance, right?
And that's just that's that justthat's that's just what the book
is.
It's our stories, it's ourmoments.
And some of them are, you know,I'm I'm talking about the
mistakes that I've made intraffic, you know, and then my
daughter's that lovingly, right?
(19:09):
So I'm not like, look at me, I'mlike, hey, I mess up, but I'm
working on it.
You know, I I know this about mykids.
I know they don't think theyknow I'm not perfect, and I know
definitely my wife knows I'm notperfect, but man, I'm trying.
You know, it's like they'relike, you know, that in this
one, I'll I'll touch on this onebecause this one, if I can not
be an emotional mess, I get whenI I wrote, I read this so many
(19:31):
times in pre-screening, I'll letyou do it so many times a
publisher book.
I get missed yet on this one.
So on the one, this is my youasked me my favorite.
Chapter 11, Call Your TreasuresYour Treasures, right?
Calling Your Treasures YourTreasures.
And uh it's only one page.
If you don't mind, I'll read it.
I'm gonna try not to startfalling.
Um, this is my my 17-year-old.
(19:52):
Um like five minutes ago, shewas like four, right?
And she was my only kid, andit's just she's just an amazing
bold.
She's the president of her TPUSAchapter.
She's going to summit ministriesthis summer.
I've seen her line out adultsand be like, uh-uh.
I don't believe that.
She's and she's so loving andbeautiful and all the things.
And it says I see, you know,it's called uh my chapter 11,
(20:13):
Call Your Treasures YourTreasures.
As she shut off the light atbedtime, Rebecca's dad said,
Good night, my treasures, sleepwell.
Rebecca said, Dad, why do youcall us your treasures?
Her dad answered, Well, for acouple reasons, my love.
First, because that's what youare.
Of the many things that your momand I are blessed with, all
these combined don't even comeclose to how much we value each
one of our children, her dadanswered.
(20:34):
As Rebecca listened, her dadcontinued, I don't consider us
rich financially, but I considermyself rich, a rich man, because
of what your mother and I and Iconsider our treasures,
Rebecca's dad said.
Second, there may come a daywhen someone asks, whew, that's
the part that gets me.
What did your father treasurethe most when you were growing
up?
He looked at Rebecca and said, Ihope and pray that you will be
(20:56):
able to confidently respond, hetreasured me.
He actually called me histreasure.
Man, like she might be leavingmy house soon.
I can't, I can't wrap my armsaround that, right?
But what a gift.
And she can't go on knowing thatI'm not her treasure, that she's
not my treasure, right?
Because I mean it.
(21:17):
Um if anything ever could everhappen to her, I need her to
know.
I say this, it's a movie quote,late at night when the demons
come, when she's struggling,that there's a person in this
world that treasures her.
Like for like her mom and I.
Bible verse for where yourtreasure is, there your heart
will be also.
Matthew 6, 21.
Discussion prompts will be, youknow, what do you value?
(21:39):
What do you consider yourtreasures?
Second one, what are some of thethings that money can't buy?
You know, having thatconversation.
It doesn't have to be aseven-year-old, it could be a
17-year-old, it could beliterally back to your wife.
Um, what could what can you sayor do to make someone know that
you treasure them?
And then the challenge, all mykids know this.
If all you want is money, itmight be all you get.
(22:02):
So I would say if all you wantis money, and they'll look right
back at me and they say, it maybe all you get.
Like, that's not enough.
Money's not enough.
There's so much more, right?
And then the promise and thenthe prayer.
SPEAKER_02 (22:15):
I got a lump in my throat over here.
SPEAKER_00 (22:17):
I can barely read that.
I thought I've read it so manytimes, and it just all this
comes, you know, that I walked,you know, the Camino with my
daughters, 17 and 15, thissummer.
And um, man, probably one of thebest things I've done in my
life.
Turn the world off.
Focus on these girls and and andmake sure that they know they
don't even fully appreciate itright now, but they will
someday, right?
(22:38):
I'm not, I'm not in this shortterm.
The long-term thing is, man, wedidn't have a ton of money.
I'm gonna know my dad was alwaysaspiring to provide, but man, he
did hit pause one summer and weput the the devices down and we
walked across Spain and he madesure that he knew that that we
were his treasures.
SPEAKER_02 (22:57):
The treasures, so important.
And we can think this about ourkids, but if they don't hear it
and they don't feel it from us,it doesn't matter.
So I love that you combine both.
You're saying we have to modelthis for our children and truly
die to ourselves and serve themand serve our spouse, but we
(23:19):
also need to use our words.
God gave us true words to use.
And, you know, one of thesimplest but most powerful ways
that we bring love into ourhomes is through blessing each
other with our true words,right?
To call out the good in ourspouse and in our kids.
(23:39):
Affirmations or blessings likeyou're talking about, yeah, is
like oxygen to our soul.
Right?
A child who hears somethinglike, I love how you helped your
brother, or a spouse who hears,I admire how hard you're working
for our family, babe.
They walk walk away lighter,stronger, and freer because
(24:01):
blessing through words createsit creates just this environment
where people feel safe, theyfeel loved and and which is
probably the most important,they feel free to grow into who
God made them to be.
Yes, yes, without love andblessing, like this this
(24:23):
freedom, this being free to bewho God, no, it it becomes
selfish, it becomes chaotic, butwith like you're talking about
with love as the foundation,freedom is life-giving.
It's so good.
SPEAKER_00 (24:36):
I don't know if you you follow Jordan Peterson, and
I know that your husband is veryfamiliar, and um he gets
emotional talking about this,and he was like, if you had any
idea how many people werehanging by a thread, like he
just gets bombarded with youngmen, and all they want is a kind
word.
They just want to be affirmed,you know.
And they just he's like, youknow how easy it is and it's
free.
Why wouldn't you do it?
(24:57):
You know, and I would say toanybody watching, hey Christian,
why wouldn't you do it?
It's like it might be awkward.
I don't care about really Iscratch that.
I I've stopped saying I don'tcare.
I care less about your comfortbecause I do care.
I think any pastor, nobody everpriests, anybody, should stop
saying, Hey, I don't care aboutthis, I don't care about that.
But I do care less about yourcomfort than I do about that
person that's hanging by athread.
(25:18):
So they're hanging by a threadand you're not.
There's another, you know, youngman that attempted to take his
life this weekend that Ipersonally know about.
And it's just unacceptable.
It's like at some point peopleneed to love him enough to tell
them the truth.
And I don't, you know, I knowit's uncomfortable.
I know it is.
But man, you take that chance,and once you do it, you've done
it.
And you might why not make alifestyle of affirming people?
Why not make a decision like Idid in my 20s or 30s when I
(25:41):
said, you know what?
There's people in this worldthat are worse off knowing Jimmy
Graham, and I don't like that.
You know, maybe it was something with excess alcohol or a
fight on the playground.
I don't know what it is, butthey would have a bad memory of
me.
From now on, everybody's better.
I don't care if it's an inch ora mile, they're gonna be better
off having met this guy, right?
And I'm not trying to leave alegacy for my kids, but like I
(26:01):
said, you know, families ofcharacter.
Character builds credibility,builds legacy.
But character buildscredibility, means that's a
credible guy.
And I'm not chasing a legacy.
But those things, when you dothose things, not give to get,
but you do because it's theright thing to do, it does leave
a legacy.
SPEAKER_02 (26:18):
It does leave a legacy.
SPEAKER_00 (26:20):
And now they're like, hey, you know what?
What was your dad's legacy?
And I pray to God they say thisone day.
Not a legacy of Navy SEALs, notCIA, not Abel Shepherd, not CEO,
not that.
I pray to God they say he left alegacy of faithfulness.
SPEAKER_01 (26:33):
Yes, his love for God.
SPEAKER_00 (26:35):
He was faithful to God and he loved us.
Man, he loved us.
And he wasn't perfect, but man,he died trying.
And that's that's an amazingdeal.
Um, one of the things thatjumped out is in this chapter,
it's chapter eight.
And this just really got me.
And when it did, I changed how Italked.
So it's called May I PleaseHave.
And I talk about in this world,you know, we're all sitting
(26:56):
around having dinner, and thewaitress comes up, and and
everybody, this is this is true.
We sit there and we'll try,we'll make an attempt to put to
put the menu down and we'll lookstraight at them and say, May I
please have.
And they say, you know, likethis.
And then you say thank you.
It starts with the ladies andgoes around the thing, and then
young man Christian says, youknow, and then and then it comes
to me, May I please have, andthank you.
And the waitress comments andsays, Wow, you guys are very
(27:17):
polite.
Thank you for your manners.
You can you can't even imaginewhat I hear all day.
I'll have, I'll take, give me.
That's what we say.
Just go into any coffee shop andjust listen for five minutes,
and that's what you're gonnahear.
I'll have a latte, give me alatte, you know, I'll take of
this.
It's like you don't talk tohuman beings that way, right?
Especially people that are thatchoose to serve you and make
(27:40):
your day a little easier becauseyou can start with your morning
coffee and you're saying, I'lltake, I'll give, or yeah, like
it's it's just rude, right?
So we just it's accepted, butnot in my house, right?
So it just means that that it ismy job to not make them do it.
I'm going, you're invited.
Let's use better words.
And we get we don't do it to getamazing service, but we get
amazing service because peopleare like, Thank you for saying
(28:01):
that.
I appreciate your manners.
SPEAKER_02 (28:03):
Of course.
When they feel blessed, they'refree to be blessed you, right?
SPEAKER_00 (28:08):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (28:09):
It's just such an awesome domino effect.
I love that.
I want to go through the 11points that are listed on the
back of this book.
This is so good, y'all.
You have to get a copy of thebook.
Okay, here are the 11 points.
Love others according to theirneeds.
Take care of your body.
Yes.
We need our kids and ourselvesto understand this and embrace
(28:33):
it.
Say true words.
Oh, just like you said, it's socommonplace for people to lie,
not to be accountable forthemselves, to think that they
can um, you know, they ought tobe talking badly about other
people when they have no controlover that person's behavior.
It's like, no.
Rewind.
You have you know agency overyour own personal self first.
(28:56):
Okay, then let's start there,right?
Let's say true words.
You are powerful.
I love this about your gift.
Stay humble.
Humility is it's a beautifulthing.
Don't be distracted.
This is one of my favoritesbecause the devil says, I love
the screw tape letter letters,and the devil, when he's
(29:18):
training his his uh nephew tobe, you know, the next little
demon, he says, if you can't geta Christian to deny their faith,
distract them.
SPEAKER_01 (29:28):
Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_02 (29:30):
That is the enemy's way to keep us distracted, to
get our kids distracted, andthen he has an end.
So they're right there in themiddle of the book.
Don't be distracted.
SPEAKER_00 (29:39):
And now if I could just jump, if I could jump in
real quick, is that where I'mteaching?
I'm teaching my son and mydaughter, and we're going
through a thing and saying, Hey,are you in charge of them?
No, who are you in charge of?
You, what are you gonna dobetter?
That's such a big deal, evenpersonally for me as a man.
I'll get so upset.
I see people all day, andthey're just like, Did you see
what this person did?
Did you see what the Democratsdid?
(29:59):
Did you see what the Republicansdid?
Did you see what the so-and-sodid?
And and um, I'm like, what areyou gonna do about it?
They're like, What do you mean?
I'm just gonna yell stuff.
You know, it's like, well, whatare you gonna do?
Like, there's an accountabilitything where I will tell my son,
like, are you in charge of him?
No, who are you in charge of?
You?
What are you gonna do?
Better, like that beingdistracted, um, that's a big,
big deal.
I'm I'm going back through.
I'm just God put this on myheart to read back through the
(30:21):
New Testament.
So I'm going through and uh, youknow, I'm always trying to have
a better communication with mywife.
I'm always trying to be betterwith my kids, all that.
And I'm going through, you know,the love, first Corinthians,
love is patient, love is kind.
Oh, and I'm kind of this ishorrible to say, but I'm kind of
like, I know this one.
Just as you read through it, andI read, love is not provoked.
Love is not provoked.
(30:41):
I'm like, love is not provoked.
And I'm like, I've beenprovoked.
Like, I it's like I'm in chargeof my words.
Literally, anybody can I see inmy men's group this morning,
guys are like, I saw you postthat and it convicted me.
Because then it's like, maybeyour wife just needs to talk,
but here you come with like thefix.
And you know, we've talked aboutthis, right?
It's like, okay, listen, it'slike, yeah, I listened.
(31:04):
And we never said this, but Ilistened for 50 words.
Well, maybe she needs 5,000words for hear her herself
talking, but you've never shutup for 5,000 words.
But maybe she could be the oneto realize, you know, what I'm
saying, that's not actuallytrue.
But and maybe okay, hey Lord,what about 5,000 words?
He's like, Oh, maybe it's50,000.
Maybe you just need to let hertalk.
(31:25):
And the guys think they'refixers.
And I tell the guys, hey, good,things wouldn't get fixed if you
weren't a fixer, but not in yourhouse.
unknown (31:32):
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00 (31:32):
It's like not in your marriage.
In your marriage, and we don'tneed to do it, right?
But that's the thing.
It's like I'm getting distractedand trying to blame somebody
else.
This was on me.
So that's the thing where it'slike, okay, I'm not going to be
distracted by what everybody'sdoing or what she's saying.
It's like God's gonna call me asa man accountable and and he's
gonna say, Hey, I'm not talkingabout her, I'm talking about
(31:54):
you.
God, did you even see what shesaid?
Did you hear what she did?
It's like I'm talking to you.
SPEAKER_01 (31:58):
That's right.
SPEAKER_00 (31:59):
She's let me deal with her, but you're accountable
for you.
And that's that's where I thinkguys are getting distracted and
say, no, you're you need to beaccountable for your words.
You need to go that Philippians4.8.
And I think that might be theone in that one.
Philippians 4.8, you know, ifwhat's going in, is it true,
noble, you know, right, pure?
Is it lovely, admirable?
Is it excellent or playsworthy?
What coming out of your mouth?
Is it true, noble, right, andpure?
(32:20):
Is it lovely, admirable, is itexcellent or praiseworthy?
No, they don't say it.
Right?
That's what you're going to beaccountable for.
So don't be get distracted andthink that you're not.
SPEAKER_02 (32:28):
Yes.
I remember our kids werecarpooling with one of our
friends uh to school, and uhthey said, uh, you know, her dad
was driving a car and and hesaid, you know what, guys?
Not everything deserves acomment.
And that stuck with me because Ithought, man, I'm the one who
(32:49):
will comment about everything.
I have so much to say about justall the words.
And so when you say that, is ittrue?
Is it noble?
Is it it's like, and if it'snot, just bite your tongue.
Yeah, just don't say a word.
If you can't say something nice,don't say it at all, right?
That's what we used to heargrowing up from our own parents.
It's like there's something too.
SPEAKER_00 (33:11):
Perhaps you were raised, like I was raised to
where it was like the thesilence was more out of
passivity, but but uh, you know,even in scripture it shows this
where Jesus didn't answersomebody.
Silence is strength.
Like you can be quiet and choosenot to speak, and it's not
weakness, it's strength.
So don't feel like you need tofill the room, the air with
words to be strong.
Sometimes it's actually harderto actually be silent and just
(33:34):
look at somebody.
Or, you know, it's it's very,very powerful, actually.
I remember um you were talkingabout driving with kids and
being that influence.
There's a there's a some somefriends of ours, these young men
that are friends with my son,and we're driving.
And their language, they weren'tcursing, but they were just
saying some stuff, you know,like the the borderline words,
you know.
And I go, gentlemen, can wechoose better words?
That's all I said, right?
(33:54):
They're like and then all of asudden the language cleaned up.
And then I also started thefootball games, they would walk
by and I would just because wejust go out and do fun stuff,
and I'll I guess I'm notabusive.
I just grab them by the top oftheir hair, pull them in, and
just hug them.
And now they love it, they craveit.
Of course they do respect it,right?
And now, like it's like uh, heyMr.
(34:14):
Gramma, how you doing?
They just they nuzzle in like myboy, and I'm like, How you
doing, sir?
How's your game?
They're like, Oh, it's so good.
How it stuff, it's it's supercool.
But they just they just want alittle affirmation, they just
want a little tension.
Like, who doesn't, by the way?
Yeah, and I I may have told youthis or not, I don't know.
My my jujitsu, I was doingjujitsu down in in um in in
Castle Rock, it's a place calledBom Jitsu, big Brazilian dude
(34:35):
named Gigi.
And and and I'm not good atjujitsu, by the way.
It's like easy to black belt,and I'm not.
And uh, and he was like, GoodJimmy, good this accent, you
know, grab good, good form, goodstrength, perfect, Jimmy.
And I know I'm not good, but Ileave there feeling like a
million bucks.
And and then that I'm like,guys, when I get back here to my
job, which is training, I'mlike, we need to start affirming
(34:57):
more people.
Here's my point if Navy SEALCIA, tough guy, needs it, I need
affirmation, then everybodyneeds affirmation.
And some people are hanging by athread and just assume they are,
just assume they are because youwon't know.
SPEAKER_02 (35:11):
That's right.
You know what my my favoriteplace to affirm people is, and
this might sound really odd thegrocery store.
I absolutely love it.
It's my playground for affirmingpeople.
I look for the same checkersthat are there every time I go
in.
Alex, Phil, Don.
I call them by name.
(35:31):
I check in with them, they lightup.
I ask them if they saw thesunrise.
Did you see the northern lightsthe other night?
Or I'll tell them if something'shappening in the community they
got to go to.
And it it fills me with so muchjoy to affirm them.
It's like if I'm having a badday, I'm like, man, I gotta get
to the grocery store.
People like, why?
(35:52):
Because I need to love on somepeople.
I am obviously too self-absorbedand thinking of just me that I
have to find people to servebecause when I do that, I become
the best version of myself.
And and I'm like, well, thismakes sense because true love is
dying to self.
It's like whatever you plannedto do or wanted to do that was
(36:16):
just going to serve you, put itaside and just go do something
that's a hundred percent forthat other person.
SPEAKER_01 (36:21):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (36:22):
And it just lights you up.
That's why you talk about peoplewho are depressed, suicidal.
One of the things in mypractice, when I would have
very, very depressed people whoare almost non-functioning, if I
could engage them to be avolunteer somewhere to give of
themselves at a food bank orserving lunch in a park, their
(36:43):
depression turned around almostimmediately.
It's like they felt they hadpurpose that they were needed.
There was a reason for theirbeing, and it just automatically
cut down on the those feelingsof, you know, worthlessness and
just self-deprecating, you know,down depressed.
(37:04):
I want to die.
You know, so I think justserving, you know, getting our
kids, reading things like thisand modeling service and
affirmation for our kids justbuilds up that reservoir of
confidence and and um generosityin them so that that this is
overflowing for them as adults.
SPEAKER_00 (37:22):
On the back it says, show them and tell them often.
And that often is a big deal,like not just once, over and
over and over, right?
So, this I've heard this in thepast couple days.
I've made a point to do this awhile back.
It's powerful.
I would challenge anybodylistening to do this.
I said, You are very good atyour job.
I appreciate you.
And just tell people, Iappreciate you.
It you watch them change justright in their face, they're
(37:45):
like, Do you appreciate me?
I've done this twice at the VA.
I just did it the other day atFreddie's.
Like the person was just sopolite, and it's unfortunate
that that's not the norm, butit's not.
And they just made sureeverything was right, they were
very polite, they were all that.
I go, hey, and then and thenthey uh they they walked away
and they did, and another guycame over giving the footage.
I go, um, that is a very uh itwas the manager, and I said, Um,
(38:07):
that they did they do an amazingjob.
Make sure you keep that one.
They go, Well, I'm theirmanager, so thanks for saying
that.
I'll make sure they know that,right?
It's like they need it's a bigdeal and it's not normal.
SPEAKER_02 (38:17):
Yeah, it takes an extra 15 seconds to to call that
person out in a beautiful wayand to pull their manager over
and give them a complimentbecause they hear every
complaint.
SPEAKER_00 (38:27):
Yeah, yeah.
In the readiness realm, I wouldcall that situational awareness,
and I'd say study what'sordinary so you can recognize
what's ordinary what's so we'llstudy what's ordinary, and then
you uh um normal so you can uhrecognize what's abnormal,
meaning a threat, but also studywhat's ordinary so you can
notice what's extraordinary andstart saying thank you.
Right.
Because if you start the moreyou know about normal, you study
(38:49):
normal, and you go, this thislooks about normal, then all of
a sudden something's way better.
Go tell them.
You know, go tell them, like mystaff.
I appreciate you guys.
You guys, I I love working withyou guys.
You guys are amazing.
This isn't normal.
I love it.
SPEAKER_02 (39:02):
Yes.
Well, probably about two yearsago, I think when you were on
our show in episode 72, you weretalking about just driving in
your car and you see, you know,a woman with kids in the car,
whatever she's broke down in themiddle of traffic or whatever,
and everybody's just movingaround her to get where they
need to go and just seeing aneed, filling the need,
stopping, modeling that for yourkids too.
(39:23):
Yeah, I might be 30 minutes oran hour late for whatever I'm
going to, but let's just takesome time to recognize someone
in need, get somebody to safety,and then go about our business.
And so that stuck with me too.
So when I see people broke down,I'm like, okay, if it looks like
a a big dude, maybe I'm gonnapass and let the next guy help
(39:44):
them out.
But yeah, you know, when peopleare in need, just stopping to
check in on them and find outthe small thing that you could
do to make their day, so good.
SPEAKER_00 (39:53):
Well, I can't remember if this popped in my
head.
I don't know if it was on thelast interview, but I pulled
over one time in the middle ofthe road when I was leaving
church and it was late at night.
And when I pulled over to help,somebody had pulled over to
help.
So I was almost like, they gotit.
But because I pulled over, Irealized it was a young lady
trying to help these dudes andthey were shady.
And I was like, ma'am, I havethis.
She goes, Are you sure?
(40:14):
I'm like, Yeah.
So who knows?
I'm not saying something wouldhave happened, but I was like, I
could have been like, ah,whoever pulled over got it.
And then I'm like, ma'am, youknow, and she was just kind of
like, I just want to help, butI'm not sure what that is.
Like, I got a jump kit and allthat stuff.
I can handle this.
And she's like, Thank you.
Because she just wanted to help,but I was like, This is this is
sketchy for me.
unknown (40:32):
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00 (40:33):
Right.
She's this young lady, but shewas just raised with a good
heart and she wanted to help.
And I'm like, all right, that'sright, I got it.
And she, if she'd have stayed,that'd have been great too.
But sure, we want to be alonebecause my daughter, I wouldn't
want to be alone there.
Yes, yes, totally.
So I'm like, all right, well,let's see what we can see.
SPEAKER_02 (40:51):
So good.
Okay, a couple of these otherlessons in the book.
Have good manners, absolutely.
Be grateful, totally, beconfident, and finally, you are
treasured.
Such a great message, JimmyGraham.
This book is gonna bless so manypeople.
And I'm just gonna go out on thelist.
I have a signed copy.
(41:12):
I have my copy here.
I'm gonna have to buy morecopies because I have nieces and
nephews.
Um, and I would say if you're agrandparent listening to this,
you need like 10 copies becauseyou're gonna have birthday
parties, you're gonna haveChristmas, you're gonna have
Easter baskets, and you need tohave them on hand.
I mean, if you want to developcharacter in your kids or your
(41:32):
grandkids and you want tojourney along with them
informing their their character,this book, you're not just
throwing it to your kid and say,hey, read this.
No, this is meant to be shared.
This is a shared way to grow incharacter and grow in virtue.
Um, just 11 short chapters thatyou can read one per night or
(41:54):
every other night, however youwant to do that, is a great
bonding way for you to justengage your kids and really
embrace these principles andthese lessons in the book.
So, Jamie, where did they get acopy of this?
What's the quickest way to getit in their hands?
SPEAKER_00 (42:09):
It's cool to see your stuff on Amazon, right?
So it came out, it's by uh it'suh How Do You Love a Fish,
Christian Faith Publishing.
They're gonna put some trailerstogether.
I don't know that that will bebefore the holidays, but it's
right, it's up there now.
I just got mine.
Titled the press.
SPEAKER_02 (42:24):
Amazon link is in the show notes, folks.
If you get our Tuesday uh emailnewsletter, you have the link to
purchase a copy in that Tuesdayemail that you got from us.
Um, Jimmy, this has been ablessing.
Thank you for following thenudging of the Holy Spirit in
that you know tent that nightwhere you were it just was on
(42:44):
your heart to write this bookand to share your family
stories.
Um, so many people are going tobe blessed by it.
Also, if you if you read thebook with your kids, get a copy
of it, start looking through it,and you have some thoughts about
the book or it's blessed you insome certain way, Jimmy.
What's the best way for them toengage with you to let you know,
you know, how they enjoy yourbook or um, you know, just give
(43:07):
you a shout out.
SPEAKER_00 (43:08):
Yeah, yeah.
I can't believe I'm saying this.
Social media, it is the future.
I know a lot of people are like,I'm not on social media, but
like you better get on socialmedia because like it will only
be a voice of negativity if wedon't get on there and start
pouring some light into that,those platforms.
So Jimmy Graham on X, JimmyGraham on Facebook, uh just pop
up there.
I would love to hear yourthoughts.
So thank you.
What a blessing.
People have already told me.
(43:29):
Parents are like, my daughter'slike, go get the book, you know,
that kind of thing.
Yes.
And that just blessed my heart.
So so praise God.
And thank you for all you'redoing, Jordan.
I appreciate you.
Do you see what I did rightthere?
Do you see that?
SPEAKER_02 (43:40):
Yes, yes, a little blessing for me at the end.
You guys also, if you're in theDenver area and you're looking
for a family emergency readinesscourse, Abelshepherd.com is
where to go.
Jimmy had just trained two ofour couples that are in our
coaching program, and they're welittle children.
(44:00):
And man, they walked away with aplan.
What do we do if we are in themiddle of a restaurant or at a
park or at a concert and someoneis threatening violence on our
family?
How do we um, you know, link uptogether, get ourselves away
safely, and have dad protectingthe family, and mom volunteer,
you know, as as a good helper,right in line and and getting
(44:22):
everybody to a safe place.
Check it out.
It's a really fun course.
And uh, and I would say that youneed it.
Everyone does.
So ableshepherd.com is uhJimmy's awesome emergency
preparedness uh organization andcan't say enough good things
about you.
SPEAKER_00 (44:40):
Thank you so much.
Appreciate it.
SPEAKER_02 (44:42):
You're welcome.
Guys, keep tuning in to theFamilies of Character show.
And if this blessed you, pleaseshare it with people in your
network, share it on socialmedia, um email it out to folks,
text it to your spouse for sure,and uh make sure to grab a copy
of How Do You Love a Fish byJimmy Graham.
We'll catch you on anotherepisode real soon.
(45:05):
Thanks so much, guys.
What happens when a former Navy SEAL and father of
four turns his training, hisfaith, and his family stories
into a roadmap for raising kidsof real character?
Well, in a world that feelsincreasingly chaotic, Jimmy
Graham believes parents arestill the most powerful force
(00:54):
for good in a child's life.
And praise be to God, because Itotally agree.
And his new book, How Do YouLove a Fish?
It's it's not a book abouttheory or or parenting theory.
It's really the lived wisdom ofa dad who's watched God form his
(01:15):
family through discipline,humility, gratitude, and really
grit.
So today, Jimmy shares thepractical heart-shaping lessons
every child needs and why now isthe moment for parents to truly
lead, stand up, and lead withcourage and purpose.
(01:37):
So welcome back to our show.
I'm your host, Jordan Langdon,and today we have a wonderful
return guest on our show, Mr.
Jimmy Graham.
So welcome back, Jimmy.
How are you doing, friend?
SPEAKER_00 (01:50):
Thanks for having me back.
SPEAKER_02 (01:52):
So good to be with you again.
I was just looking back throughthe the old episodes.
And then we have you on the thiswill be the fourth time on the
families of character show.
You have episode number 72,guys, is called Lessons from a
Navy SEAL.
Uh episode number 131 was whereJimmy interviewed me on the
(02:13):
Protector Culture podcast, hispodcast.
And then episode 167 is calledDeveloping a Family Emergency
Readiness Plan.
So it's so good to be back andtalking about uh the faith and
the family and um protection andjust building up kids of great
character.
So I wanted to ask you, Jimmy,you know, you've lived a life
(02:37):
marked by service, uh danger,discipline, and also deep faith.
But in this new children's bookthat you wrote, you say your
greatest mission has beenraising your own children.
So good.
What was the moment or maybeseries of moments that convinced
(02:57):
you that these particularlessons needed to be shared with
other families in the in theform of this book?
SPEAKER_00 (03:05):
You know, I think the more people you meet and the
more families you meet, and it'snot necessarily a comparison,
but you start noticing, hey,what is what is normal these
days?
So I guess you just kind of knowthe family that's in your home,
and then you maybe thinkeverybody's similar, and then
you start looking.
You know, so once you startlooking, you're like, wait, it's
it's not normal.
So I was just telling you beforewe came on air, as I just left
(03:26):
my kids' school, my daughter's asenior, and they had a little uh
senior tailgate where they justthey're they're hanging out.
The parents brought in somefood, I brought in some fire
pits, it's a little bit of acooler day today.
They're hanging out, they cranksome music, and they just start
dancing, you know.
Um, and it's it's it's beautifuland it's pure and it's it's just
fantastic.
If they're at a volleyball game,that song Fishing in the Dark
(03:47):
will come on, they'll have 50kids line up and they all have
this fishing thing and they laydown and they're clapping.
And it's it's beautiful, butit's not normal.
It's not normal.
It should be normal.
It just means, you know, asPeterson's Jordan Peterson would
say, they're safe enough toplay, they're safe enough to
dance.
Even though they're 17 and 18,they're just, you know, that
that's the way that they shouldbe able to grow up slow but grow
(04:08):
up strong, knowing that theworld's gonna need them.
So that's just an amazing thing.
So the more families you seethat don't, you know, do some of
the things that we do, thisisn't by any means is not
saying, hey, Jimmy Graham'sfamily's perfect and wish you'd
be like us.
I'm just saying that we do somethings that have just bared that
they've shown they've shown somefruit.
And it would be great if otherpeople had fruit as well.
You know, so if you're doingsomething better, keep doing it.
(04:29):
But a lot of people, when I'mtalking about, hey, you know,
with my men's groups or with,you know, the the places where I
draw strength, those those menthat love me enough to tell me
the truth, uh, we start talkingabout this.
I'm seeing that it's not normal.
So if we're if we're blessed, atleast even in a season to get a
couple lessons, why wouldn't youshare it with people?
Why wouldn't you ask if they'reaffirming their kids?
Why wouldn't you teach them tohave their children stand
(04:51):
straight up?
When you do this full time, youlearn a lot.
This isn't just self-confidence,it's self-defense.
You know, we have a class wherewe talk about don't look like a
bunny in the jungle.
Sometimes you need to changeyour posture and you need to
look a little more confident oryou might be victimized.
So that's a uh, you know,lessons that kids need to learn.
And we're blessed.
We worked hard to raise our kidsin Douglas County, Colorado.
(05:11):
That's that's a very blessedcounty.
It's not as dangerous as some,but I don't want naive kids
either, right?
They're gonna go step out intothe world and I don't want the
world gobbling them up becausedad didn't do his job.
So this is this is all very,very important stuff.
And what better way for youknow, tough guy Navy SEAL than
to do a cartoon book, you know,and talk to kids and say, guys,
I just think you need to knowthis.
(05:32):
And it's uh you'll know this,and you've got yours too.
It's more for the parents thanit is for the kids, or equally,
right?
So the parents are going to bereading this to their children,
hopefully, chapter per night,like we like we suggest.
And they're gonna be like, huh.
You know what?
I I don't talk like that.
Maybe perhaps I shouldre-examine, you know, so not
tell anybody how to live theirlife, just saying, I'm going,
you're invited.
SPEAKER_02 (05:54):
Yes, I love that mantra that you always say, I'm
going and you're invited.
And this is the discipleshipway, is that if we learn
something, it's working well,it's our duty as Christians to
pass this along to others and togive them a very practical way.
Jesus spoke in parables.
It's like, give people thepractical steps they need to
(06:15):
replicate what you're doing withyour own spouse and kids that
works because this is to beshared.
We want everyone to have theselessons, to know how to affirm
and bless their children, topray for their children, aloud
for their children, uh, withtheir children.
And so that's what I love aboutthis book is that there's a a
(06:36):
lesson, you know, uh, with abeautiful little story, short
little snippet story that's thereal deal from the Graham
family, right?
Something that one of your kidssaid, or an incident that they
had that um made you or Rachelrespond in a certain way.
And then um a Bible verse toback up the principle in that
(06:57):
story, which parents are cravingthese days.
It's like, where does that comefrom?
Okay, you say that this thing isgood, or to do this certain
thing, uh, you know, in it inyour parenting, but why?
Where does it come from?
And it's like when you attach aBible verse, the truth to what
you're telling someone to say ordo, man, that just seals it in.
(07:21):
It's like, okay, we know wherethis comes from.
It's good, it's true, it'sbeautiful.
We want to do more of it.
And then you have thesediscussion prompts.
So with each chapter, a shortstory, then a Bible verse and a
discussion prompt, or what Icall it's like conversation
starters, right?
Three short little questionsthat just get you and your kid
talking about that particularlesson.
(07:43):
And this is this is bite-sizedbits, your book.
It's not, you know, 40 minutesof reading every night or
anything.
It's just a perfect amount of umreading and discussion time.
And then I just love how you endit with a little challenge and
then a promise and a prayertogether, because it's just like
(08:05):
the most beautiful way to bondwith your kids over something
that is left out so much thesedays, which is reading aloud to
one another, your kids readingto you or you reading to them.
(09:46):
So, man, you put it all togetherin this book.
This is just so good.
But I want to back up and say,you know, on the back of your
book, it says we believe thatthere is a war on decency in
this nation.
And this book is a counter tothat attack.
So say more about that, this waron decency in this nation and
(10:09):
what your book does to sort ofovercome that or train up kids
in a different way.
SPEAKER_00 (10:14):
Yeah, so I just I just spoke at a TPUSA event on
Saturday, and we broached thisbecause these are young adults.
So I'm I'm telling this.
It needs to be blunt, it needsto be very, very crystal clear
that you're being hunted.
Like my daughters are beinghunted.
So that's not, that's, you know,I can't be expected to be calm
about that and be like, oh yeah,you know, like it's not a big
deal.
They're actively being hunted,and and it's not, it's no longer
(10:37):
in the shadows.
This is in the daylight.
This is not hiding.
It's like we want your children.
That's the deal.
Meaning, these spiritual battlesand the dark forces and realms
and all these things, they'recoming for our children.
And and and are you gonna allowthat?
So, how do you counter that isthat with the truth?
It's always the same thing.
It's with the truth.
Know the truth that will trulyset them and keep them free.
(10:57):
But if not, if they're nothearing it.
So it even talks about that.
How are our the last part of theback of the book is how will our
kids know these things if wedon't tell them?
And more importantly, if wedon't show them.
So don't just tell them, modelit.
So you got to model this foryour kids.
And again, this isn't look atme, look at me, but I do believe
you should look people in the inthe eye.
Like the high five is one of thechapters where I'm walking down
the street and I and I mydaughter meets somebody and we
(11:18):
get back to the garage and Isay, We're just taking a walk.
And I say, Hey, I should havetaught you this a long time ago.
And they know this, I just hadto be for the book.
I say, it's called high five.
She goes, Oh, I know how to do ahigh five.
No, high five means this.
There's five points when you sayhi to somebody for the first
time.
You know, first would beposture.
And I go, push your headstraight up.
And we just did this, or do youknow this?
Towering, and then and then godown a couple inches and say
cowering.
(11:38):
So there's a two-inch differencebetween towering and cowering.
That's not only confidence, it'sself-defense, right?
So that posture is a big deal.
Then look them in the eye, thenfirm handshake, then strong
voice.
Hi, my name's Jimmy.
They say, hi, my name'sso-and-so, and smile.
That's it.
Five things.
And um, you probably wouldn't besurprised actually how many
adults don't know that.
(11:58):
How many when I shake your handand you give me that dead fish,
or I like to call it theprincess handshake, and you're a
man, you said something, and itain't good.
You know, it ain't that's right.
You just communicated somethingand it's not strength.
So, why wouldn't you just youknow love somebody enough to
tell them, hey, that that thingwe do in the society, when you
look people in the eye, you youfirmly say your name like you
(12:19):
believe in your in your familylineage and you shake that hand
and look at them and you smileto try to calm them down a
little bit or at least ease themand make it look like you're not
trying to skin them or whatever.
It it matters, it just matters.
That first impression is athing.
So then, and then we kind oflaugh about it, we walk in the
house.
But those are kind of thingsthat if my my kids, if they you
know, if they met you right now,you know them.
But if they met you, um, I Idon't know how many people have
(12:41):
done that, like, wow, that wasthat was interesting because you
don't see it much anymore.
And I'm like, why not?
Why not?
It's my job to make sure thatyou see it with my kids.
So that's that's a big deal, youknow.
If I could talk about just thethe first chapter, how do you
love a fish?
Because people are like, What?
And I just this book was so I Iwrote a book called Return of
Man.
It took years to just even getmy scattered thoughts on paper.
(13:04):
This one was very, very fast,but then it had to be formed up,
right?
So it just came very quick as aconversation with me and my
daughter.
And there's a picture.
We're camping, and my cot's alittle bit lower.
We're on a daddy-daughtercampout, and and I was awake.
I wake up pretty early, but Ididn't want to wake them up.
So I'm just there, just talkingto God, just doing my thing,
just you know, not verbally.
I'm just praying, you know,within my head.
(13:25):
And she wakes up and she goes,What are you doing?
And I said, I'm I'm talking toGod.
She goes, Well, what do you say?
What's he saying?
It's like he he says I shouldwrite a book.
She goes, What's it called?
And it was just a fun littleconversation.
I go, it's called How Do YouLove a Fish?
He's like, What?
And she goes, What's it about?
I go, Well, it's about a littlegirl that walks into a uh a pet
store.
She says, Mom, can I have afish?
She goes, Well, what would youdo with the fish?
She goes, Well, I'd I take it toschool with me and feed it some
(13:46):
of my peanut butter sandwich andit could sleep on my pillow.
And she's like, Honey, a fishneeds, you know, to stay in the
water, it needs fish food,special chemicals for the water
and all that stuff.
So it needs special things or itcan't survive, you know.
And she's like, Oh, okay.
And then you see her and her mombuying the fish and you see her
kissing the bowl, you know, onthe cover where she ended up
getting the fish.
And then the challenge would be,how do you love a fish?
(14:06):
And the answer that my familywould repeat back to you, how do
you love a fish?
They would say, according to itsneeds.
SPEAKER_02 (14:10):
You know, so it's like according to its needs.
SPEAKER_00 (14:13):
According to its needs.
You know, I can't love my wife.
And she and my why and mydaughter asked me that.
She goes, What does that mean?
And I go, I think God's tryingto teach me how to love your mom
according to her needs, notmine.
Not the way that I think shewants to be loved, but what is
she really, what are her needs?
You know, so at the end of thechapter, you mentioned this.
There's a Bible verse, you know,do nothing from selfish or empty
conceit, but with humility,consider one another as
(14:35):
important, uh, as more importantthan yourselves.
Do not merely look out for yourown personal interest, but also
for the interest of others.
Philippians 2, 3 and 4.
Right?
The discussion props.
I could look at my daughter atseven years old and say, what do
you think it means to lovepeople according to their needs?
And just let her talk and sitthere and listen and wait for
the gold to come out, because itwill, right?
(14:56):
Um, and then the second one, whocould um who could each of us
love according to their needs?
And then maybe she sayssomething, you know, maybe
Christian, maybe my brother,maybe he needs this, and maybe I
could do this better, right?
And then just look at her andgo, what are your needs?
You know, and just that's wherethe magic happens.
Because what comes out of we'redriving, so this is just a funny
story, it's a little bitoffline.
(15:16):
Um, my son got in trouble forbeing a boy because he just
couldn't be still.
And but a couple times duringthe week, so he got like a
little thing that I had to sign.
And it's a big deal.
So I took away some privileges,said next time it's your
allowance, and this is a bigdeal, and you will be part.
I'm raising part of thesolution, not part of the
problem.
That's what I told him, yes,sir.
Okay, next time it's yourallowance, and whatever.
Off we go.
(15:37):
Yesterday, I'm driving my kidsto school because I uh two days
ago.
Um, I drive my kids to school onWednesday that I don't got to.
I get to, that's in the booktoo.
I get to drive my kids toschool, and I said, Okay, right
when we pull in the parking lot,what are you guys gonna do
today?
He says, ACES, which means I'mgonna try to get A's, right?
They might say something like,make Jesus famous, right?
And she looks up at me and shegoes, I'm gonna be part of the
solution, not part of theproblem.
At seven, she says this thatshe's gonna be part of the
(16:00):
solution, not part of theproblem.
Like, oh my goodness, you know.
So those are things, and thenthe challenge reply, like I
said, how do you love a fish?
Answer according to its needs.
That's something very sweet,very short that kids can grab.
They can grab hold of that laterwhen you know I can't remember
the whole chapter or that bookhe wrote, but I know this, you
know, and regularly I'll ask himthose kind of things.
(16:20):
And then you've heard thisbefore.
I've said this last time, Ibelieve.
My daughter at five years oldcould run this.
Like usually the parent saysthis, the child, I would say, I
love you.
She says, I love you.
I say, I'm proud of you, I'mproud of you.
You're a good girl, you're agood dad.
I love I love being your daddy,I love being your daughter.
I thank God for you, I thank Godfor you.
And then I say, I'm always herefor you.
She says, I'm always here foryou.
I love you always and forever.
(16:42):
And she says, no matter what.
And I need her to know that nomatter what means no matter
what.
There's nothing you could doever to get me to stop loving
you, right?
I can be disappointed, I can beupset, I can be all those
things, but I can't.
I'm not capable of stoppingloving you, right?
So she knows all my kids couldsay this verbatim because
they've heard it since they werelittle bitty.
(17:03):
And I just told my my my senior,my 17-year-old, hey, I don't
want this to be wroterepetition.
You know I mean that.
She goes, I know you do.
I know.
You know, I was like, okay, gotit.
And that's the deal.
Then you pray, Father God, thankyou for the gift, thank you for
the gift of this child.
Thank you for this day.
Please bless her sleep, his orher sleep, his or her dreams,
and his or her life.
Help her to love othersaccording to their needs, not
(17:24):
their own.
Please help me to be the bestdaddy in the world because she
deserves it.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
And that's that would be onenight.
Just that story.
And then, and then on then, youknow, eating right.
You know, I tell my kids, eatright and exercise, because
everybody's like, oh, you got todo this and the energy drinks.
I'm like, here's the recipe ifyou want to be more fit.
Eat right and exercise.
It's always been that.
It's never been anything else,right?
(17:46):
It's like if I'm your weight, Iknow it's because I got lazy and
I didn't eat right.
You can't out, what is it, outexercise a bad diet, you know?
And I get like everybody else,and then there's consequences to
it, you know, and he needs toknow that.
So that's that's without uh theBible verse on that, you know,
the prayer, all that.
Say true words.
This is an epidemic in ourcountry.
(18:07):
We need to stop repeating lies.
I I was just in a conversationwhere everybody was getting
upset about something theyheard.
I say, people don't speak whatthey know, they they yell what
they've heard.
And this is this is a horriblething.
People are yelling, and then yousay some true words, like, you
know what?
I don't believe that to be true,and watch the whole conversation
(18:28):
screech to a halt, and everybodyrealizes, you know what?
Neither do I.
What was I just doing?
What was I saying?
And I was telling one of my guysabout that the Indiana Jones
Temple of Doom movie where thelittle kid short round burns him
with the torch and he comes outof it, like, what am I doing?
You know, it's like that.
We need that these days becauseyou're like, I'm just repeating
(18:48):
stuff that I have no idea whatI'm talking about.
Start true words and pulleverybody else out of this
trance, right?
And that's just that's that justthat's that's just what the book
is.
It's our stories, it's ourmoments.
And some of them are, you know,I'm I'm talking about the
mistakes that I've made intraffic, you know, and then my
daughter's that lovingly, right?
(19:09):
So I'm not like, look at me, I'mlike, hey, I mess up, but I'm
working on it.
You know, I I know this about mykids.
I know they don't think theyknow I'm not perfect, and I know
definitely my wife knows I'm notperfect, but man, I'm trying.
You know, it's like they'relike, you know, that in this
one, I'll I'll touch on this onebecause this one, if I can not
be an emotional mess, I get whenI I wrote, I read this so many
(19:31):
times in pre-screening, I'll letyou do it so many times a
publisher book.
I get missed yet on this one.
So on the one, this is my youasked me my favorite.
Chapter 11, Call Your TreasuresYour Treasures, right?
Calling Your Treasures YourTreasures.
And uh it's only one page.
If you don't mind, I'll read it.
I'm gonna try not to startfalling.
Um, this is my my 17-year-old.
(19:52):
Um like five minutes ago, shewas like four, right?
And she was my only kid, andit's just she's just an amazing
bold.
She's the president of her TPUSAchapter.
She's going to summit ministriesthis summer.
I've seen her line out adultsand be like, uh-uh.
I don't believe that.
She's and she's so loving andbeautiful and all the things.
And it says I see, you know,it's called uh my chapter 11,
(20:13):
Call Your Treasures YourTreasures.
As she shut off the light atbedtime, Rebecca's dad said,
Good night, my treasures, sleepwell.
Rebecca said, Dad, why do youcall us your treasures?
Her dad answered, Well, for acouple reasons, my love.
First, because that's what youare.
Of the many things that your momand I are blessed with, all
these combined don't even comeclose to how much we value each
one of our children, her dadanswered.
(20:34):
As Rebecca listened, her dadcontinued, I don't consider us
rich financially, but I considermyself rich, a rich man, because
of what your mother and I and Iconsider our treasures,
Rebecca's dad said.
Second, there may come a daywhen someone asks, whew, that's
the part that gets me.
What did your father treasurethe most when you were growing
up?
He looked at Rebecca and said, Ihope and pray that you will be
(20:56):
able to confidently respond, hetreasured me.
He actually called me histreasure.
Man, like she might be leavingmy house soon.
I can't, I can't wrap my armsaround that, right?
But what a gift.
And she can't go on knowing thatI'm not her treasure, that she's
not my treasure, right?
Because I mean it.
(21:17):
Um if anything ever could everhappen to her, I need her to
know.
I say this, it's a movie quote,late at night when the demons
come, when she's struggling,that there's a person in this
world that treasures her.
Like for like her mom and I.
Bible verse for where yourtreasure is, there your heart
will be also.
Matthew 6, 21.
Discussion prompts will be, youknow, what do you value?
(21:39):
What do you consider yourtreasures?
Second one, what are some of thethings that money can't buy?
You know, having thatconversation.
It doesn't have to be aseven-year-old, it could be a
17-year-old, it could beliterally back to your wife.
Um, what could what can you sayor do to make someone know that
you treasure them?
And then the challenge, all mykids know this.
If all you want is money, itmight be all you get.
(22:02):
So I would say if all you wantis money, and they'll look right
back at me and they say, it maybe all you get.
Like, that's not enough.
Money's not enough.
There's so much more, right?
And then the promise and thenthe prayer.
SPEAKER_02 (22:15):
I got a lump in my throat over here.
SPEAKER_00 (22:17):
I can barely read that.
I thought I've read it so manytimes, and it just all this
comes, you know, that I walked,you know, the Camino with my
daughters, 17 and 15, thissummer.
And um, man, probably one of thebest things I've done in my
life.
Turn the world off.
Focus on these girls and and andmake sure that they know they
don't even fully appreciate itright now, but they will
someday, right?
(22:38):
I'm not, I'm not in this shortterm.
The long-term thing is, man, wedidn't have a ton of money.
I'm gonna know my dad was alwaysaspiring to provide, but man, he
did hit pause one summer and weput the the devices down and we
walked across Spain and he madesure that he knew that that we
were his treasures.
SPEAKER_02 (22:57):
The treasures, so important.
And we can think this about ourkids, but if they don't hear it
and they don't feel it from us,it doesn't matter.
So I love that you combine both.
You're saying we have to modelthis for our children and truly
die to ourselves and serve themand serve our spouse, but we
(23:19):
also need to use our words.
God gave us true words to use.
And, you know, one of thesimplest but most powerful ways
that we bring love into ourhomes is through blessing each
other with our true words,right?
To call out the good in ourspouse and in our kids.
(23:39):
Affirmations or blessings likeyou're talking about, yeah, is
like oxygen to our soul.
Right?
A child who hears somethinglike, I love how you helped your
brother, or a spouse who hears,I admire how hard you're working
for our family, babe.
They walk walk away lighter,stronger, and freer because
(24:01):
blessing through words createsit creates just this environment
where people feel safe, theyfeel loved and and which is
probably the most important,they feel free to grow into who
God made them to be.
Yes, yes, without love andblessing, like this this
(24:23):
freedom, this being free to bewho God, no, it it becomes
selfish, it becomes chaotic, butwith like you're talking about
with love as the foundation,freedom is life-giving.
It's so good.
SPEAKER_00 (24:36):
I don't know if you you follow Jordan Peterson, and
I know that your husband is veryfamiliar, and um he gets
emotional talking about this,and he was like, if you had any
idea how many people werehanging by a thread, like he
just gets bombarded with youngmen, and all they want is a kind
word.
They just want to be affirmed,you know.
And they just he's like, youknow how easy it is and it's
free.
Why wouldn't you do it?
(24:57):
You know, and I would say toanybody watching, hey Christian,
why wouldn't you do it?
It's like it might be awkward.
I don't care about really Iscratch that.
I I've stopped saying I don'tcare.
I care less about your comfortbecause I do care.
I think any pastor, nobody everpriests, anybody, should stop
saying, Hey, I don't care aboutthis, I don't care about that.
But I do care less about yourcomfort than I do about that
person that's hanging by athread.
(25:18):
So they're hanging by a threadand you're not.
There's another, you know, youngman that attempted to take his
life this weekend that Ipersonally know about.
And it's just unacceptable.
It's like at some point peopleneed to love him enough to tell
them the truth.
And I don't, you know, I knowit's uncomfortable.
I know it is.
But man, you take that chance,and once you do it, you've done
it.
And you might why not make alifestyle of affirming people?
Why not make a decision like Idid in my 20s or 30s when I
(25:41):
said, you know what?
There's people in this worldthat are worse off knowing Jimmy
Graham, and I don't like that.
You know, maybe it was something with excess alcohol or a
fight on the playground.
I don't know what it is, butthey would have a bad memory of
me.
From now on, everybody's better.
I don't care if it's an inch ora mile, they're gonna be better
off having met this guy, right?
And I'm not trying to leave alegacy for my kids, but like I
(26:01):
said, you know, families ofcharacter.
Character builds credibility,builds legacy.
But character buildscredibility, means that's a
credible guy.
And I'm not chasing a legacy.
But those things, when you dothose things, not give to get,
but you do because it's theright thing to do, it does leave
a legacy.
SPEAKER_02 (26:18):
It does leave a legacy.
SPEAKER_00 (26:20):
And now they're like, hey, you know what?
What was your dad's legacy?
And I pray to God they say thisone day.
Not a legacy of Navy SEALs, notCIA, not Abel Shepherd, not CEO,
not that.
I pray to God they say he left alegacy of faithfulness.
SPEAKER_01 (26:33):
Yes, his love for God.
SPEAKER_00 (26:35):
He was faithful to God and he loved us.
Man, he loved us.
And he wasn't perfect, but man,he died trying.
And that's that's an amazingdeal.
Um, one of the things thatjumped out is in this chapter,
it's chapter eight.
And this just really got me.
And when it did, I changed how Italked.
So it's called May I PleaseHave.
And I talk about in this world,you know, we're all sitting
(26:56):
around having dinner, and thewaitress comes up, and and
everybody, this is this is true.
We sit there and we'll try,we'll make an attempt to put to
put the menu down and we'll lookstraight at them and say, May I
please have.
And they say, you know, likethis.
And then you say thank you.
It starts with the ladies andgoes around the thing, and then
young man Christian says, youknow, and then and then it comes
to me, May I please have, andthank you.
And the waitress comments andsays, Wow, you guys are very
(27:17):
polite.
Thank you for your manners.
You can you can't even imaginewhat I hear all day.
I'll have, I'll take, give me.
That's what we say.
Just go into any coffee shop andjust listen for five minutes,
and that's what you're gonnahear.
I'll have a latte, give me alatte, you know, I'll take of
this.
It's like you don't talk tohuman beings that way, right?
Especially people that are thatchoose to serve you and make
(27:40):
your day a little easier becauseyou can start with your morning
coffee and you're saying, I'lltake, I'll give, or yeah, like
it's it's just rude, right?
So we just it's accepted, butnot in my house, right?
So it just means that that it ismy job to not make them do it.
I'm going, you're invited.
Let's use better words.
And we get we don't do it to getamazing service, but we get
amazing service because peopleare like, Thank you for saying
(28:01):
that.
I appreciate your manners.
SPEAKER_02 (28:03):
Of course.
When they feel blessed, they'refree to be blessed you, right?
SPEAKER_00 (28:08):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (28:09):
It's just such an awesome domino effect.
I love that.
I want to go through the 11points that are listed on the
back of this book.
This is so good, y'all.
You have to get a copy of thebook.
Okay, here are the 11 points.
Love others according to theirneeds.
Take care of your body.
Yes.
We need our kids and ourselvesto understand this and embrace
(28:33):
it.
Say true words.
Oh, just like you said, it's socommonplace for people to lie,
not to be accountable forthemselves, to think that they
can um, you know, they ought tobe talking badly about other
people when they have no controlover that person's behavior.
It's like, no.
Rewind.
You have you know agency overyour own personal self first.
(28:56):
Okay, then let's start there,right?
Let's say true words.
You are powerful.
I love this about your gift.
Stay humble.
Humility is it's a beautifulthing.
Don't be distracted.
This is one of my favoritesbecause the devil says, I love
the screw tape letter letters,and the devil, when he's
(29:18):
training his his uh nephew tobe, you know, the next little
demon, he says, if you can't geta Christian to deny their faith,
distract them.
SPEAKER_01 (29:28):
Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_02 (29:30):
That is the enemy's way to keep us distracted, to
get our kids distracted, andthen he has an end.
So they're right there in themiddle of the book.
Don't be distracted.
SPEAKER_00 (29:39):
And now if I could just jump, if I could jump in
real quick, is that where I'mteaching?
I'm teaching my son and mydaughter, and we're going
through a thing and saying, Hey,are you in charge of them?
No, who are you in charge of?
You, what are you gonna dobetter?
That's such a big deal, evenpersonally for me as a man.
I'll get so upset.
I see people all day, andthey're just like, Did you see
what this person did?
Did you see what the Democratsdid?
(29:59):
Did you see what the Republicansdid?
Did you see what the so-and-sodid?
And and um, I'm like, what areyou gonna do about it?
They're like, What do you mean?
I'm just gonna yell stuff.
You know, it's like, well, whatare you gonna do?
Like, there's an accountabilitything where I will tell my son,
like, are you in charge of him?
No, who are you in charge of?
You?
What are you gonna do?
Better, like that beingdistracted, um, that's a big,
big deal.
I'm I'm going back through.
I'm just God put this on myheart to read back through the
(30:21):
New Testament.
So I'm going through and uh, youknow, I'm always trying to have
a better communication with mywife.
I'm always trying to be betterwith my kids, all that.
And I'm going through, you know,the love, first Corinthians,
love is patient, love is kind.
Oh, and I'm kind of this ishorrible to say, but I'm kind of
like, I know this one.
Just as you read through it, andI read, love is not provoked.
Love is not provoked.
(30:41):
I'm like, love is not provoked.
And I'm like, I've beenprovoked.
Like, I it's like I'm in chargeof my words.
Literally, anybody can I see inmy men's group this morning,
guys are like, I saw you postthat and it convicted me.
Because then it's like, maybeyour wife just needs to talk,
but here you come with like thefix.
And you know, we've talked aboutthis, right?
It's like, okay, listen, it'slike, yeah, I listened.
(31:04):
And we never said this, but Ilistened for 50 words.
Well, maybe she needs 5,000words for hear her herself
talking, but you've never shutup for 5,000 words.
But maybe she could be the oneto realize, you know, what I'm
saying, that's not actuallytrue.
But and maybe okay, hey Lord,what about 5,000 words?
He's like, Oh, maybe it's50,000.
Maybe you just need to let hertalk.
(31:25):
And the guys think they'refixers.
And I tell the guys, hey, good,things wouldn't get fixed if you
weren't a fixer, but not in yourhouse.
unknown (31:32):
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00 (31:32):
It's like not in your marriage.
In your marriage, and we don'tneed to do it, right?
But that's the thing.
It's like I'm getting distractedand trying to blame somebody
else.
This was on me.
So that's the thing where it'slike, okay, I'm not going to be
distracted by what everybody'sdoing or what she's saying.
It's like God's gonna call me asa man accountable and and he's
gonna say, Hey, I'm not talkingabout her, I'm talking about
(31:54):
you.
God, did you even see what shesaid?
Did you hear what she did?
It's like I'm talking to you.
SPEAKER_01 (31:58):
That's right.
SPEAKER_00 (31:59):
She's let me deal with her, but you're accountable
for you.
And that's that's where I thinkguys are getting distracted and
say, no, you're you need to beaccountable for your words.
You need to go that Philippians4.8.
And I think that might be theone in that one.
Philippians 4.8, you know, ifwhat's going in, is it true,
noble, you know, right, pure?
Is it lovely, admirable?
Is it excellent or playsworthy?
What coming out of your mouth?
Is it true, noble, right, andpure?
(32:20):
Is it lovely, admirable, is itexcellent or praiseworthy?
No, they don't say it.
Right?
That's what you're going to beaccountable for.
So don't be get distracted andthink that you're not.
SPEAKER_02 (32:28):
Yes.
I remember our kids werecarpooling with one of our
friends uh to school, and uhthey said, uh, you know, her dad
was driving a car and and hesaid, you know what, guys?
Not everything deserves acomment.
And that stuck with me because Ithought, man, I'm the one who
(32:49):
will comment about everything.
I have so much to say about justall the words.
And so when you say that, is ittrue?
Is it noble?
Is it it's like, and if it'snot, just bite your tongue.
Yeah, just don't say a word.
If you can't say something nice,don't say it at all, right?
That's what we used to heargrowing up from our own parents.
It's like there's something too.
SPEAKER_00 (33:11):
Perhaps you were raised, like I was raised to
where it was like the thesilence was more out of
passivity, but but uh, you know,even in scripture it shows this
where Jesus didn't answersomebody.
Silence is strength.
Like you can be quiet and choosenot to speak, and it's not
weakness, it's strength.
So don't feel like you need tofill the room, the air with
words to be strong.
Sometimes it's actually harderto actually be silent and just
(33:34):
look at somebody.
Or, you know, it's it's very,very powerful, actually.
I remember um you were talkingabout driving with kids and
being that influence.
There's a there's a some somefriends of ours, these young men
that are friends with my son,and we're driving.
And their language, they weren'tcursing, but they were just
saying some stuff, you know,like the the borderline words,
you know.
And I go, gentlemen, can wechoose better words?
That's all I said, right?
(33:54):
They're like and then all of asudden the language cleaned up.
And then I also started thefootball games, they would walk
by and I would just because wejust go out and do fun stuff,
and I'll I guess I'm notabusive.
I just grab them by the top oftheir hair, pull them in, and
just hug them.
And now they love it, they craveit.
Of course they do respect it,right?
And now, like it's like uh, heyMr.
(34:14):
Gramma, how you doing?
They just they nuzzle in like myboy, and I'm like, How you
doing, sir?
How's your game?
They're like, Oh, it's so good.
How it stuff, it's it's supercool.
But they just they just want alittle affirmation, they just
want a little tension.
Like, who doesn't, by the way?
Yeah, and I I may have told youthis or not, I don't know.
My my jujitsu, I was doingjujitsu down in in um in in
Castle Rock, it's a place calledBom Jitsu, big Brazilian dude
(34:35):
named Gigi.
And and and I'm not good atjujitsu, by the way.
It's like easy to black belt,and I'm not.
And uh, and he was like, GoodJimmy, good this accent, you
know, grab good, good form, goodstrength, perfect, Jimmy.
And I know I'm not good, but Ileave there feeling like a
million bucks.
And and then that I'm like,guys, when I get back here to my
job, which is training, I'mlike, we need to start affirming
(34:57):
more people.
Here's my point if Navy SEALCIA, tough guy, needs it, I need
affirmation, then everybodyneeds affirmation.
And some people are hanging by athread and just assume they are,
just assume they are because youwon't know.
SPEAKER_02 (35:11):
That's right.
You know what my my favoriteplace to affirm people is, and
this might sound really odd thegrocery store.
I absolutely love it.
It's my playground for affirmingpeople.
I look for the same checkersthat are there every time I go
in.
Alex, Phil, Don.
I call them by name.
(35:31):
I check in with them, they lightup.
I ask them if they saw thesunrise.
Did you see the northern lightsthe other night?
Or I'll tell them if something'shappening in the community they
got to go to.
And it it fills me with so muchjoy to affirm them.
It's like if I'm having a badday, I'm like, man, I gotta get
to the grocery store.
People like, why?
(35:52):
Because I need to love on somepeople.
I am obviously too self-absorbedand thinking of just me that I
have to find people to servebecause when I do that, I become
the best version of myself.
And and I'm like, well, thismakes sense because true love is
dying to self.
It's like whatever you plannedto do or wanted to do that was
(36:16):
just going to serve you, put itaside and just go do something
that's a hundred percent forthat other person.
SPEAKER_01 (36:21):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (36:22):
And it just lights you up.
That's why you talk about peoplewho are depressed, suicidal.
One of the things in mypractice, when I would have
very, very depressed people whoare almost non-functioning, if I
could engage them to be avolunteer somewhere to give of
themselves at a food bank orserving lunch in a park, their
(36:43):
depression turned around almostimmediately.
It's like they felt they hadpurpose that they were needed.
There was a reason for theirbeing, and it just automatically
cut down on the those feelingsof, you know, worthlessness and
just self-deprecating, you know,down depressed.
(37:04):
I want to die.
You know, so I think justserving, you know, getting our
kids, reading things like thisand modeling service and
affirmation for our kids justbuilds up that reservoir of
confidence and and um generosityin them so that that this is
overflowing for them as adults.
SPEAKER_00 (37:22):
On the back it says, show them and tell them often.
And that often is a big deal,like not just once, over and
over and over, right?
So, this I've heard this in thepast couple days.
I've made a point to do this awhile back.
It's powerful.
I would challenge anybodylistening to do this.
I said, You are very good atyour job.
I appreciate you.
And just tell people, Iappreciate you.
It you watch them change justright in their face, they're
(37:45):
like, Do you appreciate me?
I've done this twice at the VA.
I just did it the other day atFreddie's.
Like the person was just sopolite, and it's unfortunate
that that's not the norm, butit's not.
And they just made sureeverything was right, they were
very polite, they were all that.
I go, hey, and then and thenthey uh they they walked away
and they did, and another guycame over giving the footage.
I go, um, that is a very uh itwas the manager, and I said, Um,
(38:07):
that they did they do an amazingjob.
Make sure you keep that one.
They go, Well, I'm theirmanager, so thanks for saying
that.
I'll make sure they know that,right?
It's like they need it's a bigdeal and it's not normal.
SPEAKER_02 (38:17):
Yeah, it takes an extra 15 seconds to to call that
person out in a beautiful wayand to pull their manager over
and give them a complimentbecause they hear every
complaint.
SPEAKER_00 (38:27):
Yeah, yeah.
In the readiness realm, I wouldcall that situational awareness,
and I'd say study what'sordinary so you can recognize
what's ordinary what's so we'llstudy what's ordinary, and then
you uh um normal so you can uhrecognize what's abnormal,
meaning a threat, but also studywhat's ordinary so you can
notice what's extraordinary andstart saying thank you.
Right.
Because if you start the moreyou know about normal, you study
(38:49):
normal, and you go, this thislooks about normal, then all of
a sudden something's way better.
Go tell them.
You know, go tell them, like mystaff.
I appreciate you guys.
You guys, I I love working withyou guys.
You guys are amazing.
This isn't normal.
I love it.
SPEAKER_02 (39:02):
Yes.
Well, probably about two yearsago, I think when you were on
our show in episode 72, you weretalking about just driving in
your car and you see, you know,a woman with kids in the car,
whatever she's broke down in themiddle of traffic or whatever,
and everybody's just movingaround her to get where they
need to go and just seeing aneed, filling the need,
stopping, modeling that for yourkids too.
(39:23):
Yeah, I might be 30 minutes oran hour late for whatever I'm
going to, but let's just takesome time to recognize someone
in need, get somebody to safety,and then go about our business.
And so that stuck with me too.
So when I see people broke down,I'm like, okay, if it looks like
a a big dude, maybe I'm gonnapass and let the next guy help
(39:44):
them out.
But yeah, you know, when peopleare in need, just stopping to
check in on them and find outthe small thing that you could
do to make their day, so good.
SPEAKER_00 (39:53):
Well, I can't remember if this popped in my
head.
I don't know if it was on thelast interview, but I pulled
over one time in the middle ofthe road when I was leaving
church and it was late at night.
And when I pulled over to help,somebody had pulled over to
help.
So I was almost like, they gotit.
But because I pulled over, Irealized it was a young lady
trying to help these dudes andthey were shady.
And I was like, ma'am, I havethis.
She goes, Are you sure?
(40:14):
I'm like, Yeah.
So who knows?
I'm not saying something wouldhave happened, but I was like, I
could have been like, ah,whoever pulled over got it.
And then I'm like, ma'am, youknow, and she was just kind of
like, I just want to help, butI'm not sure what that is.
Like, I got a jump kit and allthat stuff.
I can handle this.
And she's like, Thank you.
Because she just wanted to help,but I was like, This is this is
sketchy for me.
unknown (40:32):
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00 (40:33):
Right.
She's this young lady, but shewas just raised with a good
heart and she wanted to help.
And I'm like, all right, that'sright, I got it.
And she, if she'd have stayed,that'd have been great too.
But sure, we want to be alonebecause my daughter, I wouldn't
want to be alone there.
Yes, yes, totally.
So I'm like, all right, well,let's see what we can see.
SPEAKER_02 (40:51):
So good.
Okay, a couple of these otherlessons in the book.
Have good manners, absolutely.
Be grateful, totally, beconfident, and finally, you are
treasured.
Such a great message, JimmyGraham.
This book is gonna bless so manypeople.
And I'm just gonna go out on thelist.
I have a signed copy.
(41:12):
I have my copy here.
I'm gonna have to buy morecopies because I have nieces and
nephews.
Um, and I would say if you're agrandparent listening to this,
you need like 10 copies becauseyou're gonna have birthday
parties, you're gonna haveChristmas, you're gonna have
Easter baskets, and you need tohave them on hand.
I mean, if you want to developcharacter in your kids or your
(41:32):
grandkids and you want tojourney along with them
informing their their character,this book, you're not just
throwing it to your kid and say,hey, read this.
No, this is meant to be shared.
This is a shared way to grow incharacter and grow in virtue.
Um, just 11 short chapters thatyou can read one per night or
(41:54):
every other night, however youwant to do that, is a great
bonding way for you to justengage your kids and really
embrace these principles andthese lessons in the book.
So, Jamie, where did they get acopy of this?
What's the quickest way to getit in their hands?
SPEAKER_00 (42:09):
It's cool to see your stuff on Amazon, right?
So it came out, it's by uh it'suh How Do You Love a Fish,
Christian Faith Publishing.
They're gonna put some trailerstogether.
I don't know that that will bebefore the holidays, but it's
right, it's up there now.
I just got mine.
Titled the press.
SPEAKER_02 (42:24):
Amazon link is in the show notes, folks.
If you get our Tuesday uh emailnewsletter, you have the link to
purchase a copy in that Tuesdayemail that you got from us.
Um, Jimmy, this has been ablessing.
Thank you for following thenudging of the Holy Spirit in
that you know tent that nightwhere you were it just was on
(42:44):
your heart to write this bookand to share your family
stories.
Um, so many people are going tobe blessed by it.
Also, if you if you read thebook with your kids, get a copy
of it, start looking through it,and you have some thoughts about
the book or it's blessed you insome certain way, Jimmy.
What's the best way for them toengage with you to let you know,
you know, how they enjoy yourbook or um, you know, just give
(43:07):
you a shout out.
SPEAKER_00 (43:08):
Yeah, yeah.
I can't believe I'm saying this.
Social media, it is the future.
I know a lot of people are like,I'm not on social media, but
like you better get on socialmedia because like it will only
be a voice of negativity if wedon't get on there and start
pouring some light into that,those platforms.
So Jimmy Graham on X, JimmyGraham on Facebook, uh just pop
up there.
I would love to hear yourthoughts.
So thank you.
What a blessing.
People have already told me.
(43:29):
Parents are like, my daughter'slike, go get the book, you know,
that kind of thing.
Yes.
And that just blessed my heart.
So so praise God.
And thank you for all you'redoing, Jordan.
I appreciate you.
Do you see what I did rightthere?
Do you see that?
SPEAKER_02 (43:40):
Yes, yes, a little blessing for me at the end.
You guys also, if you're in theDenver area and you're looking
for a family emergency readinesscourse, Abelshepherd.com is
where to go.
Jimmy had just trained two ofour couples that are in our
coaching program, and they're welittle children.
(44:00):
And man, they walked away with aplan.
What do we do if we are in themiddle of a restaurant or at a
park or at a concert and someoneis threatening violence on our
family?
How do we um, you know, link uptogether, get ourselves away
safely, and have dad protectingthe family, and mom volunteer,
you know, as as a good helper,right in line and and getting
(44:22):
everybody to a safe place.
Check it out.
It's a really fun course.
And uh, and I would say that youneed it.
Everyone does.
So ableshepherd.com is uhJimmy's awesome emergency
preparedness uh organization andcan't say enough good things
about you.
SPEAKER_00 (44:40):
Thank you so much.
Appreciate it.
SPEAKER_02 (44:42):
You're welcome.
Guys, keep tuning in to theFamilies of Character show.
And if this blessed you, pleaseshare it with people in your
network, share it on socialmedia, um email it out to folks,
text it to your spouse for sure,and uh make sure to grab a copy
of How Do You Love a Fish byJimmy Graham.
We'll catch you on anotherepisode real soon.
(45:05):
Thanks so much, guys.
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