Relationships and Resilience: Reinier & Kate on Love and FASD

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Relationships and Resilience: Reinier & Kate on Love and FASD

What does love look like when FASD is part of the story? And how do you play the long game when milestones come later than expected?

In this episode of The FASD Success Show, I sit down with my friends Reinier deSmit and Kate Kristiansen for a real and vulnerable conversation about partnership, conflict, and resilience.

Reinier was diagnosed with FASD at 56. Now in his 60s, he describes that diagnosis as a gift  finally giving him language to replace a lifetime of confusion. Kate, his partner, brings two decades of communications and marketing experience, plus a heart for boundaries, structure, and connection. Together, they model what it means to live and love interdependently.

Meet the Guests: Reinier & Kate

Reinier is a photographer, life counsellor, and lived-experience advocate with Fetal Alcohol Nova Scotia, where he helps create clearer language and kinder systems.

Kate has led national campaigns for Cirque du Soleil and DreamWorks Live, teaches marketing at St. Lawrence College, and runs Hummingbird Studios, a creative retreat space in Ontario. In their relationship, she brings the communication chops and the perspective of being a partner, not a caregiver.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why Kate’s line “I don’t want to be his caregiver, I want to be his partner” is a game-changer for caregivers thinking about their kids’ futures.
• The simple but powerful conflict strategy they use when things get heated (and why it’s transferable to parenting).
• How Reinier describes transitions as “motion sickness” — and why sameness and structure afterward help stabilize life.
• What interdependence really looks like in adulthood, and why it’s healthier than chasing complete independence.
• Why their relationship itself offers hope and a “sneak peek” of what’s possible for individuals with FASD.

Why It Matters

Milestones are milestones no matter the age. Whether it’s buying a house at 65, learning to ride a bike at 25, or mastering a new daily living skill later in life — late wins still count. This episode shows that progress looks different, takes longer, but always matters.

👉 You are not alone. What you’re doing matters. And there is hope — for connection, for resilience, and for more good days.

Resources and Links

🎧 Understanding Life With FASD Podcast (with Reinier & FANS Nova Scotia)
🌐 Fetal Alcohol Nova Scotia
 

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