April 16, 2024 • 26 mins
We explore how to protect your family from bitterness and create a culture of forgiveness that heals relationships and breaks destructive patterns.
• Bitterness is causing unprecedented division in families, especially around politics and personal choices
• A culture of forgiveness unlocks God's mercy for your family
• Forgiveness prevents bitterness from destroying relationships
• Children learn how to process hurt by watching their parents' example
• Asking for forgiveness is more powerful than demanding it from others
• When we withhold forgiveness, we carry that hurt with us everywhere
• Forgiveness doesn't excuse behavior but frees us from its emotional control
• We're never more like God than when we give mercy to those who don't deserve it
Join us in the next episode as we explore strategies for rebuilding relationships with family members who are burdened by bitterness. Visit www.thefatherdifference.com/links for a free book download and information about personal coaching.
Ready to be the parent or grandparent you’ve always dreamed of becoming? Subscribe and Tune into my podcast each week, and check out my resources, heartfelt encouragement, and practical tools to help you make a lasting impact on the ones you love most. Click this link below:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Casting 1, 2,.
Welcome guys.
It's good to be with you heretonight and we're going to talk
(00:47):
about the whole issue ofprotecting your family, and how
do we protect our family frombitterness, those things that
you know come in to our family,that steal and rob from us.
And it's good to be with you,those that are coming tonight,
(01:15):
and so I want to ask you aquestion.
You'll be able to get this onrecording as well.
Well, how many of you have dealtwith family members who are
doing this to you and pushingyou off?
(01:35):
And you know, I was talkingwith a few friends of mine today
.
Since the holidays, theirchildren haven't spoken to them
and there's been a tremendousamount of separation.
And, as you know, as a dad,it's just about impossible to be
a father when they're notreceiving from you, when your
(01:59):
kids are pushing you off, dad ormom pushing you off dad or mom,
or there's family issues goingon.
And because God's made us youknow to be, you know that you
know person in our life.
That establishes what theculture of the family is all
(02:19):
about.
And if the culture of thefamily isn't about forgiveness
and it's more about getting,even that whole family can get
sideways.
And isn't it crazy?
Today and maybe some of you canthrow comments in there of you
know how many of your familieshave even been separated because
(02:42):
of politics.
Right now, politics are anidentity, and people are doing
this to you and they're notwilling to respond to you, and
you know that's a painful thingfor a family, to where they
(03:03):
won't even eat with you ifyou're the opposite political
party.
And so right now, the world isbeing run by bitterness.
How about your family?
Because part of what we'regoing to talk about is how do
you protect your family and howdo you unlock your kids from you
know those bitter feelingswhere they have basically cut
(03:28):
you out of their life, and so Iwant to share with you something
that's out of a book that I'vedone how to Become the Husband
and Father your Family Needs,and it applies both to gals and
to guys, and so we're going totalk about how forgiveness heals
(03:51):
bitterness.
You know the Bible said it thisway.
Watch out that no—look what itsays here—no bitterness takes
root among you, for as itsprings up, it causes deep
trouble among you.
For as it springs up, it causesdeep trouble, hurting many in
their spiritual lives.
(04:11):
Hebrews 12, verse 15.
How many have experienced thatin your life?
Well, bitterness has kind ofcome in like a flood and taken
over your relationship.
So maybe it's a friend, ormaybe it's a relative, or your
dad or your mom, and all of asudden relationships are
sideways.
Let me tell you a story, a funnystory, when I was at the
(04:36):
National Book Fair, kind ofdemoing my book, the Difference
a Father Makes.
As a matter of fact, if you'venot gotten a copy of one, it's
our free gift to you and we'llgive you a link before the end
of the show on how you can getyour own copy of the Difference
a Father Makes.
As a matter of fact, it's rightthere on the screen.
(04:57):
So I was demoing this book andI'm walking around and all of a
sudden this gal walks up to meand goes Ed McGlashan thanks a
(05:23):
hell of a lot.
And I'm like hello, do I knowyou?
And he goes.
Well, guess what?
This little book, my dad readsit.
He takes me out on a date, getsdown on one knee, pulls out a
ring to call me into womanhood.
(05:44):
I looked at my dad and I saidto him what the hell do you
think you're doing?
Can you imagine being a dadmaking a huge effort to try to
bless your daughter, that youare on the outs with thinking
that maybe this ceremony isgoing to make everything right.
And so she looks at me and shesaid—and then I looked at my dad
(06:09):
he's down in a really fancyrestaurant in Atlanta with his
ring out and I said you can'tbless me, I don't even like you.
And boy, that daughter, youknow, just grabbed him and it
kind of brings up, kind of thefirst point I wanted to share
(06:31):
with you tonight.
And that is a blessing can't betransferred to the ones we love
without forgiveness, because ifthere's any bitterness, they're
not going to receive it.
How many of you have, you know,had those moments with your
daughters or with your sons, orwith your relatives, where you
(06:55):
get this and right nowbitterness is running the world.
But guess what?
God has a cure for all that.
So how do we build this cultureof forgiveness?
Because that's really whatwe're talking about is changing
kind of the culture of yourfamily.
Well, here's a couple ofpowerful things about building a
(07:15):
culture of forgiveness.
Number one it unlocks the mercyof God for our families.
I may want more mercy.
Well, you know, the Bible saysthat wisdom that's from above
right is what Pure, peaceful,general, reasonable, full of
mercy, good fruits, unwavering,without hypocrisy.
(07:35):
James 3.17.
I don't know about you.
We're not getting a lot of thaton social media today.
We're not getting a wisdom fromabove that is pure.
Let me show that to you again.
Look at it.
It's pure, it's peaceable, it'sgentle, it's reasonable.
(07:55):
I mean things that come fromGod are full of mercy and good
fruits, unwavering, withouthypocrisy.
And yet why do you think thatthere's so much pushback in the
world?
If you disagree with, say,their choice for their you know
their gender, if they feelchallenged at all, you're
(08:17):
automatically, just, you know,pushed to the sides, right?
They try to woke you up, youknow, woke you out.
Well, I think they just need towoke up.
But you know why is it so muchbitterness?
Because you know people now,today, have taken anything they
do any place, even our youngpeople, as kind of an identity.
(08:42):
This is who I am, identity.
This is who I am, and if youdon't agree with what I believe
or what I think, then I want youout of my life.
And yet, how lonely are thesekids getting?
Young people are getting.
(09:04):
I mean even you know, men arejust, you know, filled on the
outs in so many ways.
And you know our culture isdividing and it's the devil's
plan to use bitterness.
I mean, look at the crazyelections.
I mean they're spendingbillions of dollars to
completely trash one another.
(09:24):
Well, our answer doesn't comefrom Washington, even though God
uses that for His own purposes.
That's for another podcast.
But how do you deal with this?
Well, number one you know,forgiveness unlocks God's mercy.
Here's the second part.
Forgiveness teaches us how tokeep bitterness from destroying
(09:48):
our relationship.
That's so powerful.
Let all bitterness Ephesianssays, wrath, anger, clamor,
slander be put away among withall malice.
Be kind to one another with allmalice.
Be kind to one another,forgiving, tenderhearted
(10:10):
forgiving each other, just asGod in Christ also forgave you,
boy.
Those are powerful words, andso we're going to talk about how
do you actually do that.
But you know that's whatforgiveness can do in your
family, and I know wholefamilies.
They built their whole life onbitterness.
(10:32):
I remember being in a food linegetting ready for one of the
holidays, with Thanksgiving, andI was standing there and this
person behind me came up andbumped me with their cart.
And they bumped me and I turnedaround and you just see what it
(10:57):
was.
They go oh, we're sorry.
And I looked and in their cartwere a couple gallon-sized
vodkas.
That's a lot of vodka, you know.
I guess they're gallons orgigantic.
Never bought one of those.
And with mixes and everythingelse.
And I didn't see any turkeythere, I just saw alcohol.
(11:18):
And I looked at him and I saidthirsty, thirsty.
And I looked at him and I saidthirsty.
And the woman looks at me andsays thank you, silo, I really
appreciate your comment there.
(11:38):
And the woman looks at me andsays well, that's the only way
we can have a family gathering.
Oh, so sad.
How about your familygatherings?
How good are you at forgivenessand even maybe starting the ball
rolling?
We'll talk about that as wekind of conclude this tonight.
(11:59):
But it's a powerful thing.
So, number one it unlocks themercy of God.
Number two, it teaches you howto keep bitterness from
destroying relations.
Number three, it teaches us howto—look at this—it teaches us
how to forgive each other likeGod has forgiven.
You See, that's the model offorgiveness.
(12:22):
The model of forgiveness isforgiving others as God's
forgiving, and when you learn toask for forgiveness from
someone, that's a powerful thing.
Now let me explain to you how ithappened in my family.
Now all of us are going to sayI know, forgiveness is vital.
How many would raise your handRight?
(12:45):
I love what Caesar says lack offorgiveness is the mother of
toxic emotions.
Boy, that is so true.
But so how does that start?
Well, this is the way it startedin my home.
I'm in the other room, acrossthe house, and hearing my five
kids fight in the other room andthey were doing this passive-ag
(13:07):
, passive aggressive thing wherethey're being really mean to
one another and then going justkidding you ever, you ever heard
that before.
And it just broke my heart, notbecause they were fighting,
because they were doing to oneanother what dad had done to
them.
And so I went to them and asI'm walking across, I feel like
(13:34):
God was speaking to me that I'dnever shown him how to ask for
forgiveness.
I was really good keeping therules, trying to get them to
keep the rules, and I was reallygood at pointing out when my
kids were broken how about you?
But I wasn't good at going hey,will you forgive me for this,
(14:02):
would you forgive me for?
Or asking.
And so I'm going out theregoing God, how do I do this?
Because it was kind of itwasn't foreign to me going to
God and asking for forgivenessbecause compared to Him, I'm
just so much like issues in myown life.
But I never did so.
I went up to my daughter,jessica, and I said hey, guys, I
(14:28):
need your help.
And they were expecting me tocome in and do my typical nuke
them.
You do the family nuke sessionwhere I go.
That's it, you know.
And discipline begins with alot of yelling.
And I went in and I said guys,I need your help with something.
Is there some things that Ihave done that's really hurt you
(14:56):
?
And I've never asked forforgiveness.
Boy, I'll never forget thatmoment.
It's the Spirit of God justkind of inhabited that question.
And my daughter looked at meand said really, dad and I
started crying and, one by one,my kids started to share with me
(15:20):
things that I had done thatreally hurt them over time.
That's really hurt him overtime.
And I asked for forgiveness.
And, boy, without even meaningto, I was creating a culture of
forgiveness and I mean it was apowerful thing to even this day.
(15:40):
That was something that began.
And how many times have I askedfor forgiveness since then?
Oh, a whole bunch.
Because the more you ask for it,the less bitterness has an
opportunity to really plant itsseeds in you or your wife.
(16:02):
I mean, is there a marriagethat's—how many marriages fail
because of unforgiveness, ofbitterness, where you're just
kind of like this against yourspouse and you can't live
anymore.
You're not the same person, thehurt and all battle lines and
the wall of bitterness grows andthe next thing you know you've
(16:23):
got attorneys launching shellsover top of the wall.
Or you can learn to do it God'sway, because when Jesus died on
the cross, he died foreverything that we've ever done,
paid the price of that, but healso died for every sin that's
going to be against us.
See, that's why we can forgive,not so that they never do it
(16:48):
again.
Which boy.
I wish that were true, becauseif that were true, then God
could say well, I'm notforgiving you again.
And part of learning how to askfor forgiveness is to say you've
got to not only receive it foryourself and go to God, you've
got to model that with yourchildren.
And when that happens you getthis.
(17:10):
You know, when I modeled askingfor forgiveness, something
powerful happened in my family.
And look at this verse.
But God being rich in mercybecause of His great love for us
.
That's why we ask forforgiveness and receive it, even
when we were dead in ourtrespasses or made us alive.
(17:34):
With Christ by grace, you'vebeen saved.
So God's whole plan was to saveus and give us the gift of
salvation, but it all camethrough our ability to receive
forgiveness from Him.
And so, finally, when you modelforgiveness by giving mercy
(17:56):
instead of bitterness, that'sthe most like God you can be,
and I just want to close withthis quote here.
That was, you know, when theLord kind of pointed out a place
in me years ago where I waspushing back because of this
(18:20):
person, and every time I saw him, I judged him quickly and
wanted him out of my life.
Him, I judged him quickly andwanted him out of my life.
And he asked me this questionwhen I died on the cross, ed,
did I die for them too?
Oh boy, is he sneaky?
Of course you did, lord.
(18:41):
The Lord asked another questionWas my blood enough to cover
their hurt against you?
My blood enough to cover theirhurt against you?
Yes, it was.
This question exposed a placein my heart where I had judged
(19:01):
this person, where my emotionswere in the prism of
unforgiveness and bitterness andI said of course, your blood's
enough, lord.
And it just broke something inme, because is there anything
anybody could do to you thatJesus didn't die for?
Of course not.
And so if he's already paid theprice for all that, why don't
(19:25):
we give mercy when somebodydeserves judgment?
Because we got mercy when wedeserve judgment, and so if you
got other questions, I'd lovefor you to kind of share them.
I'll post a comment right now,but I'd like to pray with you.
How many of you right now havefamily members and issues going
(19:50):
on and this is a really touchything in your family?
Well, the way forward is toforgive, and no matter who has
hurt you, you forgive them, andthe reason you do that is
(20:10):
because of what God has done toyou.
So, whether you're watchingthis from, you know ex, you know
formerly Twitter or FacebookLive or Instagram Live, or you
know all the other places thatwe have this streaming to, I
want you just to open your handsright now and I want you to
(20:35):
think in your life of thosepeople that you have been really
angry with you, avoid them.
Maybe they're your familymembers and I want you to put
them in your hands.
And the reason I say that isthat when we're not, when we've
not forgiven those people thathave hurt us, we actually carry
(20:59):
that hurt in our hands, in ourheart, all the time.
It's always with us.
And so when we see and we canfeel it, because we're looking
through the hurt and we'rewaiting for them to make it
right with us, you see, jesusdidn't wait to make it right
with Him.
He died on the cross for youbefore you were asking for it.
(21:23):
And we're never more like Himthan when we take the
forgiveness he has so freelygiven to us and we give it to
someone who absolutely doesn'tdeserve it.
Now, that is the gospel.
That's the gospel of JesusChrist.
It's a free gift for you, it'sa free gift for me.
(21:46):
And you might say, ed, it's justtoo painful for you.
It's a free gift for me.
You might say, ed, it's justtoo painful because this person
is just wicked.
Well, absolutely.
But you're not forgiving themto let them off the hook of
being responsible.
You're forgiving them so thatyou don't carry that in your
hands and guess what happens inwhat you carry in your hands, if
(22:09):
you're a dad, that bitternesstowards your father or your
uncle or your aunt.
You teach your children how tobe bitter.
You bring the culture ofbitterness into them and guess
what they're going to do as theygrow up?
They're going to be bittertowards you.
Do as they grow up, they'regoing to be bitter towards you.
(22:32):
And yet it's never too late.
Next week, when we cometogether, we're going to talk
about how to restore any childin your family or your family
members who are stuck kind of inthe trap of bitterness in their
own life.
Maybe they're families.
How do you not only forgivethem, but how do you lead the
way to open a door for them sothey can encounter Christ?
(22:54):
Because everybody who's goingsideways in their life in the
world bitterness has been abedfellow, and so we're going to
talk about that next week.
So make sure you stay tuned.
Same time, same station, butbefore we go I want to pray with
you, father.
I thank you for my friends thatare watching.
(23:16):
I pray, lord, right now.
Is that those people that arein their hands, or the things in
their hands, that they wouldall make that an offering to you
, lord, and say Lord, forgive me, Just repeat after me Lord,
forgive me for holding the hurtand the hatred and the anger to
(23:39):
these people.
And I pray, lord, all week youwould get all this stuff out of
me so that I don't teach my kidsthe same stuff.
Father, I pray you would justmove on us right now, that you
would just touch us right now.
And, father, I ask you toforgive me for withholding
(24:00):
forgiveness from these that I'vebeen so angry with, because I'm
waiting for them to change.
And so, lord, I choose toforgive them and I ask you now,
in the name of Jesus, that youwould restore my relationship.
Lord, in Jesus' name, in thename of Jesus, I pray.
(24:25):
In the name of Jesus, I prayHeal my family, lord, bring my
kids back to me.
Restore those relationshipsthat are sideways.
Let bitterness be broken onceand for all and use me, father,
to be the one who brings it.
In the name of Jesus and allGod's people said Amen.
(24:50):
Hey, if you enjoyed this, let meknow.
Make sure you join our channelif you haven't already done that
on Facebook, youtube, instagram, so we can update you on what's
going on here at the FatherDifference, and it's an honor to
be with you tonight.
It's never too late, and maybeyou'd like to get a free book or
(25:15):
get connected to what we do.
We have that as well.
As for you tonight, we havethings that we'd like to give
you as a gift.
If you go to our website atthefatherdifferencecom, that
would be—you can go there, andwe have a number of things.
We've got a free devotional.
We've got a free book download.
(25:37):
Maybe you want some privatecoaching.
That's available for you there,and we're here to serve you and
help you live out the storythat God has made you for.
Go to thefatherdifferencecom,and maybe you're in a place in
your life where you need somecoaching, and you can go to my
(26:01):
website as well, and that's whatwe do, and it'll give you the
new beginning you're looking for.
Remember, it's never too latefor God, the Father, to do a
miracle in us, our lives and inour families.
In the name of Jesus, god blessyou.
Thank you for being with metonight, and it's just an honor
(26:25):
of my life to share these thingswith you, because if God can do
it through me, there is hopefor you.
God bless you, beloved.
Have a wonderful night.
Casting 1, 2,.
Welcome guys.
It's good to be with you heretonight and we're going to talk
(00:47):
about the whole issue ofprotecting your family, and how
do we protect our family frombitterness, those things that
you know come in to our family,that steal and rob from us.
And it's good to be with you,those that are coming tonight,
(01:15):
and so I want to ask you aquestion.
You'll be able to get this onrecording as well.
Well, how many of you have dealtwith family members who are
doing this to you and pushingyou off?
(01:35):
And you know, I was talkingwith a few friends of mine today
.
Since the holidays, theirchildren haven't spoken to them
and there's been a tremendousamount of separation.
And, as you know, as a dad,it's just about impossible to be
a father when they're notreceiving from you, when your
(01:59):
kids are pushing you off, dad ormom pushing you off dad or mom,
or there's family issues goingon.
And because God's made us youknow to be, you know that you
know person in our life.
That establishes what theculture of the family is all
(02:19):
about.
And if the culture of thefamily isn't about forgiveness
and it's more about getting,even that whole family can get
sideways.
And isn't it crazy?
Today and maybe some of you canthrow comments in there of you
know how many of your familieshave even been separated because
(02:42):
of politics.
Right now, politics are anidentity, and people are doing
this to you and they're notwilling to respond to you, and
you know that's a painful thingfor a family, to where they
(03:03):
won't even eat with you ifyou're the opposite political
party.
And so right now, the world isbeing run by bitterness.
How about your family?
Because part of what we'regoing to talk about is how do
you protect your family and howdo you unlock your kids from you
know those bitter feelingswhere they have basically cut
(03:28):
you out of their life, and so Iwant to share with you something
that's out of a book that I'vedone how to Become the Husband
and Father your Family Needs,and it applies both to gals and
to guys, and so we're going totalk about how forgiveness heals
(03:51):
bitterness.
You know the Bible said it thisway.
Watch out that no—look what itsays here—no bitterness takes
root among you, for as itsprings up, it causes deep
trouble among you.
For as it springs up, it causesdeep trouble, hurting many in
their spiritual lives.
(04:11):
Hebrews 12, verse 15.
How many have experienced thatin your life?
Well, bitterness has kind ofcome in like a flood and taken
over your relationship.
So maybe it's a friend, ormaybe it's a relative, or your
dad or your mom, and all of asudden relationships are
sideways.
Let me tell you a story, a funnystory, when I was at the
(04:36):
National Book Fair, kind ofdemoing my book, the Difference
a Father Makes.
As a matter of fact, if you'venot gotten a copy of one, it's
our free gift to you and we'llgive you a link before the end
of the show on how you can getyour own copy of the Difference
a Father Makes.
As a matter of fact, it's rightthere on the screen.
(04:57):
So I was demoing this book andI'm walking around and all of a
sudden this gal walks up to meand goes Ed McGlashan thanks a
(05:23):
hell of a lot.
And I'm like hello, do I knowyou?
And he goes.
Well, guess what?
This little book, my dad readsit.
He takes me out on a date, getsdown on one knee, pulls out a
ring to call me into womanhood.
(05:44):
I looked at my dad and I saidto him what the hell do you
think you're doing?
Can you imagine being a dadmaking a huge effort to try to
bless your daughter, that youare on the outs with thinking
that maybe this ceremony isgoing to make everything right.
And so she looks at me and shesaid—and then I looked at my dad
(06:09):
he's down in a really fancyrestaurant in Atlanta with his
ring out and I said you can'tbless me, I don't even like you.
And boy, that daughter, youknow, just grabbed him and it
kind of brings up, kind of thefirst point I wanted to share
(06:31):
with you tonight.
And that is a blessing can't betransferred to the ones we love
without forgiveness, because ifthere's any bitterness, they're
not going to receive it.
How many of you have, you know,had those moments with your
daughters or with your sons, orwith your relatives, where you
(06:55):
get this and right nowbitterness is running the world.
But guess what?
God has a cure for all that.
So how do we build this cultureof forgiveness?
Because that's really whatwe're talking about is changing
kind of the culture of yourfamily.
Well, here's a couple ofpowerful things about building a
(07:15):
culture of forgiveness.
Number one it unlocks the mercyof God for our families.
I may want more mercy.
Well, you know, the Bible saysthat wisdom that's from above
right is what Pure, peaceful,general, reasonable, full of
mercy, good fruits, unwavering,without hypocrisy.
(07:35):
James 3.17.
I don't know about you.
We're not getting a lot of thaton social media today.
We're not getting a wisdom fromabove that is pure.
Let me show that to you again.
Look at it.
It's pure, it's peaceable, it'sgentle, it's reasonable.
(07:55):
I mean things that come fromGod are full of mercy and good
fruits, unwavering, withouthypocrisy.
And yet why do you think thatthere's so much pushback in the
world?
If you disagree with, say,their choice for their you know
their gender, if they feelchallenged at all, you're
(08:17):
automatically, just, you know,pushed to the sides, right?
They try to woke you up, youknow, woke you out.
Well, I think they just need towoke up.
But you know why is it so muchbitterness?
Because you know people now,today, have taken anything they
do any place, even our youngpeople, as kind of an identity.
(08:42):
This is who I am, identity.
This is who I am, and if youdon't agree with what I believe
or what I think, then I want youout of my life.
And yet, how lonely are thesekids getting?
Young people are getting.
(09:04):
I mean even you know, men arejust, you know, filled on the
outs in so many ways.
And you know our culture isdividing and it's the devil's
plan to use bitterness.
I mean, look at the crazyelections.
I mean they're spendingbillions of dollars to
completely trash one another.
(09:24):
Well, our answer doesn't comefrom Washington, even though God
uses that for His own purposes.
That's for another podcast.
But how do you deal with this?
Well, number one you know,forgiveness unlocks God's mercy.
Here's the second part.
Forgiveness teaches us how tokeep bitterness from destroying
(09:48):
our relationship.
That's so powerful.
Let all bitterness Ephesianssays, wrath, anger, clamor,
slander be put away among withall malice.
Be kind to one another with allmalice.
Be kind to one another,forgiving, tenderhearted
(10:10):
forgiving each other, just asGod in Christ also forgave you,
boy.
Those are powerful words, andso we're going to talk about how
do you actually do that.
But you know that's whatforgiveness can do in your
family, and I know wholefamilies.
They built their whole life onbitterness.
(10:32):
I remember being in a food linegetting ready for one of the
holidays, with Thanksgiving, andI was standing there and this
person behind me came up andbumped me with their cart.
And they bumped me and I turnedaround and you just see what it
(10:57):
was.
They go oh, we're sorry.
And I looked and in their cartwere a couple gallon-sized
vodkas.
That's a lot of vodka, you know.
I guess they're gallons orgigantic.
Never bought one of those.
And with mixes and everythingelse.
And I didn't see any turkeythere, I just saw alcohol.
(11:18):
And I looked at him and I saidthirsty, thirsty.
And I looked at him and I saidthirsty.
And the woman looks at me andsays thank you, silo, I really
appreciate your comment there.
(11:38):
And the woman looks at me andsays well, that's the only way
we can have a family gathering.
Oh, so sad.
How about your familygatherings?
How good are you at forgivenessand even maybe starting the ball
rolling?
We'll talk about that as wekind of conclude this tonight.
(11:59):
But it's a powerful thing.
So, number one it unlocks themercy of God.
Number two, it teaches you howto keep bitterness from
destroying relations.
Number three, it teaches us howto—look at this—it teaches us
how to forgive each other likeGod has forgiven.
You See, that's the model offorgiveness.
(12:22):
The model of forgiveness isforgiving others as God's
forgiving, and when you learn toask for forgiveness from
someone, that's a powerful thing.
Now let me explain to you how ithappened in my family.
Now all of us are going to sayI know, forgiveness is vital.
How many would raise your handRight?
(12:45):
I love what Caesar says lack offorgiveness is the mother of
toxic emotions.
Boy, that is so true.
But so how does that start?
Well, this is the way it startedin my home.
I'm in the other room, acrossthe house, and hearing my five
kids fight in the other room andthey were doing this passive-ag
(13:07):
, passive aggressive thing wherethey're being really mean to
one another and then going justkidding you ever, you ever heard
that before.
And it just broke my heart, notbecause they were fighting,
because they were doing to oneanother what dad had done to
them.
And so I went to them and asI'm walking across, I feel like
(13:34):
God was speaking to me that I'dnever shown him how to ask for
forgiveness.
I was really good keeping therules, trying to get them to
keep the rules, and I was reallygood at pointing out when my
kids were broken how about you?
But I wasn't good at going hey,will you forgive me for this,
(14:02):
would you forgive me for?
Or asking.
And so I'm going out theregoing God, how do I do this?
Because it was kind of itwasn't foreign to me going to
God and asking for forgivenessbecause compared to Him, I'm
just so much like issues in myown life.
But I never did so.
I went up to my daughter,jessica, and I said hey, guys, I
(14:28):
need your help.
And they were expecting me tocome in and do my typical nuke
them.
You do the family nuke sessionwhere I go.
That's it, you know.
And discipline begins with alot of yelling.
And I went in and I said guys,I need your help with something.
Is there some things that Ihave done that's really hurt you
(14:56):
?
And I've never asked forforgiveness.
Boy, I'll never forget thatmoment.
It's the Spirit of God justkind of inhabited that question.
And my daughter looked at meand said really, dad and I
started crying and, one by one,my kids started to share with me
(15:20):
things that I had done thatreally hurt them over time.
That's really hurt him overtime.
And I asked for forgiveness.
And, boy, without even meaningto, I was creating a culture of
forgiveness and I mean it was apowerful thing to even this day.
(15:40):
That was something that began.
And how many times have I askedfor forgiveness since then?
Oh, a whole bunch.
Because the more you ask for it,the less bitterness has an
opportunity to really plant itsseeds in you or your wife.
(16:02):
I mean, is there a marriagethat's—how many marriages fail
because of unforgiveness, ofbitterness, where you're just
kind of like this against yourspouse and you can't live
anymore.
You're not the same person, thehurt and all battle lines and
the wall of bitterness grows andthe next thing you know you've
(16:23):
got attorneys launching shellsover top of the wall.
Or you can learn to do it God'sway, because when Jesus died on
the cross, he died foreverything that we've ever done,
paid the price of that, but healso died for every sin that's
going to be against us.
See, that's why we can forgive,not so that they never do it
(16:48):
again.
Which boy.
I wish that were true, becauseif that were true, then God
could say well, I'm notforgiving you again.
And part of learning how to askfor forgiveness is to say you've
got to not only receive it foryourself and go to God, you've
got to model that with yourchildren.
And when that happens you getthis.
(17:10):
You know, when I modeled askingfor forgiveness, something
powerful happened in my family.
And look at this verse.
But God being rich in mercybecause of His great love for us
.
That's why we ask forforgiveness and receive it, even
when we were dead in ourtrespasses or made us alive.
(17:34):
With Christ by grace, you'vebeen saved.
So God's whole plan was to saveus and give us the gift of
salvation, but it all camethrough our ability to receive
forgiveness from Him.
And so, finally, when you modelforgiveness by giving mercy
(17:56):
instead of bitterness, that'sthe most like God you can be,
and I just want to close withthis quote here.
That was, you know, when theLord kind of pointed out a place
in me years ago where I waspushing back because of this
(18:20):
person, and every time I saw him, I judged him quickly and
wanted him out of my life.
Him, I judged him quickly andwanted him out of my life.
And he asked me this questionwhen I died on the cross, ed,
did I die for them too?
Oh boy, is he sneaky?
Of course you did, lord.
(18:41):
The Lord asked another questionWas my blood enough to cover
their hurt against you?
My blood enough to cover theirhurt against you?
Yes, it was.
This question exposed a placein my heart where I had judged
(19:01):
this person, where my emotionswere in the prism of
unforgiveness and bitterness andI said of course, your blood's
enough, lord.
And it just broke something inme, because is there anything
anybody could do to you thatJesus didn't die for?
Of course not.
And so if he's already paid theprice for all that, why don't
(19:25):
we give mercy when somebodydeserves judgment?
Because we got mercy when wedeserve judgment, and so if you
got other questions, I'd lovefor you to kind of share them.
I'll post a comment right now,but I'd like to pray with you.
How many of you right now havefamily members and issues going
(19:50):
on and this is a really touchything in your family?
Well, the way forward is toforgive, and no matter who has
hurt you, you forgive them, andthe reason you do that is
(20:10):
because of what God has done toyou.
So, whether you're watchingthis from, you know ex, you know
formerly Twitter or FacebookLive or Instagram Live, or you
know all the other places thatwe have this streaming to, I
want you just to open your handsright now and I want you to
(20:35):
think in your life of thosepeople that you have been really
angry with you, avoid them.
Maybe they're your familymembers and I want you to put
them in your hands.
And the reason I say that isthat when we're not, when we've
not forgiven those people thathave hurt us, we actually carry
(20:59):
that hurt in our hands, in ourheart, all the time.
It's always with us.
And so when we see and we canfeel it, because we're looking
through the hurt and we'rewaiting for them to make it
right with us, you see, jesusdidn't wait to make it right
with Him.
He died on the cross for youbefore you were asking for it.
(21:23):
And we're never more like Himthan when we take the
forgiveness he has so freelygiven to us and we give it to
someone who absolutely doesn'tdeserve it.
Now, that is the gospel.
That's the gospel of JesusChrist.
It's a free gift for you, it'sa free gift for me.
(21:46):
And you might say, ed, it's justtoo painful for you.
It's a free gift for me.
You might say, ed, it's justtoo painful because this person
is just wicked.
Well, absolutely.
But you're not forgiving themto let them off the hook of
being responsible.
You're forgiving them so thatyou don't carry that in your
hands and guess what happens inwhat you carry in your hands, if
(22:09):
you're a dad, that bitternesstowards your father or your
uncle or your aunt.
You teach your children how tobe bitter.
You bring the culture ofbitterness into them and guess
what they're going to do as theygrow up?
They're going to be bittertowards you.
Do as they grow up, they'regoing to be bitter towards you.
(22:32):
And yet it's never too late.
Next week, when we cometogether, we're going to talk
about how to restore any childin your family or your family
members who are stuck kind of inthe trap of bitterness in their
own life.
Maybe they're families.
How do you not only forgivethem, but how do you lead the
way to open a door for them sothey can encounter Christ?
(22:54):
Because everybody who's goingsideways in their life in the
world bitterness has been abedfellow, and so we're going to
talk about that next week.
So make sure you stay tuned.
Same time, same station, butbefore we go I want to pray with
you, father.
I thank you for my friends thatare watching.
(23:16):
I pray, lord, right now.
Is that those people that arein their hands, or the things in
their hands, that they wouldall make that an offering to you
, lord, and say Lord, forgive me, Just repeat after me Lord,
forgive me for holding the hurtand the hatred and the anger to
(23:39):
these people.
And I pray, lord, all week youwould get all this stuff out of
me so that I don't teach my kidsthe same stuff.
Father, I pray you would justmove on us right now, that you
would just touch us right now.
And, father, I ask you toforgive me for withholding
(24:00):
forgiveness from these that I'vebeen so angry with, because I'm
waiting for them to change.
And so, lord, I choose toforgive them and I ask you now,
in the name of Jesus, that youwould restore my relationship.
Lord, in Jesus' name, in thename of Jesus, I pray.
(24:25):
In the name of Jesus, I prayHeal my family, lord, bring my
kids back to me.
Restore those relationshipsthat are sideways.
Let bitterness be broken onceand for all and use me, father,
to be the one who brings it.
In the name of Jesus and allGod's people said Amen.
(24:50):
Hey, if you enjoyed this, let meknow.
Make sure you join our channelif you haven't already done that
on Facebook, youtube, instagram, so we can update you on what's
going on here at the FatherDifference, and it's an honor to
be with you tonight.
It's never too late, and maybeyou'd like to get a free book or
(25:15):
get connected to what we do.
We have that as well.
As for you tonight, we havethings that we'd like to give
you as a gift.
If you go to our website atthefatherdifferencecom, that
would be—you can go there, andwe have a number of things.
We've got a free devotional.
We've got a free book download.
(25:37):
Maybe you want some privatecoaching.
That's available for you there,and we're here to serve you and
help you live out the storythat God has made you for.
Go to thefatherdifferencecom,and maybe you're in a place in
your life where you need somecoaching, and you can go to my
(26:01):
website as well, and that's whatwe do, and it'll give you the
new beginning you're looking for.
Remember, it's never too latefor God, the Father, to do a
miracle in us, our lives and inour families.
In the name of Jesus, god blessyou.
Thank you for being with metonight, and it's just an honor
(26:25):
of my life to share these thingswith you, because if God can do
it through me, there is hopefor you.
God bless you, beloved.
Have a wonderful night.
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