December 10, 2024 • 48 mins
Ed explores the challenging reality that great fatherhood doesn't come naturally but requires receiving God's love first before we can properly give it to our children.
• Fatherhood is an impossible job that we can't succeed at through willpower alone
• The hard truth is that we father out of what we receive, not what we achieve
• Children often leave the church because they experience conditional love at home
• Our children learn about forgiveness by watching how we ask for forgiveness
• The question "Help me understand how I've hurt you" can heal broken relationships
• What we model for our children will eventually be what they do with their own children
• We're never more like God than when we love our children unconditionally, especially when they fail
• The way we respond to our children's failures shapes their understanding of God
• True fatherhood means being the message, not just preaching it
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:02):
What kind of father do you want to be?
What kind of man do you want tobecome for your family and for
yourself?
If you've ever wondered how tostep into the fullness of your
role as a father, husband, andman of God, then you're in the
right place.
Here at the Father Difference,our mission is to inspire and
equip men to be the best fathersthey can be.
(00:24):
It's a powerful mission.
And today, we're going toexplore exactly how you can take
steps toward that calling.
Whether you're a father, a son,a husband, grandfather, single
dad, stepfather, or just lookingto grow, I believe God has
something powerful for you intoday's message.
(00:45):
Whether you're tuning in live orwatching this later, we are so
excited to have you here.
If this is what you're lookingfor, then subscribe so you can
tune in each week to the FatherDifference Live.
You can sign up below.
And now your host, a husband,father, grandfather, author, and
(01:05):
former NFL player, Pastor EdMcLasson.
SPEAKER_01 (01:17):
Hey, welcome.
So glad that uh you showed uphere tonight.
And uh how are how you guys uhhow how has it been since
through this holiday season?
We've gone through a lot, a lotof emotional stuff going on this
time of the year, and lots ofcoaching and lots of things that
are happening on our end here,and and also all my grandkids
(01:41):
spread around the world.
I miss them to death.
I wish they were I was with themevery day, but we got iPhones,
and so that's great.
And today, as we get ready totalk about kind of the the hard
truth about fatherhood, we'regonna I'm gonna share with you
some kind of breakthroughs inchapter eight of my book, The
(02:05):
Father You've Always Wanted.
Wrote that years ago with Baker.
Then we end up buying therights, and we have that for
you.
You can get a copy on ourwebsite that thinks they're sold
out on Amazon, but you can getone in our website or get a
digital copy online if you wantto read along.
We're going through this everyweek on Tuesdays at 5 p.m.
(02:29):
and on Thursdays for the reallythe difference a mother makes is
what we do on Thursdays at 12noon for your gals.
And we have a few guys who kindof slip in there.
And so we're gonna actually talkabout when motherhood feels like
too much.
So maybe you get a wife thatcould really use a little help
(02:54):
and a little boost, and you'renot the guy to give it to her.
Oh my goodness.
Yeah, there they're just they'rejust it's a very tricky thing to
go in and uh father, try tofather your wife, which you're
not supposed to do, to love her,or try to change her when it's
(03:15):
just obvious what she needs tochange.
And God's after what uh workingwith us.
And so today we're gonna get inand begin answering this
question out of my book.
Now, at any time during ourbroadcast, if you got a question
or something that comes up andsomething that's said, I just
(03:36):
want to encourage you to pop itin there and send me a comment.
I appreciate it.
If you're outside of Facebook,you can do it on Instagram to
me.
And maybe uh let me know whatyou expect, maybe what your
questions are, maybe what you'reyou want to learn that made you
(03:57):
want to be a part of this show.
So as we uh get ready to getinto the slides and and things
that I prepared, I want to prayright now for you.
Father, I I thank you for myfriends that are coming.
I thank you, Lord, that youwould use this time to speak to
them.
(04:18):
And that uh all through theseholidays, Lord, you would you
would make fathers great again.
You would encourage them,empower them, and show them the
incredible promise and hope theyhave in you.
And Lord, I pray that you woulduh heal their families, heal
their relationship with theirchildren, maybe they're even
(04:41):
grandpas, trying to get theirkids back.
I pray, Lord, for grandpas aswell.
I pray that you would restorechildren, that this year and
next year, the year of 2025,would be the year of your
restoration of families allacross the globe.
(05:01):
Father, I pray you would bringour kids home.
That's one of your promises thatbefore the great and coming day
of the Lord, you're gonna turnthe hearts of fathers back to
their kids.
That's what you're doing towardsus.
And then you promise, Lord, thatyou're gonna turn the hearts of
children back to their fathers.
Restore families, Lord, makethem whole again.
(05:22):
And all God's men said, Amen.
Welcome.
If you're joining me, let meknow where you're coming from.
You just a powerful prayer.
If you just tuned in, you canget it on the replay.
But let's get into what I wantedto share with you tonight.
And just about this wholesubject about fatherhood, the
(05:46):
hard truth about fatherhood.
And I'll tell you the punchlineat the end, but you'll discover
it as we walk together throughthis.
And so here's the, you know, youknow, Philip is with his
disciples.
He's been watching the way Jesusdoes his life.
(06:10):
And at one point he just hecouldn't hold it back anymore
because that there's a truthabout Jesus, and that, you know,
he did life like no other humanbeing that's ever done life in
the history of the world.
He he did life by connecting tothe Heavenly Father, the ancient
(06:34):
of days, the Revelation talksabout.
He connected and only did whathe saw his father doing.
He he spoke what he heard himsaying.
He lived this life of receivingall the time, which is a
foundational verse for us as mento learn that we can't be the
husbands and fathers if by ustrying to will it.
(06:57):
We can be the husbands andfathers that God's called us to
be, the more we receive fromhim.
And that's such a powerfulthing.
We're going to talk about evensome of those mechanisms today
and how you receive and how youdo that.
But uh he talk he goes toPhilip, and you know, and Philip
sees Jesus and he he just can'tquite figure out what's going
(07:19):
on.
And he says, Lord, show us thefather, and that will be enough
for us.
Jesus' response to him in thatmoment is basically, Philip,
you've been with me so long.
How do you say show us thefather?
If you've seen me, you've seenmy father.
(07:42):
Jesus was the absolute, youknow.
We have somebody with themicrophone on.
There we go.
And that was my faithfulassistant who's in the
background.
But what Jesus was saying thereis that if you've seen me,
(08:03):
you've seen my dad.
Matter of fact, isn't that whatyou would want somebody to tell
you about your own son ordaughter?
Like I just got with my dad, andI mean, I just, you know, you
know, somebody I and this hashappened to me a number of
(08:25):
times.
It's such a powerful time, wherethey come to me and say, you
know, I just met your son.
And he's so much like you.
You've been a really good dad.
Isn't that what you want tohear, guy?
Not only hear it from ourchildren, but you know, you've
made such a significantdifference is those good things
(08:48):
that you carry, those goodthings that you learn are passed
on to your sons, to yourdaughters.
And it's even the what happenswhen you're a gal and you learn
to receive that blessing andlearn to receive more of God's
blessing in your own life as amom, you have things to deposit
(09:09):
into your children.
Because ultimately, no matterhow good or bad you are as a dad
or a mom, the truth is that Godwants to be the father too of
your children.
And when he becomes the father,too, it takes him up to a whole
new level.
That's that's what's happened uhwith my own children as I began
(09:33):
to learn this.
But when Philip said, you know,show us the father, that'll be
enough for us.
What's Philip?
He's he's looking and he'swatching how Jesus does his
life.
And it's so extraordinary.
And then you've seen him in allthese different scenarios.
(09:54):
He's now with his disciples, andhis response is if you've seen
me, you've you've seen my dad.
Such a powerful thing.
And you know, C.S.
Lewis, the the famous writerwho, you know, chronicles of
Narnia and so many books, andsuch an incredible writer, he
talks about his own encounterwith God in his life.
(10:17):
And he writes, you know, youknow, he was an atheist and and
ends up in the such a brilliantmind, ends up having this
encounter with God.
He says, You must picture mealone in a room in Magdalena,
night uh after night feelingwhenever my mind lifted, even
for a second, from my work, thesteady, I love this line, the
(10:42):
steady, unrelenting approach ofhim who I so earnestly desired
not to meet.
Gosh, what a great sense.
You know, he was he wasn'tlooking for God, but God was
looking for him.
That which I greatly feared hadat last come upon me.
(11:07):
He felt like, you know, so forsomeone to lean into God, it
meant that they were weak intheir life.
And so, as you know, a man withuh an incredible resume of
education and in early writings,and the pride of you wanting to
(11:27):
do your life where you don'treally need God because you
God's kind of for like weakpeople, not for me.
I have it together.
Famous last words.
And let's see.
He he wrote that that which Ifeared had last come upon me, I
(11:49):
gave in and admitted that Godwas God.
Why is that so significant?
Because when you're an atheist,you actually are no less
religious than somebody who'sfollowing Jesus or whatever
religion you have.
But what I you you become yourown God.
You become the rulemaker and thepunisher, everything.
(12:13):
And C.
S.
Lewitt admitted that God wasGod, and I knelt and I prayed.
Perhaps that night, I love thisline, the most dejected and
reluctant convert of all time.
And why was he the mostdejected?
And because he uh he he couldn'tprove himself that he was worthy
(12:34):
enough.
See, what one of the things thatthat keeps us from receiving
from God is not that he wants tobless us, and we have some
somehow we don't really kind of,you know, he doesn't want to
bless us until we get to acertain place.
(13:05):
And anytime you're approachingGod that way, as though you're
giving him and you're addinginto the to his kingdom your
proudness, right?
I, you know, in the early daysof you know meeting Christ, I
thought it was like really acool thing for God to have a you
(13:26):
know a football player getsaved.
And I was leading a lot ofpeople to Christ, and I thought
that the favor on my life that Igot was because I was so
faithful in leading people toChrist.
And so, you know, that reallyimpressed him.
Oh man, I was so crazy, I was sodeluded.
(13:49):
What actually impresses him iswhen we humble ourselves and
admit that we're weak, so thathe can fill us with his power,
so then we we are more thanhumanly impressive.
We're eternally impressive inChrist, because it's the glory
(14:11):
of Christ in us that makes usthe men that we need to be, and
the wives, if you're married,that you need to be, or the or
the women, the gals that arewatching.
And it's all about you lettinggo of your own personal need to
(14:34):
have it together so God willbless you.
He resists the proud, but givesgrace to the humble.
The most proud in the world areusually two classes of people
are the hyper-religious, towhere they think what they do
gets God's attention andtherefore God blesses them.
(14:59):
The only problem with that isthey live this life that's
unlivable and not sustainablebecause you're not perfect and
you sin.
And the other group of peopleare those who think they're
smarter than God.
And C.
S.
Lewis was one of those guys whothought he was smarter than God
in his own words.
You know, he the, you know, hewrites, and he and he fit me
(15:23):
read the end of this.
I just love it so much.
This uh slide before he he says,you know, he says, that which I
greatly feared has at last comeupon me.
Oh my goodness.
I I mean, if you were liketotally honest right now in this
moment, how many how many of youwere incredibly grateful for
(15:51):
what God did and at the sametime extremely disappointed in
yourself?
That's what that means.
For you not being able to figurethis out.
It's one of the it's one of thehardest, it's one of the not the
hardest, but it's it's one ofthe sticking places for us as
(16:13):
men is that we are we're notquite quite like girls are,
we're not very good receivers atall.
We basically want we want to beable to take credit for what we
do and achieve and accomplish.
And so in business, you workhard, you've got a good plan,
(16:33):
and you know, those thingshappen, you've feel the sense of
you know partnership with God.
That's an awesome, awesomefeeling.
But even in the midst of that, Imean, what gifts do you have in
business that God didn't giveyou?
If he gave you a gift, then youneed his power to use that gift.
(16:55):
It's the same with being afather.
And part of the hard truth aboutfatherhood is that you can't be
a great father just because youwill it.
You can't be a great wife if tothe gals are watching because
you just will it.
We because at the core of who weare, we're selfish and we're we
(17:16):
went our own way, we want to beseen.
And when we're not seen, wedon't feel great about who we
are, or we think that people areseeing us in a in a in a weird
way.
So everything's about image.
And you know, C.S.
Lewis, you know, he writes thenthat I gave in an admitted that
he was God.
(17:37):
I mean, that is the that's whatthe revelation of Jesus is when
he comes.
That you finally say, forgive mefor my sin.
I I'm admitting that I can'tcover my sin.
He knelt and prayed, the mostdejected of all converts.
And I said to you earlier, youknow, how many kind of lived in
(17:58):
that place?
You're dejected because, andreluctant because you couldn't
take credit.
And then C.S.
Lewis writes, the prodigal sonat least walked home on his own
feet.
So now he's even comparinghimself to the prodigal son that
he wasn't even going towardsGod, but God was pursuing him.
(18:21):
But who can duly adore that lovewhich will open the high gates
to a prodigal who's brought inkicking and struggling,
resentful and darting his eyesin every direction for a champ
of escape?
Oh, I love how honest he is.
(18:42):
And if you think about your ownstory with Jesus, I mean, some
of you were, you felt like youwere dragged into this thing.
God captured you.
And you didn't just, you know,maybe in the beginning, how many
times did you say no to himbefore you said yes to Christ?
And then C.S.
(19:02):
Lewis writes, the hardness ofGod is softer than the softness
of men, and his compulsion isour liberation.
That's what God wants for you.
That's what God wants for me.
He wants us to be free.
So, how do we kind of get inthis place?
And and want to share a littleuh story with you, you know, and
(19:29):
and kind of set it up withsomething I wrote in this my
book, The Father Foot Wanted.
To understand God's pursuit ofus is to understand what his
love is all about.
God is a relentless lover.
I just love that line.
His choice in loving us was notbecause of the value that we
(19:49):
could add to God's great missionon earth.
Let that sink in for you.
No, he chose us in order to loveus for eternity.
And in a real way, he chose usso that we would receive it, so
(20:11):
that we could realize and knowhis love for eternity.
And he chose us before we wereeven aware of him.
So you didn't, you know, manyyears ago they had that bumper
sticker, I found God.
No, no, basically, he found you,and then you discovered how he
(20:31):
was looking in your direction,and it changed your heart.
You go so I write on, see, we wehumans can understand loving a
person who adds value.
And so you have best friends,and where are they best friends?
Well, they're best friendsbecause they're you know,
they're reciprocal.
(20:51):
And so, you know, my bestfriends love me back, and yet,
and and I choose them in my lifebecause they add value to me.
But Christ chose us so he canmake have value with us.
See, we often, you know, ohmisspelled word there, didn't
(21:14):
copy over love for the benefitsand the perks of somebody.
You know, buyer's remorsehappens, you know, a lot of time
in marriage.
After a few years, you go, Whydidn't you sign up for this?
And it was all it always, youknow, kind of around, you know,
(21:35):
that there's hurt and myhusband's been hurting me, and
or my wife isn't what Iexpected.
She's changed.
Of course, she's changed, she'solder and different.
But it it really uncovers thatyou got married for a benefit
(21:58):
that you would get in yourmarriage.
I mean, one of the secrets ofmarrying a woman marrying a gal
and loving her for a lifetime,guys, is choosing to love her
whether she loves you back ornot.
Well, that's just not fair.
Well, that's what God did withyou and me.
(22:22):
He chose you and he chose me.
For God so loved the world, hegave his only son.
The Father chose to love us, andhe never stops loving us, he
never stops pursuing us.
And somehow, when you canconnect that with the woman you
live with, there's a sacrificiallove that'll flow out of your
(22:47):
heart that's just is exactlywhat your wife wants.
And yet we fight for our rights,we we fight to stay out of
trouble.
We we don't like it when shepoints out if we're broken.
(23:09):
Yet God's made a better way, andso it is something entirely
different, however, to lovesomeone you who can't add value
in your life, that's godly love,the love that gives the beloved
value.
That's what the father's love islike for you and for me.
(23:29):
And when you begin to understandthat you've been called to a
pretty impossible job as a dad,part of the hard truth of being
a father is that you're not bornto be a great dad, you're born,
(23:50):
we're all born the same way.
We're all born in the sin, andwe're born selfish, and we went
our own way, and we're alwayskind of parlaying and and kind
of drawing things in uh for ourbenefit.
But when we learn to love ourchildren for their sake and not
(24:10):
for our reputation as fathers orfor the mom's watching,
something powerful happens inthat relationship with that son
or daughter.
I cannot tell you how manybecause I I I probably should
have counted better, but uhthere there were too many really
(24:32):
to count of young people thatI've coached and counseled with
who left the church becausetheir father's affection was
when they were winning and doingwhat they're supposed to do,
they felt God their dad'saffection towards them.
(24:55):
But when they were broken andthey didn't live up to whatever
the standard was, they felt hisrepulsion.
You know, it sometimes it wouldlast for days.
And I've even had you knowpeople I've coached that whose
mothers wouldn't forgive themfor a week or two until they
(25:17):
prove that they were completelyrepentant and never do it again.
Well, imagine if we live thatway uh with God and Jesus didn't
show us any love until werepented and did everything just
right.
(25:38):
I just moved from from teachingto preaching, huh?
Yeah, I mean think about that.
Think about how you deal withyour children when they blow it.
And I would just uh encourageyou that one of those unexpected
powerful moments you have as adad or a mom is when you when
(26:04):
you pursue your children whenthey've just blown it just as
much, or maybe even more, thanwhen they're scoring a touchdown
and you're in the stance.
I'll give you for instance.
I remember um I mean years agowhen my kids were littler, my
(26:24):
son did something that one of mysons did something that I was
just really angry about.
And you know, I was probablymore angry than I should have
been because it's it's sort of,you know, I I had this early
fathering style of, you know,really trying to manipulate them
(26:46):
to doing it the McLassan way.
Like I'm supposed to build thislegacy of righteousness, right?
And and then all my kids aregonna do it right, and they're
pastors' kids and everything.
And boy, is that just a slipperyslope and completely broken?
I'm confessing right now to you.
(27:08):
So I was just really broken as adad.
And uh my kids, you know, Icould see them kind of pushing
back, not wanting to go tochurch, and they didn't want to
hear any more about it.
But it wasn't so much thepreaching on Sunday and the
service and the worship that theyoung people run away from.
(27:31):
It's this feeling like no matterif I'm perfect, they're keeping
the rules.
If I break one of my dad'srules, or maybe mom's.
And and I mean, I I that's whyyoung people they don't want to
(27:52):
go and sit in a pew and listento a guy who's preaching at them
that they're wrong and they'rebroken, just like they've
received it for the last week athome.
And so I was, you know, I wasthinking about this.
The Lord was reminding me thatuh that I needed to change.
(28:13):
You know, the hard truth to meis that I was I was fathering my
children out of my ownperformance.
Or let's let me make it a littlebit more accurate.
I was fathering my children outof what I wanted the performance
of our children to be.
And he revealed to me that, youknow, you know, this incredible
(28:38):
verse we're gonna read in a fewminutes, when well, now it's no
use of him, Romans 5.8.
Christ died for me.
He died for all of us.
He put his love on the line andhe died for us when we were of
no use to him.
I mean, that that moment hit meso hard as a dad.
(28:59):
I realized that I was pushing mychildren away from the church
instead of drawing them tofollow me in this incredible
life that Christ gives us.
And so I had to, I mean, thehard truth for me is I had to
learn how to be a father.
(29:19):
I didn't, it's not aboutperformance.
It was so much more than that.
And so now I'll tell you what Iwas about to tell you.
It's kind of a long directionhere, but my um where I ended up
the Lord showed me just, youknow, it says that the it's the
(29:41):
goodness of God that leads us torepentance in Romans.
It was his goodness and hiskindness towards us when we're
broken, when we're shattered.
And and so God he gave me thisidea of why don't you celebrate
your son?
Because he's a son, not becausehe did it right.
(30:07):
And so he wanted, he'd beenbegging me for months for
something, and I ended up goingto the store and buying it.
And he was in his room, and Ijust I kind of laid in to him,
you know, about the things hewas doing, and and uh how I
(30:28):
needed to change.
And and he, you know, we prayedand he asked for forgiveness,
and I realized that I just wasjust just entirely way too hard
on him and way harder on himthan God is on me when I'm
broken.
And I walked in with this bag,you know, and he goes, What's
(30:50):
this?
He says, This is a token of howmuch I love you.
And I gave it to him.
And he opened it up as what he'sbeen asking for, and it was
expensive.
And he said, I don't deservethis.
And I go, No, you don't.
We don't deserve God's mercyeither.
(31:13):
But he sent his son on the crossto die for us so that he could
fill us with his gifts.
And I'm giving this to youbecause not that you're perfect
or that you aren't.
I'm giving this to you becauseyou're my son, and I love you.
And I I want you to help me be abetter dad.
(31:34):
I'm just I'm flawed, and I'mvery, you know, I'm an athlete
or retired athlete, and I'm youdoing everything to push and
drive you.
But I need your help to help mebe the dad I need to be, so that
you can be the man one day, thehusband, the father, and
(31:55):
eventually a grandfather foryour family and your children.
And I never never forget hisresponse.
He just he wept.
And he was confused andoverjoyed, much like what C.S.
Lewis wrote about, and he justjumped off his bed and came and
(32:17):
hugged me.
And three just embraced and anduh he opened his package.
See, we're we're never more likeGod than when we're when we
(32:37):
father our children and lovethem, or mother, if you're a
gal, the way God the Father hasfathered you.
And so I'm gonna tie thistogether.
This kind of my last point.
Because I think I think you getwhat I'm what I'm talking about
tonight.
(32:58):
And so where are some places inyour life right now?
Maybe it's it's in your ownstory.
And I want to ask you thisquestion, how good are you at
receiving all that you need fromGod and letting go of your need
(33:28):
for to doing it your way?
Think about those those places,even guys, where your wife has
asked you to do certain thingsand you fight her.
Where's that come from?
Well, it c it comes right out ofour pride.
(33:49):
We want to kind of be theinitiators and the heroes of
interaction.
There's there's no real heromoment when your wife rolls over
at 12 o'clock at night and goes,Did you get the garbage cans
out?
Oh man, I've missed so many ofthose moments.
(34:13):
Well, I forgot, I get distractedand thinking, you expect me to
get up and go out there and takethose garbage cans out?
And sometimes I just I get upreluctantly, you know, in my PJs
and find my slippers and go outthere and and and do it.
(34:39):
And her response is always thesame.
Thank you.
The next morning she'll thankyou for loving me last night.
And I'm I'm thinking, love isn'tabout nice dinners, flowers,
valentine's hugs, all thatstuff.
(35:00):
Well, it's it's about at everyevery place in us to lay our
life down.
Because Jesus laid it down forus.
That's the the caveat of whathappens.
And so in this first part ofthis chapter, about really the
(35:21):
hard truth about fatherhood isthat we don't get to take credit
for it when we havebreakthrough.
That's the kind of fatherhoodyou want.
You want to be able to love yoursons and your daughters the way
God has really called you to doit in when it's impossible.
And here's just a couple of justlittle coaching things just to
(35:43):
think about.
Probably already thought aboutit.
But if you have a daughter orson that's sideways with you,
the least useful thing you cando is send them a verse about
why bitterness will destroytheir lives.
(36:10):
Oh it just doesn't work.
But I tell you what, it doeswork, and it's happened to me.
I used to do those uh it's kindof like Vince Lombardi football
conversations with my my kidswhen they were acting up, and
then I discovered that a sermonlived in front of them is way
(36:34):
more than when you preach.
And so you want a sermon theynever forget that they celebrate
you in when you blow it and yousense it, or you sense this from
(36:55):
your children, or they're nottalking to you, or they're
distant and they're in anotherstate, or they're using their
grandchildren against you,keeping them away from you,
which is happening way too much.
And we all know that bitternessis the root and the fruit of
(37:17):
broken families.
But what would happen if youtook Jesus attack, and this is
what the Lord showed me, is thatmy children learn about asking
for forgiveness from the waythat I asked them for
(37:37):
forgiveness.
Oh man, but my my son is waymore wrong than I am.
I I know, but you gotta build abridge, and somebody's got to
build that bridge so that yourrelationship can withstand
(37:59):
crossing back and forth with oneanother.
And when you and here was thequestion that began the healing
of bitterness in my family, andhere it is help me understand
how I've hurt you so that I canask for forgiveness.
(38:23):
Because, son, I can tell you, Ican see you're doing this to me.
And the hard truth aboutfatherhood is that one of the
things God calls you and I to dois not to preach the message to
them, but to be the message, andso we model what we want them to
(38:46):
do.
We we stay away from at allcosts things where that we're
taking credit.
And I gotta tell you, when Ifirst started doing this to my
children, it was humbling forme.
Because if I were just tomeasure out what they did and I
did, they were way more wrongthan me.
(39:10):
It's the same way in a marriage,you know.
I, you know, I just when when Icoach couples, I just I say to
them, well, let the biggerperson go first, you know, the
most spiritual one go first.
You're waiting on your spouse todo it right.
Once you own your side and prayand wait and stand and love and
(39:32):
forgive, because that'spowerful.
And so maybe, maybe somebodythat you're married to grew up
in a family where no one saidthat they were asked for
forgiveness.
They might have said, I'm sorry,or they didn't speak.
(39:53):
What would happen in your familyif you begin the one to lay this
beautiful foundation of humilityby asking for forgiveness?
Because what that'll do is itwill create a way for them.
Now, hear me when I say this,because I've seen it and it's
(40:16):
true.
But they will do that with yourgrandkids one day.
So when I'm teaching my my myadult children things, I'm
teaching them things that I amembodying the best I can, but
(40:36):
that I want to see in mygrandchildren too.
And that's powerful.
That's all I gotta say.
Any prayer requests, pleaseshoot them to me.
I love all your your comments.
So grateful that you're hereevery week.
If the if this has blessed you,you know, I'm gonna don't leave
(40:58):
yet.
We're we're getting ready to go.
But and this has blessed youevery week, and you're you're in
a position where you'd like tosew into our ministry and give
to us.
We I just would be honored uhfor you to consider giving an
entity or gift.
(41:18):
Where, you know, we're we'reright now building out this
vision of of what I call theFatherhood Academy, and to
really help empower men to bethe champions, spiritual
champions and fathers theirfamily needs.
And we have online courses,books, material, one-on-one
(41:41):
coaching.
We do a lot.
And to be able to sustain thisand grow this, I'm looking for
people who would say, you know,I want to support you, Ed.
You've been ministering to me,you've been helping me with my
family.
I want to multiply and pay itforward.
To be a monthly partner, you cango there.
Or you might be in a place tosew a big gift.
(42:04):
We we need some big gifts tobuild out this fatherhood
academy.
And I'm so grateful that you'rehere.
Would even consider this.
Pray about it, ask the Lord whatto do.
Go to our website, thefatherdifference.com slash
donate, and send us something,encouragement, or at minimum,
(42:25):
send us her prayer requests sowe can pray that God would uh do
that.
If that's something that you'reinterested in doing, you have a
couple of weeks and before theend of the year, and we would
be, I would be blessed.
All that to say, thank you forhanging with me.
We're growing slowly on ourchannels.
(42:46):
We're on we're on Rumble,Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, all
over the place.
And so grateful for you that arehere uh with us every week and
on Thursdays with the gals at 12noon.
And would love your comments,uh, any kind of things of what
what does this show, this timetogether with me mean to you,
(43:11):
and how has it helped you?
And uh before you get off, youknow, send me an email, a
testimonial.
You can send me an email toadtandy at blessing of the
father.com, and let me know howin anything that we do in our
ministry, it's helped you.
And uh how's this specifically,and uh and maybe even if there's
(43:37):
things that you go, you know,this this I really want this
answered.
And the other thing with thisthis email is I love your
questions, your comments.
I read them all, and I would behonored if you were to share
with me things that you want tolearn about.
Anything at all.
I'm I'm in your corner.
(43:57):
I feel like God's put me in thisplace after years of traveling
the world.
Now we're building somethingonline to the academy, the
fatherhood academy that willreach all the nations of where
all the books are beingdownloaded and read.
And you want to be a part ofthat, uh, help me do it.
(44:19):
I need your help.
I need your maybe you can openup a door for us in your church
next year to come and bring ourteam and to do an event for your
whole church and community.
It'd be awesome.
One of my favorite things to doin the whole world.
All that to say, I'm gonna prayfor you.
And uh drop, I don't see anyprayer requests here.
(44:41):
There's a chat here, even aprivate chat that's available.
You can send me or send me anemail, something that you uh
need prayer for, but let me praybefore we go.
Father, I um I just thank youfor my friends that have joined
me online today.
(45:02):
And this whole understanding ofthe hard truth about fatherhood,
and it you could say it's a hardtruth about motherhood as well,
is that we've got to receiveeverything we can possibly
receive so that we can be thefathers, the husbands, the moms,
the wives, the grandfathers, thegrandmothers that you've made us
(45:26):
to be.
And specifically, Lord, I prayfor the families that are
watching and being represented.
I pray for a miracle, Lord.
Some of your children aresideways with you.
And I pray that those keys Italked about today, you would
(45:48):
practice those.
They work, they heal my family.
But Lord, I pray you'd be withthem and speak to them and use
them and and raise them up andequip them.
And I pray for those guys thatare single now, and maybe
they're they're single again,and they're dealing with uh
(46:09):
connecting with their childrenthat they're separated from.
Father, give them grace and showthem ways to connect in and be
that father to their children inthe name of Jesus.
I pray for blessing, Lord, forall my friends.
And only that, I pray forhealing in families, healing in
lives.
(46:30):
And Lord, I pray that you wouldheal them in their spirits too.
As uh the holidays for some isjust really depressing and
really hard.
And I pray that because of theloss of people that you're not
going to have over to your houseand relationships being
strained, bring healing, Father,to your family.
(46:53):
Before the end of this year,Lord, do miracles that they
would tell every one of theirfriends about.
I pray for them physically forthose that are suffering at
home, isolated.
I pray for those that aredepressed.
And I ask you, Lord Jesus, toheal their minds in the way they
think about you and the way theythink about themselves.
(47:17):
I give you all these things,Lord.
I'm so grateful to be here.
And all of us pray in thematchless name of Jesus Christ.
Do these things, Lord.
And all gets people said, Amen.
Amen.
Leave comments.
I love your comments, yourquestions.
Uh, you get Facebook, Instagram,you know, just my YouTube
(47:44):
channel.
We're trying to grow all these,you know, at the same time,
depending on your platform, anduh would love to hear from you.
Thank you ahead of time forthose of you who are going to
give to us and pray about it andsow into our ministry, and uh
you'll be changing lives andfamilies.
(48:04):
All that to say, the Fatherloves you, my friend.
He gave sent his son to let youknow, so you could have a new
beginning and give him all thecredit.
In Jesus' name, all God's peoplesaid, Amen.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for tonight.
I'm encouraged uh uh to have somany showing up.
(48:28):
And all God's people said, Amen.
God bless you.
See you next week.
What kind of father do you want to be?
What kind of man do you want tobecome for your family and for
yourself?
If you've ever wondered how tostep into the fullness of your
role as a father, husband, andman of God, then you're in the
right place.
Here at the Father Difference,our mission is to inspire and
equip men to be the best fathersthey can be.
(00:24):
It's a powerful mission.
And today, we're going toexplore exactly how you can take
steps toward that calling.
Whether you're a father, a son,a husband, grandfather, single
dad, stepfather, or just lookingto grow, I believe God has
something powerful for you intoday's message.
(00:45):
Whether you're tuning in live orwatching this later, we are so
excited to have you here.
If this is what you're lookingfor, then subscribe so you can
tune in each week to the FatherDifference Live.
You can sign up below.
And now your host, a husband,father, grandfather, author, and
(01:05):
former NFL player, Pastor EdMcLasson.
SPEAKER_01 (01:17):
Hey, welcome.
So glad that uh you showed uphere tonight.
And uh how are how you guys uhhow how has it been since
through this holiday season?
We've gone through a lot, a lotof emotional stuff going on this
time of the year, and lots ofcoaching and lots of things that
are happening on our end here,and and also all my grandkids
(01:41):
spread around the world.
I miss them to death.
I wish they were I was with themevery day, but we got iPhones,
and so that's great.
And today, as we get ready totalk about kind of the the hard
truth about fatherhood, we'regonna I'm gonna share with you
some kind of breakthroughs inchapter eight of my book, The
(02:05):
Father You've Always Wanted.
Wrote that years ago with Baker.
Then we end up buying therights, and we have that for
you.
You can get a copy on ourwebsite that thinks they're sold
out on Amazon, but you can getone in our website or get a
digital copy online if you wantto read along.
We're going through this everyweek on Tuesdays at 5 p.m.
(02:29):
and on Thursdays for the reallythe difference a mother makes is
what we do on Thursdays at 12noon for your gals.
And we have a few guys who kindof slip in there.
And so we're gonna actually talkabout when motherhood feels like
too much.
So maybe you get a wife thatcould really use a little help
(02:54):
and a little boost, and you'renot the guy to give it to her.
Oh my goodness.
Yeah, there they're just they'rejust it's a very tricky thing to
go in and uh father, try tofather your wife, which you're
not supposed to do, to love her,or try to change her when it's
(03:15):
just obvious what she needs tochange.
And God's after what uh workingwith us.
And so today we're gonna get inand begin answering this
question out of my book.
Now, at any time during ourbroadcast, if you got a question
or something that comes up andsomething that's said, I just
(03:36):
want to encourage you to pop itin there and send me a comment.
I appreciate it.
If you're outside of Facebook,you can do it on Instagram to
me.
And maybe uh let me know whatyou expect, maybe what your
questions are, maybe what you'reyou want to learn that made you
(03:57):
want to be a part of this show.
So as we uh get ready to getinto the slides and and things
that I prepared, I want to prayright now for you.
Father, I I thank you for myfriends that are coming.
I thank you, Lord, that youwould use this time to speak to
them.
(04:18):
And that uh all through theseholidays, Lord, you would you
would make fathers great again.
You would encourage them,empower them, and show them the
incredible promise and hope theyhave in you.
And Lord, I pray that you woulduh heal their families, heal
their relationship with theirchildren, maybe they're even
(04:41):
grandpas, trying to get theirkids back.
I pray, Lord, for grandpas aswell.
I pray that you would restorechildren, that this year and
next year, the year of 2025,would be the year of your
restoration of families allacross the globe.
(05:01):
Father, I pray you would bringour kids home.
That's one of your promises thatbefore the great and coming day
of the Lord, you're gonna turnthe hearts of fathers back to
their kids.
That's what you're doing towardsus.
And then you promise, Lord, thatyou're gonna turn the hearts of
children back to their fathers.
Restore families, Lord, makethem whole again.
(05:22):
And all God's men said, Amen.
Welcome.
If you're joining me, let meknow where you're coming from.
You just a powerful prayer.
If you just tuned in, you canget it on the replay.
But let's get into what I wantedto share with you tonight.
And just about this wholesubject about fatherhood, the
(05:46):
hard truth about fatherhood.
And I'll tell you the punchlineat the end, but you'll discover
it as we walk together throughthis.
And so here's the, you know, youknow, Philip is with his
disciples.
He's been watching the way Jesusdoes his life.
(06:10):
And at one point he just hecouldn't hold it back anymore
because that there's a truthabout Jesus, and that, you know,
he did life like no other humanbeing that's ever done life in
the history of the world.
He he did life by connecting tothe Heavenly Father, the ancient
(06:34):
of days, the Revelation talksabout.
He connected and only did whathe saw his father doing.
He he spoke what he heard himsaying.
He lived this life of receivingall the time, which is a
foundational verse for us as mento learn that we can't be the
husbands and fathers if by ustrying to will it.
(06:57):
We can be the husbands andfathers that God's called us to
be, the more we receive fromhim.
And that's such a powerfulthing.
We're going to talk about evensome of those mechanisms today
and how you receive and how youdo that.
But uh he talk he goes toPhilip, and you know, and Philip
sees Jesus and he he just can'tquite figure out what's going
(07:19):
on.
And he says, Lord, show us thefather, and that will be enough
for us.
Jesus' response to him in thatmoment is basically, Philip,
you've been with me so long.
How do you say show us thefather?
If you've seen me, you've seenmy father.
(07:42):
Jesus was the absolute, youknow.
We have somebody with themicrophone on.
There we go.
And that was my faithfulassistant who's in the
background.
But what Jesus was saying thereis that if you've seen me,
(08:03):
you've seen my dad.
Matter of fact, isn't that whatyou would want somebody to tell
you about your own son ordaughter?
Like I just got with my dad, andI mean, I just, you know, you
know, somebody I and this hashappened to me a number of
(08:25):
times.
It's such a powerful time, wherethey come to me and say, you
know, I just met your son.
And he's so much like you.
You've been a really good dad.
Isn't that what you want tohear, guy?
Not only hear it from ourchildren, but you know, you've
made such a significantdifference is those good things
(08:48):
that you carry, those goodthings that you learn are passed
on to your sons, to yourdaughters.
And it's even the what happenswhen you're a gal and you learn
to receive that blessing andlearn to receive more of God's
blessing in your own life as amom, you have things to deposit
(09:09):
into your children.
Because ultimately, no matterhow good or bad you are as a dad
or a mom, the truth is that Godwants to be the father too of
your children.
And when he becomes the father,too, it takes him up to a whole
new level.
That's that's what's happened uhwith my own children as I began
(09:33):
to learn this.
But when Philip said, you know,show us the father, that'll be
enough for us.
What's Philip?
He's he's looking and he'swatching how Jesus does his
life.
And it's so extraordinary.
And then you've seen him in allthese different scenarios.
(09:54):
He's now with his disciples, andhis response is if you've seen
me, you've you've seen my dad.
Such a powerful thing.
And you know, C.S.
Lewis, the the famous writerwho, you know, chronicles of
Narnia and so many books, andsuch an incredible writer, he
talks about his own encounterwith God in his life.
(10:17):
And he writes, you know, youknow, he was an atheist and and
ends up in the such a brilliantmind, ends up having this
encounter with God.
He says, You must picture mealone in a room in Magdalena,
night uh after night feelingwhenever my mind lifted, even
for a second, from my work, thesteady, I love this line, the
(10:42):
steady, unrelenting approach ofhim who I so earnestly desired
not to meet.
Gosh, what a great sense.
You know, he was he wasn'tlooking for God, but God was
looking for him.
That which I greatly feared hadat last come upon me.
(11:07):
He felt like, you know, so forsomeone to lean into God, it
meant that they were weak intheir life.
And so, as you know, a man withuh an incredible resume of
education and in early writings,and the pride of you wanting to
(11:27):
do your life where you don'treally need God because you
God's kind of for like weakpeople, not for me.
I have it together.
Famous last words.
And let's see.
He he wrote that that which Ifeared had last come upon me, I
(11:49):
gave in and admitted that Godwas God.
Why is that so significant?
Because when you're an atheist,you actually are no less
religious than somebody who'sfollowing Jesus or whatever
religion you have.
But what I you you become yourown God.
You become the rulemaker and thepunisher, everything.
(12:13):
And C.
S.
Lewitt admitted that God wasGod, and I knelt and I prayed.
Perhaps that night, I love thisline, the most dejected and
reluctant convert of all time.
And why was he the mostdejected?
And because he uh he he couldn'tprove himself that he was worthy
(12:34):
enough.
See, what one of the things thatthat keeps us from receiving
from God is not that he wants tobless us, and we have some
somehow we don't really kind of,you know, he doesn't want to
bless us until we get to acertain place.
(13:05):
And anytime you're approachingGod that way, as though you're
giving him and you're addinginto the to his kingdom your
proudness, right?
I, you know, in the early daysof you know meeting Christ, I
thought it was like really acool thing for God to have a you
(13:26):
know a football player getsaved.
And I was leading a lot ofpeople to Christ, and I thought
that the favor on my life that Igot was because I was so
faithful in leading people toChrist.
And so, you know, that reallyimpressed him.
Oh man, I was so crazy, I was sodeluded.
(13:49):
What actually impresses him iswhen we humble ourselves and
admit that we're weak, so thathe can fill us with his power,
so then we we are more thanhumanly impressive.
We're eternally impressive inChrist, because it's the glory
(14:11):
of Christ in us that makes usthe men that we need to be, and
the wives, if you're married,that you need to be, or the or
the women, the gals that arewatching.
And it's all about you lettinggo of your own personal need to
(14:34):
have it together so God willbless you.
He resists the proud, but givesgrace to the humble.
The most proud in the world areusually two classes of people
are the hyper-religious, towhere they think what they do
gets God's attention andtherefore God blesses them.
(14:59):
The only problem with that isthey live this life that's
unlivable and not sustainablebecause you're not perfect and
you sin.
And the other group of peopleare those who think they're
smarter than God.
And C.
S.
Lewis was one of those guys whothought he was smarter than God
in his own words.
You know, he the, you know, hewrites, and he and he fit me
(15:23):
read the end of this.
I just love it so much.
This uh slide before he he says,you know, he says, that which I
greatly feared has at last comeupon me.
Oh my goodness.
I I mean, if you were liketotally honest right now in this
moment, how many how many of youwere incredibly grateful for
(15:51):
what God did and at the sametime extremely disappointed in
yourself?
That's what that means.
For you not being able to figurethis out.
It's one of the it's one of thehardest, it's one of the not the
hardest, but it's it's one ofthe sticking places for us as
(16:13):
men is that we are we're notquite quite like girls are,
we're not very good receivers atall.
We basically want we want to beable to take credit for what we
do and achieve and accomplish.
And so in business, you workhard, you've got a good plan,
(16:33):
and you know, those thingshappen, you've feel the sense of
you know partnership with God.
That's an awesome, awesomefeeling.
But even in the midst of that, Imean, what gifts do you have in
business that God didn't giveyou?
If he gave you a gift, then youneed his power to use that gift.
(16:55):
It's the same with being afather.
And part of the hard truth aboutfatherhood is that you can't be
a great father just because youwill it.
You can't be a great wife if tothe gals are watching because
you just will it.
We because at the core of who weare, we're selfish and we're we
(17:16):
went our own way, we want to beseen.
And when we're not seen, wedon't feel great about who we
are, or we think that people areseeing us in a in a in a weird
way.
So everything's about image.
And you know, C.S.
Lewis, you know, he writes thenthat I gave in an admitted that
he was God.
(17:37):
I mean, that is the that's whatthe revelation of Jesus is when
he comes.
That you finally say, forgive mefor my sin.
I I'm admitting that I can'tcover my sin.
He knelt and prayed, the mostdejected of all converts.
And I said to you earlier, youknow, how many kind of lived in
(17:58):
that place?
You're dejected because, andreluctant because you couldn't
take credit.
And then C.S.
Lewis writes, the prodigal sonat least walked home on his own
feet.
So now he's even comparinghimself to the prodigal son that
he wasn't even going towardsGod, but God was pursuing him.
(18:21):
But who can duly adore that lovewhich will open the high gates
to a prodigal who's brought inkicking and struggling,
resentful and darting his eyesin every direction for a champ
of escape?
Oh, I love how honest he is.
(18:42):
And if you think about your ownstory with Jesus, I mean, some
of you were, you felt like youwere dragged into this thing.
God captured you.
And you didn't just, you know,maybe in the beginning, how many
times did you say no to himbefore you said yes to Christ?
And then C.S.
(19:02):
Lewis writes, the hardness ofGod is softer than the softness
of men, and his compulsion isour liberation.
That's what God wants for you.
That's what God wants for me.
He wants us to be free.
So, how do we kind of get inthis place?
And and want to share a littleuh story with you, you know, and
(19:29):
and kind of set it up withsomething I wrote in this my
book, The Father Foot Wanted.
To understand God's pursuit ofus is to understand what his
love is all about.
God is a relentless lover.
I just love that line.
His choice in loving us was notbecause of the value that we
(19:49):
could add to God's great missionon earth.
Let that sink in for you.
No, he chose us in order to loveus for eternity.
And in a real way, he chose usso that we would receive it, so
(20:11):
that we could realize and knowhis love for eternity.
And he chose us before we wereeven aware of him.
So you didn't, you know, manyyears ago they had that bumper
sticker, I found God.
No, no, basically, he found you,and then you discovered how he
(20:31):
was looking in your direction,and it changed your heart.
You go so I write on, see, we wehumans can understand loving a
person who adds value.
And so you have best friends,and where are they best friends?
Well, they're best friendsbecause they're you know,
they're reciprocal.
(20:51):
And so, you know, my bestfriends love me back, and yet,
and and I choose them in my lifebecause they add value to me.
But Christ chose us so he canmake have value with us.
See, we often, you know, ohmisspelled word there, didn't
(21:14):
copy over love for the benefitsand the perks of somebody.
You know, buyer's remorsehappens, you know, a lot of time
in marriage.
After a few years, you go, Whydidn't you sign up for this?
And it was all it always, youknow, kind of around, you know,
(21:35):
that there's hurt and myhusband's been hurting me, and
or my wife isn't what Iexpected.
She's changed.
Of course, she's changed, she'solder and different.
But it it really uncovers thatyou got married for a benefit
(21:58):
that you would get in yourmarriage.
I mean, one of the secrets ofmarrying a woman marrying a gal
and loving her for a lifetime,guys, is choosing to love her
whether she loves you back ornot.
Well, that's just not fair.
Well, that's what God did withyou and me.
(22:22):
He chose you and he chose me.
For God so loved the world, hegave his only son.
The Father chose to love us, andhe never stops loving us, he
never stops pursuing us.
And somehow, when you canconnect that with the woman you
live with, there's a sacrificiallove that'll flow out of your
(22:47):
heart that's just is exactlywhat your wife wants.
And yet we fight for our rights,we we fight to stay out of
trouble.
We we don't like it when shepoints out if we're broken.
(23:09):
Yet God's made a better way, andso it is something entirely
different, however, to lovesomeone you who can't add value
in your life, that's godly love,the love that gives the beloved
value.
That's what the father's love islike for you and for me.
(23:29):
And when you begin to understandthat you've been called to a
pretty impossible job as a dad,part of the hard truth of being
a father is that you're not bornto be a great dad, you're born,
(23:50):
we're all born the same way.
We're all born in the sin, andwe're born selfish, and we went
our own way, and we're alwayskind of parlaying and and kind
of drawing things in uh for ourbenefit.
But when we learn to love ourchildren for their sake and not
(24:10):
for our reputation as fathers orfor the mom's watching,
something powerful happens inthat relationship with that son
or daughter.
I cannot tell you how manybecause I I I probably should
have counted better, but uhthere there were too many really
(24:32):
to count of young people thatI've coached and counseled with
who left the church becausetheir father's affection was
when they were winning and doingwhat they're supposed to do,
they felt God their dad'saffection towards them.
(24:55):
But when they were broken andthey didn't live up to whatever
the standard was, they felt hisrepulsion.
You know, it sometimes it wouldlast for days.
And I've even had you knowpeople I've coached that whose
mothers wouldn't forgive themfor a week or two until they
(25:17):
prove that they were completelyrepentant and never do it again.
Well, imagine if we live thatway uh with God and Jesus didn't
show us any love until werepented and did everything just
right.
(25:38):
I just moved from from teachingto preaching, huh?
Yeah, I mean think about that.
Think about how you deal withyour children when they blow it.
And I would just uh encourageyou that one of those unexpected
powerful moments you have as adad or a mom is when you when
(26:04):
you pursue your children whenthey've just blown it just as
much, or maybe even more, thanwhen they're scoring a touchdown
and you're in the stance.
I'll give you for instance.
I remember um I mean years agowhen my kids were littler, my
(26:24):
son did something that one of mysons did something that I was
just really angry about.
And you know, I was probablymore angry than I should have
been because it's it's sort of,you know, I I had this early
fathering style of, you know,really trying to manipulate them
(26:46):
to doing it the McLassan way.
Like I'm supposed to build thislegacy of righteousness, right?
And and then all my kids aregonna do it right, and they're
pastors' kids and everything.
And boy, is that just a slipperyslope and completely broken?
I'm confessing right now to you.
(27:08):
So I was just really broken as adad.
And uh my kids, you know, Icould see them kind of pushing
back, not wanting to go tochurch, and they didn't want to
hear any more about it.
But it wasn't so much thepreaching on Sunday and the
service and the worship that theyoung people run away from.
(27:31):
It's this feeling like no matterif I'm perfect, they're keeping
the rules.
If I break one of my dad'srules, or maybe mom's.
And and I mean, I I that's whyyoung people they don't want to
(27:52):
go and sit in a pew and listento a guy who's preaching at them
that they're wrong and they'rebroken, just like they've
received it for the last week athome.
And so I was, you know, I wasthinking about this.
The Lord was reminding me thatuh that I needed to change.
(28:13):
You know, the hard truth to meis that I was I was fathering my
children out of my ownperformance.
Or let's let me make it a littlebit more accurate.
I was fathering my children outof what I wanted the performance
of our children to be.
And he revealed to me that, youknow, you know, this incredible
(28:38):
verse we're gonna read in a fewminutes, when well, now it's no
use of him, Romans 5.8.
Christ died for me.
He died for all of us.
He put his love on the line andhe died for us when we were of
no use to him.
I mean, that that moment hit meso hard as a dad.
(28:59):
I realized that I was pushing mychildren away from the church
instead of drawing them tofollow me in this incredible
life that Christ gives us.
And so I had to, I mean, thehard truth for me is I had to
learn how to be a father.
(29:19):
I didn't, it's not aboutperformance.
It was so much more than that.
And so now I'll tell you what Iwas about to tell you.
It's kind of a long directionhere, but my um where I ended up
the Lord showed me just, youknow, it says that the it's the
(29:41):
goodness of God that leads us torepentance in Romans.
It was his goodness and hiskindness towards us when we're
broken, when we're shattered.
And and so God he gave me thisidea of why don't you celebrate
your son?
Because he's a son, not becausehe did it right.
(30:07):
And so he wanted, he'd beenbegging me for months for
something, and I ended up goingto the store and buying it.
And he was in his room, and Ijust I kind of laid in to him,
you know, about the things hewas doing, and and uh how I
(30:28):
needed to change.
And and he, you know, we prayedand he asked for forgiveness,
and I realized that I just wasjust just entirely way too hard
on him and way harder on himthan God is on me when I'm
broken.
And I walked in with this bag,you know, and he goes, What's
(30:50):
this?
He says, This is a token of howmuch I love you.
And I gave it to him.
And he opened it up as what he'sbeen asking for, and it was
expensive.
And he said, I don't deservethis.
And I go, No, you don't.
We don't deserve God's mercyeither.
(31:13):
But he sent his son on the crossto die for us so that he could
fill us with his gifts.
And I'm giving this to youbecause not that you're perfect
or that you aren't.
I'm giving this to you becauseyou're my son, and I love you.
And I I want you to help me be abetter dad.
(31:34):
I'm just I'm flawed, and I'mvery, you know, I'm an athlete
or retired athlete, and I'm youdoing everything to push and
drive you.
But I need your help to help mebe the dad I need to be, so that
you can be the man one day, thehusband, the father, and
(31:55):
eventually a grandfather foryour family and your children.
And I never never forget hisresponse.
He just he wept.
And he was confused andoverjoyed, much like what C.S.
Lewis wrote about, and he justjumped off his bed and came and
(32:17):
hugged me.
And three just embraced and anduh he opened his package.
See, we're we're never more likeGod than when we're when we
(32:37):
father our children and lovethem, or mother, if you're a
gal, the way God the Father hasfathered you.
And so I'm gonna tie thistogether.
This kind of my last point.
Because I think I think you getwhat I'm what I'm talking about
tonight.
(32:58):
And so where are some places inyour life right now?
Maybe it's it's in your ownstory.
And I want to ask you thisquestion, how good are you at
receiving all that you need fromGod and letting go of your need
(33:28):
for to doing it your way?
Think about those those places,even guys, where your wife has
asked you to do certain thingsand you fight her.
Where's that come from?
Well, it c it comes right out ofour pride.
(33:49):
We want to kind of be theinitiators and the heroes of
interaction.
There's there's no real heromoment when your wife rolls over
at 12 o'clock at night and goes,Did you get the garbage cans
out?
Oh man, I've missed so many ofthose moments.
(34:13):
Well, I forgot, I get distractedand thinking, you expect me to
get up and go out there and takethose garbage cans out?
And sometimes I just I get upreluctantly, you know, in my PJs
and find my slippers and go outthere and and and do it.
(34:39):
And her response is always thesame.
Thank you.
The next morning she'll thankyou for loving me last night.
And I'm I'm thinking, love isn'tabout nice dinners, flowers,
valentine's hugs, all thatstuff.
(35:00):
Well, it's it's about at everyevery place in us to lay our
life down.
Because Jesus laid it down forus.
That's the the caveat of whathappens.
And so in this first part ofthis chapter, about really the
(35:21):
hard truth about fatherhood isthat we don't get to take credit
for it when we havebreakthrough.
That's the kind of fatherhoodyou want.
You want to be able to love yoursons and your daughters the way
God has really called you to doit in when it's impossible.
And here's just a couple of justlittle coaching things just to
(35:43):
think about.
Probably already thought aboutit.
But if you have a daughter orson that's sideways with you,
the least useful thing you cando is send them a verse about
why bitterness will destroytheir lives.
(36:10):
Oh it just doesn't work.
But I tell you what, it doeswork, and it's happened to me.
I used to do those uh it's kindof like Vince Lombardi football
conversations with my my kidswhen they were acting up, and
then I discovered that a sermonlived in front of them is way
(36:34):
more than when you preach.
And so you want a sermon theynever forget that they celebrate
you in when you blow it and yousense it, or you sense this from
(36:55):
your children, or they're nottalking to you, or they're
distant and they're in anotherstate, or they're using their
grandchildren against you,keeping them away from you,
which is happening way too much.
And we all know that bitternessis the root and the fruit of
(37:17):
broken families.
But what would happen if youtook Jesus attack, and this is
what the Lord showed me, is thatmy children learn about asking
for forgiveness from the waythat I asked them for
(37:37):
forgiveness.
Oh man, but my my son is waymore wrong than I am.
I I know, but you gotta build abridge, and somebody's got to
build that bridge so that yourrelationship can withstand
(37:59):
crossing back and forth with oneanother.
And when you and here was thequestion that began the healing
of bitterness in my family, andhere it is help me understand
how I've hurt you so that I canask for forgiveness.
(38:23):
Because, son, I can tell you, Ican see you're doing this to me.
And the hard truth aboutfatherhood is that one of the
things God calls you and I to dois not to preach the message to
them, but to be the message, andso we model what we want them to
(38:46):
do.
We we stay away from at allcosts things where that we're
taking credit.
And I gotta tell you, when Ifirst started doing this to my
children, it was humbling forme.
Because if I were just tomeasure out what they did and I
did, they were way more wrongthan me.
(39:10):
It's the same way in a marriage,you know.
I, you know, I just when when Icoach couples, I just I say to
them, well, let the biggerperson go first, you know, the
most spiritual one go first.
You're waiting on your spouse todo it right.
Once you own your side and prayand wait and stand and love and
(39:32):
forgive, because that'spowerful.
And so maybe, maybe somebodythat you're married to grew up
in a family where no one saidthat they were asked for
forgiveness.
They might have said, I'm sorry,or they didn't speak.
(39:53):
What would happen in your familyif you begin the one to lay this
beautiful foundation of humilityby asking for forgiveness?
Because what that'll do is itwill create a way for them.
Now, hear me when I say this,because I've seen it and it's
(40:16):
true.
But they will do that with yourgrandkids one day.
So when I'm teaching my my myadult children things, I'm
teaching them things that I amembodying the best I can, but
(40:36):
that I want to see in mygrandchildren too.
And that's powerful.
That's all I gotta say.
Any prayer requests, pleaseshoot them to me.
I love all your your comments.
So grateful that you're hereevery week.
If the if this has blessed you,you know, I'm gonna don't leave
(40:58):
yet.
We're we're getting ready to go.
But and this has blessed youevery week, and you're you're in
a position where you'd like tosew into our ministry and give
to us.
We I just would be honored uhfor you to consider giving an
entity or gift.
(41:18):
Where, you know, we're we'reright now building out this
vision of of what I call theFatherhood Academy, and to
really help empower men to bethe champions, spiritual
champions and fathers theirfamily needs.
And we have online courses,books, material, one-on-one
(41:41):
coaching.
We do a lot.
And to be able to sustain thisand grow this, I'm looking for
people who would say, you know,I want to support you, Ed.
You've been ministering to me,you've been helping me with my
family.
I want to multiply and pay itforward.
To be a monthly partner, you cango there.
Or you might be in a place tosew a big gift.
(42:04):
We we need some big gifts tobuild out this fatherhood
academy.
And I'm so grateful that you'rehere.
Would even consider this.
Pray about it, ask the Lord whatto do.
Go to our website, thefatherdifference.com slash
donate, and send us something,encouragement, or at minimum,
(42:25):
send us her prayer requests sowe can pray that God would uh do
that.
If that's something that you'reinterested in doing, you have a
couple of weeks and before theend of the year, and we would
be, I would be blessed.
All that to say, thank you forhanging with me.
We're growing slowly on ourchannels.
(42:46):
We're on we're on Rumble,Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, all
over the place.
And so grateful for you that arehere uh with us every week and
on Thursdays with the gals at 12noon.
And would love your comments,uh, any kind of things of what
what does this show, this timetogether with me mean to you,
(43:11):
and how has it helped you?
And uh before you get off, youknow, send me an email, a
testimonial.
You can send me an email toadtandy at blessing of the
father.com, and let me know howin anything that we do in our
ministry, it's helped you.
And uh how's this specifically,and uh and maybe even if there's
(43:37):
things that you go, you know,this this I really want this
answered.
And the other thing with thisthis email is I love your
questions, your comments.
I read them all, and I would behonored if you were to share
with me things that you want tolearn about.
Anything at all.
I'm I'm in your corner.
(43:57):
I feel like God's put me in thisplace after years of traveling
the world.
Now we're building somethingonline to the academy, the
fatherhood academy that willreach all the nations of where
all the books are beingdownloaded and read.
And you want to be a part ofthat, uh, help me do it.
(44:19):
I need your help.
I need your maybe you can openup a door for us in your church
next year to come and bring ourteam and to do an event for your
whole church and community.
It'd be awesome.
One of my favorite things to doin the whole world.
All that to say, I'm gonna prayfor you.
And uh drop, I don't see anyprayer requests here.
(44:41):
There's a chat here, even aprivate chat that's available.
You can send me or send me anemail, something that you uh
need prayer for, but let me praybefore we go.
Father, I um I just thank youfor my friends that have joined
me online today.
(45:02):
And this whole understanding ofthe hard truth about fatherhood,
and it you could say it's a hardtruth about motherhood as well,
is that we've got to receiveeverything we can possibly
receive so that we can be thefathers, the husbands, the moms,
the wives, the grandfathers, thegrandmothers that you've made us
(45:26):
to be.
And specifically, Lord, I prayfor the families that are
watching and being represented.
I pray for a miracle, Lord.
Some of your children aresideways with you.
And I pray that those keys Italked about today, you would
(45:48):
practice those.
They work, they heal my family.
But Lord, I pray you'd be withthem and speak to them and use
them and and raise them up andequip them.
And I pray for those guys thatare single now, and maybe
they're they're single again,and they're dealing with uh
(46:09):
connecting with their childrenthat they're separated from.
Father, give them grace and showthem ways to connect in and be
that father to their children inthe name of Jesus.
I pray for blessing, Lord, forall my friends.
And only that, I pray forhealing in families, healing in
lives.
(46:30):
And Lord, I pray that you wouldheal them in their spirits too.
As uh the holidays for some isjust really depressing and
really hard.
And I pray that because of theloss of people that you're not
going to have over to your houseand relationships being
strained, bring healing, Father,to your family.
(46:53):
Before the end of this year,Lord, do miracles that they
would tell every one of theirfriends about.
I pray for them physically forthose that are suffering at
home, isolated.
I pray for those that aredepressed.
And I ask you, Lord Jesus, toheal their minds in the way they
think about you and the way theythink about themselves.
(47:17):
I give you all these things,Lord.
I'm so grateful to be here.
And all of us pray in thematchless name of Jesus Christ.
Do these things, Lord.
And all gets people said, Amen.
Amen.
Leave comments.
I love your comments, yourquestions.
Uh, you get Facebook, Instagram,you know, just my YouTube
(47:44):
channel.
We're trying to grow all these,you know, at the same time,
depending on your platform, anduh would love to hear from you.
Thank you ahead of time forthose of you who are going to
give to us and pray about it andsow into our ministry, and uh
you'll be changing lives andfamilies.
(48:04):
All that to say, the Fatherloves you, my friend.
He gave sent his son to let youknow, so you could have a new
beginning and give him all thecredit.
In Jesus' name, all God's peoplesaid, Amen.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for tonight.
I'm encouraged uh uh to have somany showing up.
(48:28):
And all God's people said, Amen.
God bless you.
See you next week.
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