December 17, 2024 • 49 mins
The cancel culture phenomenon has infiltrated family relationships, with many parents experiencing the pain of being "ghosted" by their own children. This growing issue stems from an inability to navigate forgiveness and reconciliation, leaving families fractured and relationships broken.
• Most couples in troubled relationships don't know how to forgive one another
• When children "cancel" parents, they often believe something false about themselves and their parents
• Asking "Is there something I've done that hurt you?" creates space for healing
• Proverbs 17:9 shows that "love prospers when a fault is forgiven"
• Forgiveness requires specificity—saying "forgive me for what" rather than generic apologies
• The story of Tom and his son John demonstrates how God can heal relationships before it's too late
• A father reconciled with his daughter after 17 years by asking how he had hurt her
• The prodigal son story is really about the father waiting on the porch, ready to restore the relationship
• Building a culture of forgiveness in your family safeguards future generations
• Be quick to repent to God first, then model forgiveness to your children
• Ask questions rather than preach sermons to your children
• Don't give up on estranged children—they need you in their story
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
What kind of father do you want to be?
What kind of man do you want tobecome for your family and for
yourself?
If you've ever wondered how tostep into the fullness of your
role as a father, husband, andman of God, then you're in the
right place.
Here at the Father Difference,our mission is to inspire and
equip men to be the best fathersthey can be.
(00:24):
It's a powerful mission.
And today, we're going toexplore exactly how you can take
steps toward that calling.
Whether you're a father, a son,a husband, grandfather, single
dad, stepfather, or just lookingto grow, I believe God has
something powerful for you intoday's message.
(00:44):
Whether you're tuning in live orwatching this later, we are so
excited to have you here.
If this is what you're lookingfor, then subscribe so you can
tune in each week to the FatherDifference Live.
You can sign up below.
And now your host, a husband,father, grandfather, author, and
(01:04):
former NFL player, Pastor EdMcGlass.
SPEAKER_01 (01:21):
Welcome, Emmett.
Love you so much.
Great football player fromYoungstown State University, the
fighting penguins.
And just excited about all youthat are coming, watching
tonight.
We're going to talk about one ofthose things that is happening
more than I can't even believehow much this is happening in
(01:44):
our culture right now.
But it there is this what do youdo when your child can't cancels
you?
We have this it it's it's it'sdeafening and incredibly painful
when your child sideways and hechooses not to talk to you.
(02:06):
When he just goes sideways andhe's cut off communications,
some of my best friends, I won'tmention them, they're uh they
haven't, they don't get to seetheir grandchildren.
It's like this bitter, bittercancer culture, cancel culture
is is taking over families.
And tonight I'm gonna talk abouthow to break the power of
(02:28):
bitterness around your life, inyour relationships, with your
kids, with your relatives,because right now, the the only
healing for people inrelationships, it's it's
actually the number one issue inmy coaching.
I I do personal uh one-on-onecoaching and family coaching is
(02:53):
I have yet to meet a couplethat's in trouble that knows how
to forgive one another.
They know how to build a wall,they know how to build a
catapult, they know how to shootbombs over the wall, they know
how to be angry, they know howto withhold themselves.
And all through our country, wehave uh families that have been
(03:18):
disintegrating because loveisn't being transferred,
blessing isn't being transferredbecause the the tools of of
forgiveness that God has givento us, we just we just get
sideways.
And next thing you know, our ourkids haven't spoken to us for
(03:39):
years.
I mean, I met a a man a coupleof years ago who ended up
reading my book, The Differencea Father Makes, and he calls me
on the phone and says, I'mgetting ready to have my 90th
birthday.
And I read your article in EpicTimes and about the power of
(04:04):
forgiveness, and my son and Ilive in the same town, but we
haven't talked for 30 years, andhe says, and I don't want to
die, I don't want to die, and sohave me and my son separated.
(04:25):
He won't even talk to me.
What do I do?
And then he told me that the sonactually works for the dad who
owns the company.
How does that work?
Well, bitterness was at play,and as a result of of that
(04:46):
conversation, I'm gonna sharewith you what I told him a bit
later on, but I'm gonna tell youwhat I told him.
I said, I want you to, I wantyou to go take your son out for
lunch.
He's gonna think that they'regonna you're gonna talk about
business, but I want you topropose a question to him that
(05:10):
really puts the shoe on theother foot with with bitterness.
Because what happens whensomeone gets bitter or when your
children are trying to cancelyou out of their life, they're
believing things that are nottrue about you.
I mean, we'll say amen, put thatin a comment.
They they cancel you, they'reangry at you, they're pushing
you away.
(05:32):
And and so what you gotta do isyou gotta you gotta connect with
them and enter their world sothat they get an opportunity,
like they can feel like they canshare their true feelings and
their anger with you, so that wedeal with it.
(05:53):
And I'm gonna tell you, thisthis has nothing to do with if
somebody's in a church or not.
Because most of the people thatwe coach and counsel are in
churches.
And families and pastors'families and church families are
separated.
They said in the opposite side.
(06:13):
You know, it this is an issuethat if the devil can win in
bitterness in your family, thenhe gets your grandkids one day
who are gonna turn out and bebitter and angry.
And you might even be canceled.
So, how do we deal with this?
So that's what we're gonna talkabout today.
And so let's let's get rightinto it.
(06:36):
And if you got a question alongthe way of something that you're
listening to, I would love tohear from you.
All you gotta do is put it inthe comments.
I won't mention your name unlessyou want me to, but whatever
those questions are, because Iknow it's a personal thing, and
it's and it's really hard manytimes for us to talk about these
(06:58):
things because they're sopainful.
And so here's the first thingthat I want you to look at.
I love this scripture.
And in in Proverbs 17, verse 9,it says that love prospers when
a fault is forgiven.
Boy, is that not true.
(07:19):
Every had a relationship with afriend or somebody that you
love, and you're you're notspeaking, but then you forgive
one another, how quickly thatreturns.
I've I've I've learned that withmy wife.
That you know, love doesn'tprosper when there's hurt and
(07:39):
you don't deal with it.
Well, let me let me tell you howyours truly learned this lesson.
Now, I did not come withequipment on asking for
forgiveness.
My in my family, it was prettymuch I'm sorry, or you know, I
didn't mean it, passiveaggressive kind of stuff.
(07:59):
So we didn't have any way toreally get healing in our
relationships.
And there was just a lot of painthat happened, a lot of love and
a lot of pain.
And I remember taking my wifeout to a beautiful dinner.
Now, I'm telling you guys, ifyou're married, do not do what
I'm about to tell you.
(08:22):
And so we're at the a beautifulrestaurant, Feng Lum's
restaurant in Universal City inLA.
And you get out of the car.
I'm holding my wife's hand, andI had planned a romantic dinner
at a restaurant called FengLum's Restaurant.
(08:42):
It's a great Chinese restaurant.
On the very top, there's alittle tram that goes up.
You've ever been there, andthere's a restaurant on top,
beautiful view.
Can't get more romantic thanthis.
So I'm walking towards thelibrary, towards the lobby,
holding your hand, trying to bea gentleman, young in our
(09:03):
marriage, and it had one ofthose revolving doors.
You know the ones that goaround.
Well, when I was a kid, we wouldplay this game to where we'd run
in there and push it faster andrun around, and if it hit you,
you lose a point.
And so me and my brothers andsisters would get on those
(09:24):
things and push it, and therewas always somebody who's
getting knocked around.
And for just a minute, I kind ofhad one of those little
flashbacks, and there I was, andboom, I pushed the door, dropped
Jill's hand.
She tries to follow me in acubicle, she misses a cubicle,
she gets into one behind me, Ipush it faster.
(09:48):
It comes around so quickly, itsmacks her in her booty and
launches her into the lobby.
I come around and went, yeah.
Oh my goodness.
Man, I I was in trouble.
And I looked at her, and whatdid I say?
I didn't say, Would you forgiveme?
I looked at her and said, babe,you gotta be a little quicker.
(10:11):
I know that was like the dumbestthing you could possibly say.
And so we get in, we go up, andit was a it was a somber night.
And all I said was, I'm sorry,you know I didn't mean it.
And I thought that was enough.
And my family, if you dosomething wrong, you just say,
sorry.
So we had our dinner, we comedown, and we're in the car, my
(10:35):
wife's really quiet.
And I and I said, Are you okay?
She goes, I'm not.
You come you completelyhumiliated me and devastated me
in front of all those people inthe lobby.
And I said, I'm really sorry.
I shouldn't have done that.
No, that's not that's not askingfor forgiveness.
(10:59):
And I said, Okay, you have toask me for forgiveness for what
you did.
So I said, Okay, will youforgive me?
And my wife says, for what?
Because forgiveness, if it's notconnected to for what, is
blanket, you know, forgive mefor everything I've ever done.
(11:20):
You've ever tried that one?
Well, that doesn't work.
That's like a surgeon openingyour heart up on surgery and
pulling out parts until he findswhat he's working on.
Forgiveness works when you say,forgive me.
The only person who can forgiveus from all of our sins and
cleanse us from all ourrighteousness is Jesus Christ
(11:42):
Himself.
But in human relationships, whenyou bring in and you confess the
hurt that they've shared withyou that you did, and you say,
Will you forgive me for what Idid?
So I I took her cue and said,Would you forgive me for not
being a gentleman andhumiliating you and embarrassing
(12:04):
you in front of all thosepeople?
I'll never do that again.
And my wife paused.
I think this is like wife 101.
And she paused for a minute, andthen she says, I forgive you.
(12:24):
And all of a sudden, the airbetween us that was really thick
and painful changed.
Because forgiveness is about ifwe're gonna deal with this
cancer culture, the the reasonwhy there's canceling happening
is there's hurt, there'smisunderstanding.
(12:48):
And when you don't heal or hurt,it can turn into bitterness to
where they then begin looking atyou or say you're bitter towards
someone else, and you beginlooking at them for reasons why
they are unsafe to have arelationship with.
(13:08):
And how quickly people havetaken a very healthy thing in
boundaries.
Because I know that Henry Cloudand John Townsend never met
boundaries, an incredible bookin what they do, is that you
just create boundaries on toxicpeople in your life, and you
don't ever have a moment whereyou're ever being challenged
(13:30):
because people make you feelbad.
That's not what they're talkingabout.
And what's happening in ourculture today is cancer culture
because forgiveness is not themodel.
Will you forgive me?
Imagine what would happen ifsome of these elected officials
(13:53):
that are in front of people allthe time dealt with their own
bitterness with the oppositeparty and publicly asked for
forgiveness for the way they'vetreated that person.
And when that happens, it'srarefied air.
Imagine now, even deeper andmore profound, when you, Dad,
(14:15):
learned to ask for forgivenessfrom your children to help them
have a model on how they can askfor forgiveness too when they
blow it.
Because, see, the way we dealwith forgiveness with our
children is the model that theyfirst learn how to deal with
(14:36):
bitterness.
And if it's swept under thecarpet, or if it's just not ever
talked about, or you just say,listen, you know, everything's
on, it's just it's just a youknow, water under a bridge.
What the heck does that mean?
Instead of really dealing withit.
(14:57):
And so the Bible is really clearabout this.
And I thought I'd share just astory I wrote in my book.
If you've not gotten this book,you can go to our website.
Actually, it's it's sold out onAmazon, but you can get a
digital version of this copy.
Or you go to our website, wehave plenty, at
(15:17):
thefatherdifference.com.
And I want to share with you astory that is absolutely one of
my favorite stories of a dad wholearned to heal his relationship
with his son.
So let's let's go there.
And so, you know, we werecelebrating our anniversary in
(15:39):
Hawaii, and I had thisconversation with this guy named
Tom.
And two weeks before HurricaneKatrina, his son John, to tell
me this story, made uh hisregular phone call to call his
mother.
And what was unusual was thatJohn asked for dad.
(16:00):
And he never had many words forhis dad.
That night, as Tom heard thephone ring, he entered and
started walking towards his wifeand and gave her the phone.
That's when he heard, hey dad,can we talk?
And uh Tom, you know, as he'stelling this story, he starts
(16:22):
crying.
Began to tears begin to form inhis eyes as they talked about
how hard his own father had beenon him as a boy.
He confessed to me that he hadmade the mistake as a father,
and he was responsible for someof the distance between him and
his son John.
That's a typical scenario thesedays.
(16:46):
And then Tom gets to the heartof the story.
He tells, as he as he holds thephone to his ear, he heard his
son say, and can you imaginethis?
He said, Dad, I don't want totalk to mom right now, I want to
talk to you.
And before Tom could think orsay anything, there came a
(17:10):
chilling question.
Dad, are you ready to bury me?
Dad, if if something happened tome, would you be ready to bury
me?
Dad, I feel like the Lord hasshown me that I'm not gonna live
for very long.
(17:31):
Tom, the dad's fingers tightenedon the phone as his son
continued.
I wanted to call and tell youthat I love you and I want a
relationship to be healed.
That's the prodigal coming home.
The end of the conversation,time asked a final question.
(17:53):
John, if I'm gonna get ready tobury you, can I ask you about
your relationship with Jesus?
John's son replied right away,Dad, I recently gave my life
back to the Lord, and you won'thave to worry about me when I'm
gone.
Do you have kids like that,family like that, relatives like
(18:17):
that?
You're just kind of stuck in amoment.
It goes on.
Tom knew at that moment that allof his deepest prayers had been
answered.
And after lying dormant for solong and and had hope had
suddenly bloomed.
That's why he was able to saywhat came next.
(18:39):
Son, I am ready to bury you.
Two weeks after theconversation, my son was telling
Jill and I this on our way homewhen Katrina struck, Hurricane
Katrina, and a large tree wasuprooted.
Uh and here he paused and took adeep breath.
(19:02):
It fell on my son John's car andhe was killed instantly.
Can you imagine that?
In silence it followed John andsaid something I will never
forget.
God knew that something deepinside of me and my son needed
to be healed before he took himhome to heaven.
(19:23):
Well, how about you?
What is who is in your life thatright now you need to be
reconciled with?
Who is in your life where youcan you can bring the gift of
mercy that you received from Godwhen you ask for forgiveness
(19:49):
from him to your relationships?
And how do you put that inplace?
Well, here's here's a a greatscripture to think about in the
message.
Be even-tempered, content withsecond place.
Oh man, I don't like that one.
(20:10):
How about you, Emmett?
You want to be in second place?
I I don't think so.
Well, we've trained all our lifeto win as an athlete, and you
know, even in relationshipswhere we stop hearing one
another because we're competingto be right.
But the scripture says here, youknow, content with second place,
(20:34):
quick to forgive.
Let me ask you this what wouldit be worth it, would it be
worth it to you to feel likeyou're in second place with a
child that's totally lost andcomes home because of the way
you treated him?
Of course it is.
(20:55):
It's a no-brainer.
Quick to forgive an offense.
Quick to forgive an offense.
How long do you hold on tosomething before you forgive?
A minute, a second, a week, amonth, a year?
I wish I I didn't have to saywhat I'm about to say.
(21:18):
But I I I deal with people everysingle week in our coaching.
And we're that little book, TheDifference of Father Makes, is
in 230 some countries.
And every single coachingsession is almost exactly the
same with the way it starts.
And it's about bitterness justbetween somebody and the family,
(21:42):
and how they were modeledbitterness or anger or abuse
from their parents.
And now they have children, andthey just they get sideways so
easily.
And so, you know, part of thatis understanding that.
(22:04):
Yes, and and John, I I will I'lltalk about that before we're
done about how to uh deal withuh a daughter that is goes to
the father.
So we'll we'll get to that.
And so he goes on, quick toforgive.
Forgive as quickly, and here'sthe here's the standard.
(22:26):
Forgive as quickly andcompletely as the master forgave
you.
So important.
Because part of what happens iswe our model of forgiveness is
not quickly and completely likeJesus forgave us.
Our model is I'll forgive you atthe moment I am convinced that
(22:53):
you will never do this again.
Well, the Bible doesn't saythat.
What if God Himself said that toyou and I?
He said, you know, I'd forgiveyou, but you keep doing it over
and over again.
So I'm not forgiving you, andyour life's gonna be miserable
until you never do that sinagain.
(23:14):
That's impossible.
We're gonna do that becausewe're flawed, and we'll make it
about ourselves.
And and the truth of the matteris that you gotta you gotta
learn to quickly forgive.
And the way you do that, andwe'll get at this again, you've
got to be quick to going to Godwhen you sin.
(23:36):
What's the time between when youblow it and when you go to the
Lord and say, Father, forgiveme?
The quicker you get to him, thequ the quicker you learn how to
forgive other people.
Because who can compare to allthe times that we've sinned
against God?
Nobody does that much.
(23:56):
So it goes on, and completely asthe master has forgiven you.
Now, I love this verse in Jamesbecause it talks about the home,
and then we're going to tie thisall together.
And it's talking about God'swisdom.
Imagine Jesus sharing this infront of a bunch of Pharisees
(24:17):
and people who, you know, they,you know, they make their wisdom
about their superiority, abouttheir religion, about their
study and all those things.
But wisdom from God is above,from above is first pure.
When God speaks to you aboutyour your children or about
(24:41):
somebody in your life, it'spure, it's it's peaceable.
You know, it it's it's we don'trule over people and demand that
they because when I'm demandingsomething from my children, many
times I'm demanding somethingthat I'm I myself am not doing.
(25:02):
Have you ever tried to get thesin out of your children's life
the same way you have blown thesame weaknesses that you have,
and you're doing it under theguise of protecting them?
Oh, did it too many times.
Gentle.
Within this gentle, when whensomebody, you know, one of your
(25:25):
kids fails, how do you how doyou deal with them?
Many times, kids that you knowpushes back, you you ask
yourself the question, wherehave I been pushing them?
Where have I been gentle with mychildren?
(25:46):
Because I get stuck, like we alldo as men.
We get stuck in relationshipsbecause we feel like we're right
and they're wrong.
And the perfect picture abouthow to get a daughter back or
son back that's ghosting you oris living a crazy life is the is
(26:11):
the picture of the prodigal son.
And it's not the story, it's notabout the prodigal son, the
story is about the fathersitting on the porch waiting for
the son to return, fattening upthe pig for the banquet, ready
(26:32):
in a moment's notice before theyeven repent.
And that story that I love somuch in the Gospels of the
Prodigal Son, when the fathersaw him a long way off, he was
just turning towards home alittle bit.
And the son actually took hisinheritance, said to his father,
(26:54):
I wish you were dead, I want mymoney so I can go and do what I
want to.
And he took his inheritance,spent it, lost it, was starving.
And the Bible said he came tohis senses and said to himself,
At least the slaves that work inmy father's house are getting
three meals a day.
(27:16):
He was eating what was left overof the pig pot.
And so he turned towards home.
And he wasn't cleaned up, hewasn't perfectly repentant.
But what was shocking was to seehis father running towards him
to restore him, throwing abanquet, carrying a new robe,
(27:42):
bringing him the family ring,and restoring his inheritance.
I love that story.
Because part of the the secretof opening up that door with a
child that is ghosting you is tofind out what you did to hurt
(28:05):
her to the dad is talking.
What happened?
Sometimes it's just the thewickedness of the devil grabs
our kids, they get in the wrongstuff and they get sideways.
But the conversation that beginsthe healing process, and I
(28:25):
shared a little bit in thebeginning of this, is this
question that was reallypowerful for me and my own
children and my own family.
And that was honestly, is theresomething that I have done as
your dad that hurt you?
(28:48):
Can you tell me what it is so Ican ask for forgiveness?
I shared that with a man thatcame towards our ministry who
read my book, The Difference ofFather Makes, and he called me
and told me that he it's it'sbeen uh 17 years since he's seen
his daughter.
(29:11):
And he was he said, Is thereanything I is there anything I
can do?
I I don't know that I was a verygood dad.
I missed a lot of things.
And every letter I write comesback from my ex-wife that were
dead to you.
So in a real way, he was ghostedby the the wife and the
(29:34):
daughter.
And say, let me say this to youthat when your children are
ghosting you or they've cut youoff, there's something that you
carry as a father that theydesperately need in their life.
They don't even know it andrealize it.
(29:55):
But when you don't pursue themand find out what's going on
with them, It it builds a biggercase in their mind that you
don't actually love them at all.
Or you would never receive themback home when they're broken.
And when you when you know,thank you, Justin.
(30:20):
Justin uh who's watching didthis with his kids, and and
John, you write, you know, overa period of years we've tried to
have conversations about how Ihurt her, but I've never
received an answer.
She's 38 and uh successfulprofessional.
I struggle uh to think that shewould ever want to come home.
(30:45):
It hurts.
And let me tell you, and let metell you why she's gonna come
home.
And here's a promise for you isbecause you carry something in
you as a father that she needsto fully live the life she has.
You'll never not be her dad.
And so you keep pursuing, youkeep asking questions in a way.
(31:11):
And this guy who uh I gave thisquestion to his daughter, after
17 years, gets he writes aletter, and we're gonna pray
that you write another letter,John, and she's gonna read this
one, or an email, or somehow toget to her, and he sends this
(31:31):
letter out, and he didn't thinkit was gonna work because he
sent many letters and we prayedover it, and he got a phone call
a week later.
Dad, is this you?
I have a question I want to askyou.
(31:52):
Can we can we meet somewhere inCincinnati?
He lived in Texas, and he flewup to Cincinnati, got early to
the restaurant, and waited forthe daughter he has not seen in
17 years.
Can you imagine?
17 years, he didn't know whatshe looked like.
(32:12):
She was just a little girl, anduh I just love this story, and
all of a sudden this girl walksin and sees her dad with tears
in her eyes, and she walks over,and a little abruptly she goes,
Was I that ugly?
(32:38):
And he goes, What are youtalking about?
He says, Dad, you didn't holdme, you didn't show me much
affection, and I just figuredout that you divorced mom
because I was too ugly to love.
(32:59):
Because see, in every one ofyour kids that's separated from
you, they believe somethingthat's false about you and about
them.
That's where the devil worked.
The devil works with lies, hecan't work when the light of the
Lord's there.
And he the father looks at hisdaughter and says, Will you
(33:22):
forgive me?
I am so sorry, I was so broken.
You probably don't know this,but your mom divorced me because
back in those days I had anaddiction to pornography, and uh
I was afraid it might ruin you,so I stayed away.
Would you forgive me?
And she leaped across the table,hugged her dad after all these
(33:48):
years, and just sobbing, Daddy,Daddy, I've waited for you.
Your daughter's waiting for you.
And you know, she loves you orshe wouldn't ghost you.
She needs you to be in herstory.
And then this daughter says,Will you follow me home?
(34:09):
I have a present for you.
I've been waiting to give you.
So he follows her home and shepulls around the back, goes in
the back door, he walks up thegravel gravel driveway, goes to
the front porch, there's ascreen door, and he hears
through the door.
He's here.
(34:30):
He's here.
And three grandchildren that hedid not know about were
screaming, Papa, running to thedoor.
And God gave him his kids back.
See, that's what the power offorgiveness is.
(34:52):
And it was just a questioninspired by the Holy Spirit and
a dad, where you you pursueuntil they tell you where
they're hurt.
Because, see, they don't believesometimes our children they
believe like we do.
When somebody hurts us, don't weget into this place where they
(35:14):
should know better than that?
You ever had somebody who ishurt you and you just feel like,
well, they should know better.
It's kind of like in the earlydays of our marriage, when my
wife would hurt me, I would say,well, why my wife should know
better than that.
They don't know better thanthat.
I gotta tell her.
I had she had to teach me aboutforgiveness.
And when we when we do that inour life, it's it's a profound
(35:38):
thing that happens when youlearn to ask these questions to
open up.
And I just want to say to you,dads out there or moms that are
watching, don't ever get up.
Don't ever give up.
Hey, Judy, I love you.
You don't give up on your kidsbecause they need you.
They need you in their story,they want you in their story,
(36:01):
but because many times theydon't have the tools to know how
to deal with it with thebitterness that happens in a
family, they just think I'm justgonna separate.
And they somebody somebody givesthem this Kool-Aid that they
need to cancel you becauseyou're not a safe place.
(36:21):
I'm sorry, that's just bullhockey.
There's times when people areabusive, but I I find that most
of the time when we have thethese family things, it's not
necessarily about abuse at all.
It's about not understanding.
And sometimes as men, we'redumber than the stump, and we
(36:44):
don't pick up when we're hurtingour kids.
I I tell you, my wife has helpedme so much to connect with the
emotional lives of my sons andmy daughters.
It's been so valuable to me.
And so, you know, you you hangin there, John, because we're
gonna pray, and we're gonna prayfor all of those that are
(37:06):
watching, and maybe have a kidthat's sideways, and we're gonna
do something that that I reallybelieve and feel led to do
tonight is I want you to writeanother letter.
And in this letter, I want youto say, because this isn't about
you saying, I missed you, whydon't you call me, etc.
(37:27):
This is a letter that says, helpme understand how much I hurt
you so that I can ask forforgiveness.
Dad.
And just wait, put your number,Father.
I pray right now in the name ofJesus.
(37:49):
I pray for John and hisdaughter, I pray for everyone
who's watching, every kid that'swatching right now.
That uh Lord, you would givethem the courage to not quit and
there's and and not quit andpursue their children until you
(38:11):
break through in their stories,Lord.
I pray that you would begin toheal families.
I pray, Lord, where this cancerculture has slipped in to
families between fathers anddaughters and fathers and sons
and mothers and fathers againstone another and and cousins and
(38:32):
father, I pray you would healall those things.
Heal all those things, Father.
In the name of Jesus, I pray,Lord, that even before the end
of the year, just in the nexttwo and a half weeks, John would
get a phone call from hisdaughter.
I pray, Lord, that you wouldbreak through and she would talk
(38:55):
to her dad.
In Jesus' name.
And I pray, Lord, that you wouldgive John the grace and every
dad that's watching the grace tostay and listen and learn and
own it and just ask forforgiveness.
Bring healing to every familythat's watching and break the
(39:18):
power of this cancel culture inthe name of Jesus.
And all Gus people said what?
Amen.
I have some more notes, but Ithink we're gonna just I gave
you a nugget.
And let me just uh just shareone more scripture with you.
(39:39):
And let me just move forwardhere.
Uh just here, just a couple ofjust little things, just kind of
takeaways.
Just takeaways.
Just number one, be quick torepent to God first by asking
for forgiveness.
Here's the deal (39:55):
we got to bring our stuff to God.
And to be and then be good atmodeling forgiveness to your
children.
First, you have to receive God'smercy for yourself, then you got
it.
Second thing you do is build aculture of forgiveness in your
family, beloved, by neverletting bitterness go to bed or
(40:17):
or grab your own heart, right?
And that's just that question.
Help me understand how I hurtyou so that I can ask for
forgiveness.
You know, number three, ask theFather to show you what he's
doing with your children.
Boy, this has been so helpful tome, this question.
(40:38):
Because when I'm partnering withGod over what God is already
doing with my kids, I quitpreaching at them.
They don't, by the way, theyknow all the rules, they just
don't believe in your rules.
We got to get them to believe inthe one that God is speaking to
them.
And so be you know, quick tolove, slow to preach, right?
(41:03):
It's not about the rules.
And and uh number four, uh learnto ask good questions, not
preach a great sermon.
See, questions will help youdetermine your next step with
your children.
Help me understand how I hurtyou.
I did that.
That must have reallydisdevastated you.
(41:25):
Can I would you let me ask forforgiveness?
Okay, will you forgive me?
Stay in that place.
That's a powerful place for youand for me.
And the more we do that, themore impact we're gonna have
with our kids.
I write about it quite a bit inin our ministry, and kind of
(41:47):
what we're doing.
But when you build a culture offorgiveness, you will safeguard
your grandchildren one day indealing with a crazy bitter
world.
We've we've been in a reallybitter time in our country in
America, and those of you thatare outside this country,
there's a lot of bitterness,there's a lot of stuff going
(42:07):
back and forth.
But guess what?
Let let the people of God gofirst.
The people of Jesus.
We've received so much.
Why not reconcile today?
Father, I thank you for myfriends.
I thank you for them showing upand giving time tonight.
(42:30):
I pray that you would heal theirfamilies.
Heal their families.
Heal these dads, heal thesemoms, heal their families.
And Lord, I pray you you you Ibelieve you spoke to me for this
next year in 2025, and it'sgonna be a year of grace, grace
(42:56):
in your business, in your life,in your family, in your
relationships.
And Father, I pray that youwould bring your grace upon
these families and heal them anduse them as a model in their
neighborhood, Lord, thatbitterness doesn't get through
the front door.
So, Father, thank you for thesefamilies.
(43:18):
Thank you for these dads.
I'm so grateful that you're withme tonight and you're following
me.
And this ministry's blessed youuh in any way.
We're gonna run just, I'm gonnashare something with you, just
kind of in closing.
I think uh I see is gonna playit for you, and then I'll come
(43:38):
back on after it's something Iwant to communicate with you as
you think about this year.
SPEAKER_00 (43:45):
So roll that uh Icy if you're dear friends.
Imagine a world where everyfather feels equipped to lead
with faith, love, and purpose.
A world where families thriveand communities grow stronger
because of devoted,Christ-centered fathers.
SPEAKER_01 (44:03):
You know, beloved, that is the vision that God's
put in my heart for every singlefamily.
You know, he is on the move, Ibelieve.
He promises in Malachi thatbefore the great and coming day
of the Lord, he's gonna dosomething profound.
He's gonna turn the hearts offathers back towards their
(44:24):
children.
So the hearts of their childrenwill turn back to their father.
That's what God is doing.
I mean dads daily who want tolearn to be better fathers.
Yet many have never been shownhow.
Too many families are beingfractured through bitterness,
and with parents andgrandparents even being
(44:45):
canceled.
That's why we're launching anonline community to quit men to
be the fathers that God hascalled them to be.
It's more than a program, it's apart of a movement that God is
already doing to reshapefatherhood.
It's a sacred calling rooted inthe teachings of pride.
(45:08):
And we're calling this theFatherhood Academy, where men
will embark on a journey ofhealing and spiritual
restoration that helps themtransform their family
relationship.
And to make this vision areality, would you consider
partnering with us financiallyas we continue to reach and
(45:32):
disciple every man, dad, andgrandpa that comes our way?
Your donation will help create aripple across the neighborhoods,
communities, you know, andultimately our nation, anchoring
each child.
Here's a vision in theunwavering love and guidance of
(45:52):
a devoted dad.
Your end-of-the-year gift rightnow, whether it's a one-time
donation or an ongoing pledgemonthly, will make a huge
difference.
Together, we can equip fathersto build hope-built futures for
their children and theirgrandchildren.
(46:14):
Remember, my friend, the fatherloves you.
And he sent his son to let youknow.
Pray it for you, Pastor Ed.
SPEAKER_00 (46:23):
Click the link to donate today.
Thank you for believing in thismission and joining us on this
transformative journey.
SPEAKER_01 (46:41):
Oh, thank you guys for watching that.
And uh, that's my heart.
That's what God's called me to.
And the address for our academyis thefatherhood.academy.
And God allowed us to reservethat one.
And that's gonna be our trainingground.
We're gonna have gals in thereinvolved as well, podcasts, a
(47:03):
lot of resources for you toequip you as a dad to be the
best father you can possibly be.
And and like a training camp,like an academy that you go to
to learn to be a soldier.
This one's just gonna teach youhow to be a better dad.
And without with all with allthat we have to help you.
(47:26):
That's my vision.
That's what we're for.
And it would mean a lot if yougo to our website at
thefatherdifference.com and anddonate.
You can go right there and hitthe donate or give button at the
top.
Uh, that would mean a lot.
If you became a monthly partner,maybe you're in a place where
you'd like to really help us.
(47:46):
That would be awesome.
Large or small, that would be ablessing.
All that to say, I'm gettingready to go.
And just to let you know thatnext Tuesday, we're not going to
be meeting because I'm expectingyou, you're going to be at a
Christmas Eve service somewherewith your kids and your grannies
(48:08):
if you've got grandkids.
So, Lord, may the Lord give youan incredible Christmas in the
name of Jesus.
Thank you for being with me.
We'll be back here in two weeksand looking forward to that show
as well.
And we'll just continue on thisdeal.
And don't forget, if you're agal, the difference a mother
(48:30):
makes, go live is this Thursdayat 12 o'clock.
Be the last one beforeChristmas.
And we're gonna deal withproblem kids and forgiveness,
and really learning how tocompletely forgive your husband.
(48:50):
Yeah, absolutely.
Lord bless you guys.
I'm so grateful you hung with methis whole time.
I'm praying for you.
Email me if you got prayerrequests.
Thank you so much for all yourcomments.
I'm praying, praying from youfor you, John, and all those
that need to be reconciled withyour children.
God is good.
(49:11):
And uh, thank you for yourcomments as well.
Your daughter's gonna come home.
Your daughter's gonna come home.
That's just the way it is.
Because she needs her daddy,Father.
Amen.
All right, bless you.
Gotta go.
Getting ready to go preach toanother group.
You gotta get in the car.
So the Lord bless you, and sogreat to be with you tonight.
(49:34):
And he said, Tame McLasson, it'snever too late for God to do a
great work in you so he can useyou in a powerful way in the
life of your children.
And all God's men and womensaid, Amen.
God bless you.
Thanks for giving, andappreciate whatever you can do
to help us launch this academy.
God bless you.
What kind of father do you want to be?
What kind of man do you want tobecome for your family and for
yourself?
If you've ever wondered how tostep into the fullness of your
role as a father, husband, andman of God, then you're in the
right place.
Here at the Father Difference,our mission is to inspire and
equip men to be the best fathersthey can be.
(00:24):
It's a powerful mission.
And today, we're going toexplore exactly how you can take
steps toward that calling.
Whether you're a father, a son,a husband, grandfather, single
dad, stepfather, or just lookingto grow, I believe God has
something powerful for you intoday's message.
(00:44):
Whether you're tuning in live orwatching this later, we are so
excited to have you here.
If this is what you're lookingfor, then subscribe so you can
tune in each week to the FatherDifference Live.
You can sign up below.
And now your host, a husband,father, grandfather, author, and
(01:04):
former NFL player, Pastor EdMcGlass.
SPEAKER_01 (01:21):
Welcome, Emmett.
Love you so much.
Great football player fromYoungstown State University, the
fighting penguins.
And just excited about all youthat are coming, watching
tonight.
We're going to talk about one ofthose things that is happening
more than I can't even believehow much this is happening in
(01:44):
our culture right now.
But it there is this what do youdo when your child can't cancels
you?
We have this it it's it's it'sdeafening and incredibly painful
when your child sideways and hechooses not to talk to you.
(02:06):
When he just goes sideways andhe's cut off communications,
some of my best friends, I won'tmention them, they're uh they
haven't, they don't get to seetheir grandchildren.
It's like this bitter, bittercancer culture, cancel culture
is is taking over families.
And tonight I'm gonna talk abouthow to break the power of
(02:28):
bitterness around your life, inyour relationships, with your
kids, with your relatives,because right now, the the only
healing for people inrelationships, it's it's
actually the number one issue inmy coaching.
I I do personal uh one-on-onecoaching and family coaching is
(02:53):
I have yet to meet a couplethat's in trouble that knows how
to forgive one another.
They know how to build a wall,they know how to build a
catapult, they know how to shootbombs over the wall, they know
how to be angry, they know howto withhold themselves.
And all through our country, wehave uh families that have been
(03:18):
disintegrating because loveisn't being transferred,
blessing isn't being transferredbecause the the tools of of
forgiveness that God has givento us, we just we just get
sideways.
And next thing you know, our ourkids haven't spoken to us for
(03:39):
years.
I mean, I met a a man a coupleof years ago who ended up
reading my book, The Differencea Father Makes, and he calls me
on the phone and says, I'mgetting ready to have my 90th
birthday.
And I read your article in EpicTimes and about the power of
(04:04):
forgiveness, and my son and Ilive in the same town, but we
haven't talked for 30 years, andhe says, and I don't want to
die, I don't want to die, and sohave me and my son separated.
(04:25):
He won't even talk to me.
What do I do?
And then he told me that the sonactually works for the dad who
owns the company.
How does that work?
Well, bitterness was at play,and as a result of of that
(04:46):
conversation, I'm gonna sharewith you what I told him a bit
later on, but I'm gonna tell youwhat I told him.
I said, I want you to, I wantyou to go take your son out for
lunch.
He's gonna think that they'regonna you're gonna talk about
business, but I want you topropose a question to him that
(05:10):
really puts the shoe on theother foot with with bitterness.
Because what happens whensomeone gets bitter or when your
children are trying to cancelyou out of their life, they're
believing things that are nottrue about you.
I mean, we'll say amen, put thatin a comment.
They they cancel you, they'reangry at you, they're pushing
you away.
(05:32):
And and so what you gotta do isyou gotta you gotta connect with
them and enter their world sothat they get an opportunity,
like they can feel like they canshare their true feelings and
their anger with you, so that wedeal with it.
(05:53):
And I'm gonna tell you, thisthis has nothing to do with if
somebody's in a church or not.
Because most of the people thatwe coach and counsel are in
churches.
And families and pastors'families and church families are
separated.
They said in the opposite side.
(06:13):
You know, it this is an issuethat if the devil can win in
bitterness in your family, thenhe gets your grandkids one day
who are gonna turn out and bebitter and angry.
And you might even be canceled.
So, how do we deal with this?
So that's what we're gonna talkabout today.
And so let's let's get rightinto it.
(06:36):
And if you got a question alongthe way of something that you're
listening to, I would love tohear from you.
All you gotta do is put it inthe comments.
I won't mention your name unlessyou want me to, but whatever
those questions are, because Iknow it's a personal thing, and
it's and it's really hard manytimes for us to talk about these
(06:58):
things because they're sopainful.
And so here's the first thingthat I want you to look at.
I love this scripture.
And in in Proverbs 17, verse 9,it says that love prospers when
a fault is forgiven.
Boy, is that not true.
(07:19):
Every had a relationship with afriend or somebody that you
love, and you're you're notspeaking, but then you forgive
one another, how quickly thatreturns.
I've I've I've learned that withmy wife.
That you know, love doesn'tprosper when there's hurt and
(07:39):
you don't deal with it.
Well, let me let me tell you howyours truly learned this lesson.
Now, I did not come withequipment on asking for
forgiveness.
My in my family, it was prettymuch I'm sorry, or you know, I
didn't mean it, passiveaggressive kind of stuff.
(07:59):
So we didn't have any way toreally get healing in our
relationships.
And there was just a lot of painthat happened, a lot of love and
a lot of pain.
And I remember taking my wifeout to a beautiful dinner.
Now, I'm telling you guys, ifyou're married, do not do what
I'm about to tell you.
(08:22):
And so we're at the a beautifulrestaurant, Feng Lum's
restaurant in Universal City inLA.
And you get out of the car.
I'm holding my wife's hand, andI had planned a romantic dinner
at a restaurant called FengLum's Restaurant.
(08:42):
It's a great Chinese restaurant.
On the very top, there's alittle tram that goes up.
You've ever been there, andthere's a restaurant on top,
beautiful view.
Can't get more romantic thanthis.
So I'm walking towards thelibrary, towards the lobby,
holding your hand, trying to bea gentleman, young in our
(09:03):
marriage, and it had one ofthose revolving doors.
You know the ones that goaround.
Well, when I was a kid, we wouldplay this game to where we'd run
in there and push it faster andrun around, and if it hit you,
you lose a point.
And so me and my brothers andsisters would get on those
(09:24):
things and push it, and therewas always somebody who's
getting knocked around.
And for just a minute, I kind ofhad one of those little
flashbacks, and there I was, andboom, I pushed the door, dropped
Jill's hand.
She tries to follow me in acubicle, she misses a cubicle,
she gets into one behind me, Ipush it faster.
(09:48):
It comes around so quickly, itsmacks her in her booty and
launches her into the lobby.
I come around and went, yeah.
Oh my goodness.
Man, I I was in trouble.
And I looked at her, and whatdid I say?
I didn't say, Would you forgiveme?
I looked at her and said, babe,you gotta be a little quicker.
(10:11):
I know that was like the dumbestthing you could possibly say.
And so we get in, we go up, andit was a it was a somber night.
And all I said was, I'm sorry,you know I didn't mean it.
And I thought that was enough.
And my family, if you dosomething wrong, you just say,
sorry.
So we had our dinner, we comedown, and we're in the car, my
(10:35):
wife's really quiet.
And I and I said, Are you okay?
She goes, I'm not.
You come you completelyhumiliated me and devastated me
in front of all those people inthe lobby.
And I said, I'm really sorry.
I shouldn't have done that.
No, that's not that's not askingfor forgiveness.
(10:59):
And I said, Okay, you have toask me for forgiveness for what
you did.
So I said, Okay, will youforgive me?
And my wife says, for what?
Because forgiveness, if it's notconnected to for what, is
blanket, you know, forgive mefor everything I've ever done.
(11:20):
You've ever tried that one?
Well, that doesn't work.
That's like a surgeon openingyour heart up on surgery and
pulling out parts until he findswhat he's working on.
Forgiveness works when you say,forgive me.
The only person who can forgiveus from all of our sins and
cleanse us from all ourrighteousness is Jesus Christ
(11:42):
Himself.
But in human relationships, whenyou bring in and you confess the
hurt that they've shared withyou that you did, and you say,
Will you forgive me for what Idid?
So I I took her cue and said,Would you forgive me for not
being a gentleman andhumiliating you and embarrassing
(12:04):
you in front of all thosepeople?
I'll never do that again.
And my wife paused.
I think this is like wife 101.
And she paused for a minute, andthen she says, I forgive you.
(12:24):
And all of a sudden, the airbetween us that was really thick
and painful changed.
Because forgiveness is about ifwe're gonna deal with this
cancer culture, the the reasonwhy there's canceling happening
is there's hurt, there'smisunderstanding.
(12:48):
And when you don't heal or hurt,it can turn into bitterness to
where they then begin looking atyou or say you're bitter towards
someone else, and you beginlooking at them for reasons why
they are unsafe to have arelationship with.
(13:08):
And how quickly people havetaken a very healthy thing in
boundaries.
Because I know that Henry Cloudand John Townsend never met
boundaries, an incredible bookin what they do, is that you
just create boundaries on toxicpeople in your life, and you
don't ever have a moment whereyou're ever being challenged
(13:30):
because people make you feelbad.
That's not what they're talkingabout.
And what's happening in ourculture today is cancer culture
because forgiveness is not themodel.
Will you forgive me?
Imagine what would happen ifsome of these elected officials
(13:53):
that are in front of people allthe time dealt with their own
bitterness with the oppositeparty and publicly asked for
forgiveness for the way they'vetreated that person.
And when that happens, it'srarefied air.
Imagine now, even deeper andmore profound, when you, Dad,
(14:15):
learned to ask for forgivenessfrom your children to help them
have a model on how they can askfor forgiveness too when they
blow it.
Because, see, the way we dealwith forgiveness with our
children is the model that theyfirst learn how to deal with
(14:36):
bitterness.
And if it's swept under thecarpet, or if it's just not ever
talked about, or you just say,listen, you know, everything's
on, it's just it's just a youknow, water under a bridge.
What the heck does that mean?
Instead of really dealing withit.
(14:57):
And so the Bible is really clearabout this.
And I thought I'd share just astory I wrote in my book.
If you've not gotten this book,you can go to our website.
Actually, it's it's sold out onAmazon, but you can get a
digital version of this copy.
Or you go to our website, wehave plenty, at
(15:17):
thefatherdifference.com.
And I want to share with you astory that is absolutely one of
my favorite stories of a dad wholearned to heal his relationship
with his son.
So let's let's go there.
And so, you know, we werecelebrating our anniversary in
(15:39):
Hawaii, and I had thisconversation with this guy named
Tom.
And two weeks before HurricaneKatrina, his son John, to tell
me this story, made uh hisregular phone call to call his
mother.
And what was unusual was thatJohn asked for dad.
(16:00):
And he never had many words forhis dad.
That night, as Tom heard thephone ring, he entered and
started walking towards his wifeand and gave her the phone.
That's when he heard, hey dad,can we talk?
And uh Tom, you know, as he'stelling this story, he starts
(16:22):
crying.
Began to tears begin to form inhis eyes as they talked about
how hard his own father had beenon him as a boy.
He confessed to me that he hadmade the mistake as a father,
and he was responsible for someof the distance between him and
his son John.
That's a typical scenario thesedays.
(16:46):
And then Tom gets to the heartof the story.
He tells, as he as he holds thephone to his ear, he heard his
son say, and can you imaginethis?
He said, Dad, I don't want totalk to mom right now, I want to
talk to you.
And before Tom could think orsay anything, there came a
(17:10):
chilling question.
Dad, are you ready to bury me?
Dad, if if something happened tome, would you be ready to bury
me?
Dad, I feel like the Lord hasshown me that I'm not gonna live
for very long.
(17:31):
Tom, the dad's fingers tightenedon the phone as his son
continued.
I wanted to call and tell youthat I love you and I want a
relationship to be healed.
That's the prodigal coming home.
The end of the conversation,time asked a final question.
(17:53):
John, if I'm gonna get ready tobury you, can I ask you about
your relationship with Jesus?
John's son replied right away,Dad, I recently gave my life
back to the Lord, and you won'thave to worry about me when I'm
gone.
Do you have kids like that,family like that, relatives like
(18:17):
that?
You're just kind of stuck in amoment.
It goes on.
Tom knew at that moment that allof his deepest prayers had been
answered.
And after lying dormant for solong and and had hope had
suddenly bloomed.
That's why he was able to saywhat came next.
(18:39):
Son, I am ready to bury you.
Two weeks after theconversation, my son was telling
Jill and I this on our way homewhen Katrina struck, Hurricane
Katrina, and a large tree wasuprooted.
Uh and here he paused and took adeep breath.
(19:02):
It fell on my son John's car andhe was killed instantly.
Can you imagine that?
In silence it followed John andsaid something I will never
forget.
God knew that something deepinside of me and my son needed
to be healed before he took himhome to heaven.
(19:23):
Well, how about you?
What is who is in your life thatright now you need to be
reconciled with?
Who is in your life where youcan you can bring the gift of
mercy that you received from Godwhen you ask for forgiveness
(19:49):
from him to your relationships?
And how do you put that inplace?
Well, here's here's a a greatscripture to think about in the
message.
Be even-tempered, content withsecond place.
Oh man, I don't like that one.
(20:10):
How about you, Emmett?
You want to be in second place?
I I don't think so.
Well, we've trained all our lifeto win as an athlete, and you
know, even in relationshipswhere we stop hearing one
another because we're competingto be right.
But the scripture says here, youknow, content with second place,
(20:34):
quick to forgive.
Let me ask you this what wouldit be worth it, would it be
worth it to you to feel likeyou're in second place with a
child that's totally lost andcomes home because of the way
you treated him?
Of course it is.
(20:55):
It's a no-brainer.
Quick to forgive an offense.
Quick to forgive an offense.
How long do you hold on tosomething before you forgive?
A minute, a second, a week, amonth, a year?
I wish I I didn't have to saywhat I'm about to say.
(21:18):
But I I I deal with people everysingle week in our coaching.
And we're that little book, TheDifference of Father Makes, is
in 230 some countries.
And every single coachingsession is almost exactly the
same with the way it starts.
And it's about bitterness justbetween somebody and the family,
(21:42):
and how they were modeledbitterness or anger or abuse
from their parents.
And now they have children, andthey just they get sideways so
easily.
And so, you know, part of thatis understanding that.
(22:04):
Yes, and and John, I I will I'lltalk about that before we're
done about how to uh deal withuh a daughter that is goes to
the father.
So we'll we'll get to that.
And so he goes on, quick toforgive.
Forgive as quickly, and here'sthe here's the standard.
(22:26):
Forgive as quickly andcompletely as the master forgave
you.
So important.
Because part of what happens iswe our model of forgiveness is
not quickly and completely likeJesus forgave us.
Our model is I'll forgive you atthe moment I am convinced that
(22:53):
you will never do this again.
Well, the Bible doesn't saythat.
What if God Himself said that toyou and I?
He said, you know, I'd forgiveyou, but you keep doing it over
and over again.
So I'm not forgiving you, andyour life's gonna be miserable
until you never do that sinagain.
(23:14):
That's impossible.
We're gonna do that becausewe're flawed, and we'll make it
about ourselves.
And and the truth of the matteris that you gotta you gotta
learn to quickly forgive.
And the way you do that, andwe'll get at this again, you've
got to be quick to going to Godwhen you sin.
(23:36):
What's the time between when youblow it and when you go to the
Lord and say, Father, forgiveme?
The quicker you get to him, thequ the quicker you learn how to
forgive other people.
Because who can compare to allthe times that we've sinned
against God?
Nobody does that much.
(23:56):
So it goes on, and completely asthe master has forgiven you.
Now, I love this verse in Jamesbecause it talks about the home,
and then we're going to tie thisall together.
And it's talking about God'swisdom.
Imagine Jesus sharing this infront of a bunch of Pharisees
(24:17):
and people who, you know, they,you know, they make their wisdom
about their superiority, abouttheir religion, about their
study and all those things.
But wisdom from God is above,from above is first pure.
When God speaks to you aboutyour your children or about
(24:41):
somebody in your life, it'spure, it's it's peaceable.
You know, it it's it's we don'trule over people and demand that
they because when I'm demandingsomething from my children, many
times I'm demanding somethingthat I'm I myself am not doing.
(25:02):
Have you ever tried to get thesin out of your children's life
the same way you have blown thesame weaknesses that you have,
and you're doing it under theguise of protecting them?
Oh, did it too many times.
Gentle.
Within this gentle, when whensomebody, you know, one of your
(25:25):
kids fails, how do you how doyou deal with them?
Many times, kids that you knowpushes back, you you ask
yourself the question, wherehave I been pushing them?
Where have I been gentle with mychildren?
(25:46):
Because I get stuck, like we alldo as men.
We get stuck in relationshipsbecause we feel like we're right
and they're wrong.
And the perfect picture abouthow to get a daughter back or
son back that's ghosting you oris living a crazy life is the is
(26:11):
the picture of the prodigal son.
And it's not the story, it's notabout the prodigal son, the
story is about the fathersitting on the porch waiting for
the son to return, fattening upthe pig for the banquet, ready
(26:32):
in a moment's notice before theyeven repent.
And that story that I love somuch in the Gospels of the
Prodigal Son, when the fathersaw him a long way off, he was
just turning towards home alittle bit.
And the son actually took hisinheritance, said to his father,
(26:54):
I wish you were dead, I want mymoney so I can go and do what I
want to.
And he took his inheritance,spent it, lost it, was starving.
And the Bible said he came tohis senses and said to himself,
At least the slaves that work inmy father's house are getting
three meals a day.
(27:16):
He was eating what was left overof the pig pot.
And so he turned towards home.
And he wasn't cleaned up, hewasn't perfectly repentant.
But what was shocking was to seehis father running towards him
to restore him, throwing abanquet, carrying a new robe,
(27:42):
bringing him the family ring,and restoring his inheritance.
I love that story.
Because part of the the secretof opening up that door with a
child that is ghosting you is tofind out what you did to hurt
(28:05):
her to the dad is talking.
What happened?
Sometimes it's just the thewickedness of the devil grabs
our kids, they get in the wrongstuff and they get sideways.
But the conversation that beginsthe healing process, and I
(28:25):
shared a little bit in thebeginning of this, is this
question that was reallypowerful for me and my own
children and my own family.
And that was honestly, is theresomething that I have done as
your dad that hurt you?
(28:48):
Can you tell me what it is so Ican ask for forgiveness?
I shared that with a man thatcame towards our ministry who
read my book, The Difference ofFather Makes, and he called me
and told me that he it's it'sbeen uh 17 years since he's seen
his daughter.
(29:11):
And he was he said, Is thereanything I is there anything I
can do?
I I don't know that I was a verygood dad.
I missed a lot of things.
And every letter I write comesback from my ex-wife that were
dead to you.
So in a real way, he was ghostedby the the wife and the
(29:34):
daughter.
And say, let me say this to youthat when your children are
ghosting you or they've cut youoff, there's something that you
carry as a father that theydesperately need in their life.
They don't even know it andrealize it.
(29:55):
But when you don't pursue themand find out what's going on
with them, It it builds a biggercase in their mind that you
don't actually love them at all.
Or you would never receive themback home when they're broken.
And when you when you know,thank you, Justin.
(30:20):
Justin uh who's watching didthis with his kids, and and
John, you write, you know, overa period of years we've tried to
have conversations about how Ihurt her, but I've never
received an answer.
She's 38 and uh successfulprofessional.
I struggle uh to think that shewould ever want to come home.
(30:45):
It hurts.
And let me tell you, and let metell you why she's gonna come
home.
And here's a promise for you isbecause you carry something in
you as a father that she needsto fully live the life she has.
You'll never not be her dad.
And so you keep pursuing, youkeep asking questions in a way.
(31:11):
And this guy who uh I gave thisquestion to his daughter, after
17 years, gets he writes aletter, and we're gonna pray
that you write another letter,John, and she's gonna read this
one, or an email, or somehow toget to her, and he sends this
(31:31):
letter out, and he didn't thinkit was gonna work because he
sent many letters and we prayedover it, and he got a phone call
a week later.
Dad, is this you?
I have a question I want to askyou.
(31:52):
Can we can we meet somewhere inCincinnati?
He lived in Texas, and he flewup to Cincinnati, got early to
the restaurant, and waited forthe daughter he has not seen in
17 years.
Can you imagine?
17 years, he didn't know whatshe looked like.
(32:12):
She was just a little girl, anduh I just love this story, and
all of a sudden this girl walksin and sees her dad with tears
in her eyes, and she walks over,and a little abruptly she goes,
Was I that ugly?
(32:38):
And he goes, What are youtalking about?
He says, Dad, you didn't holdme, you didn't show me much
affection, and I just figuredout that you divorced mom
because I was too ugly to love.
(32:59):
Because see, in every one ofyour kids that's separated from
you, they believe somethingthat's false about you and about
them.
That's where the devil worked.
The devil works with lies, hecan't work when the light of the
Lord's there.
And he the father looks at hisdaughter and says, Will you
(33:22):
forgive me?
I am so sorry, I was so broken.
You probably don't know this,but your mom divorced me because
back in those days I had anaddiction to pornography, and uh
I was afraid it might ruin you,so I stayed away.
Would you forgive me?
And she leaped across the table,hugged her dad after all these
(33:48):
years, and just sobbing, Daddy,Daddy, I've waited for you.
Your daughter's waiting for you.
And you know, she loves you orshe wouldn't ghost you.
She needs you to be in herstory.
And then this daughter says,Will you follow me home?
(34:09):
I have a present for you.
I've been waiting to give you.
So he follows her home and shepulls around the back, goes in
the back door, he walks up thegravel gravel driveway, goes to
the front porch, there's ascreen door, and he hears
through the door.
He's here.
(34:30):
He's here.
And three grandchildren that hedid not know about were
screaming, Papa, running to thedoor.
And God gave him his kids back.
See, that's what the power offorgiveness is.
(34:52):
And it was just a questioninspired by the Holy Spirit and
a dad, where you you pursueuntil they tell you where
they're hurt.
Because, see, they don't believesometimes our children they
believe like we do.
When somebody hurts us, don't weget into this place where they
(35:14):
should know better than that?
You ever had somebody who ishurt you and you just feel like,
well, they should know better.
It's kind of like in the earlydays of our marriage, when my
wife would hurt me, I would say,well, why my wife should know
better than that.
They don't know better thanthat.
I gotta tell her.
I had she had to teach me aboutforgiveness.
And when we when we do that inour life, it's it's a profound
(35:38):
thing that happens when youlearn to ask these questions to
open up.
And I just want to say to you,dads out there or moms that are
watching, don't ever get up.
Don't ever give up.
Hey, Judy, I love you.
You don't give up on your kidsbecause they need you.
They need you in their story,they want you in their story,
(36:01):
but because many times theydon't have the tools to know how
to deal with it with thebitterness that happens in a
family, they just think I'm justgonna separate.
And they somebody somebody givesthem this Kool-Aid that they
need to cancel you becauseyou're not a safe place.
(36:21):
I'm sorry, that's just bullhockey.
There's times when people areabusive, but I I find that most
of the time when we have thethese family things, it's not
necessarily about abuse at all.
It's about not understanding.
And sometimes as men, we'redumber than the stump, and we
(36:44):
don't pick up when we're hurtingour kids.
I I tell you, my wife has helpedme so much to connect with the
emotional lives of my sons andmy daughters.
It's been so valuable to me.
And so, you know, you you hangin there, John, because we're
gonna pray, and we're gonna prayfor all of those that are
(37:06):
watching, and maybe have a kidthat's sideways, and we're gonna
do something that that I reallybelieve and feel led to do
tonight is I want you to writeanother letter.
And in this letter, I want youto say, because this isn't about
you saying, I missed you, whydon't you call me, etc.
(37:27):
This is a letter that says, helpme understand how much I hurt
you so that I can ask forforgiveness.
Dad.
And just wait, put your number,Father.
I pray right now in the name ofJesus.
(37:49):
I pray for John and hisdaughter, I pray for everyone
who's watching, every kid that'swatching right now.
That uh Lord, you would givethem the courage to not quit and
there's and and not quit andpursue their children until you
(38:11):
break through in their stories,Lord.
I pray that you would begin toheal families.
I pray, Lord, where this cancerculture has slipped in to
families between fathers anddaughters and fathers and sons
and mothers and fathers againstone another and and cousins and
(38:32):
father, I pray you would healall those things.
Heal all those things, Father.
In the name of Jesus, I pray,Lord, that even before the end
of the year, just in the nexttwo and a half weeks, John would
get a phone call from hisdaughter.
I pray, Lord, that you wouldbreak through and she would talk
(38:55):
to her dad.
In Jesus' name.
And I pray, Lord, that you wouldgive John the grace and every
dad that's watching the grace tostay and listen and learn and
own it and just ask forforgiveness.
Bring healing to every familythat's watching and break the
(39:18):
power of this cancel culture inthe name of Jesus.
And all Gus people said what?
Amen.
I have some more notes, but Ithink we're gonna just I gave
you a nugget.
And let me just uh just shareone more scripture with you.
(39:39):
And let me just move forwardhere.
Uh just here, just a couple ofjust little things, just kind of
takeaways.
Just takeaways.
Just number one, be quick torepent to God first by asking
for forgiveness.
Here's the deal (39:55):
we got to bring our stuff to God.
And to be and then be good atmodeling forgiveness to your
children.
First, you have to receive God'smercy for yourself, then you got
it.
Second thing you do is build aculture of forgiveness in your
family, beloved, by neverletting bitterness go to bed or
(40:17):
or grab your own heart, right?
And that's just that question.
Help me understand how I hurtyou so that I can ask for
forgiveness.
You know, number three, ask theFather to show you what he's
doing with your children.
Boy, this has been so helpful tome, this question.
(40:38):
Because when I'm partnering withGod over what God is already
doing with my kids, I quitpreaching at them.
They don't, by the way, theyknow all the rules, they just
don't believe in your rules.
We got to get them to believe inthe one that God is speaking to
them.
And so be you know, quick tolove, slow to preach, right?
(41:03):
It's not about the rules.
And and uh number four, uh learnto ask good questions, not
preach a great sermon.
See, questions will help youdetermine your next step with
your children.
Help me understand how I hurtyou.
I did that.
That must have reallydisdevastated you.
(41:25):
Can I would you let me ask forforgiveness?
Okay, will you forgive me?
Stay in that place.
That's a powerful place for youand for me.
And the more we do that, themore impact we're gonna have
with our kids.
I write about it quite a bit inin our ministry, and kind of
(41:47):
what we're doing.
But when you build a culture offorgiveness, you will safeguard
your grandchildren one day indealing with a crazy bitter
world.
We've we've been in a reallybitter time in our country in
America, and those of you thatare outside this country,
there's a lot of bitterness,there's a lot of stuff going
(42:07):
back and forth.
But guess what?
Let let the people of God gofirst.
The people of Jesus.
We've received so much.
Why not reconcile today?
Father, I thank you for myfriends.
I thank you for them showing upand giving time tonight.
(42:30):
I pray that you would heal theirfamilies.
Heal their families.
Heal these dads, heal thesemoms, heal their families.
And Lord, I pray you you you Ibelieve you spoke to me for this
next year in 2025, and it'sgonna be a year of grace, grace
(42:56):
in your business, in your life,in your family, in your
relationships.
And Father, I pray that youwould bring your grace upon
these families and heal them anduse them as a model in their
neighborhood, Lord, thatbitterness doesn't get through
the front door.
So, Father, thank you for thesefamilies.
(43:18):
Thank you for these dads.
I'm so grateful that you're withme tonight and you're following
me.
And this ministry's blessed youuh in any way.
We're gonna run just, I'm gonnashare something with you, just
kind of in closing.
I think uh I see is gonna playit for you, and then I'll come
(43:38):
back on after it's something Iwant to communicate with you as
you think about this year.
SPEAKER_00 (43:45):
So roll that uh Icy if you're dear friends.
Imagine a world where everyfather feels equipped to lead
with faith, love, and purpose.
A world where families thriveand communities grow stronger
because of devoted,Christ-centered fathers.
SPEAKER_01 (44:03):
You know, beloved, that is the vision that God's
put in my heart for every singlefamily.
You know, he is on the move, Ibelieve.
He promises in Malachi thatbefore the great and coming day
of the Lord, he's gonna dosomething profound.
He's gonna turn the hearts offathers back towards their
(44:24):
children.
So the hearts of their childrenwill turn back to their father.
That's what God is doing.
I mean dads daily who want tolearn to be better fathers.
Yet many have never been shownhow.
Too many families are beingfractured through bitterness,
and with parents andgrandparents even being
(44:45):
canceled.
That's why we're launching anonline community to quit men to
be the fathers that God hascalled them to be.
It's more than a program, it's apart of a movement that God is
already doing to reshapefatherhood.
It's a sacred calling rooted inthe teachings of pride.
(45:08):
And we're calling this theFatherhood Academy, where men
will embark on a journey ofhealing and spiritual
restoration that helps themtransform their family
relationship.
And to make this vision areality, would you consider
partnering with us financiallyas we continue to reach and
(45:32):
disciple every man, dad, andgrandpa that comes our way?
Your donation will help create aripple across the neighborhoods,
communities, you know, andultimately our nation, anchoring
each child.
Here's a vision in theunwavering love and guidance of
(45:52):
a devoted dad.
Your end-of-the-year gift rightnow, whether it's a one-time
donation or an ongoing pledgemonthly, will make a huge
difference.
Together, we can equip fathersto build hope-built futures for
their children and theirgrandchildren.
(46:14):
Remember, my friend, the fatherloves you.
And he sent his son to let youknow.
Pray it for you, Pastor Ed.
SPEAKER_00 (46:23):
Click the link to donate today.
Thank you for believing in thismission and joining us on this
transformative journey.
SPEAKER_01 (46:41):
Oh, thank you guys for watching that.
And uh, that's my heart.
That's what God's called me to.
And the address for our academyis thefatherhood.academy.
And God allowed us to reservethat one.
And that's gonna be our trainingground.
We're gonna have gals in thereinvolved as well, podcasts, a
(47:03):
lot of resources for you toequip you as a dad to be the
best father you can possibly be.
And and like a training camp,like an academy that you go to
to learn to be a soldier.
This one's just gonna teach youhow to be a better dad.
And without with all with allthat we have to help you.
(47:26):
That's my vision.
That's what we're for.
And it would mean a lot if yougo to our website at
thefatherdifference.com and anddonate.
You can go right there and hitthe donate or give button at the
top.
Uh, that would mean a lot.
If you became a monthly partner,maybe you're in a place where
you'd like to really help us.
(47:46):
That would be awesome.
Large or small, that would be ablessing.
All that to say, I'm gettingready to go.
And just to let you know thatnext Tuesday, we're not going to
be meeting because I'm expectingyou, you're going to be at a
Christmas Eve service somewherewith your kids and your grannies
(48:08):
if you've got grandkids.
So, Lord, may the Lord give youan incredible Christmas in the
name of Jesus.
Thank you for being with me.
We'll be back here in two weeksand looking forward to that show
as well.
And we'll just continue on thisdeal.
And don't forget, if you're agal, the difference a mother
(48:30):
makes, go live is this Thursdayat 12 o'clock.
Be the last one beforeChristmas.
And we're gonna deal withproblem kids and forgiveness,
and really learning how tocompletely forgive your husband.
(48:50):
Yeah, absolutely.
Lord bless you guys.
I'm so grateful you hung with methis whole time.
I'm praying for you.
Email me if you got prayerrequests.
Thank you so much for all yourcomments.
I'm praying, praying from youfor you, John, and all those
that need to be reconciled withyour children.
God is good.
(49:11):
And uh, thank you for yourcomments as well.
Your daughter's gonna come home.
Your daughter's gonna come home.
That's just the way it is.
Because she needs her daddy,Father.
Amen.
All right, bless you.
Gotta go.
Getting ready to go preach toanother group.
You gotta get in the car.
So the Lord bless you, and sogreat to be with you tonight.
(49:34):
And he said, Tame McLasson, it'snever too late for God to do a
great work in you so he can useyou in a powerful way in the
life of your children.
And all God's men and womensaid, Amen.
God bless you.
Thanks for giving, andappreciate whatever you can do
to help us launch this academy.
God bless you.
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