October 22, 2024 • 39 mins
The fatherless wound that began when Adam broke his relationship with God has plagued mankind ever since, responsible for leading social problems in our society today. Whether you had a father who was physically absent or emotionally unavailable, God offers healing through spiritual adoption.
• More than 1 in 4 children in America live without a father in the home
• 63% of youth suicides come from fatherless homes
• 85% of youths in prison are from fatherless homes
• 75% of teen pregnancies happen in fatherless homes
• 85% of children with behavior disorders come from fatherless homes
• 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes
• 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
• A father's presence provides protection, identity, and security that cannot be replaced
• God heals the fatherless wound by adopting us as His beloved sons and daughters
• It's never too late to reconcile with your children and become the father they need
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
What kind of father do you want to be?
What kind of man do you want tobecome for your family and for
yourself?
If you've ever wondered how tostep into the fullness of your
role as a father, husband andman of God, then you're in the
right place.
Here at the Father Difference,our mission is to inspire and
equip men to be the best fathersthey can be.
(00:24):
It's a powerful mission andtoday we're going to explore
exactly how you can take stepstoward that calling.
Whether you're a father, a son,a husband, grandfather, single
dad, stepfather, or just lookingto grow, I believe God has
something powerful for you intoday's message.
(00:44):
Whether you're tuning in liveor watching this later, we are
so excited to have you here.
If this is what you're lookingfor, then subscribe so you can
tune in each week to the FatherDifference Live.
You can sign up below and nowyour host, a husband, father,
grandfather, author and formerNFL player, pastor Ed McGlashan.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Hey, well welcome.
I'm your host, ed TameMcGlashan.
I am really excited aboutsharing with you today about
this subject that's just comingright up and in the midst of
everything that's going on ourelections, our culture, our
families really about this wholeunderstanding of the power of a
(01:44):
present father, there'ssomething that happens when
we're present that makes all thedifference in the world, and
when we're absent, we're goingthrough this book, the Father
You've Always Wanted.
If you've not gotten a copy,we're going to give you the link
in a few minutes so you can getyour own copy on our website.
(02:06):
You can get it also on Kindle.
But there's something powerfulthat you carry, guys, that
cannot be replaced by socialmedia, an iPhone, anything else.
I mean we got kids right nowtrying to find out who they are
(02:26):
every single day from this,talking about getting neurotic
the more you watch this.
So you know you're looking forsome kind of answer to why you
still hurt.
You know why you don't feelconfidence in what you're doing,
why it's so hard for you tokind of be about what you've
(02:48):
been made for, why you get stuckas a young person and don't
have the courage to step out ofthose things, or why you get
stuck in your own story to thepoint that it's a devastating
thing in your own story to thepoint that it's a devastating
thing.
And here's the other one that'seven more devastating Repeating
(03:14):
the same patterns of yourfather and being stuck the way
he is.
Well, we saw this on thenational stage this past week
and I want to share with youabout Liam Payne.
Remember Liam Payne, the boyband British-Irish boy from band
(03:38):
one and had a complicatedfamily life.
His parents, jeff and, weredivorced when he was a child.
Liam's dad, reacher, says Jeffstruggled with addiction and had
been open about his paststruggles with substance abuse.
Well, in 2019, liam Pennpublicly addressed his father's
(04:01):
addiction.
Imagine the son coming out now.
He's famous, he's all over theworld and he states he's talking
about the impact that his dad'saddiction had on his childhood.
And today Jeff Payne has madeefforts to recover and rebuild
(04:21):
his life.
And rebuild his life, liam isnow focusing on his music and
his personal well-being.
That was in 2019.
And this past weekend there wassome kind of crazy accident and
(04:41):
Liam Payne fell to his deathfrom a balcony and his dad's
down there.
The grieving's going on.
I can't even imagine what itwould be like to have a son and
lose a son like that.
And yet, as fathers, we havebeen marginalized and demonized
(05:11):
in the culture right now.
That, in a real way, blameseverything on dads but offers no
cure.
And though we have incredibleimpact as fathers, when we're
absent in our kids' life, itcauses wounds in them that, by
the way, you can at any point goback and make right.
We've worked with fathers allover the world and I've yet to
(05:33):
see a dad whose own heartwasn't—when his heart was turned
by God towards his children,something incredible fantastic
happened between his sons andreconciliation begins to happen.
I had a dad get a hold of mefrom Florida, the state that
(05:54):
just had the horrible hurricane,and he had read my book, the
Difference a Father Makes, whichwe give out for free, and it's
in over 230-some countries nowthe digital copy and he asked me
this question is it too latefor me to get my son back?
(06:16):
My son and I work in businesstogether.
We've not spoken intimately foryears.
I spent all my time as a daddriving him to be a great
businessman, but I realizedafter reading your book and our
relationship is surely lackingin his heart and I've been stuck
(06:39):
and, man, what a painful thing,what a painful thing for a son
to experience.
And yet he said I don't want todie, I'm turning 90 years old
and I don't want to die before Imake things right with my son.
(07:02):
And I said, well, you don'thave to.
And gave him a question to gointo his son's life and to
really, you know, be presentwith him and in a real way help
(07:22):
his son deal with the hurt andthey had.
What he wrote back to me was aworld-class conversation to
where he was able to ask forforgiveness and bring healing to
his son that he knows that hecaused as a father that was
completely focused on business.
(07:43):
He caused as a father that wascompletely focused on business.
So before we get into thematerial tonight, I just want to
make a promise to you ofsomething that I have watched
happen over and over and overagain, because inside the heart
of your son or your daughter,dad, is a need to have you in
(08:05):
their story.
Maybe you're divorced andseparated and only see them once
in a while.
Maybe your wife has done herbest to keep you completely away
from her son and your son, butthey need you in their life.
And I'm going to tell youthere's nothing that's more
(08:28):
powerful or more profound in thelife of your children than when
you learn to be a loving,present father.
There is nothing more importantfor you, and the better you are
at doing that and the betteryou are at connecting and asking
for forgiveness and pursuingthem, the bigger impact you're
(08:52):
going to have on your grandkidsif they have some Because that
relationship that you build withyour son, as God heals it, will
then begin to grow in profoundways towards your grandchildren
and you'll watch those thingsthat you have done and made
(09:14):
right with your son becomeincredible fruit in the life of
your children.
God made you to be a greatfather and a great husband.
You to be a great father and agreat husband.
God made you to create adestiny and a legacy with your
children.
That no form of entertainment,no distraction, no
(09:39):
success—because here's the sadthing about Liam's story.
That's the true thing thatnobody really talks about in the
articles about his life Hisrise to fame going on you know
one of those shows I don'tremember exactly which one, what
(09:59):
he discovered, america's GotTalent or the British version of
that and then rising to fame asthough fame in itself will give
you the name and the identitythat you've always wanted.
And here's a boy who had made apledge that he's glad his dad
(10:22):
has gone through recovery andthat he himself is going to be
the better for it.
And now the son is reaping thefruit of the father's brokenness
and ends up dying with whatthey said, that he had the
(10:42):
residue of pink cocaine in hisbody, which I have no idea what
that is.
All I know is that the wickedresult of when the devil
finishes devastating you as ahuman being with drugs, that end
is most often death.
And just think about this.
(11:03):
He hit the pinnacle of hiscareer as a musician and now
he's no more.
And we've seen this story overand over and over again and so
many times the reporting abouttheir lives is.
It's about you know, it's abouthow fame can do you in Well, I
(11:30):
disagree.
I think there's a lot oftemptations in fame, but if you
know who you are and you're notcarrying around wounds, you're
of temptations in fame.
But if you know who you are andyou're not carrying around
wounds, you're trying to fixwith fame, like the wound of not
having his dad around as a kidthat was never really
reconciled—and I know this thatthat dad right now is hurting.
(11:54):
You should pray for him, father.
We pray for him and hisincredible laws, because there's
nothing more painful for afather than to lose the heart of
his children and then see themend in destruction the ultimate
(12:15):
end of what happens when thedevil turns those wounds our
kids have into the fruit of them, trying to heal the same thing
that dad didn't quite defeat.
Yet that's something else I'velearned, that you know.
(12:37):
Those things in me that I bringto the Lord and confess to my
kids that I end up gettingvictory in Christ can become the
new starting point and aroadmap for my sons and my
daughters when thosetemptations—because they come to
(12:57):
everybody to be able to dealwith that in their life.
And it's not enough to hatesomething that your father did
and promise to never do thatagain.
The issue is we all need to bere-fathered, we all need healing
.
Even the best dad has flaws,and how tragic it is when sons
(13:20):
end up living in that place intheir own life, and so you know
my heart goes out to this dad.
What a tragic thing.
And so let's talk a little bitabout this.
Here's a few things.
You probably already know these, but according to the US
Sentence Bureau, there's over19.7 million children more than
(13:45):
one in four live without afather in a home.
That's in our country.
You want to look at thecomposite of what's happening in
election today.
When's the last time fathershave been celebrated?
When's the last time we've hadfathers?
(14:06):
And you know, when we have acandidate who's a loving dad,
that's a rare thing.
That's what we want.
We want somebody who has avalue for family.
Look at this one 47.6% offatherless homes live in poverty
.
They have four times the riskof children from two-parent
(14:28):
homes.
63% of youth suicides are fromfatherless homes 63%.
What would happen if we couldfix that and help dads and this
is in no way, by the way, thisis in no way trying to browbeat
(14:51):
any dad.
I mean, here's the truth whenyou are present.
I mean here's the truth whenyou are present 63% of kids who
commit suicide.
Don't do that.
I mean, just think about that.
When dads are present, theirchildren aren't going to go
(15:11):
towards that horrific end oftheir own story.
Here's another one 85% ofyouths in prison are from
fatherless homes 85%.
And so what do they do.
They want to spend more moneyon fixing up the facilities and
get better programs and betterrehab, but they don't solve the
(15:34):
issue of the wound.
That happens when a dad isnever taught by his own father
how to be a present father, andso they just keep putting a
Band-Aid on it.
The result is it doesn't work.
It doesn't work, or we wouldhave fixed the problem a long
time ago.
Here's another one.
(15:54):
Look at this Teen pregnancies.
75% of teen pregnancies happenin fatherless homes.
I mean, there's something thathappens when dad is home and dad
is with daughters.
I remember a young suitor comingto my house one day who wanted
(16:16):
to date my daughter Mary, andshe was in high school and it
was a big dance and you knowthere was a.
He came in and I made himreally nervous, which that was
my plan.
I didn't have a shotgun in thein the room where I was cleaning
(16:40):
it.
I've thought about that and hewanted to come and ask
permission to take my daughterto dance to prom and Mary wasn't
dating him.
He just wondered.
So he comes in, he comes in myroom and he looks at me and I am
measuring him up because I'vebeen taking my daughter, Mary
and Jessica, out on dates tosort of condition their hearts
(17:04):
to know when they're dating aman and not a boy Well, there's
not a lot of men in high school.
And so he comes in and it'sreally nervous and I say what's
up, what would you like?
And he says I want to have yourdaughter.
Man.
When he said that, I looked athim and I said the hell, you are
(17:26):
no, what?
No, you can't have her.
But what I meant?
I meant I want permission todate her.
I said no, he goes.
Why not?
I said, son, I don't thinkyou're man enough to handle my
(17:50):
daughter.
My daughter's been a womansince she's been 14.
When I blessed her, she's aprofound woman and she'll eat
you alive.
You're just—he says well, whatdo I need to do?
And I said well here.
And I handed him my book theDifference a Father Makes.
And I said go read my book andwhen you're ready, then I'll
(18:13):
give you permission to take mydaughter out.
And now you've got tounderstand something.
Ready, then I'll give youpermission to take my daughter
out.
And now you got to understandsomething.
I got permission from mydaughter to talk to this guy and
my daughters trusted me to helpthem make a choice.
Now that took a lot of work as adad being in my daughter's
(18:36):
lives.
Now that took a lot of work asa dad being in my daughter's
lives.
And when you disconnect fromthem and they only talk to mom,
let's say, or their girlfriendsthose basic questions that every
little girl has as she'sgrowing up and her body's
changing and all those things,there are questions that only a
(18:58):
father can answer, and that'sthe same to go with sons.
And so when that daughter isnot around you as a dad, many
(19:20):
times she will look for a boy, amale, to maybe meet some of
those needs that she stillcarries.
And boy.
That's one of the big dilemmasout there.
But that's also your protectionas a dad.
Let's go back here Now.
Look at this Behavior disorders85% from fatherless homes.
That's 20 times the average.
I mean you just being there inthe life of your children
(19:44):
regularly can keep them fromthese behavior disorders and
anger and all kinds of things,even mental and emotional trauma
problems that they have intheir life.
Look at this 80% of rapistswith anger problems come from
fatherless homes 80%.
(20:05):
See, when you are a present,loving dad in the life of your
son and you are modeling to himhow a man treats a woman, how
you date your wife, how youtreat her, how you're tender
with her.
He gets a model from you on howto treat a girl.
(20:25):
Now, when the devil tries toremove you out of the story of
your sons and daughters andyou're left to—he's left now to
go to this and check out howpeople are dating and hooking up
, and I'm convinced that part ofthe devil's weapon against our
(20:47):
children is to overly sexualizeour kids from a very young age
so that the devil can determinetheir gender.
The devil can determine allthose things about them when
they first are intimate and sex.
All that stuff.
And Hollywood is being used somany times as a wicked tool of
(21:12):
the devil himself to infiltrate,to get the heart and the gender
of your children so they can bethe ones to inform them about
why they have passions.
Well, we have passions becausewe're all tempted.
But being tempted doesn't meanwe become what we're tempted by.
(21:35):
And one of the quickest ways tohelp a young child fix that is
when they have a dad who talksto them about all these things.
And guess what?
Nobody.
But you can do that.
And then look at this 71 of allhigh school dropouts come from
(21:56):
fatherless homes.
Nine times the average.
I mean 71%.
I remember seeing that.
It just makes sense.
So many single moms are workingthemselves to death to get
their kids through school andthey don't make it to the end
and don't graduate.
It has nothing to do with themnot being smart enough or they
(22:18):
can learn, but it's nearlyimpossible not impossible, but
nearly impossible for a mom toraise a son or a daughter
without a father, because theywill be lacking.
But here's the good news Ifyou're a mom or you're watching
this as a mom when God's in yourstory as your own father and
(22:46):
you model what it's like to be adaughter of a father in heaven,
you don't live in thatstatistic and God will come
through for you in profound ways.
You know how I know this.
Well, guess what?
I played football in theNational Football League,
wearing this jersey, with a lotof guys who were raised by their
(23:07):
mamas, and their mamas wereGod-fearing, they loved Jesus
and they modeled the life thatthey wanted their sons to have,
even though their dad was notaround.
And you know, on draft day,draft day is an amazing day for
guys to go up there and put on ajersey and get on a new team,
(23:32):
and it's a powerful moment andit's more rare than it should be
where both the dad and the momare up there.
I can't tell you how manyfriends of mine who ended up
making it to the Super Bowl whenthe father, who is never in
their story, showed up all ofthe sudden at the hotel where
(23:53):
they were staying before thegame, wanting tickets and
wanting to reunite with them sohe could live in the lifestyle
his son lived, and I can't tellyou how painful that was for
those sons that their dad showedup when they were successful
(24:16):
because he wanted money, hewanted the name.
It's such a profoundly painfulthing.
And why is that so profoundlypainful?
Because that son wants his dadin his story.
You wanted your dad in thestory, no matter how good, no
(24:36):
matter how bad he was, you stillwanted him.
And when he was not in yourstory, it was incredibly painful
.
So how does God, how is Godgoing to fix this in us?
And I've shared some of thesethings with you, but I want to
share some more with you tonight, just in reminder of what's
(24:58):
going on the fatherless woundthat began when Adam broke his
relationship with God, theFather in the Garden of Eden has
plagued mankind ever since.
Today, the fatherless wound isdeeper than most of us are aware
of and it's responsible for theleading social problems in our
(25:19):
society.
I just gave you all thosestatistics.
The fatherless wounddesperately needs healing and
you can't heal it through agovernment or a program or money
or free handouts.
You've got to heal it with adad, with a father.
Look at these statistics.
You might be thinking was oneof the kids who didn't have a
(25:41):
dad in the store.
Or maybe your dad was presentphysically but emotionally
absent.
Or, even worse, maybe you wereabused by your dad.
I mean, how do you heal thatfatherless wound in your life so
that you can become the man,husband and father that God has
(26:01):
called you to be?
That's how we're going to closeour session together.
How does God heal that?
I can't tell you just the traumaI met, saw in men I played
football with, who did not endwell, who had abusive driving
(26:22):
fathers.
The opposite they were presentbut they were demanding and they
were driving their son.
I remember I won't mention hisname, but we had a trainer on
this team I was playing with andhis son.
He was training him to be themaximum athlete he could be.
(26:45):
He introduced his son to allkinds of things.
He introduced him to steroids,he introduced him to the best
training methods and he was oneof our trainers on the Rams.
Remember him talking about hisson and he drove him and that
son ended up becoming aquarterback.
I won't say his name becauseyou'll know exactly what I'm
(27:06):
talking about, but his son endsup going to a major university
and playing quarterback andhaving a shot in the NFL and is
blown up and was devastated inhis life.
And part of this is that whenyour father is driving you to
become something and you don'tbecome that something, then who
(27:29):
are you?
And, at the end of the day,liam Payne, whose dad was so
excited about him becoming arock star that when he ends up
becoming a rock star, it wasn'tenough.
(27:49):
And the only way he could dealwith the trauma of arriving at
the pinnacle of life and stillbeing absolutely empty is the
devil offers in this perfectscenario of well, man, if you
(28:11):
don't feel it, feel it, hear,smoke this, snort this, shoot
this and you can get theeuphoria that you want, and when
they taste that, their body nowcraves that in their life and
they need freedom.
They need deliverance becauseit's the ultimate—it happens
(28:35):
with movie stars and famouspeople.
It also happens with peoplethat aren't famous, where that
world is introduced to ourchildren, to our grandchildren,
and the devil's offering it toheal something they carry.
And guess what?
Maybe you're the healing dad inthe life of your children.
(29:08):
I know that from my own kidsand my own story.
My kids were on that path.
And so how does God heal thosewounds in us?
Well, here's the first picture.
God, the Father, sent His onlySon, jesus, to open the door to
the only Father who can heal thewounds inside of us.
Jesus finished the work on thecross, paid for every one of our
(29:29):
sins and gave us the right tobecome the children of God the
children of God.
So God did that in your story,in my story.
If the wound you carry comesfrom your father, isn't it best
healed by a perfect dad?
This occurred to me one daywhen writing this book.
Our Heavenly Father, he's theperfect Father.
(29:52):
Jesus does not leave us inbrokenness but offers us a way
to wholeness.
He came bearing the greatestgift, the Father's love we've
always wanted and that we'vealways wanted to receive.
So how does God heal an absentfather?
(30:16):
Well, how does he heal you whenyou know maybe you're feeling
the tug tonight that there'splaces in you that still need
healing, but there's things thatyou wish you would have done
differently as a dad?
It's not too late.
So I want you to look at thisnext verse with me.
(30:36):
He goes on to say by adoptingus as his beloved sons and
daughters.
That's God's plan.
We might have had a great birthfather or a horrible birth
father who's absent all her life.
God's plan for both groups isto adopt us as his beloved sons
and daughters.
Now look at this verse.
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When the fullness of time hadcome, god sent forth His Son,
jesus, born of a woman, Mary,born under the law, to redeem
those who are under law, so thatwe might receive adoption as
sons.
God's plan is to bring you intoa place where you get connected
(31:41):
to the Father.
He modeled the life from theFather of all creation.
The one he talked about livedfor only did what he saw doing.
And when Paul writes these words, he uses that word, adoption,
which is just such a powerfulpicture.
And it says in Ephesians hepredestined us for adoption to
himself through Jesus Christ.
We have been predestined notonly just to be saved, but to be
adopted according to thepurpose of His will and to the
(32:03):
praise of His glorious grace,which he has blessed us in the
Beloved.
He's blessed us in Christ.
Ephesians 1, 5, and 6 says andso the Greek word for adoption
is euthysia, which actuallyliterally means—it was a
ceremony in Rome—which means toplace as the son.
(32:26):
There was a ceremony called theadoption, where a Roman father
would take one of his children,usually the oldest child, the
oldest male child, and he wouldadopt him publicly in a ceremony
before the culture, and placehim in the new role as a son.
(32:48):
And the reason why is becausehis children were not entitled
to His inheritance until theywere officially adopted by that
Roman father.
And Paul is teaching us rightout of that incredible truth
back in that day, that God, theFather, has an inheritance for
(33:11):
you and I as His children, butwe're not going to be able to
receive it until we've beenplaced as a son, until we have
been adopted as a son.
What an incredible picture thatis.
And it goes on to say you know,he adopts us so he can give us
(33:33):
an inheritance as a son ordaughter.
That's God's plan all along isto give you an inheritance in
your life.
Maybe you had no inheritancefrom your father.
God wants to give you that, andbecause you are sons, paul
writes in Galatians God has sentthe Spirit of His Son into our
hearts, crying Abba, father, soyou're no longer a slave, but a
(33:55):
son.
If a son, then an heir throughGod.
Wow, think about that, god.
You've always been one of God'schildren, but God Himself wants
to adopt you as a son.
And why is that so important?
Because the Father wants tobless you so that you can become
(34:15):
the father he wants you, thathe has always wanted you to be.
And when you receive thatadoption for yourself, it will
change your family.
So here's the next step we'regoing to pray at the end, but
before I have an online coursethat I have written to help you
(34:39):
become that husband or fatheryour family needs.
It's a video-driven course andwe're offering it right now and
we're going to give you a tasteof this.
You can sign up for free rightnow and it's a donation-based
program in the future that we'regoing to ask you to support us
to give it away to other men aswell called how to Become the
(35:01):
Husband or Father your FamilyNeeds, and we're going to give
you a link to that before we getoff of our time together.
But maybe you're in a spaceright now when you're saying
interspace, right now whenyou're saying, hey, ed, you are
speaking right to me and youwant to have a different story
(35:23):
with your kids, and so how doyou receive this for yourself?
Well, you saw it right inScripture.
That's what God wants for youand me, and so I'm going to pray
for you.
I want to pray for you like adad, like a father who blesses a
son, because God, the Father,wants to bless you.
And so if you've still gotplaces in your life where you
(35:43):
need God to father you, so thatyou can be the father and
husband your family needs, justopen your hands and let me pray
for you.
Father, I just thank you for myfriends that are watching.
I'm so grateful to be able tobe here and to share this
amazing truth.
I thank you, lord, that you Imoved from being a football
(36:07):
player to being a son, to beingadopted by you, and how that
revolutionized my heart, lord,and gave me the confidence,
security and the true identityyou have called me to have.
I pray for my brothers that arewatching and sisters if there
are sisters watching, that youwould bless their lives, and
(36:29):
maybe your dad was never able tosay this to you.
But the Father says, just likehe did to Jesus on the river
when he baptized Him if you gotChrist, you will hear these
words you are my beloved Son, inwhom I love too.
He blesses you today.
(36:51):
He's going to fill you today.
He's going to give youeverything you need to be the
father you've always wanted tobe.
Now, bless them, holy Spirit,touch them, minister to them,
use them in the name of Jesus.
Bless them right now, healwhatever wound they still carry
(37:16):
and take them on a journey ofbeing fathered by you In Jesus'
name, amen.
You want to be part of thatjourney?
Well, my assistant's going toput on the screen a slide and
you can sign up right now forour course.
You can get the book and youcan sign up for how to Become
(37:38):
the Husband and Father and joinour academy.
We actually have an academycalled the Father Difference and
you can go there right now.
You can sign up right on ourwebsite right here.
Click on that link, go to thefather dash the dash father
you've always wanted and you canget access to the course and
(38:04):
and follow along with us in inthe academy and it would be an
honor to help you.
If you want some help and youalso want something daily that
to be in your inbox to help youkind of build on what we're
building here, I also have afree devotional it's called Time
With my Father and it will cometo your inbox every single day.
(38:29):
We have thousands of peoplethat receive it every morning
and so if you'd like to havethat, you can grab that link as
well.
I'm so grateful that you'rehere.
There we go.
If you want to hear from God,the Father, every day, like
Jesus, grab that and the closingscreen.
You know, if this ministry isblessing you, you want to become
(38:51):
a friend and a partner, you canalso go to our website and help
support us so we can continue,because it's friends like you
that enable us to be live everyweek and to reach all the men
that we're reaching right now inmany, many countries, and I'm
so grateful that you're helpingus do this.
(39:12):
Remember my friends, it isnever too late for God, the
Father, to bless your life soyou can be a blessing in the
life of your family.
In the name of Jesus, amen,don't forget, go vote.
Go vote for the candidate thatwill help you become the best
(39:33):
husband and father you can be.
God bless you.
What kind of father do you want to be?
What kind of man do you want tobecome for your family and for
yourself?
If you've ever wondered how tostep into the fullness of your
role as a father, husband andman of God, then you're in the
right place.
Here at the Father Difference,our mission is to inspire and
equip men to be the best fathersthey can be.
(00:24):
It's a powerful mission andtoday we're going to explore
exactly how you can take stepstoward that calling.
Whether you're a father, a son,a husband, grandfather, single
dad, stepfather, or just lookingto grow, I believe God has
something powerful for you intoday's message.
(00:44):
Whether you're tuning in liveor watching this later, we are
so excited to have you here.
If this is what you're lookingfor, then subscribe so you can
tune in each week to the FatherDifference Live.
You can sign up below and nowyour host, a husband, father,
grandfather, author and formerNFL player, pastor Ed McGlashan.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Hey, well welcome.
I'm your host, ed TameMcGlashan.
I am really excited aboutsharing with you today about
this subject that's just comingright up and in the midst of
everything that's going on ourelections, our culture, our
families really about this wholeunderstanding of the power of a
(01:44):
present father, there'ssomething that happens when
we're present that makes all thedifference in the world, and
when we're absent, we're goingthrough this book, the Father
You've Always Wanted.
If you've not gotten a copy,we're going to give you the link
in a few minutes so you can getyour own copy on our website.
(02:06):
You can get it also on Kindle.
But there's something powerfulthat you carry, guys, that
cannot be replaced by socialmedia, an iPhone, anything else.
I mean we got kids right nowtrying to find out who they are
(02:26):
every single day from this,talking about getting neurotic
the more you watch this.
So you know you're looking forsome kind of answer to why you
still hurt.
You know why you don't feelconfidence in what you're doing,
why it's so hard for you tokind of be about what you've
(02:48):
been made for, why you get stuckas a young person and don't
have the courage to step out ofthose things, or why you get
stuck in your own story to thepoint that it's a devastating
thing in your own story to thepoint that it's a devastating
thing.
And here's the other one that'seven more devastating Repeating
(03:14):
the same patterns of yourfather and being stuck the way
he is.
Well, we saw this on thenational stage this past week
and I want to share with youabout Liam Payne.
Remember Liam Payne, the boyband British-Irish boy from band
(03:38):
one and had a complicatedfamily life.
His parents, jeff and, weredivorced when he was a child.
Liam's dad, reacher, says Jeffstruggled with addiction and had
been open about his paststruggles with substance abuse.
Well, in 2019, liam Pennpublicly addressed his father's
(04:01):
addiction.
Imagine the son coming out now.
He's famous, he's all over theworld and he states he's talking
about the impact that his dad'saddiction had on his childhood.
And today Jeff Payne has madeefforts to recover and rebuild
(04:21):
his life.
And rebuild his life, liam isnow focusing on his music and
his personal well-being.
That was in 2019.
And this past weekend there wassome kind of crazy accident and
(04:41):
Liam Payne fell to his deathfrom a balcony and his dad's
down there.
The grieving's going on.
I can't even imagine what itwould be like to have a son and
lose a son like that.
And yet, as fathers, we havebeen marginalized and demonized
(05:11):
in the culture right now.
That, in a real way, blameseverything on dads but offers no
cure.
And though we have incredibleimpact as fathers, when we're
absent in our kids' life, itcauses wounds in them that, by
the way, you can at any point goback and make right.
We've worked with fathers allover the world and I've yet to
(05:33):
see a dad whose own heartwasn't—when his heart was turned
by God towards his children,something incredible fantastic
happened between his sons andreconciliation begins to happen.
I had a dad get a hold of mefrom Florida, the state that
(05:54):
just had the horrible hurricane,and he had read my book, the
Difference a Father Makes, whichwe give out for free, and it's
in over 230-some countries nowthe digital copy and he asked me
this question is it too latefor me to get my son back?
(06:16):
My son and I work in businesstogether.
We've not spoken intimately foryears.
I spent all my time as a daddriving him to be a great
businessman, but I realizedafter reading your book and our
relationship is surely lackingin his heart and I've been stuck
(06:39):
and, man, what a painful thing,what a painful thing for a son
to experience.
And yet he said I don't want todie, I'm turning 90 years old
and I don't want to die before Imake things right with my son.
(07:02):
And I said, well, you don'thave to.
And gave him a question to gointo his son's life and to
really, you know, be presentwith him and in a real way help
(07:22):
his son deal with the hurt andthey had.
What he wrote back to me was aworld-class conversation to
where he was able to ask forforgiveness and bring healing to
his son that he knows that hecaused as a father that was
completely focused on business.
(07:43):
He caused as a father that wascompletely focused on business.
So before we get into thematerial tonight, I just want to
make a promise to you ofsomething that I have watched
happen over and over and overagain, because inside the heart
of your son or your daughter,dad, is a need to have you in
(08:05):
their story.
Maybe you're divorced andseparated and only see them once
in a while.
Maybe your wife has done herbest to keep you completely away
from her son and your son, butthey need you in their life.
And I'm going to tell youthere's nothing that's more
(08:28):
powerful or more profound in thelife of your children than when
you learn to be a loving,present father.
There is nothing more importantfor you, and the better you are
at doing that and the betteryou are at connecting and asking
for forgiveness and pursuingthem, the bigger impact you're
(08:52):
going to have on your grandkidsif they have some Because that
relationship that you build withyour son, as God heals it, will
then begin to grow in profoundways towards your grandchildren
and you'll watch those thingsthat you have done and made
(09:14):
right with your son becomeincredible fruit in the life of
your children.
God made you to be a greatfather and a great husband.
You to be a great father and agreat husband.
God made you to create adestiny and a legacy with your
children.
That no form of entertainment,no distraction, no
(09:39):
success—because here's the sadthing about Liam's story.
That's the true thing thatnobody really talks about in the
articles about his life Hisrise to fame going on you know
one of those shows I don'tremember exactly which one, what
(09:59):
he discovered, america's GotTalent or the British version of
that and then rising to fame asthough fame in itself will give
you the name and the identitythat you've always wanted.
And here's a boy who had made apledge that he's glad his dad
(10:22):
has gone through recovery andthat he himself is going to be
the better for it.
And now the son is reaping thefruit of the father's brokenness
and ends up dying with whatthey said, that he had the
(10:42):
residue of pink cocaine in hisbody, which I have no idea what
that is.
All I know is that the wickedresult of when the devil
finishes devastating you as ahuman being with drugs, that end
is most often death.
And just think about this.
(11:03):
He hit the pinnacle of hiscareer as a musician and now
he's no more.
And we've seen this story overand over and over again and so
many times the reporting abouttheir lives is.
It's about you know, it's abouthow fame can do you in Well, I
(11:30):
disagree.
I think there's a lot oftemptations in fame, but if you
know who you are and you're notcarrying around wounds, you're
of temptations in fame.
But if you know who you are andyou're not carrying around
wounds, you're trying to fixwith fame, like the wound of not
having his dad around as a kidthat was never really
reconciled—and I know this thatthat dad right now is hurting.
(11:54):
You should pray for him, father.
We pray for him and hisincredible laws, because there's
nothing more painful for afather than to lose the heart of
his children and then see themend in destruction the ultimate
(12:15):
end of what happens when thedevil turns those wounds our
kids have into the fruit of them, trying to heal the same thing
that dad didn't quite defeat.
Yet that's something else I'velearned, that you know.
(12:37):
Those things in me that I bringto the Lord and confess to my
kids that I end up gettingvictory in Christ can become the
new starting point and aroadmap for my sons and my
daughters when thosetemptations—because they come to
(12:57):
everybody to be able to dealwith that in their life.
And it's not enough to hatesomething that your father did
and promise to never do thatagain.
The issue is we all need to bere-fathered, we all need healing
.
Even the best dad has flaws,and how tragic it is when sons
(13:20):
end up living in that place intheir own life, and so you know
my heart goes out to this dad.
What a tragic thing.
And so let's talk a little bitabout this.
Here's a few things.
You probably already know these, but according to the US
Sentence Bureau, there's over19.7 million children more than
(13:45):
one in four live without afather in a home.
That's in our country.
You want to look at thecomposite of what's happening in
election today.
When's the last time fathershave been celebrated?
When's the last time we've hadfathers?
(14:06):
And you know, when we have acandidate who's a loving dad,
that's a rare thing.
That's what we want.
We want somebody who has avalue for family.
Look at this one 47.6% offatherless homes live in poverty
.
They have four times the riskof children from two-parent
(14:28):
homes.
63% of youth suicides are fromfatherless homes 63%.
What would happen if we couldfix that and help dads and this
is in no way, by the way, thisis in no way trying to browbeat
(14:51):
any dad.
I mean, here's the truth whenyou are present.
I mean here's the truth whenyou are present 63% of kids who
commit suicide.
Don't do that.
I mean, just think about that.
When dads are present, theirchildren aren't going to go
(15:11):
towards that horrific end oftheir own story.
Here's another one 85% ofyouths in prison are from
fatherless homes 85%.
And so what do they do.
They want to spend more moneyon fixing up the facilities and
get better programs and betterrehab, but they don't solve the
(15:34):
issue of the wound.
That happens when a dad isnever taught by his own father
how to be a present father, andso they just keep putting a
Band-Aid on it.
The result is it doesn't work.
It doesn't work, or we wouldhave fixed the problem a long
time ago.
Here's another one.
(15:54):
Look at this Teen pregnancies.
75% of teen pregnancies happenin fatherless homes.
I mean, there's something thathappens when dad is home and dad
is with daughters.
I remember a young suitor comingto my house one day who wanted
(16:16):
to date my daughter Mary, andshe was in high school and it
was a big dance and you knowthere was a.
He came in and I made himreally nervous, which that was
my plan.
I didn't have a shotgun in thein the room where I was cleaning
(16:40):
it.
I've thought about that and hewanted to come and ask
permission to take my daughterto dance to prom and Mary wasn't
dating him.
He just wondered.
So he comes in, he comes in myroom and he looks at me and I am
measuring him up because I'vebeen taking my daughter, Mary
and Jessica, out on dates tosort of condition their hearts
(17:04):
to know when they're dating aman and not a boy Well, there's
not a lot of men in high school.
And so he comes in and it'sreally nervous and I say what's
up, what would you like?
And he says I want to have yourdaughter.
Man.
When he said that, I looked athim and I said the hell, you are
(17:26):
no, what?
No, you can't have her.
But what I meant?
I meant I want permission todate her.
I said no, he goes.
Why not?
I said, son, I don't thinkyou're man enough to handle my
(17:50):
daughter.
My daughter's been a womansince she's been 14.
When I blessed her, she's aprofound woman and she'll eat
you alive.
You're just—he says well, whatdo I need to do?
And I said well here.
And I handed him my book theDifference a Father Makes.
And I said go read my book andwhen you're ready, then I'll
(18:13):
give you permission to take mydaughter out.
And now you've got tounderstand something.
Ready, then I'll give youpermission to take my daughter
out.
And now you got to understandsomething.
I got permission from mydaughter to talk to this guy and
my daughters trusted me to helpthem make a choice.
Now that took a lot of work as adad being in my daughter's
(18:36):
lives.
Now that took a lot of work asa dad being in my daughter's
lives.
And when you disconnect fromthem and they only talk to mom,
let's say, or their girlfriendsthose basic questions that every
little girl has as she'sgrowing up and her body's
changing and all those things,there are questions that only a
(18:58):
father can answer, and that'sthe same to go with sons.
And so when that daughter isnot around you as a dad, many
(19:20):
times she will look for a boy, amale, to maybe meet some of
those needs that she stillcarries.
And boy.
That's one of the big dilemmasout there.
But that's also your protectionas a dad.
Let's go back here Now.
Look at this Behavior disorders85% from fatherless homes.
That's 20 times the average.
I mean you just being there inthe life of your children
(19:44):
regularly can keep them fromthese behavior disorders and
anger and all kinds of things,even mental and emotional trauma
problems that they have intheir life.
Look at this 80% of rapistswith anger problems come from
fatherless homes 80%.
(20:05):
See, when you are a present,loving dad in the life of your
son and you are modeling to himhow a man treats a woman, how
you date your wife, how youtreat her, how you're tender
with her.
He gets a model from you on howto treat a girl.
(20:25):
Now, when the devil tries toremove you out of the story of
your sons and daughters andyou're left to—he's left now to
go to this and check out howpeople are dating and hooking up
, and I'm convinced that part ofthe devil's weapon against our
(20:47):
children is to overly sexualizeour kids from a very young age
so that the devil can determinetheir gender.
The devil can determine allthose things about them when
they first are intimate and sex.
All that stuff.
And Hollywood is being used somany times as a wicked tool of
(21:12):
the devil himself to infiltrate,to get the heart and the gender
of your children so they can bethe ones to inform them about
why they have passions.
Well, we have passions becausewe're all tempted.
But being tempted doesn't meanwe become what we're tempted by.
(21:35):
And one of the quickest ways tohelp a young child fix that is
when they have a dad who talksto them about all these things.
And guess what?
Nobody.
But you can do that.
And then look at this 71 of allhigh school dropouts come from
(21:56):
fatherless homes.
Nine times the average.
I mean 71%.
I remember seeing that.
It just makes sense.
So many single moms are workingthemselves to death to get
their kids through school andthey don't make it to the end
and don't graduate.
It has nothing to do with themnot being smart enough or they
(22:18):
can learn, but it's nearlyimpossible not impossible, but
nearly impossible for a mom toraise a son or a daughter
without a father, because theywill be lacking.
But here's the good news Ifyou're a mom or you're watching
this as a mom when God's in yourstory as your own father and
(22:46):
you model what it's like to be adaughter of a father in heaven,
you don't live in thatstatistic and God will come
through for you in profound ways.
You know how I know this.
Well, guess what?
I played football in theNational Football League,
wearing this jersey, with a lotof guys who were raised by their
(23:07):
mamas, and their mamas wereGod-fearing, they loved Jesus
and they modeled the life thatthey wanted their sons to have,
even though their dad was notaround.
And you know, on draft day,draft day is an amazing day for
guys to go up there and put on ajersey and get on a new team,
(23:32):
and it's a powerful moment andit's more rare than it should be
where both the dad and the momare up there.
I can't tell you how manyfriends of mine who ended up
making it to the Super Bowl whenthe father, who is never in
their story, showed up all ofthe sudden at the hotel where
(23:53):
they were staying before thegame, wanting tickets and
wanting to reunite with them sohe could live in the lifestyle
his son lived, and I can't tellyou how painful that was for
those sons that their dad showedup when they were successful
(24:16):
because he wanted money, hewanted the name.
It's such a profoundly painfulthing.
And why is that so profoundlypainful?
Because that son wants his dadin his story.
You wanted your dad in thestory, no matter how good, no
(24:36):
matter how bad he was, you stillwanted him.
And when he was not in yourstory, it was incredibly painful
.
So how does God, how is Godgoing to fix this in us?
And I've shared some of thesethings with you, but I want to
share some more with you tonight, just in reminder of what's
(24:58):
going on the fatherless woundthat began when Adam broke his
relationship with God, theFather in the Garden of Eden has
plagued mankind ever since.
Today, the fatherless wound isdeeper than most of us are aware
of and it's responsible for theleading social problems in our
(25:19):
society.
I just gave you all thosestatistics.
The fatherless wounddesperately needs healing and
you can't heal it through agovernment or a program or money
or free handouts.
You've got to heal it with adad, with a father.
Look at these statistics.
You might be thinking was oneof the kids who didn't have a
(25:41):
dad in the store.
Or maybe your dad was presentphysically but emotionally
absent.
Or, even worse, maybe you wereabused by your dad.
I mean, how do you heal thatfatherless wound in your life so
that you can become the man,husband and father that God has
(26:01):
called you to be?
That's how we're going to closeour session together.
How does God heal that?
I can't tell you just the traumaI met, saw in men I played
football with, who did not endwell, who had abusive driving
(26:22):
fathers.
The opposite they were presentbut they were demanding and they
were driving their son.
I remember I won't mention hisname, but we had a trainer on
this team I was playing with andhis son.
He was training him to be themaximum athlete he could be.
(26:45):
He introduced his son to allkinds of things.
He introduced him to steroids,he introduced him to the best
training methods and he was oneof our trainers on the Rams.
Remember him talking about hisson and he drove him and that
son ended up becoming aquarterback.
I won't say his name becauseyou'll know exactly what I'm
(27:06):
talking about, but his son endsup going to a major university
and playing quarterback andhaving a shot in the NFL and is
blown up and was devastated inhis life.
And part of this is that whenyour father is driving you to
become something and you don'tbecome that something, then who
(27:29):
are you?
And, at the end of the day,liam Payne, whose dad was so
excited about him becoming arock star that when he ends up
becoming a rock star, it wasn'tenough.
(27:49):
And the only way he could dealwith the trauma of arriving at
the pinnacle of life and stillbeing absolutely empty is the
devil offers in this perfectscenario of well, man, if you
(28:11):
don't feel it, feel it, hear,smoke this, snort this, shoot
this and you can get theeuphoria that you want, and when
they taste that, their body nowcraves that in their life and
they need freedom.
They need deliverance becauseit's the ultimate—it happens
(28:35):
with movie stars and famouspeople.
It also happens with peoplethat aren't famous, where that
world is introduced to ourchildren, to our grandchildren,
and the devil's offering it toheal something they carry.
And guess what?
Maybe you're the healing dad inthe life of your children.
(29:08):
I know that from my own kidsand my own story.
My kids were on that path.
And so how does God heal thosewounds in us?
Well, here's the first picture.
God, the Father, sent His onlySon, jesus, to open the door to
the only Father who can heal thewounds inside of us.
Jesus finished the work on thecross, paid for every one of our
(29:29):
sins and gave us the right tobecome the children of God the
children of God.
So God did that in your story,in my story.
If the wound you carry comesfrom your father, isn't it best
healed by a perfect dad?
This occurred to me one daywhen writing this book.
Our Heavenly Father, he's theperfect Father.
(29:52):
Jesus does not leave us inbrokenness but offers us a way
to wholeness.
He came bearing the greatestgift, the Father's love we've
always wanted and that we'vealways wanted to receive.
So how does God heal an absentfather?
(30:16):
Well, how does he heal you whenyou know maybe you're feeling
the tug tonight that there'splaces in you that still need
healing, but there's things thatyou wish you would have done
differently as a dad?
It's not too late.
So I want you to look at thisnext verse with me.
(30:36):
He goes on to say by adoptingus as his beloved sons and
daughters.
That's God's plan.
We might have had a great birthfather or a horrible birth
father who's absent all her life.
God's plan for both groups isto adopt us as his beloved sons
and daughters.
Now look at this verse.
(30:57):
When the fullness of time hadcome, god sent forth His Son,
jesus, born of a woman, Mary,born under the law, to redeem
those who are under law, so thatwe might receive adoption as
sons.
God's plan is to bring you intoa place where you get connected
(31:41):
to the Father.
He modeled the life from theFather of all creation.
The one he talked about livedfor only did what he saw doing.
And when Paul writes these words, he uses that word, adoption,
which is just such a powerfulpicture.
And it says in Ephesians hepredestined us for adoption to
himself through Jesus Christ.
We have been predestined notonly just to be saved, but to be
adopted according to thepurpose of His will and to the
(32:03):
praise of His glorious grace,which he has blessed us in the
Beloved.
He's blessed us in Christ.
Ephesians 1, 5, and 6 says andso the Greek word for adoption
is euthysia, which actuallyliterally means—it was a
ceremony in Rome—which means toplace as the son.
(32:26):
There was a ceremony called theadoption, where a Roman father
would take one of his children,usually the oldest child, the
oldest male child, and he wouldadopt him publicly in a ceremony
before the culture, and placehim in the new role as a son.
(32:48):
And the reason why is becausehis children were not entitled
to His inheritance until theywere officially adopted by that
Roman father.
And Paul is teaching us rightout of that incredible truth
back in that day, that God, theFather, has an inheritance for
(33:11):
you and I as His children, butwe're not going to be able to
receive it until we've beenplaced as a son, until we have
been adopted as a son.
What an incredible picture thatis.
And it goes on to say you know,he adopts us so he can give us
(33:33):
an inheritance as a son ordaughter.
That's God's plan all along isto give you an inheritance in
your life.
Maybe you had no inheritancefrom your father.
God wants to give you that, andbecause you are sons, paul
writes in Galatians God has sentthe Spirit of His Son into our
hearts, crying Abba, father, soyou're no longer a slave, but a
(33:55):
son.
If a son, then an heir throughGod.
Wow, think about that, god.
You've always been one of God'schildren, but God Himself wants
to adopt you as a son.
And why is that so important?
Because the Father wants tobless you so that you can become
(34:15):
the father he wants you, thathe has always wanted you to be.
And when you receive thatadoption for yourself, it will
change your family.
So here's the next step we'regoing to pray at the end, but
before I have an online coursethat I have written to help you
(34:39):
become that husband or fatheryour family needs.
It's a video-driven course andwe're offering it right now and
we're going to give you a tasteof this.
You can sign up for free rightnow and it's a donation-based
program in the future that we'regoing to ask you to support us
to give it away to other men aswell called how to Become the
(35:01):
Husband or Father your FamilyNeeds, and we're going to give
you a link to that before we getoff of our time together.
But maybe you're in a spaceright now when you're saying
interspace, right now whenyou're saying, hey, ed, you are
speaking right to me and youwant to have a different story
(35:23):
with your kids, and so how doyou receive this for yourself?
Well, you saw it right inScripture.
That's what God wants for youand me, and so I'm going to pray
for you.
I want to pray for you like adad, like a father who blesses a
son, because God, the Father,wants to bless you.
And so if you've still gotplaces in your life where you
(35:43):
need God to father you, so thatyou can be the father and
husband your family needs, justopen your hands and let me pray
for you.
Father, I just thank you for myfriends that are watching.
I'm so grateful to be able tobe here and to share this
amazing truth.
I thank you, lord, that you Imoved from being a football
(36:07):
player to being a son, to beingadopted by you, and how that
revolutionized my heart, lord,and gave me the confidence,
security and the true identityyou have called me to have.
I pray for my brothers that arewatching and sisters if there
are sisters watching, that youwould bless their lives, and
(36:29):
maybe your dad was never able tosay this to you.
But the Father says, just likehe did to Jesus on the river
when he baptized Him if you gotChrist, you will hear these
words you are my beloved Son, inwhom I love too.
He blesses you today.
(36:51):
He's going to fill you today.
He's going to give youeverything you need to be the
father you've always wanted tobe.
Now, bless them, holy Spirit,touch them, minister to them,
use them in the name of Jesus.
Bless them right now, healwhatever wound they still carry
(37:16):
and take them on a journey ofbeing fathered by you In Jesus'
name, amen.
You want to be part of thatjourney?
Well, my assistant's going toput on the screen a slide and
you can sign up right now forour course.
You can get the book and youcan sign up for how to Become
(37:38):
the Husband and Father and joinour academy.
We actually have an academycalled the Father Difference and
you can go there right now.
You can sign up right on ourwebsite right here.
Click on that link, go to thefather dash the dash father
you've always wanted and you canget access to the course and
(38:04):
and follow along with us in inthe academy and it would be an
honor to help you.
If you want some help and youalso want something daily that
to be in your inbox to help youkind of build on what we're
building here, I also have afree devotional it's called Time
With my Father and it will cometo your inbox every single day.
(38:29):
We have thousands of peoplethat receive it every morning
and so if you'd like to havethat, you can grab that link as
well.
I'm so grateful that you'rehere.
There we go.
If you want to hear from God,the Father, every day, like
Jesus, grab that and the closingscreen.
You know, if this ministry isblessing you, you want to become
(38:51):
a friend and a partner, you canalso go to our website and help
support us so we can continue,because it's friends like you
that enable us to be live everyweek and to reach all the men
that we're reaching right now inmany, many countries, and I'm
so grateful that you're helpingus do this.
(39:12):
Remember my friends, it isnever too late for God, the
Father, to bless your life soyou can be a blessing in the
life of your family.
In the name of Jesus, amen,don't forget, go vote.
Go vote for the candidate thatwill help you become the best
(39:33):
husband and father you can be.
God bless you.
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