May 6, 2025 • 53 mins
What if the most effective way to influence your teenager isn’t a tighter rule or a louder lecture, but a better question and a braver example? We dig into the real work of fatherhood—how to keep a teen’s heart without losing your own—by shifting from control to connection, from orders to dialogue, and from polished speeches to honest stories of faith under fire.
• Mission to equip men to be present, faith-filled fathers
• The shift from command to permission-based influence
• Asking questions to reach a resistant teen
• Modeling faith under pressure as the strongest sermon
• Training by example from Ephesians and Proverbs
• Practical steps for daily trust, listening, and support
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
What kind of father do you want to be?
What kind of man do you want tobecome for your family and for
yourself?
If you've ever wondered how tostep into the fullness of your
role as a father, husband, andman of God, then you're in the
right place.
Here at the Father Difference,our mission is to inspire and
equip men to be the best fathersthey can be.
(00:24):
It's a powerful mission.
And today, we're going toexplore exactly how you can take
steps toward that calling.
Whether you're a father, a son,a husband, grandfather, single
dad, stepfather, or just lookingto grow, I believe God has
something powerful for you intoday's message.
(00:44):
Whether you're tuning in live orwatching this later, we are so
excited to have you here.
If this is what you're lookingfor, then subscribe so you can
tune in each week to the FatherDifference Live.
You can sign up below.
And now your host, a husband,father, grandfather, author, and
(01:04):
former NFL player, Pastor EdMcGlass.
SPEAKER_01 (01:17):
Good to see you again here from the Tandy
Studios here in SouthernCalifornia and the Father
Difference.
And which is Father DifferenceLive tonight.
Excited about connecting withyou.
Welcome, my friend.
100X Life Movement.
(01:37):
Powerful men's movement that anumber of guys in our Bible
study on Thursday just gonethrough.
A great uh time to reboot.
New year, a lot of things.
I am sporting two things.
Number one, my hat make fatheris great again.
And the funny thing about thisis was wearing this the other
(01:58):
day, and somebody assumed it wasjust a Trump hat and started
cussing me out and flipping meoff.
As I'm walking my grandkidsacross the road at the circle of
orange, and I and I bounce, Ilooked down and you know, didn't
know if this guy wanted to fightme or not.
(02:22):
And if he would have got out ofthe car, I would have, I would,
I would have, I don't know whatI would have done.
Well, anyway, he wouldn't havehurt my grandkids.
And so I looked at him and Isaid, Man, can you read?
And he sees the hat and he goes,Oh man, I am so sorry.
I said, You know, they get apill for your syndrome there.
(02:43):
I think, you know, you can dealwith it.
Election's over.
You're, I guess your guy didn'twin, or Gal didn't win.
And and and I'm not celebratinghis win as much as I'm
celebrating what I think Godwants to do.
Because is there anything morepowerful for you as a man and a
(03:05):
father than your children doingwell, especially in the culture
that we have right now?
Welcome, Instagram, Rumble,TikTok, X, uh just you know, uh
Facebook, private page, andpublic page.
Welcome to all of you who havejoined me again.
(03:25):
And tonight we're gonna talkabout just this a few pointers
on really how to recapture ateenager's heart, especially you
know, when they're not followingyou.
And how do you you father ateenager God's way?
(03:46):
Now, I love your comments if youwant to throw those in on one of
your platforms.
I'm only able to see those on afew.
Can't write, uh, can't reallysee the rumble comments right
now or questions that you mighthave, but you can post those and
uh would love uh to see those.
So tonight we're gonna talkabout how to father teenagers.
(04:09):
Now, how many of you aren't asgood of a father with teenage
sons and teenage daughters asyou were when they were just
like little?
I got the babysit my one of myyoungest granddaughters, Gigi,
Edward's daughter, went over andhung out with her and on Monday,
(04:35):
and she is just precious.
And it's it's about it's prettysimple feeding, bottles, nap
time, playing with Barbies.
Pretty simple, you know, thing.
Just having a great time withher.
And yet you had about 13 yearson Gigi, she's probably gonna
(04:57):
have those looks towards my sonEdward that he's gonna call me
up and go, Dad, what do I do?
And you know, that and ithappens is as fathers, we go
through these developmentalcycles where the tools that we
have when our children arelittle are not the same ones we
need to use when they get older.
(05:19):
In the beginning, we want tojust, you know, take care of our
daughters so that they're not somad at us and and keep saving
the life of our sons, which endup breaking stuff or themselves,
and et cetera.
You just you just never knowwith kids the things you're
(05:40):
gonna have.
But I'm gonna share a couple ofthings tonight from the Bible,
from scripture, and things I'velearned in my own life that
really helped me stay connectedwith my children and be and
really be the father they neededme to be.
Because the secret of being afather is basically you're
staying in the game.
You're not checking out andgoing, I'm out of here.
(06:05):
And because part of the wholeprocess of learning to be a
great dad is learning how to befathered by God yourself.
And the more you're fathered byGod yourself, the way Jesus was,
the more impact you're gonnahave as a man, husband, father.
Maybe you're unmarried now as anex and how to take care of your
(06:29):
kids, or you're fathering uhkids that aren't your birth
children, but they're part ofthe marriage to the new gal, or
you're a mentor, or my favoritegroup, you're a grandpa, and
you're you're fathering thosekids and grandkids, and you want
(06:50):
to learn some new things.
Well, tonight we're gonna talkabout that.
So here we go.
So, first slide I want to sharewith you is a scripture that
right out of Ephesians, which isis one of those, is one of the
hardest things for us tonavigate because as we're
fathering our our teenage sonsand daughters, or this applies
(07:14):
to to older children as well, isit's really easy to break this
scripture when Paul says,fathers, do not provoke your
children to anger, but bringingthem up in the discipline and
the dis instruction of the Lord.
And how easy it is for us to beprovoked to anger when they stop
(07:37):
listening to us, or they'redoing dumb stuff, right?
That they end up, you know,breaking the those rules, or my
mother used to say this, and mystepdad used to as well.
Son, you're on my last nerve.
(07:58):
Because they knew that whateverfollowed that moment, if I broke
another rule, was you know, inour house, his own words,
there's gonna be hell to pay.
And so we understood what thatall meant.
But when you're fathering, youknow, older kids, teenage kids
(08:19):
or teenagers, or those who areout of your house now, we have
to learn that fathering is allabout fathering them with
permission.
And what I mean by that is thatwhen they're little, you can you
basically get away with a lotmore latitude.
(08:41):
This is my house, here are therules, and you're gonna live
this way.
But as they begin to form this,their their core identity about
who God's called them to be as ayoung man or a young woman, if
we use that style with ourchildren when they're older,
what do they do?
(09:03):
They sometimes they makegestures towards us that we
would rather not see.
And they resist us, which makesus angry, which causes us to get
anger, we get provoked, and weend up you know teaching them
the way we do our young kids.
(09:23):
You ever made that mistake?
Let me know about it.
I'd uh send me a text uh or inthe chat back to me.
And part of that is that whenyou understand that the key to
being a great dad during thistime, because if they're gonna
hear the second half of thisverse here, you you gotta you it
(09:45):
says, do not provoke yourchildren to anger.
And so part of that is learninghow to keep their heart.
And one of the things that I'velearned over and over again,
it's a powerful truth that'shelped me more than anything
with my kids as they're older,even now, my grown uh kids who
(10:09):
have their own families, is thatI can't do kind of top-down
leadership style where I'm likethe CEO of the family and they
got to listen to me, right?
Because I, you know, I have thethe money or I have the position
or the title.
(10:31):
And when you do that, you sortof it turns into what you know,
sociologists would would callthe parent-child conflict, where
you have somebody with the poweras a parent speaking down to a
child that's your underling.
And so you assert your authorityand you say things that to try
(10:57):
to assume that authority isgoing to get them to mind.
But if they don't make thatdecision for themselves as a
teenager, and I've seen this inchurches, where you're, you
know, we'll have these kids thatare raised in church and in
Sunday school, and parents willcome to me and say, Ed, I don't
(11:18):
know what happened.
I mean, they were the best kid.
I said, Well, you know, whenchildren are being raised,
they've they learn how to obeythe rules that you have in front
of you.
But when they're when they'reaway from you and with their
friends, they live out of whatthey really believe.
(11:38):
The key is drawing them into aplace to where they live out of
the same truths and scripturesthat God has formed in you when
they're when you're not looking.
And so the way into their heart,here's one of the secrets, and
that is it's the art of askinggreat questions.
(12:00):
I learned this from Bob Beale,who's probably one of the finest
consultants that in Americanbusiness, he's he's a legend.
He had a uh he's a ministrycalled Master Planning and
Incredible Teacher.
And he taught me this many, manyyears ago, because when you ask
(12:20):
questions to a child that'sresisting you or a teenager
who's maybe just flipped you offor said something or slammed
their door, and you begin to askquestions instead of giving
orders, you can move that childinto an adult adult of
conversation, which is thesecret of reaching teenage kids.
(12:43):
Because if you don't, if they'renot, if they don't feel like
they can speak, they're gonnashut you out.
If they begin to believe thatyou don't care what they say,
and by the way, when they go toschool, they're hearing that
from their friends.
They want an autonomous life,they want to be able to do what
(13:05):
they want to do.
And and yet the more you're themore they believe that you care
enough to hear and reallyunderstand what they're dealing
with, it changes the wholething.
Now, let me ask you here's ascenario.
How many of you have disciplinedyour son with a big overreaction
(13:27):
over something where they weretrying to tell you the why?
And you were you were just moreyou were angry and you were
provoked to anger because theydid something that you think
they should have never done.
And and I remember just in oneof those conversations, I won't
(13:50):
tell you which one of my kids,and finally they were so
exasperated.
Well, they they said, Don't youwant to know why I did what I
did?
I went, Oh, okay, tell me.
And the issue was one of mychildren popped somebody at
school, and I got a call fromthe principal, and it was like,
(14:14):
You got to come down here.
We don't like violence, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And, you know, I came in and I'min the car, just, you know,
giving him the fifth, and, youknow, why'd you do this?
And blah, blah, blah, blah,blah.
You know, that's not what aMcLassan does, but that's
exactly what a McGlassan does.
I made all those same kind ofmistakes.
(14:35):
How about you?
We seem to forget as we grow inthe Lord and adult that those
experiences, think of all themistakes that you made and all
the things you wish you couldtake back.
Well, that's where your son oryour daughter is.
And so finally he goes, Well,don't you want to know why?
And I said, Okay, fine, whathappened?
(14:58):
And he said, The reason why Idid this is because this guy
really humiliated one of myfriends who's a girl in the
school, and she was weeping.
And I told him he needed tostop.
He flipped me off, and so I gavehim the IQ sign.
And I went, way to go.
(15:21):
I'm so sorry.
I I yelled at you.
And it was like it was such animportant lesson to understand
the why.
That's why questions arepowerful to find out why.
Because if you you're alwaysbarking in order, your kids are
gonna resist you.
And they're gonna say, So,because the second half of this
(15:42):
verse is so important, and thatis, but bring them up in the
discipline and instruction ofthe Lord.
Bring them up in the now, whatdid what is the heck does that
mean?
Many read the scripture and theythink, you know, I'm just gonna
teach my children and disciplinethem and teach them how to walk
in the Lord.
(16:02):
But see, the way, you know, waythis verse is written, it's
written from the the heart of aspiritual father riding into a
church who basically taught themhow to do that and brings an old
testament concept with with aJesus flavor.
(16:24):
And that is when basically whenthey see how you live your life,
it will give you credibility tohelp them see that that's the
best way for them to live, too.
Versus the old style of, well,don't do what I do, son.
(16:46):
You got to be better than me anddo what the Bible says.
Well, that has absolutely nogravitas for your children.
They're not gonna follow youbecause you're preaching the
Bible to them.
The the most powerful sermon,I'm gonna mention this a little
(17:08):
bit later in our our talk today,that you preach the most
powerful one that it's heard isthe one they see in you.
That's the one that's powerful.
And if you take anything awayfrom what I'm saying today as
something that will really helpyou, is that don't underestimate
(17:33):
the power of you living yourlife in front of them before the
Lord.
And then I'm gonna share somethings with you to help them
understand why you do.
Because the promise of thatverse then becomes that if you
do that, it's gonna change theirlife and it's gonna give them
(17:56):
the foundation that they need tohave.
See, here's a key pointparenting is about cultivating
love, understanding, and faith,all those together.
And and because if you don'thave a relationship with your
children, truth can't be shared,right?
If you don't have their heart,hear me when I say this to you,
(18:18):
they won't let you father them.
It doesn't matter that you'repaying for the food.
It doesn't matter that you carrythe authority.
If you don't have their heart,don't ever forget this, as a dad
or as a mom, they're not gonnafollow you.
(18:38):
But there's a way, there'sthere's more to learn.
Here's next slide.
Proverbs says, train up a childin the way you should go.
Even when he's old, he will notdepart from it.
Train up a child.
Here's another one.
But for us to understand thisfirst in context, the way people
(18:58):
trained up a child is they livethe life.
Hey Dennis, welcome heretonight.
And uh Jacob and Oil 1958,Delane, and and Christine, good
to see you again, and my 100xlife friend.
Is what it means is training andequipping of people during this
(19:21):
in the Old Testament time isthat it was the way you live in
front of them becomes theloudest message that they see.
And so when the Bible calls youto you know train up a child,
and now listen, here's thesecret to this: it's in the
words of Jesus, in the words ofPaul.
(19:42):
Follow me.
You want to train a child in theway it should go?
Live the life and call them tofollow you.
Because when I get when I missthe boat with my children, it's
because I'm preaching a truth Ihaven't quite worked out yet,
(20:04):
hoping they will grasp it andknow it.
Or trying to get them to notmake the same mistake that I
made when I was young, trying todo that too.
That doesn't carry the samecredibility, is when they live
out of the revelation ofscripture for themselves after
(20:28):
they've first seen it in you.
We've been looking at the verse,and you know, when Paul writes
to Timothy and he talks about, Isee this sincere faith inside of
you, the same faith I saw inyour grandmother and your mom.
See, we transfer thoseincredible nuggets of uh a life
(20:53):
well lived.
Because when your kids see theway you live by faith, it'll
give them great courage.
I don't know if I I shared thislast week in in our online men's
community at the FatherhoodAcademy, but my son, you know,
lost his home in PacificPalisade, say we're living up
(21:15):
there, and and all the thingswere lost by the fire.
And and as he's preparing to,you know, get the news even of
the destruction of his car, hishome, and and everything else.
You know, he called me on awalk.
He was actually in New York Cityat the time when the fire
(21:38):
started.
And uh he said, Dad, I'vewatched you and the way you
followed God when the wheelswere falling off and when you
lost, and when you had thosethings happen in your church,
and and so you've shown me howto to handle this, Dad.
(22:05):
I don't know about you, is thereany greater compliment that your
son can give you than themseeing the work of Christ in you
as a dad or as a mom?
And they live out of that samething, and they trust in the
Lord because they've seen it intheir dad.
(22:30):
You know, there's a lot ofpeople talking about techniques
of reaching your kids.
Well, the most powerful thingyou can do is you be a living
sermon.
Because if you are on fire,it'll make them uncomfortable,
but it'll give them a way home.
Here's the next slide I want toshare with you.
(22:52):
And that is uh see what whenyou're you're teaching your kids
a way to do, you it it itchanges your heart from giving
them the rules to really showinggenuine interest for your in
your teenager's life and andkind of what they're doing.
You know, one guy said it's sowell, listen uh more than you
(23:15):
speak, your your your presencereally matters.
And that's so that's soimportant for your children to
know that you're there.
And and one of the things thatI'm I'm so grateful to this.
I I started out fathering sobadly.
(23:38):
And uh and then the Lord beganto show me these incredible
things.
And and I and I began to seethat you know that if to invest
myself into those things that mychildren were doing, not just in
the coaching, the coaching,playing, you know, being a
(23:59):
football coach for my sons, thatwas sort of the easy route, but
investing myself in mydaughter's life too.
And and so they both lovesinging, so I built them a
little recording studio in theirroom and went in and made music
with them and did worship withthem, and it just unlocked them
(24:25):
so much.
Matter of fact, both of them areextraordinary worship leaders
today, and it started becausethey got to hang around with
Jill and I, who love to worship,but I invested in that in them,
and so when you begin to seethose ways that God shapes your
(24:45):
children, and you and youparticipate in that, and you
come around them and youresource them, it changes
everything.
With my grandkids now, I have anumber of them that just love
art.
You're probably all grandkidslove doing coloring, some
grandkids just love writing onthe walls, and I have those too.
(25:08):
And and so I uh I build an artstation here at my house when
they come over, and then I givethem art boxes and and I
celebrate them using that giftand just being present, and it
just opens our dialogue so muchtogether when they see that Papa
(25:29):
now takes an interest in them,or you as a mom, or you as a
dad, you're you're resourcingthem and helping them live out a
dream.
It might not be an ultimatedream, but you being present is
incredibly powerful for them.
And so part of what thatprinciple is, is that real
(25:51):
listening really does more thanyour speaking does.
Your present really matters withyour kids, even when they're
really broken.
And let me say this for somebodywho might be listening.
And uh welcome, Alan.
Thank you, Christine, for yourcomments.
(26:11):
You know, when our when our kidsare doing badly, there's there's
a there's a camp of people outthere or in psychology that says
we just need to give them theirspace.
Well, when we when we do thatand we're not actively reaching
(26:32):
out and loving them, they beginto believe, because I coach
these kids on the other side ofof you know, when they rebel and
they run away from theirchildren.
And oftentimes they tell me, youknow, and they're talking about
their parents, I said, Well, mydad stopped calling me.
(26:55):
When you interview the dad, thedad will tell you that the son
screamed at him and says, I wantto talk to you again.
Now, this one particular dad'sson, it's been 35 years since
they had a conversation.
And the son said to me, I justfigured that my dad didn't love
(27:16):
me anymore.
I said, Why don't you call him?
I said, Well, he's got to gofirst.
Well, he learned perfectly fromhis father.
So I got a father on the phone.
I said, Call your son.
He won't want to talk to me.
And boy, they reconnected, andit was incredible.
That's why we don't quitpursuing.
(27:38):
They want they might wantboundaries and space, which
sometimes that means they don'twant a sermon.
They want they want to know, andthis is where my my adult
children are, they want toreally know that I believe that
they can hear from Godthemselves and make even a
(28:00):
better decision than me.
That's golden if you get thatfrom me tonight.
I've had to learn that so manytimes.
Because I I I you know, I wasbig at I want to rescue my kids
and take care of them, but thatwas more about me.
But when they begin to believethat they are smart enough to
(28:25):
hear seek the Lord and makegreat decisions, then you
celebrate that.
That'll draw your kids to youmore than anything else you do.
And you might be saying, Well,what if my kids are making
really bad decisions?
Well, you keep pursuing themuntil they are willing to let
(28:47):
you in to help them.
Remember I said in the verybeginning of this, with teenage
kids and older children, we getto father and mother through
permission.
Without permission, we justbecome another sermonizer to
them.
And that's why it's soimportant.
(29:08):
And, you know, I've had I've hadmoms who, you know, in coaching
families tell me that, you know,they're they're they're refusing
to forgive, for instance,because they think they've
earned the right by servingtheir children that their kids
would never cut them off.
(29:29):
And they get hurt and they getangry.
And so the the most importantthing you do as a couple, as a
mom or dad, or as a grandfatheror grandmother, is to forgive
consistently, regularly, so thatbitter doesn't grab your heart
and keep you from making thatphone call.
(29:51):
Well, you might be saying, well,they need to call first.
They're the one who did it.
Well, I just say let the biggerperson go first.
Let the most holy person gofirst.
Because you you just never knowwhat would happen.
And I could tell you story afterstory, and maybe another night
(30:14):
I'll share some of those.
I don't kind of stay on pointwith you with our time tonight.
Just go first.
Here's the next thought I wantyou to think about.
And that in Deuteronomy says,and these words that I command
you today shall be on yourheart.
And here again, here's Mosesspeaking to the people of
(30:36):
Israel.
You shall teach them diligentlyto your children.
Well, here again, we've sort ofmisrepresented this in that we
are just teaching them theBible.
And there's a place for that.
And I wanted to share somethingwith you that happened to me as
(30:56):
a preacher years ago.
And I remember one day, just inmy quiet time with the Lord and
preparing for a sermon oneSunday.
And and realizing I was just ina season where I didn't feel
like I had a lot of tractionwith the people.
(31:17):
And the Lord showed me that theyfollow people who live out of
the sermons that they preach.
(31:40):
And the more you live that outin front of them and confess to
them and model humility to themwhen you blow it, you'll do more
for helping your kids reconnectto you and the Lord than
anything else you do.
Because when they see thatyou're human, it changes the
game.
(32:01):
I I remember an issue I had withone of my sons.
And I wanted to confront him.
And I said, Lord, how do I howdo I do this?
I get so angry.
And he said, Well, why don't youtell on yourself?
(32:23):
That's not what I wanted tohear.
I wanted to be right.
I didn't I want to dig up thepast.
And so I I went into the roomand got home from high school
and and I said, Do you know whenI you know I I have something
that I've been doing that I wantto confess to you that I really
(32:46):
need you to pray for me becauseI I I have some things that have
grabbed me that I need help withand it happened to be very close
to what they were strugglingwith.
He said, You dad?
And I said, Yeah.
He said, What do you want me todo?
(33:07):
I said, Would you would you justI'm gonna confess and I want you
to pray for me and we'll just gobefore the Lord together and I
want you to pray for me.
Your dad would have more victorywith this.
And I'll never forget the lookon his face, and he one of my
younger sons, and he just said,Oh, okay.
(33:30):
And I could tell he felt alittle awkward, but at the same
time, he goes, he put his handon me and he prayed for me.
And I just it just meant somuch.
I hugged him.
I said, Thanks, son.
I was walking out of the room.
He goes, Hey dad, I'm strugglingwith the same thing.
You yeah, and he just confessedit to me, and I prayed for him
(33:57):
and and hugged him.
And he just I was walking outand his his countenance just
completely changed.
See, it's when we model who wereally are before the Lord in
front of our children, it givesthem a roadmap to connect to
(34:21):
him.
And that's just incrediblypowerful.
See, it's not all the scriptureyou know, it's and it's
important to memorize scriptureand all that.
It's not all the sermons you cansermonize, but it's being a
living epistle.
The epistles were the letters,right?
(34:43):
Uh written to the churches, butto be a living version of that
epistle that you're trying towork out with all your your
frailty and and all the thingsin your life.
Because when you when you livethat way in front of your
children, you give them greathope.
You give them great hope.
(35:03):
Okay, let's go to the nextslide.
We'll we'll tie this togetherfor you tonight.
See, you're and I said this inso many ways, your actions is
the loudest sermon they willhear.
They're watching you.
And so here's the key point youshare your faith openly with
them, you share your strugglesopenly, and you share your
(35:27):
victories with them.
Most of us, and and and I maybemaybe I'd just say this is my
style, and you can say this ifthis was you or not.
My style was to share myvictories with them.
And yet they they they couldn'trelate, but when I started
(35:47):
sharing my weakness and how Ineeded prayer, boy, it it just
did something inside of ourfamily.
And it gives them the tools todeal with the hard times they're
gonna be in.
And so that's that's a powerful,powerful thing.
Here's the next life.
And so what that does is ithelps us create this safe place
(36:11):
for sharing thoughts, feelingsby modeling that to them, right?
They they need to know howyou're processing stuff, they
need to know how you're dealingwith stuff.
And and you let them know, youknow, even their questions or
even their doubts are are greatlearning things.
(36:32):
We we want our kids to neverdoubt God.
But we doubt God sometimes.
And so being honest about howyou deal with it is liberating
for your son or for yourdaughter when they see that dad
struggles too.
And man, it, you know, andbecause you want to you want to
(36:54):
find places to celebrate in yourchildren as they're growing.
And here's just a little sidething just kind of jumped in my
brain.
But I used to do this when mykids would come and share with
me something they're learningfrom the Lord, I would always
try to, I always added like asermon addendum to it.
(37:21):
And I realized I could see theircountenance and their face
change when they're learningsomething.
And then I started to go, that'samazing.
Wow.
So proud of you.
You do that, God's gonna keepblessing you, son.
You're really hearing from theLord.
You highlight what you want, youdon't just highlight the truth
(37:46):
and go, Well, haven't I beentelling you that for years?
Which is unfortunately the stylethat we get involved in too
often because it was maybe theway you were framed or coached,
or I mean, even the nature ofthe way church is set up, you
know, you got a guy preachingthe truth to you, inviting you
(38:10):
to deal with with those things.
But it those sermons you neverforget.
I'll I'll never forget thismoment, and this is the private
moment.
I won't mention his name.
He is a world-class pastor andleader, and uh he's getting
(38:31):
ready to go out at PromiseKeepers and preach to 55,000 men
in a big stadium.
And he had been bombarded thenight before with just this lust
that was hitting him.
And he would battle it all nightand barely slept.
(38:52):
He knew the enemy was trying totake him out.
And he says, Man, before I go onthat stage tonight, I need you
to pray for me.
And I just confess to you, I'vebeen I've been battling this
lust all night long.
And I uh trying to ask the Lordwhy, you know, why is this
attack kind of hitting me theway it did?
(39:12):
And he and he just he confessedthat not that he had partaken it
of anything or watched porno oror something on TV.
He just confessed his his thetemptation of lust had hit him,
that he kept confessing back toGod in this spiritual battle
(39:35):
against himself.
He said, I can't go out thereand preach, man, until you guys
lay hands on me and we we prayfor him.
And I was I was like, I was thisis amazing.
Because he's one of my my heroesof the faith who's lived the
(39:56):
life, loved his wife, greatgrandpa, great church,
faithfulness, gave his church tohis son-in-law, who's a powerful
preacher that he equipped in theLord, and and then he went out
there and stood in front offifty thousand five thousand men
and he goes, Man, how many ofyou have been battling the lust
(40:30):
of the flesh in your life?
Then he shares this thing hedealt with.
I mean he rocked it, I meanfifty five thousand men at the
altar call and him calling mento sexual purity and the power.
(40:53):
I mean, it was extraordinary.
But that amazing event that tookplace out there was first dealt
with with brothers.
And see, he was obeying James,which says to confess your sins
to one another so that you mightbe forgiven and saved.
(41:15):
Something happens when weinclude other people in those
stories.
And there's wisdom in sharingthings to men that you don't
your kids, but there's alsoincredible power when you start
sharing some of the samestruggles with your your
children that you struggle with,that they struggle with.
(41:37):
So finally, what I didn't wantedto share with you tonight is
this this the really the lastpart of this connection is to
share your prayer life.
And I've been talking about thisfor the last few weeks.
But the Bible says, don't beanxious about anything, but in
(41:59):
everything by prayer andsupplication with thanksgiving,
let your request be made knownto God.
What happens when the pressuregets on you?
See, when we're praying for andwith them, something changes in
our family.
(42:21):
And when we're teaching them topray, it uh and they get and
they get an answer, it changestheir prayer life.
See, and here's kind of that thekey idea: the more they see God
answering their prayers, themore they're gonna follow him.
And that's exactly what you wantto have happen.
(42:46):
I don't want to end with thisstory, and uh we'll have if you
got it got any questions too, uhyou can uh shoot up in the chat.
But I remember years ago, andand this is where I I sort of
learned it, is something thatGod had done in my own life.
(43:08):
And my my son, he came to me andhe was getting ready to turn 16
years old, and he was reallyfrustrated because he wanted to
get a car, and he only had alimited amount of money, and his
grandma helped start a car fundfor him, and and so he wanted a
(43:28):
car, and he was frustratedbecause everything he looked at
was a beater.
And and so I s I said, Well,have you ever if you told God
what kind of car you want?
And he said, No.
He said, Why don't you just prayright now?
And I think God God wants togive you this car, and he just
(43:51):
wasn't having, he goes, Fine.
I said, So you pray, I'll agreewith you.
Okay, fine.
God, I want an Eddie Bauer,doesn't have to be brand new,
used, two-tone, white on thetop, with a stripe, gold bottom,
custom wheels, bronco, and ithas the luggage in the back.
(44:14):
In Jesus' name.
And he prayed it just like that.
I kid you not.
And and he and it was like,okay, are you happy now, Dad?
And I would say within a minuteafter that prayer, we're sitting
there watching a football gameor something.
(44:35):
The phone rings.
Hey Ed.
It was my friend Jason, whohappened to own car lots.
He goes, I think I just foundthe perfect car for your son.
I have my speakerphone.
And Edward's odds goes, whoa.
And he goes, Eddie Bauer,two-tone, white on top or cream
colored, and gold on the bottom,custom rims, and it's even got
(44:58):
the original luggage.
And he says, and I'll give it toyou for a special price.
He names the price.
It's like$5,500.
It's worth$20,000.
It's exactly the amount of moneyEdward had.
Do you want that car?
And I went, yes, ship it.
(45:19):
They shipped it to us fromTexas.
My son Edward jumped up as a16-year-old kid on our bed like
Kermit the Frog.
And I'm watching the Lord justbirth faith in him because he
connected.
And when we we teach him how toconnect to God in prayer and
(45:43):
pray for them and and agree withtheir prayers and say, Hey, I
want you to pray for this, andand I'll agree with you.
Even though their prayers aren'tgoing to be eloquent or praying
just right, God loves answeringthose prayers.
And I've watched the faith andthe life of my son Edward and
(46:04):
Josh and Lucas, my daughtersMary and Jessica on how they've
learned to pray and see God comethrough in amazing ways.
And that's an incredibleinheritance that you can sew
into your children when youpray.
Well, that's all I got to sharewith you tonight.
(46:25):
But I'd love to pray with youtonight.
I know that there's uh uh anumber of you that really uh
need a need a breakthrough.
You need a breakthrough withyour children right now, with
your sons, your daughters, withyour heart.
And I would just love to praywith you.
(46:46):
It'd be an honor uh to pray withyou tonight.
And so why don't we uh closethis with prayer?
And I have just a short littlevideo outro after.
If you want to get a hold of meand uh you have something
specific that you want prayerfor, we're here and would love
(47:07):
to pray with you.
You can email me and get a holdof me.
Let me throw up a few thingshere for you.
Here we go.
If you got a prayer request andyou need special prayer or
coaching, you can get a hold ofme at edtandy at blessing of the
father.com and would love tomeet with you and connect with
(47:28):
you.
If you've not uh heard about ournew men's thing, get a hold of
me.
I want to talk to you.
Also, I'll share with you aboutour fatherhood academy that uh
we're launching right now.
And uh and so if you get a holdof me at Ed Tandy at
BlessingOthefather.com.
(47:50):
That also comes with a freeshort coaching appointment with
an issue that you might have uhin your family, but you got to
get a hold of me and we'll sendyou the link.
All that to say, let's pray.
Father, thank you for my friendsthat have been watching tonight.
I'm so grateful for them.
I'm so grateful for the livesthey have, the ministries they
(48:13):
have.
Uh I ask you that you'd be withthem.
You you'd bless all of them,that too many names for me to
count here.
But you'd bless them.
My friend in 100x life movement,uh, bless him, Lord, and all the
men he's reaching, and Christineand and M.
(48:34):
Allen and and uh Diaz and theother ones that uh I can't
really see here on Instagram andTikTok and X and Facebook.
Lord, I pray you would touch allof them and the needs that they
have.
And I ask you to be with them.
I ask you to meet them, Lord.
(48:55):
I ask you to to equip them to bethe best father they can
possibly be, or if they're a momwatching, the best mom they can
be, in the name of Jesus.
I ask you to be with them, you'dfill them, you'd bless them,
you'd use their life for glory,and that their children and
their children's children wouldgrow up and call you blessed.
(49:20):
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
Hey, great to be with youtonight.
Uh, if check out this littleoutro that we did, it's been
such an honor to be with you.
And uh and share the word, joinour YouTube channel if you want
to get it there or theirFacebook, and you'll get make
(49:40):
sure you put on thatnotification to see when we do
shows.
And on Thursdays at 12, I have agreat show with the gals.
The difference a mother makes.
It'd be a great place for yourwife to check on.
Go to our Facebook page.
You can find out the fatherdifference on Facebook and
(50:01):
YouTube and X and all of them.
Well, Lord bless you.
Have a great night.
SPEAKER_00 (50:10):
Dear friends, imagine a world where every
father feels equipped to leadwith faith, love, and purpose.
A world where families thriveand communities grow stronger
because of devoted,Christ-centered fathers.
SPEAKER_01 (50:25):
You know, beloved, that is the vision that God's
put in my heart for every singlefamily.
You know, he is on the move, Ibelieve.
He promises in Malachi thatbefore the great and coming day
of the Lord, he's gonna dosomething profound.
He's gonna turn the hearts offathers back towards their
(50:46):
children.
So the hearts of their childrenwill turn back to their father.
That's what God is doing.
I meet dads daily who want tolearn to be better fathers.
Yet many have never been shownhow.
Too many families are beingfractured to bitterness, and
with parents and grandparentseven being canceled.
(51:09):
That's why we're launching anonline community to quit men to
be the fathers that God hascalled them to be.
It's more than a program, it's apart of a a movement that God is
already doing to reshapefatherhood.
It's a sacred calling rooted inthe teachings of pride.
(51:30):
And we're calling this theFatherhood Academy, where men
will embark on a journey ofhealing and spiritual
restoration that helps themtransform their family
relationship.
And to make this vision areality, would you consider
partnering with us financiallyas we continue to reach and
(51:54):
disciple every man, dad, andgrandpa that comes our way?
Your donation will help create aripple across the neighborhoods,
communities, you know, andultimately our nation.
Anchoring each child, here's adivision and the unwavering love
and guidance of a devoted dad.
(52:16):
Your end-of-the-year gift rightnow, whether it's a one-time
donation or an ongoing pledgemonthly, will make a huge
difference.
Together we can equip fathers tobuild hope-filled futures for
their children and theirgrandchildren.
(52:36):
Remember, my friend, the fatherloves you.
And he sent his son to let youknow.
Pray it for you, Pastor Ed.
SPEAKER_00 (52:45):
Click the link to donate today.
Thank you for believing in thismission and joining us on this
transformative journey.
What kind of father do you want to be?
What kind of man do you want tobecome for your family and for
yourself?
If you've ever wondered how tostep into the fullness of your
role as a father, husband, andman of God, then you're in the
right place.
Here at the Father Difference,our mission is to inspire and
equip men to be the best fathersthey can be.
(00:24):
It's a powerful mission.
And today, we're going toexplore exactly how you can take
steps toward that calling.
Whether you're a father, a son,a husband, grandfather, single
dad, stepfather, or just lookingto grow, I believe God has
something powerful for you intoday's message.
(00:44):
Whether you're tuning in live orwatching this later, we are so
excited to have you here.
If this is what you're lookingfor, then subscribe so you can
tune in each week to the FatherDifference Live.
You can sign up below.
And now your host, a husband,father, grandfather, author, and
(01:04):
former NFL player, Pastor EdMcGlass.
SPEAKER_01 (01:17):
Good to see you again here from the Tandy
Studios here in SouthernCalifornia and the Father
Difference.
And which is Father DifferenceLive tonight.
Excited about connecting withyou.
Welcome, my friend.
100X Life Movement.
(01:37):
Powerful men's movement that anumber of guys in our Bible
study on Thursday just gonethrough.
A great uh time to reboot.
New year, a lot of things.
I am sporting two things.
Number one, my hat make fatheris great again.
And the funny thing about thisis was wearing this the other
(01:58):
day, and somebody assumed it wasjust a Trump hat and started
cussing me out and flipping meoff.
As I'm walking my grandkidsacross the road at the circle of
orange, and I and I bounce, Ilooked down and you know, didn't
know if this guy wanted to fightme or not.
(02:22):
And if he would have got out ofthe car, I would have, I would,
I would have, I don't know whatI would have done.
Well, anyway, he wouldn't havehurt my grandkids.
And so I looked at him and Isaid, Man, can you read?
And he sees the hat and he goes,Oh man, I am so sorry.
I said, You know, they get apill for your syndrome there.
(02:43):
I think, you know, you can dealwith it.
Election's over.
You're, I guess your guy didn'twin, or Gal didn't win.
And and and I'm not celebratinghis win as much as I'm
celebrating what I think Godwants to do.
Because is there anything morepowerful for you as a man and a
(03:05):
father than your children doingwell, especially in the culture
that we have right now?
Welcome, Instagram, Rumble,TikTok, X, uh just you know, uh
Facebook, private page, andpublic page.
Welcome to all of you who havejoined me again.
(03:25):
And tonight we're gonna talkabout just this a few pointers
on really how to recapture ateenager's heart, especially you
know, when they're not followingyou.
And how do you you father ateenager God's way?
(03:46):
Now, I love your comments if youwant to throw those in on one of
your platforms.
I'm only able to see those on afew.
Can't write, uh, can't reallysee the rumble comments right
now or questions that you mighthave, but you can post those and
uh would love uh to see those.
So tonight we're gonna talkabout how to father teenagers.
(04:09):
Now, how many of you aren't asgood of a father with teenage
sons and teenage daughters asyou were when they were just
like little?
I got the babysit my one of myyoungest granddaughters, Gigi,
Edward's daughter, went over andhung out with her and on Monday,
(04:35):
and she is just precious.
And it's it's about it's prettysimple feeding, bottles, nap
time, playing with Barbies.
Pretty simple, you know, thing.
Just having a great time withher.
And yet you had about 13 yearson Gigi, she's probably gonna
(04:57):
have those looks towards my sonEdward that he's gonna call me
up and go, Dad, what do I do?
And you know, that and ithappens is as fathers, we go
through these developmentalcycles where the tools that we
have when our children arelittle are not the same ones we
need to use when they get older.
(05:19):
In the beginning, we want tojust, you know, take care of our
daughters so that they're not somad at us and and keep saving
the life of our sons, which endup breaking stuff or themselves,
and et cetera.
You just you just never knowwith kids the things you're
(05:40):
gonna have.
But I'm gonna share a couple ofthings tonight from the Bible,
from scripture, and things I'velearned in my own life that
really helped me stay connectedwith my children and be and
really be the father they neededme to be.
Because the secret of being afather is basically you're
staying in the game.
You're not checking out andgoing, I'm out of here.
(06:05):
And because part of the wholeprocess of learning to be a
great dad is learning how to befathered by God yourself.
And the more you're fathered byGod yourself, the way Jesus was,
the more impact you're gonnahave as a man, husband, father.
Maybe you're unmarried now as anex and how to take care of your
(06:29):
kids, or you're fathering uhkids that aren't your birth
children, but they're part ofthe marriage to the new gal, or
you're a mentor, or my favoritegroup, you're a grandpa, and
you're you're fathering thosekids and grandkids, and you want
(06:50):
to learn some new things.
Well, tonight we're gonna talkabout that.
So here we go.
So, first slide I want to sharewith you is a scripture that
right out of Ephesians, which isis one of those, is one of the
hardest things for us tonavigate because as we're
fathering our our teenage sonsand daughters, or this applies
(07:14):
to to older children as well, isit's really easy to break this
scripture when Paul says,fathers, do not provoke your
children to anger, but bringingthem up in the discipline and
the dis instruction of the Lord.
And how easy it is for us to beprovoked to anger when they stop
(07:37):
listening to us, or they'redoing dumb stuff, right?
That they end up, you know,breaking the those rules, or my
mother used to say this, and mystepdad used to as well.
Son, you're on my last nerve.
(07:58):
Because they knew that whateverfollowed that moment, if I broke
another rule, was you know, inour house, his own words,
there's gonna be hell to pay.
And so we understood what thatall meant.
But when you're fathering, youknow, older kids, teenage kids
(08:19):
or teenagers, or those who areout of your house now, we have
to learn that fathering is allabout fathering them with
permission.
And what I mean by that is thatwhen they're little, you can you
basically get away with a lotmore latitude.
(08:41):
This is my house, here are therules, and you're gonna live
this way.
But as they begin to form this,their their core identity about
who God's called them to be as ayoung man or a young woman, if
we use that style with ourchildren when they're older,
what do they do?
(09:03):
They sometimes they makegestures towards us that we
would rather not see.
And they resist us, which makesus angry, which causes us to get
anger, we get provoked, and weend up you know teaching them
the way we do our young kids.
(09:23):
You ever made that mistake?
Let me know about it.
I'd uh send me a text uh or inthe chat back to me.
And part of that is that whenyou understand that the key to
being a great dad during thistime, because if they're gonna
hear the second half of thisverse here, you you gotta you it
(09:45):
says, do not provoke yourchildren to anger.
And so part of that is learninghow to keep their heart.
And one of the things that I'velearned over and over again,
it's a powerful truth that'shelped me more than anything
with my kids as they're older,even now, my grown uh kids who
(10:09):
have their own families, is thatI can't do kind of top-down
leadership style where I'm likethe CEO of the family and they
got to listen to me, right?
Because I, you know, I have thethe money or I have the position
or the title.
(10:31):
And when you do that, you sortof it turns into what you know,
sociologists would would callthe parent-child conflict, where
you have somebody with the poweras a parent speaking down to a
child that's your underling.
And so you assert your authorityand you say things that to try
(10:57):
to assume that authority isgoing to get them to mind.
But if they don't make thatdecision for themselves as a
teenager, and I've seen this inchurches, where you're, you
know, we'll have these kids thatare raised in church and in
Sunday school, and parents willcome to me and say, Ed, I don't
(11:18):
know what happened.
I mean, they were the best kid.
I said, Well, you know, whenchildren are being raised,
they've they learn how to obeythe rules that you have in front
of you.
But when they're when they'reaway from you and with their
friends, they live out of whatthey really believe.
(11:38):
The key is drawing them into aplace to where they live out of
the same truths and scripturesthat God has formed in you when
they're when you're not looking.
And so the way into their heart,here's one of the secrets, and
that is it's the art of askinggreat questions.
(12:00):
I learned this from Bob Beale,who's probably one of the finest
consultants that in Americanbusiness, he's he's a legend.
He had a uh he's a ministrycalled Master Planning and
Incredible Teacher.
And he taught me this many, manyyears ago, because when you ask
(12:20):
questions to a child that'sresisting you or a teenager
who's maybe just flipped you offor said something or slammed
their door, and you begin to askquestions instead of giving
orders, you can move that childinto an adult adult of
conversation, which is thesecret of reaching teenage kids.
(12:43):
Because if you don't, if they'renot, if they don't feel like
they can speak, they're gonnashut you out.
If they begin to believe thatyou don't care what they say,
and by the way, when they go toschool, they're hearing that
from their friends.
They want an autonomous life,they want to be able to do what
(13:05):
they want to do.
And and yet the more you're themore they believe that you care
enough to hear and reallyunderstand what they're dealing
with, it changes the wholething.
Now, let me ask you here's ascenario.
How many of you have disciplinedyour son with a big overreaction
(13:27):
over something where they weretrying to tell you the why?
And you were you were just moreyou were angry and you were
provoked to anger because theydid something that you think
they should have never done.
And and I remember just in oneof those conversations, I won't
(13:50):
tell you which one of my kids,and finally they were so
exasperated.
Well, they they said, Don't youwant to know why I did what I
did?
I went, Oh, okay, tell me.
And the issue was one of mychildren popped somebody at
school, and I got a call fromthe principal, and it was like,
(14:14):
You got to come down here.
We don't like violence, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And, you know, I came in and I'min the car, just, you know,
giving him the fifth, and, youknow, why'd you do this?
And blah, blah, blah, blah,blah.
You know, that's not what aMcLassan does, but that's
exactly what a McGlassan does.
I made all those same kind ofmistakes.
(14:35):
How about you?
We seem to forget as we grow inthe Lord and adult that those
experiences, think of all themistakes that you made and all
the things you wish you couldtake back.
Well, that's where your son oryour daughter is.
And so finally he goes, Well,don't you want to know why?
And I said, Okay, fine, whathappened?
(14:58):
And he said, The reason why Idid this is because this guy
really humiliated one of myfriends who's a girl in the
school, and she was weeping.
And I told him he needed tostop.
He flipped me off, and so I gavehim the IQ sign.
And I went, way to go.
(15:21):
I'm so sorry.
I I yelled at you.
And it was like it was such animportant lesson to understand
the why.
That's why questions arepowerful to find out why.
Because if you you're alwaysbarking in order, your kids are
gonna resist you.
And they're gonna say, So,because the second half of this
(15:42):
verse is so important, and thatis, but bring them up in the
discipline and instruction ofthe Lord.
Bring them up in the now, whatdid what is the heck does that
mean?
Many read the scripture and theythink, you know, I'm just gonna
teach my children and disciplinethem and teach them how to walk
in the Lord.
(16:02):
But see, the way, you know, waythis verse is written, it's
written from the the heart of aspiritual father riding into a
church who basically taught themhow to do that and brings an old
testament concept with with aJesus flavor.
(16:24):
And that is when basically whenthey see how you live your life,
it will give you credibility tohelp them see that that's the
best way for them to live, too.
Versus the old style of, well,don't do what I do, son.
(16:46):
You got to be better than me anddo what the Bible says.
Well, that has absolutely nogravitas for your children.
They're not gonna follow youbecause you're preaching the
Bible to them.
The the most powerful sermon,I'm gonna mention this a little
(17:08):
bit later in our our talk today,that you preach the most
powerful one that it's heard isthe one they see in you.
That's the one that's powerful.
And if you take anything awayfrom what I'm saying today as
something that will really helpyou, is that don't underestimate
(17:33):
the power of you living yourlife in front of them before the
Lord.
And then I'm gonna share somethings with you to help them
understand why you do.
Because the promise of thatverse then becomes that if you
do that, it's gonna change theirlife and it's gonna give them
(17:56):
the foundation that they need tohave.
See, here's a key pointparenting is about cultivating
love, understanding, and faith,all those together.
And and because if you don'thave a relationship with your
children, truth can't be shared,right?
If you don't have their heart,hear me when I say this to you,
(18:18):
they won't let you father them.
It doesn't matter that you'repaying for the food.
It doesn't matter that you carrythe authority.
If you don't have their heart,don't ever forget this, as a dad
or as a mom, they're not gonnafollow you.
(18:38):
But there's a way, there'sthere's more to learn.
Here's next slide.
Proverbs says, train up a childin the way you should go.
Even when he's old, he will notdepart from it.
Train up a child.
Here's another one.
But for us to understand thisfirst in context, the way people
(18:58):
trained up a child is they livethe life.
Hey Dennis, welcome heretonight.
And uh Jacob and Oil 1958,Delane, and and Christine, good
to see you again, and my 100xlife friend.
Is what it means is training andequipping of people during this
(19:21):
in the Old Testament time isthat it was the way you live in
front of them becomes theloudest message that they see.
And so when the Bible calls youto you know train up a child,
and now listen, here's thesecret to this: it's in the
words of Jesus, in the words ofPaul.
(19:42):
Follow me.
You want to train a child in theway it should go?
Live the life and call them tofollow you.
Because when I get when I missthe boat with my children, it's
because I'm preaching a truth Ihaven't quite worked out yet,
(20:04):
hoping they will grasp it andknow it.
Or trying to get them to notmake the same mistake that I
made when I was young, trying todo that too.
That doesn't carry the samecredibility, is when they live
out of the revelation ofscripture for themselves after
(20:28):
they've first seen it in you.
We've been looking at the verse,and you know, when Paul writes
to Timothy and he talks about, Isee this sincere faith inside of
you, the same faith I saw inyour grandmother and your mom.
See, we transfer thoseincredible nuggets of uh a life
(20:53):
well lived.
Because when your kids see theway you live by faith, it'll
give them great courage.
I don't know if I I shared thislast week in in our online men's
community at the FatherhoodAcademy, but my son, you know,
lost his home in PacificPalisade, say we're living up
(21:15):
there, and and all the thingswere lost by the fire.
And and as he's preparing to,you know, get the news even of
the destruction of his car, hishome, and and everything else.
You know, he called me on awalk.
He was actually in New York Cityat the time when the fire
(21:38):
started.
And uh he said, Dad, I'vewatched you and the way you
followed God when the wheelswere falling off and when you
lost, and when you had thosethings happen in your church,
and and so you've shown me howto to handle this, Dad.
(22:05):
I don't know about you, is thereany greater compliment that your
son can give you than themseeing the work of Christ in you
as a dad or as a mom?
And they live out of that samething, and they trust in the
Lord because they've seen it intheir dad.
(22:30):
You know, there's a lot ofpeople talking about techniques
of reaching your kids.
Well, the most powerful thingyou can do is you be a living
sermon.
Because if you are on fire,it'll make them uncomfortable,
but it'll give them a way home.
Here's the next slide I want toshare with you.
(22:52):
And that is uh see what whenyou're you're teaching your kids
a way to do, you it it itchanges your heart from giving
them the rules to really showinggenuine interest for your in
your teenager's life and andkind of what they're doing.
You know, one guy said it's sowell, listen uh more than you
(23:15):
speak, your your your presencereally matters.
And that's so that's soimportant for your children to
know that you're there.
And and one of the things thatI'm I'm so grateful to this.
I I started out fathering sobadly.
(23:38):
And uh and then the Lord beganto show me these incredible
things.
And and I and I began to seethat you know that if to invest
myself into those things that mychildren were doing, not just in
the coaching, the coaching,playing, you know, being a
(23:59):
football coach for my sons, thatwas sort of the easy route, but
investing myself in mydaughter's life too.
And and so they both lovesinging, so I built them a
little recording studio in theirroom and went in and made music
with them and did worship withthem, and it just unlocked them
(24:25):
so much.
Matter of fact, both of them areextraordinary worship leaders
today, and it started becausethey got to hang around with
Jill and I, who love to worship,but I invested in that in them,
and so when you begin to seethose ways that God shapes your
(24:45):
children, and you and youparticipate in that, and you
come around them and youresource them, it changes
everything.
With my grandkids now, I have anumber of them that just love
art.
You're probably all grandkidslove doing coloring, some
grandkids just love writing onthe walls, and I have those too.
(25:08):
And and so I uh I build an artstation here at my house when
they come over, and then I givethem art boxes and and I
celebrate them using that giftand just being present, and it
just opens our dialogue so muchtogether when they see that Papa
(25:29):
now takes an interest in them,or you as a mom, or you as a
dad, you're you're resourcingthem and helping them live out a
dream.
It might not be an ultimatedream, but you being present is
incredibly powerful for them.
And so part of what thatprinciple is, is that real
(25:51):
listening really does more thanyour speaking does.
Your present really matters withyour kids, even when they're
really broken.
And let me say this for somebodywho might be listening.
And uh welcome, Alan.
Thank you, Christine, for yourcomments.
(26:11):
You know, when our when our kidsare doing badly, there's there's
a there's a camp of people outthere or in psychology that says
we just need to give them theirspace.
Well, when we when we do thatand we're not actively reaching
(26:32):
out and loving them, they beginto believe, because I coach
these kids on the other side ofof you know, when they rebel and
they run away from theirchildren.
And oftentimes they tell me, youknow, and they're talking about
their parents, I said, Well, mydad stopped calling me.
(26:55):
When you interview the dad, thedad will tell you that the son
screamed at him and says, I wantto talk to you again.
Now, this one particular dad'sson, it's been 35 years since
they had a conversation.
And the son said to me, I justfigured that my dad didn't love
(27:16):
me anymore.
I said, Why don't you call him?
I said, Well, he's got to gofirst.
Well, he learned perfectly fromhis father.
So I got a father on the phone.
I said, Call your son.
He won't want to talk to me.
And boy, they reconnected, andit was incredible.
That's why we don't quitpursuing.
(27:38):
They want they might wantboundaries and space, which
sometimes that means they don'twant a sermon.
They want they want to know, andthis is where my my adult
children are, they want toreally know that I believe that
they can hear from Godthemselves and make even a
(28:00):
better decision than me.
That's golden if you get thatfrom me tonight.
I've had to learn that so manytimes.
Because I I I you know, I wasbig at I want to rescue my kids
and take care of them, but thatwas more about me.
But when they begin to believethat they are smart enough to
(28:25):
hear seek the Lord and makegreat decisions, then you
celebrate that.
That'll draw your kids to youmore than anything else you do.
And you might be saying, Well,what if my kids are making
really bad decisions?
Well, you keep pursuing themuntil they are willing to let
(28:47):
you in to help them.
Remember I said in the verybeginning of this, with teenage
kids and older children, we getto father and mother through
permission.
Without permission, we justbecome another sermonizer to
them.
And that's why it's soimportant.
(29:08):
And, you know, I've had I've hadmoms who, you know, in coaching
families tell me that, you know,they're they're they're refusing
to forgive, for instance,because they think they've
earned the right by servingtheir children that their kids
would never cut them off.
(29:29):
And they get hurt and they getangry.
And so the the most importantthing you do as a couple, as a
mom or dad, or as a grandfatheror grandmother, is to forgive
consistently, regularly, so thatbitter doesn't grab your heart
and keep you from making thatphone call.
(29:51):
Well, you might be saying, well,they need to call first.
They're the one who did it.
Well, I just say let the biggerperson go first.
Let the most holy person gofirst.
Because you you just never knowwhat would happen.
And I could tell you story afterstory, and maybe another night
(30:14):
I'll share some of those.
I don't kind of stay on pointwith you with our time tonight.
Just go first.
Here's the next thought I wantyou to think about.
And that in Deuteronomy says,and these words that I command
you today shall be on yourheart.
And here again, here's Mosesspeaking to the people of
(30:36):
Israel.
You shall teach them diligentlyto your children.
Well, here again, we've sort ofmisrepresented this in that we
are just teaching them theBible.
And there's a place for that.
And I wanted to share somethingwith you that happened to me as
(30:56):
a preacher years ago.
And I remember one day, just inmy quiet time with the Lord and
preparing for a sermon oneSunday.
And and realizing I was just ina season where I didn't feel
like I had a lot of tractionwith the people.
(31:17):
And the Lord showed me that theyfollow people who live out of
the sermons that they preach.
(31:40):
And the more you live that outin front of them and confess to
them and model humility to themwhen you blow it, you'll do more
for helping your kids reconnectto you and the Lord than
anything else you do.
Because when they see thatyou're human, it changes the
game.
(32:01):
I I remember an issue I had withone of my sons.
And I wanted to confront him.
And I said, Lord, how do I howdo I do this?
I get so angry.
And he said, Well, why don't youtell on yourself?
(32:23):
That's not what I wanted tohear.
I wanted to be right.
I didn't I want to dig up thepast.
And so I I went into the roomand got home from high school
and and I said, Do you know whenI you know I I have something
that I've been doing that I wantto confess to you that I really
(32:46):
need you to pray for me becauseI I I have some things that have
grabbed me that I need help withand it happened to be very close
to what they were strugglingwith.
He said, You dad?
And I said, Yeah.
He said, What do you want me todo?
(33:07):
I said, Would you would you justI'm gonna confess and I want you
to pray for me and we'll just gobefore the Lord together and I
want you to pray for me.
Your dad would have more victorywith this.
And I'll never forget the lookon his face, and he one of my
younger sons, and he just said,Oh, okay.
(33:30):
And I could tell he felt alittle awkward, but at the same
time, he goes, he put his handon me and he prayed for me.
And I just it just meant somuch.
I hugged him.
I said, Thanks, son.
I was walking out of the room.
He goes, Hey dad, I'm strugglingwith the same thing.
You yeah, and he just confessedit to me, and I prayed for him
(33:57):
and and hugged him.
And he just I was walking outand his his countenance just
completely changed.
See, it's when we model who wereally are before the Lord in
front of our children, it givesthem a roadmap to connect to
(34:21):
him.
And that's just incrediblypowerful.
See, it's not all the scriptureyou know, it's and it's
important to memorize scriptureand all that.
It's not all the sermons you cansermonize, but it's being a
living epistle.
The epistles were the letters,right?
(34:43):
Uh written to the churches, butto be a living version of that
epistle that you're trying towork out with all your your
frailty and and all the thingsin your life.
Because when you when you livethat way in front of your
children, you give them greathope.
You give them great hope.
(35:03):
Okay, let's go to the nextslide.
We'll we'll tie this togetherfor you tonight.
See, you're and I said this inso many ways, your actions is
the loudest sermon they willhear.
They're watching you.
And so here's the key point youshare your faith openly with
them, you share your strugglesopenly, and you share your
(35:27):
victories with them.
Most of us, and and and I maybemaybe I'd just say this is my
style, and you can say this ifthis was you or not.
My style was to share myvictories with them.
And yet they they they couldn'trelate, but when I started
(35:47):
sharing my weakness and how Ineeded prayer, boy, it it just
did something inside of ourfamily.
And it gives them the tools todeal with the hard times they're
gonna be in.
And so that's that's a powerful,powerful thing.
Here's the next life.
And so what that does is ithelps us create this safe place
(36:11):
for sharing thoughts, feelingsby modeling that to them, right?
They they need to know howyou're processing stuff, they
need to know how you're dealingwith stuff.
And and you let them know, youknow, even their questions or
even their doubts are are greatlearning things.
(36:32):
We we want our kids to neverdoubt God.
But we doubt God sometimes.
And so being honest about howyou deal with it is liberating
for your son or for yourdaughter when they see that dad
struggles too.
And man, it, you know, andbecause you want to you want to
(36:54):
find places to celebrate in yourchildren as they're growing.
And here's just a little sidething just kind of jumped in my
brain.
But I used to do this when mykids would come and share with
me something they're learningfrom the Lord, I would always
try to, I always added like asermon addendum to it.
(37:21):
And I realized I could see theircountenance and their face
change when they're learningsomething.
And then I started to go, that'samazing.
Wow.
So proud of you.
You do that, God's gonna keepblessing you, son.
You're really hearing from theLord.
You highlight what you want, youdon't just highlight the truth
(37:46):
and go, Well, haven't I beentelling you that for years?
Which is unfortunately the stylethat we get involved in too
often because it was maybe theway you were framed or coached,
or I mean, even the nature ofthe way church is set up, you
know, you got a guy preachingthe truth to you, inviting you
(38:10):
to deal with with those things.
But it those sermons you neverforget.
I'll I'll never forget thismoment, and this is the private
moment.
I won't mention his name.
He is a world-class pastor andleader, and uh he's getting
(38:31):
ready to go out at PromiseKeepers and preach to 55,000 men
in a big stadium.
And he had been bombarded thenight before with just this lust
that was hitting him.
And he would battle it all nightand barely slept.
(38:52):
He knew the enemy was trying totake him out.
And he says, Man, before I go onthat stage tonight, I need you
to pray for me.
And I just confess to you, I'vebeen I've been battling this
lust all night long.
And I uh trying to ask the Lordwhy, you know, why is this
attack kind of hitting me theway it did?
(39:12):
And he and he just he confessedthat not that he had partaken it
of anything or watched porno oror something on TV.
He just confessed his his thetemptation of lust had hit him,
that he kept confessing back toGod in this spiritual battle
(39:35):
against himself.
He said, I can't go out thereand preach, man, until you guys
lay hands on me and we we prayfor him.
And I was I was like, I was thisis amazing.
Because he's one of my my heroesof the faith who's lived the
(39:56):
life, loved his wife, greatgrandpa, great church,
faithfulness, gave his church tohis son-in-law, who's a powerful
preacher that he equipped in theLord, and and then he went out
there and stood in front offifty thousand five thousand men
and he goes, Man, how many ofyou have been battling the lust
(40:30):
of the flesh in your life?
Then he shares this thing hedealt with.
I mean he rocked it, I meanfifty five thousand men at the
altar call and him calling mento sexual purity and the power.
(40:53):
I mean, it was extraordinary.
But that amazing event that tookplace out there was first dealt
with with brothers.
And see, he was obeying James,which says to confess your sins
to one another so that you mightbe forgiven and saved.
(41:15):
Something happens when weinclude other people in those
stories.
And there's wisdom in sharingthings to men that you don't
your kids, but there's alsoincredible power when you start
sharing some of the samestruggles with your your
children that you struggle with,that they struggle with.
(41:37):
So finally, what I didn't wantedto share with you tonight is
this this the really the lastpart of this connection is to
share your prayer life.
And I've been talking about thisfor the last few weeks.
But the Bible says, don't beanxious about anything, but in
(41:59):
everything by prayer andsupplication with thanksgiving,
let your request be made knownto God.
What happens when the pressuregets on you?
See, when we're praying for andwith them, something changes in
our family.
(42:21):
And when we're teaching them topray, it uh and they get and
they get an answer, it changestheir prayer life.
See, and here's kind of that thekey idea: the more they see God
answering their prayers, themore they're gonna follow him.
And that's exactly what you wantto have happen.
(42:46):
I don't want to end with thisstory, and uh we'll have if you
got it got any questions too, uhyou can uh shoot up in the chat.
But I remember years ago, andand this is where I I sort of
learned it, is something thatGod had done in my own life.
(43:08):
And my my son, he came to me andhe was getting ready to turn 16
years old, and he was reallyfrustrated because he wanted to
get a car, and he only had alimited amount of money, and his
grandma helped start a car fundfor him, and and so he wanted a
(43:28):
car, and he was frustratedbecause everything he looked at
was a beater.
And and so I s I said, Well,have you ever if you told God
what kind of car you want?
And he said, No.
He said, Why don't you just prayright now?
And I think God God wants togive you this car, and he just
(43:51):
wasn't having, he goes, Fine.
I said, So you pray, I'll agreewith you.
Okay, fine.
God, I want an Eddie Bauer,doesn't have to be brand new,
used, two-tone, white on thetop, with a stripe, gold bottom,
custom wheels, bronco, and ithas the luggage in the back.
(44:14):
In Jesus' name.
And he prayed it just like that.
I kid you not.
And and he and it was like,okay, are you happy now, Dad?
And I would say within a minuteafter that prayer, we're sitting
there watching a football gameor something.
(44:35):
The phone rings.
Hey Ed.
It was my friend Jason, whohappened to own car lots.
He goes, I think I just foundthe perfect car for your son.
I have my speakerphone.
And Edward's odds goes, whoa.
And he goes, Eddie Bauer,two-tone, white on top or cream
colored, and gold on the bottom,custom rims, and it's even got
(44:58):
the original luggage.
And he says, and I'll give it toyou for a special price.
He names the price.
It's like$5,500.
It's worth$20,000.
It's exactly the amount of moneyEdward had.
Do you want that car?
And I went, yes, ship it.
(45:19):
They shipped it to us fromTexas.
My son Edward jumped up as a16-year-old kid on our bed like
Kermit the Frog.
And I'm watching the Lord justbirth faith in him because he
connected.
And when we we teach him how toconnect to God in prayer and
(45:43):
pray for them and and agree withtheir prayers and say, Hey, I
want you to pray for this, andand I'll agree with you.
Even though their prayers aren'tgoing to be eloquent or praying
just right, God loves answeringthose prayers.
And I've watched the faith andthe life of my son Edward and
(46:04):
Josh and Lucas, my daughtersMary and Jessica on how they've
learned to pray and see God comethrough in amazing ways.
And that's an incredibleinheritance that you can sew
into your children when youpray.
Well, that's all I got to sharewith you tonight.
(46:25):
But I'd love to pray with youtonight.
I know that there's uh uh anumber of you that really uh
need a need a breakthrough.
You need a breakthrough withyour children right now, with
your sons, your daughters, withyour heart.
And I would just love to praywith you.
(46:46):
It'd be an honor uh to pray withyou tonight.
And so why don't we uh closethis with prayer?
And I have just a short littlevideo outro after.
If you want to get a hold of meand uh you have something
specific that you want prayerfor, we're here and would love
(47:07):
to pray with you.
You can email me and get a holdof me.
Let me throw up a few thingshere for you.
Here we go.
If you got a prayer request andyou need special prayer or
coaching, you can get a hold ofme at edtandy at blessing of the
father.com and would love tomeet with you and connect with
(47:28):
you.
If you've not uh heard about ournew men's thing, get a hold of
me.
I want to talk to you.
Also, I'll share with you aboutour fatherhood academy that uh
we're launching right now.
And uh and so if you get a holdof me at Ed Tandy at
BlessingOthefather.com.
(47:50):
That also comes with a freeshort coaching appointment with
an issue that you might have uhin your family, but you got to
get a hold of me and we'll sendyou the link.
All that to say, let's pray.
Father, thank you for my friendsthat have been watching tonight.
I'm so grateful for them.
I'm so grateful for the livesthey have, the ministries they
(48:13):
have.
Uh I ask you that you'd be withthem.
You you'd bless all of them,that too many names for me to
count here.
But you'd bless them.
My friend in 100x life movement,uh, bless him, Lord, and all the
men he's reaching, and Christineand and M.
(48:34):
Allen and and uh Diaz and theother ones that uh I can't
really see here on Instagram andTikTok and X and Facebook.
Lord, I pray you would touch allof them and the needs that they
have.
And I ask you to be with them.
I ask you to meet them, Lord.
(48:55):
I ask you to to equip them to bethe best father they can
possibly be, or if they're a momwatching, the best mom they can
be, in the name of Jesus.
I ask you to be with them, you'dfill them, you'd bless them,
you'd use their life for glory,and that their children and
their children's children wouldgrow up and call you blessed.
(49:20):
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
Hey, great to be with youtonight.
Uh, if check out this littleoutro that we did, it's been
such an honor to be with you.
And uh and share the word, joinour YouTube channel if you want
to get it there or theirFacebook, and you'll get make
(49:40):
sure you put on thatnotification to see when we do
shows.
And on Thursdays at 12, I have agreat show with the gals.
The difference a mother makes.
It'd be a great place for yourwife to check on.
Go to our Facebook page.
You can find out the fatherdifference on Facebook and
(50:01):
YouTube and X and all of them.
Well, Lord bless you.
Have a great night.
SPEAKER_00 (50:10):
Dear friends, imagine a world where every
father feels equipped to leadwith faith, love, and purpose.
A world where families thriveand communities grow stronger
because of devoted,Christ-centered fathers.
SPEAKER_01 (50:25):
You know, beloved, that is the vision that God's
put in my heart for every singlefamily.
You know, he is on the move, Ibelieve.
He promises in Malachi thatbefore the great and coming day
of the Lord, he's gonna dosomething profound.
He's gonna turn the hearts offathers back towards their
(50:46):
children.
So the hearts of their childrenwill turn back to their father.
That's what God is doing.
I meet dads daily who want tolearn to be better fathers.
Yet many have never been shownhow.
Too many families are beingfractured to bitterness, and
with parents and grandparentseven being canceled.
(51:09):
That's why we're launching anonline community to quit men to
be the fathers that God hascalled them to be.
It's more than a program, it's apart of a a movement that God is
already doing to reshapefatherhood.
It's a sacred calling rooted inthe teachings of pride.
(51:30):
And we're calling this theFatherhood Academy, where men
will embark on a journey ofhealing and spiritual
restoration that helps themtransform their family
relationship.
And to make this vision areality, would you consider
partnering with us financiallyas we continue to reach and
(51:54):
disciple every man, dad, andgrandpa that comes our way?
Your donation will help create aripple across the neighborhoods,
communities, you know, andultimately our nation.
Anchoring each child, here's adivision and the unwavering love
and guidance of a devoted dad.
(52:16):
Your end-of-the-year gift rightnow, whether it's a one-time
donation or an ongoing pledgemonthly, will make a huge
difference.
Together we can equip fathers tobuild hope-filled futures for
their children and theirgrandchildren.
(52:36):
Remember, my friend, the fatherloves you.
And he sent his son to let youknow.
Pray it for you, Pastor Ed.
SPEAKER_00 (52:45):
Click the link to donate today.
Thank you for believing in thismission and joining us on this
transformative journey.
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