05. Welcome to FEAR-LESQUE: Cat Lacohie's Fearless Exploration of Self-Expression

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michael Devous (00:10):
So, hey, everybody from the Fearless Road
, listeners and my road warriorsout there, welcome back.
Because today you can see theexcitement on my face if you
were watching me, but if you'relistening to me, this is the
excitement in my voice.
It's really excited.
I'm excited because today'sshow you know, you guys probably

(00:32):
well.
You might remember, you mightrecall, I've talked a little bit
about my performing career.
So I do have a performingcareer, was a showboy in Vegas
for many years and I love, Ilove, love, love, show business,
love the shows, love thedancing, love the whole thing,
the whole kit and caboodle, oras I'm going to call it today,
the cat and caboodle, becausewho's on with me today?
But the amazing cat Loco, heotherwise known as the Vixen de

(00:56):
Vil, and this is a special, thisis a special episode, you know,
when we're in the business ofentrepreneurship and talking
about fear and talking about howwe navigate the Fearless Road,
how we utilize fear as a fuel ortool and ways to incorporate
that into our lives.
I'm not sure that there'sanything that really sort of

(01:18):
gets to the heart of this betterthan my guest today with cat,
who takes us on a very, verygood and cool journey on her
Fearless Road.
So I'm just going to you knowwhat, I'm going to spit it out,
I'm going to do the intro andI'm going to read a little bit
here, so bear with me.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Starting her career in London,england, with the appearances at

(01:38):
Café de Paris, the Brits Hoteland three West End runs at the
Charin Cross Theater or TheatresTheater London, has since
relocated her act to Los Angeles, with appearances at the Viper
Room, amazing LA ConventionCenter and, of course, the
Roosevelt Hotel Love, as well asventuring, of course, to Vegas

(02:00):
performing at the Orleans theHotel, the Access Night Club at
the Win, among many others.
She has an award-winning,multi-talented and international
variety burlesque show that shelive hosts, specializing, of
course, in fire eating, glasswalking, aerial hula, hooping
and magic.
But what's really reallyimportant for us today on the

(02:23):
Fearless Road is how she appliesthis particular skill set and
what she does to helping buildself-awareness, self-worth and
self-value.
So, in addition to herperformances, she crafts
one-on-one supportive workshopsand environments where students
get to become part of aninternational award-winning
performer and show, buildingtheir self-confidence and their

(02:44):
body awareness.
She's done worldwideperformances, online
performances in webinars, aswell as one-on-ones.
She just completed a class Ibelieve it was just last week,
if not the week before right inLos Angeles, which was pretty
amazing, and there's a big, bigevent coming up this spring I
hope to be part of, where I getto learn how to eat fire, since

(03:05):
I spit it all day long, hello.
So, ladies and gentlemen,please welcome the Vivid Vixen
hat LaCohi to the Fearless Road.

Cat LaCohie (03:19):
Oh, my God Thank you, thank you.

Yes, what a fabulous introduction, isn't the
part?
We're getting the part.
Here's the applause.

I got excited to meet this person that you're
talking about, like ooh.

Who is she Gotta get to know that?

one.
That's the person.
Yeah.

Talk to me a little bit about.
Okay.
So, like this is where wetransition.
I've done your intro.
Everybody's amazed.
Walk us up to the door of CatsLife, Like how, eh, you got here
?
Right, we are here, we're.
This is their journey.
This is where you've taken us.
This is the path that we're onwith introducing burlesque as a

(03:56):
art form, not just in terms ofperformance, but also as an art
form for healing, body awareness, self-worth and value, and
corporate culture, mindfulness.
So, for those of us who don'tknow you and those of us who
don't know your past, let's getcaught up real quick with Cat
about how you got here.

Oh my gosh, it's the longest story.
I'll try to cut it down to thebest part.
So the highlight, the highlight, the highlight.
So I started off in in NorthEngland, in Newcastle, as I was
born, and I spent my wholechildhood thinking, oh, I'm not
in London.
Nothing great can happen like.

(04:37):
Only good things happen inLondon or in LA or these bigger
places, you know.
So I grew up thinking, oh, I'm,I'm, I'm like playing a small
kind of thing, and I was supershy.
I was terrified of people, Iwas getting criticized all the
time and I found acting as a wayto sort of escape being me.
Basically, I love the idea of Ican be anybody else, I don't

(04:59):
have to be myself anymore.
And, of course, when you getinto acting, you realize that's
absolutely not what acting is.
It's bringing your true self tothe role and really being very
vulnerable about showing exactlywho you are.
So I got it totally wrong.
When I first started acting, Ihad found physical theatre,
which I loved because it wasusing your body to express

(05:21):
yourself and being fullyembodied.
When I hated my body, I hateddance classes.
I didn't look like everybodyelse, I wasn't just any person,
I wasn't super flexible, and somy favorite form of performance
was physical theatre, devising,being able to write stories and
not just be the actor saying theline, but to create your own

(05:41):
art as well.
So then I moved to Londonbecause that's where all the
things happened, according to me, and I trained in theatre all
the rest of it, and then when Igraduated, I found this
breakdown for what was burlesque, and I'd never heard of
burlesque.
I didn't really know what itwas.
I knew about variety andmusical and cabaret, but not

(06:02):
specifically burlesque.
And I was super drawn to itbecause you got the opportunity
to be sexy, rather than sayingthat I'm sexy and I'm going to
bring attention to myself andwear short skirts or whatever
and then be criticized for it.
It's like here's a platformwhere you're allowed to be and
also expressing other versionsof yourself, and it just seems

(06:22):
really creative and fun.
But again, I shied away from itbecause I thought I can't sing,
I can't dance.
I still hate my body.
Why would I want to?
Why would anyone accept me intothis group?
I'm not good enough for this.
So I saw the show instead, andwhen I saw the show, I thought,
oh my God, it's not what Ithought.
It's not a chorus line ofeveryone looking exactly the
same.

(06:43):
It's each individual personcelebrating exactly who they are
, and some were comedy, somewere bombshells, some were like
a bit more neo.
So I joined that troupe.
It's a story in itself.
I did tell you.
I went to the show and I gotdrunk after the show.
I was like I need to be in yourshow, and that's when they were

(07:05):
like we'll come and audition.
So I was part of this troupe forabout five years in London,
which was my sort of being undertheir wing, of being able to
experience all this magic actsand this aerial acts and fire
performers and fights show, andI was able to really immerse
myself in this world.
So when I moved to LA in 2012, Ijust took what I already knew

(07:29):
from London and just kind ofdelved into the world out here.
And then in 2014, I startedteaching and realized that the
journey I'd had in Bralesque hadopened me up as a person, had
really built my confidence, hadallowed me to do things in my
life that I really would nothave been able to do if I hadn't
got that confidence fromBralesque.
And so my goal was I don't wantpeople to shy away from

(07:52):
Bralesque, because I think it'sjust a dance class, because it's
not that.
It's self-exploration,rewriting your story, exploring
your character, building yourconfidence in saying to the
world look at me, and demandingto be seen.
And so, since 2014, it's justgot bigger and bigger and it's
just been such a fulfilling workand that's how I'm here.

Yay, I say yay and welcome everybody.
Calla Cohe, or otherwise knownas the vivid vixen.
It's interesting because Idon't know.
I hope you guys can't hear theair conditioning.
I apologize if that's the casefor ladies and gentlemen that
are out there.
You know we're being vulnerableand we're being authentic and I
work in a studio in a convertedshed in the mountains of New

(08:40):
Mexico and it doesn't have airconditioning.
So I have to use a little airconditioning unit to help me
stay cool in this 98 degreeWeather.
So I apologize if you can hearthe hum and the buzz, but you
know what?
Humming and buzzing is allright, because that's what the
bees and the birds do and we'rejust going to go with it.
So if it's in the backgroundand you don't like it, I

(09:01):
apologize but embrace it.
That's what I'm going to say.

Embrace the hum.

This is one of the things I love about A what
you do, b that you discovered,that.
It gave you confidence, ithelped you find yourself,
confidence and a different valuefor yourself in terms of your
body image, your body worth,your ability to communicate,
socialize with people and to bein groups and stuff differently

(09:32):
than you were before and to stepwholly into a different version
of yourself than you were priorto this.
And one of the things I forgot,I don't even think about, and
you know, mind you, when I wentinto dance and stuff it was, I
didn't think about this stuff.
You know what I mean.
I told your good dancer youshould try out for this thing or
whatever.
I was 19, had no business doingthis and I took to it like a

(09:54):
duck to water, like apparentlymad skill sets, crazy ability.
And you know my best friend atthe time, diana, who who will,
you know, loves to tell thestory about how I couldn't touch
my toes, let alone save my lifein a ballet class, to be too,
to flash forward, you know, twoor three years later, to be in a
professional, doing it in sucha short window of time, and she

(10:15):
was like after I've worked sohard in my entire life to learn
to do this stuff.
And here you come along and allof a sudden you just do it and
it didn't occur to me A that Icouldn't do it.
B it didn't occur to me that Iwas gaining any sense of
self-confidence or identitythrough doing it.
I just did it, I just loveddoing it.
You know what I mean it.
Just, I had no problem being onstage, no problem accessing

(10:37):
those parts of myself.
I've always been exceedinglyblessed, I think, in terms of
that confidence.
But I love that what we do orwhat we did, you know, can
provide a platform for others tofind self-confidence and build
a sense of identity outside ofwhat they're used to, right, in
addition to or beyond their ownunderstanding of who and what

(11:01):
they are.
This can help you gain anadditional perspective, another
facet to your personality, ormaybe just overcoming some
social phobias and fears thatyou may have about being in
front of, talking in front ofand performing in front of other
people.
Whether that's a presentationthat you do at the office, right
to pitch a new sales, a pitch,or whether you're, you know,

(11:22):
going in for an interview oryou're starting a business as an
entrepreneur, self-confidenceis a massive difference for us.
It's a player in how weapproach the things we do in our
lives as entrepreneurs.
So thank you for sharing thatwith us.
I think before we go any further.

(11:43):
Ladies and gentlemen, where canwe find you?
If we want to get to you onlineand we want to take one of your
classes, what do we do?

Absolutely so.
I hang out on Instagram andFacebook, mainly Instagram.
I have my Kat LaCoe at KatLaCoe, all on Word Straight
Through, and that's more of mymotivational speaking and so
behind the scenes stuff, justkind of what I'm up to.
And then Fix and Deville is atFix and Deville, all on Word,

(12:08):
and that is more about myperformance, some of my students
, what my classes, what myclasses are happening, so I have
both.
I would say I always followboth, follow both, and then my
website, fixanddevillecom, andthen my Kat LaCoe is
speakerkatlacoecom as well.

Awesome, okay, and it'll be, of course, on the
YouTube channel and any of thelinks that I can provide, so
totally going to be there foryou guys.
If you need it, just reach out.
You can email me or you canreach us on the frithisroadcom
and I'll get you that data andthat information.
In the meantime, while we'rebuilding our identity as

(12:49):
entrepreneurs, business people,visionaries, leaders, we are
just actually doing anotherinterview earlier today Talking
about the corporate mindset andthe shift that we are
experiencing and watching andseeing in the world of the
corporate mindset and corporateculture, providing opportunities
, workshops and ways to getleadership more in line with and

(13:12):
more authentic with theirmessaging with employees right
and do you find have you workedwith a lot of corporate
companies in order to help withthis, or is it individual,
one-on-one things that you find?

yourself being more .
I have worked with somecorporate companies and it
actually was really eye-openingthe difference between being
authentically you and secondguessing what you think people
want.
Because some part of my brainwent oh, I'm doing corporate,
that means I have to nowcorporate Barbie myself.

(13:52):
I can't be daytime Barbie orMalibu Barbie.
I have to be corporate Barbie.
I have to change what.

I'm wearing.

It's about the different brands of yourself,
the versions of yourself.
So part of me was like, oh, Ican't really.
Maybe I shouldn't say the wordbrulesque, I have to say
performance art.
Or I can't say your brulesquepersona, I have to say your
alter ego.
And maybe change my verbage alittle bit, which I have done
when I've taught children, I'vedone some confidence in

(14:20):
teenagers and I've changed itfrom like them, they tell, to
like the panther or whatever.
But I realized that they didn'twant sometimes when they don't
know you like maybe that's thefoot in the door because there
is the fee as everything else.
But I had this woman hire me tocome and do a workshop with her.
It was like 150 people.

(14:42):
It was about accessing thefeminine in the entrepreneurial
world.
So, rather than oh, I'm afemale entrepreneur, I have to
be masculine.
I will use masculine energy,like accessing your feminine
energy and using that inbusiness.
So I come along and I think,well, I'm not going to dress up
in my brulesque stuff because Idon't want to be like hi, I'm
the Blasphalma and I lookamazing and you're just standard

(15:06):
civilians.
I want it to be likeapproachable, and I want it to
be like you can, you too can beme, you know.
And I just got there and she'slike oh, where's your brulesque
stuff?
And I was like oh, I mean, Ihave it in my car, but I didn't
want to like throw it inpeople's faces.

You know, and this is what I think is
interesting before, we arehaving a workshop on building
authenticity, a workshop onidentifying our authentic nature
and authenticity and bringingthat to the workplace, finding
ways to engage and embrace ourfemininity, or what I should say
.
We probably should define that,because I feel like it's been

(15:45):
poorly defined, especially incorporate world.
But the fact that the veryfirst thing that you are doing
is trying to adjust yourauthentic self to meet an
expectation already right.

This is what we do when we go into the corporate
world, when I'm teachingauthenticity as well.

Exactly, exactly .
I mean, the absurdity of it isnot lost on me that we literally
are trying to present a versionof ourselves rather than just
be the authentic version ofourselves.
Right, but this is notsomething I was talking to the
gentleman J Thompson of the hikethe mountain.
He teaches corporatevisionaries and ex and leaders

(16:24):
and things like that, how tobring that cultural change to
the workplace, but also how tobe that cultural change.
Right, if you're going tocreate a new strategy for
cultural mindfulness andawareness and an openness, right
, you as a leader have to bethat.
And I was talking about howwe've got a system we've been
living in and working in formany, many years that rewards,

(16:47):
uh, conformity over authenticity, that embraces being quiet and
not speaking up and not sharingtoo much risk averse versus
taking a chance, sticking yourneck out and trying show your
own colors or your ideas.
And, by the way, there's been acommunity I should say a

(17:08):
society that has been builtsince the 80s on this very idea.
You know that you're anemployee, you're not to offer
your feedback, your input is notneeded.
Leaders do that, um, andthere's been no reward system in
place for this.
And now here we are moving andshifting into this new space

(17:29):
where we're asking you to getvulnerable.
We're encouraging, in fact,staff and employees are
demanding that companies aremore socially aware and in an
active and have a presence,which then means you then, as a
company, have to identify whoyou are Socially, ethically,

(17:49):
morally, psychologically.
You know who are you and who doyou want to be.

I think people are getting so much more savvy with
um, their, their buying, like,their purchase power, their
buying power and the fact thatthere's so much more available.
Like 10 years ago, you know youcouldn't just go on your mobile
phone and and, and you know, goon Facebook and do all the

(18:16):
things you could.
It's, it's, everything isavailable to you now.
So now it's not oh, I want acar, who do I go?
Who's who does the best car?
I want to go in order, take outwhat's nearest.
It's oh, does Chick-fil-Asupport?
Uh, like.
Does Chick-fil-A not support?
Like homosexuality?

(18:37):
I'm never going to buy fromthem, or I've heard that Amazon
does this to us as well as I'mnot.
I'm going to boycott Amazon.
People are now going tobusinesses because of their
mission and their, their goalsand the way they treat people
and what they stand for.
Not just, is this product whereI need and is it going to
fulfill a, a purpose?
You know.

Yeah, I think we're at the crossroads between
convenience and social, socialawareness, the fact that our
advertising, our social mediawhich we didn't have social
media before, let's call it whatit was, before there were
iPhones on this convenience ofthese platforms, you know,
social media and a social brandwas not something specifically

(19:18):
that A the public had access to.
It was something they were told, it was something they were
sold and it was something thatwas marked, it was marketed to
them.
It wasn't something theyengaged with.
Now here we are.
Not only can you research,study, be aware of and follow
your favorite brands, but youcan hold them socially

(19:39):
accountable to their messagingand mission through these very
platforms that they then use toensure that they are
communicating, engaging withtheir primary customers and
clients.
So we've, we've switchedeverything around now.
So the power of this isdefinitely in the hands of the

(20:00):
individual, more than it's everbeen before.
We have a socially conscientious, you know, responsibility to,
to the greater good of society,to hold these companies
accountable, and not just, youknow, in terms of their what's
convenient for me, because I getthis cheap, easy, quick and
fast, which is, you know, mostof us fall into and most of us

(20:23):
have been sold and marketed thatvery concept for many years.
That isn't this great.
You can get it for less and youcan get it cheaper and you can
get it whenever, withoutthinking for a second what the
long term costs were.
None of us knew that the peoplein Bangladesh were making those
cheap t-shirts, or kids inChina From manufacturing our
toys that we give to ourchildren Like.
Nobody paid attention to thatbecause we didn't have access to

(20:46):
that information and our onlydemand was that it's cheaper and
more convenient and America'sgot me lazy where that's
concerned.

I just launched a whole bunch of Vixen merch and
part of it was eyelashes andeyelash glue.

And I'm like.

I've tested these and it's really good quality.
Blah, blah, blah and I I had atleast five people instantly go.
Is it tested on animals?
Is it vegan?
Is it this?
I was like yes, yes, absolutely.
And I originally, when I waslooking at that, because the
vendors that were selling me theproduct were highlighting these
elements that I hadn't evenreally thought to consider.

(21:24):
But that's what people aregoing to be asking, and so I
have a responsibility from mybrand to say that Vixen isn't
going to put shit out into theworld.
Vixen is not going to put outlike harmful products into the
world.
So you do get thisresponsibility and especially
with people being able to nowcall you out on stuff or post

(21:46):
about you or question you, allof the entity is super, super
important, because if I'm doingsomething, standing for
something because it's a trendor because I think that's going
to get me business, and if Istand for whatever it is.
I've been watching the the debtversus herd trial documentary.
So I decided to pick a side,right, they have no interest.

(22:09):
I know it's crazy Say I have nointerest in that trial, but
just to promote my stuff Istarted going, just as for debt,
or just as to Johnny, whatever.
And then someone goes oh, vixenDeVilles with Johnny, but, but,
but, but, but, but.
And they pick at me.
Well, now I can't stand up forthat opinion, because I just had
that opinion because it's thetrending hashtag, so maybe I
changed it, just as for her.
And there's like oh right, soyou have to be able to say this

(22:32):
is why I stand for, this is whatI do, this is what's going on.
But when you do get criticismor judgment or trolls or
whatever, you can be like yeah,like someone said, oh, oh, you
post this on YouTube and I don'tunderstand why you were naked.
I was like because it was aBalesk act.
Yeah, goodbye now.

Like I don't have to go.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
Was that?
Was that offensive?

I go yeah Well and I think that's that is.
That is the tricky.
I don't even want to sayquagmire, because that's it is
kind of a quagmire.
But this is in a world whereand, by the way, this is what we
straddle you and I and othersstraddle this place where being

(23:22):
and becoming what you need me tobe was my job.
Learning how to learning how toedit the parts of me that I
think you may or may not approveof or like became a full time
job for me to ensure that youcontinued to like and approve of

(23:43):
me, both at school, at work, athome.
You know we give a differentversion of ourselves to every
person.
I'm probably one of the bestexamples of how I deliver and
provide a very different versionof myself to each one of my
friends.
They each see a differentversion of me, and it's funny

(24:04):
when we all get together andthey're like, whoa, who's this
guy?

Because I'm your turn to do bany right.

Well, I don't know that.
I don't know who to be.
I just like the differentpieces of me that they bring out
.
But what this does is likesocial bias I have my own biases
about myself that I'm unawareof that.
I'm unaware of thatautomatically come into play and

(24:31):
begin to filter and begin toseparate and begin to divide the
pieces of me according to theroom and the people I'm around,
to ensure I'm giving you thebest version of me at that time.
Right, and while most of usprobably don't think of it this
deeply and don't do, don'trealize we're doing it, that is
what we do in the world when yougo into a Starbucks or you get

(24:52):
on a plane flight and you popthose headphones in because you
don't want to be bothered, oryou're excited about something
because you just had a big winand your energy is infused and
you're trying to talk about itand share it with other people.
Or when you go into the officeat work and you're not allowed
to be socially boystress andoutgoing, so you tone it down

(25:12):
and you wear muted colors andyou just fit in so that you
don't stand out.
And what we're asking for I'msure what Kat is asking for is
to find your standout.
What is that part of you thatis the OG, the original piece,
the authentic piece, and thisjourney of discovering what that

(25:35):
is.
By the way, ladies and gentlemen, this is a long, this is not an
easy road for us to walk down.
This is not the Fearless Road,is not a destination.
You don't get there overnightand you do have to ask the
questions about whatauthenticity means to you.
You have to begin to definewhat success and self-value and

(25:55):
worth and integrity are for youif you're going to be authentic,
if you're going to try to beauthentic and I don't know that
there's too many other reallygreat ways to try to do this
than to get on stage with Katand really test out your
boundaries.
You know what I mean Really getinto some uncomfortable zones
to ask yourself that's where wegrow, that's where we find some

(26:18):
truths about ourselves.
And most of us, I think, havegotten to a place where we're so
comfortable with our Netflixspecial that we don't fear.
You know what I mean Into thewildly unknown and uncomfortable
.
We just slowly stop doing asmuch of that as we used to and
I'm wondering if, when you're inthese classes and you have

(26:39):
these people coming in, what isthe biggest thing that you see
when they're like having theseha ha moments about themselves?
And about their environment,about their bodies.
What is it that you witness astheir mentor and their professor
, Vixen?

So so many things to say about that.
Very, very recently I did aclass for a YouTube channel and
I think four of their girls tookthe class, then sort of
feedback on it, and they allcame in so terrified, even
though they're YouTubers right,they used to be in front of
camera and they used to, butthere's classes being filmed

(27:16):
from a number of differentangles and they're all very at
the beginning of the class.
They know what is coming up foryou before we start class.
And one of them said well, I'mactually a dancer, so I'm
feeling the pressure to be goodat this.
And someone else was like oh,I'm feeling the pressure of like
I want to explore, but there'speople watching and all that
kind of stuff.
And so I just said to them likeI want you to really focus on

(27:39):
this next session, this next fewminutes, having fun, like you
don't have to be good, you don'thave to prove yourself, you've
already proven yourself, you'vegot your YouTube channel with
your millions of followers, soyou're already good, you got it
and you have to impress me,because I have no expectations
from you other than just havefun.
So there is no being good.
Let's get rid of that.
And I think, as adults and Iheard on this TED talk about

(28:04):
children women or girls will gotowards something they know
they're good at.
They won't try anything else.
And boys will try anythingbecause, for some reason, not a
pressure to be good at anything.
But as we become adults, wedon't want to be, we're like
well, I'm an adult, I can't failat this, I can't be bad at this

(28:24):
, I need to prove myself.
So we never try anything unlesswe expect that we'll be good at
it.
And I found myself doing that.
I would take a class and think,well, I have to be good at this
because I've always been the Astar student.
If I don't be good at it, well,what does that say about my
identity?
So I saw them very at thebeginning and as we went through
the class, oh my gosh, theanxiety just dropped, the

(28:47):
playfulness came in.
They forgot.
The cameras were there, like100% forgot.
They were even being watchedand you could see these barriers
go down and they were justbeing.
We say this authentic self likeit's just elusive, like well,
what is that?
How do I get through myauthentic self?
But it's a weird sort of well.
Once you stop thinking about it, it comes out right.

There, it is like all of a sudden.

If you've seen somebody who's drunk, if you've
seen somebody be super angry,their emotions get that's their
authentic self, because thatisn't the filter.
You're so angry in the momentthat you're like, ah, or you're
terrified.
When you're in a high state ofemotion, that's when you see
your authentic self, or when youhave alcohol and you got that
filter on you.
So when you're constantly likepeople are watching me, people

(29:36):
are judging me, people arecriticizing me, that's when
you're not your authentic self.
But it's just beautiful to seepeople totally let go of it.

Well, I'm going to call out Simon Sinek here,
because and Simon, you need towatch, you need to listen to my
show, but you also need to getin touch with Kat, because Simon
talked just the other day.
I just listened to a podcast.
He was saying that leadersspend so much time inside their

(30:06):
industry, on their industry,with their industry, looking at
numbers and data and whatever,trying to get better at that,
and he said you won't get betterat it until you step outside of
your industry and look at whatothers are doing in other
industries.
Go do something completelydifferent.
And so my invitation to you is,ladies and gentlemen, simon

(30:29):
Sinek, go do somethingcompletely different and get
these leaders to take Kat'sclass.
Because getting outside of Aversus all your comfort zone B
looking at the world, even ifit's momentarily, from a
different set of eyes andthere's just very few
opportunities where you reallydo get to step into these

(30:49):
proverbial shoes, even thoughthey might be high heels with
feathers on them.
The moment you get a gain, thatperspective, the moment you've
stepped outside of your ownbiases and you've stepped
outside of your own inhibitionsand you begin to see the world,
and from just a slightlydifferent angle, you can then

(31:11):
begin to apply and approach theproblem solving and issues and
things you deal with as anexecutive leader, as a coach or
whatever in your business.
You can probably begin to seesome things differently and new
that you hadn't seen before, andit requires this leap.
It requires this really gettingout of that comfort zone.
And then it's a practice.

(31:32):
You do need to practice it.
You're not going to be invitedevery week, by the way, to go to
a workshop where you get tospitfire and do a strip tease to
a speech that you wrote for asales pitch.
That right there is going to askof you things that would never
be asked of you, but it's alsogoing to make you grow and it's

(31:54):
going to make you thinkdifferent.
It's going to tap into some ofthe things that may be genuinely
, by the way and authentically.
You do so well already, but youjust lost the hone of that.
You know you haven't sharpenedthat tool enough and there's
really no other way to sharpenit, but really get out there and
do some of these things.

(32:14):
So thank you.

And just to supplement that what you're
saying, I did do a session.
I did a whole day session forthis corporate group.
That was all leaders coming outof their comfort zone kind of
thing, and it was all people whowere an expert in their field
but moving into a different one.
So there was someone from themilitary who was going to now
start doing talks on PTSD, andthere was someone who was in the

(32:37):
law and he was going to go offand coach people in morality, in
the law or something like that.
So they were all already aprofessional, but now branching
out.
So I'm doing this brulesqueclass, followed by fire, for
this mishmash of differentpeople like all, different ages,
different sizes, differentraces, different cultures.

(32:58):
And right next to me is thisolder gentleman who, I'm
thinking, maybe at least twicemy age and I'm like, oh, I've
got a workout for me here.
I thought, no, just softly,softly, like, I'm just gonna
like, you know, I'm not gonnapush, push, push, but like just,
and at the end because everyonesort of does a little
performance at the end, he didthis, he's so, and I say select

(33:20):
the music you want, let thecostume pieces you want, and
then we've worked on thismovement.
So he selected this reallyupbeat, cheesy song.
He put on a pair of bunny earsand a chef's apron and he did
this beautiful little hopity,hopity, fun, fun, dam.
And I was like that, like thatversion of you, rather than the
stuffy I'm in a suit lawyer guy.

(33:42):
We all fall in love with thatperson, so show us more of that.
And I said what did you get outof this?
He goes I haven't had fun inlike 20 years and I need to
bring fun into what I do.
I can't just stand up there andlecture and give the facts, give
the facts, give the facts.
Flip chart, flip chart.
I need to make it fun and likeI hadn't really grasped that

(34:05):
until right now and I was likethat, yes, like that, well, I
call these people, my transitiontribe.

A lot of people that listen to this show are in
transition, and by that I don'tnecessarily mean transitioning
from, you know, male to femaleor just in your life 100%
supportive of your transition aswell, because that is a real,
legit thing to get to yourauthenticity and express your

(34:34):
authenticity.
By the way, there's probably no,there's probably very few real
authentic representations ofwhat it means to chase
authenticity than those who areactively recreating them, their
bodies and their, their lives.
And this expression of itthrough the color and and makeup
and hair, whatever it is thatit is that you do, that

(34:56):
expresses yourself.
That's 100% getting into it,right.
But I call this the transitiontribe because we're we're
shifting from I'm starting a newbusiness, I'm going back to
school, I'm starting a newcareer, I'm stepping up in
leadership.
You're transitioning, as youpointed out, from who and what
you were here into somethingthat you want to be over here.

(35:18):
And that little well, I thinklittle.

I apologize for that I mean to you know,
diminish it at all.

That step, that journey, that leap from from one
point to the other in terms oftransitioning, is the space
where we discover a lot ofthings.
Let's I mean, the list isprobably endless, but this is
the journey of the fearless road.
This is where the fearless areborn, this is where characters
built, this is where peoplediscover pieces of themselves

(35:46):
that they might have forgottenabout or lost.
And, like that gentleman said,you know, having fun well,
having fun legitimately, feelinglike you're having fun right, I
believe is tied tovulnerability.
I believe you have to bevulnerable Absolutely.
To really be available to havefun.
Part of that is being able tomake fun of yourself.

(36:08):
Part of that is and I don't meanthat disparagingly, like a lot
of us can do a lot of you knowself, self, self talk.
That is not positive or whatever.
But poking fun at oneself is agood sense of humor about some
of your weaknesses and flaws andable to bring some of those
things up to to make fun ofyourself.
So it's not so heavy, right.
But that also allows you, whenyou're in that vulnerable,

(36:31):
vulnerable space now you'reprimed to have fun because you
can now enjoy and embrace any ofthe new and different and
things that might come along,because you're not at risk for
thinking too much about yourself.
You're not at risk foroverthinking about my persona
and how I'm going to beperceived.
You're just one other set beingyou and now you're ready to

(36:54):
have a good time and I thinkthat's kind of cool.
There's always a lot ofworkshops and programs are like
yours, where they what kind offun are you going to have?
Not that you can't enjoyyourself, but true fun.
I agree with you.
I think there's a lot of peoplewho could use and what's even,
what's even better is that it'snot.

People would say that Vixen Deville the, my
brolesque persona, was eitherlike a character I'm hiding
behind or a mask I'm hidingbehind or it's something I'm
creating.
It's different from a cat, butwhat I'm saying is that I'm
excavating like I'm putting.
I would have, when I wasyounger, put on cat the shy,

(37:33):
quiet person as my mask, becausethe shy, quiet person didn't
get criticized and didn't getjudged.
So it's just finding the partsof yourself that you've lost.
It's like I used to be able tospeak some German.
I toured in Germany for fourmonths and I got pretty close to
fluent German.
I haven't used it for ages.
If you don't use a certainskill, you lose it.
Like I can't really play pianoanymore.

(37:53):
I can't speak German, as youknow.
Whatever, whatever.
But if in your past life so say,you're transitioning into the
city life of whatever it is,entrepreneurship, whatever in
your past life there's maybeskills or activities that you
did that then you didn't dobecause you didn't need them in
your current life, right.

(38:13):
So you've learned to not usethem and then you've forgotten
that you used to have them.
You've forgotten that you hadcertain skills of certain
qualities.
So all I'm doing in this classis now saying cool, you now can
be this whole new version ofyourself.
So let's unearth what we'velost.
What did you used to do as a kid?
What did you used to do whenyou're 15?
What interests did you have?
How did you spend your time?

(38:35):
What were you told youshouldn't be like?
What did you learn wasn't good,like oh, I shouldn't do ballet
because I'm male.
I shouldn't do this becauseit's it's disgusting or whatever
you know.
Oh, I shouldn't wear red shoesbecause they're for prostitutes.
I don't know what people say,but you've been told a lot of
bullshit, right, you've beentold a lot of stuff and you
learned to be a certain way forthe life that you had.

(38:58):
So great.
Now we've got a new life, a newenvironment and just in the
same way that I go from thehabit of being a London never
wearing sunscreen to now beingan eye and being someone who
wears sunscreen, a lot like it'sjust during a different
environment.
Different qualities arerequired for you in that
environment.
So let's rediscover the personthat you are rather going oh,
I'm, I'm, I would never do that.

(39:19):
I'm not sort of person to getup and speak.
I'm not a sort of person whowould ride a horse.
I'm not a sort of person who'sgood at math.
I'm not a sort of person.
How do you know you?
You learned to be a certainperson and now we can have a
rebirth, a re-coming of age andand rediscover what really is
lying underneath all thatbeliefs.

Yes and yes, yes , yes, yes, yes and I.
This, of course, goes back towhen I was talking about
conforming, where we're, whereour society is built on,
rewarding us for conforming, butnothing.
I don't think it's ever moreevident, or at least it feels

(40:03):
that way to me.
Pardon me, while I adjust this,I just want to make sure I'm
looking at, I have windows andthings open so that I can be on
top of things my schedule.
So in my speech, one of thethings I talk about that I
believe you know that I've on myjourney, that I've discovered

(40:24):
kids.
We are born with specificthings that we learn how to do.
Two fears the fear of fallingand the fear of loud noises.
But the other thing that humansare born with, naturally, that
we do is storytelling anddreaming.
In fact, I the reason why Icame to this conclusion at least
I should say I got down thisfar was I was writing about some

(40:44):
of the first stories that wetell ourselves about ourselves.
What are the?
What do you?
think about some of the firstthings you used to say about
yourself to yourself.
And I was like, oh yeah, well,if I don't wear this outfit, I
don't have these proper jeans,or if I don't cut my hair like
this, they won't like me If Idon't date this person, or if I
don't get good grades, and myparents won't be happy if I
don't make this sports team.
And I was like, no, no, no,actually that's not the first

(41:08):
ones.
The OG stories we toldourselves when we were five and
six, on the playground,pretending to be a superhero,
pretending to be a spaceastronaut or a cowboy, whatever
it was you dreamt of being.
That was the first stories youtold yourself about yourself,
that you could be anything.

(41:29):
And it wasn't until later thatthese little self-doubts, this
should syndrome that you'retalking about, that we get
shoulded shoulded to death about.
You shouldn't be this, youshouldn't do that, you shouldn't
dress this way, you shouldn'ttalk like that, you shouldn't
eat this thing, you shouldn'tdress like this, you shouldn't
go there.
I mean, my God, that list isendless about who's going to

(41:50):
tell you what you shouldn'tshouldn't do in your life when,
along that journey, you havebeen you by the way, and this is
something they were telling, Ithink they were saying to you,
was you know how you're hidingbehind this persona, you know,
as opposed to it being yourauthentic self, and I'm like,
who in this world can stand infront of me and honestly tell me

(42:13):
you think you're being the mostauthentic version of yourself
and that you haven't edited outpieces of yourself over the last
15, 20, 30 years of your lifein order to be something better
for someone else?
Right, we've all done it, we'veall practiced it.
We did it in kindergarten, wedid it in junior high, we did it
at the dance, we did it incollege.

(42:34):
To fit in, we all began editingaway the pieces of ourselves
that we perceived would have thepotential to interfere with our
perception of success or beingperceived as fun and lovable,
likable, appreciatable, whateverright, fill in the mix.
And if that meant that you wentoff to school to be a baseball

(42:54):
player, a football player, oryou went to go be a dancer at
college, or you went to go intoaccounting your physics or the
biology, you know you fit themold.
You adjusted, changed youroutfit, changed your persona,
changed the way you performedand behaved in that circle to
fit what you thought they reallywanted what would be the best

(43:14):
version of that.
We've all done it.
In fact, that's what humans aregood at.
We are brilliant at reinventingourselves.
We are brilliant at creatingstories for ourselves.
We are brilliant at dreaming upthe most amazing things you can
ever think of.
Hello, look around you, world.
We can fly through the skies.
We've got skyscraperseverywhere, amazing bridges,
incredible architecture, carsthat drive on electricity.

(43:36):
Like we are dreamers andbuilders, it is no wonder that
we become entrepreneurs.
It is no wonder that we, theentrepreneurs of this world, are
the ones doing the hard work,trying to find new dreams,
trying to build new pathways,trying to excite the world
around new ideologies and newthought patterns and new
processes and services and goods, because we're built to do this

(43:59):
.
But simultaneously, rightalongside this journey of
building these dreams andbecoming something bigger and
different, is the part of usthat doubts, is the part of us
that fears, is the part of usthat worries.
That isn't outside of us, itisn't coming from somewhere else
, it isn't coming from outside,it's right here, embracing that

(44:21):
fear, embracing thatrelationship with those parts of
yourself that might not alwaysget enough attention, might be a
little awkward and differentand weird.
You know, that's what Katoffers us, that's what her
program gives us a little bit ofinsight to loving the inner
part of ourselves that, while itmay or may not be authentic,
you don't know unless you askand you certainly don't know

(44:43):
unless you go on a journey ofself-discovery to find what
parts of you are authentic.
Because I think somewhere alongthe way we forgot.
I think somewhere along the waywe forget.
Gosh, you know, I really likeddoing that when I was seven.
I really loved riding mybicycle and doing.
I haven't ridden a bicycle in50 years.
Why not Like what's holding me?

(45:04):
Why did I stop doing the thingsthat give me fun?
It's checking in as checking inlike you said what do I like
doing?

Because I remember being with certain friends.

It could have changed too.

It could have changed, but also how you know,
like I might have learned that Ionly like horror films, because
the people I used to hang outwith all liked horror films.
I remember going to a film witha boyfriend and he was like, oh
God, that was terrible.
I went home and my mom went.
How was the film?
I went, oh, it was terrible.
I thought, no, what was itthough?
And I, just repeating what hesaid, what did I actually think

(45:37):
about that film?
And so we might have hobbies oractivities or beliefs, or
whatever they are, that we don'tknow what feeling like I call
them yummy feelings and knowingwhether you like broccoli or
like cauliflower and thedifference between them, or
whether you like rice or likepasta, like, unless you taste it

(46:01):
and then compare it withsomething that you don't like
and you know what I want, thisfeels like and I don't want this
feels like.
If you just have the num, tellme what to like, I even know
what, what preferences feelslike, and so I really have my
students start.
I give them options.
I let I don't say here's themusic we're going to do today or
here's the movement that we'regoing to do today.
I let them be kind of like thekid in the sand pit.

(46:23):
What toy do you want to playwith, kid?
What would you like to eat forlunch?
Like, you make your choices soyou can experience it and they
go actually, no, I really didn'tlike that.
Or actually, oh my God, Ireally like that.
I didn't know that.
I liked that.
And getting in touch with thisfeels aligned.
This doesn't feel aligned.
I think it's also something wecan lose because we're just
doing what the company told us,what our parents told us, what
our parents told us.
So that's a really muscle toexercise as well.

Okay, yes, sorry , I'm, my brain is going into
this area.
Alignment, like you said, we wesometimes abdicate
responsibility for our owndesires and needs because it's

(47:08):
just easier to get along, it'sjust easier to just just do
whatever you're over.
You know what I mean, and sowhat you do is you, and that's.
I'm not arguing against that.
I think that's fine, we all dowe all need to know when a hit
win, a battle is.
You know when the hill isnecessary to climb and it's not
necessary climb.
It's like just go along and getalong.
Right, there's some thingswhere I'm like go along, get

(47:29):
along.
You're clearly an outlier here.
You're just going to rufflefeathers.
Is it worth your time?
And there's to bring up your,your different opinion or your
idea, and sometimes I thinkthat's valid, I think that's
fair, but what I, what I would?
The reason why I bring that upis I think we've gotten so
comfortable and good at doingthat to ourselves that we fall

(47:52):
into.
In fact, this is one of mythings my yogi instructor says,
which I love.
Travis Elliott talks about youwill always fall to your, your
best practices.
So, if you are only practicing Xall the time, then when you do
falter, you will falter to alevel of X, because that's where

(48:17):
your sense memory is, that'swhere your practice is, that's
where your art or whatever is.
You know, that's where thatlies.
And if you go back and you lookat it, like, oh my God, my
practice is down here, it isn'televated, it isn't open, it
isn't, you know, ready forchange and opportunity, just in
that comfort zone of acceptable,tolerable, limited right,

(48:40):
because I'm too tired to thinkdifferently, I don't want to try
.
It's so much of an effort, likethe things that we say in our
heads that slowly chip away atour identity, our authenticity
and our originality, which iswhere we're, you and I, are
saying no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no.
We need that.
That's what the world wants,that's what society needs.

(49:00):
This is what corporations needis this original thinking,
authentic, authentic self.
And we're asking you, braveones, fearless road warriors, to
continue to do that.
Bring that forward and try tofind new and identify ways to
practice bringing that out inentrepreneurs and leadership.

(49:23):
And I think one of the ways isis this course is incredible,
like I think this journey of youknow.
Dress up and play, yeah why dowe have?
that as kids I mean think aboutfrom a psychological.
We should probably have apsychologist on here, a child
psychologist.
Dress up and play.
Dress up and play is such acrucial process for kids in

(49:46):
their early development stagesand their brain development
stages why?
Well, apparently and I'm justgoing to pull this out of my ass
Apparently it benefits theneuroplasticity of the brain for
their ability to identify withthe world around them and build
an environment that feels feelsfamiliar to them by seeing how
they interact with the world.

(50:07):
Right, by identifying who I amin comparison to the things
around me, not judgmentcomparison.
There's a difference betweensaying I am this compared to
that, as opposed to that is goodand I'm not right.

Right.

Absolutely.
We have to be very careful whenteaching kids about this,
because kids will default veryquickly to judging as opposed to
comparing.
Comparison can be the killer ofingenuity and creativity.
For those of us who are adultsgoing oh I'm not as good as,
that's not comparing, that'sjudging.
If you're doing that, you'rejudging yourself, you're judging
your technique, you're judgingyour skill set.

(50:42):
You're not comparing.
Comparing is saying, oh, that'swhat that offers, this is what
I offer.
Here's how they're differentwithout the judge.

Here's an apple.
Here's an orange.
This one's orange colored, thisone's green there is no good or
bad, it's just the differentcolor.
This one's like colored whenyou bite into it.
This one has a peel that I peeloff it.
Okay, cool, like do I like that, do I not like that?
Do I want to make mine morelike that, less like that?
But you're not saying it's goodor bad, it's just.
How are these two thingsdifferent?

(51:11):
Oh, interesting as asking thequestions.

And yes, and asking the questions is what I
think you do in that workshop,which I don't think we allow
ourselves.
We do that for kids you can seeparents doing that in
restaurants and stuff or like,well, what would you like?
Well, let's take a look.
Like no, we don't go to SitnaGo.
Like well, what would I like?
Like well, how would you like?
Like, I don't ask myself, Ijust choose things based on, I

(51:34):
don't know, whatever the data isthat's floating through my head
and whatever makes it past thefilters right Suddenly becomes
the thing you do.
And if you're tired, hungry,angry, whatever you know, your
choices might get limited evenfurther because you're, you
don't have the energy to eventry To try.
So you default to somebodyelse's choices.

(51:54):
Whoever's at the dinner tablethat's the loudest decided on
chicken.
Well, we're eating chicken, Iguess, so who cares?
But I think that speaks to alarger point, which is, if we've
become a society that bydefault edits or compromises
ourself and our identity andwhat we want because it's easier

(52:16):
or more convenient, or we'vetold ourselves this, we're
cheating the world and we'recheating ourselves by the way of
bringing our own brilliance andcreativity and originality to
every situation that's out there.
I don't know, I think I just gotoff on a soapbox platform on
this one.
So my, I guess my point is catbrings the OG.

(52:39):
So yeah, if you're going to getoriginal and you want to find
yourself and you want to findtrue happiness through a
workshop that allows you to askwhat do you want today?
And you haven't asked thatquestion before and you haven't
been asking that question in along time I would encourage you
definitely to check out cat'scourse or workshop and classes.

(53:02):
But if you can't ask yourselfnot just what do I want, maybe
ask yourself why do I want it?
Maybe that's the biggerquestion.

I'm all about the why, when I stop my students on
anything, anything.
Anything may ask me.
I want to move, I want to startdoing file, I want to apply for
this thing.
I want to stop producing.
I want to.
I want to make this new costume.
I'm always like start with yourwhy?

Cause that is why you think you want through
everything I'm telling you 2023is the year of the why for me.
I don't know if it is foranybody else but when I started
this journey for motivationalspeaking with Spit your Lab,
when I started it for thepodcasting, when I started it
with all these different things,it was identify your why.

(53:49):
It was understanding thepurpose and the why.
And if your why doesn't makeyou cry, then your why isn't
strong enough.
And now I was like I'm 53, Ihave a how come.
I didn't know my why this wholetime.
I haven't had a why.
How have I made it through thisworld without a why?

Everybody else has a why.
Why did I have a why?
But even just like I, I'mcompletely why this?
happened.
I like looking at it withhabits as well.
Like I hate paying for parkingin LA and like I don't want to
do valet.
And I was driving to and it'snot that it's going to be a

(54:26):
through line, but I was drivingto this thing and the valley was
like $10.
I thought I'm not paying that$10.
I thought why?
I thought because I know I canjust park around the corner.
I really, why is it?
Even if I have millions of,even if I was a millionaire, I
would do that.
What would a millionaire do?
Even if I was a millionaireright now, I would refuse to pay
that $10 because I couldliterally just park there.
Then I went to an event.

(54:46):
I was super late for it.
I was in the show.
I had to get my parking.
I thought, oh, I don't want topay valet.
I thought.
But why?
I thought because I'm beingpedantic, to be fair, they're
providing me a service.
I'm late, there's nowhere elseto park.
It's worth me $10 to just parkmy car.
So, looking at your, why like,oh, I really want to drink right
now.
Why I'm just going to eat thiskind of whatever.

(55:07):
Why?
But check, check in.
Is it a habit?
Is it a learn?
Is it because it's justsomething that your friends are
doing?
I've started doing that withevery little, mini, little thing
I'm doing, or I should putmakeup on for the podcast.
Why, though, do you feel thepressure?
Is it going to make you feel?

better.
I love doing it with everything.
This is the thing that theydrilled down on when asking the
why for developing your expertpositioning statement for your
speaking.
Yeah, or even if you're doing apodcast and you want your.
Why you go well, I think it'sbecause blah, blah, blah.
Why, well?
Because I think I can deliverthis.
Why, well, but I think it'll dogood.

(55:45):
If I do X, why?
And I was like you know what?
It reminds me of that littleseven year old son of a who just
sits around.
Oh, the one who gives you a why.

I just said that was going to be my mom.
Crazy Seven Ys beats, do you?

remember the feeling that it gives you where
you're like fuck.
I don't have an answer for theseventh, why, like I don't know
why, Because like how many of usdon't, and I know that kid's
just being a kid and they'rejust asking why, but it really
does test you and it really doesask have you thought about your
why?
If you can't take your why downthree, four, five different

(56:18):
iterations and really get downto it, why are you doing
whatever it is that you're doing?
If you don't know why.
It kind of begs the questionwhy you know so yeah that's an
important thing, I think,knowing your why is what?

makes you feel less because you're like well, I
absolutely need to do this thingbecause I have this why, and if
you don't have your why, you'regoing to find an excuse to give
up.
You're going to find a reasonto sort of pull back and not
complete.
Yes, if your why isn't.

If your why is not strong enough, all the other
excuses and reasons will easilyoutplay it.
They will easily createprocrastination, they will
easily seep in to your schedule,they'll get on to your calendar
when you're not looking.
Because your why is what isyour compass?

(57:12):
It is the piece that you use tonavigate the world and your
life, and if you don't have that, then you are kind of at the
whim of the winds and the wavesof life, because you don't have
a rudder and you don't have asail and you're not exactly sure
which way you're going, becausethat why is too loose, right?
That why is too easilymanipulated and influenced.

(57:33):
So, yeah, it's good stuff.
Get your why, folks.

Get your, why you?

know I always ask my guests about their OG
story, their origin story, withfear.
Do you have an origin?

story with fear.

Like how do you know?
First of all, I ask what isyour relationship with fear?
Because I think people need toknow.
You have one.
You may not know it yet, but weall have a relationship with
fear.
And secondly, if you do have arelationship with fear, do you
know what your OG story is withit?
Like your the first time youcan remember dealing with fear
and addressing it head on.

I am trying to go as far about as possible and I
had a fear of going to school.
I had a fear of my brotherbecause he was very aggressive
and very loud.
I think I had a fear of goingto sleep, like I would stay up

(58:31):
really, really late at night andask my mom to like read me
another story, because I didn'twant to go to sleep, because I
think my dad had died when I wasvery young.
I think I learned that if yougo to sleep people go missing,
kind of thing.
So yeah like what will like if Igo to sleep?
I need to be on, I need to belike on patrol.

(58:52):
I can't go to sleep and, likeyou know, let the night guard go
off, sort of thing.
I don't remember why I hatedschool so much and because I
know I was kind of bullied inschool later on, but not when I
was like five or six.
I just hated going back andmaybe it was the leaving the
home and leaving my mom being,like my mom's, my only parent
now Like I need to make sureshe's okay, otherwise something

(59:16):
will happen to her.
But I remember I remember beingscared of my brother when he
got really aggressive and loudand then thinking I'm going to
use this as practice, like Iwould go headlong into it and
like actually fight him oractually like have the argument.

(59:36):
Because, I thought I canpractice fighting somebody.
I can practice winning someoneat an argument, so that when
it's not my brother and it'ssomeone in the street or it's an
aggressor I've been therebefore I really strongly
remember like, let me use thispractice, which I guess is kind
of like, you know, when you havea bunch of like lion cubs in

(59:57):
the role play, fight in eachother.
They're just kind of practicingthe thing.

Michael Devous (01:00:00):
So yeah, I guess I guess, if you boil that down
to, I felt the fear and did itanyway, Like I just went into
the fire of it Key, like, firstof all, feeling the fear and
doing it anyway, which I want tocome back to a momentarily.
But then, when you werementioning about the fear of
going to sleep and it occurredto me when we're kids and we do

(01:00:24):
our prayer nighttime prayers,you know, not everybody does-
them, but when you do nighttimeprayers you say the one that's
I'm going to say bless the soullord for these gifts, but that's
at the dining room table, sothat doesn't count.
Yeah, but dub, dub, yeah for thegrub.
This one is the one that saysand if I die, before I wake, I
pray the Lord my soul to take.

(01:00:45):
And I just realized, oh my God,what is a seven year old
supposed to do with that concept?
Like, what are you?

Cat LaCohie (01:00:54):
supposed to do.
They might die in their sleep.

Yes, if you die like bless your family before
you close your eyes because youcould die Like what kind of a
horrible situation.
I grew up not going to rest.
I mean, how many years did Inot rest Because I was like, oh,
I'll close my eyes?
What if I don't wake up?
What if I haven't blessed allthe right people and then they
don't go to heaven because Ididn't bless my uncle or I
forgot somebody on the list?

(01:01:17):
Like that pressure, that'spretty insane to put on a seven
year old, instead of just sayinglet's just pray for everybody
and hope they have a great dayor they get some good rest, Rock
a bye, baby, and you know ifthe bowel breaks.
I mean talk about terriblesongs and things that teach
children.

If you ever switch off, if you ever stop, if you
don't sleep with when I open,you're going to bad.
Things are going to happen,that's so funny Lord.

It's no wonder.
You know no wonder.
And I give you permissionparents to do it differently and
I tell you kids out there, it'sokay.
One day you're gonna wind upolder like us and need a dance
class to help you figure out whyyou can't close your eyes when
you go to sleep at night time.
So we just solved a worldproblem.

(01:02:06):
So that's your OG story, that'syour origin story of fear.
Yeah, I'm gonna, which I lovethat you thought of it as
practice.
It's one of the things you know.
When I was looking at myrelationship with fear and
trying to find out why Iapproached the things in my life
, the tragedies and thedifferent incidences in my life,
different than apparently otherpeople did.

(01:02:28):
I didn't know this, of courseyou know.
You know you don't have theopportunity to compare your life
to other people's experiencesuntil you get older and you
start asking the question.
You just assume every kid on theblock was bullied.
You just assume everybody endedup with divorced parents.
You just assume people alwaysate.
You know, mayo and peanutbutter.
You know, didn't they Like?

not that, that was my treat Like when families were
saying you think so, didn't you?

I mean you, because you operate from inside
the own little framework of yourown little world, with your own
little filters and your ownexperiences, and so that's what
you have.
Until you realize that you knowthat, that you didn't do things
the way other people did, andthat you possibly do have a
different relationship with fearand anxiety and challenges,

(01:03:15):
that you approach the worlddifferently.
Do you think that that moment,and then the practiced moments
that you did after that, changedthe way that you approached
life from then on forward and,as a result, we're able to take
on certain I would say, certainthings that other people were
shied away from?

For, for I'm trying to trying to really think about
of an honest answer.

Okay, so let me take you to the when you were
talking about how you got intothe dancing right was you were
intimidated by it, but then youreally wanted to do it anyway.
Right.
That part of you that wanted topractice the art of arguing
with your brother, fighting withyour brother, but so that you
could be skilled and preparedfor that in the future out in

(01:04:10):
the world meant two things.
One is you saw it as anopportunity to.
You, understood already andinstinctually in the world that
there were going to be momentswhen you won't get to argue just
with your brother.
You won't be in this comfortable, safe space where doing so
allows you an out where you cantag out or you can do whatever.

(01:04:32):
But you're going to be in thereal world one day and that
isn't an option.
So being better at holding yourown or making your argument
stick or debating was of valueto you.

It got me.
I think what the pattern is isthat it was.
Let's see how bad this reallyis.
Rather than shutting my doorand powering my room and fearing
the unknown which I know mostof my fears now are in the
unknown.
I get nervous if I don't know acertain thing.

(01:05:03):
I don't know what the venue isgoing to be or I don't know what
the situation is going to be.
I don't know who's meeting meat the airport.
I get fear of the unknown.
So what I've done in the pastis well, let's find out, let's
see how bad it actually reallyis, let's go face into it so
that I'm not fearing the unknownanymore.
Because if the bad thinghappens, well then it happened.

(01:05:24):
And then I knew and I found out.
So when I was thinking aboutmoving to LA, I was like oh, I'm
not sure if I need a visa or aW visa or how difficult it is.
And everyone goes well, it'sdifficult, it's difficult.
It's going to be like well,let's just find out, let's start
calling some people and findingout.
And if I've ever gotten intotrouble, it's like well, let me
just make some calls and findout.

(01:05:47):
What is the severity of this,what does this really mean?
Like if I've ever got a growthor thought of being cancer at
one point, and my friend waslike well, let's just see what
it.
You know, I was like let mejust find out, let me just go to
the doctors, get her checkedout.
I'd rather know, I'd ratherjust know and I can deal with
the bad.
Bad thing and I think that's myfavorite word is.

(01:06:07):
I went to San Francisco and Iwas looking at like hotels to
stay in because I was working.
So I thought I don't need areally nice hotel, I just need
someone to like lie down forlike six hours at night.
And all of these reviews werelike it has homeless people and
it's this and it's that.
I was like, yeah, but there'shomeless people in LA down where
I live.
So it's not like, are thesereally legitimate bad reviews or

(01:06:27):
is it just someone who doesn'tknow what it's like to be around
homeless people?
So I thought I'm not lettingfear make me then pay ridiculous
amounts for a hotel that I'mnot even gonna be in for half
the time.
This is just stupid ass fear.
So I booked this hotel.
I looked it on Google Maps.
It was kind of okay.
I got to the hotel room and Ithought I'm gonna see what's
around, I'm gonna see how badthe homelessness is, I'm gonna

(01:06:49):
see how gritty it is, I'm gonnasee if it's kind of like gangs
around.
And so I put on my leatherjacket and I embodied my badass
burlesque persona and I left allmy valuables so I wasn't
carrying it and I just walkedaround the block.
And I thought right, if someonetries to attack me I'll run,
I'll do the thing, but at leastthen I'll know what.
Outside my hotel room, ratherthan sitting in the hotel room

(01:07:11):
going, oh God, I heard a bang, Iheard this noise, I heard this
oh, what is going on out there?
Well then, find out.
Find out Now I know.

It sounds to me like what you have here, or what
you're describing to me, iswhat are you capable of?

right, finding out what you're capable of Finding
out what you're capable of.

And if what you believe you're capable of is if
let me rephrase it if what youbelieve the world is capable of
is greater than what you'recapable of, you will cower and
you will hide, yeah, and thenyou find out.
What you're capable of is themoment you're no longer in fear

(01:07:59):
of the unknown.
Like what do you think theworld's capable of doing to you?
What do you think thosehomeless people might be doing
if you get near them, or any ofthose?
What do you say?
The unknowns right, that's youputting power and building up
what the world is capable of,not what you're capable of.

And I think that's so interesting.

Shifting, that If you could just understand and
take the chance, like Kat hasdone here in our life, is you
ask the question wait, what am Icapable of In this moment and
in this scenario?
I don't know these answers, Idon't know these outcomes, I
don't know these things, but ifI put myself out there, I will
find out very quickly A what I'mcapable of.
B whether or not they're true,and then, c I will have enough

(01:08:40):
information and evidence to makean educated decision about my
next step, which most of usdon't do Like a lot of people
don't do, I mean, I think, alsoteaching yourself that Teaching
yourself that you're capable ofI tell my students.

I tell my students like, teach yourself that you
complete, Teach yourself thatwhen you give yourself a
challenge, you succeed.
And the reason I become morefearless is because I've taken
risks, many, many risks, and lowstakes risks.
But I've taken them and I'veembarked on endeavors and I've
completed them so that now, whenI do take a risk or I am faced
with something, I have thisblack catalog of proof that I

(01:09:15):
can do these things.
And that is what we're doing,like in the rehearsal room.
Try this thing, and now youknow you can do it on stage.
I try being a certain way asVixen de Vil, so I now know when
I'm out in the real world ascat I can say those things, do
those things and the bad thingsare gonna happen.
It's absolutely like practicingTaekwondo in the dojo and now

(01:09:35):
when you're out on the streetyou've got that learned muscle
memory.
So practicing in that, like theplayground it is place, exactly
, it's a whole circle, it's playfighting.
Do it in the place where it'slow stakes, your safe
environment, whatever it is, sothat then you have that as
memory, as proof, so that youcan take that into the
battlefield with you, whereverit is you're going, knowing that

(01:09:58):
I can do this thing, I amcapable of this thing, and you
believe in yourself rather thanbelieving in the bullshit lies.

Oh, and I think that's so.
Yay, I think we discoveredsomething here.
I think this is a nugget,that's what we discovered that
felt really.
I was like, oh, that's it, oh,the tingly feel, that's the big
nugget for today, the goldennugget to this mining field.

Practice.

Well, it's not just the practice, but it's the
rehearsing of what you'recapable of.

It's the.

I think when you're out of practice, finding
out like, by the way, when we'rekids all you do is practice to
find out what you're capable of.
Everything you do is a test tosee how much more you can do
Walking, running, riding abicycle, jumping off of
something, practicing it, asport or an instrument or

(01:10:48):
whatever.
Every step of that way is areimagining of what you can do,
a testing of your skill sets tosee if you can try to do it, and
then a confirmation of whetheror not you've got what it takes
to take that next step.
And if you don't, you reiterateand you find little smaller
steps, and then you get thereright.

(01:11:09):
As you get older, once we'readults, the practice of being a
person, the practice ofadulthood, the practice of an
art form or anything else likethat, really diminishes, I guess
, and so we're out of practiceat practicing being ourselves,
and so this is a great thing.
This is what you're capable of.

(01:11:30):
If, in that moment, if you'refearful of something, have an
anxiety about something, askyourself this question Is what
you're fearful of, is what youhave anxiety for?
Is it a concept that what'soutside of you is bigger and
more capable than you?
And if that statement is nottrue, if it cannot be true,
meaning it's not possible forthe world to be bigger and more

(01:11:53):
than me?
I can be bigger and better thanall this.
I can try, you know, like, howdo you reframe it?
How do you put this in yourbrain?
Like for me, if I were to stopand ask the question is what's
currently happening bigger thanme and is it more capable than I
am in enduring it, dealing withit, overcoming it, solving it?
Right?
I'm nine times out of 10?
No, I've, like you said, I'vealready fallen 8,000 times.

(01:12:18):
I've done the risk and I'vebroken and I've hurt and I've
done all those things and I'mstill here today to say, oh yeah
, it didn't kill me, I'm notgonna die if I try that, oh,
it's no big deal, because I'vealready done it and I have, like
you say, the lexicon of dataand information sitting behind
me where I can confidently walkand go.
Oh yeah, I can give that a try.
I think that's what's differentabout a lot of us as

(01:12:41):
entrepreneurs, visionaries,leaders, subject matter experts
and stuff is that what we knowwe can try to do is a bigger
laundry list than what we don'tthink we're capable of.
Well, does that make sense?
Absolutely like try it out withfun.

Yeah, try it out with fun.
I have this weird relationshipwith you and I have this weird
relationship with driving.
I didn't learn to drive, but Ilearned to drive when I was 17
and I failed my test, so I neverdrove because I was based in
London, didn't need a car.
Blah, blah, blah blah, came toLA.
Oh, now I need to drive, oh,yeah, it's LA right so.

(01:13:22):
I learned to drive in my late20s in a stick shift in London
and then flew for 10 hours superjet lag, got into a different
continent, got into a rental carbut it's not stick shipped on
the other side of the road andthen had to drive it for an hour
to where I was living and I'mlike what is life?
So I have this kind of like ifsomeone's in the car with me and

(01:13:43):
I know they can drive and thishas changed the last couple of
years, but it used to be that Iwas like oh my God, they're
judging my driving, they thinkI'm terrible.
Or if someone was in the carand you couldn't drive, I'm a
super cool driver.
Look at me driving.

And.

I'd have this kind of like obsession with, like if
I've got a big SUV, like I don'tknow how to drive it.
Oh so I got booked for this gigover in Kansas City and they're
like, well, rent you a car,pick it up at the airport and
then drive it to the event.
And it's this big SUV, and I'mlike, oh my God, I don't know
how to, I don't.
And I'm like an adult, I can'task for help.

(01:14:16):
I thought, just stop, just doit, just ask this child for help
.
This guy looks like 40, he's 16, I was like hi, I don't know
how to drive this spaceship.
Could you show me how to do?
it and there's like a button topress and everything else.
I felt so old.
I felt like the old persongoing show me how to use a
telephone.
But on the way to this place inKansas City I thought why can't

(01:14:39):
this be fun?
Why isn't this?
A kid driving a go-kart?
Just be like.
Look at my life.
I get to drive this reallysouped up, crazy ass car in the
middle of a town I've never beento.
Isn't this fun?
And I've learned to say isn'tthis fun?
Rather than oh my God, I'mterrified.
Isn't this fun?
Because terrified and excitedcan be the same thing.

(01:15:00):
And now I've had to drive thisSUV recently and it's great.
It's fun because I proved tomyself back in Kansas City that
I can do this.
So whenever something comes upthat's a bit like oh my God,
just start.
Oh, isn't this fun?
This is new, this is different,this is fun.

There you go, like a verbal acknowledgement of
oh, this is interesting anddifferent, we can do this.

Interesting.
Yeah, let's find out.
I have started doing thatrecently, like the, let's find
out.
I'm worried about this.
Well, let's just find out.

I was a friend of mine took me to Six Flags.
This was a few years ago.
I was in my 40s and I used to,as a kid, used to love roller
coasters, used to love all thosethings.
And here I am, 40-some-oneyears of age.
It's been over 20-some-oneyears since I've been on one and
I was, quite frankly, terrifiedbecause I was like, oh my God,
you know I've been on theseroller coasters in forever.

(01:15:52):
I just parted me.
That was legitimatelyfrightened and I was like what
is this feeling?

Why.
And because you hadn'tpracticed.

I hadn't practiced.
Let me tell you this.
We were there for eight hoursthat day.
I rode every single terrifyingroller coaster, and the scary of
the roller coaster was the moreI laughed my ass off.
Oh my God, I love it I laughedso hard I had tears pouring out
of my face.
My friend was sitting next tome grasping the grip of death on

(01:16:27):
everything as we literally flythrough flames throwing over the
.
You know what I mean.
Like, roller coasters aren'twhat they used to be, Like
little rickety things, you know.
Nowadays it's like it flipsupside down.
You fly underneath, you get theflames are blowing into the
waterfall.
But the scarier it got, themore I laughed.
I mean I just came ungluedspiritually and I was like what,

(01:16:48):
what is that Like?
Where did that come from?
Why is that guy, giddy as achild, running around, you know,
risking everything on theseroller coasters and having such
a blast, and I think that's partof what I think we get to
discover with Kat and in yourworkshop is it's a bit of a
roller coaster ride.

(01:17:08):
You get to discover that partof you that laughs at being
afraid.
It just has that moment ofterrified giddiness but
excitement at the same time, andthen telling yourself it's
going to be fine, you're notgoing to die, nothing's going to
happen, and then you're goingto find out something about
yourself and about the worldthat you may or may not have

(01:17:29):
known before.
Amazing.
I don't want to end thisconversation because I still
want to keep talking to you, butI have to sort of wrap things
up.
So a couple of things I want toask.
First, like one, like any majormilestones or things,
challenges coming up for you inthe rest of 2023.
This is August 2023.

(01:17:49):
So, like anything we shouldknow about that's coming up for
you, that you're facing, thatyou need to address, or whatever
that we're yeah, 2023.

I launched my first year long program in February
2023.
And I then did a three day inperson event in February, and
then I had a soft launch.
And then I did a three dayonline event in June as like my
sort of next soft launch.

(01:18:19):
And then December 2023, I'mgoing to do my three day.
That's like, okay, I did it inJune, I've tweaked it a bit,
I've massaged it a bit.
So this will be like the full onlaunch of Vixen Development
Balesk Academy and it's doingthe year long embracing for the
last, getting people to committo working with me for a year.

(01:18:40):
And so it really is me steppingup my business and my
entrepreneurship to haveinvested in building the course
and promoting people.
I've got three to five peoplesigned up with it already.
I've got like three pointers.
Two of them are signed up forhalf of the year.
So it's like that kind of oh,I've got my people.

(01:19:02):
But to go into 2024, I reallywant, like I don't want it to
have been a fluke in June.
I want now December to be likeno, this works, this is
something people want andappreciate and will sign up for,
and everything else.
So it's the sort of thatwatershed that December is going
to be the like.
Am I really growing up on?
No, I'm excited.

(01:19:23):
I think it's like 2014.

I think the answer is going to be a
resounding yes from ourlisteners and our audiences.
Everybody get out there, getonline, go to Kat Lelacoy's
website and sign up for this.
Like, break some records for2024 for her and really help her
launch this forward.
So if we want to find out moreabout you, we want to sign up to
spend more time with you.

(01:19:48):
How would we go about that now?

So fixanddevillecom is my generic website.
Fixanddevillecom slashbreakthrough is where you would
sign up for the three day eventin December.
It called your burlesquebreakthrough and you're breaking
through your confidence, yourperformance skills.
If you're already a burlesqueformer, you're taking it a step
further.
You've never done burlesquebefore.
You're finding how burlesquecan help you have those

(01:20:13):
breakthroughs, giving yourselfsome fun and playfulness in your
life.
So yeah, your burlesquebreakthrough is December 15th,
16th and 17th.

December 15th, 16th and 17th 2023.

233.

Can we do an episode just prior to the
breakthrough to either?
Announce the programming andtalk about what you're bringing
to the class, or would you liketo do one that's a followup to
it as we go into the new year,talking about what was
discovered and what was done?

I would do both.
I think we should do a pre likea before and after.

Ooh a preview and then we can show how
terrified yeah, I can do howterrified I am.

That's a great idea .
I'm so terrified.
Yeah, let's do a before andafter.

Okay, done, we're gonna do.
Ladies and gentlemen, justannounced it here we're gonna do
a before and after of theDecember workshop series with
Kat Likoi and the Vivi D'Vixen Imean the Vixen de Vil.
And her workshop to help youembody your greatness and find
and achieve even greaterversions of yourself in 2024.

(01:21:12):
So be sure to check her out, besure to follow her because, by
the way, this is incredible.
These are gonna have such agood time getting to know this
lady and everything that she hasto offer.
I'm so excited to have had youon the Fearless Road sharing
your journey with any.
My fellow performer, my fellowfriend, and I'm glad to be able
to call you that A Kat LikoiVixen de Vil breakthrough.

(01:21:34):
Ladies and gentlemen, check itout.
Thank you for being here,thanks for sharing your time
with us today and your years onthe Fearless Road journey.
And if you ever wanna know more,you can check us out at
thefearlessroadcom or on YouTubeat the Fearless Road, and we
have all the stuff there, allthe magic.
We're just bringing more of it,and here it is.
So thanks everybody, have anamazing afternoon, day, year,

(01:21:56):
and we'll see you soon.
Stay Fearless Music.

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05. Welcome to FEAR-LESQUE: Cat Lacohie's Fearless Exploration of Self-Expression

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