10. From FBI to Fear Fighter: Creating Spaces and Overcoming Fear with Cristal Cook

Have you ever wondered how the fears you faced as a child might still be affecting your life today? Or how technology is shaping our ability to connect and communicate effectively? Join us as we navigate these complex topics with therapist, author, and children's mental health expert, Crystal Cook. Crystal's journey from accountant to therapist, fueled by her high openness personality trait and desire for change, is as fascinating as it is inspiring. She shares her wisdom about fear, unpacking its components, and offering strategies to cope with it. 

We also delve into Crystal's books, "Hope is a Butterfly" and "Braveheart Gracie and the Powerless Vacuum Monster," which aim to help children conquer their fears and phobias. Crystal’s unique perspective on children's experiences of fear, distinguishing between rational and irrational fears, will certainly offer you a fresh angle on how to understand and manage fear. We also explore the impact of her return to the US after living overseas for nine years, which serves as a backdrop for her passion for writing and promoting her books.

This episode is laden with insights on how fear can manifest in our lives and shares practical strategies for managing fear-induced stress, such as deep breathing and positive self-talk. We explore how technology has influenced our social skills and accountability, and share personal experiences, emphasizing the importance of practicing social skills and confronting our fears. Join us as we reveal Crystal's journey of vulnerability and fearlessness, discussing her transition back to the US and her efforts to promote her works. So, fasten your seatbelts as we embark on this enlightening journey, and remember to stay fearless!

Episode Transcript

Michael Devous Jr (00:00):
Happy holidays everybody.
Welcome to the Fearless Roadpodcast episode 10, the final
episode in our premiere season.
Oh my gosh, I'm I can't believeI've made it this far.
This episode is with theamazing Crystal Cook.
She's a therapist and an authorand specializes in children's

(00:22):
Therapy and mental health,especially talking about fear
with two of her books Hope is abutterfly and Braveheart Gracie
and the powerless Vacuum monster, out this past fall and
available pretty much everywhere.
This is the foot one of the.
I think this is one of thefirst recordings that I did this
past summer, which you'llprobably notice it's a bit Raw

(00:46):
in some places, but that's okay.
Still getting my legs underneathme, still figuring this thing
out, this platform, how tooperate everything.
But, man, it's tricky.
You know, when you take onsomething so much bigger than
you and you really want to stepfully into it Pardon me, my eyes
are watering you know you canbe met with a lot of obstacles

(01:09):
along the way.
As entrepreneurs and, by theway, I don't take that term
lightly I think the termentrepreneur is Something that
is still being defined, and it'sbeing defined by those of us
down here in the trenches, thoseof us in the valleys making our
way, and it's not just becauseyou get there and you're
successful that you're anentrepreneur.
It's the journey man, it's the,it's the road, the fearless

(01:32):
road, that we all have to taketo get there.
And then this episode we talk alot about fear from a bit more
of a therapeutic inpsychological standpoints.
Pretty fascinating Stuff and,interestingly enough, probably
one of the shortest ones I'vedone.
I know you guys have stuck withme and I talk a lot and I, you
know I get very excited andenthusiastic with my Guests

(01:54):
about these topics.
I really kind of want toshorten this stuff down.
I promise you in 2024 we willbe providing you with some more
concise and, you know,bite-sized chunks of these
things.
I'll edit them down and getthem to like maybe 30 minutes
Maybe, and I'll be doing somesnippets.
I figured out some new software.
I can get some snippets out, sothat'll be helpful.

(02:16):
Look for those in 2024.
And oh, by the way, the eventthat's coming up In 2024,
february 16th of 2024, theleadership navigator 2024
Seminar.
It's an entrepreneurshipseminar celebrating women in
entrepreneurship, leadershipexecutives, and we talk about
some pretty incredible stuffcoming up in 2024.

(02:36):
It's all the things that aregoing to be on your plate and in
the front of your mind.
So check it out.
Go to our Facebook page, go toour YouTube channel, go to my
website, michael de vucom,michael de vu junior, pardon,
mecom or the fearless road.
You'll find information thereand all those resources that
lead you to Registration, whichopens pretty soon.
Other than that, man, have awonderful holiday season.

(02:59):
Have an incredible time withyour friends and your family.
Celebrate being an entrepreneur.
Celebrate being fearless thisentire season.
Celebrate all the things You'vedone, the small steps to get up
to the top of the mountain ofsuccess.
You've been chasing that ideain your head that you had a long
time ago to become Something,to do something, to have
something greater than what itwas you were doing, having or

(03:21):
being right now is Coming tofruition and you are taking the
steps and you are beingsuccessful and you are being
fearless.
And we know you, we know that,we recognize that, we see that.
So, happy holidays.
You're a gift to all of us hereAt the fearless road podcast
for sticking with us, for asupporting us.
That is the gift of the seasonfor me.

(03:43):
Yeah, and I'm gonna see you in2024.
I'm so excited.
Okay, have a fantastic holidayseason.
Enjoy this episode and rememberStay here.
Hi, everybody, welcome to thefearless road podcast.

(04:09):
I am joined in studio todaywith crystal cook, an amazing
woman who is doing some fearlesswork in the world of children's
books and fear, butspecifically on helping
individuals deal with andovercome some of their fears and
some of their phobias and someof their issues.
Crystal cook, welcome to thefearless road podcast.

Cristal Cook (04:30):
Don't we need to just step in sure.
Yes, so let's grab a littlebackground crystal share, share
with us and the audience alittle bit more about yourself
and how you got to you are today.
Okay, yeah, you know, the olderyou get, the longer your story
is, isn't it?

(04:50):
So I guess I've always had abit of an adventure spirit, and
We've talked a little bit in thepast about a personality exams
and our personality traits, andone of mine is very high on
openness, and so because of that, I like a lot of adventure, I
like a lot of change, and thathas been reflective in my life,

(05:11):
and as a child I had a lot ofdifferent things I wanted to do
when I, when I grew up, I wantedto clown.
I want to be a rodeo clown, thena circus clown, and then I
decided I wanted to be a privatedetective and solve murders and
then.
I wanted to work on a cruiseship and Even all opened my own
detective agency when I was likeseven and eight years old, so
Nancy Drew and.

(05:33):
I love Nancy.
Do you know, I did my my whole.
I read Nancy Drew, antrixiebuilding and a cyclopedia of
Brown, and I watched Scooby-Doo.
So I had all the knowledge and,and as I got older, I think my
mom thought, oh dear you know,dear Lord, what are we gonna do
with this kid?
And so she really encouraged meto do something, I guess,
sensible, and Really highlyencouraged me to become an

(05:57):
accountant.
Well, I did become anaccountant.

Michael Devous Jr (06:01):
It doesn't seem as ambitious as all the
other dreams that you had, butRight and not as exciting right
and accounting is a great career.

Cristal Cook (06:09):
I'm glad I have that knowledge and the
background, but it was to me itwas a drug.
Jury's like this is likeNumbers, numbers, numbers.
Baby, I'm gonna get anothercoffee, it was just it did.
It was not a good fit and Idecided to return to my
childhood roots and found my wayin the FBI as an agent, and

(06:33):
that was great.
It was a lot of adventure.
I met a lot of amazing peopleand and realized you know, this,
is it really my state either?
Arresting bad guys and doinginvestigations and dealing with
a lot of bureaucracy.
It just didn't fuel my soul and, as life does, it gives you

(06:55):
tragedies and heartbreak and youknow, sometimes those are the
things that walk, you know, justreally shakes up your world.
And I reflected on my life andI thought, gosh, if I die
tomorrow, is this what I want?
So I decided no, I wantedsomething different and I left
the FBI and Decided to pursue acareer in social work.

(07:16):
So I went back to school, got amasters in clinical social work
and have been on this pathsince then and it is.
It is still filled withadventure.
I this is, you know, I've beenin this field now for 20 years
and I've traveled all over theworld and been able to work
doing that and so Worked a lotwith teenagers and kids and

(07:40):
families, and for nine years Ilived full-time overseas working
with the military and thefamilies and managed a program
for the last two years of thatand moved back to the states and
I've been writing children'sbooks and doing private practice
and some contract work andreally wanting to To begin
talking to teens.

(08:01):
You know about Self-limitingbeliefs and fear and a lot of
the books that the books mychildren's book series is all on
social emotional learning,which includes Uncomfortable
feelings, relationships,conflict, basically what we so
is called life skills, and so Ideveloped a book for kids to
have, a fun book filled withadventure, that then they can

(08:24):
learn these Skills in a way thatwasn't really like preachy,
like don't hit Joey.
Well that doesn't really workright cuz.
I said so, so like, if you yeah, right, because that's so like,
well, I'm gonna really hit Joeynow, you know.
And so the way that you workwith that is for someone, for a

(08:48):
child, to care about Joey.

Michael Devous Jr (08:50):
And if we care about Joey and we know Joey
ever attached to Joey will,maybe we're well, mr Roger has a
quote that he, you know, givesthat once you know someone's
story, it's hard to hate someoneonce you know their story, or
it's easier to love them onceyou know their story.
And I love that about mr Rogershe's such a gentle,
compassionate soul.
But I think most of us, even inthis world of connectivity

(09:13):
we're supposedly we're soconnected I think we're more
distant and separate than we'veever been, and I think it's
being reflected in the childrenas they come up and see.
Access does not necessarilymean connection and teaching
them the art of connecting andbeing familiar with and getting
to know somebody so that they'renot unfamiliar, they don't have
to be afraid and they don'thave to mistreat that individual

(09:35):
based on assumptions thatthey're making right, because
For kids especially, who aregreat storytellers, their little
minds are gonna fill in allthese little gaps about things
they don't know, and if we'renot there guiding them, then I
would imagine that their brainsare probably filling it in with
all sorts of Well, probablywonderful and crazy things, but
also some scary stuff tooabsolutely.

Cristal Cook (09:56):
And yeah, I love mr Rogers and you know, but and
that's what he did, that's whatI wanted to do with my
children's books is, in a sense,like mr Rogers, like he taught,
like every one of his episodeswas a pretty major life lesson
and some very deep and and anddifficult.
He did it in a way that waslight and fun and very magnetic,

(10:20):
and that's when they stickRight.
You know, all of us in this agegroup we still talk about mr
Rogers.
You know we could you probablyyou and I could sing the mr
Rogers tune and take off our ouroutside sweater and hang it up
and put on our inside sweater,take off our outside shoes.
You know, like those thingssticking your brain.

Michael Devous Jr (10:36):
Well, just the opening song, the who are
the people in your neighborhood?
Begs the question Do you knowyour neighbors Like, do we know
the people around us?
Have we spent the time to getto know them and that very act
in them?

Cristal Cook (10:51):
itself.

Michael Devous Jr (10:52):
Starts to bridge the gap between the
unknown and what is fearful, andthe known and what is familiar,
right.
And so, as people who areseeking opportunities to improve
our fearlessness, that which isunknown always reigns sort of
outside that little bubble wherefear can play right.
Fear has its way with it be inour minds and our spirits and

(11:12):
other places, especially withlittle kids who don't know what
to expect and aren't prepared.
They could place so manydifferent things outside that
bubble.
But when mr Rogers says who arethe people in your neighborhood
, he's inviting people in, he'sasking you to invite people in,
and I think that's an importantlesson, not only for kids but
also for us adults, that weprobably should be wondering,

(11:33):
you know.

Cristal Cook (11:35):
Yeah, and you said something that I think you
really hit it pretty well.
It's like right now we're somuch more disconnected and it's
isn't a counterintuitive when wehave the internet and I can
have a legitimate friendshipwith someone thousands of miles
away and never meet them, andthat friendship could be very
real.

Michael Devous Jr (11:55):
Yeah.

Cristal Cook (11:55):
And authentic and, at the same time, I could be
trying to engage with someoneand they're sitting across for
me on their phone and there's alack of connection with the
person sitting two feet in frontof you.

Michael Devous Jr (12:07):
Yes.

Cristal Cook (12:08):
And you know what I found working with teens over
the last, I would say, a fewyears and this has been
consistent whether I was in theUS or Italy or Germany Army Air
Force is they would come to meand tell me about this very
intense conversation with theirsignificant other or their best
friend and it would end up goingdown a breakup.

(12:32):
And I would go oh, my goodness,you know what was that person's
facial expression?
Like what did they say?
You know, did they cry?
Like I don't know, it wasthrough texting.
But wait a minute, you had thisentire conversation through
text, like yes, like it's.
And they would say it is morecomfortable for me to text
someone than for me to talk tothem face to face.

(12:52):
And in that you have that right, that lack of connection, that
lack of knowing, because we cansay some treating me things on
the phone, texting, than wewould never say to someone
looking at them in the eye.

Michael Devous Jr (13:04):
Well, that speaks to self-regulation.
I find it fascinating that kidspeople today they're not kids
anymore.
I guess, now that phones havebeen out for better part of two
decades, that they, that theycan default to the easiest, most
convenient and comfortableversion of communicating, which

(13:26):
which eliminates personalresponsibility, or at least it
reduces it to a certain degree.
And when you and I were growingup we didn't have phones, we
didn't have cell phones.
If you had to speak to somebody, break up with somebody, talk
to somebody, you had to do itface to face or you had to do it
in a letter that you wrote, oron the landline.

(13:47):
you know which typically youwere.
You know talking to yourbesties and stuff all the time.
But we had to be accountablefor our words and that meant
action behind them.
That meant you had to step tothe person, speak to the person
and address them specifically ifyou had an issue specifically
with them.
You couldn't do it in a text,you couldn't do it in an email,

(14:09):
you couldn't be flippant and nonplus about it.
You had to take it seriouslyand that meant you had to choose
your words carefully.
You had to know what you weregoing to say and why you were
going to say it and you couldn't.
You could not not be accountable, like you had to be held
accountable because you weredoing it in person, and I think
this level of accountabilityseems to have just sort of faded

(14:30):
with this, these two nextgenerations who don't have the
same what's the word?
We weren't forced to do it, wejust didn't have any other
options, right, we didn't havethe other option of bowing out.
In fact, you know, maybe yourmom was similar as my mom.
If I had a problem withsomebody and I was avoiding it,

(14:50):
she would make me get them onthe phone or directly approach
them.
There was no choice.
It was like you seem to have aproblem.
You need to call them up orbring them over right now.
I'll call their parents andhave them come over and we can
have a talk.
Who does that these days?

Cristal Cook (15:05):
We were forced to have social skills.
Yeah.

Michael Devous Jr (15:08):
And even if they were bad ones, we were
forced to have them, and thenpractice.

Cristal Cook (15:12):
Right because that's what helps you develop
good social skills as practice.
And I was incredibly shy childand if I would have grown up in
this era, I probably would havebeen one of those children who
escaped into my fault becauseit's safe and I see that was one
of my friends and her daughtersone in particular so incredibly

(15:34):
shy.
But when I'm around her and I'mtrying to engage in
conversation, this is theprotective, it's the protective
barrier because as long as she'sgot that, then she doesn't have
to communicate.

Michael Devous Jr (15:47):
But don't you think that this sense of safety
behind the phone or in thephone or through texting is a
false sense of security?
And the reason why I say thatis because if they lack the
skill set to approach anindividual actively, if they
lack the ability to communicateone-on-one with someone because

(16:08):
they've spent so many yearshiding behind a text or phone or
their Facebook or theirInstagram, that's not real
safety.
That's actually losing theability to interact with the
world.
You are now truncating, you arenow stunting your social growth
by defaulting to this method.

Cristal Cook (16:29):
And losing potential friendships and
relationships.

Michael Devous Jr (16:32):
Sure, yes, and that's increasing the fear
factor, because now the distancebetween you and actual
interaction gets greater andgreater and greater.
So the idea of having to do itbecomes even more fearful when
you have to do it in person.

Cristal Cook (16:48):
Right, absolutely I agree with you.

Michael Devous Jr (16:52):
So what would you say?
If you have one, do you have anorigin story of fear, where
your fear might have started?
What are some of your biggestfears that you've dealt with in
your life?
Joining the FBI must have beenhuge.
That's no small undertaking.

Cristal Cook (17:08):
It's interesting because the things that you
think would scare me don't.
I can go into fight mode.
For instance, I had a reallyscary situation where in the
nighttime I was in the showerand I just you know that where
you know something, the hairrises on the back of your neck

(17:28):
and something's off.
There could be no.
How could there be somethingoff?
I live in this Italian Dillaalone.
I'm on the second floor facingthe, you know the.
What is it called?
The?
The inter, the yard I thinkthere's a word for it in Italy

(17:48):
and I'm on the second floor Likehow could there be anything
awry?
But I knew something.
There was a man Outside of mywindow that, had you know,
walked on these, these roof fora while to get to my, to my
window, and I went into full-onfight.
I mean, I can't say that Iwasn't scared by when it's long
fight mode.
I opened that window.
Thank goodness he's faster thanme.

(18:09):
They opened the window.
I don't know what I was gonnado Punch him in the throat?
I don't know well.
But you know, I was scared, butI was more angry.
Yeah, I was, you know.
As matter of hornet, yeah, nowI, I was on the train.
One.
This has happened more thanonce, but it's give you this one
example.
I mean in Germany with a friendand we're going to another cute

(18:31):
little town and there's a groupof guys Close in my age Come on
, they're not.
And then we're not talkingabout 20 somethings, we're
talking about, you know, 40somethings.
They get on the train andreally nice looking guys, nice
funny one in particular, I findyou know, very handsome, he
should sits across from me andstarts talking to me.
I Petrified and so funny nowyou're so interesting right now

(18:58):
I'm scared right.

Michael Devous Jr (19:01):
I.
You're on a train, you're withyour friends and all of a sudden
you freeze up.

Cristal Cook (19:07):
Freeze up, yeah not only do I freeze up, but my
whole neck breaks out like that,lottie red stuff and I, I
Nothing will come out, andreally like Marcia Brady, which
is like scratching.
And so there was no danger, butit was a total irrational fear.

(19:28):
Now, interestingly enough, whenhe was sitting to the side of
me and I wasn't looking at himand I couldn't like be so
transfixed on how handsome hewas, I could actually have
somewhat of a conversation.
But you know, so I don't knowthe things that scare me.
It doesn't even make sense.
I mean, I don't know what myfear is.

Michael Devous Jr (19:47):
I guess I but don't you think that's?
Although I mean for most of us,what scares?
I start, I should say and Idon't like the word scare,
because to me scare is likeScary movie.
Someone jumped out and scaredyou, and I feel like I've talked
to you about this before toowhich is why we apply the word
fear to so many different thingsthat necessarily may not fit
the definition of fear.
Anxiety-ridden Paranoia is sodifferent.

(20:10):
You know, I mean that's a wholedifferent category any phobias
that you have very specificclinical type things, whereas
these, and they are irrationalbecause almost all of them have
to do with the future I thinkyou mentioned this before which
was the, the acronym for fear,which is future events.

(20:30):
False evidence of false evidenceof period real I'm gonna
rewrite.
One day I'll put it downproperly false evidence period
real.
Ladies and gentlemen, rememberthat, because I just keep
forgetting a false evidenceappearing real and we are
projecting right our worries,doubts, fears on to something in
the future that hasn't evenhappened yet.

(20:52):
Right, it's not even real, ithasn't even actualized, but
we're placing it out in front ofus and to me there's nothing
more irrational.
Then there's nothing differentthan you dreaming.
If I dream about something inthe future that's amazing and
big and beautiful, then I'm alsofearful that it's tragic and
going to go bad.
Like we are producing thoseresponses To something that's
out in front of us because weeither a want something so badly

(21:15):
we want to chase after it or beor fearful of losing it if we
mess up and do something wrong,but neither one of those are
true yet.
So why do we?
Why does the brain do this?

Cristal Cook (21:27):
I don't know, isn't it funny, can you know
that?
Then you know, our brains weredeveloped, you know, way back,
and we have so much evidencebehind us to support Taking
chances on ourselves.

Michael Devous Jr (21:39):
I mean, it started when we were walking and
rusing our knee or riding abicycle Going on a first date or
anything else like that.
We survived these things.
We took chances on ourselves.
We didn't die.
They weren't terrible, right.
Nothing harmful and terriblehappened.
They're difficult, embarrassingmaybe, but nothing terrible so
why do we?
Continue to?
Why does our brain continue toplace this stuff out in front of

(22:02):
us?

Cristal Cook (22:04):
Well, our brains are Hardwired to protect us and
our brains don't know thedifference between life and
death, fear life and deathsituation Versus not life and
death.
It just goes big, like Um, whatif you know that it goes by?
This is, you know, um, likethis is scary.

(22:25):
You know, for instance, I'mgonna take an exam, I'm gonna
take an exam, and this is scary.
Our brains don't understandthat it's not life or death.

Michael Devous Jr (22:30):
So the amygdala that's releasing these
endorphins or these hormones orwhatever these chemicals if you
will, into our bodies, it's thesame chemical regardless of the
type of fear.

Cristal Cook (22:39):
Yeah, because of the fear, yeah.

Michael Devous Jr (22:42):
So it's up to us to sort of filter this.
It makes sense of it.

Cristal Cook (22:46):
It's up to us to use the front of part of our
brain, the frontal lobe, to sayokay, wait a minute.
Okay, crystal, wait a minute,take a breath.
This is a nice person sittingon the train with you.
You may never see him again.
Just take it, and taking a deepbreath Resets everything right.
Because when we get panickywhether we're panicking because

(23:08):
Life or death, or we'repanicking because we're nervous
about getting in front of theclass and giving a presentation,
or talking to a handsome guy orgetting ready to take an exam
we go into Our sympatheticnervous system, which is fight
or flight, and that's why we getstomachaches, that's why we
start breathing heavy and westart sweating, and we don't

(23:29):
have access to the frontal partof your brain, our frontal.

Michael Devous Jr (23:31):
You mean it's like shut off temporarily or
just.

Cristal Cook (23:35):
It's yep, it goes to sleep.
That's why when people haveanxiety, they fail the test or
they don't do well, because thatpart of their brain they can't
Know.
I kind of like with me and theguys like, uh, what is my?

Michael Devous Jr (23:48):
name.
I don't even know what my nameis.

Cristal Cook (23:50):
So that because, if you think about it, you know,
way back when we, you know,thousands of years ago, hundreds
of years ago, um, we were, weweren't faced with exams, we
were faced with warring tribes,Animals that could kill us, just
basic getting our needs met.
And so If we're, you know,going on a hunt and a sabertooth

(24:12):
tiger is gonna chase after usand snack on us.
We don't need to think, we don'tneed to think about an
algebraic equation, we just needto put all of our yeah, react
and so everything, all of theenergy in our brain goes back to
the reptilian part of our brainfight, fight or freeze and our

(24:33):
stomach shuts down because we donot need to digest that stand,
which we need All the blood togo to our big muscle groups,
which is our arms and our legs,and everything to go to our
lungs.
And we need our eyesight, soour eyes dilate, and we need a
good sense of smell and we justneed to be able to run.

Michael Devous Jr (24:49):
How do you?
Sorry to interrupt, how do youokay?
So one of the things that Ifind interesting that when a
situation occurs A car accident,big, panicky thing that most
people would freak out about I'musually the one that's super
calm, like everything.
Just I had this warmth thatcomes over me.
I can think very clearly andI'm the one that's organizing,

(25:11):
doing the, organizing the CPR,making sure people get what they
need done.
I just have this.
What?
What's the difference for thoseof us who react that way under
those kind of stressfulsituations as opposed to other
individuals who like freak outand can't Right and this part of
your temperament and that'sthat came out very clearly in
your EO personality assessment,so for folks out there who don't
know, I took thisneopersonality test.

(25:34):
Uh the crystal set me and we aregonna look at those results on
the show today that I haven'teven seen yet, so I'm very
excited to see about that.

Cristal Cook (25:42):
But yeah, um and so and so just a real quick to
go back.
So when we are in that panickymode, that sympathetic nervous
system and it's talking to thecute guy on the train or getting
ready to take an exam taking adeep breath Helps us switch back
to the parasympathetic nervoussystem keeps us from.
So, in answer to your question,all of us have a temperament,

(26:04):
right.
You know, some people arereally funny, some people tend
towards depression, some peopleAlways are optimistic.
Some people like to be around alot of people, other people
like to be alone.
So there's a basic baselinetemperament, right.
And so people who work in an ERare like you, they don't get
rattled too much.
Other people, when an acutesituation like that arises, they

(26:26):
go to you know, to panic.
Maybe they just freeze.
They just and that's part oftheir temperament.
Now they can learn strategiesTo learn how to calm down when
things get really stressful,that their baseline is always
going to be more Panicky,whereas yours, in the cute
situation like that, you staycalm, cool and collected.

(26:47):
You know and not it justeverybody's different.

Michael Devous Jr (26:50):
So, before we want to, before we go on to
those Results or whatever, whatare some others?
I mean, you just mentioned onewhich is count back from I'm
assuming from 10 you count down.
What are a couple otherstrategies?
We give the top threestrategies.
If you were to provide themthat people could use when
they're in a situation wherethey Feel like that's coming off
.

Cristal Cook (27:08):
Definitely, breathe deep, just take a minute
and just slow it down.
Take a deep breath, slow itdown, and then self talk is like
I'm okay, this is okay, I know.
Like, for instance, I'm goingto give you an example on the
exam Take taking the deep breath, I study this, I know this
material, it's okay.

Michael Devous Jr (27:31):
Why does it sound like my mom's talking to
me when?

Cristal Cook (27:33):
you do that.
Maybe your mom helped calm youdown right um, well, they did.

Michael Devous Jr (27:38):
I mean our moms when we got panicky's kids.
They sit on, calm and soothe us, right?
They use that soothing voice,that that calms you down, and is
that what that self talk is forus?
That we should be using thatSoothing self talk?

Cristal Cook (27:51):
and another thing this is a great little thing is
to do this.
You know, like if you've seenSometimes kids who are on this,
they used to.
I think that the terms havechanged.
I've been overseas for so longbut I think it used to be called
autistic, but now I think maybethe terms have changed, maybe
it's a lot to them, but theywould call it flapping, and a

(28:11):
lot of times the role of abanana flap.
Well, somehow they knowinherently that when the lateral
hemispheres of their body isstimulating a rhythmic motion,
it's calming.
So you can do that, you can doit like you don't have to.
You know flap and you know bereally um Conspicuous about it.
You can just kind of go likethis or tap your legs, but it's

(28:34):
like or if you this I always endup doing that say rub my arms.
That helps.
I catch myself rubbing my armsand this you know, but you or
but anything holding myself in arhythmic motion back and forth
and you just Take a deep breath.
It's okay, I'm gonna be okay,I'm gonna be okay, okay.

(28:55):
So take a deep breath.
That's like count back from 10to self sooth talking and a
physical gesture of some kindthat that helps bring rhythm and
like a soothing rhythm backinto your moment and I can be
like just even tapping right,knee, left, knee right, knee
left, knee right, knee left noone even sees that you're just
doing it.

Michael Devous Jr (29:16):
Feel it's not like the, the, the method.
That is that similar to themethod that if you sing a song,
um, you do, you have a like, a,a thought, or your monkey mind,
as I call it, the monkey mind,or whatever chattering and going
around.
But it can't work if you startsinging a song, so you just
start singing and then that wayit gets.
I mean, it's, that's what'sgoing in your brain.

Cristal Cook (29:35):
This is more somatic.
It's a somatic.

Michael Devous Jr (29:38):
Yes, okay, we do a lot of trauma work.

Cristal Cook (29:40):
It's just somatic, and what works better is if you
practice all these thingsbeforehand.

Michael Devous Jr (29:45):
So if you have a practice, of prayer or
meditation so we don't want towait till the moment of chaos to
like to use your skills.

Cristal Cook (29:52):
Where's my notes?

Michael Devous Jr (29:53):
I know right.

Cristal Cook (29:55):
Yeah, for sure, but deep breathing is so helpful
.
Let you breathe in for three.

Michael Devous Jr (30:00):
Hold it, stay in the life.
Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure, yeah.

Cristal Cook (30:04):
So even just practicing beforehand and like
if you have Anxiety, you know,test anxiety, you know before
the exam, picture yourself doingreally well, put yourself
yourself going into the exam andbeing calm and knowing the
answers, and so it's like kindof like what you say, like
really visualizing the futurehappening in a positive way.

Michael Devous Jr (30:25):
And yeah.

Cristal Cook (30:25):
I've seen your deep breathing and doing the
yoga practice.
Exercising all of those thingsbeforehand will keep you in your
moment.
It'll keep, help, keep youYou're.
You may still be nervous, butyou're not going to be up here,
you're going to be down here,more manageable.

Michael Devous Jr (30:39):
One of the things that I I think and maybe
this is just me observing People, the Nervous Nellies.
I call them nervous Nellies,people that's constantly
worrying and sort of anxiousabout certain things or whatever
.
But I said it was interestingthat I I'd realized recently
they are actually Practicing theart of worry because they're

(31:00):
constantly engaging with that,with that side of themselves,
whereas those of us who thisself soothing talk, this
positive vision, in visioningthe future with a positive
outcome, how many of us actuallypractice that daily, as opposed
to our brains, which practicethat, that art of chatter and
self negative talk that's alwaysgoing on.

(31:22):
Why does that help alwayshappen, as opposed to the
opposite?
Why isn't our brain talking tous positively all the time?

Cristal Cook (31:29):
It's a good question.
I think that probablyanthropologists would have more
knowledge on that.

Michael Devous Jr (31:36):
We've got to get them on the show.
Do we have a caller calling in?

Cristal Cook (31:38):
No right, it's like right now, and honestly, we
have got so much noise in ourworld right now and I think back
even when our parents orgrandparents were growing up
they were outside, they wereworking, they, physically, were
working, they were you know.
So they're exercising, they atenatural food, and we have got

(31:59):
the internet and we got phonesand we've got texting, and we've
got so much noise going onright now that I think it's
harder to quiet things down,because there's noise everywhere
.

Michael Devous Jr (32:12):
That's like when we were, I think you know I
guess I would speak for you andI, but our generation and stuff
, you know, if we were latchkeykids or not even latchkey kids,
we didn't even have a keybecause things were so safe, no
one locked the door.
No one locked the door, likeyou came from school and you
went through the back door.
Maybe you locked the front door, but the back door was always
open.
The back door was always open,you know, but we didn't veg out

(32:36):
on our iPads or our phones.
We got home a snack or whenever, and then went out to play.
We engaged with the physicalworld and our imagination,
because that's what was left tous in order to entertain
ourselves.
And I'm curious about thedevelopment of kids these days,
if there's any studies oranything like that that are
being done the differencebetween the development of a

(32:58):
child's brain in this currentenvironment as opposed to ours
that had such activities.

Cristal Cook (33:03):
Absolutely.
I think there's got to be a lot.
You know there's a lot moreADHD now than there was when
there was kids.

Michael Devous Jr (33:08):
Oh, that's true.

Cristal Cook (33:09):
You know, and like you said, like when we were
kids, we were outside.
So if we were riding our bikeand jumping and made jumps, we
had a focus right, or we weregoing to wreck our bikes and get
really hurt and there was nogrownups around us if we got
hurt, right.

Michael Devous Jr (33:23):
True yeah.

Cristal Cook (33:25):
So we didn't really want to get hurt.
So we paid attention and wewere mindful and we were focused
and our brains weren't thinkingabout you know this video game
and that and this and that andthe other.
We were really present in themoment.
We were in the moment and so Ithink, when people grew up being
present in the moment, it iseasier for us to then go back to
that and then not everybodythinks there are some people who

(33:47):
struggle with that.
That worry, the constant worry,yeah constantly.
But you know, now kids, it'slike it's hard for them to slow
down and just be present.

Michael Devous Jr (33:57):
Yeah, To sit still, just to sit still and be
in the moment like withouthaving to be distracted, give me
my phone.

Cristal Cook (34:03):
Give me my phone or I want to play a video game.

Michael Devous Jr (34:06):
Yeah, I had a friend of mine that came up to
visit here at the ranch with herson recently and he's 11 or 12.
And we were like the phone tellhim put your tablet down.
We're going out into nature.
We're actually going to go walkon the property, on this 50
acres of you know map.

Cristal Cook (34:21):
Yes.

Michael Devous Jr (34:22):
He actually was like kind of upset about the
idea.
It was like just put it downand walk with us.
What are we going to do?
We're going to walk and talk.
We're going to visit nature.

Cristal Cook (34:32):
What else yeah?

Michael Devous Jr (34:35):
What else do you need?
I mean nature around you is sobeautiful there's so much to see
and you know and interact withand engage with and be present
with in this moment than yourphone and just it was this weird
disconnect that I could see waslike, wow, vastly different
generations of people whoexperienced life.
Absolutely.

Cristal Cook (34:54):
Absolutely so different, yeah, and peanut
butter allergies.

Michael Devous Jr (34:58):
I mean that's got to be a thing Like that.
Didn't happen when I wasgrowing up, Everybody had peanut
butter.

Cristal Cook (35:04):
Yeah, Exactly, that was our, you know our
mainstay right, we didn't have alot of allergies.
So that is interesting, howmany allergies there.
But I know, when I was workingwith teens, a lot of them that
run.
A lot of them run high onanxiety right now and I that's.
One of my theories is thatthere's just so much going on.
But those kiddos, the one waythat they could slow their brain

(35:28):
down is if they could be forcedto immerse in something that
took a hundred percent of theirmind, which was acting.
So I would have kids that werehigh, high anxiety.
But they could act in a dramaand have zero anxiety.
But it's because they were ahundred percent present in that
moment when they were out.

Michael Devous Jr (35:47):
Wow, that's interesting, because role
playing you know, pretending Imean something, naturally, that
comes to kids all the time.
You wouldn't think right.
The act of doing it providedthem with some sense of calmness
and understanding and controlfor themselves.

Cristal Cook (36:03):
Because they were present in the moment, because
they were getting into character.
A hundred percent present inthe moment.

Michael Devous Jr (36:08):
Yeah, so, before we move on to like Gracie
and the dog, which is Gracie'sone of the characters in her
books, I have this quote thatshe says in one of the books but
do you want to like talk aboutthe book or do you want to talk
about my results?
Like, where do we want to gowith this right now?
Do you want to like save myresults so later, or do we want?

Cristal Cook (36:24):
to like jump into it.
We can do the book Can youbrought it up this, okay.

Michael Devous Jr (36:29):
So with my own eyes I've seen it eating the
doggy treats and bones and toysthat I meticulously buried
between the couch cushions.
If it can eat doggy bones, itcan eat dogs and Princess
Padelope too.
So look at this moment, forthose of you who don't know,
gracie, the dog is interactingwith the vacuum.
The monster is the vacuum, andeverybody knows how our pets

(36:52):
respond fearlessly to theseirrational fears, to this vacuum
that's making all this noise.
But what struck me about thiscomment that Gracie makes about
the vacuum is our ability, evenkids, to project potential harm
from an assumed set of criteriathat we think we already know
right.
If the vacuum can suck up allthese things out of the couch,

(37:15):
what do you think it can do tome?
And immediately we attach allthis fear to it?
Is that something that kids do?
You find kids do a lot.

Cristal Cook (37:23):
I think, as humans we do, don't we?
I mean?
again fear was meant to be alife-saving emotion for us, and
so our brains were hardwired tookay, look for fear, because if
we look for fear, then if we'repeople back, we're going to go
back in time.

(37:44):
Those of us who were hardwiredfor fear, who ran high on
anxiety, were the ones thatsurvived, because people like
you quite honestly, michael, youwould have been eaten by the
same brachous tiger, maybe whenyou were less than a year old, I
would have stuck my head in it.

Michael Devous Jr (37:58):
You're like check it out.
Do you want to be my friend?

Cristal Cook (38:01):
right.

Michael Devous Jr (38:02):
I was so cute , could I?

Cristal Cook (38:04):
have pet you so people who were fearful lived,
you know, Because it saved ourlives right.
And so part of that is to howsafe is this?
And we go through a very fastprocess of if it can do ABCD and

(38:26):
we fill in the blanks, like yousaid.

Michael Devous Jr (38:27):
Yes.

Cristal Cook (38:28):
And that, yes, can be life-saving.
At the same time, it can createirrational fears and not fill
in the blanks correctly.
And so, now that we are moreadvanced and we don't have saber
tooth tigers looking aroundevery corner, we can say okay,
okay, and it can eat doggytreats and my toys.

(38:51):
Can it really eat me?
Have I seen it eat an animal?

Michael Devous Jr (38:57):
Right.

Cristal Cook (38:58):
Let me slow down a minute, you know, and so that's
what's Charlie is trying toteach Gracie is get more
information first and not fillin the blanks.

Michael Devous Jr (39:07):
Okay, so there's a great tip right,
besides taking a 10-secondbreathe, breathing and using
self-soothing and maybe just askthe question oh, I forgot what
you just literally just flew outof my head when he was telling
Gracie to check the informationthat you have.
Right, let's go back over this.

(39:28):
Can this really harm you?
Is that really the outcome?
Are you projecting somethingthat is not real, or are you
assuming something?
That's assuming an outcome thatisn't real, based on where
you're currently sitting, in aplace of fear, or are you
sitting in a place of positiveLike?

Cristal Cook (39:46):
that's a good tip.
And get to a safe place to dothat right, because you know, if
there is, you know, someonewalking down the street and gosh
, you know, I just saw him punchthat woman.
Am I safe?
You know, I probably would notwant to be around, but I would,

(40:07):
you know, try to get to a phone,call 911, but I would also put
myself in a place where I'm safeand then get more information.
You know, maybe you know, maybehe didn't really punch a woman,
maybe they're filming a movie.

Michael Devous Jr (40:18):
Right, and it was fake, right Right.

Cristal Cook (40:20):
So there could be other explanations, but the one
thing that I did want the kidsto get is get into a safe place,
then get more information.

Michael Devous Jr (40:29):
And how do we identify a safe place?
If we're the parents of kidsand we know that little Johnny
and Gracie and what have you youknow they have these fears and
that's okay.
It's natural for them to do so.
How do we assign a safe space?
Is that something that you dotogether as a parent and a child
, and you choose some place thatfeels good for both of you or
for the child?

Cristal Cook (40:49):
But yeah, that's a really good question.
Actually, you know, a safeplace to me is distancing
yourself from the presumeddanger.
Look.
So if say, for instance, withGracie she was able to run out
of the doggie door and she'soutside and she's able to watch

(41:10):
the vacuum monster from outside,and so she's safe from the
vacuum monster, so then fromthat vantage point then she
could look and see is this safeIf you're a child and something
scary happens and you can find atrusted adult and that adult
can keep you safe until you cangather more information.
Now the other thing too is,sadly, as a child, not all

(41:33):
adults are safe.

Michael Devous Jr (41:35):
True, that is true.

Cristal Cook (41:36):
Not all trusted adults are safe, Right, and so
it's up for the child to thenreally decide who in my life is
safe, Because you know I'veworked with kids.
You know that we know we wantto think of.
Okay, the person that's readingthis book to the child is a
well adjusted family that wantthat, love their kids and keeps

(41:58):
them safe.
And the truth of the matter isthat there are some kids that
will read my book and not havean adult that keeps them safe.
That maybe the adult is the onethat makes them, you know.
And so it's for the child todefine where am I safe?

Michael Devous Jr (42:18):
where can I be To help them choose?

Cristal Cook (42:23):
And it would be great if the parent can choose.
Yes, the parent can choose andthey can have that conversation
with them or a teacher.
So I'm like, okay, well, okay,well, whatever the situation is,
where can you go that's safe,you know.
For instance, if there is, if achild grows up in a very
volatile home where mom and dadare beating each other up, where
can that child be safe?
Maybe in the bedroom, behindthe closet door, where they're

(42:43):
not seen and they're quiet,right.
So, being away from theperceived danger, that would be
the first step.

Michael Devous Jr (42:52):
Space where these things grow.
I mean, that's the fertile soilof our fears as children, when
what looks safe and appears safeto us may not be the same for
other people.
Right, and the way that wedevelop that relationship with
safety and how we begin todefine safety, based on the

(43:12):
experiences that we have fromour own interpersonal family
relationships, our neighborhoodrelationships and things like
that, I can imagine that thepsyche of a child developing in
a certain set of circumstanceswhere safety is not defined the
way that I suppose, if you wantto call it normal, those of us
who could call normal safetywouldn't be able to perceive

(43:33):
those things the same way thatwe do because of the
circumstances they grew up in.

Cristal Cook (43:38):
Absolutely.
Now, when I'm a therapist, Ican have those conversations
with the children and help themfigure out what's safe.
But if I'm not a therapistworking with them individually,
I can't possibly in goodconscience say go to your dad or
go to an adult, or go to this,because I can't assume that
that's a safe place for them togo.

Michael Devous Jr (43:58):
Wow.
And so, as adults, when we findourselves in circumstances that
feel as though the emotions areoverpowering us, the
circumstances are overpoweringus.
Finding that safe space is alsoa good lesson and a good tip, I
think, because we may not beaware, we've placed ourselves in
a situation where we'rereacting right, we're in the

(44:23):
midst of the reacting as opposedto going wait, wait.
Let me take a minute and justpull back from this and give
myself some, as you said, somebreathing room to assess why I'm
feeling the way I'm feeling,and most of us don't allow
ourselves the time to assess whywe feel the way we feel.
We just keep pushing forward.

Cristal Cook (44:41):
Absolutely Even taking a break from going to the
bathroom, and then this can beapplied to fear, or can even be
applied to a relationship.
That's really if you're havingan intense, maybe an argument or
debate or interaction withsomeone that you care about, it
is really healthy to just take adeep breath and say, okay, well

(45:02):
, this is getting really intense.
Can we just take a?
we take five minutes, yeah,that's a good practice and not
run away from the conversationbecause there needs to be a
resolution.
But when it gets heated, heated, heated, it becomes so heated
that then you can't even accessthe front of your brain.

Michael Devous Jr (45:22):
Sure.

Cristal Cook (45:22):
And to take.
Like you said, let me just goand take a break, let me go to
the bathroom, let me go for awalk, go to a safe place.

Michael Devous Jr (45:26):
Well, you spend so much time defending
yourself and your position, orwhatever it is that you think
that you're being adamant about,and now you've lost the ability
to be objective and to haveopen ears to hear the other
person as well as yourself.
Right there's.
I feel shut off.
Sometimes I get into that spaceand I feel shut off from my own
self and I'm only left withthese little, these tiny little

(45:47):
options, right the small littlewindow to see the world through,
because I'm already in thatstate.

Cristal Cook (45:52):
Right, and so then , going to your safe place, you
know, is helpful, even as adults.
That's so helpful Even if it's,even if it's as simple.
As you know, a really handsomeguy approached me on the train
like okay, well, maybe I justneed to take a walk and come
back and realize I'm being, youknow, having this going on.

(46:14):
And then you, then you, can you, just you redirect yourself,
you're redirecting your brain.

Michael Devous Jr (46:19):
So what are the three?
If there were three takeawaysthat the kids could take away
and adults could take away fromGracie and the book Well, sorry,
that's the name of the book,which is Braveheart Gracie and
the Vacuum Monster.
Braveheart Gracie and theVacuum Monster.

Cristal Cook (46:33):
And Vacuum Monster .
Yeah, the three takeaways, yes.
So the difference betweenrational fear and irrational
fear, because it's not always aclear cut line.
It can be very confusing, andyou know, because, like there's
a part in the book where theanimals are like, well, what
about when I go to the vet?
You're like the vet is hurtingme and it's really scary.

(46:55):
It's like, well, you know, yeah, getting a shot as a child is
scary and it hurts.
So not everything that'spainful is irrational fear, Is
it?
Yeah, is it irrational fear orirrational fear?

Michael Devous Jr (47:08):
Right, right.

Cristal Cook (47:10):
And I wanted kids to be aware and never lose sight
of the fact, of that spideysense, because it's really easy
to talk ourselves into.
Well, this is just anirrational fear.
Like, for instance, you're incollege and, as I say as someone

(47:32):
who doesn't matter if you're aguy or a girl, you're in college
and a group of kids invite youto go to this party and you feel
like something feels off.
Well, no, they're popular,they're fun, everybody loves
them, they're including me.
To go to this party, yep, butyou feel like this doesn't feel
right to really pay attention tothat, because they won't happen

(47:54):
to go to the party and they putsomething in a drink and who
knows what happens to you.

Michael Devous Jr (47:57):
Right.

Cristal Cook (47:58):
So I really wanted them to not live a life being
fearful, but to really, whenthat the hair stands up on the
back of your head or when youfeel like something is off, to
really pay attention to that.

Michael Devous Jr (48:09):
Don't you think we don't teach this
self-preservation and instinct,in other words, trusting your
gut?
I feel like there's no class,there's nothing that we take
that teaches us how to listen tothat and discern the difference
between a self-preservation setof instincts and responses
versus an oversimplification ora rationalization of something

(48:32):
that's taking place that shouldor could be fearful, right?

Cristal Cook (48:36):
Right yeah, and children who are sexually abused
.
This is a perfect example.
Okay, so everybody loves UncleTony, everybody loves Uncle Tony
.
But I feel really uncomfortablewith Uncle Tony, and so then
the child talks to themselvesout of it.
Well, uncle Tony gives mepresence, uncle Tony gives me
attention.

(48:56):
I don't feel right around UncleTony.
Well, oh, now Uncle Tony isasking me to do this, but it
must be okay, because everybodyloves Uncle Tony.

Michael Devous Jr (49:04):
Right.

Cristal Cook (49:05):
So almost every child that has been sexually
abused felt uncomfortable, butthen it was confusing.

Michael Devous Jr (49:14):
Sure Right.

Cristal Cook (49:15):
Sure, you know, and of course they didn't always
have a grownup to protect them,but I wanted them to always
give validation to Uncle Tonymakes me uncomfortable, and to
voice that to somebody.

Michael Devous Jr (49:26):
Right how to voice it and feel okay to voice
it Right.

Cristal Cook (49:31):
And you could be exactly and you may be
completely wrong about UncleTony, but it's okay for you to
feel uncomfortable with UncleTony and it's okay as a child to
say I don't want to be alonewith Uncle Tony.
Yes, Uncle Tony's nice UncleTony gives me presence, but I
don't feel comfortable beingalone with Uncle Tony.
And, as a child, to be able tosay I won't be alone with Uncle

(49:52):
Tony, I think that's importantbecause I think, yeah, we don't
teach that.

Michael Devous Jr (49:57):
Not well, we don't teach it to kids, but even
as adults we don't allowourselves that messaging either.
You know, when fear comes up incircumstances where we're
uncomfortable with an individualand we just don't want to be
there, we talk ourselves out oftaking care of ourselves because
we don't want to seem rude, wedon't want to appear offensive,
we don't want to, you know, fillin the blank of all these

(50:20):
different things, but wecompromise our own integrity and
value in these moments.
And I think that's somethingthat, when I was looking at fear
from an adult standpoint,especially in entrepreneurship
and these irrational fears wehave set around trying to do, be
or have something differentthan we are today, I think a lot

(50:42):
of it comes back to that placewhere it is integrity and you
build self integrity by stickingby the things that matter to
you.
One is following through withyour word on things that you're
going to do.
But two, when it comes time tohonor yourself right, and that's
honoring your safety, that'shonoring your mind, honoring
your instincts If we spend somuch time dismissing them, we're

(51:04):
chipping away at our own selfvalue and our own integrity.
And then, when it comes time tolook at a potential future where
we think I can go, do that, Ican have that.
I want to be that we'reimmediately met with the answer
or the messages.
Oh no, you, you're not worthyof this because you don't
believe in yourself or you don'tvalue yourself enough to
actually step into this light.

(51:24):
Because here's all the reasonswhy.
Here's all the things you'vecompromised over time, and those
little tiny little things,those little steps, those are
others missteps in yourself,integrity and self worth, I
think, add up over time andeventually become that internal
dialogue that happens as aresult.

Cristal Cook (51:40):
Absolutely, and there's so many adults that I
work with that have a difficulttime setting boundaries and
saying no.
Oh yes, Like you do not have togo to dinner with that person
just because they asked you.
You do not have to be friendswith this person just because
they want to be your friend.
If it does.
You know how many times haveyou done something and you
didn't want to and you do it andlike go on and turn it.

(52:02):
I didn't want to do this anyway.

Michael Devous Jr (52:04):
Yeah.
You know, and it's okay to sayno when you do, you're, you're,
you're, you're chipping away atyour self worth.
You're literally tellingyourself you're not worthy of
the of your, of your choice.

Cristal Cook (52:18):
It's like it's the worst thing you can do.
I know you're you're.
Your feelings are moreimportant than what I want, and
you know and we don't need tomake excuses.

Michael Devous Jr (52:27):
Everyone else is more important.
Yeah.

Cristal Cook (52:28):
Exactly, and there's to be no excuses.
It could just be simply thankyou for the invitation.
I'm unable to go, period.
You don't have to say why.
I mean.
You don't have to say I don'treally want to be your friend.

Michael Devous Jr (52:39):
Oh, no, no, what we do is we spend an
ordinate amount of time craftinga response that you will hide
us from.

Cristal Cook (52:48):
I know I have to wash every single one of my hair
separately, individually, right, we come up with these
ridiculous excuses.
Yeah, because we don't like,it's okay to just say no.

Michael Devous Jr (52:59):
So, speaking of these are the challenges
everyone faces.
What are the three biggestchallenges that you currently
think you face?
Is it a personal valuechallenge?
Is it a professional challenge?
Is it a where are you on that,gosh that?

Cristal Cook (53:14):
could be so many things, or should you give me
just one.
Give you just one, and you know,actually this came up on my NEO
and you and I are the same onthis is my.
I make decisions like that, youknow right, and I describe it
as I'm jumping off the high divein a beautiful dive, and as I'm

(53:36):
needing the water, I'm like,oops, I should have checked the
depth of the water first,because I make decisions so fast
and now I don't miss onopportunities quite a bit, but I
also make very quick decisionsand then oftentimes I don't
regret what I do, but oftentimesthen I'm left going oh, I got
to, I got to.

(53:56):
You know kind of problem solvethe situation pretty fast.
So I think that's one thing forme, Do you think that's?

Michael Devous Jr (54:04):
so for those of us who and I'm maybe I would
I can't speak for everybody, butaudience.
I was an event producer formany years and I lived in chaos.
I lived in managing chaos, aswe thrive in that environment.
So do you think that then,because we know that that's the
case, because we know that weare quick decision makers and we

(54:28):
do these things, that we, thata part of us, is setting
ourselves up in certaincircumstances where we get to
play that role, that we'rechoosing paths and walking down
paths, that that place us inthose more chaotic moments,
because that the skill set wehave like we've got all these
tools, like we've got lots ofknives and lots of screwdrivers,
but I have no hammers and Ihave no no to me like, so you

(54:49):
find ways to go, like I needmore screwdriver moments and
more knife moments Like is thatsomething that that people do
you think normally, or just Idon't know?

Cristal Cook (54:58):
I don't know that's a good.
I don't.
I don't know that my brainthinks that through and I don't
know if I'm as good as you atsurviving in chaos, but maybe I
don't know if I'm saying I'mgood at it.
I mean because who wants tostay there.
You think you're swim right.

Michael Devous Jr (55:16):
It's sort of like it's catch-22.
I'm so good at chaos Like Idon't want to be good at chaos,
I'd rather not be in chaos, butI keep finding myself in
circumstances where I buildchaos, and so I left that
industry because I wanted lesschaos, you know, and I and I
knew that about my life, inorder to calm things down and
bring my blood pressure down andhave a better, healthy, more
balanced version of life.

(55:37):
I had to recognize it aboutmyself that I was putting myself
in those scenarios.
So I think it's veryinteresting that it's one of my
challenges too is to always makesure that I'm not gravitating
towards the more chaotic choicethat you said when you jump and
you realized I didn't check thewater and how deep it is.
I now start asking myself beforethe jump you know, no, I still

(55:58):
want to jump.
But if I do like, what are thethings I might encounter after
jumping?
Like, I do prepare myself alittle bit differently now so
I'm not putting myself in themiddle of a situation that I
don't want to be in.

Cristal Cook (56:12):
Right, and I know.
For me, what I do is I findthose people who I trust and who
don't have a secret agenda slowme down, you know, because some
people don't always you knowtheir, their own ideas get in
the way.
But there are certain peoplethat this is how you are.

(56:33):
Let's slow it down a little bitand think things through.
And so I've got my couple ofpeople that that I go to and
they help slow me down.
Like a sounding board or atouchdown person Like a sounding
board?

Michael Devous Jr (56:45):
Yeah, yeah, I can see that I think I have
that too in my life, where mydad is one of those individuals
and his wife, julie, is one ofthose individuals.
They're such calm, they're bothscientists, so they're very
pragmatic in that sense.
So they want the facts and theywant the pieces and they'll ask
for those up front.
And I always know I'm introuble, not with them, but I

(57:06):
always know that I'm in troubleif I can't give them specific
facts.
If I'm, if I'm bringing an issueto them and I don't have those
answers, then I know uh, you'renot prepared to make the next
step of this choice, because youcan't even give them these
simple facts, that that thatshould be laid out in front of
you and very clear, so that youknow how to take the next step.

(57:26):
And if I'm jumping too farahead, that means I've skipped
past certain important facts andthings like that.
So that's very important.

Cristal Cook (57:33):
Yeah, that's perfect.
Yeah, and what a great skillset.
It is this like oh, wait aminute.

Michael Devous Jr (57:39):
I don't have these facts.
Yeah, I think I got to go back.
I know that I'm myself, butit's yeah you need.
It's what a good touchstone ora good sounding board will do
for you.

Cristal Cook (57:46):
Yeah, it will right Versus you know like well,
it just feels right, let's justgo for it.
And if I don't do it right now,the opportunity will be gone.
My 20s, that's not the decision.
I've got to make the decisionright this minute.

Michael Devous Jr (57:57):
My 30s, 20 years of my life spent jumping
off that duck me board and notasking why, like, wait, there's
no water.
Oops, oops.
Yeah, I think I did, exactly.
Did that a lot.
So we're going to be runningout of time soon and I hate to
cut us short, but I want to getto a couple of other things
Specific goals and milestonesthat you have for this year,

(58:18):
2023, which is only halfway over, a little more than halfway
over but do you have anyspecific goals or milestones,
especially with this book, Iwould imagine, but anything else
?

Cristal Cook (58:27):
Yeah, I really want to get, because I've been
overseas for nine years so Icame back and for a year I feel
like I've just been kind oftransitioning and I've got these
two books out that I reallywant to get out into the world.

Michael Devous Jr (58:39):
So tell us about the books real quick.
Just give us the titles so wecan tell the audience.

Cristal Cook (58:43):
So yeah.
So the first book is calledHope is a Butterfly, if you
don't squish the caterpillar.

Michael Devous Jr (58:49):
Don't squish the caterpillar.
It's a book series, yeah.

Cristal Cook (58:52):
And really everything in the book has
meaning.
So even a title like I namedHope the caterpillar, which is a
butterfly, because Hope, right,it signifies Hope, and how
often in life do we squish ourown caterpillar before we allow
ourselves to become a butterflyright, when sometimes we can be
our worst enemy?
So there's layers to the bookand they're the same characters

(59:14):
that go through and have theseexperiences.
And the second book isBraveheart Gracie and the Baku
Monster, so promoting and all ofthat.
That's a whole other skill setthat I do not have, that I'm
trying to learn, that I'm tryingto develop.
And if I could just write mystories I'd be happy, but
writing stories doesn't get themout into the world.
Nobody's going to know about mystories if they don't get out

(59:34):
of people.

Michael Devous Jr (59:35):
But good is that if people can't see it,
can't hear about it.

Cristal Cook (59:37):
So, ladies, and gentlemen, you got to spread the
word for Gracie and the BakuMonster.

Michael Devous Jr (59:42):
Is that right , gracie and the power,
braveheart, braveheart, gracieand the powerless.

Cristal Cook (59:48):
Baku Monster.
Well, it was powerless and wecrossed out the word less and
the powerful crossed out thefull and the less because she
has a change of perspective asshe learns a little bit more
about her fear, braveheartGracie and the powerless Baku
Monster and the powerless BakuMonster.

Michael Devous Jr (01:00:04):
And then hope is a caterpillar, Don't squish
no.
Hope is a butterfly, Don't nocaterpillar.
If you don't squish thecaterpillar If you don't.

Cristal Cook (01:00:14):
Well, that's true, because if you do, there goes
hope, there's no, going to be abutterfly, exactly yeah, there
goes hope right.

Michael Devous Jr (01:00:20):
So okay, we ask our guests what may come on
this show, to get vulnerablewith us and to share their
journeys and stuff.
Is there anything particularlyvulnerable about your fearless
journey you'd like to share withus today, or perhaps something
inspirational that you'd like toshare with our listeners?

Cristal Cook (01:00:36):
Gosh their fearless journey.

Michael Devous Jr (01:00:38):
Any takeaways from your entire life around
the world.

Cristal Cook (01:00:45):
Oh gosh, you know.
You talk about vulnerabilityand all that.
Of course, I love Bernie.

Michael Devous Jr (01:00:50):
Brown.

Cristal Cook (01:00:51):
And being vulnerable is not easy, for sure
, for anybody, but I think it'sthe bravest thing you can do,
and I think the biggest takeawayand I'm still learning this is
to not limit ourselves.
I battle with thoseself-limiting beliefs.
I have a ritual every morningand every night to visualize

(01:01:11):
what I want to come into my life, and it will creep up like,
well, who do you think you are?
Well, this is a silly dream orthis will never happen, right?
And so to just win those voices, come up, to just practice
every day to quiet them.
And it's a practice becausetruly I believe I am.

(01:01:36):
Each one of us can be notalways can be our biggest
barrier to greatness.

Michael Devous Jr (01:01:40):
I think we can be both our greatest barrier
to greatness and our biggesthero, and I think what we've
lacked the practice and we lackbeing the greatest hero in our
own lives.
we can be very practiced atself-limiting belief.
We can be very practiced attelling ourselves we're not good
enough.
We can be very practiced atharming ourselves and sabotaging
ourselves and misstepping andover-judging and not being

(01:02:03):
compassionate.
But when do we practice theother side, which is being your
biggest true leader and greatesthero in your own life and in
your own activities?
Absolutely, and that practice,I think, is an important lesson
for all of us to remember.
So, thank you.

Cristal Cook (01:02:19):
And that it's a daily thing.
I think there may be somepeople that just have it down
like I am the greatest thing andI'm going to make this happen.
Maybe there are, but I know forme it's a daily thing of
quieting the self-limitingbeliefs and trying to amplify
the positive self-talk.

Michael Devous Jr (01:02:37):
Yes, I think it is a practice, and I think we
need to practice the art ofloving ourselves better every
day so that we can maintain asense of fearlessness on our
journey.
And to that end, any partingwords for our guests today oh,
where can they find you?
Where can they find out moreabout Gracie and you?

Cristal Cook (01:02:57):
Well, so the best place to find me is on my
website,crystal-c-r-i-s-t-a-l-cookcom.
Awesome, and then everything'son there.

Michael Devous Jr (01:03:08):
Thank you very much, Crystal, for being
part of the Fearless Pro, but wedidn't do your personality exam
.

Cristal Cook (01:03:11):
We didn't, we'll have to come back, and do it
again.

Michael Devous Jr (01:03:13):
We'll have to do another interview.
Is that okay with you If we doa yeah?

Cristal Cook (01:03:17):
Yes.

Michael Devous Jr (01:03:18):
Okay.

Cristal Cook (01:03:18):
Yes, we can watch it with you for sure.

Michael Devous Jr (01:03:21):
And then I'm sure the audience is going to
love to see this, because Ihaven't even seen the results
yet, so we can share them withyou live, and we'll do like a
little we'll follow up to this.
We'll do a follow-up video tothis, so we can share the
results of my test, the Neo test.

Cristal Cook (01:03:37):
Bring, bring me out the straight jacket.
Do you want to take the redpill or?

Michael Devous Jr (01:03:42):
the blue pill .

Cristal Cook (01:03:44):
No, your personality exam was pretty
similar to what I had predicted,so it's pretty fun.

Michael Devous Jr (01:03:48):
Well, thanks everybody for joining us on the
Fearless Road.
Here we are with Crystal Cook,sharing her life's journey and
her Fearless path with us today,and we thank you for your time
and your attention.
Please, whatever you do, stayfearless and love yourselves.
Thank you, hey everybody, thankyou for listening to the
Fearless Road podcast.

(01:04:09):
If you like what you heard, ifyou love what you see, would you
?
mind liking and subscribing,following and clicking and
sharing.
Do all the things.
I like to say.
I like to say do all the things.
Can you do all the things orjust do one of the things?
Maybe don't do all of them,just do one.
That's fine, just do one.
Share it with somebody you love.
Share it with somebody whothinks needs to hear these
messages.
Share it with somebody who's ontheir own Fearless Road and is

(01:04:30):
reminded of their greatness.
That's all I got.
Share it with somebody, okay,Thanks, bye.