Be Present, Not Perfect – Letting Go of Guilt & Expectations with Stacey Olson - The F.E.E.L. Podcast - Finding Empowerment Embracing Layers

Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
Hello, Melissa Crook here from The Field Podcast.
I've got some ways to engage foryou to consider today as you're
listening to our episode Saying No with Confidence and Without
Guilt with Stacey Olson. Think about if there is a
balance between the different areas of your life.
How can you maintain this balance or create more clear

(00:26):
alignments? Remember that self-care isn't
selfish. If you want to prioritize those
you love, taking care of yourself always allows you to
show up for them the way that you want to fully present, fully
refreshed, and it just allows you to be the authentic person

(00:48):
you want to be. But it requires making sure our
lives are in alignment. And we're going to talk a lot
about that today with Stacey Olson.
And we hope this gives you some things to think about as we're
going through this episode together.
Thanks so much for being with us.

(01:21):
Hello and welcome back to The Field Podcast this week.
I have a new friend here today. Stacey Olson reached out to me
via our contact form on our website, and I really love those
reach outs because they give us a chance to meet some people
that heard about us in a different way.

(01:41):
I love having our friends from Podmatch, obviously, I love
having people I know in my personal life, but it's just
another branch that allows us toget in contact with people that
maybe we wouldn't have ever connected with otherwise.
And Stacy is one of those peopletoday.
She's going to have so much to say about our talking points and

(02:02):
you're going to understand why as we go through them and the
resources that she has availableto you now via that.
But Stacy's journey, unfortunately, is not unlike a
lot of ours where she just got to a point in her own life of
I've got to do something different.

(02:23):
This way of existing is not working for me anymore.
And I told her before we startedrecording.
My goal is that someday enough people will listen to these
conversations that they will start putting this framework in
place from the beginning. And I'm talking like 18 to 22 to

(02:45):
30 year olds who are young and out there.
Use this framework from the get go.
Don't wait until you're, you know, get 5101520 years down the
road and realize, hold on, I haven't been taking care of
myself. I haven't been saying no to
anything on and on and on. So Stacy is familiar with this
path and we're here to help you.If you're on that path, get off

(03:07):
it with this framework and also help those younger ones around
you and have this as a tool that's available to them so they
don't have to hit these walls that we run into.
Stacy describes herself as present, optimistic and with
integrity. She believes in walking the

(03:29):
talk. And so all of these things that
you're going to hear today. Stacy and I do this.
We don't just write and talk about these things.
These are an active part of our life to help us stay in
alignment, healthy, authentic, whole, not burned out.
And and that is such an important piece of this work is

(03:51):
people will follow what they see.
And if what you say and what youdo are not in alignment, then it
lacks integrity and you're not going to be able to get people
to really buy into this thing, no matter how much how
passionately you talk about. So I love that Stacey mentioned
that. Stacey Olson, Welcome to the
Field podcast. Thank you so much for having me

(04:13):
here and sharing with your audience and everyone who's
listening. I'm happy to do it.
I'm happy to do it. OK, let's get right into it.
Talk to me about prioritizing self-care in your life.
This is something you had to getto to realize.
Hold on a minute. I've got I've not been filling
my own cup. So talk to me about this journey

(04:34):
of getting to that point and having that realization.
Yeah, so it was about 10 years ago now where I was working
607080 R the odd 80R work week, which now I'm like, I don't even
know how I did that cause I've trained myself out of that and
three kids at home, teenager andtwo younger ones and marriage

(05:00):
and and you just do it right. You, you show up each day, you
do your best. But I was feeling I was really,
really struggling on the inside with worry about what people
will think or feeling guilty about letting people down or
just spread so thin. Looked pretty good on the
outside. I could show up pretty good in

(05:21):
my work, but my work got the best side of me and my family
got the worst side of me. I had very little oomph and
energy left or presents. I'm very present now.
I wasn't really present back then, and after operating that
way for a number of years, it got to the point where it was
hurting my connection with my husband and kids.
I knew something had to change and there were a few things that

(05:46):
led to it, but there was this moment where I was like,
something has to change. And so I stopped working outside
of business hours cold Turkey. Like I'm going from the 6070
hour work weeks to like I'm going to a regular work week.
I have no idea how this will happen.
I thought I'm just going to tankmy career.
And I had a, you know, demandingcareer, seen as a high

(06:07):
performer, did very well, brightfuture.
I thought I'm going to tank that.
But I need to be there for my family and I want to feel
better. I don't feel like crap each day.
Yeah. So I got a lot of my personal
time back. And the unexpected thing that
happened through that is I started to perform even better,
which I didn't anticipate that, and I didn't understand the

(06:30):
science and research which I'm trained in now.
I didn't understand the time. I was just figuring it out.
I started to perform better because I started to actually
prioritize my day. I learned how to say no in a way
that kept my relationship strong.
I was more focused on the right things and let go of those

(06:50):
things that weren't the best useof my time or, you know,
delegated to my team or before Iwould just take it all on
myself. And it really started to open my
eyes up to, oh wow, I could be alot more balanced in my life and
I can perform even better with that.
And so I did. I got a promotion at work and

(07:14):
things were really good and I was really happy with that.
And then it got to the point. So I prioritized, to your
question of self-care, protecting my time and energy,
having boundaries between my work and personal life,
prioritizing my own needs, that I learned that and that was good
and again, performed better fromit.

(07:35):
Another part that I hadn't learned until after I left my
corporate career was how to calmmy busy mind.
And that's another part of self-care.
We when we think of self-care, alot of times it's like, what are
the things we're doing? It's like what helps calm your
mind? And so while I had better
boundaries and I prioritized better and I said no, I was
still in my head a lot. I was still worried about what

(08:00):
will people think or feeling guilty that I was saying no to
someone and carrying that mentalload, which a lot of, especially
women do and moms carry that extra mental load of trying to
keep track of it all in your mind.
And so when I left my corporate career, that was a piece I
figured out after. And a big question I was driven

(08:21):
by is how do we be our best and feel our best even with all the
demands and expectations? Because that's not going away.
So what can we do for ourselves?And so part of my self-care
routine was those boundaries with my time, but also what are
the things to help take care of my stress and take care of my
mind? And that looks different for

(08:43):
different people, right? Like we, there's a, there's an
endless amount of good things wecan do for ourselves.
It's really, and, and when I work with clients and, and talk
about, it's like figuring out what works for you, what helps
you, not what you see other people like what helps you.
And so I really embrace that, even though it's different than
others might be doing it and andprioritized here, you know, the

(09:07):
few things in my day and my weekthat help me to feel and be my
best, including boundaries with my time And, and that really,
you know, opened me up to helping others in this space.
And also to be more present in my own life and have that strong
connection with my husband and kids and have time and space for

(09:32):
me too. And, you know, learning that.
And I think for people listeningoften we can put ourselves last
set. You matter, too.
Yeah. And so making yourself a
priority is important because when you do, you can also, not
only do you feel better, you canalso show up for others in a
better way. And that was a big when I

(09:53):
learned, is that there's a difference between.
I think we're all doing our best.
There's a difference between doing our best and being our
best self. And a lot of that stress and
overwhelm and being exhausted that hides our best.
We get we get grumpy with the people we love.

(10:14):
We are distracted when we're at work and and so clearing some of
that. And I always say like instead of
sacrificing our career and our family, let's sacrifice the
overwhelm and the worry and the overworking cassette hides a lot
of what our best is. So yeah.
So that's kind of where I got toprioritizing my own self-care

(10:36):
and then and then inviting others to do that as well so
they can be more balanced and less stressed and and perform
better too, because we perform better when we feel better.
We do. I you hit on a couple of really
good points about I had a feeling even before you said it.
I'm like I bet she showed up clear minded and as a better

(10:57):
employee when she started working less because we don't
take that into account. But if you stop for 5 minutes
and think about it, of course I'm more rested.
My mind, my head is clear. I've given my time and space
away so many times. When we can clear our minds and
clear our heads and do those things and spend time in areas

(11:21):
that nourish us with the people that we love.
All of those things help us comeback at our workspaces more
clear minded, with better, fresher ideas, more organized
time. Because, OK, I've only got so
many times in a day when we don't live by some kind of a
calendar or a schedule, it allows for us to just keep going

(11:45):
and just keep going and just keep going.
Whereas if we build a structure that we are asking ourselves to
live to, then it protects that time.
And you realize, wait a minute, I can be very efficient here if
I'm asking that of myself. And everybody wins when I do
that. I'm a better employee, I'm a

(12:06):
better leader, I'm a better teammate, definitely a better
parent and partner and friend and daughter and all of those
things. And so we just aren't, we're in
this go, go, go society. And we wear this.
I work 70 to 80 hours a week, especially when we're like in
our 20s and 30s like a mantra. And it's like, no, you're just

(12:30):
going to burn yourself out. And I I know a lot of people
that did that early on, and theywore it like a badge of honor.
And it didn't lead anywhere goodin the long run.
There was always a point that just it didn't work anymore.
Something happened. There was some kind of a
breaking point. And yeah, so I'm so glad you

(12:51):
pointed that on him. That's so important, so powerful
to think about. And also like you said,
prioritizing our Wellness. Everybody wins.
We we get this idea that we're supposed to sacrifice ourselves
from the time we're little kids,especially as girls, and put
everybody else 1st and take careof everybody else.
Well, who's taking care of you and what kind of a person?

(13:14):
If you're a child or a partner or a Co worker, what kind of
person do you want taking care of you?
You want someone who's energizedand happy to be there and
content. Not that it's irritable and
crabby and it feels like an obligation, not something that
you want to be present in there doing.

(13:34):
So we really have to flip our script on that.
And you spoke to all of those things so well.
And this really goes nicely into, because you've said it
already, confidently setting boundaries.
That's a part of our self-care, protecting our time, protecting
our space, deciding what we're going to say yes and no to, but
also getting over that guilt thing you talked about that
guilt thing hanging there. I think we're kind of that's

(13:56):
wired into US early on, especially when we make such a
big shift where it's like, Nope,I mean, you probably in some
ways felt like you're working part time going from 80 to 40.
I mean, that's a big change. But also the other people around
you have to get used to that change.
And you not only have to set theboundary, you've got to

(14:16):
communicate it and live by it. What was it like to do that when
you made that shift to communicate that to people and
let them know and start actuallyliving it out?
And did you, how much pushback did you get?
So. So one thing when I decided to
set that boundary, and this is apart of, I believe what made me

(14:41):
affect him in my role as a leader is I'm very, very mindful
of my communication. And so when I set that boundary,
it was, OK, I'm going to go communicate this.
And how can I do it in a confident way, in a calm way, in
a way that helps still instill confidence in the other person

(15:03):
that I got this, even though, you know, at the time, maybe I
didn't quite feel like I had it,But so, so that was something.
And two of my most important stakeholders probably were the
most in the company. And, and so going to them, I,
before I went into that conversation, I thought about,

(15:24):
OK, what is that boundary I wantto set?
And, and coming at it from this place of who do I want to be?
Who do I want to be as a leader?Who do I want to be as a parent?
Who do I want to be in my life? OK, if I want to be more
balanced and I still want to be effective team player and
leader, what would I do? OK, well, I wouldn't be working

(15:45):
all those hours If I was going to do it, I would thoughtfully
communicate what my boundaries are.
I'd let people know what I'm up to.
And so I went into those conversations being very, hey,
I'm going to be prioritizing my personal time.
I'm confident we can still be successful.

(16:05):
I've already thought through some meetings or some things
that we can change or we can delegate to your team.
And, you know, I believe, you know, we're going to be able to
still be really effective at this.
And it's about doing more of thethings that matter and less of
the things that don't. Yeah.
And and that's how I went into the conversations.
Not I'm so overwhelmed and I can't do this.

(16:27):
My marriage is, you know, not great right now.
And I and I think that's OK to say those things too.
You don't want to you want to beopen and, and share your
struggles. I'm just sharing.
That was my thing is that I'm very intentional about how I
communicate and I wanted people to still have confidence that
I'm going to be able to deliver.And and because I knew, I mean,

(16:51):
I think we all know that we do some things that waste our time
or maybe not the best use of ourtime or we could let our team
members handle some stuff. And so that's an angle I came
from it. And then when I even
communicated to my team, becauseone thing is I quickly realized
when I put that, OK, I'm done at5, that was about just.

(17:14):
Leave at 5:00. That's what we're doing.
I quickly realized, OK, I need to put a time block during my
work day to have some time to get my own work done.
It wasn't going to work to be inmeetings all day long anymore
because I took away the option of doing it in the evening.
So one thing that now when I teach boundaries and work with

(17:36):
people on boundaries, it's this idea of carving out your
personal time first, which is socounterintuitive.
It really is it, it's so I, I get it, I understand it.
I still sometimes when I put a new boundary in, I'm like, is
this really going to work? But it, it forces you to make
different choices. It protects your time and

(17:58):
energy, but it also forces you to start to get clear on what is
important and let go of some of the things that aren't.
And so if I had waited to get myworkload under control, I
probably would have kept saying yes to too many things.
I wouldn't have delegated as much.
So by starting with that, you change the game you're playing

(18:18):
and it starts to drive differentdecisions.
And so that's where when I went into those conversations, it was
OK, I'm going to be more focusedon the things that matter.
But when I put that time block in my calendar, a 2 hour time
block each day was kind of the next boundary.
I quickly realized I had to put in place.
I told my team, hey, I'm going to be shutting my door.

(18:39):
I care about you guys. If it's emergency, come get me.
I'm just going to have some timeto focus.
I encourage you guys to do the same.
And then This is why I'm there. If it's emergency, you don't
come knock on my door because I'm still here for you guys.
But just, you know, when you give, I don't, we didn't, we got
to be mindful not to over explain ourselves.

(19:00):
But when you can give a little bit of context, I found giving a
little bit of context on why you're closing your door, why
you might not be responding to emails in the evening,
especially if it's different than how you operated before,
then people can know what you'reup to.
So yeah, so to that question is very mindful of communicating

(19:20):
it. And then the other piece, like
you said, is actually following through.
Yeah, yeah. To, to go and that at the end of
the day, I'd be like, oh, no, I can't just leave, just leave,
figure it out. And, and so we create that new
habit by doing it and it, it feels messy and it feels
uncomfortable, but then you create that new habit and it,

(19:42):
you know, became a part of my everyday where I don't have to
think about that anymore. Yeah, yeah.
And it takes time when you make a change like that too.
Absolutely. And that following up piece is
so important because people are watching.
They've heard your words, but now they're watching to see if
you're actually living by that. And if you don't live by it
after you've communicated, then they're going to be like, OK,

(20:04):
well, it wasn't that serious. Yeah, they'll start impeding on
those boundaries again. And so it's so important.
I love that you brought up the communication piece.
So many things when it comes to boundaries, expectations.
Living by our value system, and we'll get to those things in a
minute, but they're all tied in if you know how to communicate

(20:26):
them well, communicate them calmly, confidently.
I have a plan that I'm not doingthis on a whim and this is my
why behind it. It's going to be really hard for
people to be mad about you wanting to prioritize your
family and your relationships and giving you the opportunity
to show them that you have an effective plan in place to do
that. Thanks.

(20:47):
So many times we'll set these things and then we just go into
it and we don't necessarily effectively communicate or we
don't get into and what if we don't want to over explain?
I'm not saying that because women are over explaining
champions of the world when they're trying to, they feel
like they got to justify everything.

(21:08):
I'm just, but giving that simplecontext behind it, it just
builds up support and understanding.
So thank you for that. That was really good and such an
important component of these being effective and long lasting
and respected by others. I mean, so all those pieces
matter so much with this, all right, taking care of our

(21:29):
emotional health, mental health,physical health, spiritual
health, sexual health, all of those health pieces.
When you're going 80 to 90 hoursa week in the office, or I mean,
whatever, 60 plus, if you're doing anything honestly over 50,
I'm going to ask you to step back and take a look and see if

(21:49):
that's really necessary. Because I can tell you right now
it's not good for your health. But that's but you know, these
when you're doing that, it takesa toll at all those spaces and
places of your health. You talked about having to take
time to settle your mind, like you kind of you set these
initial things in place, but then you have to move into

(22:11):
another season of, OK, now I've got to just move into the space
of settling my mind. So talk to me about this
emotional, mental, physical, spiritual health connection for
you. Yeah, yeah.
And and that's The thing is they're all connected.
Yeah. You know, when we take better
care of our physical health, we're mentally in a better
place. When we take care of our mental

(22:32):
health, we're in a, you know, ithelps our body.
And so they are connected and that.
And back to your original, what kind of pushback I got with the
boundaries was that yeah, peopleare like, OK, great, great.
And then, OK, can you work on the weekend, you know, like the
next work that would come out? And so that's the following

(22:52):
through sticking to a piece to like, hey, we talked about this,
I will look at it this weekend. And why I bring that up again is
because it, it is connected and the looser your boundaries are,
the more stressed we tend to be mentally, physically, and, and

(23:13):
so understanding that there's that connection and that like
you said earlier, our minds and bodies need space to recharge.
We were not meant to be on 24/7.And where you said, hey, if
you're over working 50 hours, it's not great for you to get.
There's tons of research that supports that.
Even when you work more than 40 hours, your productivity goes

(23:35):
down. It affects you because we need
space to recharge. We need space to think clearly.
We need space to catch our breath when we're feeling
overwhelmed, which is absolutelynormal.
If you feel that way. I still feel overwhelmed and,
and that's a big shift that I'vemade is when I used to get
overwhelmed. For me, that used to be a cure

(23:57):
of push harder. I got to work harder.
I, I can't take a break until I get it all done.
Where now I completely switched it to, OK, if I I'm feeling
overwhelmed, all right, I'm feeling overwhelmed.
OK, what do I really need right now?
And and that's where when we start to honor that go, OK, I

(24:18):
need a breath, I need to take a walk.
I need to step away for a few minutes from this.
I need to talk to someone. I need to focus on one thing
instead of the 10 things I got on the girl.
And that that helps you to startto take care of your mental
well-being. But really overall, and like I
said, you, you, you take care of1, you see the gains in another.

(24:41):
And so me originally setting those boundaries and stop
overworking, that helped for sure.
And then you like you said that next season and then you're
like, OK, what, what am I going to work on next?
Learning to calm my mind. That made a huge difference in
being able to stay more. You know, it was easier to

(25:02):
because that's one thing too that people don't realize is we
spend so much time and mental energy on worry, feeling
overwhelmed, feeling guilty. So when you learn to calm your
mind, not only can you feel better, is that we actually free
up a lot of time and mental energy that gets expended in

(25:24):
that. And and that was a big learning
for me. So yeah.
So to your question, it's all connected.
Anything we can do to help ourselves, you know, fill our
gas tank, help us to feel better, honor what we need.
We're going to think better. We're going to show up in a
better way for people. Is it perfect?
No, like we all have not great comments or not great days.

(25:47):
It's about being able to go, OK,what do I really need right now?
And starting to make that part of your everyday rather than
waiting until you're so burned out that you actually do
something that helps. Or what other people also do is
they do these things that help their self-care and their mind.
But then when life gets really busy or hard, they drop those

(26:09):
very things when that's what canhelp you go through and navigate
that stressful situation better.So and I share that that was
very hard one wisdom. It took me a long time to learn
that lesson, but the more you can, you know, just accept that
and and make it part of your day-to-day.

(26:30):
It does get a lot easier too howyou show up in a day but also
navigate the tougher times too. Yeah, I'm so glad you brought
that up. I that's I, I, I used, I have
struggled. And I even have an example from
this morning where I I actually made the right choice.
But you get in your head. If I get all these things off my
checklist, I'll be less stressedand I won't be worried and that,

(26:52):
but I can't calm. I can't be settled.
I can't feel calm until I do allthese things instead of just
getting up in the moment, walking around the block, it's,
you know, going to get the mail,grabbing some, you know,
something from the break room ofwhat?

(27:13):
Getting some water, doing a little breathing and, you know,
and then like, oh, OK, I've called my system.
Those things are still there. Nobody's on fire.
And now I've got the the clear mind I need to actually do that.
So but it takes time. Like this morning I was going
through trying to get emails answered and respond to guest

(27:36):
reach outs and all these things.And I was Doo Doo, Doo Doo.
And I was all of a sudden noticed.
I'm like, I have been clenching my jaw as I've been doing this.
OK, well, I've only got a few more.
No, I'm going to get up and thisis our and I work from home.
I'm going to get up, I'm going to go unload the dishwasher.
I'm going to get some more water.
I'm going to make myself some ginger tea to settle my stomach.

(28:00):
And I, you know, I got up and I did all those things, came back
20-30 minutes later, refreshed, resettled, answered the rest of
those emails and then came on and started and got ready to
start preparing for our conversation.
I was like, oh, that actually works.
And I was more responsive in a more thoughtful way.

(28:22):
And I wasn't just trying to get them done so I could feel
better. But I think that's what we do to
ourselves. So I'm so glad you shared that,
that example. And it takes time.
You got to be patient with ourselves.
And just because it feels uncomfortable doesn't mean it's
wrong. And I think sometimes we will.
Oh, I'm feeling guilty. Oh, I don't know.

(28:44):
I'm feeling unsure. I'm feeling uneasy.
Of course you are. Your system's not used to you
operating this way. And so it's going to take some
time for it to learn this new, healthier way.
And over time it's going to realize, oh, wait a minute, this
is this is working. This is how we operate the other
thing too. And I can so relate to the whole
thoughts and and calming the mind piece we treat so our

(29:09):
thoughts as automatic truth rather than sifting through and
actually like, is that actually true?
Or is that a narrative that I'vebeen living by that I need to
unpack and put away and, and notallowed to drive me or get to me
anymore? So also taking that time as
you're calming and settling, addressing those narratives that

(29:31):
are running through your head that need to be readdressed and
reanalyzed and not automaticallyassigning truth.
Oh, I'm feeling guilty. That means, I mean, I'm doing
something wrong. Oh, I'm feeling stressed.
That means this plan isn't working.
You know, those kinds of things too.
So thank you for bringing attention to all of that.
I think it's so important. And again, to remember, we have

(29:51):
to like get ourselves, it is counterintuitive in that if it's
part of the problem in the in the culture we're in this go,
go, go, go, go. It's like, how is this working
for people? I mean, is it, I mean, there are
studies out right now and there are countries that are starting
to utilize the fact that working32 hours a week is healthier and
more beneficial and more balanced.

(30:13):
And actually people are more successful because they feel
rested, they feel clear minded. We've gotten this idea that
anything less than a 40 hour work week is unacceptable or not
working hard, and it's working hard doesn't mean you're working
well. And you said something like that
earlier. Those things aren't necessarily

(30:35):
the same. So having that, you talk a lot
about balance. Having that balance, filling
your life with a variety of things that nourish you and fill
you up actually are what lead tobeing the best you and all the
spaces you're in. Yeah, absolutely.
And it's hard to do that when you are super overloaded and you

(30:57):
have too much on your plate. So when we talk about stepping
out of the overwhelm in the moments, also understanding that
if you have way too much on the go, it's very natural you're
going to feel overwhelmed. There's nothing wrong with you.
I had, I did a workshop with anda big take away someone took
away that they thought was just blew their mind.

(31:18):
They're like, it's not that bad at time management.
I have too much time to go in the 1st place and that's why I'm
having a hard time with it. To just give yourself
permission. I think especially these women,
we can do this to say like, Oh, no, I, I'm not going to do all
of this. I'm not going to try to do that.
What are the things that matter more?
And when I talk about saying no,it's saying no so that you can

(31:39):
say yes to those things that matter more.
And so because when we have too much on our plate, yeah, it's
very natural to feel overwhelmed.
And when we're in that place, and that's the thing, when we're
run down, overwhelmed, feeling exhausted, it's way easier to
slip into the more worry and more guilt and feeling more
overwhelmed. And so just understanding that

(32:01):
to go, OK, I'm, I'm going to do these things that help me
because I think too, sometimes if we get in that downward
spiral with our thoughts, we canthink something's wrong with me.
It's like nothing's wrong. What do you really need?
What can help right now? Even, you know, what do you need
to take off your plate or care about less?
Yeah, that can make a a big difference.

(32:23):
And then to your 30 hour work week, I'll just also add there's
a lot of good research with that.
Cause again, when we feel better, we perform better and
all that. People also make better
decisions with how they use their time.
Absolutely, Absolutely. And all these day meetings that
we're in that aren't necessary. Yeah.
And I love a good meeting and there's a lot that are not good

(32:47):
or bad or focused. Yeah.
Yeah, 100%. I mean, it's like being using
you having the meeting, but using the time well in there
and, and really determining whether meetings are necessary.
I mean, I hear this from people all the time.
I'm like, I don't have time to do my own work because I'm in
meetings all day. OK.

(33:07):
How many of those meetings do wereally have to have or be in?
Are those some of those meetingsyou can let somebody else on
your team handle? You need to say yes to that
meeting. And, and we're going to come
back to that in a minute becauseI've got thoughts about that
around the values and why conversation.
But before that, this has reallybecome a space where you have

(33:29):
learned to really support yourself and other women in
showing up unapologetically withthis belief system.
Knowing this works. Talk to me about, you talked
about it a little bit earlier, but you got to a point where you
realize, wait a minute, not onlyis this working for me, but I
can help other women with this too.

(33:51):
And to me, that is very much women helping women show up
unapologetically. So talk to me about that
transition where you realize, hold on, I'm going to leave this
space in corporate America and go over here and do this because
not only is this good for me, this is good for.
Women. Yeah, well, a funny story with

(34:11):
that. When I left my corporate career,
I did not know what I was going to do.
I just had this, my intuition and said there's something
different. I didn't know what it would be.
I I didn't know I had an aspiration to start my own
business and I just knew it wasn't what I was doing.
And so then when I left and I was really again, fascinated by

(34:35):
this question of how do we be our best even with all the
demands and expectations and, and trained with that and
started coaching and working with people.
And that's where it was, you know, and I helped people with a
lot of different things, communication, leadership,
resilience. There was this common thread
through all of it and over the years been OK.

(34:58):
No, I really want to help women to be more balanced in their
life. And when I see balance, it's
whatever that looks like for you, You know, having more
harmony, having more time and energy for what really matters
to you. To be able to excel in your work
and be present with your family and take care of yourself too.
Like, as I started working with different people, I was just so

(35:21):
drawn to that. And you could see a lot of
people struggling like what I struggled with 10 years ago, you
still see it today even more so.And so this is there.
And, and so just realizing like,hey, I can really help people
with this and, and people want to do it.
I think a lot of times people know they want something

(35:43):
different or better for themselves or don't want to feel
like crappy shape. Not sure how to.
Yeah, and they're just overwhelmed by the thought of
like, I know I need this, but I don't even know where to start,
where to. Start or even.
You know, even that what will people think And that's a big
part is like feeling more confident your choices 'cause

(36:05):
there will always be more to do.There will always be opinions,
there will always be, you know, like you can keep yourself busy
no problem. And so instead of letting all
these, you know, what does otherpeople think or what are all the
things I could do? Coming back to what are your
values? How do you want to live your
life? What's really important to you
and those priorities and and getting in tune with that to

(36:28):
then help guide your choices andand I still today, like you said
at the start walking your talk, I'm certain I would be a burned
out business owner and I would say yes to too many things.
If I did not bring that intention to go, OK, I could do
this, but this doesn't really align with how I want my life to

(36:51):
look like with my family or, or what are my priorities in my
work. And so that's for anyone
listening is there will always be more you can do always,
always. And so getting more in tune
again with your own values, yourown boundaries, priorities, how
you want to live your life and let those decisions start to

(37:12):
come from that place, You stay more aligned with what you
really want and the life you want to live.
And it also gets easier to turn down some of the volume on the
guilt and the worry because you're making a choice that is
more right for you and aligned for you.
And that was a big thing when I started this.

(37:34):
And even staying with it today is, is when I left at 5.
I wasn't, I got to hit my 5:00 PM boundary.
It was why am I doing this? I want to be present with my
family. I don't want to feel like crap
each day. And and that and and everybody
needs to connect to their own reason why because that's that

(37:57):
needs to be bigger than staying with the way things are.
Yeah. And absolutely, yeah.
Where you said it's uncomfortable, it's also
uncomfortable how you're operating now.
And so, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not sustainable.
And, and, and so many times people go farther than you do

(38:18):
and they get you an actual health crisis because it just
really isn't sustainable. They can't do it that way
anymore. So I mean, it's so important to
remember that you said a couple of really important things and
this is going to go really nicely into the importance of
setting and coming back to your why and your values.
Look at your calendar. What on your calendar is not in

(38:41):
alignment with those values, with that why, whether it's your
wife or your work, your wife or your family, your wife or
yourself, care and your health. So many times we can look at our
calendars and real quickly and be like, that's not an
alignment. Does it either need to go away
or is there someone else on my that can handle that?

(39:02):
And that helping you, you know, be using that as a guide, as a
compass. That's the thing that's going to
keep you committed to doing this.
And you said that earlier. It's like my wise because of the
value I have for my time with myfamily when I leave at 5:00, not
simply because I said, oh, I'm not going to work 40 hours a
week. I'm only going to work 40 hours

(39:23):
a week now only. But, but I, you know, you had a
really solid value behind that. And that really helps you and
guide you when you're setting those boundaries when you're
saying no to people. You know, I, I talked about this
a lot. We have a guest from season 4,
Valerie Rivera, who says remember that when you say yes

(39:47):
to something, you're saying no to something else.
Make sure you're OK with that thing you're saying no to and
where it hits on your value system.
So you use this values and why piece a lot with yourself and in
your work and and have you. Does that really help women when
or people when you start using that approach?

(40:11):
Yeah, absolutely it does. It's like it's like a compass.
It, it helps you guide what yourchoices.
And interesting, a very interesting thing that I learned
when I started studying values is that where we experience the
most conflict is between two of our important values.
So, so that was because one of my values was family.

(40:34):
I also had a value, I call it something different today, but
back then achievement like I, I was ambitious, I was driven and
those values were in conflict and, and we experienced more
stress with that. So what helps with that is 1.
How, how can you also bounce that out?
How can I honor this value? And how can I honor that value?

(40:56):
But be clear on what's most important overall.
So when you have that tougher decision, when you're clear on
what's the number one, then it'seasier to go, OK, both of these
are important to me. This is more important to me.
And that helps you guide your choices.
And that's, and that's been hugefor me, huge for a lot of women

(41:20):
I work with is that just helps give you instead of feeling so
torn between two things you can look at and go, these are both
important to me. This is more important though.
And so I'm going to make a choice aligned with that.
And, and that guides every day. And that's even checking in each
day with yourself. Like am, are my actions aligned
with my values? If they're not, don't be hard on

(41:42):
yourself. I think that's one huge thing is
being kinder to ourselves and just being able to look at that
without judging and just go, OK,what's a different choice I
could make that is a better reflection of my values and who
I want to be? And, and that frees up a lot of
stress and inner conflict. And and it makes, it doesn't

(42:06):
always feel easy, but it makes it easier to figure out how you
move forward in a way that is right for you.
Yeah, yeah. It, it just gives you that
again, it gives you that, that guidance, that compass.
Talk to me about did, did the meaning of achievement.
Has that changed for you since you've made these changes?

(42:29):
Because I think sometimes we seeachievement as I work this many
hours and do this many things and I'm on this many boards and
instead of looking at achievement of like I'm using my
time really well, but my life ismore balanced, my life is more
full and that's an overall achievement.

(42:49):
Has that shifted for you at? All yeah, it's it's shifted what
it used to mean to me was succeeding in my career.
Like when I thought of achievement, that's what it was.
And our values can shift over time.
I I think it's we're getting I think of it as we're getting

(43:09):
closer to the heart of what we really care about.
Like we learn more of ourselves.We learn what's important to us.
And so for me, what's shifted over that it's less about
accomplishing things in my career.
And for me, it's more about excellence is a value of mine is
that. And what I mean by that is that

(43:31):
how do I show up on a podcast with you or with a coaching
client or even writing some piece?
How can I bring excellence to that?
Not to be perfect, but that I really care.
Like one thing when I started mybusiness, so many people said
give AAB minus good enough effort B -.

(43:55):
I don't do B minus, you know, I might, I might do something and
it turns out to be minus. I have lots of that way, but I
don't set out for that. And so that was learning like
this is important to me. I value this.
And so how do I bring excellence?
Now, something I had to learn isif I bring excellence to every

(44:16):
single thing, then I have, you know, not enough time and energy
for other things. So I had to learn how do I
prioritize what is more important that gets that level
of excellence? And then what are the other
things that I really do need to learn to be OK with?
This is good enough, and that's OK.

(44:37):
Yeah. So absolutely, that Grace piece,
which really, I mean, it goes nicely into living out of your
own expectations versus others. You've talked a lot about the
fact that many women struggle with this, the guilt, worrying
about what other people are going to think about our
decisions or how we're proceeding, how we're showing
up, especially when we make a big shift.
How have you been able to move into more of a comfortable space

(45:02):
of really truly living out of those own expectations,
communicating those and and being able to live less with or
have guilt and those kinds of things creep up less?
Yeah. And and that is the more you get
in tune with your values, how you want to live your life,

(45:26):
what's not the 20 things that are important, like what are the
top things are important. The more you get in tune and
clear on that, it gets easier toguide those choices.
And so I still, well, I am, I amnow really great at boundaries.
I'm good at saying no, I'm good at prioritizing.
I still have the worry and the guilt and that I should do this

(45:50):
that still pops up each day. And so I don't know, maybe some
people can turn that off. I have not been able to turn it
off. So I think it is like, how do I
turn the volume down on it? How do I make sure that I'm not
letting it steer me off course with what's important and that

(46:11):
comes with there's even a littlebit of this inner like being
willing to put your line in the sand for this is what's
important to me. This is how I want to show up in
my life. And, and then making those daily
choices that align with it. And if you and, and when we're
not in tune with that, it's veryeasy to get caught up in the

(46:31):
busyness or comparing to others.And, and I still have that come
up, but I can look at it and go,no, but that's not important to
me. Like one thing is as I do more
public speaking and I'll look and I'll see these other
speakers and they're travelling in Canada and the US and I go,
Oh, I'm not doing that. And then I have to remind
myself, well, I don't want to dothat.

(46:54):
That's not my, I don't want to travel.
And, and I don't, I don't want to travel over.
I want to do more local. I do a lot of virtual and I'm OK
with that. That fits with my life and my
season of life. And for me, that was a choice to
go. I'm not less than there's
nothing wrong that they do it. It it's what's your own values.
And and then it gets easier to sew go, no, I'm not going to do

(47:16):
that. And I chose not to do that
because you're choosing something else for you.
And yeah. Yeah, that was, yeah, such a
great way to explain that. And and seeing that as a choice,
it's a choice I made based on a value and but also checking in
with yourself every once in a while.
These frameworks are here to help us keep online.

(47:37):
We're going to get off kilter attimes.
New things are going to cut opportunities are going to say,
and you're going to look back like, why did I say yes to that?
OK, I said yes to that. I got to honor that now.
But also, you know, learning thelessons from when you do that
and trusting your like inner, knowing that inner like you can
feel when you're in and out of alignment.

(47:57):
I really believe that. And like, so if you start
feeling a little angsty, take a look at have I, have I allowed
some things to creep in that aren't honoring my values or
have my values shifted a little bit?
Values can shift in different seasons.
Our kids grow up, they move out,we get different jobs.
We moved to different states or countries or places or homes or,

(48:19):
you know, whatever the case may be.
We change jobs, we get all thesedifferent things.
And so within that can come a values shift.
So, you know, taking a look at, OK, are those things still in
alignment? Let me look at my calendar
again. Let me sit down with myself and
spend some time with myself and do an assessment.
And that's good for us to do that all the time so we can stay

(48:42):
current with that and and say true feeling.
It's that. And also you talked about this
earlier. We all have to figure out what
it is that works for us in taking care of ourselves.
And it's not going to look the same for everybody and that's
OK. I think we get we get very
married to this idea of like if I do the yoga and I do the

(49:03):
meditation, I go for the walk and I do the weights.
Those things in combination may work in some ways in some
seasons. But look at, you know what you
know, how does that fit into your value system?
How does that fit into your schedule and what you've decided
is important right now. Do you need to shift batters?
You know, sometimes it might look like I'm going to listen to

(49:25):
my favorite music in the car after I've dropped off the kids
and I'm jamming my way all the way to the gym or my workspace
or back home or whatever it is. I mean finding what it is that
works for you and also understanding that that may
shift over time and being OK with that and and and throwing
away this idea that it has to work a certain way.

(49:47):
Yeah, and and prioritizing. Yeah, not letting it be the one
that gets kicked to the curb. There's a lot of things we could
do for ourselves that are good. Like he's there's just so many
things like one example that a lot a lot of women they have.
It comes up for the people meal planning.

(50:07):
I want to be better in meal planning along with exercise in
my career and everything I'm meal planning.
I personally do not care about meal planning.
I, I mean, I kind of, but I'm like, what is the simplest way
that we can get supper on the table?
That does not hurt my mind and are children will eat and I'm OK
with that. But it's not that I don't care

(50:30):
about good food and good, but I'm, I've chosen this is not
where I'm going to put my time or my energy.
I'm like, it is a win if there'sfood on the table, even though
it's the same thing. We've eaten every week for the
last. And so I just see that because I
think a lot of time, especially women, we can get like, I got to
do all these things and I reallywant to invite like, it's not

(50:54):
about doing it all. It's like, what are the top, you
know, 2-3 things that are important right now that you do
want to put your energy and attention to and then be OK to
let go of some of those other ones or, you know, lower your
expectations on it. And I think that's really for me
anyways, I found it so freeing to be like, OK, I'm not going to

(51:16):
be great in all these different areas, but am I showing up in
the way that does matter? So for me, it's like with my
husband and kids with, you know,being really present with
people. Like that's really important to
me when I'm with them. And you know, movement each day,
not even exercise, like movement.

(51:38):
But when you're clear on your top ones, then it's like focus
on those and be OK to, if you can do more than that, amazing.
But if you feel you don't have the capacity, just be OK to let
that go and and that's OK. And you're still a good mom, and
you're still a good with her. It's really about prioritizing
what are the more important things to get your time and

(51:59):
attention. Yeah, yeah, I love that so much.
And I, I, I, I would add to that, you know, going back to
I'm with you on the meal planning.
Same thing, same get, you know, if you've got this and you come
in and you've got these list of these things, what's your why
behind it? Make sure your why behind it is
well, because that's what so andso expects or that's what my mom

(52:23):
told me I should do or that's what I think my kids want or OK,
but what's your why and what is it?
And how important is that to youand what is your mood like when
you're doing it? I mean, I know people that love
a good Sunday afternoon, cook all the meals, put them in the
freezer, pull them out during the week thing.

(52:43):
I would rather walk across hot coals than spend my Sunday
afternoon meal prepping all afternoon.
That's not how I want to spend my Sunday afternoon.
But for some people it works. Not really frees them up.
So and we're using, you know, get into that.
Why behind it? Does that really align with what
you value and what you care about and make sure it's

(53:06):
aligning with your expectation and values and boundaries and
not what you think other people want.
Or maybe they do and you need tocommunicate with them.
Like we need to come up with a, a plan because that's not a
value for my time. So is there a way you can help
me or be OK with this other thing?
I mean, that's goes back to thatgood communication you talked
about earlier and yeah, and clearly communicating and

(53:29):
clearly working through and making sure you're everybody's
being honored and and but you can't just sometimes, but don't
just keep doing something because you think it's expected,
but it but it doesn't align withyou but and not have any
communication about it either. Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, Yeah. So good.

(53:51):
OK, accepting the layered aspects of ourselves.
And this goes back to like, we're not trying to be perfect.
We're not, you know, decide those areas that excellence
really matters and what are those areas that you can release
and not put that kind of, you know, pressure on yourself all
the time. And but that can be difficult as

(54:13):
we go through different seasons of our life, we make different
decisions. We are impacted and respond in
ways sometimes we don't love, sometimes we do.
Circumstances happen, sometimes we love them, sometimes we
don't. So getting OK with all of our
layers, all of our pieces that make us up and, and, and getting
at a real peaceful place with that.

(54:34):
Talk to me about your layers journey with yourself and how
that informs how you're able to help others with that.
So for one thing, I'll say as a mantra for me, my layer that
you're into a mantra these days is be present, not perfect.
That is that that really guides me.

(54:55):
And and yeah, I think we we havethese different layers and we
and we learn and we go through different seasons of life.
For me, a big one has been over the last three years or so, is
my mom passed away three years ago very suddenly.
She was 64. It was, it was one of those

(55:17):
times where where I feel like I watched my talk and that I was
juggling way more taking care ofher, traveling to a different
city each day to be there, stilldoing some work, But I, I
different the old me would have burned myself out and run myself

(55:38):
down and, and I definitely was on the auto balance side, but I
was OK. I have 3 hours this morning.
What's most important for my work?
What do I need to do to make it count?
And then the afternoon I go be with her.
And so it was I, I talk about how our, our energies like gas
tank and a lot of times we operate on empty.

(55:59):
For me, what I encourage is like, you might know it always
be on your full tank, but never get below your half.
Like what are those warning signals at your half?
And so for me, the old me would have operated on empty through
that and then I wouldn't have been present with people then I
wouldn't I would have been more short patients with people as in

(56:19):
patients is often a queue when we're out of bounds.
And so I never got below my half.
I still did those self-care. I did those little things each
day because I knew it was going to help me go through that
harder time. But for me, that was a time that
it was tough, but what really came out of it or kind of my
next labor was layer was really about how do I grant myself more

(56:44):
grace. And and because I think a lot of
times before that, I still did alot of really good things.
What we talked about today, likestepping out of overwhelm and
turning on the word and get out boundaries and saying do a lot
of that. I still carried a lot of this

(57:04):
pressure that I wasn't, it's this sneaky kind of hard on
myself. I never, I never had words that
called me down. I was never that person that was
like you suck. That never came through my head.
But I had this sneaky kind of hard on myself where I had these
high expectations and pressure. And then if I wasn't living up
to it, I would be harder on myself.

(57:26):
So kind of my next layer of growth since then has been how
do I, you know, let go of some of that and appreciate more what
I am doing and how I am showing up in that, you know, be even
kinder to myself and grant gracewhen need.
And to do that even came with being OK to like have some more

(57:51):
alone time or meet. I, I think I learned how do I
meet my needs even more than I did before and let go of some of
more of those shoulds. So I'm, I'm not sure if that
answers your question, but that I think we go, we kind of use
our, it's not about being perfect and doing it all at
once. It's like we continue to evolve

(58:11):
and we grow. And that's really been a big
thing. How do I meet my needs more?
How do I let go of some more of that pressure and grant myself
some more grace? And and that's been very
interesting. Do it and and I feel like I'm in
a really good place now. I think for a while with that, I
had to remind myself of that every day And and that's OK.

(58:34):
And I think one thing anytime trying to people are trying to
commit, make change. Sorry, they go, oh, I'm trying
to worry less about what people think.
And then you keep worrying and you go, oh, I suck at this about
I can't do this. It's like, no, no.
Yeah. That's a good thing and then
that's an opportunity to go well, no well, how do I want to

(58:55):
show up? How do I want to think about
this? How do I want to be kinder to
myself? And, and that's how you build
that, you know, inner layer guidance, like that's how you
internalize what you're trying to do.
And so I had to remind myself each day and I, I feel like it's
finally more internalized now. So that's, I think to your

(59:18):
question of moving through that.It's like I can look at
different seasons of my life or different stages of my life for
like, oh, this is what I learnedhere or I learned boundaries.
I learned how to, you know, be more present.
And and for me, this last seasonhas really been how do I meet my
needs more and be kinder to myself and grant myself more
grace along the way? That was a great explanation of

(59:42):
that. I really like that, that take on
it and that sneaky way of not being so kind to yourself.
I wholeheartedly relate to that.It's those little and I, I, I
had somebody bring this up to meyesterday.
If they're like, you're constantly looking how you can
evolve and grow and be better and heal more.

(01:00:04):
But how many times do you acknowledge your wins?
How many times do you just say, gosh, I did that really well
today or I showed up really wellthere.
You're not saying, Oh, I showed up badly.
I should have done more. You're not saying that, but
you're always looking for how OK, that happened.
But what about this? How, how many times did you just

(01:00:25):
sit down and just acknowledge your wins?
I'm like. And I think that's that sneaky
that you're talking about where we don't just like, oh, yeah, I
did. You know what?
This was a challenging season and I really learned how to show
up well for myself through this.I really learned how to meet

(01:00:45):
myself where I was and and give me what I needed in the moment.
I learned how to recognize when I got to the half tank.
But yeah, it's and it's like, oh, OK.
So yeah, I think that's something that we're all guilty
of. We talk about a lot of times you
hear about the self talk and some people are like, well, I

(01:01:07):
don't really, you know, noticeably have any of those
words going through my head. OK.
But are you constantly looking for ways to improve?
Not that that's not important, but don't miss the wins and the
acknowledgements of how you're showing up well and what you've
learned along the way. So I love the way you presented
that. Thank you so much.

(01:01:27):
That was really good, all right.And I will add with that super
quick is that I was really good for the last.
I never used to be, but I would look at the wins each day for
years. It's like, what are the three
wins? And so that was good.
What is it good? What are the wins?
But there was always, like you said this, I could have done
that better or I could I still have to do this.

(01:01:48):
And so, so there's the wins in doing it and still like and
being kind to your to yourself along the way too and granting
grace as well. And so it's that bouncing it
out. But yeah, the the wins.
And that if you're somebody who's listening and you and each
day going, I didn't get this done.

(01:02:08):
I didn't get enough. You want to be looking at your
wins. Like ideally we look at our wins
every day or like the days that I get done and I feel I don't, I
didn't, I didn't really accomplish what I set out to.
I will stop and be like, what were the winds today?
What did I do? How did I show up?
Personal, professional. And and the more you do that for

(01:02:29):
yourself, you do start to shift your attention.
And then, yeah, there's still that, especially if you're
ambitious and driven. I think we can always like we
keep putting the bar higher and so it's like, and maybe it's
like, OK, maybe it won't hit thebar and just being OK with that.
Like here's what I ended up and here's how I'm showing up and

(01:02:51):
yeah. Well, and I think too, on those
days that like you look at the list at the end of the day,
you're like, nothing got checkedoff.
OK, but what happened? Days are unexpected.
Did you get to a point where like, I just didn't have the
energy today, so I decided to take a rest and fill my cup
instead and allow myself that time and space because I knew I
didn't have the capacity for that's a.

(01:03:13):
Win. That's totally a win.
Absolutely. And I think societally we
haven't been trained to think that way.
So we really have to really be conscious of that too.
And that's something that I'm I'm working on right now.
And, and, but so yeah, I love the way you presented that.
And that's a really like actionable way.

(01:03:36):
And it doesn't, not every day has to have, you know, these are
the things that went really welland these are the things that I
want to do better. Sometimes just sit with,
especially those days where you didn't get anything on the
checklist. Just sit with what went well
and, and, and allowing yourself the flexibility for the
unexpected to come up and, and, and, and allowing yourself space

(01:04:00):
to treat that and respond to that in the moment.
Like you talked about earlier, muted ourselves in the moment
where we are with what we need. Yeah, such an important piece of
this. OK, thank you so much.
That was so good. All right, in living out feel,
finding empowerment, embracing layers.
You have really done this on your journey and it has an
impact You just you decided thatI am living life way out of

(01:04:24):
balance. I am not giving the energy to my
relationships that I want to talk to me about the impact that
making these shifts has had on your relationship with yourself,
but your relationship with thesepeople and others have as well
in general as you've done these shifts.
Yeah, I mean, probably the biggest hugest change is, is I I

(01:04:48):
feel like really present in my life and with people where it
used to be rushing from one thing to the next.
And and, you know, sometimes I I'd be physically present, but I
wasn't mentally present. And so that's really, that's
really a big thing I would say. And, and so, but I mean, I had
good relationships with my husband and kids too, when I

(01:05:10):
even when I was burning out, butI wasn't showing up in the way I
wanted. I was more impatient, I was more
grumpy. And so I feel like that's a big
shift. I can remain calm, I can remain
patient. Yes, there's still moments where
I don't, but that's been a really huge shift.
And I feel like that's really helped my connection with my

(01:05:31):
husband and my kids, especially now that my kids are teenagers,
I find I find they're more physically demanding when they
were toddlers and now it's more mentally.
So that's one big thing is I often think about how I'm really
grateful I learned how to do some of this 'cause I think it
would be, it would be a lot morechallenging right now to not be

(01:05:52):
present and not, you know, be able to, like, calm the worries
and stuff. So, yeah.
So that's a big thing. Yeah.
Yeah. And then, and then, you know, I
think just other areas, I mean, even like where my mom got sick
is like being able to be there and show up and, and drop other

(01:06:15):
things. So I could be there.
And even you and I, when we originally had this booked and
it's kind of ties to what you were just talking about is that
sometimes we can have the best plans for a week and then things
change and unexpected things. And so you and I had it booked
and then just before I got a call that my grandma, who's my
mom's mom. So I've been doing a lot with

(01:06:35):
her over the last few years because I, I had stepped in for
my mom and that she was not doing well and, and probably
into life. And I sent you a note and I
think we still have the, the, I can do it because I, I had the
time, I wasn't able to leave to go see her for a bit.
And so I told you, Hey, I can still do this if I need to.

(01:06:56):
If you can reschedule, that would be great.
And, and you were kind and gracious and we rescheduled it
and, and I went to be with her and I cleared my schedule and
she passed away that that night where I think before, not
because I didn't care, but I just would have been so damn
packed. And and not, I mean, like I'll
go on the weekend. Sometimes we don't get that.
So being present for those moments that matter.

(01:07:18):
But even last week, like I foundI took a lot of time off with
grief and needed some more rest and this shit still came up.
I should work, I should do this and and I had to dismiss that
and be OK with what I did in my week.
And I'm going, that's the win. That's the win to go, OK, I gave
myself space when I needed it, even though I had these other

(01:07:42):
things that I want to do. And, and I think just that makes
such a difference as you can learn that and kind of ride the
waves a bit. I think there's also this
expectation we should be the same each day, each week.
And especially, you know, our energy flexes and our best looks

(01:08:02):
different, different days. And the more we can just be
kinder to ourselves and grant ourselves grace and honor what
we need. It's like you can, you know,
honor that and then get back to focusing on those other things
that are important too. So, you know, being present was
a big thing and that really helped my connection
relationships. And then I think just being

(01:08:23):
there for those moments that matter more, where I think
before I kind of missed a lot ofthose moments because I was
moving so fast. Yeah.
Well, and I think something too,your kids are going to remember
that you made that shift. That's a great example for them
and for them to remember in their lives as they get older
and they're faced with decisions, they're going to

(01:08:45):
remember that moment in that time.
Maybe not the way you think, butI can tell you having
experienced something similar inour relationships, when my
husband, it was my husband that decided to make the shift at the
to be more present and be aroundmore.
And it was when our kids were inkind of in that early to mid

(01:09:05):
elementary age. They remember that they're in
their 20s. My oldest is 30 now.
They remember that that meet an impact that in that it's such a
good thing to see. It's like, you know, you can go
down the road and you can realize it's not working and you
can make a shift and it's OK. And that's a good thing because
you met yourself where you were and you honored yourself in that

(01:09:29):
and you honored your relationships in that.
And that is every bit is an important lesson for them to and
you lived in your integrity. You didn't just say, hey guys,
I'm going to make these shifts. They saw you do it.
You honored that. And I think that we sometimes
underestimate the impact that piece has of because our kids

(01:09:51):
are watching us all the time andthey're watching to see if our
words and our actions line up earlier than we realized.
So I, I want to, you know, say to you that that was an
important shift and they'll remember that.
So I, I think that we, that's another area.
We don't give our as women, we don't give ourselves the win for

(01:10:12):
like, no, I didn't have to, but I chose to.
I honored myself, I honored my values, I honored my
relationships. And that was also an important
lesson for those around me that they can do on you.
So, so good on you and and thankyou for that.
And I think those lessons are also important.
All right, we're down to the endhere to our rapid fire.

(01:10:35):
Name 5 activities that nourish you alone time.
Cup of coffee I love gives me lots of joy.
Going outside for a daily walk, watching a sunrise, nature fills
me up and then just really beingpresent with someone in like a

(01:11:00):
small everyday moment. Nothing big grand, but just you
know. Yeah.
Just to be really present and enjoying a regular moment that
that fills me up. Great.
OK. And 5 words on how you want to
feel the next six months. Good question.
I want to feel energized, centered, light, calm and

(01:11:38):
excited. Well, that's a good one.
All right, Stacy, tell people where they can find you.
You have a book out now. It's been out a little over six
months now, I think. And people can work with you.
You do coaching tactics. Share with people all the ways
that they can find these resources with you.

(01:11:59):
And this will also be on our website on embracinglayers.com,
on the resources page. But take a moment and share that
with our listeners. Yeah, so you know one if this
connected with you, resonate with you, my book your bounced
in bold life, work less, live more and be your best.
It's available on Amazon, onlinebookstores.
And then also I just released the audio book of it.

(01:12:23):
So if you feel like you're too busy or don't have time to sit
down and read a book, you can listen to it.
And so that's a really great resource.
I share stories so you don't feel alone, some good advice and
tips but it's also written away so you can figure out what works
for you because again, we're alldifferent.

(01:12:43):
And you can also go to my website staceyolson.ca and can
find out more. I do do coaching and do speaking
and team workshops and stuff in this space.
And then too, I'd love to hear from people.
So if you just want to share something you took away from
today or a question on your mind, send me a note on there.
As far as social media, I'm on afew different platforms.

(01:13:06):
LinkedIn is where I hang out themost and what I prioritize the
most. So OK, you're on to connect with
me there too. OK, great.
Thank you so much for your time today.
This was such a great conversation.
I knew you were going to have somuch to offer because you're
really living by these talking points too.
And and this framework, women ask put this framework in your

(01:13:28):
life. Ask yourself these questions.
Honor yourself in this way. Make the space.
To take care. Of you to know what your values
lie and where you want to give your time so you can show up as
your freshest, the most authentic, full self in all the
spaces you inhabit. And Stacy's talked about that so

(01:13:49):
beautifully today. And we're all worthy of that.
And we all deserve to live the life that we were authentically
created to live. And it doesn't need to be
exhausted and strung out and irritable and trying to do all
the things all the time that is celebrated in our culture in a
way that is not honoring to our health and Wellness and doesn't

(01:14:12):
allow us the space to really show up well in all the places
and spaces we inhabit. And so thank you so much for
your work in this space taking. I love how women we are.
We are really good at taking thethings we've learned and
applying those lessons and then wanting to share them with other
people. And that is what you've done

(01:14:33):
here. So thank you for that and the
resources you provide. So appreciative.
It's doing this work together that helps us create a better
way of life for all of us. And so thank you so much for
that and your time today. Well, thank you so much for
having me. It's been a pleasure to be here.
Absolutely. All right, Take good care of
yourself this week, ladies. Utilize these resources.

(01:14:57):
Check your values, check your calendar.
Are you in alignment? Are you making space for
yourself? Don't make yourself last.
Put yourself first so you can show up the way you want to in
all your spaces. Take great care and have a great
week. Hello, Melissa Crook here.
Thank you so much for joining uson the field podcast today.

(01:15:21):
Finding empowerment, Embracing Layers.
I hope you found today's framework and resources
supportive and informative. To learn more about all that we
offer here at the Embracing Layers Network, visit
embracinglayers.com. You can go to our contact form
to schedule me as a speaker for your next conference, workshop,

(01:15:43):
or seminar. You can go to our book page to
order our book, The Jessica Garrison, our wonderful and
talented writer and author authored with my support and
engage with this framework in written form with your journal
or in a book club with other women, inviting them on this
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(01:16:05):
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(01:16:27):
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(01:16:49):
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Be Present, Not Perfect – Letting Go of Guilt & Expectations with Stacey Olson

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Be Present, Not Perfect – Letting Go of Guilt & Expectations with Stacey Olson