November 6, 2025 • 35 mins
The loudest critic in your life isn’t out there. It’s the one living inside your head, whispering, “What will they think?” In this episode of The Femme Cast, we unpack how the fear of judgment quietly shapes your decisions, keeps you people-pleasing, and convinces you that your wildest dreams are “crazy.” From survival-based habits wired in childhood to the subtle ways comfort becomes a cage, I share the raw, unfiltered stories of my own leaps. Moments friends called reckless, messy airport nights, and the sting of judgment that felt sharper than failure itself.
We dive deep into the nervous system, truths of courage, the dance between logic and soul, and why fear is often pointing you toward your greatest purpose. I reveal the toe test method, a simple, low-risk way to step into your desires without burning everything down, alongside practical prompts to help you build self-worth, boundaries, and resilience while being fully seen. Learn how to spot who leans in with you, who drifts away, and why attrition is essential for making space for aligned relationships.
If you’ve ever delayed your dream because of imagined judgments, this episode is your permission slip. Lean into your discomfort, test the waters with small, curious steps, and discover that the fear of being seen is often the portal to your infinite potential. Every moment of hesitation, every thought of “they’ll think I’m nuts,” is proof that what you desire is exactly what you’re meant to pursue.
You’ll walk away with language to quiet the inner critic, actionable steps to test your desires, and the confidence to trust that the right people won’t require your mask. Step into the courage to be unapologetically you—one tiny step at a time.
You are seen. You are enough. That fear? It’s pointing you straight to your purpose. Lean in, take the first step, and watch your life expand beyond what you ever imagined.
Start now, and let your courage create the world you were meant to live in.
✦ Free Gift — 21‑Day Visibility Challenge
A simple, heart-led challenge for ambitious, soul-led women ready to show up unapologetically online.
Boost your visibility, deepen your connection with your audience, and attract the right people who convert.
https://thefemmecast.kit.com/challenge
✦90-Minute Breakthrough Session — Power, Purpose, Impact
A deep-dive session to help ambitious, soul-led women break free from emotional blocks, heal old patterns, and fully reclaim their power, purpose, influence, and impact.
Step fully into your unapologetic era.
https://www.thefemmecast.com/breakthrough
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:47):
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the
show.
I'm so excited and grateful tohave you guys here.
Do you know what the one fearthat almost stopped me from all
of it actually was?
It wasn't the fear that althoughthese fears did come up.
It's not to say that these fearsdidn't come up.
The fear that I wouldn't beokay, that I wouldn't be safe,
(01:10):
that I wouldn't have enough,like the scarcity mindset
definitely came up for me a lot.
Still does.
It's something that I stillgrapple with from time to time.
I'm grappling with it right now,and I'll be sharing a little bit
about what I'm what I'm doing tokind of move through that as I
move through that.
But do you know what the biggestfear was actually?
Like actually, it was the fearof what is everybody gonna think
(01:36):
if I do this.
That was literally the biggestfear in the back of my head.
And if you're somebody who, youknow, when you've been a people
pleaser your entire life, thatis probably the biggest fear
that you have because there's somuch associated with how people
respond to you, what peoplethink of you, how people judge
(01:58):
you when you're in the room,when you're not in the room.
Oh my god, that one's evenscarier.
Like, what are people sayingwhen I'm not in the room, when
I'm not listening, when I can'thear them?
Like, you know, they're beingnice to me now, but I don't know
what they're saying behind myback.
I don't know what they're sayingabout what I'm doing or what I'm
wearing or how I look or or whatI'm what I'm doing for a living
or what I'm saying.
(02:18):
The biggest fear that almoststopped me dead in my tracks
from all of it was the fear ofwhat they would think.
So um, we're gonna talk aboutthat today.
So, hello, welcome back to theshow.
I am so excited and grateful tohave you here.
Welcome if you're new.
Um let's dive in, right?
(02:39):
So listen, this is, you know, Ialways I always there's there's
something very unique abouthaving gone through this
experience and having movedmyself through this experience
and having moved so many otherwomen through this exact same
experience, right?
Where you live your life on thishamster wheel of everything that
(03:03):
you think that you should bedoing.
And all the while there's thislittle voice inside of you
that's longing for somethingdifferent, that's longing for so
much more, that is craving adifferent experience than the
world ever taught you wasavailable to you, or that you
should ever want, or that waseven possible.
unknown (03:21):
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (03:22):
And now suddenly it's like, you know, you kind of
secretly dream about it, butyeah, you kind of that's not
possible, that doesn't happen,that's not for me.
No, like that's just crazy talk,you know.
Again, going back to doing likethe logical thing and doing the
thing that everyone, you know,would would would everyone else
would do that, you know, becausedoing the thing that is calling
(03:45):
your soul that is waking you upat night, that you dream up
secretly dream about and obsessover, but would never ever dare
say out loud because peoplewould think you're fucking nuts.
It's again going back to what wetalked about last week, right?
Logic versus soul.
The soul is rarely ever logical.
The soul will always lead youdown the path that you fear.
(04:08):
People are gonna think you'recrazy.
That jinx crazy, she's nuts.
Do you see what she did?
She she she she left the job,she did the thing, she left the
relationship, she left thepartner, she left the friends,
she ditched her apartment, andshe packed it up and moved to
high Southeast Asia for sixmonths.
Fucking Jake's nuts.
(04:29):
How could she do that?
I could never do that.
And be beyond, you know what,and I will say this beyond
beyond their judgments, andthere was people who judged.
There was, I'm not gonna saythat there wasn't.
There was people who judged, butmost people who judge were the
people who wish they could havedone what I did and didn't.
And so they were judging me forit.
So lesson learned.
(04:51):
Um, so you know, the fear ofwhat will everyone else think?
How will they respond?
How will they react?
What will they think of me, youknow, really did almost stop me
dead in my tracks.
And I I I'm, you know, I'mtrying to articulate how I
actually move through that fear,um, and give you, like, you
(05:11):
know, the nice simple formula.
You know, that you can thetemplate, I love templates.
I always say this createtemplate, everything should have
a template.
Create the template for you toapply it to your own life so
that you can actually like, youknow, stick, and I'm sticking my
middle fingers up to my cameraright now, stick your middle
finger up and just kind of goahead and do what the hell you
(05:31):
want to do without having toworry about, you know, what
everyone else is saying orthinking about your decisions or
what you're doing or or themoves that you're making.
There's again, you know, goingback to what we've been talking
about in the last couple ofweeks, there's a there's a
definite switch that happens.
When the comfort of staying,when, when the when the the idea
(05:56):
of staying in the comfort ofwhat you've been doing and what
is acceptable and what peopleapprove of becomes too fucking
uncomfortable to ignore.
And suddenly the the the thehaving to face any disapproval
becomes the more comfortableoption.
That's not that's not to saythat it was easy.
I still had to come up against alot of resistance, and and in
many ways, I did come up againsta lot of judgment.
(06:17):
Like I said, a lot of peoplethought I was crazy.
Um, a lot of people thought thatum I was making the biggest
mistake of my life.
A lot of people actually saidyou're gonna like when I when I
packed it up and was leaving forAsia, they're like, you're gonna
end up on the black marketsomewhere if you're gone, like
traveling six months, notknowing where you are, not
knowing where you're gonna be,like just kind of like winging
it.
(06:38):
You know what?
Um, and yeah, it was scary.
Like, of course, it was, youknow, it was the first time I'd
ever traveled, second time I'dever traveled alone, but the
definitely the first time I'dever like gone away for that
length of period of time and tobe doing it alone and and being
really uncertain about where Iwas going and where I was gonna
stay.
I literally just booked myticket.
Um like I was arriving inBangkok in, I think it was like
(07:02):
November, December, and then Iwasn't coming back till like the
following, it was Novemberbecause I got there before um
the lantern festival, way beforethe lantern festival.
So I I think I was leaving likeearly November and I wasn't
getting back until the spring.
And um, you know, I had onlybooked like a homestay for like
the first couple of days that Iwas there, and the rest of the
(07:23):
bit, I was just kind of in God'sgood humor.
Like I was like, I'm just gonnawing it and see what happens,
right?
Um, so I had no itinerary,nothing, nothing.
I landed with my suitcase andthree days booked at a home
stay, which by the way, I almosttotally missed because I
completely screwed up my flightsthere.
Long story.
Um, interesting travel story.
(07:44):
Um, where I had booked because Iwas staying out, I was landing
in in Bangkok, but I was stayingin Chiang Mai, so I had to book
a flight from Bangkok to ChiangMai.
Little did I know that was aseparate airport, so I had to
like high tail, I had to like inthe middle of the night rush
over to the other airport tocatch my flight, only to find
out um that it actually left theday prior because I got my dates
(08:07):
fucked up because the date andtime changed when I it was a
nightmare.
Anyway, I ended up spending thenight in Bangkok airport,
bawling my eyes out, thinking,what have I done?
Um, but anyway, um that was aninteresting travel story that I
love to share.
It's always wildly entertaining.
But point that I'm trying tomake is yes, you know, it was
(08:31):
absolutely scary um making thatchoice, making the the decision
to to start my own business,making the decision to leave
long-term, all scary, scary,scary choices.
Scary on so many levels, but thebiggest fear was always this one
fear of what are they gonnathink?
And it was the one fear that hadthe power to each and every time
(08:52):
stop me dead in my tracks.
And for the most part, probablyprolonged a lot of these
decisions, to be quite honest.
And it wasn't any one particularperson that I was afraid of, it
was just people in general.
What would people say?
What would my my co-workers say?
What would my bosses say?
What would my friends say?
What would my um like myex-boyfriend from high school
(09:15):
who still follows me on myInstagram say, or, or the mean
girls at school that I'm stillconnected with?
Like, what would they say?
You know, what would my familysay?
What would what would my family,my, my extended family?
Like, it there were so many,there was so many um thoughts in
the back of my mind about realestate, mental real estate that
(09:38):
was given to worrying about whateveryone else would say or
think.
And I remember um when I was inmy, when I was in my
relationship, I remember himpointing out to me really early
on in the relationship, youknow, how he said, wow, like
your second thought is alwayslike worrying about what
everyone else is gonna think.
Like, what does it just don'tworry about what everyone else
(09:59):
is gonna think and worry aboutwhat you want and what you
think, right?
And that was probably the nicestpiece of advice he ever gave me,
to be quite honest.
Um, so I give him credit forthat.
And he was right, like he wastotally right.
Like, I did consume myself withthis fear of what everyone else
was gonna think.
And I think when you're a peoplepleaser, that becomes so it,
it's it's it's almost hardwiredin you to have that as an
(10:25):
afterthought and in in all ofyour decision making, in all of
your planning.
Um, is this this is this fear ofwhat everyone else will think
about everything that you say ordo because there's so much tied
up in what people think of you.
Because as long as you'repleasing people, as long as
you're doing the pleasing thingand you're moving through life
(10:45):
and everyone's happy with you,people won't abandon you, people
won't leave you, people won'tjudge you, people won't reject
you.
So pleasing becomes a traumaresponse, right?
And I've had conversations withpeople who were like, but why do
you like I remember having aconversation with somebody who
was so and it's so funny, shewas such a people pleaser and
she didn't even see it becauseshe was such a she was very much
(11:06):
an overachiever.
And she would like five minutesin the room with her, and she
would be spewing out all of herachievements at you, like the
minute you went, like, hi, I'mso and so.
I've achieved it.
Like it was like you could seeit a mile away, like, God bless
her, you know?
Bless her heart, as they say inthe South.
Um, but uh, you know, she said,you know, I don't understand
(11:30):
what it means.
Like, I why why do you why areyou a people pleaser?
Like, or why would you even whywhy would anybody be a people
pleaser that's so like toxic?
Like, why do you have to haveeveryone like you?
Like, it's okay if people don'tlike you.
There's, you know, I I neverworry about whether or not
people like me, and which Iquestion given her intro speech,
but um, you know, peoplepleasing behavior, yeah, it's
(11:53):
toxic, yeah, it's manipulative,but why is it happening?
It's happening as a traumaresponse because our worst fear
is to be abandoned and rejectedand judged harshly.
And so to avoid the pain ofthat, we people please, right?
We do what people, we do what wethink people want us to do.
We do it what what we think willmake people happy.
And when we feel people unhappyaround us, when we feel people
(12:15):
in an unhappy place, we asespecially as children,
automatically assume it'sbecause we've done something
wrong.
Like how many times have Ican't, I can I so many times
I've had like conversations withpeople saying, hey, are you mad
at me because you seem, no, no,I've just had a really stressful
time and I've been tired andthis and that and blah, blah,
blah.
And oh my God.
And I thought you were totallymad at me, but it turns out they
(12:36):
were just in their ownexperience.
So you you it is a little bitlike it is a little bit like
making it all about you, butit's it really comes from a
place of being afraid of otherpeople's emotional responses to
anything that you're doing.
You know, maybe some maybe youexperienced um some
repercussions for um peoplebeing unhappy with you when you
(12:58):
were little, being punishedinappropriately.
I know I had experienced beingpunished inappropriately when I
was staying at a daycare when Iwas really young.
And so for me, like peeppleasing people felt like
survival, right?
And when you're a peoplepleaser, pleasing people feels
like survival.
It's not about needing to beliked.
It's not about needing to haveeveryone, yes, it is about
(13:20):
needing to have everyone'sapproval, but why?
Not because of a van, it's not avanity thing, it's a survival
thing, right?
And I think that's an importantdistinction.
And so when it comes to the fearof of what people will think and
and and really being seen andbeing visible and being
authentic in who you are, um,that can be really scary.
Because the last thing, becausewe associate um, we associate uh
(13:44):
not being um, we associate,sorry, being abandoned and
rejected with being um not safe,right?
So that fear for me, and I I dobelieve that fear came from
other lifetimes.
You know, I shared in recentlyon a on the podcast about my
(14:04):
past life experiences and how itled me to um, you know, what I'm
doing in this life and how I'membodying everything that I
learned today, right?
It's really been a lesson thatI've been learning through
(15:51):
different lifetimes.
This lesson about being able tostep into my power, being able
to step into my truth, owning myvoice, communicating my message,
and not worrying about whateverybody else says or thinks or
any or any repercussions thatmay come of that.
Um and so I think a lot of uswho struggle with this fear of
being seen, this this fear ofdoing the unpleasing thing, um,
(16:17):
you know, we come from that sameexperience, that same visceral
fear that we're not safe unlesseveryone around us is happy and
approving of who we are and whatwe're doing.
And so I just, you know, I I Iwanna I I wanna just put it out
there that usually if you have afear, any fear, doesn't matter
(16:40):
what fear it is, any fear thatis so uncomfortable for you,
that you can't move past it,that often stops you dead in
your tracks, it usually meansbecause there's something
fucking amazing for you on theother side of that fear.
That is literally part of yourpurpose.
And overcoming that, whateverthat fear is, whether it's the
(17:01):
fear of doing the unpleasingthing or being, you know, not
being liked by everybody orapproved by everybody, or
whether it's the fear of um, youknow, letting go of
relationships or facing yourfear of money scarcity or or uh,
you know, whatever, whatever thefear is that you're not gonna
that you're not gonna be okay ifyou don't have X.
Leaning into that, trustingthat, and moving in spite of
(17:28):
that is, I believe, tied toeveryone's life purpose because
we are hardwired to beviscerally afraid and
uncomfortable with the verything that we need to do in
order to achieve a purpose inthis life.
It's part of our soul growth,it's a part of our soul
evolution.
(17:48):
So whatever we struggle with themost, that's what we need to be
leaning into because that iswhere we we we fulfill the
purpose of what we came here todo in this life.
And for me, visibility, beingbeing being approved of, being,
you know, doing the unpleased bealways being always doing the
pleasing thing to make sureeveryone is is happy and with me
(18:12):
and and and approving of me andnot rejecting me, that was
literally my survival dependedon it in my mind and in my body,
right?
Not logically, but like mymindset, my my my my
subconscious beliefs, right?
My my my my body felt itviscerally when when that fear
(18:34):
was threatened, when I felt likelike if I like for example, like
if I walked into a room and Ifelt like everybody was talking
about me before I walked inthere and then everybody stopped
talking as soon as I walked in,that would make me want to
vomit.
If um I was talking to somebodyand I said something and
suddenly their energy shiftedand I felt like they might be
judging me, even though theynever said two words to me, that
would make me want to vomit.
(18:56):
If I, you know, if if if ifsomeone was being nice to me and
being um, you know, we werehaving this great conversation
and suddenly their tone changedand they were dismissive and
they cut me off, and they were,they I felt like I was being
abandoned and I didn't know why,that would make me want to
vomit.
All of which, by the way, wereincidents that happened.
Like these are all things thatI'm recalling in my mind right
(19:18):
now.
Because there was so much for mewrapped around this idea of
people not being happy with methat went far beyond the vanity
of approval and needing to beneeding to be liked by everyone.
It went so much deeper thanthat.
And so for me, leaning into thatwas very important.
(19:39):
Um, very important for me andfor the world.
I couldn't do what I do heretoday.
I couldn't be on this podcast, Icouldn't be on the social media
account, I couldn't do any ofthe work that I'm doing if I was
still worried about I would beafraid of what everyone else
would think of me, right?
Um, so leaning into this wasreally important.
So the first thing that I wantyou to put into, I want you to
(20:02):
drill this in your mind.
You know, whatever the fear is,whether it's the fear, we're
focusing right now on the fearof what everyone else will
think, but whatever the fear is,but let's just focus right now
on the fear of what everyoneelse will think.
If this fear is something thatyou have running in your mind
that is making the decisions foryou, that like, what will
everyone think if I start thatsocial media account?
(20:23):
What will everyone think if Istart that online business?
What will everyone think if Ileave my job?
What will everyone think if Ileave this perfect relationship
that everyone, you know, seemsto think is is what everybody
else wants, but I don't want it?
What will everyone else think ifI dress a certain way or do my
hair a certain way or live adifferent lifestyle than than
you know, if I if I go vegan orif I join a commune or whatever,
(20:45):
if I if I start, you know,coming out of the spiritual
woo-woo closet and saying what Iactually believe to be true in
the world and to be truespiritually, what will everyone
think?
I want to challenge you torealize that on the other side
of whatever that thing is thatyou're that that you're afraid
that people, what people willthink about, you wouldn't be
(21:09):
afraid of it if your greatestpurpose and potential wasn't
somehow tied to that.
And that's part of why you'reafraid of it.
Because A, you need to overcomethat fear, and B, your ego is
terrified because it knows youhave so much growth and
potential on the other side.
And the ego will constantlyfight growth and potential,
(21:31):
tooth and nail to keep youcomfortable.
So the very fact that you'reafraid of it is proof that there
is a massive purpose on theother side of that for you.
And the way you figure it out isby leaning in, leaning into the
discomfort, leaning into thescary thing, leaning into the
thing that you feel like if youdo that, you will die, which
(21:54):
includes the fear of whateveryone else will think.
So if you're worried about whateveryone else will think, know
that there is a massive, if likeif that's the fear that's
stopping you dead in yourtracks, like not just something
like that's an afterthought.
Like this is the fear that kindof runs your day, right?
This is the fear that runs yourday and makes all the decisions
for you.
(22:15):
It chooses where you work, itchooses what you do, how much
you make, it chooses the outfityou put on in the morning, it
chooses the color you do withyour nails, it chooses the care
cut you get.
It even chose, oh my god, itchose like the fear of what
everyone else would think, evenchose like, oh my god, it chose
so many things for me, like whatI would wear, the hair colors I
would do, the way I would do mymakeup, the schools that I went
(22:37):
to, the things that I majoredin, the jobs that I took, the
the how I just walked into aroom and who who who I presented
myself at everything wentthrough the filter of what
everyone else would think.
And first of all, breaking upwith that was the most fucking
libering, liberating thing Iever did.
(22:58):
Um, and it allowed me to really,really start to discover who I
am and and and who I'm meant tobe in this life.
Um, but also it opened up somany opportunities and
possibilities that I didn't eventhink were options until I
leaned into that.
So lean into that.
Know that if there is somethingthat you're saying to yourself,
(23:18):
I really want to do X, Y, Z, butI am so terrified of what people
are gonna think of me, fuckinglike lean into that.
And when the fear comes up, thefear of what everyone else will
think, you literally have tohave this conversation with
yourself.
I would not be afraid of this ifthere wasn't something really
(23:40):
truly fucking amazing on theother side.
And I am just curious to seewhat that is.
So I'm just gonna take onelittle step.
Doesn't have to be a big thing,you know.
You don't have to like, youknow, if you're like me, like
you don't have to quit your jobtomorrow, start a YouTube
channel, and you know, whatever.
I think I started with a YouTubechannel.
I hated my YouTube channel.
Oh my god, but now I do put mypodcast on there.
(24:01):
Um, but I hated doing YouTubevideos.
Oh my god, it was like afull-time job.
But anyway, I digress.
Um if you know, lean in, takesome steps towards that thing.
You don't have to fully commit,right?
You're not getting married tothe experience.
You're just gonna lean in alittle bit.
You're gonna take a few steps inthat direction and see what
(24:23):
happens.
See toe test, right?
I always love the toe testmethod.
Take one little tiny step, seehow the temperature feels.
Do you like it?
Don't you?
Do you want to tweak it?
Change it.
Actually, it's kind of excitingand fun.
I'm gonna take one more step.
Oh, it's getting a littleuncomfortable, but I'm still
curious to see what's on theother side.
I'm gonna take one more step andone more and one more and one
(24:44):
more.
And this is literally how I didit.
One tiny step at a time.
You only have to take one tinystep in that direction.
And that is gonna give you somuch data as to whether or not
that's the right direction foryou, or if it's not, if it's
exciting, if it's thrilling, ifit's motivating, if it's
inspiring, if it's yeah, I don'tlike it at all, or yeah, I kind
(25:04):
of like it, but it's reallyscary.
But kind of want more.
So I'm gonna just keep takingsome more steps slowly.
That's how you kind of figure itout.
And all the while you have toremind yourself, and and I am
proof of this.
The people who matter won'tcare.
They might, they might feel alittle bit uncomfortable by it,
(25:26):
they might have an opinion, theymight not agree, they might try
and steer you another direction,but it's coming from a place of
love, it's not coming fromjudgment.
But the people who love you willbe there.
And the people who don't won't.
And you'll know right away whothe people you can count on are.
And you know what?
All the other people that you'reworried about that are gonna
(25:47):
what they're gonna say aboutyou, they're really not gonna
be, they're really not gonnanotice.
I can tell you right now, nobodyfrom my corporate career knows
what I'm doing right now, unlessthey follow me on Instagram,
which there wasn't that many, tobe honest.
Um, but nobody even knows whatI'm doing right now.
I haven't like run into anybody.
I think maybe I ran intosomebody once or twice.
Um, and they actually thought itwas amazing what I was doing.
(26:09):
And the few people that havefollowed me actually said, Wow,
I really love what you're doing.
I really love the content thatyou're putting out.
I listen to your podcast all thetime.
I follow your thing.
Like there, there, there is somuch more love to experience in
owning who you are and beingthat version of you that you're
afraid of what everyone else isgonna think of.
(26:31):
There is so much more love onthe other side of that and
authentic connections andaligned connections than you
will ever find when you're beingsome alternative version of
yourself because you thinkthat's the version that's gonna
get you the likes and theaccolades and the acceptance
that you're hoping for.
But somewhere you've justconvinced yourself that it's
(26:52):
scary, that you're gonna berejected, that it's wrong, that
it's bad, that people won't likeit, that you'll be alone, that
you're gonna be, you know,abandoned, shamed, and rejected
for.
And that usually, again, thatoftentimes that that's not even
something that you learned inthis lifetime.
That's something that you'recarrying from past lives.
I was literally, I rememberbeing like executed for for some
(27:17):
for some of the wisdom and thepractices and and and and the
rituals that I was sharing,right?
Um, so yeah, the the the fear ofnot being liked and not being
socially accepted, it was a veryreal thing for me.
It my survival depended on whatother people thought of me.
And so it was so scary to leaninto that and to take steps
(27:43):
toward that thing that scared memore than anything else in the
world, was basically leaninginto my passion, my arts, my
gifts, my intuition, um, and andwhat I know about my spiritual
journey and and and you know, myspiritual evolution and how how
that's shifted, right?
And how I help people and how Iheal people.
(28:04):
And so it was terrifying for me.
But as I started to lean in, itgot easier.
One like little tiny steps.
And the first step is always thescariest.
Take little tiny steps.
And then you'll want to take thenext one and the next one.
And before you know it, babysteps, you will get there.
(28:24):
But you don't think of it asone, it's not one big change
that happens where today, youknow, sometimes we think of it
as, you know, today I am workingat my corporate job.
I am working nine to 10 hourdays.
I'm exhausted, I'm miserable,I'm so unhappy, I am so
unfulfilled.
I just want to cry.
I go to the bathroom to cry at10:30 in the morning after the
(28:46):
morning me huddle.
And I basically count theminutes until the end of the day
when I can come home.
And tomorrow I'm gonna burn itall down.
I'm gonna quit my job.
I'm gonna start an onlinebusiness.
Um no, it doesn't happen likethat.
It doesn't happen likeovernight.
It happens slowly over time.
So if you can commit to takingone tiny action and not worrying
about anything beyond that, thatin itself will help heal a lot
(29:09):
of that fear.
Um, and if it's the fear of whateveryone else will think, again,
half the people ain't ever gonnanotice.
And the people who are close toyou who do notice, you'll know
exactly who are the people thatare gonna love you for who you
are and not for who you pretendto be for their sake, for their
approval sake, you know.
(29:30):
Um, you'll know right away.
And you know what?
When those relationships startto leave, yeah, it's
uncomfortable at first, and itand it can be, but at the end of
the day, when you're surroundedby people who actually accept
you for you and not for somefake um uh manufactured version
that you've you that you've putout there to like, you know,
(29:51):
protect yourself from beingabandoned or rejected, life just
gets to be so much easier, andrelationships just get to be so
much more loving and fulfillingand supportive.
And and you can finally relaxinto just being yourself and not
having to worry about whateveryone else is gonna say or
think about you anymore.
And that is that, I think forme, has been the most liberating
(30:15):
thing of all of this experienceis being able to not give a
flying fuck what anybody elsethinks of me because I know that
the people who love me will loveme no matter what.
Even if they don't agree withme, they will still love me.
And I'm good with that becauseI'd rather be surrounded by a
few people who love andappreciate me, everything about
(30:37):
me, than be surrounded by peoplewho love a fabricated version of
me that I created in order to beliked and loved and accepted and
by everyone else around me.
People that at the end of theday don't really care about me
or my well-being or myfulfillment, who who place, who
place their own um expectationsover my fulfillment, my joy, my
(31:01):
purpose in this life.
Don't want it.
Don't want it at all.
Now, mind you, like obviously,like a lot of self-worth work
went into a lot of this too,because you know, in order to be
able to stand in that truth, um,you know, you do have to be
willing to let go of somepeople.
You do have to be willing to letgo to know that you are worthy
regardless of what other peoplethink of you.
(31:23):
So there is some self-worth workto be done there as well.
But if you can just take onechoice at a time in the
direction of what it is thatyou're afraid that people are
gonna judge you for, that peopleare gonna shame, throw shade at
you for, reject you for, likethey kick you out of the tribe
for, right?
Whatever that is, whatever thatfear is, if you're afraid of
(31:46):
what people will think if youleave that job, afraid of what
people will think if you cutyour hair, afraid of what people
will think if you like grow yourhair, decide it to take off the
pumps and be a hippie for therest, whatever the fear is,
whatever it is.
If you can take one little tinystep each and every day in the
direction of that that you arecraving, that you are wanting,
that you are afraid that if youfollow through, people are gonna
(32:09):
judge, shame, shade, or hate youfor it, keep taking steps
towards that, one little bit ata time, and remind yourself that
the people who love you willalways Always be there, and you
are gonna actually attract morepeople who love you for who you
are, and you'll start to see it,and that evidence will start to
just reinforce that belief, andyou'll take more action and
(32:32):
you'll find more alignedconnections and more people who
love and value what you have tooffer and your perspective and
your message or who you are orwhat you bring to the table or
who you are in the world or whoyou are in your relationships,
right?
You'll meet more people who loveand appreciate that.
You'll you'll validate thatfurther.
You'll get you'll you'llreinforce that belief further.
(32:53):
You'll take more steps, andbefore you know it, you'll go
through this whole evolutionthat you've literally taken one
baby step at a time in thedirection of what made you
uncomfortable.
And that is always where yourgreatest purpose, your greatest
potential lies.
Okay.
So let me know what you takefrom this episode.
And as always, please, if youlove this episode, please like,
(33:17):
please leave a message or acomment or a rating or a review,
whatever the heck you do in theworld of podcasting, wherever
you're seeing this on Spotify oron iTunes.
Until next time, you guys,massive love.
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the
show.
I'm so excited and grateful tohave you guys here.
Do you know what the one fearthat almost stopped me from all
of it actually was?
It wasn't the fear that althoughthese fears did come up.
It's not to say that these fearsdidn't come up.
The fear that I wouldn't beokay, that I wouldn't be safe,
(01:10):
that I wouldn't have enough,like the scarcity mindset
definitely came up for me a lot.
Still does.
It's something that I stillgrapple with from time to time.
I'm grappling with it right now,and I'll be sharing a little bit
about what I'm what I'm doing tokind of move through that as I
move through that.
But do you know what the biggestfear was actually?
Like actually, it was the fearof what is everybody gonna think
(01:36):
if I do this.
That was literally the biggestfear in the back of my head.
And if you're somebody who, youknow, when you've been a people
pleaser your entire life, thatis probably the biggest fear
that you have because there's somuch associated with how people
respond to you, what peoplethink of you, how people judge
(01:58):
you when you're in the room,when you're not in the room.
Oh my god, that one's evenscarier.
Like, what are people sayingwhen I'm not in the room, when
I'm not listening, when I can'thear them?
Like, you know, they're beingnice to me now, but I don't know
what they're saying behind myback.
I don't know what they're sayingabout what I'm doing or what I'm
wearing or how I look or or whatI'm what I'm doing for a living
or what I'm saying.
(02:18):
The biggest fear that almoststopped me dead in my tracks
from all of it was the fear ofwhat they would think.
So um, we're gonna talk aboutthat today.
So, hello, welcome back to theshow.
I am so excited and grateful tohave you here.
Welcome if you're new.
Um let's dive in, right?
(02:39):
So listen, this is, you know, Ialways I always there's there's
something very unique abouthaving gone through this
experience and having movedmyself through this experience
and having moved so many otherwomen through this exact same
experience, right?
Where you live your life on thishamster wheel of everything that
(03:03):
you think that you should bedoing.
And all the while there's thislittle voice inside of you
that's longing for somethingdifferent, that's longing for so
much more, that is craving adifferent experience than the
world ever taught you wasavailable to you, or that you
should ever want, or that waseven possible.
unknown (03:21):
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (03:22):
And now suddenly it's like, you know, you kind of
secretly dream about it, butyeah, you kind of that's not
possible, that doesn't happen,that's not for me.
No, like that's just crazy talk,you know.
Again, going back to doing likethe logical thing and doing the
thing that everyone, you know,would would would everyone else
would do that, you know, becausedoing the thing that is calling
(03:45):
your soul that is waking you upat night, that you dream up
secretly dream about and obsessover, but would never ever dare
say out loud because peoplewould think you're fucking nuts.
It's again going back to what wetalked about last week, right?
Logic versus soul.
The soul is rarely ever logical.
The soul will always lead youdown the path that you fear.
(04:08):
People are gonna think you'recrazy.
That jinx crazy, she's nuts.
Do you see what she did?
She she she she left the job,she did the thing, she left the
relationship, she left thepartner, she left the friends,
she ditched her apartment, andshe packed it up and moved to
high Southeast Asia for sixmonths.
Fucking Jake's nuts.
(04:29):
How could she do that?
I could never do that.
And be beyond, you know what,and I will say this beyond
beyond their judgments, andthere was people who judged.
There was, I'm not gonna saythat there wasn't.
There was people who judged, butmost people who judge were the
people who wish they could havedone what I did and didn't.
And so they were judging me forit.
So lesson learned.
(04:51):
Um, so you know, the fear ofwhat will everyone else think?
How will they respond?
How will they react?
What will they think of me, youknow, really did almost stop me
dead in my tracks.
And I I I'm, you know, I'mtrying to articulate how I
actually move through that fear,um, and give you, like, you
(05:11):
know, the nice simple formula.
You know, that you can thetemplate, I love templates.
I always say this createtemplate, everything should have
a template.
Create the template for you toapply it to your own life so
that you can actually like, youknow, stick, and I'm sticking my
middle fingers up to my cameraright now, stick your middle
finger up and just kind of goahead and do what the hell you
(05:31):
want to do without having toworry about, you know, what
everyone else is saying orthinking about your decisions or
what you're doing or or themoves that you're making.
There's again, you know, goingback to what we've been talking
about in the last couple ofweeks, there's a there's a
definite switch that happens.
When the comfort of staying,when, when the when the the idea
(05:56):
of staying in the comfort ofwhat you've been doing and what
is acceptable and what peopleapprove of becomes too fucking
uncomfortable to ignore.
And suddenly the the the thehaving to face any disapproval
becomes the more comfortableoption.
That's not that's not to saythat it was easy.
I still had to come up against alot of resistance, and and in
many ways, I did come up againsta lot of judgment.
(06:17):
Like I said, a lot of peoplethought I was crazy.
Um, a lot of people thought thatum I was making the biggest
mistake of my life.
A lot of people actually saidyou're gonna like when I when I
packed it up and was leaving forAsia, they're like, you're gonna
end up on the black marketsomewhere if you're gone, like
traveling six months, notknowing where you are, not
knowing where you're gonna be,like just kind of like winging
it.
(06:38):
You know what?
Um, and yeah, it was scary.
Like, of course, it was, youknow, it was the first time I'd
ever traveled, second time I'dever traveled alone, but the
definitely the first time I'dever like gone away for that
length of period of time and tobe doing it alone and and being
really uncertain about where Iwas going and where I was gonna
stay.
I literally just booked myticket.
Um like I was arriving inBangkok in, I think it was like
(07:02):
November, December, and then Iwasn't coming back till like the
following, it was Novemberbecause I got there before um
the lantern festival, way beforethe lantern festival.
So I I think I was leaving likeearly November and I wasn't
getting back until the spring.
And um, you know, I had onlybooked like a homestay for like
the first couple of days that Iwas there, and the rest of the
(07:23):
bit, I was just kind of in God'sgood humor.
Like I was like, I'm just gonnawing it and see what happens,
right?
Um, so I had no itinerary,nothing, nothing.
I landed with my suitcase andthree days booked at a home
stay, which by the way, I almosttotally missed because I
completely screwed up my flightsthere.
Long story.
Um, interesting travel story.
(07:44):
Um, where I had booked because Iwas staying out, I was landing
in in Bangkok, but I was stayingin Chiang Mai, so I had to book
a flight from Bangkok to ChiangMai.
Little did I know that was aseparate airport, so I had to
like high tail, I had to like inthe middle of the night rush
over to the other airport tocatch my flight, only to find
out um that it actually left theday prior because I got my dates
(08:07):
fucked up because the date andtime changed when I it was a
nightmare.
Anyway, I ended up spending thenight in Bangkok airport,
bawling my eyes out, thinking,what have I done?
Um, but anyway, um that was aninteresting travel story that I
love to share.
It's always wildly entertaining.
But point that I'm trying tomake is yes, you know, it was
(08:31):
absolutely scary um making thatchoice, making the the decision
to to start my own business,making the decision to leave
long-term, all scary, scary,scary choices.
Scary on so many levels, but thebiggest fear was always this one
fear of what are they gonnathink?
And it was the one fear that hadthe power to each and every time
(08:52):
stop me dead in my tracks.
And for the most part, probablyprolonged a lot of these
decisions, to be quite honest.
And it wasn't any one particularperson that I was afraid of, it
was just people in general.
What would people say?
What would my my co-workers say?
What would my bosses say?
What would my friends say?
What would my um like myex-boyfriend from high school
(09:15):
who still follows me on myInstagram say, or, or the mean
girls at school that I'm stillconnected with?
Like, what would they say?
You know, what would my familysay?
What would what would my family,my, my extended family?
Like, it there were so many,there was so many um thoughts in
the back of my mind about realestate, mental real estate that
(09:38):
was given to worrying about whateveryone else would say or
think.
And I remember um when I was inmy, when I was in my
relationship, I remember himpointing out to me really early
on in the relationship, youknow, how he said, wow, like
your second thought is alwayslike worrying about what
everyone else is gonna think.
Like, what does it just don'tworry about what everyone else
(09:59):
is gonna think and worry aboutwhat you want and what you
think, right?
And that was probably the nicestpiece of advice he ever gave me,
to be quite honest.
Um, so I give him credit forthat.
And he was right, like he wastotally right.
Like, I did consume myself withthis fear of what everyone else
was gonna think.
And I think when you're a peoplepleaser, that becomes so it,
it's it's it's almost hardwiredin you to have that as an
(10:25):
afterthought and in in all ofyour decision making, in all of
your planning.
Um, is this this is this fear ofwhat everyone else will think
about everything that you say ordo because there's so much tied
up in what people think of you.
Because as long as you'repleasing people, as long as
you're doing the pleasing thingand you're moving through life
(10:45):
and everyone's happy with you,people won't abandon you, people
won't leave you, people won'tjudge you, people won't reject
you.
So pleasing becomes a traumaresponse, right?
And I've had conversations withpeople who were like, but why do
you like I remember having aconversation with somebody who
was so and it's so funny, shewas such a people pleaser and
she didn't even see it becauseshe was such a she was very much
(11:06):
an overachiever.
And she would like five minutesin the room with her, and she
would be spewing out all of herachievements at you, like the
minute you went, like, hi, I'mso and so.
I've achieved it.
Like it was like you could seeit a mile away, like, God bless
her, you know?
Bless her heart, as they say inthe South.
Um, but uh, you know, she said,you know, I don't understand
(11:30):
what it means.
Like, I why why do you why areyou a people pleaser?
Like, or why would you even whywhy would anybody be a people
pleaser that's so like toxic?
Like, why do you have to haveeveryone like you?
Like, it's okay if people don'tlike you.
There's, you know, I I neverworry about whether or not
people like me, and which Iquestion given her intro speech,
but um, you know, peoplepleasing behavior, yeah, it's
(11:53):
toxic, yeah, it's manipulative,but why is it happening?
It's happening as a traumaresponse because our worst fear
is to be abandoned and rejectedand judged harshly.
And so to avoid the pain ofthat, we people please, right?
We do what people, we do what wethink people want us to do.
We do it what what we think willmake people happy.
And when we feel people unhappyaround us, when we feel people
(12:15):
in an unhappy place, we asespecially as children,
automatically assume it'sbecause we've done something
wrong.
Like how many times have Ican't, I can I so many times
I've had like conversations withpeople saying, hey, are you mad
at me because you seem, no, no,I've just had a really stressful
time and I've been tired andthis and that and blah, blah,
blah.
And oh my God.
And I thought you were totallymad at me, but it turns out they
(12:36):
were just in their ownexperience.
So you you it is a little bitlike it is a little bit like
making it all about you, butit's it really comes from a
place of being afraid of otherpeople's emotional responses to
anything that you're doing.
You know, maybe some maybe youexperienced um some
repercussions for um peoplebeing unhappy with you when you
(12:58):
were little, being punishedinappropriately.
I know I had experienced beingpunished inappropriately when I
was staying at a daycare when Iwas really young.
And so for me, like peeppleasing people felt like
survival, right?
And when you're a peoplepleaser, pleasing people feels
like survival.
It's not about needing to beliked.
It's not about needing to haveeveryone, yes, it is about
(13:20):
needing to have everyone'sapproval, but why?
Not because of a van, it's not avanity thing, it's a survival
thing, right?
And I think that's an importantdistinction.
And so when it comes to the fearof of what people will think and
and and really being seen andbeing visible and being
authentic in who you are, um,that can be really scary.
Because the last thing, becausewe associate um, we associate uh
(13:44):
not being um, we associate,sorry, being abandoned and
rejected with being um not safe,right?
So that fear for me, and I I dobelieve that fear came from
other lifetimes.
You know, I shared in recentlyon a on the podcast about my
(14:04):
past life experiences and how itled me to um, you know, what I'm
doing in this life and how I'membodying everything that I
learned today, right?
It's really been a lesson thatI've been learning through
(15:51):
different lifetimes.
This lesson about being able tostep into my power, being able
to step into my truth, owning myvoice, communicating my message,
and not worrying about whateverybody else says or thinks or
any or any repercussions thatmay come of that.
Um and so I think a lot of uswho struggle with this fear of
being seen, this this fear ofdoing the unpleasing thing, um,
(16:17):
you know, we come from that sameexperience, that same visceral
fear that we're not safe unlesseveryone around us is happy and
approving of who we are and whatwe're doing.
And so I just, you know, I I Iwanna I I wanna just put it out
there that usually if you have afear, any fear, doesn't matter
(16:40):
what fear it is, any fear thatis so uncomfortable for you,
that you can't move past it,that often stops you dead in
your tracks, it usually meansbecause there's something
fucking amazing for you on theother side of that fear.
That is literally part of yourpurpose.
And overcoming that, whateverthat fear is, whether it's the
(17:01):
fear of doing the unpleasingthing or being, you know, not
being liked by everybody orapproved by everybody, or
whether it's the fear of um, youknow, letting go of
relationships or facing yourfear of money scarcity or or uh,
you know, whatever, whatever thefear is that you're not gonna
that you're not gonna be okay ifyou don't have X.
Leaning into that, trustingthat, and moving in spite of
(17:28):
that is, I believe, tied toeveryone's life purpose because
we are hardwired to beviscerally afraid and
uncomfortable with the verything that we need to do in
order to achieve a purpose inthis life.
It's part of our soul growth,it's a part of our soul
evolution.
(17:48):
So whatever we struggle with themost, that's what we need to be
leaning into because that iswhere we we we fulfill the
purpose of what we came here todo in this life.
And for me, visibility, beingbeing being approved of, being,
you know, doing the unpleased bealways being always doing the
pleasing thing to make sureeveryone is is happy and with me
(18:12):
and and and approving of me andnot rejecting me, that was
literally my survival dependedon it in my mind and in my body,
right?
Not logically, but like mymindset, my my my my
subconscious beliefs, right?
My my my my body felt itviscerally when when that fear
(18:34):
was threatened, when I felt likelike if I like for example, like
if I walked into a room and Ifelt like everybody was talking
about me before I walked inthere and then everybody stopped
talking as soon as I walked in,that would make me want to
vomit.
If um I was talking to somebodyand I said something and
suddenly their energy shiftedand I felt like they might be
judging me, even though theynever said two words to me, that
would make me want to vomit.
(18:56):
If I, you know, if if if ifsomeone was being nice to me and
being um, you know, we werehaving this great conversation
and suddenly their tone changedand they were dismissive and
they cut me off, and they were,they I felt like I was being
abandoned and I didn't know why,that would make me want to
vomit.
All of which, by the way, wereincidents that happened.
Like these are all things thatI'm recalling in my mind right
(19:18):
now.
Because there was so much for mewrapped around this idea of
people not being happy with methat went far beyond the vanity
of approval and needing to beneeding to be liked by everyone.
It went so much deeper thanthat.
And so for me, leaning into thatwas very important.
(19:39):
Um, very important for me andfor the world.
I couldn't do what I do heretoday.
I couldn't be on this podcast, Icouldn't be on the social media
account, I couldn't do any ofthe work that I'm doing if I was
still worried about I would beafraid of what everyone else
would think of me, right?
Um, so leaning into this wasreally important.
So the first thing that I wantyou to put into, I want you to
(20:02):
drill this in your mind.
You know, whatever the fear is,whether it's the fear, we're
focusing right now on the fearof what everyone else will
think, but whatever the fear is,but let's just focus right now
on the fear of what everyoneelse will think.
If this fear is something thatyou have running in your mind
that is making the decisions foryou, that like, what will
everyone think if I start thatsocial media account?
(20:23):
What will everyone think if Istart that online business?
What will everyone think if Ileave my job?
What will everyone think if Ileave this perfect relationship
that everyone, you know, seemsto think is is what everybody
else wants, but I don't want it?
What will everyone else think ifI dress a certain way or do my
hair a certain way or live adifferent lifestyle than than
you know, if I if I go vegan orif I join a commune or whatever,
(20:45):
if I if I start, you know,coming out of the spiritual
woo-woo closet and saying what Iactually believe to be true in
the world and to be truespiritually, what will everyone
think?
I want to challenge you torealize that on the other side
of whatever that thing is thatyou're that that you're afraid
that people, what people willthink about, you wouldn't be
(21:09):
afraid of it if your greatestpurpose and potential wasn't
somehow tied to that.
And that's part of why you'reafraid of it.
Because A, you need to overcomethat fear, and B, your ego is
terrified because it knows youhave so much growth and
potential on the other side.
And the ego will constantlyfight growth and potential,
(21:31):
tooth and nail to keep youcomfortable.
So the very fact that you'reafraid of it is proof that there
is a massive purpose on theother side of that for you.
And the way you figure it out isby leaning in, leaning into the
discomfort, leaning into thescary thing, leaning into the
thing that you feel like if youdo that, you will die, which
(21:54):
includes the fear of whateveryone else will think.
So if you're worried about whateveryone else will think, know
that there is a massive, if likeif that's the fear that's
stopping you dead in yourtracks, like not just something
like that's an afterthought.
Like this is the fear that kindof runs your day, right?
This is the fear that runs yourday and makes all the decisions
for you.
(22:15):
It chooses where you work, itchooses what you do, how much
you make, it chooses the outfityou put on in the morning, it
chooses the color you do withyour nails, it chooses the care
cut you get.
It even chose, oh my god, itchose like the fear of what
everyone else would think, evenchose like, oh my god, it chose
so many things for me, like whatI would wear, the hair colors I
would do, the way I would do mymakeup, the schools that I went
(22:37):
to, the things that I majoredin, the jobs that I took, the
the how I just walked into aroom and who who who I presented
myself at everything wentthrough the filter of what
everyone else would think.
And first of all, breaking upwith that was the most fucking
libering, liberating thing Iever did.
(22:58):
Um, and it allowed me to really,really start to discover who I
am and and and who I'm meant tobe in this life.
Um, but also it opened up somany opportunities and
possibilities that I didn't eventhink were options until I
leaned into that.
So lean into that.
Know that if there is somethingthat you're saying to yourself,
(23:18):
I really want to do X, Y, Z, butI am so terrified of what people
are gonna think of me, fuckinglike lean into that.
And when the fear comes up, thefear of what everyone else will
think, you literally have tohave this conversation with
yourself.
I would not be afraid of this ifthere wasn't something really
(23:40):
truly fucking amazing on theother side.
And I am just curious to seewhat that is.
So I'm just gonna take onelittle step.
Doesn't have to be a big thing,you know.
You don't have to like, youknow, if you're like me, like
you don't have to quit your jobtomorrow, start a YouTube
channel, and you know, whatever.
I think I started with a YouTubechannel.
I hated my YouTube channel.
Oh my god, but now I do put mypodcast on there.
(24:01):
Um, but I hated doing YouTubevideos.
Oh my god, it was like afull-time job.
But anyway, I digress.
Um if you know, lean in, takesome steps towards that thing.
You don't have to fully commit,right?
You're not getting married tothe experience.
You're just gonna lean in alittle bit.
You're gonna take a few steps inthat direction and see what
(24:23):
happens.
See toe test, right?
I always love the toe testmethod.
Take one little tiny step, seehow the temperature feels.
Do you like it?
Don't you?
Do you want to tweak it?
Change it.
Actually, it's kind of excitingand fun.
I'm gonna take one more step.
Oh, it's getting a littleuncomfortable, but I'm still
curious to see what's on theother side.
I'm gonna take one more step andone more and one more and one
(24:44):
more.
And this is literally how I didit.
One tiny step at a time.
You only have to take one tinystep in that direction.
And that is gonna give you somuch data as to whether or not
that's the right direction foryou, or if it's not, if it's
exciting, if it's thrilling, ifit's motivating, if it's
inspiring, if it's yeah, I don'tlike it at all, or yeah, I kind
(25:04):
of like it, but it's reallyscary.
But kind of want more.
So I'm gonna just keep takingsome more steps slowly.
That's how you kind of figure itout.
And all the while you have toremind yourself, and and I am
proof of this.
The people who matter won'tcare.
They might, they might feel alittle bit uncomfortable by it,
(25:26):
they might have an opinion, theymight not agree, they might try
and steer you another direction,but it's coming from a place of
love, it's not coming fromjudgment.
But the people who love you willbe there.
And the people who don't won't.
And you'll know right away whothe people you can count on are.
And you know what?
All the other people that you'reworried about that are gonna
(25:47):
what they're gonna say aboutyou, they're really not gonna
be, they're really not gonnanotice.
I can tell you right now, nobodyfrom my corporate career knows
what I'm doing right now, unlessthey follow me on Instagram,
which there wasn't that many, tobe honest.
Um, but nobody even knows whatI'm doing right now.
I haven't like run into anybody.
I think maybe I ran intosomebody once or twice.
Um, and they actually thought itwas amazing what I was doing.
(26:09):
And the few people that havefollowed me actually said, Wow,
I really love what you're doing.
I really love the content thatyou're putting out.
I listen to your podcast all thetime.
I follow your thing.
Like there, there, there is somuch more love to experience in
owning who you are and beingthat version of you that you're
afraid of what everyone else isgonna think of.
(26:31):
There is so much more love onthe other side of that and
authentic connections andaligned connections than you
will ever find when you're beingsome alternative version of
yourself because you thinkthat's the version that's gonna
get you the likes and theaccolades and the acceptance
that you're hoping for.
But somewhere you've justconvinced yourself that it's
(26:52):
scary, that you're gonna berejected, that it's wrong, that
it's bad, that people won't likeit, that you'll be alone, that
you're gonna be, you know,abandoned, shamed, and rejected
for.
And that usually, again, thatoftentimes that that's not even
something that you learned inthis lifetime.
That's something that you'recarrying from past lives.
I was literally, I rememberbeing like executed for for some
(27:17):
for some of the wisdom and thepractices and and and and the
rituals that I was sharing,right?
Um, so yeah, the the the fear ofnot being liked and not being
socially accepted, it was a veryreal thing for me.
It my survival depended on whatother people thought of me.
And so it was so scary to leaninto that and to take steps
(27:43):
toward that thing that scared memore than anything else in the
world, was basically leaninginto my passion, my arts, my
gifts, my intuition, um, and andwhat I know about my spiritual
journey and and and you know, myspiritual evolution and how how
that's shifted, right?
And how I help people and how Iheal people.
(28:04):
And so it was terrifying for me.
But as I started to lean in, itgot easier.
One like little tiny steps.
And the first step is always thescariest.
Take little tiny steps.
And then you'll want to take thenext one and the next one.
And before you know it, babysteps, you will get there.
(28:24):
But you don't think of it asone, it's not one big change
that happens where today, youknow, sometimes we think of it
as, you know, today I am workingat my corporate job.
I am working nine to 10 hourdays.
I'm exhausted, I'm miserable,I'm so unhappy, I am so
unfulfilled.
I just want to cry.
I go to the bathroom to cry at10:30 in the morning after the
(28:46):
morning me huddle.
And I basically count theminutes until the end of the day
when I can come home.
And tomorrow I'm gonna burn itall down.
I'm gonna quit my job.
I'm gonna start an onlinebusiness.
Um no, it doesn't happen likethat.
It doesn't happen likeovernight.
It happens slowly over time.
So if you can commit to takingone tiny action and not worrying
about anything beyond that, thatin itself will help heal a lot
(29:09):
of that fear.
Um, and if it's the fear of whateveryone else will think, again,
half the people ain't ever gonnanotice.
And the people who are close toyou who do notice, you'll know
exactly who are the people thatare gonna love you for who you
are and not for who you pretendto be for their sake, for their
approval sake, you know.
(29:30):
Um, you'll know right away.
And you know what?
When those relationships startto leave, yeah, it's
uncomfortable at first, and itand it can be, but at the end of
the day, when you're surroundedby people who actually accept
you for you and not for somefake um uh manufactured version
that you've you that you've putout there to like, you know,
(29:51):
protect yourself from beingabandoned or rejected, life just
gets to be so much easier, andrelationships just get to be so
much more loving and fulfillingand supportive.
And and you can finally relaxinto just being yourself and not
having to worry about whateveryone else is gonna say or
think about you anymore.
And that is that, I think forme, has been the most liberating
(30:15):
thing of all of this experienceis being able to not give a
flying fuck what anybody elsethinks of me because I know that
the people who love me will loveme no matter what.
Even if they don't agree withme, they will still love me.
And I'm good with that becauseI'd rather be surrounded by a
few people who love andappreciate me, everything about
(30:37):
me, than be surrounded by peoplewho love a fabricated version of
me that I created in order to beliked and loved and accepted and
by everyone else around me.
People that at the end of theday don't really care about me
or my well-being or myfulfillment, who who place, who
place their own um expectationsover my fulfillment, my joy, my
(31:01):
purpose in this life.
Don't want it.
Don't want it at all.
Now, mind you, like obviously,like a lot of self-worth work
went into a lot of this too,because you know, in order to be
able to stand in that truth, um,you know, you do have to be
willing to let go of somepeople.
You do have to be willing to letgo to know that you are worthy
regardless of what other peoplethink of you.
(31:23):
So there is some self-worth workto be done there as well.
But if you can just take onechoice at a time in the
direction of what it is thatyou're afraid that people are
gonna judge you for, that peopleare gonna shame, throw shade at
you for, reject you for, likethey kick you out of the tribe
for, right?
Whatever that is, whatever thatfear is, if you're afraid of
(31:46):
what people will think if youleave that job, afraid of what
people will think if you cutyour hair, afraid of what people
will think if you like grow yourhair, decide it to take off the
pumps and be a hippie for therest, whatever the fear is,
whatever it is.
If you can take one little tinystep each and every day in the
direction of that that you arecraving, that you are wanting,
that you are afraid that if youfollow through, people are gonna
(32:09):
judge, shame, shade, or hate youfor it, keep taking steps
towards that, one little bit ata time, and remind yourself that
the people who love you willalways Always be there, and you
are gonna actually attract morepeople who love you for who you
are, and you'll start to see it,and that evidence will start to
just reinforce that belief, andyou'll take more action and
(32:32):
you'll find more alignedconnections and more people who
love and value what you have tooffer and your perspective and
your message or who you are orwhat you bring to the table or
who you are in the world or whoyou are in your relationships,
right?
You'll meet more people who loveand appreciate that.
You'll you'll validate thatfurther.
You'll get you'll you'llreinforce that belief further.
(32:53):
You'll take more steps, andbefore you know it, you'll go
through this whole evolutionthat you've literally taken one
baby step at a time in thedirection of what made you
uncomfortable.
And that is always where yourgreatest purpose, your greatest
potential lies.
Okay.
So let me know what you takefrom this episode.
And as always, please, if youlove this episode, please like,
(33:17):
please leave a message or acomment or a rating or a review,
whatever the heck you do in theworld of podcasting, wherever
you're seeing this on Spotify oron iTunes.
Until next time, you guys,massive love.
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