When Life Falls Apart: Turning Endings Into Initiations for Soul-Led Women with Gemma James

Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_03 (00:48):
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the
show.
I'm so excited and grateful tohave you guys here.
Welcome if you're new.
Today is a very different vibehere at the Femcast.
I am actually going to besharing with you a conversation
that I had with my amazingfriend, client, co-collaborator,

(01:08):
co-podcaster, Gemma James, thecreator and host of the Muse
Yourself podcast.
If you're not following her, youabsolutely should be.
She is just this amazing womanwith stories of moving through
challenges and transformation insuch an inspirational and
empowering way.

(01:29):
So I encourage you all to followher.
We are going to be having aconversation about how we let go
of old identities and letendings just be new beginnings.
Between the two of us, we'veshared many endings and new
beginnings.
Some of them chosen, some ofthem not.
Some of them we just lifehappened and we made lemons out

(01:50):
of lemonade.
And that just got to be themiracle that we didn't know we
needed at the time.
And even though it didn't feellike it at the time.
But either way, magical andamazing things happen when you
can just let go of the old andlet the new come in and let the
endings, although sometimes maycause some grief and may cause

(02:13):
some turmoil and some hurt andsome pain, always, always,
always, always lead to magicalnew beginnings if you let it.
So I hope you'll enjoy today'sconversation.
Here is me and Gemma James.
I will leave all her contactinfo down below.

SPEAKER_00 (02:30):
Welcome back to Muse Yourself, Maria.
I'm so happy to have you back.
It's been over a year since werecorded an episode today.
I'm so excited to be here.
You've been a guest on MuseYourself twice before.
So some of my listeners areprobably going to be familiar

(02:50):
with you.
But I wanted to have you backbecause I just have the most fun
recording with you.
But for anyone who hasn't heardum either of the previous
episodes you've done, or theyjust need a little bit of a
refresher because it's been overa year.
Do you want to just reintroduceyourself?
And you've had a little bit of arebrand recently as well.

SPEAKER_03 (03:08):
So this is in my whole website's been rebirthed.
My branding has been rebirthed.
It's it's been a wholetransformation.
It's actually still in progress.
Like I can't say that it's done.
I do things slowly, I move veryintentionally and I kind of let
things evolve and unfold.
Um, it's kind of it's somethingI've had to really learn along
the entrepreneurial journey tolet that happen.

(03:31):
Um but um, you know, I've gonethrough this kind of evolution
of, you know, kind of moving,moving through the different
cycles that my my clients or myaudience is kind of moving
through and getting deeper intothe crevices of what um their
patterns, their beliefs, theirstruggles are really trying to

(03:51):
open up for them.
And yes, it's still a lot offocusing on toxic relationship
patterns and people pleasing andcodependency and self-sabotage
or self-abandonment.
But the bigger theme I thinkthat I've really tapped into in
all of this and what I've seenin so many people that I've
worked with is not so much thebreaking the patterns.
Yes, that's obviously a benefitto the work, but it's what it's

(04:16):
what it opens up on the otherside.
And I think it goes so muchdeeper than relationship.
Um, and I think we're in thisspace right now where, you know,
I think a lot of women arewaking up that to this greater
potential that they're capableof and they're not always tapped
into.
And I think sometimes, you know,the one thing that I've tuned

(04:38):
into is how these toxicrelationship patterns, these
limiting beliefs, theseself-abandonment patterns that
we have are really designed tohelp keep us small and keep us
from stepping into our fullestpotential.
And I think that when we startto break away from these
patterns and really chooseourselves and focus on ourselves

(05:00):
and become um, you know,internally guided, we are
capable than so much more thanwe ever even thought was
possible.
And I think that's where umthat's where the focus of the
shift, that's where the shiftkind of came and that's where
the rebrand kind of came from.
So really tapping into that andhoning into that and um looking

(05:20):
at how you know it translatesinto, you know, the lives of
women every every day, right?

SPEAKER_00 (05:27):
Yeah.
Yeah, I love that.
And I think it ties in soperfectly to what we wanted to
talk about today, which isliterally go of old identities
and that evolution.

SPEAKER_03 (05:41):
And for those of you guys who are tuning in from the
Femcast, I just wanted to say,like, Gemma's been like, like,
we've been in each other'scorner for a very long time.
And every time we get onlinetogether, magic happens.
So we kind of have an intentionfor the episode, but we're gonna
make it, it's not gonna be atraditional interview.
We're literally two women whoare doing the work, who are in

(06:06):
it, um, having a realconversation about how we move
through.
And you can you can actually,and I'm gonna I'm gonna give
this to Gemma because it wasGemma's idea for the topic
today.
Um, but how we move how we movethrough endings and and and and
treat them as new beginnings.
So, Gemma, take that away.

SPEAKER_00 (06:25):
Yes.
Oh, I keep forget it.
We're we're putting this out onboth of our shows, aren't we?
Yeah.
We've never done an episodelike.
So this would be a first.
We're just gonna go with it, gowith the flow and see what
happens.
But I'm really excited to be onthe femme cast as well.
I haven't been on your podcastyet.

(06:46):
So I'm really This is the firsttime.
We're gonna give you a high uh aspotlight.
Well so for anyone who doesn'tknow, um, just to give like a
really quick intro on me, I knowMuse Yourself listeners will
already be fairly familiar.
Um, but just for anyone tuningin from the Famcast, I am Gemma

(07:08):
James.
I host a podcast called MuseYourself.
Maria has been the most amazingguest.
She's been on the show twicenow, so it's amazing to have her
back on.
Um, and I've undergone a kind ofa little bit of a rebrand myself
recently as well.
So this is also really relevantfor me.
But Muse Yourself is essentiallyreal talk on self-love and on

(07:32):
starting over.
I share stories from incrediblewomen, um, also my a lot of my
own stories, but mainly storiesfrom amazing women who have come
through various challenges andthey've built amazing lives on
the other side.
We talk about reinvention, wetalk about what it actually

(07:54):
really takes to start over andbuild a different life.
And yeah, it's it's essentiallyabout rewriting the plot,
really.
Rewriting the plot of your lifeto be whatever the fuck you want
it to be and reclaiming higher.

SPEAKER_03 (08:10):
So I fucking love it, and nothing, there's nothing
I love more than a reinvention,honestly, when I'm bored.

unknown (08:17):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (08:18):
And you know, your story.
So Maria was first on MuseYourself over a year ago, and
you came on and shared yourstory of blowing your life up
and walking away from it allwhen you decided to walk away
from everything and move to Asiafor six months.

SPEAKER_02 (08:34):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (08:35):
Um, that episode is still one of my most downloaded
episodes of all time.

SPEAKER_02 (08:40):
Seriously.
People love that story.
It's my favorite story.

SPEAKER_00 (08:45):
So if anyone um hasn't caught that, you need to
go back and listen to thiswoman's story.
It's incredible.
Um, I believe it's episodenumber eight on Muse Yourself,
um, but I'll link it in the shownotes as well.

SPEAKER_03 (08:58):
Okay, cool.
No, honestly, like I love thatstory.
I love telling that story.
I think I've told it on yourpodcast, I've I've told it on
Kara's podcast, I've shared iton mine several times.
It is literally like talk aboutendings being new beginnings,
right?
Like, I mean, it was literallyan ending to everything.
Like, there was the me beforethat trip, and there was the me

(09:21):
after that trip, and nothing,nothing, nothing, nothing stayed
the same.
Nothing, right?
Yeah, and I think as a peoplepleaser, I think it was so
important for me to go down thatroad because you know, there
there was, you know, I didn'tknow why I needed to go there,
but something in my heart wastelling me I needed to.
And I just for the first time inmy life, I just sort of trusted

(09:43):
that internal guidance.

SPEAKER_04 (09:45):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (09:45):
And it led me to this down this journey.
It was scary, it was on it, likeit had all my worst fears
activated, right?
Um, but I think that there, andI couldn't figure out why it was
why my life was sending methere, why I was being guided
there.
And I think in in when I lookback, because you know
hindsight's always 2020.

SPEAKER_04 (10:06):
Of course.

SPEAKER_03 (10:06):
I think when I look back, I think it was almost like
um an incubator for me to reallystep away from all the roles,
um, the personas, the masks thatI had been wearing for so long,
and really just start torediscover who I am again.

SPEAKER_00 (10:26):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (10:27):
And I think that's what the purpose uh it served
was.

SPEAKER_00 (10:30):
It's such a powerful story.
And I think, do you want to sojust to recap super quickly for
anyone who hasn't heard the fullepisode yet, you walked away
from your relationship at thetime, from your job, from your
apartment.
You got you just blew it all up.
Literally.
And most of my friendships too.

(10:51):
Yeah, and just walked away.
And I'm a teenager for sixmonths.

SPEAKER_03 (10:58):
Yeah.
I went, I used to I used toalways joke.
I went from walking arounddowntown Toronto, like like you
know, downtown office, uh,what's it called?
Like the financial district ofdowntown Toronto and pumps and
and and you know, my blackberryat the time, I think it was.
But I loved my blackberry.

unknown (11:16):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (11:17):
To like, you know, bumming around Southeast Asia
and flip-flops and uncombed hairand and you know, leaving my
like I I remember I went with Ihad this um pretty not a
ginormous suitcase, but I had agood size suitcase because I was
dressed for different seasons,right?
Because some of the climates Iwas going to were colder than
others.
Um, so I had to pack fordifferent seasons.

(11:38):
So I had to bring a fewdifferent things.
And then um, plus I'd neverreally, I'd never really
traveled.
I had gone on vacation, but I'dnever really traveled before.
Um, so and I was used to cushythings and I was used to my
things.
I'm a Taurus.
I like my, I like my, you know,my toiletries.

(13:29):
I like my little knick-knacksthat make me feel like I'm home
and pampered and whatnot.
And so, you know, I kind of gothere and I bring this big
suitcase of stuff with me andI'm lugging it around with me
everywhere.
And it was fine.
I, I mean, I could deal with it.
But then by the time the tripwas like towards the end, like
the last couple of months, Ikind of said, fuck it.
Like, I just like left mysuitcase in like this hostel

(13:53):
that I was staying.
I'm like, dude, can I just likeleave this with you for a few
weeks?
I'll be back.
And then just like took like alittle like it was barely a
knapsack.
It was like one of those littlelike um string packs that you
get at a marathon.

SPEAKER_00 (14:09):
Oh my god, I could never as you're as you're
talking, all I'm thinking aboutis that wouldn't even hold my
skincare.

SPEAKER_03 (14:16):
And I was like, I had like my swimsuit, I had I I
can't remember what I had inthere.
I have my swimsuit, my phone, mycharger.
Um, actually, no, sorry, I'mlying.
I'm lying.
It wasn't the it wasn't thestring, it was a regular
backpack.
Sorry, I'm lying.
It was a regular backpack, butit was a smaller size.
I'm remembering it now.
And I it had this like black andgrayish yellow trim.
Um, and I remember I had myswimsuit in there.

(14:38):
I had a couple of change of likefresh like underwear in there.
I had some shorts, some tanks,and that was it.
And that was all I had with me.
And I just went island hopping.
And I think I came back, I don'tknow how many weeks later.
The guy's like, I didn't thinkyou were coming back.
I was literally getting ready tothrow your like sold all your
stuff.
Oh, and I had my documents withme.

(14:59):
Thank God.
So if that had happened, I meannot the end of the world, but
you've done a lot of travel too.
Like you've I think one of thereasons why we connect so well
is because you've done the samething.
Like you've up and root likere-root, like rerooted yourself
over and over again.
Yeah.
And that takes, you know, Ithink that I think initially it

(15:19):
takes so much courage to dothat, but then, you know, as you
start to do it, like I thinkevery woman needs to do that at
some point in your in her life.
100%.

SPEAKER_00 (15:28):
I say that I think every woman, if she is in a
position to like financially,and I understand, you know, some
people have people, childrendepending on them.
If you're in a position to, Ithink the most important thing
you can do for yourself in thislife is to spend some time solo
traveling and/or saying alone.

(15:50):
I think every woman should alsoexperience living alone.

SPEAKER_03 (15:54):
It's so important to being able to even be in a
healthy relationship because youyou take that element of needing
someone to be there, which iswhat usually sends us down the
path of making the wrong choice.

SPEAKER_04 (16:07):
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (16:07):
When you don't need somebody to be there and you
know you're okay on your own andyou can happily stand by and
wait for that amazing person toshow up in your life, I think
it's a very empowered place tobe, right?

SPEAKER_00 (16:19):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And so as you said, I've done alot of of traveling, of blowing
it up, walking away, startingover.
Um and I think what'sinteresting is and in the
beginning for me, initially, itwasn't a choice.

(16:40):
Um, so I think it's interestingto kind of explore that in the
uh the letting go of oldidentities um and not clinging
to the past and the differencesof when it is your choice and
when it's not your choice, whenit's something that happens to
you.
And I think just to kind ofrecap for the famcast listeners

(17:03):
who won't be familiar with mystory, just to give you a really
quick background.
Um initially, so back in 2017, Iwas close to turning 30 and my
world kind of imploded, likedrastic ego death.
Um, my husband passed awayreally unexpectedly.

(17:25):
He was sick, but we didn't knowhe was sick because he didn't
have any symptoms.
He was an athlete, very like thehealthiest guy you could meet.
Um, and we found out that he hadcancer and he passed away
really, really shortly afterthat.
So it was out of the blue.
He was 30.
Um, and four weeks to the dayactually after that, I got laid

(17:48):
off from my job and then endedup losing our home as well.
Um, just to put the cherry ontop, because obviously I'd gone
from having two incomes tohaving no incomes.
So it was literally an entireego death, an identity death,
um, not of my choosing at thetime.
And yeah, I I was kind of tryingto figure all of that out pretty

(18:15):
much on my own at that point,because, and this is another
story for another time, but Idid not have a good relationship
with my family.
We'd been estranged really forquite some years before that
because they hadn't agreed withmy decision to go to college and
I'd gone and done it anyway.
Um, so we didn't, we didn't havea good relationship, and we were

(18:37):
just kind of starting to getback in touch again after years
of not talking, um, whenever allthis happened.
So I was pretty much trying tonavigate this huge life
implosion alone.
And I when I'd lost our home, Ihad to pack up all of our stuff.
I found an apartment that Icould move into in kind of short

(18:58):
notice, um, which yeah, it itdefinitely wasn't the best.
But beggars can't be choosers inthat kind of scenario.
Yeah.
And I just remember thinking,like, what the fuck is happening
in in a matter of all in aroundthree months altogether?

SPEAKER_03 (19:16):
Like, oh my god, how do you even recover from that?

SPEAKER_00 (19:19):
Like your nervous system must have been just I was
just so in shock.
I was just kind of functioning,going like you you just have to.
I mean, no one else is gonna dothe stuff, no one else is gonna
pack up the apartment and findsomewhere to live and you know,
make sure you have a roof overyour head, all that you go into
practical survival mode, Ithink.

(19:41):
Yeah.
But whenever that had calmeddown and I was in the I'd moved
into my new place, I justremember I was in this place of
I would wake up in the morningand literally think, like, I
don't have any reason to get outof bed today.
Like, literally, I don't Ididn't have a job still at that

(20:03):
point.
And yeah, I would just wake upand think like there's literally
no no point to getting up.
And I started thinking at so atthis point, I I didn't really
know much about podcasts.
There it was new to me.
And so I started telling myselfwhen I'd wake up in the morning,
like all you have to do, youdon't have to think about the

(20:25):
rest of the day.
All you have to do is just getup.
If you get up and go to thekitchen, make a cup of coffee,
then you can listen to yourpodcast.
That's all you have to do.
You don't have to think aboutwhat's gonna happen after that,
or uh, how you're gonna sortthat shit out.
Just if you get out of bed, youcan listen to your podcast.
And so that became my likelittle anchor every morning to

(20:48):
getting up.
Um, and that yeah, I was so Iwould start listening to these
podcasts of women, like sharingtheir incredible stories of
challenges they'd overcome, howthey'd created amazing lives of
themselves on the other side.
And that started to be myinspiration and my, I guess,
thing that kept me movingforward and started opening my

(21:11):
mind to I guess moving me out ofmy victim mindset and thinking,
okay, well, I get to choose howI show up here and what this
means for me moving forward.
And wow.
So that was, yeah, I started.
That was literally, I mean, it'snot an exaggeration, I don't
think, to say that thosepodcasts saved my life.

(21:34):
I think.
Um I say that all the time aboutmy podcasts.
Yeah.
So I started it just kind ofgradually putting one foot in
front of the other.
I'd I put got a new job, movedinto a better apartment.
Um, but then yeah, to to kind ofbring it, that was a bit of a
tangent, to bring it all fullcircle to what your question

(21:57):
actually was.
Um, and that was what startedwhere travel started for me.
Yeah.
Um, I'd kind of put somesemblance of a life back
together, but it just wasn'tfeeling like me.
It was like I tried to cling onto the old identity, or I was
trying to get her back, and shewas already gone, and I hadn't
come to terms with the fact thatlike it's I was thinking, oh,

(22:19):
how do I get back to myself?
There was no getting back to herbecause she was gone.
There's nothing like you can'tbe the same person after
something happens to you, evenif you want to, like, she just
wasn't there anymore.
So it was this process of melearning to accept that, and we
we went into COVID and lockdownhappened around that time then.

(22:41):
And I was so I had all that timeto myself, and coming through
the other side of that, I'd beenable to really sit with this
feeling of okay, she's gone.
And I, you know, I'm not quitesure where my place is anymore.
Like, I who do I want to bemoving forward?

(23:02):
Who do I want to create here?
Like, who's this woman who I'mbringing into this next chapter
with me?
And that was when, so afterliterally as soon as lockdown
was lifted and we were allowedto travel again, I booked a
ticket.
I didn't tell anyone.

(23:23):
I I'd never solo traveled beforeever.
I booked a ticket to the US.
Um, I'm originally from Ireland,but was living in London at this
time.
I booked yeah, a ticket for mymy first ever solo travel trip,
three months in the US.
I didn't tell anyone.
I packed a bag, or I told I toldpeople maybe like a week before

(23:44):
I was due to leave, just game.
Got on a plane to the other sideof the world completely alone.
I dreamed of going to New York.
I did it's just my soul home.
I knew even before before I'dever been there.
So I booked a ticket, threemonths, got on a plane, knew
absolutely no one, and I steppedoff the plane on the other side

(24:06):
and just thought like this tripis gonna change my life.
I don't know how, but I know inmy soul that this trip is gonna
change my life.
Yeah, I did.
I just I fell in love with theversion of me that I became and
the life that for the first timeI was able to see was possible,

(24:29):
and it just completely changedmy vision for everything.
Oh my god.
I came back after those threemonths and was like, okay, this
is what needs to happen.
I need to give up my apartmentand give away everything I own
or try and sell it, and I needto just travel full-time from
that.
I I don't know what's gonna comeof it.
I just know in my soul it's theright thing to do, and this like

(24:53):
is yeah, it's just what I'mmeant to do.
So that was the end of 2021, andI've been kind of nomadic ever
since.

SPEAKER_02 (25:04):
I love it.

SPEAKER_03 (25:05):
Um, I think listening to that soul call is
just so important.
Like when you know thatsomething feels right, but you
can't figure out why, andthere's no logical reason for
it, and it certainly doesn't fitanyone else's standard of what a
logical or good life decisionis.
I didn't tell anybody eitherwhen I had booked my trip.

(25:26):
I think people found out acouple weeks before I was
leaving for six months, andeveryone and their mother was
telling me I was gonna end up onthe black market somewhere, and
I'm like, it's gonna be fine.
Right.
But I think um like everythingthat like, first of all, your
story always makes just my heartmove through so many different

(25:47):
emotions.
Um like listening to you, I getinspired, I get goosebumps, I I
feel the grief of just that thatsense of loss and how quickly it
happened and how painful thatmust have been, and also like
opening up to the possibility ofwhere that was leading you,

(26:07):
right?
Like, I mean, look at how Imean, I don't want to say it was
like divine intervention or yourpurpose, but I mean, something
about it, even though it was,you know, and I always say this
pain is just this magical portalof transformation, right?
When you let it, um like it'sjust so like as painful as it

(26:29):
was, it was so magical how itall unfolded after that, right?
And I think that the one thing Ican relate to is number one, you
know, when I go back to thatfirst apartment that I got after
my long-term relationship ended,I was trying to relive the same
life.
Yeah, I was still cooking thesame meals, I was cooking the
same times, I was spending mySaturdays like cleaning my

(26:51):
apartment and doing my lot, likeI had the exact, I was I took
the exact same routine, exactsame life, and replanted it into
this whole and I couldn't get itto work and I was frustrated,
and I kept, I was out theredating and I kept attracting
one.
This was my douchebag era, whichI talk about a lot on the
podcast, one toxic person afteranother, each one worse than the

(27:16):
last.
And it was just like I I thinkit was it would there was a
moment there where you're rightwhere you're kind of I can't be
that person anymore.
I just can't.
Like no matter how hard I try,it's just it's not working.
And I think you just get sotired of trying that you have no
choice but to listen to whateveryours.

(27:39):
And I think sometimes that isthat is almost divine
intervention, right?
Or divine solutions, right?
Like when the exasperation ofthe problem becomes a solution,
you get so tired of trying tofight yourself that you give in
and you just kind of let go andyou just kind of you know free
fall.
And there's something alwaysthere to catch you, you know,

(28:02):
even though it's scary.
Even though it's when I went toAsia, when I booked my trip, I
didn't have the money.
I didn't know how I was gonnapay for it.
When I booked the flight, it wasbecause I hate to say this, I'm
such a like, oh my god, likeI've never felt more like
entitled first world ever.
But I booked the flight afterthe bombings in Bangkok happened

(28:23):
and the prices dropped fortravel to Thailand.
And I was like, wow, this fareis normally like twice that
amount.
I'm like, that's interesting.
Book I didn't have the money, Ididn't have a plan, I didn't
know nothing.
Um, and literally the moneyshowed up.

(28:44):
I got a part-time, I got afull-time well, it was a
part-time, it was a full-timejob, but it was definitely not I
was I wasn't vibing with it,like just not at all.
And I like I think two months inthey went bankrupt.
And so all the employees got apayout after the bankruptcy,
which covered my trip.

(29:06):
It always shows up.
Like it just literally fell inmy lap.

SPEAKER_00 (29:11):
I worked just after COVID, like we were kind of just
coming out the other side ofCOVID.
So I also exploited lower price.
I I think I yeah.
The what that trip cost me atthat time, it would be it would
be more than double now, Ithink.
Yeah.
But I remember booking it aswell.
Um when so it had come on thenews that the travel ban was

(29:35):
gonna be lifted to the US.
So I was like, right, brilliant.
I'm booking it.
I went gone before it hadactually so I'd booked
everything when it had only beenannounced that the travel ban
was gonna be lifted, not when ithad been lifted.
So I was relying on the factthat it was actually gonna be

(29:55):
lifted.
So I booked and paid foreverything.
It was non-refundable, and thenthe days kept going by.
And was it Trump at the time?
Did you guys have Trump in 2020?
Or was it Biden?
I can't remember.
Um, but anyway, whoever yourpresident was at the time then
delayed lifting the the like theentry ban into the US.

(30:16):
Yeah.
Like, shit, I've spent all mymoney, I've booked these
tickets, nothing's your fun of,and you're like, you said you
were gonna start flying entryagain, but you're not.
So every day I would be likechecking the news, like, shit,
are we actually allowed to flyinto the US yet?
And I remember just like overand over to myself, like, it's

(30:36):
gonna be fine, it's gonna befine, it's gonna be fine.
And that I was starting to getreally, really nervous.
It was only maybe a couple ofweeks before my trip when they
actually started allowing peopleum into the US again.
It was like shit, yeah, cut thata bit fine, but it all worked
out.

SPEAKER_03 (30:52):
So it's definitely like I said, like a call to
faith, right?
And listening to your soul andand trusting that no matter how
crazy it sounds, in some wayit's gonna work out.
Yeah, it has to.

SPEAKER_00 (31:04):
I think like to go back to what you were saying
before when you were thinkingabout your trip and when you
just went for it, that it didn'tseem logical.
No, I just feel like we need toget rid of that word.
Like we should get rid of theword logical because it logic
needs to expire fast.
The most incredible things in mylife have been the ones that

(31:25):
haven't made sense on paper.

SPEAKER_03 (31:27):
They've not been logical decisions I've made that
have led to the most amazingthings have been logical,
untimely, the inconvenient, thewild card, the shit you didn't
see coming, the stuff you didn'tplan for.
That's always the most magicalpieces.

SPEAKER_00 (31:43):
We need to get rid of the words logical and
realistic, I think, as well.
Because no one, who the fuckdecides what's realistic for
you?
You get to decide that.

SPEAKER_03 (31:52):
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
And I, you know, I think that'sprobably why I've stopped asking
people for advice years ago, isbecause I realized not that
people are always beingrealistic or logical, but I I do
think that, you know, we canonly give advice from our own
experience, right?
And we can only give advice fromour own perspective.

(32:13):
And if you're not somebody whoquestions what's realistic or
who questions what's logical orquestions Questions, what's
practical?
It's really hard to give adviceto somebody like us who's
literally living in theillogical, like constantly,
right?
We're always defying the odds.

SPEAKER_00 (32:30):
We're always we only want to exist in the illogical.

SPEAKER_03 (32:33):
Yeah.
I I have no desire to exist inthe logical.
None.
I mean, and I am and I am aTaurus.
Like logic is a thing for me,right?
So, but it's like it's it justit's been this constant.
I think one of the biggestthings that I've had to
transform within myself is thisneed to constantly have
everything figured out to knowexactly like I to know my

(32:59):
five-year plan, right?
To know the steps that are gonnaget me there.
And I still fall back into thosepatterns sometimes.
And that's when I know that it'stime to just let go and just
trust.
And that that I think trust andsurrender, I think have been the
hardest lessons for me to learn.
But they've also they've alsoushered in some of the biggest

(33:20):
blessings in my life and thingsthat have, you know, figured
themselves out that I nevercould have figured out because I
didn't have the wherewithal,right?
Like the podcast is an example.
I think when I first got theinclination that, and it was in
a meditation, and this was whenI first started my spiritual
practice.
And let me be clear, I did nothave a spiritual practice before

(33:42):
my big life blow up.
Okay.
Like my idea of spiritualpractice was going to church
every couple of times of yearfor the high holidays and you
know, getting a coffee everymorning.
That was my spiritual practice.
Okay.
Um, and so when I started onthis journey and I started
exploring personal developmentand spirituality, and I started
my meditation practice, I, youknow, I started to have visions

(34:05):
and I started to have the justthese messages.
The sim, it wasn't like clearinstructions, like it wasn't
like watching like a home movieor anything, but you know, I
would get these symbols andmessages and words that would
kind of when I would piece themtogether, would all make sense.
And I remember doing ameditation one time, and I
remember seeing myself, and thiswas probably like 2012, 2011.

(34:28):
So I don't even know ifpodcasting was a thing or if it
was, it was just the nerds intheir mom's basement that were
doing it.
Like it certainly wasn't me,like you know.
Um, and so I had this visionthat I was on a stage and I was
speaking on a microphone similarto this, and I was and I I I

(34:50):
knew there was so many peopleout in the audience, but I
couldn't see them.
But I knew they were there,right?
And so who knew podcasting was athing, and then that's what that
was alluding to, right?
Um, so there you have it, right?
Sometimes, sometimes you have noidea where life is taking you
because it's not even in yourlogical realm of possibility.

(35:14):
So, how will you ever get thereif you're trying to do it in a
logical way?
You can't.

SPEAKER_00 (35:19):
Yeah, and we I think as well have no concept of even
when we think we're dreaming asbig as we can possibly dream,
and we're we're both expansivethinkers, but we still can't
even grasp anywhere near likethe realm of possibilities there

(35:39):
are for us.
We don't know what we don't knowbecause we don't know it.
So even when we think we'redreaming massively, there's
still so much more for us thatthat we're not capable of
seeing.

SPEAKER_03 (35:51):
Do you ever think that that limited thinking, like
sometimes the lens, likesometimes I wonder if that's
that in and itself is is kind ofself-sabotage, right?
When we're not when we're sofocused.
Have you ever been there whereyou get so focused on a goal or
an outcome?
Right.
But the goal or the outcome islike a fraction of what you're
you're actually trying to do orhere to do.

(36:13):
And so you're so focused on thislittle tiny minute result that
you're missing the biggerpicture.
So you're almost like it'salmost like you're shooting
yourself in the foot with that,right?

SPEAKER_00 (36:22):
Well, I had this experience in uh a coaching
session that I had a couple ofweeks ago that I've told you
about.
But yeah, I was so focused.
I was thinking like I getstarting the podcast and I did
that.
Like I have this feeling like II want to use my story and
everything I've been through andeverything I've learned and

(36:44):
figured out along the way.
I know that there's some waythat I'm supposed to use that to
help people.
I just kind of pin down whatthat is.
So I'd been thinking my I getI'd let myself go in the logical

(39:26):
mind.
Um I was thinking, okay, well,it makes sense on paper if I
were to create some kind ofcoaching program with this or
something.
Because that's you know what I'mlooking around, seeing everyone
else doing with their podcastsand like that, it seems to be
the most reasonable thing to do.
And I was getting so caught upbecause it it didn't feel right.

(39:47):
So I wasn't when I was trying toplan it, it just nothing,
nothing felt right.
I just couldn't vibe with it,and I was getting really
frustrated with myself at notlike being able to figure out
why.
And I was telling this tosomeone I was on a coaching call
with, and she was like, Butdon't you realize like this
story you've just told me?
What if that was like a Netflixseries or someone made a movie?

(40:10):
What if you wrote a book andthen it got made into a movie?
Like, do you know CherylStraight?

SPEAKER_02 (40:15):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (40:15):
Yeah, she was like, What if this is your Cheryl
Strade story?
And like you, it's that it'ssupposed to impact and help
people on an even bigger levelthan what you're thinking.
And so that kind of I guess,yeah, just to what we were
speaking to.
Like I was so caught up in this.
What I was thinking wasexpansive thinking, and then

(40:38):
sometimes it takes someone elseto make you realize actually,
no, you're still thinking small,like there's even bigger
available to you than what youcan see.

SPEAKER_03 (40:49):
And one thing I always like to like ask myself
is you know, like when I getstuck on an idea or I get stuck
on a result, and sometimes itclicks clicks and sometimes it
doesn't, but sometimes I decidedto ask myself is what would this
look like if it were even biggerthan what I was imagining?
And just force myself to kind ofstretch it a little bit and see,

(41:10):
right?
And sometimes it starts toresonate, sometimes it doesn't,
and I leave it.
Um, but just being open, and Ithink it was always Gabby
Bernstein who always said, Thisor something better.

SPEAKER_04 (41:19):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (41:19):
You know, whenever you're setting an intention,
right?
This or something better becausesometimes, sometimes the world
has something so much bigger inmind for you than you can even
comprehend.
And if you get fixated on thatone little minute thing, you're
gonna miss it, right?
Because you're gonna be sofocused on that, you're gonna
miss the signs and thesynchronicities that are leading
you down a totally different orbigger or larger or whatever

(41:42):
path, right?

SPEAKER_00 (41:44):
Yeah, it's it's infinite.
There are infinite available forus, and sometimes we don't
realize how small we'rethinking.
It's so true.

SPEAKER_03 (41:54):
You know what else I really love that you said, and
it was funny because it kind ofbuilds this beautiful contrast
to our because you like yousaid, right?
Your experience was, you know,you didn't choose this, it kind
of chose you, right?
With me, it kind of chose mebecause I literally just made
the decision.
No, this stops now, and I blewup my life.

(42:17):
Your life blew itself up foryou.
So here you are trying torebuild your life.
Here I am in Southeast Asia.
We're both asking the samequestion from two different
perspectives, and that was, whatdo I do now?
Right?
You're looking at it from this.
Yeah, you're looking at it fromthe sense of what the fuck do I
even do now?
Here I am by myself.
I feel like I'm all alone.

(42:39):
You know, I don't even know whatreason to get out of bed for in
the morning.
And you you just started withthat golden thread, the podcast,
listening to podcasts.
For me, it was that became myMO.
Was like, okay, this is the I'mI'm here.
I'm far away from everythingI've ever known.
There is not a single voice inmy head telling me what to do

(42:59):
right now or what I should be oror what I should be doing with
my life.
So every morning I'm gonna getup and I'm gonna ask myself,
what is it that I feel likedoing today?
And just go with it.
And it became and and and thatin itself was I think that is
where we start to rediscoverourselves.
I think that's where a lot oftimes these moments that we go
through, and I think that is thekey to rediscovery and and and

(43:23):
reinvention and and letting goof the old identity is asking
yourself, who do I feel like Ineed to be right now?
What do I want?
Like when I let go of all theexternal voices and opinions and
the logic and the ideals and theand the expectations, like what
is it that my soul is asking forright now?
What do I really need and who doI want to be going forward?

(43:46):
From if you pick a point, amarker, and it doesn't have to
be around a big life blow-up.
I mean, it could be if youwanted to, sure, why not?
But it doesn't have to be.
But if you can just start askingthat question, I think that I
think is the turning point andtrusting the illogical that
comes through when you ask thatquestion, I think is really
important.

SPEAKER_00 (44:06):
Yeah.
How do you think we can start toquit that cycle of trying to
cling on to an old identity orsomething?
I'm interested in this from yourpoint of view, and also because
of the work that you do, youwork with women um around this
topic.
Yeah, how do you think we canstart to quit that cycle of

(44:28):
trying to cling to somethingthat just isn't us anymore?
And all that is something that'snot working, that maybe worked
for a past version of us.
100%.

SPEAKER_03 (44:40):
I can I can I've actually talked a lot a lot
about this recently.
And because I, you know, Iexperienced it, and I find that
a lot of women, especially like,you know, as you start to to to
move, if if you're breaking yourpeople pleasing patterns and
you're on this path ofrediscovering yourself, and a
lot of my clients have actuallybeen through narcissistic
relationships, and so and and Iwill focus on that because

(45:04):
there's something very uniqueabout a woman who has moved
through narcissistic type ofrelationship or narcissistic,
I've been a with a partner whohas narcissistic tendencies, and
that is, you know, they alwayssay the same thing, they have
this desire, they say, you know,I just wish I could be the woman
that I was before thatrelationship happened, because

(45:27):
those relationships really dochange you.
And and at first, and I do thinkit's helping you in your
evolution, and I do thinkultimately it's actually
helping, they actually do helpyou to step into your power by
triggering the very parts of youthat need your love and
attention, right?

(45:48):
In order to do so.
Um, but being in it and being inthe middle of it and before
you're on that other side, itcan feel daunting.
And you just want to get back tothe person who you were before
that relationship happened.
Because when you're in it, youyou do tend to, and I hate to
say this because we're neverdamaged, we're never broken, but

(46:08):
you feel that way, right?
You feel like you've lost a partof yourself, you feel like
you've lost your confidence, youfeel like you've lost your
sanity, you feel like you'velost self-trust, like you can't
trust your intuition anymore,you can't trust your decisions,
you can't trust to choose theright partner, to say the right
things, to do the right things.
You can't even trust if whosefault it was that the

(46:31):
relationship fell apart becauseso much of that was manipulated
and put onto you, right?
And so what I always say towomen and what I say to myself,
and and what I, you know, whatI've made sort of um a practice
out of is saying, um, you know,when you move through something

(46:52):
so challenging and so painful,whether it's the loss of a loved
one, whether it's a narcissisticabusive relationship, whether
it's just losing everything andstarting over from scratch,
right?
Doesn't matter what it is,there's a lot of pain and growth
and transformation that happens,right?
And I always say pain is aportal, it is a portal to the

(47:13):
next level, to your next levelself.
And I think that those momentswhen we're in so much pain and
so much turmoil and so muchletting go, where everything
just, you know, we're finallybeing stripped of everything
that has been keeping us cozyand comfy, you know, that is
where our biggest expansionhappens.
And so when we're constantlyclinging to who we were before,

(47:36):
not only are we basicallytelling ourselves, hey, I just
went through all that in vain,because I just want to go back
to the person I was before allthis happened so I can relive it
again.
Because that's ultimately whatwill keep happening.
As you keep going back, you'llhave to go through that again
because your soul, I you need tosee it as a soul evolution.
And your soul is asking toevolve.
So by going back, not only areyou doing a disservice to

(48:00):
everything that you just wentthrough and and and experience
and how you've evolved, butyou're also literally setting
yourself up to repeat it again.
Now, if you want to go throughthat again, by all means, but I
would strongly advise you tolean into what's coming up for

(48:21):
you, where where do you want togo next?
If you were to, if you, if youwere to just again find that
little golden thread, just likeyou did, whether it's just
listening to a podcast thatinspires you, whether it's
journaling an idea of who do Iwant to be now on the other side
of all of this, what have Ilearned?
What has it taught me about whoI want to be going forward?
And just start to pick at thatgolden thread.

(48:44):
And slowly, slowly, the newversion of you will start to
reveal itself.
It's not something that you canplan, it's not something you can
strategize, there's no cheatsheet for it, there's no like
survey for it.
You're not gonna find it in thein in one of those cosmos
surveys that we always love todo as women, right?
It's not, it's not there.
You just need to let it revealitself to you, and it reveals

(49:05):
itself to you when you let go.
The more you let go of your oldidentity, the more you surrender
to where you are now, the morebits that are revealed to you as
you move forward one at oneafter the next, after the next.

SPEAKER_00 (49:17):
And the more you stop trying to be logical about
it.
Exactly.
It'll be revealed to you.
Yeah, I just think like thegrief is so real, isn't it?
And grief is a real of someonewho we once were, and I can
relate to that so much, if itlike in a slightly different
way, but in in my situation, Ijust remember this profound

(49:39):
feeling of not knowing where Ifit anymore, and like looking
around.
I was still at this point livingin the city that I'd lived in
with my husband and where we'dbuilt our life together.
And I just remember lookingaround at everyone in my life
like who just seemed to be doingall of the things I thought I

(50:01):
would be doing.
And it just Yeah, I just hadthis feeling of I I don't know
where my place is anymore in theworld.
I don't I I have this feelingthat it's just not here anymore,
that this time has the chapterhas come to an end, but I don't
know what's next.
But yeah, the grief that there'syeah, that can come from that

(50:24):
realization and from lettingthat version of ourselves go.

SPEAKER_02 (50:30):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (50:31):
It's very, very real and not something to be glossed
over or glamorized.
Um absolutely not.
And I think for me, and again,agreeing with what you said,
like the key for me was to justabsolute absolutely start
surrounding myself with andalmost brainwashing myself with

(50:53):
the evidence of what waspossible for me if I actually
chose to embrace this instead ofthat is powerful.
Yeah.
By which going back to you know,the the podcasts and surrounding
myself with these stories frominspiring women.
Yeah, and I think when I saywhat was possible for me if I

(51:13):
embrace this, I don't mean thatyou immediately need to be
jumping with joy or no embracingin that way.
I just mean opening our minds,even just the smallest amount,
to the possibility to entertainthe idea that we can create
something new from this and thatwe get to decide what this means

(51:37):
for us.
Because I think the regardlessof what happens, what it life's
gonna throw us all kinds ofshit, right?
Life's gonna like the one thingwe're always in control of 100%
of the time is how we choose tosee things and what we choose to
make those things mean about usand for us, and the new identity

(52:01):
that we give ourselves as aresult of it, like what we start
telling ourselves aboutourselves as a result of the
things that have happened to usis incredibly powerful in
helping us move forward.

SPEAKER_03 (52:14):
So true, so true.
It's it's it's we get to choosethe unwritten part of the story,
right?
We know what's happened, we knowhow painful it was, we know that
you know it was uh difficult tomove through, but we do get to
choose the unwritten part ofthat story and what comes next.
But what I love what you said,and I'm I always encourage women
to do this.

(52:35):
Yes, you can find your nextsteps and figure out who you're
becoming and how you want toevolve through this, but taking
the time to process thefeelings.
You know, I always say this ifpeople were pro if people would
process their feelings properly,I would have no clients.
Right?
Because that's what oftenhappens is the emotions get

(52:57):
stuck because we don't allowourselves to move through them.
We feel like we need to rush it,we need to put a timestamp on
it.
Well, when is this gonna bedone?
And when is this grief gonna beover?
And when am I gonna be able toget my life back?
You know, you just gotta let itbe and trust that even in those
difficult moments when theemotions get really hard and
really heavy, that they areserving you in a powerful way.

(53:19):
It's all in how we see ouremotions.
I think that's the toxic partand the unhealthy part.
There's nothing unhealthy aboutan emotional experience.
It doesn't matter what theemotion is, it's what we make it
mean, what we make it thestories we make it, we tell
about what it says about who weare, yeah, and how we project it
onto other people or how wesuppress it, right?
And I think that's what becomestoxic.

(53:41):
But you're you're the the amountof you know, the amount of grief
that you moved through duringthat time, you know, and and
just that intention of hey, I'mjust gonna surround myself with
possibilities that you knowmaybe I wouldn't normally see in
my life.

(54:01):
That is so powerful.

SPEAKER_00 (54:05):
And I think that was the biggest thing that came from
starting to travel for me aswell.
That particularly that firsttime I went to New York, that
was one of the biggest thingsfor me.
It was getting for the firsttime to see a version of a life
that hadn't been modeled for mebefore, getting to see something
bigger than what was familiar tome.

(54:26):
And it was almost uh, I guess amore amplified version of what
I've been doing at the beginningof listening to the podcast, but
from my little apartment that Iwas trying to figure out my way
out of, and that was kind oftransporting me that way.
But then the track I totally seeyou in New York.

(54:48):
But yeah, so I've neverconnected that before.
I guess what I I was trying todo with the podcast at that
time, it was transport myselfinto a world of different
possibilities, wasn't it?
And then when I was in aposition to be able to take that
trip and start traveling, thatwas the real life version of it.

SPEAKER_03 (55:06):
Wow.
Can I ask you a question though?
Because I'm curious.
Do you think that do you thinkthat there was a because I I
know this was true for me, andyou said something, and I can't
remember what you said, butsomething kind of triggered that
thought for me.
I think it was in the who am Inow that you know my my husband
is gone, right?
My partner is gone.
Like, do you think there wasthere's a part of you, because I

(55:28):
know this rang true for me.
There was a part of me that whenmy relationship ended, and it
was a long-term relationship,that we had been together for
like 15 years, right?
So for me, like my future wascemented with this person.
Like there was no doubt, and youknow, it was, it was, it was
kind of like the rest of my lifewas with him, you know, in my
mind, and and and you know, thelife that we were gonna create

(55:50):
was gonna be together.
And so that ended.
I kind of felt like I didn'tknow who I was anymore.
Like, can you like is thatsomething like I'm wondering if
that was an invitation to reallystep into and create like our
own identity, you know, and ourown sense of purpose in life
without someone there.
I don't know.

(56:11):
I I'm curious what your thoughtsare on that.

SPEAKER_00 (56:13):
I've given this a lot of thought over the years as
well, because I don't classmyself as someone who would kind
of create their identity arounda man.
I've always been incrediblyindependent.
I mean, I left my family behindat like 18 to move to a

(56:35):
different country alone, eventhough I knew they'd probably
never talk to me again, and Icreated an entirely new life for
myself.
Um, so I've always been really,really fiercely independent.
And yeah, the idea I've thoughtabout this over the years, and
the idea didn't sit right withme, thinking, like, does that
mean did I tie my identity tothis or whatever?
But I think what it is is well,it in from my story

(57:00):
specifically, it wasn't that Iever tied my identity up in
being someone's wife orsomeone's partner.
It was just for me, the factthat all of the various things
that make up our identities wentaway at the same time.
So my whole identity wasn'tbeing in someone's wife, but

(57:23):
that was a part of it.
But a big part of it for me wasalso my career.
This job I got laid off from.
I'd spent my whole twentiesworking towards this job.
It was, you know, what I'ddreamed of doing, and I'd worked
so hard to get there.
And then the apartment that Ihad, that my home that I'd
built, all of these variousthings make up different, like

(57:44):
they all come together in theirvarious ways to make up our
identity as a whole.
So for me, the confusing partwas they all went away at the
same time.
So yeah, and I was leftwondering, okay, well, who the
fuck am I without everything?

SPEAKER_03 (58:00):
See, I think for me it was really different.
Sorry, finished.

SPEAKER_00 (58:03):
Sorry, I was totally kind of like the the city I was
in as well.
That was so special to mebecause it was the place I'd
come to to rebuild myselfwhenever I'd gone there alone at
18 and and created it asbasically a new life for myself
from scratch.
So that was such a special partto me as well.
And to now be looking aroundthinking, I don't know if I even

(58:26):
fit here anymore.
I feel like my chapter here isdone.
Like this this was supposed tobe a huge part of my story, but
I think it's it's finished.
Now I've done what I came hereto do, and something is telling
me to move on from here.
I think, yeah, it was just a lotof a lot of different things at
once that contributed to thisidentity.

SPEAKER_03 (58:49):
Okay.
So that was so yeah.
So like I from the from thatperspective, it is, yeah, it's
very different.
Because I think for me, youknow, I chose to let go of the
job and I chose to let go of thefriendships, I chose to let go
of of everything, the apartment.
And I think the reason, I thinkthe reason why it was it was
that it was different for me,and I tied it to that

(59:10):
relationship is because I think,although there was, although I
was a very independent personand I was very career oriented,
and I'd always, you know, I'dalways had a very full life,
there was this conditioningwithin me.
And I don't think it came frommy family.
I don't I don't know where itcame from, but there was this
conditioning within me that toldme that when I'm in a

(59:31):
relationship, long-termrelationship, a partnership, a
marriage, or whatever, you know,I have to think in terms of
creating a safe container, likeprioritizing the relationship.
And so there were many thingslike, you know, that I wanted to
do and that I had planned to dobefore the relationship that

(59:52):
came into my life.
That I literally, like, okay,well, that's not happening now,
right?
A lot of it was travel.
A lot of like there were so manythings that were like, I want to
write a book, I want to do allthese things, right?
And it's like all these dreamswent kind of by the wayside
because now I have thisrelationship that I have to
prioritize.
And so everything was kind ofbuilt around making sure that

(01:00:14):
that had what it needed tothrive.
And so I did get lost in it.
And so the career choice, theapartment choice, the lifestyle
choices, everything that I hadchosen was part of creating this
almost like a picture-perfectlife that really didn't align
for me, you know, at at the endof the day.
And I think, you know, therewere many reasons I think that

(01:00:36):
our our relationship ended theway that it did, and the, you
know, the pain that we wentthrough and the heartbreak.
And I think, you know, for manyreasons, we were just, I think
we were both very misaligned, ifI'm being completely honest.
Um, and so, you know, I thinkthat all of that happened, the
way that it ended, the way thepatterns kind of showed up was

(01:00:57):
kind of a wake-up call for me tosay, like, yo, wake up because
you you you're you're not meantto be here.
This isn't what this isn't whatwe had planned for you, right?
You need to like, you know, youneed to step away from the step

(01:01:19):
away from the from the life thatyou've created, step away from
the relationship, step away fromall of it.
Because this, it was, it, it, itwas, it was my biggest, it was
my my one of my most profoundlearning grounds of, you know,
of of of like I said, beingmoved through moving through the
pain and moving through theheartbreak and moving through

(01:01:40):
all the disappointment.
So it was very transformative,it was very eye-opening, but it
was also um, it wasn't meant tostay.
And and and it very quickly letme know that and and put me on
this path to rediscovering who Iam and what I want to create for
myself.
And it took a long time toreally, you know, get out of um,

(01:02:03):
you know, the hurt, thedisappointment, the betrayal,
um, and really, really beingable to see that even though,
yeah, it was painful anduncomfortable, and I had to face
so many self-worth issues on theother side of that and so many
toxic patterns I needed tobreak.
But ultimately, um, it wasliterally the best thing that

(01:02:24):
ever happened to me.
Literally, because it brought meback to myself and it brought me
back to who I am meant to be,you know.
And I wouldn't, I don't thinkI've ever would have been this
person that I am now if thatrelationship had worked out.

SPEAKER_00 (01:02:37):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (01:02:37):
I wouldn't trade that for anything.

SPEAKER_00 (01:02:39):
I love that you were able to see that at the time.
You were able to recognize thatfor yourself and have the balls
to make that decision and makethat be a choice.

SPEAKER_03 (01:02:51):
Yeah, it was it was hard, it was scary.
And I know a lot of people likeactually like a lot of people
would actually like some womenactually came up to me and said,
I wish I had the guts to do whatyou did.
You know, and it's like whatseriously it just blew up my
life.
Why, why, why is this, why isthis a thing?
But yeah, apparently a lot ofwomen, a lot of a lot of women

(01:03:12):
want to blow up their lives outthere, so yeah, and I think
yeah, from your story, it's soempiring that that was a choice
that you made.

SPEAKER_00 (01:03:22):
And I think for me initially, obviously, none of
that stuff that happened was mychoice, but further down the
line, then I have also made thatdecision for myself.
I've walked away from jobs,departments, blown it all up
through through choice, and andyou did make a choice to use to
take that moment and createsomething magical with it, you

(01:03:47):
know, with your intention.

SPEAKER_03 (01:03:48):
You did that, and that is very powerful and very
inspiring.
I think your story is actuallymore inspirational than mine.
I was just being a brat whowasn't happy with her life.
You actually took what theuniverse slapped in your face
and made it into magic.

SPEAKER_00 (01:04:02):
You were being a woman who had the balls to
listen to her own voice andcreate a life for herself that
actually feels aligned ratherthan just staying on the hamster
wheel of doing what was expectedand what was logical.
I think they're both they'reboth different stories.
They're unique and inspiring intheir own way, which is what I

(01:04:24):
think makes this episode sohopefully amazing because we
both have our unique knowledgeand perspectives that we can
bring on everything.

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:33):
100%.
I love it.
100%.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:36):
I love talking to you too.
I love every time we get tospend time online together.
And actually, we have a callcoming, another one coming up in
in a little bit.
So I get more time with youtoday.
Yay!

SPEAKER_00 (01:04:47):
Do you think like And this just comes to mind
because I think we had thisconversation recently that we've
both been in somewhat of aseason at the moment of like
shedding more old identities,yeah, into newness.
And I think a little bit of theconversation we had was around
this feeling of scarcity.

(01:05:09):
And I was thinking about thereasons why we try and cling on
so tightly sometimes to thingswe know have run their course
and aren't aligned for usanymore.
And I feel like along with thegrief of letting go that past
version of us, along with thefear of potentially not knowing
what's next, I feel like anotherone of the big reasons we cling

(01:05:32):
on is that scarcity feeling.
Yeah.
We're scared of letting thingsgo because we don't believe that
something better or even morealigned can come along for us.
Or we're scared that, you know,we don't know how it's gonna
happen.
Yeah.
I'm curious, has that come upfor you recently?

SPEAKER_03 (01:05:54):
That's been one of the biggest challenges in this
whole journey for me is beingable to trust that, you know, as
I make these big scary boldmoves where you know I it's not
logical.
I don't know how it's gonna workout.
I'm in the middle of one rightnow.
Like I've, you know, for me,like you know, I've always for
the longest time I've I'vecarried the podcasts, I've you

(01:06:16):
know, held I've I've worked withclients, but I've also you know
held income on the side to kindof you know bridge the gap.
And I've been in this, I've beenin this place now where I've
been without for a very longtime.
And I've kind of I was in thiscycle where I just kept getting
ejected out of jobs.
So like I would get, and andit's funny, I always kept the

(01:06:36):
jobs because you know, I alwaysthink, you know, it to me it
means security, you know,working for somebody else,
earning a paycheck, it meanssome sense of security.
And I feel like something in theuniverse kind of said, Oh, okay,
is that what you think?
Okay, well, here's what we'regonna show you now.
Like, let me let me let mereframe that for you, right?

(01:06:57):
So I keep finding these jobs andthe companies keep downsizing or
closing or filing for bankruptcyor like you know, selling to
another buyer and and and andthen them restaffing the
organization with their people.
And it's like, like I just keepgetting ejected out of jobs.
And there was one that and therewas one job actually in all of

(01:07:18):
this that I actually reallyloved at first, but went south
really quickly.
Um, and the funny thing was isthat, you know, we were um, you
know, we were a new like astart, like a tech startup,
right?
I moved up into a leadershipvote very quickly within that
organization.
Um and so, you know, being, youknow, a woman in a leadership

(01:07:39):
role in the in tech, like it hadits challenges, you know what I
mean?
Um, but like one of the thingsthat I I always that I realized
the other day was that wow, likewe were always looking for seed
money.
Like there were there weremonths where we didn't know
where we had enough to cover ourexpenses from one month to the
next.
And so it was like this scarcityamplification and what for me

(01:08:04):
felt like was supposed to be asure thing.
So the universe has done nothingbut show me, listen, if you're
looking for security, don'tthink that just because you're
working for somebody else, youhave security.
Like you cannot, I think thelesson is you cannot create um
security with a scarcityconscious consciousness with no

(01:08:27):
matter where you are, doesn'tmatter if you're at a job,
doesn't matter if you're runninga business, none of it matters.
What matters is your own beliefand what feels aligned for you
and and remembering that youwill be taken care of in one
practice that like the lastcouple of years has been like
losing jobs, finding jobs,losing jobs, finding jobs, and

(01:08:47):
and and you know, kind of goingback and forth.
Um, and I think the one thingthat has gotten me through all
of this and that I keep leaninginto is whenever I feel like I'm
facing something that I don'tknow how it's gonna work out, or
I don't see a logical reason forhow it's gonna work out, or I
feel like I'm literally gonnalike, you know, things are gonna

(01:09:09):
like go south really quickly, isliterally handing it over.
Like I literally see myselfhanding it over to a higher
power, whether it's my bankcard, my bank account, my credit
card, my home, my apartmentkeys, my car, whatever, whatever
it is that I'm worried about.
I literally just imagine myselfhanding it over, and it always
somehow works out.

(01:09:29):
And that's I can't give you anexplanation to how, but it does.

SPEAKER_00 (01:09:34):
Yeah, because it's not logical.
That's why you can explain it.
I do the same thing.
I visualize myself just handingit over, like yeah, feel the
weight being lifted off myshoulders and visualize myself
just handing it over, and itfeels good to release control.

SPEAKER_03 (01:09:53):
It does, but it takes practice.
Yeah, I don't know about you,but it takes practice.
Like, I feel like I have to doit a lot sometimes.
It's like, okay, hand it over,and then it's like, okay, I'm
good, I'm fine, I'm good forabout five minutes, and then
it's like, no, I'm not.
Hand it over again.

SPEAKER_00 (01:10:10):
And I think this is so true of everything, like that
scarcity mindset and beingscared to let go.
It's not just we're not justtalking financially here or in
terms of work, relationships isa huge one as well.
Like being away because we don'tknow how or we can't see how
something better is gonna come.

(01:10:32):
And 100%.

SPEAKER_03 (01:10:34):
Yeah, and they're tied together.
Like remember, like as women,we've for generations.
I mean, it's only very recentlythat we've actually created the
independence to create live ourown life, to have our own
careers, you know.
Um up until very recently, mostwomen didn't have a chance in

(01:10:58):
hell to survive in this life ifshe didn't have a husband to
give her the security, thesecurity that she needed.
And then when we started, whenwe did start to go into the work
for the workplace and started toto you know explore um, you
know, creating more equal rightsfor women, you know, women
started, you know, working hardand still taking all the

(01:11:19):
responsibility of working athome.
And so, you know, there's somuch, I think, patriarchal
conditioning that goes alongwith making sure we have a
relationship to feel safe, andmaking sure we have um finances
to feel safe.
And without those two things,those two things, I think, for
every and I'm just talking men,I'm not just talking women right

(01:11:40):
now, I'm talking men too.
These two things, especially thefinances part, we feel so
vulnerable and in danger if wedon't have those in place.
It is literally, I I reallytruly believe this is the chain
of conditioning that needs to bebroken the most because it's the

(01:12:02):
one thing that is constantlykeeping us in a disempowered
state of trading our time formoney and feeling like we won't
survive if we don't, you know,and and it's scary to be in that
position.
And I know a lot of people arein that position right now, um,
especially with what's happeningin the economy, you know.

(01:12:23):
And I think that it's showing usthat the fear of what is our
life if we don't have that, andare we can we even survive?
Are we safe?
Right?
And the measures and thesacrifice that we're willing to
make in order to attain that.
And I think that's one thingthat is really being amplified

(01:12:45):
right now.
I think collectively, and Ithink, you know, I always say
this whenever something getsamplified, it's because it's
ready to be transformed.
So I really do believe that ourbehaviors and our relationship
with money um is beingtransformed, and we're being,
we're, we're, we're taking oursovereignty back from everything
that made us feel that wecouldn't be complete, whole, and

(01:13:08):
safe beings with it.
Like, so really for women, itwas obviously relationships for
a long time, and now the wholefinancial um aspect.
We it we we struggle to feelsafe without either one of those
two things or both.
Some women need both, you know.
Um, but it is ingrained and itkeeps us in a disempowered
state, it keeps us trading ourtime for money and it keeps us

(01:13:30):
from tapping into the potentialthat I really do believe that we
are capable of when we recognizejust how supported we actually
are, just for sharing our giftswith the world, just for sharing
our essence with the world, justfor creating something from a
soul-centered place instead ofum what is traditional or

(01:13:51):
logical, right?
Or or rational, right?
Like we were talking.

SPEAKER_00 (01:13:56):
Yeah.
Is that something you work withpeople on when you work with
women through coaching, likecreative safety?

SPEAKER_03 (01:14:05):
Definitely, because I think that we need to create,
you know, I um for those of youguys who don't know, like if
you've if you're not followedthe Femcast, I am I am a
trauma-informed coach.
And so the one thing I alwaysprioritize when I'm working with
people is creating that sense ofsafety, you know, because when

(01:14:25):
we create safety around um, youknow, having or not having, um
you kind of relax.
You can, you know, when youstart to create that safety and
knowing that you're not, I'mactually feeling like myself
relaxed into my into my chairright now.
But when you can create thatfeeling of safety where you're
relaxed, where you're you knowyou're being held by a higher

(01:14:47):
power, whatever that higherpower is, when you know you're
being held and you're beingtaken care of and everything is
being handled for you, and youcan just relax into the present
moment, into who you are andwhat it is that you want to do,
be and create, that's when thethings that you're inspired to
do start to show themselves.

(01:15:07):
You'll never figure out whatyou're inspired to do by looking
at a job ad or by going throughlike sifting through um an
online recruitment thing or ordoing another um, I can't
remember all the names, thedifferent assessment tools that
they're using now in corporate,right?
Like you're not, it's it's notthere.

(01:15:27):
It'll give you clues, sure,right?
Like it'll it'll often give youclues.
Um, but that's not where yourlife path is revealed.
Your life path is revealed byfirst moving through the
emotions that are keeping youstuck in old stories and old
identities and old versions ofyourself that um that really

(01:15:48):
don't need to be here anymore.
You're ready to move through andtransform from.
That's number one, and creatingthe safety in the present moment
so that you can exploresomething that might not be what
everyone else is doing or whateveryone else thinks you should
do, right?
So those two things need to bethere.
And as you do that more andmore, and you start to move

(01:16:10):
through and um process the theemotions or the trauma that
might be stored inside andcreate that sense of safety in
the present moment, that's whenyour purpose starts to reveal
itself.
And this was a big part of myjourney was discovering my
purpose.
I had no clue.
Like I said, standing on astage, couldn't see the people,
didn't even know podcasting wasa thing, but somehow it all

(01:16:32):
magically unfolded.
And the only way it did that wastrust, safety, and just taking
one tiny step at a time,listening to whatever guidance
is coming through.
And that took a hell of a lot ofreprogramming to do and be able
to lean into.

SPEAKER_00 (01:16:51):
Yeah, and I think for me as well, uh, whether it's
walking away, like when I'mthinking about walking away
from, you know, whether it's arelationship, a job, or
whatever, and uh going back towhat we were saying about like a
reason people potentially clingon to things.

(01:17:11):
I feel like for me it it alwayscomes back to identity and
asking myself Yeah, is goodenough good enough?
Do I want to be someone?
Do I identify as someone whoaccepts good enough as being
good enough?
And the answer is no, likeregardless of what it is.
I think what's that quote aboutum life will meet you at the

(01:17:35):
level of your audacity?
It's oh, I love that.
I've never heard that before,but I love it.
Yeah, what I I can't rememberwho said it, so I can't credit
them.
It wasn't me.
But yeah, life will meet us atthe level of our audacity.
So what is it that you'rewilling to claim for yourself?
What identity are you willing toclaim for yourself?

(01:17:55):
And whether it's in, as you weresaying, like your purpose, your
job, the way you make money, orwhether it is a relate, your
question in a relationship, orjust what the path you want to
take, whatever it is, what areyou willing to claim for
yourself?
What are you accepting as justgood?

SPEAKER_03 (01:18:12):
100%.
So true.
And I think another importantanother reframe, I will, if or
question reframe.
Um, and and this goes back tothat example of the woman who,
you know, I always say afterthey're they're they're on the
other side of a narcissisticrelationship is how do I get
back to the woman I was before?
I think there's always a part ofus, and again, this is a

(01:18:33):
scarcity mindset, right?
There's always a part of us thatwhen we move through something
very painful and something verytraumatic, when we've lost
something, we're always focusedon what we've lost.

SPEAKER_01 (01:18:44):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (01:18:45):
You know, and I think we need to be for a little
while, right?
Like I think we need to be thereand we need to properly let go
of what has left.
And we need to grieve it and weneed to process it and we need
to stay present with that.
But there comes a time when weneed to say, okay, well, that's
what I lost, and I've made peacewith that, but what have I
gained in that?

SPEAKER_04 (01:19:04):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (01:19:04):
And where is it trying?
And I think if you can switchthat lens from what have I lost
to what have I gained, and whois it actually inviting me to
become now on the other side?
Um, I think at some pointeverybody needs to make that
that shift in order to reachthat next level of
transformation and to go throughum to have their, you know,

(01:19:27):
their reinvention, right?
And and and move in a powerfulway.
And I think um, but again, youknow, take your time and and be
in the grieving and the lettinggo as long as as you need to be
in order to do that.

SPEAKER_00 (01:19:41):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And as well as what have Igained, what can I create?
Like what have not what have Ilost, what have I gained, but
also what can I create?
I think that's absolutely apowerful question.

SPEAKER_03 (01:19:55):
Because it has given you tools to create something.
You don't see it yet, but it hasgiven you tools.
Whether it's a rediscoveredbelief in yourself, whether it's
the realization that you need tolove yourself more, hold
yourself to a higher standard,that you're capable of more than
the world has always told youthat you're capable of, those

(01:20:15):
are tools.
Those are insights, those areshifts that we can use to create
something different, right?
So tune into what those are,those lessons, and and how can
you apply them to your life tocreate something amazing on the
other side.

SPEAKER_01 (01:20:31):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (01:20:32):
And that leads really nicely into another thing
I wanted to talk about with you,actually, because we've both
spoken a lot on our shows aboutself-love.
And this is an area you'vespecialized in with function.
And we've both talked about howit's not just the superficial
stuff, it's actually the reallymost uncomfortable stuff, the

(01:20:55):
radical honesty with ourselveswhen people don't want to hear
it, the hard decisions, thedoing things that are actually
the opposite of what we want tobe doing in this moment because
we know it's for the highergood.
And with the work that you'vedone and everything you've been
through and your expertise, I'dlove to get your thoughts on how

(01:21:19):
self-love helps us through thesetransitions without abandoning
ourselves and our needs.
I feel it always comes back toself-love, doesn't it?
It does.

SPEAKER_03 (01:21:29):
I I I do believe that self-love is the foundation
or needs to be the foundation ofevery decision that we make.
Because when we love ourselves,when we come from that place of
knowing our worth and reallybeing able to take a stand for
ourselves, um, we make differentchoices.

(01:21:50):
You know, we make differentchoices, we um we attract
different um opportunities.
And I think it always has tocome down to that.
And I think, you know, I thinkthe reason why it has been so
difficult for so many of us andwhy self-love, like why it's

(01:22:11):
become this big trend all of asudden, is because I think for a
long time we've been taught totake our like get our worth
externally, get our get ourworth validated externally,
whether it's throughrelationships or how we look or
how, you know, the things peoplesay about us or the number of
likes we have on an Instagrampost, you know, like there's so
many ways I think that we get umthis dopamine hit of um, you

(01:22:37):
know, feeling worthy, feelinggood, feeling seen, feeling
confident that if we can't learnto cultivate that for ourselves,
we will continuously andperpetually make bad decisions
and self-abandon when we feellike those things that we've
come to rely on to make us feelgood and worthy, that we now

(01:22:59):
need, right?
And now we're making decisionsas to how we show up in those
situations or relationships froma place of I can't lose you, so
I'm willing to lose myselfinstead.
Right.
And every time we need someoneor we need something, we've
already lost ourself, right?

(01:23:20):
And so when we can come from aplace of knowing our worth and
taking a stand for it, we nolonger make those
self-compromising decisionsanymore.
We're able to say, you know, andin many cases, you know,
self-love is the you said it,like self-love is a difficult
thing.
It wasn't long ago that I was ina relationship with somebody who
I truly, truly, truly loved andhad to walk away from because I

(01:23:43):
knew I couldn't have the life Iwanted with that person.
And so it didn't matter how muchlove was there, it didn't
matter, none of it mattered.
What mattered is I this is notthe life I I I've chosen for me.
And as much as I love him and Ilove like there's so many
qualities for for there, I needto make the hard choice and and

(01:24:06):
choose myself in this and choosethe life I want to have for
myself, right?
And it's not to say that I needsomebody to create that for me,
but I do need somebody who'saligned in that with me, right?
And so I think I think that isthat's the biggest reason I
think why self-love is is soimportant because we cannot make

(01:24:27):
those choices when we when wedon't love ourselves.
We will continuously give ourpower away to somebody else to
validate our experience, tovalidate our worthiness, um, and
to um just give us that safetynet that you know that we can't
give to ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 (01:24:46):
Yeah, it's so true.
I think one of the biggest actsof self-love as well is just
stop silencing our own voice andlike oh amen.
You just said like you were ableto make that really difficult
decision because you were ableto listen to your own voice.
And for so many of us, it it'sso hard, it's such a process to

(01:25:10):
even get to that point.
And I think that is honestly oneof the biggest gifts we can give
ourselves, and for me as well,like one of on my journey, I
don't I don't really like theword journey, but I can't think
of a better word right now.
Journey, which is self-love.
Um one of the biggest things forme, and this has come up

(01:25:32):
recently, is I realized how muchpower I was giving away in
looking for answers in otherpeople.
Like coaches and they like Iseem to and I've I've always
been very strong on listening tomy own voice, but there still
just seemed to be this lastlittle bit that was still part

(01:25:52):
of me that thought, oh, maybesomeone else has a better answer
than me.
Oh man, yeah.
Or maybe it's looking at someoneelse's story and thinking, okay,
that's what I should be doing.
There was for me just this lastlittle piece that was still
looking for an answer outside ofmyself, and that's something

(01:26:14):
I've really, really been workingon this year.
So yeah, that for me, self-loveis oh, it's many things, but one
of the biggest things is stopsilencing your own voice and
actually listen to what it hasto say.
Give yourself permission tolisten to what it has to say
because it's amazing.

(01:26:35):
And if it is think you don'thave the answers, I'm willing to
bet it's because you've trainedyourself for so long to look for
them from other people.
And so you just can't hear themnow.
It doesn't mean they're notthere, it's just yeah, to
retrain ourselves to listen toour own voices, and that for me

(01:26:55):
is one of the biggest acts ofself-love we can give ourselves.

SPEAKER_03 (01:27:00):
Absolutely.
I'm laughing.
I'm laughing right now because Ican't tell you how many times,
and it's not to say that theywere bad coaches.
Well, one of there's a couple ofof people out there that it
probably wouldn't work withagain, but for the most part,
I've worked with some amazingcoaches, but I can't tell you
how many times I got advice froma coach and I knew it wasn't the
aligned thing to do, and I feltit in my body.

(01:27:22):
I felt it, it felt wrong.
And what did I do?
Did I listen to that?
No, no, you tried to follow itanyway.
I know, because I've done thesame.
I went like like literally, likea like like a was what do they
call it?
Is it the is it the the butt thebuffalo running through into the
storm?
Like like like a buffalo into astorm.
I went head first and and doveright in and did all the things

(01:27:45):
that they told me to do, only tofind out like after a year or
two of like struggling to makeit work.
And I'm like, maybe this isn'tthe thing.

SPEAKER_00 (01:27:56):
Maybe I should have listened to myself.
Yeah, to be clear, there areamazing coaches.
This isn't to bring up coaches.
I had a coaching session withyou a couple uh a week ago,
which was incredible.
Um, and I think we'll was gonnatalk a little bit about it, but
we've talked about so many otherthings.
Maybe it should be an episode initself where I'll it was

(01:28:19):
incredible.
Um, so we're definitely notbringing down all coaches here,
but just in general, like, yeah,we need to stop looking for the
answers outside of ourselves.
And that's the thing.

SPEAKER_03 (01:28:31):
That's the thing.
There are amazing coaches outthere.
There are so many, I've met somany soul-centered women that
are really just out here and menwho are really just out here
trying to make the world abetter place and trying to make
people um just come home tothemselves and their power and
their and their worth.
But I, you know, always, always,always, like you said, you know,

(01:28:53):
checking in with yourself andand listening to what your voice
is telling you and trusting thatabove what and don't give your
power away to this person orthat person just because they
figured it out.
Maybe what worked for them mightnot work for you.
Maybe, maybe your, maybe yourhigher self, your whatever you
want to call it, your soul, yourhigher wisdom, you know, maybe

(01:29:14):
it has a different plan for you.
Maybe it has a different path ofwhat's gonna work.
And if you're not trustingyourself and you're constantly
giving your power away to otherpeople to to make those
decisions for you or to figureout that path for you, it's very
hard to find alignment if you'retaking the guidance from other
people because you're the onlyone who knows what your
alignment, your soul alignmentlooks and feels like and what

(01:29:36):
what path you're meant to take.
Nobody else can can give that toyou.

SPEAKER_00 (01:29:40):
Yeah, absolutely.
And and that's not the same astaking inspiration from people.
We can absolutely takeinspiration.
Definitely.
I mean, that's what I did goingback to the story I told at the
beginning about how I startedlistening to podcasts.
Like it can be life-changing totake inspiration from other
people.
Yeah, different, a verydifferent thing.

(01:30:02):
Don't cross over the line intothen outsourcing all of your pyr
to them.

SPEAKER_03 (01:30:08):
A hundred percent.
That's why I always love to dostory podcasts as opposed to
like the traditional how-topodcast.
Although I do do those, but Ialways say, like, this is how I
did it, this is how my clientshave done it, take what
resonates, leave the rest.
Like, you know, because I thinkat the end of the day,
everybody's story is their storyand everybody's path is their
path.
And I think that, and this isjust a call to all coaches and

(01:30:31):
content creators and everybodyout there trying to, you know,
help us come home to ourselvesis really like, yes, share your
story, share what worked, sharewhat didn't, but always just
thinking about how we canempower people to go back to
their own inner knowing, right?
Like we can give tips, we cangive guidance, and we can do all

(01:30:51):
these wonderful things, butalways empowering people to go
back to their own inner knowingbecause I do believe that we all
have a unique path and we allhave a purpose for being here.
I believe that with with everybone and molecule in my body.
Um, and I believe that when wefollow whatever that purpose is,
we contribute to a higher goodthat we can explain, whether

(01:31:12):
it's on a small scale or a largescale, doesn't matter.
And the only way, the only pathto getting there is through,
like you said, listening toourselves.

SPEAKER_00 (01:31:22):
Yeah.
And no coach should ever betelling you what to do.
It's like you said, it's alwaysguiding someone to come back to
themselves and be able to listento their own voice.
Don't trust a coach who saysthey they can tell you the exact
thing to do that's gonna workfor you or something.
Oh my god, sell you an exactblueprint of something.

(01:31:42):
That is not the way.

SPEAKER_03 (01:31:44):
Yeah.
Yep.
I had that very, I actually hadthat experience very early on.
You're gonna do this, you'regonna do A, B, C, and D.
And I was like, but it doesn'tfeel right.
And it was, you know, this wasprobably not the best coach,
right?
Where it was like, oh, you'rejust sabotaging yourself.
You're you're you're you'recoming, you're coming up against
your own resistance.

(01:32:05):
Get out of your way, you have todo it.
It's all mindset.
Like, but it really just itdoesn't feel right.
Like something's something's notright about this.
It doesn't feel aligned for me.
I I did I trust myself.

SPEAKER_00 (01:32:17):
Those things though are the are the things that help
you start to trust yourselfbecause that's it is you know,
we learn not to go against ourown voices.
It was the biggest lesson forme.
They're all part of the example.
Biggest lesson.
Um, oh my god, I could talk toyou all day.
I know, I know.
I'm looking at the clock rightnow.
I know.
Like as we need to start to wrapup.

(01:32:40):
Stepping into that next versionof ourselves, what are your
thoughts and experiences andguidance from the work you've
done?
How can we consciously createand continue to consciously
create from that place ratherthan falling back into old

(01:33:00):
habits, old energy cycles, and Iguess recreating our old
patterns just to perform?
Like what's been your experiencewith yeah, my go-to.

SPEAKER_03 (01:33:14):
Um, and you know, this, like I've done a I've done
a daily practice religiously foryears, right?
Um, and I have different toolsthat I, you know, I'll pull,
I'll pull into my practicedepending on what the seasons,
what season I'm I'm movingthrough.
But you know, moving throughthis space of of really trying
to step into this next levelversion or this reinvention or

(01:33:36):
whatever you want to call it,um, especially now with the
business and the podcast andeverything and the and and my
coaching practice, is reallytuning into, and and I do this
daily, right?
Because I always want, like I Ido my morning, I do my daily
practice in the morning becauseI always want to have that
check-in, like you said, like tolisten to my voice and what it's

(01:33:58):
trying to tell me and to letthat guide my day, not let my
day guide the decisions that I'mmaking.
Because sometimes the day willdo that to us, right?
The day will take over and wewill have very little control
over what we're doing.
But um, if I can have that quickcheck-in in the morning, and I
always try to check in to say,what am I feeling right now?
What's coming up for me?

(01:34:20):
Just allowing it to be there andallowing it to be present,
right?
Tuning into what that next steplooks like for me in this moment
and knowing and giving myselfpermission to let it evolve from
day to day to day to day, yeah,right.
And letting it be a living,breathing thing that I get to

(01:34:41):
kind of revisit and explore andexpand on, and then from there
deciding okay, so.
So if that's if that's what I'mif that's what I'm focused on
creating today, who am I beingtoday?
What am I doing?
What am I gonna stop doing?
Because we do this.
Yeah, I did not need to stay uplast night till two o'clock in

(01:35:03):
the morning watching reruns ofvampire diaries.
I did not need to do that, but Idid.
So what I'm going to stop doingis staying up late at night,
finish watching old shows,right?
And start doing my start doingtoday was actually, you know,

(01:35:23):
tuning out at 8 p.m., havinglike doing my somatic stretches
and getting cozy and having anice herbal tea and you know,
maybe putting something on theTV that's more soothing, or
maybe just ditching the TV alltogether after that and putting
on a podcast or something, orsomething that kind of taps me
into like a more relaxed energyso I could rest.

(01:35:45):
Rest is really important for meright now so that I can, so that
I can actually have the it's itI don't suppose the energy to
move through, but it's aboutcreating more of a a flow state,
creating this this energy oflike the making every day like
kind of like a moving prayer,you know, where you kind of take
those little sacred moments tokind of um tune in and and and

(01:36:09):
play in your energy.
I think that that's that's kindof been the focus for me.
Um and so you can if you want, Ican check in later and let you
know if I actually like shut theTV off at 8 p.m.

SPEAKER_00 (01:36:21):
Yes, I want to know.
Um yeah, I love that.
And for me, visualization is ahuge one.
I've been visualizing sincebefore I even knew what I was
doing, and before I knew it wasan actual practice, um,
literally my entire life, as farback as I can remember.
So for me, it's as you said, adaily practice.

(01:36:42):
I take every day to connect withher, to connect with that
version of myself that I'mmoving into.
And I don't know, I don't likethe term like the new version of
myself because I feel like she'snot new, she's always been
there.
We kind of awakened, yeah,cultivated.

(01:37:06):
We quietened her, we buried herunder all of these identities
we've kind of picked up over theyears because we thought we
should, or we thought we had to,and she just kind of got lost.
We buried her.
That is such a powerful like wayof like describing it.
Yeah, we as we took on who wethought we were supposed to be,
she got a bit lost.
So I prefer to think of it moreof a a coming back to her rather

(01:37:29):
than creating a new her.
So for me, taking some time,even just you know, five, 10
minutes, even just you know, 30seconds, if that's all you have,
if you can just stop and andtune into that, take 30 seconds.
For me, that is so powerful, andit just keeps me connected to
her and connected to what I'mworking towards every single

(01:37:51):
day.
Um, so yeah, that is my truesense on that.

SPEAKER_03 (01:37:56):
As you're talking, I'm hearing that song from
Maiden Manhattan.
I'm coming out.
Um playing in my head.
And actually, that's anotherthing that's really important.
I don't know about you, butmusic for me can teleport me in
minutes.
Yeah.
So I always have like a playlistof what I feel like just
encapsulates what it is, thatvibe I'm trying to capture, and

(01:38:19):
I'll just like keep it playinglike constantly.
So you don't need to add thatsong to the playlist.
I actually do, I you know what,I actually do have a playlist on
my um on my website where I addlike, and that that's literally
the playlist that I listen towhen I'm trying to like try like
tap into that essence and thatvibe and and and you know, kind

(01:38:40):
of, you know, that juicinessthat I want to capture in my
day, and and and it's literallyit's all there.
So I'm gonna add that song to itas soon as we get off the call.

SPEAKER_00 (01:38:50):
I have one final question for you.
If you could speak to theversion of you who is on the
edge of her biggest ending, oryou know, pick any of them, what
would you tell her?

SPEAKER_03 (01:39:06):
I'm gonna cry.
You always do this to me rightat the end.
Um you're not gonna you're notgonna die from the pain.
You're actually gonna be rebornfrom it.
It's it's this is not the end,this is the beginning.

(01:39:30):
And no matter how painful it isright now in this moment, you
are going to catapult andyourself and create a life that
you didn't even know waspossible up until this point.
The like the the the crazinessthat you're gonna experience,
the adventures that you're gonnahave, the way you're gonna

(01:39:53):
inspire people, you don't haveany any idea.
And no matter how uncomfortableit is right now, no matter how
painful it is right now, justknow that magic is waiting for
you on the other side.
I love that so much.
You're not gonna die from thepain.
Yeah, because it felt like that.
I'm sure it felt like that foryou too.

(01:40:14):
Yeah, oh yeah.
It felt hard to breathe somedays, you know.

SPEAKER_00 (01:40:19):
I can even describe that is a perfect note to end
on.
I think this has been an amazingchat, as always.

SPEAKER_02 (01:40:29):
I love chatting with you always.

SPEAKER_00 (01:40:31):
Thank you.
Let's make a regular thing.
Let's do a monthly monthly umcoffee with Gemma and Maria.
Coffee date.
Well, thank you so much fordoing this.
Do you want to thank you?
I'll I'll put all of yourinformation in our show notes

(01:40:51):
for any of the amuse yourselflisteners who want to connect
with you who haven't alreadyprevious episodes.

SPEAKER_03 (01:40:57):
I'll leave all your information down below where
people can can reach out to you,get a hold of you, follow you.
You're amazing.
Honestly, I I just you've you'vegot so much wisdom and
experience and um justinspiration that you share all
the time.
So I honestly, if if you've beenan avid listener of the Femcast,
um definitely give her a follow.

(01:41:20):
Um, her life has been literallythat that moving prayer that we
talked about.
So you'll definitely find someinspiration there.

SPEAKER_00 (01:41:28):
And Sam, anyone who hasn't had a chance to listen to
the first two episodes of theshow that I've recorded with
Maria, please go back and givethose a listen.
This woman, her stories are alsoincredible.
Um, yeah, really just uh canrecommend that enough.
I'll link both of them in theshow notes to make it really
easy for you.

(01:41:49):
And go listen to the femme cast,follow her on Instagram.
The stuff she shares is justabsolute gold.
And I'm so excited to see wherethis new direction in your
business takes you as well andhow many women you help.
So yeah.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
Wonderful.

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