Frank Vignola on Overcoming Self-Doubt & Becoming a Leader

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The woodshop guy and and the therapist both told me

(00:03):
I'm a leader Yeah. Which gave mea feeling of empowerment. They
both used empathy to make mefeel seen and heard. That let my
guard down. That made me trustthem.
That made me willing to listento them. I was a sponge. I was
receptive. Yeah. Then they usedthat to empower me and tell me,
Frank, you are a leader.
But even that, I still needed myfeet held to the fire. Sure.

(00:24):
Welcome to the Fuel Hunt Show.What's

Speaker 2 (00:29):
going on, Eagles? Welcome to the Fuel Hunt Show.
I'm Joey. I'm here with mycousin and cofounder, Drew. How
are feeling?

Speaker 3 (00:35):
Happy to be here, cousin.

Speaker 2 (00:36):
To be here. And today, we are joined, by one of
the few, a friend, Frank PaulVignola. He's a men's coach,
author, entrepreneur. I mean,let's like, we can just go on

Speaker 1 (00:46):
and on. That's about it. That's good? Okay. That'll
do it.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
We're having some conversations beforehand about,
superpowers. I was gonna add asuperpower in, but we'll save
that for later. This is not yourfirst time at HQ. I would like
to say welcome to HQ, but it'snot your first time here.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
Right? It's not my first time here. No. It's my
third time here. It's changed alot.
Yeah. It's developed a lot, butthis is my first time meeting
you guys.

Speaker 3 (01:11):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
And it's crazy because I feel, since I first
came here, I felt connected toyou guys energetically. You
know, I sat in your desk. Yeah.You did. I put on your jacket.
I've worn your merch, you know,and but, yeah, this is the first
time I get to meet you both faceto face. So, yeah, it's awesome,
man. I'm feeling super grateful.

Speaker 3 (01:30):
Welcome, dude.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Welcome. Likewise. Thanks, brother.

Speaker 2 (01:32):
Likewise. Now that you say all that, I I get it.
You're like, first of all, we'reenergy guys. So we get Yeah. You
know, we get that vibe,literally, vibration, literally.
Yeah. But you did. You you satat

Speaker 1 (01:42):
my desk. Did, man. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:43):
You are You felt the threads.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
Jacket. I felt on the varsity jacket. Like, I was in
your space. Like, I'm I'mtelling you, like, when I come
here, get excited.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
Mhmm. Whether I get to see you guys or not, when I
come here, I'm like, I came herethe first time and I was like, I
like the energy of this space.We Good vibes, man.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
You could feel it.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
Yeah. There's a I mean

Speaker 1 (02:01):
Hell, yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
A lot of hard work done here for a very long time.
You know, they used to die andspool thread here, yarn here
Mhmm. Which lines up with, like,what we do. Yeah. Very You know,
at least on the gear side.
Right. But also on the growthside. Like, when we first walked
into this space, it didn't looklike this. The floors were
stained with oil from all themachines up here. You know what

(02:22):
I mean?
Tools everywhere. Like, a spacewhere things were created Mhmm.
That I like to believe madepeople more confident, more
powerful. You know what I mean?And and all of that by, you
know, what they wore.
And we were talking about that alittle bit before the show too.
So I want to talk a little bitabout what you do what you do

(02:45):
for men specifically as a coach.The coaching space, I will say,
and I'm sure you probably sharethis, there are a lot of people
in the coaching space that Idon't think get it. They don't
understand what they're shouldbe doing for the people that

(03:07):
they're leading and coaching,and that's not you. Like, stand
out to me in that sea ofcoaching coaching or coaches as
someone, very different, someoneunique, a servant, someone that
cares, specifically about makingmen better humans so that they
can in turn take that better andmake others better too.

(03:28):
So that's kinda like what I getfrom you, the energy that I get
from you. I would like to talk alittle bit about, you know, like
I said, what you do, but alsowhere you've come from. Sure.
Because I think that peopledon't hire coaches, or at least
they shouldn't hire coaches forthe coach. They should hire

(03:49):
coaches for the results.
Yeah. Right? Oh, yeah. And Ithink that's where a lot of
coaches miss because theyhaven't come from a a dark place
or a challenging place and thenemerged as something better.
They haven't taken that journey.
They've taken a course on how tobe a coach. Right. Right? And,
again, that's not you. So let'srewind all the way back and talk

(04:11):
about, you know, where you'refrom, what was growing up like,
and then follow that thread towhere we are today.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
Into where okay. To the kind of

Speaker 3 (04:19):
coach I

Speaker 1 (04:20):
alright. So we'll start at the beginning.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
You yeah. You're a Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
Mine mine was young. Mine was mine started really
young because I I grew upwithout men. I grew up without
without male connection. Ididn't have brothers. I I have
some male cousins that I talk tomore now as an adult, but I
wasn't close with them growingup.
Mhmm. I had no grandpas. Yeah.Yeah. And and I had a tumultuous

(04:50):
relationship with my dad.
So I grew up yearning for maleconnection. You know? Mhmm. You
and I were peers. We're veryclose in age.
So you remember, you know, theeighties, the Ninja Turtles,
like, they were my imaginarybrothers. And I don't you follow
my stuff, so you've probablyseen me talk about them at least
once or twice. But

Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:11):
They really were my imaginary brothers. But because
I didn't have male connectionand I didn't have somebody to
model myself after and I didn'thave that brother brotherhood, I
feel like there was a part of methat was undeveloped. Sure. And
I grew up with feeling like adeficiency in my masculinity. I

(05:36):
wouldn't have been able to callit that then.
I wouldn't have known that thatwas what it was. But I look back
now and I realize that thatinadequacy that I was feeling,
you know, that there was acombination of a feeling of
yearning of, like, I I want thiskind of connection. I feel
alone. I don't have it. And thenalso a feeling of inadequacy and

(05:56):
sometimes it would even turninto anger and rage when I would
see guys that had theseattributes and these
characteristics in even in gradeschool that seemed so organic
and natural.
Mhmm. And I didn't have them andI didn't know why. And I I just
assumed that it meant that Iwasn't going to have them.
Didn't know that it meant that Ijust never had that seed
nurtured because of myenvironment didn't nurture it.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Yep. So Yeah. You start to you start to think
that, like, those qualities thatyou were seeing in others, it's
just nature. That's right.That's how those people are.
And when in reality, I mean, Ibelieve, Drew believes that it's
nurture.

Speaker 1 (06:29):
It's nurture.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
It's nurturing. So your father was present in your
life, but it sounds like you hada tumultuous relationship. So
the masculinity that you didhave in your life as a child or
as a teen, it just wasn't itwasn't maybe a healthy version
or it wasn't the version thatyou envisioned it should be.

(06:51):
Right? So that's

Speaker 1 (06:52):
It was hold on. Let me I wanna answer that
specifically. So go back for meone second. Yeah. Ask that
again.
So What wasn't what I envisionedit?

Speaker 2 (07:02):
Yeah. So your your fa you you didn't have much male
connection growing up. Right?But your father was in your your
life. Yes.
So I've got to imagine thatthere was some masculinity in
your early life. However, it wasnot the type of masculinity that
you envisioned for yourself ormaybe it just wasn't Gotcha. You
know, the the version that youwanted at the time or

Speaker 1 (07:22):
needed at I I

Speaker 2 (07:23):
got your

Speaker 1 (07:23):
question now. Okay. Yes. So my father's role in this
was important. And to to yourpoint, he did have a masculine
energy for sure.
The relationship was tumultuousbecause I think what he saw is
that because I had sisters and Ihad a lot of female energy
around me, my grandmother,sisters, I was very close with
my mother, I had female cousinsthat I connected with. I didn't

(07:44):
have the natural masculineinclinations that I think a lot
of boys my age had.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
I just didn't have them. And I think that my
father, who at the time was inhis thirties and maybe a little
bit emotionally mature immaturestill, he probably didn't know
how to help me cultivate that.Mhmm. And maybe he didn't know
that it was nurture either.Maybe he thought it was nature.
Sure. And maybe he thought, youknow, I was a reflection of him.
It made him feel bad abouthimself. I don't know. I can't

(08:10):
get inside his head.
Rather than helping me developthat and validating me, he would
often use ridicule. Yeah. Youknow, and I don't I don't fault
him for it today. I I don't Idon't take on the victim It is
what it is. You know, he did hisbest, but but he would use he
would use ridicule.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
He would he would use shame. And and it didn't work.
It wasn't effective. Surprise.It didn't inspire me.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
Surprise.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
Yeah. You know? So so no. His masculinity, there were
actually a lot of really goodqualities and attributes that my
father had. But unfortunately,because he rejected me, I think
I naturally rejected him inreturn.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (08:48):
And not just him, but everything about his character.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
Sure.

Speaker 1 (08:51):
Which ended up hurting my masculinity even
Sure. Because then I wasrejecting masculinity. Yeah. And
I didn't even realize it.

Speaker 2 (08:57):
So that's kinda what I wanted to get into. Like, you
know, like I said before, you'renot a guy on the Internet that's
taken a course. Like, you'velived this, had to develop the
tools, had to literally craft ifwe're talking about the title of
your book, right? Yeah. You hadto literally craft your own
masculinity, and that's whyyou're here now helping other
men do it.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
Just two points for me. The first one, would like to
say that the Ninja Turtles werealso a nineties kid thing. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. I do.
Yeah. I'm late with NinjaTurtles.

Speaker 2 (09:27):
And you also can relate to

Speaker 1 (09:29):
We were giving him shit before about the
generational differences. Iprobably that

Speaker 2 (09:33):
was still my changing Superman. And

Speaker 3 (09:37):
then you said you had mentioned that the
characteristics that some of theother kids had in school

Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:42):
That you didn't. Could you elaborate on what
exactly you were seeing in otherkids that you felt like you
didn't have?

Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah. So even like, one thing that stands out to me
was was confidence in sports.Mhmm. And and and being fit and
and to anything like physicalfitness.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
Sure.

Speaker 1 (10:00):
And, but it felt like it was rooted. It wasn't that I
I wasn't agile. It wasn't that Ididn't have the same abilities
because as I got older, Ilearned that I'm actually very
coordinated and I'm I'm quitegood at anything physical that I
set my mind to. So again, it wasthe nature nurture thing. In my
head, I thought naturally I wasnot coordinated.

(10:22):
But really what it was was thatwhen they were doing something
that was inherently masculinethat felt organic and natural to
them because they watched itgrowing up and they did it with
their brothers growing up ortheir father, it came more
naturally. They did it withconfidence and therefore the
mindset matched everything elseand then the body listened And
then, you know, it it felt likethey were very good at it, and

(10:43):
it looked like they were verygood at it. So I perceive that
as, oh, I just don't have that.I just don't have that trait.
I'm not good at it nor do I havethe confidence.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
What's crazy is I think kids still think that
nowadays. Like, I know I didwhen I was a kid, and I'm sure
my daughters and Parker maybeeven. Like, this is a thing with
kids. They see it in otherchildren, whether it's just
general confidence or themagnetism or charisma or success
in sports, And they're like, oh,that's not me. Of course.

(11:13):
Their mind, the the inner criticis the thing that's
intercepting. Like, they mayhave that physical ability, but
the inner critic intercepts it.

Speaker 3 (11:20):
It is interesting too. We talked about this on the
Nick Shaw podcast, but and I'mno men's coach or life coach,
but I have thought a lot. Andone of the things that
constantly cause of mind is thatthe hierarchy for children and
youth and adolescents seems tobe based around physical ability

(11:41):
sports.

Speaker 2 (11:42):
You know what I mean? Mhmm.

Speaker 3 (11:44):
Like, I was always a an obese kid growing up, and I
got picked last all the time.And I felt like that at the
time, that age was where Iranked in Mhmm. The social
hierarchy. And the kids thateverything all the girls like
and everything that seemed towork out for them all the time
are all the athletic Mhmm. Kidsthat were first in captains of

(12:07):
the sports teams and firstpicked.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
Think about it. Like, I'm no scientist. Right? So
let's put that out there eventhough I I know the solar
system. So Yeah.
I'm no scientist. But thinkabout it. Like, kids, their
brains are still developing.Right? Like, they're of course,
they're not they're not rankingthemselves on, like, how
cerebral they are.
They're ranking themselves onhow physical they are because
their brains and themselves,they don't have the words. They

(12:30):
don't have the Right. Cognitionsometimes to put that together.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (12:35):
And and they don't have the intuition or the
understanding to be able todiscern nature and nurture.
Yeah. And recognize, like, oh,this is something that can
actually be developed.

Speaker 2 (12:42):
Sure. That's one of the things with, like, my
daughters. I try to kinda getinto their minds early and start
developing their minds early,because I recognize that. Like
my kids, they're athletic. Theycome here, they run amok, they
wrestle each other and shit.
But you know, Parker's aspecimen compared to them.

Speaker 1 (13:00):
Know what

Speaker 2 (13:00):
I mean? They're not doing burpees and stuff. But
I've tried to really pour intotheir minds to help them
understand and short circuit theinner critic and become a little
more cerebral at a younger age.So then inevitably, when they do
start feeling this way, theyhave some more tools on their
tool belt. Yeah.
You know what I mean? To manageAnd

Speaker 3 (13:18):
that's the and we're kind of getting off track with
parenting, but that's thehardest part. And, Jeremy, I put
a lot of effort into being dadsand raising our kids to be
strong, resilient thinkers andfree thinkers. And that's the
the constant dichotomy Istruggle with is like, okay, I'm
making him do burpees and getstrong and be athletic, but I

(13:39):
also have to develop his mindand ability to think. I can't
just, like, do this, do this, dothis. He'll he'll do everything
I tell him to do.
Mhmm. But is that really what'sgonna make him a strong,
resilient leader?

Speaker 2 (13:49):
Both. I mean, I think it's

Speaker 3 (13:50):
just I'm trying to do all of them, but Yeah. They
never did.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
Both go hand in hand. Yeah. Mhmm. I think the thing
that I if I had to pinpoint onething that I lacked that wasn't
physical that would have changedeverything for me, it's self
belief. Mhmm.
I can remember times in my headright now where I threw a ball
and it it didn't go in in thebasketball hoop or it didn't
even hit the rim. Mhmm. And Iwould I would give up. I would
make a joke out of it. And Iwould try and be, oh, man.

(14:14):
I suck. You know, as a kid. Yep.That's the lack of self belief.
Mhmm.
If the self belief exists, thenyou just look at that as like,
oh, I just missed that one.That's all.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
This could happen

Speaker 1 (14:23):
to anybody. Practice.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah. This is what this is what achievement looks
like, a bunch of trying. Yeah.You know? We're we are getting
we got a little off topic withparenting, but also not.
Right? Because, you know, Ithink it plays, like, a pivotal
role, you know, in all of us.And I agree with what you said,
like, you know, and to to leaninto what you're saying, like,
hey, look, I don't know. I'm thephysicality thing, the mentality

(14:47):
thing. I'm trying to do my best.
Like, of course

Speaker 1 (14:49):
we are. Like,

Speaker 2 (14:49):
we're doing the same thing our parents did, like

Speaker 1 (14:51):
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:52):
Doing the best we have with the tools that we
have. The thing that benefits usnow, where we're at, is the fact
that information, you know, andconnections are much freer and
easier to establish, andinformation and data easier to
digest and freer, so we can makebetter decisions. You know what

(15:12):
I mean? We have more tools, Iwould say.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
For sure.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
Not even the decision thing. It's like, we just have
more tools.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yeah. You know? We didn't even have the Internet.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
Yeah. So we did there's

Speaker 1 (15:21):
a lot there's a lot more accessible to us

Speaker 2 (15:23):
now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
But but yeah, man. It that's where that's where things
that's where my biggest strugglewas.

Speaker 2 (15:32):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
But then I became my biggest problem after that
because the way that manifestedwas it manifested into I had a
lot of passion actually and anda lot of fire inside me. Mhmm.
But it wasn't being used forgood because I didn't have self
belief, so it was turning intorage. And then I had behavioral
issues, so I got expelled fromCatholic school in third grade.
You know, I I I had a lot ofstruggles, you know, during that

(15:56):
time.
And by the age of 14, I was Iwas in a mental hospital. Yeah.
And and then from there, I wasincarcerated on and off for the
next four years. Shelters, grouphomes. Yeah.
Group homes. Yeah. Residentialcenters, juvie, all of it. And

(16:20):
it was my my hatred and and myanger and my rage, most of the
time was kind of went inwardtowards me through self harm.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (16:32):
Also, a lot of that had to do with the simple fact
that I didn't believe in myselfto be able to harm other people
because I wasn't a confidentkid. So it all usually was was
internal and towards myself.But, yeah, it it ended up
getting me in a lot of trouble.I did drugs. I overdosed on
heroin when I was 15, you know,and I ended up in these

(16:53):
programs.

Speaker 2 (16:54):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
But those are also where the the the journey took a
turn. Right. That's that's wherethings started to change because
the last program that I was inwas an all boys facility.

Speaker 2 (17:05):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
And something shifted there. Yeah. Something started
to change there because eventhough initially I was really
uncomfortable and reallyterrified actually because I was
like, wow. Now I'm around abunch of guys. I can't hide.
My my insecurities are are justhighlighted. Mhmm. You know? The

(17:26):
comparison, all of that. Butwhat I learned is that when I
was thrown to the wolves Mhmm.
And my feet were held to thefire and I had no choice but to
be in that environment. I wasliterally incarcerated.

Speaker 2 (17:39):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
Something came alive in me. Something started to
shift. And I also it was acombination of that and also the
right mentors. But not only didI learn that I could do what a
lot of the guys around me weredoing, I learned that I was a
leader

Speaker 3 (17:54):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (17:54):
Which came as a really big surprise to me. Yeah.
And started things started tochange there.

Speaker 2 (18:00):
I think that, when you first recognize you're a
leader, it does come as asurprise. I think that's
everybody. It comes as asurprise.

Speaker 1 (18:07):
Yeah. It's like me?

Speaker 2 (18:09):
Yeah. Me? Wait. Me? I think the best leaders are the
people that that inevitably saythat.
Like, when they realize it,they're like, well, this can't
be me.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
Right. Right.

Speaker 2 (18:17):
You know? Because you have so much you you described
it as the fire, but you have somuch inside you, and you need to
give it.

Speaker 3 (18:26):
Yes. And

Speaker 2 (18:26):
you just don't have the words or the actions at the
time. And when the words and theactions start to fall into
place, and you start to let thatout for you know, in a positive
way to serve others, you'relike, wow. Like, this was here
all the time.

Speaker 1 (18:39):
All the time.

Speaker 2 (18:40):
And I was using it for all this effed up shit.
Right. And now so then you youhave that conflict of identity,
and you're like, this can't beme.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
You know? It's the words. It's the tools, and the
biggest one I think for for meand for a lot of people that I
coach is the self belief. Yeah.It's the it's, you know, we have
to start believing what we'recapable of.
And then when that happens Yeah.Then we really become
unstoppable.

Speaker 2 (19:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:05):
You know? But, yeah, it was a couple people got in my
head in the right way. You know,there was a woodshop teacher. I
talk about him in the firstchapter of my book who he was
just like, you know, hit thenail, Frank. And I didn't want
to cause I was like, this is guystuff.
You know, like this highlightsmy my male inadequacies, you
know, and

Speaker 2 (19:24):
I'm swing I'm gonna swing swing the hammer. I'm
gonna miss.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
All of that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna hit my thumb.

Speaker 1 (19:29):
And I did. I did all that shit. But he never lost his
patience. He never judged me. Hewas different.
He's like, hit it again, Frank.Hit it again. So long story
lasts long. I was I finally gotit where I was able to sink a
nail in one hit. And it waslike, I I think the the way I
described it is in my in my bookis that like my virility made
like the coin sound in SuperMario Brothers.
It was like it was likesomething shifted inside me.

(19:51):
Yeah. It was like, holy shit. Idid

Speaker 2 (19:53):
that. Yep. So And what and for, like, a whole
bunch of different reasons with,like, a powerful metaphor, that
that being the thing that, like,you know, I'm good for you.

Speaker 1 (20:03):
Yeah. That was that was the turning point.

Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah. That's why I was gonna I was going to ask
you. So you you described ajourney that got super, super
painful to the point ofincarceration before I'll say,
you changed, but before you hadthat breakthrough moment. Yeah.
And I think in life, that's whathappens to many people.
Like, it gets super fuckingpainful, and that's what forces
the change. That's why we sayprefer pain. Right?

Speaker 1 (20:26):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (20:27):
It doesn't have to be that way, though, because if you
have a good mentor or coach inyour life, they can help you
make the change before it getstoo painful. Yeah. So I was
going to ask you a long windedway of bringing it back around.
While you were on that journey,did you have a mentor or a coach
in your life that helped youwhen you needed it most?

Speaker 1 (20:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (20:49):
So you've spoken about, you know, the woodshop
director, woodshop guy.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
Woodshop guy.

Speaker 2 (20:56):
I used to call

Speaker 1 (20:56):
I call him the bearded lumberjack. Okay.

Speaker 2 (20:58):
But How about was there anyone else, you know,
during that time?

Speaker 1 (21:03):
Yeah. There was actually a a female therapist
who also she she brought a lotof empathy and she brought a
little bit of the tough love,but I remember I always felt
seen and heard with her. And andshe was one of the first people
who told me it was the two ofthem actually, who were just
like, Frank, you're not afollower. You're you're a
leader. I know you don't see ityet, but you are.

(21:23):
Mhmm. And with with the beardedlumberjack, he he was everything
that I thought I wasn't supposedto like about men. He embodied
all of these masculine traits.He really was the bearded
lumberjack archetype in so manyways.

Speaker 2 (21:38):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (21:38):
But he also had compassion.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
Yeah. He had he also, it sounds like, had and we
didn't even get into this, like,my personal story. We don't have
to do that. But he also it soundlike he had feminine energy as
well.

Speaker 1 (21:48):
Empathy. Yes. Yeah. That Empathy and intuition. He
saw me.
Yeah. He saw me. And and hedidn't make me feel judged. He
and what I learned later is hegrew up having issues with his
father. Yeah.
It was like he looked at me andhe saw that.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
And it was it was powerful, man.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
Yeah. It was powerful. And and my coaching
style is very much rooted inthat experience with him along
with other things that I broughtin my own style as well. But one
thing that I always remindmyself is Frank, remember before
you get tough, make them feelseen and heard.

Speaker 2 (22:24):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (22:24):
Of course. Is that he made me feel seen and heard
first, which is why I didn'treject him, which is why I was
receptive, and ultimately why hewas able to say to me, get it
together. Exactly. And I waslike, okay, I can hear that from
you.

Speaker 2 (22:35):
Yeah. And that that's the way I look at the the
balance between, you know, the,like, the the divine feminine
and, like, you know, masculineor feminine energy and masculine
energy. The feminine side, it'sseen and heard. Yep. But too
much seen and heard is not agood thing

Speaker 1 (22:49):
Oh, yeah. Because

Speaker 2 (22:50):
you need action, which is the other side. You
know what I mean? So that's likeand that's, I think, why, you
know, what you're doing in theworld and, the content that
you're putting out thereresonates with me because it
jives with, you know, my storyand how I see masculinity as a
whole. Mhmm. You know, thescreaming, hollering, you know,

(23:11):
dominant type Yeah.
Leadership or dominance,masculinity, that type that
doesn't really resonate with mebecause I I think I just
understand it at a deeper levelbecause of my journey, you know?
So it's interesting. It's very,very interesting. Some of the
same words that you use I usedto to describe. You know, that

(23:31):
type of stuff.
So you're the female therapistthat you had, you said she gave
you a little tough love everyonce in a while?

Speaker 1 (23:38):
She did. Yeah. She did.

Speaker 2 (23:40):
So again, a nice little balance It was

Speaker 1 (23:42):
a balance. It was a balance. She had she had a lot
of feminine energy and she wasvery, very empathic. Mhmm. And
and that was something thatreally made my guard come down.
But then there were times onthat journey where I just needed
to get it together. Yeah. And Iwasn't I mean, and she saw that.

(24:03):
And that's to, you know, to yourpoint when you say, you know,
stepping into the feminineenergy of of embracing our
empathy and using that as a toolto to let somebody feel seen and
heard, to kind of let theirguard come down, that's great,
but we can't rely on empathy.And I think she was doing that
for a little bit and she sawFrank's not changing.
He's trusting me. He'slistening. He's talking. He's

(24:24):
sharing, but he's not changing.And that's when she called me in
one day and she's like, we foundanother program.
It's out of state. It's a threeyear minimum.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (24:32):
That was a lie. Yeah. I found out later.

Speaker 2 (24:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
It was a lie.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
It was

Speaker 1 (24:37):
a tactic. Yeah. Really? And it worked.

Speaker 2 (24:39):
I can imagine because we we just talked about things
getting super painful and andpain creating change. Yeah. And
that was the threat of somethingScared the life out of super
painful.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
And this is at a time where you're actually getting
your feet under you and seeingsome progress. Right?

Speaker 1 (24:55):
I had already been incarcerated at that point
almost four years. Okay. I was Iwas gonna be I was 17 years old.
Yeah. And I had started when Iwas 14.
Yeah. Like, I missed out on highschool.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
I I didn't go to a prom. Like, I didn't have any of
those experiences. So I wasready to get my freedom back,
and she threatened

Speaker 2 (25:10):
it. And you also had at that point, you were making
progress. Right? Towards? Notenough.
Not enough.

Speaker 1 (25:15):
Not enough.

Speaker 2 (25:16):
But some. More than the 14 year old.

Speaker 1 (25:18):
That's right. Okay. That's right. Yes. Exactly.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
So she threatened really to to shake up a lot of
shit.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 (25:23):
Not just your physical location. Yeah. You
know, we talk like, yeah, realestate location location. Craig
Valentine talks about whenyou're developing habits,
environment, and how key thatis.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:32):
A a a threat of change of environment was very
smart.

Speaker 1 (25:36):
Oh, yeah. Was super smart. No. She she she she
nailed it. Yeah.
Yeah. She nailed it.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
It was like woodshop guy, but a different way. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:43):
Why did she tell you that?

Speaker 1 (25:45):
Oh, we we we've been in touch since. It's been twenty
five years now since I wassuccessfully discharged.
Beautiful. Yeah. She's she and Iare are still in touch, you
know, at least once a Sometimesa year goes by and I'm like,
man, it's been a while doc andI'll send an email, she always
responds.
I see. We meet for lunch orwhatever. Yeah, one of those
days she was just like, we weresharing some stories and this is

(26:08):
when like, after I wasdischarged, she's like, I could
tell you all of stuff. She'slike, oh, you were tough. I
struggled with you.
Yeah. And, you know, she that'swhen she told me she's like,
that place didn't exist. Oh,that's hilarious. I was like,
wow.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
But it did it. It did it. I'm assuming you were like,
hey, look, I I want my life backbecause maybe you started to
believe what life could be foryou.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
I did. Yeah. So it was a combination. The, you
know, the woodshop guy and andthe therapist both told me I'm a
leader Yeah. Which gave me afeeling of empowerment.
They both used empathy to makeme feel seen and heard. That let
my guard down. That made metrust them. That made me willing
to listen to them. I was asponge.
I was receptive. Yeah. Then theyused that to empower me and tell

(26:49):
me, Frank, you are a leader. Buteven that, I still needed my
feet held to the fire. Sure.
I still needed something to beat stake. Exactly. Something has
to be at stake in order for usto really wanna change. Sure.
And if it's not rock bottom,then it's gotta be some other
threat of something, the changeof environment in this case.
Yeah. So that was the missingingredient. She's like, what's

(27:10):
gonna incentivize Frank? I'vebeen I've shown empathy. I've
empowered him with leadership.
What's next?

Speaker 2 (27:17):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (27:17):
It was that. Yeah. Yeah. And that's pretty much the
style of coach that I am Yeah.In a nutshell.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
Well, that's what I'm saying. I mean, like, you've
you've lived this. Yes. Youknow, you went through the
journey, and that's whatqualifies you. And I'm not
tearing people down on theInternet.
They're trying to make a living.You know what I mean? Like, it's

Speaker 1 (27:33):
all good. I get it. You know?

Speaker 2 (27:34):
But I I want I really want our community to know that
you're here for a reason. Youknow? You're on the show for a
reason, and in my eyes, that'sthe reason. You know what I
mean? You've you've lived it.
And all of the tools that youfashioned manually by yourself
over the years that you'regiving to men, you know, I I
believe in. So

Speaker 1 (27:53):
Thanks, brother. Yeah. Yeah. I, just to speak to
that real quick. I I there was amoment where I saw these guys,
you know, and, on social media.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
You know, when I started coaching twelve years
ago, the like, people made funof me because it was like a a
what? A life coach?

Speaker 2 (28:15):
But it was a joke. Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
And then now you throw a rock, you hit a life
coach.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
That's what I'm that's a a good way of putting
it. That's what I'm trying tosay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:23):
Took that from Johnny L Sasser. Yeah. He's just like,
yeah. You throw a rocky at alife coach. I was like, I'm
using that.

Speaker 2 (28:28):
Yeah. Because it's true. But one of

Speaker 1 (28:30):
the things that I noticed was that a lot of people
were boasting

Speaker 2 (28:36):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (28:37):
Science based knowledge. And I got my initial
response to that, believe it ornot, was insecurity. I was like,
oh.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
Oh, believe it.

Speaker 1 (28:46):
I was like, need to catch up. I was like, I need to
read more books. I need to dothat. Like, they have so much
science based knowledge. Now, tobe fair, science based knowledge
is important.
There's value to science basedknowledge.

Speaker 3 (28:57):
We've learned what happened when you trust the
science all the time.

Speaker 2 (29:01):
I'm getting to that. I'm getting

Speaker 1 (29:04):
I'm leading up to that. But there is value Yeah.
In science based And I've donemy homework. But what I've
learned is that what you justdescribed in me and thank you
for saying that, thank you forseeing it in me, that can't
really be taught. No.
You could read books.

Speaker 3 (29:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (29:20):
And what I'm finding is that the willingness and the
creativity and the courage thatit takes to be able to look at
your client and say what shesaid to me. Mhmm. Yeah. I'm
gonna put you, you know, theacting skills that it took, the
self belief, the balls Yep. Youknow, all of that.
You don't get that from sciencebooks. No. No. You don't get

(29:41):
that Yeah. Coaches who arewilling to say what other
coaches wouldn't fucking daresay

Speaker 2 (29:47):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (29:47):
Because they have so much self belief because they've
lived it

Speaker 2 (29:50):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (29:50):
Are the coaches that are gonna have the greatest
impact.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
And proof. Yes. The proof because you heard it, and
it caused a change in you andbrought you to so if you're
talking science, I mean, there'ssome science there. You know
what I mean? That's that'sproof.

Speaker 1 (30:03):
There is science. You know what I mean? That's that's

Speaker 2 (30:05):
proof right there. It's an experiment. It's proof.
Yeah. It's proof.

Speaker 3 (30:08):
It's proof. Kaden, my my brother was over yesterday.
He's a a nerd, for lack of abetter word. And He's not a
nerd. We were yeah.
He's he's a good He's like sixthree. Biomechanical
engineering. Smart.

Speaker 1 (30:20):
Six three nerds. Donatello. Yeah. He got it. He a
six three, but he was a ninjaand a nerd.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:25):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (30:26):
I was I got my I got my whole theory about how
nothing is purely fact. And thenhe started to drop knowledge on
me as a in regards to scientifictheory and scientific fact. Have
you ever I mean, I'm sure

Speaker 2 (30:38):
you're Mhmm.

Speaker 3 (30:38):
Which I wasn't familiar with. Yep. But that was
a quick side note. But Dane andI were just talking before the
show about books, like businessbooks

Speaker 2 (30:48):
Mhmm.

Speaker 3 (30:48):
And personal development books. And I was as
I know, like, there's literally,like, three to five books I can
recommend you that I actuallytook things away from. Yeah. And
was able to apply to my life orbusiness. But you could spend
all of your days, like you said,reading books and gathering the
knowledge.
But we've learned our hardest,best lessons in business doing

(31:13):
it for the last seven to eightyears. Absolutely. Like, that's
where and that's where I can theknowledge I give onto our people
we we teach on on business is96% based on things we've
learned by doing and goingthrough it.

Speaker 1 (31:32):
100%. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
I hear you, brother. I got and this is something that
just a quick segue

Speaker 1 (31:37):
Yeah. Is something that I was very excited to share
with you guys that I tell myguys in the Iron Brotherhood and
my clients, my one on ones. Sobecause you guys, you talk about
the few. Right? So 15 to 20% ofpeople are interested in in self

(31:57):
improvement.
Mhmm. In personal development,self development. They might
have a self help book. Yeah.They might listen to a a self
improvement podcast or an audiobook.
Yep. And they take in theinformation, but they don't
actually implement or they'renot consistent with it, but
they're taking it in. 15 to 20%.

Speaker 3 (32:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
5% of people are the ones who put the books down and
actually go and implement. It'snot to say that you can't keep
reading

Speaker 3 (32:24):
the a scientific fact or scientific theory?

Speaker 2 (32:27):
No. It's I mean, you know, it's it's a good point.

Speaker 1 (32:31):
It's a little science based knowledge, but this

Speaker 2 (32:33):
is a

Speaker 1 (32:33):
theory to be fair.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
Studies have been done.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
It's a it's a truth, though. But it's a 5% or the few
Yep. Are the ones who areactually going and were hiring a
coach, getting a mentor in theircorner Mhmm. And doing the work.

Speaker 3 (32:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:49):
And you know what's crazier? That 5% makes up both
genders. So considering that menare less inclined

Speaker 2 (32:57):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (32:57):
To do this kind of work, that 5%, it's probably 1%
of the men. Yeah. So I oftentell my guys that. I'm like, do
you realize that you are the 1%?Mhmm.
And it's not 1% of people aredoing it perfectly, to be clear.
Yes.

Speaker 2 (33:11):
It's

Speaker 1 (33:11):
1% of people are doing it.

Speaker 2 (33:13):
Doing it.

Speaker 1 (33:14):
And you're gonna fear. You're gonna deviate. It's
navigating back. Yeah. You know,that's par for the course is
deviation.
It's just navigating back andbeing willing to keep going.
Mhmm. It puts you in the top 1%of men.

Speaker 2 (33:27):
Oh, for sure. Yeah. For sure.

Speaker 3 (33:28):
And that's one thing that's been a painful
realization for me is that notevery day is your best day.
Right? Like, you're not gonnashow up and be the best man,
father, leader, businessbusiness person. Like, well, I
was with my wife a lot. She'slike, oh, I know my my most
effective, productive, best day.
I'm like, Amanda, you have tocommit when you're in the
trenches doing things like weare.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (33:47):
Not not every day is gonna be a %. It's just not.

Speaker 2 (33:50):
The the powerful thing is the awareness. Like,
she can step back and say, or Ican step back or you can step
back or you can step back or thecrew can step back or the step
back and say, okay. I'm aware ofthe fact

Speaker 1 (34:00):
that this wasn't

Speaker 2 (34:01):
like, you're saying, I'm aware I deviated. Yeah. And
now I can course correctquickly. Yeah. Because I'm not
gonna go on a three daydeviation binge and then make it
10 times harder to come back toto path, you know?

Speaker 3 (34:13):
But like you said, just doing the work Yeah. Makes
you part of the 1% or

Speaker 2 (34:18):
by risk.

Speaker 1 (34:19):
It does. Yeah. It's and I think that for a lot of
people, if we veer or if wedeviate, some people feel shame

Speaker 2 (34:28):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (34:28):
And some people feel like an impostor. Like, oh, I'm
not actually this person now.Yeah. It's not true.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:34):
It's not true. It's just that's that's your built in
moral compass telling you, like,the shame that you're feeling is
our built in moral compassletting you know you're out of
alignment with your integrity,brother. Mhmm.

Speaker 2 (34:44):
This is your this is your alert. You're off the This
is your notification. It's arumble strip.

Speaker 1 (34:49):
That's right. So it's just a notification from your
body Yep. And your brain saying,you veered. Now just get back on
track. But, yes, some people, ifyou get caught up in the shame
cycle or the impostor syndrome,they throw it all out.
Yeah. And they get a case of thefuck its. And they say, well,
clearly this wasn't meant forme. I'm not meant for a cheat

Speaker 2 (35:09):
meal or Exactly.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
That's why. Right. And then you go off into a binge
cycle. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:13):
Right. That's why, you know, like, we we discussed
this. Right? We had, like, thiswhole, like, cheat meal thing. I
said I don't do cheat meals.
You know what I mean? Like Ilike my cheat meals. I yeah. For
me, dude, like

Speaker 3 (35:24):
Yeah. Like the gog.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
No. My

Speaker 1 (35:25):
thing is,

Speaker 2 (35:26):
like, 9090% of what I eat, like, single ingredient,
like, whole foods, like, I eatwell. Do I deviate sometimes?
Yeah. But I don't have, like,the fuck it day where I'm just
like, I'm gonna eat a wholepizza.

Speaker 1 (35:38):
Right.

Speaker 2 (35:38):
Like, maybe I'll have, like, a slice of pizza,
like, three times a

Speaker 3 (35:42):
thing like, he's a a moderation guy.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
It's moderation.

Speaker 2 (35:45):
That one day yeah. Exactly. Like, having that one
day where I'm like, fuck it. I'mjust gonna eat a whole pizza.
Yeah.
First of all, like, physically,it doesn't make me feel good.
Right. And then second, like,worse, it doesn't make me feel
good, like, on the inside, like,in my soul. Yeah. Yeah.
Because I know saying? It alsodevelops Like, I look at it,
like, soul and stomach. Like, mystomach don't feel good, neither
is my soul, so I'm not gonna Ihear you, man.

Speaker 3 (36:04):
It also develops a poor relationship with food.
Like, that's how I've beenespecially because I've had
overcome GI issues. But Mhmm.It's like, I only ate bad for,
like, a meal or two or Mhmm.And, like, I would never touch
anything else, like, ever.
So now I'm getting better at,like, just working different
things in.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
I think there's stages to

Speaker 1 (36:23):
it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:23):
I think there's stages to moderation too. Like,
for somebody that's dialing intheir nutrition for the first
time ever, eating whatever theywant on a Sunday or a Saturday
might be the play.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
Like, I don't If they if they were eating every any
whatever they wanted all weeklong, then that's a great way to
slowly start to dial it back tosomething that's sustainable.

Speaker 2 (36:41):
And this is like But here's here's let me let me let
me tell real quick. Like, I getit. Right? So, like, I'm not
like like, cheat meal, fine.Like, have your day, whatever.
Like, I'm not it's cool. Like,it works for you if you're
that's where you're at or that'syour system. The thing that I
don't understand, and maybe Ishould because I just said if
it's subjective, it's you. Yeah.Like, look at The Rock.

Speaker 3 (37:02):
He does cheat meals. Right?

Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah. Does cheat. And he'll eat, like, like, four
pizzas and, like, whatever inone day. And I'm like, bro,
you're a dialed human being.Like, I know that doesn't make
you feel great.

Speaker 1 (37:12):
I mean, maybe

Speaker 2 (37:13):
it does. I don't know. But But

Speaker 3 (37:14):
when you got the extra the extra kick that the
rocks got.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
Yeah. Well You think so? You know, it's I I

Speaker 1 (37:19):
think it's subjective. Like you said, I
think it's different strokes fordifferent folks. So for me Yo.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
I say that all the time. I love it. It's Different
strokes for different folks? Isay that. Was known for that in
my

Speaker 3 (37:29):
previous life. If you think about it like calorically
or ingredients, like, you'reliterally averaging out a cheat
meal or cheat day to all thesame amount of you know what I
mean? It's like Calorically oreffectively. Chorically.

Speaker 1 (37:42):
Yeah. Sure. About Yeah. But like for me, Joey,
like, I could bury a pizza.Yeah.
But I probably only do that

Speaker 2 (37:50):
I'm a big eater. I could bury a pizza easily.

Speaker 1 (37:52):
I probably will only do that once a month. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (37:56):
You can do a whole pie though.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
Oh, I could bury a pizza. Yeah. In one sitting.
Yes. And I I won't feel shitty.
Yeah. I actually won't. Youknow, I try to avoid gluten. I
try to avoid grains. Yeah.
But if I just do that one pizzaat night, I wake up. I'm I'm
okay. I start pounding water. II take my my Trulene from the
inflammation, you know, and allthat stuff. Hate it right here,
bro.
Yeah. There you go. But

Speaker 3 (38:18):
The hangover protocol the hangover protocol goes no
further.

Speaker 2 (38:21):
You have goes into a wellness shot in there? Yes. I
love it. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (38:25):
Yeah. They're delicious. I I drink them just
because they taste good,

Speaker 2 (38:28):
but I

Speaker 3 (38:28):
also the kick in the in

Speaker 2 (38:29):
the I love the pepper.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
Oh, you don't like that?

Speaker 2 (38:32):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (38:32):
I choke every morning

Speaker 2 (38:33):
when I What did I say before the show? It's like

Speaker 1 (38:35):
Sometimes I wanna add more cayenne. Like, I like I
like the the the bite.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
My esophagus is is the weakest part of my body. I
have esophageal issues.

Speaker 1 (38:43):
Gotcha.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
So it's the weakest part of my body. Since I kid,
I've I've had it. But I lovethat kick, man. I'm like, more
cayenne. I'm talking to Bea.
Like, more cayenne. Yeah. Morecayenne.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
I love Just to just to finish that thought, you
know, what it does what does itfor me? Candy. Like, if I go and
I have, like, movie theatercandy, I'm, like, talking, like,
rot your teeth type sugary shit,the garbage.

Speaker 3 (39:04):
Milk cuts.

Speaker 1 (39:05):
You know? Yeah. Or, like, starburst nerds, you know,
all that stuff with like all theterrible dyes in it and just
like Nerds rope. I like I likelicorice, so I do like good and
plenty also.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
Twizzlers. Twizzlers, alright. The day after that, my
body and soul are upset with me.Like but like so I that's why I
say different strokes aredifferent folks. I could bury a
pizza, but

Speaker 2 (39:29):
I did. I mean, like, you know, like I said, like, I
did the same thing over theThanksgiving holiday. Like Yeah.
My sister-in-law brought down araspberry pie. I love
raspberries.
Like I fucking love raspberries.No. I've never had a raspberry
pie before. I was

Speaker 3 (39:41):
not a raspberry guy. Raspberry guy. Raspberry?

Speaker 2 (39:43):
How are you pronouncing it? Do you I would
say rasp

Speaker 1 (39:45):
Raspberries. Think it's I say raspberries.

Speaker 3 (39:50):
Raspberry is a funny word.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
Like, it's it's how it smells. Do you say February?

Speaker 3 (39:53):
No. February. We're from Philly, we say things
weird.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
I'm Jersey. Not that different.

Speaker 2 (39:58):
Library. Library. I can't even say lib I say
library.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
You say library? Library.

Speaker 3 (40:04):
The word

Speaker 2 (40:04):
I say that

Speaker 3 (40:05):
Amanda always makes fun of me for is comfortable. I
think think com

Speaker 1 (40:09):
Comfortable? Comfortable.

Speaker 2 (40:10):
I get comfortable. I get costume.

Speaker 3 (40:13):
What do you get?

Speaker 2 (40:14):
Costume. Costume.

Speaker 1 (40:15):
Costume? Oh, you got like a little sht.

Speaker 2 (40:20):
Sounds you're making

Speaker 1 (40:20):
a fancy costume.

Speaker 2 (40:22):
Yeah. Yeah. Know. Right? And a wolf.

Speaker 3 (40:24):
Do you dry

Speaker 1 (40:24):
yourself with when

Speaker 3 (40:25):
you get out of the shower? Towel.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
A towel.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
A towel. No. I say towel.

Speaker 3 (40:30):
Oh, really?

Speaker 1 (40:31):
But you know what? A friend of mine called me out on
water because I used

Speaker 2 (40:35):
say water.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
Water. Water.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
And she's like water?

Speaker 1 (40:38):
I was like water. Sorry. Water. Water. I practiced
it for like weeks.
Water.

Speaker 2 (40:43):
To this to this day, I still get it. Like yesterday,
got it twice. Like people arejust like, what dude? Like
what'd you say?

Speaker 3 (40:49):
That's water.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
First of all,

Speaker 1 (40:50):
I No. I'm saying generally. What's the hot black
stuff that you drink? What do

Speaker 2 (40:53):
you call it? Coffee. Coffee. Coffee.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
It it's not bad. It's not very Philly and very Jersey
the way we say it, but it's notStaten Island or Long Island.
That would be coffee. Yeah. It'salmost like an extra syllable.
Yeah. Coffee. Yeah. Coffee.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
I get I get it all the time. Like that look you
gave me when I say costume.Yeah. I get that multiple times
a day. Number one, I talk fast,but then also I have

Speaker 1 (41:12):
the act Talk fast.

Speaker 3 (41:13):
That's one thing easier. Last one on that, but
the a on a roll lunch meat on aroll is called what?

Speaker 2 (41:23):
Sandwich. Hoagie.

Speaker 3 (41:25):
A hoagie.

Speaker 2 (41:25):
Well, now I can do sandwich. A hoagie.

Speaker 3 (41:28):
Hoagie. Hoagie. That's it's like Alex.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
A hoagie.

Speaker 2 (41:30):
Yeah. Hoagie. Alright. So long story short, I
crushed in a sitting, you know,half a raspberry pie, and I'm
down with that. Like, it's it'sall good.
You know I mean? I'm good withthat. I'm good with

Speaker 3 (41:41):
your your morals, though.

Speaker 2 (41:43):
No. Because I know that, like, after that, like,
it's out of the ordinary for me,but after that, I'm not gonna
feel shitty.

Speaker 3 (41:50):
I do

Speaker 2 (41:50):
because it doesn't make my body

Speaker 3 (41:51):
A lot of the healthiest people I know are
really just doing it inmoderation. Like, Amanda's dad
is, like, 70 and, like, kicking.

Speaker 2 (41:57):
Yep.

Speaker 3 (41:57):
And he they'll eat he'll speak of licorice. Like
Yeah. After dinner, grab theTwizzlers out of the thing, have
two, and then put them back.

Speaker 2 (42:04):
That's my like,

Speaker 3 (42:05):
I can do that. I can do I'm just not that Like,

Speaker 2 (42:07):
when my daughter sells Girl Scout cookies, I
could have, like, one I could goover the tag alongs box, and I
can have one tag along.

Speaker 3 (42:14):
Let me just put

Speaker 2 (42:14):
the box away.

Speaker 3 (42:15):
When we get when we get Everly's Girl Scout cookies

Speaker 2 (42:18):
Now I will say I bring them up

Speaker 3 (42:19):
from the office, and Amanda Parker sit there and
finish all three

Speaker 2 (42:22):
times with They'll text me. It'll be, like, 10:00
at night. They'll text me. I'llbe like, we're so sick. We're we
feel so sick.
Where are the cookies at?

Speaker 1 (42:30):
Yo. Yo. Self regulation. No restraint.

Speaker 2 (42:32):
Like, all of us

Speaker 3 (42:33):
on the couches crushing every box. Like, we got
Now, I will say. When it comesin, we gotta get it out ASAP.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
Yeah. Now, I will say, if it's been a, you know,
particularly stressful day atFuel Hunt

Speaker 1 (42:43):
You'll have two.

Speaker 2 (42:44):
I will eat the sleeve.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
Like, I'll

Speaker 3 (42:45):
eat the sleeve. Gotta go to sleeve.

Speaker 2 (42:47):
But it's something I'm going back to the awareness
thing. Like, I'm aware of. LikeYeah. I'm like, I'm in a state
where if I deviate, it's gonnabe a hard left, bro.

Speaker 1 (42:54):
You know? Even having these kinds of conversations the
rumble strip.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
It's just gonna

Speaker 1 (42:58):
be hard left. Like, even having these kinds of
conversations to me, it's so atestament of what we just talked
about of being the 1% or the 5%,however you look at it. It's
that there's such a level ofconsciousness and intentionality
Yeah. Even to when we decide tocheat. Yeah.
Is that there's there's a littlebit of a guilt. There's there's
an intentionality to it of like,well, I'm going to cheat, but

(43:19):
I'm not going to throw a cautionto the wind and eat until I'm
sick.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
It's

Speaker 1 (43:22):
I'm going to choose to have this much.

Speaker 3 (43:24):
Right.

Speaker 1 (43:24):
You know? And then I'm gonna veer back.

Speaker 3 (43:25):
I believe it comes down to having goals and things
where I got a greater Greatervision. A greater purpose. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
Vision. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (43:31):
Because we know that having those things are going
off the rails so so poorly or sobad is taking us further away
from where we actuallyeventually want to be.

Speaker 1 (43:40):
Wanna go.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
Yeah. This is this is a a topic or or a piece of what
you do that I wanted to touchon. Good. What we're talking
about, and I didn't even have tocall it out because it came up
naturally. You know, I thinkwe're sitting in these directors
chairs and, you know, we're onthe show and we're talking about
what we do for the world.
I think people literally sitthere and say, kind of like what

(44:03):
you said as a young man and Isaid as a young man in grade
school when you saw qualities inother people you didn't have,
that's just not me. They'reperfect. They've got it
together. We are far from it. Imean, I'll speak for myself.
Far fucking from it. But onepoint I wanted to make is it's
not the perfection, it's theintention.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (44:22):
You know, you have to abandon the perfection thing and
lean into the intention thing.That's what it's about. You know
what I mean? We don't have alltogether. But one thing that we
do have is the ability, theintention to get it back
together when we get off therails.
You know, when we feel therumble strip or when we take the
hard left. Yeah. You know? And Iwanted to to hit on that
because, it it humanizes. Mhmm.

(44:43):
It humanizes

Speaker 1 (44:45):
I I was the word I

Speaker 2 (44:46):
was gonna use. Yeah. It humanizes us

Speaker 1 (44:47):
look for opportunities to humanize myself
in front of my clients. It'sfunny. Rather than masking it,
even if I feel bad about it,I'll see it as an opportunity to
humanize myself to them. Yeah.So that they could look at me
and be like, oh, that'sattainable.
Yep. That's not something that'sthat's, unreachable.

Speaker 2 (45:06):
Yeah. For

Speaker 1 (45:07):
sure. That's attainable. You know? For sure.
I and I and I look for momentsto, to share that vulnerability.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:12):
Yeah. I do it a lot in the Iron Brotherhood. Yep. Is
I'll I'll come in and I'll belike, guys, I I I deviated this
week, discipline wise. Mhmm.
Or I deviated from this virtuethis week. I need to step it up
with this. And a lot of timesI'll get like, Frank, it's okay.
And I'm like, I'm not lookingfor your I don't need that.
Yeah.
That's okay. I appreciate that.Yep. But no, this is an
opportunity for me to takeownership and to lead by example

(45:34):
and to let you guys know Ifucking do it too, man.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:37):
Like, I deviate. Yep. So yeah. Yeah. For sure.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
So I I I wanted to make that perfection a
perfection they got.

Speaker 3 (45:44):
Just before I I know we're coming to the end, but
could you walk us through maybea story or two of someone that
maybe came into your program

Speaker 2 (45:52):
Mhmm.

Speaker 3 (45:53):
And the the transformation they've changed
and how they maybe they're notthe finished product, but what
in their life changed?

Speaker 2 (46:01):
And if I can sneak something in. Yeah. You
mentioned Iron Brotherhood acouple times. So, why don't you
just let the community know whatthe Iron Brotherhood is? And
then, yeah.
Yeah. And then Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:10):
So the Iron Brotherhood is is everything
from my journey now in now in ina in a in a framework, in a six
month journey. You know, thatwas the I don't wanna say it was
it was missing because my one onone coaching journeys are
fucking transformational. Mhmm.And I've we've done my guys and

(46:33):
I, we've done some amazing worktogether. But the one thing that
was missing from from myservices and my list of things
that I wanna be able to provideas a men's coach was the
brotherhood component.
Mhmm. Is I was like, I need tobe able to give this to other
men because this is part of whatinspired me. Is part of my
journey and part of what createdthe shift or the pivot Mhmm.

(46:56):
Into turning things around. Sowhen I created the Iron
Brotherhood, I took the thingsthat, you know, I looked at
everything that I've seen in myclients, my one on one clients
over the last, you know, decadeplus of working with guys one on
one.
And I've looked at the guys whohad the most success and who
went the furthest. And I and Ilooked for the parallels in

(47:17):
those guys. And I narrowed itdown to six key virtues. And I
also looked at the boys' home.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (47:23):
And I looked at what were we taught in the boys'
home? And it all aligned withthe six virtues. So the iron
brotherhood is a six monthjourney for men. 10 men to be
exact. I don't go over 10.
So it's it has a feeling ofcommunity, but you're not gonna
get lost in that community.You're gonna you're gonna know
everybody's name. You're gonnaknow their story. You're gonna

(47:43):
be seen and heard. You're gonnabe a part of this.
Sure. And unlike other coachesthat I've seen, like mastermind
programs that they do where theysay, yeah. It it turns into a
bit of a brotherhood, wherebrotherhood is the byproduct of
the work. Brotherhood in my inmy journey in the iron
brotherhood is equally asimportant and emphasized and

(48:04):
facilitated as stepping into ourmaximum potential and the
virtues that we follow. So guysin the midlife season, typically
between 35 to 55 in that midlifeseason when we could start to
stagnate or when we could startto feel like we've hit a
plateau, when we're busy, we'rehusbands, fathers,
entrepreneurs, and we stillwanna reach our maximum

(48:26):
potential.
Guys who are in that season,guys who identify as men, guys
who wanna reach their maximumpotential. Those are the three
things that you need to have incommon order to be a part of
this. And then you have thoseshared values. And then I
facilitate brotherhood throughsupport, accountability,
camaraderie, vulnerability.There's a lot of goofiness

(48:50):
because I could be very, verytough in this group.
They would tell you that I'm invery intense and I'm really
confronting and tough. Yep. ButI temper that with a lot of
playfulness. Like the way wewere cutting up a minute ago,
like, I bring a lot Iintentionally bring a lot of
that into into the IronBrotherhood. So it's this really
beautiful balance of of guysconnecting through camaraderie

(49:13):
and banter, but also being like,could share my deepest, darkest
secrets with you.
They inspire each other. And,man, it's fucking magical to
watch.

Speaker 2 (49:22):
Yeah. Yeah. You can't you can't really least I believe
you can't have one without theother. Like, you need that,
like, playfulness. Yes.
Right? Because if you don't havethat, you're not going to get
vulnerability, which meansyou're not gonna be able to
share the deep, dark secrets.

Speaker 1 (49:35):
Yes. And it's what I wanted. I mean, selfishly, I
will admit, it's what I wantedgrowing up, you know? The first
Ninja Turtle that I connectedwith was Mikey. Yeah.
For anybody watching, you justgo do your research on the Ninja
Yeah. If you don't know of thestory. But Mikey, you know
Mikey. Mikey was the goofy one.

Speaker 2 (49:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (49:49):
He was the one that I was like, oh, man. That's the
one I really want as thebrother. Yeah. You know? But
then I was like, you can't justbe Mikey.
You need to have the smarts andthe science based knowledge from
Donnie. Yeah. You need to havethe edge and the the willingness
to hold your fucking feet to thefire from Wrath, and then you
need to have the leadership andthe empowerment from Leo.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
So I I identify with Leo.

Speaker 2 (50:09):
Yeah. What's that? You identify with But

Speaker 3 (50:11):
my son, part he identifies with Mikey.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
I would say I was a Leonardo and Donatello. I was
like, those two are my they werelike my guys.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
It's crazy. I I did not like Leo at all growing
Yeah. Because I didn't think Iwas a leader.

Speaker 2 (50:25):
Yeah. This is true.

Speaker 1 (50:25):
He was the one who I felt I could identify with the
least. And now he's the one thatI identify with the most. As I
get older, it's actuallybecoming more splinter. Yeah.
Yeah.
Because now just like, know,he's the Yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:36):
The real life. The master of the dojo. I mean,
let's just like give a shoutout. Who are the creators of
originally? I forget the

Speaker 1 (50:45):
Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman. Okay.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
Let's give a shout out to them. I love you guys.
Thank you so much for creating.Well, I don't know which camera
I think it was. Yeah.
Yeah. Kevin Eastman and PeterLaird, thank you so much. I love
you guys. Shout I mean, shoutout for something for creating
something so deeply layeredYeah. That was entertaining, but
also impacted people.

Speaker 3 (51:04):
It was Yeah. That was one of the first movies I had
Parker watch. Like, it a kid.Like

Speaker 1 (51:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (51:09):
That the real the real life one.

Speaker 1 (51:12):
Oh, the light action?

Speaker 2 (51:13):
Yeah. Man.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
Yeah. That was a classic.

Speaker 3 (51:15):
They're they're they're still coming out with
the cartoon versions. They'renot they're not the same.

Speaker 2 (51:20):
Not as good. Not the

Speaker 3 (51:20):
same. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (51:21):
Not the same.

Speaker 2 (51:21):
It's different it's different times.

Speaker 3 (51:22):
Ever see it as a turtle side quest, but
workaholics, you ever see thatshow? No? No. They had all Ninja
Turtles episodes.

Speaker 1 (51:30):
Oh, for real.

Speaker 3 (51:30):
And they're all, like, putting bandanas on. He's
like, I'm Leo. He's like, you'rea fucking Leo. He's like, you're
a punk bitch Danny. Yeah.
That's funny.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
We did. We had a conversation. I don't think we
we spoke about this out loud. Itwas on maybe our l 10 or our
marketing war room. We had aconversation about, like, two
months ago about licensing someof the Ninja Turtle artwork to
do fight wear.
Really? To make like a fight,like a rash guard and stuff. Oh
man. This is actually probably asign that

Speaker 3 (52:00):
we should do it. Man,

Speaker 1 (52:01):
it's gonna be live

Speaker 2 (52:03):
in here. You're first, so. Yeah. We were like
just talking about likegenerally licensing stuff we
could do that was, like, fun.You know what I And the Ninja
Turtles just, like, immediatelypopped into my mind for so many
reasons.
It just aligns with Yeah.Obviously, the martial arts
stuff we have going on and alsoMy brother. Like, the the
personal personal developmentand, like, the shades of

(52:23):
identity that we have also inour community. Yeah. So it was,
a natural thing.
So I think it's a sign to, like,bring that back and have that
conversation.

Speaker 3 (52:31):
But could you run us through, like, a success story?

Speaker 1 (52:33):
Sorry. Yes. Absolutely. Quest. Yeah.
Absolutely. It's good, though.Oh, man. So just one, which one?

Speaker 2 (52:39):
Or you could pick yeah. Mean, you could pick
couple. A

Speaker 1 (52:41):
few a few standouts.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
A few standouts.

Speaker 3 (52:43):
In general, I know they're all different journeys,
but what the transformation that

Speaker 2 (52:48):
takes place. Story. You know, somebody did

Speaker 1 (52:50):
I'll share a little bit that I think will will
impact the guys Mhmm. Listeningand watching. So one, I've I've
mentioned six virtues, I neverrattled off what they are. So
that's important. The theframework, it's one virtue that
we focus on per month.
So month one, the virtue is, ofcourse, brotherhood. We lead
with that, which is all aboutsupport and and camaraderie and

(53:11):
accountability. Month two,discipline. That's where we get
into morning routines. So inmonth one, guys are messaging me
saying things like, I've neverfelt brotherhood like this
before.
These are men in their fortiesand fifties, you know, and some
in their thirties who are like,I've never felt this type of
support before. I've never feltlike I was part of tribe in this
way. So that's some of thereturn on month one is that it

(53:33):
really forges these bonds thatare meaningful.

Speaker 2 (53:36):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (53:36):
They're meaningful. They're rooted in values
alignment. And then they'reinspiring these guys to push
themselves beyond what theywould have done other believed
it was possible for themselves.Month two discipline, all the
shit that we talked about with,like, routines. Mhmm.
So, like, meal plans, fitness.I've seen guys in this, you
know, there we're four and ahalf months in right now in the

(53:57):
current Iron Brotherhood. Andthere's one guy in there who has
made such a physicaltransformation. Yeah. I mean, it
is remarkable.
I mean, he he's so much leaner.He's so much more muscular. We
do before and after photos.Nice. So we share that with each
other.
We get vulnerable with eachother. Month three, courage. One
of the most impactful months.One of the most impactful

(54:20):
months. It may be hard to seethis through the lens of
positive because it's such ait's such a a transition and
that could be devastating andincredibly painful.
But one of the guys asked theirpartner of twenty years for a
separation. Wow. And this issomething that had been a long

(54:40):
time coming.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
Unfortunately. And this is a guy that I worked with
actually individually on and offfor about four or five years.
Mhmm. Wasn't until he was in thebrotherhood and he felt the
support of his tribe and he feltlike he had the the courage.
Mhmm.
To to go forth with it. Andwhat's crazy is that two months
later, somebody else in thegroup said, I'm moving out to

(55:04):
his girlfriend of five years.And he said, it's not aligned
and it hasn't been for a verylong time. Yeah. So courage has
been an incredibly impactfulmonth.
Month four, strength. It'scrazy. We were just talking
about that. Whoops. Sorry, No.
You're good.

Speaker 2 (55:19):
Did that about 25

Speaker 1 (55:20):
times on the last recording day.

Speaker 2 (55:22):
Was beating the

Speaker 1 (55:22):
shit out of was so good.

Speaker 2 (55:24):
I was so

Speaker 1 (55:24):
careful with my water bottle. I was,

Speaker 2 (55:26):
like, I'd make It's like the matrix.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
Yeah. It's like we're

Speaker 2 (55:28):
tired of them.

Speaker 1 (55:29):
Right. Sure. So month four, virtuous strength, but
strength does not just meanphysical strength. Strength
strength really represents, Ithink, the external embodiment
of the men we're becoming, whichyou and I were just vibing on a
little while ago and howimportant that is. Yep.
The internal work is important,but guess what? So is external.
What we wear affects how wefeel, affects what the world

(55:50):
sees. The intentionality that weput into how we groom ourselves.
Yes, physical fitness andstrength.
We are built stronger thanwomen. Why are we not optimizing
it? How about our voices? Thoseare instruments. We need to be
heard for people who wanna havean impact.
If you haven't learned how toenunciate your words Mhmm. How
to not drop off the end of yoursentences and mumble. This is
important. I could get jersey onyou, but I also know how to

(56:13):
clean it the fuck up. Yeah.
You know? So these are allthings that we cover in in month
four. Month five, temperance,emotional regulation, checking
your fucking ego. Mhmm. Andmonth six is integrity.
Mhmm. So integrity is all aboutwhat we talked about with
purpose. It's about feelingwhole. It's about making sure
that on this journey, you're notjust doing it for you and for

(56:33):
the sake of self mastery. Selfmastery is incredibly important.
Your masculinity is incrediblyimportant, but you have to serve
a purpose. Yeah. And we haven'tgotten there yet in this group
that we're in. But in terms ofthe transformations, I gave you
I gave you a couple based on thefirst few months that we've gone
through. And it's been really,really inspiring.

Speaker 2 (56:53):
The the journey itself, I mean, so smart. So
smart. Entry point is communityand support. Exit point is
purpose. And right before thatexit, there's a checking of the
ego.
Yes. So it's your you'rebuilding, you're building,
you're making harder decisions,you're becoming more capable,
the ego's growing, the ego'sgrowing, the ego's growing, Then

(57:15):
it's check the ego. Yes. Thenit's like, this is how we're
gonna manage this.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
Yes. All

Speaker 2 (57:20):
this masculinity or awesomeness that you just build
over there. And then now theexit, the off ramp. Totally,
bro.

Speaker 1 (57:27):
Yeah. Yeah. And then that's when I also have a I do
Ninja Turtle references. In thebeginning, I say, guys, I'm Leo.
We're all brothers.
Yeah. So it lets them know, I'malso a brother, but I'm the
leader. You know? And it and itkinda sets the the tone of,
like,

Speaker 2 (57:42):
I want to forge

Speaker 1 (57:43):
this brotherhood with you guys.

Speaker 2 (57:44):
That's a playful way, but a very effective way They
get it. To do that. Becauseotherwise, you you're you have
the chart with, okay, I'm thebear, you guys are a wolf.
Right. This is the thing.
It's a But I do say that later.Yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:57):
So in month four ish or once we get into 10

Speaker 2 (58:00):
brings around the other.

Speaker 1 (58:01):
That's when I say, guys, I'm splinter. Yeah. Yeah.
You're all Leo. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm turning you all intoLeos now. I'm like, that was the
secret. I didn't tell you guysthat when you signed up, I
wasn't just gonna help you reachyour maximum I'm building
leaders, not followers. I'mbuilding you and I wanna build a
society of great leaders.
Yeah. And you guys have what ittakes. You just gotta keep doing

(58:21):
what you're doing. Yeah. Andthen integrity is the last
month, which is this is yourpurpose.
Yep. Go be an exemplar. Goexemplify this to your kids.

Speaker 3 (58:29):
Sure.

Speaker 1 (58:29):
Go step into being stand show up more as a husband
by by having a purpose outsideof your role as husband and
father. Mhmm. Because they'regonna watch that. Yeah. And
they're gonna see that.
Your wife is gonna be moreattracted to you. Your kids are
gonna look up to you. Mhmm. So,yeah, man. It's a journey.
Yeah. It's a it's a powerfuljourney.

Speaker 2 (58:46):
Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
The I wanted to touch on.
Oh, man. I lost it. I wanted totouch on something with oh, yes.
Playful question. Right?

Speaker 1 (58:58):
Yeah. Go for it.

Speaker 2 (58:59):
So how many of your guys or did all of your guys
were they all familiar with theNinja Turtles when they came
into the Iron Brotherhood, ordid you have to give them
homework so that No.

Speaker 1 (59:08):
I didn't have to give them homework, but I actually
what I did do is for the nextround of guys is I fleshed out a
a Ninja Turtles archetype modelso that they can see how each
turtle has a differentpersonality type and how that
applies directly to the workthat we're doing and
Brotherhood. So now they havesomething. But no, think

(59:28):
everybody, because of thegeneration, everybody had a
sense of who the turtles were.

Speaker 2 (59:33):
Okay. Yeah. Good. Good. The the fact that, you
know, obviously, there's a lotof synergy between what you're
doing, Beyond Brotherhood andFuel Hunt, both starting with
community.
Right?

Speaker 1 (59:42):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
And one other point just came back to me. The thing
that I lost that I wanted tomake was, you know, you
mentioned earlier that you'veyou've kind of built something
for yourself. Mhmm. Right? Like,you're kinda like, well,
selfishly, I've built thisbecause I needed this type of
But that's also how we startedout.
Yes. You know? We we were like,well, selfishly, we're gonna
build this community of peoplethat are like us, that believe

(01:00:06):
in hard work because there's notmany left. We need to strengthen
society. We need to put societyback on track.
And it aligns up perfectly withwhat you're saying. Hey. Look. I
built this this this brotherhoodbecause I needed it. And the
output of it is the impact thatI wanna have on society.

Speaker 1 (01:00:24):
When I watch you guys work through social media, even
though we never met in personbefore today, energetically,

Speaker 2 (01:00:32):
I

Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
watch guys who are so anchored into their purpose and
so clear on purpose. I know thatpurpose is a combination of
wanting to serve mankind orsociety in some way and your own
personal experience that you'refilling something inside
yourself as

Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
Of course.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
Whether it's a hole of some kind because of a trauma
or a void or whatever, thatsomething is being filled in you
and then you're using that to gohave an impact. So I know that
I'm never going to havenecessarily the big brother that
I wanted growing up, but what Ican do is I could be the big
brother.

Speaker 2 (01:01:09):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
I I could create a brotherhood Yeah. For other men.
And that's why it's why I likeyou guys so much. Yeah. Is you
you guys do the emphasis oncommunity and the alignment in
our virtues, but also I see twoguys who are just so anchored
into purpose.
And that's just a huge part ofmy work is guys come to me your
age, our age, should say,because we're peers. And they're

(01:01:31):
like, yeah, I don't feelpurposeful. I'm like, okay,
let's help you get there. Yeah.But it's not often that I
stumble upon guys who are soclear Yeah.
On their purpose. Yeah. Sothat's yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
We like you said, enter energetic. Like, you can
feel it. Yeah. You know what Imean? You you can feel it when
you meet somebody even if it'snot in person.
Right. You know what I mean?Yep. You can definitely feel it.
Do you have lightning round?

Speaker 3 (01:01:55):
Yeah. I have three questions.

Speaker 2 (01:01:56):
Alright. You do have lightning

Speaker 3 (01:01:56):
round. So just quick answers.

Speaker 1 (01:01:58):
Alright. I'll quick answers. Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:01:59):
Is there a book recommendation you'd like to
leave the community with?

Speaker 2 (01:02:04):
Am I supposed to temper my ego here?

Speaker 3 (01:02:07):
You can give You

Speaker 2 (01:02:07):
could decide

Speaker 1 (01:02:08):
who's doing too. Olympic always been a book, How
to Get Them by Frank PaulVignola. He's a great guy. Yeah.
Yeah.
I agree.

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
Where if yeah. Know, where could you get that book?
Let's just continue that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:17):
Yeah. Okay. See, can find it on Amazon. And then this
year, I put out I recorded thethe audiobook version of it.
Okay.
Which is also on Amazon. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:02:25):
Very nice. I was gonna say when you were first
speaking, I was like, he needsto read audio books or your
voice the way you project. I'mlike or or be a, like, mooch.
Like, a movie.

Speaker 1 (01:02:36):
A narrator. Voice over. Voice over. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:02:39):
It's like

Speaker 1 (01:02:40):
Oh, thanks, brother.

Speaker 3 (01:02:40):
Yeah. Appreciate it, man. The second question. Is
there a quote that you like toyour favorite quote?

Speaker 1 (01:02:46):
Favorite of all time? Yeah. Oh, man.

Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
Or one that's hit you particularly recently very hard.
Sorry.

Speaker 3 (01:02:55):
I'm Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:02:55):
I know.

Speaker 1 (01:02:55):
This is gonna sound so opportunistic, but I really,
really, really do love Bedrosquote at the end of every
podcast episode.

Speaker 2 (01:03:02):
You're not alone. A million other people enjoy it
too.

Speaker 1 (01:03:06):
And well, it inspired me to come up

Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
with my own as well. But like, I I love I love his.
And then another one is by Rumi.Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (01:03:15):
And I'm gonna I'm gonna butcher it. But it's
something to the effect of outbeyond the fields of right and
wrong or out beyond the ideas ofright and wrong is a field. I'll
meet you there. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:03:30):
I love that.

Speaker 1 (01:03:31):
Yeah. I love that.

Speaker 3 (01:03:32):
And then what is your definition of a strong man?

Speaker 1 (01:03:39):
Somebody who embodies the six key virtues that I just
gave you. Somebody who iswilling to be the 5% and
recognizes that it's not aboutperfection.

Speaker 2 (01:03:49):
Mhmm.

Speaker 1 (01:03:49):
That it is about determination, perseverance, and
self awareness, and recognizingwhen you veered, when you've
deviated, being tough onyourself, not too tough, getting
yourself back on track, andembodiment of brotherhood,
having community, and inspiringother men. Embodiment of
discipline, which is not thesame thing as motivation, which

(01:04:11):
ebbs and flows. Discipline meansyou do it no matter what.
Embodiment of courage, takingrisks and facing fears.
Embodiment of strength, physicalstrength, physical presence,
voice.
Embodiment of temperance, you'rein control of your ego. You're
in control of your mindset andyour emotions. And finally,
embodiment of integrity. You'rehere to serve a purpose. You
wanna live in alignment.

(01:04:32):
You wanna be a good man and havea strong moral compass, but you
also wanna impact others whileyou're here. That to me is the
definition of a great man.

Speaker 3 (01:04:39):
Throw this microphone. Yes.

Speaker 2 (01:04:41):
I don't wanna worry about Everybody throw these mics
right on the ground. That was

Speaker 3 (01:04:45):
was solid.

Speaker 2 (01:04:45):
That was the that was the lightning round. Thus
concludes the the lightninground. Where can the community
find you? We know where we canfind your book. Where can we
find you, and where can theyfind an on ramp to the Iron
Brotherhood?

Speaker 1 (01:04:59):
Okay. So first, my website, which is
masteredman.com, m a s t e r e dm a n Com. And right on the main
page, you'll see that there's abutton that you could click that
will take you right to the IronBrotherhood. Okay. So that's the
best way to connect with me ifyou're interested in either one
on one coaching or the IronBrotherhood is that website,

(01:05:20):
masteredman.com.
If you're interested infollowing, you know, if you're
not sure and you just wannalearn more about me or you wanna
do both, VignolaGram onInstagram.

Speaker 2 (01:05:29):
I see what you did there.

Speaker 1 (01:05:30):
VignolaGram. Slick. Right?

Speaker 2 (01:05:32):
Nice. Nice.

Speaker 1 (01:05:33):
Nice. This

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
was great, man. I I I knew it was gonna be amazing. I
knew we were gonna have somegreat conversation. I know we
could probably go on for anothercouple hours, but we'll have you
back. I hope so.
Maybe do another another houranother hour plus. So thank you
for coming through.

Speaker 1 (01:05:48):
Thank you for having me, man. This was a fucking
pleasure.

Speaker 2 (01:05:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:05:51):
Finally, we got to make this happen. And if you
ever do anything with the NinjaTurtles, please at least let

Speaker 2 (01:05:56):
let me know. Loop me in. Yeah. Well, just consider
yourself in the loop. I don'tthink we're gonna be able to
make a move like that withoutlike, we're gonna consult you,
friends.
Much appreciated. We're gonnaconsult your friends.

Speaker 1 (01:06:06):
Much appreciated.

Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
On the design front, everything.

Speaker 3 (01:06:09):
Yeah. I love your design. Your design your eye for
design is a good one. So

Speaker 2 (01:06:12):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:06:13):
What's that? So if your eye for design is a good
one as well.

Speaker 1 (01:06:15):
Oh, thank you, brother. Run

Speaker 2 (01:06:16):
we'll definitely run the designs by Cool. Now it's
lit up. Now we gotta do it. Weput it out there.

Speaker 1 (01:06:20):
Now we definitely gotta do it. You didn't you no
superpower?

Speaker 3 (01:06:24):
That's it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:24):
Held off. Held off

Speaker 3 (01:06:25):
on the on the and went with the strong man
approach. Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:06:30):
Like that. Alright. Well, we'll be in that fully.

Speaker 2 (01:06:34):
Did you have superpower prepared? I

Speaker 1 (01:06:37):
have to pull one out now because I can't use the one
that I said before.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
I'll just send you to give you some context to the few
that are watching and listening,we had a a conversation. I was
speaking with a community memberlast week or recently about
superpowers. And if you had onesuperpower, what would it be?
And for me, I said the abilityto not have to sleep. Or at
least like twenty minutes, takea twenty minute power nap, and

(01:07:01):
that equals eight hours ofproper restful deep sleep, so
that I could work all the time,drink as much espresso as I
wanted to.
Mhmm. That would be mysuperpower. So that's the
context behind the conversationwe're having at the moment.

Speaker 1 (01:07:13):
It's just such a I mean, this could be an episode.
Yeah. Like, I I'm I'm I'm such anerd about this. I would be
like, I mean, if I wanted to beimpactful, like, maybe the power
will heal others. If I wanted tojust be indulgent, it would be,
like, the power to fly like Neo.
Yeah. If I wanted to just beridiculous, would be, like,
maybe, like, the power to, like,have, like, Olympic level, like,

(01:07:35):
blue ribbon farts on commando.Yeah. Right. Right.

Speaker 2 (01:07:39):
That's and I can go that an earthquake or was that
friend? Exactly. Just don'tknow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:07:44):
I could go on.

Speaker 2 (01:07:45):
Yeah. Alright. Well, that's the next episode. We
might actually do that as a as afun lighthearted episode before
we have you back, So you knowthat if it comes out, you're the
inspiration behind it.

Speaker 1 (01:07:54):
Good. Good. Noted.

Speaker 2 (01:07:55):
Alright. Let me leave, the few with a reminder.
Always choose hard work overhandouts. Always choose effort
over entitlement. Remember, noone owns you.
No one owes you. You're one ofthe few. Now let's hunt.

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