May 13, 2025 • 22 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Fiscal Physical Podcast.
Join us each week as we sitdown with the founder of Alchemy
Wealth Management and author ofyour Fiscal Physical, Ryan
Nelson.
Tune in to gain valuableinsights and practical tips as
we simplify complex financialconcepts into digestible lessons
(00:22):
.
From budgeting to retirementplanning, this podcast is your
go-to resource for masteringfinancial literacy.
Aaron Hoisington (00:33):
Welcome everybody to this week's episode
of the Fiscal Physical Podcast.
My name is Aaron Hoisington.
I am joined, as always, by thebrains behind this operation, mr
Ryan Nelson.
Ryan, how are you doing today?
Ryan Nelson (00:47):
I'm doing well.
How are you doing today?
Aaron Hoisington (00:48):
You know I cannot complain.
It's another beautiful day herein Reno, we are recording some
podcasting and we're doing ourthing, man.
So you ready to jump into thisbad boy?
Let's do it All, right, soundsgood.
So today we are going to becovering a topic that is, I'd
say, relatively important herewhen it comes to finances, and
(01:11):
we're going to be talking abouthow to broach the financial
topic with your partner.
So I want to preface this aswell.
We're not here to givefinancial advice and, honestly,
we're probably less qualified togive a relationship advice than
anything there too.
So take everything we say witha grain of salt and, honestly,
we're probably less qualified togive a relationship advice than
anything there too.
So take everything we say witha grain of salt.
It's going to depend on yoursituation, but we do want to
cover, because most people dohave a significant other at one
(01:33):
point or will in their life atsome point, and the topic of
finances will come up.
It will be a part of your life.
So I'm going to turn it over toyou, ryan, to just talk about
tips or tricks.
You've seen that work well.
Maybe don't work well as far ascovering this topic with your
partner.
Ryan Nelson (01:49):
Cool, let's do it.
Yeah, so clearly.
What's that song?
It's like money can't buyhappiness, but it can buy you a
boat.
Exactly, yeah, you know money,yeah, again, while money can't
buy happiness, it definitely isinvolved in many, many pieces of
our life, right From where welive and how we spend our time
(02:11):
and, yeah, how we prioritize ourgoals, and so it is an
important variable in all of ourlives.
And you know, when you have twopeople in a household, and
sometimes they have differentviews on money, it can create
some tension or conflict, and soone thing I find interesting is
(02:41):
one of the leading causes ofdivorce are around financial
reasons and financial conflicts,and so, if nothing else, I mean
that's, that's a good reason,right there.
I mean, it's a good indicatorthat, uh, when two people aren't
on the same page, it it leadsto, um, you know, non-ideal
situations and, um, getting onthe same page can certainly be
valuable.
So, um, I I think, yeah, reallygetting on the same page and
doing it earlier, uh, earlierthan later, is probably better.
(03:03):
So, as far as like, what works,so I think that, like you know
it sounds silly and, again, likeI'm in no position to give like
, relationship advice but likehaving a conversation, as
opposed to a confrontation, isuseful.
So, really like approaching itfrom the standpoint of like
(03:25):
discovery and learning andhaving a conversation about
finances and, um, and again, ifyou approach it from that
position of wanting to learnabout the other person, wanting
to learn about their goals,wanting to learn about how they
view money, um, you're probablygoing to be in a much better
spot.
Um, it's super, super, superrare, but sometimes I'll have
people in my office where, um,they will you know, they'll each
(03:48):
think each other is right orthey'll each you know.
So, maybe, maybe it's a husbandand wife the husband thinks
he's right, the wife thinksshe's right and they'll want to
like talk to me and almost hopethat I side with them to prove
to their spouse that they arethe right one, right.
And like.
The reality is like, as mostthings in life, there usually
isn't like a cut and dry rightanswer.
There's different pros,different cons and there's
(04:08):
different sort of.
There's like a spectrum and youcould lie at a different place
in this spectrum, right?
So if we're talking about risk,it's not that more risk or less
risk is good or bad.
It's just that there'sdifferent pros and cons to less
risk.
There's different pros and consto more risk and everybody has
like will lie on that spectrumsomewhere else.
And so coming at it from apoint of like discovery, of
trying to figure out like whereyour partner is, where you're at
(04:29):
and how you could like mutuallycome to a beneficial solution
for both of you, is kind of theapproach you'd want to take, as
opposed to a confrontationalapproach, I think.
Aaron Hoisington (04:36):
Yeah, I think that that really really rings
true.
You can.
You know, I think there's thesaying like you can catch more
flies with honey than vinegar orsomething like that, and I
don't know if that reallyapplies.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
I just like saying that saying.
Aaron Hoisington (04:48):
I think it is important to have.
If you have a rational, calmconversation with your partner,
specifically around finances,it's a lot better than I.
Personally, I've been in thissituation where I've come across
maybe more accusatory.
Sure, People be like well, whywould you do that?
What's your goal?
What are you doing Like kind ofthing versus like?
I'd like to get your thoughtson this, Like how do you view
(05:10):
money?
How do you view your finances?
How does that match up withmine?
What can we kind of do to marrythe two up together?
So I think that that piece ofconversation, not a
confrontation, can honestly beapplied to a lot of topics in a
relationship, for sure.
Ryan Nelson (05:23):
Absolutely.
Another thing would be, just tobe honest, so you know it's not
uncommon maybe, for you knowagain, so everybody is a little
bit different and oftentimesyou'll have one person in a
relationship maybe be a saverand one person be a spender, and
you know it's possiblesometimes the spender has
wrecked up some credit card debtor something like that and
(05:46):
naturally maybe there's likefeelings of like guilt or shame
associated with that, and sosometimes it's hard for them to
be like transparent and honest.
And you know there's instancesthat again I've worked with
professionally, where one spousewill not have known of
potentially six figures of debt.
Oh wow, and again, that's justclearly it's really easy being
(06:10):
an outside observer, it's reallyeasy to see how that would lead
to negative consequences fromthe relationship standpoint.
As far as money goes, right,yeah, so obviously it's one of
those things that sometimes iseasier said than done.
Everybody can acknowledge that.
Yeah, that's probably not thebest practice.
Sometimes it is harder to behonest, um, or admit some of
those things, especially whenthey're associated with like
(06:30):
shame or guilt.
But, um, I that would be one ofthe things that would be
important to do is be honestabout your numbers, um, and so,
just again, being transparent aswell as like normalizing, um,
talking about some of that stuff.
So if you never talk aboutanything finance-related with
your partner, it's not normal,right?
(06:50):
Sure, the more you do it, themore natural it becomes, right,
I think most people.
It would be hard for somebodyto ask somebody else how much
they make.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Right, it'd be an uncomfortable question.
Right, absolutely.
Ryan Nelson (07:04):
Throughout my work, I've asked that question
hundreds and hundreds andhundreds of times, like
literally, and so it's like notan awkward question for me.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
It's the same question.
Ryan Nelson (07:12):
I've just normalized asking it because
professionally I have to do itevery single day, right.
But so you know it's a goodexample of, like you know, the
more you do something, theeasier it becomes.
And so, yeah, I think justnormalizing those conversations
with your significant othermakes it easier.
The first question might be orthe first time you have the
conversation, it might beawkward, it might be weird.
(07:33):
The second time it might stillbe a little awkward.
The 10th time it's going to beprobably not that awkward.
Yeah, 100th time yeah.
It's just another conversation.
It's a conversation you've hada hundred times.
Aaron Hoisington (07:39):
Yeah, it's, it's one of those topics you
know they talk about.
I think there's like hey, youdon't talk about, like politics,
religion, finances or sex.
I think it was like the there'sfour things and for me I'm like
, why not Like?
Why don't we?
I like all four of those things, sometimes Like.
And so I think, specificallywith, if they're not comfortable
(08:07):
answering that question,totally get it.
They could just tell me thatI'll move right on.
Sure, yeah, yeah yeah, but Ithink it's important
specifically with your partner.
Like you called out, it's goingto you.
Both are probably tied upsomewhere financially, and so
being able to just normalizethat is a huge piece of it for
sure.
Ryan Nelson (08:25):
Yep, I think another thing that might make
the conversations easier isframing them around goals.
Sure, another thing that's thatmight make it the conversations
easier is like framing themaround goals, um.
So if you are, for instance,trying to save money, right, um,
sometimes it's easier to havethe conversation around like
what are we trying to accomplish?
So if we have this end goal ofsaving for a house, it's
sometimes easier to broach thetopic around saving around.
(08:47):
Okay, we're trying to save thishouse, how much do we need?
How much do we need to save permonth?
Where's this money going tocome from?
Right?
And so kind of talking about atop down, starting at the goal
and working down, as opposed tostarting at the bottom and
getting in.
You know, trying to look at theminutia of the daily budget and
why are you spending X a dayand why you keep going out to
eat?
I pack my own lunch, right,like it's all these little
(09:07):
things that it's like reallyeasy to get caught up in.
But again, if we stay like highlevel, focus on the goal okay,
we're trying to save our house,like I think that that does make
the conversations, um, or atleast has the potential to make
the conversations be a littlebit smoother there, yeah, and
also, you hit on a piece of likehaving that about goals versus
like you know, hey, cool, I'mdoing this, you're doing this.
Aaron Hoisington (09:29):
But I know for myself it's a lot easier for me
to get on board with somethingif I'm kind of challenged with
it.
So it's like hey, our goal isto save $20,000 by the end of
the year for X purpose.
If I have a purpose behind thatmoney, I know same with my wife
too.
I'm way more apt to be able toactually work towards that
versus just saying hey, let'ssave some money, right, makes
(09:49):
sense, okay, towards that.
Versus just saying, hey, let'ssave some money, right, makes
sense, and let's pretend onespouse is more involved with the
finances.
Ryan Nelson (09:53):
So they say, hey, we need to save a thousand bucks
a month.
Let's say the other spouse, ifthey don't know why or they
don't see the long-term vision,it's just like what are we
saving this for?
I don't know, I'd prefer to getthis whatever.
Go golfing today.
And so, again, if you'realigned on those goals and it's
like, oh, this money is to buythe house, or this money is for
our long-term retirement, oh,we're planning on retiring at 55
(10:14):
and traveling, oh, that soundspretty cool.
I could get behind saving athousand bucks a month, right.
So again, just making sureeverybody's sort of on the same
page from those goals.
Definitely Another thing wouldbe to sort of define some roles
and responsibilities.
That sounds maybe a little bitlike corporate right Like rigid.
(10:43):
Yeah, but the reality is itmight be necessary to have a
successful finance.
So who's responsible for payingthe credit card bill If neither
of you is responsible, if youjust assume?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
the other one will.
Ryan Nelson (10:49):
It's not good, just to be like well, we're both
responsible.
Because then it's like well,yeah, maybe I won't do it this
month, She'll take care of itthis month.
Or she's like I won't take careof it this month, He'll take
care of it, it's best if oneperson is just responsible and
it's like, okay, I'll make surethat you know exactly who's
going to get it done.
So, yeah, I think having somesort of role, like roles, um,
(11:10):
whether that's who's paying whatbills or whatever, it can avoid
a lot of like confusion.
Yep, no, absolutely.
I think that that's very, verytrue.
And then, just to reiterate itkind of, we touched on like
being, when we're talking aboutbeing honest, been like
normalizing these conversations.
But it would just be like partof normalizing this would be
doing something on a regularbasis.
And so there's a lot of coupleswho will have monthly check-ins
(11:36):
right, where they literally putit on the calendar.
At this time we're talkingabout finances and it's like
their finance meeting right, andobviously, hopefully they can
make it a little more fun thanthat or turn it into a date of
sorts.
But the point is, um, these areimportant topics we prioritize
and we put other things on thecalendar right, if we have a
(11:58):
doctor's appointment, we'regoing to put on the calendar,
we're going to make sure ithappens.
Um, having conversation aboutyour finance are also important
and prioritizing it, getting iton the calendar, making sure
that you're you're regularlychecking in on it is probably a
a worthwhile habit as well.
Aaron Hoisington (12:13):
Yeah, I'd say absolutely, I just have it, just
revisiting it and making sureeverybody's still on the same
page.
Those pulse checks, like you'resaying, are important there for
sure.
So, now that we've talked aboutwhat does work, we've also hit
on a couple of these otherpoints, but I don't know if you
want to touch on things thatyou've seen.
Obviously these aren't going tobe set in stone, but like what
do you see kind of common painpoints of things that don't work
(12:34):
?
Ryan Nelson (12:35):
Yeah, I think definitely the more valuable
side is focusing on what doeswork, Right, so let's run
through the what doesn't workmuch quicker, Um, but yeah, so
avoiding, like you know, um,they can be awkward
conversations or just like theycan be conversations that we
don't want to have.
Or in that example where it'slike man, if I have six figures
of credit card debt, I don'twant to tell my partner about
that.
(12:58):
That's natural.
So it's really easy to avoidjust having the conversation and
that obviously just ignoring itdoesn't make it go away.
So avoiding it doesn't everhelp.
It just seems to get worse.
Also criticizing.
So if we were partners and yougo buy a new set of golf clubs
and I'm like, why would you dothat?
And I criticize you for it,sure, it's just going to.
(13:20):
The human reaction is just todig your heels in deeper and
further confirm why you shouldhave done that, right?
Yeah, so it's like anythingthat's probably not the best way
of building a healthyrelationship around money.
So if you approach it fromagain, that point of
understanding and what's goingon and how do we tackle this and
you know we really do If you'vediscussed your goals, if you've
done all those things wealready talked about, you've had
(13:41):
the goals, you understand whatwe're trying to save for, Like
you know, you can probablyapproach this from a much more
beneficial standpoint.
And then oftentimes I'll seethis is really quite common is
one person will be kind of inthe dark.
So there'll be one person whomanages finances, one person in
(14:02):
the dark.
The person in the dark is like,really for the true sense of the
word and without the negativeconnotation, they're just
ignorant to what's going on.
And it makes it challenging,right Again, if you don't know
why you're saving, or whatyou're saving, or what your
accounts are, how much you save,or if you're just truly
ignorant to all that it's justreally challenging.
And so, while I do think again,creating those roles and
responsibilities, it's okay tohave one person sort of lead the
(14:24):
financial charge, but it'sprobably worthwhile to still
have those financialconversations so that
everybody's on the same page,and then again it could trickle
back and have one person beresponsible for paying the bills
or leading the savingsinitiatives.
For sure, but again bothparties should probably be kept
in the loop, would be mythoughts.
Aaron Hoisington (14:38):
I think that that's important as well, and I
always think about that becausein my relationship I handle more
of the finances, but I alwaysmake sure that my wife has a
pretty solid grasp on what'sgoing on, because it's just good
to be knowledgeable, plus, asmorbid as it sounds if I was to
pass away or something like thatat least having a general idea,
or who did your tools andresources to like go to?
(15:00):
if you have to end up maybepassing away divorce, whatever
you want to call it, like a samething, um, it being able to
step in there and not becompletely in the dark and I
think is is incredibly importantto be able to at least have
some understanding for sure 100%.
Ryan Nelson (15:14):
Yeah, absolutely.
Um one one, uh one one quick uh, yeah, quick tip out of uh, I
think, ted Lasso, do you see?
They just uh announced a fourseason.
I did see that, yeah, so he hasalso awesome quote in there, uh,
that I love.
It's like it's the the dartscene, if you've seen it, um.
But he's like talking about becurious, not judgmental, um,
(15:35):
which I just think is a reallycool quote.
But so, same thing, if youapproach all these conversations
from a being curious standpointand a not judgmental standpoint
, I think, in summary, you'll beprobably okay.
Aaron Hoisington (15:45):
Absolutely.
Plus, people are more apt totalk about things and open up if
you're curious about them, ifyou show interest.
I've learned that just over theyears.
If you're like, well, tell meabout that, that's super
interesting, people might belike, oh no, I do a boring job.
I was like, well, what do youdo?
And just to be able to getpeople to open up and talk about
those things, if you showinterest in whatever the topic
(16:07):
is finances, whatever it mightbe very more likely to have them
share and actually get to theroot of what they have to.
So I think that's a great quote.
Ryan Nelson (16:16):
Yeah.
Aaron Hoisington (16:17):
He's got lots of good quotes.
Yeah, he does.
That shows pretty good.
Ryan Nelson (16:20):
So maybe to put a bow on it, so in line with what
you were just talking about,like kind of showing that
interest.
So if you're listening andyou're like, yeah, that makes
sense, I know I shouldn't avoidit, but it's hard to have that
conversation, and sure we shouldhave regular check-ins and like
, yeah, I know I should behonest and make it a
conversation, notconfrontational, but like it's
still hard to have thatconversation, right, maybe a
good starting point.
This would be a good questionto ask your partner what would
(16:43):
financial peace of mind looklike to you?
So, what would financialfreedom look like to you?
You know anything like that.
And so, again, it's kind ofapproaching it from a point of
like discovery and curiosity.
And, yeah, what is financialpeace of mind look like to you?
And again, be curious to seewhat they say, right, and you'll
probably learn a lot.
And again, that might stillhelp paint the picture of some
(17:08):
of the decisions they're makingand why they don't align with
you.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
They're clearly aligning with.
They're making decisions thatmake sense for them right.
Ryan Nelson (17:12):
So if you just get a better idea of what makes
sense for them and they get abetter idea of what makes sense
for you, you can better start tounderstand each other.
Aaron Hoisington (17:18):
Yeah, no, that's phenomenal.
I appreciate it, man.
That is really well broken downhere and just want to reiterate
we're not relationship advicepeople, but I think that there's
some.
Hopefully you guys can takesome of these things, talk with
your partner and just at leaststart the conversation.
Ryan Nelson (17:31):
I think that's a We'll probably both be single by
the time this thing airs.
Yeah, exactly In that case,whoops.
Aaron Hoisington (17:39):
All right, we'll go ahead and take a pause
here, ryan, we'll be right backon the other side.
Everybody hang tight.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
And now to put the personal in personal finance.
Aaron Hoisington (17:51):
Welcome back everybody to the personal side
of the Fiscal Physical Podcast.
I am still here with Ryan and,uh, ryan, when I was writing up
this question, I pretty sure Iknew your answer already, but I
think the the the listenersdeserve to know, and I think
it's always a fun one to get thejuices flowing.
But, um, what is your go-tokaraoke song?
If, uh, you had to go singkaraoke, what would you?
Ryan Nelson (18:15):
say that would be I .
I, I don't have to go singkaraoke.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Yeah, what would you?
Ryan Nelson (18:18):
say that would be.
I don't have to go sing karaokefirst of all, so I can't say I
have a go-to karaoke song.
I think I can count on one handhow many times I've done
karaoke, and I could lose a fewfingers.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Still count on one hand.
Ryan Nelson (18:32):
But, that being said, this past summer I did do
a karaoke, and I did it to theDevil, went Down to Georgia,
nice, and so I suppose bydefault, that has to have become
my karaoke song.
Yeah, what about?
Aaron Hoisington (18:47):
you.
That's funny.
I know that you love that.
I was like that's probably oneof the songs you know all the
words to as well, I know like60% of the words, so more than
any other song.
I'm similar but I I try toavoid karaoke with a passion.
I've done it a few times andnormally when I've imbibed in a
few beverages and I think thatI'm just crushing it.
Yeah and I I my buddy showed mea video one time of me singing
(19:10):
and I was like, oh my god like I, I should never do that again.
This is like five, six years ago.
I don't think I've ever done itsince, because I was just like
nah, no one needs to hear that.
Yeah, yeah, but my go-tokaraoke song is All Star by
Smash Mouth.
Ryan Nelson (19:24):
Okay.
Aaron Hoisington (19:25):
That's one of the few songs that I know.
I know like 90% of the lyricsto that, which is unheard of for
me.
Yeah, yeah, I still, on thedaily basis, hear songs.
Or somebody talks about a songand I'm like, oh, I've never
heard that.
Yeah, and they're like what,You've never heard that song.
I'm like I don't even know whatyou're talking about that kind
of thing so when I find a songlike that that I know, I know
(19:46):
kind of the rhythm and the lyric, I'm like okay, cool, yeah, I
could belt that one out.
Yeah yeah, but you did it, Idid it, yeah, so I you know in
the future it's always good, Ithink, to have that in your back
pocket about like cool, you gotthis song Plus.
Those are both pretty popularsongs, everybody's pretty much
heard those, or no, I know.
Ryan Nelson (20:04):
So, yeah, you, you, you probably need to put some,
find one of those.
Aaron Hoisington (20:21):
What are some of those songs?
That journey like a like don'tstop believing.
You'll always get people likeyeah, I think, with the devil,
went down to georgia, you'll getsome in in that too, but
there's also like a lot ofinstrumental stuff in that one.
Ryan Nelson (20:25):
Yeah, so when we did it there was actually
multiple there.
The like technology or whateverlike could break it out by
different uh like roles, oh cool.
And so there's like three orfour of us doing it, so like
like one was Johnny, one was thedevil, one was whoever else is
in that song.
Aaron Hoisington (20:38):
Narrator yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I think that was one.
Ryan Nelson (20:42):
So like I didn't even have to do the whole song.
I was only doing like pieces ofit.
Yeah.
Aaron Hoisington (20:45):
There you go.
Man Well, awesome.
I appreciate you sharing Ryan.
You know if anybody knows usline, but it's good to have
options, experience new thingsand appreciate the sharing Ryan
and anything.
Well, let me thank ourlisteners first.
How rude of me.
Appreciate everyone checking usout here.
New pods drop every Tuesday.
(21:06):
Please check us out whereveryou get your podcasts at.
Really appreciate the supportand, ryan, I'll leave you to
play us out, as always.
Stay the course.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Thank you for joining us for the fiscal physical
podcast.
Until next time, happylistening and, as always, stay
the course.
If you have a question or topicsuggestions, please email us at
podcast at alchemywealthcom.
If you enjoyed today'sdiscussion, subscribe to the
podcast to ensure you never missan episode and consider leaving
(21:38):
us a rating and review on yourfavorite platform.
This helps other listeners likeyou find the show.
For more resources, you canvisit Alchemy Wealth
Management's website atwwwalchemywealthcom or find your
fiscal physical the book onAmazon.
We'd be remiss if we didn'tmention that personal finance is
just that personal.
(21:58):
Please don't take anything wesay as advice.
The preceding content is forinformational and entertainment
purposes only.
It's not an offer or asolicitation, nor should it be
construed or relied upon for tax, legal or investment advice.
It doesn't consider yourpersonal financial situation or
objectives and may not besuitable for you.
Welcome to the Fiscal Physical Podcast.
Join us each week as we sitdown with the founder of Alchemy
Wealth Management and author ofyour Fiscal Physical, Ryan
Nelson.
Tune in to gain valuableinsights and practical tips as
we simplify complex financialconcepts into digestible lessons
(00:22):
.
From budgeting to retirementplanning, this podcast is your
go-to resource for masteringfinancial literacy.
Aaron Hoisington (00:33):
Welcome everybody to this week's episode
of the Fiscal Physical Podcast.
My name is Aaron Hoisington.
I am joined, as always, by thebrains behind this operation, mr
Ryan Nelson.
Ryan, how are you doing today?
Ryan Nelson (00:47):
I'm doing well.
How are you doing today?
Aaron Hoisington (00:48):
You know I cannot complain.
It's another beautiful day herein Reno, we are recording some
podcasting and we're doing ourthing, man.
So you ready to jump into thisbad boy?
Let's do it All, right, soundsgood.
So today we are going to becovering a topic that is, I'd
say, relatively important herewhen it comes to finances, and
(01:11):
we're going to be talking abouthow to broach the financial
topic with your partner.
So I want to preface this aswell.
We're not here to givefinancial advice and, honestly,
we're probably less qualified togive a relationship advice than
anything there too.
So take everything we say witha grain of salt and, honestly,
we're probably less qualified togive a relationship advice than
anything there too.
So take everything we say witha grain of salt.
It's going to depend on yoursituation, but we do want to
cover, because most people dohave a significant other at one
(01:33):
point or will in their life atsome point, and the topic of
finances will come up.
It will be a part of your life.
So I'm going to turn it over toyou, ryan, to just talk about
tips or tricks.
You've seen that work well.
Maybe don't work well as far ascovering this topic with your
partner.
Ryan Nelson (01:49):
Cool, let's do it.
Yeah, so clearly.
What's that song?
It's like money can't buyhappiness, but it can buy you a
boat.
Exactly, yeah, you know money,yeah, again, while money can't
buy happiness, it definitely isinvolved in many, many pieces of
our life, right From where welive and how we spend our time
(02:11):
and, yeah, how we prioritize ourgoals, and so it is an
important variable in all of ourlives.
And you know, when you have twopeople in a household, and
sometimes they have differentviews on money, it can create
some tension or conflict, and soone thing I find interesting is
(02:41):
one of the leading causes ofdivorce are around financial
reasons and financial conflicts,and so, if nothing else, I mean
that's, that's a good reason,right there.
I mean, it's a good indicatorthat, uh, when two people aren't
on the same page, it it leadsto, um, you know, non-ideal
situations and, um, getting onthe same page can certainly be
valuable.
So, um, I I think, yeah, reallygetting on the same page and
doing it earlier, uh, earlierthan later, is probably better.
(03:03):
So, as far as like, what works,so I think that, like you know
it sounds silly and, again, likeI'm in no position to give like
, relationship advice but likehaving a conversation, as
opposed to a confrontation, isuseful.
So, really like approaching itfrom the standpoint of like
(03:25):
discovery and learning andhaving a conversation about
finances and, um, and again, ifyou approach it from that
position of wanting to learnabout the other person, wanting
to learn about their goals,wanting to learn about how they
view money, um, you're probablygoing to be in a much better
spot.
Um, it's super, super, superrare, but sometimes I'll have
people in my office where, um,they will you know, they'll each
(03:48):
think each other is right orthey'll each you know.
So, maybe, maybe it's a husbandand wife the husband thinks
he's right, the wife thinksshe's right and they'll want to
like talk to me and almost hopethat I side with them to prove
to their spouse that they arethe right one, right.
And like.
The reality is like, as mostthings in life, there usually
isn't like a cut and dry rightanswer.
There's different pros,different cons and there's
(04:08):
different sort of.
There's like a spectrum and youcould lie at a different place
in this spectrum, right?
So if we're talking about risk,it's not that more risk or less
risk is good or bad.
It's just that there'sdifferent pros and cons to less
risk.
There's different pros and consto more risk and everybody has
like will lie on that spectrumsomewhere else.
And so coming at it from apoint of like discovery, of
trying to figure out like whereyour partner is, where you're at
(04:29):
and how you could like mutuallycome to a beneficial solution
for both of you, is kind of theapproach you'd want to take, as
opposed to a confrontationalapproach, I think.
Aaron Hoisington (04:36):
Yeah, I think that that really really rings
true.
You can.
You know, I think there's thesaying like you can catch more
flies with honey than vinegar orsomething like that, and I
don't know if that reallyapplies.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
I just like saying that saying.
Aaron Hoisington (04:48):
I think it is important to have.
If you have a rational, calmconversation with your partner,
specifically around finances,it's a lot better than I.
Personally, I've been in thissituation where I've come across
maybe more accusatory.
Sure, People be like well, whywould you do that?
What's your goal?
What are you doing Like kind ofthing versus like?
I'd like to get your thoughtson this, Like how do you view
(05:10):
money?
How do you view your finances?
How does that match up withmine?
What can we kind of do to marrythe two up together?
So I think that that piece ofconversation, not a
confrontation, can honestly beapplied to a lot of topics in a
relationship, for sure.
Ryan Nelson (05:23):
Absolutely.
Another thing would be, just tobe honest, so you know it's not
uncommon maybe, for you knowagain, so everybody is a little
bit different and oftentimesyou'll have one person in a
relationship maybe be a saverand one person be a spender, and
you know it's possiblesometimes the spender has
wrecked up some credit card debtor something like that and
(05:46):
naturally maybe there's likefeelings of like guilt or shame
associated with that, and sosometimes it's hard for them to
be like transparent and honest.
And you know there's instancesthat again I've worked with
professionally, where one spousewill not have known of
potentially six figures of debt.
Oh wow, and again, that's justclearly it's really easy being
(06:10):
an outside observer, it's reallyeasy to see how that would lead
to negative consequences fromthe relationship standpoint.
As far as money goes, right,yeah, so obviously it's one of
those things that sometimes iseasier said than done.
Everybody can acknowledge that.
Yeah, that's probably not thebest practice.
Sometimes it is harder to behonest, um, or admit some of
those things, especially whenthey're associated with like
(06:30):
shame or guilt.
But, um, I that would be one ofthe things that would be
important to do is be honestabout your numbers, um, and so,
just again, being transparent aswell as like normalizing, um,
talking about some of that stuff.
So if you never talk aboutanything finance-related with
your partner, it's not normal,right?
(06:50):
Sure, the more you do it, themore natural it becomes, right,
I think most people.
It would be hard for somebodyto ask somebody else how much
they make.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Right, it'd be an uncomfortable question.
Right, absolutely.
Ryan Nelson (07:04):
Throughout my work, I've asked that question
hundreds and hundreds andhundreds of times, like
literally, and so it's like notan awkward question for me.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
It's the same question.
Ryan Nelson (07:12):
I've just normalized asking it because
professionally I have to do itevery single day, right.
But so you know it's a goodexample of, like you know, the
more you do something, theeasier it becomes.
And so, yeah, I think justnormalizing those conversations
with your significant othermakes it easier.
The first question might be orthe first time you have the
conversation, it might beawkward, it might be weird.
(07:33):
The second time it might stillbe a little awkward.
The 10th time it's going to beprobably not that awkward.
Yeah, 100th time yeah.
It's just another conversation.
It's a conversation you've hada hundred times.
Aaron Hoisington (07:39):
Yeah, it's, it's one of those topics you
know they talk about.
I think there's like hey, youdon't talk about, like politics,
religion, finances or sex.
I think it was like the there'sfour things and for me I'm like
, why not Like?
Why don't we?
I like all four of those things, sometimes Like.
And so I think, specificallywith, if they're not comfortable
(08:07):
answering that question,totally get it.
They could just tell me thatI'll move right on.
Sure, yeah, yeah yeah, but Ithink it's important
specifically with your partner.
Like you called out, it's goingto you.
Both are probably tied upsomewhere financially, and so
being able to just normalizethat is a huge piece of it for
sure.
Ryan Nelson (08:25):
Yep, I think another thing that might make
the conversations easier isframing them around goals.
Sure, another thing that's thatmight make it the conversations
easier is like framing themaround goals, um.
So if you are, for instance,trying to save money, right, um,
sometimes it's easier to havethe conversation around like
what are we trying to accomplish?
So if we have this end goal ofsaving for a house, it's
sometimes easier to broach thetopic around saving around.
(08:47):
Okay, we're trying to save thishouse, how much do we need?
How much do we need to save permonth?
Where's this money going tocome from?
Right?
And so kind of talking about atop down, starting at the goal
and working down, as opposed tostarting at the bottom and
getting in.
You know, trying to look at theminutia of the daily budget and
why are you spending X a dayand why you keep going out to
eat?
I pack my own lunch, right,like it's all these little
(09:07):
things that it's like reallyeasy to get caught up in.
But again, if we stay like highlevel, focus on the goal okay,
we're trying to save our house,like I think that that does make
the conversations, um, or atleast has the potential to make
the conversations be a littlebit smoother there, yeah, and
also, you hit on a piece of likehaving that about goals versus
like you know, hey, cool, I'mdoing this, you're doing this.
Aaron Hoisington (09:29):
But I know for myself it's a lot easier for me
to get on board with somethingif I'm kind of challenged with
it.
So it's like hey, our goal isto save $20,000 by the end of
the year for X purpose.
If I have a purpose behind thatmoney, I know same with my wife
too.
I'm way more apt to be able toactually work towards that
versus just saying hey, let'ssave some money, right, makes
(09:49):
sense, okay, towards that.
Versus just saying, hey, let'ssave some money, right, makes
sense, and let's pretend onespouse is more involved with the
finances.
Ryan Nelson (09:53):
So they say, hey, we need to save a thousand bucks
a month.
Let's say the other spouse, ifthey don't know why or they
don't see the long-term vision,it's just like what are we
saving this for?
I don't know, I'd prefer to getthis whatever.
Go golfing today.
And so, again, if you'realigned on those goals and it's
like, oh, this money is to buythe house, or this money is for
our long-term retirement, oh,we're planning on retiring at 55
(10:14):
and traveling, oh, that soundspretty cool.
I could get behind saving athousand bucks a month, right.
So again, just making sureeverybody's sort of on the same
page from those goals.
Definitely Another thing wouldbe to sort of define some roles
and responsibilities.
That sounds maybe a little bitlike corporate right Like rigid.
(10:43):
Yeah, but the reality is itmight be necessary to have a
successful finance.
So who's responsible for payingthe credit card bill If neither
of you is responsible, if youjust assume?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
the other one will.
Ryan Nelson (10:49):
It's not good, just to be like well, we're both
responsible.
Because then it's like well,yeah, maybe I won't do it this
month, She'll take care of itthis month.
Or she's like I won't take careof it this month, He'll take
care of it, it's best if oneperson is just responsible and
it's like, okay, I'll make surethat you know exactly who's
going to get it done.
So, yeah, I think having somesort of role, like roles, um,
(11:10):
whether that's who's paying whatbills or whatever, it can avoid
a lot of like confusion.
Yep, no, absolutely.
I think that that's very, verytrue.
And then, just to reiterate itkind of, we touched on like
being, when we're talking aboutbeing honest, been like
normalizing these conversations.
But it would just be like partof normalizing this would be
doing something on a regularbasis.
And so there's a lot of coupleswho will have monthly check-ins
(11:36):
right, where they literally putit on the calendar.
At this time we're talkingabout finances and it's like
their finance meeting right, andobviously, hopefully they can
make it a little more fun thanthat or turn it into a date of
sorts.
But the point is, um, these areimportant topics we prioritize
and we put other things on thecalendar right, if we have a
(11:58):
doctor's appointment, we'regoing to put on the calendar,
we're going to make sure ithappens.
Um, having conversation aboutyour finance are also important
and prioritizing it, getting iton the calendar, making sure
that you're you're regularlychecking in on it is probably a
a worthwhile habit as well.
Aaron Hoisington (12:13):
Yeah, I'd say absolutely, I just have it, just
revisiting it and making sureeverybody's still on the same
page.
Those pulse checks, like you'resaying, are important there for
sure.
So, now that we've talked aboutwhat does work, we've also hit
on a couple of these otherpoints, but I don't know if you
want to touch on things thatyou've seen.
Obviously these aren't going tobe set in stone, but like what
do you see kind of common painpoints of things that don't work
(12:34):
?
Ryan Nelson (12:35):
Yeah, I think definitely the more valuable
side is focusing on what doeswork, Right, so let's run
through the what doesn't workmuch quicker, Um, but yeah, so
avoiding, like you know, um,they can be awkward
conversations or just like theycan be conversations that we
don't want to have.
Or in that example where it'slike man, if I have six figures
of credit card debt, I don'twant to tell my partner about
that.
(12:58):
That's natural.
So it's really easy to avoidjust having the conversation and
that obviously just ignoring itdoesn't make it go away.
So avoiding it doesn't everhelp.
It just seems to get worse.
Also criticizing.
So if we were partners and yougo buy a new set of golf clubs
and I'm like, why would you dothat?
And I criticize you for it,sure, it's just going to.
(13:20):
The human reaction is just todig your heels in deeper and
further confirm why you shouldhave done that, right?
Yeah, so it's like anythingthat's probably not the best way
of building a healthyrelationship around money.
So if you approach it fromagain, that point of
understanding and what's goingon and how do we tackle this and
you know we really do If you'vediscussed your goals, if you've
done all those things wealready talked about, you've had
(13:41):
the goals, you understand whatwe're trying to save for, Like
you know, you can probablyapproach this from a much more
beneficial standpoint.
And then oftentimes I'll seethis is really quite common is
one person will be kind of inthe dark.
So there'll be one person whomanages finances, one person in
(14:02):
the dark.
The person in the dark is like,really for the true sense of the
word and without the negativeconnotation, they're just
ignorant to what's going on.
And it makes it challenging,right Again, if you don't know
why you're saving, or whatyou're saving, or what your
accounts are, how much you save,or if you're just truly
ignorant to all that it's justreally challenging.
And so, while I do think again,creating those roles and
responsibilities, it's okay tohave one person sort of lead the
(14:24):
financial charge, but it'sprobably worthwhile to still
have those financialconversations so that
everybody's on the same page,and then again it could trickle
back and have one person beresponsible for paying the bills
or leading the savingsinitiatives.
For sure, but again bothparties should probably be kept
in the loop, would be mythoughts.
Aaron Hoisington (14:38):
I think that that's important as well, and I
always think about that becausein my relationship I handle more
of the finances, but I alwaysmake sure that my wife has a
pretty solid grasp on what'sgoing on, because it's just good
to be knowledgeable, plus, asmorbid as it sounds if I was to
pass away or something like thatat least having a general idea,
or who did your tools andresources to like go to?
(15:00):
if you have to end up maybepassing away divorce, whatever
you want to call it, like a samething, um, it being able to
step in there and not becompletely in the dark and I
think is is incredibly importantto be able to at least have
some understanding for sure 100%.
Ryan Nelson (15:14):
Yeah, absolutely.
Um one one, uh one one quick uh, yeah, quick tip out of uh, I
think, ted Lasso, do you see?
They just uh announced a fourseason.
I did see that, yeah, so he hasalso awesome quote in there, uh,
that I love.
It's like it's the the dartscene, if you've seen it, um.
But he's like talking about becurious, not judgmental, um,
(15:35):
which I just think is a reallycool quote.
But so, same thing, if youapproach all these conversations
from a being curious standpointand a not judgmental standpoint
, I think, in summary, you'll beprobably okay.
Aaron Hoisington (15:45):
Absolutely.
Plus, people are more apt totalk about things and open up if
you're curious about them, ifyou show interest.
I've learned that just over theyears.
If you're like, well, tell meabout that, that's super
interesting, people might belike, oh no, I do a boring job.
I was like, well, what do youdo?
And just to be able to getpeople to open up and talk about
those things, if you showinterest in whatever the topic
(16:07):
is finances, whatever it mightbe very more likely to have them
share and actually get to theroot of what they have to.
So I think that's a great quote.
Ryan Nelson (16:16):
Yeah.
Aaron Hoisington (16:17):
He's got lots of good quotes.
Yeah, he does.
That shows pretty good.
Ryan Nelson (16:20):
So maybe to put a bow on it, so in line with what
you were just talking about,like kind of showing that
interest.
So if you're listening andyou're like, yeah, that makes
sense, I know I shouldn't avoidit, but it's hard to have that
conversation, and sure we shouldhave regular check-ins and like
, yeah, I know I should behonest and make it a
conversation, notconfrontational, but like it's
still hard to have thatconversation, right, maybe a
good starting point.
This would be a good questionto ask your partner what would
(16:43):
financial peace of mind looklike to you?
So, what would financialfreedom look like to you?
You know anything like that.
And so, again, it's kind ofapproaching it from a point of
like discovery and curiosity.
And, yeah, what is financialpeace of mind look like to you?
And again, be curious to seewhat they say, right, and you'll
probably learn a lot.
And again, that might stillhelp paint the picture of some
(17:08):
of the decisions they're makingand why they don't align with
you.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
They're clearly aligning with.
They're making decisions thatmake sense for them right.
Ryan Nelson (17:12):
So if you just get a better idea of what makes
sense for them and they get abetter idea of what makes sense
for you, you can better start tounderstand each other.
Aaron Hoisington (17:18):
Yeah, no, that's phenomenal.
I appreciate it, man.
That is really well broken downhere and just want to reiterate
we're not relationship advicepeople, but I think that there's
some.
Hopefully you guys can takesome of these things, talk with
your partner and just at leaststart the conversation.
Ryan Nelson (17:31):
I think that's a We'll probably both be single by
the time this thing airs.
Yeah, exactly In that case,whoops.
Aaron Hoisington (17:39):
All right, we'll go ahead and take a pause
here, ryan, we'll be right backon the other side.
Everybody hang tight.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
And now to put the personal in personal finance.
Aaron Hoisington (17:51):
Welcome back everybody to the personal side
of the Fiscal Physical Podcast.
I am still here with Ryan and,uh, ryan, when I was writing up
this question, I pretty sure Iknew your answer already, but I
think the the the listenersdeserve to know, and I think
it's always a fun one to get thejuices flowing.
But, um, what is your go-tokaraoke song?
If, uh, you had to go singkaraoke, what would you?
Ryan Nelson (18:15):
say that would be I .
I, I don't have to go singkaraoke.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Yeah, what would you?
Ryan Nelson (18:18):
say that would be.
I don't have to go sing karaokefirst of all, so I can't say I
have a go-to karaoke song.
I think I can count on one handhow many times I've done
karaoke, and I could lose a fewfingers.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Still count on one hand.
Ryan Nelson (18:32):
But, that being said, this past summer I did do
a karaoke, and I did it to theDevil, went Down to Georgia,
nice, and so I suppose bydefault, that has to have become
my karaoke song.
Yeah, what about?
Aaron Hoisington (18:47):
you.
That's funny.
I know that you love that.
I was like that's probably oneof the songs you know all the
words to as well, I know like60% of the words, so more than
any other song.
I'm similar but I I try toavoid karaoke with a passion.
I've done it a few times andnormally when I've imbibed in a
few beverages and I think thatI'm just crushing it.
Yeah and I I my buddy showed mea video one time of me singing
(19:10):
and I was like, oh my god like I, I should never do that again.
This is like five, six years ago.
I don't think I've ever done itsince, because I was just like
nah, no one needs to hear that.
Yeah, yeah, but my go-tokaraoke song is All Star by
Smash Mouth.
Ryan Nelson (19:24):
Okay.
Aaron Hoisington (19:25):
That's one of the few songs that I know.
I know like 90% of the lyricsto that, which is unheard of for
me.
Yeah, yeah, I still, on thedaily basis, hear songs.
Or somebody talks about a songand I'm like, oh, I've never
heard that.
Yeah, and they're like what,You've never heard that song.
I'm like I don't even know whatyou're talking about that kind
of thing so when I find a songlike that that I know, I know
(19:46):
kind of the rhythm and the lyric, I'm like okay, cool, yeah, I
could belt that one out.
Yeah yeah, but you did it, Idid it, yeah, so I you know in
the future it's always good, Ithink, to have that in your back
pocket about like cool, you gotthis song Plus.
Those are both pretty popularsongs, everybody's pretty much
heard those, or no, I know.
Ryan Nelson (20:04):
So, yeah, you, you, you probably need to put some,
find one of those.
Aaron Hoisington (20:21):
What are some of those songs?
That journey like a like don'tstop believing.
You'll always get people likeyeah, I think, with the devil,
went down to georgia, you'll getsome in in that too, but
there's also like a lot ofinstrumental stuff in that one.
Ryan Nelson (20:25):
Yeah, so when we did it there was actually
multiple there.
The like technology or whateverlike could break it out by
different uh like roles, oh cool.
And so there's like three orfour of us doing it, so like
like one was Johnny, one was thedevil, one was whoever else is
in that song.
Aaron Hoisington (20:38):
Narrator yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I think that was one.
Ryan Nelson (20:42):
So like I didn't even have to do the whole song.
I was only doing like pieces ofit.
Yeah.
Aaron Hoisington (20:45):
There you go.
Man Well, awesome.
I appreciate you sharing Ryan.
You know if anybody knows usline, but it's good to have
options, experience new thingsand appreciate the sharing Ryan
and anything.
Well, let me thank ourlisteners first.
How rude of me.
Appreciate everyone checking usout here.
New pods drop every Tuesday.
(21:06):
Please check us out whereveryou get your podcasts at.
Really appreciate the supportand, ryan, I'll leave you to
play us out, as always.
Stay the course.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Thank you for joining us for the fiscal physical
podcast.
Until next time, happylistening and, as always, stay
the course.
If you have a question or topicsuggestions, please email us at
podcast at alchemywealthcom.
If you enjoyed today'sdiscussion, subscribe to the
podcast to ensure you never missan episode and consider leaving
(21:38):
us a rating and review on yourfavorite platform.
This helps other listeners likeyou find the show.
For more resources, you canvisit Alchemy Wealth
Management's website atwwwalchemywealthcom or find your
fiscal physical the book onAmazon.
We'd be remiss if we didn'tmention that personal finance is
just that personal.
(21:58):
Please don't take anything wesay as advice.
The preceding content is forinformational and entertainment
purposes only.
It's not an offer or asolicitation, nor should it be
construed or relied upon for tax, legal or investment advice.
It doesn't consider yourpersonal financial situation or
objectives and may not besuitable for you.
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