July 25, 2025 • 23 mins
In this episode, we talk to Melissa Warner and Steph Beall, longtime coaches and co-owners of Warner Athletics. Melissa and Steph talk about blending technical on-field training with the mental side of the game, and how emotional intelligence has helped them build stronger connections with their athletes. They share how creating personal mission statements, leading with values, and focusing on whole-person development have shaped their coaching philosophy. They also discuss their focus on parent education, the importance of the self-led journeys for kids, and how they manage stress while balancing the many roles they play in and out of sport.
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Episode Transcript
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Kate Wischhover (00:03):
Okay, hi, welcome you guys. Thanks for
coming and joining us today.
Melissa (00:07):
Thanks for having us.
Kate Wischhover (00:09):
Yeah, of course. Um, why don't we just
start with little introduction?
Um,Steph and Melissa from Warnerathletics, I'd love you could
tell us a little bit aboutyourselves, how you got into
coaching, how you got intoWarner, and we'll take it from
there.
Melissa (00:27):
Awesome. Um, yes, I'll start. I am Melissa Warner. I am
the founder and CO head coachand co owner with Steph. Um,
Warner athletics kind of startedalmost accidentally. But I've
been coaching since I was stillplaying in college, so for
(00:48):
almost 20 years, which is wild,and yeah, started Warner
athletics in 2015 Steph joinedus in 2018 and it was just off
to the races since. How aboutyour coaching?
Steph (01:00):
Oh, so obviously, played in college and started coaching,
actually, the year before I wentto college, I was a JV coach for
high school team, which wasawesome. So about 27 years now,
I've been coaching, which iskind of crazy to say out loud,
but yeah, it's I've done it mywhole life. Basically, I've
never, I think I've had like asix month sabbatical away from
(01:23):
coaching. From that time, so
Kate Wischhover (01:27):
awesome. And what do you guys do at Warner
athletics? What's yourspecialty? What's your niche?
Melissa (01:34):
Um, we do technical on field training. So it's a lot of
technique, lots of on fieldcoaching, but I would say what
sets us apart is the mental sideof the game. So we focus a lot
on our players mindset. We focuson their mentality. We talk
through a lot of things that aretroubling them, that are not
(01:57):
necessarily just unique.
Kate Wischhover (02:03):
Awesome. Well, I believe you guys have joined
us in the past for some of ourin person trainings. How has
emotional intelligence maybeshaped your coaching philosophy,
and how did you get involvedwith ei focus.
Melissa (02:23):
Well, we were lucky enough to receive an email at
Mesa about ei focus and upcomingtraining, and both of us
responded and were accepted. Sothat was pretty cool. And we
went down to the training centerand participated in, I think it
was three days of training. Sowe stayed there. It was awesome.
We met a lot of really coolpeople. And I think for me,
(02:43):
emotional intelligence is reallyat the core of everything we do.
I think without being able tounderstand kids and their kind
of, their feelings, theiremotions, their body language,
we wouldn't be able to have theimpact that we have with with
players, like she was talkingabout, you know, being able to
sense when maybe something's notright, or they're stressed, or
they're struggling with schoolthrough our conversations and
(03:06):
kind of using those skills ofemotional intelligence, I feel
like it allows us to betterconnect with the kids as well as
support them in whateverdirection they kind of need to
go.
Steph (03:17):
Yeah, I think going to that event was just absolutely
incredible, hearing that all ofus coaches are, you know, in
effect, doing not just thecoaching piece. It's like the
bigger picture. It was reallynice to connect with all coaches
from across the country and andlearn their stories and from,
(03:37):
you know, professionals thathave done it on the biggest
stage, like it was a really coolfit. And, yeah, it's definitely
shaped how we coach, for sure,and I'm excited to chat about
it.
Kate Wischhover (03:47):
Yeah, I'd love to hear that. Do you have a
favorite memory you want toshare from that weekend,
Melissa (03:54):
probably when Miss Val came and spoke with us. Love
Miss Val. Yeah, she's justenigmatic and so passionate, and
it was like she was just talkingabout, I don't know, I don't
even know exactly what she wassaying, but I felt her passion.
Does that make sense? Like shecould have been talking about
(04:15):
paint dry, and I was just soenthralled by her. But yeah, she
was, she made a huge impact onme?
Steph (04:23):
Yeah, she's an incredible and I think one of the cool
things that she does when shespeaks is it feels like she's
looking directly at you, andit's like you and her in the
moment. And I'm like, How do youdo that when you have 35 people
in a room where you always feellike it's like this connection,
and she's speaking directly toyou and sharing your message.
But I think for me, my favorite,and I brought this, this is
(04:43):
flip, and so this was thegratitude stuffy that we passed
around throughout the weekend.
And I actually got to name herand keep her, which is cool, but
this is something we'vecontinued to use in our own like
camps and clinics. Is, you know,bringing some of. Little
stuffies and having the kidspass them around. And I think
the importance of beingrecognized for little things
(05:04):
really big builds KidsConnection and confidence. And
so this was a big deal for me,and something that I keep
around, that I see, that alwaysreminds me of that weekend. So,
like, I
Kate Wischhover (05:17):
love that.
Yeah, I was not able to attendthat weekend. But I've seen all
the photos I can see, even justthrough the screen, you know,
seeing Miss Val and her energy.
And I actually have seen somecameos of blip is the name,
yeah, I have seen some cameos.
So it's nice to see that youguys are taking care and still
(05:37):
using those practices that'sawesome. Is there any moments
that you can recall from yourown coaching with Warner
athletics that you've used youremotional intelligence skills,
perhaps, that you feel likesharing today?
Melissa (05:59):
Yeah, I think I mean that within Warner athletics and
we also coach college team. Sowe coach at Mesa College. I'm
the head coach, and she's ourgoalkeeping coach, and we use it
in that setting a lot. But Ithink the biggest, the biggest
takeaway and impact that I thatwe have on the field with Warner
athletics is just the simpleconnection and like asking, how
(06:21):
are you and just starting offwith connecting to our players
and our kids and our athletes ashumans, rather than just soccer
players. And I think that's thebiggest difference. And you'll
see, you know, kids justabsolutely grow and explode and
thrive when they feel likethey're being heard and they're
not just a commodity. Theyrealize they're not just wins
(06:43):
losses. You know, that's thebiggest thing. And learning to
take the time to ask a questionand just pause and wait for the
response and encourage kids tothink a little bit deeper than
surface has been my biggest use,for sure.
Steph (07:04):
Yeah, is, you know, the ability to help kids recognize
their own worth. And I thinkthis kind of tags along to what
Melissa was saying is theirworth is beyond their athletic
abilities and highlighting theirstrengths, not just as athletes,
but as people, and celebratingthose with them, I think, goes a
long way. And for me, I feellike, you know, you've connected
(07:25):
in the right way, and you'veused these skills when we're
getting invitations to weddings,to baby showers, to high school
graduations to birthday parties,little things, little moments
that they want to celebrate, andthey want to include us in those
moments. So I think for me,that's kind of that big picture
of like, Hey, we're doing theright things, because they want
us around outside of just thesoccer field, which is really
(07:46):
cool, yeah. Oh,
Kate Wischhover (07:47):
that's great.
Yeah, those personalrelationships I feel like are
something that are oftenoverlooked. So that's great to
hear. That kind of brings usinto our next question. We talk
a lot on the focused athletepodcast. We talk a lot about
values and leadership, and howwe establish values with our
(08:07):
teams, with our coaches, withinourselves, and how we can be
vulnerable and share our valuesand share how we feel with our
peers.
What do values mean to you ascoaches?
Melissa (08:27):
everything.
Steph (08:31):
One of the like, I think most fun exercises, maybe not
the most fun, but one of themost poignant exercises we do is
talking about creating apersonal mission statement, and
values are at the core of that.
And I think, I love the analogyof, if you're, you know, in a
boat and you're trying to getsomewhere, but you have, you
know, you don't know whereyou're going, you're just going
to kind of be that bobbingaround in the water kind of
(08:51):
person. And I think values arepart of what help you understand
where you want to go. They giveyou a direction. They're kind of
like your compass, you know, tomake sure that you're focused
and making decisions, and lifeis easier when you really
understand what your core valuesare. So I think, to me, they're
at the part of everything thatwe do.
Melissa (09:11):
Yeah, and especially with team coaching, I think
it's, it's like Steph said, itbecomes a a road map, and it
becomes very easy to see whataligns and what is not, you
know, within your values, andif, if you start with values
that are important to you. Andyou know Tracy ham, former Tracy
ham, Tracy Joyner shared withus, you know, how she builds
(09:37):
culture, and it's all aroundthat set of values. And the most
poignant thing to me was, I'mnot going to enforce things that
I don't care about, so those areoutside of my values, right? I
think a lot of coaches will usebuzzwords and think they have to
say certain things, but reallyfiguring out what's aligned
within yourself as a coach andthen living from them was was
(09:57):
really impactful for me. Soyeah, every. Thing, yeah.
Kate Wischhover (10:02):
Oh, that's great. Yeah.
More on values. I mean, have youever, I mean, they're so
important. So have you ever hada any difficulties with them
that you've had to redirect? Andwhat do those journeys look like
when you when you hit aroadblock in your values?
Melissa (10:22):
I love that question, because I think for a long time
I, you know, as a 20 something,you know, young adult, I didn't
really find clarity in myvalues. And I found that, you
know, I was learning to be aprofessional. I was learning to
be a coach and, you know, aresponsible human being, and I
(10:43):
didn't think very hard aboutwhat my values meant to me. And
so it was really hard to beauthentic and actually help and
guide other people just kind offloating around. So I love that
you asked that. And I think, youknow, for me, once I had some
clarity on what's important tome and and the bigger picture, I
think, of what we're doing here,like, yes, we're coaching, but
(11:05):
it's the bigger picture. Like, Iwant our athletes to think 1015,
20 years from now, like I didback on, okay, that was the
moment that I was most impactedby this coach or this activity
or this situation, right? Andso, yeah, I definitely had a lot
of roadblocks just in the factthat I didn't think about my
(11:26):
values. That's my personal kindof experience and learning from
clarity.
Steph (11:35):
I've always had a pretty like strong moral compass and
understood what my values are,and I attribute a lot of that to
my parents. For one, I think,teach me what values were, but
also two, allowing me to live myown values, and not making me
live their values, if that makessense, they were very big on
(11:55):
like, be who you are, and aslong as you're true to yourself,
everything else kind of followsthe line. And so I think for me,
professionally, I haven't had alot of issues with getting away
from my values. I think more soin my personal like dating life,
whereas, like, you know, datingsomeone who maybe doesn't quite
align with my value of healthyliving things like that. And I
(12:15):
think that's where it showed upa little bit more for me in my
personal life as opposed toprofessional
Kate Wischhover (12:22):
Yeah, I think that's a good point, because I,
I do sometimes feel that withthe work we're doing, it's hard
to, you know, cause that reachto flow further than just on the
field or, you know, within theteam. And I'm glad you mentioned
your relationship with yourparents, because I did want to
(12:43):
ask some questions about yourrecent parent education
initiative that you've beentaking. You've recently been
hosting some educationworkshops. I'd love to hear what
inspired that. Hear more aboutit, the parents we worked with.
Steph (13:02):
You know, I think there's a multitude of things that
parents struggle with in thecurrent environment, at least in
soccer, and I would imagine it'spretty similar across the board,
in terms of competitiveness, howto help their children handle
pressure, how do I support themwithout, like, being too
overbearing? And so we have alot of conversations around, I
think, all of those topics withour parents, and so we started
(13:24):
talking, and we're like, whydon't we just create a little
series to start to address someof these topics in a more formal
manner with a little bit moreeducation, where they can ask
questions and interact. And it'ssurprising, because I think a
lot of what we sit around andtalk about, and probably you
guys as well, we assume iscommon knowledge. And we figured
out through these workshops thatthere's a lot of things that we
(13:45):
just think everybody knows andthey really don't. And so I
think for me, that's been areally impactful thing, that
there's value in all of thestuff that we find passion in.
And through these educationalworkshops, we've been able to
share a lot of knowledge, and sofar, they've been really
successful, and the parents havebeen super engaged with a lot of
questions, and they'redefinitely looking forward to
(14:06):
the next ones we've covered,what we call the carpool coach.
So those tough conversationsfrom, you know, games or
practice on the way home, youknow, how do you support your
child in you know, allow them tokind of explore their own
feelings without giving themanswers. And then our last one
was on burnout and motivation,which was pretty cool. So it's
(14:27):
been great.
Melissa (14:28):
Yeah, it has been. And it's we, we kind of figured, you
know, we created this onlinemodule, mm hmm, educational
toolkit for kids. And it, youknow, it goes through like Steph
mentioned earlier, like creatinga personal mission statement,
and it identifies your, youknow, values. But we realized
(14:49):
that, you know, if we meet withkids once a week, or if we do
this really cool summit or campleadership, you know.
Opportunity once a year, likethe information is not being
reinforced as much, and parentsare with their kids all the time
and giving parents the resourcesto make their relationships
(15:11):
better with their kids, and alsoreinforcing the educational
materials that we're teaching tothe kids, I think that was the
biggest thing that sparked us,too, to to want to really move
forward with this parenteducation initiative, because
parents do need that support,and it's not common knowledge,
and it's difficult to learn, andit takes trial and error, and it
(15:34):
takes a lot of bravery and and,yeah, we just wanted to create a
safe space that parents couldcome and learn and grow and and
hopefully use those tools tohelp their kids too.
Kate Wischhover (15:47):
Yeah, that's a, I mean, that's great thing to
mention, because I do think thatit it takes, like you said, a
lot of bravery to recognize thatmaybe as a parent, not that I
would know, but as a parent, youmight need to react differently
or interact differently. Sothat's great. That's wonderful.
(16:12):
What you guys are doing, isthere any one thing that you
wish that you could informparents about about youth
athletics, just in general.
Melissa (16:26):
Great question.
I have something that I kind ofcomes up for me as I wish
parents knew all of the sides ofwhat it is to be a kid these
(16:46):
days. Because I think when wewere kids, it was a little
different. And, you know,obviously everyone talks about
the introduction of socialmedia, right, like the the
pressures that way. But kids arereally smart, and they have a
lot of feelings, and they arevery perceptive. And I think a
lot of times,I just wish parents would like,
(17:13):
I wish parents would talk totheir kids like
they can handle bigconversations, like not to say,
you know, we should be talkingabove them or anything, but I
think it's hard for me toarticulate. But like, kids are
smart, period. And I think kidscan handle more than some
(17:35):
parents realize. And let yourkids make mistakes, let your
kids try things, let your kidsfail, and then talk, talk them
through it, because they'recapable of handling a lot more
than I think a lot of parents,sorry. That took me like, Oh,
that was great.
Steph (17:54):
I think for me, it's, it's recognizing the importance
of a self led journey, allowingkids, within reason, obviously,
to kind of be the captain oftheir, you know, own ship. As
far as athletics go,understanding when to back off
and allow them to take a step,step back when they need to, as
(18:16):
well as, like, the right timesof like, Hey, we're just being
lazy and we gotta push you so,like kind of finding that
balance between, you know,pushing them forward, but also
allowing them to make their owndecisions. I think it's probably
one of the hardest things, butit's also one of the most
impactful and powerful things aparent can do to help their kids
be successful. And I think thatgoes beyond athletics, you know,
(18:38):
like into real life decisionsand in other areas of their
life. So I think that that selfled journey is so important in
figuring out that balance.
Melissa (18:49):
And I think kids just want to be heard at the end of
the day, like, I think that'skind of what I was getting at,
is like they have a voice, andthey want to know that they're
part of the conversation. Yes,
Kate Wischhover (19:01):
definitely. I love that
kind of circling back to youguys and just emotional
intelligence as a whole. Whatare things that you guys do for
yourselves, to manage yourself,your mindset, your stress,
especially when you're wearingmultiple hats, doing Warner,
(19:23):
athletics, coaching,what are your tools?
Melissa (19:33):
Exercise?
Steph (19:36):
I think honestly, the multiple hat sing, the soccer
piece is always easy. I think,where I know I struggle, and I
think I can kind of speak forthe both of us, is like running
a business and trying to figureout all these areas that maybe
we don't have a lot ofexperience in. And I think one
of, honestly, the biggest toolsthat I give myself is compassion
(19:58):
to make mistakes and. And alsoadmitting when I don't know
things and asking for help. Ithink those are probably the
biggest things I do for myselfprofessionally, and I'm still
learning how to ask for help,but I think that's a big tool
that has really been beneficialin the growth of our business,
is knowing when, like we'reabove our depth here, like we
(20:19):
need to reach out and findsomeone who can support us. So
I'd say those are, like mybiggest things. Yeah.
Melissa (20:26):
I mean, like she said, exercise, I think is important,
connecting with nature, likedoing little things when we have
pockets of time in between, liketaking one hat off and putting
another on is very important.
And I think, you know, readingand learning and educating
ourselves like that gives me somuch, just like excitement to go
on and continue so that, but,but I love this question so much
(20:52):
because it's so multifaceted,right? Like, it's like, yes,
self care. But then, to yourpoint, I think, you know, one of
the big things is realizing thatit kind of takes a village and
to do really anything impactfulat the level that we desire, and
leaning on our other coaches forhelp and learning from them has
(21:16):
been really cool, like we haveyounger coaches that just vibe
with our kids different and, youknow, we learn all kinds of new
words from our college kids, youknow, our college athletes and
stuff. But it really like, Ithink leaning on collaboration
too has been really important.
(21:37):
And, yeah, realizing that, youknow, there's a lot of growth,
and that takes a lot ofdiscomfort sometimes, so kind of
just leaning into thatdiscomfort has been very eye
opening.
Steph (21:53):
It's been fun and connection, and I think that
goes along with thecollaboration piece. Is like the
chances that we have to connectwith people like you and other
coaches is really it inspires usto continue on the journey when
sometimes you might not befeeling you're like, oh, you
should just go get a corporatejob. It would be much easier
than doing what we're doing now.
But then you think back and it'slike, Well, I wouldn't have had
this conversation. I would havenot connected with this person.
(22:14):
And so I think that connectionpiece is really important in
terms of like, continuing thejourney ahead and not feeling
like you want to give up. Youknow, it's always that
inspiration,
Kate Wischhover (22:25):
yeah, of course. Well, that was great.
Thank you guys so much forjoining us and sharing your
thoughts. I really appreciatetaking time out of your day.
Melissa (22:35):
Thank you. It's been a real fun conversation. All
right. Well, I'll talk to youagain. All right. Thanks. Bye.
Okay, hi, welcome you guys. Thanks for
coming and joining us today.
Melissa (00:07):
Thanks for having us.
Kate Wischhover (00:09):
Yeah, of course. Um, why don't we just
start with little introduction?
Um,Steph and Melissa from Warnerathletics, I'd love you could
tell us a little bit aboutyourselves, how you got into
coaching, how you got intoWarner, and we'll take it from
there.
Melissa (00:27):
Awesome. Um, yes, I'll start. I am Melissa Warner. I am
the founder and CO head coachand co owner with Steph. Um,
Warner athletics kind of startedalmost accidentally. But I've
been coaching since I was stillplaying in college, so for
(00:48):
almost 20 years, which is wild,and yeah, started Warner
athletics in 2015 Steph joinedus in 2018 and it was just off
to the races since. How aboutyour coaching?
Steph (01:00):
Oh, so obviously, played in college and started coaching,
actually, the year before I wentto college, I was a JV coach for
high school team, which wasawesome. So about 27 years now,
I've been coaching, which iskind of crazy to say out loud,
but yeah, it's I've done it mywhole life. Basically, I've
never, I think I've had like asix month sabbatical away from
(01:23):
coaching. From that time, so
Kate Wischhover (01:27):
awesome. And what do you guys do at Warner
athletics? What's yourspecialty? What's your niche?
Melissa (01:34):
Um, we do technical on field training. So it's a lot of
technique, lots of on fieldcoaching, but I would say what
sets us apart is the mental sideof the game. So we focus a lot
on our players mindset. We focuson their mentality. We talk
through a lot of things that aretroubling them, that are not
(01:57):
necessarily just unique.
Kate Wischhover (02:03):
Awesome. Well, I believe you guys have joined
us in the past for some of ourin person trainings. How has
emotional intelligence maybeshaped your coaching philosophy,
and how did you get involvedwith ei focus.
Melissa (02:23):
Well, we were lucky enough to receive an email at
Mesa about ei focus and upcomingtraining, and both of us
responded and were accepted. Sothat was pretty cool. And we
went down to the training centerand participated in, I think it
was three days of training. Sowe stayed there. It was awesome.
We met a lot of really coolpeople. And I think for me,
(02:43):
emotional intelligence is reallyat the core of everything we do.
I think without being able tounderstand kids and their kind
of, their feelings, theiremotions, their body language,
we wouldn't be able to have theimpact that we have with with
players, like she was talkingabout, you know, being able to
sense when maybe something's notright, or they're stressed, or
they're struggling with schoolthrough our conversations and
(03:06):
kind of using those skills ofemotional intelligence, I feel
like it allows us to betterconnect with the kids as well as
support them in whateverdirection they kind of need to
go.
Steph (03:17):
Yeah, I think going to that event was just absolutely
incredible, hearing that all ofus coaches are, you know, in
effect, doing not just thecoaching piece. It's like the
bigger picture. It was reallynice to connect with all coaches
from across the country and andlearn their stories and from,
(03:37):
you know, professionals thathave done it on the biggest
stage, like it was a really coolfit. And, yeah, it's definitely
shaped how we coach, for sure,and I'm excited to chat about
it.
Kate Wischhover (03:47):
Yeah, I'd love to hear that. Do you have a
favorite memory you want toshare from that weekend,
Melissa (03:54):
probably when Miss Val came and spoke with us. Love
Miss Val. Yeah, she's justenigmatic and so passionate, and
it was like she was just talkingabout, I don't know, I don't
even know exactly what she wassaying, but I felt her passion.
Does that make sense? Like shecould have been talking about
(04:15):
paint dry, and I was just soenthralled by her. But yeah, she
was, she made a huge impact onme?
Steph (04:23):
Yeah, she's an incredible and I think one of the cool
things that she does when shespeaks is it feels like she's
looking directly at you, andit's like you and her in the
moment. And I'm like, How do youdo that when you have 35 people
in a room where you always feellike it's like this connection,
and she's speaking directly toyou and sharing your message.
But I think for me, my favorite,and I brought this, this is
(04:43):
flip, and so this was thegratitude stuffy that we passed
around throughout the weekend.
And I actually got to name herand keep her, which is cool, but
this is something we'vecontinued to use in our own like
camps and clinics. Is, you know,bringing some of. Little
stuffies and having the kidspass them around. And I think
the importance of beingrecognized for little things
(05:04):
really big builds KidsConnection and confidence. And
so this was a big deal for me,and something that I keep
around, that I see, that alwaysreminds me of that weekend. So,
like, I
Kate Wischhover (05:17):
love that.
Yeah, I was not able to attendthat weekend. But I've seen all
the photos I can see, even justthrough the screen, you know,
seeing Miss Val and her energy.
And I actually have seen somecameos of blip is the name,
yeah, I have seen some cameos.
So it's nice to see that youguys are taking care and still
(05:37):
using those practices that'sawesome. Is there any moments
that you can recall from yourown coaching with Warner
athletics that you've used youremotional intelligence skills,
perhaps, that you feel likesharing today?
Melissa (05:59):
Yeah, I think I mean that within Warner athletics and
we also coach college team. Sowe coach at Mesa College. I'm
the head coach, and she's ourgoalkeeping coach, and we use it
in that setting a lot. But Ithink the biggest, the biggest
takeaway and impact that I thatwe have on the field with Warner
athletics is just the simpleconnection and like asking, how
(06:21):
are you and just starting offwith connecting to our players
and our kids and our athletes ashumans, rather than just soccer
players. And I think that's thebiggest difference. And you'll
see, you know, kids justabsolutely grow and explode and
thrive when they feel likethey're being heard and they're
not just a commodity. Theyrealize they're not just wins
(06:43):
losses. You know, that's thebiggest thing. And learning to
take the time to ask a questionand just pause and wait for the
response and encourage kids tothink a little bit deeper than
surface has been my biggest use,for sure.
Steph (07:04):
Yeah, is, you know, the ability to help kids recognize
their own worth. And I thinkthis kind of tags along to what
Melissa was saying is theirworth is beyond their athletic
abilities and highlighting theirstrengths, not just as athletes,
but as people, and celebratingthose with them, I think, goes a
long way. And for me, I feellike, you know, you've connected
(07:25):
in the right way, and you'veused these skills when we're
getting invitations to weddings,to baby showers, to high school
graduations to birthday parties,little things, little moments
that they want to celebrate, andthey want to include us in those
moments. So I think for me,that's kind of that big picture
of like, Hey, we're doing theright things, because they want
us around outside of just thesoccer field, which is really
(07:46):
cool, yeah. Oh,
Kate Wischhover (07:47):
that's great.
Yeah, those personalrelationships I feel like are
something that are oftenoverlooked. So that's great to
hear. That kind of brings usinto our next question. We talk
a lot on the focused athletepodcast. We talk a lot about
values and leadership, and howwe establish values with our
(08:07):
teams, with our coaches, withinourselves, and how we can be
vulnerable and share our valuesand share how we feel with our
peers.
What do values mean to you ascoaches?
Melissa (08:27):
everything.
Steph (08:31):
One of the like, I think most fun exercises, maybe not
the most fun, but one of themost poignant exercises we do is
talking about creating apersonal mission statement, and
values are at the core of that.
And I think, I love the analogyof, if you're, you know, in a
boat and you're trying to getsomewhere, but you have, you
know, you don't know whereyou're going, you're just going
to kind of be that bobbingaround in the water kind of
(08:51):
person. And I think values arepart of what help you understand
where you want to go. They giveyou a direction. They're kind of
like your compass, you know, tomake sure that you're focused
and making decisions, and lifeis easier when you really
understand what your core valuesare. So I think, to me, they're
at the part of everything thatwe do.
Melissa (09:11):
Yeah, and especially with team coaching, I think
it's, it's like Steph said, itbecomes a a road map, and it
becomes very easy to see whataligns and what is not, you
know, within your values, andif, if you start with values
that are important to you. Andyou know Tracy ham, former Tracy
ham, Tracy Joyner shared withus, you know, how she builds
(09:37):
culture, and it's all aroundthat set of values. And the most
poignant thing to me was, I'mnot going to enforce things that
I don't care about, so those areoutside of my values, right? I
think a lot of coaches will usebuzzwords and think they have to
say certain things, but reallyfiguring out what's aligned
within yourself as a coach andthen living from them was was
(09:57):
really impactful for me. Soyeah, every. Thing, yeah.
Kate Wischhover (10:02):
Oh, that's great. Yeah.
More on values. I mean, have youever, I mean, they're so
important. So have you ever hada any difficulties with them
that you've had to redirect? Andwhat do those journeys look like
when you when you hit aroadblock in your values?
Melissa (10:22):
I love that question, because I think for a long time
I, you know, as a 20 something,you know, young adult, I didn't
really find clarity in myvalues. And I found that, you
know, I was learning to be aprofessional. I was learning to
be a coach and, you know, aresponsible human being, and I
(10:43):
didn't think very hard aboutwhat my values meant to me. And
so it was really hard to beauthentic and actually help and
guide other people just kind offloating around. So I love that
you asked that. And I think, youknow, for me, once I had some
clarity on what's important tome and and the bigger picture, I
think, of what we're doing here,like, yes, we're coaching, but
(11:05):
it's the bigger picture. Like, Iwant our athletes to think 1015,
20 years from now, like I didback on, okay, that was the
moment that I was most impactedby this coach or this activity
or this situation, right? Andso, yeah, I definitely had a lot
of roadblocks just in the factthat I didn't think about my
(11:26):
values. That's my personal kindof experience and learning from
clarity.
Steph (11:35):
I've always had a pretty like strong moral compass and
understood what my values are,and I attribute a lot of that to
my parents. For one, I think,teach me what values were, but
also two, allowing me to live myown values, and not making me
live their values, if that makessense, they were very big on
(11:55):
like, be who you are, and aslong as you're true to yourself,
everything else kind of followsthe line. And so I think for me,
professionally, I haven't had alot of issues with getting away
from my values. I think more soin my personal like dating life,
whereas, like, you know, datingsomeone who maybe doesn't quite
align with my value of healthyliving things like that. And I
(12:15):
think that's where it showed upa little bit more for me in my
personal life as opposed toprofessional
Kate Wischhover (12:22):
Yeah, I think that's a good point, because I,
I do sometimes feel that withthe work we're doing, it's hard
to, you know, cause that reachto flow further than just on the
field or, you know, within theteam. And I'm glad you mentioned
your relationship with yourparents, because I did want to
(12:43):
ask some questions about yourrecent parent education
initiative that you've beentaking. You've recently been
hosting some educationworkshops. I'd love to hear what
inspired that. Hear more aboutit, the parents we worked with.
Steph (13:02):
You know, I think there's a multitude of things that
parents struggle with in thecurrent environment, at least in
soccer, and I would imagine it'spretty similar across the board,
in terms of competitiveness, howto help their children handle
pressure, how do I support themwithout, like, being too
overbearing? And so we have alot of conversations around, I
think, all of those topics withour parents, and so we started
(13:24):
talking, and we're like, whydon't we just create a little
series to start to address someof these topics in a more formal
manner with a little bit moreeducation, where they can ask
questions and interact. And it'ssurprising, because I think a
lot of what we sit around andtalk about, and probably you
guys as well, we assume iscommon knowledge. And we figured
out through these workshops thatthere's a lot of things that we
(13:45):
just think everybody knows andthey really don't. And so I
think for me, that's been areally impactful thing, that
there's value in all of thestuff that we find passion in.
And through these educationalworkshops, we've been able to
share a lot of knowledge, and sofar, they've been really
successful, and the parents havebeen super engaged with a lot of
questions, and they'redefinitely looking forward to
(14:06):
the next ones we've covered,what we call the carpool coach.
So those tough conversationsfrom, you know, games or
practice on the way home, youknow, how do you support your
child in you know, allow them tokind of explore their own
feelings without giving themanswers. And then our last one
was on burnout and motivation,which was pretty cool. So it's
(14:27):
been great.
Melissa (14:28):
Yeah, it has been. And it's we, we kind of figured, you
know, we created this onlinemodule, mm hmm, educational
toolkit for kids. And it, youknow, it goes through like Steph
mentioned earlier, like creatinga personal mission statement,
and it identifies your, youknow, values. But we realized
(14:49):
that, you know, if we meet withkids once a week, or if we do
this really cool summit or campleadership, you know.
Opportunity once a year, likethe information is not being
reinforced as much, and parentsare with their kids all the time
and giving parents the resourcesto make their relationships
(15:11):
better with their kids, and alsoreinforcing the educational
materials that we're teaching tothe kids, I think that was the
biggest thing that sparked us,too, to to want to really move
forward with this parenteducation initiative, because
parents do need that support,and it's not common knowledge,
and it's difficult to learn, andit takes trial and error, and it
(15:34):
takes a lot of bravery and and,yeah, we just wanted to create a
safe space that parents couldcome and learn and grow and and
hopefully use those tools tohelp their kids too.
Kate Wischhover (15:47):
Yeah, that's a, I mean, that's great thing to
mention, because I do think thatit it takes, like you said, a
lot of bravery to recognize thatmaybe as a parent, not that I
would know, but as a parent, youmight need to react differently
or interact differently. Sothat's great. That's wonderful.
(16:12):
What you guys are doing, isthere any one thing that you
wish that you could informparents about about youth
athletics, just in general.
Melissa (16:26):
Great question.
I have something that I kind ofcomes up for me as I wish
parents knew all of the sides ofwhat it is to be a kid these
(16:46):
days. Because I think when wewere kids, it was a little
different. And, you know,obviously everyone talks about
the introduction of socialmedia, right, like the the
pressures that way. But kids arereally smart, and they have a
lot of feelings, and they arevery perceptive. And I think a
lot of times,I just wish parents would like,
(17:13):
I wish parents would talk totheir kids like
they can handle bigconversations, like not to say,
you know, we should be talkingabove them or anything, but I
think it's hard for me toarticulate. But like, kids are
smart, period. And I think kidscan handle more than some
(17:35):
parents realize. And let yourkids make mistakes, let your
kids try things, let your kidsfail, and then talk, talk them
through it, because they'recapable of handling a lot more
than I think a lot of parents,sorry. That took me like, Oh,
that was great.
Steph (17:54):
I think for me, it's, it's recognizing the importance
of a self led journey, allowingkids, within reason, obviously,
to kind of be the captain oftheir, you know, own ship. As
far as athletics go,understanding when to back off
and allow them to take a step,step back when they need to, as
(18:16):
well as, like, the right timesof like, Hey, we're just being
lazy and we gotta push you so,like kind of finding that
balance between, you know,pushing them forward, but also
allowing them to make their owndecisions. I think it's probably
one of the hardest things, butit's also one of the most
impactful and powerful things aparent can do to help their kids
be successful. And I think thatgoes beyond athletics, you know,
(18:38):
like into real life decisionsand in other areas of their
life. So I think that that selfled journey is so important in
figuring out that balance.
Melissa (18:49):
And I think kids just want to be heard at the end of
the day, like, I think that'skind of what I was getting at,
is like they have a voice, andthey want to know that they're
part of the conversation. Yes,
Kate Wischhover (19:01):
definitely. I love that
kind of circling back to youguys and just emotional
intelligence as a whole. Whatare things that you guys do for
yourselves, to manage yourself,your mindset, your stress,
especially when you're wearingmultiple hats, doing Warner,
(19:23):
athletics, coaching,what are your tools?
Melissa (19:33):
Exercise?
Steph (19:36):
I think honestly, the multiple hat sing, the soccer
piece is always easy. I think,where I know I struggle, and I
think I can kind of speak forthe both of us, is like running
a business and trying to figureout all these areas that maybe
we don't have a lot ofexperience in. And I think one
of, honestly, the biggest toolsthat I give myself is compassion
(19:58):
to make mistakes and. And alsoadmitting when I don't know
things and asking for help. Ithink those are probably the
biggest things I do for myselfprofessionally, and I'm still
learning how to ask for help,but I think that's a big tool
that has really been beneficialin the growth of our business,
is knowing when, like we'reabove our depth here, like we
(20:19):
need to reach out and findsomeone who can support us. So
I'd say those are, like mybiggest things. Yeah.
Melissa (20:26):
I mean, like she said, exercise, I think is important,
connecting with nature, likedoing little things when we have
pockets of time in between, liketaking one hat off and putting
another on is very important.
And I think, you know, readingand learning and educating
ourselves like that gives me somuch, just like excitement to go
on and continue so that, but,but I love this question so much
(20:52):
because it's so multifaceted,right? Like, it's like, yes,
self care. But then, to yourpoint, I think, you know, one of
the big things is realizing thatit kind of takes a village and
to do really anything impactfulat the level that we desire, and
leaning on our other coaches forhelp and learning from them has
(21:16):
been really cool, like we haveyounger coaches that just vibe
with our kids different and, youknow, we learn all kinds of new
words from our college kids, youknow, our college athletes and
stuff. But it really like, Ithink leaning on collaboration
too has been really important.
(21:37):
And, yeah, realizing that, youknow, there's a lot of growth,
and that takes a lot ofdiscomfort sometimes, so kind of
just leaning into thatdiscomfort has been very eye
opening.
Steph (21:53):
It's been fun and connection, and I think that
goes along with thecollaboration piece. Is like the
chances that we have to connectwith people like you and other
coaches is really it inspires usto continue on the journey when
sometimes you might not befeeling you're like, oh, you
should just go get a corporatejob. It would be much easier
than doing what we're doing now.
But then you think back and it'slike, Well, I wouldn't have had
this conversation. I would havenot connected with this person.
(22:14):
And so I think that connectionpiece is really important in
terms of like, continuing thejourney ahead and not feeling
like you want to give up. Youknow, it's always that
inspiration,
Kate Wischhover (22:25):
yeah, of course. Well, that was great.
Thank you guys so much forjoining us and sharing your
thoughts. I really appreciatetaking time out of your day.
Melissa (22:35):
Thank you. It's been a real fun conversation. All
right. Well, I'll talk to youagain. All right. Thanks. Bye.
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