September 15, 2021 • 30 mins
There will always be someone who will question your judgment whether they have ill intent or not. But the biggest flex is being able to avoid it or not let it get you off course. In this episode, we talk about gaslighting culture and the impact it can have on your business.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ray Mayfield (00:04):
Welcome to The Frontrunner Podcast with your
hosts Ray Mayfield and TiaraJones to engineers more from
coworkers to in laws. And nowbusiness partners, creating a
safe space to be open and honestabout what it really takes to
start or run a business.
Tiara Jones (00:17):
We know it's easier said than done. But you were
built for this and you are notalone. Join us each week to hear
stories, lessons learned andstrategies from trusted advisors
and new and seasonedentrepreneurs on how to endure
the marathon entrepreneurship.
Ray Mayfield (00:38):
Peace everybody Ray here.
Tiara Jones (00:40):
Hey, this is Tiara.
Ray Mayfield (00:41):
Hey, thank you guys for joining us for
another awesome episode of TheFrontrunner Podcast. Um great
conversation in store foreveryone today, especially
millennials out there. So let'sTee what are we gonna be talking
about today?
Tiara Jones (00:54):
Today we're talking about gaslighting culture and
how it can affect your business.
Now, go ahead and tell you Iknow Ray and I have do not agree
when it comes to this topic. Butokay, so this would be
interesting. But Ray, let's goahead and get your thoughts out
now. But how you feel about thissince you talking about this
going to be good formillennials. I'm not too sure
what that meant
Ray Mayfield (01:14):
Just a little joke, you know, like I think,
you know, as we look generationto generation, I think everyone
or each generation is unique,right? I think, um, you know, my
generation, I'm a late 70s baby.
I'm Gen Yeah,
Tiara Jones (01:29):
he's up there.
Ray Mayfield (01:30):
And I think a wisdom wisdom man that he was
g.a.me., but you know, how Ilook at it is, gaslighting is
very unique. Right? Right. Solet's look let's look at how
Webster
Tiara Jones (01:43):
is not unique. I think it's just been giving a
name. I think it's always been athing.
Ray Mayfield (01:48):
But manipulating someone by psychological means
into questioning their ownreality. Cool, so, so that
that's what gaslighting isdefined as, right? Um, me, I
come from the standpoint that,you know, I think that I'm
strong minded and not veryeasily influenced by people's
opinions of me or what I'mdoing, therefore, and according
(02:09):
to the definition ofgaslighting, I don't think I'm
susceptible to gaslighting. ButI'm unique. The same way that
someone can look at me and setme off some look a look at Tee,
like I'm just going doing me.
We're just we're all unique inall regard. Right? So I'd be
very interested to learn moreabout gaslighting in today's
episode. And I hope everyonewho's listening is to and this
is this is Ray, you know, I'mdifferent. I come from I come
(02:31):
from a different upbringing, adifferent environment than
Tiara. And we're both unique inour perspective. So we hope that
everything that we share itthrough the podcast, everybody
gets something from, but I'm solooking forward learning today
and contributing to today'sconversation in any way
possible. Yes.
Tiara Jones (02:51):
Here's me rolling my eyes. Okay.
Ray Mayfield (02:53):
I'm sure everybody can hear it. I'm sure everybody
can hear it. You don't have totell him what you're doing.
Tiara Jones (02:57):
The funny thing is, is I'm always accusing ray of
gaslighting me, okay, let mejust explain this scenario with
us. And this business partner.
She's me teaching. So one of thethings is over committing. So if
someone you know tells you, Hey,I'm going to either be here, or
I'm going to do this, you know,at this certain time you are
doing stuff when you're inpreparing for that, because
(03:18):
you're depending on them to bethere. Right? So then when they
just come on and be like, I cansay that? No, no, I never said
that. Never said I was going todo that. That's what you thought
I said, that gets to the pointof gaslighting because you're
like, I know I'm not crazy. AndI know you've said that. And
here I am prepping on my end.
And you're gonna be like, No, Ididn't say that. You go
nonchalantly. Just blow it offin, you know, like, no, like,
(03:40):
like, I'm like, I'm crazy.
That's one example of and you'relooking at me crazy.
Ray Mayfield (03:45):
When I say that? I say that, you know? Because
we've had this discussionbefore. Right? And his
willingness, vs capacity. Right.
And I think that, although we'rewilling to do anything we can do
for the sake of successfulsuccessful business. I don't
think there's been too manytimes where there's, there's
been times where I have not beenable to do things and not that
(04:06):
I'm, you know, making you seemlike I never said I would do it.
I look at it as your man, Iliterally just work 12 hours a
day as a breather, where you'recalling me saying you need to
stay by within an hour. Sure.
I'll get to it. And then I getin, I walk through the door and
life hits me. I hear you. I hearyou, man.
Tiara Jones (04:23):
But no, it's in that sense. I get it. And that's
when, as a business owner. Andwith everything you do you have
to be very careful about yourcapacity and what you do. And I
think sometimes you overcome it,you'd be like, I'm a marine. I
can do it. You know, I'm unique.
I'm hard. I'm strong minded. Icould do all this and so you put
more on yourself. Then sometimesI think that you should and so
(04:46):
we've we've worked through that.
But in the beginning, y'all itwas we were butting heads. I'm
like, Well, why didn't you tellme you were going to do it if if
you knew you had all this comingup you want to do and you're
like I have two kids here. Ihave a wife So we've moved past
that point.
Ray Mayfield (05:03):
Let's, let's let's but that I think that speaks to
a bigger issue, right? Because Ithink there's a there's a
perception that we live, we livein our individual bubbles,
right? And I think, because andthis and this is this is no no
jive how I felt things werespecial with COVID. With had us
at home teleworking, where, youknow, there'll be there'll be
(05:24):
days where I'm working. Andhonestly, when I telework, I
work more hours than I do. WhenI go into the office, we used to
work 12 to 14 hours. Becauseit's everyone knows where I'm
at. So it's constant access tome via phone or email, right?
Where others may work in, youknow, six to eight hours, and
then they're done. But they, um,I'm done when I'm not. And you
(05:46):
and your that, I think that wasa big problem. Initially, the
first six, seven months, tryingto balance this and taking
breaks from work to havemeetings in the middle of the
workday was very, extremelydifficult and unrealistic. And
now I think that, you know, onceonce we, you know, look, look at
the bigger picture, theperception of one's
(06:07):
availability, should be obvious.
Tiara Jones (06:10):
No, I disagree. But we agree to disagree on that.
But then, I mean, so when youtalk about, you know,
invalidating someone'sexperience, so that's also a
form of gaslighting. So I knowyou've reading that definition
that I don't really like thatdefinition of it, because it
doesn't really explain
Ray Mayfield (06:32):
an urban dictionary.
Tiara Jones (06:33):
No.
But like making someone seemlike what they've been through,
you know, wasn't hard justbecause it may not be too hard
for them? I know, you say you'restrong minded and things like
that, but not everyone is. Soyou being like, Oh, this
gaslighter culture thing.
Millennials is a stupid exampleget like you're invalidating
other people's experiences.
(06:56):
People have tried to manipulatethem into thinking differently
than what they already think,man. I would love to hear you
all opinion on this. So pleaselet us know.
Ray Mayfield (07:06):
It's so funny how you're working. It wasn't
around. Well, let's say it was Ithink I'm strong minded but I
love to learn more about thegaslighting culture. I do i
think i think it's I think it'swe've heard I've heard
gaslighting more like this pastsix months than I have any other
time in my life
Tiara Jones (07:22):
is a buzzword now.
It is absolutely, but what the,the culture it brings and what
it's done to people is real, soso when talking, right, so
talking about business, I thinkthere's a lot of marketing
tactics out here that can leadway to this whole gaslighting
thing. So when you see that, oh,you need to be making, you know,
(07:43):
six figures a month you need tobe doing this you need to be
doing that and if you're not youknow, you're not a real business
what you do like that type ofstuff like that stuff really
gets to me because it's notnecessary like you don't if you
make a sale, you made money, youhave a business you're doing
business everyone is working,you know at different speeds at
different paces. And you'reeventually going to get to you
know, making you know, largeamount of money and things like
(08:06):
that. However, it doesn't makeyou less of a business if you
don't make a certain amount ofmoney in within a certain amount
of time. And I think there arethese kind of cliques and groups
on social media that will kindof just throw into your head
like if you don't take thisprogram if you don't do this
you're not going to besuccessful in if you're not you
know, charging such amount ofthis this amount of rae or
(08:30):
anything like that, you know,then you're not doing business
right and all this and I thinkthose blanket statements can be
dangerous for people that arejust starting there's trying to
figure out you know, their ownway and it can kind of derail
them unnecessarily and becauseyou if you continue to you know
to see that and see you knowthat language that marketing
(08:51):
over and over again it for somepeople and I have friends that
has happened as to they're justlike Okay, forget I'm not even
doing this because I don't Ihave no idea how to get to that
point. Like they're they're justit just looking at other
businesses and seeing whatthey're telling me to do is
stressing me out. And I mean itgoes back to getting away from
the noise and not letting itaffect you getting to the place
(09:13):
like Ray where you are strongminded and you're not going to
let you know those things, youknow bother you or or just
saying no, that's right. It'slike it can get to you and that
you know, that comparison trapcan get to you real quick so I
think it's just you have to becareful about what you see on
social media and what you know alot of people are telling you
(09:36):
and just you know, take the goodand leave the bad you know, cuz
some of that stuff is just likeyou're being a bit much and some
of it y'all is literally justmarketing they literally just
trying to get your sale and getyou through the door and they'll
they'll say whatever it takes toyou know, to pull on your
emotions. It's it's verymarketing can be very
(09:57):
manipulative. It's a hustlersgame. It is. I mean, you got to
do what you got to do. But I'mjust saying be careful of it
when it comes to your businessand don't let it stop you from
doing you know what you want to
Ray Mayfield (10:09):
Yeah, absolutely.
So So when I say it's a dohustler's game, I mean, like, I
look at it from like a streetperspective, right? You know, I
wasn't always a marine. I wasyoung once. And I think you, you
know, when when you've beenhustled once, you don't want to
get hustled twice. So youeducate yourself, you become
smarter about the approach youbecause morning, when you hear
somebody giving you a pitch, youknow, whether it's legit, or if
it's a waste of your time, we'regonna take advantage of you. And
sometimes you don't know,because people out there are can
(10:32):
they can finesse you, you know,they can, you know, they can
talk you out of your shoes whileyou're wearing them. So, you
know, I think, you know, from myperspective, in my experience, I
think that I'm more prone topick up on stuff like that,
which is, which is cool. I know,we're all different. So when I
say I'm strong minded, I'm not,I'm not saying I'm better than
anybody else was out there,right? I'm just saying that I
think my experiences haveprepared before this moment
(10:54):
where I think my experience tat prepared me to know where
my energy needs to be investedI think my experiences has ta
ght me that no, social media doen't have the answers, I thi
k I think it's definitely tauht me that social media is smo
e and mirrors. And that aot of people who say they're do
ng it really aren't doing it somare, don't get me wrong. But I
think you have to, you have tojudge that information based
(11:17):
n the individual and the meritr the individual. And sometim
s you got to research these cas who you're coming across on
ocial media and you know,their background, what they real
y do, who they really are, youknow, what they're really influe
cing. And, you know, some somtimes you may spend money to, y
u may spend money for a coac. And then in that proces
, you realize this person isn'well thought they were. And
(11:37):
call that sometimes those expriences you pay for? Yeah, just
because part of the game is parof the game. So I think, you
now, as as you move through yourlife in general, take those exp
riences from life and apply theto business because it's one o
the same if you asked me, I mea, know, what happens in the
treets gonna happen in business.
What happens in schoolan happen in business, there's d
(11:58):
adlines, you got to meet, theres objectives you got to
eet, there's paperwork, you hae to submit, there's things you
ave to do. I think that you'vthat you've been molded for
n your your, your, your humanalk that you can take into your
usiness walk with you. You on't
Tiara Jones (12:11):
Yeah, I agree. And I mean, my only
thing is, just don't let it youknow, second guess everything
that you do, because it can getto that point, where you hear
certain things and you whenyou're talking to certain
people, and they just like yougot to stand strong on what you
believe in and what, you know,what, where you're going and
what your path is, becausepeople will try to try to change
(12:32):
that up and make you you know,second guess, all of it, like,
are you sure some people I knowwhat we talked about with
Taneshia. Some people won't haveill intentions, they'll just be
asking questions, but thenothers will, and you just got to
be careful not to get to thepoint where you're like, Okay,
(12:53):
shoot, like, what, what am Igoing to do now, or, you know,
getting to that place where,like, you're mentally, like, not
in a good place, or whatever. Soyou just you have to protect
your mind. I mean, reallypraying, mentally, when it comes
to, you know, protectingyourself and making sure that
you can, you'll bounce back fromthese things, because sometimes
(13:13):
you may fall victim to it, butbe able to recognize it and
bounce back. So then like, youknow, with Ray and his
experiences, you know, you learnfrom those and you're stronger
the next time it comes down andyou recognize it, and you know,
quicker the next next time itcomes around
Ray Mayfield (13:26):
Well, for you too.
I mean, you know, we've I thinkwe both learned a lot in this
past year. As far as you know,what we, what we put our heart
into, and what we you know, whatyou invest in and what you don't
invest in, right? It's just likethe stock market. It's I look at
it right, you know, you thinkyou over time, you know, you get
battle rhythm and you understandyour capacity and your
(13:47):
willingness and yourshortcomings in what you're good
at. It just can't let anybodytake advantage of those you
know, I'm saying so, you know,yeah, I'm strong minded but I
don't have it all figured out.
Tiara don't let her fool youguys those who know her know,
she's strong minded. But Butguess what? She didn't have it
all
Tiara Jones (14:04):
figured out. Right?
I don't because some of thisstuff has happened to me. So
I'll
Ray Mayfield (14:07):
fix but, but that's where, you know, I think
that's where a partnership canbe can be fortified and bonded,
right? It takes communicationwhere you know, yeah, it takes
communication. It takes a willopenness and willingness of me,
I have the innate ability towant to throw myself on the
grenade to save people, right.
So if Tiara says, Hey, I reallyneed this done. Yeah, okay, I
(14:28):
gotta do it. And not in my mind.
I'm gonna get I'll do it. Right.
But that went out. No, no, no,no, you're absolutely right. One
thing's for sure about me. I'mgoing to do things and fit him
into my schedule when I can.
I've been burned out before I'vehit mental mental walls before
that. I've had to push throughand then put my brain back to
(14:48):
you that that broke it. You knowwhat I mean? You know, push my
body physically beyond to thepoint of exhaustion, right? I've
done that before. So now morelike it's like Tetris, right, so
I look at tasks like Tetris, Iwill move it around and fit it
in, right where it belongs bestfor me. And sometimes I'm like,
Yo, I'm gonna get that to youtoday. And it'd be, it'd be like
(15:10):
a week from today.
Tiara Jones (15:12):
And that's what I had to. That's what we had to
learn and go through and belike, okay, yeah, but I don't
want to keep asking like, youknow, I did, but then I've got
to the point where like, like, Iknow you have a lot going on.
And I'm not trying to like, bethat nuisance that is in your
ear like where is this, where isthis. Because Ray will snap back
and get smart, real quick.
Ray Mayfield (15:31):
No, not at all. Mama, sweetheart.
Wait, what's your word? No, no,no,
Tiara Jones (15:37):
I have to learn that
Ray Mayfield (15:39):
I make I make every point I can not to be
confrontational. Because to me,it was confrontational. But even
but even but even my smartaleckness, I turn it down when I
talk to you, because I don'twant to communicate with you in
that way. Because Because Ithink you know, you know, it's a
partnership, right? We have atendency, I know, I know. We can
be very volatile between us likethat. Like, why is that? Right?
(16:01):
Because y'all know Tee,
Tiara Jones (16:02):
brother sister relationship to outsdie of the
business.
Ray Mayfield (16:05):
Absolutely.
Absolutely. This is you, you allthat know Tee. Know Tee is down
for you. Tee has your back andtea will go to war in a
heartbeat. I think I'm the sameway, maybe not as tenacious as
Tiara but you know. And sothat's why I make a point to try
(16:25):
to always be respectful when Icommunicate with you and yet it
sounds snarky. That's what wedo. So yeah, I'll just say it's
a two way street is two waystreet. So you know, but it's
all love the I think, you know,we were learning how to make it
work together.
Tiara Jones (16:38):
Absolutely. And like I said, I had to, you know,
be mindful of the things he hasgoing on in, you know, his
schedule and things like that. Imean, it's fortunate enough that
his wife is my sister. And so Ihad kind of an inside.
Ray Mayfield (16:53):
Okay, make sense now, cuz some days, I'll leave
work. Like, as soon as I stepout the building, the first
thing I'll do is always text mywife like Yo, I'm on the way
home, if you need me to stop oranything. And then two minutes
later Tee be like, Hey, what'sup? Here it comes, here it
comes. What task do I havetonight?
Tiara Jones (17:07):
That's a coincidence. But you know,
that's another thing be be moremindful of, you know, people
that you're working with is itdoesn't even have to be a
business partner, like when mein Ray's since, but even with
other vendors and people thatou're working with just bein
And you can everything that Ican do.
more mindful of other thingthat they may have going o
, you know, and things like tha. And instead of, you know, you
(17:30):
know, getting emotional, gettininto your motion, getting upset
about it, just taking a step bak and be like, okay, maybe som
thing happened, like don't knd of jump to conclusions, beca
se at first, that's what I woulddo. I would jump to conclusio
s and be like, would you rally? Yeah. Now you're just ig
oring me. Like, if you're no, if you're not gonna get it
done on Friday, don't say youdon't get it on Friday. I me
n, it's just do things likehat, but, but I think we c
(17:53):
mmunicate a lot better when itomes to certain things, like cer
ain things that I can do, there'certain things that he
eeds to do. And sometimes I'like, I wish I could freaki
g do it. So I could just gett done. Like, oh, my goodness,
like, because I'm anal abut certain
And no, there's certain thingsthat I can't do. And that's
okay. I don't need to beeverything and I kind of need to
relinquish that type of controlof having things done. So you
(18:16):
know, it's all a learningexperience. Growing is painful.
It is it's quite painful, butyou know, I'm getting through
it.
Ray Mayfield (18:24):
This is new, this new road for both of us, right?
So
Tiara Jones (18:26):
Most definitely.
Ray Mayfield (18:27):
It's all good, man. I think, you know, my me, I
have to be more vocal, and I'lllook at it as How come you can't
see that I'm busy. Instead ofjust saying, Hey, man, I'm busy.
can't get to it right now. Youknow what I mean,
Tiara Jones (18:38):
So that simple yall see, but we'd get we're getting
to that point.
Ray Mayfield (18:43):
You say that simple, then it's share your
calendar with me, then it'swhole micro managing. Nah I'm
kidding. Okay, yeah, I think Idon't gave you ideas. Yeah, but
you're right. Yeah. It's assimple as saying, Hey, man, like
I'm busy. You know, I can't dothat. But in my mind, my mind's
like at that time, I was like,yo, you know, I'm busy. How come
you don't see that I'm busy andbut then again, it just like
(19:05):
communication. So it's all lovelike Venus man, we learned we're
going to learn I don't want toGaslight you right now.
Tiara Jones (19:13):
Now that you're more educated on the topic,
Ray Mayfield (19:16):
Hey man you're never too old to learn the old
dog can learn new tricks,
Tiara Jones (19:19):
not at all. And I think, you know, you have to be
careful with this in yourbusiness. And then when you're
working with other businesses,like Ray said, If you you know,
work with a coach or consultantor whatever, and they don't seem
to be, you know, all that youthought that would be or you ask
questions and they feel like youdon't have a right you know, to
ask questions or anything likethat, you know, those are kind
(19:40):
of red flags. Because of youknow, if you're paying someone
to do something, you know, foryou, you should be able to ask
questions and you know, to getthe information that you need,
so don't you know, let peoplemake you think that no, you
can't ask that. You need to, youknow, stick to what I told you.
Like some people may havequestions. I've worked with
people that have been like, whyare you asking me that are just
(20:01):
completely ghosted me about somethings? And then it's made me
think like, should I have notasked that? Or was that a stupid
question or, but it shouldn't belike that you I think you should
be in the position to be open toanswer any questions your
clients your customers have,because that's just going to
help them make a better decisionon if you've already, you know,
purchase something with thempurchasing something else in the
(20:22):
future, or making a decision,you know, to purchase. Because
it's important to, you know, totake care of the people that you
know, that have, you know,bought something from you, you
Ray Mayfield (20:34):
yeah, yeah, without a doubt, I think, you
know,know, the, it's very easy to be
talked out of doing something oranything, right. And if you
know, you guys have an idea, youhave the creative energy, and
you're doing something Taneshia,also shared with us the fact
that she started keeping thingsherself until she was ready,
because she had the answers tothe questions for people not to
necessarily talk her out ofsomething on, but influence her
(20:56):
mind negatively, that shecouldn't accomplish something.
And I think that's, that'sextremely critical to creators.
I think it's very important toprotect your your mental
headspace, I think it'simportant, if you have an idea,
and a definite chief aim forsomething that you want to
achieve, you have to be carefulwhat you're taking into your
ears that are going to affectyour brain either to talk you
out of what you're doing,whether that's something on
(21:18):
social media, even people inyour circle, you know, me so so
you definitely want to haveprotect that creative energy to
a degree. I mean, you know,there's people you can talk to,
who are gonna be down and askyou the questions from a place
of concern, as people who aregoing to be, they just hate on
you. And just, you know, more orless, don't, they don't make any
sense. And we all know peoplelike that. So you know, I think
it's very important to know whoyou can and cannot talk to you
(21:39):
about certain things very,extremely important. So find,
find those people will find themfast. Now, as you move into your
creative space to startdeveloping, excuse me developing
a business on the put together,it's very important to protect
that energy.
Tiara Jones (21:53):
Absolutely. And you know, me and Ray, as you see,
it's very easy to kind of fallinto that, Oh, am I gaslighting?
Am I not, you know? I'm alwaysgaslighting, Yeah, right? Let me
tell it. But just, you know,just be more careful of things
that you do, and you say, andhow you present yourself in your
business to make sure it's notcoming off that way. And I'm not
(22:14):
saying that you have to walk oneggshells or anything like that.
But just be more mindful.
Because I mean, like we talkedabout certain words can mean
certain things can come offcertain ways. You know, there's
tone through text, okay,definitely all know that when it
comes to text messages. So justbeing a little bit more
thoughtful about the wordchoice, so you don't come off as
aggressive, even if you're notmeaning to
Ray Mayfield (22:35):
it even even if you know, uh I do it often. Like
if I'm in not a good space, Ijust want to reply to a text I'd
rather just call you later, totalk through it. Because I think
you know, there's points whereeven Tiara and I have butted
heads over certain things willbe goal, goal lines and things
of that nature knows, like, Hey,I'm just gonna call you in 30
minutes when I'm doing this so Ican talk to you about how I'm
(22:56):
feeling so it doesn't comeacross rude or disrespectful
through text message. And Ithink there's nothing wrong with
that, you know, we all we allknow, our partners, and we all
understand their capacity andwhat they're dealing with, to a
degree. But you know, again,when you're looking at solo
solopreneurship is way differentfrom a partnership. And when
it's partnership involved, youreally have to be very
(23:17):
diplomatic in your approach. Anddon't get me wrong, like, you
know, yeah, I I'm very measuredby the words I use with Tiara,
but it's at a side of a place ofnot wanting to disrespect Tiara,
right. And Tiara does the samething with me and its effective,
you know, there's not you're notgonna we're not gonna move
anywhere arguing with each otherand fighting. So, you know, you
just have to find a way tocommunicate and communicate
(23:37):
effectively, right withoutgaslighting.
Tiara Jones (23:40):
Absolutely. Yeah, yes, without gaslighting because
I mean, if you have certainissues with a, you know, a
customer or client and thingslike that, I think it's a great
point to take a step back andtake a breather and not respond,
you know, out of frustration oranything like that, just walk
away from it, and then comeback. So you can, you know,
(24:01):
approach the situation with themore clear minds less bullheaded
mind and so I mean, those thosethings are small steps that you
can take to just avoid having todeal with this whole gaslighting
thing, you know, in yourbusiness, and, you know, in, in
your, in your personal life forthat matter, too, because, you
(24:21):
know, that all affects yourbusiness also
Ray Mayfield (24:23):
does, it does damage me know, if you're, if
you're easily influenced bythings that are said, then you
know, a good thing you're moresusceptible to being gaslighted
and being talked out of beinggreat. And, you know, being
forced back into the rat racewith a lot of other people who
are doing nine to five thingthere's nothing wrong with nine
five I do the nine to five thingI've done it for my 20 plus
(24:46):
years, you know what I mean? Butyou know, the opportunity
presents itself to step out fromthat and find another path to
success take advantage of itthen and you know, fix your
sight on your goals and don'tstop until you reach them.
Tiara Jones (24:59):
Most definitely and don't be in denial if you are
someone that, you know is easilyinfluenced like that mean,
that's okay. We're alldifferent. You know, we grow and
we learn and so don't be the oneand be like, oh, no, that's not
influenced when you know,certain things can trigger you.
So like, know your triggerpoints. So you can be able to,
you know, work through theminstead of just being in denial,
(25:21):
because that's not helpful.
Ray Mayfield (25:22):
Yeah, absolutely.
moment of transparency,transparency, I'm influenced by
what people say. I am, um, butalso have developed a Well,
yeah, but I've developed anability to tune them out over
the years. Right. So I thinkthat some that that, that that's
what kind of made me who I amtoday, right? There's people who
told me oh, you're not going tobe successful in the Marines. Or
there's people who told me youcan't do this or you're just a
(25:45):
flunky. I had a high schoolteacher tell me once was me, me
and two of my close friends inhigh school walking down the
hallway together and looked atme said, you're just a flunky,
like, you're, you're like, like,you're hanging around hanging
out their bootstraps,bootstraps, you're just you're
just, you, they don't need you.
And, you know, it is what it isright now. Yeah, well, you know,
you have people, you have peoplewho impact who've you become,
(26:09):
you know, when looking back, youknow, when he said it, it meant
nothing to me. And I thoughtabout it just a couple of days
ago, and it's like, man, Iremember that time I was walking
down the hallway, this teacher,this teacher said this, to me a
15 year old Ray at the time, itis amazing how, you know,
professionals and adults dothings, you know, to belittle
children and really make himreally talked him out of being
(26:31):
great. So you know, you know,you receive all types of
information and but just hold onto what's important. And what's
true to you, man, that's that'swhat I'll tell you.
Tiara Jones (26:39):
Absolutely. I know this has been kind of a
different kind of topic anddialogue back but we want to
keep the dialogue going. Soplease let us know. You know,
comment on our social mediaposts let us know how you feel
about gas lighting if you thinkit's really a thing or just I'm
interested you know, nonsensefor the millennials to deal with
Ray Mayfield (27:00):
I'm interested Yeah, go speak to me cuz so
while I think gas lighting isreal, like I mean, we just
pretty much just confessed thatpeople are easily manipulated
right by by other folks. But asa as a culture I think maybe
like I said, it could just be mebecause where I am in my
professional walk in my growthwith God. That I don't believe,
um, I don't believe anyoneshould have their their ears
(27:23):
open to a frequency that's toolow for them. And what I mean by
that because we're talking downto you, people who are hating on
you, I think, got to tune themout, change shifted channel and
move in a different directionwith a different group of people
that are going to encourage youto grow and be the best you you
can possibly be cliche.
Tiara Jones (27:42):
Okay, Ray. Okay.
Okay.
Well, look at you using allthese millennial and Generation
Z sayings
Ray Mayfield (27:51):
If my generation doesn't teach your generation,
man, then the world is doomed.
Tiara Jones (27:57):
Yes, it's quite an age gap between me and Ray. But
it's a fun one. That's right.
Ray Mayfield (28:02):
Trust me, it's so much fun. You guys won't even
believe the half of it.
Tiara Jones (28:07):
So you guys get to see a little bit of our back and
forth on this episode and thethings that we agree and don't
agree with but
Ray Mayfield (28:15):
No, but I I get it. You've educated me on the
culture of gaslighting. I cansee how it can impact
individuals. I'm just not agaslighter. So this makes sense
to me.
Tiara Jones (28:26):
Yeah. Okay. You're not
as much of a gas lighter as youused to be you getting there.
Ray Mayfield (28:32):
Yeah, we all slow down from time to time.
Tiara Jones (28:35):
Right. But I mean, I can't, I'm sure sometimes I've
done it as well and notrealized. I think we all kind of
fall short of it. But
Ray Mayfield (28:41):
I can't remember.
I probably just tuned it out.
But more than likely, he'sreally good at that, y'all. It's
a gift. It's a gift. Thank you,Lord. Gaslighting culture so
interested in this. And, youknow, if anyone out there has
been impacted, you know, hit usup, man. You know, even if you
want to come on the podcast andhave a discussion about and give
(29:02):
us a different perspective. Wemore than happy to host you. I
think, you know, everybody'sexperiences are different and
unique. And we can all learnfrom that for sure.
Tiara Jones (29:11):
Absolutely. It's a theme and a topic that we could
probably go live about to getsome real time feedback on it.
So y'all look out for that.
Ray Mayfield (29:17):
Cool. I like it. I like it. I'm just gonna lie.
Yeah, me too. Cool, man. So wehope you guys have enjoyed this
episode. Gaslighting is real. Itis a culture so harden, your
mind sharper your minds and whats it harded your mind to sharpe
Tiara Jones (29:32):
And I appreciate Ray for being open to listen,
your tongues? harden your hearand sharpen your tongues? Oh
okay. Yeah, I like that oneetter. Stay hard out there every
ody. Nah thank you guys for listning. We appreciate you all s
much. And I can't tell you howuch I appreciate Tiara fo
educating me today
Ray Mayfield (29:52):
I'm taking it all in man. Never to old to
learn new things. So Iappreciate y'all everybody out
there. Hold it down and staysafe. Peace
Tiara Jones (30:01):
Stay solid
Welcome to The Frontrunner Podcast with your
hosts Ray Mayfield and TiaraJones to engineers more from
coworkers to in laws. And nowbusiness partners, creating a
safe space to be open and honestabout what it really takes to
start or run a business.
Tiara Jones (00:17):
We know it's easier said than done. But you were
built for this and you are notalone. Join us each week to hear
stories, lessons learned andstrategies from trusted advisors
and new and seasonedentrepreneurs on how to endure
the marathon entrepreneurship.
Ray Mayfield (00:38):
Peace everybody Ray here.
Tiara Jones (00:40):
Hey, this is Tiara.
Ray Mayfield (00:41):
Hey, thank you guys for joining us for
another awesome episode of TheFrontrunner Podcast. Um great
conversation in store foreveryone today, especially
millennials out there. So let'sTee what are we gonna be talking
about today?
Tiara Jones (00:54):
Today we're talking about gaslighting culture and
how it can affect your business.
Now, go ahead and tell you Iknow Ray and I have do not agree
when it comes to this topic. Butokay, so this would be
interesting. But Ray, let's goahead and get your thoughts out
now. But how you feel about thissince you talking about this
going to be good formillennials. I'm not too sure
what that meant
Ray Mayfield (01:14):
Just a little joke, you know, like I think,
you know, as we look generationto generation, I think everyone
or each generation is unique,right? I think, um, you know, my
generation, I'm a late 70s baby.
I'm Gen Yeah,
Tiara Jones (01:29):
he's up there.
Ray Mayfield (01:30):
And I think a wisdom wisdom man that he was
g.a.me., but you know, how Ilook at it is, gaslighting is
very unique. Right? Right. Solet's look let's look at how
Webster
Tiara Jones (01:43):
is not unique. I think it's just been giving a
name. I think it's always been athing.
Ray Mayfield (01:48):
But manipulating someone by psychological means
into questioning their ownreality. Cool, so, so that
that's what gaslighting isdefined as, right? Um, me, I
come from the standpoint that,you know, I think that I'm
strong minded and not veryeasily influenced by people's
opinions of me or what I'mdoing, therefore, and according
(02:09):
to the definition ofgaslighting, I don't think I'm
susceptible to gaslighting. ButI'm unique. The same way that
someone can look at me and setme off some look a look at Tee,
like I'm just going doing me.
We're just we're all unique inall regard. Right? So I'd be
very interested to learn moreabout gaslighting in today's
episode. And I hope everyonewho's listening is to and this
is this is Ray, you know, I'mdifferent. I come from I come
(02:31):
from a different upbringing, adifferent environment than
Tiara. And we're both unique inour perspective. So we hope that
everything that we share itthrough the podcast, everybody
gets something from, but I'm solooking forward learning today
and contributing to today'sconversation in any way
possible. Yes.
Tiara Jones (02:51):
Here's me rolling my eyes. Okay.
Ray Mayfield (02:53):
I'm sure everybody can hear it. I'm sure everybody
can hear it. You don't have totell him what you're doing.
Tiara Jones (02:57):
The funny thing is, is I'm always accusing ray of
gaslighting me, okay, let mejust explain this scenario with
us. And this business partner.
She's me teaching. So one of thethings is over committing. So if
someone you know tells you, Hey,I'm going to either be here, or
I'm going to do this, you know,at this certain time you are
doing stuff when you're inpreparing for that, because
(03:18):
you're depending on them to bethere. Right? So then when they
just come on and be like, I cansay that? No, no, I never said
that. Never said I was going todo that. That's what you thought
I said, that gets to the pointof gaslighting because you're
like, I know I'm not crazy. AndI know you've said that. And
here I am prepping on my end.
And you're gonna be like, No, Ididn't say that. You go
nonchalantly. Just blow it offin, you know, like, no, like,
(03:40):
like, I'm like, I'm crazy.
That's one example of and you'relooking at me crazy.
Ray Mayfield (03:45):
When I say that? I say that, you know? Because
we've had this discussionbefore. Right? And his
willingness, vs capacity. Right.
And I think that, although we'rewilling to do anything we can do
for the sake of successfulsuccessful business. I don't
think there's been too manytimes where there's, there's
been times where I have not beenable to do things and not that
(04:06):
I'm, you know, making you seemlike I never said I would do it.
I look at it as your man, Iliterally just work 12 hours a
day as a breather, where you'recalling me saying you need to
stay by within an hour. Sure.
I'll get to it. And then I getin, I walk through the door and
life hits me. I hear you. I hearyou, man.
Tiara Jones (04:23):
But no, it's in that sense. I get it. And that's
when, as a business owner. Andwith everything you do you have
to be very careful about yourcapacity and what you do. And I
think sometimes you overcome it,you'd be like, I'm a marine. I
can do it. You know, I'm unique.
I'm hard. I'm strong minded. Icould do all this and so you put
more on yourself. Then sometimesI think that you should and so
(04:46):
we've we've worked through that.
But in the beginning, y'all itwas we were butting heads. I'm
like, Well, why didn't you tellme you were going to do it if if
you knew you had all this comingup you want to do and you're
like I have two kids here. Ihave a wife So we've moved past
that point.
Ray Mayfield (05:03):
Let's, let's let's but that I think that speaks to
a bigger issue, right? Because Ithink there's a there's a
perception that we live, we livein our individual bubbles,
right? And I think, because andthis and this is this is no no
jive how I felt things werespecial with COVID. With had us
at home teleworking, where, youknow, there'll be there'll be
(05:24):
days where I'm working. Andhonestly, when I telework, I
work more hours than I do. WhenI go into the office, we used to
work 12 to 14 hours. Becauseit's everyone knows where I'm
at. So it's constant access tome via phone or email, right?
Where others may work in, youknow, six to eight hours, and
then they're done. But they, um,I'm done when I'm not. And you
(05:46):
and your that, I think that wasa big problem. Initially, the
first six, seven months, tryingto balance this and taking
breaks from work to havemeetings in the middle of the
workday was very, extremelydifficult and unrealistic. And
now I think that, you know, onceonce we, you know, look, look at
the bigger picture, theperception of one's
(06:07):
availability, should be obvious.
Tiara Jones (06:10):
No, I disagree. But we agree to disagree on that.
But then, I mean, so when youtalk about, you know,
invalidating someone'sexperience, so that's also a
form of gaslighting. So I knowyou've reading that definition
that I don't really like thatdefinition of it, because it
doesn't really explain
Ray Mayfield (06:32):
an urban dictionary.
Tiara Jones (06:33):
No.
But like making someone seemlike what they've been through,
you know, wasn't hard justbecause it may not be too hard
for them? I know, you say you'restrong minded and things like
that, but not everyone is. Soyou being like, Oh, this
gaslighter culture thing.
Millennials is a stupid exampleget like you're invalidating
other people's experiences.
(06:56):
People have tried to manipulatethem into thinking differently
than what they already think,man. I would love to hear you
all opinion on this. So pleaselet us know.
Ray Mayfield (07:06):
It's so funny how you're working. It wasn't
around. Well, let's say it was Ithink I'm strong minded but I
love to learn more about thegaslighting culture. I do i
think i think it's I think it'swe've heard I've heard
gaslighting more like this pastsix months than I have any other
time in my life
Tiara Jones (07:22):
is a buzzword now.
It is absolutely, but what the,the culture it brings and what
it's done to people is real, soso when talking, right, so
talking about business, I thinkthere's a lot of marketing
tactics out here that can leadway to this whole gaslighting
thing. So when you see that, oh,you need to be making, you know,
(07:43):
six figures a month you need tobe doing this you need to be
doing that and if you're not youknow, you're not a real business
what you do like that type ofstuff like that stuff really
gets to me because it's notnecessary like you don't if you
make a sale, you made money, youhave a business you're doing
business everyone is working,you know at different speeds at
different paces. And you'reeventually going to get to you
know, making you know, largeamount of money and things like
(08:06):
that. However, it doesn't makeyou less of a business if you
don't make a certain amount ofmoney in within a certain amount
of time. And I think there arethese kind of cliques and groups
on social media that will kindof just throw into your head
like if you don't take thisprogram if you don't do this
you're not going to besuccessful in if you're not you
know, charging such amount ofthis this amount of rae or
(08:30):
anything like that, you know,then you're not doing business
right and all this and I thinkthose blanket statements can be
dangerous for people that arejust starting there's trying to
figure out you know, their ownway and it can kind of derail
them unnecessarily and becauseyou if you continue to you know
to see that and see you knowthat language that marketing
(08:51):
over and over again it for somepeople and I have friends that
has happened as to they're justlike Okay, forget I'm not even
doing this because I don't Ihave no idea how to get to that
point. Like they're they're justit just looking at other
businesses and seeing whatthey're telling me to do is
stressing me out. And I mean itgoes back to getting away from
the noise and not letting itaffect you getting to the place
(09:13):
like Ray where you are strongminded and you're not going to
let you know those things, youknow bother you or or just
saying no, that's right. It'slike it can get to you and that
you know, that comparison trapcan get to you real quick so I
think it's just you have to becareful about what you see on
social media and what you know alot of people are telling you
(09:36):
and just you know, take the goodand leave the bad you know, cuz
some of that stuff is just likeyou're being a bit much and some
of it y'all is literally justmarketing they literally just
trying to get your sale and getyou through the door and they'll
they'll say whatever it takes toyou know, to pull on your
emotions. It's it's verymarketing can be very
(09:57):
manipulative. It's a hustlersgame. It is. I mean, you got to
do what you got to do. But I'mjust saying be careful of it
when it comes to your businessand don't let it stop you from
doing you know what you want to
Ray Mayfield (10:09):
Yeah, absolutely.
So So when I say it's a dohustler's game, I mean, like, I
look at it from like a streetperspective, right? You know, I
wasn't always a marine. I wasyoung once. And I think you, you
know, when when you've beenhustled once, you don't want to
get hustled twice. So youeducate yourself, you become
smarter about the approach youbecause morning, when you hear
somebody giving you a pitch, youknow, whether it's legit, or if
it's a waste of your time, we'regonna take advantage of you. And
sometimes you don't know,because people out there are can
(10:32):
they can finesse you, you know,they can, you know, they can
talk you out of your shoes whileyou're wearing them. So, you
know, I think, you know, from myperspective, in my experience, I
think that I'm more prone topick up on stuff like that,
which is, which is cool. I know,we're all different. So when I
say I'm strong minded, I'm not,I'm not saying I'm better than
anybody else was out there,right? I'm just saying that I
think my experiences haveprepared before this moment
(10:54):
where I think my experience tat prepared me to know where
my energy needs to be investedI think my experiences has ta
ght me that no, social media doen't have the answers, I thi
k I think it's definitely tauht me that social media is smo
e and mirrors. And that aot of people who say they're do
ng it really aren't doing it somare, don't get me wrong. But I
think you have to, you have tojudge that information based
(11:17):
n the individual and the meritr the individual. And sometim
s you got to research these cas who you're coming across on
ocial media and you know,their background, what they real
y do, who they really are, youknow, what they're really influe
cing. And, you know, some somtimes you may spend money to, y
u may spend money for a coac. And then in that proces
, you realize this person isn'well thought they were. And
(11:37):
call that sometimes those expriences you pay for? Yeah, just
because part of the game is parof the game. So I think, you
now, as as you move through yourlife in general, take those exp
riences from life and apply theto business because it's one o
the same if you asked me, I mea, know, what happens in the
treets gonna happen in business.
What happens in schoolan happen in business, there's d
(11:58):
adlines, you got to meet, theres objectives you got to
eet, there's paperwork, you hae to submit, there's things you
ave to do. I think that you'vthat you've been molded for
n your your, your, your humanalk that you can take into your
usiness walk with you. You on't
Tiara Jones (12:11):
Yeah, I agree. And I mean, my only
thing is, just don't let it youknow, second guess everything
that you do, because it can getto that point, where you hear
certain things and you whenyou're talking to certain
people, and they just like yougot to stand strong on what you
believe in and what, you know,what, where you're going and
what your path is, becausepeople will try to try to change
(12:32):
that up and make you you know,second guess, all of it, like,
are you sure some people I knowwhat we talked about with
Taneshia. Some people won't haveill intentions, they'll just be
asking questions, but thenothers will, and you just got to
be careful not to get to thepoint where you're like, Okay,
(12:53):
shoot, like, what, what am Igoing to do now, or, you know,
getting to that place where,like, you're mentally, like, not
in a good place, or whatever. Soyou just you have to protect
your mind. I mean, reallypraying, mentally, when it comes
to, you know, protectingyourself and making sure that
you can, you'll bounce back fromthese things, because sometimes
(13:13):
you may fall victim to it, butbe able to recognize it and
bounce back. So then like, youknow, with Ray and his
experiences, you know, you learnfrom those and you're stronger
the next time it comes down andyou recognize it, and you know,
quicker the next next time itcomes around
Ray Mayfield (13:26):
Well, for you too.
I mean, you know, we've I thinkwe both learned a lot in this
past year. As far as you know,what we, what we put our heart
into, and what we you know, whatyou invest in and what you don't
invest in, right? It's just likethe stock market. It's I look at
it right, you know, you thinkyou over time, you know, you get
battle rhythm and you understandyour capacity and your
(13:47):
willingness and yourshortcomings in what you're good
at. It just can't let anybodytake advantage of those you
know, I'm saying so, you know,yeah, I'm strong minded but I
don't have it all figured out.
Tiara don't let her fool youguys those who know her know,
she's strong minded. But Butguess what? She didn't have it
all
Tiara Jones (14:04):
figured out. Right?
I don't because some of thisstuff has happened to me. So
I'll
Ray Mayfield (14:07):
fix but, but that's where, you know, I think
that's where a partnership canbe can be fortified and bonded,
right? It takes communicationwhere you know, yeah, it takes
communication. It takes a willopenness and willingness of me,
I have the innate ability towant to throw myself on the
grenade to save people, right.
So if Tiara says, Hey, I reallyneed this done. Yeah, okay, I
(14:28):
gotta do it. And not in my mind.
I'm gonna get I'll do it. Right.
But that went out. No, no, no,no, you're absolutely right. One
thing's for sure about me. I'mgoing to do things and fit him
into my schedule when I can.
I've been burned out before I'vehit mental mental walls before
that. I've had to push throughand then put my brain back to
(14:48):
you that that broke it. You knowwhat I mean? You know, push my
body physically beyond to thepoint of exhaustion, right? I've
done that before. So now morelike it's like Tetris, right, so
I look at tasks like Tetris, Iwill move it around and fit it
in, right where it belongs bestfor me. And sometimes I'm like,
Yo, I'm gonna get that to youtoday. And it'd be, it'd be like
(15:10):
a week from today.
Tiara Jones (15:12):
And that's what I had to. That's what we had to
learn and go through and belike, okay, yeah, but I don't
want to keep asking like, youknow, I did, but then I've got
to the point where like, like, Iknow you have a lot going on.
And I'm not trying to like, bethat nuisance that is in your
ear like where is this, where isthis. Because Ray will snap back
and get smart, real quick.
Ray Mayfield (15:31):
No, not at all. Mama, sweetheart.
Wait, what's your word? No, no,no,
Tiara Jones (15:37):
I have to learn that
Ray Mayfield (15:39):
I make I make every point I can not to be
confrontational. Because to me,it was confrontational. But even
but even but even my smartaleckness, I turn it down when I
talk to you, because I don'twant to communicate with you in
that way. Because Because Ithink you know, you know, it's a
partnership, right? We have atendency, I know, I know. We can
be very volatile between us likethat. Like, why is that? Right?
(16:01):
Because y'all know Tee,
Tiara Jones (16:02):
brother sister relationship to outsdie of the
business.
Ray Mayfield (16:05):
Absolutely.
Absolutely. This is you, you allthat know Tee. Know Tee is down
for you. Tee has your back andtea will go to war in a
heartbeat. I think I'm the sameway, maybe not as tenacious as
Tiara but you know. And sothat's why I make a point to try
(16:25):
to always be respectful when Icommunicate with you and yet it
sounds snarky. That's what wedo. So yeah, I'll just say it's
a two way street is two waystreet. So you know, but it's
all love the I think, you know,we were learning how to make it
work together.
Tiara Jones (16:38):
Absolutely. And like I said, I had to, you know,
be mindful of the things he hasgoing on in, you know, his
schedule and things like that. Imean, it's fortunate enough that
his wife is my sister. And so Ihad kind of an inside.
Ray Mayfield (16:53):
Okay, make sense now, cuz some days, I'll leave
work. Like, as soon as I stepout the building, the first
thing I'll do is always text mywife like Yo, I'm on the way
home, if you need me to stop oranything. And then two minutes
later Tee be like, Hey, what'sup? Here it comes, here it
comes. What task do I havetonight?
Tiara Jones (17:07):
That's a coincidence. But you know,
that's another thing be be moremindful of, you know, people
that you're working with is itdoesn't even have to be a
business partner, like when mein Ray's since, but even with
other vendors and people thatou're working with just bein
And you can everything that Ican do.
more mindful of other thingthat they may have going o
, you know, and things like tha. And instead of, you know, you
(17:30):
know, getting emotional, gettininto your motion, getting upset
about it, just taking a step bak and be like, okay, maybe som
thing happened, like don't knd of jump to conclusions, beca
se at first, that's what I woulddo. I would jump to conclusio
s and be like, would you rally? Yeah. Now you're just ig
oring me. Like, if you're no, if you're not gonna get it
done on Friday, don't say youdon't get it on Friday. I me
n, it's just do things likehat, but, but I think we c
(17:53):
mmunicate a lot better when itomes to certain things, like cer
ain things that I can do, there'certain things that he
eeds to do. And sometimes I'like, I wish I could freaki
g do it. So I could just gett done. Like, oh, my goodness,
like, because I'm anal abut certain
And no, there's certain thingsthat I can't do. And that's
okay. I don't need to beeverything and I kind of need to
relinquish that type of controlof having things done. So you
(18:16):
know, it's all a learningexperience. Growing is painful.
It is it's quite painful, butyou know, I'm getting through
it.
Ray Mayfield (18:24):
This is new, this new road for both of us, right?
So
Tiara Jones (18:26):
Most definitely.
Ray Mayfield (18:27):
It's all good, man. I think, you know, my me, I
have to be more vocal, and I'lllook at it as How come you can't
see that I'm busy. Instead ofjust saying, Hey, man, I'm busy.
can't get to it right now. Youknow what I mean,
Tiara Jones (18:38):
So that simple yall see, but we'd get we're getting
to that point.
Ray Mayfield (18:43):
You say that simple, then it's share your
calendar with me, then it'swhole micro managing. Nah I'm
kidding. Okay, yeah, I think Idon't gave you ideas. Yeah, but
you're right. Yeah. It's assimple as saying, Hey, man, like
I'm busy. You know, I can't dothat. But in my mind, my mind's
like at that time, I was like,yo, you know, I'm busy. How come
you don't see that I'm busy andbut then again, it just like
(19:05):
communication. So it's all lovelike Venus man, we learned we're
going to learn I don't want toGaslight you right now.
Tiara Jones (19:13):
Now that you're more educated on the topic,
Ray Mayfield (19:16):
Hey man you're never too old to learn the old
dog can learn new tricks,
Tiara Jones (19:19):
not at all. And I think, you know, you have to be
careful with this in yourbusiness. And then when you're
working with other businesses,like Ray said, If you you know,
work with a coach or consultantor whatever, and they don't seem
to be, you know, all that youthought that would be or you ask
questions and they feel like youdon't have a right you know, to
ask questions or anything likethat, you know, those are kind
(19:40):
of red flags. Because of youknow, if you're paying someone
to do something, you know, foryou, you should be able to ask
questions and you know, to getthe information that you need,
so don't you know, let peoplemake you think that no, you
can't ask that. You need to, youknow, stick to what I told you.
Like some people may havequestions. I've worked with
people that have been like, whyare you asking me that are just
(20:01):
completely ghosted me about somethings? And then it's made me
think like, should I have notasked that? Or was that a stupid
question or, but it shouldn't belike that you I think you should
be in the position to be open toanswer any questions your
clients your customers have,because that's just going to
help them make a better decisionon if you've already, you know,
purchase something with thempurchasing something else in the
(20:22):
future, or making a decision,you know, to purchase. Because
it's important to, you know, totake care of the people that you
know, that have, you know,bought something from you, you
Ray Mayfield (20:34):
yeah, yeah, without a doubt, I think, you
know,know, the, it's very easy to be
talked out of doing something oranything, right. And if you
know, you guys have an idea, youhave the creative energy, and
you're doing something Taneshia,also shared with us the fact
that she started keeping thingsherself until she was ready,
because she had the answers tothe questions for people not to
necessarily talk her out ofsomething on, but influence her
(20:56):
mind negatively, that shecouldn't accomplish something.
And I think that's, that'sextremely critical to creators.
I think it's very important toprotect your your mental
headspace, I think it'simportant, if you have an idea,
and a definite chief aim forsomething that you want to
achieve, you have to be carefulwhat you're taking into your
ears that are going to affectyour brain either to talk you
out of what you're doing,whether that's something on
(21:18):
social media, even people inyour circle, you know, me so so
you definitely want to haveprotect that creative energy to
a degree. I mean, you know,there's people you can talk to,
who are gonna be down and askyou the questions from a place
of concern, as people who aregoing to be, they just hate on
you. And just, you know, more orless, don't, they don't make any
sense. And we all know peoplelike that. So you know, I think
it's very important to know whoyou can and cannot talk to you
(21:39):
about certain things very,extremely important. So find,
find those people will find themfast. Now, as you move into your
creative space to startdeveloping, excuse me developing
a business on the put together,it's very important to protect
that energy.
Tiara Jones (21:53):
Absolutely. And you know, me and Ray, as you see,
it's very easy to kind of fallinto that, Oh, am I gaslighting?
Am I not, you know? I'm alwaysgaslighting, Yeah, right? Let me
tell it. But just, you know,just be more careful of things
that you do, and you say, andhow you present yourself in your
business to make sure it's notcoming off that way. And I'm not
(22:14):
saying that you have to walk oneggshells or anything like that.
But just be more mindful.
Because I mean, like we talkedabout certain words can mean
certain things can come offcertain ways. You know, there's
tone through text, okay,definitely all know that when it
comes to text messages. So justbeing a little bit more
thoughtful about the wordchoice, so you don't come off as
aggressive, even if you're notmeaning to
Ray Mayfield (22:35):
it even even if you know, uh I do it often. Like
if I'm in not a good space, Ijust want to reply to a text I'd
rather just call you later, totalk through it. Because I think
you know, there's points whereeven Tiara and I have butted
heads over certain things willbe goal, goal lines and things
of that nature knows, like, Hey,I'm just gonna call you in 30
minutes when I'm doing this so Ican talk to you about how I'm
(22:56):
feeling so it doesn't comeacross rude or disrespectful
through text message. And Ithink there's nothing wrong with
that, you know, we all we allknow, our partners, and we all
understand their capacity andwhat they're dealing with, to a
degree. But you know, again,when you're looking at solo
solopreneurship is way differentfrom a partnership. And when
it's partnership involved, youreally have to be very
(23:17):
diplomatic in your approach. Anddon't get me wrong, like, you
know, yeah, I I'm very measuredby the words I use with Tiara,
but it's at a side of a place ofnot wanting to disrespect Tiara,
right. And Tiara does the samething with me and its effective,
you know, there's not you're notgonna we're not gonna move
anywhere arguing with each otherand fighting. So, you know, you
just have to find a way tocommunicate and communicate
(23:37):
effectively, right withoutgaslighting.
Tiara Jones (23:40):
Absolutely. Yeah, yes, without gaslighting because
I mean, if you have certainissues with a, you know, a
customer or client and thingslike that, I think it's a great
point to take a step back andtake a breather and not respond,
you know, out of frustration oranything like that, just walk
away from it, and then comeback. So you can, you know,
(24:01):
approach the situation with themore clear minds less bullheaded
mind and so I mean, those thosethings are small steps that you
can take to just avoid having todeal with this whole gaslighting
thing, you know, in yourbusiness, and, you know, in, in
your, in your personal life forthat matter, too, because, you
(24:21):
know, that all affects yourbusiness also
Ray Mayfield (24:23):
does, it does damage me know, if you're, if
you're easily influenced bythings that are said, then you
know, a good thing you're moresusceptible to being gaslighted
and being talked out of beinggreat. And, you know, being
forced back into the rat racewith a lot of other people who
are doing nine to five thingthere's nothing wrong with nine
five I do the nine to five thingI've done it for my 20 plus
(24:46):
years, you know what I mean? Butyou know, the opportunity
presents itself to step out fromthat and find another path to
success take advantage of itthen and you know, fix your
sight on your goals and don'tstop until you reach them.
Tiara Jones (24:59):
Most definitely and don't be in denial if you are
someone that, you know is easilyinfluenced like that mean,
that's okay. We're alldifferent. You know, we grow and
we learn and so don't be the oneand be like, oh, no, that's not
influenced when you know,certain things can trigger you.
So like, know your triggerpoints. So you can be able to,
you know, work through theminstead of just being in denial,
(25:21):
because that's not helpful.
Ray Mayfield (25:22):
Yeah, absolutely.
moment of transparency,transparency, I'm influenced by
what people say. I am, um, butalso have developed a Well,
yeah, but I've developed anability to tune them out over
the years. Right. So I thinkthat some that that, that that's
what kind of made me who I amtoday, right? There's people who
told me oh, you're not going tobe successful in the Marines. Or
there's people who told me youcan't do this or you're just a
(25:45):
flunky. I had a high schoolteacher tell me once was me, me
and two of my close friends inhigh school walking down the
hallway together and looked atme said, you're just a flunky,
like, you're, you're like, like,you're hanging around hanging
out their bootstraps,bootstraps, you're just you're
just, you, they don't need you.
And, you know, it is what it isright now. Yeah, well, you know,
you have people, you have peoplewho impact who've you become,
(26:09):
you know, when looking back, youknow, when he said it, it meant
nothing to me. And I thoughtabout it just a couple of days
ago, and it's like, man, Iremember that time I was walking
down the hallway, this teacher,this teacher said this, to me a
15 year old Ray at the time, itis amazing how, you know,
professionals and adults dothings, you know, to belittle
children and really make himreally talked him out of being
(26:31):
great. So you know, you know,you receive all types of
information and but just hold onto what's important. And what's
true to you, man, that's that'swhat I'll tell you.
Tiara Jones (26:39):
Absolutely. I know this has been kind of a
different kind of topic anddialogue back but we want to
keep the dialogue going. Soplease let us know. You know,
comment on our social mediaposts let us know how you feel
about gas lighting if you thinkit's really a thing or just I'm
interested you know, nonsensefor the millennials to deal with
Ray Mayfield (27:00):
I'm interested Yeah, go speak to me cuz so
while I think gas lighting isreal, like I mean, we just
pretty much just confessed thatpeople are easily manipulated
right by by other folks. But asa as a culture I think maybe
like I said, it could just be mebecause where I am in my
professional walk in my growthwith God. That I don't believe,
um, I don't believe anyoneshould have their their ears
(27:23):
open to a frequency that's toolow for them. And what I mean by
that because we're talking downto you, people who are hating on
you, I think, got to tune themout, change shifted channel and
move in a different directionwith a different group of people
that are going to encourage youto grow and be the best you you
can possibly be cliche.
Tiara Jones (27:42):
Okay, Ray. Okay.
Okay.
Well, look at you using allthese millennial and Generation
Z sayings
Ray Mayfield (27:51):
If my generation doesn't teach your generation,
man, then the world is doomed.
Tiara Jones (27:57):
Yes, it's quite an age gap between me and Ray. But
it's a fun one. That's right.
Ray Mayfield (28:02):
Trust me, it's so much fun. You guys won't even
believe the half of it.
Tiara Jones (28:07):
So you guys get to see a little bit of our back and
forth on this episode and thethings that we agree and don't
agree with but
Ray Mayfield (28:15):
No, but I I get it. You've educated me on the
culture of gaslighting. I cansee how it can impact
individuals. I'm just not agaslighter. So this makes sense
to me.
Tiara Jones (28:26):
Yeah. Okay. You're not
as much of a gas lighter as youused to be you getting there.
Ray Mayfield (28:32):
Yeah, we all slow down from time to time.
Tiara Jones (28:35):
Right. But I mean, I can't, I'm sure sometimes I've
done it as well and notrealized. I think we all kind of
fall short of it. But
Ray Mayfield (28:41):
I can't remember.
I probably just tuned it out.
But more than likely, he'sreally good at that, y'all. It's
a gift. It's a gift. Thank you,Lord. Gaslighting culture so
interested in this. And, youknow, if anyone out there has
been impacted, you know, hit usup, man. You know, even if you
want to come on the podcast andhave a discussion about and give
(29:02):
us a different perspective. Wemore than happy to host you. I
think, you know, everybody'sexperiences are different and
unique. And we can all learnfrom that for sure.
Tiara Jones (29:11):
Absolutely. It's a theme and a topic that we could
probably go live about to getsome real time feedback on it.
So y'all look out for that.
Ray Mayfield (29:17):
Cool. I like it. I like it. I'm just gonna lie.
Yeah, me too. Cool, man. So wehope you guys have enjoyed this
episode. Gaslighting is real. Itis a culture so harden, your
mind sharper your minds and whats it harded your mind to sharpe
Tiara Jones (29:32):
And I appreciate Ray for being open to listen,
your tongues? harden your hearand sharpen your tongues? Oh
okay. Yeah, I like that oneetter. Stay hard out there every
ody. Nah thank you guys for listning. We appreciate you all s
much. And I can't tell you howuch I appreciate Tiara fo
educating me today
Ray Mayfield (29:52):
I'm taking it all in man. Never to old to
learn new things. So Iappreciate y'all everybody out
there. Hold it down and staysafe. Peace
Tiara Jones (30:01):
Stay solid
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