October 20, 2021 • 48 mins
While taking care of our responsibilities and striving to reach personal and professional goals we can't forget about the importance of taking care of ourselves. Remember that you are an irreplaceable high valuable asset and your physical and mental health should always be a priority. Tune in to hear our personal stories and lessons we've learned while trying to be the best version of ourselves.
If you are in need of mental health services we highly recommend Jewelle Daquin, LPC and owner of Beyond The Couch LLC.
https://www.beyondthecouchllc.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ray Mayfield (00:04):
Welcome to The Frontrunner Podcast with your
hosts Ray Mayfield and TiaraJones to engineers more from
coworkers to in laws and nowbusiness partners, creating a
safe space to be open and honestabout what it really takes to
start and run a business.
Tiara Jones (00:17):
We know it's easier said than done, but you were
built for this and you are notalone. Join us each week to hear
stories, lessons learned andstrategies from trusted advisors
and new and seasonedentrepreneurs on how to endure
the marathon entrepreneurship.
Ray Mayfield (00:38):
Peace everybody, Ray's here
Tiara Jones (00:40):
Hey is this Tiara
Ray Mayfield (00:41):
all right thank you for joining us for another
wonderful episode of TheFrontrunner Podcast. So Tee you
want to tell us what we'retalking about today?
Tiara Jones (00:47):
Yes, today we are talking about how you can be the
best version of you.
Ray Mayfield (00:52):
Well, I like it like it man. The best version of
you.
Tiara Jones (00:55):
Yeah, so go ahead.
Ray Mayfield (00:57):
No, please. Please Yeah.
Tiara Jones (00:59):
So yeah, so I know people say all the time, you
know to entrepreneurs You looklike you got it all together,
you know you usually the strongfriend and things like that. But
usually it's you know, at theexpense of our own selves and
our own health because we justkeep going and going and going
and people see that and see usyou know they see the outcome
(01:21):
and everything we're producingbut they don't see you know,
behind closed doors what we'redealing with how we're exhausted
how we're tired so like on theoutside it looks like we got it
all together and you know we canput this together and still live
still have kids still you knowhave a husband or wife and
things like that but but it's
Ray Mayfield (01:41):
a struggle. Yeah, yeah. The emotions to write the
emotions of it all is wrapped inthere somewhere. Um, yes, a lot
of it comes with, you know,entrepreneur, you know, stepping
out on faith. You know, we prayfor God to give us more an
opportunity but with that comesa trial to be worthy of such a
thing, you know, that we want inlife. And, you know,
entrepreneurship is nodifferent, no different than a
(02:01):
marriage or relationship oranything else you want. It takes
a lot of work and dedication.
And, you know, they say marriageYou guys are the marriage that
perfect married couples to thosewho portrayed themselves to be
that way but you have no ideawhat goes on behind closed
doors. Let me tell you, this isthe same way. You know, I think
we I think we always we use theword emotional rollercoaster and
kind of kill the lease I do.
(02:24):
It's definitely that, you know,there's highs and lows, and
there's the fun stuff inbetween. But, you know,
nonetheless, you know, you can'tshrug your responsibility. And
you really have to, you know,reach the bounds and do what
needs to be done for the sakeof, you know, stepping out there
and given the world what yougot.
Tiara Jones (02:40):
Yeah, that's right.
So anything, you start this new,whether it's a new business,
like if you're just gettingmarried a new role at your job,
it's going to teach you a lotabout yourself and it's going to
really stretch you because youknow, you're you're in a new
place, it's a new season, youknow, things are different, so
uncomfortable. But you stillhave to, you know, kind of be in
tune with your body, yourhealth, your capacity, and kind
(03:02):
of know your limits. And it tookme a long time to figure this
out. I'm still figuring thisout. So just to be you know,
completely transparent, like,especially when we come on and
we talk it's not us just youknow, oh you got to do this you
got to do that, like we'rereally speaking to ourselves to
like this is helping us as weyou know, go through this whole
(03:23):
you know, starting this businessand you know, building it up
journey, but it wasn't until Iwas on a kind of like this, like
mental health kind of workshopwith big idea food, Marlena
banks shout out to her. And ourgirl, Jewelle, Daquin was the
guest speaker. And she was, youknow, talking about, you know,
(03:48):
faith and entrepreneurship andmental health and a lot of
different women that were on thesession that night. And you
know, she was just, of course,given us all great tips on, you
know, how to navigate it all.
And at the end and the questionand answer, it was one young
lady, they started talking abouther anxiety and how her anxiety
(04:10):
started to, you know, present incells present itself, like
physically within our body, herbody started reacting, you know,
to the anxiety that she kepthaving. And she was talking
about how her hands would shakeand how she would put so much
pressure on herself. She didn'teven realize like what it was
doing to her body. And it was Ithink it was around November of
(04:30):
last year. And for me, like Iwas so in denial of like, what I
was doing and how my anxiety wascausing me issues until she
spoke up, you know, it wastalking about her own self and
it was like a complete triggerfor me. And it was like in that
moment that I kind of like sawmyself and I don't know why it
took for someone else to come upand say it for me to finally be
(04:54):
like dandy name that's you andrealize like you actually have a
problem like you know Like thisis something serious because it
was a lot of different you knowhealth issues that I was having
at the time and they was justsnowballing was like a whole
domino effect and I was like Idon't understand why this is all
coming up and I'm in this likeGod was just kept trying to tell
me kept showing me you knowsigns and all these red flags
(05:16):
that kept popping up but Ididn't get it until she pretty
much described exactly you knowwhat I was going through and of
course George just knew exactlyyou know what to say and you
know how to how to help herwhich when then helped me and
she started talking about howyou have to you have to be
careful of what you what you'retelling yourself when different
(05:39):
things happen when something badhappens if you don't if you miss
a deadline or if you're not ableto reply back to an email
instead of beating yourself upand telling yourself like
because you didn't do this allthis stuff is going to happen
trying to stop yourself andthose like kind of negative
assumptions before you go downthat spiral because then that
turns into higher anxiety andmore you know physical ailments
(06:03):
and things like that because andusually it's when it gets to
that point when it's so bad thatit really starts to show up
physically so I was y'all wasway out I thought way too far
gone at that point. But youknow, from seeing that and
hearing Joel say that I'm like,Well that makes sense. Because
every time that I wasn't able toget something done, like I would
go through this whole thing likereally you didn't get this done,
(06:25):
you had all the time in theworld you waited like like just
literally beating myself up. AndI was just pretty much doing
giving my being a disservice tomyself to my family. Because
they you know, in a way theydidn't want to show it but they
were like, you you're trippingright now. I wasn't the best
person to be around and youknow, right pretty much told me
(06:46):
about myself because you know,he just bought like that. But
everyone else was kind of likekind of, you know, tiptoeing
like you show you Okay, I thinkyou should take a break because
I just I just wasn't myself, youknow, for four months, I think
from the summer on until, likethat whole time period that
long. Yeah, it was, it was thatlong, because I remember I
(07:09):
started that one businessprogram in the summer and it it
took me to a whole nother levelbecause it was like it's a six
month program. And I was like, Igotta get this done. I gotta get
that and it was so much pressurethat I put on myself. It was a
stressful time it was it wasn'tnecessary. Yeah, it was totally
was unnecessary. But after thatcall, I talked to Joel kind of
(07:30):
one on one and she was justlike, you know what, you need to
do that. I don't know why you'renot gonna do you need to go get
a therapist.
And I like because we talkedabout you know, on the front
runner live, you know, gettingtherapists and I'll talk about
therapy we had Joel ondefinitely want to have her on
again. But then I wouldn't evenI wasn't even taking my own
(07:51):
advice. And so, but it wasn'tuntil you know, that moment I
saw myself I completely likebroke down. And like the family
had like faith because we'realways FaceTime or doing
something always. It's shady. Sothey caught me it's just like if
I didn't answer the fake SEStime, they knew something was
going to be wrong. So theyFaceTime me here I am crying.
(08:13):
Because you know, God, prettymuch just, you know, show me
myself or or whatever. And likeC's about time you listen, I
don't know why I took all thison. Like, thanks, guys. Wait,
Ray Mayfield (08:22):
we told you so.
Tiara Jones (08:24):
Chose yourselves.
But then, you know, deep down onthe heart, like we're glad that
you finally you know, see thisfor yourself. And you know, you
can get the help that you needto move past it. Because a
little bit I know how difficultthe first year, the first couple
months in 2021 was going to befor my family. And so God was
already kind of like, you needto get yourself together now
(08:45):
because what's coming is gonnacompletely take you out if you
don't. And so it was definitelya blessing for Malik Marlena to
you know, walk in the will ofGod and having, you know those
different, you know, sessionsthat she had, and for jewel
saying yes to come on. And thenfor the young lady that was bold
(09:06):
enough to be transparent andspeak up. Because all those
things kind of lined up to helpme see that I wasn't being me. I
wasn't being who God called meto be. I wasn't being the person
that he wanted me to be to kindof run this business with Ray to
be you know, a sister to be adaughter to be a friend. And so
since then, I've been I've beenworking on trying to get better.
Ray Mayfield (09:33):
Are you going to do a fantastic fantastic man.
You are You are I'm proud of youare proud of you.
Tiara Jones (09:39):
So yeah, it takes time it takes work. And so like
I said this entrepreneurshipthing, it will show you a lot
about yourself. And you know, Iwear many different hats. You
know, in the business, in lifeand in life in general with the
church, all different things.
And so it's like it's always I'malways doing something and I
never just took time. to juststop it was just like go go go
(10:00):
you got to do this by thisdeadline and that deadline and
y'all these were like arbitrarydeadlines that I was making
myself trying to meet and then Iwas upset when I met it and then
the outcome was it was I wantedto be because I was rushing
everything I didn't give youknow myself time to really you
know, stop wait pray on it, thengo I was just moving moving
moving moving and didn't taketime to really you know, consult
(10:23):
and sometimes consult Ray I wasjust making decisions and he was
so busy doing all this stuff. Hewas like, man, I haven't got
time to do what you write to it.
So it was like that, that kindof six seven month time period
in the kind of Summer, Fall of2020 was in 2012 you already
(10:46):
know with a lot so it just itwas a lot hit home in that time
for me and late made me kind ofcompletely rethink how I was
going to go about being youknow, an entrepreneur and still
being a great you know, sisterwife, not well, that wife yet
sister friend, daughter, youknow, getting to that point, you
(11:06):
know, so I'm transparent momentfor me, but you know, it happens
to the best of us. Like I say, alot of my friends are always
like, Oh, yeah, you good youdon't, I need you to help me, or
whatever. But I was I wasstruggling. I was struggling in
the backend.
Ray Mayfield (11:22):
But that's impressive, man like, at first
like thanks for being sotransparent man. Um, I think
it's difficult to you know, atsome point it's difficult to let
people know what's going oninside because we all want to
have the parents that we havetogether when a lot of times we
really don't. Um, so you know,kudos to you for you know, being
as vocal about it and you know,doing something about it and
seeking some professional help,which is something a lot of
(11:43):
people shunned but now isbecoming more of a cultural
standard, it's culturallyacceptable to get mental health,
you know, to go seek aprofessional that kind of help
walk you through and guide youthrough, you know, the various
maneuvers a life man life iscrazy sometimes. So it's
definitely a good thing. Youknow, I was reading a quote this
weekend on NSA, you know, prettymuch said you can't have
(12:07):
greatness without somethingsuffering. And, you know, we sit
and talk about having a balancedlife and trying to, you know,
try not to juggle too much. Butyou know, that quote, really,
really hit home to me, because Idon't really think you can
achieve ultimate greatness andhave and do what God has for you
without something falling to thewayside, but he's not going to
(12:28):
fix it so that it's going to bedisruptive that your, your
body's going to fall apartmentally you have a breakdown in
your marriage. Oh, well, youknow, we'll go to shambles. It's
just you know, there's the, youknow, it's the ebbs and flows of
life, right, you know, life is awindy road. You know, if you
veer too far to the left, you'regoing to go off the road and
probably hurt yourself. So youreally have to stay within the
boundaries at the boundarieswithout confining yourself. And
(12:49):
it may seem like, you know, kindof an oxymoron, but I think at
the end of the day, when you,when you do what God has for
you, it will come trials andtribulations, there's no doubt
about that, right? there'll bepeople who need to talk down on
you turn your back on you,you'll hit a brick road and
maybe discouraged and try to endyou want to give up. But keep
(13:09):
going. Right? I think all thatstuff is just, you know, our
Bishop talks about thepurification process, right? You
know, gold is purified by fire,right? You know, you get all the
impurities off of it by burningit. And the same thing can
happen in your daily walk oflife as you pursue, you know, as
you grow to be the best personyou can be. And, you know, we
talk a lot aboutentrepreneurship. But I think
(13:31):
right now we're so much injourney to being the best
version of yourself with
Tiara Jones (13:34):
any fast Yeah, just in life, like this episode is
for everyone. Yeah, yeah,absolutely.
Ray Mayfield (13:39):
Absolutely. And I think that's a really hits home
when you think about it,because, you know, we all we all
had this facade, like we got itall together. I know I do. But
generally, I do have it alltogether.
Tiara Jones (13:49):
Here we go.
Ray Mayfield (13:53):
With that, but I've been through a two way, you
know, I've pushed my body to thepoint where my heart almost
exploded, because I wanted to bethe best I can be. You know,
I've had um, I wouldn't saymental breakdowns, but I've hit
walls where I've had to have amoment of what I call awakening,
and not and that's with the helpof God, you know, no matter
(14:14):
what, you know, and for me, forthose who don't know, like, I
did not grow up in church,right? But I knew who God was, I
knew who Jesus was, and why Iwould often seek him out on life
for guidance and help. I feltlike my connection with God was
very deep in a very tight bond,to the point when now believe
I'm always walking intospiritual realm, but we'll get
(14:35):
into that in another episode oneday. So it's like, you know,
God, God shows me things. And,you know, when when I was doing
these things that I thought werewhat I needed to do a lot more
than without seeking help. Andyou hit roadblocks and you hit
those walls, right? And the samething applies everybody, you
know, no matter what you do inlife, you know, we all believe
(14:56):
in a higher power, you know,something outside of ourself.
You know, we have have our ownselfish wants and desires, you
know, we, we try to pursuethose. And then when things
don't go wrong or things gowrong, it's for a reason because
you didn't take the right steps,right? So I think it's important
when we're talking about beingthe best version of ourselves is
to realize what it takes to dothat, you know, whether that's,
(15:17):
you know, enough rest, sleep,strengthen your relationship
with the people around you,physically, you know, taking
care of your body, and yourmental health space, reading
books, become more educatedabout the world and the things
around you. And talking topeople, right, I think there's a
there's a lot of things we cando to sharpen ourselves and
become better versions of who weare. But you know, just make
(15:39):
sure you apply yourself everyday. I think that's the most
important thing and, and nodoubt about it, like no, I
really believe I'm going to begreat in life, somebody is going
to suffer. And if you for me,approaching it in that manner. I
feel like I control what willsuffer. Sounds crazy.
Tiara Jones (15:56):
Oh, it doesn't suffer as much. Yeah, you can't
keep you can't balance at allbut you know,
Ray Mayfield (16:01):
you can't you won't be the best you can that's
it you do the best you can be Imean, no, we they say you're you
know, you got to play the handyou're dealt and the beauty of
it is you can choose which causeyou play and that's just facts,
you know, me you know, take takelemons and make lemonade man
life is crazy. But you canchoose what suffers and to what
degree is suffers before itatrophies and falls apart, you
(16:21):
know, but you have to be willingto accept it you know, there's a
moment of honesty that comes inbeing a human being to know when
you're not well, or to know whensomething's off and then you
can't just say well this is offbut I'm gonna keep going this
direction, you have to fix thatthing that's all you know, you
have to sit down and have thatthat heart and heart with that
moment, you know, for me, I'mmarried. So if I feel like I'm
putting in too much work intowhat I'm trying to build to take
(16:43):
care of my family and createsome some form of generational
foundation of wealth for my my,my children and their children,
and my wife is not happy whenI'm no show fontawesome because
that's just who she is. But shecan pick it up or I can pick up
on it, I can sense it, I canfeel it right. And I will have
to take a step back from whatI'm doing to give her the time
she needs to feed into her whichis going to make our marriage
(17:06):
stronger and our relationshipbetter for our kids to benefit
from as well too. Because theenvironment that they're in,
they see it to kissy everydayman like I know people say it
but like trust me oh they seesee and hear every single thing.
So what's important to me youknow that I'll make sure that in
my walk and trying to pursue orbuild something that the things
that are close to me stayconnected and stay happy and
(17:27):
well. So you know that that's mylittle nugget to everybody you
know, like just be in tune be intune with yourself in tune with
the people who are close to you.
And really really praise God tohelp you you know, achieve your
great thing while ensuring thatnothing really suffers to the
point that it cannot berecovered it's very important
Tiara Jones (17:44):
you're meant to add to that if you if you know
yourself well enough and youunderstand kind of what your
brain power is and your capacityis then you can kind of plan
what you need to do around thenbecause what I mean where I went
wrong last year is whether Ifeel bad or not I wake up with
the same to do lists and thesame things but now I'm like
(18:05):
okay, what am I gonna be able todo today let me move some things
out because if you start lookingat you know different business
tasks or even if you're in youryour own nine to five job your
role or stay at home moms any ofthat if you look at what you
have to get done there's certainthings it's going to take more
attention to detail is justgoing to take more of more
thought for you to put into thanother tasks and so like I
(18:28):
started to kind of been themlike these are all kind of hard
ones you're kind of oh I canprobably get through these ones
on easy day and then like whenthere was a day that I wasn't
expecting where I woke up andwasn't you know feeling the
greatest was it physicallymentally You know, sometimes you
just wake up in that kind ofball. I'm like okay, I'm gonna
still be productive. But let mejust get these kind of low
hanging fruit things out the wayand not be put not put that much
(18:51):
pressure on myself to knock outthe big stuff right now because
I'll get tokens in it but if Itried to do that, then I'm not
going to do it, you know, at thebest of my ability right? I'm
not going to do it in a spiritof excellence because my mind
isn't operating at that level.
And so you have to know Okay,wake up in the morning you know
you pray talk to God do yourdevotion and stuff and be like
okay, what level Am I operatingat today and be honest like Ray
(19:14):
was saying you gotta be honestwith yourself about it and it's
okay if you have some of thosedays that you're not because
it's not going to help you tocompete with your your high days
your good days, because I'vetried that too I'm like okay,
let me see if I can help beatthis day. Nope, don't work like
that.
Ray Mayfield (19:31):
Be to better your good days like that. It's tough
man like Mike would you say youknow you've been things in there
you know yourself, you know whatyou're capable of achieving in a
given day. And like I said,You've been tasked with the
difficult stuff to the not sodifficult stuff and then you try
to spread it out or pick a dayin a week. Maybe that works
better for your schedule, youknow, you're going to get enough
rest the day before so you'll beupgraded to attack default tasks
(19:53):
earlier whenever in that day, ifas best as your schedule melted.
That's that's extremelyimportant.
Tiara Jones (19:58):
Yeah, and even thinking about times of the day
Raise a morning person. I am notokay. I don't
Ray Mayfield (20:03):
Ray's a 24 hour person. Oh, okay.
Tiara Jones (20:06):
24 hours. Yeah. But no, Tiara No, not a morning
person I work best. You knowlater on in the day when I'm you
know, I've gotten myself goingI've had something to eat drink
fueled my body and then usuallyat night, that's where that's
why I end up staying, if I'm anight owl, and I'm staying up
(20:27):
late, because that's when like,everything starts to come to me.
It's like now that I've gonethrough the day, and I'm kind
of, you know, chilled out andthings like that. And it's like,
my computer's back open again,and I'm working because it's
like all these things, it's kindof rushed to my head. And then I
don't want to forget it, becauseI'll be quick to forget
something. And so that's anotherthing that I'll do, like, I'll
move meetings around, like, Idon't take a lot of meetings,
(20:48):
going back and control it, Idon't take a lot of meetings in
the morning because I want to bemy best self for everyone for
our clients, people that we workwith. And so I try to work it
in, you know, where I can do itin a time of the day that I
know, I'm going to be alert, I'mgoing to be ready, and you know,
ready to knock it out the park?
Ray Mayfield (21:06):
That's cool man, like, you know, um, you know,
and of course, man, no man is 24hour person. But yeah, I get up
early on, but I stay up late,often nights, beyond the night,
most of them and I'm usually uparound 435 o'clock in the
morning, I'm in you know, Iknow, four hours sleep really
isn't enough. But you know,like, we'd like to say you know,
in order to be great, some ofthat has to suffer. But you
(21:28):
really have to take care ofyour, your physical mental
space. So, you know, when theyask, you know, physically
working out eating right, youknow, getting the right stuff in
your mind is going to show up inyour mind and not clouded you
know what I mean we're in youknow, you can you can, you can
tell where I'm going with thatone. But just make sure you
know, you're taking care of yourphysical space, because you
know, you only got one body,although you have, you know,
(21:50):
multiple limbs independent does,you just want to make sure you
take care of your physical body.
Because usually that's the firstthing it's going to give out on
you. And if you're not livingliving, right, you know, it's
hard to be the best version ofyourself, you know, when you're
going to the doctor, and you'realways sickly, or whatever, you
know, I mean, granted, everybodyhas their own struggles, right?
But you know, you just want tomake sure you're doing those
small things, you know, tweakingyour, your body, your system to
(22:11):
make sure that your mind isgoing to be on on edge on point.
And that way you can just, youknow, help others, you know, you
know, people people look up thetear, even though she's so
short, people look up to her.
And, you know, they do they doand I admire aspects of tier
two, she's very dependable,she's a go getter interior will
(22:32):
walk through a wall, you know,to complete a task. But at the
same time to, you really haveme, I think, or I try to balance
TRL is, you know, we don't haveto rush to accomplish a task.
And I think that's where my myspace is that now I try to pour
my energy, all of it intosomething at the moment, and
(22:53):
then recover and then go outthere and next task. And, you
know, each each his own though,you know, there's there's
disadvantages to my approach,right. This is there are
advantages to to his approach tothings. So I think it's
complimentary, especially we'relooking at, in this room, a
business in a partnership or howto fit the pieces of the puzzle
together for the overall benefitof the machine, which is what
(23:15):
we're trying to build andestablish here. So you know,
again, you know, just just dowhat you can do, then don't
overdo it.
Tiara Jones (23:22):
Right? Geilo those short jokes man. He just had to
get that one in there.
Ray Mayfield (23:27):
Every now and again every now and again.
Tiara Jones (23:30):
So two things I want to say based on you know,
what you just said? One is thatthere'll be a lot of times when
we don't win you know, race adgets four hours of sleep and
there's times that you know, Idon't get that many hours of
sleep to that will orchestratethings where he forces you to
rest right and that's happenedto both of us lately. That
happened to me this week.
Actually, I was not expecting tobe literally like out of
(23:53):
commission for what about 36hours completely out of
commission for 36 hours. And itwas it was the thing I didn't
know I needed y'all I woke upwhole new person the next day,
man Yeah, it was just it was itwas eye opening. So I mean, I'm
going to start you know,unplugging more, and the same
things happened to Ray where hehad a few days where he was he
(24:17):
was sitting duck
Ray Mayfield (24:21):
you know I get these migraines I get these
uncontrollable migraines, um,you know, I have I do have some
physical issues and managementof brain injury, all the things
that I deal with. What you know,my migraines, no one knows where
they come from, but they whenthey show up. Yeah, man, it's
lights out fetal position in abed. Don't talk to me, don't
wake me up. You know, let me goto my recovery period, but
(24:42):
that's my body telling me theserest. Well, one thing I used to
do in the Marine Corps,especially, I'm going so hard
Monday to Friday, Saturday, we'dbe like, No, no, no, no joke,
like a 12 hour rest day period,like my body needed to recover.
And yeah, I say 12 hours but youknow that maybe eight hours of
sleep six hours I was asleep,eat breakfast, relax, chill out
(25:02):
for the day, run some errands.
Maybe Maybe not. But Saturdayduring the day when I was
younger when I was getting doneat night is a whole nother story
but we all live we all live theyoung life right? So you know
that was my thing like like Iknow Monday through Friday I'm
in the Marine Corps. It was 4amwake up probably midnight or
probably around 1022 quantitsleep time. And then on Saturday
was really my recuperation dayand there was no getting up
(25:26):
early on it was just you know,take time to physically and
mentally recover from the weekand then take time to prepare
for what's ahead. And thatworked phenomenally for me since
then. I don't think I've slept12 hours is to start dating my
wife since I've been inrelationship my wife but that's
okay okay good I mean look thesleep was such a great woman
standing there with such a greatwoman you want to get up and do
(25:48):
things so shout out they loveyou
Tiara Jones (25:52):
my fave Nice to
Ray Mayfield (25:55):
see you guys on here for
Tiara Jones (26:00):
the second thing that I've done and you know when
we talked about like how I willdo anything for anyone I
realized after you know my whenI hit that wall and that
triggering part of being atriggering point of being on
that you know that kind ofmental health session that we
had I realized that I had tostart saying no and usually I
would say yes to everythingeveryone all the time and people
(26:23):
knew that and even if theyweren't trying to take advantage
of me in a way that they werebecause they were like oh this
person will do it I know tearswill get it and when she does
she'll make sure it's done rightbecause tear is very particular
Ray Mayfield (26:33):
everybody calls TT
Tiara Jones (26:35):
everyone right y'all everyone so what I started
saying when I look how to buildup it took me some time to build
up like the courage to actuallystart telling people No, they
were like wait, you just told meNo. You just told me you will
say no and I'm like yes I'msaying no and this is why I'm
setting no I set some prettyhard boundaries to kind of force
(26:56):
myself into you know doingwhat's best for me it was like
this kind of me season nottrying to be selfish but then
also being selfish in a waybecause I knew I had to do
better if I wanted my health toget better mental health and
physical health you know to getbetter and I just had to start
saying no and so you got to lookat you know your plate it's like
when people came with me withstuff and I'm like I got too
(27:18):
much going on right now I can'tdo it. And you know what I say
too much going on part of it toomuch going on. It's my first
time because I factored thatinto my calendar so people would
be like oh you do anythingtoday? Yep rested. So it's not
maybe doing to you but it is tome like I planned this out I'm
about to be sitting on thiscouch and binge on Netflix and
(27:39):
I'm not gonna feel guilty aboutit because for the longest time
and this I mean since we startedthe business this is one of the
things that it took me a whileto get through I felt like I had
to work at a higher capacitythan Ray because I didn't have
kids I wasn't married all ofthis stuff like you ain't got no
extra responsibility so youshould be able to get this stuff
done you know faster to put moreon your plate but that wasn't
(28:02):
the case because even though Idon't you know have kids I don't
have a husband yet I still wearso many different hats There's
still so many other people thatdepend on me swimming for many
things and so I can't then justoverload one thing because like
Ray said things are going tosuffer and things started to
suffer I wasn't you know asdidn't have this king as I as I
usually wouldn't things werekind of like falling off my
(28:25):
plate and I don't like that. Idon't like that at all. And so
Ray Mayfield (28:28):
you're human.
That's crazy. I
Tiara Jones (28:29):
know but it's just like if I'm going to do
something if my name is going tobe on it I want to make sure you
know it's done right and I knowthat can't happen all the time.
But when I saw things startingto you know get a little crazy I
was like okay, well I'm gonnahave to start cutting some stuff
off. And some people understoodthat some people didn't and that
taught me a lot
Ray Mayfield (28:48):
to some amazing it's amazing how God reveals
things to us sometimes I'm onething I'm hard headed Well no,
we you know what though? Um, weall are right and i think i
think we all but the thing is,while we're while you're hard
headed you may see yourself ashardhead you have enough
awareness and knowledge itselfto say man like I'm, you know,
my attention to detail may beslipping or man Why did I do
(29:10):
this? Or I mean, I keepforgetting stuff. Something's
not right. A lot of people don'thave that mental awareness. A
lot of people have that selfawareness where they understand
you know, you know, your yourbrain fog is because you're not
getting rest. You're not sayingno one, you're always doing
things for other people andnothing for yourself. You know,
my grandfather told me somethingonce he said, You keep putting
everybody first you end up last.
And that's so true in so manydifferent ways. And you really
(29:31):
have to, you really have to findbalance to a degree, right? I
mean, there's balance, there's aperfect balance was out I really
don't think exists. But there'sbalance to a degree and
acceptable risk loss, right? Imean, you know, you can afford
to get three or four hours ofsleep, maybe maybe four or 567
nights, but eventually, youknow, your body's going to crash
the vessel you're going toyou're going to camp out and
(29:52):
have to unplug by force and notby choice. So yeah, you know, I
think that's a you know, kudosto you man. Hats off. I think
it's important to have some formof self awareness to know when,
you know, things are offbalance, man, a lot of people
don't have that. They reallydon't. And, you know, you really
got to put yourself in aposition to be able to take a
step back and do a selfevaluation. Look at yourself in
(30:14):
the mirror, your bags in youreyes, you're always sleepy and
tired. There's a reason why, youknow, I'm fine. If you go see a
doctor thought somebody forgotwhat's going on with you. and
nine times out of 10, they'll belike, Oh, man, you know, you had
enough sleep, or you got bags inyour eyes, because you're tired
all the time. Or your dad is notright, or something to that
effect, you know, butdefinitely, definitely May, you
(30:36):
know, have a sharper sense ofself awareness man, and you'll
be surprised of what kind ofimprovements you'll see the
smallest tweak you can do foryou your everyday life.
Tiara Jones (30:45):
Yep. And that, that self awareness will go far as a
business owner is a skill thatthat is priceless. And I think,
Oh, you know, on that note,being a business owner, whether
it's just you you have a team ornot, whether full time employees
or any of that they're goingabout benefits you want to
consider having mental healthpackages and you know, time
(31:06):
like, you know, PTO and all thatlike, including mental health
days, and like being flexiblewith your people to make sure
they're taking the time forthemselves. Because it's your
people, that's going to help youget to where you want to go. And
without them is going to be kindof difficult, because you can't
do this alone. And so inaddition to taking care of
yourself, you also have to takea care to help take care of the
(31:26):
ones that you know helping youthat's a part of your team and
working towards you. Because Raywould tell me in a heartbeat
like you know, you're not doingthis today, you're taking this
off, go get a massage orsomething on the business go do
this like just to like, try toforce me to go and relax.
Sometimes it takes I'd be like,No, I'm good. I know my limit
car. I know I'm gots to work andnot me. I'm getting I'm better
(31:50):
than I was
Ray Mayfield (31:50):
when I saw good product to be in a casket. So it
was cool,
Tiara Jones (31:54):
right? So like now it was a lot of times we think
we were on the way to work oneday when Ray was so nicely
chauffeuring me to the office,he reinforced not
Ray Mayfield (32:05):
by choice by force,
Tiara Jones (32:07):
it was funny because he kept taking all of
the tolls. And I'm like, why areyou taking all of these tolls?
When did the traffic live in abay? He was like, because I pay
for convenience. And I'm like,Huh, well, I can see that now.
Because it's like, it's like,when you spend money to save
time, instead of not spendingtime to save money. Like that
type of thing is like we I thinkwe both have gotten to this
(32:29):
place where it's just like, ifit's gonna cost some extra money
for me to have more of a peaceof mind or for me to have to
deal with that many people in mylane. You know, those are the
things I'm gonna go for itbecause you got to you had to do
what you need to do to havepeace. Yeah. And sometimes money
is gonna have
Ray Mayfield (32:49):
to pay for a lot of times is going to cost you
but I you know, and you know, Itry to spend within reality of
my budget. But oftentimes me,you know, the comforts of a
peace of mind cost money. Whatfor me is definitely taken pole
row is like, I ain't trippin, Imay take a tour or halfway, I
may take it the whole way down.
And it just depends. But youknow, I'm okay with paying for
(33:10):
convenience at this stage in mylife, because I have, you have
to be careful where you spendyour time and energy. You know,
after, you know, 910 hour workday, I don't want to sit in an
hour and a half hour, 32 hoursof traffic to get home to my
family and be even more zappedand drained. So yeah, I'll jump
in the express lane and get homein 45 minutes in my room, you
(33:32):
know what 25 bucks is worth itis like that, sometimes I'm
gonna weigh the pros and cons.
Gotta weigh the pros and cons.
And we live in NorthernVirginia. So traffic is no
Sunday to Sunday, you're justgoing to run into it. Unless you
know how to navigate the backroads, you're going to hit
traffic. So you've got to beable to shake and move. But it's
Amy applies to everything inlife, right? With the SEO alarm
(33:53):
on service, I cut my own grass,whether you got to pay for lawn
mowing service or anything ofthat nature, like cleaner House
Cleaners do what you got to doto me, like it's all a peace of
mind, you had to give him oneplace to put to another. But
that again, that's so the thingsdon't suffer to the point of
atrophy. You know, it doesn'thave to suffer to the point of
atrophy, your relationship orwhatever it is the other thing
(34:13):
as you as you're on this journeyto be great, be the best version
of yourself, you know, have thatself awareness that things don't
fall to the wayside, and it maycost money to stop you from
doing that. And that's okay. Youknow what I mean? But again, you
know, we all live in a worldwhere, you know, things cost
money, and there's a realitythere's a cost associated with
almost every single thing. Um,no, you know, you just have to
(34:34):
weigh the costs. I'm all aboutthe creature comforts. Don't do
that right now.
Tiara Jones (34:39):
Yep, absolutely. So you got to know when when you
get to just take a hit sometimesfor the sake
Ray Mayfield (34:44):
of yourself, which will bounce back. You bounce
back man, especially if you planand you budget for one most
important thing. I do a budget Iplan for tolls and budget form.
But man, these Virginia tollsare getting more and more
expensive. They are now I mightspend a day or two in traffic as
we will see. I'm joking. Yeah.
All right.
Tiara Jones (35:06):
So another thing I know we're in when we're
recording this podcast we're inthe fourth quarter of what
20 2021 Okay, and so fourthquarter can be hard for a lot of
people because you're coming tothe end of the year and
especially with social mediapeople are going to be doing
their you know, year end reviewand showing how much money they
made which prize they had anyproducts they sell at all that
(35:27):
stuff and that can be a triggerto those that didn't meet their
goals or didn't get to wherethey wanted to be. But I am
begging you too try to do asmuch as you can even if you've
got to like completely go off ofsocial media to not let that get
to you. Because there's stilltime just because this year is
coming to an end doesn't meanthat that's it for you. You can
(35:50):
still come back in January anddo what it is you need to do so
like don't see that and countyourself out. Because you can
still get there you still canyou know push through what
didn't happen this year they'llmean there's no point in living
in regret and guilt and keepthinking about what you did this
year. Just take this time tofocus on okay, how can I prepare
(36:14):
myself to be prepared you know,next year and you do you don't
have to wait till like oneJanuary to start like you know,
what can I do now to startgetting myself ready to be ready
to do what it is I need to doand and the first thing with
that is recognizing what kept mefrom doing it in the first
place. Because sometimes we'renot honest with ourselves with
what what's keeping us in thiskind of procrastination, or this
(36:38):
procrastinating state right? Andso if you're honest with
yourself about that, you cankind of see you know what went
wrong and what you can do tokind of course correct and
reset.
Ray Mayfield (36:48):
Now I like that too. It it knows not always
procrastination sometimes it'sdistractions to distract. Like I
look at like social media is acan be a huge distraction to
discipline right? You're gonnamean and it's interesting social
media man like I have a I have aunique look at social media
books. Unique I think it isprobably the same in a lot of
people but a lot of social mediais smoke and mirrors. It's
(37:10):
people lying about stuff ispeople portraying a life that
they really don't live is peoplewho were telling you to you
know, make millions of dollarsin real estate but they don't
and it's people who say you gotto push yourself to the point of
exhaustion when they don't evendo that and not not all not all
folks don't get me wrong youknow there are some people in
content out there that you couldfind and learn from who are
(37:32):
really walking in that life butdon't get wrapped up in
everything you see in socialmedia man because it's really
it's a social science experimentright? And I think you really
have to you know you really haveto unplug and not use it as a
distraction. I want what it wasthat for me I'll wake up in the
morning in you know four o'clockin the morning with clients
around laughing and stuff sillystuff that a family Oh, this is
(37:52):
hilarious. And they say I knowit's like 515 I'm like man I've
been there for hours let meHurry up and you really miss my
workout and you gotta have toyou know you got to realize
what's a distraction so you knowwhile procrastination is a thing
you know like you're looking atyour fourth quarter going into
the first the first quarter ofnext year look at the goals you
didn't achieve and be honestwith yourself on why you did not
(38:12):
achieve them right but one thingthat's you said earlier you know
in your stuff you know put stuffupfront but with the hard stuff
front II stuff in the middlefilter you know move it around
fit it into your schedule nextyear if you didn't hit those
benchmarks financial schedulenext year where you know you can
be your most productive man youknow if you know you want to
take some trips and be out andyou know be a city girl or city
(38:34):
boy you know you don't do hardstuff in the summer right and
I'm saying right you're puttingstuff in the summer put it up
front in the winter in the backand we're in the fall you know
you know then your time wiselyman put things where you know
you can achieve those those mostcritical goals and then there's
a nice to have stuff It'd begreat if I can do this to filter
it in somewhere else too. Youknow, you don't want to get to
the end of the year. You're likeman, you know if only I just
(38:58):
really applied myself I couldhave did this and that's okay if
you do that. But learn from adecimal support theme and it's
no losses it's all learning andlessons man if you take that
approach, I think you'll you'llbe sharper going into the next
year because I think year toyear, we should all improve we
are We shall improve how we doin our business. We should all
improve how we treat ourpersonal relationships with
people you know, I think it'svery important man this I can't
(39:22):
remember the quote but I'll getto my phone in a second read it
but it goes to that the factthat we can't we have to treat
businesses like personaltransactions. And if sorry,
treat personal relationshipslike transactions. It's
difficult to do. But to the tothat point. It improves your
engagement with people from myperspective, I tried it I try it
(39:42):
at work often and it tends towork very well. You know, I'm a
laid back fun, easygoing guy. Ilike to think
Tiara Jones (39:51):
everybody loves me and they go somewhere together.
I'm like, we won't be here foran extra two hours if he's he's
very social like that. I'msocial too but it just comes so
natural gray and I'm introvertsI'll be like, Okay, this is Ray
Ray we'll come right up withkissing the babies All
Ray Mayfield (40:09):
right, I like talking to people male thing is
important you know, you point tothose relationships you'll get
some of those relationships too.
Right?
Tiara Jones (40:17):
That's why you're my business partner and your
mind as well too.
Ray Mayfield (40:20):
There's qualities about you that I see in you that
you know, seeing yourselfyou're, you're just as
approachable sociable as I am.
But you choose who you're goingto do that with me, I deal with
everybody that's because becauseto me, everybody that I talked
to is somebody that I have anopportunity to learn something
from. I'm not too worried aboutteaching people things I'm more
worried about what people canteach me about myself and about
(40:41):
my interactions with them. Sothat's why I like to walk into a
room and talk to everybody therebecause somebody's in there and
you know, we're all putting inan arena for a reason my god I
believe I am with myprofessional walk while I was
supposed to be because God hasme there for a reason. So I do
the best I can to talk toeverybody because I don't know
who got to send it to me, Idon't know why send it to me.
(41:03):
And I don't want to be a closeddoor to somebody that's going to
open up another opportunity forme to learn or to take me to
another place where I didn'texpect to go on life. And I
think it's very important youknow, you take that approach
with people and um, you know,personalize your interactions
with people. I think you'll getthe best and the best return
that you could wouldn't evenimagine. It's a great thing.
(41:23):
Great thing. Lots of peopleyeah, fear does do a little for
you. Yeah,
Tiara Jones (41:30):
do you do more
Ray Mayfield (41:32):
facts Okay, hang around me more tea you'll be
like me soon enough dangerous
Tiara Jones (41:37):
Tell me about it.
Tell me where you're gonnarevolve. You're definitely gonna
rub up
Ray Mayfield (41:41):
Impossible, impossible.
Tiara Jones (41:43):
But one of the things we want to leave you with
is you know, if you are in thestate that kind of I was in
maybe not as bad maybe worse, Idon't know. This time last year
and you're looking for someoneto talk to we highly recommend
our friend our sister that Italked about earlier jewel
dentine. Y'all she really pouredinto us on so many different
(42:04):
occasions you know that occasionlast year that I spoke about I
mean I can't even begin to tryto break down what she said
because I just can't say it asyou know as good as she can
because you know that's not myexpertise but y'all she just she
knows how to how to let you knowthat you're not going crazy like
this is what you can do and shejust she just put she just calms
(42:26):
you down it's like I don't knoweverything about her her voice
her spirit she she is abeautiful person and so her her
practice is beyond the couch wewill tag it definitely reach out
to her if you need help and ifshe is not within your state or
region and she will give yousome resources to other people
that you can reach out to so sheis an amazing resource. We'll
(42:48):
put all our information you knowin the show notes and everything
so you guys can reach out to herbut I highly recommend that you
just take advantage of that anddon't even you know don't think
twice about it just go do it getthe help that you need because
if you start thinking about ityou can talk yourself out about
it because that's what I didover and over until I hit that
(43:08):
wall but I saw a therapist forsix months and really six months
yeah
Ray Mayfield (43:16):
six months
Tiara Jones (43:16):
I know didn't seem like that long but what I was
Ray Mayfield (43:19):
say this though like you were you were extremely
light in very you know tearsalways fun to be around but now
T's like really really reallyfun to be around because now
because you're not you're notcarrying everything on you
anymore you're not you know Ican be telling them to a joke
and she'll laugh but I know mymom she's a cheat on her
calendar looking at her mentalcalendar figure out where she
got to get done by the shade andlike I appreciate that about you
(43:43):
so I'm happy for you man Thankyou You seem much happier I am
Tiara Jones (43:47):
I'm very much happier in so many different
ways in my life you know I thinkGod for just you know
orchestrating different peopleto cross my pads and to help me
out from my family because theyhave definitely you know been my
support system as I tell you youknow I know I am blessed to have
the family that I have because Iknow that is not the norm in
some senses we are very close asray will tell you are very close
(44:10):
to each other everything and soit works for us and so they're
always there to you know tosupport me to you know tell me
about myself even though they'lldo it some of us will do it in a
nicer way than Ray might do itbut you know I need that kind of
hardness to like knock me out ofmy system. Wait
Ray Mayfield (44:27):
a minute, wait a minute.
Tiara Jones (44:30):
But you're just gonna come at me You're not
gonna sugarcoat it.
Ray Mayfield (44:33):
No, no one way you know why it is because of your
is because of who you are. Yeah,I made it. You have to learn how
to communicate with everybodythat different way. I'm with
you. You You remind me a lot ofa younger version. Maybe maybe
younger version of my sister,right? You you're extremely
smart, you're intelligent, knowwhat you want. You're going to
go get it. It must have to tellyou this all day. I have to have
(44:56):
conversation with her sometimesin a very harsh tone for her to
hear me right and so a lot oftimes I don't think I'm being
harsh with you but I think I'mvery direct because I want the
same from you in returnabsolutely to a degree because
you're you can be very meanwhatever
Tiara Jones (45:13):
they're nice depends on the
Ray Mayfield (45:16):
client when the client was always the most
dangerous but not not for like Ithink I've tried to try to feed
you the way that I think you canreceive it that's all yeah
Tiara Jones (45:24):
and sometimes you know it's some you got to have
that more direct tone to get youto actually hear what you're
saying because sometimes you canyou know, just be like oh yeah,
I hear you but I'm not reallylistening like he said I'll be
doing something that I was likeI was tied to my phone like any
extra minute I had like lookingat my phone researching
something doing something andnow it's just like the baby's be
(45:45):
like TT phone and I'm like sure.
Tommy like no you can't on myphone. What if someone's like
no, take the phone look at that
Ray Mayfield (45:52):
growth man growth that is a beautiful thing. And
for those No no, no, I'll justsay to you because you said
phone for people who take smalltext back Don't be mad my kids
probably have my phone because Iget the same thing you're
texting me back. I mean, maybean hour or two later but I'll
get your book a lot of times mywalk in the door man it's like
yo let me just let me just havethis moment for a little while
and you know they run to thedoor and kiss you and hug your
(46:16):
ankles and your legs and want totake your shoes off It's cute.
And well a friend of mine toldme years ago like oh enjoy while
last because pretty soon youjust be the aihole walking in
the door. It's hilarious. Hesays it kills you oh that's what
you turn into me. I was like,was that like that as a kid? Oh,
no. Oh no, wait, no. It's fineenjoy these moments that's
that's that's that's what helpsme kind of decompress the ride
(46:38):
home from working is seeing themand it's like I cool man.
Everything I went through todaywas worth it to get to this more
right here. Hey, man, thanks.
Thanks. So funny. Tt. So funny.
But yeah, may so we have toappreciate everybody staying
connected with this. I'm no goodat social media. You guys have
any questions, concerns, topicsyou want to discuss? If you're
interested in joining us too. Weare open to certain people
(47:00):
joining us to you know, hear andspeak to the world. You know, we
love connecting with people whoare like minded and want to see
people be the best versionthemselves. Otherwise, reach out
to us on what platforms can theyget us on
Tiara Jones (47:13):
Instagram. So our consulting side of the business
strategic site consulting, onInstagram and on Facebook and
the front runner podcast onInstagram. And then of course,
you can always hit us up on ourpersonal handles, tiara
underscore Lj and ray is
Ray Mayfield (47:31):
raymay4514. Yep, I'll add me on our IG Ray
Mayfield on Facebook.
Tiara Jones (47:35):
And then you can always email us if you like, you
know, info at strategic sitellc.com.
Ray Mayfield (47:42):
I like it. I like it. I'm still looking for a
quote, as post on Facebook. We'dlove you guys to tune in and
look forward to see you guysnext week.
Tiara Jones (47:51):
Stay solid
Welcome to The Frontrunner Podcast with your
hosts Ray Mayfield and TiaraJones to engineers more from
coworkers to in laws and nowbusiness partners, creating a
safe space to be open and honestabout what it really takes to
start and run a business.
Tiara Jones (00:17):
We know it's easier said than done, but you were
built for this and you are notalone. Join us each week to hear
stories, lessons learned andstrategies from trusted advisors
and new and seasonedentrepreneurs on how to endure
the marathon entrepreneurship.
Ray Mayfield (00:38):
Peace everybody, Ray's here
Tiara Jones (00:40):
Hey is this Tiara
Ray Mayfield (00:41):
all right thank you for joining us for another
wonderful episode of TheFrontrunner Podcast. So Tee you
want to tell us what we'retalking about today?
Tiara Jones (00:47):
Yes, today we are talking about how you can be the
best version of you.
Ray Mayfield (00:52):
Well, I like it like it man. The best version of
you.
Tiara Jones (00:55):
Yeah, so go ahead.
Ray Mayfield (00:57):
No, please. Please Yeah.
Tiara Jones (00:59):
So yeah, so I know people say all the time, you
know to entrepreneurs You looklike you got it all together,
you know you usually the strongfriend and things like that. But
usually it's you know, at theexpense of our own selves and
our own health because we justkeep going and going and going
and people see that and see usyou know they see the outcome
(01:21):
and everything we're producingbut they don't see you know,
behind closed doors what we'redealing with how we're exhausted
how we're tired so like on theoutside it looks like we got it
all together and you know we canput this together and still live
still have kids still you knowhave a husband or wife and
things like that but but it's
Ray Mayfield (01:41):
a struggle. Yeah, yeah. The emotions to write the
emotions of it all is wrapped inthere somewhere. Um, yes, a lot
of it comes with, you know,entrepreneur, you know, stepping
out on faith. You know, we prayfor God to give us more an
opportunity but with that comesa trial to be worthy of such a
thing, you know, that we want inlife. And, you know,
entrepreneurship is nodifferent, no different than a
(02:01):
marriage or relationship oranything else you want. It takes
a lot of work and dedication.
And, you know, they say marriageYou guys are the marriage that
perfect married couples to thosewho portrayed themselves to be
that way but you have no ideawhat goes on behind closed
doors. Let me tell you, this isthe same way. You know, I think
we I think we always we use theword emotional rollercoaster and
kind of kill the lease I do.
(02:24):
It's definitely that, you know,there's highs and lows, and
there's the fun stuff inbetween. But, you know,
nonetheless, you know, you can'tshrug your responsibility. And
you really have to, you know,reach the bounds and do what
needs to be done for the sakeof, you know, stepping out there
and given the world what yougot.
Tiara Jones (02:40):
Yeah, that's right.
So anything, you start this new,whether it's a new business,
like if you're just gettingmarried a new role at your job,
it's going to teach you a lotabout yourself and it's going to
really stretch you because youknow, you're you're in a new
place, it's a new season, youknow, things are different, so
uncomfortable. But you stillhave to, you know, kind of be in
tune with your body, yourhealth, your capacity, and kind
(03:02):
of know your limits. And it tookme a long time to figure this
out. I'm still figuring thisout. So just to be you know,
completely transparent, like,especially when we come on and
we talk it's not us just youknow, oh you got to do this you
got to do that, like we'rereally speaking to ourselves to
like this is helping us as weyou know, go through this whole
(03:23):
you know, starting this businessand you know, building it up
journey, but it wasn't until Iwas on a kind of like this, like
mental health kind of workshopwith big idea food, Marlena
banks shout out to her. And ourgirl, Jewelle, Daquin was the
guest speaker. And she was, youknow, talking about, you know,
(03:48):
faith and entrepreneurship andmental health and a lot of
different women that were on thesession that night. And you
know, she was just, of course,given us all great tips on, you
know, how to navigate it all.
And at the end and the questionand answer, it was one young
lady, they started talking abouther anxiety and how her anxiety
(04:10):
started to, you know, present incells present itself, like
physically within our body, herbody started reacting, you know,
to the anxiety that she kepthaving. And she was talking
about how her hands would shakeand how she would put so much
pressure on herself. She didn'teven realize like what it was
doing to her body. And it was Ithink it was around November of
(04:30):
last year. And for me, like Iwas so in denial of like, what I
was doing and how my anxiety wascausing me issues until she
spoke up, you know, it wastalking about her own self and
it was like a complete triggerfor me. And it was like in that
moment that I kind of like sawmyself and I don't know why it
took for someone else to come upand say it for me to finally be
(04:54):
like dandy name that's you andrealize like you actually have a
problem like you know Like thisis something serious because it
was a lot of different you knowhealth issues that I was having
at the time and they was justsnowballing was like a whole
domino effect and I was like Idon't understand why this is all
coming up and I'm in this likeGod was just kept trying to tell
me kept showing me you knowsigns and all these red flags
(05:16):
that kept popping up but Ididn't get it until she pretty
much described exactly you knowwhat I was going through and of
course George just knew exactlyyou know what to say and you
know how to how to help herwhich when then helped me and
she started talking about howyou have to you have to be
careful of what you what you'retelling yourself when different
(05:39):
things happen when something badhappens if you don't if you miss
a deadline or if you're not ableto reply back to an email
instead of beating yourself upand telling yourself like
because you didn't do this allthis stuff is going to happen
trying to stop yourself andthose like kind of negative
assumptions before you go downthat spiral because then that
turns into higher anxiety andmore you know physical ailments
(06:03):
and things like that because andusually it's when it gets to
that point when it's so bad thatit really starts to show up
physically so I was y'all wasway out I thought way too far
gone at that point. But youknow, from seeing that and
hearing Joel say that I'm like,Well that makes sense. Because
every time that I wasn't able toget something done, like I would
go through this whole thing likereally you didn't get this done,
(06:25):
you had all the time in theworld you waited like like just
literally beating myself up. AndI was just pretty much doing
giving my being a disservice tomyself to my family. Because
they you know, in a way theydidn't want to show it but they
were like, you you're trippingright now. I wasn't the best
person to be around and youknow, right pretty much told me
(06:46):
about myself because you know,he just bought like that. But
everyone else was kind of likekind of, you know, tiptoeing
like you show you Okay, I thinkyou should take a break because
I just I just wasn't myself, youknow, for four months, I think
from the summer on until, likethat whole time period that
long. Yeah, it was, it was thatlong, because I remember I
(07:09):
started that one businessprogram in the summer and it it
took me to a whole nother levelbecause it was like it's a six
month program. And I was like, Igotta get this done. I gotta get
that and it was so much pressurethat I put on myself. It was a
stressful time it was it wasn'tnecessary. Yeah, it was totally
was unnecessary. But after thatcall, I talked to Joel kind of
(07:30):
one on one and she was justlike, you know what, you need to
do that. I don't know why you'renot gonna do you need to go get
a therapist.
And I like because we talkedabout you know, on the front
runner live, you know, gettingtherapists and I'll talk about
therapy we had Joel ondefinitely want to have her on
again. But then I wouldn't evenI wasn't even taking my own
(07:51):
advice. And so, but it wasn'tuntil you know, that moment I
saw myself I completely likebroke down. And like the family
had like faith because we'realways FaceTime or doing
something always. It's shady. Sothey caught me it's just like if
I didn't answer the fake SEStime, they knew something was
going to be wrong. So theyFaceTime me here I am crying.
(08:13):
Because you know, God, prettymuch just, you know, show me
myself or or whatever. And likeC's about time you listen, I
don't know why I took all thison. Like, thanks, guys. Wait,
Ray Mayfield (08:22):
we told you so.
Tiara Jones (08:24):
Chose yourselves.
But then, you know, deep down onthe heart, like we're glad that
you finally you know, see thisfor yourself. And you know, you
can get the help that you needto move past it. Because a
little bit I know how difficultthe first year, the first couple
months in 2021 was going to befor my family. And so God was
already kind of like, you needto get yourself together now
(08:45):
because what's coming is gonnacompletely take you out if you
don't. And so it was definitelya blessing for Malik Marlena to
you know, walk in the will ofGod and having, you know those
different, you know, sessionsthat she had, and for jewel
saying yes to come on. And thenfor the young lady that was bold
(09:06):
enough to be transparent andspeak up. Because all those
things kind of lined up to helpme see that I wasn't being me. I
wasn't being who God called meto be. I wasn't being the person
that he wanted me to be to kindof run this business with Ray to
be you know, a sister to be adaughter to be a friend. And so
since then, I've been I've beenworking on trying to get better.
Ray Mayfield (09:33):
Are you going to do a fantastic fantastic man.
You are You are I'm proud of youare proud of you.
Tiara Jones (09:39):
So yeah, it takes time it takes work. And so like
I said this entrepreneurshipthing, it will show you a lot
about yourself. And you know, Iwear many different hats. You
know, in the business, in lifeand in life in general with the
church, all different things.
And so it's like it's always I'malways doing something and I
never just took time. to juststop it was just like go go go
(10:00):
you got to do this by thisdeadline and that deadline and
y'all these were like arbitrarydeadlines that I was making
myself trying to meet and then Iwas upset when I met it and then
the outcome was it was I wantedto be because I was rushing
everything I didn't give youknow myself time to really you
know, stop wait pray on it, thengo I was just moving moving
moving moving and didn't taketime to really you know, consult
(10:23):
and sometimes consult Ray I wasjust making decisions and he was
so busy doing all this stuff. Hewas like, man, I haven't got
time to do what you write to it.
So it was like that, that kindof six seven month time period
in the kind of Summer, Fall of2020 was in 2012 you already
(10:46):
know with a lot so it just itwas a lot hit home in that time
for me and late made me kind ofcompletely rethink how I was
going to go about being youknow, an entrepreneur and still
being a great you know, sisterwife, not well, that wife yet
sister friend, daughter, youknow, getting to that point, you
(11:06):
know, so I'm transparent momentfor me, but you know, it happens
to the best of us. Like I say, alot of my friends are always
like, Oh, yeah, you good youdon't, I need you to help me, or
whatever. But I was I wasstruggling. I was struggling in
the backend.
Ray Mayfield (11:22):
But that's impressive, man like, at first
like thanks for being sotransparent man. Um, I think
it's difficult to you know, atsome point it's difficult to let
people know what's going oninside because we all want to
have the parents that we havetogether when a lot of times we
really don't. Um, so you know,kudos to you for you know, being
as vocal about it and you know,doing something about it and
seeking some professional help,which is something a lot of
(11:43):
people shunned but now isbecoming more of a cultural
standard, it's culturallyacceptable to get mental health,
you know, to go seek aprofessional that kind of help
walk you through and guide youthrough, you know, the various
maneuvers a life man life iscrazy sometimes. So it's
definitely a good thing. Youknow, I was reading a quote this
weekend on NSA, you know, prettymuch said you can't have
(12:07):
greatness without somethingsuffering. And, you know, we sit
and talk about having a balancedlife and trying to, you know,
try not to juggle too much. Butyou know, that quote, really,
really hit home to me, because Idon't really think you can
achieve ultimate greatness andhave and do what God has for you
without something falling to thewayside, but he's not going to
(12:28):
fix it so that it's going to bedisruptive that your, your
body's going to fall apartmentally you have a breakdown in
your marriage. Oh, well, youknow, we'll go to shambles. It's
just you know, there's the, youknow, it's the ebbs and flows of
life, right, you know, life is awindy road. You know, if you
veer too far to the left, you'regoing to go off the road and
probably hurt yourself. So youreally have to stay within the
boundaries at the boundarieswithout confining yourself. And
(12:49):
it may seem like, you know, kindof an oxymoron, but I think at
the end of the day, when you,when you do what God has for
you, it will come trials andtribulations, there's no doubt
about that, right? there'll bepeople who need to talk down on
you turn your back on you,you'll hit a brick road and
maybe discouraged and try to endyou want to give up. But keep
(13:09):
going. Right? I think all thatstuff is just, you know, our
Bishop talks about thepurification process, right? You
know, gold is purified by fire,right? You know, you get all the
impurities off of it by burningit. And the same thing can
happen in your daily walk oflife as you pursue, you know, as
you grow to be the best personyou can be. And, you know, we
talk a lot aboutentrepreneurship. But I think
(13:31):
right now we're so much injourney to being the best
version of yourself with
Tiara Jones (13:34):
any fast Yeah, just in life, like this episode is
for everyone. Yeah, yeah,absolutely.
Ray Mayfield (13:39):
Absolutely. And I think that's a really hits home
when you think about it,because, you know, we all we all
had this facade, like we got itall together. I know I do. But
generally, I do have it alltogether.
Tiara Jones (13:49):
Here we go.
Ray Mayfield (13:53):
With that, but I've been through a two way, you
know, I've pushed my body to thepoint where my heart almost
exploded, because I wanted to bethe best I can be. You know,
I've had um, I wouldn't saymental breakdowns, but I've hit
walls where I've had to have amoment of what I call awakening,
and not and that's with the helpof God, you know, no matter
(14:14):
what, you know, and for me, forthose who don't know, like, I
did not grow up in church,right? But I knew who God was, I
knew who Jesus was, and why Iwould often seek him out on life
for guidance and help. I feltlike my connection with God was
very deep in a very tight bond,to the point when now believe
I'm always walking intospiritual realm, but we'll get
(14:35):
into that in another episode oneday. So it's like, you know,
God, God shows me things. And,you know, when when I was doing
these things that I thought werewhat I needed to do a lot more
than without seeking help. Andyou hit roadblocks and you hit
those walls, right? And the samething applies everybody, you
know, no matter what you do inlife, you know, we all believe
(14:56):
in a higher power, you know,something outside of ourself.
You know, we have have our ownselfish wants and desires, you
know, we, we try to pursuethose. And then when things
don't go wrong or things gowrong, it's for a reason because
you didn't take the right steps,right? So I think it's important
when we're talking about beingthe best version of ourselves is
to realize what it takes to dothat, you know, whether that's,
(15:17):
you know, enough rest, sleep,strengthen your relationship
with the people around you,physically, you know, taking
care of your body, and yourmental health space, reading
books, become more educatedabout the world and the things
around you. And talking topeople, right, I think there's a
there's a lot of things we cando to sharpen ourselves and
become better versions of who weare. But you know, just make
(15:39):
sure you apply yourself everyday. I think that's the most
important thing and, and nodoubt about it, like no, I
really believe I'm going to begreat in life, somebody is going
to suffer. And if you for me,approaching it in that manner. I
feel like I control what willsuffer. Sounds crazy.
Tiara Jones (15:56):
Oh, it doesn't suffer as much. Yeah, you can't
keep you can't balance at allbut you know,
Ray Mayfield (16:01):
you can't you won't be the best you can that's
it you do the best you can be Imean, no, we they say you're you
know, you got to play the handyou're dealt and the beauty of
it is you can choose which causeyou play and that's just facts,
you know, me you know, take takelemons and make lemonade man
life is crazy. But you canchoose what suffers and to what
degree is suffers before itatrophies and falls apart, you
(16:21):
know, but you have to be willingto accept it you know, there's a
moment of honesty that comes inbeing a human being to know when
you're not well, or to know whensomething's off and then you
can't just say well this is offbut I'm gonna keep going this
direction, you have to fix thatthing that's all you know, you
have to sit down and have thatthat heart and heart with that
moment, you know, for me, I'mmarried. So if I feel like I'm
putting in too much work intowhat I'm trying to build to take
(16:43):
care of my family and createsome some form of generational
foundation of wealth for my my,my children and their children,
and my wife is not happy whenI'm no show fontawesome because
that's just who she is. But shecan pick it up or I can pick up
on it, I can sense it, I canfeel it right. And I will have
to take a step back from whatI'm doing to give her the time
she needs to feed into her whichis going to make our marriage
(17:06):
stronger and our relationshipbetter for our kids to benefit
from as well too. Because theenvironment that they're in,
they see it to kissy everydayman like I know people say it
but like trust me oh they seesee and hear every single thing.
So what's important to me youknow that I'll make sure that in
my walk and trying to pursue orbuild something that the things
that are close to me stayconnected and stay happy and
(17:27):
well. So you know that that's mylittle nugget to everybody you
know, like just be in tune be intune with yourself in tune with
the people who are close to you.
And really really praise God tohelp you you know, achieve your
great thing while ensuring thatnothing really suffers to the
point that it cannot berecovered it's very important
Tiara Jones (17:44):
you're meant to add to that if you if you know
yourself well enough and youunderstand kind of what your
brain power is and your capacityis then you can kind of plan
what you need to do around thenbecause what I mean where I went
wrong last year is whether Ifeel bad or not I wake up with
the same to do lists and thesame things but now I'm like
(18:05):
okay, what am I gonna be able todo today let me move some things
out because if you start lookingat you know different business
tasks or even if you're in youryour own nine to five job your
role or stay at home moms any ofthat if you look at what you
have to get done there's certainthings it's going to take more
attention to detail is justgoing to take more of more
thought for you to put into thanother tasks and so like I
(18:28):
started to kind of been themlike these are all kind of hard
ones you're kind of oh I canprobably get through these ones
on easy day and then like whenthere was a day that I wasn't
expecting where I woke up andwasn't you know feeling the
greatest was it physicallymentally You know, sometimes you
just wake up in that kind ofball. I'm like okay, I'm gonna
still be productive. But let mejust get these kind of low
hanging fruit things out the wayand not be put not put that much
(18:51):
pressure on myself to knock outthe big stuff right now because
I'll get tokens in it but if Itried to do that, then I'm not
going to do it, you know, at thebest of my ability right? I'm
not going to do it in a spiritof excellence because my mind
isn't operating at that level.
And so you have to know Okay,wake up in the morning you know
you pray talk to God do yourdevotion and stuff and be like
okay, what level Am I operatingat today and be honest like Ray
(19:14):
was saying you gotta be honestwith yourself about it and it's
okay if you have some of thosedays that you're not because
it's not going to help you tocompete with your your high days
your good days, because I'vetried that too I'm like okay,
let me see if I can help beatthis day. Nope, don't work like
that.
Ray Mayfield (19:31):
Be to better your good days like that. It's tough
man like Mike would you say youknow you've been things in there
you know yourself, you know whatyou're capable of achieving in a
given day. And like I said,You've been tasked with the
difficult stuff to the not sodifficult stuff and then you try
to spread it out or pick a dayin a week. Maybe that works
better for your schedule, youknow, you're going to get enough
rest the day before so you'll beupgraded to attack default tasks
(19:53):
earlier whenever in that day, ifas best as your schedule melted.
That's that's extremelyimportant.
Tiara Jones (19:58):
Yeah, and even thinking about times of the day
Raise a morning person. I am notokay. I don't
Ray Mayfield (20:03):
Ray's a 24 hour person. Oh, okay.
Tiara Jones (20:06):
24 hours. Yeah. But no, Tiara No, not a morning
person I work best. You knowlater on in the day when I'm you
know, I've gotten myself goingI've had something to eat drink
fueled my body and then usuallyat night, that's where that's
why I end up staying, if I'm anight owl, and I'm staying up
(20:27):
late, because that's when like,everything starts to come to me.
It's like now that I've gonethrough the day, and I'm kind
of, you know, chilled out andthings like that. And it's like,
my computer's back open again,and I'm working because it's
like all these things, it's kindof rushed to my head. And then I
don't want to forget it, becauseI'll be quick to forget
something. And so that's anotherthing that I'll do, like, I'll
move meetings around, like, Idon't take a lot of meetings,
(20:48):
going back and control it, Idon't take a lot of meetings in
the morning because I want to bemy best self for everyone for
our clients, people that we workwith. And so I try to work it
in, you know, where I can do itin a time of the day that I
know, I'm going to be alert, I'mgoing to be ready, and you know,
ready to knock it out the park?
Ray Mayfield (21:06):
That's cool man, like, you know, um, you know,
and of course, man, no man is 24hour person. But yeah, I get up
early on, but I stay up late,often nights, beyond the night,
most of them and I'm usually uparound 435 o'clock in the
morning, I'm in you know, Iknow, four hours sleep really
isn't enough. But you know,like, we'd like to say you know,
in order to be great, some ofthat has to suffer. But you
(21:28):
really have to take care ofyour, your physical mental
space. So, you know, when theyask, you know, physically
working out eating right, youknow, getting the right stuff in
your mind is going to show up inyour mind and not clouded you
know what I mean we're in youknow, you can you can, you can
tell where I'm going with thatone. But just make sure you
know, you're taking care of yourphysical space, because you
know, you only got one body,although you have, you know,
(21:50):
multiple limbs independent does,you just want to make sure you
take care of your physical body.
Because usually that's the firstthing it's going to give out on
you. And if you're not livingliving, right, you know, it's
hard to be the best version ofyourself, you know, when you're
going to the doctor, and you'realways sickly, or whatever, you
know, I mean, granted, everybodyhas their own struggles, right?
But you know, you just want tomake sure you're doing those
small things, you know, tweakingyour, your body, your system to
(22:11):
make sure that your mind isgoing to be on on edge on point.
And that way you can just, youknow, help others, you know, you
know, people people look up thetear, even though she's so
short, people look up to her.
And, you know, they do they doand I admire aspects of tier
two, she's very dependable,she's a go getter interior will
(22:32):
walk through a wall, you know,to complete a task. But at the
same time to, you really haveme, I think, or I try to balance
TRL is, you know, we don't haveto rush to accomplish a task.
And I think that's where my myspace is that now I try to pour
my energy, all of it intosomething at the moment, and
(22:53):
then recover and then go outthere and next task. And, you
know, each each his own though,you know, there's there's
disadvantages to my approach,right. This is there are
advantages to to his approach tothings. So I think it's
complimentary, especially we'relooking at, in this room, a
business in a partnership or howto fit the pieces of the puzzle
together for the overall benefitof the machine, which is what
(23:15):
we're trying to build andestablish here. So you know,
again, you know, just just dowhat you can do, then don't
overdo it.
Tiara Jones (23:22):
Right? Geilo those short jokes man. He just had to
get that one in there.
Ray Mayfield (23:27):
Every now and again every now and again.
Tiara Jones (23:30):
So two things I want to say based on you know,
what you just said? One is thatthere'll be a lot of times when
we don't win you know, race adgets four hours of sleep and
there's times that you know, Idon't get that many hours of
sleep to that will orchestratethings where he forces you to
rest right and that's happenedto both of us lately. That
happened to me this week.
Actually, I was not expecting tobe literally like out of
(23:53):
commission for what about 36hours completely out of
commission for 36 hours. And itwas it was the thing I didn't
know I needed y'all I woke upwhole new person the next day,
man Yeah, it was just it was itwas eye opening. So I mean, I'm
going to start you know,unplugging more, and the same
things happened to Ray where hehad a few days where he was he
(24:17):
was sitting duck
Ray Mayfield (24:21):
you know I get these migraines I get these
uncontrollable migraines, um,you know, I have I do have some
physical issues and managementof brain injury, all the things
that I deal with. What you know,my migraines, no one knows where
they come from, but they whenthey show up. Yeah, man, it's
lights out fetal position in abed. Don't talk to me, don't
wake me up. You know, let me goto my recovery period, but
(24:42):
that's my body telling me theserest. Well, one thing I used to
do in the Marine Corps,especially, I'm going so hard
Monday to Friday, Saturday, we'dbe like, No, no, no, no joke,
like a 12 hour rest day period,like my body needed to recover.
And yeah, I say 12 hours but youknow that maybe eight hours of
sleep six hours I was asleep,eat breakfast, relax, chill out
(25:02):
for the day, run some errands.
Maybe Maybe not. But Saturdayduring the day when I was
younger when I was getting doneat night is a whole nother story
but we all live we all live theyoung life right? So you know
that was my thing like like Iknow Monday through Friday I'm
in the Marine Corps. It was 4amwake up probably midnight or
probably around 1022 quantitsleep time. And then on Saturday
was really my recuperation dayand there was no getting up
(25:26):
early on it was just you know,take time to physically and
mentally recover from the weekand then take time to prepare
for what's ahead. And thatworked phenomenally for me since
then. I don't think I've slept12 hours is to start dating my
wife since I've been inrelationship my wife but that's
okay okay good I mean look thesleep was such a great woman
standing there with such a greatwoman you want to get up and do
(25:48):
things so shout out they loveyou
Tiara Jones (25:52):
my fave Nice to
Ray Mayfield (25:55):
see you guys on here for
Tiara Jones (26:00):
the second thing that I've done and you know when
we talked about like how I willdo anything for anyone I
realized after you know my whenI hit that wall and that
triggering part of being atriggering point of being on
that you know that kind ofmental health session that we
had I realized that I had tostart saying no and usually I
would say yes to everythingeveryone all the time and people
(26:23):
knew that and even if theyweren't trying to take advantage
of me in a way that they werebecause they were like oh this
person will do it I know tearswill get it and when she does
she'll make sure it's done rightbecause tear is very particular
Ray Mayfield (26:33):
everybody calls TT
Tiara Jones (26:35):
everyone right y'all everyone so what I started
saying when I look how to buildup it took me some time to build
up like the courage to actuallystart telling people No, they
were like wait, you just told meNo. You just told me you will
say no and I'm like yes I'msaying no and this is why I'm
setting no I set some prettyhard boundaries to kind of force
(26:56):
myself into you know doingwhat's best for me it was like
this kind of me season nottrying to be selfish but then
also being selfish in a waybecause I knew I had to do
better if I wanted my health toget better mental health and
physical health you know to getbetter and I just had to start
saying no and so you got to lookat you know your plate it's like
when people came with me withstuff and I'm like I got too
(27:18):
much going on right now I can'tdo it. And you know what I say
too much going on part of it toomuch going on. It's my first
time because I factored thatinto my calendar so people would
be like oh you do anythingtoday? Yep rested. So it's not
maybe doing to you but it is tome like I planned this out I'm
about to be sitting on thiscouch and binge on Netflix and
(27:39):
I'm not gonna feel guilty aboutit because for the longest time
and this I mean since we startedthe business this is one of the
things that it took me a whileto get through I felt like I had
to work at a higher capacitythan Ray because I didn't have
kids I wasn't married all ofthis stuff like you ain't got no
extra responsibility so youshould be able to get this stuff
done you know faster to put moreon your plate but that wasn't
(28:02):
the case because even though Idon't you know have kids I don't
have a husband yet I still wearso many different hats There's
still so many other people thatdepend on me swimming for many
things and so I can't then justoverload one thing because like
Ray said things are going tosuffer and things started to
suffer I wasn't you know asdidn't have this king as I as I
usually wouldn't things werekind of like falling off my
(28:25):
plate and I don't like that. Idon't like that at all. And so
Ray Mayfield (28:28):
you're human.
That's crazy. I
Tiara Jones (28:29):
know but it's just like if I'm going to do
something if my name is going tobe on it I want to make sure you
know it's done right and I knowthat can't happen all the time.
But when I saw things startingto you know get a little crazy I
was like okay, well I'm gonnahave to start cutting some stuff
off. And some people understoodthat some people didn't and that
taught me a lot
Ray Mayfield (28:48):
to some amazing it's amazing how God reveals
things to us sometimes I'm onething I'm hard headed Well no,
we you know what though? Um, weall are right and i think i
think we all but the thing is,while we're while you're hard
headed you may see yourself ashardhead you have enough
awareness and knowledge itselfto say man like I'm, you know,
my attention to detail may beslipping or man Why did I do
(29:10):
this? Or I mean, I keepforgetting stuff. Something's
not right. A lot of people don'thave that mental awareness. A
lot of people have that selfawareness where they understand
you know, you know, your yourbrain fog is because you're not
getting rest. You're not sayingno one, you're always doing
things for other people andnothing for yourself. You know,
my grandfather told me somethingonce he said, You keep putting
everybody first you end up last.
And that's so true in so manydifferent ways. And you really
(29:31):
have to, you really have to findbalance to a degree, right? I
mean, there's balance, there's aperfect balance was out I really
don't think exists. But there'sbalance to a degree and
acceptable risk loss, right? Imean, you know, you can afford
to get three or four hours ofsleep, maybe maybe four or 567
nights, but eventually, youknow, your body's going to crash
the vessel you're going toyou're going to camp out and
(29:52):
have to unplug by force and notby choice. So yeah, you know, I
think that's a you know, kudosto you man. Hats off. I think
it's important to have some formof self awareness to know when,
you know, things are offbalance, man, a lot of people
don't have that. They reallydon't. And, you know, you really
got to put yourself in aposition to be able to take a
step back and do a selfevaluation. Look at yourself in
(30:14):
the mirror, your bags in youreyes, you're always sleepy and
tired. There's a reason why, youknow, I'm fine. If you go see a
doctor thought somebody forgotwhat's going on with you. and
nine times out of 10, they'll belike, Oh, man, you know, you had
enough sleep, or you got bags inyour eyes, because you're tired
all the time. Or your dad is notright, or something to that
effect, you know, butdefinitely, definitely May, you
(30:36):
know, have a sharper sense ofself awareness man, and you'll
be surprised of what kind ofimprovements you'll see the
smallest tweak you can do foryou your everyday life.
Tiara Jones (30:45):
Yep. And that, that self awareness will go far as a
business owner is a skill thatthat is priceless. And I think,
Oh, you know, on that note,being a business owner, whether
it's just you you have a team ornot, whether full time employees
or any of that they're goingabout benefits you want to
consider having mental healthpackages and you know, time
(31:06):
like, you know, PTO and all thatlike, including mental health
days, and like being flexiblewith your people to make sure
they're taking the time forthemselves. Because it's your
people, that's going to help youget to where you want to go. And
without them is going to be kindof difficult, because you can't
do this alone. And so inaddition to taking care of
yourself, you also have to takea care to help take care of the
(31:26):
ones that you know helping youthat's a part of your team and
working towards you. Because Raywould tell me in a heartbeat
like you know, you're not doingthis today, you're taking this
off, go get a massage orsomething on the business go do
this like just to like, try toforce me to go and relax.
Sometimes it takes I'd be like,No, I'm good. I know my limit
car. I know I'm gots to work andnot me. I'm getting I'm better
(31:50):
than I was
Ray Mayfield (31:50):
when I saw good product to be in a casket. So it
was cool,
Tiara Jones (31:54):
right? So like now it was a lot of times we think
we were on the way to work oneday when Ray was so nicely
chauffeuring me to the office,he reinforced not
Ray Mayfield (32:05):
by choice by force,
Tiara Jones (32:07):
it was funny because he kept taking all of
the tolls. And I'm like, why areyou taking all of these tolls?
When did the traffic live in abay? He was like, because I pay
for convenience. And I'm like,Huh, well, I can see that now.
Because it's like, it's like,when you spend money to save
time, instead of not spendingtime to save money. Like that
type of thing is like we I thinkwe both have gotten to this
(32:29):
place where it's just like, ifit's gonna cost some extra money
for me to have more of a peaceof mind or for me to have to
deal with that many people in mylane. You know, those are the
things I'm gonna go for itbecause you got to you had to do
what you need to do to havepeace. Yeah. And sometimes money
is gonna have
Ray Mayfield (32:49):
to pay for a lot of times is going to cost you
but I you know, and you know, Itry to spend within reality of
my budget. But oftentimes me,you know, the comforts of a
peace of mind cost money. Whatfor me is definitely taken pole
row is like, I ain't trippin, Imay take a tour or halfway, I
may take it the whole way down.
And it just depends. But youknow, I'm okay with paying for
(33:10):
convenience at this stage in mylife, because I have, you have
to be careful where you spendyour time and energy. You know,
after, you know, 910 hour workday, I don't want to sit in an
hour and a half hour, 32 hoursof traffic to get home to my
family and be even more zappedand drained. So yeah, I'll jump
in the express lane and get homein 45 minutes in my room, you
(33:32):
know what 25 bucks is worth itis like that, sometimes I'm
gonna weigh the pros and cons.
Gotta weigh the pros and cons.
And we live in NorthernVirginia. So traffic is no
Sunday to Sunday, you're justgoing to run into it. Unless you
know how to navigate the backroads, you're going to hit
traffic. So you've got to beable to shake and move. But it's
Amy applies to everything inlife, right? With the SEO alarm
(33:53):
on service, I cut my own grass,whether you got to pay for lawn
mowing service or anything ofthat nature, like cleaner House
Cleaners do what you got to doto me, like it's all a peace of
mind, you had to give him oneplace to put to another. But
that again, that's so the thingsdon't suffer to the point of
atrophy. You know, it doesn'thave to suffer to the point of
atrophy, your relationship orwhatever it is the other thing
(34:13):
as you as you're on this journeyto be great, be the best version
of yourself, you know, have thatself awareness that things don't
fall to the wayside, and it maycost money to stop you from
doing that. And that's okay. Youknow what I mean? But again, you
know, we all live in a worldwhere, you know, things cost
money, and there's a realitythere's a cost associated with
almost every single thing. Um,no, you know, you just have to
(34:34):
weigh the costs. I'm all aboutthe creature comforts. Don't do
that right now.
Tiara Jones (34:39):
Yep, absolutely. So you got to know when when you
get to just take a hit sometimesfor the sake
Ray Mayfield (34:44):
of yourself, which will bounce back. You bounce
back man, especially if you planand you budget for one most
important thing. I do a budget Iplan for tolls and budget form.
But man, these Virginia tollsare getting more and more
expensive. They are now I mightspend a day or two in traffic as
we will see. I'm joking. Yeah.
All right.
Tiara Jones (35:06):
So another thing I know we're in when we're
recording this podcast we're inthe fourth quarter of what
20 2021 Okay, and so fourthquarter can be hard for a lot of
people because you're coming tothe end of the year and
especially with social mediapeople are going to be doing
their you know, year end reviewand showing how much money they
made which prize they had anyproducts they sell at all that
(35:27):
stuff and that can be a triggerto those that didn't meet their
goals or didn't get to wherethey wanted to be. But I am
begging you too try to do asmuch as you can even if you've
got to like completely go off ofsocial media to not let that get
to you. Because there's stilltime just because this year is
coming to an end doesn't meanthat that's it for you. You can
(35:50):
still come back in January anddo what it is you need to do so
like don't see that and countyourself out. Because you can
still get there you still canyou know push through what
didn't happen this year they'llmean there's no point in living
in regret and guilt and keepthinking about what you did this
year. Just take this time tofocus on okay, how can I prepare
(36:14):
myself to be prepared you know,next year and you do you don't
have to wait till like oneJanuary to start like you know,
what can I do now to startgetting myself ready to be ready
to do what it is I need to doand and the first thing with
that is recognizing what kept mefrom doing it in the first
place. Because sometimes we'renot honest with ourselves with
what what's keeping us in thiskind of procrastination, or this
(36:38):
procrastinating state right? Andso if you're honest with
yourself about that, you cankind of see you know what went
wrong and what you can do tokind of course correct and
reset.
Ray Mayfield (36:48):
Now I like that too. It it knows not always
procrastination sometimes it'sdistractions to distract. Like I
look at like social media is acan be a huge distraction to
discipline right? You're gonnamean and it's interesting social
media man like I have a I have aunique look at social media
books. Unique I think it isprobably the same in a lot of
people but a lot of social mediais smoke and mirrors. It's
(37:10):
people lying about stuff ispeople portraying a life that
they really don't live is peoplewho were telling you to you
know, make millions of dollarsin real estate but they don't
and it's people who say you gotto push yourself to the point of
exhaustion when they don't evendo that and not not all not all
folks don't get me wrong youknow there are some people in
content out there that you couldfind and learn from who are
(37:32):
really walking in that life butdon't get wrapped up in
everything you see in socialmedia man because it's really
it's a social science experimentright? And I think you really
have to you know you really haveto unplug and not use it as a
distraction. I want what it wasthat for me I'll wake up in the
morning in you know four o'clockin the morning with clients
around laughing and stuff sillystuff that a family Oh, this is
(37:52):
hilarious. And they say I knowit's like 515 I'm like man I've
been there for hours let meHurry up and you really miss my
workout and you gotta have toyou know you got to realize
what's a distraction so you knowwhile procrastination is a thing
you know like you're looking atyour fourth quarter going into
the first the first quarter ofnext year look at the goals you
didn't achieve and be honestwith yourself on why you did not
(38:12):
achieve them right but one thingthat's you said earlier you know
in your stuff you know put stuffupfront but with the hard stuff
front II stuff in the middlefilter you know move it around
fit it into your schedule nextyear if you didn't hit those
benchmarks financial schedulenext year where you know you can
be your most productive man youknow if you know you want to
take some trips and be out andyou know be a city girl or city
(38:34):
boy you know you don't do hardstuff in the summer right and
I'm saying right you're puttingstuff in the summer put it up
front in the winter in the backand we're in the fall you know
you know then your time wiselyman put things where you know
you can achieve those those mostcritical goals and then there's
a nice to have stuff It'd begreat if I can do this to filter
it in somewhere else too. Youknow, you don't want to get to
the end of the year. You're likeman, you know if only I just
(38:58):
really applied myself I couldhave did this and that's okay if
you do that. But learn from adecimal support theme and it's
no losses it's all learning andlessons man if you take that
approach, I think you'll you'llbe sharper going into the next
year because I think year toyear, we should all improve we
are We shall improve how we doin our business. We should all
improve how we treat ourpersonal relationships with
people you know, I think it'svery important man this I can't
(39:22):
remember the quote but I'll getto my phone in a second read it
but it goes to that the factthat we can't we have to treat
businesses like personaltransactions. And if sorry,
treat personal relationshipslike transactions. It's
difficult to do. But to the tothat point. It improves your
engagement with people from myperspective, I tried it I try it
(39:42):
at work often and it tends towork very well. You know, I'm a
laid back fun, easygoing guy. Ilike to think
Tiara Jones (39:51):
everybody loves me and they go somewhere together.
I'm like, we won't be here foran extra two hours if he's he's
very social like that. I'msocial too but it just comes so
natural gray and I'm introvertsI'll be like, Okay, this is Ray
Ray we'll come right up withkissing the babies All
Ray Mayfield (40:09):
right, I like talking to people male thing is
important you know, you point tothose relationships you'll get
some of those relationships too.
Right?
Tiara Jones (40:17):
That's why you're my business partner and your
mind as well too.
Ray Mayfield (40:20):
There's qualities about you that I see in you that
you know, seeing yourselfyou're, you're just as
approachable sociable as I am.
But you choose who you're goingto do that with me, I deal with
everybody that's because becauseto me, everybody that I talked
to is somebody that I have anopportunity to learn something
from. I'm not too worried aboutteaching people things I'm more
worried about what people canteach me about myself and about
(40:41):
my interactions with them. Sothat's why I like to walk into a
room and talk to everybody therebecause somebody's in there and
you know, we're all putting inan arena for a reason my god I
believe I am with myprofessional walk while I was
supposed to be because God hasme there for a reason. So I do
the best I can to talk toeverybody because I don't know
who got to send it to me, Idon't know why send it to me.
(41:03):
And I don't want to be a closeddoor to somebody that's going to
open up another opportunity forme to learn or to take me to
another place where I didn'texpect to go on life. And I
think it's very important youknow, you take that approach
with people and um, you know,personalize your interactions
with people. I think you'll getthe best and the best return
that you could wouldn't evenimagine. It's a great thing.
(41:23):
Great thing. Lots of peopleyeah, fear does do a little for
you. Yeah,
Tiara Jones (41:30):
do you do more
Ray Mayfield (41:32):
facts Okay, hang around me more tea you'll be
like me soon enough dangerous
Tiara Jones (41:37):
Tell me about it.
Tell me where you're gonnarevolve. You're definitely gonna
rub up
Ray Mayfield (41:41):
Impossible, impossible.
Tiara Jones (41:43):
But one of the things we want to leave you with
is you know, if you are in thestate that kind of I was in
maybe not as bad maybe worse, Idon't know. This time last year
and you're looking for someoneto talk to we highly recommend
our friend our sister that Italked about earlier jewel
dentine. Y'all she really pouredinto us on so many different
(42:04):
occasions you know that occasionlast year that I spoke about I
mean I can't even begin to tryto break down what she said
because I just can't say it asyou know as good as she can
because you know that's not myexpertise but y'all she just she
knows how to how to let you knowthat you're not going crazy like
this is what you can do and shejust she just put she just calms
(42:26):
you down it's like I don't knoweverything about her her voice
her spirit she she is abeautiful person and so her her
practice is beyond the couch wewill tag it definitely reach out
to her if you need help and ifshe is not within your state or
region and she will give yousome resources to other people
that you can reach out to so sheis an amazing resource. We'll
(42:48):
put all our information you knowin the show notes and everything
so you guys can reach out to herbut I highly recommend that you
just take advantage of that anddon't even you know don't think
twice about it just go do it getthe help that you need because
if you start thinking about ityou can talk yourself out about
it because that's what I didover and over until I hit that
(43:08):
wall but I saw a therapist forsix months and really six months
yeah
Ray Mayfield (43:16):
six months
Tiara Jones (43:16):
I know didn't seem like that long but what I was
Ray Mayfield (43:19):
say this though like you were you were extremely
light in very you know tearsalways fun to be around but now
T's like really really reallyfun to be around because now
because you're not you're notcarrying everything on you
anymore you're not you know Ican be telling them to a joke
and she'll laugh but I know mymom she's a cheat on her
calendar looking at her mentalcalendar figure out where she
got to get done by the shade andlike I appreciate that about you
(43:43):
so I'm happy for you man Thankyou You seem much happier I am
Tiara Jones (43:47):
I'm very much happier in so many different
ways in my life you know I thinkGod for just you know
orchestrating different peopleto cross my pads and to help me
out from my family because theyhave definitely you know been my
support system as I tell you youknow I know I am blessed to have
the family that I have because Iknow that is not the norm in
some senses we are very close asray will tell you are very close
(44:10):
to each other everything and soit works for us and so they're
always there to you know tosupport me to you know tell me
about myself even though they'lldo it some of us will do it in a
nicer way than Ray might do itbut you know I need that kind of
hardness to like knock me out ofmy system. Wait
Ray Mayfield (44:27):
a minute, wait a minute.
Tiara Jones (44:30):
But you're just gonna come at me You're not
gonna sugarcoat it.
Ray Mayfield (44:33):
No, no one way you know why it is because of your
is because of who you are. Yeah,I made it. You have to learn how
to communicate with everybodythat different way. I'm with
you. You You remind me a lot ofa younger version. Maybe maybe
younger version of my sister,right? You you're extremely
smart, you're intelligent, knowwhat you want. You're going to
go get it. It must have to tellyou this all day. I have to have
(44:56):
conversation with her sometimesin a very harsh tone for her to
hear me right and so a lot oftimes I don't think I'm being
harsh with you but I think I'mvery direct because I want the
same from you in returnabsolutely to a degree because
you're you can be very meanwhatever
Tiara Jones (45:13):
they're nice depends on the
Ray Mayfield (45:16):
client when the client was always the most
dangerous but not not for like Ithink I've tried to try to feed
you the way that I think you canreceive it that's all yeah
Tiara Jones (45:24):
and sometimes you know it's some you got to have
that more direct tone to get youto actually hear what you're
saying because sometimes you canyou know, just be like oh yeah,
I hear you but I'm not reallylistening like he said I'll be
doing something that I was likeI was tied to my phone like any
extra minute I had like lookingat my phone researching
something doing something andnow it's just like the baby's be
(45:45):
like TT phone and I'm like sure.
Tommy like no you can't on myphone. What if someone's like
no, take the phone look at that
Ray Mayfield (45:52):
growth man growth that is a beautiful thing. And
for those No no, no, I'll justsay to you because you said
phone for people who take smalltext back Don't be mad my kids
probably have my phone because Iget the same thing you're
texting me back. I mean, maybean hour or two later but I'll
get your book a lot of times mywalk in the door man it's like
yo let me just let me just havethis moment for a little while
and you know they run to thedoor and kiss you and hug your
(46:16):
ankles and your legs and want totake your shoes off It's cute.
And well a friend of mine toldme years ago like oh enjoy while
last because pretty soon youjust be the aihole walking in
the door. It's hilarious. Hesays it kills you oh that's what
you turn into me. I was like,was that like that as a kid? Oh,
no. Oh no, wait, no. It's fineenjoy these moments that's
that's that's that's what helpsme kind of decompress the ride
(46:38):
home from working is seeing themand it's like I cool man.
Everything I went through todaywas worth it to get to this more
right here. Hey, man, thanks.
Thanks. So funny. Tt. So funny.
But yeah, may so we have toappreciate everybody staying
connected with this. I'm no goodat social media. You guys have
any questions, concerns, topicsyou want to discuss? If you're
interested in joining us too. Weare open to certain people
(47:00):
joining us to you know, hear andspeak to the world. You know, we
love connecting with people whoare like minded and want to see
people be the best versionthemselves. Otherwise, reach out
to us on what platforms can theyget us on
Tiara Jones (47:13):
Instagram. So our consulting side of the business
strategic site consulting, onInstagram and on Facebook and
the front runner podcast onInstagram. And then of course,
you can always hit us up on ourpersonal handles, tiara
underscore Lj and ray is
Ray Mayfield (47:31):
raymay4514. Yep, I'll add me on our IG Ray
Mayfield on Facebook.
Tiara Jones (47:35):
And then you can always email us if you like, you
know, info at strategic sitellc.com.
Ray Mayfield (47:42):
I like it. I like it. I'm still looking for a
quote, as post on Facebook. We'dlove you guys to tune in and
look forward to see you guysnext week.
Tiara Jones (47:51):
Stay solid
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