March 18, 2024 • 32 mins
What would you do if you were offered an opportunity but couldn't ask any questions? You had to sign a waiver saying anything goes, and you must participate in every aspect? Would you say yes? Well, that is exactly what I did.
Discover the power of embracing a purpose-driven faith and letting go of control. Learn how to balance control with trust in God's plan and take steps of faith toward your purpose. Explore personal experiences and reflections on the importance of trusting the process and living a purpose-driven life.
In this episode, we DIVE into how I have been working on releasing my need for control and how you can, too.
Key Takeaways:
- Trusting the process and letting go of control can lead to amazing experiences.
- Balancing control with a purpose-driven faith is important.
- God has a plan for each person and trying to control everything can hinder that plan.
- Taking steps of faith, even when the future is uncertain, is necessary.
- Identifying fears, reflecting on past challenges, and considering sacrifices can help in living a purpose-driven life.
JOURNAL PROMPT: Reflect on a time when you had to let go of control and trust in the process. How did that experience shape your faith and understanding of your purpose?
Want to make a change? Want to pivot? Connect with Tami today!
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I challenge you to look at this new year with new eyes and take power in your words, your decisions, AND your actions!
Here is to an amazing 2024 🥂 let's rock this year! Who's with me??
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, and welcome to the Full Weight of Joy podcast, the podcast for women who
are done stressing about the weight of the world, of expectations and settling
for status quo, and ready to step into the full weight of joy.
Joy in the journey, whether up or down, joy through the life's challenges,
and joy in loving your life right where you are, even though sometimes we feel
like chucking it all and moving to Bali.
(00:22):
It's for women who are ready to step into who God called them to be.
He chose you to be in this world. He created you for a specific purpose.
God called us to be the light on a hill and by embracing who you are and whose
you are, you can stand on that hill and shine.
The best part, when you're standing next to another woman who's also on the
journey, the world gets brighter.
(00:42):
My name is Tammy. I'm your host and a master certified life coach and a trained therapist.
For over a decade, I've been helping women do just that. Step into who they're called to be and shine.
Are you ready, friend, to start your journey? Let's do this.
So I went on this trip. It was a trip that I applied to go on to.
(01:06):
It was with an organization that I love and truly believe in.
It was with the Gary Sinise Foundation.
And I've done other things with them with the kids.
And I got this email that says, says, hey, there's going to be a adventure in Nashville.
It's going to be limited spots. Fill out an application and...
(01:28):
And see if you're one, if you get a spot. And so I was like,
you know, what do I have to lose?
What do I have to lose? Right? So I go and I fill out this application.
Now it's actually really well written, well crafted questionnaire. It got me thinking.
And then I got to the bottom of the application.
And it mentions in there that one is the application, again,
does not guarantee our spot.
(01:50):
But it talks about how we can't reach out to see if we've made it.
They'll let us know whether we're selected or not.
Also, we have to agree that we will not ask any questions, that we won't reach
out to them and ask questions.
(02:11):
We will understand that we will not get any information, that they will send
us the travel arrangements.
They will send us a hotel. They will send us a packing list.
And that's the bulk of the information we're going to get. that our responsibility
is to get someone to watch our kids, that it is to get to the airport on time
and to trust the process.
(02:34):
And let me tell you, part of this was really intriguing and part of this freaked
me out a little bit because I'm the planner.
I like, I love trips and I actually haven't done Nashville really.
I went there in college for a couple of days, but I went there for a conference,
not to say, and also college, you don't go for the same reasons.
(02:55):
Like I, and I do love country music. I'm not a huge country music fan,
but I do love it. I love the nineties, the eighties and nineties country.
The country today is not, I don't listen to it a lot, but those,
that nineties, eighties and nineties country, I really enjoy it.
Like give me some Shania Twain, give me some, you know, Randy Travis,
give me some Alan Jackson.
(03:16):
I knew like, Like this is a side story, but my sister and I,
we joke all the time about we knew by how country the music was playing when
we woke up was how deep we were into cleaning that day.
Like we knew if it was deep into like Hank Williams, we knew that we were in for it.
If it was Hank Williams Jr., then it's like, okay, maybe half a day.
(03:39):
We got some cleaning, but we got some Hank Williams.
We knew it was deep cleaning day. And so we would try to figure out,
okay, what can we do or how long can we stay in bed before they come and get us?
Anyway, that's a side note. So I do enjoy country music and I enjoy the history of music.
(04:00):
But I'm also like, well, are we going to go and eat at some great places?
What are we going to see? What are we going to do? Are we going to get to see this?
All of these things that, you know, you read about Nashville and I had no control
for what I was going to do during it.
Well I did get in that
I did get chosen to go and so again
(04:23):
we filled out a paper like we had to you know it was like fill it
out within two days and you know again
we signed saying that we are okay not
having any information and we couldn't
tell anyone we're going and we couldn't like there's
there was a lot of stipulations and it was no social media
no like there's there was a lot thought
(04:45):
surrounding it and I was like okay wonder what
we're doing I wonder what this experience is and
the only thing I knew was the creator of this
experience I trust it I went
and it was such a great trip I
mean from the moment we got off I got off the airplane I think
I was the last one to fly in because from Tulsa you
(05:07):
always have to go like we I had to go to Dallas and then
to Nashville Nashville whereas a lot of people had direct flights but I was
the last one and I left early I left at like six in the morning and so it wasn't
a long day of flying but I got in like three something but I was the last one
to get in so they were waiting everyone who flew in was waiting for me and everyone
just the excitement and we.
(05:29):
Hop on a bus. And this is, this is the first time I didn't know anyone on this.
Typically, when I do different events, I know people who are going,
I know the, and it was, this one specifically was for, for widows,
for military widows, for the military spouses that lost their husbands,
(05:50):
and that we had kids, young kids.
And so this, that was kind of part of the stipulation, why I was on the email
list to get it in the first place.
But we weren't allowed to go and check our networks to see who's going to. Oh, do we know anybody?
That was not part of the plan. We had to relinquish all control.
(06:10):
So we get off the plane and they put us on a bus and we talked to a few people.
I'm saying hi to some people and we get in there.
We get into the Graduate Hotel in Nashville, which is an adorable.
Adorable I'm going to post some pictures because I it was just fun it was all all dolly everywhere,
(06:31):
and they said okay we're going to do a little like welcome we're going to give
you guys some information we're going to give you your welcome bags which have
your t-shirts you're going to go change and you got do you have 15 minutes to
go and change and get down into this ballroom it's like okay here we go like
what are we doing in the ballroom what are we like what are we doing what time,
you know, at this point I'm like kind of hungry.
(06:53):
Like I didn't have time to grab food under my layover in Dallas.
So I'm like, okay, hopefully I'm going to eat soon.
But again, they're like, just trust us.
We created this with you in mind. We planned ahead and we will make sure that
everything, all of your needs are taken care of.
(07:14):
And many of us, like we had the mix of of the excitement and the panic of,
well, how do we even know what to enjoy if we don't know what's coming?
And we wanted to know information, even though we trusted the creators.
We trusted those who put this program together.
(07:34):
So we go, I get to the room and it's adorable. Again, I'll show you pictures. It's such a neat room.
All the little details, they have little squirrels on pulls,
like drawer pulls. It was a fun hotel.
And I put on my Gary Sinise Foundation shirt.
And I had a snack in my bag. So I quickly ate some chips just so,
(07:56):
because I didn't know what was coming next.
And we walk in and we wait, right?
We walk in and we can't get into the room yet because they want us to all go in together.
And there was about 24 of us. So there was a good size group.
And we were all like, oh, what could it be? What is it? What is this? And luckily.
(08:22):
Out in the foyer, there was some small bites. So we had hummus and a charcuterie
board and charcuterie, excuse me, my daughter always gets on me,
charcuterie board, which is one of my favorite things in the world.
And hey, it's one of the best girl foods ever, right? Like little bites of,
we get to try a little bit of everything.
And we had some queso and chips because it's also another amazing food that
(08:45):
I couldn't live without.
So already they knew what we needed. it. We just had to trust.
And after everyone comes and we had a few late stragglers, but they knew that
was going to happen soon, that as well.
But we all were waiting and they opened the doors together.
And they said, welcome to the Nashville adventure.
(09:10):
We can't have you run around Nashville without looking country.
And we got to design our own cowgirl hats.
Hats like we had there was a designers there who actually made
them for us and but we got to pick a hat we had to pick our our accessories
that go on it and we got to do this we got to have this experience one that
(09:31):
that's something that I would have even considered doing that was not even on
my bucket list I didn't honestly like truthfully I didn't even know that's something that you did.
What they had planned was so much better than what I could have planned for myself.
How many times do we try to control things?
(09:54):
We want to know all the details when someone else has already laid the plans out for us.
When someone else has already said, hey, I got this. I planned this with you in mind.
When it comes to our purpose, this is kind of what God does.
He's planned it. You know, the Bible talks about it.
(10:16):
He planned this before you even existed.
He laid our plans out for us. He created us.
He added our strengths and our talents and he added our stubbornness,
our different characteristics within us.
He added what he knew we needed for this life. life in order to step into our
(10:42):
purpose, in order to do what we were called, what we were created to do,
what the plans that were laid out for us.
So how do we balance the need for control with a purpose-driven faith?
And I love this question because by researching this and really looking and
going on that trip, I recognized that my need for control is a lot stronger
(11:06):
stronger than I give it credit for.
The need to have checkpoints, the need to know what's coming next.
And I'll share more about this trip, but know that we never knew what we were
doing until we got there.
We would get on the bus. We would never know where we're going to eat until it showed up.
(11:28):
We would never know the next place or what the next experience was until we
got there. And then they would give us information about it.
They give us some history about it and why they chose it.
And it was just the entire weekend. It was two and a half days.
And the only thing we knew is what time we were meeting in the morning was 7.30.
(11:50):
We were meeting at 7.30 in the morning.
And then they did let us know. We're like, okay, can you just let us know when
we can expect to be done for the night?
Because we are all moms and we like to sleep. We have a limited amount of energy.
How excited do we get? And they're like, well, just expect 10.30-ish. You'll be done.
10.30 was definitely generous. us. We got done at 11, 1130, but it was so much fun.
(12:17):
How many times does God give us just enough information for us to take the next step?
When we try to control every aspect, we are not balancing our purpose-driven faith.
We are not trusting. We are allowing fear to decide for us what we're going to do.
(12:39):
And I say this with a sincere heart and no judgment, because I recognized how
many times I need to control things, how many times I want to know what the next step is.
So I know to be excited. Do I brace myself?
Even when my kids say, hey, mom, I need to talk. I'm like, hey,
(13:00):
give me a moment. You say that statement.
And then I need just a moment to gather myself because I don't know what's coming next.
Typically from the tone, I don't know if this is something good or something
bad or if I'm going to have to, you know, mama bear something. Like, I don't know.
But I like to know. I like to know what's going to happen next.
(13:22):
When it comes to our purpose, when it comes to living our purpose,
he doesn't give us all the details.
A lot of times he doesn't tell us what's next because he knows how we would react if we knew it.
He knows that it would be, well, we would start trying to change things.
(13:43):
We would try to control that thing as well. well, we would choose less than he has for us.
We would always choose the safe thing. Even if we're willing to get uncomfortable,
we are not willing to get as uncomfortable as necessary.
We will still damper, tamper it down.
(14:04):
Like we will, like, I'll do this, you know, I'll take three steps,
but that leap into 10, I'm not ready to do that yet. I'm going to wait until I'm ready for that.
If God would have shown me as a young girl, what he had planned for me.
I mean, really, if he would show me now where I'm going in the future,
like there's some been some momentum, some really big things that I cannot wait
(14:27):
to share with you, but I can't yet.
But I'm like, what does this mean? What is this going to do?
Like, where does this going? What does this say?
Where is this going to lead me? Like, what does this mean that I like,
okay, what is my responsibility? How do I manage this? And he's like,
Tammy, I mean, just stop.
We've got you this far. I'll get you all the way.
(14:48):
If I look, like when I was younger, I knew I wanted to be a teacher.
I went to, even in high school, I applied for scholarships and things to be a teacher.
I went to Baylor and I went into the education school.
And quickly, quickly, I realized that that teaching, traditional teaching was not for me.
(15:10):
I quickly moved to computers, which also like going from education to computers,
complete, complete 180 there, like going from all the people to none the people.
And then I realized, okay, I need to go back a little bit more.
I need to kind of balance. And I went into like business of computers.
(15:31):
I went into, you know, I did information systems. So I got to deal with people
because I love people connecting with people. I love relationships,
and I love hearing stories, and I need people as much as I'm an introvert, and I truly am.
I still need that connection. I just need it on smaller doses.
So working behind a computer, coding every day was not, was sucking my soul.
(15:56):
Like I could not, that was not it. And I'm, and I swing left and right,
left and right, and left and right, and until God kind of settles me somewhere in the middle.
Even in high school, I did Model United Nations.
And we had, you know, living in England, as you can imagine, Shakespeare was huge.
So we had a Shakespeare festival every year that we had to be a part of and
(16:18):
we had to do an act of a play.
And I did not like speaking in public.
I did not. I would do whatever I could do to get out of it. I would take the smallest part.
I would take this, you know, the smallest speaking part. I would be up there
and and I would help other people get to the front.
But I still did what I had to do, but I avoided it.
(16:41):
If that Tammy in high school, as a 15 and 16-year-old saw what I was doing now,
she probably would have done something drastic to stop it from happening.
Because we want control, we don't know what's possible.
We don't know what's planned for us. We don't know what's coming. And it's not a bad thing.
When we try to control everything, it stops the things that are supposed to happen from happening.
(17:08):
When we are trying to control, it means that we are not living our purpose.
Because there's a level of faith that comes with living our purpose.
And to finish that story i you know i went into the military and was doing information
systems and i was you know i could speak computer ease and i can speak customer
(17:28):
because customers and and you know customers and engineers they cannot typically
the same words have different definitions,
what you what do you need and then i can describe it to the engineers on how
to create it like this This is actually what their need is.
And so many times it would be like, are you sure this is what you want?
(17:50):
They, you know, the customers talking about, oh yeah, all of this.
And I'm like, this is not, it doesn't, it won't work together.
And so talking through, okay, what is your intention?
You know, years later, here I am out of the Air Force and I,
it hit me a little while ago that I'm like, talk about full circle because I am a teacher.
(18:10):
Like way to go, God. way to go for like taking
me the direction that I needed to go because if I would have started and if
I would have take public speaking I would have forced it I would not have it
I would have made me throw up every day I probably would have probably would
have croaked I probably would not have been able to do it I would be it would
it would have scared me too much and I would have,
(18:32):
sabotaged it every step of the way but the way he did it he gave me insight
he gave me his wisdom He gave me,
he guided me in a slow path of teaching a few and then teaching a few more and
then learning a little bit more about teaching and speaking.
And now I know, I know Mr. Keegan is not listening to this.
(18:54):
I know he doesn't listen to my podcast, but I know he follows me on social and
I know he is shocked that I get up and I'm talking to thousands of people.
I have an event coming up that I get to talk to. you.
Well, I get to talk to like 16,000 people. And I will talk more about that when I can.
I'm trying not to get too nervous about it. But how cool is that?
(19:16):
And if that 16, 15, 16-year-old would have known this, my point here is not
that I get to go and do this.
It's the fact that there's a reason why we have to relinquish control.
That when we let go of control, we're We're living our purpose.
Living our purpose means allowing what was created for us in the past to come
(19:37):
into fruition in the future.
What happened, what was created for us in the past, gets to come to light in the future.
When you live your purpose, when you release control and understand that,
okay, I just need to take one step, one faith step, one trust step.
(19:57):
And maybe sometimes it is a trust fall. Maybe a lot of times it's a trust fall.
All but we have a creator who has created this with us in mind crafting every detail,
knowing that some of it we won't like
but we have the skills we have the the characteristics we have the stubbornness
(20:18):
to get through it and we need that fire we need that challenge we need that
trial to be able to survive what's coming next good or bad that's just because
we went through it It doesn't mean we're going to have bigger trials,
but let's face it, we are. Let's call the kettle black, right?
All the pot black, kettle black, but both of them are black,
(20:39):
right? The pot calling the kettle black. There you go.
We have trials and everything we do gets us ready for the next.
To have a purpose-driven faith, it means looking at what we've done.
Taking the the gold taking the refined gold from it and tucking that away and
(21:02):
trusting for the future we have to trust that the creator that is laying the
steps out for us had us in mind,
he knew he knew what he
was going to ask us to do what he what he was
going to allow us to partner with him like the the partnership that we get to
step into he could do it without us and one of the the things that I fear the
(21:24):
most is that when he asks me to do something and I say no and someone else gets
to do it because I so want what he has for me,
which means that I have to be willing to release the control so that way I can
let things happen the way they're supposed to.
That way I can shift and pivot and fail and fall and make mistakes and take
(21:50):
the wrong path, knowing that he directs my path and he'll get me back on that yellow barefoot.
He'll get me back. He'll tap me into place. And I can trust that if I control
everything, it stifles.
It puts out the fire. When you put a cup over a candle and you put it or,
(22:12):
you know, it snuffs it out.
The flame goes out. You can't shine your light when you have a container on top of it.
When we try to control things, we try to like just give a little bit of air,
a little bit of air, a little bit of air, just so that way we can still like,
okay, we'll shine a little bit, but I'm going to stay comfortable for the most part.
(22:33):
I don't want to, I don't, and we have that false humility where it's like,
I don't want to be bigger than my brushes.
I don't want to be prideful. And I don't, well, you know, like I look at Paul.
He was bold. He was confident. He was like, he was, he, I mean,
to the point where you're like, was he arrogant about it? It's like, no, he trusted so much.
(22:54):
Before the road to Damascus, he was arrogant and he was prideful.
And he, but even that God used because he saw his arrogance and he saw how he's
prideful. And then he saw the truth.
His blindness helped him see for the first time.
So it's not. So we have to throw away the false humility of,
(23:16):
oh, I'm just going to, I'm going to go slow in order to make sure it's the right
direction. God will make sure it's the right direction.
You just need to get out and act.
And so what can we do? And I have three things here that, how do I balance my
need for control with a purpose driven faith?
(23:37):
Because let's face it, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to completely
put down my I need for control, and I'm willing to address it daily so that
way I can truly live a purpose-driven faith,
so I can do the things that God has laid out.
Because though they're scary, though they get me uncomfortable and they sometimes make me want to puke,
(24:00):
when I get to experience what He has for me and realize and He shows me that,
no, this is who I created you to be, I want you to impact others.
I want you to teach and guide and I
want you and like boldly I'm
telling you my purpose is to
help you see your purpose and to live it help you discover it help you to find
(24:24):
why you ask the why questions of you know like why have you been through everything
well typically it's not the why that we really we get answers to it's the what
it's the who that we get to answer from the past.
And I get to do that.
And if I didn't relinquish control, if I didn't go on the path of obedience
(24:47):
and just allow my purpose-driven faith to step in, then I wouldn't get to do this.
I would still be doing something else or I would take a job that would probably be great.
I would be good at it because it would be with my strengths.
I would go teach because I was actually filling out applications to go and teach
college. college, I was going to go be a professor.
(25:11):
I'm so glad that I recognized that I still wanted to teach, but I allow God to show me the way.
So these three things that I, this is what I do, is when I start feeling the
need for control, I ask myself, what am I afraid of?
And I'm not going to lie. A lot of the things are, what if it works?
And that fear of success, That fear of what now, the fear of the responsibility that comes from it.
(25:36):
And I have, from talking to a lot of women, we talk about the disconnect between
discovering your faith and living, or discovering your purpose and living your purpose.
And it's that fear of the responsibility and like the what now.
What if it works? What if that's just the beginning? That right there.
(25:58):
And it's like, but what if it is?
Like, how cool is that? And what if, just like God prepared you for this moment,
he's already preparing you for the next one?
So what are you afraid of? Ask yourself. When there's that need for control,
I know that when I'm trying to control my son, when I'm trying to control a situation,
part of it is like, okay, like this is one area that that.
(26:23):
So he does not like to get up in the morning.
I want a clean kitchen in the morning. Like the kids switch off.
Like Isaac has it for a week, then Linus has it for a week doing the kitchen.
I tell them if it's emptied, the dishwasher's emptied in the morning,
I will help keep it empty, like filled all day.
And they have less that builds up because I like a clean kitchen.
(26:45):
There's a lot of things that I have relinquished, a lot of organization and
and cleanliness and like clutter, having them home all the time.
But he does not want to get up in the morning to do it.
And so, but he still wants to do the, like do it late at night.
He wants to, he's a much, he is, he's an Enneagram 8, which one of the things,
(27:09):
one of the things that he's going to struggle with is he always thinks he'll have more time later.
Everything everything is future focused. He will like, it's, I will do it later.
I'll have more time. And I'm like, okay, well, here is my deadline for you.
And I say this, like, what does that have to do with control?
It's like, well, one of the things that I want is I don't want to control how it happens.
(27:30):
But I'm like, when I wake up at five in the morning, I want the dishwasher emptied.
How do you think that can happen? So, and one of the things that why it will
one is, you know, So it brings me some peace in the morning to wake up to at
least a start of a clean kitchen. So I know you can feel me there.
But the other part too, one of the fears of mine is that he does not like to
(27:55):
be given deadlines. Right?
How many of us have deadlines all the time? I'm like, if you don't know how
to hit a deadline, you're not going to be able to keep a job.
You're not going to be able to manage. When you go to college and you have multiple
teachers who all believe that all the papers are there, their papers are the most important.
You got seven of them all at the same time.
(28:17):
And you wait till later. So there's a fear there. And I don't think it's unfounded.
But I have to believe. So the control part is that I'm like,
so I demand that this is my deadline.
When I stopped to look, I realized that like, okay, that was my fear.
Then how can I help him meet the deadline?
(28:38):
How can I give him options? And so we talk about, okay, if he starts the dishwasher
right after dinner, then he can, it'll actually run and it'll be done before he goes to bed.
Problem solved. And then I'm happy. It met my requirement. You don't need to
get up 6.30 in the morning, 5.30 in the morning, whatever.
(28:59):
The other side of things is when I control, like, okay, well, where are you going?
What are you doing? Now that he has a driver's license, he wanted ice cream.
He grabbed the keys, went to get some ice cream.
Luckily, he brought me some back too. So not too terribly upset about that.
But there's always a fear attached to control.
(29:20):
So what are you afraid of? The next is, how have you overcome challenges in the past?
I want you to ask yourself that. Okay, what challenges did I just overcome?
What caught me there? Was it support from a friend?
Was it a characteristic? Was it a stubbornness? Was it a scrappiness? Was it a skill?
(29:44):
Was it a talent? Was it a gift? Was it a strength?
And the third is, what is it worth to you?
What are you willing to sacrifice? Are you willing to sacrifice the discomfort
of not knowing and releasing control?
Those three things help me put in perspective of my purpose-driven faith.
What I want from God is way more.
(30:06):
I know. He promises and it could be way more than I can ever imagine.
So if I try to control it, it means I'm settling for less.
So am I willing to sacrifice my comfort and sacrifice the control,
sacrifice not knowing in order to get what he has planned for me. And I am.
This went a lot longer than I expected. I figured talk about releasing control
(30:29):
and it would go pretty quick.
But this is a subject that it's
near and dear to my heart. And I know that it's near and dear to yours.
I know because when I talk to you and when I ask questions, that control keeps showing its ugly head.
So instead of working against it, work with it. Ask yourself, what are you afraid of?
(30:53):
Why is having control over this so important?
By doing that, it really shows you. It puts it in a perspective.
It puts it in a light. It brings the ugliness of it to light,
so it loses its power over you.
And then you can decide, no, this is something I really do need to control.
Or no, this is something that I need to relinquish it completely and just have faith.
(31:18):
And because of this, this, this, and this, I have evidence that I can.
Because our brain loves evidence. Our brain loves to see what's possible.
And just like that, just the way our brain wants to see what's possible.
If you're ready to see what your purpose is, you're ready to discover it and then live it.
If you're ready to relinquish control for a purpose-driven faith, DM me. Call me.
(31:41):
All the things. my website is
still not up it's you know this is one other thing that i cannot control,
but it's coming my new website my old
one came down my new one's about to go up but the all
the things are a little complicated but i'm
still on facebook i'm on instagram i've got email message me
(32:02):
let's talk about what's possible for you so with that friend i hope you have
an amazing week Ask yourself today these questions and see what you're trying
to control and how vibrantly push it. You can gain a peace.
Music.
Hey, and welcome to the Full Weight of Joy podcast, the podcast for women who
are done stressing about the weight of the world, of expectations and settling
for status quo, and ready to step into the full weight of joy.
Joy in the journey, whether up or down, joy through the life's challenges,
and joy in loving your life right where you are, even though sometimes we feel
like chucking it all and moving to Bali.
(00:22):
It's for women who are ready to step into who God called them to be.
He chose you to be in this world. He created you for a specific purpose.
God called us to be the light on a hill and by embracing who you are and whose
you are, you can stand on that hill and shine.
The best part, when you're standing next to another woman who's also on the
journey, the world gets brighter.
(00:42):
My name is Tammy. I'm your host and a master certified life coach and a trained therapist.
For over a decade, I've been helping women do just that. Step into who they're called to be and shine.
Are you ready, friend, to start your journey? Let's do this.
So I went on this trip. It was a trip that I applied to go on to.
(01:06):
It was with an organization that I love and truly believe in.
It was with the Gary Sinise Foundation.
And I've done other things with them with the kids.
And I got this email that says, says, hey, there's going to be a adventure in Nashville.
It's going to be limited spots. Fill out an application and...
(01:28):
And see if you're one, if you get a spot. And so I was like,
you know, what do I have to lose?
What do I have to lose? Right? So I go and I fill out this application.
Now it's actually really well written, well crafted questionnaire. It got me thinking.
And then I got to the bottom of the application.
And it mentions in there that one is the application, again,
does not guarantee our spot.
(01:50):
But it talks about how we can't reach out to see if we've made it.
They'll let us know whether we're selected or not.
Also, we have to agree that we will not ask any questions, that we won't reach
out to them and ask questions.
(02:11):
We will understand that we will not get any information, that they will send
us the travel arrangements.
They will send us a hotel. They will send us a packing list.
And that's the bulk of the information we're going to get. that our responsibility
is to get someone to watch our kids, that it is to get to the airport on time
and to trust the process.
(02:34):
And let me tell you, part of this was really intriguing and part of this freaked
me out a little bit because I'm the planner.
I like, I love trips and I actually haven't done Nashville really.
I went there in college for a couple of days, but I went there for a conference,
not to say, and also college, you don't go for the same reasons.
(02:55):
Like I, and I do love country music. I'm not a huge country music fan,
but I do love it. I love the nineties, the eighties and nineties country.
The country today is not, I don't listen to it a lot, but those,
that nineties, eighties and nineties country, I really enjoy it.
Like give me some Shania Twain, give me some, you know, Randy Travis,
give me some Alan Jackson.
(03:16):
I knew like, Like this is a side story, but my sister and I,
we joke all the time about we knew by how country the music was playing when
we woke up was how deep we were into cleaning that day.
Like we knew if it was deep into like Hank Williams, we knew that we were in for it.
If it was Hank Williams Jr., then it's like, okay, maybe half a day.
(03:39):
We got some cleaning, but we got some Hank Williams.
We knew it was deep cleaning day. And so we would try to figure out,
okay, what can we do or how long can we stay in bed before they come and get us?
Anyway, that's a side note. So I do enjoy country music and I enjoy the history of music.
(04:00):
But I'm also like, well, are we going to go and eat at some great places?
What are we going to see? What are we going to do? Are we going to get to see this?
All of these things that, you know, you read about Nashville and I had no control
for what I was going to do during it.
Well I did get in that
I did get chosen to go and so again
(04:23):
we filled out a paper like we had to you know it was like fill it
out within two days and you know again
we signed saying that we are okay not
having any information and we couldn't
tell anyone we're going and we couldn't like there's
there was a lot of stipulations and it was no social media
no like there's there was a lot thought
(04:45):
surrounding it and I was like okay wonder what
we're doing I wonder what this experience is and
the only thing I knew was the creator of this
experience I trust it I went
and it was such a great trip I
mean from the moment we got off I got off the airplane I think
I was the last one to fly in because from Tulsa you
(05:07):
always have to go like we I had to go to Dallas and then
to Nashville Nashville whereas a lot of people had direct flights but I was
the last one and I left early I left at like six in the morning and so it wasn't
a long day of flying but I got in like three something but I was the last one
to get in so they were waiting everyone who flew in was waiting for me and everyone
just the excitement and we.
(05:29):
Hop on a bus. And this is, this is the first time I didn't know anyone on this.
Typically, when I do different events, I know people who are going,
I know the, and it was, this one specifically was for, for widows,
for military widows, for the military spouses that lost their husbands,
(05:50):
and that we had kids, young kids.
And so this, that was kind of part of the stipulation, why I was on the email
list to get it in the first place.
But we weren't allowed to go and check our networks to see who's going to. Oh, do we know anybody?
That was not part of the plan. We had to relinquish all control.
(06:10):
So we get off the plane and they put us on a bus and we talked to a few people.
I'm saying hi to some people and we get in there.
We get into the Graduate Hotel in Nashville, which is an adorable.
Adorable I'm going to post some pictures because I it was just fun it was all all dolly everywhere,
(06:31):
and they said okay we're going to do a little like welcome we're going to give
you guys some information we're going to give you your welcome bags which have
your t-shirts you're going to go change and you got do you have 15 minutes to
go and change and get down into this ballroom it's like okay here we go like
what are we doing in the ballroom what are we like what are we doing what time,
you know, at this point I'm like kind of hungry.
(06:53):
Like I didn't have time to grab food under my layover in Dallas.
So I'm like, okay, hopefully I'm going to eat soon.
But again, they're like, just trust us.
We created this with you in mind. We planned ahead and we will make sure that
everything, all of your needs are taken care of.
(07:14):
And many of us, like we had the mix of of the excitement and the panic of,
well, how do we even know what to enjoy if we don't know what's coming?
And we wanted to know information, even though we trusted the creators.
We trusted those who put this program together.
(07:34):
So we go, I get to the room and it's adorable. Again, I'll show you pictures. It's such a neat room.
All the little details, they have little squirrels on pulls,
like drawer pulls. It was a fun hotel.
And I put on my Gary Sinise Foundation shirt.
And I had a snack in my bag. So I quickly ate some chips just so,
(07:56):
because I didn't know what was coming next.
And we walk in and we wait, right?
We walk in and we can't get into the room yet because they want us to all go in together.
And there was about 24 of us. So there was a good size group.
And we were all like, oh, what could it be? What is it? What is this? And luckily.
(08:22):
Out in the foyer, there was some small bites. So we had hummus and a charcuterie
board and charcuterie, excuse me, my daughter always gets on me,
charcuterie board, which is one of my favorite things in the world.
And hey, it's one of the best girl foods ever, right? Like little bites of,
we get to try a little bit of everything.
And we had some queso and chips because it's also another amazing food that
(08:45):
I couldn't live without.
So already they knew what we needed. it. We just had to trust.
And after everyone comes and we had a few late stragglers, but they knew that
was going to happen soon, that as well.
But we all were waiting and they opened the doors together.
And they said, welcome to the Nashville adventure.
(09:10):
We can't have you run around Nashville without looking country.
And we got to design our own cowgirl hats.
Hats like we had there was a designers there who actually made
them for us and but we got to pick a hat we had to pick our our accessories
that go on it and we got to do this we got to have this experience one that
(09:31):
that's something that I would have even considered doing that was not even on
my bucket list I didn't honestly like truthfully I didn't even know that's something that you did.
What they had planned was so much better than what I could have planned for myself.
How many times do we try to control things?
(09:54):
We want to know all the details when someone else has already laid the plans out for us.
When someone else has already said, hey, I got this. I planned this with you in mind.
When it comes to our purpose, this is kind of what God does.
He's planned it. You know, the Bible talks about it.
(10:16):
He planned this before you even existed.
He laid our plans out for us. He created us.
He added our strengths and our talents and he added our stubbornness,
our different characteristics within us.
He added what he knew we needed for this life. life in order to step into our
(10:42):
purpose, in order to do what we were called, what we were created to do,
what the plans that were laid out for us.
So how do we balance the need for control with a purpose-driven faith?
And I love this question because by researching this and really looking and
going on that trip, I recognized that my need for control is a lot stronger
(11:06):
stronger than I give it credit for.
The need to have checkpoints, the need to know what's coming next.
And I'll share more about this trip, but know that we never knew what we were
doing until we got there.
We would get on the bus. We would never know where we're going to eat until it showed up.
(11:28):
We would never know the next place or what the next experience was until we
got there. And then they would give us information about it.
They give us some history about it and why they chose it.
And it was just the entire weekend. It was two and a half days.
And the only thing we knew is what time we were meeting in the morning was 7.30.
(11:50):
We were meeting at 7.30 in the morning.
And then they did let us know. We're like, okay, can you just let us know when
we can expect to be done for the night?
Because we are all moms and we like to sleep. We have a limited amount of energy.
How excited do we get? And they're like, well, just expect 10.30-ish. You'll be done.
10.30 was definitely generous. us. We got done at 11, 1130, but it was so much fun.
(12:17):
How many times does God give us just enough information for us to take the next step?
When we try to control every aspect, we are not balancing our purpose-driven faith.
We are not trusting. We are allowing fear to decide for us what we're going to do.
(12:39):
And I say this with a sincere heart and no judgment, because I recognized how
many times I need to control things, how many times I want to know what the next step is.
So I know to be excited. Do I brace myself?
Even when my kids say, hey, mom, I need to talk. I'm like, hey,
(13:00):
give me a moment. You say that statement.
And then I need just a moment to gather myself because I don't know what's coming next.
Typically from the tone, I don't know if this is something good or something
bad or if I'm going to have to, you know, mama bear something. Like, I don't know.
But I like to know. I like to know what's going to happen next.
(13:22):
When it comes to our purpose, when it comes to living our purpose,
he doesn't give us all the details.
A lot of times he doesn't tell us what's next because he knows how we would react if we knew it.
He knows that it would be, well, we would start trying to change things.
(13:43):
We would try to control that thing as well. well, we would choose less than he has for us.
We would always choose the safe thing. Even if we're willing to get uncomfortable,
we are not willing to get as uncomfortable as necessary.
We will still damper, tamper it down.
(14:04):
Like we will, like, I'll do this, you know, I'll take three steps,
but that leap into 10, I'm not ready to do that yet. I'm going to wait until I'm ready for that.
If God would have shown me as a young girl, what he had planned for me.
I mean, really, if he would show me now where I'm going in the future,
like there's some been some momentum, some really big things that I cannot wait
(14:27):
to share with you, but I can't yet.
But I'm like, what does this mean? What is this going to do?
Like, where does this going? What does this say?
Where is this going to lead me? Like, what does this mean that I like,
okay, what is my responsibility? How do I manage this? And he's like,
Tammy, I mean, just stop.
We've got you this far. I'll get you all the way.
(14:48):
If I look, like when I was younger, I knew I wanted to be a teacher.
I went to, even in high school, I applied for scholarships and things to be a teacher.
I went to Baylor and I went into the education school.
And quickly, quickly, I realized that that teaching, traditional teaching was not for me.
(15:10):
I quickly moved to computers, which also like going from education to computers,
complete, complete 180 there, like going from all the people to none the people.
And then I realized, okay, I need to go back a little bit more.
I need to kind of balance. And I went into like business of computers.
(15:31):
I went into, you know, I did information systems. So I got to deal with people
because I love people connecting with people. I love relationships,
and I love hearing stories, and I need people as much as I'm an introvert, and I truly am.
I still need that connection. I just need it on smaller doses.
So working behind a computer, coding every day was not, was sucking my soul.
(15:56):
Like I could not, that was not it. And I'm, and I swing left and right,
left and right, and left and right, and until God kind of settles me somewhere in the middle.
Even in high school, I did Model United Nations.
And we had, you know, living in England, as you can imagine, Shakespeare was huge.
So we had a Shakespeare festival every year that we had to be a part of and
(16:18):
we had to do an act of a play.
And I did not like speaking in public.
I did not. I would do whatever I could do to get out of it. I would take the smallest part.
I would take this, you know, the smallest speaking part. I would be up there
and and I would help other people get to the front.
But I still did what I had to do, but I avoided it.
(16:41):
If that Tammy in high school, as a 15 and 16-year-old saw what I was doing now,
she probably would have done something drastic to stop it from happening.
Because we want control, we don't know what's possible.
We don't know what's planned for us. We don't know what's coming. And it's not a bad thing.
When we try to control everything, it stops the things that are supposed to happen from happening.
(17:08):
When we are trying to control, it means that we are not living our purpose.
Because there's a level of faith that comes with living our purpose.
And to finish that story i you know i went into the military and was doing information
systems and i was you know i could speak computer ease and i can speak customer
(17:28):
because customers and and you know customers and engineers they cannot typically
the same words have different definitions,
what you what do you need and then i can describe it to the engineers on how
to create it like this This is actually what their need is.
And so many times it would be like, are you sure this is what you want?
(17:50):
They, you know, the customers talking about, oh yeah, all of this.
And I'm like, this is not, it doesn't, it won't work together.
And so talking through, okay, what is your intention?
You know, years later, here I am out of the Air Force and I,
it hit me a little while ago that I'm like, talk about full circle because I am a teacher.
(18:10):
Like way to go, God. way to go for like taking
me the direction that I needed to go because if I would have started and if
I would have take public speaking I would have forced it I would not have it
I would have made me throw up every day I probably would have probably would
have croaked I probably would not have been able to do it I would be it would
it would have scared me too much and I would have,
(18:32):
sabotaged it every step of the way but the way he did it he gave me insight
he gave me his wisdom He gave me,
he guided me in a slow path of teaching a few and then teaching a few more and
then learning a little bit more about teaching and speaking.
And now I know, I know Mr. Keegan is not listening to this.
(18:54):
I know he doesn't listen to my podcast, but I know he follows me on social and
I know he is shocked that I get up and I'm talking to thousands of people.
I have an event coming up that I get to talk to. you.
Well, I get to talk to like 16,000 people. And I will talk more about that when I can.
I'm trying not to get too nervous about it. But how cool is that?
(19:16):
And if that 16, 15, 16-year-old would have known this, my point here is not
that I get to go and do this.
It's the fact that there's a reason why we have to relinquish control.
That when we let go of control, we're We're living our purpose.
Living our purpose means allowing what was created for us in the past to come
(19:37):
into fruition in the future.
What happened, what was created for us in the past, gets to come to light in the future.
When you live your purpose, when you release control and understand that,
okay, I just need to take one step, one faith step, one trust step.
(19:57):
And maybe sometimes it is a trust fall. Maybe a lot of times it's a trust fall.
All but we have a creator who has created this with us in mind crafting every detail,
knowing that some of it we won't like
but we have the skills we have the the characteristics we have the stubbornness
(20:18):
to get through it and we need that fire we need that challenge we need that
trial to be able to survive what's coming next good or bad that's just because
we went through it It doesn't mean we're going to have bigger trials,
but let's face it, we are. Let's call the kettle black, right?
All the pot black, kettle black, but both of them are black,
(20:39):
right? The pot calling the kettle black. There you go.
We have trials and everything we do gets us ready for the next.
To have a purpose-driven faith, it means looking at what we've done.
Taking the the gold taking the refined gold from it and tucking that away and
(21:02):
trusting for the future we have to trust that the creator that is laying the
steps out for us had us in mind,
he knew he knew what he
was going to ask us to do what he what he was
going to allow us to partner with him like the the partnership that we get to
step into he could do it without us and one of the the things that I fear the
(21:24):
most is that when he asks me to do something and I say no and someone else gets
to do it because I so want what he has for me,
which means that I have to be willing to release the control so that way I can
let things happen the way they're supposed to.
That way I can shift and pivot and fail and fall and make mistakes and take
(21:50):
the wrong path, knowing that he directs my path and he'll get me back on that yellow barefoot.
He'll get me back. He'll tap me into place. And I can trust that if I control
everything, it stifles.
It puts out the fire. When you put a cup over a candle and you put it or,
(22:12):
you know, it snuffs it out.
The flame goes out. You can't shine your light when you have a container on top of it.
When we try to control things, we try to like just give a little bit of air,
a little bit of air, a little bit of air, just so that way we can still like,
okay, we'll shine a little bit, but I'm going to stay comfortable for the most part.
(22:33):
I don't want to, I don't, and we have that false humility where it's like,
I don't want to be bigger than my brushes.
I don't want to be prideful. And I don't, well, you know, like I look at Paul.
He was bold. He was confident. He was like, he was, he, I mean,
to the point where you're like, was he arrogant about it? It's like, no, he trusted so much.
(22:54):
Before the road to Damascus, he was arrogant and he was prideful.
And he, but even that God used because he saw his arrogance and he saw how he's
prideful. And then he saw the truth.
His blindness helped him see for the first time.
So it's not. So we have to throw away the false humility of,
(23:16):
oh, I'm just going to, I'm going to go slow in order to make sure it's the right
direction. God will make sure it's the right direction.
You just need to get out and act.
And so what can we do? And I have three things here that, how do I balance my
need for control with a purpose driven faith?
(23:37):
Because let's face it, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to completely
put down my I need for control, and I'm willing to address it daily so that
way I can truly live a purpose-driven faith,
so I can do the things that God has laid out.
Because though they're scary, though they get me uncomfortable and they sometimes make me want to puke,
(24:00):
when I get to experience what He has for me and realize and He shows me that,
no, this is who I created you to be, I want you to impact others.
I want you to teach and guide and I
want you and like boldly I'm
telling you my purpose is to
help you see your purpose and to live it help you discover it help you to find
(24:24):
why you ask the why questions of you know like why have you been through everything
well typically it's not the why that we really we get answers to it's the what
it's the who that we get to answer from the past.
And I get to do that.
And if I didn't relinquish control, if I didn't go on the path of obedience
(24:47):
and just allow my purpose-driven faith to step in, then I wouldn't get to do this.
I would still be doing something else or I would take a job that would probably be great.
I would be good at it because it would be with my strengths.
I would go teach because I was actually filling out applications to go and teach
college. college, I was going to go be a professor.
(25:11):
I'm so glad that I recognized that I still wanted to teach, but I allow God to show me the way.
So these three things that I, this is what I do, is when I start feeling the
need for control, I ask myself, what am I afraid of?
And I'm not going to lie. A lot of the things are, what if it works?
And that fear of success, That fear of what now, the fear of the responsibility that comes from it.
(25:36):
And I have, from talking to a lot of women, we talk about the disconnect between
discovering your faith and living, or discovering your purpose and living your purpose.
And it's that fear of the responsibility and like the what now.
What if it works? What if that's just the beginning? That right there.
(25:58):
And it's like, but what if it is?
Like, how cool is that? And what if, just like God prepared you for this moment,
he's already preparing you for the next one?
So what are you afraid of? Ask yourself. When there's that need for control,
I know that when I'm trying to control my son, when I'm trying to control a situation,
part of it is like, okay, like this is one area that that.
(26:23):
So he does not like to get up in the morning.
I want a clean kitchen in the morning. Like the kids switch off.
Like Isaac has it for a week, then Linus has it for a week doing the kitchen.
I tell them if it's emptied, the dishwasher's emptied in the morning,
I will help keep it empty, like filled all day.
And they have less that builds up because I like a clean kitchen.
(26:45):
There's a lot of things that I have relinquished, a lot of organization and
and cleanliness and like clutter, having them home all the time.
But he does not want to get up in the morning to do it.
And so, but he still wants to do the, like do it late at night.
He wants to, he's a much, he is, he's an Enneagram 8, which one of the things,
(27:09):
one of the things that he's going to struggle with is he always thinks he'll have more time later.
Everything everything is future focused. He will like, it's, I will do it later.
I'll have more time. And I'm like, okay, well, here is my deadline for you.
And I say this, like, what does that have to do with control?
It's like, well, one of the things that I want is I don't want to control how it happens.
(27:30):
But I'm like, when I wake up at five in the morning, I want the dishwasher emptied.
How do you think that can happen? So, and one of the things that why it will
one is, you know, So it brings me some peace in the morning to wake up to at
least a start of a clean kitchen. So I know you can feel me there.
But the other part too, one of the fears of mine is that he does not like to
(27:55):
be given deadlines. Right?
How many of us have deadlines all the time? I'm like, if you don't know how
to hit a deadline, you're not going to be able to keep a job.
You're not going to be able to manage. When you go to college and you have multiple
teachers who all believe that all the papers are there, their papers are the most important.
You got seven of them all at the same time.
(28:17):
And you wait till later. So there's a fear there. And I don't think it's unfounded.
But I have to believe. So the control part is that I'm like,
so I demand that this is my deadline.
When I stopped to look, I realized that like, okay, that was my fear.
Then how can I help him meet the deadline?
(28:38):
How can I give him options? And so we talk about, okay, if he starts the dishwasher
right after dinner, then he can, it'll actually run and it'll be done before he goes to bed.
Problem solved. And then I'm happy. It met my requirement. You don't need to
get up 6.30 in the morning, 5.30 in the morning, whatever.
(28:59):
The other side of things is when I control, like, okay, well, where are you going?
What are you doing? Now that he has a driver's license, he wanted ice cream.
He grabbed the keys, went to get some ice cream.
Luckily, he brought me some back too. So not too terribly upset about that.
But there's always a fear attached to control.
(29:20):
So what are you afraid of? The next is, how have you overcome challenges in the past?
I want you to ask yourself that. Okay, what challenges did I just overcome?
What caught me there? Was it support from a friend?
Was it a characteristic? Was it a stubbornness? Was it a scrappiness? Was it a skill?
(29:44):
Was it a talent? Was it a gift? Was it a strength?
And the third is, what is it worth to you?
What are you willing to sacrifice? Are you willing to sacrifice the discomfort
of not knowing and releasing control?
Those three things help me put in perspective of my purpose-driven faith.
What I want from God is way more.
(30:06):
I know. He promises and it could be way more than I can ever imagine.
So if I try to control it, it means I'm settling for less.
So am I willing to sacrifice my comfort and sacrifice the control,
sacrifice not knowing in order to get what he has planned for me. And I am.
This went a lot longer than I expected. I figured talk about releasing control
(30:29):
and it would go pretty quick.
But this is a subject that it's
near and dear to my heart. And I know that it's near and dear to yours.
I know because when I talk to you and when I ask questions, that control keeps showing its ugly head.
So instead of working against it, work with it. Ask yourself, what are you afraid of?
(30:53):
Why is having control over this so important?
By doing that, it really shows you. It puts it in a perspective.
It puts it in a light. It brings the ugliness of it to light,
so it loses its power over you.
And then you can decide, no, this is something I really do need to control.
Or no, this is something that I need to relinquish it completely and just have faith.
(31:18):
And because of this, this, this, and this, I have evidence that I can.
Because our brain loves evidence. Our brain loves to see what's possible.
And just like that, just the way our brain wants to see what's possible.
If you're ready to see what your purpose is, you're ready to discover it and then live it.
If you're ready to relinquish control for a purpose-driven faith, DM me. Call me.
(31:41):
All the things. my website is
still not up it's you know this is one other thing that i cannot control,
but it's coming my new website my old
one came down my new one's about to go up but the all
the things are a little complicated but i'm
still on facebook i'm on instagram i've got email message me
(32:02):
let's talk about what's possible for you so with that friend i hope you have
an amazing week Ask yourself today these questions and see what you're trying
to control and how vibrantly push it. You can gain a peace.
Music.
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