"We can't continue to look to doing more to fix the feeling that something is missing. Many times doing more is just doing more. It's time to look at what the real question is." ~Tami
Hey hey!
I am so excited you are here! I have a great podcast episode for you. I got a "Hey Tami" question and as soon as I read it I KNEW it was one I needed to answer.
The question is "Why is it that I have tried all "the things" and nothing seems to work? I have a good life, a good family, a good job but I still feel like there is something missing- I feel SO guilty about it.
This question is one I struggled with in my life and I I know that when I found answers the guilt went away. So buckle up and let's dive in! You aren't doing the "wrong" things by searching for a fix...but you are missing a crucial piece that puts everything else into place. Listen in...Let's do this!
Ready to take action?
1. Sign up for your FREE ticket to my workshop!
2. Block off time on your calendar to attend workshop!
3. Show up live for the workshop and see what taking action and living your purpose can look like!
Key Takeaways:
- The significance of looking beyond surface symptoms to identify the root cause of dissatisfaction.
- Understanding core motivations, fears, desires, and strengths to align with one's purpose.
- The importance of addressing the source of discomfort rather than just treating symptoms.
- Self-discovery, embracing weaknesses, and seeking guidance from God to fulfill one's calling.
- Participating in a workshop focused on discovering purpose and seeking coaching services.
- Changing perspective, concentrating on core values, and taking courageous steps towards living a fulfilling life.
- The significance of addressing the root cause of dissatisfaction to attain joy, make an impact, and find fulfillment in life.
Journal Question:
What are some core motivations, fears, desires, and strengths that you can identify within yourself? How do these align with your purpose in life?
RESERVE YOUR SEAT AT THE UPCOMING WORKSHOP!!!
"WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE AND HOW TO LIVE IT"
Want to make a change? Want to pivot? Connect with Tami today!
Introductory Strategic Assessment (ISA)
Ready to start your year off on an intentional foot? Want to experience the power of coaching without having to go all in? This Introductory Strategic Assessment is for you!!! Click this link to find out more and get started!
Personalized Next Step Call
READY TO figure out YOUR next step? Ready to stop trying to go it alone and realize that we really aren't meant to do it by ourselves? Click here and get on my calendar! Let's talk about what is possible for YOU! Let's discover YOUR PERSONALIZED NEXT STEP!
I challenge you to look at this new year with new eyes and take power in your words, your decisions, AND your actions!
Here is to an amazing 2024 🥂 let's rock this year! Who's with me??
Ready to join us over on Facebook? Get in the NEW Facebook Divine Destiny: Embracing Your Impact as a Christian Mom community group! Click here
"Hey Tami" Questions
Have a question- any question! Let's have fun with this! Submit your question here!
Want to know what center your decisions are primarily made in? Want to know what your default center is? Check out this quiz! 5 questions (and a bonus) and you'll have a starting point! Plus I give you a resource I use to help me understand my reactions/decisions better! Click here!
BIG Changes are happening at Tami Marie Coaching!!!
Please be patient with me as I roll out these changes. If there are any broken links- I am so sorry- know that I am working on them. Feel free to send me a DM on IG about it because it does help me find them 😆 when you point them out!
You can also connect over on socials:
FB and IG @tamimariecoaching
Want to DISCOVER YOU? Get these 5 Secrets and begin the journey right now! Here's the link :
https://www.tamimariecoaching.com/5-secrets-to-discovering-you-opt-in
Connect with Tami
Make 2023 your year! Heck, today is the day things change! Do not let another moment go by, feeling like you are stuck, overwhelmed, and anxious. Send me a DM and
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, happy podcast day. I am so glad you're here. I have a good,
I've got a great episode for you. Today is going to be a question, a hey Tammy question.
I haven't done one in a while and I got a really good one for you. So let's do this.
Hey, and welcome to the Full Weight of Joy podcast, the podcast for women who
are done stressing about the weight of the world, of expectations and settling
(00:22):
for status quo and ready to step into the full weight of joy.
Joy in the journey, whether up or down, joy through the life's challenges.
Enjoy and loving your life right where you are, even though sometimes we feel
like chucking it all and moving to Bali.
It's for women who are ready to step into who God called them to be.
He chose you to be in this world. He created you for a specific purpose.
(00:44):
God called us to be the light on a hill, and by embracing who you are and whose
you are, you can stand on that hill and shine.
The best part? When you're standing next to another woman who's also on the
journey, the world gets brighter.
My name is Tammy. I'm your host and a master certified life coach and a trained therapist.
For over a decade, I've been helping women do just that. Step into who they're called to be and shine.
(01:06):
Are you ready, friend, to start your journey? Let's do this.
I have a great question for you today.
This is a Hey Tammy question that I got, and I got it from an anonymous person.
And I was reading it, and I could feel her heart in this question.
(01:30):
So I was like, this one needs to be addressed. This one needs to be shared.
Like, I need to, well, give her some inspiration. And I hope,
because I know that a lot of my clients, a lot of my friends,
like, I have fell into this, the theme of this question before.
And so I was like, I want to alleviate some of your guilt, some of your stress,
(01:50):
some of of this feeling that you, this dread.
And so let me give you the question first. It says, Tammy, why is it that I
have tried all the things and the things are in quotes and nothing seems to work?
I have a good life. I have a good family.
I have a good job. And I still feel like there's something missing and I feel
(02:13):
so guilty about it. Oh man.
So let me just take a moment here.
And first, I want to applaud you for diving in and trying to fix,
like going and being an action taker for trying to figure out what you need
to do and to recognizing the things that you have that are good.
(02:36):
So many times we focus on what's wrong. But this other side of that is when things are going good,
that sneaky guilt shows up And then we feel guilty about feeling like something's
missing or feeling like we want more out of life.
And this is not a bad thing. This is nothing to feel guilty about.
(02:59):
Personally, I believe this is God's way of prompting you that there's something
more he has for you, that there's something.
And I know, and so I just wanted to break that down. First is like,
first is you did the right things.
You started problem solving. Like you are a smart woman.
You are a ambitious woman. You are educated. You know these things.
(03:24):
You know where to go look for things, to get those answers.
And you tried it. Some of the things that a lot of my friends,
a lot of my clients have tried are Bible studies and personal development, podcasts, journaling.
They've been to therapy. They've tried coaching before.
(03:44):
And all of these things are really important things. They're really good things, in quotes, to do. do?
And why is this not helping you with what's next?
Why is this not helping you alleviate that feeling that there's something missing
or that there's something more for your life?
(04:05):
And so I just wanted to talk about that for a few moments.
I just wanted to break it down a little bit and explain to you why you didn't
do the wrong things, but you're missing one very key element.
So a lot of times when we are looking at what we need to do,
what we should do, what we could do, we are looking at like our to-do list.
(04:28):
We're looking on the outside of externally what we can do.
We're looking at the symptoms, like how to fix our feelings,
how to fix this, you know, like I want more.
So how to get more, that must mean a promotion.
That must mean a, you know, doing something extra. Yeah.
And when we look at the symptoms, it doesn't tell the whole story.
(04:52):
And this is where a lot of coaching goes wrong. This is where a lot of like
therapy has a, it's really great. I value therapy.
I used to be a therapist and I, I value what they can get you to,
but there's also another layer.
Like it it looks at how you feel and what you um it looks at the symptoms of things.
(05:19):
What i think that is missing what i know i know that is missing is the why behind
the why it's not the symptoms it's the source that we really need to uncover
and this is the missing piece why you you've tried all the things and nothing
seems to work well it's because it's not about what you're doing.
(05:39):
It's not about, because if it was, you would have fixed it already.
You've done all the things that you know to do, right? I mean, let's be honest.
How many times have you worked to solve a problem?
You have a skill lacking, so you go and learn that skill.
You want to learn more about quilting, and you go and you learn about quilting.
(06:02):
You are a problem solver, like look back at all of the things you've done,
all the things you've accomplished.
There's a problem, you fix it. When it comes to parenting, you know,
well, until you have teenagers, but typically, especially when they're younger,
it's like, there's a problem, we can fix it.
Whether it is a magic bandaid, whether it is a, you know, a kiss on the boo-boo
(06:24):
or, you know, like we can fix the source, you are able to fix it.
And then all of a sudden, now you're looking, you're feeling like there's something
wrong, something missing, something that you feel guilty about,
something more that you want.
And so you go out and you try to fix that. You try to find and search out.
(06:45):
And this is where, I mean, this is normal.
This is what I did for years. Why it took me so long to get here and why the
path that I took to get to this point.
And I truly believe that God led me on this path for a reason.
Like none of it is wasted.
And I'm so thankful that every misstep, every slow turn, every roundabout that
(07:07):
I kept circling, every detour that actually it was a long tour.
Everything I did, it brought me to this moment. So I don't want you to think
that everything you've done is a waste. It's not.
But once we start looking at the source versus the symptom, all of those things
(07:28):
that you've done, now they're going to start to work for you.
And so how do we find the source? How do we start looking? And that's such a great question.
This is something that, well, this is what I do with my clients.
So let's talk about it for a few minutes.
Because when you look at the source of something, it's the beginning, right?
(07:50):
Not too long ago, I shared, actually, probably, there's times in my life that
I'm like, oh, that was like two months ago.
And then I look back and it's been a year, and I'm pretty sure this has been
probably last summer. but I was having a lot of back issues, shoulder issues.
And I was in a lot of pain. And I didn't know why.
(08:13):
And I go to the chiropractor often. I'm a firm believer that going to the chiropractor
has helped me in so many ways.
And I was like, Dr. Jacobs, my back hurts. I have a headache.
You know, and so, and he's like, okay, well, let's, let's take a look.
And he started feeling around and, and I was like, no, that's not where it hurts.
(08:35):
And he's like, well, we've got to figure out the source of the pain and remove that.
Come to find out my rib was out of place. I didn't feel my rib out of place.
I felt a headache and I felt my back hurt, which of course, you think,
but it was in the lower back.
It's not where you really think of, oh, one of my top ribs is out of place.
(08:59):
But if I would have kept looking at the symptom that my head,
I was taking Tylenol and I don't like to take Tylenol, all, but I was in excruciating pain.
And I got to the point where I'm like, I need to take this. So it would take the pain away.
If I didn't go to the expert and have him discover the source of what was causing
(09:23):
the distress, the source of the pain and remove that, I would have been in a pain for a lot longer.
I would have tried other things and I would have assumed that I had a problem with my back.
And then I would have spun out of control about all the things it could do.
I would have Googled it and say, oh no, all the things that could happen from
(09:44):
a headache and a back pain.
So it's not a bad thing that you address the symptom, but it's really important,
that we go after the source.
We go after the why behind the why. We look at the core motivations.
This is one reason why I use the Enneagram.
(10:05):
We can start. It's an easy tool that gets to the heart of our core motivations very quickly.
Then we start to look at the why behind the why. What is your core fear?
What is the core motivation? What is your core desire?
What's causing the reactions that you are taking? speaking, how can we stop and we can look?
(10:26):
And even when this, you can tell her and her question, why is it that I have
tried it all and nothing seems to work?
I have a good life. I have a good family. I have a good job and I still feel
there's something missing.
I feel so guilty about it. So she has been looking at the symptom of something's
(10:47):
missing and the symptom of guilt.
So she was really looking at how to... She was looking at...
I'm assuming this is from my personal experience and from working with clients,
where she was looking is gratefulness.
She was pulling in new techniques and new... And which gratefulness is so important.
(11:08):
But what if you're already grateful? What if you already are feeling grateful? And I think that.
And I think that that's part of it because she said, I still feel that there's
something missing and I feel so guilty about it.
So my guess is she is already grateful. She said, I have a good life.
I have a good family. I have a good job.
So she's already aware and grateful.
(11:31):
And so just going after more of that, that must not be grateful enough.
Of course, you're going to try that and it's not going to work.
Another thing it could be is that there's something else that's driving it.
Well let's see let's think about this for a moment is the the why behind the
(11:55):
why this core motivation are you doing something that's not aligned with your
purpose your calling with with obedience to God.
That's so that the guilty is maybe it's not something that you are doing,
maybe it, or maybe something you're not doing, maybe it's something that you are.
(12:16):
And so when we look at the why behind the why, we can start diving into that.
When we start looking at the source of the guilt and of this feeling like something's
missing and stop thinking that something's wrong with you.
We are called to put on, we are called and we are put on this earth to work,
to make an impact, to partner with God, which blows my mind every time I think
(12:40):
about the fact that he wants to partner with me. He wants to partner with you.
He wants to partner with us. Like he's created us in his image and he's given
us really important work to do.
And i was reading today in revelation that i well i think it's revelations 3
18 i wasn't planning on yeah but it was talking about how god's opening a door
(13:03):
has opened a door that no one can shut.
That's what i think that this is the the feeling is god has opened a door that
instead of walking through you've been trying to shut and so this is why learning
the your purpose your talents your your gifts, your strengths,
understanding, becoming a student of yourself and how God wired you, I think is so important.
(13:28):
And that is the ultimate source, is looking at what inside of you is not shining.
What is inside of you that you're not addressing? What is this feeling,
this something missing, this something more?
It doesn't typically mean that you have to make these wild, drastic changes.
(13:50):
It's typically, it's unlocking something within you that allows your strengths
to come out in a deeper, a brighter, in a brighter way.
And so by looking at the source versus the symptom, instead of putting a Band-Aid on the symptom,
instead of doing a quick fix, taking a Tylenol, instead of trying all these
(14:13):
things that are all good things,
personal development, so good.
I love it. I'm constantly a student of myself and I want to grow.
I'm an Enneagram one, okay? So I'm all about improving and I love the idea.
I love getting clearer on, I love studying people.
(14:33):
I love it. It makes me so happy. I love seeing why behind the why.
So, which is good. The Bible studies, you cannot go wrong with the Bible study.
Podcasts, you're listening to a podcast right now. Please keep listening to the podcast.
And shameless plug, if you haven't given me a rating review, like do that too.
But podcasts, I love podcasts. I love learning, journaling and therapy.
(14:57):
And just the list goes on to all the things, time management,
all the specific skill-related things that you've done.
And it's like, well, it's time management. It worked for two weeks, and then it's done.
Because if we don't address the source of what's going on deep inside of us,
if we don't look at how God wired us,
(15:18):
then we're going to constantly be looking for the next thing to put the Band-Aid
on, to fix the next symptom that comes up.
So this is what's different in coaching with me.
This is what's what I love doing as we stop putting band-aids on things.
Well, we look at what's the why behind the why? What's your core motivation?
(15:41):
What is it that you're, what is God highlighting to you?
What has he been highlighting to you your whole life and you haven't acknowledged?
You kind of see it, but you haven't said it out loud.
What are some of your strengths, your gifts? What are your weaknesses?
Because I've mentioned before, those are your thorn in the flesh.
Those are ways the weaknesses are my, when I acknowledge those,
(16:04):
when I embrace my weaknesses, there is so much strength in that.
And it allows for me to recognize in my friends that my weakness is their strength
and then how we can collaborate, how we make each other better,
how I can go to them for support.
My weakness is God's strength. It reminds me that I have to stay connected to him.
(16:27):
And it is not in my own strength that I do what I do, that I am not working
for myself and I am working for him.
And it's a partnership that I get to work with God instead of just something
that I'm doing on my own in my own strength.
That he's opened the door that no one can shut. The next verse,
(16:48):
and I don't remember exactly, it talks about how he knows that you're not very
strong, but he knows that you're faithful.
And that verse spoke to me today. And it just, when I read this question,
it was just, we want to make an impact.
We want to, in the words of one of my past clients, we want to fill up heaven.
(17:10):
We want to walk in our purpose. but as we want to feel fulfilled and joy.
When we stop focusing on the symptoms and we look to the source,
we can see that it's not always something bad.
It's nothing to be guilty about. It's something to be excited about.
It's something that you get to see what is missing. And it might just be that
(17:34):
you haven't embraced who God created you to be.
And it might be something as simple as you stay where you are and just step into that confidence.
And so as I'm closing and as you're going about your day, I would love for you
to think about this is what symptoms have you been covering?
(17:56):
And what is the why behind that? When you think of what's something's missing,
or you start to feel guilty about something, because typically we've got guilt
going on moms, we got that mom guilt, and we can feel guilty about just about anything.
We can feel guilty about things we do about things we
didn't do about things that other people did things that we thought
things that we said like we've got we corner the
(18:17):
market on guilt so what is the guilt
behind that what or what is the thought behind the guilt and how is it a lie
because that's the other thing i know to be true is that guilt of even if it's
something that there's it might be have some elements of truth it is twisted
enough that if it's keeping you down,
(18:40):
because God is a God of grace and love and well, in action and creativity,
and he wants to partner with us.
And so if you're feeling guilty, ask yourself why. And is it because you haven't embraced something?
The why behind the why. And if you're, this is not something that a lot of times
we can discover on our own.
(19:02):
This This is one reason why hiring a coach or working with a coach is not for
those who are not doing well.
This is coaches are for and coaches have coaches, but coaches are for like this,
this amazing lady here who is I have, I have all I've tried all the things I have a good life.
(19:23):
I have a good family. I have a good job.
Why am I feeling guilty then if I have all this good stuff? And it's like,
well, let's see what the source of it is.
Let's see what you're doing and who can you be that it embraces this more. All right.
Well, with that, friend, I'm going to close this. But I, I'm just,
(19:44):
if it was you, if you sent this or if you relate to this at all,
just hear me when I say that you're doing the right things.
Now it's time to to focus on
the better like you've done those but
there's a missing piece you're looking at the
symptoms and it's time to start digging into the source it's time to start getting
(20:07):
clear and get it become a student of yourself start getting clear about you
know what is the source of this this feeling that there's something more or
something missing is there an an impact? Is there a legacy to leave?
Is there something, is there a God dream inside of your heart that you haven't
accessed and it's time to start accessing it?
(20:28):
It's time to start speaking it out loud and seeing what God does with it when
you get bold and you get creative and you start saying yes to yourself and to him.
I have a workshop coming up, how to discover your purpose and live it.
This is the stuff that we're talking about. We're not going to just talk about
(20:50):
the like personal development.
We're not going to just say, you know, try this, this and this and you have,
you know, you can Google that stuff and you can keep trying it.
What's missing is we want to look at the source, we want to connect with the why behind the why.
So come and sign up for my workshop.
And I cannot wait to see you there. If you if you are, you don't want to wait for that.
(21:15):
And and you're ready, like, contact me, DM me on Instagram at Tammy Marie coaching.
And let's talk about what the source is. We will address the symptoms.
But by looking deeper than that, we can really start to live this life that
you're looking for, we can start to create this movement.
And, and again, like I've said it before, is like when you start to step into
(21:38):
your purpose, and you're calling and you strip away all of those things that
don't belong in your heart, Those expectations,
the doing the busy work, you start focusing on what's important, your core values.
And I'm not saying, of course, you have to do the work you get paid to do.
(21:59):
And there's another element in there that I, it's a perspective shift that you
can make, that you can see why you're doing that work.
What has God called you to that makes it
even deeper for you so come to
my workshop let's talk like DM me like
I love conversations like this because I can I
(22:21):
can know from just this question this amazing woman has a calling on her life
and if you wrote this in and this is you you have a calling on your life there's
something missing is something amazing this guilt is it is the resistance it is the The, yeah,
use that as prompting. Because what if it's not guilt?
(22:43):
What if this is actually God saying, hey, I have something for you.
Anyway, friend, I want you to know how amazing you are.
And even if I haven't met you specifically, I know that you would not listen
to this podcast and you would not listen to it all the way through if it didn't
resonate with you in some way.
(23:04):
If you did not feel some of the things that this woman is asking, if you didn't resonate.
So I want you to know that these questions you're asking are really good questions.
And to acknowledge it and to take the brave step to say, yes, I want to know more.
Well, it just warms my heart because I know that that's when things start to happen for you.
(23:29):
When you say yes to yourself, you're not just saying it in a selfish way.
You're saying it in a way that you're saying yes to God.
So with that friend, choose joy until joy chooses you. and please come to my
workshop and let's talk about this because how much longer do you want to feel
that guilt or do you want to put band-aids on the symptoms?
Let's get rid of the symptoms and start going after the source and live a life of joy and impact.
(23:55):
Music.
Hey, happy podcast day. I am so glad you're here. I have a good,
I've got a great episode for you. Today is going to be a question, a hey Tammy question.
I haven't done one in a while and I got a really good one for you. So let's do this.
Hey, and welcome to the Full Weight of Joy podcast, the podcast for women who
are done stressing about the weight of the world, of expectations and settling
(00:22):
for status quo and ready to step into the full weight of joy.
Joy in the journey, whether up or down, joy through the life's challenges.
Enjoy and loving your life right where you are, even though sometimes we feel
like chucking it all and moving to Bali.
It's for women who are ready to step into who God called them to be.
He chose you to be in this world. He created you for a specific purpose.
(00:44):
God called us to be the light on a hill, and by embracing who you are and whose
you are, you can stand on that hill and shine.
The best part? When you're standing next to another woman who's also on the
journey, the world gets brighter.
My name is Tammy. I'm your host and a master certified life coach and a trained therapist.
For over a decade, I've been helping women do just that. Step into who they're called to be and shine.
(01:06):
Are you ready, friend, to start your journey? Let's do this.
I have a great question for you today.
This is a Hey Tammy question that I got, and I got it from an anonymous person.
And I was reading it, and I could feel her heart in this question.
(01:30):
So I was like, this one needs to be addressed. This one needs to be shared.
Like, I need to, well, give her some inspiration. And I hope,
because I know that a lot of my clients, a lot of my friends,
like, I have fell into this, the theme of this question before.
And so I was like, I want to alleviate some of your guilt, some of your stress,
(01:50):
some of of this feeling that you, this dread.
And so let me give you the question first. It says, Tammy, why is it that I
have tried all the things and the things are in quotes and nothing seems to work?
I have a good life. I have a good family.
I have a good job. And I still feel like there's something missing and I feel
(02:13):
so guilty about it. Oh man.
So let me just take a moment here.
And first, I want to applaud you for diving in and trying to fix,
like going and being an action taker for trying to figure out what you need
to do and to recognizing the things that you have that are good.
(02:36):
So many times we focus on what's wrong. But this other side of that is when things are going good,
that sneaky guilt shows up And then we feel guilty about feeling like something's
missing or feeling like we want more out of life.
And this is not a bad thing. This is nothing to feel guilty about.
(02:59):
Personally, I believe this is God's way of prompting you that there's something
more he has for you, that there's something.
And I know, and so I just wanted to break that down. First is like,
first is you did the right things.
You started problem solving. Like you are a smart woman.
You are a ambitious woman. You are educated. You know these things.
(03:24):
You know where to go look for things, to get those answers.
And you tried it. Some of the things that a lot of my friends,
a lot of my clients have tried are Bible studies and personal development, podcasts, journaling.
They've been to therapy. They've tried coaching before.
(03:44):
And all of these things are really important things. They're really good things, in quotes, to do. do?
And why is this not helping you with what's next?
Why is this not helping you alleviate that feeling that there's something missing
or that there's something more for your life?
(04:05):
And so I just wanted to talk about that for a few moments.
I just wanted to break it down a little bit and explain to you why you didn't
do the wrong things, but you're missing one very key element.
So a lot of times when we are looking at what we need to do,
what we should do, what we could do, we are looking at like our to-do list.
(04:28):
We're looking on the outside of externally what we can do.
We're looking at the symptoms, like how to fix our feelings,
how to fix this, you know, like I want more.
So how to get more, that must mean a promotion.
That must mean a, you know, doing something extra. Yeah.
And when we look at the symptoms, it doesn't tell the whole story.
(04:52):
And this is where a lot of coaching goes wrong. This is where a lot of like
therapy has a, it's really great. I value therapy.
I used to be a therapist and I, I value what they can get you to,
but there's also another layer.
Like it it looks at how you feel and what you um it looks at the symptoms of things.
(05:19):
What i think that is missing what i know i know that is missing is the why behind
the why it's not the symptoms it's the source that we really need to uncover
and this is the missing piece why you you've tried all the things and nothing
seems to work well it's because it's not about what you're doing.
(05:39):
It's not about, because if it was, you would have fixed it already.
You've done all the things that you know to do, right? I mean, let's be honest.
How many times have you worked to solve a problem?
You have a skill lacking, so you go and learn that skill.
You want to learn more about quilting, and you go and you learn about quilting.
(06:02):
You are a problem solver, like look back at all of the things you've done,
all the things you've accomplished.
There's a problem, you fix it. When it comes to parenting, you know,
well, until you have teenagers, but typically, especially when they're younger,
it's like, there's a problem, we can fix it.
Whether it is a magic bandaid, whether it is a, you know, a kiss on the boo-boo
(06:24):
or, you know, like we can fix the source, you are able to fix it.
And then all of a sudden, now you're looking, you're feeling like there's something
wrong, something missing, something that you feel guilty about,
something more that you want.
And so you go out and you try to fix that. You try to find and search out.
(06:45):
And this is where, I mean, this is normal.
This is what I did for years. Why it took me so long to get here and why the
path that I took to get to this point.
And I truly believe that God led me on this path for a reason.
Like none of it is wasted.
And I'm so thankful that every misstep, every slow turn, every roundabout that
(07:07):
I kept circling, every detour that actually it was a long tour.
Everything I did, it brought me to this moment. So I don't want you to think
that everything you've done is a waste. It's not.
But once we start looking at the source versus the symptom, all of those things
(07:28):
that you've done, now they're going to start to work for you.
And so how do we find the source? How do we start looking? And that's such a great question.
This is something that, well, this is what I do with my clients.
So let's talk about it for a few minutes.
Because when you look at the source of something, it's the beginning, right?
(07:50):
Not too long ago, I shared, actually, probably, there's times in my life that
I'm like, oh, that was like two months ago.
And then I look back and it's been a year, and I'm pretty sure this has been
probably last summer. but I was having a lot of back issues, shoulder issues.
And I was in a lot of pain. And I didn't know why.
(08:13):
And I go to the chiropractor often. I'm a firm believer that going to the chiropractor
has helped me in so many ways.
And I was like, Dr. Jacobs, my back hurts. I have a headache.
You know, and so, and he's like, okay, well, let's, let's take a look.
And he started feeling around and, and I was like, no, that's not where it hurts.
(08:35):
And he's like, well, we've got to figure out the source of the pain and remove that.
Come to find out my rib was out of place. I didn't feel my rib out of place.
I felt a headache and I felt my back hurt, which of course, you think,
but it was in the lower back.
It's not where you really think of, oh, one of my top ribs is out of place.
(08:59):
But if I would have kept looking at the symptom that my head,
I was taking Tylenol and I don't like to take Tylenol, all, but I was in excruciating pain.
And I got to the point where I'm like, I need to take this. So it would take the pain away.
If I didn't go to the expert and have him discover the source of what was causing
(09:23):
the distress, the source of the pain and remove that, I would have been in a pain for a lot longer.
I would have tried other things and I would have assumed that I had a problem with my back.
And then I would have spun out of control about all the things it could do.
I would have Googled it and say, oh no, all the things that could happen from
(09:44):
a headache and a back pain.
So it's not a bad thing that you address the symptom, but it's really important,
that we go after the source.
We go after the why behind the why. We look at the core motivations.
This is one reason why I use the Enneagram.
(10:05):
We can start. It's an easy tool that gets to the heart of our core motivations very quickly.
Then we start to look at the why behind the why. What is your core fear?
What is the core motivation? What is your core desire?
What's causing the reactions that you are taking? speaking, how can we stop and we can look?
(10:26):
And even when this, you can tell her and her question, why is it that I have
tried it all and nothing seems to work?
I have a good life. I have a good family. I have a good job and I still feel
there's something missing.
I feel so guilty about it. So she has been looking at the symptom of something's
(10:47):
missing and the symptom of guilt.
So she was really looking at how to... She was looking at...
I'm assuming this is from my personal experience and from working with clients,
where she was looking is gratefulness.
She was pulling in new techniques and new... And which gratefulness is so important.
(11:08):
But what if you're already grateful? What if you already are feeling grateful? And I think that.
And I think that that's part of it because she said, I still feel that there's
something missing and I feel so guilty about it.
So my guess is she is already grateful. She said, I have a good life.
I have a good family. I have a good job.
So she's already aware and grateful.
(11:31):
And so just going after more of that, that must not be grateful enough.
Of course, you're going to try that and it's not going to work.
Another thing it could be is that there's something else that's driving it.
Well let's see let's think about this for a moment is the the why behind the
(11:55):
why this core motivation are you doing something that's not aligned with your
purpose your calling with with obedience to God.
That's so that the guilty is maybe it's not something that you are doing,
maybe it, or maybe something you're not doing, maybe it's something that you are.
(12:16):
And so when we look at the why behind the why, we can start diving into that.
When we start looking at the source of the guilt and of this feeling like something's
missing and stop thinking that something's wrong with you.
We are called to put on, we are called and we are put on this earth to work,
to make an impact, to partner with God, which blows my mind every time I think
(12:40):
about the fact that he wants to partner with me. He wants to partner with you.
He wants to partner with us. Like he's created us in his image and he's given
us really important work to do.
And i was reading today in revelation that i well i think it's revelations 3
18 i wasn't planning on yeah but it was talking about how god's opening a door
(13:03):
has opened a door that no one can shut.
That's what i think that this is the the feeling is god has opened a door that
instead of walking through you've been trying to shut and so this is why learning
the your purpose your talents your your gifts, your strengths,
understanding, becoming a student of yourself and how God wired you, I think is so important.
(13:28):
And that is the ultimate source, is looking at what inside of you is not shining.
What is inside of you that you're not addressing? What is this feeling,
this something missing, this something more?
It doesn't typically mean that you have to make these wild, drastic changes.
(13:50):
It's typically, it's unlocking something within you that allows your strengths
to come out in a deeper, a brighter, in a brighter way.
And so by looking at the source versus the symptom, instead of putting a Band-Aid on the symptom,
instead of doing a quick fix, taking a Tylenol, instead of trying all these
(14:13):
things that are all good things,
personal development, so good.
I love it. I'm constantly a student of myself and I want to grow.
I'm an Enneagram one, okay? So I'm all about improving and I love the idea.
I love getting clearer on, I love studying people.
(14:33):
I love it. It makes me so happy. I love seeing why behind the why.
So, which is good. The Bible studies, you cannot go wrong with the Bible study.
Podcasts, you're listening to a podcast right now. Please keep listening to the podcast.
And shameless plug, if you haven't given me a rating review, like do that too.
But podcasts, I love podcasts. I love learning, journaling and therapy.
(14:57):
And just the list goes on to all the things, time management,
all the specific skill-related things that you've done.
And it's like, well, it's time management. It worked for two weeks, and then it's done.
Because if we don't address the source of what's going on deep inside of us,
if we don't look at how God wired us,
(15:18):
then we're going to constantly be looking for the next thing to put the Band-Aid
on, to fix the next symptom that comes up.
So this is what's different in coaching with me.
This is what's what I love doing as we stop putting band-aids on things.
Well, we look at what's the why behind the why? What's your core motivation?
(15:41):
What is it that you're, what is God highlighting to you?
What has he been highlighting to you your whole life and you haven't acknowledged?
You kind of see it, but you haven't said it out loud.
What are some of your strengths, your gifts? What are your weaknesses?
Because I've mentioned before, those are your thorn in the flesh.
Those are ways the weaknesses are my, when I acknowledge those,
(16:04):
when I embrace my weaknesses, there is so much strength in that.
And it allows for me to recognize in my friends that my weakness is their strength
and then how we can collaborate, how we make each other better,
how I can go to them for support.
My weakness is God's strength. It reminds me that I have to stay connected to him.
(16:27):
And it is not in my own strength that I do what I do, that I am not working
for myself and I am working for him.
And it's a partnership that I get to work with God instead of just something
that I'm doing on my own in my own strength.
That he's opened the door that no one can shut. The next verse,
(16:48):
and I don't remember exactly, it talks about how he knows that you're not very
strong, but he knows that you're faithful.
And that verse spoke to me today. And it just, when I read this question,
it was just, we want to make an impact.
We want to, in the words of one of my past clients, we want to fill up heaven.
(17:10):
We want to walk in our purpose. but as we want to feel fulfilled and joy.
When we stop focusing on the symptoms and we look to the source,
we can see that it's not always something bad.
It's nothing to be guilty about. It's something to be excited about.
It's something that you get to see what is missing. And it might just be that
(17:34):
you haven't embraced who God created you to be.
And it might be something as simple as you stay where you are and just step into that confidence.
And so as I'm closing and as you're going about your day, I would love for you
to think about this is what symptoms have you been covering?
(17:56):
And what is the why behind that? When you think of what's something's missing,
or you start to feel guilty about something, because typically we've got guilt
going on moms, we got that mom guilt, and we can feel guilty about just about anything.
We can feel guilty about things we do about things we
didn't do about things that other people did things that we thought
things that we said like we've got we corner the
(18:17):
market on guilt so what is the guilt
behind that what or what is the thought behind the guilt and how is it a lie
because that's the other thing i know to be true is that guilt of even if it's
something that there's it might be have some elements of truth it is twisted
enough that if it's keeping you down,
(18:40):
because God is a God of grace and love and well, in action and creativity,
and he wants to partner with us.
And so if you're feeling guilty, ask yourself why. And is it because you haven't embraced something?
The why behind the why. And if you're, this is not something that a lot of times
we can discover on our own.
(19:02):
This This is one reason why hiring a coach or working with a coach is not for
those who are not doing well.
This is coaches are for and coaches have coaches, but coaches are for like this,
this amazing lady here who is I have, I have all I've tried all the things I have a good life.
(19:23):
I have a good family. I have a good job.
Why am I feeling guilty then if I have all this good stuff? And it's like,
well, let's see what the source of it is.
Let's see what you're doing and who can you be that it embraces this more. All right.
Well, with that, friend, I'm going to close this. But I, I'm just,
(19:44):
if it was you, if you sent this or if you relate to this at all,
just hear me when I say that you're doing the right things.
Now it's time to to focus on
the better like you've done those but
there's a missing piece you're looking at the
symptoms and it's time to start digging into the source it's time to start getting
(20:07):
clear and get it become a student of yourself start getting clear about you
know what is the source of this this feeling that there's something more or
something missing is there an an impact? Is there a legacy to leave?
Is there something, is there a God dream inside of your heart that you haven't
accessed and it's time to start accessing it?
(20:28):
It's time to start speaking it out loud and seeing what God does with it when
you get bold and you get creative and you start saying yes to yourself and to him.
I have a workshop coming up, how to discover your purpose and live it.
This is the stuff that we're talking about. We're not going to just talk about
(20:50):
the like personal development.
We're not going to just say, you know, try this, this and this and you have,
you know, you can Google that stuff and you can keep trying it.
What's missing is we want to look at the source, we want to connect with the why behind the why.
So come and sign up for my workshop.
And I cannot wait to see you there. If you if you are, you don't want to wait for that.
(21:15):
And and you're ready, like, contact me, DM me on Instagram at Tammy Marie coaching.
And let's talk about what the source is. We will address the symptoms.
But by looking deeper than that, we can really start to live this life that
you're looking for, we can start to create this movement.
And, and again, like I've said it before, is like when you start to step into
(21:38):
your purpose, and you're calling and you strip away all of those things that
don't belong in your heart, Those expectations,
the doing the busy work, you start focusing on what's important, your core values.
And I'm not saying, of course, you have to do the work you get paid to do.
(21:59):
And there's another element in there that I, it's a perspective shift that you
can make, that you can see why you're doing that work.
What has God called you to that makes it
even deeper for you so come to
my workshop let's talk like DM me like
I love conversations like this because I can I
(22:21):
can know from just this question this amazing woman has a calling on her life
and if you wrote this in and this is you you have a calling on your life there's
something missing is something amazing this guilt is it is the resistance it is the The, yeah,
use that as prompting. Because what if it's not guilt?
(22:43):
What if this is actually God saying, hey, I have something for you.
Anyway, friend, I want you to know how amazing you are.
And even if I haven't met you specifically, I know that you would not listen
to this podcast and you would not listen to it all the way through if it didn't
resonate with you in some way.
(23:04):
If you did not feel some of the things that this woman is asking, if you didn't resonate.
So I want you to know that these questions you're asking are really good questions.
And to acknowledge it and to take the brave step to say, yes, I want to know more.
Well, it just warms my heart because I know that that's when things start to happen for you.
(23:29):
When you say yes to yourself, you're not just saying it in a selfish way.
You're saying it in a way that you're saying yes to God.
So with that friend, choose joy until joy chooses you. and please come to my
workshop and let's talk about this because how much longer do you want to feel
that guilt or do you want to put band-aids on the symptoms?
Let's get rid of the symptoms and start going after the source and live a life of joy and impact.
(23:55):
Music.
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