June 4, 2024 • 22 mins
Have you ever felt like a fraud, even when you're achieving success? On this episode of the Fuzzy Mic Podcast, we dive into my personal battle with imposter syndrome and its toll on my mental health. I recount my 2019 adventure attempting to run 304 miles on Alaska's Dalton Highway, a journey where self-doubt loomed large despite my accomplishments. This reflection is set against the backdrop of recent high-profile suicides, including the tragic stories of Stan Van Gundy's wife and professional golfer Grayson Murray, underscoring the hidden and pervasive nature of mental illness. Join me as I shed light on the importance of acknowledging and addressing these challenges.
We also tackle the disturbing rise in anxiety and PTSD among college students, with suicide alarmingly ranking as their second leading cause of death. From the impact of social media and employment stress to the lingering effects of the COVID-19 pandemic, we explore a range of contributing factors. Additionally, we discuss high suicide rates among military veterans, healthcare workers, and individuals with chronic pain or neurodevelopmental disorders.
Thank you for being part of this journey.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey F-U, excuse me, Z-Z-Y, it's the Fuzzy Mike with
Kevin Kline, the Fuzzy MikePodcast.
Hello, and thank you forjoining me on this episode of
the Fuzzy Mike where we getentertaining and helpful
discussion on mental health andself-improvement.
Now, nothing particularlyentertaining about this week's
(00:21):
episode.
In fact it could be looked atas very depressing.
But I think and I'm hopefulthat you'll find it helpful we
don't have a guest this week andin the past I'd have really
been stressed about that, likehands through the hair, forehead
in the palms, fingernail eating, considering giving up on the
(00:42):
podcast, stressed.
But this week I'm like fuck it,because something happened
recently and it's brought upsome emotions in me that I want
to share.
I like having guests because I'mnot one of those people who
talk just to talk, to hear theirown voice, and I honestly don't
believe that I have anythingparticularly noteworthy,
(01:03):
profound or enlightening to say.
And although I've beennavigating through my own mental
health challenges for about 38years now, in no way do I
consider myself an expert in thefield and that's not self-pity.
That's my true feelings andassessment of myself, and that's
because of my paralyzingimposter syndrome.
(01:24):
Now, if you're not familiarwith that term, here's what it
is.
Imposter syndrome is thecondition of feeling anxious and
not experiencing successinternally, despite being
high-performing in external,objective ways.
The condition often results inpeople feeling like a fraud, a
(01:45):
phony, and doubting theirabilities.
Hey, just doubting my abilities.
That would be a markedimprovement on the current level
of imposter syndrome that Ifeel.
I don't doubt my abilities.
I firmly believe that, nomatter what I do anymore, I
won't succeed.
I have ideas of things I'd liketo do.
(02:06):
I'd like to get back on theradio, but, in all honesty, I've
been out so long now I don'tbelieve I'd be good anymore.
Oh, okay, smart asses, yeah,uh-huh.
Who says I was ever good in thefirst place?
Ha ha ha.
I turned 55 in November.
I've been kicking around theidea of a long run, with
(02:28):
deference to the numbers of 55,34, and 16.
55 for my age and 34 and 16significant for the young lady
who changed my life in 2005.
I'm about 10% convinced thatI'll try it, which is to say I
likely won't.
I'm 100% certain that if I dotry it, I won't complete it.
(02:51):
The onset of this impostersyndrome it happened with my
failed attempt in 2019 to run304 miles of the Dalton Highway
in Alaska, which was from theArctic Circle to the banks of
the Arctic Ocean.
I carried an 8.9-pound backpackfilled with the names of 1,856
children who had battledpediatric cancer.
(03:13):
On day six of a nine-day run,my mind and my body gave out.
I decided to hand off thebackpack to my friend and medic,
scott Tyner.
I decided to hand off thebackpack to my friend and medic,
scott Tyner, so that he couldrun the 22 remaining miles of
the day and then share the restof the run with me.
All total, I averaged amarathon per day for nine
(03:34):
straight days in an averagedaily temperature of negative 27
degrees Fahrenheit.
The warmest day was two degreesand the coldest day was
negative 40.
Every external measurement ofsuccess was met on that run.
The backpack made it to thepost office in Dead Horse,
alaska.
The entire crew made it backsafely and without any physical
(03:56):
injuries.
A full-length documentary wasshot and released and won over
50 International Film Festivalawards and won over 50
International Film Festivalawards.
And we raised over $200,000 forSnowdrop Foundation, which
helps fund childhood cancerresearch and provides college
scholarships for childhoodcancer patients and survivors.
So what does all of thatbackstory have to do with this
(04:20):
episode?
Now it's an illustration of howfar outside of my comfort zone
I am in this episode.
We learned of two high-profilesuicides in the past two weeks
and something I read about oneof them sparked the idea for
this episode.
First, stan Van Gundy, formerNBA coach and current TV analyst
(04:42):
, revealed on a podcast that thecause of death last August of
his wife of 35 years was suicide.
Van Gundy shared that Kim, age61, had been diagnosed with a
mental illness.
He explained, quote I knew shewas going through a tough time,
but I still never envisionedthat happening.
(05:04):
35 years together, and he neverenvisioned that happening.
That's the secrecy behind whatwe battle.
Not even the closest people tous know how low we are.
Robin Williams explained it thisway, saying, quote all it takes
is a beautiful fake smile tohide an injured soul.
(05:26):
Now, while I was reading quotesfrom Robin Williams, I read
this article written by DesireeL Stage.
Desiree is a suicide awarenessactivist.
She wrote, quote that's thething about suicide it doesn't
discriminate.
It doesn't matter who you areor what you have.
It doesn't matter how loved youare.
(05:46):
The pain and the feelings ofisolation can build and build
over time, and if something orsomeone doesn't set you back on
your path, you may get trappedin the box.
The box is filled withself-loathing, self-doubt,
hopelessness, futility, thethought that you and your pain
are a burden to every singleperson around you and that
(06:10):
they'd be better off if youerased yourself from their lives
.
The box lies and when you gettrapped in that box it can feel
impossible to get out.
Sometimes it is that's when wecan lose the people we love.
Sometimes it is that's when wecan lose the people we love.
It was impossible to get outtwo weeks ago for 30 year old
(06:31):
professional golfer, graysonMurray.
Grayson was a two-time winneron the PGA tour who abruptly
withdrew from the tournament hewas playing in Texas after the
16th hole.
With two holes left to play inhis second round, murray
withdrew, citing illness.
The next day he was found deadfrom suicide reported to be
(06:52):
through carbon monoxidepoisoning.
I've been reading a lot ofarticles on Grayson Murray since
news of his suicide wasreported two weekends ago.
I've learned that he had beenvery candid over the years about
his depression, anxiety andalcoholism.
Saying it's not easy I wantedto give up a lot of times.
(07:12):
Alcoholism saying it's not easyI wanted to give up a lot of
times give up on myself, give upon the game of golf, give up on
life at times.
He finally reached the bottomof despair on Saturday, may 25th
.
I also learned that Graysonstarted college at Wake Forest
as the recipient of theprestigious Arnold Palmer
Scholarship.
College at Wake Forest as therecipient of the prestigious
(07:33):
Arnold Palmer scholarship.
But after just one semester hetold his coach, jerry Haas, that
he decided to transfer.
In that meeting, haas toldGrayson Murray quote young man,
I'm worried about your health.
I'm not worried about your golfthat will always be there but
I'm worried about you as aperson.
Clearly, for the past 12 years,grayson Murray has been
(07:56):
struggling with the ups anddowns of mental illness.
This is why I got so fuckingpissed off when I read a
reader's comment on one of thearticles.
The comment said this it's thevaccine's fault.
My first reaction to thiscomment was did you even fucking
read the article that youcommented on?
If this person had, they wouldhave known how baseless and
(08:19):
unnecessary their comment was.
My second reaction was well,who the fuck are you to minimize
the dozen years of sufferingthis man, his family, his fiance
and his friends had to endurejust to expand your agenda, guys
.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of everything beingpolitical.
I'm tired of conspiracies.
(08:39):
I'm tired of not knowing who tobelieve and who not to believe,
tired of agendas.
I'm tired of manipulation.
I'm tired of social mediaopinions.
I'm tired of conflict.
I'm tired of paying higherprices and getting less of
something Just fucking tired ofall of it.
And for someone with impostersyndrome, depression and chronic
(09:00):
suicidal ideation, being tiredof it all is not a good
ingredient to mix into the dishof life.
But because I don't know who tobelieve or not to believe, I
decided to investigate the claimthat the vaccine you know the
COVID vaccine did or did notcontribute to Grayson Murray's
decision to end his life.
(09:21):
Now here's the rub because Idon't know who to believe or not
believe, and because the CDCand other health organizations
have been politicized to thepoint where everything is
questionable, I don't know ifwhat I found is true or not.
However, the deciding factorfor me to believe what I read is
this I've had both vaccinations, the initial and the booster.
(09:42):
I think about suicide every day.
That's what chronic suicidalideation is.
So because of that and the factthat I've had both doses of the
COVID vaccine, one would thinkthat I'd be a prime candidate to
end it all if the vaccinecaused suicide.
Yet here I am.
(10:03):
Nothing I say here will changeanybody's mind who believes
otherwise, because we don't livein that world anymore.
Views aren't open for debatebecause we're in the era of I'm
right and you're wrong.
Also, statistics lie.
We know that.
You can make any stat, survey,poll etc.
(10:24):
Say exactly what you want it tosay if you spin it right.
So then you're asking why am Ieven doing this episode if
nothing can come of it?
And these numbers don't add upto a hill of beans?
Well, first, I've always wantedto use the phrase hill of beans
in a podcast, so check that box.
(10:44):
Second, the podcast experts saythat you need to be consistent
putting out episodes or elseyou'll lose your audience, which
I think is total bullshit,because I've been consistent now
for six months, with a newepisode every Tuesday, and the
listenership has steadilydeclined as I approach the magic
number of 100 episodes.
And third, I did all thisfucking research.
(11:06):
I don't want to waste that time, so I'm sharing it with you If
you're still with me.
Hey, thanks for sticking around.
I'll try to make thisinteresting because, if you're
like me.
Numbers bore the shit out ofyou.
Yearly suicide rates arecalculated per 100,000 people.
Even I can digest that simpleenough.
First, I found an article fromUS News and World Report.
(11:30):
This was written on May 30th2024, just five days ago.
As of this, recording theheadline, ptsd anxiety is rising
among college students.
Well, this intrigued me becauseI'm familiar with the military
statistic of 22 suicides per day, and many of those are traced
(11:51):
back to PTSD, so I'm aware thatPTSD contributes to higher
suicide rates.
The article stated that forcollege students, suicide is the
second highest cause of death.
The study of suicide rates andtrends was not common in the
past.
Was not common in the past, butit's gained more attention in
(12:19):
2019.
Hmm, okay, the vaccine has beenaround since 2019.
So is that the reason for thenew attention to college suicide
rates?
The article didn't say, butmaybe there is some connection
to the vaccine.
Perhaps the commenter of thearticle that I read about Grace
and Murray was onto something.
Maybe I shouldn't be so quickto dismiss, but the article went
(12:41):
on to say that from 1990 to2004, which we all know is well
before the pandemic and thevaccine and the vaccine about
1,404 college students died bysuicide, accounting for about
6.5% of those who died bysuicide nationwide during that
(13:02):
time period.
Okay, so 15 years before thepandemic, college students
already had a high rate ofsuicide.
Then I found this tidbit inanother article According to the
American College HealthAssociation, before the pandemic
quote before the pandemic 60%of US students felt overwhelming
(13:23):
anxiety, while 40% experienceddepression so severe they had
difficulty functioning.
The article didn't say why, butclearly there's no connection
to the pandemic or the vaccinethere.
If I had to guess why thosenumbers were so high, I'd say
it's because social media, theemployment landscape and the
(13:44):
cost of college.
That's just a guess on my part,though.
Now I mentioned veteransuicides, which again are
reported at 22 per day, so Iwanted to take a look at that
segment of the population andsee how that number stacked up.
A 2009 US Army report indicatesmilitary veterans have double
(14:07):
the suicide rate of non-veteranssuicide rate of non-veterans,
and more active-duty soldiershave died from suicide than in
combat in the Iraq War from 2003to 2011 and the war in
Afghanistan 2001 to 2021combined.
Doubtful that the vaccine is thereason for those staggering
(14:28):
numbers, but I did go on to reada report that stated just
catching COVID-19 has beenlinked with feeling anxious,
depressed and suicidal.
In a study of 3,078 veterans,for example, 12% of those who
caught COVID said they feltsuicidal, while less than 8% of
(14:49):
those who did not get COVID saidthey felt that way.
In general, getting sick tendsto make people feel anxious or
depressed.
In fact, I found an articlethat corroborates that very
assessment.
The Russian influenza between1889 and 1893 was associated
(15:11):
with an increase in the suiciderate in the United Kingdom.
Similarly, a marked rise in thesuicide rate was observed in
the US during the GreatInfluenza epidemic between 1910
and 1920.
The mortality rate during theSpanish flu has been associated
with an increase in suicidepercentages, as we've already
(15:32):
heard.
Numerous studies reportedassociations between coronavirus
disease, distress and suicidalideation.
It's surmised that all of theseepidemic and pandemic suicide
increases may be due to socialdisconnectedness, ie isolation,
quarantine, fear of infectionhighly contagious and concern
(15:56):
about burdening others.
Score one for the disease, notso much for the vaccine.
Now, this strayed a bit from theoriginal topic, but I wanted to
learn if there were otheroccupations besides military
personnel that had higher thannational average suicide rates.
Turns out healthcare workershave a high suicide rate,
(16:19):
according to Columbia Universityresearchers.
Here's something that I didn'tknow but that I found truly
fascinating.
Suicide rates amongveterinarians are a growing
problem.
Suicide rates among maleveterinarians are twice the
national average.
Here's something even moreshocking.
(16:39):
And among female veterinarians,the suicide rate is three and a
half times the national average.
Patients with chronic pain aretwice as likely to attempt
suicide compared with thosewithout chronic pain Makes
complete sense.
Now, this was startling becauseI know several people who fall
(17:00):
into this diagnostic category.
I know several people who fallinto this diagnostic category.
Studies have found very highrates of suicide in people with
autism spectrum disorders.
Autism, and particularlyAsperger's syndrome, are highly
associated with clinicaldepression, and as many as 30%
or more of people withAsperger's syndrome also suffer
(17:22):
from depression.
Those with ADHD three to fivetimes more likely to die by
suicide.
Still, I know none of thatproves or disproves the effect
the vaccine has had on suiciderates.
So I figured the best way to seehow, if at all, the vaccine has
affected suicide rates was tofind statistics before 2019 and
(17:46):
after 2019.
Turns out, I'm not the only onewith this curiosity.
John Elfline is Statista'sresearch expert for topics
concerning health diseases andmedical professionals in the
United States and worldwide.
These stats were compiled bytwo different entities the
National Center for HealthStatistics and the CDC.
(18:10):
Check this out In the 1900s, 21people per 100,000 committed
suicide in the United States.
In 1920, 20 years later, thatfigure dropped to 13.
10 years later, 1930, 22.
(18:31):
That's the highest rate ever.
There was no COVID vaccine.
Then In 1950, 13.2.
20 years later, 1970, we wentdown 13.1.
1990, 20 years after that, wewent down again 12.2 people out
of every 100,000.
(18:51):
And then in 2000, we hit thelowest recorded point ever in
the history of this statistic2,010.4 people out of every
100,000.
Then we start to see a climb2010, 12.1.
2018, 14.2.
2019, 13.9.
(19:13):
2020, 13.5.
2021, 14.1.
2022, the last year that theyhave on record 14.2.
2019, 13.9.
2020, 13.5.
2021, 14.1.
2022, 14.2.
(19:35):
Hmm, healthline's conclusion isthat, after two decades of
slowly rising, the US suiciderate has stabilized over the
past few years.
It is now at the same level asthe 1950s.
Finally, I found an articlewritten by Joel Bernanke, who is
(20:01):
a fellow in child psychiatry,translational research at
Columbia University and the NewYork State Psychiatric Institute
.
In the article Joel Bernankewrites, quote some people have
wondered if getting vaccinatedincreases your risk of feeling
suicidal.
There is no evidence that thisis true.
Doctors looked for this kind ofside effect in the vaccine
clinical trials and did not findit, and they have continued to
monitor the safety of thevaccines since they've become
(20:21):
available to for this kind ofside effect in the vaccine
clinical trials and did not findit, and they have continued to
monitor the safety of thevaccines since they've become
available to everyone.
There's been no sign thatgetting vaccinated is connected
with any mental health problems.
End quote from Joel Bernanke.
So what is the conclusion?
Shit, I don't know.
(20:41):
I mean, you make up your ownopinion.
You're going to anyway.
As for me, the son of a fatherwho committed suicide in 2005,
14 years before COVID, and wasthe fifth and latest person in
his family to do so, and assomeone who put a knife to his
own throat and pierced the skinback in 2015, I'll continue my
(21:04):
belief that suicide is a healthcrisis.
It's been around a long, longtime, with higher documented
rates, way before the COVIDvaccine was developed and
administered.
I'll continue to believe thatI'm even more tired now than I
was before I started thisepisode and that, even if you
like, rate, subscribe or sharethe Fuzzy Mike, I'll still never
(21:27):
feel worthy of your time For aweekly dose of pickup-inducing
laughter.
Check out the Tuttle Klinepodcast.
It's the podcast I co-host withmy longtime radio partner of 25
years, tim Tuttle.
We give you new episodes everyWednesday.
Thank you for listening orwatching.
The Fuzzy Mike is hosted andproduced by Kevin Kline.
Production elements by ZachSheesh at the Radio Farm.
(21:47):
Social media director is TrishKline.
I'll be back next week withanother episode of the Fuzzy
Mike and thank you again.
I'm grateful.
That's it for the Fuzzy Mike,thank you.
The Fuzzy Mike with Kevin Kline.
Hey F-U, excuse me, Z-Z-Y, it's the Fuzzy Mike with
Kevin Kline, the Fuzzy MikePodcast.
Hello, and thank you forjoining me on this episode of
the Fuzzy Mike where we getentertaining and helpful
discussion on mental health andself-improvement.
Now, nothing particularlyentertaining about this week's
(00:21):
episode.
In fact it could be looked atas very depressing.
But I think and I'm hopefulthat you'll find it helpful we
don't have a guest this week andin the past I'd have really
been stressed about that, likehands through the hair, forehead
in the palms, fingernail eating, considering giving up on the
(00:42):
podcast, stressed.
But this week I'm like fuck it,because something happened
recently and it's brought upsome emotions in me that I want
to share.
I like having guests because I'mnot one of those people who
talk just to talk, to hear theirown voice, and I honestly don't
believe that I have anythingparticularly noteworthy,
(01:03):
profound or enlightening to say.
And although I've beennavigating through my own mental
health challenges for about 38years now, in no way do I
consider myself an expert in thefield and that's not self-pity.
That's my true feelings andassessment of myself, and that's
because of my paralyzingimposter syndrome.
(01:24):
Now, if you're not familiarwith that term, here's what it
is.
Imposter syndrome is thecondition of feeling anxious and
not experiencing successinternally, despite being
high-performing in external,objective ways.
The condition often results inpeople feeling like a fraud, a
(01:45):
phony, and doubting theirabilities.
Hey, just doubting my abilities.
That would be a markedimprovement on the current level
of imposter syndrome that Ifeel.
I don't doubt my abilities.
I firmly believe that, nomatter what I do anymore, I
won't succeed.
I have ideas of things I'd liketo do.
(02:06):
I'd like to get back on theradio, but, in all honesty, I've
been out so long now I don'tbelieve I'd be good anymore.
Oh, okay, smart asses, yeah,uh-huh.
Who says I was ever good in thefirst place?
Ha ha ha.
I turned 55 in November.
I've been kicking around theidea of a long run, with
(02:28):
deference to the numbers of 55,34, and 16.
55 for my age and 34 and 16significant for the young lady
who changed my life in 2005.
I'm about 10% convinced thatI'll try it, which is to say I
likely won't.
I'm 100% certain that if I dotry it, I won't complete it.
(02:51):
The onset of this impostersyndrome it happened with my
failed attempt in 2019 to run304 miles of the Dalton Highway
in Alaska, which was from theArctic Circle to the banks of
the Arctic Ocean.
I carried an 8.9-pound backpackfilled with the names of 1,856
children who had battledpediatric cancer.
(03:13):
On day six of a nine-day run,my mind and my body gave out.
I decided to hand off thebackpack to my friend and medic,
scott Tyner.
I decided to hand off thebackpack to my friend and medic,
scott Tyner, so that he couldrun the 22 remaining miles of
the day and then share the restof the run with me.
All total, I averaged amarathon per day for nine
(03:34):
straight days in an averagedaily temperature of negative 27
degrees Fahrenheit.
The warmest day was two degreesand the coldest day was
negative 40.
Every external measurement ofsuccess was met on that run.
The backpack made it to thepost office in Dead Horse,
alaska.
The entire crew made it backsafely and without any physical
(03:56):
injuries.
A full-length documentary wasshot and released and won over
50 International Film Festivalawards and won over 50
International Film Festivalawards.
And we raised over $200,000 forSnowdrop Foundation, which
helps fund childhood cancerresearch and provides college
scholarships for childhoodcancer patients and survivors.
So what does all of thatbackstory have to do with this
(04:20):
episode?
Now it's an illustration of howfar outside of my comfort zone
I am in this episode.
We learned of two high-profilesuicides in the past two weeks
and something I read about oneof them sparked the idea for
this episode.
First, stan Van Gundy, formerNBA coach and current TV analyst
(04:42):
, revealed on a podcast that thecause of death last August of
his wife of 35 years was suicide.
Van Gundy shared that Kim, age61, had been diagnosed with a
mental illness.
He explained, quote I knew shewas going through a tough time,
but I still never envisionedthat happening.
(05:04):
35 years together, and he neverenvisioned that happening.
That's the secrecy behind whatwe battle.
Not even the closest people tous know how low we are.
Robin Williams explained it thisway, saying, quote all it takes
is a beautiful fake smile tohide an injured soul.
(05:26):
Now, while I was reading quotesfrom Robin Williams, I read
this article written by DesireeL Stage.
Desiree is a suicide awarenessactivist.
She wrote, quote that's thething about suicide it doesn't
discriminate.
It doesn't matter who you areor what you have.
It doesn't matter how loved youare.
(05:46):
The pain and the feelings ofisolation can build and build
over time, and if something orsomeone doesn't set you back on
your path, you may get trappedin the box.
The box is filled withself-loathing, self-doubt,
hopelessness, futility, thethought that you and your pain
are a burden to every singleperson around you and that
(06:10):
they'd be better off if youerased yourself from their lives
.
The box lies and when you gettrapped in that box it can feel
impossible to get out.
Sometimes it is that's when wecan lose the people we love.
Sometimes it is that's when wecan lose the people we love.
It was impossible to get outtwo weeks ago for 30 year old
(06:31):
professional golfer, graysonMurray.
Grayson was a two-time winneron the PGA tour who abruptly
withdrew from the tournament hewas playing in Texas after the
16th hole.
With two holes left to play inhis second round, murray
withdrew, citing illness.
The next day he was found deadfrom suicide reported to be
(06:52):
through carbon monoxidepoisoning.
I've been reading a lot ofarticles on Grayson Murray since
news of his suicide wasreported two weekends ago.
I've learned that he had beenvery candid over the years about
his depression, anxiety andalcoholism.
Saying it's not easy I wantedto give up a lot of times.
(07:12):
Alcoholism saying it's not easyI wanted to give up a lot of
times give up on myself, give upon the game of golf, give up on
life at times.
He finally reached the bottomof despair on Saturday, may 25th
.
I also learned that Graysonstarted college at Wake Forest
as the recipient of theprestigious Arnold Palmer
Scholarship.
College at Wake Forest as therecipient of the prestigious
(07:33):
Arnold Palmer scholarship.
But after just one semester hetold his coach, jerry Haas, that
he decided to transfer.
In that meeting, haas toldGrayson Murray quote young man,
I'm worried about your health.
I'm not worried about your golfthat will always be there but
I'm worried about you as aperson.
Clearly, for the past 12 years,grayson Murray has been
(07:56):
struggling with the ups anddowns of mental illness.
This is why I got so fuckingpissed off when I read a
reader's comment on one of thearticles.
The comment said this it's thevaccine's fault.
My first reaction to thiscomment was did you even fucking
read the article that youcommented on?
If this person had, they wouldhave known how baseless and
(08:19):
unnecessary their comment was.
My second reaction was well,who the fuck are you to minimize
the dozen years of sufferingthis man, his family, his fiance
and his friends had to endurejust to expand your agenda, guys
.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of everything beingpolitical.
I'm tired of conspiracies.
(08:39):
I'm tired of not knowing who tobelieve and who not to believe,
tired of agendas.
I'm tired of manipulation.
I'm tired of social mediaopinions.
I'm tired of conflict.
I'm tired of paying higherprices and getting less of
something Just fucking tired ofall of it.
And for someone with impostersyndrome, depression and chronic
(09:00):
suicidal ideation, being tiredof it all is not a good
ingredient to mix into the dishof life.
But because I don't know who tobelieve or not to believe, I
decided to investigate the claimthat the vaccine you know the
COVID vaccine did or did notcontribute to Grayson Murray's
decision to end his life.
(09:21):
Now here's the rub because Idon't know who to believe or not
believe, and because the CDCand other health organizations
have been politicized to thepoint where everything is
questionable, I don't know ifwhat I found is true or not.
However, the deciding factorfor me to believe what I read is
this I've had both vaccinations, the initial and the booster.
(09:42):
I think about suicide every day.
That's what chronic suicidalideation is.
So because of that and the factthat I've had both doses of the
COVID vaccine, one would thinkthat I'd be a prime candidate to
end it all if the vaccinecaused suicide.
Yet here I am.
(10:03):
Nothing I say here will changeanybody's mind who believes
otherwise, because we don't livein that world anymore.
Views aren't open for debatebecause we're in the era of I'm
right and you're wrong.
Also, statistics lie.
We know that.
You can make any stat, survey,poll etc.
(10:24):
Say exactly what you want it tosay if you spin it right.
So then you're asking why am Ieven doing this episode if
nothing can come of it?
And these numbers don't add upto a hill of beans?
Well, first, I've always wantedto use the phrase hill of beans
in a podcast, so check that box.
(10:44):
Second, the podcast experts saythat you need to be consistent
putting out episodes or elseyou'll lose your audience, which
I think is total bullshit,because I've been consistent now
for six months, with a newepisode every Tuesday, and the
listenership has steadilydeclined as I approach the magic
number of 100 episodes.
And third, I did all thisfucking research.
(11:06):
I don't want to waste that time, so I'm sharing it with you If
you're still with me.
Hey, thanks for sticking around.
I'll try to make thisinteresting because, if you're
like me.
Numbers bore the shit out ofyou.
Yearly suicide rates arecalculated per 100,000 people.
Even I can digest that simpleenough.
First, I found an article fromUS News and World Report.
(11:30):
This was written on May 30th2024, just five days ago.
As of this, recording theheadline, ptsd anxiety is rising
among college students.
Well, this intrigued me becauseI'm familiar with the military
statistic of 22 suicides per day, and many of those are traced
(11:51):
back to PTSD, so I'm aware thatPTSD contributes to higher
suicide rates.
The article stated that forcollege students, suicide is the
second highest cause of death.
The study of suicide rates andtrends was not common in the
past.
Was not common in the past, butit's gained more attention in
(12:19):
2019.
Hmm, okay, the vaccine has beenaround since 2019.
So is that the reason for thenew attention to college suicide
rates?
The article didn't say, butmaybe there is some connection
to the vaccine.
Perhaps the commenter of thearticle that I read about Grace
and Murray was onto something.
Maybe I shouldn't be so quickto dismiss, but the article went
(12:41):
on to say that from 1990 to2004, which we all know is well
before the pandemic and thevaccine and the vaccine about
1,404 college students died bysuicide, accounting for about
6.5% of those who died bysuicide nationwide during that
(13:02):
time period.
Okay, so 15 years before thepandemic, college students
already had a high rate ofsuicide.
Then I found this tidbit inanother article According to the
American College HealthAssociation, before the pandemic
quote before the pandemic 60%of US students felt overwhelming
(13:23):
anxiety, while 40% experienceddepression so severe they had
difficulty functioning.
The article didn't say why, butclearly there's no connection
to the pandemic or the vaccinethere.
If I had to guess why thosenumbers were so high, I'd say
it's because social media, theemployment landscape and the
(13:44):
cost of college.
That's just a guess on my part,though.
Now I mentioned veteransuicides, which again are
reported at 22 per day, so Iwanted to take a look at that
segment of the population andsee how that number stacked up.
A 2009 US Army report indicatesmilitary veterans have double
(14:07):
the suicide rate of non-veteranssuicide rate of non-veterans,
and more active-duty soldiershave died from suicide than in
combat in the Iraq War from 2003to 2011 and the war in
Afghanistan 2001 to 2021combined.
Doubtful that the vaccine is thereason for those staggering
(14:28):
numbers, but I did go on to reada report that stated just
catching COVID-19 has beenlinked with feeling anxious,
depressed and suicidal.
In a study of 3,078 veterans,for example, 12% of those who
caught COVID said they feltsuicidal, while less than 8% of
(14:49):
those who did not get COVID saidthey felt that way.
In general, getting sick tendsto make people feel anxious or
depressed.
In fact, I found an articlethat corroborates that very
assessment.
The Russian influenza between1889 and 1893 was associated
(15:11):
with an increase in the suiciderate in the United Kingdom.
Similarly, a marked rise in thesuicide rate was observed in
the US during the GreatInfluenza epidemic between 1910
and 1920.
The mortality rate during theSpanish flu has been associated
with an increase in suicidepercentages, as we've already
(15:32):
heard.
Numerous studies reportedassociations between coronavirus
disease, distress and suicidalideation.
It's surmised that all of theseepidemic and pandemic suicide
increases may be due to socialdisconnectedness, ie isolation,
quarantine, fear of infectionhighly contagious and concern
(15:56):
about burdening others.
Score one for the disease, notso much for the vaccine.
Now, this strayed a bit from theoriginal topic, but I wanted to
learn if there were otheroccupations besides military
personnel that had higher thannational average suicide rates.
Turns out healthcare workershave a high suicide rate,
(16:19):
according to Columbia Universityresearchers.
Here's something that I didn'tknow but that I found truly
fascinating.
Suicide rates amongveterinarians are a growing
problem.
Suicide rates among maleveterinarians are twice the
national average.
Here's something even moreshocking.
(16:39):
And among female veterinarians,the suicide rate is three and a
half times the national average.
Patients with chronic pain aretwice as likely to attempt
suicide compared with thosewithout chronic pain Makes
complete sense.
Now, this was startling becauseI know several people who fall
(17:00):
into this diagnostic category.
I know several people who fallinto this diagnostic category.
Studies have found very highrates of suicide in people with
autism spectrum disorders.
Autism, and particularlyAsperger's syndrome, are highly
associated with clinicaldepression, and as many as 30%
or more of people withAsperger's syndrome also suffer
(17:22):
from depression.
Those with ADHD three to fivetimes more likely to die by
suicide.
Still, I know none of thatproves or disproves the effect
the vaccine has had on suiciderates.
So I figured the best way to seehow, if at all, the vaccine has
affected suicide rates was tofind statistics before 2019 and
(17:46):
after 2019.
Turns out, I'm not the only onewith this curiosity.
John Elfline is Statista'sresearch expert for topics
concerning health diseases andmedical professionals in the
United States and worldwide.
These stats were compiled bytwo different entities the
National Center for HealthStatistics and the CDC.
(18:10):
Check this out In the 1900s, 21people per 100,000 committed
suicide in the United States.
In 1920, 20 years later, thatfigure dropped to 13.
10 years later, 1930, 22.
(18:31):
That's the highest rate ever.
There was no COVID vaccine.
Then In 1950, 13.2.
20 years later, 1970, we wentdown 13.1.
1990, 20 years after that, wewent down again 12.2 people out
of every 100,000.
(18:51):
And then in 2000, we hit thelowest recorded point ever in
the history of this statistic2,010.4 people out of every
100,000.
Then we start to see a climb2010, 12.1.
2018, 14.2.
2019, 13.9.
(19:13):
2020, 13.5.
2021, 14.1.
2022, the last year that theyhave on record 14.2.
2019, 13.9.
2020, 13.5.
2021, 14.1.
2022, 14.2.
(19:35):
Hmm, healthline's conclusion isthat, after two decades of
slowly rising, the US suiciderate has stabilized over the
past few years.
It is now at the same level asthe 1950s.
Finally, I found an articlewritten by Joel Bernanke, who is
(20:01):
a fellow in child psychiatry,translational research at
Columbia University and the NewYork State Psychiatric Institute
.
In the article Joel Bernankewrites, quote some people have
wondered if getting vaccinatedincreases your risk of feeling
suicidal.
There is no evidence that thisis true.
Doctors looked for this kind ofside effect in the vaccine
clinical trials and did not findit, and they have continued to
monitor the safety of thevaccines since they've become
(20:21):
available to for this kind ofside effect in the vaccine
clinical trials and did not findit, and they have continued to
monitor the safety of thevaccines since they've become
available to everyone.
There's been no sign thatgetting vaccinated is connected
with any mental health problems.
End quote from Joel Bernanke.
So what is the conclusion?
Shit, I don't know.
(20:41):
I mean, you make up your ownopinion.
You're going to anyway.
As for me, the son of a fatherwho committed suicide in 2005,
14 years before COVID, and wasthe fifth and latest person in
his family to do so, and assomeone who put a knife to his
own throat and pierced the skinback in 2015, I'll continue my
(21:04):
belief that suicide is a healthcrisis.
It's been around a long, longtime, with higher documented
rates, way before the COVIDvaccine was developed and
administered.
I'll continue to believe thatI'm even more tired now than I
was before I started thisepisode and that, even if you
like, rate, subscribe or sharethe Fuzzy Mike, I'll still never
(21:27):
feel worthy of your time For aweekly dose of pickup-inducing
laughter.
Check out the Tuttle Klinepodcast.
It's the podcast I co-host withmy longtime radio partner of 25
years, tim Tuttle.
We give you new episodes everyWednesday.
Thank you for listening orwatching.
The Fuzzy Mike is hosted andproduced by Kevin Kline.
Production elements by ZachSheesh at the Radio Farm.
(21:47):
Social media director is TrishKline.
I'll be back next week withanother episode of the Fuzzy
Mike and thank you again.
I'm grateful.
That's it for the Fuzzy Mike,thank you.
The Fuzzy Mike with Kevin Kline.
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