August 27, 2024 • 47 mins
What drives a person to transform their deepest grief into a mission to save lives?
On this episode of Fuzzy Mic, we welcome Carey Conley, who opens her heart about the unimaginable loss of her husband and son to suicide. Carey’s story is one of resilience and hope as she reveals how her faith has been a guiding light through the darkest times.
Listen in as she shares her inspiring journey of turning pain into purpose, her work with the Helping Parents Heal community, and the profound belief that her loved ones remain with her in spirit.
This episode underscores the power of having a clear vision—how it aids in making decisions, setting boundaries, and staying open to new opportunities. Discover how breaking down long-term goals into actionable steps can make the mantra "Vision is Victory" a reality.
Get your free copy of Carey's Vision Is Victory workbook here: https://bit.ly/VisionisVictory, or text VICTORY to 26786
From the critical importance of open communication around mental health to finding purpose in advocacy, we cover it all. Learn about the pressures that prevent individuals from seeking help and how direct questions about mental health can save lives.
Thank you for being an integral part of this journey—we couldn’t do it without our amazing community!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Fuzzy Mike, the interview series, the
podcast, whatever Kevin wants tocall it.
It's Fuzzy Mike, hello, andthank you for joining me.
Your feedback and messagesabout my conversation with James
Baker and Rorschach Test.
Well, quite simply, it's whatmakes me know that I'm doing the
(00:21):
right thing with the Fuzzy Mike.
It's what makes me know thatI'm doing the right thing with
the fuzzy mic.
I often well, okay, not oftenmore like every second of every
waking minute question if thefuzzy mic is doing what I want
it to do, and that is educate onmental health and provide
comfort, showing you that you'renot alone.
(00:42):
My guest on this episode, she'son a personal mission to save 1
million lives.
She was faced with a choiceafter tragedy struck her family
in 2014, and then again in 2017.
Her choice Now she could eitherfind purpose through despair or
(01:02):
she could throw in the towel.
She chose purpose.
Hello, carrie Conley.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Hello Kevin, how are you?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
I am fantastic.
What a pleasure to be speakingwith you.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
It's a pleasure to meet you as well.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Thank you.
You and I have quite a bit incommon and we're going to talk
about that today and you and I,hopefully, are going to take
more steps for you to get closerto one million lives saved.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
OK, I love that.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
It's a pretty audacious goal?
Yes, it is, but I have a forceof a team behind me, a lot of
people supporting me, and yeahso Well, it's a goal that I
think a lot of people want tohelp you get to, that goal of
one million lives saved.
You and I come from a uniqueperspective on this.
(01:50):
My father died from suicide andyou have two people in your
family.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Yes, Unfortunately yes.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Not just people your husband and, three years later,
your son.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yes, I don't know how you cope with that A lot of
faith.
Number one Okay, I am verycertain of where they are and
that I will see them again.
Um, I have a belief that theyare very much with me, behind it
, just driving this mission withme, kevin, especially my son he
(02:27):
was 25 when he passed and Ihave a huge mission in those 1
million people to really helpyoung adults right now, because
they're really struggling, andthey'll be the first to tell you
that I have them on my podcast.
I interviewed them sometimesand I love that.
So I have a lot of support anda lot of communities that I'm in
(02:49):
.
One of them in particular iscalled Helping Parents Heal.
It's a huge community that areall parents that have lost a
child one way or another.
They have a big conferencehappening here in Arizona at the
end of this week.
1, will be there, oh, wow, anda lot of the people that they
have speak there, kevin, arepeople who are and I don't know
(03:11):
what your belief is, but likemediums, very, very connected to
the other side type people,right, oh, amazing, yeah, so
they are.
You know they're actually thereto just giving you a whole lot
of peace about the situation,right, yeah, so it's not.
You know it's hard, I'm notgoing to lie.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
But you're 10 years removed from your husband, seven
years removed from your son.
Are the wounds?
Speaker 2 (03:39):
still as fresh today as they were the day you found
out.
Um, in one way, yes, in one way, yes, in one way, no, you know.
Do I recall every facet of whathappened that day as much
anymore?
No, you know, for the firstyear or whatever, I had a friend
who actually lost her husbandto suicide years before mine,
and we got together shortlyafter my husband passed.
(03:59):
She said it's going to beseveral months, if not years,
where you stop having what shecalled bookend days, days where
you wake up recalling the wholescene and days where you go to
bed thinking about it.
Yeah, so I don't have that somuch anymore.
But do I have days where youknow just missing them so bad,
(04:21):
absolutely.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
How much of your son's decision was based upon
what his father did three yearsearlier.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
You know, I know there's statistics around that
that I probably would have beenmore aware of at the time.
I just never thought my sonwould take his life because of
what we went through losing hisdad, because he knew how hard
that was on him, me and mydaughter.
He is.
I have a daughter who's 30 now.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
And she's helped you write books.
You've got two books and she'shelped you write both of them,
if I'm not mistaken.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
She did not help me write the first one.
The first one is all me.
It's called Vision is Victory.
It's a workbook, because what Ispecialize in, kevin, is
helping people get a verypowerful vision and purpose for
their life.
Yes, because I know that can bean anchor of hope for a lot of
people.
So that's what I specialize in.
She and I co-authored a bookcalled Keep Looking Up two years
after losing my son, and thatbook is about us telling the
(05:18):
story, but mostly it's a bookabout what has helped us through
the journey, because we have somany people come to us that
have been through some sort ofdiversity that just really
didn't.
They were how do I deal withthis?
Or how do I help my friendwho's dealing with something.
So it's 11 chapters of what welearned.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I mean, how many people come up to you on a
regular basis, like I have twofriends going through grief
right now and I'm just, I'm anear and a shoulder, I don't know
, I don't know what else toprovide for them, you know.
But like I know what, I knowhow I grieve, okay, and I don't
(05:55):
grieve the same way as otherpeople, and so, um, are there
proper ways and improper ways togrieve?
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Um, I don't know that there's not an improper way to
grieve.
I think it's a very personalthing.
I think, however, you need tohandle it.
You do you right?
That's probably the biggestthing we learned is that what
worked for my daughter doesn'tnecessarily work for me, and
vice versa.
I think what's also importantand this is a chapter in our
book is that you, as the friend,allow them to grieve the way
(06:28):
they need to grieve, not the waythat you would want it.
So I'll give you an example ofthat.
So you know, a lot of friendsof ours wanted to just come to
the house and sit with us andhug us and cry and do all the
things, and that was the lastthing we wanted do all the
(06:48):
things, and that was the lastthing we wanted.
And so what we learned was thepeople who learned how to mirror
what we needed and respect thatand honor that have been the
people who have stuck with usthe longest.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Because the people that we didn't didn't
necessarily allow them in theway they wanted to be in, or the
way they would have wantednecessarily allow them in the
way they wanted to be in or theway they would have wanted.
I think kind of just didn'tunderstand it, Maybe felt like
they weren't included in it asmuch.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Sure, I get that.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Yeah, we learned a lot from that and still learning
.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
If you're not learning, you're not growing.
Yeah, you know, you're just notso.
And I want to talk to you aboutVision is Victory.
You have generously agreed toprovide that for free to the
Fuzzy Mike audience and we'regoing to put links up in the
description and also, if you'rewatching this on YouTube, you
can see where to sign up forthat.
I signed up for your newsletterearlier this morning.
I would love to be on yourcouch, on your chair, because I
(07:45):
think you could really help me.
So today I'm going to be thatone person that you save.
Ok, and I tell you why becauseI'm depressed, clinically
depressed and also chronicsuicidal ideation.
Ok, that's always an option.
It's always.
It's always an option.
You know, and I don't handlestress very well and I stress
(08:06):
about everything.
So how do you and I'm going togo exactly off of your uh
podcast description Do youstress about money and it is
consuming your thoughts withfear about your future.
How do you not?
And especially young adults whoare coming out of college with
massive debt?
Speaker 2 (08:24):
right.
How do you not?
Well, there's a lot of, there'sa lot of negative narrative
behind all that, right, a lot,especially with money.
One is that a lot of themessaging that you have about
money are beliefs that aren'tnecessarily true.
So a lot of us grew up withmoney doesn't grow on trees.
You've got to work really hardfor the money.
You know it's never enough.
(08:45):
There's not enough to go aroundall lies, right.
So the first thing we have toidentify again, specifically
talk about money is that most ofwhat we've been taught are not
true, and I was that person thatI had to really change my whole
thought process around that.
When I stepped in to be anentrepreneur, kevin, the first.
(09:06):
When I stepped into being anentrepreneur, kevin, the first
place I stepped into was theindustry of network marketing,
and so I had a lot of badnarrative around that.
My people thought I was allcrazy.
Like you have a college degree,you've got a great job, why
would you go sell lipstick?
But the community that I was in,I was learning whole different
(09:26):
narratives, right, that theincome that I could make there
was infinite which it is andthat anybody following their
simple system can work their wayto the top and beyond.
So we have to change thenarrative.
You have to get around peoplewho have different thoughts
about it so that you can startretraining the brain.
(09:47):
There's so much out there nowon podcasts and books and all
this stuff.
Right, I'm reading a lot ofbooks right now on millionaire
mindset.
Okay, maybe the circumstanceyou're in right now can be a
little stressful, but how canyou see a future beyond where
you are right now and create agame plan?
(10:08):
So I ended up coaching a lot ofentrepreneurs, and so the very
first question I would ask themis okay, what's the vision,
where are you going and by when?
I need a target date.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
And you usually say three years right.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Yeah, I use three years so I get them to write a
vision, a big, beautiful visionof every area of their life.
They see that they want tocreate three years from now,
regardless of what's happeningnow.
I want to know what your familylife looks like.
Where are you living?
If you're traveling, where areyou going?
Who's going with you?
What are you doing as far asyour career?
How much money are you making?
Right?
(10:41):
So we set that out there, sothat now we can reverse engineer
some one-year goals, six-monthgoals, 90-day goals.
We can break it down intobite-sized chunks, especially as
business owners.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
So vision is victory is what we're actually kind of
talking about right now.
Yes, Number one, why is visionvictory?
And number two are we writingdown our three-year dream, our
idea, or are we writing downwhere we think we can get?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
What you're writing out is the desires of your heart
, kevin, what you truly desire.
So my backstory is when I wasin my late twenties, my husband
and I went to high school andcollege together, came out of
college both of us with businessdegrees.
This was the late eighties.
So we were both going into thecorporate world.
Right, this is what you did.
You were told to go get a job,stick with it, work your way up
the ranks.
So my husband did thatextremely well.
(11:29):
I did not.
I was changing jobs every twoyears because I couldn't fit the
job, and it wasn't until I hadmy first mentor that I sat with
going.
Why am I like this?
Why can't I do what all myfriends are doing?
She said you're never going tofit that mold, carrie.
You aren't wired that way.
You need to go figure out whatit is, that lifestyle that you
want to create and find thething that fits that.
(11:53):
And so and this is why I had theworkbook Kevin is I sat down
with a legal pad of paper oneday and just wrote who I wanted
to be, what I wanted to become,what kind of mom I wanted to be,
the relationship I wanted tohave with my kids, the values I
wanted to instill in them, thetrips we wanted to take,
everything.
The key to this is that I didnot know the how.
(12:13):
I think this is where peopleget tripped up.
They feel like they've got toknow the how before they write
the vision, and it's backwards.
You write the vision, the howshows up.
So because I wrote a lot ofthings about I wanted to work
from home, I wanted to make asubstantial residual income, I
wanted to earn trips, I wantedto be in a company with a lot of
leadership, right, not knowingwhat that vehicle is going to be
(12:35):
.
Well, a year later, thatvehicle showed up and the minute
it showed up, I was like thisis it?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
So did it show up because it just happened,
because you manifested it, ordid you actively seek that out,
since you had it written down?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
I think it's a both thing.
I think what happened that dayis a lot of things.
One, I believe because I was insuch a quiet place, kevin and
this goes back to my faith thatI was really listening to what
God's will was for my life andwhat he was revealing to me was
this is the path you're going togo, and here's why.
Because on the last line of oneof those pieces of paper, when
I was noodling a bunch of ideasI didn't know right Did I want
(13:11):
to go into marketing consulting,cause that was my background I
wrote things around maybe I'd bein a company in health and
wellness, skincare, questionmark all these things.
On the last line, for the veryfirst time in my life, I wrote
that someday I wanted to teachvisioning and goal setting to
other people, and I trulybelieve that was God giving a
(13:32):
little peek as to what wascoming.
So me aligning with that andpeople, you know, call it the
universe manifesting whatever.
I think I was opening up now tobeing open to a whole other
path than the nine to five.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Because I was open to it and I started talking about
my vision with other people.
Those people started showing up.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
How rewarding was that previous career compared to
what you do now.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
They're both very rewarding.
For 20 years I I I built areally big team If you know
about networking, it's all aboutbuilding a team and reached the
highest rank, a lot ofrecognition, a lot of trips
earned.
I did this while I was raisingmy kids, so we have a lot of
great memories from all of that.
Those people that were leadersin the company poured into me
(14:22):
like none other.
I would not be the speaker andcoach I am right now.
Without that, wow, right, yeah,it just became this thing that
right before my husband died, Idecided, because I was teaching
all my team members, I need youto write a vision, a really
powerful vision, because I knew,kevin, if they didn't have that
, they were going to quit on me.
The first rejection they got oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(14:45):
For sure quit on me.
The first rejection they got oh, yeah, yeah, yeah for sure,
Because I had all that my family.
When I told them that I wasgoing to step into Arbonne as
the name of the company, theywere like what?
So I needed to have a reallypowerful vision, because I
needed to see beyond where I wasright then and see beyond what
my other friends and familycould not see.
So I was able to take all ofthat into what I do now and do
(15:05):
it in a much more public way,which is very, very rewarding.
My favorite thing to do is tospeak on stage.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
I'm sure you're very good at speaking.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I love it.
Just give me a microphone, I'mon.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Vision is victory.
The writing down of it.
Is it because you write it down, it becomes concrete and now
you have something that you lookat and you know that you're
striving for that.
Or is it that you write thatdown and now you're committed?
Speaker 2 (15:30):
All of the above.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
So when I do a vision workshop I talk about depending
on the audience, I will pickfive or 10 things that I know
what vision helps fix in yourlife, which is why my tagline is
Vision is Victory.
It helps a lot of people makebetter decisions with their time
, money and the people theyspend it with, because at any
time I'm presented, somethinglike doing this podcast, kevin
right, either lines up with thevision of where I'm going or it
doesn't.
So it's easy for me to say yesor no.
(15:58):
Yeah, better boundariesLeadership.
You cannot influence people andmake an impact without a very
powerful vision that you canconvey to other people, right?
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
It also becomes a whole lot of thing around.
Ok, again what we talked aboutearlier of having that three
year dream, that vision, thatpurpose, so that you can break
it down into quantifiable,measurable things, smaller
increments that are doable.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Yeah, it's like eating the elephant, you don't?
You do a bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, yes, and so, like you
said, you got that three-yearplan, but then you break it down
into 90 days, 60 days, twoyears, one year.
Yeah, how much of victory isvision?
How much of that is in ourcontrol?
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Well.
So this is the question mark.
Everybody has right.
So my vision, of course, atthis point in life has shifted
dramatically because of losingmy husband and my son.
That was absolutely outside ofmy control, and I think this is
another place where people gettripped up.
They get tripped up becausethey need to know the how first,
and they also get tripped upwith so many things they think
(17:04):
are outside of their control.
Why write a vision if you couldlose somebody, or you could lose
your job, or you could bedisabled or whatever right?
The thing about the vision,kevin, is it's not so much, like
I've said already, it's not somuch about what I'm doing, what
I'm making who you know.
It's a lot about my purpose.
(17:25):
That has not changed theunderlying thing, and the
biggest reason why I get peopleto sit and write their vision is
I want them to really thinkabout and hear what's going on
inside, because that's whereyour purpose is hidden.
We've just buried it under alot of, again, negative
narrative, what everybody toldus to do, and I want people to
(17:48):
bring out that thing that'stapping at their heart every day
and go after it, because that'show we die with regrets.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Oh very true.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Right, I think, to answer your question, more
things are in your control thanyou think.
Most people think that theycan't control a lot of things,
and you really can.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Well, most people would write down in their vision
, I think, that they want tohave a successful job and most
people would think, well,somebody's got to give me that
break.
Yeah, how do you get out ofthat thought process?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Well, I don't know if you've been seeing a lot of the
celebrity type people talkinglately about like Mel Robbins
has been saying this a lotlately Kevin, that nobody's
coming for you, it's all you.
That is a victim mentality kindof thing and entitlement
mentality kind of thing.
Right Like so.
(18:43):
When I stepped into networkmarketing, I didn't know that
industry at all.
I didn't understand how to goafter it.
What it looked like.
All I knew is what I wanted.
I had other people teach meokay, this is where you start.
Take these baby steps, you'regonna be here.
Take the next baby steps,you're gonna be here.
And because they were furtherahead and where I wanted to be,
(19:04):
I trusted that what they weretelling me was the thing to go
do and that it was a no-failsystem.
If I did it the way they toldme to do it, I was going to get
there.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
So you work with youth and you work with young
adults and what we're talkingabout is, I think, right up
their alley, and when you and Iwere in the workforce early on,
it was, yeah, I'm going to dothis.
I worked for 22 months for freebecause I knew that's what I
wanted to do for a living.
I don't think young adults andkids want to do that anymore.
They get out of school.
(19:35):
They get out of college.
They want to make that $100,000immediately.
So how do we help them throttleback?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, that's it.
We could talk all day aboutthis topic.
So I talk a lot with youngadults, specifically early 20s
to early 30s ish, and one of thethings they tell me, kevin, is
that they feel like they arealready behind.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
They are because of the cost of school.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Well, that could be one.
Two is what they're seeing allover social media.
Oh yeah, what they're seeing isthat their colleagues are
crushing it.
We're seeing 11-year-oldsmaking a million dollars, right?
So my 22-year-old intern that'sthe producer in the studio that
I go in when I record mypodcast he said to me that he
(20:23):
felt like he was already behind.
I said dude, you're 22 yearsold, you're just getting started
.
Yeah, we have to really crushthat lie, because what they're
seeing is not real and I thinkthat they just want to feel like
, yes, they want to make money,but I think the bigger thing
about them, kevin, is they alsowant to make.
(20:44):
I think they feel more than youand I don't know how old you
are, but they want to be feelinglike they're making a bigger
impact and a contribution inthis world too.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
That's a beautiful thing, right.
I didn't learn about that untilI was 36.
I'll be 55 next month, right,yeah, I didn't learn about
giving back until I was 36,because my first 35 years were
to live in spite of what my dadpredicted and told me.
You know, my dad, my, myconcept of money comes from my
dad.
It's how many figures are onyour paycheck.
(21:13):
That's success, right?
So my sole motivation in lifewas to, you know, make as much
money as I could buy the biggesthouse, coolest car.
Shove it up his ass and Ireached the pinnacle of my
career and two weeks later hehanged himself.
So I never got that.
I never got that victory, youknow, and I mean, he's been dead
(21:35):
18 years now and I still thinkabout that.
You know, I still think about Idon't, I, I never knew him.
We lived in the same house.
He, you know, took me to everybaseball game, but I, he, he was
very, very secretive, you know,and and I know that from his
upbringing but I would havenever, never suspected that he
(21:58):
was going to kill himself.
Nobody in our family did.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Right.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
And we just knew he was depressed.
We didn't know that that farand I remember my mom calling me
and I said you got to beshitting me.
I mean there was no, that wasmy emotion.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Right.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
You know, and that's why people like they can't
understand why I didn't breakdown.
I just didn't.
Yeah, I just didn't.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Well, you know, I think the biggest question you
and I probably get asked, andeverybody else who's been
through this, is did you see itcoming?
Right, yeah, what were thesigns?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
And, unfortunately, there is no checklist I can give
people Right.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Um, because on the outside appearances neither my
husband or my son lookeddepressed.
Um, I knew they were strugglingspecifically with their
identity around their jobs,which, unfortunately, with men
that's a big deal, and they wereworking through things.
But did I ever think how deepand how dark the thoughts had
(22:55):
gotten for my husband?
No, because he kept that verysecret.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
In a previous interview that I saw you do with
Jen Drummond you talked aboutyou knew your husband in high,
you were dating in high school,right but you said after he
committed suicide is when youfound out things about his
family that you didn't know,that you didn't know.
How could that be hidden?
How could that have been hidden?
Speaker 2 (23:20):
I don't know that they were necessarily hidden.
I think that they were.
Just they played a bigger partinto what turned him mentally.
My husband's family were verymuch.
We don't talk about bad stuff.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
With rose colored glasses all the time.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
So there was.
He would never have gone to hisparents, especially his dad,
and told them here's, I'm reallystruggling, Right, his dad, and
told them I'm really struggling, right.
I think that there was a lot ofpressure on my husband to have
a successful career versus whathe really, I think, wanted to do
.
I think in hindsight my husbandwould have really made a great
(24:00):
teacher, but there was no moneyin that right, and the reason I
believe that is that he ran our,our the second grade Bible
study at our church for many,many years.
He loved it.
It was the highlight of hisweek, Right.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Yep, yep.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
So it's just things that like you it's.
You can see it now in hindsight.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Some things that had.
I even thought he was reallystruggling to that level
probably would have.
I would have seen it sooner,but you just don't.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
So let's suppose that a parent or a sibling does see
that a loved one is suffering ora friend is suffering.
How do you bring that up, or doyou?
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Oh yeah, you do, I've learned a lot about this.
I've done several podcasts withsome experts on this.
As a matter of fact, people whoare going into the schools and
teaching kids how to communicatewith each other, because
they're isolated and that's thebiggest problem.
They'll be all together in anassembly and not know each other
.
They're hiding a lot of stuffand they're not asking.
(25:06):
They're hiding a lot of stuffand they're not asking.
And so one of the myths is thatif you ask somebody hey, are
you thinking about killingyourself?
That you are planting the seed.
I've definitely believed this.
In hindsight, I would ask waysooner, especially with my son,
and that is completely false.
We need to be asking people.
(25:27):
Are you thinking about takingyour life?
Speaker 1 (25:30):
That bluntly, not like, are you okay?
Just that bluntly yes, okay,yeah, I just learned something.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
So I would have never thought that.
I would have thought you know,hey, are you okay?
Speaker 2 (25:53):
It's okay not to be okay, but this is the world
we're in now.
Is that we've got to be reallyon top of this, kevin, or else
it's not going to change.
Yeah, no, it won't.
We've got to take some drasticchanges in how we are
communicating, how we arerelating to each other, how we
are stepping in instead of justsaying, hey, are you okay,
instead of saying, I thinkyou're really in trouble and I
want to help you.
Now the help can be manydifferent ways directing them to
you know a 988 support line.
I've had, literally friendsthat have picked up their kids
(26:15):
and taken them to the hospitaland checked them in.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Wow Against their will.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I think at that moment it's like an intervention
.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
You just resigned to it.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
You're going.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Right, I had one friend who actually this was a
few years ago.
She left a Facebook post sayinggoodbye.
I got a message from a mutualfriend saying hey, have you seen
her posts driving herself up tosome cliff?
I think her intention was shewas going to drive off.
(26:51):
Somebody got to her and stoppedher and she turned around and
drove herself to the nearesthospital and checked herself in
Good for her.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Yeah, cause that's a strong person, that's a strong
thing to do.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Well and here's.
But here's the thing, kevin, isthat her posting that was her.
I believe her cried us outsaying somebody stop me.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Because more times than not nobody does that.
They don't even leave a note,statistically right.
I think that when peopleattempt it and make that public,
they are really wanting thehelp.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
It's kind of what happened to me in high school.
When I was a senior in highschool, I was in typing class
and before class started I juststarted writing I want to die, I
want to die, I want to die.
And the girl behind me, reneeHill she saw that didn't say
anything to me.
But the next period I get acall to go see the high school
counselor who says you knowwhat's going on.
And I think it was brilliantwhat counselor Heitman did
(27:48):
called my parents and said yourson is struggling.
This is how you bring it up.
Ask your younger son at thedinner table what's going on
with you.
And they did, my parents did.
And after the third question tohim, my brother I'm like it's
not him, it's me, yeah, and thenthey dismissed him from the
(28:08):
table and we had a nice longtalk.
Wow, if it wasn't for Renee, Idon't know people would have
known that I was struggling thatmuch.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
That's one of my goals with the podcast is to
help people open up.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Yeah.
So I'm in that fight with youtwo to save those 1 million
folks, because I know the effectthat my dad's decision had on
the family not so much me, buton the family, and that's what
you have to think about.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
That's the thing I think about, yeah yeah.
Because you had asked me tohelp save you.
That would be my biggestquestion is.
You have to know, kevin, thatbecause I think people who,
towards the end, take their lifehave a very big belief that
their family will be better offwithout them, and nothing could
be further from the truth.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Yeah, I say that.
I say that to my wife onoccasion.
I'm like wouldn't you be betteroff without me?
She's like, absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Right.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
Yeah, so three years after your husband passes away,
your son does, and did you sitdown with your daughter and have
conversations like what are youthinking?
Where are you at, are you OK?
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Actually, it was both of us coming together saying,
OK, we're going to make surethat neither one of us get to
this place, right, nice.
So we have a very opencommunication about how we're
feeling all the time.
My daughter is very happy andvery well adjusted and has done
the work to heal herself and getthrough the grief, right, and
(29:39):
she checks on me on a regularbasis Right, yeah.
So we just have a very opencommunication, especially on the
days that we're feeling sad oryeah, this is why we co-wrote
the book together.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
I was going to say that had to be very cathartic
for both of you and very helpful.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
Yes, and at the time she had just gotten married.
But was she married yet?
Yes, she was married, but shehad not started her family yet.
So we were speaking togetherwhen we launched the book.
We went on a four city booktour um started and did a whole
(30:16):
lot of media and speakingtogether on a few stages.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Now she has two very active little boys, so she can't
do this, yeah, yeah.
Uh, we're talking to CarrieConley and the book that we're
talking about that she co-wrotewith her daughter, Laurel, is
keep looking up.
And then also the book visionis victory written by.
It's a workbook written byCarrie herself and we are going
to give you an opportunity toget that for free today.
What do the Fuzzy Mic listenershave to do to get that for free
(30:39):
?
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Well, I think I gave you a link you can put in the
show notes, but there's also atext option.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
So if people want to try that, it's just texting the
word VICTORY all in caps, to26786.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
26786, victory in all caps and you will get the
Vision is Victory workbook.
I know I'm going to get myselfone because I think that's the
thing.
I know where I want to be.
But unless I write it down,it's just I know where I want to
be.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Right, yeah, and that's the game changer, Kevin.
That's the reason I do what Ido, because everybody tells me
that.
You know, when I speak on stage, my first question is always do
you feel like you have a verystrong, powerful vision for your
life?
And most people kind of nodtheir head and go yeah.
But the next thing I ask him iscan you show me a three-year
written letter to me as to whatyour life looks like, with
(31:31):
target dates on things?
That's the thing is that you'vegot to be shooting for certain
targets of where you want to bein each of those categories.
Yeah, Because without that,you're just kind of letting it.
Well, we'll see if it happens.
If it doesn't, whatever.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Yeah, Well, I for my ultra running stuff that I do,
unless I tell somebody about itI'm not committed.
Right, as soon as I tellsomebody about it, then I'm
committed.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Yeah, so it's the same thing with vision is
victory.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
You're writing it down and now you're committed to
making that happen.
What if, after three years, youhaven't achieved what you've
written down?
What happens?
Speaker 2 (32:07):
I think a lot of people really worry about that
too, and what I tell them.
I usually go back to my networkmarketing days, right, one of
my goals was to earn theMercedes-Benz within the first
year or two.
That's a pretty big level.
I did not earn that car untilseven years in the company, so I
kept pushing the date out,pushing the date out, pushing
(32:28):
the date out.
Here's the thing.
It doesn't matter that I had topush the date out.
What matters is that I gotthere.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
And I didn't beat myself up about it, that's the
other thing is that just you'llget there at the time you're
supposed to get there.
But if you don't have targetdates, you're not going to know
the action that you need to take.
So at the end of three years,if you haven't, how do you not
consider yourself?
Speaker 1 (32:56):
a failure.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
I just kept believing in the people that were around
me saying you're, you are there,you just need a little more
time.
Okay, you got to have thecommunity around you.
You have to have a lot of faithand you have to have a vision
that is bigger than how you'refeeling at the moment.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
You have to have a lot of faith and you have to
have a vision that is biggerthan how you're feeling at the
moment?
Yeah, oh right.
That is a very powerfulstatement.
Number one, but also number two, is that you kind of you get
away from thinking aboutyourself and the vision and you
continue to think about the goal.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Okay, so that's what keeps propelling you forward.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Absolutely so.
There were so many days Iwanted to quit that business you
have no idea so many days byall the rejection, you know I
was 18 months into the companyand this close to earning the
car and all my team quit, had torebuild and go right.
So my husband was not a fan ofme doing it.
The, the woman who sponsored meinto the company, was my best
(33:50):
friend from high school and shedied a year into it.
Uh, of us doing it together,there was so much, but the
reason I got into my officeevery day and did what they told
me to do was that the visionthat I had for me and my family
was bigger.
It overrode the emotion.
That's where people get trippedup as they live their life
(34:12):
based on how they're feeling,not on where they're going and
the impact they're making.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Okay, so that's an interesting thing that you just
said, because I was talking tomy former radio partner
yesterday and we were talkingabout living in the moment.
Now you're saying that it'sokay about living in the moment.
Now you're saying that it'sokay to live in the future.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
I think it's a balance of both things.
Be grateful where you are inthe present, okay, always,
because it's a gift you don'tknow if you have tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
Exactly yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
But, regardless of what happens today, hopefully
you're choosing to make it agood day, right?
What's going to get you throughhow you're feeling or whatever
happens to you today?
What got me through was knowingthat, okay, this is just today.
I know that it's building tothe next day, and where I'm
going and my purpose is drivingit.
(35:01):
I very much live in the moment,very present, very in gratitude
.
But so much of what I'mbuilding right now, kevin, is so
big that it's scary.
This is another very big pointI want to make.
There's a lot of fear and mostpeople believe that if you are
(35:21):
fearful or you're scared, you'redoing something wrong.
What I know is, because whatI'm building is so big it's way
outside of my comfort zone thatthe fear is good.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
Yeah Well, our friend Jen Drummond says you're not
living.
If you're living in yourcomfort zone, if you're living
out of your comfort zone.
That's when you start living.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
If you're comfortable , you're drifting, you're you're
.
You know you're not making animpact in other people's lives.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Yeah, and you're, you're, you're stagnant, you're
not doing anything, like you're,just, you're not engaging
yourself.
Right, you're not at all, andwe are.
We're a species that has to beengaged yes and whatever it is,
you know, whether a relationship, or whether a task or whether a
quest.
I know that's for me.
You know and I think that'swhat vision is victory is about
(36:10):
too is you're writing down whatthe end of that quest is going
to be?
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah, yeah.
Can you put vision is victory?
Can you just put I want to behappy three years from now, or
has it got to be something moreconcrete than that?
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Well, what does happiness mean?
I mean you've got to be reallyclear on, okay, what is what are
you being happy mean?
What does that mean for youthat you're living in your dream
house in downtown Chicago, orare you living up on top of a
mountain, away from everybody?
You know?
You have to be super clear onwhat that vision is for you.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
So you just said you have to define what happiness is
for you.
Let me ask you this question,and it's a question that I ask a
lot of people who are trying tohelp others what is hope?
What is hope?
Speaker 2 (36:56):
What is hope?
Hope is knowing that, no matterwhat is happening, that there
is a better future than whereyou are right now.
It's everything, it's theanchor that will get you through
it.
That's why I said that my faithis my everything, because I
know that, no matter what I'mgoing through right now and how
tough this is in the moment, Iknow that ultimately I'm going
(37:17):
to be with my son and my husbandforever, in a much better place
than this.
That's hope, yeah.
Knowing there's a better futurethan where you are right now,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
A lot of people mistake that when they hear the
word hope, they're like oh,that's just a wish, it's not,
it's not.
You know, my wife and I run apediatric cancer nonprofit and
one of the words is hope,courage and love.
And hope to me in that respectis a belief that there's going
to be victories, there's goingto be a better cure and then
(37:50):
better treatment and then maybeone day a cure.
So that's what I define hope asbetter treatment and then maybe
one day a cure.
So that's what I define hope as.
So I was very happy to hear youdefine it.
As you know, seeing things getbetter.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Yeah, it's not a wish .
It's not a wish at all.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
No, because that's just kind of leaving it up to
whatever.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
Yeah, Hope you've got to be a more active participant
, I think.
Yeah, for sure, for sure youhave got to be, you've got to be
a more active participant.
I think, yeah, for sure, forsure.
You again have to figure outwhat is it that links you to
that hope?
Um, the people around you, yourfaith, whatever that is your
purpose, the legacy that youwant to leave right yeah, it's
so cool to finally find yourpurpose.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yeah, you, you know, I found mine when I was 36, you
know, and I've just been soblessed beyond what I deserve
since I found pediatric cancerpatients that I want to help,
you know, right, and it kind ofit strengthens me a little bit,
but then when we lose one, itreally it really affects me.
(38:56):
The victories really energizeyou and really encourage you.
And so when somebody, when,when somebody writes me, as my
friend Brenda did the other day,and says your podcast really
helps me.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
That's that.
That's what makes it all worthit.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Absolutely yeah, and you know you and I there's only
one person on this planet whoever walked us are perfect and
could save people.
You and I can't do that Right.
We can help, we can inspire, wecan encourage, we can give
people tools and skills.
I still coach.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
That's where I was going.
We can give them tools, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
Yeah, but for everyone that we lose there's 20
more.
Hopefully that turn around andI get the same uh reach outs
that you do of.
You know I heard you onso-and-so kevin's podcast or I
heard your podcast or whatever,and you have no idea.
You know, because when you putthese out there, kevin, don't
you go?
Oh, I hope somebody's listeningto that, right.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
I do, I do.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
Yeah, and then when you get somebody randomly going
hey, you don't know me, but Iheard you blah, blah, blah, you
really, really helped me,especially if they're a young
adult that's struggling, thatmeans everything to me.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
It really does.
You know, because, on multiplelevels number one, they took the
time to listen Right.
Not only just hear, but listenRight.
You know, because so manypeople use this as background
noise.
But if you really pay attentionyou could save your own life.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Right.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Yeah.
So it's a very powerful mediumand it's just, it's something
that I've been doing.
Well, the focus now with thefuzzy mic is the mental health,
and that focus has been sinceJanuary of this year and I I
have I've had several peoplereach out to me and say, please,
just keep doing what you'redoing.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Keep doing it, yep.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Especially with casting.
You know it's not a.
I've learned a lot since Istarted my podcast two years ago
when I hired the team.
I go into a studio and do it Um.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
I was wondering why it sounds so good.
I mean, the audio is very, verygood.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
But your audio today is fantastic.
I know and I'm at home on mycomputer, so you wonder.
But when I hired that team theysaid do not think that you can
try this for six months.
We need a good two to threeyear run consistently.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
So mine drops once a week.
I don't know how yours does,but we are very consistent with
every Monday it drops right,yeah, I'm every Tuesday.
And I enjoy it.
It's fun doing the interviews.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
Well, it's the only thing that I miss about what I
used to do on radio.
I retired in 2021.
And, like you said about yourhusband, the job was an identity
and the job was an identity andthe job was a major identity
for me.
I mean, I have 1.1 millionlisteners a week and then, all
of a sudden, I drop off the faceof the earth.
So, yeah, that was a shock tothe system, but everything I
(41:45):
miss about it, I'm getting righthere with you the conversation,
the education you know.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
And it's helping other people.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Yes, and I'm going to bet Kevin that this is a big
part of your positive mentalhealth.
Oh huge huge that and yourrunning right.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
Oh, yeah, yeah, running is the cheapest medicine
you can find.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Yeah, so, but no, I mean today.
In talking to you, I've learnedthree things that I can do to
cope number one.
In talking to you, I've learnedthree things that I can do to
cope number one and to manifestwhere I want to be and what I
want to do with the podcast.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
So thank you for that .
Speaker 2 (42:21):
You're welcome.
No, thank you.
This is my favorite thing to do, as you know.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
So cool of you to join me and thank you so much
for doing that.
What else do we want to hit?
We want to hit kerryconleycomC-A-R-E-Y-C-O-N-L-E-Ycom.
If you're watching on YouTube,that's down to the bottom of the
screen.
Vision is Victory.
What's that number again thatwe text?
Speaker 2 (42:41):
The word VICTORY all in caps to 26786.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
26786.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
And I wanted to mention, the name of my podcast,
Moving Through and Beyond,changed a couple of months
recently and it's now calledMental Health Breakthroughs for
Young Adults.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
Okay, there it is Well.
Mental Health Breakthroughs forYoung Adults.
There's a link right there.
I highly recommend that you golisten to them, because the
podcast is really really goodand you have some fascinating
guests too.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
I'm very blessed to know a lot of really awesome
people.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Yeah, well, you're really awesome.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Oh thanks.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Awesome begets awesome, doesn't it?
Yes, awesome begets awesome,doesn't it?
Yes, seriously, I mean, youknow, I have very low
self-esteem, but who we'reattracted to because it's a
mirror reflection of us.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Don't you think?
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
You've got some really awesome guests on your
show.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Yeah, and more to come.
Jen's going to come on and ToddBlyleven is going to come on.
Do you know his story?
I don't.
His father's a Hall of Famepitcher and he he carried 40
people off of the.
Todd carried 40 people off ofthe concert festival at Las
Vegas during the mass shooting.
Yeah, that actually gave himPTSD.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah, oh yeah.
You know, I would imagine Heck,yeah, still working through
some of that myself.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
I'm surprised my mom never really had that, because
she was the one that found mydad, you know and I'm surprised
that she has never really hadpost-traumatic stress disorder
from seeing him, you know.
So, again, it's like you.
However, you grieve, you grieveand however it affects you,
what affects you.
There's really no, there's noset way.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Right, yeah, right.
He's got to seek out the helpthat works for you.
And boy I've sought out a lot,me too.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Solicited, unsolicited money.
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Well, carrie, thank you so muchfor joining me.
Thank you for all of yoursuccess and what you share with
the world, because I think itdoes help a lot of people open
up about themselves and to knowthat they're not alone.
Yes, and that's the major point.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
And I am honored to be here with you, kevin, so
thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
All right, you got a friend for life here, buddy.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
Thank you, you too, I got a new friend.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
How about that?
I've downloaded Carrie's Visionto Victory workbook.
I've already done it and itindeed is completely free To get
yours go to bitly forward.
Slash vision is victory orsimply text the word victory in
all caps B-I-C-T-O-R-Y, in allcaps to this number 26786.
(45:17):
Again, victory in all caps to26786.
Like we kind of said in theconversation, once you write it
down, the vision becomes anactionable plan.
So get writing and make thatvision your victory.
My thanks to Carrie Conley forjoining me and sharing her story
(45:38):
and message of empowerment andownership over your future.
You can visit Carrie's websiteat carrieconleycom.
Now, if you're looking to addsome laughter into your life, I
suggest the Tuttle Clime podcast.
You can listen to it on thesame platform.
If you're looking to add somelaughter into your life, I
suggest the Tuttle Clime podcast.
You can listen to it on thesame platform where you're
listening to the Fuzzy Mike.
(45:58):
New episodes post everyWednesday.
If you don't mind, I sure coulduse your help growing the Fuzzy
Mike family.
Every download, share likerating and comment, is your
contribution to help save a life.
There are people out there whocould benefit from the message
of the fuzzy mic, but they justdon't know about it.
(46:19):
So please help me, help themfind it.
The Fuzzy Mic is hosted andproduced by Kevin Kline.
Intro and outro voice ZachSheesh at the Radio Farm.
Social media director is TrishKline.
We have got some amazing guestscoming up over the next several
weeks and, can you believe it?
We're almost at episode number100.
(46:41):
Yeah, thank you for sharingyour time with the Fuzzy Mike.
I'm great.
That's it for the Fuzzy Mike.
Thank you, the Fuzzy Mike withKevin Kline.
Welcome to the Fuzzy Mike, the interview series, the
podcast, whatever Kevin wants tocall it.
It's Fuzzy Mike, hello, andthank you for joining me.
Your feedback and messagesabout my conversation with James
Baker and Rorschach Test.
Well, quite simply, it's whatmakes me know that I'm doing the
(00:21):
right thing with the Fuzzy Mike.
It's what makes me know thatI'm doing the right thing with
the fuzzy mic.
I often well, okay, not oftenmore like every second of every
waking minute question if thefuzzy mic is doing what I want
it to do, and that is educate onmental health and provide
comfort, showing you that you'renot alone.
(00:42):
My guest on this episode, she'son a personal mission to save 1
million lives.
She was faced with a choiceafter tragedy struck her family
in 2014, and then again in 2017.
Her choice Now she could eitherfind purpose through despair or
(01:02):
she could throw in the towel.
She chose purpose.
Hello, carrie Conley.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Hello Kevin, how are you?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
I am fantastic.
What a pleasure to be speakingwith you.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
It's a pleasure to meet you as well.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Thank you.
You and I have quite a bit incommon and we're going to talk
about that today and you and I,hopefully, are going to take
more steps for you to get closerto one million lives saved.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
OK, I love that.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
It's a pretty audacious goal?
Yes, it is, but I have a forceof a team behind me, a lot of
people supporting me, and yeahso Well, it's a goal that I
think a lot of people want tohelp you get to, that goal of
one million lives saved.
You and I come from a uniqueperspective on this.
(01:50):
My father died from suicide andyou have two people in your
family.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Yes, Unfortunately yes.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Not just people your husband and, three years later,
your son.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yes, I don't know how you cope with that A lot of
faith.
Number one Okay, I am verycertain of where they are and
that I will see them again.
Um, I have a belief that theyare very much with me, behind it
, just driving this mission withme, kevin, especially my son he
(02:27):
was 25 when he passed and Ihave a huge mission in those 1
million people to really helpyoung adults right now, because
they're really struggling, andthey'll be the first to tell you
that I have them on my podcast.
I interviewed them sometimesand I love that.
So I have a lot of support anda lot of communities that I'm in
(02:49):
.
One of them in particular iscalled Helping Parents Heal.
It's a huge community that areall parents that have lost a
child one way or another.
They have a big conferencehappening here in Arizona at the
end of this week.
1, will be there, oh, wow, anda lot of the people that they
have speak there, kevin, arepeople who are and I don't know
(03:11):
what your belief is, but likemediums, very, very connected to
the other side type people,right, oh, amazing, yeah, so
they are.
You know they're actually thereto just giving you a whole lot
of peace about the situation,right, yeah, so it's not.
You know it's hard, I'm notgoing to lie.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
But you're 10 years removed from your husband, seven
years removed from your son.
Are the wounds?
Speaker 2 (03:39):
still as fresh today as they were the day you found
out.
Um, in one way, yes, in one way, yes, in one way, no, you know.
Do I recall every facet of whathappened that day as much
anymore?
No, you know, for the firstyear or whatever, I had a friend
who actually lost her husbandto suicide years before mine,
and we got together shortlyafter my husband passed.
(03:59):
She said it's going to beseveral months, if not years,
where you stop having what shecalled bookend days, days where
you wake up recalling the wholescene and days where you go to
bed thinking about it.
Yeah, so I don't have that somuch anymore.
But do I have days where youknow just missing them so bad,
(04:21):
absolutely.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
How much of your son's decision was based upon
what his father did three yearsearlier.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
You know, I know there's statistics around that
that I probably would have beenmore aware of at the time.
I just never thought my sonwould take his life because of
what we went through losing hisdad, because he knew how hard
that was on him, me and mydaughter.
He is.
I have a daughter who's 30 now.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
And she's helped you write books.
You've got two books and she'shelped you write both of them,
if I'm not mistaken.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
She did not help me write the first one.
The first one is all me.
It's called Vision is Victory.
It's a workbook, because what Ispecialize in, kevin, is
helping people get a verypowerful vision and purpose for
their life.
Yes, because I know that can bean anchor of hope for a lot of
people.
So that's what I specialize in.
She and I co-authored a bookcalled Keep Looking Up two years
after losing my son, and thatbook is about us telling the
(05:18):
story, but mostly it's a bookabout what has helped us through
the journey, because we have somany people come to us that
have been through some sort ofdiversity that just really
didn't.
They were how do I deal withthis?
Or how do I help my friendwho's dealing with something.
So it's 11 chapters of what welearned.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I mean, how many people come up to you on a
regular basis, like I have twofriends going through grief
right now and I'm just, I'm anear and a shoulder, I don't know
, I don't know what else toprovide for them, you know.
But like I know what, I knowhow I grieve, okay, and I don't
(05:55):
grieve the same way as otherpeople, and so, um, are there
proper ways and improper ways togrieve?
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Um, I don't know that there's not an improper way to
grieve.
I think it's a very personalthing.
I think, however, you need tohandle it.
You do you right?
That's probably the biggestthing we learned is that what
worked for my daughter doesn'tnecessarily work for me, and
vice versa.
I think what's also importantand this is a chapter in our
book is that you, as the friend,allow them to grieve the way
(06:28):
they need to grieve, not the waythat you would want it.
So I'll give you an example ofthat.
So you know, a lot of friendsof ours wanted to just come to
the house and sit with us andhug us and cry and do all the
things, and that was the lastthing we wanted do all the
(06:48):
things, and that was the lastthing we wanted.
And so what we learned was thepeople who learned how to mirror
what we needed and respect thatand honor that have been the
people who have stuck with usthe longest.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Because the people that we didn't didn't
necessarily allow them in theway they wanted to be in, or the
way they would have wantednecessarily allow them in the
way they wanted to be in or theway they would have wanted.
I think kind of just didn'tunderstand it, Maybe felt like
they weren't included in it asmuch.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Sure, I get that.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Yeah, we learned a lot from that and still learning
.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
If you're not learning, you're not growing.
Yeah, you know, you're just notso.
And I want to talk to you aboutVision is Victory.
You have generously agreed toprovide that for free to the
Fuzzy Mike audience and we'regoing to put links up in the
description and also, if you'rewatching this on YouTube, you
can see where to sign up forthat.
I signed up for your newsletterearlier this morning.
I would love to be on yourcouch, on your chair, because I
(07:45):
think you could really help me.
So today I'm going to be thatone person that you save.
Ok, and I tell you why becauseI'm depressed, clinically
depressed and also chronicsuicidal ideation.
Ok, that's always an option.
It's always.
It's always an option.
You know, and I don't handlestress very well and I stress
(08:06):
about everything.
So how do you and I'm going togo exactly off of your uh
podcast description Do youstress about money and it is
consuming your thoughts withfear about your future.
How do you not?
And especially young adults whoare coming out of college with
massive debt?
Speaker 2 (08:24):
right.
How do you not?
Well, there's a lot of, there'sa lot of negative narrative
behind all that, right, a lot,especially with money.
One is that a lot of themessaging that you have about
money are beliefs that aren'tnecessarily true.
So a lot of us grew up withmoney doesn't grow on trees.
You've got to work really hardfor the money.
You know it's never enough.
(08:45):
There's not enough to go aroundall lies, right.
So the first thing we have toidentify again, specifically
talk about money is that most ofwhat we've been taught are not
true, and I was that person thatI had to really change my whole
thought process around that.
When I stepped in to be anentrepreneur, kevin, the first.
(09:06):
When I stepped into being anentrepreneur, kevin, the first
place I stepped into was theindustry of network marketing,
and so I had a lot of badnarrative around that.
My people thought I was allcrazy.
Like you have a college degree,you've got a great job, why
would you go sell lipstick?
But the community that I was in,I was learning whole different
(09:26):
narratives, right, that theincome that I could make there
was infinite which it is andthat anybody following their
simple system can work their wayto the top and beyond.
So we have to change thenarrative.
You have to get around peoplewho have different thoughts
about it so that you can startretraining the brain.
(09:47):
There's so much out there nowon podcasts and books and all
this stuff.
Right, I'm reading a lot ofbooks right now on millionaire
mindset.
Okay, maybe the circumstanceyou're in right now can be a
little stressful, but how canyou see a future beyond where
you are right now and create agame plan?
(10:08):
So I ended up coaching a lot ofentrepreneurs, and so the very
first question I would ask themis okay, what's the vision,
where are you going and by when?
I need a target date.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
And you usually say three years right.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Yeah, I use three years so I get them to write a
vision, a big, beautiful visionof every area of their life.
They see that they want tocreate three years from now,
regardless of what's happeningnow.
I want to know what your familylife looks like.
Where are you living?
If you're traveling, where areyou going?
Who's going with you?
What are you doing as far asyour career?
How much money are you making?
Right?
(10:41):
So we set that out there, sothat now we can reverse engineer
some one-year goals, six-monthgoals, 90-day goals.
We can break it down intobite-sized chunks, especially as
business owners.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
So vision is victory is what we're actually kind of
talking about right now.
Yes, Number one, why is visionvictory?
And number two are we writingdown our three-year dream, our
idea, or are we writing downwhere we think we can get?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
What you're writing out is the desires of your heart
, kevin, what you truly desire.
So my backstory is when I wasin my late twenties, my husband
and I went to high school andcollege together, came out of
college both of us with businessdegrees.
This was the late eighties.
So we were both going into thecorporate world.
Right, this is what you did.
You were told to go get a job,stick with it, work your way up
the ranks.
So my husband did thatextremely well.
(11:29):
I did not.
I was changing jobs every twoyears because I couldn't fit the
job, and it wasn't until I hadmy first mentor that I sat with
going.
Why am I like this?
Why can't I do what all myfriends are doing?
She said you're never going tofit that mold, carrie.
You aren't wired that way.
You need to go figure out whatit is, that lifestyle that you
want to create and find thething that fits that.
(11:53):
And so and this is why I had theworkbook Kevin is I sat down
with a legal pad of paper oneday and just wrote who I wanted
to be, what I wanted to become,what kind of mom I wanted to be,
the relationship I wanted tohave with my kids, the values I
wanted to instill in them, thetrips we wanted to take,
everything.
The key to this is that I didnot know the how.
(12:13):
I think this is where peopleget tripped up.
They feel like they've got toknow the how before they write
the vision, and it's backwards.
You write the vision, the howshows up.
So because I wrote a lot ofthings about I wanted to work
from home, I wanted to make asubstantial residual income, I
wanted to earn trips, I wantedto be in a company with a lot of
leadership, right, not knowingwhat that vehicle is going to be
(12:35):
.
Well, a year later, thatvehicle showed up and the minute
it showed up, I was like thisis it?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
So did it show up because it just happened,
because you manifested it, ordid you actively seek that out,
since you had it written down?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
I think it's a both thing.
I think what happened that dayis a lot of things.
One, I believe because I was insuch a quiet place, kevin and
this goes back to my faith thatI was really listening to what
God's will was for my life andwhat he was revealing to me was
this is the path you're going togo, and here's why.
Because on the last line of oneof those pieces of paper, when
I was noodling a bunch of ideasI didn't know right Did I want
(13:11):
to go into marketing consulting,cause that was my background I
wrote things around maybe I'd bein a company in health and
wellness, skincare, questionmark all these things.
On the last line, for the veryfirst time in my life, I wrote
that someday I wanted to teachvisioning and goal setting to
other people, and I trulybelieve that was God giving a
(13:32):
little peek as to what wascoming.
So me aligning with that andpeople, you know, call it the
universe manifesting whatever.
I think I was opening up now tobeing open to a whole other
path than the nine to five.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Because I was open to it and I started talking about
my vision with other people.
Those people started showing up.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
How rewarding was that previous career compared to
what you do now.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
They're both very rewarding.
For 20 years I I I built areally big team If you know
about networking, it's all aboutbuilding a team and reached the
highest rank, a lot ofrecognition, a lot of trips
earned.
I did this while I was raisingmy kids, so we have a lot of
great memories from all of that.
Those people that were leadersin the company poured into me
(14:22):
like none other.
I would not be the speaker andcoach I am right now.
Without that, wow, right, yeah,it just became this thing that
right before my husband died, Idecided, because I was teaching
all my team members, I need youto write a vision, a really
powerful vision, because I knew,kevin, if they didn't have that
, they were going to quit on me.
The first rejection they got oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(14:45):
For sure quit on me.
The first rejection they got oh, yeah, yeah, yeah for sure,
Because I had all that my family.
When I told them that I wasgoing to step into Arbonne as
the name of the company, theywere like what?
So I needed to have a reallypowerful vision, because I
needed to see beyond where I wasright then and see beyond what
my other friends and familycould not see.
So I was able to take all ofthat into what I do now and do
(15:05):
it in a much more public way,which is very, very rewarding.
My favorite thing to do is tospeak on stage.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
I'm sure you're very good at speaking.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I love it.
Just give me a microphone, I'mon.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Vision is victory.
The writing down of it.
Is it because you write it down, it becomes concrete and now
you have something that you lookat and you know that you're
striving for that.
Or is it that you write thatdown and now you're committed?
Speaker 2 (15:30):
All of the above.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
So when I do a vision workshop I talk about depending
on the audience, I will pickfive or 10 things that I know
what vision helps fix in yourlife, which is why my tagline is
Vision is Victory.
It helps a lot of people makebetter decisions with their time
, money and the people theyspend it with, because at any
time I'm presented, somethinglike doing this podcast, kevin
right, either lines up with thevision of where I'm going or it
doesn't.
So it's easy for me to say yesor no.
(15:58):
Yeah, better boundariesLeadership.
You cannot influence people andmake an impact without a very
powerful vision that you canconvey to other people, right?
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
It also becomes a whole lot of thing around.
Ok, again what we talked aboutearlier of having that three
year dream, that vision, thatpurpose, so that you can break
it down into quantifiable,measurable things, smaller
increments that are doable.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Yeah, it's like eating the elephant, you don't?
You do a bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, yes, and so, like you
said, you got that three-yearplan, but then you break it down
into 90 days, 60 days, twoyears, one year.
Yeah, how much of victory isvision?
How much of that is in ourcontrol?
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Well.
So this is the question mark.
Everybody has right.
So my vision, of course, atthis point in life has shifted
dramatically because of losingmy husband and my son.
That was absolutely outside ofmy control, and I think this is
another place where people gettripped up.
They get tripped up becausethey need to know the how first,
and they also get tripped upwith so many things they think
(17:04):
are outside of their control.
Why write a vision if you couldlose somebody, or you could lose
your job, or you could bedisabled or whatever right?
The thing about the vision,kevin, is it's not so much, like
I've said already, it's not somuch about what I'm doing, what
I'm making who you know.
It's a lot about my purpose.
(17:25):
That has not changed theunderlying thing, and the
biggest reason why I get peopleto sit and write their vision is
I want them to really thinkabout and hear what's going on
inside, because that's whereyour purpose is hidden.
We've just buried it under alot of, again, negative
narrative, what everybody toldus to do, and I want people to
(17:48):
bring out that thing that'stapping at their heart every day
and go after it, because that'show we die with regrets.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Oh very true.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Right, I think, to answer your question, more
things are in your control thanyou think.
Most people think that theycan't control a lot of things,
and you really can.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Well, most people would write down in their vision
, I think, that they want tohave a successful job and most
people would think, well,somebody's got to give me that
break.
Yeah, how do you get out ofthat thought process?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Well, I don't know if you've been seeing a lot of the
celebrity type people talkinglately about like Mel Robbins
has been saying this a lotlately Kevin, that nobody's
coming for you, it's all you.
That is a victim mentality kindof thing and entitlement
mentality kind of thing.
Right Like so.
(18:43):
When I stepped into networkmarketing, I didn't know that
industry at all.
I didn't understand how to goafter it.
What it looked like.
All I knew is what I wanted.
I had other people teach meokay, this is where you start.
Take these baby steps, you'regonna be here.
Take the next baby steps,you're gonna be here.
And because they were furtherahead and where I wanted to be,
(19:04):
I trusted that what they weretelling me was the thing to go
do and that it was a no-failsystem.
If I did it the way they toldme to do it, I was going to get
there.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
So you work with youth and you work with young
adults and what we're talkingabout is, I think, right up
their alley, and when you and Iwere in the workforce early on,
it was, yeah, I'm going to dothis.
I worked for 22 months for freebecause I knew that's what I
wanted to do for a living.
I don't think young adults andkids want to do that anymore.
They get out of school.
(19:35):
They get out of college.
They want to make that $100,000immediately.
So how do we help them throttleback?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, that's it.
We could talk all day aboutthis topic.
So I talk a lot with youngadults, specifically early 20s
to early 30s ish, and one of thethings they tell me, kevin, is
that they feel like they arealready behind.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
They are because of the cost of school.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Well, that could be one.
Two is what they're seeing allover social media.
Oh yeah, what they're seeing isthat their colleagues are
crushing it.
We're seeing 11-year-oldsmaking a million dollars, right?
So my 22-year-old intern that'sthe producer in the studio that
I go in when I record mypodcast he said to me that he
(20:23):
felt like he was already behind.
I said dude, you're 22 yearsold, you're just getting started
.
Yeah, we have to really crushthat lie, because what they're
seeing is not real and I thinkthat they just want to feel like
, yes, they want to make money,but I think the bigger thing
about them, kevin, is they alsowant to make.
(20:44):
I think they feel more than youand I don't know how old you
are, but they want to be feelinglike they're making a bigger
impact and a contribution inthis world too.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
That's a beautiful thing, right.
I didn't learn about that untilI was 36.
I'll be 55 next month, right,yeah, I didn't learn about
giving back until I was 36,because my first 35 years were
to live in spite of what my dadpredicted and told me.
You know, my dad, my, myconcept of money comes from my
dad.
It's how many figures are onyour paycheck.
(21:13):
That's success, right?
So my sole motivation in lifewas to, you know, make as much
money as I could buy the biggesthouse, coolest car.
Shove it up his ass and Ireached the pinnacle of my
career and two weeks later hehanged himself.
So I never got that.
I never got that victory, youknow, and I mean, he's been dead
(21:35):
18 years now and I still thinkabout that.
You know, I still think about Idon't, I, I never knew him.
We lived in the same house.
He, you know, took me to everybaseball game, but I, he, he was
very, very secretive, you know,and and I know that from his
upbringing but I would havenever, never suspected that he
(21:58):
was going to kill himself.
Nobody in our family did.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Right.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
And we just knew he was depressed.
We didn't know that that farand I remember my mom calling me
and I said you got to beshitting me.
I mean there was no, that wasmy emotion.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Right.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
You know, and that's why people like they can't
understand why I didn't breakdown.
I just didn't.
Yeah, I just didn't.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Well, you know, I think the biggest question you
and I probably get asked, andeverybody else who's been
through this, is did you see itcoming?
Right, yeah, what were thesigns?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
And, unfortunately, there is no checklist I can give
people Right.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Um, because on the outside appearances neither my
husband or my son lookeddepressed.
Um, I knew they were strugglingspecifically with their
identity around their jobs,which, unfortunately, with men
that's a big deal, and they wereworking through things.
But did I ever think how deepand how dark the thoughts had
(22:55):
gotten for my husband?
No, because he kept that verysecret.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
In a previous interview that I saw you do with
Jen Drummond you talked aboutyou knew your husband in high,
you were dating in high school,right but you said after he
committed suicide is when youfound out things about his
family that you didn't know,that you didn't know.
How could that be hidden?
How could that have been hidden?
Speaker 2 (23:20):
I don't know that they were necessarily hidden.
I think that they were.
Just they played a bigger partinto what turned him mentally.
My husband's family were verymuch.
We don't talk about bad stuff.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
With rose colored glasses all the time.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
So there was.
He would never have gone to hisparents, especially his dad,
and told them here's, I'm reallystruggling, Right, his dad, and
told them I'm really struggling, right.
I think that there was a lot ofpressure on my husband to have
a successful career versus whathe really, I think, wanted to do
.
I think in hindsight my husbandwould have really made a great
(24:00):
teacher, but there was no moneyin that right, and the reason I
believe that is that he ran our,our the second grade Bible
study at our church for many,many years.
He loved it.
It was the highlight of hisweek, Right.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Yep, yep.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
So it's just things that like you it's.
You can see it now in hindsight.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Some things that had.
I even thought he was reallystruggling to that level
probably would have.
I would have seen it sooner,but you just don't.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
So let's suppose that a parent or a sibling does see
that a loved one is suffering ora friend is suffering.
How do you bring that up, or doyou?
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Oh yeah, you do, I've learned a lot about this.
I've done several podcasts withsome experts on this.
As a matter of fact, people whoare going into the schools and
teaching kids how to communicatewith each other, because
they're isolated and that's thebiggest problem.
They'll be all together in anassembly and not know each other
.
They're hiding a lot of stuffand they're not asking.
(25:06):
They're hiding a lot of stuffand they're not asking.
And so one of the myths is thatif you ask somebody hey, are
you thinking about killingyourself?
That you are planting the seed.
I've definitely believed this.
In hindsight, I would ask waysooner, especially with my son,
and that is completely false.
We need to be asking people.
(25:27):
Are you thinking about takingyour life?
Speaker 1 (25:30):
That bluntly, not like, are you okay?
Just that bluntly yes, okay,yeah, I just learned something.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
So I would have never thought that.
I would have thought you know,hey, are you okay?
Speaker 2 (25:53):
It's okay not to be okay, but this is the world
we're in now.
Is that we've got to be reallyon top of this, kevin, or else
it's not going to change.
Yeah, no, it won't.
We've got to take some drasticchanges in how we are
communicating, how we arerelating to each other, how we
are stepping in instead of justsaying, hey, are you okay,
instead of saying, I thinkyou're really in trouble and I
want to help you.
Now the help can be manydifferent ways directing them to
you know a 988 support line.
I've had, literally friendsthat have picked up their kids
(26:15):
and taken them to the hospitaland checked them in.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Wow Against their will.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I think at that moment it's like an intervention
.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
You just resigned to it.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
You're going.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Right, I had one friend who actually this was a
few years ago.
She left a Facebook post sayinggoodbye.
I got a message from a mutualfriend saying hey, have you seen
her posts driving herself up tosome cliff?
I think her intention was shewas going to drive off.
(26:51):
Somebody got to her and stoppedher and she turned around and
drove herself to the nearesthospital and checked herself in
Good for her.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Yeah, cause that's a strong person, that's a strong
thing to do.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Well and here's.
But here's the thing, kevin, isthat her posting that was her.
I believe her cried us outsaying somebody stop me.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Because more times than not nobody does that.
They don't even leave a note,statistically right.
I think that when peopleattempt it and make that public,
they are really wanting thehelp.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
It's kind of what happened to me in high school.
When I was a senior in highschool, I was in typing class
and before class started I juststarted writing I want to die, I
want to die, I want to die.
And the girl behind me, reneeHill she saw that didn't say
anything to me.
But the next period I get acall to go see the high school
counselor who says you knowwhat's going on.
And I think it was brilliantwhat counselor Heitman did
(27:48):
called my parents and said yourson is struggling.
This is how you bring it up.
Ask your younger son at thedinner table what's going on
with you.
And they did, my parents did.
And after the third question tohim, my brother I'm like it's
not him, it's me, yeah, and thenthey dismissed him from the
(28:08):
table and we had a nice longtalk.
Wow, if it wasn't for Renee, Idon't know people would have
known that I was struggling thatmuch.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
That's one of my goals with the podcast is to
help people open up.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Yeah.
So I'm in that fight with youtwo to save those 1 million
folks, because I know the effectthat my dad's decision had on
the family not so much me, buton the family, and that's what
you have to think about.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
That's the thing I think about, yeah yeah.
Because you had asked me tohelp save you.
That would be my biggestquestion is.
You have to know, kevin, thatbecause I think people who,
towards the end, take their lifehave a very big belief that
their family will be better offwithout them, and nothing could
be further from the truth.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Yeah, I say that.
I say that to my wife onoccasion.
I'm like wouldn't you be betteroff without me?
She's like, absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Right.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
Yeah, so three years after your husband passes away,
your son does, and did you sitdown with your daughter and have
conversations like what are youthinking?
Where are you at, are you OK?
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Actually, it was both of us coming together saying,
OK, we're going to make surethat neither one of us get to
this place, right, nice.
So we have a very opencommunication about how we're
feeling all the time.
My daughter is very happy andvery well adjusted and has done
the work to heal herself and getthrough the grief, right, and
(29:39):
she checks on me on a regularbasis Right, yeah.
So we just have a very opencommunication, especially on the
days that we're feeling sad oryeah, this is why we co-wrote
the book together.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
I was going to say that had to be very cathartic
for both of you and very helpful.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
Yes, and at the time she had just gotten married.
But was she married yet?
Yes, she was married, but shehad not started her family yet.
So we were speaking togetherwhen we launched the book.
We went on a four city booktour um started and did a whole
(30:16):
lot of media and speakingtogether on a few stages.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Now she has two very active little boys, so she can't
do this, yeah, yeah.
Uh, we're talking to CarrieConley and the book that we're
talking about that she co-wrotewith her daughter, Laurel, is
keep looking up.
And then also the book visionis victory written by.
It's a workbook written byCarrie herself and we are going
to give you an opportunity toget that for free today.
What do the Fuzzy Mic listenershave to do to get that for free
(30:39):
?
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Well, I think I gave you a link you can put in the
show notes, but there's also atext option.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
So if people want to try that, it's just texting the
word VICTORY all in caps, to26786.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
26786, victory in all caps and you will get the
Vision is Victory workbook.
I know I'm going to get myselfone because I think that's the
thing.
I know where I want to be.
But unless I write it down,it's just I know where I want to
be.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Right, yeah, and that's the game changer, Kevin.
That's the reason I do what Ido, because everybody tells me
that.
You know, when I speak on stage, my first question is always do
you feel like you have a verystrong, powerful vision for your
life?
And most people kind of nodtheir head and go yeah.
But the next thing I ask him iscan you show me a three-year
written letter to me as to whatyour life looks like, with
(31:31):
target dates on things?
That's the thing is that you'vegot to be shooting for certain
targets of where you want to bein each of those categories.
Yeah, Because without that,you're just kind of letting it.
Well, we'll see if it happens.
If it doesn't, whatever.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Yeah, Well, I for my ultra running stuff that I do,
unless I tell somebody about itI'm not committed.
Right, as soon as I tellsomebody about it, then I'm
committed.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Yeah, so it's the same thing with vision is
victory.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
You're writing it down and now you're committed to
making that happen.
What if, after three years, youhaven't achieved what you've
written down?
What happens?
Speaker 2 (32:07):
I think a lot of people really worry about that
too, and what I tell them.
I usually go back to my networkmarketing days, right, one of
my goals was to earn theMercedes-Benz within the first
year or two.
That's a pretty big level.
I did not earn that car untilseven years in the company, so I
kept pushing the date out,pushing the date out, pushing
(32:28):
the date out.
Here's the thing.
It doesn't matter that I had topush the date out.
What matters is that I gotthere.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
And I didn't beat myself up about it, that's the
other thing is that just you'llget there at the time you're
supposed to get there.
But if you don't have targetdates, you're not going to know
the action that you need to take.
So at the end of three years,if you haven't, how do you not
consider yourself?
Speaker 1 (32:56):
a failure.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
I just kept believing in the people that were around
me saying you're, you are there,you just need a little more
time.
Okay, you got to have thecommunity around you.
You have to have a lot of faithand you have to have a vision
that is bigger than how you'refeeling at the moment.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
You have to have a lot of faith and you have to
have a vision that is biggerthan how you're feeling at the
moment?
Yeah, oh right.
That is a very powerfulstatement.
Number one, but also number two, is that you kind of you get
away from thinking aboutyourself and the vision and you
continue to think about the goal.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Okay, so that's what keeps propelling you forward.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Absolutely so.
There were so many days Iwanted to quit that business you
have no idea so many days byall the rejection, you know I
was 18 months into the companyand this close to earning the
car and all my team quit, had torebuild and go right.
So my husband was not a fan ofme doing it.
The, the woman who sponsored meinto the company, was my best
(33:50):
friend from high school and shedied a year into it.
Uh, of us doing it together,there was so much, but the
reason I got into my officeevery day and did what they told
me to do was that the visionthat I had for me and my family
was bigger.
It overrode the emotion.
That's where people get trippedup as they live their life
(34:12):
based on how they're feeling,not on where they're going and
the impact they're making.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Okay, so that's an interesting thing that you just
said, because I was talking tomy former radio partner
yesterday and we were talkingabout living in the moment.
Now you're saying that it'sokay about living in the moment.
Now you're saying that it'sokay to live in the future.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
I think it's a balance of both things.
Be grateful where you are inthe present, okay, always,
because it's a gift you don'tknow if you have tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
Exactly yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
But, regardless of what happens today, hopefully
you're choosing to make it agood day, right?
What's going to get you throughhow you're feeling or whatever
happens to you today?
What got me through was knowingthat, okay, this is just today.
I know that it's building tothe next day, and where I'm
going and my purpose is drivingit.
(35:01):
I very much live in the moment,very present, very in gratitude
.
But so much of what I'mbuilding right now, kevin, is so
big that it's scary.
This is another very big pointI want to make.
There's a lot of fear and mostpeople believe that if you are
(35:21):
fearful or you're scared, you'redoing something wrong.
What I know is, because whatI'm building is so big it's way
outside of my comfort zone thatthe fear is good.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
Yeah Well, our friend Jen Drummond says you're not
living.
If you're living in yourcomfort zone, if you're living
out of your comfort zone.
That's when you start living.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
If you're comfortable , you're drifting, you're you're
.
You know you're not making animpact in other people's lives.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Yeah, and you're, you're, you're stagnant, you're
not doing anything, like you're,just, you're not engaging
yourself.
Right, you're not at all, andwe are.
We're a species that has to beengaged yes and whatever it is,
you know, whether a relationship, or whether a task or whether a
quest.
I know that's for me.
You know and I think that'swhat vision is victory is about
(36:10):
too is you're writing down whatthe end of that quest is going
to be?
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah, yeah.
Can you put vision is victory?
Can you just put I want to behappy three years from now, or
has it got to be something moreconcrete than that?
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Well, what does happiness mean?
I mean you've got to be reallyclear on, okay, what is what are
you being happy mean?
What does that mean for youthat you're living in your dream
house in downtown Chicago, orare you living up on top of a
mountain, away from everybody?
You know?
You have to be super clear onwhat that vision is for you.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
So you just said you have to define what happiness is
for you.
Let me ask you this question,and it's a question that I ask a
lot of people who are trying tohelp others what is hope?
What is hope?
Speaker 2 (36:56):
What is hope?
Hope is knowing that, no matterwhat is happening, that there
is a better future than whereyou are right now.
It's everything, it's theanchor that will get you through
it.
That's why I said that my faithis my everything, because I
know that, no matter what I'mgoing through right now and how
tough this is in the moment, Iknow that ultimately I'm going
(37:17):
to be with my son and my husbandforever, in a much better place
than this.
That's hope, yeah.
Knowing there's a better futurethan where you are right now,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
A lot of people mistake that when they hear the
word hope, they're like oh,that's just a wish, it's not,
it's not.
You know, my wife and I run apediatric cancer nonprofit and
one of the words is hope,courage and love.
And hope to me in that respectis a belief that there's going
to be victories, there's goingto be a better cure and then
(37:50):
better treatment and then maybeone day a cure.
So that's what I define hope asbetter treatment and then maybe
one day a cure.
So that's what I define hope as.
So I was very happy to hear youdefine it.
As you know, seeing things getbetter.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Yeah, it's not a wish .
It's not a wish at all.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
No, because that's just kind of leaving it up to
whatever.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
Yeah, Hope you've got to be a more active participant
, I think.
Yeah, for sure, for sure youhave got to be, you've got to be
a more active participant.
I think, yeah, for sure, forsure.
You again have to figure outwhat is it that links you to
that hope?
Um, the people around you, yourfaith, whatever that is your
purpose, the legacy that youwant to leave right yeah, it's
so cool to finally find yourpurpose.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yeah, you, you know, I found mine when I was 36, you
know, and I've just been soblessed beyond what I deserve
since I found pediatric cancerpatients that I want to help,
you know, right, and it kind ofit strengthens me a little bit,
but then when we lose one, itreally it really affects me.
(38:56):
The victories really energizeyou and really encourage you.
And so when somebody, when,when somebody writes me, as my
friend Brenda did the other day,and says your podcast really
helps me.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
That's that.
That's what makes it all worthit.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Absolutely yeah, and you know you and I there's only
one person on this planet whoever walked us are perfect and
could save people.
You and I can't do that Right.
We can help, we can inspire, wecan encourage, we can give
people tools and skills.
I still coach.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
That's where I was going.
We can give them tools, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
Yeah, but for everyone that we lose there's 20
more.
Hopefully that turn around andI get the same uh reach outs
that you do of.
You know I heard you onso-and-so kevin's podcast or I
heard your podcast or whatever,and you have no idea.
You know, because when you putthese out there, kevin, don't
you go?
Oh, I hope somebody's listeningto that, right.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
I do, I do.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
Yeah, and then when you get somebody randomly going
hey, you don't know me, but Iheard you blah, blah, blah, you
really, really helped me,especially if they're a young
adult that's struggling, thatmeans everything to me.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
It really does.
You know, because, on multiplelevels number one, they took the
time to listen Right.
Not only just hear, but listenRight.
You know, because so manypeople use this as background
noise.
But if you really pay attentionyou could save your own life.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Right.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Yeah.
So it's a very powerful mediumand it's just, it's something
that I've been doing.
Well, the focus now with thefuzzy mic is the mental health,
and that focus has been sinceJanuary of this year and I I
have I've had several peoplereach out to me and say, please,
just keep doing what you'redoing.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Keep doing it, yep.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Especially with casting.
You know it's not a.
I've learned a lot since Istarted my podcast two years ago
when I hired the team.
I go into a studio and do it Um.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
I was wondering why it sounds so good.
I mean, the audio is very, verygood.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
But your audio today is fantastic.
I know and I'm at home on mycomputer, so you wonder.
But when I hired that team theysaid do not think that you can
try this for six months.
We need a good two to threeyear run consistently.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
So mine drops once a week.
I don't know how yours does,but we are very consistent with
every Monday it drops right,yeah, I'm every Tuesday.
And I enjoy it.
It's fun doing the interviews.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
Well, it's the only thing that I miss about what I
used to do on radio.
I retired in 2021.
And, like you said about yourhusband, the job was an identity
and the job was an identity andthe job was a major identity
for me.
I mean, I have 1.1 millionlisteners a week and then, all
of a sudden, I drop off the faceof the earth.
So, yeah, that was a shock tothe system, but everything I
(41:45):
miss about it, I'm getting righthere with you the conversation,
the education you know.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
And it's helping other people.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Yes, and I'm going to bet Kevin that this is a big
part of your positive mentalhealth.
Oh huge huge that and yourrunning right.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
Oh, yeah, yeah, running is the cheapest medicine
you can find.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Yeah, so, but no, I mean today.
In talking to you, I've learnedthree things that I can do to
cope number one.
In talking to you, I've learnedthree things that I can do to
cope number one and to manifestwhere I want to be and what I
want to do with the podcast.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
So thank you for that .
Speaker 2 (42:21):
You're welcome.
No, thank you.
This is my favorite thing to do, as you know.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
So cool of you to join me and thank you so much
for doing that.
What else do we want to hit?
We want to hit kerryconleycomC-A-R-E-Y-C-O-N-L-E-Ycom.
If you're watching on YouTube,that's down to the bottom of the
screen.
Vision is Victory.
What's that number again thatwe text?
Speaker 2 (42:41):
The word VICTORY all in caps to 26786.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
26786.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
And I wanted to mention, the name of my podcast,
Moving Through and Beyond,changed a couple of months
recently and it's now calledMental Health Breakthroughs for
Young Adults.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
Okay, there it is Well.
Mental Health Breakthroughs forYoung Adults.
There's a link right there.
I highly recommend that you golisten to them, because the
podcast is really really goodand you have some fascinating
guests too.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
I'm very blessed to know a lot of really awesome
people.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Yeah, well, you're really awesome.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Oh thanks.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Awesome begets awesome, doesn't it?
Yes, awesome begets awesome,doesn't it?
Yes, seriously, I mean, youknow, I have very low
self-esteem, but who we'reattracted to because it's a
mirror reflection of us.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Don't you think?
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
You've got some really awesome guests on your
show.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Yeah, and more to come.
Jen's going to come on and ToddBlyleven is going to come on.
Do you know his story?
I don't.
His father's a Hall of Famepitcher and he he carried 40
people off of the.
Todd carried 40 people off ofthe concert festival at Las
Vegas during the mass shooting.
Yeah, that actually gave himPTSD.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah, oh yeah.
You know, I would imagine Heck,yeah, still working through
some of that myself.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
I'm surprised my mom never really had that, because
she was the one that found mydad, you know and I'm surprised
that she has never really hadpost-traumatic stress disorder
from seeing him, you know.
So, again, it's like you.
However, you grieve, you grieveand however it affects you,
what affects you.
There's really no, there's noset way.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Right, yeah, right.
He's got to seek out the helpthat works for you.
And boy I've sought out a lot,me too.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Solicited, unsolicited money.
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Well, carrie, thank you so muchfor joining me.
Thank you for all of yoursuccess and what you share with
the world, because I think itdoes help a lot of people open
up about themselves and to knowthat they're not alone.
Yes, and that's the major point.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
And I am honored to be here with you, kevin, so
thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
All right, you got a friend for life here, buddy.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
Thank you, you too, I got a new friend.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
How about that?
I've downloaded Carrie's Visionto Victory workbook.
I've already done it and itindeed is completely free To get
yours go to bitly forward.
Slash vision is victory orsimply text the word victory in
all caps B-I-C-T-O-R-Y, in allcaps to this number 26786.
(45:17):
Again, victory in all caps to26786.
Like we kind of said in theconversation, once you write it
down, the vision becomes anactionable plan.
So get writing and make thatvision your victory.
My thanks to Carrie Conley forjoining me and sharing her story
(45:38):
and message of empowerment andownership over your future.
You can visit Carrie's websiteat carrieconleycom.
Now, if you're looking to addsome laughter into your life, I
suggest the Tuttle Clime podcast.
You can listen to it on thesame platform.
If you're looking to add somelaughter into your life, I
suggest the Tuttle Clime podcast.
You can listen to it on thesame platform where you're
listening to the Fuzzy Mike.
(45:58):
New episodes post everyWednesday.
If you don't mind, I sure coulduse your help growing the Fuzzy
Mike family.
Every download, share likerating and comment, is your
contribution to help save a life.
There are people out there whocould benefit from the message
of the fuzzy mic, but they justdon't know about it.
(46:19):
So please help me, help themfind it.
The Fuzzy Mic is hosted andproduced by Kevin Kline.
Intro and outro voice ZachSheesh at the Radio Farm.
Social media director is TrishKline.
We have got some amazing guestscoming up over the next several
weeks and, can you believe it?
We're almost at episode number100.
(46:41):
Yeah, thank you for sharingyour time with the Fuzzy Mike.
I'm great.
That's it for the Fuzzy Mike.
Thank you, the Fuzzy Mike withKevin Kline.
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