July 30, 2024 • 60 mins
What if you could transform your darkest moments into a beacon of hope and resilience? Join us as we sit down with Ricky Sluder, a life and relationship coach and author of "Accepting Truth, Finding Hope." Ricky takes us through his poignant journey of overcoming severe childhood trauma and complex PTSD, sharing how his faith-based approach to mental health has been a cornerstone in his battle against negative belief systems, addiction, and suicidal thoughts. His raw and honest account of navigating personal hardships, including financial ruin and toxic relationships, underscores the extraordinary power of faith and perseverance during life's bleakest times.
Ricky's story begins with a tumultuous upbringing in East Texas, where his father's financial struggles and violent episodes became a defining feature of his childhood. From early independence at the age of nine to dealing with molestation and severe allergies triggered by emotional turmoil, Ricky's experiences paint a vivid picture of resilience against formidable odds. The overwhelming stress of his early years was a crucible, shaping his perspective on the interconnectedness of lives and the role of divine providence. Interwoven with personal anecdotes, Ricky's narrative emphasizes that there are no coincidences in life, only moments that shape our paths.
Adding to the depth of this episode, we also recount personal tales of surviving dangerous encounters and navigating trauma towards a brighter future. From facing gang violence on the streets as a teenager to a life-altering incident involving law enforcement, these stories highlight the crucial role of emotional control and the relentless pursuit of purpose. We reflect on the true meaning of success beyond monetary achievements, the importance of setting boundaries, and seeking God's guidance through confusion. This episode is a heartfelt testament to the transformative power of vulnerability, solidarity, and unwavering hope.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Fuzzy Mike, the interview series, the
podcast, whatever Kevin wants tocall it.
It's Fuzzy Mike.
Hello and thank you for joiningme on this episode of the Fuzzy
Mike.
This is the first of a two-partconversation with my guest,
ricky Sluder, a life andrelationship coach and author of
the book Accepting Truth,finding Hope.
(00:23):
Ricky offers a faith-basedalternative to the traditional
mental health counseling modeland he uses his own enormously
incredible story of survivalagainst all odds, due to extreme
childhood trauma, includingabuse and murder and complex
PTSD, and he got that by servingthe great state of Texas as a
(00:46):
criminal investigator andclassically trained hostage
negotiator for 10 years.
Ricky was severely wounded bycountless lies he had been told
about himself.
Now, these lies, when he heardthem and believed them, led him
to form improper belief systemsabout himself and life in
general.
These lies were an attack onhis very identity, which led to
(01:10):
negative behaviors and actionslike addiction, constant
negative self-taught and secretsexual acts.
All of this led to feelings ofsadness, depression,
hopelessness and even thoughtsof suicide.
And since I'm going through myown thought process right now,
that's where we begin theconversation with Ricky.
(01:32):
I don't think anything happensby coincidence and I honestly
think that you and I were meantto talk today, and I say that
because, um, lately, all I'vebeen praying for is for God to
take me.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Really.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, yeah, so I've been.
I've been diagnosed as, uh uh,depression and chronic suicidal
ideation.
Um, my dad was the fifth personin our family to kill himself.
And it's just a gene that runsin the family and and yeah, man,
I've got a great life, butright now I just don't care, and
(02:10):
I think you're the guy that'sgoing to get me through this.
Wow.
Holy shit that is put a lot ofpressure on you.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
No, no, no, no.
I'll take that yoke, okay, andlet me tell you why.
Because if you, if you've doneany digging on me, I felt that
way so many times in my lifethat I can't see straight, like
I've had, um, I had just a lotof shit and I'd love to say I've
had a good life.
I haven't had a terrible lifeand I've had, I've had many
(02:40):
friends who are like I believein reincarnation.
Ricky, I swear to God, you're aJob 2.0.
I'm like, yeah, I think fuckingso, like, I mean like, and so
I've struggled so much.
And just the other night, manlike, so back in, oh my God, my
(03:01):
son's three.
Now I discovered after I thoughtI met my person, kevin, that
she was starving, our son nearto death, and the woman I'm
married is a fucking monster.
That lied to her ass off to me,financially, ruined me.
I fought like hell, got my son50, 50.
That's all a guy's going to get, and she got away with it, you
know.
And then come up around toNovember of 23.
(03:24):
I'm working for a toxic son ofa bitch and I got.
He just eliminated my positionbecause he didn't like me didn't
know he could do that yeah.
So I've been trying to figureout a lot of shit in the last
seven months and you know it'slike why do we do this, lord?
Like why do you take me downsuch difficult paths like never
(03:46):
ending, like it's just neverfucking ending.
And I'll tell you.
I'll take a step back, andwhenever I was really reeling
with this stuff and I waswriting my book and, by the way,
I didn't write that because Iwanted to, I wrote that because
god told me to, and I spent fiveyears writing it and I told him
every morning when I woke upthat I'd spend time with him and
if he didn't tell me what towrite, I wasn't going to fucking
(04:07):
write.
And I'm not a churchy person,you can probably see that about
me but but there is a God andI've met him and he's fucking
cool and I don't understand him.
Uh, to save my life, I don'tunderstand him.
I know he loves me, but whatI've come to understand recently
okay, during this seasonbecause I came back to him and I
(04:29):
went really Like the fuck, likeyou've made me these promises
that we weren't going to keepdoing this shit, that like
there's going to be sunshine atsome point, like I can't just
keep standing here in the rain,standing on the water, staring
you in the eyes, lord, and thento know that you're not even
fucking standing there becauseyou've done your disappearing
(04:49):
act.
And I'm just supposed to beobediently standing here getting
rained on and the waves beatingthe shit out of me.
I'm supposed to smile about it,like I can do that for about a
day.
After that I get tired, myhumanity begins to kick in and I
just don't.
Just don't know what the fuckyou want me to do.
So he had told me that he wasputting me in this season where
(05:11):
I'd kind of be like a baby in awomb and I'd feel the most alone
I've ever felt in my life.
And he's true to his fuckingword and he's just kind of like
okay, here's what we're going todo and go.
And I shit you not when I lookback at my spreadsheet, from the
time that I lost my job to thetime that on my spreadsheet I
was gonna run out of money, okaywas exactly 40 weeks.
(05:34):
You know what a gestationperiod is for a baby, don't you?
Yeah, 40 fucking weeks.
Yeah, like you can't make thisshit up.
And so I'm like let's, don't dothat to me again.
Come on, I'm so tired.
But what I'm, what I've learnedduring this season, because I,
you know, I've I've had momentswhere I've been kind of solid
(05:57):
and I've had moments where I'vebeen like you know what?
I just want to come home, like Ijust I don't want to do this
anymore.
And I've said that to him noless than probably 4,000 times
in my life and it's one of thosegenuine things where I know
(06:20):
where you're coming from.
I understand the generationalcurse, because my fucking family
, you know, brought so much shiton me that I have no doubt just
attached itself to me on my wayout of the womb that I can just
(06:41):
be free of all of that demonicoppression that previous
generations brought into thisfamily.
And I just had to make acommitment to myself, kevin,
where I said you know what?
I don't give a fuck whathappens.
You're going to knock me out ofthis fucking meat suit.
(07:04):
I'm not doing it, and thereason for that is because I
tried.
I tried.
That's why I did this dangerousshit I did in law enforcement.
That's why I volunteered to bethe first guy in the door.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah, I knew that about you, that you were always
wanting to be the first one inthe door during your law
enforcement days because youwere thinking about not only
yourself and you were thinkingabout your brethren that you
were going into these dangeroussituations with, and you were
like, well, they've got kids andthey've got spouses that need
the support, and you're like youknow what my life was worthless
(07:36):
is basically what you weresaying.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah, my life doesn't matter.
I didn't think my life mattered.
I know now that it does.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Imagine my life mattered.
I know now that it does.
Oh yeah, imagine if, if theother night, when I felt the way
that you felt, the way you saidthat you've been feeling, if I
had just decided to check out,where would it have left you?
Yeah, I know right yeah, and soI say that to say god has us
all intertwined, and I agree,there are no fucking
coincidences.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yeah, I completely agree.
You said a lot there that weneed to unravel, and what I want
to unravel first is yourupbringing.
You were basically on your ownsince nine years old.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Yeah, yeah so four years ago.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
How does that?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
happen.
Well, four years old, yeah,yeah, so four years ago.
Well, four years old, uh, thisis the earliest really I can
kind of remember.
Um, we lived in a?
Uh, we lived in east texas, uh,and my dad is a self-made guy,
you know.
He like quit school in theeighth grade, uh, started a
construction company and he, youknow he didn't have shit, like
you know, um, he just did thebest he could, but he was broken
(08:44):
and a mess of a man, cominginto, you know, into his adult
life, ended up becoming prettydamn successful in spite of
himself, okay, not beingeducated, but a man in 1979 did.
I think.
It was a private school orsomething, some kind of school
project where my dad took it onand he fronted everything and
(09:06):
the guy never paid him.
$90,000 is what he lost on thisventure and he just left my dad
high and dry with the bill andthe project never got completed,
of course.
And so what does my dad do?
Lost his ever loving mindbecause this guy just ruined me
and he was already angry.
So he then becomes murderouslyangry, like he just wants to
(09:30):
kill this guy, like, find him,beat the shit out of him.
That's my dad.
All my lineage are just mean,tough motherfuckers, you know.
Like, don't cross them, they'llhurt you.
And so that's not my spirit,kevin, like that's not who I was
as a little boy.
I was tender I mean tender andmy dad didn't understand me
(09:52):
because I wasn't.
You know, throwing whiskeybottles at people at two years
old, you know, rather, give youa hug and a kiss and you know,
sit in your lap and tell me astory, you know, and nobody knew
what to fucking do with mebecause I was weird.
So he's got all that going onand I say in my book that he had
(10:14):
this hurricane forming off thecoast of his life at that time
and everything was just comingunrooted.
Well, the IRS, you know you payyour taxes or you don't.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Well, he didn't have the money to pay the taxes
because he put it all into thatproject and he wasn't about to
fire the men who worked for himbecause they had families.
And so he decided you know whatthe government will be just
fine, these men won't.
So I'll figure out the taxeslater.
Well, that was not during thekind and gentle IRS days.
That was in the bend over.
(10:43):
We have, you know, arocket-sized microscope to come
up into your tonsils with, andthat's what they did.
They came in, they seizedeverything we owned and
basically told us we don't givea shit, sorry about your bad
luck.
I was a little boy with a $50savings account man.
They seized my savings accountin the interest of the Republic
(11:06):
and then it made my dad pay likesome ungodly amount of money.
It was a $30,000 debt.
He paid like $1,500 or more amonth for damn near 30 years and
then, at the end of which,which is over a million dollars
that he paid back on a $30,000debt.
They then made him settle forthe original amount and said if
you'll pay us what youoriginally owed us, we'll call
(11:28):
it good.
I tell you all that to say okay.
So when that happened, well, hewas no longer.
He wasn't a very good human tobegin with because he had so
much shit he had never dealtwith okay.
And so now he's justmurderously angry all the time
you ask him a question and Godonly knows what he'll do.
(11:48):
There were days I'd come homeeight years old, between four
and eight, and literally wallswould be missing inside of a
house.
Like I watched him tear arecliner in half with his bare
hands one time.
I still don't know how he didit.
That's some rage man.
That much rage, yeah.
And so at eight years old uhish, eight was a bad year for me
(12:14):
I came home from a baseballgame that I had played in and
I'm walking down the drivewayand I see something kind of
shiny under my dad's truck.
Well, it's my dad with a 44 tohis head, and I ran in and told
my mom, like this is what I justsaw.
And of course I go to mybedroom and bunker because I
don't know what the fuck's aboutto happen, because shit went
sideways a lot, and that nighthe had planned on murdering all
(12:39):
of us and then killing himself.
That was the plan.
Now, he didn't carry it through.
I don't know why, but that'skind of the backdrop.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
We do know why we do know why?
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Well, we do know why You're right, you're supposed to
be doing this God and hisprovidence decided that that
wasn't how that story was goingto end.
Yeah, exactly.
And so at the same time I wasmolested by a relative, jeez
Louise.
Then I literally woke up and Ifound pornography that same day.
That led to a whole bunch ofbad shit, you know.
(13:14):
As time went on, and then,within days of that happening, I
woke up one morning.
I went from not ever having anyallergies or anything to now
being like deathly allergic toeverything, just in a blink.
And it turns out, I think thetrauma that I had experienced
triggered a condition calledeosinophilic esophagitis.
(13:38):
And what happens is that youhave these white blood cells
called eosinophils that willform at your esophagus and they
attack your system because offood.
That I ended up with all kindsof food allergies and
environmental allergies.
So I ran a fever, not on top ofeverything else.
I started running a feverbetween a hundred to 106, no lie
(14:02):
every day for eight years.
Every day you had to feel likecrap.
I was miserable.
Yeah, I was fucking miserable.
So I'm terrified.
At home I'm sick as shit.
My mother doesn't know how tohandle any of this.
My dad's losing his mind.
She doesn't know how to do it.
(14:22):
She's got a sick kid that shedoesn't know what to do with
either.
She wasn't any more educatedthan he or any more healed.
You know just as broken and soher thing was.
You know, ricky, just becauseyou're a little bit sick doesn't
mean the world's going to stopturning for you.
You know she tried the toughlove thing, and it was you, me
(14:51):
wore me out, kevin, as you mightimagine.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Oh yeah, um I mean not only from a mental
standpoint, but physically.
You could not have been strongno, I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
I broke 17 bones.
I was malnourished.
I didn't eat what you know Ishould have been eating.
We didn't have the money to eat.
You know, once my dad left, wewent from living on that you
know kind of rural, farm, kindof environment to now my mom had
to get a job.
She didn't work before.
Now she's got two jobs tryingto support us.
So we moved into an apartmentand I remember my mother telling
(15:23):
me, you know, when she told methat her and my dad were going
to get divorced, that we'removing into a two-bedroom
apartment.
Your sister's going to get aroom because she's a girl, and
then, speaking first person fromher, I'll get a room because
I'm the mom and you'll sleep onthe couch, right.
Actually, I said what about me?
Is what I said?
And she said you can sleep onthe couch.
(15:44):
Oh, how are your.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
How are your grades at this time?
I mean, you can't concentrateon school doing this, can you
straight a's?
Oh, did you pour yourself intoschool to escape?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
no, no, I was just that lucky guy.
I'm just, I'm just always beensmart.
Yeah, yeah, I had one, oneperiod.
So after my dad left, he hadone season where he came back.
I was in the sixth grade andthat's the only time I ever got
a bad grade and I got a 69 in mymath class and it's because I
(16:22):
didn't want him around.
I couldn't concentrate, I was,I was already a mess, but I was
really a mess right With withhis reemergence and he was doing
the violent shit again and andI just, I don't know, I just
couldn't take it.
And you know, I brought home,you know, my report card with a
69 on it and I'd always been astraight-A student.
(16:43):
And so what does he do?
He tells me I'm grounded forthree months, I can't leave my
couch.
Wow, I'm like, well, that'llhelp, that'll make my grades go
up.
Thank you you, genius of a man.
Yeah, so yeah, that was kind ofthe thing.
And then I got into runningaround.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
I got running around a lot of wrong people this all
happened to you at nine let'sfast forward five years at 14.
Major event yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
So, you know, because I was living in this apartment
complex on the wrong side of thetracks.
You know the kids that I washanging around with now they
were just a different, differentbreed of of kids than what I
was hanging around with when Ilived in the country, you know.
So I went from shy, um, timid,sweet kid to having to learn to
(17:34):
fight every day and I grew myhair down past my shoulders and
you know I thought, well, whenin Rome, better become a Roman?
You know I thought, well, inrome, better become a roman.
You know, otherwise you getyour ass kicked.
And I got lucky a couple oftimes in some pretty epic fights
that you know, god just kind ofsmiled on me and I won, in
spite of the fact that Ishouldn't have, and it kind of
(17:55):
gave me a bit of a reputationwith that crew, that group.
Basically don't fuck with him,you know.
And so it kind of put a hedge ofprotection around me in a way,
um, but but you know, when thathappens, then you start to kind
of get a little bit of an ego,you know.
And so then I'm hanging around,I'm going to street races, I'm
drinking, and I was probablyclinically an alcoholic at 13.
(18:17):
I drank so much, you know,smoked a pack a day, and but I
was still an athlete.
Athlete, I was still a greatstudent.
I was just living this doublelife.
It was so weird, um, but yeah,14, uh, my sister and I and some
friends were drinking, as wealways were.
We ran out of, we ran out of,uh, booze, so we needed to go to
pawn shop.
She was on, uh, on herclassroom get us some more beer
(18:39):
money.
You know smart things you do at1 am, of course, and, uh, so
we're in the bad, bad bad partof talus and, uh, her and her
boyfriend go in.
We're me, I'm sitting on thehump of a little uh, mercury
links is the ford escort, youknow version and so a little
two-seater in the front and thenit's got like a row in the back
(19:00):
that you know, if you put threehumans in it, uh, they'll fit
as long as they're all hugging.
One of my buddies is back there, one of my sister's boyfriend's
buddies is back there, and thensome other guy that I still
don't know who he was, but hewas a little bit looney tune.
And so they're crammed backthere and I'm sitting on the
center console, my sister andher boyfriend go inside, they
(19:22):
come out.
Well, before they come out, Isaw this car pull in and I was
very acquainted with the variousMexican gangs that were popular
, and at that time they woretheir hair a certain way, they
wore trench coats, and you justknew them, if you knew.
And so I saw them pull in theparking lot and I went oh shit,
(19:45):
that's not going to be good.
And so, sure enough, when mysister and her boyfriend come
out of the pawn shop, those guysambushed them and knife fight
begins.
My sister ran to the car.
She was trying to get inside.
I tried to help her and one ofthe guys pulls her out, has a
knife.
You know to her she's fightingbecause she's she's tough, uh,
(20:08):
and so she's trying to fight himoff and I'm trying to, you know
, get to where I can help herand, as I'm kind of coming out,
to go for her, a knife comesbetween my eyes and this guy
backs me up against the driverwindow and he's pushing it into,
you know, into the flesh of mybridge, of my nose, and I since
(20:30):
then I have looked into the eyesof very evil men, but I have
never seen what I saw in thisman's eyes.
It's an evil unparalleled.
I don't really know how todescribe it other than to say it
shook me to my core when I sawhis eyes and the literal death
(20:52):
that just was swimming in hiseyes.
And he told me he was going tokill me.
And there was no question thatman was absolutely going to kill
me.
And I still don't really evenknow what I said.
Okay, I can only say that Iguess I channeled this inner
hostage negotiator that God wasgoing to allow me to be later on
(21:14):
in life, because I talked thisman out of killing me and I
could tell by the look on hisface he didn't really understand
why he was backing down.
And I could tell by the look onhis face he didn't really
understand why he was backingdown.
But I had just I don't knowbefuddled him with some magical
soliloquy that I threw at himand I bargained really with my
(21:35):
letter jacket.
I gave him my letter jacket inexchange for my life, and I
guess he thought so because hebacked out of the car in
exchange for my life.
Good deal, I guess he thought sohe backed out of the car and
then, when he did, my sister'sboyfriend had come around the
other side of the car at thatsame time and he's banging on
(21:56):
the roof and he's like give methe machete.
I didn't know there was amachete in the car.
The guy sitting in the backthat I said it's kind of Looney
Tunes guy.
He picks it up and he's likebig nice, what the fuck is my
life.
And so he hands the machete outout the car.
And so the guy, uh, then comesaround and he decides he's
(22:24):
running and my sister'sboyfriend stabbed him with it.
It went through his back andout his chest and I saw that guy
go from moving to just likethis and just face plant and the
machete popped out because ithit the concrete.
Yeah, yeah, right.
And so my sister's boyfriendkind of overran the guy because
(22:47):
he didn't expect him to fall.
I guess I mean he's in realtime, right.
And so one of the other guyswas in chase too and it's like
when the machete popped up helike grabs it and swings it
around and hits my sister'sboyfriend right on the back and
I thought he's decapitated likethis just went from bad to worse
, but it ended up being the theblunt, the blunt side.
Okay, it wasn't the sharp sideand so it did some damage, but
(23:10):
it obviously didn't kill him.
And right when that happened, adpd cruiser pulled into the
alley and just stopped.
They picked their guy up andran and then, you know, uh, we
just kind of hung out by the car.
And and then, you know, uh, wejust kind of hung out by the car
and then, next thing, you know,we got air one and you got all
kinds of freaking police comingfrom all over the damn place.
You know, and of course youknow, we all lied.
(23:33):
What are you going to do?
You know you're not going totell them what actually happened
.
That's just not the rules ofthe street.
Yeah, so, yeah.
So then my mom found out and Iwanted my letter jacket back.
It was taken into evidence.
The DPD found it there at thecrime scene and, yeah, homicide
(23:53):
detective called my mother thenext day, kevin, and said I'm
detective so-and-so, homicideDPD.
You know, have your son's this,your daughter's's this and
whatnot.
She gets off the phone and I'msitting there when she's having
this conversation.
I'm going oh shit, you know.
And um, and she then looks atme.
It was like what happened lastnight and I just spun some bs
(24:14):
yarn and she never asked meanother question, never took me
to get any of the evidence,never took me to get any of the
evidence, never took me to getmy jacket, never did anything.
It was just like matter over,let's just move on.
I'm like sure, yeah, I thoughtthat was a good thing.
I can look back now as a fatherand go, oh my God, yeah right,
(24:38):
not a good thing.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
So what happened with ?
Was there prosecution?
Was there no, nothing, huh.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
No, like I said, when the officer pulled in, those
guys grabbed their guy off theground, one under each shoulder.
I remember watching them pickhim up and drug him around the
backside of a dumpster.
And then one of the guys got inthe car.
They got in the car and theytook off and then they were
stupid enough to come back, butwhen they came back, the one
that wasn't with us wasn't withthem, oh yeah.
(25:08):
So all we had was blood on theground, and what can you do with
that?
Speaker 1 (25:12):
OK, so you've gone through this traumatic
experience.
At nine years of age.
Now you've almost been killedand then seen the guy that was
going to kill you get killed.
Yeah, did that lead you to lawenforcement?
Because there's so manydifferent bad outcomes that
could happen with thatupbringing.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
But you actually turned it into a positive, I
think yeah, I did, and you knowI had always wanted to be a
police officer.
Like that was a passion of mine.
Chips, you know, was like thething in our era, you know.
So, as a little boy, when mygrandfather was trying to watch
Gunsmoke, you know, I was crying, telling him to put chips on TV
, you know.
(25:54):
So I just had this, like youknow, idealistic fascination
with it.
I didn't really know anythingabout it, but what really led me
down that road was that I knewI wanted to.
After that happened, it didsomething to me because I
(26:15):
realized, okay, this isn't justfun and games anymore, like this
gangster lifestyle that, youknow, we sometimes think is cool
.
And you know, the thug life orwhatever you want to call it,
there's consequences for it andthey're deadly.
And I just lived it and I justsurvived it narrowly, and it
(26:35):
wasn't the first time that hadhappened, sadly.
But that event was the one thatmade me go OK, I want to do
more with my life, you know.
And what I didn't share withyou earlier is that at eight
years old I had given my life toChrist.
I don't know really why I didit.
I just I've always known thatGod was there and I've always
(26:57):
equated God with Jesus.
That's just what I thought atthat age.
And I went in my bedroom and Ijust prayed and said I want you
to be the God of my life.
And I didn't grow up in church.
I had an uncle who was aBaptist preacher, and I think I
heard him preach on the raptureno less than six times.
So I just thought God wasreally angry, you know, and I
really thought he wanted to,that he must hate me, and
(27:20):
otherwise why would I have thelife that I have?
You know why?
Why would these things behappening to me?
I couldn't see that it was forme at that time.
Right, it was to me.
And so I just was train wreck.
So I decided one day all right,I may have been born playing
white trash, but I'll be damnedif I die it.
Okay.
So I went to my high schoolcounselor and that where you're
supposed to go when you don'thave anybody else to turn to?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Absolutely and.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
I said hey, sir, can I talk to you?
I want to go to college.
I have colleges recruiting mefor football, I have great
grades, I have all this Like Iwant to go.
I just don't know how to do it.
Like I don't know what to do.
And he literally, likeliterally, looked me up and down
.
I could smell the cigarettesmoke on me and I got a greasy
(28:03):
mullet Because I probably didn'twash my hair in three weeks.
And he's like what are yourgrades?
And so he started looking me up.
Well, he didn't have a gooddefense on my grades, so he was
like have you taken chemistryyet?
And I'm a junior at this point?
And I was like ah, dropped it,actually kind of conflicted with
(28:26):
something else I was doing andI haven't picked it back up and
he's like well, you can't getcollege admission in the state
of Texas If you haven't takenchemistry.
And I went, okay, I was like,so they chemistry?
I guess I don like so, but howdo I go to college?
Like, I need your help.
I have no one to talk to.
My sister's, the first personto graduate high school in my
(28:47):
entire family ever.
I'm a fifth generation Texan,like 1860.
I'm, there's been one, I'll benumber two.
Like help me.
And he goes.
You know, you're just reallynot college material.
Ricky, I'm going to actuallytake you off of the current path
you're on and we're going toput you on this like work
release program where you'llcome to school half a day.
(29:08):
You have a job, don't you?
And I'm like, yeah, I have to.
Like I work at a grocery store,you know, stacking groceries
and stuff.
And he's like, okay, well, thenI'll give you more time to work
on it.
Wow, yes, sir, it would.
And I said, well, yes, sir, itwould.
And I said, well then, what doI do?
And he goes well, I think youshould probably think about
automotive technician school.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
This is your counselor telling you this yeah,
yeah and I went.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Why would I do that?
I said I don't know how to workon a car and I have nobody teach
me that shit and um and he goesI just think that's really more
your speed, son, and I went andthen I realized what he was
doing and I said okay, sir, youknow what?
Thank you Really appreciateyour time.
I'm going to get back to class.
(29:52):
And so when I walked out ofthere, kevin walking down the
hallway, I'm just shaking mylittle head because I'm in
disbelief, I'm like I can't, Icouldn't catch a break.
It was freaking contagious, youknow, and I'm like you know
(30:13):
what?
F him?
Screw that guy, like I'm goingto college.
So I went chemistry be damned.
I got in.
As I get in, I worked full-timesouthwest texas state baby, now
texas, we're alone.
Southwest, very southwest Hellyeah, had so much fun.
I had a 1.8 that first semester.
We won't talk about that, but Iended up graduating with honors
and I sat there at mygraduation ceremony at Strahan
(30:35):
Coliseum, which I know you'refamiliar with.
Yes, sir, I'm looking at myhonors cord and I'm like I'm
going to find that MF and I'mgoing to choke the life out of
him with these cords Because Istill had just a little bit of
that redneck in me.
And then I thought no, no, no,no, no, I haven't yet to begin,
I'm going to go make somethingout of my life.
Then I'm going to choke himwith these damn cords Trying to
(30:58):
railroad me you know that son ofa bitch, but trying to railroad
me.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
You know that, son of a bitch.
But here's the thing, and youand I are also similar in this.
Okay, you took that and youknow we always have choices,
Ricky, and they're alwayspresented to us, you know, in
the master plan.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
And the choice.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
the choices that you were given that day were well,
okay, I could just go tomechanic school and become an
automotive technician, or Icould prove this guy wrong.
Well, that's what I do with mydad.
My dad told me at 13, I'llnever amount to anything.
And okay, there's my choice.
The bar is set low.
I can amount to nothing, or Ican say no, you know what, fuck
(31:35):
you, I'm going to cram it upyour fucking ass and I'm going
to be as successful as I can be.
And that's what ended uphappening.
You know, and, but this kind ofI don't want to interrupt your
backstory, but this kind ofleads me to where you, and
(32:00):
especially in your bookAccepting Truth, finding Hope,
can help a lot of people.
As a radio broadcaster for 30years, my dad only measured
success by the numbers on yourpaycheck how many are there and
how much have you accumulated.
And that became my motivationfor a long time.
Okay, and that became myidentity, this broadcaster, okay
, and one of the things that Istruggle with now is being
(32:25):
retired.
What is my new purpose?
Because I don't see it, ricky.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
You know, all my life I thought and I bet you did too
If I strive just hard enough,man, if I accomplish this, if I
get those two commas in thatpaycheck, you know, then people
are going to love me.
They're going to have to say Iwas wrong about Ricky, I was
wrong about Kevin, right I.
And then they're going to say,no, that that guy does have
worth, there is purpose in himand we were wrong.
(32:52):
And they're all going to throwa fucking party for us and that
never happens.
No, no, it doesn't.
You know you may never get thataffirmation that you really
actually deserve and beyonddeserve need from those people
that you've been on that ratwheel striving for that
acceptance from.
And what I shared with thisyoung man was that I said OK, I
(33:15):
know you've been hurt by peoplein your life, We've talked about
that and I'm trying to help youunpack those boxes.
And I know that's difficult tounderstand what is the box,
what's in it and how to get theshit out.
I said I understand that too.
It took me forever to figure itout, so we're going to scratch
the surface together before weever do anything.
I said but the thing that Ineed you to understand is that,
(33:36):
as a man, if you run around withno smile on your face and
everything you do is anemotional, passionate response,
then all you are is a hotheadbecause you are out of control.
I said now you know what I didfor a living.
I said I'm a trained killer.
(33:57):
I know how to do reallyhorrible things to people to get
them to submit to my authorityif I want them to.
So I could probably win justabout any damn argument.
I said but I don't do that.
I said you know why I don't dothat?
I said because it's one word.
(34:18):
It's one word called meek.
Are you familiar with the wordmeek?
Meek is not weak.
You see, when you have bravadoand you're out there puffing
your chest and motherfuckingpeople and punching people in
the face, I said that's weakness, because that's your strength
(34:38):
out of control, whereas meekness.
Jesus said the meek willinherit the earth.
Yes, he did.
You see God in the form of man,let people spit in his face,
beat the living shit out of him,and he never once hit them back
.
That's meek, that's not weak.
He could have destroyed themwith a thought.
(35:00):
Instead, he loved them and gavethem grace.
And what I told this young manwas.
I said you've got to live yourlife from a place of meekness.
And if people want to yell atyou and scream at you, don't
adopt their emotions.
You just sit there, wait tillthe pregnant pause and then say
(35:24):
you know what?
It seems like you're upset withme and I'd love to have a
constructive conversation, but Idon't think it's going to
happen with this yelling.
So could we just take a momentto cool down?
I'm going to go calm downmyself.
I said you just excuse yourself.
That's how you put boundariesup and then you come back and
say hey, are you ready to finishthis conversation?
I'd love to resolve it.
And I said and your goal isalways two-pronged, it's
resolution, not about beingright.
(35:45):
I don't care who's right.
It's about resolving theconflict and then resuming the
relationship.
It's about resolving theconflict and then resuming the
relationship.
And if you go into conflictwith those two things in mind,
then you won't get caught up inwho's right and who's wrong and
I want to win the argument andfuck you.
It'll be about.
I want to resolve the issue sothat we can go back to being in
this relationship together,whether it be friendship whether
(36:12):
it be romantic, whether it bechild, you know business,
whatever it is.
But but it's these things that Inever learned, Kevin.
No one taught me this shit.
God is the one who taught methis shit, okay, and it's why I
know it's my job to teach it toothers.
But you see, I gave my dad andmy mom a hall pass all those
years and say, well, they neverknew, they never did, no, they
never fucking tried.
And so I took my hall pass backand I said it's unfortunate
(36:37):
that you didn't take a stand forme and this family.
But you know what, come hell orhigh water, I am taking a stand
for this family and here are mynew rules for engagement and
how we're going to dorelationship, and if you can't
abide by them, then you're goingto have to go.
And unfortunately, that's whathad to happen.
I had to.
They're not in my life anymoreand I had to mourn that it
(37:01):
wasn't what I wanted.
But I can't let toxicity be inmy world and then say that I
have a healthy mental mindset.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
Yeah, no, I've actually spoken to two guests on
the Fuzzy Mike before, AkemiyaDeadweiler, who's written a book
, and then a guy in Austin Texas.
He's a mindset coach, BobbySexton and both of them have
said exactly what you just said.
It doesn't matter how close therelationship is supposed to be,
If they're toxic people, youcan't have them in your life.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
No, they have to find healing, and if they're not, if
they're unwilling to do thehard work, well then maybe they
just need to not be in yourorbit If you want to be healthy,
otherwise they're going to justit'll be.
You're gonna have a traumaresponse constantly, and I knew
I was going to have and Ialready was having trauma
responses.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
So if you do that, you you excommunicate these
people from your life.
How do you not look uponyourself as hey man?
Maybe I'm being selfish.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
That's a good question and I'm going to answer
it.
I think simply, and that is isit selfish to know your worth?
Is it selfish to ask someoneelse to value you because you
know your worth?
Is it selfish to ask someoneelse to value you because you
know your worth?
And is it selfish to say I'mjust asking that you not betray
me, I'm just asking that you nottreat me like shit.
(38:22):
Right, let's be authentic andreal with one another in a
healthy way, and if we can dothat, kevin, then we can be in
relationship.
But if you're unwilling, ifyou're just going to treat me
like a surrogate bitch andyou're just going to try to put
me in my place and you're justgoing to tell me that I'm always
wrong and you're never going totake any accountability, we
(38:43):
don't have a relationship anyway.
Who's being selfish in theequation?
Speaker 1 (38:48):
How do we know our worth?
How do we define our worth?
Speaker 2 (38:52):
in the equation.
How do we know our worth?
How do we define our worth?
Man, that's a damn goodquestion.
So the way it happened for meokay was that I had, I was about
to embark on this thing calledQuest.
Quest is where I literallywalked with Jesus for like nine
hours one day, and those of youwho don't believe the way I
believe you can probably thinkthis guy just lost me.
He's crazy, I am crazy.
(39:13):
I used to fucking go into doorswhere people had guns and I was
smiling.
But I'm telling you, this shithappened and it radically
changed my life.
Yeah, I didn't grow up inchurch, so why would he pick me
to be the guy he wants to hangout with one Saturday?
Fuck, I don't know.
But he did Right.
(39:35):
And but before I went on thatevent I had, I was, I was in my
second marriage.
My first marriage had fallenapart.
I had 18 affairs that I know ofmore than that, but I that's
what I counted Um and I was justa train wreck, you know.
Um and the second marriage, youknow, the pendulum swung the
other direction and that wasjust a whole different type of
(39:56):
train wreck.
And I was grappling with somany things.
I was making the best moneyI've ever had in my life.
I had over $100,000 in mychecking account.
I thought that I had all thethings that would make me happy,
and I was miserable Because Icouldn't answer one question
make me happy.
And I was miserable because Icouldn't answer one question.
I didn't know who I was.
You see, since God took thatbadge off my chest in 2009 and
(40:19):
he took away my identity, I wasleft asking the question who am
I?
But I was still striving forthe acceptance of others.
I was hanging on to an oldidentity because, well, I'm a
former this and that and I'mstill a badass.
Right?
Everybody affirmed that I'mstill a badass and I make a lot
(40:40):
of money.
So, obviously, I have securityand I've got a hot wife and I
got a great kid and she's gottwo pretty cool kids, and so my
purpose, obviously, is to keepfucking rocking this cool life
that I've got.
Oh, my God, no, but see, that'swhere I was.
I didn't know what I didn't know, and so I go on this thing
called encounter, and it was thefirst time I had ever confessed
(41:02):
every sin that I've ever done.
I was just a powder keg and Ihad this opportunity at this
event to just walk into a roomwith men that I didn't know and
go.
I don't give a shit what y'allthink about me, but I got to say
some things before I lose it.
And I just opened up the kimonoand I thought these men are
going to kick me out of thishouse after I give you my
(41:23):
confession.
They ain't seen a sinner likeme.
And man, I put it all out thereand I just went ooh, see how
that shit goes.
Second guy gets up there.
It's like he read my script.
Third guy same.
Fourth guy same 10 guys.
Every one of them came up to meafterwards and said thank you,
because had you not done that,there's no way in hell I'd have
(41:46):
the courage to do it.
Wow, and I went holy shit, okay, well, that's not going the way
I thought it was going to go.
And so then I learned a fewthings during that time from the
guy who was the, the kind ofthe senior pastor guy who was
kind of leading the event.
Well, we were staying at thishouse that I don't even know
where I was even at, but somehouse that was hosting it and
(42:09):
the only place that was left.
When I got there, for me tosleep was in a closet, with a
mattress on the floor andChristmas decorations all in
this closet.
And this closet was small,kevin, I grew up this way I
slept on the fucking couch, Ididn't have a bed, and I'm like,
really, this is what we'regoing.
(42:31):
Do you know?
I'm looking to heaven.
I was like whatever, so we getdone.
I go up into my little room, mycloset, close the door, my
whole 200 square feet.
I guess that I had my mattressand a fucking christmas tree
that I wanted to throw out awindow, but there wasn't one one
, and so it was like I loveChristmas, but I resent the shit
(42:52):
out of it.
You know what I mean.
So I'm sitting there, I have myBible and I had started getting
kind of this prophetic gifting,if you want to call it that,
where I hear the voice of God.
I don't, it's not out loud, I'mnot crazy, but there's this
second voice.
It's thoughts that I'm notthinking okay, and I'm not
(43:12):
thinking Okay, and I've finallyfigured out how to understand
when it's him and when it's theenemy, and I'm not a hundred
percent, but I'm pretty good atdiscerning it.
Well, on this night I was notgood at discerning it.
Because I'm asking the Lord.
I'm like, okay, give me a verselike show me where to go in your
word.
Like I want to know this stuff,show me where to go.
And I want to understand youbetter.
Like I'm just, I'm fucking lostand I would hear, you know
(43:36):
whatever the verse I heard, Iwould turn to it and it would be
God's wrath from Old Testamentstuff, you know, like where he's
just annihilating somebody.
And I'm like, see, I knew youfucking hated me.
And then I'd say, okay, can wetry another one?
And then another one would bethe same thing.
And it was just over and overand over.
I realize now that was not God,that was the enemy trying to do
(43:58):
what Discourage me.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Right Knock it down.
It did.
It discouraged the shit out ofme to the point that I'm sitting
there and I finally say thesewords that had needed to be said
at that point, probably for 37years, okay, and that was fuck.
Fuck.
I don't know who I am, but Idon't care about that.
(44:23):
I want to know who do you say Iam?
That's the question.
I asked the living God.
And I'm sitting there, kevin, Ihad my Bible on my knee,
because I'm squatted in thislittle position, because I'm in
this little big fucking spaceand the Bible literally just
flies off my knee, and I don'tknow how it happened.
I didn't touch it, it justjumped off my knee and all my
(44:44):
papers went everywhere.
But what I haven't shared withy'all I'm a type A freak of
fucking nature.
Okay, I like everythingorganized well, I had everything
in its place.
I didn't know where it was at,but it was in its place, okay.
So I started picking up mypapers and I'm cussing a blue
streak and I'm slamming them inthe bible, motherfucking you
know this and that.
(45:04):
And I had this postcard thatmeant a lot to me and I had it
in a special place, but I didn'tknow what the special place was
, but it was where it wassupposed to be and so it was no
longer there.
When I saw that I just lost itand I picked that postcard up.
I randomly opened my Bible.
I slammed that in there.
I slammed it closed.
(45:25):
I don't recommend this nextthing.
But I looked to heaven.
I gave God the middle finger.
But I looked to heaven, I gaveGod the middle finger and I said
, fuck you, I'm going to bed.
And I woke up the next morningand I went uh, I would like to
retract the fuck you.
Um, and I'm sorry, I should notspeak to you that way.
I should not act that way.
I don't know what's wrong withme, besides a lot, and I just
(45:47):
want to start over.
And so I picked my Bible up, Iresumed my little squatted
position and I opened it up.
And it opened to the postcard,naturally because it was the
biggest thing in the book Right,and I start seeing things on
the right side of the page.
That's talking aboutbacksliding.
It's in Psalms, and I was like,well, that's me.
You're fucking talking to mydumb ass, you know.
(46:09):
Know, I'm a backsliding pieceof shit, you know.
And so I think that was theword that god had for me.
No, no, it wasn't well.
It was probably a year or morelater, okay, where I had now
entered into a relationshipwhere five o'clock every morning
, I was spending time with goddoing two-way journaling, where
I would talk to him and he wouldtalk back and I'd write it all
(46:30):
down.
And some of it was so propheticthat when the shit happened, I
about fell out of my fuckingshoes.
And other times where I waslike, maybe that'll happen in 30
years, I don't know, and someof it was him rebuking me,
telling me you know, quit beingso hard on your daughter, you
got to leave with grace and justtrying to help me become a man.
He was being a dad to me, okay,and I was getting to write it
(46:51):
all down and do this with him.
And one day I set up my bar inmy kitchen and I didn't have my
Bible, but I had my journal andI started a journal and I went,
very proud of myself, like Iremembered something.
You never answered my question.
And he goes yes, I did, and Iwent.
You don't even know whatquestion I'm talking about
because I haven't told you yet.
And he was like really I'm Godand I went.
(47:16):
You never answered my question.
He said yes, I did, and I wentno, you didn't.
And he said you know what yourproblem is, and I went oh, where
do we begin?
There are so many of those, lord.
And I went what now?
What problem.
He goes.
You always begin at the end ofthings.
(47:37):
You never begin at thebeginning of things.
And I went you know what yourproblem is?
You talk to me in riddles and Idon't understand this shit.
And he went silent, he wentquiet and I went oh, come on,
don't do that to me, come back,I'm sorry.
And so I just starteddissecting that.
What does that mean?
Well, I remembered, okay, whatwas the question that I asked.
(47:59):
I used my investigative brainand I began to reverse engineer
everything.
So I mean, I'd solve a case.
So I came in here and grabbed myBible and I was like, okay,
when I asked that question, Iwas in that closet.
And so I came in here, got myBible and it opened up right
where that postcard was, and Iwas like, yep, that's where I
put that son of a bitch.
So end of things.
What does that mean?
Well, I immediately looked tothe right-hand side of the page
(48:20):
and I was like oh, yeah, Iremember that backsliding stuff,
that's right.
I thought that was my word.
That wasn't.
It was it?
Nope, because that's the end ofthings, that's the right side
of the page.
So what's the left side of thepage?
I looked and I literally withmy finger at the bottom all the
way to the top.
The top of the page in the Biblethat I was looking at was Psalm
2, 7.
And the verse said therefore, Ideclare the decree today, you
(48:45):
are my son, ask of me thenations and I'll give them to
you as an inheritance.
I cried my fucking eyes outbecause I my question was who do
you say I am to you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He said you're my son.
Wow, that's who you are.
(49:06):
And I went okay, I don't knowwhat that means.
I've never been a son.
No-transcript.
(49:37):
I keep my hands off of them.
And so I was like I think yougot the wrong guy.
And he's like no, I didn't.
And he said you're going towrite a book, you're going to
write movies, you're going toteach and you're going to preach
.
I'm like you keep telling methat that doesn't make any sense
, like I don't know what thatmeans.
And so, kevin, he then ended upgiving me four words that led
(49:59):
to the book, but it was againover another couple of years.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
Like none of this stuff happened when I wanted it
to, I said a lot of shit well,no, it doesn't happen the way
that or on the timeline that youwant it to, because it ain't
your timeline.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
And this life is not about us.
Speaker 1 (50:19):
What is it about?
Speaker 2 (50:21):
It's about God.
Okay, so, a creator, thinkabout this.
You are your creator in yourown right.
You are creating a podcast,You're creating a show.
You want to have something tooffer to your audience.
That's going to do what Onecapture their attention, teach
them something, give themsomething that they can then
work from right.
(50:42):
The Bible describes God as apotter and that we are his clay.
So he is just molding acreation with us, and the whole
point of that creation that heis creating, much like you as
the podcaster, is to have apodcast that you are proud of
(51:02):
and that you want people to seeand hear and enjoy.
And that's us for him.
Speaker 1 (51:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:10):
Everything we do is for his glory, not for ours, and
what we mistake is that whenbad things are happening to us
this side of eternity, we thinkwell, he must be mad at me,
Otherwise he wouldn't do this tome, that's always my first
thought, and it's always myfirst thought.
(51:35):
But see, that's not the way hesees it.
You see, he tells us my waysare not your ways and don't lean
on your own understanding,because you don't get me.
So here's what.
Here's how God looks at it.
He allows bad things to happenin our life to do what?
To teach us?
He's teaching us because heloves us and some of us myself
specifically are hardheaded.
(51:56):
I learn only when it's reallytough.
I don't learn from success.
I get a big fucking head, buttake everything away from me and
watch me grow.
And so what God sees is that weare bitching going.
I don't know why you're doingthis.
I don't like this.
This isn't fun.
Da da, da da.
(52:17):
Father, you don't love me.
I thought you were good.
Why would you let this happen?
And we're going down that talktrack and he looks at it and
goes well, bad things make yougrow.
That seems like that's good.
Very true, because your lifeisn't here for you to be
comfortable and to be abillionaire.
Your life is here so you canlearn, you can grow, you can
(52:43):
discover that God is the reasonthat you're here.
You can enter into thatrelationship with him.
Fuck the rules, guys.
I don't give a shit about therules, nor does he.
He thumbed his nose at them.
Read all the red letter stuffand you'll figure that out.
And then, when you finally hitthat stride where you have that
relationship with him, you'llstart to realize that all of the
(53:07):
backdrop of our life ispreparing us for the purpose.
But if we don't allow those badthings to make us better, if we
allow them to make us bitter,then guess what?
You got some more bad shitcoming until you figure out it's
to make you better.
So get off the bitter train.
(53:30):
Figure out that there is a Godthat is bigger than you.
And if you don't believe me,you don't have to.
But I just meant forconsideration.
Go on YouTube and look up neardeath experiences and start
listening to stories of peoplewho tell the same thing with 10
different faiths, about whatthey encounter when they had
their near-death experience.
(53:51):
It's fucking fascinating.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
Well, your story proves that there is a higher
power, a God.
Okay, and, like you just said,people don't necessarily have to
believe what we believe,because I know people who are
atheists and I know people whoare agnostic, but they still do
believe that the universe hassome sort of power, which I
(54:14):
think that's awesome for them.
Okay, but but you have had wehaven't even talked about the
biggest miracle in your life,but you've had.
You've already talked about twomiracles that happened in your
life.
The book just flies off andthen you open it up and you
start where the postcard is.
You start reading on the lefthand side.
That's a miracle.
Before we get to the biggestmiracle of your life and the one
(54:36):
that just has my jaw dropping,I want to ask you, when you were
in that group session and youopened up, what is it about
telling our story?
What is it about opening upthat frees us?
Speaker 2 (54:50):
Well, think about our solar system for a minute.
How many rocks are out there?
Enough for each of us to haveour own?
Why are we all on oneRelationship?
Why did God allow me to gothrough so much shit?
He told me in one word.
He finally answered thatquestion for me, and you know
what the word he told me waskevin uh love relatable oh you
(55:17):
see, I'm relatable, you'rerelatable, we all go through
shit and and the point of it isthat you and I need to be
relatable because there's gonnabe a time when you're sitting in
the mud and you're going toneed a guy like me who's not
afraid to sit in the mud becauseI've sat there before and I can
(55:38):
come right alongside you and gohey brother, I love you.
I'm sorry you feel this way.
I'm sorry that shit sucks rightnow and I'm not going to tell
you, you know, a bunch ofpie-in-the-scout bullshit.
I'm just going to sit here inthe mud with you.
If you want to talk about it,let's talk.
If you don't, let's just sithere and be muddy.
(56:05):
The fact that I was molested, Ididn't tell Just recently.
I started opening up about thisAt 22, I was raped, sodomized
by a guy who drugged me and Iwoke up during that act.
I've been physically abused,verbally abused.
There's not a whole lot of shitthat hasn't happened to me and
God told me.
I didn't do these to you, I didthem for you.
(56:27):
So you would be relatablebecause I want you to go into
the valley.
The verse says yea, though Iwalk through the valley of the
shadow of death.
And he said the problem is, son, you camped out there and so
many people like you have campedout there.
He said, but you're not afraidof the valley.
The valley are your people.
You see, you didn't want to doministry because you didn't want
(56:48):
to be a churchy guy.
I don't want to do ministrybecause you didn't want to be a
churchy guy.
I don't want you being achurchy guy, I want you in the
valley.
Those people don't think I canlove them, but you have a hard
story to tell.
Yeah, you do.
And and how does your story end?
God loves me, he fucking lovesme.
(57:15):
I'm his boy, I'm his fuckingboy.
Yeah, and I get to go and sitin the mud with people, kevin,
and go.
I'm sorry, I know what thatmeans and sometimes I'll be like
you don't understand and I'mlike, try me.
Well, this happened to me.
You won't believe it, butfucking happened to me too.
You know, and when you have acamaraderie, when you have relat
, people then are more willingto listen to your Jesus story.
(57:36):
But they're not willing tolisten to a God who loves them
from a person standing on acorner screaming at people that
they're going to fucking hell ifthey don't repent.
Give me a break.
Jesus never did that.
He did what.
He got down in the mud withpeople, yeah, and just said do
you want me to heal you?
I'll meet you where you are.
(57:59):
Think about it.
It's fucking love, you know.
Speaker 1 (58:02):
So my guest is Ricky Sluder.
You can get Ricky's bookAccepting Truth, finding Hope.
But do you feel a pressure?
Do you feel the weight of thatresponsibility?
Speaker 2 (58:14):
No, no.
The only time I feel the weightof the responsibility is when
I'm not doing it.
Okay, you know, when I getdepressed is when I isolate.
You know, when I feel sorry formyself is when I'm not in
community, when I'm not doingthis.
This is my purpose, and if Inever make a dime from it,
that's not the point.
(58:34):
Yeah, look, originally Ithought, yay, I'm going to be a
bestselling author.
I give them away now, you know,because I had to realize that I
got to get my fucking ego outof the way.
This isn't about me.
This is about you and the otheruse out there who are hurting,
and you need someone to talk to.
(58:55):
Fucking.
Call me Ricky, I can't affordit, so call me anyway.
Speaker 1 (59:02):
Oh, it's like the old Johnny Cash line.
You know, rich man is a pauperat times, compared to the man
with a satisfied mind.
Speaker 2 (59:09):
Yeah, 100%, yeah 100% .
Speaker 1 (59:12):
That seems like a really good place to stop this
part of the conversation,because the next part of the
conversation is a completelydifferent direction and we'll
get that next week.
You won't want to miss that one.
Thank you for listening orwatching.
If you'd be so kind, pleasegive the Fuzzy Mike a rating
comment, like, follow orsubscribe and share the podcast
(59:33):
with family, friends, heck, evenenemies.
To stay connected with theFuzzy Mike, you can follow me on
Instagram, facebook and Twitter, or simply email me at
thefuzzymike at gmailcom.
The Fuzzy Mike is hosted andproduced by Kevin Kline.
Production elements by ZachSheesh at the Radio Farm.
Social media director is TrishKline.
(59:55):
Every Wednesday, we give you abrand new episode of the Tuttle
Kline podcast.
We record those on Monday, so Ihave the benefit of already
recording and I know what thisweek sounds like.
It is uproariously funny.
Definitely don't want to missthat.
Every Wednesday, the TuttleKline podcast brand new episode.
Next Tuesday, right here on theFuzzy Mike, we'll hear part two
(01:00:16):
of our conversation withtoday's guest, ricky Sluder.
He shares the details of thebiggest miracle to ever happen
in his life.
I know the story.
It is riveting.
You don't want to miss it.
So grateful for you.
Thank you so much for listening.
See you next week.
That's it for the Fuzzy Mike.
Thank you.
The Fuzzy Mike with Kevin Kline.
Welcome to the Fuzzy Mike, the interview series, the
podcast, whatever Kevin wants tocall it.
It's Fuzzy Mike.
Hello and thank you for joiningme on this episode of the Fuzzy
Mike.
This is the first of a two-partconversation with my guest,
ricky Sluder, a life andrelationship coach and author of
the book Accepting Truth,finding Hope.
(00:23):
Ricky offers a faith-basedalternative to the traditional
mental health counseling modeland he uses his own enormously
incredible story of survivalagainst all odds, due to extreme
childhood trauma, includingabuse and murder and complex
PTSD, and he got that by servingthe great state of Texas as a
(00:46):
criminal investigator andclassically trained hostage
negotiator for 10 years.
Ricky was severely wounded bycountless lies he had been told
about himself.
Now, these lies, when he heardthem and believed them, led him
to form improper belief systemsabout himself and life in
general.
These lies were an attack onhis very identity, which led to
(01:10):
negative behaviors and actionslike addiction, constant
negative self-taught and secretsexual acts.
All of this led to feelings ofsadness, depression,
hopelessness and even thoughtsof suicide.
And since I'm going through myown thought process right now,
that's where we begin theconversation with Ricky.
(01:32):
I don't think anything happensby coincidence and I honestly
think that you and I were meantto talk today, and I say that
because, um, lately, all I'vebeen praying for is for God to
take me.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Really.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, yeah, so I've been.
I've been diagnosed as, uh uh,depression and chronic suicidal
ideation.
Um, my dad was the fifth personin our family to kill himself.
And it's just a gene that runsin the family and and yeah, man,
I've got a great life, butright now I just don't care, and
(02:10):
I think you're the guy that'sgoing to get me through this.
Wow.
Holy shit that is put a lot ofpressure on you.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
No, no, no, no.
I'll take that yoke, okay, andlet me tell you why.
Because if you, if you've doneany digging on me, I felt that
way so many times in my lifethat I can't see straight, like
I've had, um, I had just a lotof shit and I'd love to say I've
had a good life.
I haven't had a terrible lifeand I've had, I've had many
(02:40):
friends who are like I believein reincarnation.
Ricky, I swear to God, you're aJob 2.0.
I'm like, yeah, I think fuckingso, like, I mean like, and so
I've struggled so much.
And just the other night, manlike, so back in, oh my God, my
(03:01):
son's three.
Now I discovered after I thoughtI met my person, kevin, that
she was starving, our son nearto death, and the woman I'm
married is a fucking monster.
That lied to her ass off to me,financially, ruined me.
I fought like hell, got my son50, 50.
That's all a guy's going to get, and she got away with it, you
know.
And then come up around toNovember of 23.
(03:24):
I'm working for a toxic son ofa bitch and I got.
He just eliminated my positionbecause he didn't like me didn't
know he could do that yeah.
So I've been trying to figureout a lot of shit in the last
seven months and you know it'slike why do we do this, lord?
Like why do you take me downsuch difficult paths like never
(03:46):
ending, like it's just neverfucking ending.
And I'll tell you.
I'll take a step back, andwhenever I was really reeling
with this stuff and I waswriting my book and, by the way,
I didn't write that because Iwanted to, I wrote that because
god told me to, and I spent fiveyears writing it and I told him
every morning when I woke upthat I'd spend time with him and
if he didn't tell me what towrite, I wasn't going to fucking
(04:07):
write.
And I'm not a churchy person,you can probably see that about
me but but there is a God andI've met him and he's fucking
cool and I don't understand him.
Uh, to save my life, I don'tunderstand him.
I know he loves me, but whatI've come to understand recently
okay, during this seasonbecause I came back to him and I
(04:29):
went really Like the fuck, likeyou've made me these promises
that we weren't going to keepdoing this shit, that like
there's going to be sunshine atsome point, like I can't just
keep standing here in the rain,standing on the water, staring
you in the eyes, lord, and thento know that you're not even
fucking standing there becauseyou've done your disappearing
(04:49):
act.
And I'm just supposed to beobediently standing here getting
rained on and the waves beatingthe shit out of me.
I'm supposed to smile about it,like I can do that for about a
day.
After that I get tired, myhumanity begins to kick in and I
just don't.
Just don't know what the fuckyou want me to do.
So he had told me that he wasputting me in this season where
(05:11):
I'd kind of be like a baby in awomb and I'd feel the most alone
I've ever felt in my life.
And he's true to his fuckingword and he's just kind of like
okay, here's what we're going todo and go.
And I shit you not when I lookback at my spreadsheet, from the
time that I lost my job to thetime that on my spreadsheet I
was gonna run out of money, okaywas exactly 40 weeks.
(05:34):
You know what a gestationperiod is for a baby, don't you?
Yeah, 40 fucking weeks.
Yeah, like you can't make thisshit up.
And so I'm like let's, don't dothat to me again.
Come on, I'm so tired.
But what I'm, what I've learnedduring this season, because I,
you know, I've I've had momentswhere I've been kind of solid
(05:57):
and I've had moments where I'vebeen like you know what?
I just want to come home, like Ijust I don't want to do this
anymore.
And I've said that to him noless than probably 4,000 times
in my life and it's one of thosegenuine things where I know
(06:20):
where you're coming from.
I understand the generationalcurse, because my fucking family
, you know, brought so much shiton me that I have no doubt just
attached itself to me on my wayout of the womb that I can just
(06:41):
be free of all of that demonicoppression that previous
generations brought into thisfamily.
And I just had to make acommitment to myself, kevin,
where I said you know what?
I don't give a fuck whathappens.
You're going to knock me out ofthis fucking meat suit.
(07:04):
I'm not doing it, and thereason for that is because I
tried.
I tried.
That's why I did this dangerousshit I did in law enforcement.
That's why I volunteered to bethe first guy in the door.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah, I knew that about you, that you were always
wanting to be the first one inthe door during your law
enforcement days because youwere thinking about not only
yourself and you were thinkingabout your brethren that you
were going into these dangeroussituations with, and you were
like, well, they've got kids andthey've got spouses that need
the support, and you're like youknow what my life was worthless
(07:36):
is basically what you weresaying.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah, my life doesn't matter.
I didn't think my life mattered.
I know now that it does.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Imagine my life mattered.
I know now that it does.
Oh yeah, imagine if, if theother night, when I felt the way
that you felt, the way you saidthat you've been feeling, if I
had just decided to check out,where would it have left you?
Yeah, I know right yeah, and soI say that to say god has us
all intertwined, and I agree,there are no fucking
coincidences.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yeah, I completely agree.
You said a lot there that weneed to unravel, and what I want
to unravel first is yourupbringing.
You were basically on your ownsince nine years old.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Yeah, yeah so four years ago.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
How does that?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
happen.
Well, four years old, yeah,yeah, so four years ago.
Well, four years old, uh, thisis the earliest really I can
kind of remember.
Um, we lived in a?
Uh, we lived in east texas, uh,and my dad is a self-made guy,
you know.
He like quit school in theeighth grade, uh, started a
construction company and he, youknow he didn't have shit, like
you know, um, he just did thebest he could, but he was broken
(08:44):
and a mess of a man, cominginto, you know, into his adult
life, ended up becoming prettydamn successful in spite of
himself, okay, not beingeducated, but a man in 1979 did.
I think.
It was a private school orsomething, some kind of school
project where my dad took it onand he fronted everything and
(09:06):
the guy never paid him.
$90,000 is what he lost on thisventure and he just left my dad
high and dry with the bill andthe project never got completed,
of course.
And so what does my dad do?
Lost his ever loving mindbecause this guy just ruined me
and he was already angry.
So he then becomes murderouslyangry, like he just wants to
(09:30):
kill this guy, like, find him,beat the shit out of him.
That's my dad.
All my lineage are just mean,tough motherfuckers, you know.
Like, don't cross them, they'llhurt you.
And so that's not my spirit,kevin, like that's not who I was
as a little boy.
I was tender I mean tender andmy dad didn't understand me
(09:52):
because I wasn't.
You know, throwing whiskeybottles at people at two years
old, you know, rather, give youa hug and a kiss and you know,
sit in your lap and tell me astory, you know, and nobody knew
what to fucking do with mebecause I was weird.
So he's got all that going onand I say in my book that he had
(10:14):
this hurricane forming off thecoast of his life at that time
and everything was just comingunrooted.
Well, the IRS, you know you payyour taxes or you don't.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Well, he didn't have the money to pay the taxes
because he put it all into thatproject and he wasn't about to
fire the men who worked for himbecause they had families.
And so he decided you know whatthe government will be just
fine, these men won't.
So I'll figure out the taxeslater.
Well, that was not during thekind and gentle IRS days.
That was in the bend over.
(10:43):
We have, you know, arocket-sized microscope to come
up into your tonsils with, andthat's what they did.
They came in, they seizedeverything we owned and
basically told us we don't givea shit, sorry about your bad
luck.
I was a little boy with a $50savings account man.
They seized my savings accountin the interest of the Republic
(11:06):
and then it made my dad pay likesome ungodly amount of money.
It was a $30,000 debt.
He paid like $1,500 or more amonth for damn near 30 years and
then, at the end of which,which is over a million dollars
that he paid back on a $30,000debt.
They then made him settle forthe original amount and said if
you'll pay us what youoriginally owed us, we'll call
(11:28):
it good.
I tell you all that to say okay.
So when that happened, well, hewas no longer.
He wasn't a very good human tobegin with because he had so
much shit he had never dealtwith okay.
And so now he's justmurderously angry all the time
you ask him a question and Godonly knows what he'll do.
(11:48):
There were days I'd come homeeight years old, between four
and eight, and literally wallswould be missing inside of a
house.
Like I watched him tear arecliner in half with his bare
hands one time.
I still don't know how he didit.
That's some rage man.
That much rage, yeah.
And so at eight years old uhish, eight was a bad year for me
(12:14):
I came home from a baseballgame that I had played in and
I'm walking down the drivewayand I see something kind of
shiny under my dad's truck.
Well, it's my dad with a 44 tohis head, and I ran in and told
my mom, like this is what I justsaw.
And of course I go to mybedroom and bunker because I
don't know what the fuck's aboutto happen, because shit went
sideways a lot, and that nighthe had planned on murdering all
(12:39):
of us and then killing himself.
That was the plan.
Now, he didn't carry it through.
I don't know why, but that'skind of the backdrop.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
We do know why we do know why?
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Well, we do know why You're right, you're supposed to
be doing this God and hisprovidence decided that that
wasn't how that story was goingto end.
Yeah, exactly.
And so at the same time I wasmolested by a relative, jeez
Louise.
Then I literally woke up and Ifound pornography that same day.
That led to a whole bunch ofbad shit, you know.
(13:14):
As time went on, and then,within days of that happening, I
woke up one morning.
I went from not ever having anyallergies or anything to now
being like deathly allergic toeverything, just in a blink.
And it turns out, I think thetrauma that I had experienced
triggered a condition calledeosinophilic esophagitis.
(13:38):
And what happens is that youhave these white blood cells
called eosinophils that willform at your esophagus and they
attack your system because offood.
That I ended up with all kindsof food allergies and
environmental allergies.
So I ran a fever, not on top ofeverything else.
I started running a feverbetween a hundred to 106, no lie
(14:02):
every day for eight years.
Every day you had to feel likecrap.
I was miserable.
Yeah, I was fucking miserable.
So I'm terrified.
At home I'm sick as shit.
My mother doesn't know how tohandle any of this.
My dad's losing his mind.
She doesn't know how to do it.
(14:22):
She's got a sick kid that shedoesn't know what to do with
either.
She wasn't any more educatedthan he or any more healed.
You know just as broken and soher thing was.
You know, ricky, just becauseyou're a little bit sick doesn't
mean the world's going to stopturning for you.
You know she tried the toughlove thing, and it was you, me
(14:51):
wore me out, kevin, as you mightimagine.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Oh yeah, um I mean not only from a mental
standpoint, but physically.
You could not have been strongno, I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
I broke 17 bones.
I was malnourished.
I didn't eat what you know Ishould have been eating.
We didn't have the money to eat.
You know, once my dad left, wewent from living on that you
know kind of rural, farm, kindof environment to now my mom had
to get a job.
She didn't work before.
Now she's got two jobs tryingto support us.
So we moved into an apartmentand I remember my mother telling
(15:23):
me, you know, when she told methat her and my dad were going
to get divorced, that we'removing into a two-bedroom
apartment.
Your sister's going to get aroom because she's a girl, and
then, speaking first person fromher, I'll get a room because
I'm the mom and you'll sleep onthe couch, right.
Actually, I said what about me?
Is what I said?
And she said you can sleep onthe couch.
(15:44):
Oh, how are your.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
How are your grades at this time?
I mean, you can't concentrateon school doing this, can you
straight a's?
Oh, did you pour yourself intoschool to escape?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
no, no, I was just that lucky guy.
I'm just, I'm just always beensmart.
Yeah, yeah, I had one, oneperiod.
So after my dad left, he hadone season where he came back.
I was in the sixth grade andthat's the only time I ever got
a bad grade and I got a 69 in mymath class and it's because I
(16:22):
didn't want him around.
I couldn't concentrate, I was,I was already a mess, but I was
really a mess right With withhis reemergence and he was doing
the violent shit again and andI just, I don't know, I just
couldn't take it.
And you know, I brought home,you know, my report card with a
69 on it and I'd always been astraight-A student.
(16:43):
And so what does he do?
He tells me I'm grounded forthree months, I can't leave my
couch.
Wow, I'm like, well, that'llhelp, that'll make my grades go
up.
Thank you you, genius of a man.
Yeah, so yeah, that was kind ofthe thing.
And then I got into runningaround.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
I got running around a lot of wrong people this all
happened to you at nine let'sfast forward five years at 14.
Major event yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
So, you know, because I was living in this apartment
complex on the wrong side of thetracks.
You know the kids that I washanging around with now they
were just a different, differentbreed of of kids than what I
was hanging around with when Ilived in the country, you know.
So I went from shy, um, timid,sweet kid to having to learn to
(17:34):
fight every day and I grew myhair down past my shoulders and
you know I thought, well, whenin Rome, better become a Roman?
You know I thought, well, inrome, better become a roman.
You know, otherwise you getyour ass kicked.
And I got lucky a couple oftimes in some pretty epic fights
that you know, god just kind ofsmiled on me and I won, in
spite of the fact that Ishouldn't have, and it kind of
(17:55):
gave me a bit of a reputationwith that crew, that group.
Basically don't fuck with him,you know.
And so it kind of put a hedge ofprotection around me in a way,
um, but but you know, when thathappens, then you start to kind
of get a little bit of an ego,you know.
And so then I'm hanging around,I'm going to street races, I'm
drinking, and I was probablyclinically an alcoholic at 13.
(18:17):
I drank so much, you know,smoked a pack a day, and but I
was still an athlete.
Athlete, I was still a greatstudent.
I was just living this doublelife.
It was so weird, um, but yeah,14, uh, my sister and I and some
friends were drinking, as wealways were.
We ran out of, we ran out of,uh, booze, so we needed to go to
pawn shop.
She was on, uh, on herclassroom get us some more beer
(18:39):
money.
You know smart things you do at1 am, of course, and, uh, so
we're in the bad, bad bad partof talus and, uh, her and her
boyfriend go in.
We're me, I'm sitting on thehump of a little uh, mercury
links is the ford escort, youknow version and so a little
two-seater in the front and thenit's got like a row in the back
(19:00):
that you know, if you put threehumans in it, uh, they'll fit
as long as they're all hugging.
One of my buddies is back there, one of my sister's boyfriend's
buddies is back there, and thensome other guy that I still
don't know who he was, but hewas a little bit looney tune.
And so they're crammed backthere and I'm sitting on the
center console, my sister andher boyfriend go inside, they
(19:22):
come out.
Well, before they come out, Isaw this car pull in and I was
very acquainted with the variousMexican gangs that were popular
, and at that time they woretheir hair a certain way, they
wore trench coats, and you justknew them, if you knew.
And so I saw them pull in theparking lot and I went oh shit,
(19:45):
that's not going to be good.
And so, sure enough, when mysister and her boyfriend come
out of the pawn shop, those guysambushed them and knife fight
begins.
My sister ran to the car.
She was trying to get inside.
I tried to help her and one ofthe guys pulls her out, has a
knife.
You know to her she's fightingbecause she's she's tough, uh,
(20:08):
and so she's trying to fight himoff and I'm trying to, you know
, get to where I can help herand, as I'm kind of coming out,
to go for her, a knife comesbetween my eyes and this guy
backs me up against the driverwindow and he's pushing it into,
you know, into the flesh of mybridge, of my nose, and I since
(20:30):
then I have looked into the eyesof very evil men, but I have
never seen what I saw in thisman's eyes.
It's an evil unparalleled.
I don't really know how todescribe it other than to say it
shook me to my core when I sawhis eyes and the literal death
(20:52):
that just was swimming in hiseyes.
And he told me he was going tokill me.
And there was no question thatman was absolutely going to kill
me.
And I still don't really evenknow what I said.
Okay, I can only say that Iguess I channeled this inner
hostage negotiator that God wasgoing to allow me to be later on
(21:14):
in life, because I talked thisman out of killing me and I
could tell by the look on hisface he didn't really understand
why he was backing down.
And I could tell by the look onhis face he didn't really
understand why he was backingdown.
But I had just I don't knowbefuddled him with some magical
soliloquy that I threw at himand I bargained really with my
(21:35):
letter jacket.
I gave him my letter jacket inexchange for my life, and I
guess he thought so because hebacked out of the car in
exchange for my life.
Good deal, I guess he thought sohe backed out of the car and
then, when he did, my sister'sboyfriend had come around the
other side of the car at thatsame time and he's banging on
(21:56):
the roof and he's like give methe machete.
I didn't know there was amachete in the car.
The guy sitting in the backthat I said it's kind of Looney
Tunes guy.
He picks it up and he's likebig nice, what the fuck is my
life.
And so he hands the machete outout the car.
And so the guy, uh, then comesaround and he decides he's
(22:24):
running and my sister'sboyfriend stabbed him with it.
It went through his back andout his chest and I saw that guy
go from moving to just likethis and just face plant and the
machete popped out because ithit the concrete.
Yeah, yeah, right.
And so my sister's boyfriendkind of overran the guy because
(22:47):
he didn't expect him to fall.
I guess I mean he's in realtime, right.
And so one of the other guyswas in chase too and it's like
when the machete popped up helike grabs it and swings it
around and hits my sister'sboyfriend right on the back and
I thought he's decapitated likethis just went from bad to worse
, but it ended up being the theblunt, the blunt side.
Okay, it wasn't the sharp sideand so it did some damage, but
(23:10):
it obviously didn't kill him.
And right when that happened, adpd cruiser pulled into the
alley and just stopped.
They picked their guy up andran and then, you know, uh, we
just kind of hung out by the car.
And and then, you know, uh, wejust kind of hung out by the car
and then, next thing, you know,we got air one and you got all
kinds of freaking police comingfrom all over the damn place.
You know, and of course youknow, we all lied.
(23:33):
What are you going to do?
You know you're not going totell them what actually happened
.
That's just not the rules ofthe street.
Yeah, so, yeah.
So then my mom found out and Iwanted my letter jacket back.
It was taken into evidence.
The DPD found it there at thecrime scene and, yeah, homicide
(23:53):
detective called my mother thenext day, kevin, and said I'm
detective so-and-so, homicideDPD.
You know, have your son's this,your daughter's's this and
whatnot.
She gets off the phone and I'msitting there when she's having
this conversation.
I'm going oh shit, you know.
And um, and she then looks atme.
It was like what happened lastnight and I just spun some bs
(24:14):
yarn and she never asked meanother question, never took me
to get any of the evidence,never took me to get any of the
evidence, never took me to getmy jacket, never did anything.
It was just like matter over,let's just move on.
I'm like sure, yeah, I thoughtthat was a good thing.
I can look back now as a fatherand go, oh my God, yeah right,
(24:38):
not a good thing.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
So what happened with ?
Was there prosecution?
Was there no, nothing, huh.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
No, like I said, when the officer pulled in, those
guys grabbed their guy off theground, one under each shoulder.
I remember watching them pickhim up and drug him around the
backside of a dumpster.
And then one of the guys got inthe car.
They got in the car and theytook off and then they were
stupid enough to come back, butwhen they came back, the one
that wasn't with us wasn't withthem, oh yeah.
(25:08):
So all we had was blood on theground, and what can you do with
that?
Speaker 1 (25:12):
OK, so you've gone through this traumatic
experience.
At nine years of age.
Now you've almost been killedand then seen the guy that was
going to kill you get killed.
Yeah, did that lead you to lawenforcement?
Because there's so manydifferent bad outcomes that
could happen with thatupbringing.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
But you actually turned it into a positive, I
think yeah, I did, and you knowI had always wanted to be a
police officer.
Like that was a passion of mine.
Chips, you know, was like thething in our era, you know.
So, as a little boy, when mygrandfather was trying to watch
Gunsmoke, you know, I was crying, telling him to put chips on TV
, you know.
(25:54):
So I just had this, like youknow, idealistic fascination
with it.
I didn't really know anythingabout it, but what really led me
down that road was that I knewI wanted to.
After that happened, it didsomething to me because I
(26:15):
realized, okay, this isn't justfun and games anymore, like this
gangster lifestyle that, youknow, we sometimes think is cool
.
And you know, the thug life orwhatever you want to call it,
there's consequences for it andthey're deadly.
And I just lived it and I justsurvived it narrowly, and it
(26:35):
wasn't the first time that hadhappened, sadly.
But that event was the one thatmade me go OK, I want to do
more with my life, you know.
And what I didn't share withyou earlier is that at eight
years old I had given my life toChrist.
I don't know really why I didit.
I just I've always known thatGod was there and I've always
(26:57):
equated God with Jesus.
That's just what I thought atthat age.
And I went in my bedroom and Ijust prayed and said I want you
to be the God of my life.
And I didn't grow up in church.
I had an uncle who was aBaptist preacher, and I think I
heard him preach on the raptureno less than six times.
So I just thought God wasreally angry, you know, and I
really thought he wanted to,that he must hate me, and
(27:20):
otherwise why would I have thelife that I have?
You know why?
Why would these things behappening to me?
I couldn't see that it was forme at that time.
Right, it was to me.
And so I just was train wreck.
So I decided one day all right,I may have been born playing
white trash, but I'll be damnedif I die it.
Okay.
So I went to my high schoolcounselor and that where you're
supposed to go when you don'thave anybody else to turn to?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Absolutely and.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
I said hey, sir, can I talk to you?
I want to go to college.
I have colleges recruiting mefor football, I have great
grades, I have all this Like Iwant to go.
I just don't know how to do it.
Like I don't know what to do.
And he literally, likeliterally, looked me up and down
.
I could smell the cigarettesmoke on me and I got a greasy
(28:03):
mullet Because I probably didn'twash my hair in three weeks.
And he's like what are yourgrades?
And so he started looking me up.
Well, he didn't have a gooddefense on my grades, so he was
like have you taken chemistryyet?
And I'm a junior at this point?
And I was like ah, dropped it,actually kind of conflicted with
(28:26):
something else I was doing andI haven't picked it back up and
he's like well, you can't getcollege admission in the state
of Texas If you haven't takenchemistry.
And I went, okay, I was like,so they chemistry?
I guess I don like so, but howdo I go to college?
Like, I need your help.
I have no one to talk to.
My sister's, the first personto graduate high school in my
(28:47):
entire family ever.
I'm a fifth generation Texan,like 1860.
I'm, there's been one, I'll benumber two.
Like help me.
And he goes.
You know, you're just reallynot college material.
Ricky, I'm going to actuallytake you off of the current path
you're on and we're going toput you on this like work
release program where you'llcome to school half a day.
(29:08):
You have a job, don't you?
And I'm like, yeah, I have to.
Like I work at a grocery store,you know, stacking groceries
and stuff.
And he's like, okay, well, thenI'll give you more time to work
on it.
Wow, yes, sir, it would.
And I said, well, yes, sir, itwould.
And I said, well then, what doI do?
And he goes well, I think youshould probably think about
automotive technician school.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
This is your counselor telling you this yeah,
yeah and I went.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Why would I do that?
I said I don't know how to workon a car and I have nobody teach
me that shit and um and he goesI just think that's really more
your speed, son, and I went andthen I realized what he was
doing and I said okay, sir, youknow what?
Thank you Really appreciateyour time.
I'm going to get back to class.
(29:52):
And so when I walked out ofthere, kevin walking down the
hallway, I'm just shaking mylittle head because I'm in
disbelief, I'm like I can't, Icouldn't catch a break.
It was freaking contagious, youknow, and I'm like you know
(30:13):
what?
F him?
Screw that guy, like I'm goingto college.
So I went chemistry be damned.
I got in.
As I get in, I worked full-timesouthwest texas state baby, now
texas, we're alone.
Southwest, very southwest Hellyeah, had so much fun.
I had a 1.8 that first semester.
We won't talk about that, but Iended up graduating with honors
and I sat there at mygraduation ceremony at Strahan
(30:35):
Coliseum, which I know you'refamiliar with.
Yes, sir, I'm looking at myhonors cord and I'm like I'm
going to find that MF and I'mgoing to choke the life out of
him with these cords Because Istill had just a little bit of
that redneck in me.
And then I thought no, no, no,no, no, I haven't yet to begin,
I'm going to go make somethingout of my life.
Then I'm going to choke himwith these damn cords Trying to
(30:58):
railroad me you know that son ofa bitch, but trying to railroad
me.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
You know that, son of a bitch.
But here's the thing, and youand I are also similar in this.
Okay, you took that and youknow we always have choices,
Ricky, and they're alwayspresented to us, you know, in
the master plan.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
And the choice.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
the choices that you were given that day were well,
okay, I could just go tomechanic school and become an
automotive technician, or Icould prove this guy wrong.
Well, that's what I do with mydad.
My dad told me at 13, I'llnever amount to anything.
And okay, there's my choice.
The bar is set low.
I can amount to nothing, or Ican say no, you know what, fuck
(31:35):
you, I'm going to cram it upyour fucking ass and I'm going
to be as successful as I can be.
And that's what ended uphappening.
You know, and, but this kind ofI don't want to interrupt your
backstory, but this kind ofleads me to where you, and
(32:00):
especially in your bookAccepting Truth, finding Hope,
can help a lot of people.
As a radio broadcaster for 30years, my dad only measured
success by the numbers on yourpaycheck how many are there and
how much have you accumulated.
And that became my motivationfor a long time.
Okay, and that became myidentity, this broadcaster, okay
, and one of the things that Istruggle with now is being
(32:25):
retired.
What is my new purpose?
Because I don't see it, ricky.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
You know, all my life I thought and I bet you did too
If I strive just hard enough,man, if I accomplish this, if I
get those two commas in thatpaycheck, you know, then people
are going to love me.
They're going to have to say Iwas wrong about Ricky, I was
wrong about Kevin, right I.
And then they're going to say,no, that that guy does have
worth, there is purpose in himand we were wrong.
(32:52):
And they're all going to throwa fucking party for us and that
never happens.
No, no, it doesn't.
You know you may never get thataffirmation that you really
actually deserve and beyonddeserve need from those people
that you've been on that ratwheel striving for that
acceptance from.
And what I shared with thisyoung man was that I said OK, I
(33:15):
know you've been hurt by peoplein your life, We've talked about
that and I'm trying to help youunpack those boxes.
And I know that's difficult tounderstand what is the box,
what's in it and how to get theshit out.
I said I understand that too.
It took me forever to figure itout, so we're going to scratch
the surface together before weever do anything.
I said but the thing that Ineed you to understand is that,
(33:36):
as a man, if you run around withno smile on your face and
everything you do is anemotional, passionate response,
then all you are is a hotheadbecause you are out of control.
I said now you know what I didfor a living.
I said I'm a trained killer.
(33:57):
I know how to do reallyhorrible things to people to get
them to submit to my authorityif I want them to.
So I could probably win justabout any damn argument.
I said but I don't do that.
I said you know why I don't dothat?
I said because it's one word.
(34:18):
It's one word called meek.
Are you familiar with the wordmeek?
Meek is not weak.
You see, when you have bravadoand you're out there puffing
your chest and motherfuckingpeople and punching people in
the face, I said that's weakness, because that's your strength
(34:38):
out of control, whereas meekness.
Jesus said the meek willinherit the earth.
Yes, he did.
You see God in the form of man,let people spit in his face,
beat the living shit out of him,and he never once hit them back
.
That's meek, that's not weak.
He could have destroyed themwith a thought.
(35:00):
Instead, he loved them and gavethem grace.
And what I told this young manwas.
I said you've got to live yourlife from a place of meekness.
And if people want to yell atyou and scream at you, don't
adopt their emotions.
You just sit there, wait tillthe pregnant pause and then say
(35:24):
you know what?
It seems like you're upset withme and I'd love to have a
constructive conversation, but Idon't think it's going to
happen with this yelling.
So could we just take a momentto cool down?
I'm going to go calm downmyself.
I said you just excuse yourself.
That's how you put boundariesup and then you come back and
say hey, are you ready to finishthis conversation?
I'd love to resolve it.
And I said and your goal isalways two-pronged, it's
resolution, not about beingright.
(35:45):
I don't care who's right.
It's about resolving theconflict and then resuming the
relationship.
It's about resolving theconflict and then resuming the
relationship.
And if you go into conflictwith those two things in mind,
then you won't get caught up inwho's right and who's wrong and
I want to win the argument andfuck you.
It'll be about.
I want to resolve the issue sothat we can go back to being in
this relationship together,whether it be friendship whether
(36:12):
it be romantic, whether it bechild, you know business,
whatever it is.
But but it's these things that Inever learned, Kevin.
No one taught me this shit.
God is the one who taught methis shit, okay, and it's why I
know it's my job to teach it toothers.
But you see, I gave my dad andmy mom a hall pass all those
years and say, well, they neverknew, they never did, no, they
never fucking tried.
And so I took my hall pass backand I said it's unfortunate
(36:37):
that you didn't take a stand forme and this family.
But you know what, come hell orhigh water, I am taking a stand
for this family and here are mynew rules for engagement and
how we're going to dorelationship, and if you can't
abide by them, then you're goingto have to go.
And unfortunately, that's whathad to happen.
I had to.
They're not in my life anymoreand I had to mourn that it
(37:01):
wasn't what I wanted.
But I can't let toxicity be inmy world and then say that I
have a healthy mental mindset.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
Yeah, no, I've actually spoken to two guests on
the Fuzzy Mike before, AkemiyaDeadweiler, who's written a book
, and then a guy in Austin Texas.
He's a mindset coach, BobbySexton and both of them have
said exactly what you just said.
It doesn't matter how close therelationship is supposed to be,
If they're toxic people, youcan't have them in your life.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
No, they have to find healing, and if they're not, if
they're unwilling to do thehard work, well then maybe they
just need to not be in yourorbit If you want to be healthy,
otherwise they're going to justit'll be.
You're gonna have a traumaresponse constantly, and I knew
I was going to have and Ialready was having trauma
responses.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
So if you do that, you you excommunicate these
people from your life.
How do you not look uponyourself as hey man?
Maybe I'm being selfish.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
That's a good question and I'm going to answer
it.
I think simply, and that is isit selfish to know your worth?
Is it selfish to ask someoneelse to value you because you
know your worth?
Is it selfish to ask someoneelse to value you because you
know your worth?
And is it selfish to say I'mjust asking that you not betray
me, I'm just asking that you nottreat me like shit.
(38:22):
Right, let's be authentic andreal with one another in a
healthy way, and if we can dothat, kevin, then we can be in
relationship.
But if you're unwilling, ifyou're just going to treat me
like a surrogate bitch andyou're just going to try to put
me in my place and you're justgoing to tell me that I'm always
wrong and you're never going totake any accountability, we
(38:43):
don't have a relationship anyway.
Who's being selfish in theequation?
Speaker 1 (38:48):
How do we know our worth?
How do we define our worth?
Speaker 2 (38:52):
in the equation.
How do we know our worth?
How do we define our worth?
Man, that's a damn goodquestion.
So the way it happened for meokay was that I had, I was about
to embark on this thing calledQuest.
Quest is where I literallywalked with Jesus for like nine
hours one day, and those of youwho don't believe the way I
believe you can probably thinkthis guy just lost me.
He's crazy, I am crazy.
(39:13):
I used to fucking go into doorswhere people had guns and I was
smiling.
But I'm telling you, this shithappened and it radically
changed my life.
Yeah, I didn't grow up inchurch, so why would he pick me
to be the guy he wants to hangout with one Saturday?
Fuck, I don't know.
But he did Right.
(39:35):
And but before I went on thatevent I had, I was, I was in my
second marriage.
My first marriage had fallenapart.
I had 18 affairs that I know ofmore than that, but I that's
what I counted Um and I was justa train wreck, you know.
Um and the second marriage, youknow, the pendulum swung the
other direction and that wasjust a whole different type of
(39:56):
train wreck.
And I was grappling with somany things.
I was making the best moneyI've ever had in my life.
I had over $100,000 in mychecking account.
I thought that I had all thethings that would make me happy,
and I was miserable Because Icouldn't answer one question
make me happy.
And I was miserable because Icouldn't answer one question.
I didn't know who I was.
You see, since God took thatbadge off my chest in 2009 and
(40:19):
he took away my identity, I wasleft asking the question who am
I?
But I was still striving forthe acceptance of others.
I was hanging on to an oldidentity because, well, I'm a
former this and that and I'mstill a badass.
Right?
Everybody affirmed that I'mstill a badass and I make a lot
(40:40):
of money.
So, obviously, I have securityand I've got a hot wife and I
got a great kid and she's gottwo pretty cool kids, and so my
purpose, obviously, is to keepfucking rocking this cool life
that I've got.
Oh, my God, no, but see, that'swhere I was.
I didn't know what I didn't know, and so I go on this thing
called encounter, and it was thefirst time I had ever confessed
(41:02):
every sin that I've ever done.
I was just a powder keg and Ihad this opportunity at this
event to just walk into a roomwith men that I didn't know and
go.
I don't give a shit what y'allthink about me, but I got to say
some things before I lose it.
And I just opened up the kimonoand I thought these men are
going to kick me out of thishouse after I give you my
(41:23):
confession.
They ain't seen a sinner likeme.
And man, I put it all out thereand I just went ooh, see how
that shit goes.
Second guy gets up there.
It's like he read my script.
Third guy same.
Fourth guy same 10 guys.
Every one of them came up to meafterwards and said thank you,
because had you not done that,there's no way in hell I'd have
(41:46):
the courage to do it.
Wow, and I went holy shit, okay, well, that's not going the way
I thought it was going to go.
And so then I learned a fewthings during that time from the
guy who was the, the kind ofthe senior pastor guy who was
kind of leading the event.
Well, we were staying at thishouse that I don't even know
where I was even at, but somehouse that was hosting it and
(42:09):
the only place that was left.
When I got there, for me tosleep was in a closet, with a
mattress on the floor andChristmas decorations all in
this closet.
And this closet was small,kevin, I grew up this way I
slept on the fucking couch, Ididn't have a bed, and I'm like,
really, this is what we'regoing.
(42:31):
Do you know?
I'm looking to heaven.
I was like whatever, so we getdone.
I go up into my little room, mycloset, close the door, my
whole 200 square feet.
I guess that I had my mattressand a fucking christmas tree
that I wanted to throw out awindow, but there wasn't one one
, and so it was like I loveChristmas, but I resent the shit
(42:52):
out of it.
You know what I mean.
So I'm sitting there, I have myBible and I had started getting
kind of this prophetic gifting,if you want to call it that,
where I hear the voice of God.
I don't, it's not out loud, I'mnot crazy, but there's this
second voice.
It's thoughts that I'm notthinking okay, and I'm not
(43:12):
thinking Okay, and I've finallyfigured out how to understand
when it's him and when it's theenemy, and I'm not a hundred
percent, but I'm pretty good atdiscerning it.
Well, on this night I was notgood at discerning it.
Because I'm asking the Lord.
I'm like, okay, give me a verselike show me where to go in your
word.
Like I want to know this stuff,show me where to go.
And I want to understand youbetter.
Like I'm just, I'm fucking lostand I would hear, you know
(43:36):
whatever the verse I heard, Iwould turn to it and it would be
God's wrath from Old Testamentstuff, you know, like where he's
just annihilating somebody.
And I'm like, see, I knew youfucking hated me.
And then I'd say, okay, can wetry another one?
And then another one would bethe same thing.
And it was just over and overand over.
I realize now that was not God,that was the enemy trying to do
(43:58):
what Discourage me.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Right Knock it down.
It did.
It discouraged the shit out ofme to the point that I'm sitting
there and I finally say thesewords that had needed to be said
at that point, probably for 37years, okay, and that was fuck.
Fuck.
I don't know who I am, but Idon't care about that.
(44:23):
I want to know who do you say Iam?
That's the question.
I asked the living God.
And I'm sitting there, kevin, Ihad my Bible on my knee,
because I'm squatted in thislittle position, because I'm in
this little big fucking spaceand the Bible literally just
flies off my knee, and I don'tknow how it happened.
I didn't touch it, it justjumped off my knee and all my
(44:44):
papers went everywhere.
But what I haven't shared withy'all I'm a type A freak of
fucking nature.
Okay, I like everythingorganized well, I had everything
in its place.
I didn't know where it was at,but it was in its place, okay.
So I started picking up mypapers and I'm cussing a blue
streak and I'm slamming them inthe bible, motherfucking you
know this and that.
(45:04):
And I had this postcard thatmeant a lot to me and I had it
in a special place, but I didn'tknow what the special place was
, but it was where it wassupposed to be and so it was no
longer there.
When I saw that I just lost itand I picked that postcard up.
I randomly opened my Bible.
I slammed that in there.
I slammed it closed.
(45:25):
I don't recommend this nextthing.
But I looked to heaven.
I gave God the middle finger.
But I looked to heaven, I gaveGod the middle finger and I said
, fuck you, I'm going to bed.
And I woke up the next morningand I went uh, I would like to
retract the fuck you.
Um, and I'm sorry, I should notspeak to you that way.
I should not act that way.
I don't know what's wrong withme, besides a lot, and I just
(45:47):
want to start over.
And so I picked my Bible up, Iresumed my little squatted
position and I opened it up.
And it opened to the postcard,naturally because it was the
biggest thing in the book Right,and I start seeing things on
the right side of the page.
That's talking aboutbacksliding.
It's in Psalms, and I was like,well, that's me.
You're fucking talking to mydumb ass, you know.
(46:09):
Know, I'm a backsliding pieceof shit, you know.
And so I think that was theword that god had for me.
No, no, it wasn't well.
It was probably a year or morelater, okay, where I had now
entered into a relationshipwhere five o'clock every morning
, I was spending time with goddoing two-way journaling, where
I would talk to him and he wouldtalk back and I'd write it all
(46:30):
down.
And some of it was so propheticthat when the shit happened, I
about fell out of my fuckingshoes.
And other times where I waslike, maybe that'll happen in 30
years, I don't know, and someof it was him rebuking me,
telling me you know, quit beingso hard on your daughter, you
got to leave with grace and justtrying to help me become a man.
He was being a dad to me, okay,and I was getting to write it
(46:51):
all down and do this with him.
And one day I set up my bar inmy kitchen and I didn't have my
Bible, but I had my journal andI started a journal and I went,
very proud of myself, like Iremembered something.
You never answered my question.
And he goes yes, I did, and Iwent.
You don't even know whatquestion I'm talking about
because I haven't told you yet.
And he was like really I'm Godand I went.
(47:16):
You never answered my question.
He said yes, I did, and I wentno, you didn't.
And he said you know what yourproblem is, and I went oh, where
do we begin?
There are so many of those, lord.
And I went what now?
What problem.
He goes.
You always begin at the end ofthings.
(47:37):
You never begin at thebeginning of things.
And I went you know what yourproblem is?
You talk to me in riddles and Idon't understand this shit.
And he went silent, he wentquiet and I went oh, come on,
don't do that to me, come back,I'm sorry.
And so I just starteddissecting that.
What does that mean?
Well, I remembered, okay, whatwas the question that I asked.
(47:59):
I used my investigative brainand I began to reverse engineer
everything.
So I mean, I'd solve a case.
So I came in here and grabbed myBible and I was like, okay,
when I asked that question, Iwas in that closet.
And so I came in here, got myBible and it opened up right
where that postcard was, and Iwas like, yep, that's where I
put that son of a bitch.
So end of things.
What does that mean?
Well, I immediately looked tothe right-hand side of the page
(48:20):
and I was like oh, yeah, Iremember that backsliding stuff,
that's right.
I thought that was my word.
That wasn't.
It was it?
Nope, because that's the end ofthings, that's the right side
of the page.
So what's the left side of thepage?
I looked and I literally withmy finger at the bottom all the
way to the top.
The top of the page in the Biblethat I was looking at was Psalm
2, 7.
And the verse said therefore, Ideclare the decree today, you
(48:45):
are my son, ask of me thenations and I'll give them to
you as an inheritance.
I cried my fucking eyes outbecause I my question was who do
you say I am to you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He said you're my son.
Wow, that's who you are.
(49:06):
And I went okay, I don't knowwhat that means.
I've never been a son.
No-transcript.
(49:37):
I keep my hands off of them.
And so I was like I think yougot the wrong guy.
And he's like no, I didn't.
And he said you're going towrite a book, you're going to
write movies, you're going toteach and you're going to preach
.
I'm like you keep telling methat that doesn't make any sense
, like I don't know what thatmeans.
And so, kevin, he then ended upgiving me four words that led
(49:59):
to the book, but it was againover another couple of years.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
Like none of this stuff happened when I wanted it
to, I said a lot of shit well,no, it doesn't happen the way
that or on the timeline that youwant it to, because it ain't
your timeline.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
And this life is not about us.
Speaker 1 (50:19):
What is it about?
Speaker 2 (50:21):
It's about God.
Okay, so, a creator, thinkabout this.
You are your creator in yourown right.
You are creating a podcast,You're creating a show.
You want to have something tooffer to your audience.
That's going to do what Onecapture their attention, teach
them something, give themsomething that they can then
work from right.
(50:42):
The Bible describes God as apotter and that we are his clay.
So he is just molding acreation with us, and the whole
point of that creation that heis creating, much like you as
the podcaster, is to have apodcast that you are proud of
(51:02):
and that you want people to seeand hear and enjoy.
And that's us for him.
Speaker 1 (51:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:10):
Everything we do is for his glory, not for ours, and
what we mistake is that whenbad things are happening to us
this side of eternity, we thinkwell, he must be mad at me,
Otherwise he wouldn't do this tome, that's always my first
thought, and it's always myfirst thought.
(51:35):
But see, that's not the way hesees it.
You see, he tells us my waysare not your ways and don't lean
on your own understanding,because you don't get me.
So here's what.
Here's how God looks at it.
He allows bad things to happenin our life to do what?
To teach us?
He's teaching us because heloves us and some of us myself
specifically are hardheaded.
(51:56):
I learn only when it's reallytough.
I don't learn from success.
I get a big fucking head, buttake everything away from me and
watch me grow.
And so what God sees is that weare bitching going.
I don't know why you're doingthis.
I don't like this.
This isn't fun.
Da da, da da.
(52:17):
Father, you don't love me.
I thought you were good.
Why would you let this happen?
And we're going down that talktrack and he looks at it and
goes well, bad things make yougrow.
That seems like that's good.
Very true, because your lifeisn't here for you to be
comfortable and to be abillionaire.
Your life is here so you canlearn, you can grow, you can
(52:43):
discover that God is the reasonthat you're here.
You can enter into thatrelationship with him.
Fuck the rules, guys.
I don't give a shit about therules, nor does he.
He thumbed his nose at them.
Read all the red letter stuffand you'll figure that out.
And then, when you finally hitthat stride where you have that
relationship with him, you'llstart to realize that all of the
(53:07):
backdrop of our life ispreparing us for the purpose.
But if we don't allow those badthings to make us better, if we
allow them to make us bitter,then guess what?
You got some more bad shitcoming until you figure out it's
to make you better.
So get off the bitter train.
(53:30):
Figure out that there is a Godthat is bigger than you.
And if you don't believe me,you don't have to.
But I just meant forconsideration.
Go on YouTube and look up neardeath experiences and start
listening to stories of peoplewho tell the same thing with 10
different faiths, about whatthey encounter when they had
their near-death experience.
(53:51):
It's fucking fascinating.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
Well, your story proves that there is a higher
power, a God.
Okay, and, like you just said,people don't necessarily have to
believe what we believe,because I know people who are
atheists and I know people whoare agnostic, but they still do
believe that the universe hassome sort of power, which I
(54:14):
think that's awesome for them.
Okay, but but you have had wehaven't even talked about the
biggest miracle in your life,but you've had.
You've already talked about twomiracles that happened in your
life.
The book just flies off andthen you open it up and you
start where the postcard is.
You start reading on the lefthand side.
That's a miracle.
Before we get to the biggestmiracle of your life and the one
(54:36):
that just has my jaw dropping,I want to ask you, when you were
in that group session and youopened up, what is it about
telling our story?
What is it about opening upthat frees us?
Speaker 2 (54:50):
Well, think about our solar system for a minute.
How many rocks are out there?
Enough for each of us to haveour own?
Why are we all on oneRelationship?
Why did God allow me to gothrough so much shit?
He told me in one word.
He finally answered thatquestion for me, and you know
what the word he told me waskevin uh love relatable oh you
(55:17):
see, I'm relatable, you'rerelatable, we all go through
shit and and the point of it isthat you and I need to be
relatable because there's gonnabe a time when you're sitting in
the mud and you're going toneed a guy like me who's not
afraid to sit in the mud becauseI've sat there before and I can
(55:38):
come right alongside you and gohey brother, I love you.
I'm sorry you feel this way.
I'm sorry that shit sucks rightnow and I'm not going to tell
you, you know, a bunch ofpie-in-the-scout bullshit.
I'm just going to sit here inthe mud with you.
If you want to talk about it,let's talk.
If you don't, let's just sithere and be muddy.
(56:05):
The fact that I was molested, Ididn't tell Just recently.
I started opening up about thisAt 22, I was raped, sodomized
by a guy who drugged me and Iwoke up during that act.
I've been physically abused,verbally abused.
There's not a whole lot of shitthat hasn't happened to me and
God told me.
I didn't do these to you, I didthem for you.
(56:27):
So you would be relatablebecause I want you to go into
the valley.
The verse says yea, though Iwalk through the valley of the
shadow of death.
And he said the problem is, son, you camped out there and so
many people like you have campedout there.
He said, but you're not afraidof the valley.
The valley are your people.
You see, you didn't want to doministry because you didn't want
(56:48):
to be a churchy guy.
I don't want to do ministrybecause you didn't want to be a
churchy guy.
I don't want you being achurchy guy, I want you in the
valley.
Those people don't think I canlove them, but you have a hard
story to tell.
Yeah, you do.
And and how does your story end?
God loves me, he fucking lovesme.
(57:15):
I'm his boy, I'm his fuckingboy.
Yeah, and I get to go and sitin the mud with people, kevin,
and go.
I'm sorry, I know what thatmeans and sometimes I'll be like
you don't understand and I'mlike, try me.
Well, this happened to me.
You won't believe it, butfucking happened to me too.
You know, and when you have acamaraderie, when you have relat
, people then are more willingto listen to your Jesus story.
(57:36):
But they're not willing tolisten to a God who loves them
from a person standing on acorner screaming at people that
they're going to fucking hell ifthey don't repent.
Give me a break.
Jesus never did that.
He did what.
He got down in the mud withpeople, yeah, and just said do
you want me to heal you?
I'll meet you where you are.
(57:59):
Think about it.
It's fucking love, you know.
Speaker 1 (58:02):
So my guest is Ricky Sluder.
You can get Ricky's bookAccepting Truth, finding Hope.
But do you feel a pressure?
Do you feel the weight of thatresponsibility?
Speaker 2 (58:14):
No, no.
The only time I feel the weightof the responsibility is when
I'm not doing it.
Okay, you know, when I getdepressed is when I isolate.
You know, when I feel sorry formyself is when I'm not in
community, when I'm not doingthis.
This is my purpose, and if Inever make a dime from it,
that's not the point.
(58:34):
Yeah, look, originally Ithought, yay, I'm going to be a
bestselling author.
I give them away now, you know,because I had to realize that I
got to get my fucking ego outof the way.
This isn't about me.
This is about you and the otheruse out there who are hurting,
and you need someone to talk to.
(58:55):
Fucking.
Call me Ricky, I can't affordit, so call me anyway.
Speaker 1 (59:02):
Oh, it's like the old Johnny Cash line.
You know, rich man is a pauperat times, compared to the man
with a satisfied mind.
Speaker 2 (59:09):
Yeah, 100%, yeah 100% .
Speaker 1 (59:12):
That seems like a really good place to stop this
part of the conversation,because the next part of the
conversation is a completelydifferent direction and we'll
get that next week.
You won't want to miss that one.
Thank you for listening orwatching.
If you'd be so kind, pleasegive the Fuzzy Mike a rating
comment, like, follow orsubscribe and share the podcast
(59:33):
with family, friends, heck, evenenemies.
To stay connected with theFuzzy Mike, you can follow me on
Instagram, facebook and Twitter, or simply email me at
thefuzzymike at gmailcom.
The Fuzzy Mike is hosted andproduced by Kevin Kline.
Production elements by ZachSheesh at the Radio Farm.
Social media director is TrishKline.
(59:55):
Every Wednesday, we give you abrand new episode of the Tuttle
Kline podcast.
We record those on Monday, so Ihave the benefit of already
recording and I know what thisweek sounds like.
It is uproariously funny.
Definitely don't want to missthat.
Every Wednesday, the TuttleKline podcast brand new episode.
Next Tuesday, right here on theFuzzy Mike, we'll hear part two
(01:00:16):
of our conversation withtoday's guest, ricky Sluder.
He shares the details of thebiggest miracle to ever happen
in his life.
I know the story.
It is riveting.
You don't want to miss it.
So grateful for you.
Thank you so much for listening.
See you next week.
That's it for the Fuzzy Mike.
Thank you.
The Fuzzy Mike with Kevin Kline.
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