February 21, 2025 • 20 mins
Expectations placed on children have evolved, but the impact of perfectionism often harms their mental health and social skills. This episode prompts parents to reconsider how they nurture their child's development, aiming for balance and communication rather than rigid standards.
• Addressing the pressure for perfection in children
• Exploring cultural expectations and their influence on parenting
• The importance of letting kids have downtime and social interactions
• Rethinking perfect attendance and its relevance in children's lives
• Encouragement for parents to communicate openly with their children
• Discussing the physical and mental burden of over-scheduling children
• Real-life stories illustrating the consequences of excessive pressure
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, welcome back to the Gag Is podcast.
I am your girl, charli Chanté.
Thank you for joining me onanother episode.
Happy Friday to you, or happywhatever day it is that you're
listening to this.
New episodes release everyFriday.
So if you go ahead and hit thatlittle notification bell
(00:21):
wherever you listen to yourpodcast, you'll be sure to get
the new episode when it dropsevery Friday.
Ok, that's no matter whatplatform that you listen on.
So we're going to go right aheadand dive into today's topic.
I got a good one for you.
This is for my parents.
It's time to talk parent toparent, like real to real.
So go over here and grab yourbloop, bloop, bloop, bloop,
(00:44):
bloop and I'm not taking thatblooper out.
Go ahead and grab your drinks,grab your snacks, whatever it is
you grab when you listen tothis.
If you're in the car, make sureyou've got the volume good so
you can hear.
Tell them kids be quiet in theback so that you can hear this
episode and we can talk real.
(01:05):
So today I want to talk aboutthe pressures that we put on
kids, and this is like an ageold conversation and we talk
about it a lot.
We hear people talk about it alot and it's the pressure for
our kids to be perfect In theSpencer household.
I don't pressure these kids tobe perfect, but what you are
(01:25):
going to do is do your best.
Okay, that's all I can ask for.
And some people are like, well,why wouldn't you want your kids
to be perfect?
Like, why are you just saying,like, do your best?
No, I just need them to dotheir best, like not stress out
to the point where theydepressed, they need medicine
(01:46):
and they have a whole lot ofother things going on.
You know they get anxiety anddifferent stuff like that.
I don't believe in all that.
Like, I believe in doing yourbest and living life and, uh,
living life in just just being akid and taking that moment to
enjoy being a kid.
So we're going to start withschool and then we're going to
(02:08):
transition over into sports andyou know I'm going to get y'all
my little one too on how, how wedo things here in the Spencer
household.
Um, you know so, when it comesto school, like we pressure our
kids to overachieve.
And I do know that sometimesit's cultural related.
I know, like Middle Eastern,european, asian, korean and in
(02:34):
that culture, like they taketheir education very seriously.
Y'all know, here in America wedon't let's just tell a lot how
it is, don't?
Um, let's just tell a lot howit is.
Asian culture, they, theypressure their children to, you
know, get the best educationthat they can, but then again
their education system is goodas hell, like if I had the
opportunity to move to japan,like I would, but then again I
(02:56):
don't have no little kids that Ican say, oh, let me go anyway.
We, we, we getting off onsomething else, um, because they
expect their kids to be doctorsor you know, or something of
high status stature.
Um, and here in America we just, we, push our kids to, you know
(03:17):
it's, we have too much uh,going going on, like I know one
of the things and a lot of this.
I'm speaking from a teacherperspective and from a parent
perspective because I've been inthe classroom, so I know what
it's like and the things that Idid in the classroom.
(03:37):
I made sure I translated itover into home and vice versa.
So you know we should not forcechildren to take an excessive
amount of classes.
I know, in high school andmiddle school, here your kids
can take classes, like online,to get extra credits and stuff
like that to kind of help themgraduate and move on a little
(04:00):
faster.
And this is just me.
All of these opinions are mine.
I just don't believe in doingthat.
I feel like there are tracksthat are set for kids in
education and we should followthose tracks for our kids.
So one of the things that I didwhen I had Marco Polo, he just
(04:22):
followed a traditional trackbecause you know, I was a young
mother and I didn't know aboutall of the things that were out
there and you know, like thedifferent programs and
graduating early, and you knowassociates, you know graduating
with dual, you know high schooldiploma and an associate's
degree.
I wasn't aware of all of thatand it wasn't until I started
(04:43):
teaching that I was like, oh, wehave all these things.
But you know, he was already inhigh school and we talked about
it a few weeks ago and he waslike I'm glad you didn't put me
in that and he was like I lovedmy experience and I was like wow
, really, he's like yeah, hesaid I wouldn't have liked if
you would have done that to me.
He said I'd have been veryupset and I was like wow, like
(05:03):
that's very different and that'svery, um, unique.
So, with new face, I started himoff in sixth grade.
He started off in what's calledCambridge and you know.
So he had like those upperlevel advanced classes.
And I remember asking his twofifth grade teachers I was like
(05:29):
do y'all think he's capable ofdoing that?
And our teacher was like, yeah,he's capable of doing that.
And then some.
So I was like, okay, I was like, cause I don't want to seem
like I'm putting too much on him.
They're like no, they're like,and when other kids get done, he
helps grade papers with us.
And I'm like, oh, okay, so hedid that in middle school.
And then I'm just like, oh, myGod, I'm like, you know, as each
(05:49):
year went by, I'm like thisjust seems like so much work and
I didn't want to put all thiswork on my kid and stuff and
then come to find out most ofthe work was just like busy work
and you know, just stuff likethat.
So I was very disappointed.
And now that he's in high school, and he's in his second
semester of high school, youknow like the classes, like he
(06:11):
said, this format works best forhim because all of it he has
high school classes and he hascollege classes.
And he said, with, with all ofmy classes, my work is due on
Sunday.
And he said I don't have torush home every day and just
complete all of this work in onesitting.
You know, I can spread it outover days and then have it
submitted on Sundays.
(06:33):
And I was like, okay, he's likeI.
He said I like this betterbecause the deadlines are known.
He's like, you know, when I wasin middle school they would
just give us work and they'd belike okay, you know what is due
today.
And it's kind of like, you know, I wasn't prepared for that.
You know it makes me anxiousbecause I didn't finish and you
know I didn't get to understandit.
But he's like now in highschool he said we have hard
(06:55):
deadlines.
Um, he's in a collegiateacademy.
So you know he's, he's on likea college route.
He's like we have harddeadlines, I can get help easy.
The teachers are more willingto help.
And I'm like that is supercrazy.
And he does so much better.
I can see the shift from middleschool to high school like his
(07:16):
whole attitude, his wholedemeanor, like he's not upset,
he's not angry, like he's, he'sdoing really, really well in the
classes are going to come Likeright now he has um, he doesn't
have a full schedule, he hasstudy hall because he's caught
up on all of the track that hewas supposed to be on.
So instead of saying, well, youneed to go find another class
(07:39):
to get into because you got totake classes, I let him um and
enjoy study hall because that'slike a little break.
And he said it's the last class, is second to last class before
the end of the day.
He said I take it, I get myhomework done.
That way when I come home I canrelax before I go to swim,
because I know he's acompetitive swimmer.
He's like it allows me thatlittle time, that little break,
(08:03):
to get that done in school andif I need help, the teacher is
right there and then if I don'tfinish it all, then I can bring
it home but I'm not startingfrom no place and then try to
finish it.
I can get it done in study hall.
It kind of frees up my weekendsand he's like I just like the
format and I'm glad that he hascommunicated that with me to let
(08:23):
me know that he loves theformat of how his work, his
schoolwork is going, you know.
So he's, he's a brainiac andhe's an athlete at the same time
and he has found his balancenot the balance that I set forth
for him, but he has found hisbalance.
Um, you know and that rollsinto my next topic, since he
(08:45):
doesn't have a lot of homework,you know, and that rolls into my
next topic, since he doesn'thave a lot of homework, you know
, it allows for him to have asocial life outside of school,
whether it be when he go to swimor whether it be just outside
in general.
If his friends call, say, hey,you know, I want to do something
this weekend.
You know, can you ask your mom?
I don't have to be like, well,you know you got homework that
(09:06):
you need to finish and you knowyou don't have to be like, well,
you know you got homework thatyou need to finish and you know
you don't know when the teachergoing to turn it in, so you need
to go ahead and finish that Ican say like, yeah, like where
are we going?
Um, and stuff like that.
I um knows, I've heard of astory I I know the people, but I
don't really know the people um, that their daughter has had to
fall back from swim because shehas so much homework that, like
(09:28):
she just she's overwhelmed.
Now I think this, this littlegirl, is probably like middle
school, like sixth grade, andshe just has so much work that
she can't even come to swimduring the week anymore.
She can only come on theweekends because she has so much
work.
And the parents, like the mom,wants the daughter to be at the
(09:50):
school but the dad doesn'tbecause he feels like it's
stressing his daughter out andhe's like we can't agree on the
same school that she should,what this type of school that
she should go to.
And I think that is very, verysad that you know and I know it
happens every day, but it's verysad that the baby is struggling
because the the mom has highexpectations and ambitions.
(10:14):
Like you want your daughter tobe a brainiac and a swimmer, but
it's actually costing her hermental health to the point where
the little child is like I missseeing my friends and you know
I want to go be with my friendsand you know swim and you know
she can't keep up.
The dad was like she can't keepup anymore with the swim group
because you know she can onlyswim on the weekends and these
(10:37):
kids swim four or five days aweek for two hours at a time.
So like they've been about thetime she comes out on Saturday,
these kids have already swam for10 hours during the week and
she just did two hours, you know, and it's just very sad, you
know.
I see parents they're just likeno, we don't go on vacations,
because anytime my child has afree time they're going to some
(10:59):
kind of camp, they're going tosome kind of enrichment, for
sports or something like that,something like that.
And it's like why?
Why are we like taking thesekids social life away from them,
you know, at such a young age?
Because when, when they becomeadults, they're not going to
have a social life, they're likethey're going to be socially
(11:22):
awkward because they didn'tlearn those skills when they
were teenagers, kids andteenagers because you had them
so wrapped up in so much stuff.
So now, as an adult, whensomeone says they don't want to
hang out with them and theydon't want to be their friend,
they get into a tailspin becausethey don't understand why
(11:42):
somebody doesn't want to betheir friend or somebody doesn't
want to hang out with them, orwhy people act the way they act,
you know, cause we've takenthat lack of social skills.
And that's one thing that I likeLarissa likes to play outside.
We go outside all the time.
He go outside.
He play his bow and arrow, hego.
We go on bike rides, we playbasketball, we throw the
(12:03):
football, we do all kinds ofstuff.
And like I don't make him gooutside, I'm like hey, he'd be
like, hey, mom, I want to gooutside.
And I'd be like, come on, let'sgo.
And you know you don't hearkids talking about how they want
to go outside often.
So he likes to go outside andI'd be like, all right, you know
to do either I'm a text to comehome, or you know 630 or
(12:26):
streetlight you home, or youknow 630 or streetlight.
You know it's going to be oneof the two, just depending.
Um, I don't believe in perfectattendance and I know y'all like
, oh my God, like you don't makeyour kid go to school every day
.
I do make my kid go to schoolevery day.
But I also understand what mykid need to break too.
For example, during COVID, Itook him out of school for both
of them.
Um, no, marco Polo hadgraduated, I took him out of
(12:51):
school for her, both of them, umno, marco Polo had graduated.
I took him out of school for aweek and we did a 10 state cross
country, like kind of thing.
We went to great Wolf lodge andwe just got in the car, put
clothes, I put his scooter inthe car, we put some stuff in
the car and we went roadtripping.
Because it's COVID, you got towear masks and he just, I can
tell, I literally woke up and Isaid, hey, you're not going to
(13:15):
school this week, we finna go ona road trip.
And that's exactly what we didand we had the time of our lives
.
We went to Memphis to see thehotel, we went to see all kind
of social stuff, like you know.
Like, instead of reading it ina book, I took him to see it
with his eyes, you know.
So, instead of seeing, readingit with his eyes, he seen it
with his eyes and he appreciatedthat he's going to ever, ever
(13:35):
remember that that my mom toldme to close the book and look
outside and he did just exactlythat.
But I don't believe in perfectattendance days because what,
what are they getting out ofperfect attendance?
I've never seen anybody gethired and say, put on a resume,
I got perfect attendance, okay.
And so you're telling me thatyou're okay every day.
(13:57):
You're telling me that you'renever sick.
What expectation are yousetting by making your kids go
to school every day?
They need a break sometimes.
I'm not saying all the time.
Let them be out for a week at atime.
No, that's not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is it's okay ifthey miss a day or if they
don't get perfect attendance.
(14:18):
Every year in our schooldistrict they always show the
kids who have had perfectattendance from kindergarten all
the way to high school, andit'd be less than 10 kids.
Less than 10 kids.
And I'm like you telling meyour kid was never sick, you
telling me your kid was neverexhausted.
That's what you're telling me,and so you know.
(14:38):
And the only thing that I eversee them, I don't see them
getting paid full rides.
I don't see them gettinganything.
I think last year they got likea um $2,500, um tuition
assistance and like a laptop.
Is that what I'm pressuring mykid to get by?
Getting perfect tennis is um aone-time payment for books and
(14:59):
tuition.
That is probably not even goingto cover in a laptop, like
that's what I'm pushing my kidfor.
Absolutely not.
Not, finna, do it.
Not, finna, do it at all.
I do allow New Face, like randomstay-at-home days, like
depending on, like, his birthday.
So this year he may get to stayhome for his birthday because
(15:22):
they were supposed to haveschool out but they got to make
up them hurricane days, so youknow he don't get that day off.
Well, he's supposed to go toschool, but we'll see how it go.
He might get that day off.
He might get another day off,um, they all we going on a
cruise the week later.
So he might just get that day.
(15:45):
They all might just do that.
And then, when you know, thinkabout it, when we were kids,
there were many days that wedidn't want to go to school,
right, and our parents didn'tplay that.
And you know, there's thebelief that you know you don't
miss a day or whatever like that.
Now, looking back on ithindsight, do you feel like you
(16:07):
should have had some days off?
Because I definitely feel likethat.
I should have had some days off.
Um, did I get perfectattendance?
Uh, I don't think so, because Ihad bad asthma, so I didn't get
days off.
You know, um, I mean, I did getdays off, but it's because I
was sick.
There goes y'all honorary yarn,but looking back at it, I wish
(16:33):
that you know my mom would havebeen like you know what you
could take a day off, but thenagain that rolls into all of the
things that we have going on inschools now.
We didn't have back then.
Um, you know, like, we havethese stupid lockdown drills and
you're gonna be like, well,they're not stupid.
Well, here's my opinion, of myopinion only, I feel like when
(16:54):
it comes to lockdown drills, theshooter is typically somebody
that's gone to that school andknow what y'all finna do during
the lockdown drill, so y'alljust kind of giving them the
blueprint.
That's neither here nor there.
Um, there's so many lockdowndrills, there's so many actual
lockdowns, because people thinkit's cool to call schools and
say that there's a bomb orthere's gonna be a shooting, or
they think it's cool to say iton social media, and it happens
(17:17):
every year like a schoolshooting happened and then
people try to be copycat.
But like these charges, thesecharges are serious.
They're starting to charge kidsnow and I almost feel like they
need to start charging theparents too, because your child
is messing up other people'schildren mental health, and for
what?
To be cool.
So now you gotta makingterroristic threats charge on
(17:39):
you, and you only a minor.
Now you got to do all thisdiversion.
Your parents got to do stuffbecause you messing up your
parents too.
Because now I gotta take off myjob because you got to go to
court because you want to be adumbass and say that you was
gonna shoot up school or dosomething stupid like that.
Y'all kids are messing withother kids mental health.
So that's why I give new facedays, because and then I can I
(18:02):
can see it in his face that hebe needing some time.
I can see it in his face, youknow.
So I would say you know, usediscretion and if it looks like
your kid is going through theringer or they're just wore out
or they're just exhausted orsomething like that, sit, sit
(18:26):
with them, have a conversationwith them and make sure
everything is OK, like make surethat they're doing OK, like
they don't need a break.
Kids need breaks too.
Kids need breaks too.
Ok, sometimes school be doingthe most and kids need breaks.
That's all I'm saying.
But evaluate your circumstance.
(18:48):
You know what works for you,because what works for me
probably not going to work foryou.
Or do your own piece of how,how it is you want to, how it is
you want to do it, you know.
But just make sure, when itcomes to school and achieving
(19:14):
and stuff like that, like you'renot putting too much on the
kids, because kids, kids canfeel that and kids don't need
all that.
You know it's it's just toomuch, too much pressure and you
don't want your kids balled inand there's just so much that um
, that comes with that.
Hey guys, welcome back to the Gag Is podcast.
I am your girl, charli Chanté.
Thank you for joining me onanother episode.
Happy Friday to you, or happywhatever day it is that you're
listening to this.
New episodes release everyFriday.
So if you go ahead and hit thatlittle notification bell
(00:21):
wherever you listen to yourpodcast, you'll be sure to get
the new episode when it dropsevery Friday.
Ok, that's no matter whatplatform that you listen on.
So we're going to go right aheadand dive into today's topic.
I got a good one for you.
This is for my parents.
It's time to talk parent toparent, like real to real.
So go over here and grab yourbloop, bloop, bloop, bloop,
(00:44):
bloop and I'm not taking thatblooper out.
Go ahead and grab your drinks,grab your snacks, whatever it is
you grab when you listen tothis.
If you're in the car, make sureyou've got the volume good so
you can hear.
Tell them kids be quiet in theback so that you can hear this
episode and we can talk real.
(01:05):
So today I want to talk aboutthe pressures that we put on
kids, and this is like an ageold conversation and we talk
about it a lot.
We hear people talk about it alot and it's the pressure for
our kids to be perfect In theSpencer household.
I don't pressure these kids tobe perfect, but what you are
(01:25):
going to do is do your best.
Okay, that's all I can ask for.
And some people are like, well,why wouldn't you want your kids
to be perfect?
Like, why are you just saying,like, do your best?
No, I just need them to dotheir best, like not stress out
to the point where theydepressed, they need medicine
(01:46):
and they have a whole lot ofother things going on.
You know they get anxiety anddifferent stuff like that.
I don't believe in all that.
Like, I believe in doing yourbest and living life and, uh,
living life in just just being akid and taking that moment to
enjoy being a kid.
So we're going to start withschool and then we're going to
(02:08):
transition over into sports andyou know I'm going to get y'all
my little one too on how, how wedo things here in the Spencer
household.
Um, you know so, when it comesto school, like we pressure our
kids to overachieve.
And I do know that sometimesit's cultural related.
I know, like Middle Eastern,european, asian, korean and in
(02:34):
that culture, like they taketheir education very seriously.
Y'all know, here in America wedon't let's just tell a lot how
it is, don't?
Um, let's just tell a lot howit is.
Asian culture, they, theypressure their children to, you
know, get the best educationthat they can, but then again
their education system is goodas hell, like if I had the
opportunity to move to japan,like I would, but then again I
(02:56):
don't have no little kids that Ican say, oh, let me go anyway.
We, we, we getting off onsomething else, um, because they
expect their kids to be doctorsor you know, or something of
high status stature.
Um, and here in America we just, we, push our kids to, you know
(03:17):
it's, we have too much uh,going going on, like I know one
of the things and a lot of this.
I'm speaking from a teacherperspective and from a parent
perspective because I've been inthe classroom, so I know what
it's like and the things that Idid in the classroom.
(03:37):
I made sure I translated itover into home and vice versa.
So you know we should not forcechildren to take an excessive
amount of classes.
I know, in high school andmiddle school, here your kids
can take classes, like online,to get extra credits and stuff
like that to kind of help themgraduate and move on a little
(04:00):
faster.
And this is just me.
All of these opinions are mine.
I just don't believe in doingthat.
I feel like there are tracksthat are set for kids in
education and we should followthose tracks for our kids.
So one of the things that I didwhen I had Marco Polo, he just
(04:22):
followed a traditional trackbecause you know, I was a young
mother and I didn't know aboutall of the things that were out
there and you know, like thedifferent programs and
graduating early, and you knowassociates, you know graduating
with dual, you know high schooldiploma and an associate's
degree.
I wasn't aware of all of thatand it wasn't until I started
(04:43):
teaching that I was like, oh, wehave all these things.
But you know, he was already inhigh school and we talked about
it a few weeks ago and he waslike I'm glad you didn't put me
in that and he was like I lovedmy experience and I was like wow
, really, he's like yeah, hesaid I wouldn't have liked if
you would have done that to me.
He said I'd have been veryupset and I was like wow, like
(05:03):
that's very different and that'svery, um, unique.
So, with new face, I started himoff in sixth grade.
He started off in what's calledCambridge and you know.
So he had like those upperlevel advanced classes.
And I remember asking his twofifth grade teachers I was like
(05:29):
do y'all think he's capable ofdoing that?
And our teacher was like, yeah,he's capable of doing that.
And then some.
So I was like, okay, I was like, cause I don't want to seem
like I'm putting too much on him.
They're like no, they're like,and when other kids get done, he
helps grade papers with us.
And I'm like, oh, okay, so hedid that in middle school.
And then I'm just like, oh, myGod, I'm like, you know, as each
(05:49):
year went by, I'm like thisjust seems like so much work and
I didn't want to put all thiswork on my kid and stuff and
then come to find out most ofthe work was just like busy work
and you know, just stuff likethat.
So I was very disappointed.
And now that he's in high school, and he's in his second
semester of high school, youknow like the classes, like he
(06:11):
said, this format works best forhim because all of it he has
high school classes and he hascollege classes.
And he said, with, with all ofmy classes, my work is due on
Sunday.
And he said I don't have torush home every day and just
complete all of this work in onesitting.
You know, I can spread it outover days and then have it
submitted on Sundays.
(06:33):
And I was like, okay, he's likeI.
He said I like this betterbecause the deadlines are known.
He's like, you know, when I wasin middle school they would
just give us work and they'd belike okay, you know what is due
today.
And it's kind of like, you know, I wasn't prepared for that.
You know it makes me anxiousbecause I didn't finish and you
know I didn't get to understandit.
But he's like now in highschool he said we have hard
(06:55):
deadlines.
Um, he's in a collegiateacademy.
So you know he's, he's on likea college route.
He's like we have harddeadlines, I can get help easy.
The teachers are more willingto help.
And I'm like that is supercrazy.
And he does so much better.
I can see the shift from middleschool to high school like his
(07:16):
whole attitude, his wholedemeanor, like he's not upset,
he's not angry, like he's, he'sdoing really, really well in the
classes are going to come Likeright now he has um, he doesn't
have a full schedule, he hasstudy hall because he's caught
up on all of the track that hewas supposed to be on.
So instead of saying, well, youneed to go find another class
(07:39):
to get into because you got totake classes, I let him um and
enjoy study hall because that'slike a little break.
And he said it's the last class, is second to last class before
the end of the day.
He said I take it, I get myhomework done.
That way when I come home I canrelax before I go to swim,
because I know he's acompetitive swimmer.
He's like it allows me thatlittle time, that little break,
(08:03):
to get that done in school andif I need help, the teacher is
right there and then if I don'tfinish it all, then I can bring
it home but I'm not startingfrom no place and then try to
finish it.
I can get it done in study hall.
It kind of frees up my weekendsand he's like I just like the
format and I'm glad that he hascommunicated that with me to let
(08:23):
me know that he loves theformat of how his work, his
schoolwork is going, you know.
So he's, he's a brainiac andhe's an athlete at the same time
and he has found his balancenot the balance that I set forth
for him, but he has found hisbalance.
Um, you know and that rollsinto my next topic, since he
(08:45):
doesn't have a lot of homework,you know, and that rolls into my
next topic, since he doesn'thave a lot of homework, you know
, it allows for him to have asocial life outside of school,
whether it be when he go to swimor whether it be just outside
in general.
If his friends call, say, hey,you know, I want to do something
this weekend.
You know, can you ask your mom?
I don't have to be like, well,you know you got homework that
(09:06):
you need to finish and you knowyou don't have to be like, well,
you know you got homework thatyou need to finish and you know
you don't know when the teachergoing to turn it in, so you need
to go ahead and finish that Ican say like, yeah, like where
are we going?
Um, and stuff like that.
I um knows, I've heard of astory I I know the people, but I
don't really know the people um, that their daughter has had to
fall back from swim because shehas so much homework that, like
(09:28):
she just she's overwhelmed.
Now I think this, this littlegirl, is probably like middle
school, like sixth grade, andshe just has so much work that
she can't even come to swimduring the week anymore.
She can only come on theweekends because she has so much
work.
And the parents, like the mom,wants the daughter to be at the
(09:50):
school but the dad doesn'tbecause he feels like it's
stressing his daughter out andhe's like we can't agree on the
same school that she should,what this type of school that
she should go to.
And I think that is very, verysad that you know and I know it
happens every day, but it's verysad that the baby is struggling
because the the mom has highexpectations and ambitions.
(10:14):
Like you want your daughter tobe a brainiac and a swimmer, but
it's actually costing her hermental health to the point where
the little child is like I missseeing my friends and you know
I want to go be with my friendsand you know swim and you know
she can't keep up.
The dad was like she can't keepup anymore with the swim group
because you know she can onlyswim on the weekends and these
(10:37):
kids swim four or five days aweek for two hours at a time.
So like they've been about thetime she comes out on Saturday,
these kids have already swam for10 hours during the week and
she just did two hours, you know, and it's just very sad, you
know.
I see parents they're just likeno, we don't go on vacations,
because anytime my child has afree time they're going to some
(10:59):
kind of camp, they're going tosome kind of enrichment, for
sports or something like that,something like that.
And it's like why?
Why are we like taking thesekids social life away from them,
you know, at such a young age?
Because when, when they becomeadults, they're not going to
have a social life, they're likethey're going to be socially
(11:22):
awkward because they didn'tlearn those skills when they
were teenagers, kids andteenagers because you had them
so wrapped up in so much stuff.
So now, as an adult, whensomeone says they don't want to
hang out with them and theydon't want to be their friend,
they get into a tailspin becausethey don't understand why
(11:42):
somebody doesn't want to betheir friend or somebody doesn't
want to hang out with them, orwhy people act the way they act,
you know, cause we've takenthat lack of social skills.
And that's one thing that I likeLarissa likes to play outside.
We go outside all the time.
He go outside.
He play his bow and arrow, hego.
We go on bike rides, we playbasketball, we throw the
(12:03):
football, we do all kinds ofstuff.
And like I don't make him gooutside, I'm like hey, he'd be
like, hey, mom, I want to gooutside.
And I'd be like, come on, let'sgo.
And you know you don't hearkids talking about how they want
to go outside often.
So he likes to go outside andI'd be like, all right, you know
to do either I'm a text to comehome, or you know 630 or
(12:26):
streetlight you home, or youknow 630 or streetlight.
You know it's going to be oneof the two, just depending.
Um, I don't believe in perfectattendance and I know y'all like
, oh my God, like you don't makeyour kid go to school every day
.
I do make my kid go to schoolevery day.
But I also understand what mykid need to break too.
For example, during COVID, Itook him out of school for both
of them.
Um, no, marco Polo hadgraduated, I took him out of
(12:51):
school for her, both of them, umno, marco Polo had graduated.
I took him out of school for aweek and we did a 10 state cross
country, like kind of thing.
We went to great Wolf lodge andwe just got in the car, put
clothes, I put his scooter inthe car, we put some stuff in
the car and we went roadtripping.
Because it's COVID, you got towear masks and he just, I can
tell, I literally woke up and Isaid, hey, you're not going to
(13:15):
school this week, we finna go ona road trip.
And that's exactly what we didand we had the time of our lives
.
We went to Memphis to see thehotel, we went to see all kind
of social stuff, like you know.
Like, instead of reading it ina book, I took him to see it
with his eyes, you know.
So, instead of seeing, readingit with his eyes, he seen it
with his eyes and he appreciatedthat he's going to ever, ever
(13:35):
remember that that my mom toldme to close the book and look
outside and he did just exactlythat.
But I don't believe in perfectattendance days because what,
what are they getting out ofperfect attendance?
I've never seen anybody gethired and say, put on a resume,
I got perfect attendance, okay.
And so you're telling me thatyou're okay every day.
(13:57):
You're telling me that you'renever sick.
What expectation are yousetting by making your kids go
to school every day?
They need a break sometimes.
I'm not saying all the time.
Let them be out for a week at atime.
No, that's not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is it's okay ifthey miss a day or if they
don't get perfect attendance.
(14:18):
Every year in our schooldistrict they always show the
kids who have had perfectattendance from kindergarten all
the way to high school, andit'd be less than 10 kids.
Less than 10 kids.
And I'm like you telling meyour kid was never sick, you
telling me your kid was neverexhausted.
That's what you're telling me,and so you know.
(14:38):
And the only thing that I eversee them, I don't see them
getting paid full rides.
I don't see them gettinganything.
I think last year they got likea um $2,500, um tuition
assistance and like a laptop.
Is that what I'm pressuring mykid to get by?
Getting perfect tennis is um aone-time payment for books and
(14:59):
tuition.
That is probably not even goingto cover in a laptop, like
that's what I'm pushing my kidfor.
Absolutely not.
Not, finna, do it.
Not, finna, do it at all.
I do allow New Face, like randomstay-at-home days, like
depending on, like, his birthday.
So this year he may get to stayhome for his birthday because
(15:22):
they were supposed to haveschool out but they got to make
up them hurricane days, so youknow he don't get that day off.
Well, he's supposed to go toschool, but we'll see how it go.
He might get that day off.
He might get another day off,um, they all we going on a
cruise the week later.
So he might just get that day.
(15:45):
They all might just do that.
And then, when you know, thinkabout it, when we were kids,
there were many days that wedidn't want to go to school,
right, and our parents didn'tplay that.
And you know, there's thebelief that you know you don't
miss a day or whatever like that.
Now, looking back on ithindsight, do you feel like you
(16:07):
should have had some days off?
Because I definitely feel likethat.
I should have had some days off.
Um, did I get perfectattendance?
Uh, I don't think so, because Ihad bad asthma, so I didn't get
days off.
You know, um, I mean, I did getdays off, but it's because I
was sick.
There goes y'all honorary yarn,but looking back at it, I wish
(16:33):
that you know my mom would havebeen like you know what you
could take a day off, but thenagain that rolls into all of the
things that we have going on inschools now.
We didn't have back then.
Um, you know, like, we havethese stupid lockdown drills and
you're gonna be like, well,they're not stupid.
Well, here's my opinion, of myopinion only, I feel like when
(16:54):
it comes to lockdown drills, theshooter is typically somebody
that's gone to that school andknow what y'all finna do during
the lockdown drill, so y'alljust kind of giving them the
blueprint.
That's neither here nor there.
Um, there's so many lockdowndrills, there's so many actual
lockdowns, because people thinkit's cool to call schools and
say that there's a bomb orthere's gonna be a shooting, or
they think it's cool to say iton social media, and it happens
(17:17):
every year like a schoolshooting happened and then
people try to be copycat.
But like these charges, thesecharges are serious.
They're starting to charge kidsnow and I almost feel like they
need to start charging theparents too, because your child
is messing up other people'schildren mental health, and for
what?
To be cool.
So now you gotta makingterroristic threats charge on
(17:39):
you, and you only a minor.
Now you got to do all thisdiversion.
Your parents got to do stuffbecause you messing up your
parents too.
Because now I gotta take off myjob because you got to go to
court because you want to be adumbass and say that you was
gonna shoot up school or dosomething stupid like that.
Y'all kids are messing withother kids mental health.
So that's why I give new facedays, because and then I can I
(18:02):
can see it in his face that hebe needing some time.
I can see it in his face, youknow.
So I would say you know, usediscretion and if it looks like
your kid is going through theringer or they're just wore out
or they're just exhausted orsomething like that, sit, sit
(18:26):
with them, have a conversationwith them and make sure
everything is OK, like make surethat they're doing OK, like
they don't need a break.
Kids need breaks too.
Kids need breaks too.
Ok, sometimes school be doingthe most and kids need breaks.
That's all I'm saying.
But evaluate your circumstance.
(18:48):
You know what works for you,because what works for me
probably not going to work foryou.
Or do your own piece of how,how it is you want to, how it is
you want to do it, you know.
But just make sure, when itcomes to school and achieving
(19:14):
and stuff like that, like you'renot putting too much on the
kids, because kids, kids canfeel that and kids don't need
all that.
You know it's it's just toomuch, too much pressure and you
don't want your kids balled inand there's just so much that um
, that comes with that.
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