September 26, 2025 • 28 mins
Friendships can make or break the school years—and as parents, we want to help our kids build healthy connections. In this video, we’ll cover why social skills are so important, green flags and red flags in friendships, and practical parenting tips to guide your child without forcing socialization.
You’ll learn:
✔️ How to help your child make friends naturally
✔️ The signs of healthy friendships (green flags)
✔️ Red flags like jealousy, criticism, or peer pressure
✔️ How to teach kids social skills like respect, boundaries, and forgiveness
✔️ When parents should step in—and when to let kids work things out
Whether your child is shy, struggling with peer pressure, or just learning how to build strong friendships, this video will give you the tools to raise socially smart, confident kids.
✨ Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share for more parenting tips!
#ParentingTips #KidsSocialSkills #MakingFriends #ChildDevelopment #PositiveParenting
Follow us on Instagram!
@thegagispod
Email:
TheGagIsPod@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey guys, welcome back to the Gag is Pod.
I am your girl Charlie Shantae.
Thank you for joining me onanother episode.
And like I always say, if it's anew episode, then it must be
Friday.
Or if you're listening to thissome other day, thank you for
being here as well.
And before we get started, ifyou have not already, please
make sure you are following usat the Gaggis Pod on IG.
(00:23):
And make sure you are followingus on your favorite podcasting
app.
That way, when a new episode isreleased, you are one of the
first to know.
All you got to do is hit play.
And boom, we're right there.
Um, so go ahead, we're gonnajump right into today.
Keep today short and sweet.
So grab your drink or grab yoursnack or whatever it is you do
when you listen to this, so wecan go ahead and jump into
(00:45):
today's episode.
And I feel like today's episodecannot come at a better time.
Um, there's a lot going on, andum unfortunately it's starting
to trickle down to children.
And I just want to, I just wantto, for parents and families,
(01:09):
educators, caregivers, I justwant to take some time to go
over some things um to help yourchild be a better child and not
let your child be that child.
Um, in my today's, you can'tmake this up.
I'll detail a story about um newface and some things that he has
(01:31):
encountered just this schoolyear already, and we're only um
about nine weeks into the schoolyear.
Uh no.
We midway through the first nineweeks, um, and some of this
trickled down from the summer aswell, and then it just kind of
rolled over into school as well.
So I just want to talk aboutsome things that can help kids
(01:54):
have healthy friendships andhave healthy social skills.
I think that's important toteach kids to, you know, feel
the feels, feel the emotions.
Now remember, I'm not a licensedpsychologist, psychiatrist,
social worker, counselor, oranything like this.
But these are just some toolsthat I have used with my kids
and um children who are close tome.
(02:16):
Some things that I've talked tothem about, some tips that me
and their parents have talkedabout, just so we can get um our
kids, you know, to help thembecome better people and to
surround themselves with betterpeople because as adults we know
that being around theappropriate group and the
appropriate people can take usfurther compared to being around
(02:39):
people who don't mean well andsuch.
I always tell my kids quantityis better than quality.
You can have a hundred peoplearound who you who don't mean
you well, and you can have threepeople who are solid for you,
but those three people who aresolid for you are much better
than the 100 people that you hadaround you who were just being
(03:03):
leeches and didn't mean you anygood.
Um, so why are friendships andsocial skills important in life?
You cannot, well, you can, butit's not healthy just to go
around and just not talk toanybody, not have any social
interaction.
I think when COVID occurred, ittook away a lot of socialization
(03:23):
for a lot of younger kidsbecause they were growing up,
they couldn't startkindergarten.
Um, you know, a lot of themdidn't get to go to preschool or
daycare or anything like that.
So they missed out a lot on thatsocial interaction during that
time period from maybe 2020 toall the way to 2023.
I know during that time, NewFace um was, I wouldn't say
(03:44):
homeschool, but he was doingvirtual school because that
still was an option.
We chose virtual school for himdue to the fact that he has a
very compromised immune system.
And so we wanted to ensure thatum he was well because he did
catch COVID.
Um, he's caught COVID two times,and each time that he's had it,
it's been pretty bad on him.
(04:05):
So during that time, he wastransitioning from uh, I think
he was in like fourth or fifthgrade, and his social skills
kind of fell off a little bit.
He was he's always been a kidwho's been shy when it comes to
other kids and makingfriendships, but when COVID
happened, it really um was alittle bit detrimental to him,
(04:26):
and I had to figure out ways tokind of get him to be a little
bit more sociable, um, to gethim to go outside more.
I was like, you know, let's gohere, let's go to the park,
let's go to a jump place orsomething like that, just so
that there were other kids thereso he could get that social
interaction.
Once he was in fifth grade, thelast nine weeks, I was like, you
(04:49):
know, you're gonna have to startriding the bus to school next
year because you're gonna be inmiddle school.
Do you think that maybe you wantto try and go to school, you
know, to make friends becauseyou only see these people on
camera.
You know, he's never ridden abus to school since he was in
fifth grade.
Um so he was like, Yeah, and hetried it and he absolutely loved
(05:13):
it, and now he craves socialinteraction.
He is not one of those peoplewho can just sit in the house
and be alone.
He prefers to be around otherpeople.
He's still awkward when he'saround other people, but
nonetheless, I do have himaround other um people.
Green flags and red flags, andwhen it comes to a friendship or
(05:38):
a partnership for a child, um,one of the green flags that I
always try to emphasize ismutual respect.
We as people have to understandthat we will not always agree
with people, and I always tellNew Face and others that uh if
(06:02):
somebody agrees with me, everytime I talk, I don't want to be
friends with them because I knowfor a fact that they're not
being honest and they are notbeing beneficial towards me.
And if you I don't need a yeswoman or I don't need a yes man,
so I tend to stay away frompeople who agree with everything
I say because everything I sayshouldn't be agreed upon.
(06:26):
Um and when you don't agree withsomeone, you should respectfully
share your side, share youropinion.
The way that I raise my kids isif they don't agree with
something, then I ask them whythey don't agree with what I
(06:47):
stated or what I said, and thenthey let me know, well, mom,
this is why I disagree, or youknow, or or vice versa.
And we have healthyconversations.
And one of the things that I sayis mutual respect comes from
home.
Parents, you I understand a lotof times we are built that we
are not our kids' friend.
(07:10):
Um, I don't have to be nice toyou and the things of the light.
And I agree and I disagree withthat.
You don't have to be yourchild's friend, but I do believe
that it is important that youshow your child respect.
When you show your childrespect, then it's going to show
them that hey, I need to haverespect for adults.
(07:32):
I see a lot of times a lot ofkids don't have respect for
adults, and then when I seethose kids interacting with
their parents, I'm like, oh,okay, there it is.
So respect starts at home.
Um, like I said, you don't haveto be your child's friend, but
respect is a two-way street.
(07:54):
You do you cannot tell yourchild, well, I ain't gotta
respect you because you're achild.
Like, that's not fair to them.
Like, what are you teachingthem?
Because they're going to takethat mindset and they're gonna
take it outside the house.
And then when you're gettingcalls that your child is being
disrespectful to other adults,then you're gonna feel some kind
of way, and you're gonna belike, I don't understand why my
(08:14):
child um acts like that.
And it's kind of like, take alook in the mirror.
Um, are you showing them respectat home?
Are you teaching them respect?
One of the compliments that Iget when I'm I go out with with
the kids is your children are sorespectable.
You have to show your kidsrespect.
There's a way to show your childrespect and be their parent at
(08:35):
the same time.
Okay, shared interests.
This one, shared interests aregood because I feel like if you
hang you're hanging aroundsomebody who don't understand
the things that you're into, itmakes it a little weird.
And then it's kind of like,mm-hmm, are we really cool?
(08:59):
Like, mm, what are we doinghere?
Um, so I tell I tell New Face,surround yourself with people
who have the same interests asyou from personal experience,
being surrounded somebody thatdoesn't have the same
experiences and expectations fortheir life as you, they get
(09:19):
boring because after a whilethey start draining you, and it
gets it's too much.
It's too much.
Um, so he likes anime, he likesswim.
So the group of people that hehangs with, they like anime.
And you know, they don't per selike swim because he's a swimmer
and they play other sports, butthey have anime in common, you
(09:41):
know, and then when they gettogether, they tell each other
about each other's respectivesport.
And it just goes well together.
So make sure your kids arealigning themselves with people
who share similar interests andgoals as them.
It will make the things a loteasier.
It's a positivity, you neverknow.
(10:02):
Your child could be being a rolemodel to someone else in their
group, and vice versa.
Now, red flags.
Um, today's You Can't Make ThisUp story is going to be um about
red flags and friendships.
Um, one of the biggest red flagsin friendship, and this goes for
(10:24):
adults as well, not justchildren, but criticism or
jealousy.
This and I will say this.
Um children are going to seeother people with things, and
this, I could say this is even athing in adulthood.
(10:48):
Children are going to see otherkids with things, and they're
going to feel some type of way.
They're going to be like, well,such and such has better shoes
than me, or such and such has abetter house than me, or such
and such has a better car thanme.
Um, or such and such just hasmore than what I have.
And with that, sometimes um, youknow, jealousy comes along, or
(11:10):
you know, talking bad about themcomes along.
Um, I would call this the crabin a bucket effect because you
know, in a bucket of crabs,there's always that crab that
figures out how to kind of climbthe wall, scale the wall, and
kind of get to the top.
But while they're doing that,what is the other crab doing?
(11:30):
They're grabbing at them, tryingto pull them down, and it
creates the crab in a bucketeffect.
And we got to teach our kidsit's okay to be with people who
have less than you, and it'sokay to be cool with people who
have more than you.
Um, we we don't judge peoplebecause in some situations,
everybody is one eye blink awayfrom being pulled in either
(11:51):
direction, or either having, oreither not having, or being
somewhere in the middle.
So I teach my children (11:58):
don't down others.
If you feel like someone in yourgroup or somebody you hang with,
you have to down them, or youdon't have anything positive to
say about them.
You probably should not behanging around them.
Um, because they're it's justlike when you have a bad apple,
a bad apple spoils a bunch.
That apple is gonna startrubbing off on you, and you're
(12:20):
gonna start spoiling too.
And it's kind of like the sameconcept: peer pressure.
We've all been through it.
Um, peer pressure is a bigthing, like you know, I do it,
you should do it too, or do it,it's not gonna hurt you, or
different stuff like that.
I tell New Face all the time, ifsomebody pressuring you to do
something you don't want to doand they keep pressuring you,
(12:41):
that would that's the last thatday is the last day they're
gonna be your friend.
Because real friends don't dothat, they don't peer pressure
you to do bad things.
Not saying that all peerpressure is um is is bad, but if
they're peer pressuring you todo bad stuff, you need to let
that friend go because they'renot really your friend.
That's just somebody that you umassociate with, and you don't
(13:06):
need them because they don'tmean you no good because they're
gonna start dragging you downagain.
The crab in a bucket effect.
Now, some ways that you can helpyour child build their social
skills is by helping them readsocial cues.
This is a big one for New Face.
Like, my boy is always on 10,and I had to tell him sometimes,
baby, you gotta read the room.
(13:28):
You gotta read the room becauseyou might be happy to do it, but
this situation, it doesn't callfor that.
And a lot of times at swim, he'sjust happy to be around other
people.
He's happy to be out thereswimming and doing his thing.
But I had to tell them, tell himsometimes, you gotta read the
room, baby.
You gotta read the room.
Like, like you gotta you gottaknow how to play, you gotta know
(13:49):
when the time takes serious.
Um you gotta read the room,baby.
Just take these social gills,you gotta read the room.
Um, also teach your child how toforgive and apologize.
And even as an adult, this issomething that I struggle with.
Um, I'm a Sag, and you know,they say, you know, they say,
(14:09):
Oh, your Sodiac sign shouldn'tsay.
Well, we're gonna play devil'sadvocate today.
And as a Sag, um, what I'mapologizing for because what I
said, what I said, and I meanwhat I said.
So that's just what it is.
Like you take it how you wantto.
I ain't got nothing to do withthat.
Okay.
But let's teach our kids how toapologize because if you are
wrong, it is okay to say I'msorry.
(14:31):
And even as an adult, I've hadto learn this.
Just because I feel like I'mright, don't mean I'm right.
And that's the same thing forkids as well.
It's okay to apologize and it'sokay to forgive, not saying that
whatever the apology or theforgiveness is for, that you
have to continue with thatperson or that situationship.
But there's nothing wrong withapologizing and forgiving, even
(14:53):
if you don't feel like you werewrong.
Sometimes apology, apology cango a long way.
Um, I've apologized to peoplethat I ain't feel like I need to
apologize to, and I just left itat that.
Like, okay, you feel like youdeserve an apology.
I apologize to the mostsincerest of my ability.
I just know, I just know how togo and deal with you um from
(15:16):
here on out.
And before y'all say, is that abeer?
No, it's not a beer, it's just ait's water, it's water in a can.
Um, you know, when you sit uphere and you're talking, because
I've been talking for 15minutes, you know, your mouth
gets a little dry, so you gottamoisten the chops a little bit.
(15:39):
Um so setting boundaries, Ithink this is one of the most
important things, uh, andfriendships that you have to set
boundaries and it's beneficial,it's more beneficial to set
boundaries.
Um it's more beneficial to setboundaries in the beginning than
(16:00):
it is in the middle, becauseit's gonna be a little bit
harder because it's gonna belike, oh well, I I always do
that.
Like, why it's a problem now?
But had you established thatboundary from the get-go, then
you know, you wouldn't have hadto uh, you know, we it wouldn't
be no confusion because I feellike if you set boundaries in
the middle, then that can leadto just the whole fallout of the
(16:22):
friendship, the relationship,whatever.
It's gonna lead to a fallout.
And so, you know, I always tellNew Face, if somebody says or
does anything that you don'tlike, um, say something, set
that boundary.
It's okay to set that boundary.
I don't like the way that youtalk or talk to other people.
Please be respectful around.
I know he tells me, like, youknow, such and such was cussing,
(16:44):
I'll be like, you know, hey,like that, don't do that around
me.
If you need to do that aroundme, you know, like you, we ain't
even finna be cool.
Like, don't don't do that aroundit.
Teach your kids how to setboundaries.
It's okay to set boundariesbecause if boundaries boundaries
is what keeps your inner peace.
So I always want my kids to havepeace, and I'll be like, set
your boundaries, and I tell themboundaries are not exclusive to
(17:06):
non-family members, boundariescan go for for your little
cousins and stuff too.
Like, these are your boundaries,and either you can respect them
or you can't, and that's justthat's just that.
If you can't respect myboundaries, then you know
there's no there's nofriendship, there's no
relationship here.
Let them, and this is somethingthat I had to let my kids do,
(17:28):
especially New Face.
Um, you know, let them pursuetheir interests and find their
people.
Their people are going to cometo them, their people are going
to find them.
Um, Newface has found hispeople.
New face has found his tribe,and I'm like, thank you, Lord.
I'm cool with the parents andeverything.
Um, he got swim team people thatI'm cool, that I'm cool with the
(17:52):
parents, got school people.
My baby done found his tribe,and I'm like, thank you, Jesus.
And they are decent people anddecent human beings, and I can't
ask for nothing better.
Like, the parents is good andthe kids is good.
I'm like, thank you, Lord.
Like, I appreciate that.
And my last clip, um, no, it'snot my last hook.
(18:12):
Um, another one of the trips islet your kids hang out.
New face hang out all the time.
They go to the movies, they gobowling.
Nine times out of ten, it's themovies because they want to go
see these anime movies and stufflike that.
Let your kids hang out.
It's nothing wrong with let yourkids hang out because think
about it.
Like, New Face is in his face,he wants to go to the movies, he
won't go to the mall.
When I was New Face's age, Iused to go to the mall.
(18:34):
I used to go to the movies, sonow that he's one, I'm like,
yes, like teenager, come on.
Yes.
My boys are an officialteenager, yeah, teen stage.
You know, he'd be like, Yeah, mymy my friends are coming to the
mall.
I'm like, cool, we can go to themall.
I'll do a little windowshopping.
I'll go sit down, I'll have mesome lunch by myself.
(18:55):
Now, let me know when you'reready to go, boo-boo.
Like, I can find something todo, and ain't nothing to it.
I'll go sit and I have me alittle bisy, and then I'll go
window shop, I'll go look atsome clothes, and I might buy a
little something, but I'm justI'm happy because he's out with
his friends, he's out with histribe, and he's just not sitting
in the house.
He actually prefers to be outthe house.
(19:15):
He does not prefer a lot ofscreen time, he has a lot of
outside activities, like he doesum the bow and arrow, he does um
what's that thing called?
He does the guitar, so there'slike a lot of things that he
does outside of the house.
And last but not least, um, andI think this is important
(19:39):
because kids have to findthemselves, and they, like I
said, they have to find who whosuits them best, who they need
to be around, and such.
Um, don't force them tosocialize, um, because forcing
them to socialize is gonna makeit very much awkward.
And, you know, they just mightstart rebuttaling and rebelling,
and they because they don't wantto do stuff.
(19:59):
So I I never forced New Face tosocialize.
There were times where he didn'tsocialize, and I'd be like, you
know, you gotta talk to people.
Like, but I did not, um, I didnot force it up on him.
Uh, so I'm like, all right,cool.
Now I he he he he don't stopsocializing.
(20:20):
So you see, you gotta be carefulwhat you ask for because now he
don't stop socializing.
And it's kind of like, can I gohere?
Can I go there?
Can I do this?
Can I go to the football gamethis weekend?
Can I?
So it is like be careful whenyou be like, my kid doesn't
socialize.
It's coming, and when it comes,it's gonna come.
So don't don't uh don't don'tshy away from it, just embrace
(20:47):
it.
And I feel like that'd be thatshows the pivotal turning point
um in in a child's life is whenthey start uh socializing and
you know kind of advocating forthemselves.
Now, when to step in.
Um, I say as a parent, educator,guardian, caregiver, whatever it
(21:07):
is, it's time to step in when umthere's cases of bullying or
emotional harm.
Um, because that's not okay.
We we do not bully, um we do notcreate emotional harm.
Um, we don't, and this goesback, we don't down others, we
(21:28):
don't do um that kind of stuff.
Talk through the conflict withyour child and don't, but don't
solve it for them because thatthey're gonna have to figure it
out.
Because I know people who havesent their kids off and um, you
know, the kids don't have anysocialization skills, and then
you know, I I I see it everyday, you know.
(21:48):
I talk to you know, co-workersand stuff, and they're like, you
know, my kid don't got nosocialization skills, and he's
like, you know, they don't knowhow to solve a problem because
I'm always solving it for them.
So let your child solve theirown um problems.
Um so for my you can't make thisup, um it's it it really hurt my
feelings um when this wasbrought to my attention.
(22:12):
Um Newface has a couple of groupchats with a couple of kids from
school, and um, it was at theend of last year.
And no, it was not at the end oflast year.
It was yeah, it was at the endof last year.
And New Face is a growing boy.
The boy is six foot tall andhe's 15.
So I know he's in like hisgrowth spurt and different stuff
(22:33):
like that.
So um he was like, hey, mom, Iknow it's not the beginning of
school year, but can I get somenew shoes?
And I'm like, sure, you know, Idon't want you to walk around
here with your shoes, you know,with your toes curled up and
doing damage to your feet andstuff.
So we went to the Nike outletand they would just happen to be
having a spectacular sale.
So I ended up buying him twopairs of shoes, and I think it
(22:54):
cost me about 80 bucks.
So um, you know, he's like, yo,I check out my fresh kicks, you
know, whatever, whatever,whatever.
And so the group started callinghim uh a Nepo baby.
Now I'm still don't know.
As a matter of fact, while I'mtalking to y'all, let me look it
up.
But they called him a Nepo babybecause he ended up getting um I
(23:16):
don't even know how to spell it.
Um, it's it says Nepo baby,short for nepotism baby, is a
person um who has benefited fromfamilial connections or
advantages to gainopportunities, employment, or
success that they might not haveachieved otherwise.
(23:38):
What we ain't even rich.
Uh well, I guess okay.
Um that's what I just say.
Yeah, I don't so he was called aNepo baby because he got new
shoes and um they judged himbecause um because he got new
(24:05):
shoes and stuff, and so theycollectively agreed that they
would kick him out of the friendgroup because his mom gets him
new stuff whenever he needs it.
So they decided to kick him outof the friend group, and I was
like, you don't need that, andnow he has another friend group,
and I said, I think you need toget rid of that friend group
too, because I said, if youdon't think for a minute that
(24:27):
that friend group is talking tothe people in the other friend
group about you, I say, Yousadly mistaken.
I said, I know it hurt, butyou're sadly mistaken.
So, parents teach your umparents, teach your kids to be
good people.
Tell your kids, teach your kidsdon't judge other kids because
their parents can do stuff forthem.
(24:47):
Now, why would I not get mychild new new shoes because his
toes was curled up?
Why would I not do that?
Why are why are kids making funof kids for getting um the basic
essentials?
I understand that all parentscan't afford to go buy their
kids new shoes in the middle ofthe summer, but some of us can.
And you your child making fun ofa child because they're able to
(25:11):
get new stuff and they don'thave to wear the same old stuff
during the summer that'suncomfortable.
Y'all kids cannot make fun ofpeople for that.
That is not okay.
It's not okay.
So, yeah, so I mean, but if mybaby needs new clothes and new
(25:33):
shoes, um he finna get them.
Um it's just that um and so Iain't really I ain't really pick
uh a song for this week.
Um, so I'm just gonna get oneoff the fly.
So it's gonna be Blessings Remixby Friday and Asake.
(25:56):
Um, really good song.
Um because I think I've usedTLC, What About Your Friends?
I think I've used that onebefore, but that can be the
other secondary song of theweek.
But that is the end of thisepisode.
Please make sure you are like,sharing, and subscribing.
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(26:17):
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Yeah, we are on social media.
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(26:38):
All right.
Until next week, I am your girl,Charlie Shantae.
This is the Gaggist Pod.
Bye guys.
Hey guys, welcome back to the Gag is Pod.
I am your girl Charlie Shantae.
Thank you for joining me onanother episode.
And like I always say, if it's anew episode, then it must be
Friday.
Or if you're listening to thissome other day, thank you for
being here as well.
And before we get started, ifyou have not already, please
make sure you are following usat the Gaggis Pod on IG.
(00:23):
And make sure you are followingus on your favorite podcasting
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That way, when a new episode isreleased, you are one of the
first to know.
All you got to do is hit play.
And boom, we're right there.
Um, so go ahead, we're gonnajump right into today.
Keep today short and sweet.
So grab your drink or grab yoursnack or whatever it is you do
when you listen to this, so wecan go ahead and jump into
(00:45):
today's episode.
And I feel like today's episodecannot come at a better time.
Um, there's a lot going on, andum unfortunately it's starting
to trickle down to children.
And I just want to, I just wantto, for parents and families,
(01:09):
educators, caregivers, I justwant to take some time to go
over some things um to help yourchild be a better child and not
let your child be that child.
Um, in my today's, you can'tmake this up.
I'll detail a story about um newface and some things that he has
(01:31):
encountered just this schoolyear already, and we're only um
about nine weeks into the schoolyear.
Uh no.
We midway through the first nineweeks, um, and some of this
trickled down from the summer aswell, and then it just kind of
rolled over into school as well.
So I just want to talk aboutsome things that can help kids
(01:54):
have healthy friendships andhave healthy social skills.
I think that's important toteach kids to, you know, feel
the feels, feel the emotions.
Now remember, I'm not a licensedpsychologist, psychiatrist,
social worker, counselor, oranything like this.
But these are just some toolsthat I have used with my kids
and um children who are close tome.
(02:16):
Some things that I've talked tothem about, some tips that me
and their parents have talkedabout, just so we can get um our
kids, you know, to help thembecome better people and to
surround themselves with betterpeople because as adults we know
that being around theappropriate group and the
appropriate people can take usfurther compared to being around
(02:39):
people who don't mean well andsuch.
I always tell my kids quantityis better than quality.
You can have a hundred peoplearound who you who don't mean
you well, and you can have threepeople who are solid for you,
but those three people who aresolid for you are much better
than the 100 people that you hadaround you who were just being
(03:03):
leeches and didn't mean you anygood.
Um, so why are friendships andsocial skills important in life?
You cannot, well, you can, butit's not healthy just to go
around and just not talk toanybody, not have any social
interaction.
I think when COVID occurred, ittook away a lot of socialization
(03:23):
for a lot of younger kidsbecause they were growing up,
they couldn't startkindergarten.
Um, you know, a lot of themdidn't get to go to preschool or
daycare or anything like that.
So they missed out a lot on thatsocial interaction during that
time period from maybe 2020 toall the way to 2023.
I know during that time, NewFace um was, I wouldn't say
(03:44):
homeschool, but he was doingvirtual school because that
still was an option.
We chose virtual school for himdue to the fact that he has a
very compromised immune system.
And so we wanted to ensure thatum he was well because he did
catch COVID.
Um, he's caught COVID two times,and each time that he's had it,
it's been pretty bad on him.
(04:05):
So during that time, he wastransitioning from uh, I think
he was in like fourth or fifthgrade, and his social skills
kind of fell off a little bit.
He was he's always been a kidwho's been shy when it comes to
other kids and makingfriendships, but when COVID
happened, it really um was alittle bit detrimental to him,
(04:26):
and I had to figure out ways tokind of get him to be a little
bit more sociable, um, to gethim to go outside more.
I was like, you know, let's gohere, let's go to the park,
let's go to a jump place orsomething like that, just so
that there were other kids thereso he could get that social
interaction.
Once he was in fifth grade, thelast nine weeks, I was like, you
(04:49):
know, you're gonna have to startriding the bus to school next
year because you're gonna be inmiddle school.
Do you think that maybe you wantto try and go to school, you
know, to make friends becauseyou only see these people on
camera.
You know, he's never ridden abus to school since he was in
fifth grade.
Um so he was like, Yeah, and hetried it and he absolutely loved
(05:13):
it, and now he craves socialinteraction.
He is not one of those peoplewho can just sit in the house
and be alone.
He prefers to be around otherpeople.
He's still awkward when he'saround other people, but
nonetheless, I do have himaround other um people.
Green flags and red flags, andwhen it comes to a friendship or
(05:38):
a partnership for a child, um,one of the green flags that I
always try to emphasize ismutual respect.
We as people have to understandthat we will not always agree
with people, and I always tellNew Face and others that uh if
(06:02):
somebody agrees with me, everytime I talk, I don't want to be
friends with them because I knowfor a fact that they're not
being honest and they are notbeing beneficial towards me.
And if you I don't need a yeswoman or I don't need a yes man,
so I tend to stay away frompeople who agree with everything
I say because everything I sayshouldn't be agreed upon.
(06:26):
Um and when you don't agree withsomeone, you should respectfully
share your side, share youropinion.
The way that I raise my kids isif they don't agree with
something, then I ask them whythey don't agree with what I
(06:47):
stated or what I said, and thenthey let me know, well, mom,
this is why I disagree, or youknow, or or vice versa.
And we have healthyconversations.
And one of the things that I sayis mutual respect comes from
home.
Parents, you I understand a lotof times we are built that we
are not our kids' friend.
(07:10):
Um, I don't have to be nice toyou and the things of the light.
And I agree and I disagree withthat.
You don't have to be yourchild's friend, but I do believe
that it is important that youshow your child respect.
When you show your childrespect, then it's going to show
them that hey, I need to haverespect for adults.
(07:32):
I see a lot of times a lot ofkids don't have respect for
adults, and then when I seethose kids interacting with
their parents, I'm like, oh,okay, there it is.
So respect starts at home.
Um, like I said, you don't haveto be your child's friend, but
respect is a two-way street.
(07:54):
You do you cannot tell yourchild, well, I ain't gotta
respect you because you're achild.
Like, that's not fair to them.
Like, what are you teachingthem?
Because they're going to takethat mindset and they're gonna
take it outside the house.
And then when you're gettingcalls that your child is being
disrespectful to other adults,then you're gonna feel some kind
of way, and you're gonna belike, I don't understand why my
(08:14):
child um acts like that.
And it's kind of like, take alook in the mirror.
Um, are you showing them respectat home?
Are you teaching them respect?
One of the compliments that Iget when I'm I go out with with
the kids is your children are sorespectable.
You have to show your kidsrespect.
There's a way to show your childrespect and be their parent at
(08:35):
the same time.
Okay, shared interests.
This one, shared interests aregood because I feel like if you
hang you're hanging aroundsomebody who don't understand
the things that you're into, itmakes it a little weird.
And then it's kind of like,mm-hmm, are we really cool?
(08:59):
Like, mm, what are we doinghere?
Um, so I tell I tell New Face,surround yourself with people
who have the same interests asyou from personal experience,
being surrounded somebody thatdoesn't have the same
experiences and expectations fortheir life as you, they get
(09:19):
boring because after a whilethey start draining you, and it
gets it's too much.
It's too much.
Um, so he likes anime, he likesswim.
So the group of people that hehangs with, they like anime.
And you know, they don't per selike swim because he's a swimmer
and they play other sports, butthey have anime in common, you
(09:41):
know, and then when they gettogether, they tell each other
about each other's respectivesport.
And it just goes well together.
So make sure your kids arealigning themselves with people
who share similar interests andgoals as them.
It will make the things a loteasier.
It's a positivity, you neverknow.
(10:02):
Your child could be being a rolemodel to someone else in their
group, and vice versa.
Now, red flags.
Um, today's You Can't Make ThisUp story is going to be um about
red flags and friendships.
Um, one of the biggest red flagsin friendship, and this goes for
(10:24):
adults as well, not justchildren, but criticism or
jealousy.
This and I will say this.
Um children are going to seeother people with things, and
this, I could say this is even athing in adulthood.
(10:48):
Children are going to see otherkids with things, and they're
going to feel some type of way.
They're going to be like, well,such and such has better shoes
than me, or such and such has abetter house than me, or such
and such has a better car thanme.
Um, or such and such just hasmore than what I have.
And with that, sometimes um, youknow, jealousy comes along, or
(11:10):
you know, talking bad about themcomes along.
Um, I would call this the crabin a bucket effect because you
know, in a bucket of crabs,there's always that crab that
figures out how to kind of climbthe wall, scale the wall, and
kind of get to the top.
But while they're doing that,what is the other crab doing?
(11:30):
They're grabbing at them, tryingto pull them down, and it
creates the crab in a bucketeffect.
And we got to teach our kidsit's okay to be with people who
have less than you, and it'sokay to be cool with people who
have more than you.
Um, we we don't judge peoplebecause in some situations,
everybody is one eye blink awayfrom being pulled in either
(11:51):
direction, or either having, oreither not having, or being
somewhere in the middle.
So I teach my children (11:58):
don't down others.
If you feel like someone in yourgroup or somebody you hang with,
you have to down them, or youdon't have anything positive to
say about them.
You probably should not behanging around them.
Um, because they're it's justlike when you have a bad apple,
a bad apple spoils a bunch.
That apple is gonna startrubbing off on you, and you're
(12:20):
gonna start spoiling too.
And it's kind of like the sameconcept: peer pressure.
We've all been through it.
Um, peer pressure is a bigthing, like you know, I do it,
you should do it too, or do it,it's not gonna hurt you, or
different stuff like that.
I tell New Face all the time, ifsomebody pressuring you to do
something you don't want to doand they keep pressuring you,
(12:41):
that would that's the last thatday is the last day they're
gonna be your friend.
Because real friends don't dothat, they don't peer pressure
you to do bad things.
Not saying that all peerpressure is um is is bad, but if
they're peer pressuring you todo bad stuff, you need to let
that friend go because they'renot really your friend.
That's just somebody that you umassociate with, and you don't
(13:06):
need them because they don'tmean you no good because they're
gonna start dragging you downagain.
The crab in a bucket effect.
Now, some ways that you can helpyour child build their social
skills is by helping them readsocial cues.
This is a big one for New Face.
Like, my boy is always on 10,and I had to tell him sometimes,
baby, you gotta read the room.
(13:28):
You gotta read the room becauseyou might be happy to do it, but
this situation, it doesn't callfor that.
And a lot of times at swim, he'sjust happy to be around other
people.
He's happy to be out thereswimming and doing his thing.
But I had to tell them, tell himsometimes, you gotta read the
room, baby.
You gotta read the room.
Like, like you gotta you gottaknow how to play, you gotta know
(13:49):
when the time takes serious.
Um you gotta read the room,baby.
Just take these social gills,you gotta read the room.
Um, also teach your child how toforgive and apologize.
And even as an adult, this issomething that I struggle with.
Um, I'm a Sag, and you know,they say, you know, they say,
(14:09):
Oh, your Sodiac sign shouldn'tsay.
Well, we're gonna play devil'sadvocate today.
And as a Sag, um, what I'mapologizing for because what I
said, what I said, and I meanwhat I said.
So that's just what it is.
Like you take it how you wantto.
I ain't got nothing to do withthat.
Okay.
But let's teach our kids how toapologize because if you are
wrong, it is okay to say I'msorry.
(14:31):
And even as an adult, I've hadto learn this.
Just because I feel like I'mright, don't mean I'm right.
And that's the same thing forkids as well.
It's okay to apologize and it'sokay to forgive, not saying that
whatever the apology or theforgiveness is for, that you
have to continue with thatperson or that situationship.
But there's nothing wrong withapologizing and forgiving, even
(14:53):
if you don't feel like you werewrong.
Sometimes apology, apology cango a long way.
Um, I've apologized to peoplethat I ain't feel like I need to
apologize to, and I just left itat that.
Like, okay, you feel like youdeserve an apology.
I apologize to the mostsincerest of my ability.
I just know, I just know how togo and deal with you um from
(15:16):
here on out.
And before y'all say, is that abeer?
No, it's not a beer, it's just ait's water, it's water in a can.
Um, you know, when you sit uphere and you're talking, because
I've been talking for 15minutes, you know, your mouth
gets a little dry, so you gottamoisten the chops a little bit.
(15:39):
Um so setting boundaries, Ithink this is one of the most
important things, uh, andfriendships that you have to set
boundaries and it's beneficial,it's more beneficial to set
boundaries.
Um it's more beneficial to setboundaries in the beginning than
(16:00):
it is in the middle, becauseit's gonna be a little bit
harder because it's gonna belike, oh well, I I always do
that.
Like, why it's a problem now?
But had you established thatboundary from the get-go, then
you know, you wouldn't have hadto uh, you know, we it wouldn't
be no confusion because I feellike if you set boundaries in
the middle, then that can leadto just the whole fallout of the
(16:22):
friendship, the relationship,whatever.
It's gonna lead to a fallout.
And so, you know, I always tellNew Face, if somebody says or
does anything that you don'tlike, um, say something, set
that boundary.
It's okay to set that boundary.
I don't like the way that youtalk or talk to other people.
Please be respectful around.
I know he tells me, like, youknow, such and such was cussing,
(16:44):
I'll be like, you know, hey,like that, don't do that around
me.
If you need to do that aroundme, you know, like you, we ain't
even finna be cool.
Like, don't don't do that aroundit.
Teach your kids how to setboundaries.
It's okay to set boundariesbecause if boundaries boundaries
is what keeps your inner peace.
So I always want my kids to havepeace, and I'll be like, set
your boundaries, and I tell themboundaries are not exclusive to
(17:06):
non-family members, boundariescan go for for your little
cousins and stuff too.
Like, these are your boundaries,and either you can respect them
or you can't, and that's justthat's just that.
If you can't respect myboundaries, then you know
there's no there's nofriendship, there's no
relationship here.
Let them, and this is somethingthat I had to let my kids do,
(17:28):
especially New Face.
Um, you know, let them pursuetheir interests and find their
people.
Their people are going to cometo them, their people are going
to find them.
Um, Newface has found hispeople.
New face has found his tribe,and I'm like, thank you, Lord.
I'm cool with the parents andeverything.
Um, he got swim team people thatI'm cool, that I'm cool with the
(17:52):
parents, got school people.
My baby done found his tribe,and I'm like, thank you, Jesus.
And they are decent people anddecent human beings, and I can't
ask for nothing better.
Like, the parents is good andthe kids is good.
I'm like, thank you, Lord.
Like, I appreciate that.
And my last clip, um, no, it'snot my last hook.
(18:12):
Um, another one of the trips islet your kids hang out.
New face hang out all the time.
They go to the movies, they gobowling.
Nine times out of ten, it's themovies because they want to go
see these anime movies and stufflike that.
Let your kids hang out.
It's nothing wrong with let yourkids hang out because think
about it.
Like, New Face is in his face,he wants to go to the movies, he
won't go to the mall.
When I was New Face's age, Iused to go to the mall.
(18:34):
I used to go to the movies, sonow that he's one, I'm like,
yes, like teenager, come on.
Yes.
My boys are an officialteenager, yeah, teen stage.
You know, he'd be like, Yeah, mymy my friends are coming to the
mall.
I'm like, cool, we can go to themall.
I'll do a little windowshopping.
I'll go sit down, I'll have mesome lunch by myself.
(18:55):
Now, let me know when you'reready to go, boo-boo.
Like, I can find something todo, and ain't nothing to it.
I'll go sit and I have me alittle bisy, and then I'll go
window shop, I'll go look atsome clothes, and I might buy a
little something, but I'm justI'm happy because he's out with
his friends, he's out with histribe, and he's just not sitting
in the house.
He actually prefers to be outthe house.
(19:15):
He does not prefer a lot ofscreen time, he has a lot of
outside activities, like he doesum the bow and arrow, he does um
what's that thing called?
He does the guitar, so there'slike a lot of things that he
does outside of the house.
And last but not least, um, andI think this is important
(19:39):
because kids have to findthemselves, and they, like I
said, they have to find who whosuits them best, who they need
to be around, and such.
Um, don't force them tosocialize, um, because forcing
them to socialize is gonna makeit very much awkward.
And, you know, they just mightstart rebuttaling and rebelling,
and they because they don't wantto do stuff.
(19:59):
So I I never forced New Face tosocialize.
There were times where he didn'tsocialize, and I'd be like, you
know, you gotta talk to people.
Like, but I did not, um, I didnot force it up on him.
Uh, so I'm like, all right,cool.
Now I he he he he don't stopsocializing.
(20:20):
So you see, you gotta be carefulwhat you ask for because now he
don't stop socializing.
And it's kind of like, can I gohere?
Can I go there?
Can I do this?
Can I go to the football gamethis weekend?
Can I?
So it is like be careful whenyou be like, my kid doesn't
socialize.
It's coming, and when it comes,it's gonna come.
So don't don't uh don't don'tshy away from it, just embrace
(20:47):
it.
And I feel like that'd be thatshows the pivotal turning point
um in in a child's life is whenthey start uh socializing and
you know kind of advocating forthemselves.
Now, when to step in.
Um, I say as a parent, educator,guardian, caregiver, whatever it
(21:07):
is, it's time to step in when umthere's cases of bullying or
emotional harm.
Um, because that's not okay.
We we do not bully, um we do notcreate emotional harm.
Um, we don't, and this goesback, we don't down others, we
(21:28):
don't do um that kind of stuff.
Talk through the conflict withyour child and don't, but don't
solve it for them because thatthey're gonna have to figure it
out.
Because I know people who havesent their kids off and um, you
know, the kids don't have anysocialization skills, and then
you know, I I I see it everyday, you know.
(21:48):
I talk to you know, co-workersand stuff, and they're like, you
know, my kid don't got nosocialization skills, and he's
like, you know, they don't knowhow to solve a problem because
I'm always solving it for them.
So let your child solve theirown um problems.
Um so for my you can't make thisup, um it's it it really hurt my
feelings um when this wasbrought to my attention.
(22:12):
Um Newface has a couple of groupchats with a couple of kids from
school, and um, it was at theend of last year.
And no, it was not at the end oflast year.
It was yeah, it was at the endof last year.
And New Face is a growing boy.
The boy is six foot tall andhe's 15.
So I know he's in like hisgrowth spurt and different stuff
(22:33):
like that.
So um he was like, hey, mom, Iknow it's not the beginning of
school year, but can I get somenew shoes?
And I'm like, sure, you know, Idon't want you to walk around
here with your shoes, you know,with your toes curled up and
doing damage to your feet andstuff.
So we went to the Nike outletand they would just happen to be
having a spectacular sale.
So I ended up buying him twopairs of shoes, and I think it
(22:54):
cost me about 80 bucks.
So um, you know, he's like, yo,I check out my fresh kicks, you
know, whatever, whatever,whatever.
And so the group started callinghim uh a Nepo baby.
Now I'm still don't know.
As a matter of fact, while I'mtalking to y'all, let me look it
up.
But they called him a Nepo babybecause he ended up getting um I
(23:16):
don't even know how to spell it.
Um, it's it says Nepo baby,short for nepotism baby, is a
person um who has benefited fromfamilial connections or
advantages to gainopportunities, employment, or
success that they might not haveachieved otherwise.
(23:38):
What we ain't even rich.
Uh well, I guess okay.
Um that's what I just say.
Yeah, I don't so he was called aNepo baby because he got new
shoes and um they judged himbecause um because he got new
(24:05):
shoes and stuff, and so theycollectively agreed that they
would kick him out of the friendgroup because his mom gets him
new stuff whenever he needs it.
So they decided to kick him outof the friend group, and I was
like, you don't need that, andnow he has another friend group,
and I said, I think you need toget rid of that friend group
too, because I said, if youdon't think for a minute that
(24:27):
that friend group is talking tothe people in the other friend
group about you, I say, Yousadly mistaken.
I said, I know it hurt, butyou're sadly mistaken.
So, parents teach your umparents, teach your kids to be
good people.
Tell your kids, teach your kidsdon't judge other kids because
their parents can do stuff forthem.
(24:47):
Now, why would I not get mychild new new shoes because his
toes was curled up?
Why would I not do that?
Why are why are kids making funof kids for getting um the basic
essentials?
I understand that all parentscan't afford to go buy their
kids new shoes in the middle ofthe summer, but some of us can.
And you your child making fun ofa child because they're able to
(25:11):
get new stuff and they don'thave to wear the same old stuff
during the summer that'suncomfortable.
Y'all kids cannot make fun ofpeople for that.
That is not okay.
It's not okay.
So, yeah, so I mean, but if mybaby needs new clothes and new
(25:33):
shoes, um he finna get them.
Um it's just that um and so Iain't really I ain't really pick
uh a song for this week.
Um, so I'm just gonna get oneoff the fly.
So it's gonna be Blessings Remixby Friday and Asake.
(25:56):
Um, really good song.
Um because I think I've usedTLC, What About Your Friends?
I think I've used that onebefore, but that can be the
other secondary song of theweek.
But that is the end of thisepisode.
Please make sure you are like,sharing, and subscribing.
Please make sure you're watchingon YouTube as well.
So after you get done listeningto this, make sure you head over
to YouTube so that you can watchthis as well and see the
(26:17):
visuals.
Um, and make sure you aredownloading on your favorite
social media.
Your favorite social media.
Yeah, we are on social media.
We are on um IG and TikTok atthe gaggest pod.
And it's the same handle onYouTube as well.
Make sure you are hitting thatnotification button and your
favorite podcasting app as well,so that every time a new episode
is released, you are one of thefirst to get it.
(26:38):
All right.
Until next week, I am your girl,Charlie Shantae.
This is the Gaggist Pod.
Bye guys.
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