May 23, 2025 • 23 mins
Memorial Day is specifically for honoring military personnel who died in service to the country, not to be confused with Veterans Day which honors all who have served. I share my personal experience as a military widow and why the common phrase "Happy Memorial Day" is deeply painful for those who have lost loved ones in service.
• Memorial Day falls on the last Monday in May and is a day to mourn and honor deceased service members
• Many people incorrectly conflate Memorial Day with Veterans Day (in November)
• The confusion between these holidays can be harmful to Gold Star families who are grieving
• Now approaching my 17th Memorial Day since losing my husband
• Self-care strategies for managing grief during triggering holidays include allowing yourself to feel emotions
• Practical self-care can include simple productivity, maintaining hygiene, and seeking professional support
• Consider reaching out with a simple message to Gold Star families, understanding they may not respond
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, welcome back to the Gag Is Pod.
I am your girl, charli Chanté.
Thank you for joining me onanother episode and, like I
always say, if you're listeningto this episode, then it's
probably Friday, because youknow that is when our new
episodes drop.
But if you're listening to itany other day of the week,
that's fine as well.
I appreciate you.
(00:22):
I appreciate you.
If you have not already, pleasemake sure you are following us
on IG and YouTube at thegagispot, and to ensure that you are
getting every new episode whenit is released, please make sure
, whatever streaming platformyou're listening to this on, you
go in the top corner, hit thatlittle plus sign and that will
ensure every time I drop a newepisode, you're the first to
(00:46):
know.
It's going to automatically putit there for you.
There's no rigmarole like oh myGod, it's Friday.
I got to remember.
The gag is pod is releasingtoday.
None of that.
Go set it.
Forget about it.
When you wake up in the morningit'll pop up, because I try to
release them early on Fridays,like 5 or 6 am.
That way, when you get up andthen you start scrolling through
your notifications, it's therealready.
(01:06):
But thank you for joining me.
We're going to go ahead and getinto this thing.
Grab your snack, grab yourdrink, whatever it is you're
going to do.
If you're in a car, turn thisup.
Let's go ahead and jump in.
Today is one of those days.
Let's go ahead and jump in.
Today is one of those days.
(01:27):
It's one of those episodes Ienjoy doing, but I also, at the
same time, it's kind of hard forme to do because I be in my
feelings, but I'm very authentic.
To know me in real life is toknow that I'm authentic and to
know that we'll always keep it100 with you.
Um and so this weekend isMemorial Day weekend and it's a
(01:50):
weekend that I'd be sad and madat the same time.
And, um, I'm, I'm going toexplain that.
So you say well, how can you bebad and sad at the same time?
Well, memorial Day, people getMemorial Day and Veterans Day
(02:12):
mixed up every year and itirritates me.
And I guess it irritates memore because I'm personally
affected by it and I know thedifference.
And one of my pet peeves iswhen somebody goes happy
Memorial Day Well, what's happyabout it?
(02:35):
Like, tell me.
And people are like well, it'sa day that you know, we used to
thank the men and women who haveserved our country and it's
kind of like no, that's inNovember today.
You know, matter of fact, I'vepulled up the real definition
for y'all and you know to getthe myths out there.
(02:58):
But still, but still, somebodyis going to comment under this,
or somebody is going to messageme, or somebody is going to send
me an email and they're goingto tell me that it don't matter
what I see, it don't matter howI feel, that they're going to
celebrate it however they wantto celebrate it.
Well, that's your prerogative,but just know they're doing so,
(03:22):
you know, of disrespectful To me.
It's very disrespectful.
Y'all are looking for athree-day weekend, a cookout and
some sales, and I'm over heretrying to hold it together and
not even going to lie 10 dayscause it was mother's day.
(03:49):
And now we here in, you know, Itry to hold it together and I'm
trying to keep it um together,but you know this is coming up
and I'm in shambles over this.
And then I got personal stuffgoing on and I'm just like a
mess, I've literally.
And then I'm coming up on theend of my Botox for my headaches
(04:11):
and this is just like theperfect storm and I've literally
like been in the bed because Iam low key, not functioning
right now, like a little bit ofdepression has set in.
But you know, I know this isnot a state that I can stay in
(04:32):
forever.
But that's just a little bit oftransparency for you guys.
But let's get back to the realmeaning.
So Memorial Day and this is thisis verbatim a day on which
those who died in activemilitary service are remembered.
Traditionally it's observed onMay 30th, but now it has become
(04:58):
more famous for being observedthe last Monday of the month of
May, the last Monday of themonth of May.
Okay, so it's going to vary alittle bit.
Sometimes it's going to fall onMay 30th, sometimes it ain't.
This year it is not falling onMay 30th.
It's cool, we're still going toobserve it.
(05:32):
Now, what is the true meaningfor Memorial Day, the nation's
foremost annual day to mourn andhonor deceased service men and
women?
Ok, ok, this y'all gonna comefor me, don't come for me.
Like I'm just telling you.
I somebody argued me down whenI tried to correct them.
Right and Happy Memorial Dayseems very harmless to the
(06:00):
average person, to me, it's verydetrimental to me because, yes,
I should give people a breakbecause they may not know that
I'm personally affected, but I'malso not going to give them a
break because they should be oldenough to know the difference.
(06:23):
Ok, so when I say, when you sayHappy Memorial Day to me and I
respond back to you and I say,so, what's so happy about it?
And then I have to tell youwell, do you think it's still
happy because today is a daythat we should, we honoring my
husband and all the otherservice members who died on
active duty, who gave their lifeand stuff you still think it's
happy?
Do you think you still thinkit's happy that there are men
and women who, without theirspouses and their kids, don't
got their parents?
(06:43):
You still think it's happy?
No, you don't, because your assis worried about this cookout
and these seals.
So I try to educate people, butwe have come to the point where
education Google free.
It's too much education outhere.
And then I'll say this Ifsomebody corrects you, you
(07:07):
should be receptive of what itis they're saying, because how
do you know that you tellingsomebody Happy Mother's Day is
their final straw?
How do you know it's notsomeone's 13th reason why?
How do you know?
It's not someone's 13th reasonwhy, like, how do you know?
(07:28):
So I think we should be morecareful how we approach and we
say things, especially if wedon't know.
And if somebody is trying tocorrect you, be receptive of
that, don't be a jerk off aboutit.
Because, unfortunately, now thatthis ain't got nothing to do
(07:49):
with nothing, but now that thehouse is finally getting done
it's finally done with thehurricane repairs I have to go
get furniture and I'm going toutilize this weekend to go get
furniture, since the repairswere completed last week, and so
I know that when I go intostores, this is what I'm going
to be greeted with.
And you might say well, why areyou going to go to the store if
(08:10):
you know this is what's goingto happen?
So I can't take my time and golook for something because
somebody else's lack ofeducation or lack of
acknowledgement can bedetrimental.
I'm just not going to do that.
(08:30):
That's not fair to me that Ihave to not do what things that
I want to do because someone isuneducated.
But, yes, we can be here all daytalking about it, okay, and the
last one is is memorial dayonly for fallen soldiers?
Yes, memorial day isspecifically for honoring
military personnel who have diedin service to the country.
(08:54):
It is a day of remembrance forthose who made the ultimate
sacrifice, ie died veterans.
On the other hand, is a day tothank and honor all living and
deceased veterans for theirservice.
Ok, I read that straight to you.
(09:16):
Oh my goodness, oh my gosh,people still finna mess this up
and I don't understand, and I'mnot even going to lie to you.
My phone has been on, do notdisturb, probably for about the
last two weeks, because this isthat time of year where, no
(09:37):
matter what organization thatI've volunteered with um, that
have donated to me over the pasteight uh, I can't even think
off the top of my head how manyyears it's been since 2007, like
all of the organizations orpeople that have been
(09:57):
sponsorships for me, um, this isthat time of year where they um
, they reach out and they go.
You know, we want to let youknow that you're in our thoughts
and prayers and you know, anddifferent stuff like that.
And I don't don't get me wrong,I, I, I appreciate it, but when
it keeps rolling in and in andin and in and in, it's kind of
(10:23):
like oh my gosh, there's alittle piece of pricking going
on each time and it's like.
It's like we peel the scab backa little bit, peel the scab
back a little bit, peel, peel,peel, peel, peel.
That's kind of what it's like,you know, and there's different
ceremonies going on to honor anddifferent stuff like that.
(10:48):
This year I didn't.
I didn't get to, I'm notgetting the opportunity to go to
the cemetery this year to placeflowers.
It just wasn't.
It wasn't in my travel plansfor this year.
It wasn't in my travel plansfor this year and that kind of
hurts me too.
But I'll probably, when I'm outthat way in a couple weeks,
(11:21):
I'll probably take some time andgo and do that.
Yeah, probably take some timeand go do that.
So, moving right along with thatinformation, please, if you
know a family of a fallensoldier, just send a quick
message to them, because if theylike me, they don't like phone
(11:42):
calls.
Send a quick message and evenif they don't respond back, it's
not personal.
Y'all like, y'all don'tunderstand.
We get so much information, isso much thrown at us that it's
not even personal.
It's not personal.
I know I get.
(12:03):
I think right now I have like200 some emails and it ain't
personal, it ain't personal.
I'm just in a season right now,there's just a lot going on and
the last thing I need issomething that's going to make
me cry.
That's the last thing that Ineed.
This is my.
I think it's the 17th.
(12:23):
It's the 17th or 18th.
That's bad, that I don'trememberth.
It's the 17th or 18th?
That's bad, I don't remember.
It's the 17th or 18th memorialday and, um, like I always say,
I never, I never wish this onanybody.
Um, because you know you havebrothers and sisters that lose,
but when it's your spouse, thatshit just hit different.
(12:48):
And like I was telling somebodythe other day, I said I
literally spent my wholetwenties like recovering, like
from, and I still ain't evenrecovered all the way, just
recovering from this.
And so every year, the thingabout it every year I get an
(13:10):
opportunity to show my growth.
Because had this been 10 yearsago, what we 14 minutes in, had
this been even I'm not evengoing to say 10, had this been
about six, seven years ago andwe 14 minutes into this
(13:32):
conversation, it'd have beentears, I'd have been ugly crying
, I'd have probably done alreadybeen like this is the end of
the episode and all of this.
But I know that over the courseof this weekend, somebody who
has never heard of me, has neverseen this podcast or anything,
(13:54):
is gonna find this and they'regonna be like, oh my god, she
gets it understands.
Like, like I found my community.
So each year, you know, I'veseen where people recycle
episodes when it comes to aparticular topic.
But I feel like that's not fairto you guys, because where I
(14:17):
was last year, you can go backto that.
Where I was last year is notwhere I am this year.
Um, I can deal with it betterand I can help somebody else
deal with it better.
So, um, so, yeah, so I I can't.
When on things that's important, like anniversary date like
(14:39):
that, uh, angelversaries,memorial Day and stuff like that
, I won't recycle the episodesbecause I need you to genuinely
see the growth there and I wishI knew about podcasting probably
like 10 years ago.
I feel like I could have helpeda lot more people.
(15:04):
I feel like I could have helpeda lot more people.
Um, I feel like I could havehelped a lot more people, but I
know in due time this will getto where ever it needs um to be.
So some of the things that Ilike to do around this time,
when I get to fill in and see adifferent stuff, like that is, I
(15:25):
always make sure that I takecare of myself.
Now, there's nothing wrong withbeing by yourself.
I choose to be by myself andkind of, you know, not isolate
myself, but just to you know,just be by myself a little bit
more.
You know, watch some shows.
Just take it as a time of restand relaxation, because when the
(15:50):
body feels stressed, the bodygets sick.
Easy and different things likethat.
So I've been watching, like, Ifound a few shows that on on
Netflix that I've watched, andjust things just to keep me calm
, netflix that I've watched, andjust things just to keep me
calm.
Um, I've been watching what Ieat.
Um, well, I'm trying to loseweight too, but that's another
(16:13):
day.
That's the top for another day.
Um, just being mindful of thethings that I eat.
Um, one thing that y'all areprobably gonna be, like girl,
what um that you have to bemindful of when, when you feel
down, or that is hygiene.
Um, because you can ask a lotof people there.
There are times where sometimesyou, like I don't care about,
like I'm finna, sit here andstew, like literally, um, just
(16:40):
just stew and.
But you make sure you get up,you wash your face, you brush
your teeth, you're showering,you're changing your clothes and
different stuff like that.
I thought about going andgetting a facial or a massage.
But I said no on the facialbecause I need to do some yard
(17:00):
work.
It's that time of year andyouall know I love to do my yard
work myself.
I don't hire nobody.
I want to do yard work.
So I'm like no, that'll be awaste of a facial, but I'll
probably get it in a coupleweeks before I go out of town
because I want my face to befresh.
Then I thought about getting amassage.
But the thing is, every time Iget a massage I get sick because
(17:21):
I don't know, I guess I gotthat many toxins in my body and
they be coming out and I getsick.
So I'm not going to do that.
So, since I'm not going to dothose things, I'm just going to,
like I said relax.
I got like right now, like I gota candle burning, I'm just
taking it easy.
You know, I got my water anddifferent stuff like that.
Just taking it easy is thenumber one thing that I would
(17:46):
say self-care and taking it easyfor me.
Y'all might judge me, butwhatever my self-care, cleaning
up and organizing is a big partof my self-care.
Like I always used to joke thatI could start a organizing
business, because when your girlget in the groove, your girl
get in the groove Like nah, likethat's my jam.
(18:09):
So I'm probably spend thisweekend doing like some dusting,
like cleaning some baseboards,organizing clothes and different
stuff like that, just to keepmy mind, keep my mind busy, keep
my mind from wandering.
But I'm also doing somethingproductive as well, because you
can go and do anything to mindbusy, keep my mind from
wandering.
But I'm also doing somethingproductive as well, because you
can go and do anything to staybusy.
Hell, you can go, get in yourcar and take a drive and stay
(18:30):
busy.
You might say, okay, well, thatis productive because you're
clearing your mind.
Yes, that is true, but I wouldrather exert that energy in
doing something like houseworkor something like that.
Like I plan on doing a yard, Iplan on replacing the mulch um
outside and stuff like that.
So just little simple stuff.
I might get into a pool, justlittle simple stuff to keep you
(18:55):
going.
Um, and everybody might not belike me.
So if you need to be aroundfamily, if you need to be around
friends, because that's whereyour comfort is, there's nothing
wrong with that either.
That's just not what I do.
Another thing I do is I alsoallow myself to feel the feels.
I don't try to suppress myfeelings.
I don't try to say this is notright or you can't feel like
(19:19):
this or you've been in this toolong.
No, I don't say that I allowmyself to feel the feels.
And because I know what happens, what Memorial Day symbolizes,
and I know that's coming up in afew days, I always set an
appointment to go see mypsychiatrist or either my
psychologist a day or two after,just to ensure that I'm not
(19:43):
still stuck in the same position, that I'm coming up out of this
and I'm not going on a downwardspiral.
And, to be honest, even thoughI have that appointment next
week, I'm going to go, but rightnow I'm in an okay space.
I don't feel like I've kept myspiraling to a minimum, even
(20:04):
with everything that is going onin life right now.
I've kept it to a minimum, andso that would be.
My advice to you is just focuson self-care, focus on, you know
, happy things, happy times Ifyou're able to go to the
(20:24):
cemetery or whatever, or go towhere your loved one is buried
or what have you.
Just, you know, do what makesyou feel happy.
Don't listen to other peoplethat say, well, you got to get
out and do this, you got to dothis.
You can't tell me what to dobecause you ain't never been in
my shoes.
So do what makes you feel happy.
I've told y'all what makes mefeel happy and, even though it
(20:44):
makes me sad, I still might goget a massage.
I might just go be hard-headed.
I'm sorry, nick, please don'thurt me.
Um, but yeah, so, um, like,after I finish this'm going to
go get up and look for thisfurniture, and you know we finna
(21:07):
see what happens.
Um, so we're going to go aheadand close out here.
And you know how I always sayum, my song lyric of the week
for this Memorial day is goingto be Leona Lewis.
Yesterday, um, yeah, she startedus all off by saying still
(21:27):
can't believe that you're gone.
And it's been 17 years.
I still can't believe thatyou're gone.
But you know, it is what it is.
You know, I know you walkbeside me every day, even though
some days you probably won'tleave me hanging, but I'll be
trying.
I'll be trying, but if you havenot already, please make sure
(21:49):
you follow us on IG at the gagis pod.
Please make sure you'refollowing us on YouTube as well.
You're more than welcome tofollow my personal page as well.
Smart fit, underscore Oki.
And if you have any businessinquiries or you would like to
collab, please send us an emailat thegaggispod at gmailcom.
(22:10):
I am your girl, charlie Shante.
This is the gag is pod.
Bye, guys.
Hey guys, welcome back to the Gag Is Pod.
I am your girl, charli Chanté.
Thank you for joining me onanother episode and, like I
always say, if you're listeningto this episode, then it's
probably Friday, because youknow that is when our new
episodes drop.
But if you're listening to itany other day of the week,
that's fine as well.
I appreciate you.
(00:22):
I appreciate you.
If you have not already, pleasemake sure you are following us
on IG and YouTube at thegagispot, and to ensure that you are
getting every new episode whenit is released, please make sure
, whatever streaming platformyou're listening to this on, you
go in the top corner, hit thatlittle plus sign and that will
ensure every time I drop a newepisode, you're the first to
(00:46):
know.
It's going to automatically putit there for you.
There's no rigmarole like oh myGod, it's Friday.
I got to remember.
The gag is pod is releasingtoday.
None of that.
Go set it.
Forget about it.
When you wake up in the morningit'll pop up, because I try to
release them early on Fridays,like 5 or 6 am.
That way, when you get up andthen you start scrolling through
your notifications, it's therealready.
(01:06):
But thank you for joining me.
We're going to go ahead and getinto this thing.
Grab your snack, grab yourdrink, whatever it is you're
going to do.
If you're in a car, turn thisup.
Let's go ahead and jump in.
Today is one of those days.
Let's go ahead and jump in.
Today is one of those days.
(01:27):
It's one of those episodes Ienjoy doing, but I also, at the
same time, it's kind of hard forme to do because I be in my
feelings, but I'm very authentic.
To know me in real life is toknow that I'm authentic and to
know that we'll always keep it100 with you.
Um and so this weekend isMemorial Day weekend and it's a
(01:50):
weekend that I'd be sad and madat the same time.
And, um, I'm, I'm going toexplain that.
So you say well, how can you bebad and sad at the same time?
Well, memorial Day, people getMemorial Day and Veterans Day
(02:12):
mixed up every year and itirritates me.
And I guess it irritates memore because I'm personally
affected by it and I know thedifference.
And one of my pet peeves iswhen somebody goes happy
Memorial Day Well, what's happyabout it?
(02:35):
Like, tell me.
And people are like well, it'sa day that you know, we used to
thank the men and women who haveserved our country and it's
kind of like no, that's inNovember today.
You know, matter of fact, I'vepulled up the real definition
for y'all and you know to getthe myths out there.
(02:58):
But still, but still, somebodyis going to comment under this,
or somebody is going to messageme, or somebody is going to send
me an email and they're goingto tell me that it don't matter
what I see, it don't matter howI feel, that they're going to
celebrate it however they wantto celebrate it.
Well, that's your prerogative,but just know they're doing so,
(03:22):
you know, of disrespectful To me.
It's very disrespectful.
Y'all are looking for athree-day weekend, a cookout and
some sales, and I'm over heretrying to hold it together and
not even going to lie 10 dayscause it was mother's day.
(03:49):
And now we here in, you know, Itry to hold it together and I'm
trying to keep it um together,but you know this is coming up
and I'm in shambles over this.
And then I got personal stuffgoing on and I'm just like a
mess, I've literally.
And then I'm coming up on theend of my Botox for my headaches
(04:11):
and this is just like theperfect storm and I've literally
like been in the bed because Iam low key, not functioning
right now, like a little bit ofdepression has set in.
But you know, I know this isnot a state that I can stay in
(04:32):
forever.
But that's just a little bit oftransparency for you guys.
But let's get back to the realmeaning.
So Memorial Day and this is thisis verbatim a day on which
those who died in activemilitary service are remembered.
Traditionally it's observed onMay 30th, but now it has become
(04:58):
more famous for being observedthe last Monday of the month of
May, the last Monday of themonth of May.
Okay, so it's going to vary alittle bit.
Sometimes it's going to fall onMay 30th, sometimes it ain't.
This year it is not falling onMay 30th.
It's cool, we're still going toobserve it.
(05:32):
Now, what is the true meaningfor Memorial Day, the nation's
foremost annual day to mourn andhonor deceased service men and
women?
Ok, ok, this y'all gonna comefor me, don't come for me.
Like I'm just telling you.
I somebody argued me down whenI tried to correct them.
Right and Happy Memorial Dayseems very harmless to the
(06:00):
average person, to me, it's verydetrimental to me because, yes,
I should give people a breakbecause they may not know that
I'm personally affected, but I'malso not going to give them a
break because they should be oldenough to know the difference.
(06:23):
Ok, so when I say, when you sayHappy Memorial Day to me and I
respond back to you and I say,so, what's so happy about it?
And then I have to tell youwell, do you think it's still
happy because today is a daythat we should, we honoring my
husband and all the otherservice members who died on
active duty, who gave their lifeand stuff you still think it's
happy?
Do you think you still thinkit's happy that there are men
and women who, without theirspouses and their kids, don't
got their parents?
(06:43):
You still think it's happy?
No, you don't, because your assis worried about this cookout
and these seals.
So I try to educate people, butwe have come to the point where
education Google free.
It's too much education outhere.
And then I'll say this Ifsomebody corrects you, you
(07:07):
should be receptive of what itis they're saying, because how
do you know that you tellingsomebody Happy Mother's Day is
their final straw?
How do you know it's notsomeone's 13th reason why?
How do you know?
It's not someone's 13th reasonwhy, like, how do you know?
(07:28):
So I think we should be morecareful how we approach and we
say things, especially if wedon't know.
And if somebody is trying tocorrect you, be receptive of
that, don't be a jerk off aboutit.
Because, unfortunately, now thatthis ain't got nothing to do
(07:49):
with nothing, but now that thehouse is finally getting done
it's finally done with thehurricane repairs I have to go
get furniture and I'm going toutilize this weekend to go get
furniture, since the repairswere completed last week, and so
I know that when I go intostores, this is what I'm going
to be greeted with.
And you might say well, why areyou going to go to the store if
(08:10):
you know this is what's goingto happen?
So I can't take my time and golook for something because
somebody else's lack ofeducation or lack of
acknowledgement can bedetrimental.
I'm just not going to do that.
(08:30):
That's not fair to me that Ihave to not do what things that
I want to do because someone isuneducated.
But, yes, we can be here all daytalking about it, okay, and the
last one is is memorial dayonly for fallen soldiers?
Yes, memorial day isspecifically for honoring
military personnel who have diedin service to the country.
(08:54):
It is a day of remembrance forthose who made the ultimate
sacrifice, ie died veterans.
On the other hand, is a day tothank and honor all living and
deceased veterans for theirservice.
Ok, I read that straight to you.
(09:16):
Oh my goodness, oh my gosh,people still finna mess this up
and I don't understand, and I'mnot even going to lie to you.
My phone has been on, do notdisturb, probably for about the
last two weeks, because this isthat time of year where, no
(09:37):
matter what organization thatI've volunteered with um, that
have donated to me over the pasteight uh, I can't even think
off the top of my head how manyyears it's been since 2007, like
all of the organizations orpeople that have been
(09:57):
sponsorships for me, um, this isthat time of year where they um
, they reach out and they go.
You know, we want to let youknow that you're in our thoughts
and prayers and you know, anddifferent stuff like that.
And I don't don't get me wrong,I, I, I appreciate it, but when
it keeps rolling in and in andin and in and in, it's kind of
(10:23):
like oh my gosh, there's alittle piece of pricking going
on each time and it's like.
It's like we peel the scab backa little bit, peel the scab
back a little bit, peel, peel,peel, peel, peel.
That's kind of what it's like,you know, and there's different
ceremonies going on to honor anddifferent stuff like that.
(10:48):
This year I didn't.
I didn't get to, I'm notgetting the opportunity to go to
the cemetery this year to placeflowers.
It just wasn't.
It wasn't in my travel plansfor this year.
It wasn't in my travel plansfor this year and that kind of
hurts me too.
But I'll probably, when I'm outthat way in a couple weeks,
(11:21):
I'll probably take some time andgo and do that.
Yeah, probably take some timeand go do that.
So, moving right along with thatinformation, please, if you
know a family of a fallensoldier, just send a quick
message to them, because if theylike me, they don't like phone
(11:42):
calls.
Send a quick message and evenif they don't respond back, it's
not personal.
Y'all like, y'all don'tunderstand.
We get so much information, isso much thrown at us that it's
not even personal.
It's not personal.
I know I get.
(12:03):
I think right now I have like200 some emails and it ain't
personal, it ain't personal.
I'm just in a season right now,there's just a lot going on and
the last thing I need issomething that's going to make
me cry.
That's the last thing that Ineed.
This is my.
I think it's the 17th.
(12:23):
It's the 17th or 18th.
That's bad, that I don'trememberth.
It's the 17th or 18th?
That's bad, I don't remember.
It's the 17th or 18th memorialday and, um, like I always say,
I never, I never wish this onanybody.
Um, because you know you havebrothers and sisters that lose,
but when it's your spouse, thatshit just hit different.
(12:48):
And like I was telling somebodythe other day, I said I
literally spent my wholetwenties like recovering, like
from, and I still ain't evenrecovered all the way, just
recovering from this.
And so every year, the thingabout it every year I get an
(13:10):
opportunity to show my growth.
Because had this been 10 yearsago, what we 14 minutes in, had
this been even I'm not evengoing to say 10, had this been
about six, seven years ago andwe 14 minutes into this
(13:32):
conversation, it'd have beentears, I'd have been ugly crying
, I'd have probably done alreadybeen like this is the end of
the episode and all of this.
But I know that over the courseof this weekend, somebody who
has never heard of me, has neverseen this podcast or anything,
(13:54):
is gonna find this and they'regonna be like, oh my god, she
gets it understands.
Like, like I found my community.
So each year, you know, I'veseen where people recycle
episodes when it comes to aparticular topic.
But I feel like that's not fairto you guys, because where I
(14:17):
was last year, you can go backto that.
Where I was last year is notwhere I am this year.
Um, I can deal with it betterand I can help somebody else
deal with it better.
So, um, so, yeah, so I I can't.
When on things that's important, like anniversary date like
(14:39):
that, uh, angelversaries,memorial Day and stuff like that
, I won't recycle the episodesbecause I need you to genuinely
see the growth there and I wishI knew about podcasting probably
like 10 years ago.
I feel like I could have helpeda lot more people.
(15:04):
I feel like I could have helpeda lot more people.
Um, I feel like I could havehelped a lot more people, but I
know in due time this will getto where ever it needs um to be.
So some of the things that Ilike to do around this time,
when I get to fill in and see adifferent stuff, like that is, I
(15:25):
always make sure that I takecare of myself.
Now, there's nothing wrong withbeing by yourself.
I choose to be by myself andkind of, you know, not isolate
myself, but just to you know,just be by myself a little bit
more.
You know, watch some shows.
Just take it as a time of restand relaxation, because when the
(15:50):
body feels stressed, the bodygets sick.
Easy and different things likethat.
So I've been watching, like, Ifound a few shows that on on
Netflix that I've watched, andjust things just to keep me calm
, netflix that I've watched, andjust things just to keep me
calm.
Um, I've been watching what Ieat.
Um, well, I'm trying to loseweight too, but that's another
(16:13):
day.
That's the top for another day.
Um, just being mindful of thethings that I eat.
Um, one thing that y'all areprobably gonna be, like girl,
what um that you have to bemindful of when, when you feel
down, or that is hygiene.
Um, because you can ask a lotof people there.
There are times where sometimesyou, like I don't care about,
like I'm finna, sit here andstew, like literally, um, just
(16:40):
just stew and.
But you make sure you get up,you wash your face, you brush
your teeth, you're showering,you're changing your clothes and
different stuff like that.
I thought about going andgetting a facial or a massage.
But I said no on the facialbecause I need to do some yard
(17:00):
work.
It's that time of year andyouall know I love to do my yard
work myself.
I don't hire nobody.
I want to do yard work.
So I'm like no, that'll be awaste of a facial, but I'll
probably get it in a coupleweeks before I go out of town
because I want my face to befresh.
Then I thought about getting amassage.
But the thing is, every time Iget a massage I get sick because
(17:21):
I don't know, I guess I gotthat many toxins in my body and
they be coming out and I getsick.
So I'm not going to do that.
So, since I'm not going to dothose things, I'm just going to,
like I said relax.
I got like right now, like I gota candle burning, I'm just
taking it easy.
You know, I got my water anddifferent stuff like that.
Just taking it easy is thenumber one thing that I would
(17:46):
say self-care and taking it easyfor me.
Y'all might judge me, butwhatever my self-care, cleaning
up and organizing is a big partof my self-care.
Like I always used to joke thatI could start a organizing
business, because when your girlget in the groove, your girl
get in the groove Like nah, likethat's my jam.
(18:09):
So I'm probably spend thisweekend doing like some dusting,
like cleaning some baseboards,organizing clothes and different
stuff like that, just to keepmy mind, keep my mind busy, keep
my mind from wandering.
But I'm also doing somethingproductive as well, because you
can go and do anything to mindbusy, keep my mind from
wandering.
But I'm also doing somethingproductive as well, because you
can go and do anything to staybusy.
Hell, you can go, get in yourcar and take a drive and stay
(18:30):
busy.
You might say, okay, well, thatis productive because you're
clearing your mind.
Yes, that is true, but I wouldrather exert that energy in
doing something like houseworkor something like that.
Like I plan on doing a yard, Iplan on replacing the mulch um
outside and stuff like that.
So just little simple stuff.
I might get into a pool, justlittle simple stuff to keep you
(18:55):
going.
Um, and everybody might not belike me.
So if you need to be aroundfamily, if you need to be around
friends, because that's whereyour comfort is, there's nothing
wrong with that either.
That's just not what I do.
Another thing I do is I alsoallow myself to feel the feels.
I don't try to suppress myfeelings.
I don't try to say this is notright or you can't feel like
(19:19):
this or you've been in this toolong.
No, I don't say that I allowmyself to feel the feels.
And because I know what happens, what Memorial Day symbolizes,
and I know that's coming up in afew days, I always set an
appointment to go see mypsychiatrist or either my
psychologist a day or two after,just to ensure that I'm not
(19:43):
still stuck in the same position, that I'm coming up out of this
and I'm not going on a downwardspiral.
And, to be honest, even thoughI have that appointment next
week, I'm going to go, but rightnow I'm in an okay space.
I don't feel like I've kept myspiraling to a minimum, even
(20:04):
with everything that is going onin life right now.
I've kept it to a minimum, andso that would be.
My advice to you is just focuson self-care, focus on, you know
, happy things, happy times Ifyou're able to go to the
(20:24):
cemetery or whatever, or go towhere your loved one is buried
or what have you.
Just, you know, do what makesyou feel happy.
Don't listen to other peoplethat say, well, you got to get
out and do this, you got to dothis.
You can't tell me what to dobecause you ain't never been in
my shoes.
So do what makes you feel happy.
I've told y'all what makes mefeel happy and, even though it
(20:44):
makes me sad, I still might goget a massage.
I might just go be hard-headed.
I'm sorry, nick, please don'thurt me.
Um, but yeah, so, um, like,after I finish this'm going to
go get up and look for thisfurniture, and you know we finna
(21:07):
see what happens.
Um, so we're going to go aheadand close out here.
And you know how I always sayum, my song lyric of the week
for this Memorial day is goingto be Leona Lewis.
Yesterday, um, yeah, she startedus all off by saying still
(21:27):
can't believe that you're gone.
And it's been 17 years.
I still can't believe thatyou're gone.
But you know, it is what it is.
You know, I know you walkbeside me every day, even though
some days you probably won'tleave me hanging, but I'll be
trying.
I'll be trying, but if you havenot already, please make sure
(21:49):
you follow us on IG at the gagis pod.
Please make sure you'refollowing us on YouTube as well.
You're more than welcome tofollow my personal page as well.
Smart fit, underscore Oki.
And if you have any businessinquiries or you would like to
collab, please send us an emailat thegaggispod at gmailcom.
(22:10):
I am your girl, charlie Shante.
This is the gag is pod.
Bye, guys.
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