June 5, 2025 • 45 mins
Dr. Gamology and Marcus explore the struggle of maintaining gaming backlogs as busy adults with competing priorities, reflecting on how they've adapted their gaming habits to fit limited available time.
• Discussing the tension between wanting new games and having no time to play them
• Finding that most adult gaming happens during structured times - Marcus with his son, Dr. Gamology during morning streams
• Exploring how streaming can be both liberating and constraining for gaming enjoyment
• Sharing the "Kobe Bryant strategy" of waking at 5am for peak productivity and concentration
• Debating the value of the Steam Deck for busy gamers with existing backlogs
• Reflecting on the persistence needed to defeat challenging bosses like Malenia in Elden Ring
• Acknowledging how different life stages affect our ability to engage with gaming fully
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Gaming Persona podcast.
This is the show that exploreswho we become when we play games
, whether you're saving kingdoms, leading epic raids or just
vibing in cozy indie worlds.
Join me, dr Gamology and mygood friend Marcus as we search
for all the ways gaming andpersonal growth collide.
Grab your controllers and let'scontinue the journey.
(00:20):
Now we're talking about thedifference between fate and
destiny, and I think that thisepisode now is fated to be one
of our best ever, I think everyepisode is our best ever.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Hell, yeah, it is All right.
So here's my question, becauseit's been bothering me today.
So I started my new job.
We talked about it a little bitlast week and I'm finishing up
week two and I was working onsomething today and you know how
, when you get like everybodygets notifications on their
phones, but like some peopleturn off certain things, I leave
(00:56):
and I need to turn off thenotifications.
Excuse me, the beer made meburp.
The problem right now is I'mhaving is I've left the steam
notifications up on my phone,okay, and the problem with that
is that I get my game on yourwish list is on sale every
(01:21):
single day of my life, marcusyep, and today was a game that I
actually do want to play, butI'm not going to play it.
So I want to talk to you aboutthis.
Of games, right?
I this game, so I'll tell youit's not a secret, so the game
is remnant 2 right yeah, you'vebeen talking to me about that
game for a couple years I thinklike it's a.
(01:43):
It's a shooter game, but it'slike a Souls-like.
It's really hard, but it'sreally, really, really good, and
a bunch of people in my Discordhave played it, all that stuff
and it's on sale for $20, andI'm like I should buy it.
I can do it, and then I stopand go when, Like when.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
When are you going to play it?
Speaker 2 (02:06):
I haven't Remember those battle mages that I was on
in Elden Ring.
Yeah, I'm still there.
I've just been so busy, andit's not that I haven't gamed, I
haven't turned on Elden Ringand my point of all of this
(02:27):
giant circle of life is that Idon't need another game.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
That's just going to sit in the queue that I want to
play.
Exactly right?
Yeah, you really do not.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
And at 42,.
As much as I want to play themass effect trilogy, or I want
to play final fantasy 14, or Iwant to play this or I want to
play that, I find myself playingWWE two K 25 with my son.
Or I want to play Final FantasyXIV, or I want to play this or
I want to play that.
I find myself playing WWE 2K25with my son, and then he goes to
bed and if I'm not playinghockey that night, I'm taking a
(02:56):
shower and going to bed myself.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Yeah, that's very reasonable.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
But how do you manage ?
I'm circling back to ourbacklog.
How do you manage the stress of?
Speaker 1 (03:08):
your backlog games.
I really don't the way I playvideo games right now.
I actually talked about this onTwitch earlier today.
My gaming occurs when I'm liveon Twitch.
I really don't play video gamesoutside of those windows of
time, and whether it's talkingwith you or talking with Jenny
(03:33):
about this because I have tonsof gaming and work conversations
with Jenny now gaming that wayis part of my job, or it's a
part of my job that I enjoy andI keep it safe so that it stays
there.
It really does help me staysane, but I am accomplishing
(03:54):
work goals with it too.
To do that and then spend somemagical, equal amount of time
playing games completely aloneas just a solitary self-care
activity.
I wish I did have some solitaryactivity like that, but it just
(04:17):
doesn't fit in my life rightnow.
So the backlog and all thegames I've never played but I
have purchased stay exactly thesame as they are, and
occasionally I do add anothergame to the list, but I know I'm
not going to play it.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
It's my camera and it made me happy, sorry.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
You're way low.
You're like my minion now,marcus, yeah, like the bridge of
your nose is at my shoulder, Iwould rather you see my art in
my head, my shoulders and my bigbelly and my fat.
Oh my gosh, wait, wait, wait,wait.
As far as art, do you see whatis hiding in my background,
(04:55):
right there?
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Yeah, it's an Xbox controller.
Cause it's amazing, cause youjust stepped into a larger world
.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I have game pass ultimate to use on my yoga book.
I'm leaning towards not evenbringing my steam deck on my
cruise and just gaming on theyoga book and in order to use.
No listen, I can play offlinewith one computer and I've
(05:23):
identified that as the computerthat can do it, so I can
download the games directly onthere and play that way.
Okay, sure, I'm gonna try it,and if if I can't do it that way
, I'll just use the laptop onlyfor streaming movies and shows.
And you know, that's only likea couple hours of time during
(05:43):
the whole trip, because that'snot why you go on the trip, and
I'll just read books.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yeah, there's this really good book.
It's called the Gamer's Journey.
Get it on Amazon or anywhereelse.
If you order it on Amazon,you'll probably have it before
you leave.
Just saying it wrote it.
It's a really good dude.
But anyway, moving on, my pointto you is I'm going back to the
backlog Like I'm stoppingmyself because, like you, I
(06:10):
streamed for four years.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Four years.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Yeah, I streamed like every three days a week for
four years and when I stopped,my gaming really slowed down
because, like you just said, Iwas playing video games when I
was streaming, so I was gettingthe best of both worlds and it
almost was my reason to game.
(06:38):
And now finding myself to comeinto my office to game, it's
almost like I don't forcingmyself, but it's almost like I'm
forcing myself because I haveto say to myself okay, do I want
to go in my office and playelden ring and die a bunch, or
do I want to watch lfg or watchum aew Dynamite or just watch
(07:06):
YouTube?
Sometimes I find myself I enjoysometimes watching somebody
else play Elden Ring or watchinga lore video than actually
playing the game.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense because you don't
have the stress of winning orlosing and you can just enjoy
the visual element.
And plus, if the person has agood personality and you enjoy
them as a human, then that'seven better yeah, it's really
crazy how the evolution of thatis.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
And do you know who asmongold is?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I do.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
He dipped his toes into final fantasy 14 during the
wow exodus he puts out a lot ofvideos and I like him because
he's like straight shooter kindof guy and, like I, I don't care
about people's politicalbeliefs, right like if you start
spitting political bullshit Idon't want to know, right like
i't care.
But he said something todayabout video games and he said
(08:06):
that I'm trying to think of theright way.
The exact way he said it.
He was talking about makingtime and if it's a great game
and you don't get stressed out,you're going to play the game.
But if you're playing a gameand you're stressed out, you're
going to talk yourself out ofplaying that game.
(08:27):
And then I saw a video about the, the different levels of like
souls, players, like you havethe new, which was me a year and
a half ago or a year ago, andlike getting to the point, and
then you're like starting tounderstand the mechanics and
that's like level two.
And then you have somebody wholike understands, builds and
like is building that and it'sthey're not dying as much
(08:48):
because they understand themechanics.
That's level three.
But then when you get into likethe level four and fives, like
there's only like five levelfives in the whole world, that
can just no hit, elden, right,everything right like it
Speaker 1 (09:01):
doesn't compute to me , and some people do it with a
DDR mat, which is Dance DanceRevolution for people who aren't
old enough, or are old enoughbut weren't playing Dance Dance
Revolution and they do notunderstand the amazingness of
Techno Beethoven Right.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Have you ever played Elden Ring on your stream deck?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Yes, I have.
How does it play?
Well, I always play in offlinemode, marcus, because the PvP
stuff does nothing for me.
So I don't want to see people'sghosts.
I don't want them to be red andinvade my world.
I don't want to help them win.
I don't want to hurt them.
I don't want to help them.
I don't want to help them win,like I don't want to hurt them,
(09:45):
I don't want to help them.
I don't want to see them.
They don't exist to me, it'sjust me in the lands between.
So, that being the way I play,I find it really nice.
The fans inside the Steam deckare working for that game to
work, but it's doable.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah, but does it okay?
But does it play well?
Cause I'm in a, I'm in a picklewhere I'm going away this
weekend, cause it's Memorial dayweekend and I'm trying to
figure out like I really want totake Elden rank.
I want to take my laptop withme, but it's always a production
(10:25):
to.
So you got to take out thelaptop, you got to plug it into
a plug, you got to sit at thetable, you got to get your Xbox
controller because it's thegreatest controller ever and
plug it in.
And you got to do all thesethings just to play, right, yeah
, versus turning on your streamdeck or turning on your Switch
to play the game that you wantto play, so that you can move on
(10:50):
.
It's almost.
I'm at a point now where I justam ready to move on from it,
even though I haven't doneeverything.
I'm just like, fuck, I want tojust do something else.
But I can't, because if I don'tbeat Millennia, I didn't beat
Elden Ring.
Well, you did beat Elden.
Ring no, not a chance.
(11:12):
No, there's an entire countrythat I have not explored yet.
That's in the game.
You didn't beat the game, likeI still didn't beat the Lord of
oh no, I did beat the Lord ofBlood, but like I didn't beat
the game.
Melania is the game, you know.
You talk to anybody who'splayed that game and you say
(11:34):
they're like oh, I became leldonlord, yeah, but did you be
millennia?
oh no, well then, you didn'tbeat it yet those are not the
kind of friends you need in yourlife but those are the friends
I have well, I think that youbeat elden ring I became elden
lord, but now, once you're eldenlord, now you got to go find
the boss you know what?
Speaker 1 (11:55):
there's a wrestling parallel to this.
It's like you're the worldheavyweight champion, you're jay
uso, but paul heyman is like.
You don't handle theresponsibility that well.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Yes, my name is paul heymanyeah, so so you have this chip
on your shoulder.
That's like, yeah, you're thechamp, but now you gotta prove
(12:16):
to people that you're a good oneI just got an awesome idea.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
What if one one like friday night, we watched
smackdown together on thecomputers in discord?
Speaker 1 (12:33):
that's my father son activity with my son, though he
can't jump in discord for onefriday night I'll ask him what
he thinks about that, but I'mnot gonna mess with the bond we
have over wwe I would never saythat, or I get it, because I
watch what my kid do.
But it would be fun or watch areplay of it.
(12:53):
We do a replay anytime, yeah,especially since I fall asleep
so much.
It's bad really.
Yeah, I really do.
I don't make it.
Smackdown is too long yeah,it's too long of a show.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Too many commercials.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Yeah, I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Okay, but back I'm going to.
I'm going back again to thebacklog I so when you click on
the little arrow at the bottomof my taskbar thing and it shows
the steam right and I click onit, it says Elden Ring, star
Wars, the old Republic, darkSouls three, dark Souls
remastered and mass effectlegendary edition and it's blue
(13:33):
hasn't been downloaded yet and Iwant to click on mass effect
legendary edition.
So bad, but that's like a 200,150 hours of a game and I know I
don't have that time because Idon't stream.
If I streamed I would play thaton stream because that would be
(13:56):
two hours or three hours at aclip that I'm doing it, but I
don't have time.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah streaming doesn't fit yourlife right now.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Well, no, it does.
But streaming's a prisonsentence for me.
I did it for four years.
I missed so much shit and inorder to grow and in order to do
the things, you need to be liveat a certain time and a certain
day, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And you can't just do it oneday a week, right.
That's why I love YouTube isbecause if I feel like going
(14:27):
live, I just click go live and Ihave fun with it for a few
hours and I shut it off and Ihave some great content that I
can edit.
But back.
Oh, that's oh, that's true.
If there was one game in yourbacklog that you could play
right now, because you've alwayswanted to, but you don't, what
would it be?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
can I open up steam while we're doing that so that I
can?
Actually?
Because the problem with thatquestion it's actually I think
this is a clever thing to pointout is, since I haven't played
it, I don't know what the answerto the question is.
I really feel comfy and cozyreplaying games and getting
(15:13):
deeper thoughts about them andbonding with the story moments
better and really figuring outwhat the next book is going to
be.
That's my number one goal inlife really is to figure that
out and start doing it.
I actually was talking with myfamily about if I don't bring
(15:33):
the Steam Deck and it's just meand reading the book I'm working
on, I might actually open up mylaptop a few times and just
start goofing off and playingaround with what would the 15
chapters in a prologue andepilogue like 15 chapters in an
epilogue prologue and epilogue.
(15:55):
Like 15 chapters in an epiloguefor the next book.
I might come back from myvacation be like marcus holy
crap, you'll never guess.
I have it.
I know what it is and I wrotethe first three chapters this
magic world right, um nearautomata okay, so I want to play
that game as well, but theyhave it on the switch yeah, they
(16:17):
say the switch port is good,like obviously you're not going
to get all the crazy graphicsfrom the game, but that is yes.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
They say the story is amazing, the gameplay is
amazing oh, my god, I have abetter answer now.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
What Persona 3 Reload ?
I've never played Persona 3 anda lot of people believe it's
the best one.
And the only reason I haven'tplayed it is because I have had
in the past this moral dilemmathat I'm a mental health
counselor and the way you unlockyour personas in that game is
by shooting the persona out ofyour head with a gun.
(16:55):
What, yeah?
So in Persona 5, you rip themask off your face.
You see the blood goingeverywhere, but that's you
unlocking yourself from behindthe mask and being your true
self, and that's where the powerof your persona comes from.
And then in Persona 4, I don'teven remember how they unlocked
(17:17):
the personas in Persona 4, butit wasn't brutal and violent.
It wasn't visually dangerous atall.
In Persona 3, you take a evoker, which is a mystical item that
looks exactly like a gun, andyou shoot the persona out of
your head.
The light comes out of yourbrain, okay, and then it becomes
(17:40):
the persona and it does themagic spell that you just cast.
So every single magic spellthat you cast.
In persona 3, you see the herocharacters shoot themselves in
the head in order to unlock thepersona from inside their psyche
.
As a mental health counselor,I've been like that's not a good
look for me, but I've become alot more genuine and a lot more
(18:03):
comfortable with myself and Ireally wish that I could play
the game and understand why somany people believe it's the
best persona, especially sinceit's the newest persona.
They did a full remake of itand I'm so curious.
But it's not the hot trendinggame anymore either.
So that's tough too.
(18:24):
Like I, I don't know what I'mgoing to do.
As a streamer, the next phaseof time in my life Once I
finished expedition 33,.
Dreamer, the next phase of timein my life once I finish
Expedition 33.
It's hard because I want tokeep the momentum going, all the
prison sentence stuff you'resaying.
I don't think it's a prisonsentence for me, but I do feel
the pressure that I have to besmart about what I do next.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
So okay, so can I explain the prison sentence?
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Yeah, do it.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
it's really important for this conversation, so
please do so when you, when Idid it, I did it four years
three nights a week yeah,tuesday, wednesday, saturday
that was my schedule.
Thursday was podcast.
So tuesday, wednesday, thursday, saturday was content.
I would stream for a like aminimum of two and a half hours
(19:15):
minimum and over time I let thenow people listening to this are
going to call me a scumbagbecause they're going to say I
don't care about the people.
It's not that you have yourregulars that come around and
you enjoy them being there, butat one point you're making X
(19:37):
about a dollars, right, and it'slike, wow, this is worth it.
And for whatever reason,because I became stale Cause,
usually when you have a drop offof viewers, you're keep, you're
the same as you were x like youneed to constantly be changing
where you, doc, have evolved somuch as a content creator and
(20:02):
watching you as a streamer, it'syou're a different person and
you've grown in your growth ofyour yeah, streamer creation,
yeah, and and granted.
And then you know I'm not, Ididn't, I have young kids, I
don't have the time to invest inmore extras doing all the extra
(20:26):
stuff, and when I was doing itfour years ago or two years ago,
in four years prior it wasthere, wasn't all the,
everything wasn't available thatit is today like eclipse or
this or that, where you get youjust log in and it takes.
It takes all of your stream andit goes through, it cycles
through, it finds clips and youmake content.
(20:48):
Right, that stuff wasn't thereand it got to a point where I'm
I cause I run everything likeit's a business.
That's how I look at everythingand it was becoming where I
wasn't making money and I'm like, fuck, like I'm showing up and
(21:09):
I'm grinding and I'm stillhaving fun hanging out with my
friends and the community, butthe financial side of things is
going away and I'm like I couldbe doing so much more and it
started to weigh on me a lot andI let the all of those things
(21:31):
weigh me down so much, to thepoint of like making it like I
would say to carrie hey, I gottago, let's take the night off.
Well, I can't take the nightoff, yeah, but you're not x,
whatever the said issue of theweek was.
And you know I don't have theluxury of like being home and
(21:53):
available to play as muchbecause of my kids and
everything.
So I'm starting to stream ateight o'clock at night, going
until 11 11 30 at night, everynight, going to bed, waking up
at 5 30, going to work, grinding, taking care of the kids and
doing it.
It just got to be like theweight on my shoulders was so
(22:14):
big and now, looking back at it,I'm like, fuck, as much fun as
I had, it was like for what?
And that's where the prisonsentence kind of comes in, like
you're dedicated to it.
But you, I think, figured out agreat niche for it because you
(22:35):
have the ability to be at homeduring the day and you found
that, look, I'm going to streamin the morning and then, when
I'm done streaming, I get it togo about my day.
And that is something that Idon't have.
And I wonder, and I say tomyself a lot, if I did that.
That is something that I don'thave.
And I wonder, and I say tomyself a lot, if I did that, if
I woke up on Saturday and Sundaymornings at 5 am and clicked,
(22:57):
go live stream for three hours,get up at eight, everybody's up
and I have the rest of my day,my mental space about streaming
and creating content would bedifferent.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Would it shift the narrative from it's a prison
sentence to it's my safe place?
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yes, like it's my time, Instead of doing it at
night when I'm tired.
Because you know as well as Ido, Doc, if you start playing a
game at 8.30 at night and youstart yawning and you're like
fuck, I've been up for 20 hours,I'm tired.
(23:37):
The content isn't great no andthere's a reason why at work I
take my coffee break at 9 30,not nine o'clock, because you
start at 7 am and you get themost out of people in the
mornings.
So I push the guys to takebreak at 930 instead of nine and
let me tell you they cry andbitch about it.
(23:58):
But the point I'm trying tomake is you take a 930 break,
you're getting two and a halfhours of dedicated work.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Then you take your break, then you grind until
lunchtime, because then afterlunch everybody's for, yeah,
also just evolutionarilyspeaking, I don't think human
beings were built, especially inphysical labor, to do eight
hour work days.
But that's a whole other thingthat the gaming persona is not
(24:25):
worried about.
I'm not going to try to changethat one, I'm just saying, like
you're not getting eight hoursof a hundred percent efficiency,
you're getting you worked eighthours in one day.
Marcus, I am sitting at thiscomputer doing projects and
stuff until midnight almostevery weekday of the week.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I know that.
That's my point.
Eight hours is a.
Anybody that says they get towork 40 hours a week they're
lying.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Oh, I thought you were asking me as if I'm working
less than 40 hours.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
No, no, no, Dude come on.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Listen.
Marcus Valkalkorian needs toenter the chat here.
The emperor of the fallen orderokay yep wait, fallen empire.
yes, fallen empire.
Okay, so this is the emperor ofthe best storyline in star wars
(25:22):
, the Old Republic, the gamethat brought us together.
It's so important to thehistory of our friendship.
The gaming persona it's whatlet me and Jenny become friends
outside of work too.
Like the gaming persona show,all of it does not exist without
val freaking corian, a man, butwe can be non-gender specific.
(25:48):
Anyone can have anything ifthey will only sacrifice.
Okay.
That is the big quote fromSWTOR in my book.
It is the thing in SWTOR thatchanged me as a person.
(26:08):
It echoed throughout my psycheuntil I was able to put that
quote in my book and sort of puta flag in the time of what that
game meant to me.
That quote will always meaneverything to me.
(26:30):
People will see all the funstuff and the smiles and the
laughs and the jokes and mygrowth and how comfortable I am
with myself.
Growth and how comfortable I amwith myself.
They don't see that inside everysocial media person, every
(26:51):
streamer, there's a huge amountof struggle and confusion and
self-doubt and you have tobattle through that so you can
show up and do the thing youneeded to do live in front of
people.
It's a performance and I amincredibly genuine.
And yet still, when I do anepisode of the show, when I do a
stream on my Twitch channel,when I do a YouTube video, when
I do supervision with mycounselors and the people I'm
(27:13):
mentoring, those are allperformances, yes, and when you
are showing up to do work likethat, and also you have the same
thing when you're encouragingyour workers to add that extra
half hour before their break,you are in a role, you're in a
persona and you are in aperformance as that persona.
(27:34):
Right, it's not all fun.
I'm lucky enough with placeslike Kindbridge and places with
my university where they leaveme alone and they understand
that, even if they see me onlinetrying to make it look like I'm
having a good time, that assoon as I turn that off, I'm
(27:54):
jumping right into the nextthing and I'm relentlessly
trying to destroy those goals,the same way I destroy the video
game goals.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Oh, I agree with you, no, no.
So we're talking the samelanguage.
But circling back, where thedifference is is you're doing
your leveling up in game in themornings and your jobs know that
you're a lot.
You're on the Internet live,but they know as soon as you get
off you have your whole dayahead of you and you're not
(28:25):
going to quit until that thingis done, because you reward
yourself with your stream in themorning.
Now can you imagine doing allof your work and then starting
to stream at eight o'clock atnight?
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Marcus, that's a really good question and I'm
going to be so honest.
It's not just about video games.
Okay, I wrote my dissertationat 5am, I wrote the gamer's
journey at 5am and I becameTwitch partner at 9am.
The idea that I'm going to workall day and then I'm going to
(29:01):
be an amazing doc student andwork on my dissertation at 9 pm
it never happened.
It didn't work.
I was stuck for six monthsmaking no progress, and I was
talking with Jenny during bowlseason for college football,
right?
So it's January, all thecollege games are doing their
bowls and you know we met up andshe was talking to me and
(29:25):
trying to motivate me to getback into it.
And that's when the Kobe Bryantstrategy hit me.
Right, like so again, the peoplein my life, the things that
became the gaming persona, thethings that became KindBridge,
behavioral health these thingsare all constantly in orbit.
I'm always trying to solve theproblem, like it's the water
(29:48):
temple in the Legend of Zelda.
Right, like there has to be asolution.
In the way I'm doing.
It is not working.
So let's get crazy and changethe strategy and see if that
works.
And it's like I am never goingto have the energy I need for
the sustained amount of timethat I need it if my plan is to
be amazing at 9 and 10 pm.
(30:09):
So when do I have the mostenergy?
5 am Just like Kobe Bryant'sfirst workout, right when he was
on the Redeem team and he hadthat conversation where all the
younger guys like CarmeloAnthony, lebron James, they're
like you know, like those peoplehave really amazing work ethics
.
But there were some people onthat team that are really more
(30:31):
into the fun side of life andthey'd cross by Kobe at 9am and
be like, when are you startingyour work?
And I was like, what do youmean?
I'm done with my second onealready and that is why that guy
is my favorite basketballplayer of all time.
Right, because I learned somuch from Mamba mentality and
just turned that into what isthis version of work ethic for
(30:55):
me?
And sometimes I go periods oftime where I don't even have
that, but I'm still showing upenough to make it look like I
got it all together.
And anyone who's listening tothis, I know we're building me
up.
I know we're like problemsolving with Marcus right now.
I don't wake up every singleday and nail this.
(31:15):
All right, it's reallyimportant that people know that
and I still show up to do thiskind of thing for you like you,
my friend Marcus, you, mylisteners, right Like that's
important to me, and right now Ifigured out how to line it up
so that I can always rememberthat for this season of my life.
I might lose it, though rightLike it goes away and it becomes
(31:39):
a prison sentence again.
It, though, right Like it goesaway and it becomes a prison
sentence again.
So it's just really hard.
You gotta put the things thatgive you peace and joy in a
place where you're allowed tohave them.
That's what the whole thing is.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I don't disagree.
I don't disagree with you.
I actually agree with youwholeheartedly, right.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Marcus, your kids are so much younger than mine, and
I only have one too.
No, and I get that, but Ithink— that's a big part of what
you're talking about, though,Right?
I?
Speaker 2 (32:09):
think my—for me now having this conversation, I feel
like—and you say talking aboutthis here and people might not
want to listen to this, but,believe it or not, there's a
million dads out there that arejust like me and that are
fighting for that 20 minutes orhour of game time in front of
(32:31):
their computer because they arebusy.
And I meet them.
There's a local brewery downthe road where I would host our
my Christmas parties and I knowthe owner and he knew about
working class nerds and he goes.
Do you know how many peoplecome in here and say, hey, you
know, there's a guy, a local guy, that has a podcast that we
listened to and they would starttalking and it would end up
(32:52):
being me and they're like that'sme.
I work 50 hours a week, take mykids to soccer practice and do
all those things for three hoursa week of playing a video game
alone and I can it.
People understand that, justlike there's a, there's a
thousand guys out there, girls,whoever out there like you, who
(33:15):
are grinding and just trying tofind that time to click, go live
.
And you your time.
You know that the morning isyour time and you know, maybe me
going to bed at eight o'clockat night when my kids are during
the week and all that stuff goto bed at eight or nine o'clock
at night, but get up at four andclick, go live, yeah, and see
(33:39):
what happens you know what Imean and see if I can wake
myself up to do that anotherthing to point out here is time
zones are a really importantpart of the logic that I built
around myself.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
When I started doing my professor role, when I
started streaming moreconsistently, but before I like
had figured out what I was doingbut I still was going live on
Twitch I lived in Arizona, Iworked in Arizona and that state
is Pacific time zone some ofthe year and mountain time zone
(34:15):
the other part of the year.
It's not East Coast.
I now work in the Pacific timezone for both of my jobs
Kindbridge and my university andI live East Coast.
So another thing to point outhere is like my university
(34:36):
workday does not start until 11am, officially Arizona time.
So if I go live at 9 am, for methat's6 am right, I'm not
supposed to be at work.
Then that's like waking upsuper early in the morning and
streaming, and then a lot ofthings I do for KindBridge is
(34:59):
based on Washington's time zone,the state, and so that's
specific.
So if I stream at 9 am or 10 am, that's 6 am or 7 am, like it's
not.
There's very limited amount ofwork things that I can do, like
the social work goals I can't doso.
Again, marcus, you work in theplace that you live and that
(35:23):
also is why it's hard to createa strategy like the one I'm
using.
So I'm very blessed and my mystrategy for how to do this
doesn't work for a lot of peopleand that's one way that I'm
very fortunate and I justdecided.
Getting sick of not achievingthe goals I had for myself, I
(35:45):
was just like I'm going to do it.
Right, I'm just going to.
I'm going to do it.
I'm going to show the data topeople.
I'm going to ask what theythink.
I'm going to talk about myvision for what this will do
over time.
And people bought it and theyloved it and they heard that
vision.
They saw what the gamer'sjourney is and they hear what
(36:06):
happens in the room when I starttalking about it, really
unleashing what I do.
Also, the dark side, marcus.
The dark side is very importanthere.
The dark side side, marcus.
The dark side is very importanthere.
The dark side, absolutely theJedi.
They're all mindful, right,there's no emotion.
(36:29):
There's peace.
Right, there's no death.
There's only the force.
That is such a way of sayingthere's no consequence.
That's actually going to touchme, because I will accept life
as it is.
That's not me.
I have a PhD.
People with PhDs do not use thelight side Through victory.
My chains are broken.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Marcus, I knew you were going there so hard.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Yeah, like peace is a lie.
There's only passion.
When I open my mouth and talkabout video games, I don't think
very many people will confuseme for a Jedi.
I am straight up Sith, maybeedging into the gray Jedi ideas
a little bit on my most highfaith believing days.
But you got to break thosechains.
Marcus and my chains were allthe good streamers stream at
(37:21):
night and that is just not true.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
That is not true.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
Some of my favorite streamers to hang out with while
I'm working.
They don't have a schedule,even which blows my mind, but
it's like I'm going to go liveat 1 pm and stream for seven
hours and then the next day I'lldo 10 am and then I'll put a
tweet out that says hey guys,I'm sleeping terribly, we're not
streaming until nighttime.
Then they show up at 6 pm anddo five hours.
(37:46):
All of those streams are longerthan what I can offer, but
everyone shows up for it becauseit's like I love the person.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
But that streamer is his full-time job, exactly so
there's a difference betweensomebody I'm going to use
chronic director, chronic now,just chronic.
I remember when he worked andhe streamed.
Now he's a full-time streamer.
He can keeps his schedule, butthat's all he has to worry about
.
Right Is streaming and makingcontent.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
That's it.
Yeah, all the stuff thathappens when you're not live,
that's a huge time sink Right.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Right, Like that's the other thing.
I have a question sidebar whichstream deck do?
Speaker 1 (38:35):
you have.
I just have the one with themost gigabytes, but oled did not
exist when I bought mine, soit's what?
Would that be the?
Is there a one gigabyte or isit 500 gigabytes?
Speaker 2 (38:48):
no, no.
So there's 500 and there's aone terabyte one terabyte.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Yeah, that's what I have.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
I have the one terabyte okay, my next question
is it worth it for 650 dollars?
Speaker 1 (39:04):
yeah, it'll change the way you play video games.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
It will will it, though, am I?
Am I gonna get this and startbecause I can play elden ring on
the PlayStation, which is noton Steam, so like.
This is why I'm really likelooking at this right now,
Because I'm saying to him.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
Oh, you'll be starting over a new character,
Marcus.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
No, I won't.
I have my Steam character Onthe PlayStation.
No, no, no, no.
If I buy a Steam deck, I'mpicking up in elden ring where
I'm leaving off oh, that's true.
Yeah, yeah and that's the thingthat I'm I'm trying to decide am
I going to use it?
Because I don't.
(39:50):
I very rarely use my switchlike I get a game that I really
love and I play it until it'sdone and then I don't really
pick up the Switch again.
You know what I mean, and theonly reason why I play on the
PlayStation so much is becauseI'm playing WWE 2K25 with my kid
every day.
And just for the record, he'sgetting really good at the game.
(40:11):
He can't beat me yet.
He does once in a while, butfor the most part I whoop his
ass every time, but he's gettinggood, like with the reversals,
like I'll go for my finisher andhe'll stop it every time.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
oh, that's annoying, oh he's.
My answer is still that if youhave a steam deck, you have
access to most of the games thatyou can buy on steam and they
are playable, and that willchange the way you play games.
And if you're good at followinginstructions and doing things
in the Linux mode like desktopmode, you can actually put Xbox
(40:50):
Game Pass and these other thingslike the Epic Games Store and
stuff on there too and set upyour controls using programming
stuff so that those will worktoo.
I was not successful in doingthat, but I know it's possible,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
I know Linux.
That's not, I guess, for me.
I'm just looking at the cost ofit.
You could just wait and buy aSwitch too.
Nah, I don't think I am 500bucks.
Basically, they say, if you modit, they'll brick your system.
And I know people who moddedtheir Switches to put better
batteries in them.
(41:27):
And that's not really likemodding it.
That's you're upgrading thebattery on it and if you open it
there's sensors in it that theycan actually brick it.
And if you read the instructions, you don't actually own the
games because even if you buythe discs, like the physical
copies, they're just blank discsthat go in and allow you to
(41:47):
download the game.
So yeah, that them coming outand saying that and I granted, I
buy digital games on steam.
So it's like I understand, butlike the digital games on steam
I own.
Like you buy them.
You own them as long as they'reon your hard drive or steam is
around.
(42:08):
But even if steam's not around,you can download the game onto
your computer.
Yeah, but either way, I'mrambling.
The whole point is I'm justsaying to myself okay, I can
spend 400 or 550 bucks.
Yes, the 400 one is an lcddisplay versus the oled, not as
(42:31):
pretty colors got it.
The battery life is less, butyou're gonna end up playing it
plugged in all the time I boughta magnetic.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
What's it called?
you know, it's the mag powerpack yeah, like a mag safe power
pack with a bracket that youjust clip on, no screws or
anything, it just clips on theback, it has the mag safe, so
just like, it's very fulfillingsound.
And then you just plug the wireinto the charging port and it
like triples the battery life ofthe device.
(43:04):
Like I've done five hourflights playing shadow, the tomb
raider on it, which is reallygood graphics, and made it the
whole flight, uh, with thatbattery still having maybe 20%
left, so never using any of theSteam Deck's actual battery.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
So yeah it's.
I don't know.
I got to think about this, butI think that might.
I wish I had it for thisweekend, that would have been
great.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
You probably won't have it for the weekend, even if
you buy it right now.
Also, if you're buying itbecause you want to play Elden
Ring, but you started out thepodcast talking about how you
need to stop playing Elden Ring.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
I need to beat Melania.
I have a destiny, Doc.
You might beat Melania tonight.
No.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
You don't even know.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
No, I'm too far.
I'm at these stupid battlemages and I haven't passed that.
And the last time I played it,I just didn't take it seriously
and I just got annihilated.
I don't know who was hangingout with me when I was doing it,
that was me and will wasn't ityes, and you were playing
terrible yeah and I just didn'tcare.
I was there to have fun.
But my point is is I still havea long way to go to get to her
(44:18):
and I'm actually in the hardestarea of the game.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
I know there's a boss .
Speaker 2 (44:24):
I know there's a boss because I can see the boss
arena, but I know nothing aboutwhat's after that.
I have not looked at spoilers,nothing.
All I know is I see the bossarena For all.
I know that's Melania, right,but I thought she was in an
inside world because I've seenthe millennia fight.
But my point is I feel like Istill have a long way to go
because I'm still up in the skyand I'm pretty sure she's at the
(44:47):
root of the tree.
So I'm pretty sure I still gota long way to go and I got a lot
of hell to deal with beforethat.
Speaker 1 (44:54):
So by real point is I've got a long way to go.
Yeah, you're so close, marcus,but you know what?
It's good that you recognizethat there are stages to this
quest, and there's a lot ofstages you don't know about.
But you really only have onechoice, marcus.
(45:15):
Do you know what that is?
Click, go live.
Nope, continue the journey.
Welcome to the Gaming Persona podcast.
This is the show that exploreswho we become when we play games
, whether you're saving kingdoms, leading epic raids or just
vibing in cozy indie worlds.
Join me, dr Gamology and mygood friend Marcus as we search
for all the ways gaming andpersonal growth collide.
Grab your controllers and let'scontinue the journey.
(00:20):
Now we're talking about thedifference between fate and
destiny, and I think that thisepisode now is fated to be one
of our best ever, I think everyepisode is our best ever.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Hell, yeah, it is All right.
So here's my question, becauseit's been bothering me today.
So I started my new job.
We talked about it a little bitlast week and I'm finishing up
week two and I was working onsomething today and you know how
, when you get like everybodygets notifications on their
phones, but like some peopleturn off certain things, I leave
(00:56):
and I need to turn off thenotifications.
Excuse me, the beer made meburp.
The problem right now is I'mhaving is I've left the steam
notifications up on my phone,okay, and the problem with that
is that I get my game on yourwish list is on sale every
(01:21):
single day of my life, marcusyep, and today was a game that I
actually do want to play, butI'm not going to play it.
So I want to talk to you aboutthis.
Of games, right?
I this game, so I'll tell youit's not a secret, so the game
is remnant 2 right yeah, you'vebeen talking to me about that
game for a couple years I thinklike it's a.
(01:43):
It's a shooter game, but it'slike a Souls-like.
It's really hard, but it'sreally, really, really good, and
a bunch of people in my Discordhave played it, all that stuff
and it's on sale for $20, andI'm like I should buy it.
I can do it, and then I stopand go when, Like when.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
When are you going to play it?
Speaker 2 (02:06):
I haven't Remember those battle mages that I was on
in Elden Ring.
Yeah, I'm still there.
I've just been so busy, andit's not that I haven't gamed, I
haven't turned on Elden Ringand my point of all of this
(02:27):
giant circle of life is that Idon't need another game.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
That's just going to sit in the queue that I want to
play.
Exactly right?
Yeah, you really do not.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
And at 42,.
As much as I want to play themass effect trilogy, or I want
to play final fantasy 14, or Iwant to play this or I want to
play that, I find myself playingWWE two K 25 with my son.
Or I want to play Final FantasyXIV, or I want to play this or
I want to play that.
I find myself playing WWE 2K25with my son, and then he goes to
bed and if I'm not playinghockey that night, I'm taking a
(02:56):
shower and going to bed myself.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Yeah, that's very reasonable.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
But how do you manage ?
I'm circling back to ourbacklog.
How do you manage the stress of?
Speaker 1 (03:08):
your backlog games.
I really don't the way I playvideo games right now.
I actually talked about this onTwitch earlier today.
My gaming occurs when I'm liveon Twitch.
I really don't play video gamesoutside of those windows of
time, and whether it's talkingwith you or talking with Jenny
(03:33):
about this because I have tonsof gaming and work conversations
with Jenny now gaming that wayis part of my job, or it's a
part of my job that I enjoy andI keep it safe so that it stays
there.
It really does help me staysane, but I am accomplishing
(03:54):
work goals with it too.
To do that and then spend somemagical, equal amount of time
playing games completely aloneas just a solitary self-care
activity.
I wish I did have some solitaryactivity like that, but it just
(04:17):
doesn't fit in my life rightnow.
So the backlog and all thegames I've never played but I
have purchased stay exactly thesame as they are, and
occasionally I do add anothergame to the list, but I know I'm
not going to play it.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
It's my camera and it made me happy, sorry.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
You're way low.
You're like my minion now,marcus, yeah, like the bridge of
your nose is at my shoulder, Iwould rather you see my art in
my head, my shoulders and my bigbelly and my fat.
Oh my gosh, wait, wait, wait,wait.
As far as art, do you see whatis hiding in my background,
(04:55):
right there?
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Yeah, it's an Xbox controller.
Cause it's amazing, cause youjust stepped into a larger world
.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I have game pass ultimate to use on my yoga book.
I'm leaning towards not evenbringing my steam deck on my
cruise and just gaming on theyoga book and in order to use.
No listen, I can play offlinewith one computer and I've
(05:23):
identified that as the computerthat can do it, so I can
download the games directly onthere and play that way.
Okay, sure, I'm gonna try it,and if if I can't do it that way
, I'll just use the laptop onlyfor streaming movies and shows.
And you know, that's only likea couple hours of time during
(05:43):
the whole trip, because that'snot why you go on the trip, and
I'll just read books.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yeah, there's this really good book.
It's called the Gamer's Journey.
Get it on Amazon or anywhereelse.
If you order it on Amazon,you'll probably have it before
you leave.
Just saying it wrote it.
It's a really good dude.
But anyway, moving on, my pointto you is I'm going back to the
backlog Like I'm stoppingmyself because, like you, I
(06:10):
streamed for four years.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Four years.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Yeah, I streamed like every three days a week for
four years and when I stopped,my gaming really slowed down
because, like you just said, Iwas playing video games when I
was streaming, so I was gettingthe best of both worlds and it
almost was my reason to game.
(06:38):
And now finding myself to comeinto my office to game, it's
almost like I don't forcingmyself, but it's almost like I'm
forcing myself because I haveto say to myself okay, do I want
to go in my office and playelden ring and die a bunch, or
do I want to watch lfg or watchum aew Dynamite or just watch
(07:06):
YouTube?
Sometimes I find myself I enjoysometimes watching somebody
else play Elden Ring or watchinga lore video than actually
playing the game.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense because you don't
have the stress of winning orlosing and you can just enjoy
the visual element.
And plus, if the person has agood personality and you enjoy
them as a human, then that'seven better yeah, it's really
crazy how the evolution of thatis.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
And do you know who asmongold is?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I do.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
He dipped his toes into final fantasy 14 during the
wow exodus he puts out a lot ofvideos and I like him because
he's like straight shooter kindof guy and, like I, I don't care
about people's politicalbeliefs, right like if you start
spitting political bullshit Idon't want to know, right like
i't care.
But he said something todayabout video games and he said
(08:06):
that I'm trying to think of theright way.
The exact way he said it.
He was talking about makingtime and if it's a great game
and you don't get stressed out,you're going to play the game.
But if you're playing a gameand you're stressed out, you're
going to talk yourself out ofplaying that game.
(08:27):
And then I saw a video about the, the different levels of like
souls, players, like you havethe new, which was me a year and
a half ago or a year ago, andlike getting to the point, and
then you're like starting tounderstand the mechanics and
that's like level two.
And then you have somebody wholike understands, builds and
like is building that and it'sthey're not dying as much
(08:48):
because they understand themechanics.
That's level three.
But then when you get into likethe level four and fives, like
there's only like five levelfives in the whole world, that
can just no hit, elden, right,everything right like it
Speaker 1 (09:01):
doesn't compute to me , and some people do it with a
DDR mat, which is Dance DanceRevolution for people who aren't
old enough, or are old enoughbut weren't playing Dance Dance
Revolution and they do notunderstand the amazingness of
Techno Beethoven Right.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Have you ever played Elden Ring on your stream deck?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Yes, I have.
How does it play?
Well, I always play in offlinemode, marcus, because the PvP
stuff does nothing for me.
So I don't want to see people'sghosts.
I don't want them to be red andinvade my world.
I don't want to help them win.
I don't want to hurt them.
I don't want to help them.
I don't want to help them win,like I don't want to hurt them,
(09:45):
I don't want to help them.
I don't want to see them.
They don't exist to me, it'sjust me in the lands between.
So, that being the way I play,I find it really nice.
The fans inside the Steam deckare working for that game to
work, but it's doable.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah, but does it okay?
But does it play well?
Cause I'm in a, I'm in a picklewhere I'm going away this
weekend, cause it's Memorial dayweekend and I'm trying to
figure out like I really want totake Elden rank.
I want to take my laptop withme, but it's always a production
(10:25):
to.
So you got to take out thelaptop, you got to plug it into
a plug, you got to sit at thetable, you got to get your Xbox
controller because it's thegreatest controller ever and
plug it in.
And you got to do all thesethings just to play, right, yeah
, versus turning on your streamdeck or turning on your Switch
to play the game that you wantto play, so that you can move on
(10:50):
.
It's almost.
I'm at a point now where I justam ready to move on from it,
even though I haven't doneeverything.
I'm just like, fuck, I want tojust do something else.
But I can't, because if I don'tbeat Millennia, I didn't beat
Elden Ring.
Well, you did beat Elden.
Ring no, not a chance.
(11:12):
No, there's an entire countrythat I have not explored yet.
That's in the game.
You didn't beat the game, likeI still didn't beat the Lord of
oh no, I did beat the Lord ofBlood, but like I didn't beat
the game.
Melania is the game, you know.
You talk to anybody who'splayed that game and you say
(11:34):
they're like oh, I became leldonlord, yeah, but did you be
millennia?
oh no, well then, you didn'tbeat it yet those are not the
kind of friends you need in yourlife but those are the friends
I have well, I think that youbeat elden ring I became elden
lord, but now, once you're eldenlord, now you got to go find
the boss you know what?
Speaker 1 (11:55):
there's a wrestling parallel to this.
It's like you're the worldheavyweight champion, you're jay
uso, but paul heyman is like.
You don't handle theresponsibility that well.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Yes, my name is paul heymanyeah, so so you have this chip
on your shoulder.
That's like, yeah, you're thechamp, but now you gotta prove
(12:16):
to people that you're a good oneI just got an awesome idea.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
What if one one like friday night, we watched
smackdown together on thecomputers in discord?
Speaker 1 (12:33):
that's my father son activity with my son, though he
can't jump in discord for onefriday night I'll ask him what
he thinks about that, but I'mnot gonna mess with the bond we
have over wwe I would never saythat, or I get it, because I
watch what my kid do.
But it would be fun or watch areplay of it.
(12:53):
We do a replay anytime, yeah,especially since I fall asleep
so much.
It's bad really.
Yeah, I really do.
I don't make it.
Smackdown is too long yeah,it's too long of a show.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Too many commercials.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Yeah, I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Okay, but back I'm going to.
I'm going back again to thebacklog I so when you click on
the little arrow at the bottomof my taskbar thing and it shows
the steam right and I click onit, it says Elden Ring, star
Wars, the old Republic, darkSouls three, dark Souls
remastered and mass effectlegendary edition and it's blue
(13:33):
hasn't been downloaded yet and Iwant to click on mass effect
legendary edition.
So bad, but that's like a 200,150 hours of a game and I know I
don't have that time because Idon't stream.
If I streamed I would play thaton stream because that would be
(13:56):
two hours or three hours at aclip that I'm doing it, but I
don't have time.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah streaming doesn't fit yourlife right now.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Well, no, it does.
But streaming's a prisonsentence for me.
I did it for four years.
I missed so much shit and inorder to grow and in order to do
the things, you need to be liveat a certain time and a certain
day, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And you can't just do it oneday a week, right.
That's why I love YouTube isbecause if I feel like going
(14:27):
live, I just click go live and Ihave fun with it for a few
hours and I shut it off and Ihave some great content that I
can edit.
But back.
Oh, that's oh, that's true.
If there was one game in yourbacklog that you could play
right now, because you've alwayswanted to, but you don't, what
would it be?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
can I open up steam while we're doing that so that I
can?
Actually?
Because the problem with thatquestion it's actually I think
this is a clever thing to pointout is, since I haven't played
it, I don't know what the answerto the question is.
I really feel comfy and cozyreplaying games and getting
(15:13):
deeper thoughts about them andbonding with the story moments
better and really figuring outwhat the next book is going to
be.
That's my number one goal inlife really is to figure that
out and start doing it.
I actually was talking with myfamily about if I don't bring
(15:33):
the Steam Deck and it's just meand reading the book I'm working
on, I might actually open up mylaptop a few times and just
start goofing off and playingaround with what would the 15
chapters in a prologue andepilogue like 15 chapters in an
epilogue prologue and epilogue.
(15:55):
Like 15 chapters in an epiloguefor the next book.
I might come back from myvacation be like marcus holy
crap, you'll never guess.
I have it.
I know what it is and I wrotethe first three chapters this
magic world right, um nearautomata okay, so I want to play
that game as well, but theyhave it on the switch yeah, they
(16:17):
say the switch port is good,like obviously you're not going
to get all the crazy graphicsfrom the game, but that is yes.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
They say the story is amazing, the gameplay is
amazing oh, my god, I have abetter answer now.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
What Persona 3 Reload ?
I've never played Persona 3 anda lot of people believe it's
the best one.
And the only reason I haven'tplayed it is because I have had
in the past this moral dilemmathat I'm a mental health
counselor and the way you unlockyour personas in that game is
by shooting the persona out ofyour head with a gun.
(16:55):
What, yeah?
So in Persona 5, you rip themask off your face.
You see the blood goingeverywhere, but that's you
unlocking yourself from behindthe mask and being your true
self, and that's where the powerof your persona comes from.
And then in Persona 4, I don'teven remember how they unlocked
(17:17):
the personas in Persona 4, butit wasn't brutal and violent.
It wasn't visually dangerous atall.
In Persona 3, you take a evoker, which is a mystical item that
looks exactly like a gun, andyou shoot the persona out of
your head.
The light comes out of yourbrain, okay, and then it becomes
(17:40):
the persona and it does themagic spell that you just cast.
So every single magic spellthat you cast.
In persona 3, you see the herocharacters shoot themselves in
the head in order to unlock thepersona from inside their psyche
.
As a mental health counselor,I've been like that's not a good
look for me, but I've become alot more genuine and a lot more
(18:03):
comfortable with myself and Ireally wish that I could play
the game and understand why somany people believe it's the
best persona, especially sinceit's the newest persona.
They did a full remake of itand I'm so curious.
But it's not the hot trendinggame anymore either.
So that's tough too.
(18:24):
Like I, I don't know what I'mgoing to do.
As a streamer, the next phaseof time in my life Once I
finished expedition 33,.
Dreamer, the next phase of timein my life once I finish
Expedition 33.
It's hard because I want tokeep the momentum going, all the
prison sentence stuff you'resaying.
I don't think it's a prisonsentence for me, but I do feel
the pressure that I have to besmart about what I do next.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
So okay, so can I explain the prison sentence?
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Yeah, do it.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
it's really important for this conversation, so
please do so when you, when Idid it, I did it four years
three nights a week yeah,tuesday, wednesday, saturday
that was my schedule.
Thursday was podcast.
So tuesday, wednesday, thursday, saturday was content.
I would stream for a like aminimum of two and a half hours
(19:15):
minimum and over time I let thenow people listening to this are
going to call me a scumbagbecause they're going to say I
don't care about the people.
It's not that you have yourregulars that come around and
you enjoy them being there, butat one point you're making X
(19:37):
about a dollars, right, and it'slike, wow, this is worth it.
And for whatever reason,because I became stale Cause,
usually when you have a drop offof viewers, you're keep, you're
the same as you were x like youneed to constantly be changing
where you, doc, have evolved somuch as a content creator and
(20:02):
watching you as a streamer, it'syou're a different person and
you've grown in your growth ofyour yeah, streamer creation,
yeah, and and granted.
And then you know I'm not, Ididn't, I have young kids, I
don't have the time to invest inmore extras doing all the extra
(20:26):
stuff, and when I was doing itfour years ago or two years ago,
in four years prior it wasthere, wasn't all the,
everything wasn't available thatit is today like eclipse or
this or that, where you get youjust log in and it takes.
It takes all of your stream andit goes through, it cycles
through, it finds clips and youmake content.
(20:48):
Right, that stuff wasn't thereand it got to a point where I'm
I cause I run everything likeit's a business.
That's how I look at everythingand it was becoming where I
wasn't making money and I'm like, fuck, like I'm showing up and
(21:09):
I'm grinding and I'm stillhaving fun hanging out with my
friends and the community, butthe financial side of things is
going away and I'm like I couldbe doing so much more and it
started to weigh on me a lot andI let the all of those things
(21:31):
weigh me down so much, to thepoint of like making it like I
would say to carrie hey, I gottago, let's take the night off.
Well, I can't take the nightoff, yeah, but you're not x,
whatever the said issue of theweek was.
And you know I don't have theluxury of like being home and
(21:53):
available to play as muchbecause of my kids and
everything.
So I'm starting to stream ateight o'clock at night, going
until 11 11 30 at night, everynight, going to bed, waking up
at 5 30, going to work, grinding, taking care of the kids and
doing it.
It just got to be like theweight on my shoulders was so
(22:14):
big and now, looking back at it,I'm like, fuck, as much fun as
I had, it was like for what?
And that's where the prisonsentence kind of comes in, like
you're dedicated to it.
But you, I think, figured out agreat niche for it because you
(22:35):
have the ability to be at homeduring the day and you found
that, look, I'm going to streamin the morning and then, when
I'm done streaming, I get it togo about my day.
And that is something that Idon't have.
And I wonder, and I say tomyself a lot, if I did that.
That is something that I don'thave.
And I wonder, and I say tomyself a lot, if I did that, if
I woke up on Saturday and Sundaymornings at 5 am and clicked,
(22:57):
go live stream for three hours,get up at eight, everybody's up
and I have the rest of my day,my mental space about streaming
and creating content would bedifferent.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Would it shift the narrative from it's a prison
sentence to it's my safe place?
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yes, like it's my time, Instead of doing it at
night when I'm tired.
Because you know as well as Ido, Doc, if you start playing a
game at 8.30 at night and youstart yawning and you're like
fuck, I've been up for 20 hours,I'm tired.
(23:37):
The content isn't great no andthere's a reason why at work I
take my coffee break at 9 30,not nine o'clock, because you
start at 7 am and you get themost out of people in the
mornings.
So I push the guys to takebreak at 930 instead of nine and
let me tell you they cry andbitch about it.
(23:58):
But the point I'm trying tomake is you take a 930 break,
you're getting two and a halfhours of dedicated work.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Then you take your break, then you grind until
lunchtime, because then afterlunch everybody's for, yeah,
also just evolutionarilyspeaking, I don't think human
beings were built, especially inphysical labor, to do eight
hour work days.
But that's a whole other thingthat the gaming persona is not
(24:25):
worried about.
I'm not going to try to changethat one, I'm just saying, like
you're not getting eight hoursof a hundred percent efficiency,
you're getting you worked eighthours in one day.
Marcus, I am sitting at thiscomputer doing projects and
stuff until midnight almostevery weekday of the week.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I know that.
That's my point.
Eight hours is a.
Anybody that says they get towork 40 hours a week they're
lying.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Oh, I thought you were asking me as if I'm working
less than 40 hours.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
No, no, no, Dude come on.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Listen.
Marcus Valkalkorian needs toenter the chat here.
The emperor of the fallen orderokay yep wait, fallen empire.
yes, fallen empire.
Okay, so this is the emperor ofthe best storyline in star wars
(25:22):
, the Old Republic, the gamethat brought us together.
It's so important to thehistory of our friendship.
The gaming persona it's whatlet me and Jenny become friends
outside of work too.
Like the gaming persona show,all of it does not exist without
val freaking corian, a man, butwe can be non-gender specific.
(25:48):
Anyone can have anything ifthey will only sacrifice.
Okay.
That is the big quote fromSWTOR in my book.
It is the thing in SWTOR thatchanged me as a person.
(26:08):
It echoed throughout my psycheuntil I was able to put that
quote in my book and sort of puta flag in the time of what that
game meant to me.
That quote will always meaneverything to me.
(26:30):
People will see all the funstuff and the smiles and the
laughs and the jokes and mygrowth and how comfortable I am
with myself.
Growth and how comfortable I amwith myself.
They don't see that inside everysocial media person, every
(26:51):
streamer, there's a huge amountof struggle and confusion and
self-doubt and you have tobattle through that so you can
show up and do the thing youneeded to do live in front of
people.
It's a performance and I amincredibly genuine.
And yet still, when I do anepisode of the show, when I do a
stream on my Twitch channel,when I do a YouTube video, when
I do supervision with mycounselors and the people I'm
(27:13):
mentoring, those are allperformances, yes, and when you
are showing up to do work likethat, and also you have the same
thing when you're encouragingyour workers to add that extra
half hour before their break,you are in a role, you're in a
persona and you are in aperformance as that persona.
(27:34):
Right, it's not all fun.
I'm lucky enough with placeslike Kindbridge and places with
my university where they leaveme alone and they understand
that, even if they see me onlinetrying to make it look like I'm
having a good time, that assoon as I turn that off, I'm
(27:54):
jumping right into the nextthing and I'm relentlessly
trying to destroy those goals,the same way I destroy the video
game goals.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Oh, I agree with you, no, no.
So we're talking the samelanguage.
But circling back, where thedifference is is you're doing
your leveling up in game in themornings and your jobs know that
you're a lot.
You're on the Internet live,but they know as soon as you get
off you have your whole dayahead of you and you're not
(28:25):
going to quit until that thingis done, because you reward
yourself with your stream in themorning.
Now can you imagine doing allof your work and then starting
to stream at eight o'clock atnight?
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Marcus, that's a really good question and I'm
going to be so honest.
It's not just about video games.
Okay, I wrote my dissertationat 5am, I wrote the gamer's
journey at 5am and I becameTwitch partner at 9am.
The idea that I'm going to workall day and then I'm going to
(29:01):
be an amazing doc student andwork on my dissertation at 9 pm
it never happened.
It didn't work.
I was stuck for six monthsmaking no progress, and I was
talking with Jenny during bowlseason for college football,
right?
So it's January, all thecollege games are doing their
bowls and you know we met up andshe was talking to me and
(29:25):
trying to motivate me to getback into it.
And that's when the Kobe Bryantstrategy hit me.
Right, like so again, the peoplein my life, the things that
became the gaming persona, thethings that became KindBridge,
behavioral health these thingsare all constantly in orbit.
I'm always trying to solve theproblem, like it's the water
(29:48):
temple in the Legend of Zelda.
Right, like there has to be asolution.
In the way I'm doing.
It is not working.
So let's get crazy and changethe strategy and see if that
works.
And it's like I am never goingto have the energy I need for
the sustained amount of timethat I need it if my plan is to
be amazing at 9 and 10 pm.
(30:09):
So when do I have the mostenergy?
5 am Just like Kobe Bryant'sfirst workout, right when he was
on the Redeem team and he hadthat conversation where all the
younger guys like CarmeloAnthony, lebron James, they're
like you know, like those peoplehave really amazing work ethics
.
But there were some people onthat team that are really more
(30:31):
into the fun side of life andthey'd cross by Kobe at 9am and
be like, when are you startingyour work?
And I was like, what do youmean?
I'm done with my second onealready and that is why that guy
is my favorite basketballplayer of all time.
Right, because I learned somuch from Mamba mentality and
just turned that into what isthis version of work ethic for
(30:55):
me?
And sometimes I go periods oftime where I don't even have
that, but I'm still showing upenough to make it look like I
got it all together.
And anyone who's listening tothis, I know we're building me
up.
I know we're like problemsolving with Marcus right now.
I don't wake up every singleday and nail this.
(31:15):
All right, it's reallyimportant that people know that
and I still show up to do thiskind of thing for you like you,
my friend Marcus, you, mylisteners, right Like that's
important to me, and right now Ifigured out how to line it up
so that I can always rememberthat for this season of my life.
I might lose it, though rightLike it goes away and it becomes
(31:39):
a prison sentence again.
It, though, right Like it goesaway and it becomes a prison
sentence again.
So it's just really hard.
You gotta put the things thatgive you peace and joy in a
place where you're allowed tohave them.
That's what the whole thing is.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I don't disagree.
I don't disagree with you.
I actually agree with youwholeheartedly, right.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Marcus, your kids are so much younger than mine, and
I only have one too.
No, and I get that, but Ithink— that's a big part of what
you're talking about, though,Right?
I?
Speaker 2 (32:09):
think my—for me now having this conversation, I feel
like—and you say talking aboutthis here and people might not
want to listen to this, but,believe it or not, there's a
million dads out there that arejust like me and that are
fighting for that 20 minutes orhour of game time in front of
(32:31):
their computer because they arebusy.
And I meet them.
There's a local brewery downthe road where I would host our
my Christmas parties and I knowthe owner and he knew about
working class nerds and he goes.
Do you know how many peoplecome in here and say, hey, you
know, there's a guy, a local guy, that has a podcast that we
listened to and they would starttalking and it would end up
(32:52):
being me and they're like that'sme.
I work 50 hours a week, take mykids to soccer practice and do
all those things for three hoursa week of playing a video game
alone and I can it.
People understand that, justlike there's a, there's a
thousand guys out there, girls,whoever out there like you, who
(33:15):
are grinding and just trying tofind that time to click, go live
.
And you your time.
You know that the morning isyour time and you know, maybe me
going to bed at eight o'clockat night when my kids are during
the week and all that stuff goto bed at eight or nine o'clock
at night, but get up at four andclick, go live, yeah, and see
(33:39):
what happens you know what Imean and see if I can wake
myself up to do that anotherthing to point out here is time
zones are a really importantpart of the logic that I built
around myself.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
When I started doing my professor role, when I
started streaming moreconsistently, but before I like
had figured out what I was doingbut I still was going live on
Twitch I lived in Arizona, Iworked in Arizona and that state
is Pacific time zone some ofthe year and mountain time zone
(34:15):
the other part of the year.
It's not East Coast.
I now work in the Pacific timezone for both of my jobs
Kindbridge and my university andI live East Coast.
So another thing to point outhere is like my university
(34:36):
workday does not start until 11am, officially Arizona time.
So if I go live at 9 am, for methat's6 am right, I'm not
supposed to be at work.
Then that's like waking upsuper early in the morning and
streaming, and then a lot ofthings I do for KindBridge is
(34:59):
based on Washington's time zone,the state, and so that's
specific.
So if I stream at 9 am or 10 am, that's 6 am or 7 am, like it's
not.
There's very limited amount ofwork things that I can do, like
the social work goals I can't doso.
Again, marcus, you work in theplace that you live and that
(35:23):
also is why it's hard to createa strategy like the one I'm
using.
So I'm very blessed and my mystrategy for how to do this
doesn't work for a lot of peopleand that's one way that I'm
very fortunate and I justdecided.
Getting sick of not achievingthe goals I had for myself, I
(35:45):
was just like I'm going to do it.
Right, I'm just going to.
I'm going to do it.
I'm going to show the data topeople.
I'm going to ask what theythink.
I'm going to talk about myvision for what this will do
over time.
And people bought it and theyloved it and they heard that
vision.
They saw what the gamer'sjourney is and they hear what
(36:06):
happens in the room when I starttalking about it, really
unleashing what I do.
Also, the dark side, marcus.
The dark side is very importanthere.
The dark side side, marcus.
The dark side is very importanthere.
The dark side, absolutely theJedi.
They're all mindful, right,there's no emotion.
(36:29):
There's peace.
Right, there's no death.
There's only the force.
That is such a way of sayingthere's no consequence.
That's actually going to touchme, because I will accept life
as it is.
That's not me.
I have a PhD.
People with PhDs do not use thelight side Through victory.
My chains are broken.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Marcus, I knew you were going there so hard.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Yeah, like peace is a lie.
There's only passion.
When I open my mouth and talkabout video games, I don't think
very many people will confuseme for a Jedi.
I am straight up Sith, maybeedging into the gray Jedi ideas
a little bit on my most highfaith believing days.
But you got to break thosechains.
Marcus and my chains were allthe good streamers stream at
(37:21):
night and that is just not true.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
That is not true.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
Some of my favorite streamers to hang out with while
I'm working.
They don't have a schedule,even which blows my mind, but
it's like I'm going to go liveat 1 pm and stream for seven
hours and then the next day I'lldo 10 am and then I'll put a
tweet out that says hey guys,I'm sleeping terribly, we're not
streaming until nighttime.
Then they show up at 6 pm anddo five hours.
(37:46):
All of those streams are longerthan what I can offer, but
everyone shows up for it becauseit's like I love the person.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
But that streamer is his full-time job, exactly so
there's a difference betweensomebody I'm going to use
chronic director, chronic now,just chronic.
I remember when he worked andhe streamed.
Now he's a full-time streamer.
He can keeps his schedule, butthat's all he has to worry about
.
Right Is streaming and makingcontent.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
That's it.
Yeah, all the stuff thathappens when you're not live,
that's a huge time sink Right.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Right, Like that's the other thing.
I have a question sidebar whichstream deck do?
Speaker 1 (38:35):
you have.
I just have the one with themost gigabytes, but oled did not
exist when I bought mine, soit's what?
Would that be the?
Is there a one gigabyte or isit 500 gigabytes?
Speaker 2 (38:48):
no, no.
So there's 500 and there's aone terabyte one terabyte.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Yeah, that's what I have.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
I have the one terabyte okay, my next question
is it worth it for 650 dollars?
Speaker 1 (39:04):
yeah, it'll change the way you play video games.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
It will will it, though, am I?
Am I gonna get this and startbecause I can play elden ring on
the PlayStation, which is noton Steam, so like.
This is why I'm really likelooking at this right now,
Because I'm saying to him.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
Oh, you'll be starting over a new character,
Marcus.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
No, I won't.
I have my Steam character Onthe PlayStation.
No, no, no, no.
If I buy a Steam deck, I'mpicking up in elden ring where
I'm leaving off oh, that's true.
Yeah, yeah and that's the thingthat I'm I'm trying to decide am
I going to use it?
Because I don't.
(39:50):
I very rarely use my switchlike I get a game that I really
love and I play it until it'sdone and then I don't really
pick up the Switch again.
You know what I mean, and theonly reason why I play on the
PlayStation so much is becauseI'm playing WWE 2K25 with my kid
every day.
And just for the record, he'sgetting really good at the game.
(40:11):
He can't beat me yet.
He does once in a while, butfor the most part I whoop his
ass every time, but he's gettinggood, like with the reversals,
like I'll go for my finisher andhe'll stop it every time.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
oh, that's annoying, oh he's.
My answer is still that if youhave a steam deck, you have
access to most of the games thatyou can buy on steam and they
are playable, and that willchange the way you play games.
And if you're good at followinginstructions and doing things
in the Linux mode like desktopmode, you can actually put Xbox
(40:50):
Game Pass and these other thingslike the Epic Games Store and
stuff on there too and set upyour controls using programming
stuff so that those will worktoo.
I was not successful in doingthat, but I know it's possible,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
I know Linux.
That's not, I guess, for me.
I'm just looking at the cost ofit.
You could just wait and buy aSwitch too.
Nah, I don't think I am 500bucks.
Basically, they say, if you modit, they'll brick your system.
And I know people who moddedtheir Switches to put better
batteries in them.
(41:27):
And that's not really likemodding it.
That's you're upgrading thebattery on it and if you open it
there's sensors in it that theycan actually brick it.
And if you read the instructions, you don't actually own the
games because even if you buythe discs, like the physical
copies, they're just blank discsthat go in and allow you to
(41:47):
download the game.
So yeah, that them coming outand saying that and I granted, I
buy digital games on steam.
So it's like I understand, butlike the digital games on steam
I own.
Like you buy them.
You own them as long as they'reon your hard drive or steam is
around.
(42:08):
But even if steam's not around,you can download the game onto
your computer.
Yeah, but either way, I'mrambling.
The whole point is I'm justsaying to myself okay, I can
spend 400 or 550 bucks.
Yes, the 400 one is an lcddisplay versus the oled, not as
(42:31):
pretty colors got it.
The battery life is less, butyou're gonna end up playing it
plugged in all the time I boughta magnetic.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
What's it called?
you know, it's the mag powerpack yeah, like a mag safe power
pack with a bracket that youjust clip on, no screws or
anything, it just clips on theback, it has the mag safe, so
just like, it's very fulfillingsound.
And then you just plug the wireinto the charging port and it
like triples the battery life ofthe device.
(43:04):
Like I've done five hourflights playing shadow, the tomb
raider on it, which is reallygood graphics, and made it the
whole flight, uh, with thatbattery still having maybe 20%
left, so never using any of theSteam Deck's actual battery.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
So yeah it's.
I don't know.
I got to think about this, butI think that might.
I wish I had it for thisweekend, that would have been
great.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
You probably won't have it for the weekend, even if
you buy it right now.
Also, if you're buying itbecause you want to play Elden
Ring, but you started out thepodcast talking about how you
need to stop playing Elden Ring.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
I need to beat Melania.
I have a destiny, Doc.
You might beat Melania tonight.
No.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
You don't even know.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
No, I'm too far.
I'm at these stupid battlemages and I haven't passed that.
And the last time I played it,I just didn't take it seriously
and I just got annihilated.
I don't know who was hangingout with me when I was doing it,
that was me and will wasn't ityes, and you were playing
terrible yeah and I just didn'tcare.
I was there to have fun.
But my point is is I still havea long way to go to get to her
(44:18):
and I'm actually in the hardestarea of the game.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
I know there's a boss .
Speaker 2 (44:24):
I know there's a boss because I can see the boss
arena, but I know nothing aboutwhat's after that.
I have not looked at spoilers,nothing.
All I know is I see the bossarena For all.
I know that's Melania, right,but I thought she was in an
inside world because I've seenthe millennia fight.
But my point is I feel like Istill have a long way to go
because I'm still up in the skyand I'm pretty sure she's at the
(44:47):
root of the tree.
So I'm pretty sure I still gota long way to go and I got a lot
of hell to deal with beforethat.
Speaker 1 (44:54):
So by real point is I've got a long way to go.
Yeah, you're so close, marcus,but you know what?
It's good that you recognizethat there are stages to this
quest, and there's a lot ofstages you don't know about.
But you really only have onechoice, marcus.
(45:15):
Do you know what that is?
Click, go live.
Nope, continue the journey.
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