March 14, 2025 • 23 mins
While on the road, Noah and Isaac find common ground. Isaac finds an old tape from their childhood and it finally sparks some bonding time. It's just a matter of time until Isaac finds a way to screw up the moment.
Credits:
Noah- Tim Welch
Kirsten- Samantha Johnson
Isaac- Ben Kadaffi
Music:
WEARETHEGOOD, Lynnea-Outrun
The Grateful 7- Offbeat Combinations -Remixed and lyrics added and performed by Ben Kadaffi as Bootylicious
Captain Qubz-Big Bad Boss
Slpstrm-across the delta
Audio recorded by Matt Kuhl
Sound Solution Editing
Soundsolutionediting@gmail.com
Dialogue editing, sound design and foley done by Ben Kadaffi
Written and Directed by Ben Kadaffi
For The Gentle Art of Making Enemies merchandise go to www.whosaysproductions.com/store
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Would you please stop that.
You know, I think that's thefirst time I have ever heard you
say please, gold star, for me,fucking stop.
If we can turn the radio on.
No, put your headphones on, orsomething.
I would if you gave me time tograb them.
I'm gonna drive this truck intooncoming traffic if you don't
(00:32):
fucking stop so radio.
You wouldn't be able to hearanything anyway.
But static.
We're out in the middle ofnowhere.
I'm just gonna keep doing this.
Then, dude, see if there's agun in the glove box so I can
blow my fucking brains out.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies, Written and
directed by Ben Qaddafi, Episode5.
Noah may be the hothead andIsaac knows it.
Any time spent together makesyou understand damn well.
They don't communicate.
These boys got a long roadahead of them and it will only
(01:17):
get longer if they don't learnto get along.
A man who bites his tongue mayhave blood in his mouth, but has
a better chance of getting outalive.
I think Isaac might be bitingoff more than he can chew.
You can't make a silk purse outof a sow's ear.
And boy, let me tell you,things can get pretty ugly,
(01:37):
pretty quick.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Hey, harmonica, I could make a song for us.
I'd rather listen to a dograping a dying rabbit.
Oh my God, what Booty, fuckinglicious, booty, what Licious,
you know, booty, licious.
That rapper from the 90s thehell's it doing in the glove box
(02:09):
?
It's probably yours from whenwe were kids.
It would have beaten me forlistening to it if I were dad.
We have to put this in, pleasedon't.
Oh, shut up, it's gonna beterribly great.
I said no, what are you fuckingstupid?
You said please don't.
There's a difference, like thedifference between a broken
finger and a broken nose.
You've already had one of them.
(02:30):
Fine, I'm just going to playthe harmonica.
Never learned this thing, sothis should be riveting.
Jesus God, my name is Noah andI'm a huge prick and everyone
around me thinks that I'm a hugedick.
(02:51):
Hey, hey, my name is Noah and Ithink I'm tough and I'm really
just a power bottom.
That just likes it rough, jesusChrist.
Alright, that just likes itrough, jesus Christ.
All right, put in the fuckingtape.
Perfect song.
(03:19):
I'm going to rewind it.
Jesus, I remember this stupidshit Oof.
That doesn't sound good.
Hopefully it eats the tape.
Oh, calm down, you grumpy gust.
Oh, sweet baby Jesus, just letit play, hold on.
I'm starting the song over.
If it'll make it Woof, there wego.
(03:47):
What I want to listen to isnext dude.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Are you ready for this shit?
Y'all ain't ready.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Look at that butt, big ol' butt.
Look at that butt.
Ha ha ha.
Come on, man, you singing thisin public's probably gonna get
you put on.
Ha ha ha.
Come on, man, you singing thisin public's probably gonna get
you put on a list.
Oh, come on, man.
Ha ha ha, look at that butt,big ol' butt.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Come on, dude.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I know, you know the words Just buck, buck, butt.
Come on, oh man, I just died.
This is fucking great.
You don't remember this, jesus?
Oh, my them thighs.
Watch it before they hypnotize.
(04:39):
You got another word, dude,look at that butt, the big old
butt.
Look at that butt.
There you go you.
That butt, the big old butt.
Look at that butt, there you goyou.
Sour puss.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Big old butt.
Look at the butt.
Look at the butt.
All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all
right.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Just look at him, he just ain't in the race.
Isaac likes it right in theface.
You motherfucker.
What, what, what, what, what,stop, stop, stop, dude, this
song is fucking killing me rightnow.
I love this.
Oh, holy shit.
(05:21):
Noah Link McConaughey, we haveto stop.
No, we're on our way home.
I'm not stopping.
Oh come shit.
Noah Lake McConaughey, we haveto stop.
No, we're on our way home, I'mnot stopping.
Oh, come on.
We used to go there all thetime as kids.
We have to go.
Why?
Because you have some stupidsong reminding you of our
childhood.
That's precisely the reason Iwant to stop.
What better way to remember Dadthan to stop at our old camping
grounds?
Well, I'm thinking.
(05:42):
Well.
Well, I'm thinking.
Well, don't think too hard.
The exit's coming up.
Stop talking.
Let me think One mile, justsaying Fuck it.
There you go.
This is gonna be fucking great.
Don't make me regret this.
(06:03):
Isaac what is there to regret.
When was the last time you gotto do something like this, dude?
I'm just saying, you alwaysfind a way to make things more
difficult than they need to be.
What?
No, I don't.
No shenanigans, dude.
Come on, I'm not gonna doanything, dude, I mean it.
No fucking around.
I promise.
No fucking around.
(06:24):
Alright, then I cannot believewe're here right now.
I know I've been here sincewhat?
(06:46):
96?
Yeah, something like that.
I'll race you, you little dickfart.
Look, dick, he even runs likean idiot.
You dropped your cocaine.
Fucking mook you.
(07:09):
Alright, good Cause I'm nottaking you to the hospital.
Can you at least help me upjerk-off.
Noah, look at this, I see it.
(07:41):
And this is still breathtaking.
You remember buildingsandcastles over there, of
course.
So much fun.
Dad would help us make moatsand bridges and Mom playing
Godzilla.
She did what she would stompall over the castles when she
wanted us to get into the water.
Oh my god, I completely forgotabout it.
(08:01):
That crazy lady.
And you would cry.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Mom, this is my masterpiece.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Is that an attempt to make fun of my childhood speech
impediments?
I'm seriously speechless thatyou think I would do something
stupid like that.
Funny, hey, just to be happy,our parents took the time and
the money to get you to speechtherapy.
They, they, bought me a slap tothe face any time I'd say
something incorrectly.
These were good times, man, atime before you hated me.
(08:30):
Oh, stop the poor pity meroutine.
I hated you long before youever became a poster child.
We're here, though.
Let's just enjoy it Just for alittle bit.
I want to get home before it'sdark.
Why so soon?
A pregnant wife at home who iseight and a half weeks along and
is a continuous ball of joyEmphasis on the cunt.
(08:52):
I'm gonna tell her.
You said that, be my guest,she'll slap you first.
Yeah, good point.
You know, it's almost as if Momand Dad are here with us.
(09:14):
You feel that?
Yeah, actually I do Love youlike a sister, little brother.
Shit, it's Kirsten.
(09:40):
Why the hell is she calling you?
Did you leave your phone in thetruck?
Shit, if she's being themagical C-word, I don't even
want to talk to her.
Yellow, why the fuck doesn'tyour brother answer my calls?
Well, I'm 70% convinced he'sgay, so that could be a
contributing factor.
You know, he grabbed some oldman's breast in the rest stop
bathroom.
Saw it with my own eyes.
(10:01):
Isaac, seriously, I'm notfucking around here.
Wow, sorry, he's right next tome.
He probably just left his phonein the truck.
What's she saying here?
Just talk to her.
I'm gonna go piss.
By the way, she's in a greatmood.
Hey babe, you need to startkeeping your phone on you at all
times.
I'm sorry, pulled over, got out,stretched our legs.
When are you coming home?
(10:22):
That's all I care about.
What about world peace and allthe hippie commie bullshit?
You don't care about that.
Noah, not in a joking mood?
Huh, noah, just answer myfucking question Seven hours,
jesus, where are you?
We're just outside Ogallala,honey.
It's five hours from Ogallala,but I'm taking Highway 30, which
(10:47):
is about 20 miles an hourslower.
Yeah well, you were supposed tobe home yesterday, kirsten.
I'm trying to get a giant babywith an Oedipus complex to come
home.
It isn't the easiest thing todo.
Come on, he's not that bad.
He sabotaged a fucking truck.
What do you mean?
He's not that bad.
He did what?
Wait, you know what?
I don't care.
I didn't call to argue whatargument.
It's a fact.
He's a 35-year-old emo kid.
Then hog, tie him and throw himin the back of the truck.
Problem solved.
That actually is not a bad idea.
(11:09):
Just get home safe, please.
I'm back on the road now.
Very good, I love you.
I know you what.
Sorry, I love you too, babe.
Thank you.
Now get your ass back homebefore I lock you both out.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Shit.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Dude, what's going on ?
We were enjoying the moment.
Yeah, well, that moment's over.
Here's your phone.
Get in the truck.
Okay, I'm sorry.
(12:31):
What the fuck is that?
What is what that?
I don't hear anything Bullshit.
What did you do?
What did I do?
You went to piss and nowthere's a fucking weird noise.
You're blaming me again.
Of course I'm blaming you.
What the fuck did I do?
You went to piss and nowthere's a fucking weird noise.
You're blaming me again.
Of course I'm blaming you.
What the fuck did you do?
I don't know.
Did you check the tailpipe?
Dude, I hate you so much.
Seriously, what the fuck didyou do?
(12:58):
Where the fuck is the harmonica?
The air intake, dude, I'm gonnafucking kill you.
Seriously, I'm gonna fuckingkill you.
Oh, shut up.
It's funny Zip-tying aharmonica to the air intake.
Come on now.
How the fuck do you know aboutcars?
Well, the Ottomo car wasinvented by a German man named
Sven Ousterfaus.
(13:18):
Isaac, I'm serious.
Dad used to show us how to workon cars all the time.
Or have you forgotten that?
He showed me how to do thatshit.
You were too busy trying onMom's clothes.
You are a fucking delusion, fuckyou.
I was right next to you when hegave you those lessons.
How else would I know how tounhook the fucking ignition
module?
I just assumed you jumped inlike an ape and yanked on the
(13:39):
first thing.
You fucking saw what is withyou and assumptions.
I don't just assume everything.
Ha you automatically assume I'mthis dipshit Colorado junkie
with no job?
I don't assume it's the truth.
What you know of me is a shadow, noah Bullshit.
You quit your job with the city, which was a great fucking job,
cashed in your 401k and youmoved away to do fuck all.
(13:59):
And you moved away to do fuckall.
Am I wrong?
Am I wrong?
Not technically, nottechnically.
Get the fuck out of here.
You know what?
I am a fucking millionaire, oh,bullshit.
I wrote a book called theButcher of Bronson Street, that
teeny-bopper bullshit that sitson my wife's nightstand.
Fuck off, yes, thatteeny-bopper bullshit.
(14:20):
Nice try, isaac.
That book doesn't say writtenby Isaac Peterson, it's some
author, pj Williamson or somestupid shit.
Rj Staker, I used a pseudonym.
I call bullshit.
How?
How the hell are you amillionaire from writing one
fucking book?
Well, for one.
It became a bestseller.
That doesn't make you amillionaire.
You're such a fucking liar,isaac.
(14:42):
No, but investing a portion ofthe profits does.
I took a big chunk of theprofits from the book you don't
believe I wrote and I investedit into the stock market, the
stock split, and I made afucking fortune.
Then I had a buddy dealing withoverseas trademark rights and I
fucking made a shitload ofmoney off of that.
That's what made me amillionaire.
You miserable dick.
Wait, you buy other people'strademarks in other countries
(15:03):
and charge them money to selltheir own fucking brand.
Yes, there was a lot of moneyin that shit.
That's fucking low, superfucking low.
It's not low, it's fuckingbusiness.
Business it's scamming someonewho worked hard for the right to
be rich.
If they're too dumb not totrademark their name in a
foreign market, they deserve toget charged.
Congratulations, you have becomea world-class piece of shit.
(15:26):
Good luck with the blood money.
Well, fuck you.
Good comeback.
You fucking reprobate.
You're a fucking joke, dude.
I'm a fucking joke.
Refer back to your businesspractices, dude.
Who do you think paid for Dad'sfuneral, that so-called blood
money?
Who do you think was paying forDad to live those past two
years?
Sure as shit wasn't the fuckingslaughterhouse.
They fired his ass and closedthe doors, didn't even fucking
(15:48):
look back.
Why are you telling me this now?
We're brothers, we're supposedto trust each other.
Trust each other.
That's a fucking laugh.
You haven't trusted anyonesince you cheated on your wife.
Hey, we have moved past that.
We are doing counseling once aweek because of my fuck up.
I admitted it, I fucked up.
That was two years ago anyway.
You're the one that diddledsomeone else.
(16:09):
I told you we have worked onour marriage.
Now fucking drop it.
You haven't moved on at all, youmoron.
You are constantly angry.
You piss and moan abouteverything.
You think everyone is out toscrew your wife.
You blame everyone for shitthat you caused.
You are a miserable prick.
What the fuck's that supposedto mean?
Comes a point in every man'slife, they need to realize
they're chasing their own tail.
(16:30):
Riddle me this dickhead.
Have you ever manned up andtaken responsibility for any of
your actions?
Have you, like I said, youblame everybody but yourself.
God forbid the words I'm sorryever spew from your fucking
mouth.
Half the shit you've done to mein the past two days renders an
apology.
Is that what you want?
An apology?
Well, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You're such a fucking cunt.
(16:52):
Oscar nominee Noah Peterson, isthat how you apologize to
Kirsten you better fucking stopbringing my wife's name into
this.
There hasn't been a thought inyour mind that your wife got
revenge, what you know?
I wouldn't be the least bitsurprised if there was another
man's baby brewing in her bellyright fucking now.
Fuck, dude, I'm sorry, I didn'tmean it.
(17:13):
I was crossing the line.
Seriously, dude, I'm sorry.
I was getting pretty heated andI was just trying to get under
your skin.
That's it.
I didn't mean anything.
That fucking harmonica, whoa,jesus Christ.
(17:33):
What the fuck are you doing,dude?
Slow the fuck down.
God damn it, noah.
Are you trying to fucking killus?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa.
Dammit, noah, are you trying tofucking kill us?
Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah,jesus Christ, you're gonna give
me a heart attack.
Fuck it out of the fuckingtruck.
What the hell are you doing,you, nut bar?
I said I was sorry.
Get out of the fucking truck,you little bitch Shit.
(17:58):
I really pissed him off.
Are you serious?
The lock?
You're a lot dumber than Ifucking thought.
Shit, I really pissed him off.
Get the fuck out.
(18:18):
Fuck, dude, seatbelt.
Fuck.
Say, get up.
You want to be a fucking toughguy?
Get the fuck out.
I'm not gonna fight you, noah,hit me pussy.
Noah, stop Hit me.
You are a fucking psychopath.
You wanna see fucking crazy.
You fucking cunt Fucking.
Stop, just let me hit you.
Come here, you fucking baby,stand still Fucking headlock.
(18:45):
You fucking pussy, are you done?
Fuck you.
You need to calm down.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I'm gonna fucking kill you when you let go.
How?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
about now, uncle, uncle, big man had too much.
You're tapping now.
Do you see what happens whenyou lose your temper?
I didn't want to do thisasshole.
Why do you have to solveeverything with fucking
confrontation?
You bitch and moan abouteverything, but look where it
gets you, motherfucker.
(19:15):
I see it.
Get you a shot to the dick.
I'm done.
I've had it with you this trip.
This fucking truck.
I'm fucking out.
(19:36):
I'm going home.
Good luck with your fragilemasculinity and a broken nose.
Bitch.
Go right ahead, fucking, leave.
Nobody fucking wants you thereanyway.
You've been a coward your entirelife.
Why should Dad's funeral be anydifferent?
Run away like you always do.
(19:57):
Abandon us all.
That's what you're fucking goodat.
Abandon you.
I left to get my head clear.
I spoke to Dad every fuckingday after I left.
Bullshit.
You left to fill your ownselfish fucking fantasies.
It's the truth.
Mom's death fucking destroyed me.
She was my world, dude.
I couldn't fucking take itbeing in the same city.
She died in Everything shetaught me about life, about
(20:20):
women.
She was my fucking mother.
Oh, fuck off.
You barely said a word at herfucking funeral.
It's like you couldn't fuckingbe bothered.
Seeing her put in the grounddestroyed me in ways I can't
even put into words, noah.
It fucking destroyed me.
I had a breakdown that involveda shitload of whiskey and
thinking about blowing myfucking brains out.
(20:40):
I wanted to get far away fromanything that reminded me of who
she was and I just I had tojump ship.
She was my mother, too, and Iwas going through the exact same
thing, and the only person Ifelt would get what I was going
through abandoned me.
He just fucking vanished.
(21:01):
Dad was there, but he was goingthrough his own loss with the
love of his life.
I needed my goddamn brother,the only goddamn person that
would fucking understand myplight.
And you laugh.
You could have called you,fucking idiot.
You think Dad's funeral is anydifferent?
(21:22):
I needed my goddamn brother,and you refused to go.
How do you think I feel I can'tbury another parent?
Not after Mom, not after how itobliterated me.
Why the fuck do you think Icame to get you?
You honestly think I can dothis alone?
Fuck you and your goddamn ego,afraid of how it's gonna make
(21:43):
you feel.
What about how I feel, noah?
You aren't the only one hurting.
I'm fucking dying on the inside.
Our father is dead.
He's fucking dead.
There is nothing either of uscan do to change that.
I can't just come back with asmile on my face and shake hands
with dad's old pals.
The world is crumbling around meand I don't know what the fuck
(22:05):
to do.
Bitch, I have kids coming intothis world in a few weeks, so
I'm about to be a dad, and theonly person I knew who would
come show me how to be a goodfather is fucking dead.
I'm fucking scared, isaac.
Oh, come on, don't try to guilttrip me with this shit.
Guilt trip you, motherfucker.
I have a wife that is dealingwith all of this bullshit on top
(22:29):
of being pregnant.
I have to comfort her and suckup my feelings, because the
moment I break down, the wholeentire ship goes down.
Now I'm fucking losing itbecause of you and I'm afraid I
may not be the man I need to befor my fucking family.
How the fuck am I supposed toknow what to do with my life,
(22:50):
with my son's life?
I have no idea what to do and Ijust need my god damn brother
Get up.
I don't need your help, justget in the fucking truck.
I'll need your help.
Just get in the fucking truck.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies, written and
directed by Ben Gaddafi,starring Tim Welsh, ben Gaddafi,
samantha Johnson, wren Soren,katie Lee Rumpf, tessa Thompson,
alexander Hamilton, ryan Rumpff, nick Vodica, jason Flynn.
Would you please stop that.
You know, I think that's thefirst time I have ever heard you
say please, gold star, for me,fucking stop.
If we can turn the radio on.
No, put your headphones on, orsomething.
I would if you gave me time tograb them.
I'm gonna drive this truck intooncoming traffic if you don't
(00:32):
fucking stop so radio.
You wouldn't be able to hearanything anyway.
But static.
We're out in the middle ofnowhere.
I'm just gonna keep doing this.
Then, dude, see if there's agun in the glove box so I can
blow my fucking brains out.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies, Written and
directed by Ben Qaddafi, Episode5.
Noah may be the hothead andIsaac knows it.
Any time spent together makesyou understand damn well.
They don't communicate.
These boys got a long roadahead of them and it will only
(01:17):
get longer if they don't learnto get along.
A man who bites his tongue mayhave blood in his mouth, but has
a better chance of getting outalive.
I think Isaac might be bitingoff more than he can chew.
You can't make a silk purse outof a sow's ear.
And boy, let me tell you,things can get pretty ugly,
(01:37):
pretty quick.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Hey, harmonica, I could make a song for us.
I'd rather listen to a dograping a dying rabbit.
Oh my God, what Booty, fuckinglicious, booty, what Licious,
you know, booty, licious.
That rapper from the 90s thehell's it doing in the glove box
(02:09):
?
It's probably yours from whenwe were kids.
It would have beaten me forlistening to it if I were dad.
We have to put this in, pleasedon't.
Oh, shut up, it's gonna beterribly great.
I said no, what are you fuckingstupid?
You said please don't.
There's a difference, like thedifference between a broken
finger and a broken nose.
You've already had one of them.
(02:30):
Fine, I'm just going to playthe harmonica.
Never learned this thing, sothis should be riveting.
Jesus God, my name is Noah andI'm a huge prick and everyone
around me thinks that I'm a hugedick.
(02:51):
Hey, hey, my name is Noah and Ithink I'm tough and I'm really
just a power bottom.
That just likes it rough, jesusChrist.
Alright, that just likes itrough, jesus Christ.
All right, put in the fuckingtape.
Perfect song.
(03:19):
I'm going to rewind it.
Jesus, I remember this stupidshit Oof.
That doesn't sound good.
Hopefully it eats the tape.
Oh, calm down, you grumpy gust.
Oh, sweet baby Jesus, just letit play, hold on.
I'm starting the song over.
If it'll make it Woof, there wego.
(03:47):
What I want to listen to isnext dude.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Are you ready for this shit?
Y'all ain't ready.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Look at that butt, big ol' butt.
Look at that butt.
Ha ha ha.
Come on, man, you singing thisin public's probably gonna get
you put on.
Ha ha ha.
Come on, man, you singing thisin public's probably gonna get
you put on a list.
Oh, come on, man.
Ha ha ha, look at that butt,big ol' butt.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Come on, dude.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I know, you know the words Just buck, buck, butt.
Come on, oh man, I just died.
This is fucking great.
You don't remember this, jesus?
Oh, my them thighs.
Watch it before they hypnotize.
(04:39):
You got another word, dude,look at that butt, the big old
butt.
Look at that butt.
There you go you.
That butt, the big old butt.
Look at that butt, there you goyou.
Sour puss.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Big old butt.
Look at the butt.
Look at the butt.
All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all
right.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Just look at him, he just ain't in the race.
Isaac likes it right in theface.
You motherfucker.
What, what, what, what, what,stop, stop, stop, dude, this
song is fucking killing me rightnow.
I love this.
Oh, holy shit.
(05:21):
Noah Link McConaughey, we haveto stop.
No, we're on our way home.
I'm not stopping.
Oh come shit.
Noah Lake McConaughey, we haveto stop.
No, we're on our way home, I'mnot stopping.
Oh, come on.
We used to go there all thetime as kids.
We have to go.
Why?
Because you have some stupidsong reminding you of our
childhood.
That's precisely the reason Iwant to stop.
What better way to remember Dadthan to stop at our old camping
grounds?
Well, I'm thinking.
(05:42):
Well.
Well, I'm thinking.
Well, don't think too hard.
The exit's coming up.
Stop talking.
Let me think One mile, justsaying Fuck it.
There you go.
This is gonna be fucking great.
Don't make me regret this.
(06:03):
Isaac what is there to regret.
When was the last time you gotto do something like this, dude?
I'm just saying, you alwaysfind a way to make things more
difficult than they need to be.
What?
No, I don't.
No shenanigans, dude.
Come on, I'm not gonna doanything, dude, I mean it.
No fucking around.
I promise.
No fucking around.
(06:24):
Alright, then I cannot believewe're here right now.
I know I've been here sincewhat?
(06:46):
96?
Yeah, something like that.
I'll race you, you little dickfart.
Look, dick, he even runs likean idiot.
You dropped your cocaine.
Fucking mook you.
(07:09):
Alright, good Cause I'm nottaking you to the hospital.
Can you at least help me upjerk-off.
Noah, look at this, I see it.
(07:41):
And this is still breathtaking.
You remember buildingsandcastles over there, of
course.
So much fun.
Dad would help us make moatsand bridges and Mom playing
Godzilla.
She did what she would stompall over the castles when she
wanted us to get into the water.
Oh my god, I completely forgotabout it.
(08:01):
That crazy lady.
And you would cry.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Mom, this is my masterpiece.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Is that an attempt to make fun of my childhood speech
impediments?
I'm seriously speechless thatyou think I would do something
stupid like that.
Funny, hey, just to be happy,our parents took the time and
the money to get you to speechtherapy.
They, they, bought me a slap tothe face any time I'd say
something incorrectly.
These were good times, man, atime before you hated me.
(08:30):
Oh, stop the poor pity meroutine.
I hated you long before youever became a poster child.
We're here, though.
Let's just enjoy it Just for alittle bit.
I want to get home before it'sdark.
Why so soon?
A pregnant wife at home who iseight and a half weeks along and
is a continuous ball of joyEmphasis on the cunt.
(08:52):
I'm gonna tell her.
You said that, be my guest,she'll slap you first.
Yeah, good point.
You know, it's almost as if Momand Dad are here with us.
(09:14):
You feel that?
Yeah, actually I do Love youlike a sister, little brother.
Shit, it's Kirsten.
(09:40):
Why the hell is she calling you?
Did you leave your phone in thetruck?
Shit, if she's being themagical C-word, I don't even
want to talk to her.
Yellow, why the fuck doesn'tyour brother answer my calls?
Well, I'm 70% convinced he'sgay, so that could be a
contributing factor.
You know, he grabbed some oldman's breast in the rest stop
bathroom.
Saw it with my own eyes.
(10:01):
Isaac, seriously, I'm notfucking around here.
Wow, sorry, he's right next tome.
He probably just left his phonein the truck.
What's she saying here?
Just talk to her.
I'm gonna go piss.
By the way, she's in a greatmood.
Hey babe, you need to startkeeping your phone on you at all
times.
I'm sorry, pulled over, got out,stretched our legs.
When are you coming home?
(10:22):
That's all I care about.
What about world peace and allthe hippie commie bullshit?
You don't care about that.
Noah, not in a joking mood?
Huh, noah, just answer myfucking question Seven hours,
jesus, where are you?
We're just outside Ogallala,honey.
It's five hours from Ogallala,but I'm taking Highway 30, which
(10:47):
is about 20 miles an hourslower.
Yeah well, you were supposed tobe home yesterday, kirsten.
I'm trying to get a giant babywith an Oedipus complex to come
home.
It isn't the easiest thing todo.
Come on, he's not that bad.
He sabotaged a fucking truck.
What do you mean?
He's not that bad.
He did what?
Wait, you know what?
I don't care.
I didn't call to argue whatargument.
It's a fact.
He's a 35-year-old emo kid.
Then hog, tie him and throw himin the back of the truck.
Problem solved.
That actually is not a bad idea.
(11:09):
Just get home safe, please.
I'm back on the road now.
Very good, I love you.
I know you what.
Sorry, I love you too, babe.
Thank you.
Now get your ass back homebefore I lock you both out.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Shit.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Dude, what's going on ?
We were enjoying the moment.
Yeah, well, that moment's over.
Here's your phone.
Get in the truck.
Okay, I'm sorry.
(12:31):
What the fuck is that?
What is what that?
I don't hear anything Bullshit.
What did you do?
What did I do?
You went to piss and nowthere's a fucking weird noise.
You're blaming me again.
Of course I'm blaming you.
What the fuck did I do?
You went to piss and nowthere's a fucking weird noise.
You're blaming me again.
Of course I'm blaming you.
What the fuck did you do?
I don't know.
Did you check the tailpipe?
Dude, I hate you so much.
Seriously, what the fuck didyou do?
(12:58):
Where the fuck is the harmonica?
The air intake, dude, I'm gonnafucking kill you.
Seriously, I'm gonna fuckingkill you.
Oh, shut up.
It's funny Zip-tying aharmonica to the air intake.
Come on now.
How the fuck do you know aboutcars?
Well, the Ottomo car wasinvented by a German man named
Sven Ousterfaus.
(13:18):
Isaac, I'm serious.
Dad used to show us how to workon cars all the time.
Or have you forgotten that?
He showed me how to do thatshit.
You were too busy trying onMom's clothes.
You are a fucking delusion, fuckyou.
I was right next to you when hegave you those lessons.
How else would I know how tounhook the fucking ignition
module?
I just assumed you jumped inlike an ape and yanked on the
(13:39):
first thing.
You fucking saw what is withyou and assumptions.
I don't just assume everything.
Ha you automatically assume I'mthis dipshit Colorado junkie
with no job?
I don't assume it's the truth.
What you know of me is a shadow, noah Bullshit.
You quit your job with the city, which was a great fucking job,
cashed in your 401k and youmoved away to do fuck all.
(13:59):
And you moved away to do fuckall.
Am I wrong?
Am I wrong?
Not technically, nottechnically.
Get the fuck out of here.
You know what?
I am a fucking millionaire, oh,bullshit.
I wrote a book called theButcher of Bronson Street, that
teeny-bopper bullshit that sitson my wife's nightstand.
Fuck off, yes, thatteeny-bopper bullshit.
(14:20):
Nice try, isaac.
That book doesn't say writtenby Isaac Peterson, it's some
author, pj Williamson or somestupid shit.
Rj Staker, I used a pseudonym.
I call bullshit.
How?
How the hell are you amillionaire from writing one
fucking book?
Well, for one.
It became a bestseller.
That doesn't make you amillionaire.
You're such a fucking liar,isaac.
(14:42):
No, but investing a portion ofthe profits does.
I took a big chunk of theprofits from the book you don't
believe I wrote and I investedit into the stock market, the
stock split, and I made afucking fortune.
Then I had a buddy dealing withoverseas trademark rights and I
fucking made a shitload ofmoney off of that.
That's what made me amillionaire.
You miserable dick.
Wait, you buy other people'strademarks in other countries
(15:03):
and charge them money to selltheir own fucking brand.
Yes, there was a lot of moneyin that shit.
That's fucking low, superfucking low.
It's not low, it's fuckingbusiness.
Business it's scamming someonewho worked hard for the right to
be rich.
If they're too dumb not totrademark their name in a
foreign market, they deserve toget charged.
Congratulations, you have becomea world-class piece of shit.
(15:26):
Good luck with the blood money.
Well, fuck you.
Good comeback.
You fucking reprobate.
You're a fucking joke, dude.
I'm a fucking joke.
Refer back to your businesspractices, dude.
Who do you think paid for Dad'sfuneral, that so-called blood
money?
Who do you think was paying forDad to live those past two
years?
Sure as shit wasn't the fuckingslaughterhouse.
They fired his ass and closedthe doors, didn't even fucking
(15:48):
look back.
Why are you telling me this now?
We're brothers, we're supposedto trust each other.
Trust each other.
That's a fucking laugh.
You haven't trusted anyonesince you cheated on your wife.
Hey, we have moved past that.
We are doing counseling once aweek because of my fuck up.
I admitted it, I fucked up.
That was two years ago anyway.
You're the one that diddledsomeone else.
(16:09):
I told you we have worked onour marriage.
Now fucking drop it.
You haven't moved on at all, youmoron.
You are constantly angry.
You piss and moan abouteverything.
You think everyone is out toscrew your wife.
You blame everyone for shitthat you caused.
You are a miserable prick.
What the fuck's that supposedto mean?
Comes a point in every man'slife, they need to realize
they're chasing their own tail.
(16:30):
Riddle me this dickhead.
Have you ever manned up andtaken responsibility for any of
your actions?
Have you, like I said, youblame everybody but yourself.
God forbid the words I'm sorryever spew from your fucking
mouth.
Half the shit you've done to mein the past two days renders an
apology.
Is that what you want?
An apology?
Well, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You're such a fucking cunt.
(16:52):
Oscar nominee Noah Peterson, isthat how you apologize to
Kirsten you better fucking stopbringing my wife's name into
this.
There hasn't been a thought inyour mind that your wife got
revenge, what you know?
I wouldn't be the least bitsurprised if there was another
man's baby brewing in her bellyright fucking now.
Fuck, dude, I'm sorry, I didn'tmean it.
(17:13):
I was crossing the line.
Seriously, dude, I'm sorry.
I was getting pretty heated andI was just trying to get under
your skin.
That's it.
I didn't mean anything.
That fucking harmonica, whoa,jesus Christ.
(17:33):
What the fuck are you doing,dude?
Slow the fuck down.
God damn it, noah.
Are you trying to fucking killus?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa.
Dammit, noah, are you trying tofucking kill us?
Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah,jesus Christ, you're gonna give
me a heart attack.
Fuck it out of the fuckingtruck.
What the hell are you doing,you, nut bar?
I said I was sorry.
Get out of the fucking truck,you little bitch Shit.
(17:58):
I really pissed him off.
Are you serious?
The lock?
You're a lot dumber than Ifucking thought.
Shit, I really pissed him off.
Get the fuck out.
(18:18):
Fuck, dude, seatbelt.
Fuck.
Say, get up.
You want to be a fucking toughguy?
Get the fuck out.
I'm not gonna fight you, noah,hit me pussy.
Noah, stop Hit me.
You are a fucking psychopath.
You wanna see fucking crazy.
You fucking cunt Fucking.
Stop, just let me hit you.
Come here, you fucking baby,stand still Fucking headlock.
(18:45):
You fucking pussy, are you done?
Fuck you.
You need to calm down.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I'm gonna fucking kill you when you let go.
How?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
about now, uncle, uncle, big man had too much.
You're tapping now.
Do you see what happens whenyou lose your temper?
I didn't want to do thisasshole.
Why do you have to solveeverything with fucking
confrontation?
You bitch and moan abouteverything, but look where it
gets you, motherfucker.
(19:15):
I see it.
Get you a shot to the dick.
I'm done.
I've had it with you this trip.
This fucking truck.
I'm fucking out.
(19:36):
I'm going home.
Good luck with your fragilemasculinity and a broken nose.
Bitch.
Go right ahead, fucking, leave.
Nobody fucking wants you thereanyway.
You've been a coward your entirelife.
Why should Dad's funeral be anydifferent?
Run away like you always do.
(19:57):
Abandon us all.
That's what you're fucking goodat.
Abandon you.
I left to get my head clear.
I spoke to Dad every fuckingday after I left.
Bullshit.
You left to fill your ownselfish fucking fantasies.
It's the truth.
Mom's death fucking destroyed me.
She was my world, dude.
I couldn't fucking take itbeing in the same city.
She died in Everything shetaught me about life, about
(20:20):
women.
She was my fucking mother.
Oh, fuck off.
You barely said a word at herfucking funeral.
It's like you couldn't fuckingbe bothered.
Seeing her put in the grounddestroyed me in ways I can't
even put into words, noah.
It fucking destroyed me.
I had a breakdown that involveda shitload of whiskey and
thinking about blowing myfucking brains out.
(20:40):
I wanted to get far away fromanything that reminded me of who
she was and I just I had tojump ship.
She was my mother, too, and Iwas going through the exact same
thing, and the only person Ifelt would get what I was going
through abandoned me.
He just fucking vanished.
(21:01):
Dad was there, but he was goingthrough his own loss with the
love of his life.
I needed my goddamn brother,the only goddamn person that
would fucking understand myplight.
And you laugh.
You could have called you,fucking idiot.
You think Dad's funeral is anydifferent?
(21:22):
I needed my goddamn brother,and you refused to go.
How do you think I feel I can'tbury another parent?
Not after Mom, not after how itobliterated me.
Why the fuck do you think Icame to get you?
You honestly think I can dothis alone?
Fuck you and your goddamn ego,afraid of how it's gonna make
(21:43):
you feel.
What about how I feel, noah?
You aren't the only one hurting.
I'm fucking dying on the inside.
Our father is dead.
He's fucking dead.
There is nothing either of uscan do to change that.
I can't just come back with asmile on my face and shake hands
with dad's old pals.
The world is crumbling around meand I don't know what the fuck
(22:05):
to do.
Bitch, I have kids coming intothis world in a few weeks, so
I'm about to be a dad, and theonly person I knew who would
come show me how to be a goodfather is fucking dead.
I'm fucking scared, isaac.
Oh, come on, don't try to guilttrip me with this shit.
Guilt trip you, motherfucker.
I have a wife that is dealingwith all of this bullshit on top
(22:29):
of being pregnant.
I have to comfort her and suckup my feelings, because the
moment I break down, the wholeentire ship goes down.
Now I'm fucking losing itbecause of you and I'm afraid I
may not be the man I need to befor my fucking family.
How the fuck am I supposed toknow what to do with my life,
(22:50):
with my son's life?
I have no idea what to do and Ijust need my god damn brother
Get up.
I don't need your help, justget in the fucking truck.
I'll need your help.
Just get in the fucking truck.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies, written and
directed by Ben Gaddafi,starring Tim Welsh, ben Gaddafi,
samantha Johnson, wren Soren,katie Lee Rumpf, tessa Thompson,
alexander Hamilton, ryan Rumpff, nick Vodica, jason Flynn.
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